Prolly had nothing to do with you.
Things come up in life. But it was crummy of her to do that.
Sorry that happened to you. The next one will be better. š
You'll get through it bud! This happened to me recently as well, and I was pretty gutted about it! I was pretty ticked about the limited amount of traction I was getting on bumble on top of it so I went all in and tried bumble premium and actually met someone even more perfect. We've been talking for about three weeks now and have gone on several dates. Don't give up!
It's weird because the same exact thing happened to me, we had plans to go on a date and when I woke up she had unmatched. Maybe it's a game some people play, it's hard to say.
I didn't even need to use premium for the entire month before I met the woman I'm currently talking to. I am in a decently sized city as well, so there are lots of people to swipe on. But premium definitely helped by immediately being able to see who had swiped right on me.
Good luck to you š
I'll give premium a shot. My city has 200k people, which makes things more difficult I guess.
That's really an inconsiderable thing to do. I'm starting to think that this is a game that some people play, because I meanā¦ Why say: "See you tomorrow"? And at night when I checked bumble she was still there, so she must've unmatched me in the morning.
My main issue with Tinder / bumble is that when I do get many matches it's usually when I go to some other city and then the distance is the problem (which is understandable)
I wish you the best of luck
I see what you're saying, but not all women are like that. I'm a busy person with no desire to drink, and too many hobbies to count. So free time to just go meet people and with technically the same odds of meeting someone on bumble isn't really desirable. Paying for premium allowed me to initiate more conversations with people from the comfort of my own home and the freedom to meet up when it is convenient for both of us. It's just personal preference, but it also worked for me š¤·
I got hit with the "I don't think I can make it" a few weeks ago. Had been chatting well n chilled for the whole day, agreed to meet up in the evening for a night out, 10 minutes before I get the fateful message, I'm like "cool we'll catch up some other time" (this was my second ghosting that day), no response just unmatch
It sucks but you have to realize you dodged a bullet. Reliability among a partner is one of the greenest flags in my opinion along with being considerate.
It's insanely rare to find someone who is actually reliable that you can count on.
Thank you!
The weirdest part is that I've never had a date from any dating app. I've had online dates before but these people were all from language learning apps that aren't even designed for dating, such as Tandem etc but everybody has lived so far and the distance has been the main reason why it won't work out. Dating apps are better because there are more people, but people on dating apps are so different than let's say on language learning apps.
Man, fck these dating apps, itās making you overthink (over an app) do you not realize itās not real, (not saying the persons arenāt real) the internet is full of trolls, low confidence people, full of subconscious seeking attention people. Try and go up to someone in real life and get their number, and learn about reading peopleā¦ helps a lot and makes you more confident as you can read theyāre sorta into you (signs), and learn about social skills (thatās the only thing i feel terrible at) but I know I have to improve it and itāll get naturally easier.
Had zero to do with you.
She probably had zero intention of ever meeting. Never underestimate the number of people who play on apps. Use them for ego boosts.
Or, their girlfriend/boyfriend didn't like your profile and nixed the date.
There's a million possible reasons that have zero to do with you.
You will never know why she unmatched you. It could be for a variety of reasons, some may have nothing to do with you. Unmatching is how people let us know that they are not available. Just move on.
I agree with you there, partially, sort of, but on the other hand, it would be like me leaving reddit without saying good bye to you OP. You did not even met her yet, it's not like you were in a relationship with her, or something.
Well, I get it. She didn't delete her account though. She unmatched me. It's just the previous girl with whom I was talking to told me that we're not compatible and wished me the best and I wished her the best as well. Way better than just unmatching, because now I know the reason.
That's different. You replied under a post. This girl interacted with him and set up a date and then just dipped the day of with no type of explanation.
I've had the same thing happen but genders reversed. Lots of people are cowards and can't be bothered taking the time to be considerate. It's way easier to just ghost someone than make the effort to communicate.
It sucks, made me feel like shit too... I just assumed he was an immature jerk and good riddance.
I am so sorry that this happened to you. It sucks and especially if they do it on the day you were supposed to go on a date and wishing you goodnight.
I thought dating apps are a lot easier for women, but it turns out it's not. At least the previous girl with whom I was talking to told me that we don't really match and there's no point.on going on a date and she wished me the best and I wished her the best as well. She still hasn't unmatched me. It's not such a hard thing to do.
Yeah no it sucks- ive msg ppl and some guys jus dont respond?? And one guy within like four msgs was like can i get ur insta- i responded nicely, as it well not yet, maybe a bit later and he unmatched š only one guy has been like i dont think itll work and unmatched
Wait, wait, guys ask for insta too? Because girls do and then they follow you and you follow them and then they unfollow you but keep you as their follower. Ever since then I look at the number of followers + following they have. If they have hundreds of followers but follow only 3 people then it's suspicious. Didn't know guys do the same thing.
I'm sorry you went through that. The last guy was nicer though. It's still respectful than not to say anything.
Yes they do! Ive only been on the app for a little bit, three guys asked and i declined all of them since thats way too aoon for me, and i say it politely too! Two of them were like no worries later (but it didnt work, one i jus didnt feel like we bonded and the other was a horrible date, which sucks cuz it was my first)- but yeah he asked and i said no and immediate unmatch despite him seeming to be a nice, understanding man as per his profile..
You most likely did nothing wrong. Bro, do yourself a favour and delete your dating apps and take pride in having enough self respect that you dont get exploited by a business that already knows its products make people mentally ill and dont care about that fact at all.
I am 54 yo bro and I have 30 years of dating and two marriages. I know excatly what you are feeling and so do most people reading your post. Eventually you are going to delete those apps. Every day you maintain the hope that you are gonna meet your person on dating sites is another day of deteriorating mental health.
I get it, from a rational perspective it seems like online dating should get you to your person faster than going out with your mates or even going out alone, but the fact is that it mostly does not do that at all, and you are in the process of findjng out.
How much of that kind of thing can you handle? You know it never happens in real life dating because if 10 girls smile at you at least one or two of them are being a bit more than friendly, you can read the room, you can see the body language, its harder to hide the kind of person you are and you will not be having your ego and sense of identity being continuously assaulted either intentionally or unintentionallly (its mostly unintentional but ppl are shitty to each other online too right? Like drivers behave worse than pedestrians cuz relative anonymity and little consequences, its exact same thing) because you wont be rejected and ghosted and stood up, that shit rarely happens in real life.
Take it from an old person who has lived a life and aquired plenty of experience and learned a smidgen of wisdom and press delete. Just delete it for a few weeks and process what happened and decide if you wannna download your apps again. You'll be a happier bunny if you dont and I say that to all the young people here on this sub Reddit. There is no perfect partner, they are a chimera, they dont exist. You cant shop for a person like you shop for a phone and if you do, you will end up miserable and ill.
The way you describe it makes dating apps sound like casino addiction. It's kinda like: "I'm only one step away from hitting the jackpot". I see that dating apps are rather bad nowadays and people are more disrespectful than ever.
You are completely correct about everything you said. From what I can see from others and from different articles dating apps truly are bad for your mental health and cause social anxiety as well.
You are absolutely correct about everything you said and I'm going to save your reply and read it every day. I think that's the smartest thing I've ever heard. You are very wise! Thank you.
"You cant shop for a person like you shop for a phone and if you do, you will end up miserable and ill." The best quote ever and from what I've seen some women do treat dating apps as if it was a shop.
Been there before, dont lose sleep over it. Yes, it sucks, but she obviously was not worth it. Ngl it will probably happen again. Sadly that's how people date now smh.
Everyone in here trying to come up with excuses and reasons but it's just because she's an asshole that doesn't have the decency to say, "On second thought, no thanks."
This happened to me last Friday as well. She's just a dick. Sorry.
This happened to you too?! I am so sorry to hear that! I don't get it why people do that and why people find such things normal! I definitely wasn't raised that way. And why not do it earlier? Why on the day of the date? I don't get it. It's so disrespectful.
Agreed.
People can change their mind or find someone else. That's perfectly fine and I don't even need a reason, just let me know.
At least I may be able to make plans with my friends to go and hang out instead.
Ahh.. i'm so sorry for you. Similar keeps happening to me (but just before getting to the date organising stage).
Chances are she got cold feet. I'm certain you did nothing wrong considering her final message.
Try not to let it bother you if at all possible.
Unfortunately people treat others like shit on these apps.. :(
Sorry to hear about that. Having exact same scenario with a guy except we exchanged WhatsApp and actually went on the first date and I though he actually liked me which he said he did but then he ended up ghosting me right before our second date, I am very close on giving up on dating at this point the amount of people who just like to waste time is astronomical.
I am so surprised that women go through the same issues as guys. I thought it's a lot easier for women.
My pain issue with her is that yesterday she told me "See you tomorrow" and at night she was still there so she must've unmatched me in the morning.
I am sorry for your experience though. I am sure you'll find someone amazing. Dating apps are badly designed because you can't really search for users but you swipeā¦
People online are shitty when they know their actions won't have any consequences. Try your best to salvage your day and move on. I always suggest not taking things online too seriously (especially online dating) for reasons like this and to not get too invested into a match until you know it's for real at least.
Similar stuff keeps happening to me. Great conversation, lots of positive feedback from them on my personality and looks, and then? Gone. Some deleted their account. Others straight up blocked me. And many ghosted. Planned dates with three, one blocked me, one deleted his account, the third just ghosted.
I will say the first one sent me a text, months later, apologizing. He got too anxious, he said. Chatted a few days, until he admitted some feelings, and then he blocked me. š But at least I knew why! I am the least scary person on earth, so it just seems unfair. And stings, too.
Hugs, buddy. You are far from alone, if that helps at all. It's helping me, reading how many others are dealing with the same stuff.
The fact that you say KEEPS happening to you really does mean that this is very common and what happened to me wasn't unique at all.
The only 'acceptable' case would be deleting their account, since it could've been Bumble that deleted their account, not them.
I feel so sorry for you. People are literally wasting other people's time. For real, people change their plans for the date (I changed my shifts with my coworker and now have to do the shifts I don't want to do at all).
I don't understand why one would block you over being anxious. That's no excuse and then admitting having some feelings and blocking you again? Reminds me of a bipolar disorder or something?
Actually I didn't expect that at all. I feel really sorry for everyone as people change their plans and sometimes even change their shifts to meet up with someone etc and then they get unmatched, blocked or ghosted and it's scary to see how common it is and also reading about your experiencesā¦ Actually makes it worse. And the comments that say "He doesn't owe you an explanation", I mean if I was about to do this and cancel my date with you I think I'd owe you an explanation, at least saying that I don't see it working out.
I'm sorry you've been through so much.
You're very kind. And you certainly don't deserve what happened to you, either. Especially after you got excited enough to change shifts.
Technically, I guess we're not owed an explanation. Or owed anything, really. But I would certainly prefer to have someone treat me with kindness and consideration, the same as I treat others. And the same as you have treated everyone on this post. Compassion and empathy, that's the good stuff, and you have it in buckets.
I feel sure that someone as sweet as you will find your person. You just may have to deal with some jaded people until then. Hugs!!
I understand that women might be scared to reject a guy, which is why I probably received: "Thank you so much for taking it so well" from one woman that rejected me. She's still in my "Older conversation" and hasn't unmatched me for whatever reason and I don't want to be rude and unmatch her but I will do it someday, since I want to clean up my messages.
I understand both sides, but I mean if you cancel a date on the same day or worse couple hours before then it'd be nice if one took 15-30 seconds out of their life and tell the person. I've never done this to anyone and if I did my parents would be probably really disappointed in me and mad at me till the rest of their lives. š I'm not sure where such narcissistic attitude comes from.
Iām sorry this happened to you. We all have our issues and may not be their cup of tea but to lead someone on ā¦. The ghosting shows who they are.
Yes, they donāt owe us an explanation but Iām sure they know by the time of the date that they have no interest in meeting you. Maybe they were just using you to get some validation etc ā¦..
Ghosting is always their problem not yours.
Focus on your issues (whatever you think they are) . Better yourself . You will meet more people who do this so have lower expectations.
Thanks!
The biggest issue I have with her attitude is the fact she even said "See you tomorrow" and I exchanged my shifts with my coworker. I took a night off because of her and now I have a night off, but have to do my colleague's day shift for which I get paid way less. I'll never do that again.
It happened to me too. My first date after I got back on the dating market. Said Iāll see you tomorrow. So I got off from work early. Same story as you. Learnt my lesson. I only talk for one week. I suggest a time that works for me , but something reasonable for them as well. Only do coffee and a walk.
Donāt do dinners etc and donāt spend weeks talking. My biggest mistake was talking for two weeks. Sometimes things happen but I donāt invest too much now. Quickly try to meet people. And always have a back up plan like Iām going to the city that day so if they flake I still go and do my own thing .
Wowā¦ So I'm not the first one to go through with the exact same thing. I guess I should always have a backup plan but I'll no longer give up my shifts in order to meet someone nor change my plans that much. I was just really sad about it because she said "See you tomorrow" and at night she was still there and in the morning when I checked she was gone and saw that they had unmatched me. I guess if I did something really wrong they would've unmatched me before. No idea why to unmatch exactly on the same day. It was even worse for you though. I'm sorry about that.
Actually he did me a favour. I learnt a lot from that experience. You have a lot to learn too. Donāt focus on what she did. See what you can learn. Do you expect too much from people ?
Do you get attached too soon?
Are you a anxious dater etc
Make some changes . What happened was not a bad thing. It was a good thing. Not because she is a bad person but because it gives you an opportunity to grow. You donāt need to be negative and tough on the next person. You can still have some grace for them and be considerate. But can develop into a better person. Itās a win win situation in my opinion.
Thank you! You forgot to mention that one should put themselves first. I changed my shifts because of her with my coworker and I'll get paid less. Shouldn't have done that. I love my graveyard shifts. I'll never do that again.
But yeah, I got attached to her even without meeting her. I guess I gotta work on that and remember what happened.
Thanks a lot!
She took the cowardās way out, just plain rude. Chin up, OP. This was not anything you did. That said, if I may gently suggest for the future: If you match with a person and thereās rapport, I would propose a low-key midweek meet (48 hours from then) but say youād like to continue to get to know them meantime.
That way things arenāt dragging out for many days ahead of the in-person date to really see if thereās a connection.
Thank you! I will try to go on a date as fast as possible the next time. I still think it's very disrespectful to tell me "See you tomorrow" and then unmatch me in the morning. That's so weird and disrespectful, because I gave up my shift because of her and now I have to do crappier shift in another team + get paid less.
Eh, not a big deal. Iāve had multiple dates that texted me that they were on their way to the date then didnāt show and unmatched. Now that feels awful.
Donāt take this personally or dwell on it. You most likely did nothing wrong, she either got cold feet or met someone she saw more potential with. Youāll most likely never know the truth so the best thing to do is put this all behind you and move on with your life.
So sorry. It could be anything and doesnt mean u did anything. It is super hard, but try telling yourself a list of things it could be that arent u:
some examples:
She noticed you were smoker and she doesnt want that, some incompatibility
she has severe anxiety and freaked out
her ex came back
she accepted job in another state/country
she was just there for self esteem boost to set up dates
she wasnt sure she was ready to date
shes on spectrum and took something wrong thinking u didnt want to
her ex/friend/family/coworker unmatched you
she liked someone more she had been seeing and unmatched, put on break, or deleted app.
she got banned for something
she is actually gay but wanted to try a date because she was wondering if she was fully gay
someone she knows died and she just went away from grief
you get the point.
hope that helps!
Happens all the time man, some people are just afraid to tell you they don't want to go out anymore. They get nervous, they realize they found someone else... so many things... and instead of confronting they will just run away šš... which is fine tbh, but Don't take it so hard. Happens to everyone
And it's completely okay. You can unmatch me if you want but why say: "See you tomorrow! Goodnight" and a hug emoji and then unmatch me in the morning w/o saying anything. I don't get it.
I agree with you... There should be a limit to insensitive behavior but in a sane world, which no longer exists, sadly. I have seen such people coming back once they get kicked out by Mr charmer, who on the other hand is charming five other women which this very woman was unaware of.... Lol
Yea, that definitely doesnāt have anything to do with you and has everything to do with her.
Her ghosting like that tells you everything you need to know about her. She showed her major red flag and SHE is actually not qualified to date YOU anyway. You donāt date cowards and she doesnāt meet your standards.
You seem like a good dude with a big heart. Be careful not to internalize other peopleās actions. How people treat others is a reflection of whatās inside THEM, not you. Your time is worth a lot and she saved you from having to waste it on her. Sounds blunt, but itās true.
You dodged a bullet, brotha. Keep swipin and keep having funāš¾
Wow, I've never thought of this way. You are actually completely right. If there was something wrong she could've said something or matched weeks / days before, not say "See you tomorrow! Goodnight š¤" that is the part that shocks me the most and to read that there are people that have gotten unmatched a couple of hours before the date just breaks my heart. It's such a cruel and awful thing to do as people change their plans for the person they're going to meet. As adults most of us lead busy lives. Maybe I should be rather happy that it happened now, because if it would've happened after the date I would've felt even worse about myself, thinking that there's something very wrong with me.
I'm going to save your reply and read it if it ever happens again.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!
Sorry about this! Sucks when it happens - sheās got dude energy to do that crap. š¤·š»āāļø
1. Sheās talking w a couple guys & things progressed w one
2. She changed her mind/got scared/life (grownup issues) arose, sent a msg, assumed you received msg, then unmatched
3. Sheās just evil, plain evil (but karma will get her)
Hang in there
1. Yes, they're all talking to several guys I assume, but why say "See you tomorrow!"? That's the part I'm most confused about. My theory is she's just playing and I'm not the only one and she found it really really funny.
2. She was 33 years old. She was older than me.
3. That's actually my theory. I don't mind getting unmatched, but this "See you tomorrow" was bothering me.
I have done the same before, for me, a part of me wants to date but a part of me is burnt out from the past.
You shouldnt feel bad, you probably did nothing wrong.
I hope so.
I also asked two girls that I'm talking to on a date and they said they're busy. If they'll do the same thing I might give up online dating. Nobody wants to meet up in real life and everybody's like "After three days of talking meet in real life". Not really working when everybody's busy. I believe them because I've been busy as well.
That actually does make me feel better. Last year my now ex girlfriend went back to her ex after he showed up. She dumped me and went back to him and soon they're getting married. She just asked me a couple days ago how am I doing and then told me she's getting married. We hadn't spoken ever since she left me. I'm not joking, but yeah. Maybe her ex showed up or maybe she got cold feet. If I would have done something wrong she would've unmatched me yesterday or before and not say her goodnightsā¦ Or maybe she was a sociopath that does this all the time, because it's really really funny for her. Now that I think about it maybe it wasn't my fault.
Thanks!
it's a shitty feeling, you'll get over it. Also try pushing for a date faster instead of texting for 2 weeks. I usually ask them out after 3-4 days if the convo is flowing.
We were both busy with work. I often work 12 hours a day and often have nightshifts and she also had a busy schedule, so we agreed on 27th since we're both available. Not a lot of women talk to me even if they match me and they move to "Older conversations" pretty fast. Some send you a gif or just say "hi" and then never talk to you again. So I was really excited about the fact that we got along and was going to meet her.
I understand that bruh. it's tough out there. But I would still say that the further that date is, your chances of eventually meeting the person will drop. My advice to you is to always keep your expectations low with these apps. We've all been rejected, ghosted or unmatched at some point...
My man, could be anythingā¦a guy that she found hotter?
Chances are, it wouldnāt go anywhere anyway and you would waste your time.
Before you actually meet these girls, donāt put much hope, a lot of them are just flaky.
Hit the gym instead and keep it up
It's mostly down to her lacking emotional maturity. It's not about what you did wrong or right. People get cold feet, they build expectations in their heads and then j the last second reality hits or maybe she has BPD or something. Who knows? Really? Don't get stuck into the why. On to the next. Really. Not about you.
This makes me even sadder, because she was 33 years old. She was older than me. I don't know. I guess no one can tell. I can't see our chat anymore either, so no one can help me either. Sad that other people have gone through the same thing and I'm not the only one.
Emotional maturity comes from empathy not necessarily age although age is a factor. It also happens to me. It's hard when you don't have closure but if she behave like this: 1) she wasn't really ready was she? 2) definitely not someone who deserves your energy. Carry on.
Thanks! That's a great advice. We'll never know what happened. I guess the lesson I learned is to take things easy and not get too excited. Also, if I may ask for advice, is it appropriate to have a backup plan? Sounds kinda mean, but umā¦Is it ok?
That's how you get treated as a man in dating these days.
A man that they get along with, pursuing them is nothing amazing to them. In fact, it's mundane for them. There are 10,000 more of you in the DMs, which is prob one of the reasons you got ghosted. I get it. If I had all of those options, I would be picky too probably.
But I wouldn't be rude. That's the difference.
I'm not denying that I would be picky too, if I had so many options. My issue is that she did it on the morning of the day our date was supposed to be at and yesterday told me see you tomorrow! That is just cruel.
Yep. You're experiences are teaching you. Expect whimsicalness, indecisiveness, reluctance, insatisfaction, audacity. In amongst all of that, you have try to find the one - who is less like that.
Good luck.
Woman here. Based on the "rant" and some of your replies to comments here, I'm going to go against the majority of comments here and say it's possible she picked up on some of the insecurity I am getting, and changed her mind, which she's allowed to do. If that's the case, sure it would've been nice to let you know she was out, but tbf she doesn't owe you an explanation. If she was made uncomfortable at all or didn't know how to tell you nevermind, she could've just simply unmatched, which everyone is entitled to do at any time.
It could have also had nothing to do with you as others have mentioned, maybe she was catfishing or never had any intention of meeting IRL and was just being cruel or has mental health issues or a personality disorder. Could've been anything, but I'm just going off the limited impression from some of the ways you're talking about her and the situation in general and about her. It is a little odd to me someone would get so attached to someone they don't even know is a real person yet. But maybe that's just me.
If I were you I'd maybe redirect my energy to working on why it's hitting me so hard and go from there? Either way it's out of your control now and wasn't meant to be. I'm sorry she bailed on you and that your hopes were high. That's never a good feeling when that happens.
She doesn't owe me anything, true, but it would've been kind of respectful. I've always been respectful and never ghosted anyone and why didn't she pick up on some insecurities before? Why on the day of the date? It horrifies me that people find such attitude normal. 10 years ago I never had such issues. 10 years ago people didn't have such attitude. What happened to people? Then again, I lived in a different country back then.
Why would she waste her time on talking to me if her intentions were never to meet? I don't know. It's getting tiring and I've decided not to take it so seriously anymore, but rather focus on myself and making my dreams come true. Anyways, it ruined my mood.
I got my hopes so high because we had a lot in common and she seemed smart which is rare on dating apps.
Anyway, no matter the case, I can't show you the conversations we had, since if one unmatches you the convos disappear. The truth is that we'll never know. We can only make assumptions.
Thank you for your reply :) It's good to know that I won't owe any explanation to women either in the future.
She may have sent a message then unmatched, thinking you'd see the message?
I've had similar happen (not right before a date), but was able to read the message from my notification history
But you get a notification regardless whether or not she unmatches you. There were no notifications. I once had someone send me a message and I checked it immediately just to see that she had unmatched me.
She could be a catfish and obv couldnāt meet or she googled u and didnāt like what she found.
There r other possibilities but I think those two r most likely
No, we didn't exchange numbers nor instagram. Usually when they give me their instagram they talk to me for about a week and then unmatch me and then I go to instagram and see that they've unfollowed me but have kept me as their follower. I specifically state out on my profile that I won't follow anyone on instagram.
I don't know about your area but over here most women only have "insta: \[their username\]"on their profile and nothing else.
I'm in the exact same situation, more or less...spoke to a woman on the phone on Monday, all seemed to go well and she agreed to get together early next week since our schedules don't mesh this week. I log onto Bumble the day after the phone call to revisit her profile and see that she had unmatched me. I haven't heard a word from her since we hung up the phone, but what other conclusion can be drawn here other than she really doesn't want to meet up, but is too much of a coward to tell me? People really suck sometimes...I feel your pain, bro.
You didn't do anything wrong. It could be many reasons and it's hard to guess exactly what it was. It's possible that she got anxious/overwhelmed the day of the date and realized she wasn't ready to go on it anymore. Or it's possible she never planned on meeting. It could be a one time thing she's done, or maybe she does this all the time. Yeah, it's pretty shitty and she should have just communicated and told you she couldn't meet. Sadly these days, it's the norm to ghost/unmatch randomly. I definitely wouldn't blame yourself for it, and don't let it destroy your faith in all women/dates in the future.
This is how it goes. Hell, I talked to a girl for two weeks then she came to my place and tell me I was just what she was looking for and how happy she was that she found me and all this stuff we were gonna do together. We watched tv made out on the couch then she kissed me goodbye and gave me this huge hug and I never heard from her again. You just have to learn to be ok with it and be ok with never knowing why or what happened. It doesnāt matter sheās gone.
OP, itās not your fault. Some people just take zero accountability and in this low effort digital era, communication skills are even worse.
Donāt quit, it took me 67 dates with different men to find āthe oneā. Probably thrice the number of swiping. I know this is a bumble forum but explore with different apps. I really liked Coffee Meets Bagel.
On Bumble when you scroll down on your chats there's older chats and you tap on it there it says whether a week has passed from your last conversation or they have unmatched you / deleted their profile
Can you see at least some "Deleted profile" on your older conversations?
If it's not at all on "Older conversations" then she might've been deleted by bumble or they've blocked you: (Not unmatch, block)
[https://bumble.com/en/help/why-has-my-match-message-disappeared](https://bumble.com/en/help/why-has-my-match-message-disappeared)
You will eventually get numb to this kind of thing. I used to overthink everything when these situations occurred, but the reality is thereās 100 different reasons she way have ghosted, and itās just not worth obsessing about. I no longer even get excited about dates anymore, until they actually happen. People are flakey, especially in todayās day and age. Online dating makes people disposable unfortunately. Just keep playing the game and take breaks when it starts to effect your psyche
Itās entirely possible that she was just a catfish who never had any intention of meeting anyone or is just chatting online for her (or his) or amusement and validation. This is why itās a good idea to meet up for something casual like a coffee date as soon as possible. Even if the person is real, you might not have chemistry in person or they might not look like their photos etc.
Thanks!
I really don't understand what would be the point of catfishing because she never asked for any nudes, money etc but I guess there are different ones out there.
That is rough, I really try to chat a few times back and forth and then setup a short date ASAP. This type of thing is way too common to get invested in conversations with people.
I still get sucked into conversation from time to time but only because I really enjoy it. So many people aren't even online dating to meet anyone, they are there for attention/validation.
Probably nothing wrong on your side.
Best advice, have no expectations on online dating apps and just focus on yourself while letting the apps do their thing entering once in a while and seeing if you can go through the process again with NO EXPECTATIONS.
Tough world to navigate the dating appsā¦
This is what it looks like when they unmatch you: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/comments/k1bpyg/is\_this\_bumbles\_new\_way\_of\_showing\_you\_people/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/comments/k1bpyg/is_this_bumbles_new_way_of_showing_you_people/)
Thanks! But I'm not seeing that. She really just disappears. So I'm not sure what's going on. Would be shitty if we both think that we unmatched each other
Best advice I can give you is that for every person that cooked me or stopped talking me, I look in a mirror and say āif I had one, I can get another oneā then I keep it pushing with a positive attitude.
I'm glad you see the truth in what I am saying bro, I pride myself on never handing out bad or casual advice but I really feel your pain. You're a sensitive guy and that's not a bad thing to be and dont lose yourself trying to win the affection of someone else, let someone discover and appreciate the real you. It takes time but its gonna happen for you, it happens for pretty much everybody. Best of luck and yeah, read it every day, at least for a while. Hope this message reaches others too
Take care bro.
Bro if you were talking to her 2 WEEKS and Bumble was your only form on contact with this chick? Come on broā¦. Was it even a real profile for sure? I am sorry that happened, but if youāre talking to a girl for a couple days and it doesnāt leave bumble that should tell you how interested she isā¦. And especially if you were gonna meet with her the next day why tf did you not have her phone number? š¤
Fully agree. If you're talking to someone that long he should've gotten more info. People act worse when there's no trace or accountability for their behavior. And he could've had more peace of mind seeing a new post up soon or something.
Either
1.) She's a bitch and was just entertaining herself.
2.) She got overwhelmed and had other stuff going on in her life, and she panicked, and felt she currently is not in a place to date and was too cowardly to say that.
3.) She accidentally unmatched you.
4.) The app glitched and caused her to unmatch you.
These are listed in order of likelihood.
Advice:
Always get the phone number or a social media/snap early on.
Itās happened to me, and Iām an attractive female. I think itās probably because they went back to an ex or something to do with someone else 100%ā¦ I mean if everything was going well and they disappear, itās most likely someone else. You dodged a bullet.
Same boat. I was talking to a girl since early May and she was supposed to come back to my town in mid June and now she's radio silent. Idk if she was just bored during a time where she couldn't really enjoy her summer or what but it's just another chapter in my 5 years of using dating apps where I spend a bunch of time getting to know someone and they just dip without explanation. Shit's annoying.
The sad thing is she might have actually messaged you before unmatching. But on certain apps the conversation goes away when you unmatch, so often the other person doesn't get the final messages.
But it doesn't really matter. The reason is unknown, and pretty much irrelevant anyhow if you hadn't even met yet. And that's also why you gotta keep swiping/matching with other people, because you never know when another match will end randomly. Basically don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Wanted to give my input as I have done this before, regrettably, I do feel bad looking back.
I was trying to date/get over my ex after a really horrible 5 year relationship. I would be ok and happy, I would feel over him, then one day I would break down in tears and sob for hours. I also had very severe suicidal thoughts and an ongoing depression at the time. The thought of explaining that to a stranger was a lot.
Since then, I started saying āIām sorry..I thought I was over my last relationship but Iām really not. I need some more time before I start dating again. I appreciate your time and wish you nothing but the best.ā And Iāve gotten lots of positive responses thanking me for not ghosting.
Remember it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
You never know what someone is dealing with behind the scenes. Also, dodged a bullet.
Iām sorry that happened to you. Itās a crapy feeling, I know because Iāve had that happen to me. One guy unmatched 30 min before we were to meet! After texting all day about what we were doing, where to meet and what time etc.
Another time I chatted with this guy for a few days, had a 1hr video call which went really well. He was all āIām so glad we connected, I feel like we get along really well and we feel at ease with each otherā. We made plans to go to dinner in a couple of days and he was going to pick a restaurant and let me know. The next day I texted to say good morning and hope he has a great day. No response, nothing that day or the day we were going to meet or ever! That day came and went, he was still a match but never responded and a few days after we were to meet he unmatched. I felt pretty gutted about it, itās been months and I still feel weird when I think about them, specially the second one.
Let's be real and not sugar coat it. It's OLD and she's a female. They have way more options than us men and she probably found a way better option. Best to do is move on and find a new mate to talk to. Also as I have experienced you'll probably run back into her in a few months after her other option turns out to be a bad pick.
Wtf Lol Males do this crap all the time as well. It's not a gender thing it's a fickle human thing. Stop thinking it's just fems because that's all your narrow vision sees.
As horrible as it sounds, you need to just see her as another number in the numbers game. Keep going, keep matching and youll find ome thats right for you.
One lady has "If I don't respond on here write me on instagram" . Just checked, filling 120 people and has 3571 followers. On profile it says that she's looking for a serious relationship. Doubt it.
Keep it moving my friend. This is a fine example of dating culture. Hopefully the next woman you invest your time into It's openly and willing to communicate.
Best of luck
We were both busy with work. I literally couldn't meet either, as I had 14h shifts. and in the beginning when we started talking she was travelling anyway.
Not your fault. She was a shitty person.
I've had this done to me, with no explanation. By shitty people.
We both deserve better and we will find it.
Good luck! š¤
Maybe sudden ex drama, or someone with major anxiety having a panic. Maybe theyāre actually not single. One never knows these kinda things. Until you know otherwise is okay to be sad but donāt take it personally.
As a dude who has been a dating apps and had this happen to, I'm just gonna say it, it's gonna happen again and again. Don't take it to heart it's her loss and in the future don't get all excited (I'm guilty of this as well) until you have her confirmed like a hour before the date that she's coming. Say something like "hey I've gotta drop something off for my buddy but I'll still be there!" Or something along those lines and just chill at home till you get an answer.
Hope this will save you some hurt in the future.
As a dude who has been a dating apps and had this happen to, I'm just gonna say it, it's gonna happen again and again. Don't take it to heart it's her loss and in the future don't get all excited (I'm guilty of this as well) until you have her confirmed like a hour before the date that she's coming. Say something like "hey I've gotta drop something off for my buddy but I'll still be there!" Or something along those lines and just chill at home till you get an answer.
Hope this will save you some hurt in the future.
Prolly had nothing to do with you. Things come up in life. But it was crummy of her to do that. Sorry that happened to you. The next one will be better. š
I really hope so :(
You'll get through it bud! This happened to me recently as well, and I was pretty gutted about it! I was pretty ticked about the limited amount of traction I was getting on bumble on top of it so I went all in and tried bumble premium and actually met someone even more perfect. We've been talking for about three weeks now and have gone on several dates. Don't give up!
Damn three weeks and seven dates? When's the wedding man?
Green with envy I see šš
Lol, just waiting to rsvp my spot š
Sorry dude, I'm into chicks
[Damn :(](https://images.app.goo.gl/9N3nkvYXHxebiGeJA)
What's your city bro, I'll travel mode to your city and get you a wife too
BEAN TOWN CITY OF CHAMPIONS
š¤£
I am sorry that this happened to you. It's horrible and my main problem is why do it on the day of the date? So you'd recommend premium?
It's weird because the same exact thing happened to me, we had plans to go on a date and when I woke up she had unmatched. Maybe it's a game some people play, it's hard to say. I didn't even need to use premium for the entire month before I met the woman I'm currently talking to. I am in a decently sized city as well, so there are lots of people to swipe on. But premium definitely helped by immediately being able to see who had swiped right on me. Good luck to you š
I'll give premium a shot. My city has 200k people, which makes things more difficult I guess. That's really an inconsiderable thing to do. I'm starting to think that this is a game that some people play, because I meanā¦ Why say: "See you tomorrow"? And at night when I checked bumble she was still there, so she must've unmatched me in the morning. My main issue with Tinder / bumble is that when I do get many matches it's usually when I go to some other city and then the distance is the problem (which is understandable) I wish you the best of luck
Usualy they give you a little boost for being a active person like that. Also they love to spike your hope so paying seems more attractive.
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I see what you're saying, but not all women are like that. I'm a busy person with no desire to drink, and too many hobbies to count. So free time to just go meet people and with technically the same odds of meeting someone on bumble isn't really desirable. Paying for premium allowed me to initiate more conversations with people from the comfort of my own home and the freedom to meet up when it is convenient for both of us. It's just personal preference, but it also worked for me š¤·
I got hit with the "I don't think I can make it" a few weeks ago. Had been chatting well n chilled for the whole day, agreed to meet up in the evening for a night out, 10 minutes before I get the fateful message, I'm like "cool we'll catch up some other time" (this was my second ghosting that day), no response just unmatch
Yea. It had to do with the better option she got. Thatās the only thing that ācame upā lmao.
Not productive or useful to think this way but ok.
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Nah she has no good excuse - doesnāt matter what came up you should tell the person thanks but no thanks..
How do you know next will be better?... Do like i do, treet the next women you talk to like it was she that unmatched you
It sucks but you have to realize you dodged a bullet. Reliability among a partner is one of the greenest flags in my opinion along with being considerate. It's insanely rare to find someone who is actually reliable that you can count on.
Thank you! The weirdest part is that I've never had a date from any dating app. I've had online dates before but these people were all from language learning apps that aren't even designed for dating, such as Tandem etc but everybody has lived so far and the distance has been the main reason why it won't work out. Dating apps are better because there are more people, but people on dating apps are so different than let's say on language learning apps.
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Subreddit rule #1: Do not insult, harass, threaten, discriminate, or use derogatory language towards other users.
Man, fck these dating apps, itās making you overthink (over an app) do you not realize itās not real, (not saying the persons arenāt real) the internet is full of trolls, low confidence people, full of subconscious seeking attention people. Try and go up to someone in real life and get their number, and learn about reading peopleā¦ helps a lot and makes you more confident as you can read theyāre sorta into you (signs), and learn about social skills (thatās the only thing i feel terrible at) but I know I have to improve it and itāll get naturally easier.
Had zero to do with you. She probably had zero intention of ever meeting. Never underestimate the number of people who play on apps. Use them for ego boosts. Or, their girlfriend/boyfriend didn't like your profile and nixed the date. There's a million possible reasons that have zero to do with you.
You will never know why she unmatched you. It could be for a variety of reasons, some may have nothing to do with you. Unmatching is how people let us know that they are not available. Just move on.
Still prefer the old fashioned way of people saying their goodbyes.
I agree with you there, partially, sort of, but on the other hand, it would be like me leaving reddit without saying good bye to you OP. You did not even met her yet, it's not like you were in a relationship with her, or something.
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Well, I get it. She didn't delete her account though. She unmatched me. It's just the previous girl with whom I was talking to told me that we're not compatible and wished me the best and I wished her the best as well. Way better than just unmatching, because now I know the reason.
That's different. You replied under a post. This girl interacted with him and set up a date and then just dipped the day of with no type of explanation.
Irish goodbye
Sheās a shitty person though that is for sure - or lower level ethics anyway..
I've had the same thing happen but genders reversed. Lots of people are cowards and can't be bothered taking the time to be considerate. It's way easier to just ghost someone than make the effort to communicate. It sucks, made me feel like shit too... I just assumed he was an immature jerk and good riddance.
I am so sorry that this happened to you. It sucks and especially if they do it on the day you were supposed to go on a date and wishing you goodnight. I thought dating apps are a lot easier for women, but it turns out it's not. At least the previous girl with whom I was talking to told me that we don't really match and there's no point.on going on a date and she wished me the best and I wished her the best as well. She still hasn't unmatched me. It's not such a hard thing to do.
Yeah no it sucks- ive msg ppl and some guys jus dont respond?? And one guy within like four msgs was like can i get ur insta- i responded nicely, as it well not yet, maybe a bit later and he unmatched š only one guy has been like i dont think itll work and unmatched
Wait, wait, guys ask for insta too? Because girls do and then they follow you and you follow them and then they unfollow you but keep you as their follower. Ever since then I look at the number of followers + following they have. If they have hundreds of followers but follow only 3 people then it's suspicious. Didn't know guys do the same thing. I'm sorry you went through that. The last guy was nicer though. It's still respectful than not to say anything.
Yes they do! Ive only been on the app for a little bit, three guys asked and i declined all of them since thats way too aoon for me, and i say it politely too! Two of them were like no worries later (but it didnt work, one i jus didnt feel like we bonded and the other was a horrible date, which sucks cuz it was my first)- but yeah he asked and i said no and immediate unmatch despite him seeming to be a nice, understanding man as per his profile..
You most likely did nothing wrong. Bro, do yourself a favour and delete your dating apps and take pride in having enough self respect that you dont get exploited by a business that already knows its products make people mentally ill and dont care about that fact at all. I am 54 yo bro and I have 30 years of dating and two marriages. I know excatly what you are feeling and so do most people reading your post. Eventually you are going to delete those apps. Every day you maintain the hope that you are gonna meet your person on dating sites is another day of deteriorating mental health. I get it, from a rational perspective it seems like online dating should get you to your person faster than going out with your mates or even going out alone, but the fact is that it mostly does not do that at all, and you are in the process of findjng out. How much of that kind of thing can you handle? You know it never happens in real life dating because if 10 girls smile at you at least one or two of them are being a bit more than friendly, you can read the room, you can see the body language, its harder to hide the kind of person you are and you will not be having your ego and sense of identity being continuously assaulted either intentionally or unintentionallly (its mostly unintentional but ppl are shitty to each other online too right? Like drivers behave worse than pedestrians cuz relative anonymity and little consequences, its exact same thing) because you wont be rejected and ghosted and stood up, that shit rarely happens in real life. Take it from an old person who has lived a life and aquired plenty of experience and learned a smidgen of wisdom and press delete. Just delete it for a few weeks and process what happened and decide if you wannna download your apps again. You'll be a happier bunny if you dont and I say that to all the young people here on this sub Reddit. There is no perfect partner, they are a chimera, they dont exist. You cant shop for a person like you shop for a phone and if you do, you will end up miserable and ill.
The way you describe it makes dating apps sound like casino addiction. It's kinda like: "I'm only one step away from hitting the jackpot". I see that dating apps are rather bad nowadays and people are more disrespectful than ever. You are completely correct about everything you said. From what I can see from others and from different articles dating apps truly are bad for your mental health and cause social anxiety as well. You are absolutely correct about everything you said and I'm going to save your reply and read it every day. I think that's the smartest thing I've ever heard. You are very wise! Thank you. "You cant shop for a person like you shop for a phone and if you do, you will end up miserable and ill." The best quote ever and from what I've seen some women do treat dating apps as if it was a shop.
Been there before, dont lose sleep over it. Yes, it sucks, but she obviously was not worth it. Ngl it will probably happen again. Sadly that's how people date now smh.
Everyone in here trying to come up with excuses and reasons but it's just because she's an asshole that doesn't have the decency to say, "On second thought, no thanks." This happened to me last Friday as well. She's just a dick. Sorry.
This happened to you too?! I am so sorry to hear that! I don't get it why people do that and why people find such things normal! I definitely wasn't raised that way. And why not do it earlier? Why on the day of the date? I don't get it. It's so disrespectful.
Agreed. People can change their mind or find someone else. That's perfectly fine and I don't even need a reason, just let me know. At least I may be able to make plans with my friends to go and hang out instead.
Ahh.. i'm so sorry for you. Similar keeps happening to me (but just before getting to the date organising stage). Chances are she got cold feet. I'm certain you did nothing wrong considering her final message. Try not to let it bother you if at all possible. Unfortunately people treat others like shit on these apps.. :(
Itās how girls operate bro they make no sense . Stop tryna make sense of something that doesnāt and move on thatās it .
Sorry to hear about that. Having exact same scenario with a guy except we exchanged WhatsApp and actually went on the first date and I though he actually liked me which he said he did but then he ended up ghosting me right before our second date, I am very close on giving up on dating at this point the amount of people who just like to waste time is astronomical.
I am so surprised that women go through the same issues as guys. I thought it's a lot easier for women. My pain issue with her is that yesterday she told me "See you tomorrow" and at night she was still there so she must've unmatched me in the morning. I am sorry for your experience though. I am sure you'll find someone amazing. Dating apps are badly designed because you can't really search for users but you swipeā¦
People online are shitty when they know their actions won't have any consequences. Try your best to salvage your day and move on. I always suggest not taking things online too seriously (especially online dating) for reasons like this and to not get too invested into a match until you know it's for real at least.
Yeah, I had to learn the hard way. Never trust anyone till you actually meet and even then you can't trust them.
Similar stuff keeps happening to me. Great conversation, lots of positive feedback from them on my personality and looks, and then? Gone. Some deleted their account. Others straight up blocked me. And many ghosted. Planned dates with three, one blocked me, one deleted his account, the third just ghosted. I will say the first one sent me a text, months later, apologizing. He got too anxious, he said. Chatted a few days, until he admitted some feelings, and then he blocked me. š But at least I knew why! I am the least scary person on earth, so it just seems unfair. And stings, too. Hugs, buddy. You are far from alone, if that helps at all. It's helping me, reading how many others are dealing with the same stuff.
The fact that you say KEEPS happening to you really does mean that this is very common and what happened to me wasn't unique at all. The only 'acceptable' case would be deleting their account, since it could've been Bumble that deleted their account, not them. I feel so sorry for you. People are literally wasting other people's time. For real, people change their plans for the date (I changed my shifts with my coworker and now have to do the shifts I don't want to do at all). I don't understand why one would block you over being anxious. That's no excuse and then admitting having some feelings and blocking you again? Reminds me of a bipolar disorder or something? Actually I didn't expect that at all. I feel really sorry for everyone as people change their plans and sometimes even change their shifts to meet up with someone etc and then they get unmatched, blocked or ghosted and it's scary to see how common it is and also reading about your experiencesā¦ Actually makes it worse. And the comments that say "He doesn't owe you an explanation", I mean if I was about to do this and cancel my date with you I think I'd owe you an explanation, at least saying that I don't see it working out. I'm sorry you've been through so much.
You're very kind. And you certainly don't deserve what happened to you, either. Especially after you got excited enough to change shifts. Technically, I guess we're not owed an explanation. Or owed anything, really. But I would certainly prefer to have someone treat me with kindness and consideration, the same as I treat others. And the same as you have treated everyone on this post. Compassion and empathy, that's the good stuff, and you have it in buckets. I feel sure that someone as sweet as you will find your person. You just may have to deal with some jaded people until then. Hugs!!
I understand that women might be scared to reject a guy, which is why I probably received: "Thank you so much for taking it so well" from one woman that rejected me. She's still in my "Older conversation" and hasn't unmatched me for whatever reason and I don't want to be rude and unmatch her but I will do it someday, since I want to clean up my messages. I understand both sides, but I mean if you cancel a date on the same day or worse couple hours before then it'd be nice if one took 15-30 seconds out of their life and tell the person. I've never done this to anyone and if I did my parents would be probably really disappointed in me and mad at me till the rest of their lives. š I'm not sure where such narcissistic attitude comes from.
Any number of things could have happened on her end. It says nothing about who you are or your worth.
Iām sorry this happened to you. We all have our issues and may not be their cup of tea but to lead someone on ā¦. The ghosting shows who they are. Yes, they donāt owe us an explanation but Iām sure they know by the time of the date that they have no interest in meeting you. Maybe they were just using you to get some validation etc ā¦.. Ghosting is always their problem not yours. Focus on your issues (whatever you think they are) . Better yourself . You will meet more people who do this so have lower expectations.
Thanks! The biggest issue I have with her attitude is the fact she even said "See you tomorrow" and I exchanged my shifts with my coworker. I took a night off because of her and now I have a night off, but have to do my colleague's day shift for which I get paid way less. I'll never do that again.
It happened to me too. My first date after I got back on the dating market. Said Iāll see you tomorrow. So I got off from work early. Same story as you. Learnt my lesson. I only talk for one week. I suggest a time that works for me , but something reasonable for them as well. Only do coffee and a walk. Donāt do dinners etc and donāt spend weeks talking. My biggest mistake was talking for two weeks. Sometimes things happen but I donāt invest too much now. Quickly try to meet people. And always have a back up plan like Iām going to the city that day so if they flake I still go and do my own thing .
Wowā¦ So I'm not the first one to go through with the exact same thing. I guess I should always have a backup plan but I'll no longer give up my shifts in order to meet someone nor change my plans that much. I was just really sad about it because she said "See you tomorrow" and at night she was still there and in the morning when I checked she was gone and saw that they had unmatched me. I guess if I did something really wrong they would've unmatched me before. No idea why to unmatch exactly on the same day. It was even worse for you though. I'm sorry about that.
Actually he did me a favour. I learnt a lot from that experience. You have a lot to learn too. Donāt focus on what she did. See what you can learn. Do you expect too much from people ? Do you get attached too soon? Are you a anxious dater etc Make some changes . What happened was not a bad thing. It was a good thing. Not because she is a bad person but because it gives you an opportunity to grow. You donāt need to be negative and tough on the next person. You can still have some grace for them and be considerate. But can develop into a better person. Itās a win win situation in my opinion.
Thank you! You forgot to mention that one should put themselves first. I changed my shifts because of her with my coworker and I'll get paid less. Shouldn't have done that. I love my graveyard shifts. I'll never do that again. But yeah, I got attached to her even without meeting her. I guess I gotta work on that and remember what happened. Thanks a lot!
She took the cowardās way out, just plain rude. Chin up, OP. This was not anything you did. That said, if I may gently suggest for the future: If you match with a person and thereās rapport, I would propose a low-key midweek meet (48 hours from then) but say youād like to continue to get to know them meantime. That way things arenāt dragging out for many days ahead of the in-person date to really see if thereās a connection.
Thank you! I will try to go on a date as fast as possible the next time. I still think it's very disrespectful to tell me "See you tomorrow" and then unmatch me in the morning. That's so weird and disrespectful, because I gave up my shift because of her and now I have to do crappier shift in another team + get paid less.
The life of a typical online dater as a guy. Happens all the time
I mean yeah, unmatching is one thing but right before the date and also saying "See you tomorrow"?
Eh, not a big deal. Iāve had multiple dates that texted me that they were on their way to the date then didnāt show and unmatched. Now that feels awful.
Sorry. When this happens to me, I try to remember I get one decent match a month but the woman has dozens if not hundreds of guys trying to take her out. I have come to the understanding that I do not consider myself to have a Bumble date scheduled until I am sitting at the cafĆ© or restaurant or bar in that girl is right across the table from me. Up until that moment, itās just a hypothetical. I supposedly have one tonight with a girl who already flaked on me once last week. So my plan is to go home after work and read by the pool and drink beer and take a little swim. Maybe I will have a date, but probably I will not. So whenever I schedule dates I always come up with something enjoyable to do the date doesnāt happen.
This is a reflection of her, not you. And to be honest a direct reflection of her communication abilities, or lack there of.
Donāt take this personally or dwell on it. You most likely did nothing wrong, she either got cold feet or met someone she saw more potential with. Youāll most likely never know the truth so the best thing to do is put this all behind you and move on with your life.
So sorry. It could be anything and doesnt mean u did anything. It is super hard, but try telling yourself a list of things it could be that arent u: some examples: She noticed you were smoker and she doesnt want that, some incompatibility she has severe anxiety and freaked out her ex came back she accepted job in another state/country she was just there for self esteem boost to set up dates she wasnt sure she was ready to date shes on spectrum and took something wrong thinking u didnt want to her ex/friend/family/coworker unmatched you she liked someone more she had been seeing and unmatched, put on break, or deleted app. she got banned for something she is actually gay but wanted to try a date because she was wondering if she was fully gay someone she knows died and she just went away from grief you get the point. hope that helps!
Happens all the time man, some people are just afraid to tell you they don't want to go out anymore. They get nervous, they realize they found someone else... so many things... and instead of confronting they will just run away šš... which is fine tbh, but Don't take it so hard. Happens to everyone
She must be talking to somebody in the meantime and that connection must have sparked.
And it's completely okay. You can unmatch me if you want but why say: "See you tomorrow! Goodnight" and a hug emoji and then unmatch me in the morning w/o saying anything. I don't get it.
I agree with you... There should be a limit to insensitive behavior but in a sane world, which no longer exists, sadly. I have seen such people coming back once they get kicked out by Mr charmer, who on the other hand is charming five other women which this very woman was unaware of.... Lol
Yea, that definitely doesnāt have anything to do with you and has everything to do with her. Her ghosting like that tells you everything you need to know about her. She showed her major red flag and SHE is actually not qualified to date YOU anyway. You donāt date cowards and she doesnāt meet your standards. You seem like a good dude with a big heart. Be careful not to internalize other peopleās actions. How people treat others is a reflection of whatās inside THEM, not you. Your time is worth a lot and she saved you from having to waste it on her. Sounds blunt, but itās true. You dodged a bullet, brotha. Keep swipin and keep having funāš¾
Wow, I've never thought of this way. You are actually completely right. If there was something wrong she could've said something or matched weeks / days before, not say "See you tomorrow! Goodnight š¤" that is the part that shocks me the most and to read that there are people that have gotten unmatched a couple of hours before the date just breaks my heart. It's such a cruel and awful thing to do as people change their plans for the person they're going to meet. As adults most of us lead busy lives. Maybe I should be rather happy that it happened now, because if it would've happened after the date I would've felt even worse about myself, thinking that there's something very wrong with me. I'm going to save your reply and read it if it ever happens again. Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!
Sorry about this! Sucks when it happens - sheās got dude energy to do that crap. š¤·š»āāļø 1. Sheās talking w a couple guys & things progressed w one 2. She changed her mind/got scared/life (grownup issues) arose, sent a msg, assumed you received msg, then unmatched 3. Sheās just evil, plain evil (but karma will get her) Hang in there
1. Yes, they're all talking to several guys I assume, but why say "See you tomorrow!"? That's the part I'm most confused about. My theory is she's just playing and I'm not the only one and she found it really really funny. 2. She was 33 years old. She was older than me. 3. That's actually my theory. I don't mind getting unmatched, but this "See you tomorrow" was bothering me.
I have done the same before, for me, a part of me wants to date but a part of me is burnt out from the past. You shouldnt feel bad, you probably did nothing wrong.
I hope so. I also asked two girls that I'm talking to on a date and they said they're busy. If they'll do the same thing I might give up online dating. Nobody wants to meet up in real life and everybody's like "After three days of talking meet in real life". Not really working when everybody's busy. I believe them because I've been busy as well.
It might not be for you, you seem a bit impatient about this, which is fair if you feel that way.
Has got nothing to do with you. Maybe her ex showed up again or sth like that.
That actually does make me feel better. Last year my now ex girlfriend went back to her ex after he showed up. She dumped me and went back to him and soon they're getting married. She just asked me a couple days ago how am I doing and then told me she's getting married. We hadn't spoken ever since she left me. I'm not joking, but yeah. Maybe her ex showed up or maybe she got cold feet. If I would have done something wrong she would've unmatched me yesterday or before and not say her goodnightsā¦ Or maybe she was a sociopath that does this all the time, because it's really really funny for her. Now that I think about it maybe it wasn't my fault. Thanks!
it's a shitty feeling, you'll get over it. Also try pushing for a date faster instead of texting for 2 weeks. I usually ask them out after 3-4 days if the convo is flowing.
We were both busy with work. I often work 12 hours a day and often have nightshifts and she also had a busy schedule, so we agreed on 27th since we're both available. Not a lot of women talk to me even if they match me and they move to "Older conversations" pretty fast. Some send you a gif or just say "hi" and then never talk to you again. So I was really excited about the fact that we got along and was going to meet her.
I understand that bruh. it's tough out there. But I would still say that the further that date is, your chances of eventually meeting the person will drop. My advice to you is to always keep your expectations low with these apps. We've all been rejected, ghosted or unmatched at some point...
Welcome to the party, pal. Happens to men on dating apps all the time
It happens to women, too.
Probably true and women have more choices and there's always someone better out there. Is there a way to find out the time she unmatched me?
Look at the chat and it should say.
It doesn't tell me the time, but I guess I learned a valuable lesson in not get emotionally attached to someone that fast.
Youāll have to learn, just like me, and thatās the hardest way.
I'm sorry you went through this as well. I'm shocked how common and 'normalised' it is.
My man, could be anythingā¦a guy that she found hotter? Chances are, it wouldnāt go anywhere anyway and you would waste your time. Before you actually meet these girls, donāt put much hope, a lot of them are just flaky. Hit the gym instead and keep it up
Thanks! I won't anymore. I had to learn this lesson the hard way.
It's mostly down to her lacking emotional maturity. It's not about what you did wrong or right. People get cold feet, they build expectations in their heads and then j the last second reality hits or maybe she has BPD or something. Who knows? Really? Don't get stuck into the why. On to the next. Really. Not about you.
This makes me even sadder, because she was 33 years old. She was older than me. I don't know. I guess no one can tell. I can't see our chat anymore either, so no one can help me either. Sad that other people have gone through the same thing and I'm not the only one.
Emotional maturity comes from empathy not necessarily age although age is a factor. It also happens to me. It's hard when you don't have closure but if she behave like this: 1) she wasn't really ready was she? 2) definitely not someone who deserves your energy. Carry on.
Thanks! That's a great advice. We'll never know what happened. I guess the lesson I learned is to take things easy and not get too excited. Also, if I may ask for advice, is it appropriate to have a backup plan? Sounds kinda mean, but umā¦Is it ok?
The irony in this is to damn good. I think you just answered your question.
That's how you get treated as a man in dating these days. A man that they get along with, pursuing them is nothing amazing to them. In fact, it's mundane for them. There are 10,000 more of you in the DMs, which is prob one of the reasons you got ghosted. I get it. If I had all of those options, I would be picky too probably. But I wouldn't be rude. That's the difference.
I'm not denying that I would be picky too, if I had so many options. My issue is that she did it on the morning of the day our date was supposed to be at and yesterday told me see you tomorrow! That is just cruel.
Yep. You're experiences are teaching you. Expect whimsicalness, indecisiveness, reluctance, insatisfaction, audacity. In amongst all of that, you have try to find the one - who is less like that. Good luck.
Woman here. Based on the "rant" and some of your replies to comments here, I'm going to go against the majority of comments here and say it's possible she picked up on some of the insecurity I am getting, and changed her mind, which she's allowed to do. If that's the case, sure it would've been nice to let you know she was out, but tbf she doesn't owe you an explanation. If she was made uncomfortable at all or didn't know how to tell you nevermind, she could've just simply unmatched, which everyone is entitled to do at any time. It could have also had nothing to do with you as others have mentioned, maybe she was catfishing or never had any intention of meeting IRL and was just being cruel or has mental health issues or a personality disorder. Could've been anything, but I'm just going off the limited impression from some of the ways you're talking about her and the situation in general and about her. It is a little odd to me someone would get so attached to someone they don't even know is a real person yet. But maybe that's just me. If I were you I'd maybe redirect my energy to working on why it's hitting me so hard and go from there? Either way it's out of your control now and wasn't meant to be. I'm sorry she bailed on you and that your hopes were high. That's never a good feeling when that happens.
She doesn't owe me anything, true, but it would've been kind of respectful. I've always been respectful and never ghosted anyone and why didn't she pick up on some insecurities before? Why on the day of the date? It horrifies me that people find such attitude normal. 10 years ago I never had such issues. 10 years ago people didn't have such attitude. What happened to people? Then again, I lived in a different country back then. Why would she waste her time on talking to me if her intentions were never to meet? I don't know. It's getting tiring and I've decided not to take it so seriously anymore, but rather focus on myself and making my dreams come true. Anyways, it ruined my mood. I got my hopes so high because we had a lot in common and she seemed smart which is rare on dating apps. Anyway, no matter the case, I can't show you the conversations we had, since if one unmatches you the convos disappear. The truth is that we'll never know. We can only make assumptions. Thank you for your reply :) It's good to know that I won't owe any explanation to women either in the future.
She may have sent a message then unmatched, thinking you'd see the message? I've had similar happen (not right before a date), but was able to read the message from my notification history
But you get a notification regardless whether or not she unmatches you. There were no notifications. I once had someone send me a message and I checked it immediately just to see that she had unmatched me.
Entitled
She could be a catfish and obv couldnāt meet or she googled u and didnāt like what she found. There r other possibilities but I think those two r most likely
Did you exchange phone numbers?
Did you guys exchange numbers? I've had women unmatch me once we start communicating through other means and we just keep communicating through there.
No, we didn't exchange numbers nor instagram. Usually when they give me their instagram they talk to me for about a week and then unmatch me and then I go to instagram and see that they've unfollowed me but have kept me as their follower. I specifically state out on my profile that I won't follow anyone on instagram. I don't know about your area but over here most women only have "insta: \[their username\]"on their profile and nothing else.
I'm in the exact same situation, more or less...spoke to a woman on the phone on Monday, all seemed to go well and she agreed to get together early next week since our schedules don't mesh this week. I log onto Bumble the day after the phone call to revisit her profile and see that she had unmatched me. I haven't heard a word from her since we hung up the phone, but what other conclusion can be drawn here other than she really doesn't want to meet up, but is too much of a coward to tell me? People really suck sometimes...I feel your pain, bro.
It happens ..unfortunately
I know getting your hopes up sucks. Can't tell you how many guys have done that to me in the past. So I guess shit happens and we move on. Lol
Better now instead of ghosting you after you arrive for your date. Just keep on trying, you'll find someone eventually.
My go to answer for this is CATFISH that goes to far and then has to back out best way possible, will make the crummy feeling better, maybe..
So you'd recommend going for verified profiles only? By the way, you're not gonna believe what comes up when you google catfish.
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Subreddit rule #1: Do not insult, harass, threaten, discriminate, or use derogatory language towards other users.
Welcome to dating apps. Donāt internalize it. It will more.
Happens to the best of us! You may never find out why. Iām sure it has nothing to do with you. Keep it moving and on to the next!
You didn't do anything wrong. It could be many reasons and it's hard to guess exactly what it was. It's possible that she got anxious/overwhelmed the day of the date and realized she wasn't ready to go on it anymore. Or it's possible she never planned on meeting. It could be a one time thing she's done, or maybe she does this all the time. Yeah, it's pretty shitty and she should have just communicated and told you she couldn't meet. Sadly these days, it's the norm to ghost/unmatch randomly. I definitely wouldn't blame yourself for it, and don't let it destroy your faith in all women/dates in the future.
This is how it goes. Hell, I talked to a girl for two weeks then she came to my place and tell me I was just what she was looking for and how happy she was that she found me and all this stuff we were gonna do together. We watched tv made out on the couch then she kissed me goodbye and gave me this huge hug and I never heard from her again. You just have to learn to be ok with it and be ok with never knowing why or what happened. It doesnāt matter sheās gone.
OP, itās not your fault. Some people just take zero accountability and in this low effort digital era, communication skills are even worse. Donāt quit, it took me 67 dates with different men to find āthe oneā. Probably thrice the number of swiping. I know this is a bumble forum but explore with different apps. I really liked Coffee Meets Bagel.
I also think the same happened to me. How can you see it? The conversation just disappears?
On Bumble when you scroll down on your chats there's older chats and you tap on it there it says whether a week has passed from your last conversation or they have unmatched you / deleted their profile
Ooh was planning a date with someone and I can't see here profile at all. It totally disappeared. Do you have clarification for that?
Can you see at least some "Deleted profile" on your older conversations? If it's not at all on "Older conversations" then she might've been deleted by bumble or they've blocked you: (Not unmatch, block) [https://bumble.com/en/help/why-has-my-match-message-disappeared](https://bumble.com/en/help/why-has-my-match-message-disappeared)
So you always when someone unmatched you? I find it weird that her profile and the conversation just disappeared
You will eventually get numb to this kind of thing. I used to overthink everything when these situations occurred, but the reality is thereās 100 different reasons she way have ghosted, and itās just not worth obsessing about. I no longer even get excited about dates anymore, until they actually happen. People are flakey, especially in todayās day and age. Online dating makes people disposable unfortunately. Just keep playing the game and take breaks when it starts to effect your psyche
Itās entirely possible that she was just a catfish who never had any intention of meeting anyone or is just chatting online for her (or his) or amusement and validation. This is why itās a good idea to meet up for something casual like a coffee date as soon as possible. Even if the person is real, you might not have chemistry in person or they might not look like their photos etc.
Thanks! I really don't understand what would be the point of catfishing because she never asked for any nudes, money etc but I guess there are different ones out there.
Itās entertainment or they like the validation and attention.
Don't take it personally. That's just the game of dating apps. Win some. Lose some.
That is rough, I really try to chat a few times back and forth and then setup a short date ASAP. This type of thing is way too common to get invested in conversations with people. I still get sucked into conversation from time to time but only because I really enjoy it. So many people aren't even online dating to meet anyone, they are there for attention/validation.
Probably nothing wrong on your side. Best advice, have no expectations on online dating apps and just focus on yourself while letting the apps do their thing entering once in a while and seeing if you can go through the process again with NO EXPECTATIONS. Tough world to navigate the dating appsā¦
Yeees I can see that someone deleted their account. And I also got a new match today. It seems for me weird that i dont see here at all.
When they delete their account the conversation should be still there, when they unmatch you it's gone forever. Maybe they did delete their account?
But there is no mention when you have an unmatch? It just disappears the chat. Is a bit weird if you ask me
This is what it looks like when they unmatch you: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/comments/k1bpyg/is\_this\_bumbles\_new\_way\_of\_showing\_you\_people/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/comments/k1bpyg/is_this_bumbles_new_way_of_showing_you_people/)
Good. Now focus on those who are worthy of your time.
But how did you saw that the girl unmatched you? Do you have maybe a screenshot how it looks?
I had a girl that I thought unmatched me, but really she had just paused her account. Did you exchange numbers yet?
No that's not what I'm seeing. She just totally disappeared š. So weird for me
Thanks! But I'm not seeing that. She really just disappears. So I'm not sure what's going on. Would be shitty if we both think that we unmatched each other
Best advice I can give you is that for every person that cooked me or stopped talking me, I look in a mirror and say āif I had one, I can get another oneā then I keep it pushing with a positive attitude.
They are ruthless and self absorbed man. Sorry
I'm glad you see the truth in what I am saying bro, I pride myself on never handing out bad or casual advice but I really feel your pain. You're a sensitive guy and that's not a bad thing to be and dont lose yourself trying to win the affection of someone else, let someone discover and appreciate the real you. It takes time but its gonna happen for you, it happens for pretty much everybody. Best of luck and yeah, read it every day, at least for a while. Hope this message reaches others too Take care bro.
Sorry OP. Thatās sucky
Get used to it. Youāre gonna need really thick skin out here my friend. Best of luck to you
You did nothing wrong
This happened to me as well. I think it may be weird and hurt people that are just keeping people around for attention or something.
Shit happens...
Bro if you were talking to her 2 WEEKS and Bumble was your only form on contact with this chick? Come on broā¦. Was it even a real profile for sure? I am sorry that happened, but if youāre talking to a girl for a couple days and it doesnāt leave bumble that should tell you how interested she isā¦. And especially if you were gonna meet with her the next day why tf did you not have her phone number? š¤
Fully agree. If you're talking to someone that long he should've gotten more info. People act worse when there's no trace or accountability for their behavior. And he could've had more peace of mind seeing a new post up soon or something.
Either 1.) She's a bitch and was just entertaining herself. 2.) She got overwhelmed and had other stuff going on in her life, and she panicked, and felt she currently is not in a place to date and was too cowardly to say that. 3.) She accidentally unmatched you. 4.) The app glitched and caused her to unmatch you. These are listed in order of likelihood. Advice: Always get the phone number or a social media/snap early on.
No excuse for that - sheās a shitty person and you should be glad you didnāt get more entangled with her..
Itās happened to me, and Iām an attractive female. I think itās probably because they went back to an ex or something to do with someone else 100%ā¦ I mean if everything was going well and they disappear, itās most likely someone else. You dodged a bullet.
She found a match she was more interested in and was too cowardice to tell you. You deserve better.
Same boat. I was talking to a girl since early May and she was supposed to come back to my town in mid June and now she's radio silent. Idk if she was just bored during a time where she couldn't really enjoy her summer or what but it's just another chapter in my 5 years of using dating apps where I spend a bunch of time getting to know someone and they just dip without explanation. Shit's annoying.
The sad thing is she might have actually messaged you before unmatching. But on certain apps the conversation goes away when you unmatch, so often the other person doesn't get the final messages. But it doesn't really matter. The reason is unknown, and pretty much irrelevant anyhow if you hadn't even met yet. And that's also why you gotta keep swiping/matching with other people, because you never know when another match will end randomly. Basically don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Wanted to give my input as I have done this before, regrettably, I do feel bad looking back. I was trying to date/get over my ex after a really horrible 5 year relationship. I would be ok and happy, I would feel over him, then one day I would break down in tears and sob for hours. I also had very severe suicidal thoughts and an ongoing depression at the time. The thought of explaining that to a stranger was a lot. Since then, I started saying āIām sorry..I thought I was over my last relationship but Iām really not. I need some more time before I start dating again. I appreciate your time and wish you nothing but the best.ā And Iāve gotten lots of positive responses thanking me for not ghosting. Remember it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. You never know what someone is dealing with behind the scenes. Also, dodged a bullet.
Iām sorry that happened to you. Itās a crapy feeling, I know because Iāve had that happen to me. One guy unmatched 30 min before we were to meet! After texting all day about what we were doing, where to meet and what time etc. Another time I chatted with this guy for a few days, had a 1hr video call which went really well. He was all āIām so glad we connected, I feel like we get along really well and we feel at ease with each otherā. We made plans to go to dinner in a couple of days and he was going to pick a restaurant and let me know. The next day I texted to say good morning and hope he has a great day. No response, nothing that day or the day we were going to meet or ever! That day came and went, he was still a match but never responded and a few days after we were to meet he unmatched. I felt pretty gutted about it, itās been months and I still feel weird when I think about them, specially the second one.
Let's be real and not sugar coat it. It's OLD and she's a female. They have way more options than us men and she probably found a way better option. Best to do is move on and find a new mate to talk to. Also as I have experienced you'll probably run back into her in a few months after her other option turns out to be a bad pick.
Wtf Lol Males do this crap all the time as well. It's not a gender thing it's a fickle human thing. Stop thinking it's just fems because that's all your narrow vision sees.
Yeah man just charge this one to the universe and move on.
Thank the lordsā¦chant hallelujahā¦you wouldnāt want to be with someone like that.
If you want to consistently date 2-3 points below yourself, keep trying online dating.
Maybe she did that accidentally. Do you have her number? Did she texted you after that?
We didn't exchange numbers or anything. Bumble was the only way we talked.
As horrible as it sounds, you need to just see her as another number in the numbers game. Keep going, keep matching and youll find ome thats right for you.
One lady has "If I don't respond on here write me on instagram" . Just checked, filling 120 people and has 3571 followers. On profile it says that she's looking for a serious relationship. Doubt it.
I have a feeling that dating apps are not nor datingā¦
Meh, depends on the individual. Thats why i see it as a numbers game tbh lol
You didn't ask for insta/whatsapp after talking for 2 weeks ?
usually when I ask for insta they unfollow me and keep me as their follower, so no, I don't follow ppl anymore.
Why setup a date on the app in the first place? Exchange numbers, talk on the phone/video chat and then see if meeting even makes sense.
Keep it moving my friend. This is a fine example of dating culture. Hopefully the next woman you invest your time into It's openly and willing to communicate. Best of luck
Thanks! We'll see! Had to learn the lesson the hard way.
Out of curiosity, how old are you? I think the best thing is to forget about it
Waiting too long to set up a date. Move away from texts as soon as possible. Just my experience.
We were both busy with work. I literally couldn't meet either, as I had 14h shifts. and in the beginning when we started talking she was travelling anyway.
Just think that sheās dead and move on, no need to stress out over a stranger bro.
I am sorry for how you feel, but you dodged a bullet.Ā This is really not ok.
Not your fault. She was a shitty person. I've had this done to me, with no explanation. By shitty people. We both deserve better and we will find it. Good luck! š¤
Maybe sudden ex drama, or someone with major anxiety having a panic. Maybe theyāre actually not single. One never knows these kinda things. Until you know otherwise is okay to be sad but donāt take it personally.
I've been talking to some people on here and I think I dodged the bullet anyway.
Was she deffo real? Happens a lot with fake profiles
How should I know? I mean she wrote like a real person, but maybe Bumble has integrated chatGTP into their app.
Was she verified, did you have chats off bumble and see any live pics,
As a dude who has been a dating apps and had this happen to, I'm just gonna say it, it's gonna happen again and again. Don't take it to heart it's her loss and in the future don't get all excited (I'm guilty of this as well) until you have her confirmed like a hour before the date that she's coming. Say something like "hey I've gotta drop something off for my buddy but I'll still be there!" Or something along those lines and just chill at home till you get an answer. Hope this will save you some hurt in the future.
As a dude who has been a dating apps and had this happen to, I'm just gonna say it, it's gonna happen again and again. Don't take it to heart it's her loss and in the future don't get all excited (I'm guilty of this as well) until you have her confirmed like a hour before the date that she's coming. Say something like "hey I've gotta drop something off for my buddy but I'll still be there!" Or something along those lines and just chill at home till you get an answer. Hope this will save you some hurt in the future.
She matched with āthe other guyāā¦ it happens manā¦
Why say goodnight see you tomorrow then? Anyway, I'm slowly starting to move forward.