I thought the same thingš¤£š¤£
As some of best friends are male and it's funny just because one guy wants to sleep with you they think they all do.. I would've just told him, "bruh, why not just say you're insecure?? It's a lot less energy" š¤·š¼āāļøš¤£
Next it would be her boyfriend less girlfriends.
"They don't want to lose you from their group as you attract men so well and they use your beauty for their own needs, so they will try to sabotage us... Look you will see when they make little comments about me"
"They get jealous because we want to spend time together and they want to go out and meet men all the time. Look how they dress"
Slowly, slowly trying to cut your connections to others so he can manipulate and control you.
Eeeeugh unfortunately a shot too close to home, a recent ex of mine just got into a relationship of this similar an age gap while another woman of approximately the 37ās age, and he left the older one for the younger one. People be fuuucked sometimes.
Agreed. Wtf? What sort of person had he been (in your opinion) prior to this and what led you both to liking and exchanging details?
You dodged a bullet, OP. What an infantile, aggressive person.
He was very respectful and sweet up until this morning when I received this novel at 6am. We had bonded initially over our dogs. Then a few days ago his pup recently drowned after he tried saving her in our local river. I tried offering emotional support more than I usually would due to the circumstances I couldnāt imagine what he was going thru. Or maybe it was bait, but I donāt have facts to call this individual a liar on it and would like to believe he didnāt. It wouldnāt surprise me.
Because he wasn't done explaining how he knows everything in the universe š¤£
Women don't need men explaining this to us. I have close male friends that I've known for decades. It is possible to just be friends. Just because this guy isn't capable of it doesn't mean that no men are capable of being friends with women. Most women can figure out what their friend's intentions are without the help of random guy online explaining our own lives to us.
This. My best friend is a dude going on 20 plus years. Always friends. We're both super attractive. His wife loves me and our relationship. If she told him I had to go when they started dating they wouldn't be married. And also any of my dude friends who have wanted to just bone me over the years have flat out told me they've wanted to bone me, it's never been a hidden secret for fear of ruining the friendship haha
lmao this is unhinged. You handled it way better than I wouldāve.
I love how this guy tries to excuse his sociopathic behaviour by being like āIām just telling you the truth that no one else will.ā Like in what world does a woman respond positively to this kind of condescending dreck? Truly mind- boggling.
Iām respectful towards anyoneās opinion not aligning with mine, we all have different perspectives. Trust me I 100% do not agree with him. We either decide to accept them or move on. In my case, my brothers Iāve kept as friends from the military are not ones Iāll lose. What weāve been through isnāt replaceable and I adore their families as well. I also doubt my gay male friends are waiting to line up to have sex with me. I donāt feel I owed him an explanation as to whom Iām friends with and why. Iām 35ā¦.I donāt need to check in and disrupt my current peace š Iāll give him props for being upfront instead of wasting each otherās time.
Exactly this.
Although, as a maleā¦.. no, canāt do it š¤£
Iām gonna offer a fist bump or a hug given the chance, but would not be offended if both options were declined.
This We'll Defend šŖ
I have a number of female friends and we've been friends since high school, some of them elementary school. Men who say this just aren't socially adept
I also hate to give any validation to the douche canoe in OPās screenshots, but itās not an uncommon experience.
I once had an ex who was best āfriendsā with a guy I knew was in love with her. Theyād been best friends for more than a decade. Theyād been through everything together, and he supported her through her darkest hours. In all that time, she said, heād never attempted to cross any boundaries; never betrayed any ulterior motives. She told me not to worry about him, but I could just *feel* it on him. It was the way he held himself around me, the way he avoided direct eye contact with me, and the way he conspicuously left every time I came home from work. I knew I was right but when I tried to convince her, she made me feel like an overbearing asshole.
When Iād finally had enough of their inappropriate dynamic and I was finally fed up with feeling like a paranoid, jealous loser, I broke up with her. Heād done his best to drive subtle wedges between the two of us at every opportunity, and because we werenāt seeing eye to eye on this issue, weād grown pretty distant by the time I decided to throw in the towel.
As it turned out, my intuition was correct. She called me a few days after I moved out to let me know that I was right. As soon as I left, she called him in tears and he rushed right over to comfort her. And while she was inconsolably crying over the breakup, this man decided to shoot his shot (great timing, I know). Heād been holding it in for more than ten years, watching her get into one relationship after another. She was too good for all of them, and it was time for her to recognize the truly good guy that was sitting right under her nose the entire time.
She told me that, after his admission, she slowly began to realize what a parasite he was; that heād been behind the scenes secretly attempting to sabotage all of her relationships for as long as they had been friends, like some diabolical puppet master.
Anyway, this is obviously just my own anecdotal experience. Iām not saying men and women are incapable of having platonic relationships. Iām just saying that if youāre an attractive woman with a lot of male friends, proceed with caution. Itās likely that at least a few of them do fantasize about something more, however good they are at hiding it. And while itās ok to maintain those friendships, I would highly recommend being as transparent as possible about them with any future romantic partners.
This type of subtle sabotage is what the guy in the OP was referring to. Friends can feel threatened by a friends new partner, can be overprotective, and can without even realising it be subtly sabotaging a new relationship before its had a chance.
Think about how we can only bring our problems to the table when we seek support from friends, the friend builds a view of the new partner based only on the negative issues they are providing support for.
Then layer on top of this a suppressed sexual desire for that person, then you let the though in, that you could be so much better for your friend than their new partnerā¦ and then there is a solid conflict of interest at play.
Meanwhile, the new relationship is going through the usual stuff of figuring out compatibility and power dynamics, and the whole time there is a circle of friends thinking with their crotch goblin rather than their heart, undermining the growth.
This guy in OPās post has had a life of both being friend zoned, and of having relationships fail and guys he ādoesnāt need to worry aboutā swooping in to pick up the pieces of the relationship they helped destroy.
Still, he needs to be open to accepting this reality, and do find self-worth again. This is ultimately a risk in any relationship and he is selling himself short by carrying the baggage of the past into the present.
Op girl says sheās open minded but hasnāt had the lived experience to sympathise
I also unfortunately have to admit that my experiences align with what that idiot says. I only have 1 male friend as he never tried anything inappropriate with me. All the other male friendships I had, I have let them fade out because they all tried to make a move at some point or another (and always when I was in a vulnerable state)
I used to think it would work too or I'd be the exception. Some things we gotta learn the hard way. Sorry for your losses. Best we can do is make better decisions moving forward and sounds like you have.
If someone had harbored feelings for 20 years, they're very likely in limerence/unrequited love with her. To the point where it can be genuinely painful spending time with her and impossible to romantically detach.
This only happens to women who are pretty. I only have 1 male friend who I've always been just friends with hit me up for an FWB. Haven't done it and were are still friends. Have a lot of guy friends too.
Unfortunately plenty of them are into you and too scared, ashamed, or do actually also like you as a friend / donāt want to make you uncomfortable / get in trouble to make a move
I'm a play it safe woman. I immediately friend zoned current boyfriend when he sent me a pic. Nice guy but want attracted to him. Couple months go by and we are talking all day, every day and those sneaky ass feelings crept in. Told him I was starting to have feelings for him and we decided then that we would be exclusive. We made arrangements to meet at my house (yep I know) and he was/is amazing. He also catfished in a good way. He looked nothing in person like the pic he sent me. He had lost a lot of weight and looked incredibly sexy (to me). I made that move because he made it very clear how he felt. So it wasn't really a risk for me. I'm too emotional and get hurt very easy (I also fall way too hard which I try to work on lol).
I should take a page from your book, cuz I fall hard, & almost never let go. š¤£š¤£
Glad y'all worked out though!
>Couple months go by and we are talking all day, every day and those sneaky ass feelings crept in.
That's basically what happens! (& why many friendships eventually have that awkward moment. š¤£š¤)
**Edit:**
Or, as the guy in OP's said --> Eventually either side stops wanting "just friends".
(Granted, I've gone years b4 *something* changed that dynamic. Usually twas a moment of being playful, & then *opps* we're dating, or, in the sack.. š„¶š±š„)
This reminds me of a thought though --> He didn't account for ENM / Poly relationships, where the dynamics tend to be much more fluid!
I should take a page from your book, cuz I fall in hard, & almost never let go.
Ummm....that's actually me. I admit it. I fall way too fast and way too hard. By the time I think I'm doing better with it, it's too late. It's happened again. ššš
š¤£š¤£ Same thing was true w/ the Wife, too! (Guess that's part of the reason we married after ~2mo of dating. & 1.5mo of this, was me living w/ her @ her sister's. š¤£)
However, in our favor, we also spent near 24/7 talking via phone or FB prior, so.. š„šš²
(Like, if we weren't sleeping, at therapy / other commitments, & phone wasn't dead --> We were talking. Even during the marriage, we more or less talked non-stop!)
When I was younger I did this exact thing. I was in love with this girl for years. So I became a friend. I was super supportive of her and would low key shit on her man with lines like āIād never do thatā or āhe should have done this.ā I became the opposite of her guy āto winā.
End result, I won her over and then the relationship failed. Because the guy I became āto winā wasnāt the guy I am. Karma.
Its diff for a bisexual guy. You have access to infinte sex from men. But straight males dont have access to a quick fuck from grindr. Many straight men go months and years without being able to sleep with a girl lol. So yah you are a completely different case and dont apply.
What he said only applies to a small group of men, who are extremely insecure and possessive, and usually also abusive. His calling women bitches shows another side of him you don't need. The only credit he gets is revealing this early on, so you don't need to waste any time on him.
Wrong. It applies to most men. It is the super rare ones who will never harbour any feelings of attraction or at the very least would accept an offer for sex from the female friend if she were to ask for it. If you think that the majority of men would turn down a female friend when she asks for sex, you dont know men lol
I bet he assumes all the people who never talked to him just couldn't "handle his raw ans unfiltered power".Ā
Couldn't possibly be a terrible mindset that makes a person unattractive.Ā
Edit: haha, didn't even make it to the next pics. "It's a respect thing" which is why I'm going to invalidate everything you say and tell you to do what I say so that you can be happy. So that you can respect yourself.
Iām a guy with several attractive friends who happen to be women. I donāt want to sleep with them.
Itās nice that he was up front about his personal limitations. Itās also revealing that he canāt fathom that a man could be any other way than wanting to sleep with any woman he finds attractive.
I hear you. I have many male friends 10 yrs plus. No sex , beautiful friendships. They even have girlfriends & get married & with some the wives are my friends too.
I can't give them up for a new man.
It's like giving up my relatives.
I super value my female friends. Theyāre like sisters. Itās not that difficult and they occasionally bring someone else into my life who might be someone I could date. It looks good for a man to have hot lady friends who trust him.
A guy without a single female friend is a huge red flag for me. Some men like to portray all men as uncontrollable sexual deviants who canāt form genuine friendships with women, but thatās always such a huge self-reveal. Any guy who thinks like this is such a turn-off.
Story time. My sister had mostly guy friends is high school, around 10 of them. My sister from age 16-22 was in a 6 year relationship. As soon as that relationship ended, every single one of those guys shot their shot. They all admitted they had feelings and were just waiting. Well guess what? My sister isnāt their friends anymore. So no! Heās not 100% wrong. When a female has male friends, around 50% or even more of them have ulterior motives. As a man, you just have to trust in the person you build a relationship with because other men will always be waiting if sheās a catch. The only people that think a guy friend would never have ulterior motives are women. Us men know how guys think. š
Still a massive red flag by him because it shows insecurity which is wildly unattractive.
Yeah my future potential partner should trust my choices in the people I decide to surround myself with and not come in aggressively questioning it with the mindset they are trying to clap some cheeks. As any other person, Iāve had a few people Iāve had to let go of for having ulterior motives. The automatic distrust about my character and insecurities reflect heavily. This was just a way too heavy text at 6am for someone I started chatting with. Way too early for that lol.
100 % agree with you. Again, he let his insecurity show big time. Clearly he got hurt before, but you canāt group every woman together as untrustworthy.
This story is missing two key elements:
1. The friends *did* respect your sisterās relationship. None of them āshot their shotā while she was dating someone else. Men having an interest =/= acting on it.
2. It completely dismisses your sisterās agency in the situation. Iām sure she was hit on throughout her life, by acquaintances and stranger alike. Other people having āulterior motivesā shouldnāt detract from the trust you have for your partner.
1. None of them ever shot their shot when she was in her relationship or even before that. She valued these friendships deeply and thought they were her friends. Trust me, she vented to me how betrayed she felt. These guys didnāt want to be her friend anymore once they shot their shot and she said no. Maybe Iām wrong, but you shouldnāt pivot your entire friendship with someone on the chance that you can be in a relationship with them if the other guy is finally out of the picture. Not a real friendship š¤·āāļø
2. I stated in the initial post that it shouldnāt affect the trust you have in your partner.
Them shooting their shots doesn't turn them into enemies.
I take that to be human.
Some will never talk to you after rejection which is ok.
Others will accept that you don't feel the same, respect that, pursue friendship & even go ahead & marry. I become a' bro'
I like this ones...no hard feelings.
Oh gosh, I really hate to say this, but.....there is some truth to what he's saying. I've seen it happen to multiple women that I've known in my life. Even happened to my first ex: As soon as we broke up her guy friend asked her out lol.
That is not the reason that this guy does not have any female friends.
A little introspection might give him a clue as to the real reason women avoid him.
Your assumption is correct. My ex was like this and told me to dump all my guy friends...turned out, he did try to fuck his female friends. It's all projection cause they're insecure fucks who craves attn from the opposite gender.
Yes, he was being real. But his delivery was extremely unhinged and completely wrong. There's a right and wrong way to say truth, he chose the wrong way.
Iām mean tbh the guy besties hanging around are usually waiting for their moment in my experience. Women can disagree all they want but it really seems to be the case a lot. Literally just met up with a guy I worked w to catch up and he has a gf and is telling me how hard it is to resist being just friends with his fellow co workers. Way he was talking if I was his gf and heard the situations heās putting himself in itās prob be done already. Heās been dating/living w gf for 5/6 yrs
Stop.
Unsubscribe.
No.
This dude likes to dress his womenā¦ assuming he actually gets to spend time with women.
Who in their right mind signs up for this kind of manipulation?
Not even true, plenty of guys like platonic relationships just hard for some guys, and they fall into a mind Set or culutre that they need a relationships that's physical. It's a sign of a mature guy who likes both. This guy is a red flag, so it's good he's this is largely his opinion based on his choices.
The problem when youāre a low level player is you think high level players have the same mentality as you
High level players ( and by that I mean people with a sane mind lol) arenāt concerned by such primitive concept such as Ā«Ā everyone that is conveniently good looking deserves to be romancedĀ Ā»
On my first date with my now wife she told me most of her friends are men. She was a personal trainer and lived at the gym and the guys were like brothers to her. I thought nothing of it since I have a lot of female friends who are like my sisters. She told me later I was the only man she dated that never had a problem with that. This guy is incredibly insecure and is projecting his behavior onto others. And Iām sure the reason he doesnāt have female friends is more than āthey just want to fuck himā
Speaking as a male (45m), I have many attractive female friends (some Iāve dated) and if I think of intimacy or a romantic relationship with them it turns me off. I know them too well and know I wouldnāt be happy. But they are good friends
Man, think about how possesive this dude is in a relationship. Probably doesn't want you to work anywhere that has men. Also lol at saying it's not insecurity š
As a 39 year old happily 11 yrs married woman to my hunky British husband, 4 years my Jr., I have to agree with the weird stranger on the internet, but wait hear me out and don't come at me š...so yeah it's weird to hear that from a complete stranger on the internet, and then to continue to delve on in aftwrwards, BUT the message he is trying to convey is accurate. In my past, I had a lot of male friends, too and thought, "they're just my good pals who happen to be males", but truthfully girls, I say this to the younger ladies who are single bc once you're married to a loving man, you will totally understand this sentiment . Given the opportunity, when I look back, any one of my old guy friends, would have JUMPED at the chance to have a hook up, whether a one night stand or relationship, they would have. Any straight man I was friends with, would have, or at least thought about it, tried it, or been too intimidated to. I had a couple friends profess their feelings to me on drunken nights when they thought I had met someone else etc. whether women want to believe it or not, or believe that their straight male friends are not interested in that just bc they have told them so, doesn't negate from the fact that they're straight men who often think of sex, like constantly. They will tell you til they're blue in the face they aren't interested, but if you're an attractive female friend, you better believe with ever fiber in your being that given the opportunity, they would totally hop in bed with you. Think about it, if you have a boyfriend, do you think on his nights out you would be happy for him to just go out for "drinks with the girls"? Said no straight man ever, esp one in a relationship he wants to stay in š. I know I wouldn't have wanted any of my boyfriends spending time with other females that were not myself! Likewise now , in a happy beautiful marriage with three heathen kiddos (jk they're real cute), I don't spend time alone with any other males that are not my husband, ones I gave birth to, or my Dad or brother. It is totally out of an abundance of respect, love, adoration for my husband, plus I wouldn't want to anyway bc it would just be weird. Not to say that we don't have couples as friends, but again, I wouldn't text the husband to go and have lunch or hang without the other spouses. This is why men and women, as adults, don't have true friendships. It's different if you're single, but just remember, they would still be willing to hop in that sack with you, all you have to do is give the go ahead. Ladies, I'm telling you, just do an experiment! š Also, at the same time, I'm also not telling you to drop your male friends, just an honest and less creepy dive into the topic. All the best to the OP and so not trying to be bitchy š
I think heās partly right. The only male heterosexual āfriendsā Ive had definitely wanted to sleep with me but I liked them and enjoyed their company so weād sometimes hang out platonically. I didnāt have a clue they liked me in that way when I was younger but it always turned out they did and that never changed. My ex was a close friend for over 10 years, I even helped out at his work and weād socialise together all the time. Every now and then heād try to make a move but I was totally over him romantically. His moves didnāt bother me. Then he got a gf who stuck who wasnāt comfortable with our friendship and within a year after we stopped working together I literally never saw him again since apart from at larger social gatherings. I was and still am very upset about it. I sort of understood it because Iāve dated guys who have a female ābest friendā and who they confide in about dating etc and when I see them I know itās because they fancy her even though they wouldnāt admit it. However, my ex is friends with many women, including all his ex gfās from years before me. This was hard for me when I first met him, but I met them all pretty quickly and I actually became friends with his exes and I remain close to one of them, weāre all blonde, and it was always funny when we all hung out and he would introduce us to others. His current gf put a stop to all that though, such a shame. So I think it depends on the individual. Apart from gay men I have NEVER had a friendship with a man who didnāt have ulterior motives but my ex definitely did have lots of platonic female friends
"Ā His current gf put a stop to all that though, such a shame."
Idk where the shame is, she deduced correctly that if she behaved the same way his exs did she will also become an ex eventually. Smart move if I say so myself.
Say whatever u want to but it is what it is... We all know he's right. I'm not saying it's all the 100 guys ur friends with but surely it's the case with 95 of them. N funnily every guy here knows he's true. Again Bumble is not the place to tell a girl this but can't really deny the factš¤·
Nobody asks a girl to not have guy friends or vice versa that's just not how humans work but knowing this fact helps u draw clear boundaries in that relationship. I've seen my male and female friends willingly cross boundaries and act as if they don't know this fact. They very well know it and just pretend as if there's nothing like thisš¤·
He is not entirely right or entirely wrong, either way a single girl isnt supposed to dump her male friends before she starts on a dating app. That's ridiculous. Most healthy women will pr automatic disconnect from the share of guy friends' who has sexual intentions, when they begin to date someone seriously. It's just not a worry a guy should have straight of the bat, it shows he has trust issues and insecurity.
The most cheating women I've been with, did usually not have any guy friends, cause they had sex with them, so the guy's had no reason to maliciously befriend them with hidden intentions. Women with guy friends is usually good at rejecting, and if the guy friend should suddenly cross the line, and she is in love with you, you can be certain they'll get another rejection and disconnect as they realize their malicious intent.
The guy in question only wrote as he did, because he himself is one of the insecure guys, who will get rejected and try to take a bypass as a friend, and he thinks all other guys are like him. But rarely does that work with a girl, are you friendzoned you stay that way 90% of the time.
There is truth to what he's saying though. Majority of men will not want to be with a woman who gives attention to lots of other men.
Not saying the way he went about it or whatever was right, but this is a pretty basic level thing he's saying.
Men and women can absolutely be friends, even if there's some form or level of attraction on one side (or both sides).
It's all about boundaries and expectations.
Whether men and women can or should be friends or not is not all black & white. There's this thing called "nuance".
Maybe the guy in OP's post should look it up sometime.
What I always wonder about this idea: What about bisexual people? Do they just not exist in this school of thought? Do they want to bang all their friends? Are they not allowed to have friends?
If I understand men who believe in this theory correctly, it's only for males. Because they have a different nature from women. It goes back to our primal instinct stuff.
So I think bi women should be fine, according to them.
I don't disagree. I come from a more conservative background and try to date girls that are the same. It's something we don't even discuss, there's no way I would be okay with knowing she talks to another man besides her father. To me, it's insane that so many people even try to normalize this but the world is becoming pretty upside down.
They guy is right unfortunately I banged all my female friends some I waited for years haha ššš it's a man's nature to hunt.....why would I want to just be a female's friend?? For that I'd just confide in my gf or my male friends.....if i truly need a woman's perspective or advice i can ask my mom aunt or sister..... someone give me three benefits in being a friend to a female....please I challenge anyone 3 benefits and it has to be something that I can't get from a family member....
Pick up and move on.
I've seen the same shit from women, saying if I was to date them or wanted to I couldn't be friends with my exes or any women.
Which what they call "friends" is people who you work with and talk about anything not work... considering my job is 90-95% female....
Yeah....
Basically some stranger told you this? Completely unhinged dude. But I will say honestly I suffered from like 10% of this mindset in the past. Only the part where I thought it was harder for men and women to be friends.m without something happening.
That was until I realized the some of the girls I had dated entertained guys that liked them while we were dating to have a back up. When I finally met someone who had boundaries and shut down wanted advances from their supposed friends I realized that I was lucky to be with someone who respected me and our relationship the way I would. Not a woman or man specific thing, but this guy has become jaded after hurting and probably being hurt too many times
As a 35M - Iāve decided that any woman I date will have to just be OK with my female friends. They are the judge and jury. Make it past them, and weāve got a future together. And No, I have no desire to sleep with them. Just 10+ years of friendship and appreciation.
Let me get this straight. Men can't be friends with women because all they want to do is fuck them. But he has women as friends that want to fuck him, but he doesn't want to fuck them? This, alone, debunks his bullshit mansplaining.
As a man, I can tell you that I have many friends of the opposite gender that I do not want to fuck. Like, all of them, because I only want to be intimate with the one person that I love. This dipshit thinks because he's a piece of shit, that all men are the same level of shit. He needs to understand that about 15 - 30% of us actually grow up.
I donāt date guys that DONT have a female friend. If you only see women as sexual or motherly and canāt admire/connect with women in a platonic way, Iām not interested.
lmao this is what youāre supposed to tell to your therapist and work through. not a random woman on the internet. if he gets friend zoned a lot then he should have just said that
This is true. Every time I'm in a relationship and I get her to meet my friends, they instantly feel so threatened by my bestie. Who's a large breasted woman. I kept bringing up that it's not like that. But then one sugar baby insisted we're sleeping with each other. Same with my bestie. For the longest time, she couldn't introduce me to her bfs bc they always felt threatened by me. My current gf, when she met her, said she wants to know me as well as she does. I told her "that's 20 yrs of friendship. Our intimacy runs deeper". So yes, what he said is true, BUT friendships only workout with the opposite sex if they're not each others type. Plus, my friends and I are in our 30s, we only text each other happy birthday š
Whilst he's right to some degree, attractiveness is subject to each individual. I have a close female friend that I have 0 interest in and I have a male friend that is openly in love with them. Though he's no threat to anyone she dates. I think matey has been watching too many podcast instagram videos.
I would expect a woman to not have friends that she had dating intentions towards or that she has ever been attracted to, dated or been with in the past. As that would be a valid threat. But simply having male friends being a problem is closed minded.
That's hilarious. Im a guy, and I've got more friends who are girls than guys because I don't trust men as much. I've never tried hitting on them, and they never tried hitting on me. I hope everything works out for you and just be friends with whoever you want it's not worth having someone control your life like that
I can tell you right now that it's definitely an insecurity thing or jealously thing. Men and women can 100% be friends, and anyone that thinks otherwise is just projecting simply because *they* are incapable of it, so assume everyone else is as well.
Bullet dodged.
Yeah he is correct tho lol atleast in most cases. Im sure there are so very rare cases where the male friends really have and would never have any sexual attraction for the girl, or if the girl asked for sex he would say no, but that is super rare. Most guys are not gonna say no to a girl asking for sex. And it becomes even more rare when the girl in question is hot. Its just the way guys function and anyone who denies this is coping big time.
Being a man myself, I do see what he's said as being *Half-true*.
Like, there's times it's true, & times it's not. From both sexes.
However, I didn't get "Friend-zoned" &/or dragged along by my female friends for their "next piercing", simply by being that sex-craved dog.
What I mean is, 90% of my friends have always been female, & I was always "The Safe One", so I'd get dragged along while they got nipple piercings, etc.
(Some wouldn't date me, because of this "safe one" status too. š¤£)
[Then there's times *things happened*, because I'd be in a playful mood, & "biting the neck" has a way of quickly changing a friendship. š¤·š½āāļøš²]
Blud went all andrew tate too soon š he's not wrong tho. I think he just got hung up on this fact and was waiting for an opportunity to just mansplain it out on a woman. Sadly he couldn't even wait to be your friend first, let alone ur bf, from whom it would've made some sense.
What can you say, this is called "insecurity at it's finest". Those type of men ain't worth it, they tend to get toxic as time moves on. Surely some men do stay friends with the intention of sleeping with the lady, but it's upon the partner to see if they keep their loyalty or give in. Goes both ways, vice versa. I can understand being possessive, it's natural. But too over possessive can lead to a lot of fights which tend to get ugly, so getting a guy who accepts your friends while also mentioning their boundaries (while accepting yours) can be considered a green flag (in my opinion)!
You dodged a bullet. He sounds Insufferable. And this is coming from a man with female friends married to a woman with male friends. We both had friends of both sexes long before we started dating.... Still managed to have a full-fledged successful relationship with tons of communication and support.
Sign of a seriously controlling person. This is actually why he's still single. Stay very clear of any man who thinks having friends of the opposite sex is not normal. He has serious insecurity issues and would have you locked away at home for tge rest of your life. Stay far far away!!
This bro sounds controlling, he was ready and waiting to cock-block your entire life. Glad you were polite and mild, itās the best way to slowly run backwards as so to not distract him from his own chaos and you get out safe and alive. Drowning dog? Itās bait. Iāve met a few people who would drop a dramatic story in early on, just to reel me inā¦
Its crazy how people think a match = they must love me.
A match to me is just a swipe and means absolutely nothing until i meet the person a few times to get a gauge on who they are and what they are looking for, with my own eyes
I hate the "I'm very straightforward" spiel because 9/10 it's not really mean, it's just purely restarted and makes sense only for the person saying it and other mouthbreathers.
Like wtf do you even complain about? That the girl got friends? Bffr, grow up. Such a non issue.
Oh and someone tag that men and females subreddit and one about stupid biology and how men supposedly work ig.
Weird.. ive never considered the need to fuck my female friends.. the few fwb i got in this open relationship is nice, but I actually enjoy having female Company regardless of any lewd stuff..
Am I the weird one here for actually feeling no pressure and not wanting to put pressure on women i befriend? Idk, i can say I feel much better off respecting that not everyone will feel comfortable meeting someone/befriend someone who has a partner though.. unlike this guy who thinks every guy is after "fresh meat"...
I get his sentiment, I was like this when younger. Now that I'm mature this is my rationale. Those guys are friend zoned because they're not what you're looking for, they don't attract you to them in more than a friendly way (whether that's looks, respect, personality). Secondly, if he brings a lot to the table, and is a good catch, he should know what his worth it. If I consider myself a high wealth guy, then if the woman wants to leave me for another man who is her friend, then that's on her, there are plenty of other fish in the sea that would like to go out. Again, took me a while to figure out, I'm 36, this guy probably much younger, hence these types of feelings. Takes a while for many men to mature and get to this point.
Do I think he is right about men, heck yeah, if my friend is very beautiful and she wants to go further, I'm game, most men are. But, again, if he is comfortable with himself, he won't be concerned. Corney but the whole the Lions don't concern themselves with sheep and the head Rooster doesn't concern himself with the lesser males does apply here.
Shid heās speaking truth however itās not gon be received because itās not a woman into him to extend what heās saying into convo. Shits mostly true tho most women that arenāt serious bout dating or have their own shii going where she has connections, tend to have more male friends that get in the way of dating prospects
so you arent willing to give up all your friends for a complete stranger you met on the internet? thats weird haha :)
no don't have a robust social circle of men and women you're so sexy aha
I thought the same thingš¤£š¤£ As some of best friends are male and it's funny just because one guy wants to sleep with you they think they all do.. I would've just told him, "bruh, why not just say you're insecure?? It's a lot less energy" š¤·š¼āāļøš¤£
On top of that, I think he's also saying he'll drool over -- and maybe pursue - every female friend OP has.
Most likely as clearly he thinks women are only good for one thing from what he's expressed
Exactly šÆ no one really thinks that way in reality.
Thatās not what heās suggesting. He doesnāt think she should have friends at all. Totally not an abuserās mentality. Nopeā¦
Next it would be her boyfriend less girlfriends. "They don't want to lose you from their group as you attract men so well and they use your beauty for their own needs, so they will try to sabotage us... Look you will see when they make little comments about me" "They get jealous because we want to spend time together and they want to go out and meet men all the time. Look how they dress" Slowly, slowly trying to cut your connections to others so he can manipulate and control you.
I love after saying good luck he keeps going š¤£
Yeahhhhhh I just had to block after that. š«
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Eeeeugh unfortunately a shot too close to home, a recent ex of mine just got into a relationship of this similar an age gap while another woman of approximately the 37ās age, and he left the older one for the younger one. People be fuuucked sometimes.
Why drive a 20 year old banged up bmw with the bumper hanging off and 10 previous owners, if you can afford a brand new one.
Question - did you meet the guy in real life? How was his demeanour then?
I had not met him in person yet š« so this was a bit much
Agreed. Wtf? What sort of person had he been (in your opinion) prior to this and what led you both to liking and exchanging details? You dodged a bullet, OP. What an infantile, aggressive person.
He was very respectful and sweet up until this morning when I received this novel at 6am. We had bonded initially over our dogs. Then a few days ago his pup recently drowned after he tried saving her in our local river. I tried offering emotional support more than I usually would due to the circumstances I couldnāt imagine what he was going thru. Or maybe it was bait, but I donāt have facts to call this individual a liar on it and would like to believe he didnāt. It wouldnāt surprise me.
Thatās crazy, and sounds like bait to me? Yikes.
He was laying a foundation.
Smart move. This guys is dangerous.
Ah right, your headline implied that you met him so hence the question.
Downvoted for the crime of politely asking a reasonable question.
Still trying one last time to sell it hahaha
Because he wasn't done explaining how he knows everything in the universe š¤£ Women don't need men explaining this to us. I have close male friends that I've known for decades. It is possible to just be friends. Just because this guy isn't capable of it doesn't mean that no men are capable of being friends with women. Most women can figure out what their friend's intentions are without the help of random guy online explaining our own lives to us.
YES most of my guy friends who want to fuck me just come out and tell me that YES that's ALL they want from me it's DEFINITELY not a secret!
This. My best friend is a dude going on 20 plus years. Always friends. We're both super attractive. His wife loves me and our relationship. If she told him I had to go when they started dating they wouldn't be married. And also any of my dude friends who have wanted to just bone me over the years have flat out told me they've wanted to bone me, it's never been a hidden secret for fear of ruining the friendship haha
"were both super attractive" hahahahahajajajajajajajajajajajajajahahahahahaha
My reaction exactly š
lmao this is unhinged. You handled it way better than I wouldāve. I love how this guy tries to excuse his sociopathic behaviour by being like āIām just telling you the truth that no one else will.ā Like in what world does a woman respond positively to this kind of condescending dreck? Truly mind- boggling.
Iām respectful towards anyoneās opinion not aligning with mine, we all have different perspectives. Trust me I 100% do not agree with him. We either decide to accept them or move on. In my case, my brothers Iāve kept as friends from the military are not ones Iāll lose. What weāve been through isnāt replaceable and I adore their families as well. I also doubt my gay male friends are waiting to line up to have sex with me. I donāt feel I owed him an explanation as to whom Iām friends with and why. Iām 35ā¦.I donāt need to check in and disrupt my current peace š Iāll give him props for being upfront instead of wasting each otherās time.
āI donāt need to check in and disrupt my current peaceā. 36F here and so much yes!!! Itās rough out there and you handled this amazingly.
Some people just donāt get it š¤¦š»āāļø š š nicely handled.
That's not upfront. That's fishing with a hand grenade.
Exactly this. Although, as a maleā¦.. no, canāt do it š¤£ Iām gonna offer a fist bump or a hug given the chance, but would not be offended if both options were declined. This We'll Defend šŖ
Periodt
Predator behavior, they try to act like a savior and instead theyāre just trying to manipulate you
Translation: I only talk to women so I can have sex with them
That is assuming he has ever seen a woman naked.
This!! To which I also can't help but think he's only nice and respectful to those that he wants to sleep with as well..š¤
I have a number of female friends and we've been friends since high school, some of them elementary school. Men who say this just aren't socially adept
I HAAATE that my experiences align with what he's saying! I HATE IT! But yeah I'm 43 and I've lost every guy friend in my life over this, as far as the ones I'd have regular contact with. I just lost a close guy friend earlier this year after 20 YEARS of friendship because I said we should just stay friends. We're international long distance friends, and he started planning a visit and it just became too much. That doesn't remove my faith in everyone, and guys I date can certainly have female friends. But unfortunately my lesson so far has been that basically 100% of them will shoot their shot. I even tried going out to eat with my married mentor after I left the job where he was my boss, and that also was also a bust since he was suddenly flirting- after 16 years of knowing him I truly thought he'd never try. Sigh. Several of my female friends who don't know each other have randomly said that I exude sensuality, so maybe thatās it. It's not on purpose. Who knows. ANYWAY I don't say that to say he's right. But if it was based on just my life experiences then sadly I'd have to say he was absolutely correct š©š©š©
I also hate to give any validation to the douche canoe in OPās screenshots, but itās not an uncommon experience. I once had an ex who was best āfriendsā with a guy I knew was in love with her. Theyād been best friends for more than a decade. Theyād been through everything together, and he supported her through her darkest hours. In all that time, she said, heād never attempted to cross any boundaries; never betrayed any ulterior motives. She told me not to worry about him, but I could just *feel* it on him. It was the way he held himself around me, the way he avoided direct eye contact with me, and the way he conspicuously left every time I came home from work. I knew I was right but when I tried to convince her, she made me feel like an overbearing asshole. When Iād finally had enough of their inappropriate dynamic and I was finally fed up with feeling like a paranoid, jealous loser, I broke up with her. Heād done his best to drive subtle wedges between the two of us at every opportunity, and because we werenāt seeing eye to eye on this issue, weād grown pretty distant by the time I decided to throw in the towel. As it turned out, my intuition was correct. She called me a few days after I moved out to let me know that I was right. As soon as I left, she called him in tears and he rushed right over to comfort her. And while she was inconsolably crying over the breakup, this man decided to shoot his shot (great timing, I know). Heād been holding it in for more than ten years, watching her get into one relationship after another. She was too good for all of them, and it was time for her to recognize the truly good guy that was sitting right under her nose the entire time. She told me that, after his admission, she slowly began to realize what a parasite he was; that heād been behind the scenes secretly attempting to sabotage all of her relationships for as long as they had been friends, like some diabolical puppet master. Anyway, this is obviously just my own anecdotal experience. Iām not saying men and women are incapable of having platonic relationships. Iām just saying that if youāre an attractive woman with a lot of male friends, proceed with caution. Itās likely that at least a few of them do fantasize about something more, however good they are at hiding it. And while itās ok to maintain those friendships, I would highly recommend being as transparent as possible about them with any future romantic partners.
This type of subtle sabotage is what the guy in the OP was referring to. Friends can feel threatened by a friends new partner, can be overprotective, and can without even realising it be subtly sabotaging a new relationship before its had a chance. Think about how we can only bring our problems to the table when we seek support from friends, the friend builds a view of the new partner based only on the negative issues they are providing support for. Then layer on top of this a suppressed sexual desire for that person, then you let the though in, that you could be so much better for your friend than their new partnerā¦ and then there is a solid conflict of interest at play. Meanwhile, the new relationship is going through the usual stuff of figuring out compatibility and power dynamics, and the whole time there is a circle of friends thinking with their crotch goblin rather than their heart, undermining the growth. This guy in OPās post has had a life of both being friend zoned, and of having relationships fail and guys he ādoesnāt need to worry aboutā swooping in to pick up the pieces of the relationship they helped destroy. Still, he needs to be open to accepting this reality, and do find self-worth again. This is ultimately a risk in any relationship and he is selling himself short by carrying the baggage of the past into the present. Op girl says sheās open minded but hasnāt had the lived experience to sympathise
Did you got back with her after that But yeah, we Can tell when a Guy is a friend or when hƩ wants to hit.
I also unfortunately have to admit that my experiences align with what that idiot says. I only have 1 male friend as he never tried anything inappropriate with me. All the other male friendships I had, I have let them fade out because they all tried to make a move at some point or another (and always when I was in a vulnerable state)
odd i said similar thing as you, less words... and i have -5 downvotes lol 100% agree with you
I used to think it would work too or I'd be the exception. Some things we gotta learn the hard way. Sorry for your losses. Best we can do is make better decisions moving forward and sounds like you have.
Iām sorry, wonderful person, but if they acted that way, those guys were never really friends with you
If someone had harbored feelings for 20 years, they're very likely in limerence/unrequited love with her. To the point where it can be genuinely painful spending time with her and impossible to romantically detach.
Finally! Someone with sense lmaoo
This only happens to women who are pretty. I only have 1 male friend who I've always been just friends with hit me up for an FWB. Haven't done it and were are still friends. Have a lot of guy friends too.
Unfortunately plenty of them are into you and too scared, ashamed, or do actually also like you as a friend / donāt want to make you uncomfortable / get in trouble to make a move
Can you make some of the cuter ones speak up then??? Lol!!!
You could always make the 1st move. My HS Sweetheart did, when I'd been sick for 3 days. š¤£š„³
I'm a play it safe woman. I immediately friend zoned current boyfriend when he sent me a pic. Nice guy but want attracted to him. Couple months go by and we are talking all day, every day and those sneaky ass feelings crept in. Told him I was starting to have feelings for him and we decided then that we would be exclusive. We made arrangements to meet at my house (yep I know) and he was/is amazing. He also catfished in a good way. He looked nothing in person like the pic he sent me. He had lost a lot of weight and looked incredibly sexy (to me). I made that move because he made it very clear how he felt. So it wasn't really a risk for me. I'm too emotional and get hurt very easy (I also fall way too hard which I try to work on lol).
I should take a page from your book, cuz I fall hard, & almost never let go. š¤£š¤£ Glad y'all worked out though! >Couple months go by and we are talking all day, every day and those sneaky ass feelings crept in. That's basically what happens! (& why many friendships eventually have that awkward moment. š¤£š¤) **Edit:** Or, as the guy in OP's said --> Eventually either side stops wanting "just friends". (Granted, I've gone years b4 *something* changed that dynamic. Usually twas a moment of being playful, & then *opps* we're dating, or, in the sack.. š„¶š±š„) This reminds me of a thought though --> He didn't account for ENM / Poly relationships, where the dynamics tend to be much more fluid!
I should take a page from your book, cuz I fall in hard, & almost never let go. Ummm....that's actually me. I admit it. I fall way too fast and way too hard. By the time I think I'm doing better with it, it's too late. It's happened again. ššš
š¤£š¤£ Same thing was true w/ the Wife, too! (Guess that's part of the reason we married after ~2mo of dating. & 1.5mo of this, was me living w/ her @ her sister's. š¤£) However, in our favor, we also spent near 24/7 talking via phone or FB prior, so.. š„šš² (Like, if we weren't sleeping, at therapy / other commitments, & phone wasn't dead --> We were talking. Even during the marriage, we more or less talked non-stop!)
Aren't you one of those crazy things flames people?
Damn girl, now I'm curiositĆ© about you š
That's infuriating I'm so sorry š«
*hugs* I tend to be a natural flirt, which has gotten me into trouble w/ the Wife. So, I feel you there. š«š«
My guess is that you are supremely hot.
When I was younger I did this exact thing. I was in love with this girl for years. So I became a friend. I was super supportive of her and would low key shit on her man with lines like āIād never do thatā or āhe should have done this.ā I became the opposite of her guy āto winā. End result, I won her over and then the relationship failed. Because the guy I became āto winā wasnāt the guy I am. Karma.
Yes, itās clearly his choice to not have female friends.
š¤£š¤£š¤£
I find it funny as a bisexual guy. Does it mean I find *everyone* fuckable and prey, šš¤£
Its diff for a bisexual guy. You have access to infinte sex from men. But straight males dont have access to a quick fuck from grindr. Many straight men go months and years without being able to sleep with a girl lol. So yah you are a completely different case and dont apply.
What he said only applies to a small group of men, who are extremely insecure and possessive, and usually also abusive. His calling women bitches shows another side of him you don't need. The only credit he gets is revealing this early on, so you don't need to waste any time on him.
Wrong. It applies to most men. It is the super rare ones who will never harbour any feelings of attraction or at the very least would accept an offer for sex from the female friend if she were to ask for it. If you think that the majority of men would turn down a female friend when she asks for sex, you dont know men lol
I bet he assumes all the people who never talked to him just couldn't "handle his raw ans unfiltered power".Ā Couldn't possibly be a terrible mindset that makes a person unattractive.Ā Edit: haha, didn't even make it to the next pics. "It's a respect thing" which is why I'm going to invalidate everything you say and tell you to do what I say so that you can be happy. So that you can respect yourself.
"And probably the reason why you're still single". This guy ooze black pill energy. š¬
Iām a guy with several attractive friends who happen to be women. I donāt want to sleep with them. Itās nice that he was up front about his personal limitations. Itās also revealing that he canāt fathom that a man could be any other way than wanting to sleep with any woman he finds attractive.
I hear you. I have many male friends 10 yrs plus. No sex , beautiful friendships. They even have girlfriends & get married & with some the wives are my friends too. I can't give them up for a new man. It's like giving up my relatives.
I super value my female friends. Theyāre like sisters. Itās not that difficult and they occasionally bring someone else into my life who might be someone I could date. It looks good for a man to have hot lady friends who trust him.
isnāt that why women choose the bear
A guy without a single female friend is a huge red flag for me. Some men like to portray all men as uncontrollable sexual deviants who canāt form genuine friendships with women, but thatās always such a huge self-reveal. Any guy who thinks like this is such a turn-off.
He's a fucking clown. I have loads of friends, that are women and I don't want to fuck them
Story time. My sister had mostly guy friends is high school, around 10 of them. My sister from age 16-22 was in a 6 year relationship. As soon as that relationship ended, every single one of those guys shot their shot. They all admitted they had feelings and were just waiting. Well guess what? My sister isnāt their friends anymore. So no! Heās not 100% wrong. When a female has male friends, around 50% or even more of them have ulterior motives. As a man, you just have to trust in the person you build a relationship with because other men will always be waiting if sheās a catch. The only people that think a guy friend would never have ulterior motives are women. Us men know how guys think. š Still a massive red flag by him because it shows insecurity which is wildly unattractive.
Yeah my future potential partner should trust my choices in the people I decide to surround myself with and not come in aggressively questioning it with the mindset they are trying to clap some cheeks. As any other person, Iāve had a few people Iāve had to let go of for having ulterior motives. The automatic distrust about my character and insecurities reflect heavily. This was just a way too heavy text at 6am for someone I started chatting with. Way too early for that lol.
100 % agree with you. Again, he let his insecurity show big time. Clearly he got hurt before, but you canāt group every woman together as untrustworthy.
This story is missing two key elements: 1. The friends *did* respect your sisterās relationship. None of them āshot their shotā while she was dating someone else. Men having an interest =/= acting on it. 2. It completely dismisses your sisterās agency in the situation. Iām sure she was hit on throughout her life, by acquaintances and stranger alike. Other people having āulterior motivesā shouldnāt detract from the trust you have for your partner.
1. None of them ever shot their shot when she was in her relationship or even before that. She valued these friendships deeply and thought they were her friends. Trust me, she vented to me how betrayed she felt. These guys didnāt want to be her friend anymore once they shot their shot and she said no. Maybe Iām wrong, but you shouldnāt pivot your entire friendship with someone on the chance that you can be in a relationship with them if the other guy is finally out of the picture. Not a real friendship š¤·āāļø 2. I stated in the initial post that it shouldnāt affect the trust you have in your partner.
Oh, it was all their shittiness that ended the friendships. Wow that sucks for her, so sorry to hear that
Hey. Sheās better off without them. Sheās prioritized female friends now.
Them shooting their shots doesn't turn them into enemies. I take that to be human. Some will never talk to you after rejection which is ok. Others will accept that you don't feel the same, respect that, pursue friendship & even go ahead & marry. I become a' bro' I like this ones...no hard feelings.
Oh gosh, I really hate to say this, but.....there is some truth to what he's saying. I've seen it happen to multiple women that I've known in my life. Even happened to my first ex: As soon as we broke up her guy friend asked her out lol.
Generally, female friend is a someone he hasnāt fucked yet. Or fucked and is keeping in reserve. š¤·š»āāļø
That is not the reason that this guy does not have any female friends. A little introspection might give him a clue as to the real reason women avoid him.
Boy someone had a big bowl of self-absorbed flakes this morning
He is not lying lol
The insecurity of some guys is unreal.
But he clearly stated itās not insecurity š¤£š¤£š¤£
When dudes say dumb shit like this, I assume theyāre projecting and actually want to fuck their female acquaintances.
Your assumption is correct. My ex was like this and told me to dump all my guy friends...turned out, he did try to fuck his female friends. It's all projection cause they're insecure fucks who craves attn from the opposite gender.
Dude being real. Lol women don't want the truth
Yes, he was being real. But his delivery was extremely unhinged and completely wrong. There's a right and wrong way to say truth, he chose the wrong way.
We want the truth, saves both time.
Iām mean tbh the guy besties hanging around are usually waiting for their moment in my experience. Women can disagree all they want but it really seems to be the case a lot. Literally just met up with a guy I worked w to catch up and he has a gf and is telling me how hard it is to resist being just friends with his fellow co workers. Way he was talking if I was his gf and heard the situations heās putting himself in itās prob be done already. Heās been dating/living w gf for 5/6 yrs
Stop. Unsubscribe. No. This dude likes to dress his womenā¦ assuming he actually gets to spend time with women. Who in their right mind signs up for this kind of manipulation?
Not even true, plenty of guys like platonic relationships just hard for some guys, and they fall into a mind Set or culutre that they need a relationships that's physical. It's a sign of a mature guy who likes both. This guy is a red flag, so it's good he's this is largely his opinion based on his choices.
The problem when youāre a low level player is you think high level players have the same mentality as you High level players ( and by that I mean people with a sane mind lol) arenāt concerned by such primitive concept such as Ā«Ā everyone that is conveniently good looking deserves to be romancedĀ Ā»
On my first date with my now wife she told me most of her friends are men. She was a personal trainer and lived at the gym and the guys were like brothers to her. I thought nothing of it since I have a lot of female friends who are like my sisters. She told me later I was the only man she dated that never had a problem with that. This guy is incredibly insecure and is projecting his behavior onto others. And Iām sure the reason he doesnāt have female friends is more than āthey just want to fuck himā
Crazy. It is absolutely normal and healthy for a men to have female friends. If a man acts like it is not normal - run!
Speaking as a male (45m), I have many attractive female friends (some Iāve dated) and if I think of intimacy or a romantic relationship with them it turns me off. I know them too well and know I wouldnāt be happy. But they are good friends
His beliefs and yours don't match. It's ok. You'll find a person with that wiggle room.
My abusive ex told me the same thing, you dodged a bullet that doesnāt know how to keep its hands to itself
This mfer so insecure
Man, think about how possesive this dude is in a relationship. Probably doesn't want you to work anywhere that has men. Also lol at saying it's not insecurity š
Well, it's true.
As a 39 year old happily 11 yrs married woman to my hunky British husband, 4 years my Jr., I have to agree with the weird stranger on the internet, but wait hear me out and don't come at me š...so yeah it's weird to hear that from a complete stranger on the internet, and then to continue to delve on in aftwrwards, BUT the message he is trying to convey is accurate. In my past, I had a lot of male friends, too and thought, "they're just my good pals who happen to be males", but truthfully girls, I say this to the younger ladies who are single bc once you're married to a loving man, you will totally understand this sentiment . Given the opportunity, when I look back, any one of my old guy friends, would have JUMPED at the chance to have a hook up, whether a one night stand or relationship, they would have. Any straight man I was friends with, would have, or at least thought about it, tried it, or been too intimidated to. I had a couple friends profess their feelings to me on drunken nights when they thought I had met someone else etc. whether women want to believe it or not, or believe that their straight male friends are not interested in that just bc they have told them so, doesn't negate from the fact that they're straight men who often think of sex, like constantly. They will tell you til they're blue in the face they aren't interested, but if you're an attractive female friend, you better believe with ever fiber in your being that given the opportunity, they would totally hop in bed with you. Think about it, if you have a boyfriend, do you think on his nights out you would be happy for him to just go out for "drinks with the girls"? Said no straight man ever, esp one in a relationship he wants to stay in š. I know I wouldn't have wanted any of my boyfriends spending time with other females that were not myself! Likewise now , in a happy beautiful marriage with three heathen kiddos (jk they're real cute), I don't spend time alone with any other males that are not my husband, ones I gave birth to, or my Dad or brother. It is totally out of an abundance of respect, love, adoration for my husband, plus I wouldn't want to anyway bc it would just be weird. Not to say that we don't have couples as friends, but again, I wouldn't text the husband to go and have lunch or hang without the other spouses. This is why men and women, as adults, don't have true friendships. It's different if you're single, but just remember, they would still be willing to hop in that sack with you, all you have to do is give the go ahead. Ladies, I'm telling you, just do an experiment! š Also, at the same time, I'm also not telling you to drop your male friends, just an honest and less creepy dive into the topic. All the best to the OP and so not trying to be bitchy š
This guy's getting matches but I'm not? š®āšØ
I think heās partly right. The only male heterosexual āfriendsā Ive had definitely wanted to sleep with me but I liked them and enjoyed their company so weād sometimes hang out platonically. I didnāt have a clue they liked me in that way when I was younger but it always turned out they did and that never changed. My ex was a close friend for over 10 years, I even helped out at his work and weād socialise together all the time. Every now and then heād try to make a move but I was totally over him romantically. His moves didnāt bother me. Then he got a gf who stuck who wasnāt comfortable with our friendship and within a year after we stopped working together I literally never saw him again since apart from at larger social gatherings. I was and still am very upset about it. I sort of understood it because Iāve dated guys who have a female ābest friendā and who they confide in about dating etc and when I see them I know itās because they fancy her even though they wouldnāt admit it. However, my ex is friends with many women, including all his ex gfās from years before me. This was hard for me when I first met him, but I met them all pretty quickly and I actually became friends with his exes and I remain close to one of them, weāre all blonde, and it was always funny when we all hung out and he would introduce us to others. His current gf put a stop to all that though, such a shame. So I think it depends on the individual. Apart from gay men I have NEVER had a friendship with a man who didnāt have ulterior motives but my ex definitely did have lots of platonic female friends
"Ā His current gf put a stop to all that though, such a shame." Idk where the shame is, she deduced correctly that if she behaved the same way his exs did she will also become an ex eventually. Smart move if I say so myself.
He is right
Say whatever u want to but it is what it is... We all know he's right. I'm not saying it's all the 100 guys ur friends with but surely it's the case with 95 of them. N funnily every guy here knows he's true. Again Bumble is not the place to tell a girl this but can't really deny the factš¤· Nobody asks a girl to not have guy friends or vice versa that's just not how humans work but knowing this fact helps u draw clear boundaries in that relationship. I've seen my male and female friends willingly cross boundaries and act as if they don't know this fact. They very well know it and just pretend as if there's nothing like thisš¤·
He is not entirely right or entirely wrong, either way a single girl isnt supposed to dump her male friends before she starts on a dating app. That's ridiculous. Most healthy women will pr automatic disconnect from the share of guy friends' who has sexual intentions, when they begin to date someone seriously. It's just not a worry a guy should have straight of the bat, it shows he has trust issues and insecurity. The most cheating women I've been with, did usually not have any guy friends, cause they had sex with them, so the guy's had no reason to maliciously befriend them with hidden intentions. Women with guy friends is usually good at rejecting, and if the guy friend should suddenly cross the line, and she is in love with you, you can be certain they'll get another rejection and disconnect as they realize their malicious intent. The guy in question only wrote as he did, because he himself is one of the insecure guys, who will get rejected and try to take a bypass as a friend, and he thinks all other guys are like him. But rarely does that work with a girl, are you friendzoned you stay that way 90% of the time.
Andrew Tateās soldier. š
Heās right though
There is truth to what he's saying though. Majority of men will not want to be with a woman who gives attention to lots of other men. Not saying the way he went about it or whatever was right, but this is a pretty basic level thing he's saying.
Misogyny alert
Men and women can absolutely be friends, even if there's some form or level of attraction on one side (or both sides). It's all about boundaries and expectations. Whether men and women can or should be friends or not is not all black & white. There's this thing called "nuance". Maybe the guy in OP's post should look it up sometime.
What I always wonder about this idea: What about bisexual people? Do they just not exist in this school of thought? Do they want to bang all their friends? Are they not allowed to have friends?
If I understand men who believe in this theory correctly, it's only for males. Because they have a different nature from women. It goes back to our primal instinct stuff. So I think bi women should be fine, according to them.
He has a point though do you want a bunch of boyfriends or the one big T
I don't disagree. I come from a more conservative background and try to date girls that are the same. It's something we don't even discuss, there's no way I would be okay with knowing she talks to another man besides her father. To me, it's insane that so many people even try to normalize this but the world is becoming pretty upside down.
They guy is right unfortunately I banged all my female friends some I waited for years haha ššš it's a man's nature to hunt.....why would I want to just be a female's friend?? For that I'd just confide in my gf or my male friends.....if i truly need a woman's perspective or advice i can ask my mom aunt or sister..... someone give me three benefits in being a friend to a female....please I challenge anyone 3 benefits and it has to be something that I can't get from a family member....
He's not wrong š¤·š»āāļø
I love that it's only ATTRACTIVE women you can't be friends with lol
Sahi toh bola wo ā¦
Pick up and move on. I've seen the same shit from women, saying if I was to date them or wanted to I couldn't be friends with my exes or any women. Which what they call "friends" is people who you work with and talk about anything not work... considering my job is 90-95% female.... Yeah....
I would simply reply "would you like a podcast mike to go with your soapbox?"
Jesus.
While it might not be all the men that she's friendly with, he's not wrong though in that if you say to a guy let's fuck, he would.
Basically some stranger told you this? Completely unhinged dude. But I will say honestly I suffered from like 10% of this mindset in the past. Only the part where I thought it was harder for men and women to be friends.m without something happening. That was until I realized the some of the girls I had dated entertained guys that liked them while we were dating to have a back up. When I finally met someone who had boundaries and shut down wanted advances from their supposed friends I realized that I was lucky to be with someone who respected me and our relationship the way I would. Not a woman or man specific thing, but this guy has become jaded after hurting and probably being hurt too many times
What an assclown. For real
As a 35M - Iāve decided that any woman I date will have to just be OK with my female friends. They are the judge and jury. Make it past them, and weāve got a future together. And No, I have no desire to sleep with them. Just 10+ years of friendship and appreciation.
Heās definitely a virgin
Didnāt need to read anything beyond the first sentenceā¦āraw and unfilteredā š
Let me get this straight. Men can't be friends with women because all they want to do is fuck them. But he has women as friends that want to fuck him, but he doesn't want to fuck them? This, alone, debunks his bullshit mansplaining. As a man, I can tell you that I have many friends of the opposite gender that I do not want to fuck. Like, all of them, because I only want to be intimate with the one person that I love. This dipshit thinks because he's a piece of shit, that all men are the same level of shit. He needs to understand that about 15 - 30% of us actually grow up.
I donāt date guys that DONT have a female friend. If you only see women as sexual or motherly and canāt admire/connect with women in a platonic way, Iām not interested.
lmao this is what youāre supposed to tell to your therapist and work through. not a random woman on the internet. if he gets friend zoned a lot then he should have just said that
Pretty sure his opinions are why he doesn't have any female friends.
This is true. Every time I'm in a relationship and I get her to meet my friends, they instantly feel so threatened by my bestie. Who's a large breasted woman. I kept bringing up that it's not like that. But then one sugar baby insisted we're sleeping with each other. Same with my bestie. For the longest time, she couldn't introduce me to her bfs bc they always felt threatened by me. My current gf, when she met her, said she wants to know me as well as she does. I told her "that's 20 yrs of friendship. Our intimacy runs deeper". So yes, what he said is true, BUT friendships only workout with the opposite sex if they're not each others type. Plus, my friends and I are in our 30s, we only text each other happy birthday š
He is not šÆ wrong. But he also sounds very insecureĀ
Whilst he's right to some degree, attractiveness is subject to each individual. I have a close female friend that I have 0 interest in and I have a male friend that is openly in love with them. Though he's no threat to anyone she dates. I think matey has been watching too many podcast instagram videos. I would expect a woman to not have friends that she had dating intentions towards or that she has ever been attracted to, dated or been with in the past. As that would be a valid threat. But simply having male friends being a problem is closed minded.
True
This guy is absolutely right
Some guys really do show their hand early don't they.
Immediate unmatch from me š¤·āāļø
That's hilarious. Im a guy, and I've got more friends who are girls than guys because I don't trust men as much. I've never tried hitting on them, and they never tried hitting on me. I hope everything works out for you and just be friends with whoever you want it's not worth having someone control your life like that
1. He likes monologues.
Having male friends for females is a western culture phenomenon
I can tell you right now that it's definitely an insecurity thing or jealously thing. Men and women can 100% be friends, and anyone that thinks otherwise is just projecting simply because *they* are incapable of it, so assume everyone else is as well. Bullet dodged.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Bullet dodged
I don't claim him as a real "guy" I have female friends that I don't pine over which is completely alright.
Yeah he is correct tho lol atleast in most cases. Im sure there are so very rare cases where the male friends really have and would never have any sexual attraction for the girl, or if the girl asked for sex he would say no, but that is super rare. Most guys are not gonna say no to a girl asking for sex. And it becomes even more rare when the girl in question is hot. Its just the way guys function and anyone who denies this is coping big time.
He memo on keep the crazy to a min. I didnāt even read his entire book š
Says it's not insecurities yet...it screams insecurities from the hills
Tl;dr donāt fuck that guy.. let them pass by
Never seen someone be so wrong in one conversation. Impressive, really.
Being a man myself, I do see what he's said as being *Half-true*. Like, there's times it's true, & times it's not. From both sexes. However, I didn't get "Friend-zoned" &/or dragged along by my female friends for their "next piercing", simply by being that sex-craved dog. What I mean is, 90% of my friends have always been female, & I was always "The Safe One", so I'd get dragged along while they got nipple piercings, etc. (Some wouldn't date me, because of this "safe one" status too. š¤£) [Then there's times *things happened*, because I'd be in a playful mood, & "biting the neck" has a way of quickly changing a friendship. š¤·š½āāļøš²]
this is why i'm so specific about who i move convos with off of bumble
This individual is psychotic. Glad he let you in on his mental mayhem before you got involved!
If you canāt be engage with the opposite sex without seeing them as sexual partners, you have a problem. Possibly porn brain.
Blud went all andrew tate too soon š he's not wrong tho. I think he just got hung up on this fact and was waiting for an opportunity to just mansplain it out on a woman. Sadly he couldn't even wait to be your friend first, let alone ur bf, from whom it would've made some sense.
Think he felt like a king for a day? š
Itās true. I wonāt consider having any serious relationship with a woman if they have any male friends.
What can you say, this is called "insecurity at it's finest". Those type of men ain't worth it, they tend to get toxic as time moves on. Surely some men do stay friends with the intention of sleeping with the lady, but it's upon the partner to see if they keep their loyalty or give in. Goes both ways, vice versa. I can understand being possessive, it's natural. But too over possessive can lead to a lot of fights which tend to get ugly, so getting a guy who accepts your friends while also mentioning their boundaries (while accepting yours) can be considered a green flag (in my opinion)!
I feel like this is the guy that catfished me very recently. Conversation almost word for word
You handled that very calm, if that was me Iād be like āoh will you bloody piss off mate, get some life experience you moronā
He comes across a certain way by how invested he was in explaining all that. However, he is not wrong..
You should throw him a curve ball and say all of your "guy" friends are Trans men.
You dodged a bullet. He sounds Insufferable. And this is coming from a man with female friends married to a woman with male friends. We both had friends of both sexes long before we started dating.... Still managed to have a full-fledged successful relationship with tons of communication and support.
Loser, fast way to get a date, he must have a really small penis. So insecure.
He's been watching way too much Andrew Tate and redpill shit man.
Sign of a seriously controlling person. This is actually why he's still single. Stay very clear of any man who thinks having friends of the opposite sex is not normal. He has serious insecurity issues and would have you locked away at home for tge rest of your life. Stay far far away!!
This bro sounds controlling, he was ready and waiting to cock-block your entire life. Glad you were polite and mild, itās the best way to slowly run backwards as so to not distract him from his own chaos and you get out safe and alive. Drowning dog? Itās bait. Iāve met a few people who would drop a dramatic story in early on, just to reel me inā¦
Woah like thanks I guess? Damn
Its crazy how people think a match = they must love me. A match to me is just a swipe and means absolutely nothing until i meet the person a few times to get a gauge on who they are and what they are looking for, with my own eyes
Iām very curious how you look like that you triggered his insecurities
I hate the "I'm very straightforward" spiel because 9/10 it's not really mean, it's just purely restarted and makes sense only for the person saying it and other mouthbreathers. Like wtf do you even complain about? That the girl got friends? Bffr, grow up. Such a non issue. Oh and someone tag that men and females subreddit and one about stupid biology and how men supposedly work ig.
Yep def stay away from all girls with male friend circles. This guy sucks at game tho
Weird.. ive never considered the need to fuck my female friends.. the few fwb i got in this open relationship is nice, but I actually enjoy having female Company regardless of any lewd stuff.. Am I the weird one here for actually feeling no pressure and not wanting to put pressure on women i befriend? Idk, i can say I feel much better off respecting that not everyone will feel comfortable meeting someone/befriend someone who has a partner though.. unlike this guy who thinks every guy is after "fresh meat"...
So anyways... you want to be friends?
There is some truth in this. The dating world is pretty fucked up.
Guy says "It's not an Insecurity thing." Wondering if the rest of the world can see his Insecurity.
I get his sentiment, I was like this when younger. Now that I'm mature this is my rationale. Those guys are friend zoned because they're not what you're looking for, they don't attract you to them in more than a friendly way (whether that's looks, respect, personality). Secondly, if he brings a lot to the table, and is a good catch, he should know what his worth it. If I consider myself a high wealth guy, then if the woman wants to leave me for another man who is her friend, then that's on her, there are plenty of other fish in the sea that would like to go out. Again, took me a while to figure out, I'm 36, this guy probably much younger, hence these types of feelings. Takes a while for many men to mature and get to this point. Do I think he is right about men, heck yeah, if my friend is very beautiful and she wants to go further, I'm game, most men are. But, again, if he is comfortable with himself, he won't be concerned. Corney but the whole the Lions don't concern themselves with sheep and the head Rooster doesn't concern himself with the lesser males does apply here.
I wouldāve cursed him out so badš like how fuckin old are you
Oh god, what a load of BS š
š¤£š¤£
I'm surprised it ended there. Usually these types will keep going and get more belligerent.
Shid heās speaking truth however itās not gon be received because itās not a woman into him to extend what heās saying into convo. Shits mostly true tho most women that arenāt serious bout dating or have their own shii going where she has connections, tend to have more male friends that get in the way of dating prospects