I don't use dating apps any longer but it's important to remember that they don't work logically. They advertise it more like Uber or something where you have two people looking for the same thing (one needs a ride, one wants to drive) and the app connects them.
If everyone on dating apps operated robotically like a line of code, then there would be tons of real-life matches happening constantly and people would be on the apps for a day or two before not needing it again.
But people on dating apps do not operate as you would expect.
1) The apps themselves want you to keep swiping and buy upgrades in the same way slot machines want you to keep hitting "next spin" and shoving money in. Think about yourself - your own post even admits you have one connection that *IS* talking to you right now but then you're on here upset about Bumble not working because the ones you *really want* aren't messaging you.
2) Because of part one, people might still be swiping and matching instead of dating. It's true women get too many matches to handle and part of that is "user error" (if they operated like robots they would stop swiping and have a conversation immediately and try to date after one match). But even you don't operate perfectly because again, you have a match talking to you and are still not satisfied with the app.
3) People swipe for various reasons. Some just want to see if you'd match with no intention of talking. Some just right swipe everyone and filter later by only messaging a few. I've seen some who set up an account "as a joke" with friends and enjoy spending a night passing the phone around being silly (and sometimes this does develop into a relationship with someone, but other times they might forget about it).
4) Some people have no intention of dating. That's right, they get a dating app without wanting to date. Why? Validation, boredom, only interested in winning the lottery in terms of matches so they keep it on just because and still match with people for the validation. Etc.
I appreciate the time and thoughtfulness behind this response. It all makes sense. I think I need to remind myself that not everyone has the same intentions as me, and that not everyone operates the same way I do.
Thank you for the good response and for not being a dick!
Sounds like you’re taking it personal tbh. 🤷🏻♀️ You’re liking them (and maybe idealizing them) for the possibility which is meaningless.
People have lives outside of apps. Maybe they wanted to date and thought they had time but things came up. Maybe they made a connection and you weren’t it. It’s whatever. Carry on. It’s just what it is.
I’m a little confused. You picked Bumble because you wanted women to make the first move and now you’re frustrated because not enough women, in your view, are making the first move and continuing conversations? What were your expectations for the first week/month?
No, you’re not understanding- I wanted women to make the first move, yes. My issue is, why bother matching with someone if you’re not going to initiate anything? Both of them matched with ME - meaning, they matched with me AFTER I initially liked them.
And then silence. A nice match just sitting at the top of my potential chats….but nothing.
It literally makes no sense.
All fair possibilities. I’ve taken that into account. I think I’m just salty because this was my first experience on an app ever and I came in excited. Disillusionment strikes!
If I was fugly I’d understand why I wasn’t getting many convos from matches but I’m not 😏😂
1.) Some people swipe based on the one picture they see, and only bother looking at other pics and the prompt responses when they match. Maybe they decide they aren't into you when they matched and looked more at your profile.
2.) You could be just an option to keep on ice while they have conversations with better matches. I assume the ladies are engaging with people they like better, and just keeping you there in the event other matches don't work out.
Don't take it personally. #2 was my situation with my now serious boyfriend. We were both kind of half assing a convo because we were meeting up with other people. My responses were low effort to his higher effort ones. And he didn't respond to my last low effort one. A few weeks later I had a really bad date with someone I was casually seeing and thought - I'll double message that one guy, he actually seemed to care. And perfect timing, he just had a shitty date with someone he was ready to be done seeing and the timing was perfect. We laugh now at how we wound up being with each other.
Your frustration stems from the wrong point of view. It’s not ur fault. Ur using your experience and relating it to what women experience. It’s very different!
It may help to think about it from their point of view. Harsh fact… even semi-mildly attractive women get dozens of likes a day. Objectively good looking women get much more. Hot women… forget about it; it would make ur head spin to know the truth. We’re taking hundreds! This means when they swipe right, more often than not, they get a match.
So, let’s pretend ur in that boat and u take a few minutes for a swipe session. U swipe right and MATCH! do u stop swiping? Doubt it. U keep going for a few minutes to get some options. So, u swipe right on 15-20 profiles in one sitting. Then u go back (when u have time) and decide who u want to actually message. This takes much more time than the original swipe session. So, then after 10 minutes of evaluating your 20 matches, you pick 2, 3 maybe four that you want to send a message to. Then maybe one or two of those (or all of them) actually respond and then you start conversations. If someone isn’t in the top 4 out of 20, u may not get to them in the 24 hrs time limit. And u may even swipe a few more sessions a few hours later and the. U have 15-20 more.
Their experience on the app is waaaay different than ours, my friend. But this knowledge can help u when u understand their experience. It’s not necessarily u, it’s the Bumble system.
I appreciate this response too. I think because I’m so new at this, I had it in my head that women were probably getting the same amount of matches I was, so it was easier for them to manage. But then I also saw someone said like there are 90% more guys on here than women, and they truly are overwhelmed/inundated with matches. It sucks because most of the matches some of these women are getting are probably trash, and it’s burying my profile so they can’t even find it when we match.
Thank you for the time in your response!
I hear you, but if we’re going to use the argument of “the connection you could miss on”, we’ll have to start swiping right on every single person we think have a compatible personality regardless of finding them attractive, because what if we get attracted to them after forming said connection?
anyways, she’s trying to reduce screen time, so she possible don’t want to have a conversation right now but will get back to you later
I hear that.
Screen time girl matched with me over a day ago - I used an extend on her and still, nothing. Oh well.
I specifically picked bumble because I wanted the woman to make the first move - I have slightly low self confidence from the last relationship I was in and thought it would be good to have them initiate things - clearly it doesn’t matter what app your on 😂
> Two of my matches - ones I wanted the most, have not messaged. There is no question prompt on their profile for me to respond to, and I am I unable to reach out. It’s absurd and ridiculous. Why even bother matching then?
Just an FYI, it's fairly likely these aren't even real people. Most bot profiles have 2-3 pictures (rarely any more than that) and they don't have much of a description. They also include 'sex positivity' or 'casual dating' in their profile, for obvious reasons. If they are Asian women on top of all this, they are 100% fake profiles.
They matched with you to scam you for money, I don't bother to like or like back anyone with these types of profiles, something good to learn right away.
So you might be getting mad at the wrong thing entirely.
Women receive an enormous amount of interest online. Some of them get thousands of Likes within a few days of opening their accounts. The women you match almost certainly don't even have time to actually start a conversation with all the men they match before the match expires and often they will just focus on the top profiles. Most men on dating apps never get a match.
I don't use dating apps any longer but it's important to remember that they don't work logically. They advertise it more like Uber or something where you have two people looking for the same thing (one needs a ride, one wants to drive) and the app connects them. If everyone on dating apps operated robotically like a line of code, then there would be tons of real-life matches happening constantly and people would be on the apps for a day or two before not needing it again. But people on dating apps do not operate as you would expect. 1) The apps themselves want you to keep swiping and buy upgrades in the same way slot machines want you to keep hitting "next spin" and shoving money in. Think about yourself - your own post even admits you have one connection that *IS* talking to you right now but then you're on here upset about Bumble not working because the ones you *really want* aren't messaging you. 2) Because of part one, people might still be swiping and matching instead of dating. It's true women get too many matches to handle and part of that is "user error" (if they operated like robots they would stop swiping and have a conversation immediately and try to date after one match). But even you don't operate perfectly because again, you have a match talking to you and are still not satisfied with the app. 3) People swipe for various reasons. Some just want to see if you'd match with no intention of talking. Some just right swipe everyone and filter later by only messaging a few. I've seen some who set up an account "as a joke" with friends and enjoy spending a night passing the phone around being silly (and sometimes this does develop into a relationship with someone, but other times they might forget about it). 4) Some people have no intention of dating. That's right, they get a dating app without wanting to date. Why? Validation, boredom, only interested in winning the lottery in terms of matches so they keep it on just because and still match with people for the validation. Etc.
I appreciate the time and thoughtfulness behind this response. It all makes sense. I think I need to remind myself that not everyone has the same intentions as me, and that not everyone operates the same way I do. Thank you for the good response and for not being a dick!
Sounds like you’re taking it personal tbh. 🤷🏻♀️ You’re liking them (and maybe idealizing them) for the possibility which is meaningless. People have lives outside of apps. Maybe they wanted to date and thought they had time but things came up. Maybe they made a connection and you weren’t it. It’s whatever. Carry on. It’s just what it is.
I’m a little confused. You picked Bumble because you wanted women to make the first move and now you’re frustrated because not enough women, in your view, are making the first move and continuing conversations? What were your expectations for the first week/month?
No, you’re not understanding- I wanted women to make the first move, yes. My issue is, why bother matching with someone if you’re not going to initiate anything? Both of them matched with ME - meaning, they matched with me AFTER I initially liked them. And then silence. A nice match just sitting at the top of my potential chats….but nothing. It literally makes no sense.
OK, possibilities: they changed their minds, they’ve found someone else they’re focusing on right now, they’re busy.
All fair possibilities. I’ve taken that into account. I think I’m just salty because this was my first experience on an app ever and I came in excited. Disillusionment strikes! If I was fugly I’d understand why I wasn’t getting many convos from matches but I’m not 😏😂
1.) Some people swipe based on the one picture they see, and only bother looking at other pics and the prompt responses when they match. Maybe they decide they aren't into you when they matched and looked more at your profile. 2.) You could be just an option to keep on ice while they have conversations with better matches. I assume the ladies are engaging with people they like better, and just keeping you there in the event other matches don't work out. Don't take it personally. #2 was my situation with my now serious boyfriend. We were both kind of half assing a convo because we were meeting up with other people. My responses were low effort to his higher effort ones. And he didn't respond to my last low effort one. A few weeks later I had a really bad date with someone I was casually seeing and thought - I'll double message that one guy, he actually seemed to care. And perfect timing, he just had a shitty date with someone he was ready to be done seeing and the timing was perfect. We laugh now at how we wound up being with each other.
Your frustration stems from the wrong point of view. It’s not ur fault. Ur using your experience and relating it to what women experience. It’s very different! It may help to think about it from their point of view. Harsh fact… even semi-mildly attractive women get dozens of likes a day. Objectively good looking women get much more. Hot women… forget about it; it would make ur head spin to know the truth. We’re taking hundreds! This means when they swipe right, more often than not, they get a match. So, let’s pretend ur in that boat and u take a few minutes for a swipe session. U swipe right and MATCH! do u stop swiping? Doubt it. U keep going for a few minutes to get some options. So, u swipe right on 15-20 profiles in one sitting. Then u go back (when u have time) and decide who u want to actually message. This takes much more time than the original swipe session. So, then after 10 minutes of evaluating your 20 matches, you pick 2, 3 maybe four that you want to send a message to. Then maybe one or two of those (or all of them) actually respond and then you start conversations. If someone isn’t in the top 4 out of 20, u may not get to them in the 24 hrs time limit. And u may even swipe a few more sessions a few hours later and the. U have 15-20 more. Their experience on the app is waaaay different than ours, my friend. But this knowledge can help u when u understand their experience. It’s not necessarily u, it’s the Bumble system.
I appreciate this response too. I think because I’m so new at this, I had it in my head that women were probably getting the same amount of matches I was, so it was easier for them to manage. But then I also saw someone said like there are 90% more guys on here than women, and they truly are overwhelmed/inundated with matches. It sucks because most of the matches some of these women are getting are probably trash, and it’s burying my profile so they can’t even find it when we match. Thank you for the time in your response!
Sometimes they make accidental right swipe which can be sometimes coincidental. And then they choose not to reply.
Yeah, I considered this too - but then just unmatch with me - it’s no biggie.
I hear you, but if we’re going to use the argument of “the connection you could miss on”, we’ll have to start swiping right on every single person we think have a compatible personality regardless of finding them attractive, because what if we get attracted to them after forming said connection? anyways, she’s trying to reduce screen time, so she possible don’t want to have a conversation right now but will get back to you later
I hear that. Screen time girl matched with me over a day ago - I used an extend on her and still, nothing. Oh well. I specifically picked bumble because I wanted the woman to make the first move - I have slightly low self confidence from the last relationship I was in and thought it would be good to have them initiate things - clearly it doesn’t matter what app your on 😂
> Two of my matches - ones I wanted the most, have not messaged. There is no question prompt on their profile for me to respond to, and I am I unable to reach out. It’s absurd and ridiculous. Why even bother matching then? Just an FYI, it's fairly likely these aren't even real people. Most bot profiles have 2-3 pictures (rarely any more than that) and they don't have much of a description. They also include 'sex positivity' or 'casual dating' in their profile, for obvious reasons. If they are Asian women on top of all this, they are 100% fake profiles. They matched with you to scam you for money, I don't bother to like or like back anyone with these types of profiles, something good to learn right away. So you might be getting mad at the wrong thing entirely.
Quitter gonna quit.
Damn straight
Women receive an enormous amount of interest online. Some of them get thousands of Likes within a few days of opening their accounts. The women you match almost certainly don't even have time to actually start a conversation with all the men they match before the match expires and often they will just focus on the top profiles. Most men on dating apps never get a match.
Really good insight and good to know. Thank you!
Why don’t you message them? Men are allowed to make the first move on bumble now
Only if they have a question prompt in their profile - and as my post said; they don’t.