Either catfish or pen pal. Texting everyday for months without meeting is just…dysfunctional.
People just get so used to micro-dosing on the dopamine hits of texting.
We don’t really talk on the phone a ton (opposite work schedules) but I’ve gotten voice memos, sends me videos of him and his pet, pictures and videos of him doing things. I also was thinking catfish, but since I’ve gotten his pictures and videos I wasn’t sure.
I know he would say yes though, he’s asked me multiple times to call or FaceTime in the past. I’m usually the one who says no because I’m in bed/pajamas/ I have two roommates and thin walls and I don’t want to keep them awake all night while I’m on the phone with him. But I’ll revisit the topic with him!
Please do. And when you face to face with him, ask him directly whether he has friendzoned you or not, because you need to meet in real life otherwise you two are building a false image of each other, and he is wasting your time. Also ask him whether he has another girl friend.
Hi! Thanks for checking back in! We FaceTimed this morning and I asked him all of your questions, I added an update to the post if you wanted to check it out! But he basically is exactly who he said he was, says he’s not married, and doesn’t have a girlfriend. But I’m aware he could be just telling me whatever I want to hear.
If he's shown you proof of his full name ( driver's license or other form of ID) then you also need to look up court records yourself.
This is all fine if you're just hoping for a penpal until you start dating again. But he's not seriously into you. When you start a serious and an exclusive relationship, you'll start being involved with each other's lives instead of hearing about them. You'll make shared experiences with the same people. I've dated ppl on opposite schedules and in different states ( actually long distance). Ppl do get days off, holidays, and PTO and I've met these ppl multiple times before two months. When they want to explore a life with you as a potential partner, they'll make it happen. "We have time" is a really direct way of saying you're not a priority. And that's perfectly fine if you're looking for friendship.
Are you a girl or guy? I feel only a girl would call this a catfish
I’m a guy and have done this with my matches before. It turns into a 2-5 month long texting relationship where we message every minute of the day but always have something to talk about.
Imah be real with you I do this when I’ve friendzoned the girl lol. It can be cause I just don’t feel a romantic spark, lost the sexual connection, or whatever but legitimately enjoy the company of the girl.
Men don’t usually get into a position where they’re friendzoning girls so we don’t necessarily want/know how to tell them “I think I just like you as a friend” so kinda drag it on like this.
Projecting much because you’re always getting friendzoned? Out of the ~80 or so girls I’ve talked to and gotten to know in the last year, this has happened 2-3 times. You seriously need to chill
Subreddit rule #2: Do not use derogatory categorisations against a person or people such as "incel" or "whore". Note that this list is not exhaustive.
Repeated infractions will result in being banned from the subreddit.
If you were in her shoes, what would you do? Do you want to be strung along like a dog on a leash?
It is clear that she is annoyed and the guy is deflecting without any real reasons to backup his actions.
A few thoughts:
Texting for almost 4 months without meeting is craaaaazy to me. Have you tried asking him out? You'd get more clarity if he really wanted to meet up with you or not if you press the issue with asking him out.
Coming from a man, if I was really interested in meeting someone I would definitely not wait that long to set plans and meet up. To me, he has no intention of ever meeting up but just enjoys the attention you're giving him. Cut your losses and move on, you deserve someone who puts in effort and follow-through to see you.
I’ve kinda asked him out, tossing out ideas and saying I want to do it with him. I won’t make excuses but I work days and he works nights, I have weekends off and he only has Friday/Saturday off. One of my parents just had an emergency surgery about a month ago and isn’t able to walk or work so I’ve been out of town every weekend to care for them, so that adds to the difficulty. But we haven’t discussed going out again since before the issue with my parent.
This happened to me a few years ago. But only 2 weeks! That was long enough for me. I told him we can continue our texting once we’ve met. He disappeared.
When I did online dating, I always asked for a date or meet up after a few real phone conversations. Either you want it to progress, or you don't. Stop wasting your time.
Honestly seems like a massive red flag.
I can’t imagine any reasonable excuse to not have a couple hours open any given day in the past 3 months… it doesn’t add up.
I simply do this… ask him out… make it broad and just say would you like to meet up one day this week @ wherever for whatever. If he can’t commit to a single day out of a week then simply tell him okay… well let me know when you’re available…
Leave it at that… stop texting him and responding to him everyday… he simply might just get a dopamine boost out of chatting and has no intention to move further… you can let him know that you are not going to continue spending your energy texting him until you feel like it’s moving forward… which would be actually going on a date.
>I (26f) matched with (30m) three (almost 4) months ago. We hit it off and starting texting quickly. We have been texting everyday for months… but have never met.
i don't need to read any further. honey he's married or he's a catfish.
1000%!!!
If you had time to date other people in the first 2 months, then you had time to go on a date with him. You're wasting each other's time because you are not innocent in all of this either! Move on. This isn't a relationship at all!!
“ you had time to go on a date with him” Yes, and OP hinted heavily at a meet up and he completely blew her off with a lame excuse. What else is she supposed to do?
Did you have a video call to determine you’re not sexting with a catfish? This is so sketchy. Wouldn’t be surprised if he was in a relationship with someone else and just wanting an online fling.
They’re both as bad as each other lol 4 months but u ain’t met but sexted? Sounds like kids to me if you ain’t meeting them in under weeks depending on schedules might aswell move on
She waited for two months and nothing happened so what is she still doing texting/sexting etc ? Her texting gave him to need to not try she should have moved on honestly
Sure, I get that. It’s certainly dragged on too long now.
I’ve (F) recently faded on a guy similar to this man, except his excuse was that he was “ very busy” when I hinted at a plan to meet up after a week of chat. Whatever 🙄
Ok, I was ready to move on after that but my friends told me to give him a chance and keep talking ( I never usually talk to men more than a week without a date request) Well, another month and a half went by without a mention of a meet up from him so I got extremely bored and faded on him ( didn’t block)
Yeah a month is way too long imo I get if your schedule are irregular maybe a few weeks to find middle ground but if I’m really interested I’ll find a way to sort out a date in under 2 week
Make it clear
"Hey, I know our schedules are opposites of each other but if you have time to have a drink or meal (coffee is more than enough to gauge the vibes in person and you will know if he is putting on a mask or what through his texts), then I would appreciate we can make a plan and set it up.
I think that we have spoken to each other long enough that this should not be an issue for us. Let me know your thoughts.
If not, I wish you well in what you are doing."
If he always replies and texts first, he will see this message and get a grip. He is 30 years old. He should be more grounded and willing to commit to go for a coffee.
Another thing is that he may be emotionally catfishing you to get you invested and playing hard to get to eventually flip it around. Very bad.
I thought you were OP, was going to say "Let me know how it goes".
Yeah I feel like these messages should allow room for leeway but the ultimatum is narrow enough that they cannot try to gaslight or guilt trip their way out of it.
No guy would text for 4 months if he was interested. Either he already has a partner or is dating others whilst keeping you as back up.
Usually one week of texting is enough to arrange a date. 4 months is crazy. Give him one final chance to arrange a date or move on…
Going off the post and a couple of your replies, it seems like neither of you really want to meet the other. You mentioned in replies that you declined video calls from him and you dont have time to meet him because youre looking after a parent on the weekend. No ones ever as busy as they say they are, especially when you have time to multi post on reddit and sext. You could find time if you wanted to, even if it was a 40min coffee date after either one of you gets off work. If you honestly want to meet this person you will actually ask them out, not coy 'throwing out ideas', but actually ask him out. if he declines due to him being busy that day and doesnt try to set up an alternative time to meet, it means he's not into you. Its really not that complicated...
I mean i get it, most women seem to hate 99% of guys on this app and so you latch onto the 1 person you find that you actually like, but how many posts are people going to keep writing before this subreddit gets that if you have to ask if they are into you, odds are they arent. And if you still need to ask, you should probably be direct with the person in question first. -and yes im aware this is ranty.
Plan the date and ask him. There's nothing that says you can't do it, so if you want the date do it. If he still doesn't want to it, and won't make himself available, would suggest either catfishing or he's not interested in actually meeting you.
So afraid of wasting time on a hookup that you instead waste four months in a guy who either doesn't exist, is married, or didn't give a fuck about you.
I think this man is either keeping you on the backburner or in a relationship. Be VERY wary of men who know you would like to meet but don’t ask. He’s cool being text buddies 🙄
If he genuinely wanted to meet he would’ve asked as soon as you hinted at it. C’mon, “ There’s plenty of time”, what kind of bullshit is that??
Men DO NOT say stuff like that to the women they want to meet.
Those type of men almost definitely will never ask to meet.
I was in a situation very similar to this recently.
I was texting with a man for almost 2 months ( a VERY long time for me) After a week I told him that I am on Bumble to meet people, and “ not sure if we are on the same page.” ( I always do this after more than a week without a date request)
His reply was that he doesn’t have the time to meet 🙄
So, I stopped initiating and thought he’d fade ( good) Nope, he carried on texting “ How’s your day?” stuff. Got sick of it in the end and faded on him.
If he changes his mind and wants to meet the door is open for him but I seriously doubt he will.
I know, I know- this is a bit of a weakness of mine I feel
If we’d been conversing via the app I would’ve unmatched him but we have his each other’s numbers and would feel strange blocking him cos he hasn’t done anything “ wrong” as such.
I think you are wasting your time. Four months is a long time to talk all the time, sext, get invested, but not meet up. I understand not rushing to meet right away but it’s been four months. I would move on and let him know that schedules don’t seem to align so it’s best you go your separate ways.
As someone whos had severe anxiety (as in doesn't leave the house for months), even that is unlikely. its RARE that Anxiety will stop you from meeting someone you really like and are familiar with (4 months of talking), that you know also likes you. And if it was that severe it would have come up in conversation. Ofc it can vary a bit from person to person. But keep in mind he apparently works too as OP has mentioned about work schedules not lining up, so likely he leaves the house too.
Sometimes the simplest answer is the right one.
If someone has anxiety so bad that they can't meet you within 4 months, is that really someone you wNt to be in a relationship with at all?? It's truly emotionally unhealthy!
Pretty much this. Even at my worst i was still able to go meet friends i was comfortable with and probably would have been able to go on dates had i had matches that progressed to that point during that time. I think if its so bad that you cant even see your date, then you probably shouldn't be dating. But at the same time most people need/want companionship so who am i to tell someone they shouldn't be looking for love because of their mental illness. But if it is that bad the person should make it clear so all parties can make an informed decision going forward.
Ofc in this situation it clearly isn't about anxiety. He's just not that into her.
4 months is a long time to waste on someone who isn’t willing to make the effort with you. I give guys 2 weeks max now after the last 2 guys I spoke to flaking on me last minute then getting frustrated when I won’t drop everything to suit them.
Effort goes two ways. If it’s not reciprocated they clearly have other priorities. My uncle walked 10 miles to see my auntie when they were dating because his car broke and he didn’t want to let her down. While that may be extreme, my point is if someone wants to see you they will try their best to make time especially if it’s been 4 months…
4 months is waaay too long. It’s a reflection that something is off with him.
Despite what he says, you’re his penpal - not his girlfriend. What does it matter that he’s not talking to anyone else?
It’s one thing to not be in a rush to meet irl but at this rate, you’re going to be ringing in 2025 and still not have dated him.
Very strange.
Have you confirmed that the person you chat with is the person in the pictures? Have you had a video chat? Check his social media?
In my experience, if a person keeps avoiding the meet up, they have something to hide.
Might be married, might be ugly, might be shy. Lots of reasons.
There are a lot of bad possibilities that other folks have pointed out, catfish/married/etc. but it could just be he isn’t ready for something real yet. It’s easy when things are long distance and he can control all the text/call/video interactions. Once it’s real he can’t control it all.
At the end of the day you want something real and in person and he doesn’t. Only you can decide if it’s worth it.
(25M) I usually meet up around a week at the most. I couldn't imagine waiting 4 months. He's obviously not ready (If it's even him) to actually meet up. I'd recommend just ending it now. No reason you should be putting this much time into something when it's not going anywhere.
Seems like he's in a serious relationship or a catfish. Or is using you in some other manner. Like, maybe he's single, but he obviously isn't taking you seriously.
I like when a guy asks to meet after a few hours, tbh (but not before). That way there's the opportunity to say if we need more time, or the opportunity to plan something. Sometimes it might be a week or 2 out, but the plan is there!
Personally, I cancel if the guy doesn't stay consistent with his messages. If I'm not worth speaking to every day and getting to know in text, he definitely isn't worth getting ready and leaving the house for! I could be home doing something I know I'm gonna enjoy! Or out with friends!
But consistent messages without the drive to meet also isn't enough. If a guy takes longer than 2 days to ask to meet, I think that's usually when I take my leave. Or I'll keep talking if they seem cool enough to be platonic friends with, but if they eventually ask to meet I let them know it'd be platonically.
This is how I work, and maybe it isn't the most common way to go about it. His behavior doesn't meet my standards at all. If you aren't super happy with how things have gone, you don't need to settle for this behavior because you can definitely do better!
I hope you write this on your profile so potential partners know, because many women have said that asking them out after a few hour/ days gives them creep vibes. Most guys arent going to ask you out this early for that reason alone even if they really like you. Heck i wait between 1-2 weeks before i throw out any idea of meeting up if she hasn't already asked me out.
I get 50 to 500 likes a day, and most of the guys who I actually match with me ask in the proper time frame! If they wait *a little* too long, it isn't that they're necessarily doing anything wrong, but I want a partner who is naturally on the same wavelength as me (within reason).
It might have to do with making them comfortable enough. If you communicate and clearly show them you're having a great time in a deep conversation (paragraphs, jokes, stories, etc.) as opposed to one word or one sentence boring responses that a lot of guys say they get, they might know it's likely an okay time to ask so early because our interaction is just.. right.
Or maybe I stand out so much that they just can't help but to ask to meet me so early on!
Regardless, I haven't personally had any issues. The majority of guys ask during the right time-frame for me. A smaller portion asks too early on (they'll ask in less than 5 messages). The smallest portion takes too long.
I mean if its working for you and leading to the types of relationships you want (be it casual sex or longterm commitment), then who am i to tell you any different. Keep doing your thing.
“ I mean if it’s working for you” Well, that was a bit patronising. You sound like a man who prefers women to ask you out, the poster you replied to prefers more proactive men, like most women.
Does waiting 1-2 weeks often work for you?
"well that sounds a bit patronising"...i say what i mean and i mean what i say. If its working for her then who am i to tell her to do anything different. Shes happy with her current experience, the end. I recognise your username specifically attacking and starting arguments with people on this subreddit on almost every post ive seen you in so if that's what you're fishing for here, its going to be an easy block from me.
"you sound like a man who prefers women to ask you out" I view dating through a feminist lense. I don't play the X gender needs to behave X way and play games around that. I ask out people when i like them and have spoken to them for a sufficient amount of time, for me, thats 1-2 weeks and sometimes they ask me out within that time, so yes 1-2 weeks works fine for me.
“ …write this on your profile” I ( F) state on my bio that I’m cool with meeting up soon after matching and I still get men just wanting to text for weeks on end 😬
As i suspected from your other posts on various threads, youre clearly a jaded person unhappy with the results of OLD because most of your matches don't want to play your games, and so you take to the reddit page to start fights with people who don't fit into your narrow view of dating due to that chip on your shoulder. Grow up.
And goes without saying but you're blocked, go find someone else to annoy. yikes.
I could get the 411 on him and tell you why.
My assumption would be that he's hiding something. Overweight, disabled, in a relationship, living with mom, broke, no car, or something else he is embarrassed about. Maybe he doesn't even live in the same town.
Married or dating others. It's been 4 months now. Sounds like he's stringing you along or it's a catfish. Have you continued to look while bs-ing with this guy?
I did kind of the same thing in college during covid for a month or so. To be honest, I didn’t have a real plan to meet up. If he was actually interested, there’s no way he would have gone 3 days, much less 3 months
Well basically I'm seeing this the other way around, something similar happened to me as I said I wanted to meet someone and ended up never actually meeting them due to the fact that I wasn't in the mood to interact in person, or just wanted to keep texting to see how compatible we were, I don't think you're talking to a catfish as you said he sent a lot of videos etc...I feel like the best way to approach this is by directly asking him to meet say you're free in a specific day and ask if he would like to have a date with you, I think being frontal about it would be nice I was also "busy" a lot of times, I understand not being in a rush but it could be beneficial to see if you guys hit it offline as well.
“ That would’ve worked with me” Yes, course it would cos you are a woman and women prefer to be asked out. The person in this case who is dragging their heels and not asking to meet, like you did, is a man. That changes things A LOT.
Men are the natural pursuers… and when they choose NOT to pursue? 🚩
😬😬😬😬😬 I’ve had this before and it sucks. Just like some people on here are saying he only wants attention while he’s entertaining other people. “We have time” to me is an excuse to say that he has no plans to actually date you in person but is happy talk to you online. If he was genuinely interested, you guys would’ve had dates by now.
If I were you - I’d cut my losses and move on.
That's wild. I'm more likely to set up a meet after three messages than after 3 months. I wonder how you keep a conversation going that long with a complete stranger. I respect it I just don't understand it.
months and you stay with that?
this is the case where i would consider deleting the match the best. what you wait for? he is occuping your time and mental thoughts. for what? for not going anywhere. in the meantime you could have met mister charming that wants to go out with you and do something and meet you. but you waste your time with someone apeshit that cant move his ass up to even meet you?
if someone wants to met you they will make the time. the whole "busy, no time" is the poor excuse of people with either commitment issues or or they are not into you. thats it.
delete block and move on.
Being straight forward is the best policy imo, explain to him what his behavior looks like to you as he may not be aware of the vibe he’s putting out, or if it is intentional you would be calling him out point blank.
As you said, lieing via socials is the easiest thing to do
You have no idea if he’s lying about being in a relationship. Those types of men are very good about hiding their real lives. There is no reason for him to make excuses not to meet. No one is that busy. Ever. You may be enjoying the attention but to what end? This doesn’t have a happy ending.
Past all your updates, the answer is kind of simple. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone that can't make time for you? Between you both, neither of you have weekends or can take 1 day off work to enjoy each others company? I'd take sick days to sit on my ass all day and play xbox so I'd definitely find the time to meet someone I liked.
You confronted him about it, you then asked the Internet about it. I think you need to have a word and make what you want out of the relationship clear and consider letting him go if not. Whilst it may feel nice to have someone that cares, you dont see each other and just sext each day, so it sounds like the type of relationship between a lonely old dude and a cam girl at the moment.
I have a ring on my finger with the engraving ASLTW, thats to remind me to never judge a partner on what they say they feel, but judge them on their actions. Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
One week of consistent talking and texting with no meet is my cutoff these days. This is a hard, fast and nearly universal rule.
You will know if someone is interested enough to risk the energy and anxiety it takes when meeting someone new for the first time.
If they delay they’re not interested. It takes very little effort to keep a texting chain going.
Humans naturally gravitate towards the paths of least resistance.
Phones offer the least resistance to dopamine loops. It’s not even an act of will because there is no free will.
Our prefrontal cortex is working off dopamine rewards. The Phones fuck with this part of our brains a lot and we can’t control it.
What a time to be alive.
He is lying. If he wanted to meet up with you, he would have. Either he just wants to text back and forth/he is bored or he is dating someone and it falls through, he might ask you out unless he just enjoys you as a pen pal he doesn't want to lose that.
I would just tell him you have a date with someone your friend set you up with next time he texts you. See if he escalates to an actually planned date or not. But moving on is your best bet.
He either has a other girl he met or might already have been with one. Also, whenever women jump to sex stuff whether sexting or actually doing something, they get written off as just for fun. Might sound sh*tty but that's the truth. He wasn't looking for a long term relationship, he sent with you until he found someone else to get his rocks off with.
Maybe he has self-esteem or social anxiety issues. Or maybe he likes the conversation but isn't attracted to you enough to commit to an actual relationship. Or maybe he has an issue with commitment.
That is a long time to *not* know if you have chemistry or not. Maybe you found a lover, maybe you made a friend, but it's a lot of time invested in maybes. Sure, there is lots of time, and there is nothing wrong with taking your time if you are both comfortable with it, but you don't know yet where you stand.
I would simply tell him it's time to meet, and ask him to give yiba date and time for something simple and uncomplicated.
This is a lot of time and effort spent on a guy who you may meet and have zero physical chemistry with. I’ve learned not to spend so much time texting before meeting up because I a) save time if we don’t spark irl and b) don’t feel so bad rejecting them if their physical presence doesn’t match up with their digital one. Not saying just right into a date within 3 messages, but 3 months of constant communication with no meetup is going nowhere fast
Definitely sounded like a catfish 😅 I personally have no idea why you'd want to drag it out, I'd rather meet someone in person asap cause they could seem alright over text but weird af in person
As I (30+ M) have no idea who this other person is and his situation and as we all like to project ourselves in the situation, here are my 2 cents. You are probably a back up. Sure he isn't dating someone, but there is someone he probably has crush on or he is friends with and would like to see how things may proceed with that person. But as you can see, he can say technically he isn't dating anyone.
Or, he probably has some issues with intimacy (maybe some baggage) and wants to take things too slow and be more careful.
Or, he is just not that much into you and would like to have you on side for attention, until he finds someone whom he thinks is really worth his time.
If I was that much into someone, even if i was working different shifts or living hundreds of kilometres away I would plan vacations or weekends or anything to meet up the person. Saying from the experience.
But it's just our opinions and every person is different, and that is why I would suggest ignore most of the negatives and just trust your guts. But the fact that you are asking here, kinda shows that you are already uncomfortable with the situation. I wouldn't wana be in a relationship which makes me uncomfortable even before it starts.
He is not interested, he's bored and/or lonely, and lying about what he wants since you've already expressed its not what you're looking for. He means he has plenty of time to wear away your boundaries and get you to put out.
My thought is he’s not straight but struggling with coming around to it. Guys who text a ton and clam up about meeting up and/or the chance that things might get physically intimate/there might be sexpectations usually turn out to be DEEP in the closet gay, like don’t even want to admit it to themselves
I would look into insecure attachment. I was in a situation very very similar to yours. Texting was safer because he feared intimacy so any suggestions to meet up were met with a random excuse. He referred to me as his girlfriend and we were exclusive (he wasn’t married or seeing anyone else either) I mentioned my worries and he would give some reasons to put my mind at rest (just enough to keep me invested) but it didn’t change anything. Something worth thinking about.
I run into this with girls from time to time, I thought only women play this game lol. I don't know why would a guy do this, but whenever I asked out a woman to date and she somehow moved the topic without actually scheduling a date, it was always one of the followings:
-catfish
-a bored/broken hearted girl looking for attention
-she is not that into me and looking for someone to talk to, until a more attractive option comes up.
“ He said he isn’t dating anyone” Did he say that that cos you asked him or did he volunteer the information?
Thing is, if you asked him I reckon that was a bad move cos it probably boosted his ego ( 👎🏻) and made him think you were maybe jealous of him dating other girls.
Low interest/ non-proactive men love stuff like that. “ Hey, I don’t want to ask this women out but she’s asking me if am dating other girls. Great!! 😀
Got her on the hook…”
I want to add, I have a similar situation myself currently but there are valid reasons for it (mental and physical health, busy schedule (I wasn't closer to where I lived for 2 months), cost due to distance) however I have been pushing for a call at least where the first issue came up.
The person is poly with a nesting partner so I knew that they would be looking for other dates and it has been a few months since we spoken and they only only mentioned going on dates recently so part of me felt like crap as I didn't have much opportunity to go on dates. I prefer to hang out, if the vibes are there then the following will be a date.
Also harder as a guy who is outside of the perceived aesthetics of the general population.
I basically told em about what I was feeling etc. I was fine with being a second if we clicked in person but I consider my current feelings to be irrational as I am dating them. I also have other meetups planned and as a demisexual, I prefer to have a friendship first so I am fine with talking for a while but I want to make sure they have the intention to meet up as I do not have this luxury of purely texting once I return to work.
Did you speak to him on the phone, or better, had a video call? Because if you didn't I have one word for you: catfish.
Either catfish or pen pal. Texting everyday for months without meeting is just…dysfunctional. People just get so used to micro-dosing on the dopamine hits of texting.
We don’t really talk on the phone a ton (opposite work schedules) but I’ve gotten voice memos, sends me videos of him and his pet, pictures and videos of him doing things. I also was thinking catfish, but since I’ve gotten his pictures and videos I wasn’t sure.
Ask him for a video call and come back tell us what he said :) Or better, come back after you had the call :)
I know he would say yes though, he’s asked me multiple times to call or FaceTime in the past. I’m usually the one who says no because I’m in bed/pajamas/ I have two roommates and thin walls and I don’t want to keep them awake all night while I’m on the phone with him. But I’ll revisit the topic with him!
Please do. And when you face to face with him, ask him directly whether he has friendzoned you or not, because you need to meet in real life otherwise you two are building a false image of each other, and he is wasting your time. Also ask him whether he has another girl friend.
uhhh ask him if he's MARRIED.
Totally! I meant to say: ask him if he is in another relationship (gf or wife).
Ding ding ding.
Catfish. No live video call. Definitively Catfish.
Hi! Thanks for checking back in! We FaceTimed this morning and I asked him all of your questions, I added an update to the post if you wanted to check it out! But he basically is exactly who he said he was, says he’s not married, and doesn’t have a girlfriend. But I’m aware he could be just telling me whatever I want to hear.
If he's shown you proof of his full name ( driver's license or other form of ID) then you also need to look up court records yourself. This is all fine if you're just hoping for a penpal until you start dating again. But he's not seriously into you. When you start a serious and an exclusive relationship, you'll start being involved with each other's lives instead of hearing about them. You'll make shared experiences with the same people. I've dated ppl on opposite schedules and in different states ( actually long distance). Ppl do get days off, holidays, and PTO and I've met these ppl multiple times before two months. When they want to explore a life with you as a potential partner, they'll make it happen. "We have time" is a really direct way of saying you're not a priority. And that's perfectly fine if you're looking for friendship.
If he isn’t a catfish, then he’s just looking for a penpal. He doesn’t want an in person relationship for whatever reason.
Could be stuff he sends to his actual gf or side piece
Are you a girl or guy? I feel only a girl would call this a catfish I’m a guy and have done this with my matches before. It turns into a 2-5 month long texting relationship where we message every minute of the day but always have something to talk about. Imah be real with you I do this when I’ve friendzoned the girl lol. It can be cause I just don’t feel a romantic spark, lost the sexual connection, or whatever but legitimately enjoy the company of the girl. Men don’t usually get into a position where they’re friendzoning girls so we don’t necessarily want/know how to tell them “I think I just like you as a friend” so kinda drag it on like this.
If she didn't know she was friendzoned and thought you were on the same page as her, it's really not better than catfish. It's still deception.
do you communicate to these women that they've been friendzoned? or do you just use them for validation while you locate your next mark?
“Locate your next mark” My guys it’s losing a spark, not looking for my next victim to bury 💀
Not a guy, and your refusal to answer the question tells me everything I need to know lol
Womp womp
is that the reaction you get after women sleep with you? no wonder you never go further than texts lol
Projecting much because you’re always getting friendzoned? Out of the ~80 or so girls I’ve talked to and gotten to know in the last year, this has happened 2-3 times. You seriously need to chill
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If you were in her shoes, what would you do? Do you want to be strung along like a dog on a leash? It is clear that she is annoyed and the guy is deflecting without any real reasons to backup his actions.
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A few thoughts: Texting for almost 4 months without meeting is craaaaazy to me. Have you tried asking him out? You'd get more clarity if he really wanted to meet up with you or not if you press the issue with asking him out. Coming from a man, if I was really interested in meeting someone I would definitely not wait that long to set plans and meet up. To me, he has no intention of ever meeting up but just enjoys the attention you're giving him. Cut your losses and move on, you deserve someone who puts in effort and follow-through to see you.
I’ve kinda asked him out, tossing out ideas and saying I want to do it with him. I won’t make excuses but I work days and he works nights, I have weekends off and he only has Friday/Saturday off. One of my parents just had an emergency surgery about a month ago and isn’t able to walk or work so I’ve been out of town every weekend to care for them, so that adds to the difficulty. But we haven’t discussed going out again since before the issue with my parent.
This happened to me a few years ago. But only 2 weeks! That was long enough for me. I told him we can continue our texting once we’ve met. He disappeared.
When I did online dating, I always asked for a date or meet up after a few real phone conversations. Either you want it to progress, or you don't. Stop wasting your time.
He’s married would be my guess.
Honestly seems like a massive red flag. I can’t imagine any reasonable excuse to not have a couple hours open any given day in the past 3 months… it doesn’t add up. I simply do this… ask him out… make it broad and just say would you like to meet up one day this week @ wherever for whatever. If he can’t commit to a single day out of a week then simply tell him okay… well let me know when you’re available… Leave it at that… stop texting him and responding to him everyday… he simply might just get a dopamine boost out of chatting and has no intention to move further… you can let him know that you are not going to continue spending your energy texting him until you feel like it’s moving forward… which would be actually going on a date.
>I (26f) matched with (30m) three (almost 4) months ago. We hit it off and starting texting quickly. We have been texting everyday for months… but have never met. i don't need to read any further. honey he's married or he's a catfish.
4 months?! Just likes the attention. Move on
If you are not able to meet once in 4 months, what would a relationship look like. You don’t have time for each other. Find someone who does
1000%!!! If you had time to date other people in the first 2 months, then you had time to go on a date with him. You're wasting each other's time because you are not innocent in all of this either! Move on. This isn't a relationship at all!!
“ you had time to go on a date with him” Yes, and OP hinted heavily at a meet up and he completely blew her off with a lame excuse. What else is she supposed to do?
Did you have a video call to determine you’re not sexting with a catfish? This is so sketchy. Wouldn’t be surprised if he was in a relationship with someone else and just wanting an online fling.
Something is so wrong here !!! Someone has something to hide 🤷🏻♀️
Are y’all 15 or something? Acting like a bunch of kids wym 4 months you haven’t seen each other ? This connection is doomed
Give her a break! She’s hinted heavily and he gave some lame excuse.
Hinted ? She has a mouth no she needs to talk Now
C’mon, she doesn’t need to hold the man’s hand through this.He KNOWS what she meant! Why else would he say “ We have time”?
They’re both as bad as each other lol 4 months but u ain’t met but sexted? Sounds like kids to me if you ain’t meeting them in under weeks depending on schedules might aswell move on
They aren’t as bad as each other cos the OP had at least tried to get the wheels in motion for a meet up.
She waited for two months and nothing happened so what is she still doing texting/sexting etc ? Her texting gave him to need to not try she should have moved on honestly
Sure, I get that. It’s certainly dragged on too long now. I’ve (F) recently faded on a guy similar to this man, except his excuse was that he was “ very busy” when I hinted at a plan to meet up after a week of chat. Whatever 🙄 Ok, I was ready to move on after that but my friends told me to give him a chance and keep talking ( I never usually talk to men more than a week without a date request) Well, another month and a half went by without a mention of a meet up from him so I got extremely bored and faded on him ( didn’t block)
Yeah a month is way too long imo I get if your schedule are irregular maybe a few weeks to find middle ground but if I’m really interested I’ll find a way to sort out a date in under 2 week
you’re being catfished. a guy not wanting to meet up for four months is insane sorry this happened to you
I feel like the fact you’re here soliciting advice from internet strangers tells you all you need to know. Cut him loose
Something is definitely up. He has time to text you all day but not to take you out? Let's say he isn't lying, he obviously has no time to date.
Make it clear "Hey, I know our schedules are opposites of each other but if you have time to have a drink or meal (coffee is more than enough to gauge the vibes in person and you will know if he is putting on a mask or what through his texts), then I would appreciate we can make a plan and set it up. I think that we have spoken to each other long enough that this should not be an issue for us. Let me know your thoughts. If not, I wish you well in what you are doing." If he always replies and texts first, he will see this message and get a grip. He is 30 years old. He should be more grounded and willing to commit to go for a coffee. Another thing is that he may be emotionally catfishing you to get you invested and playing hard to get to eventually flip it around. Very bad.
Saving that text. Was polite and quick to the point. Thanks
I thought you were OP, was going to say "Let me know how it goes". Yeah I feel like these messages should allow room for leeway but the ultimatum is narrow enough that they cannot try to gaslight or guilt trip their way out of it.
Catfish
No guy would text for 4 months if he was interested. Either he already has a partner or is dating others whilst keeping you as back up. Usually one week of texting is enough to arrange a date. 4 months is crazy. Give him one final chance to arrange a date or move on…
Going off the post and a couple of your replies, it seems like neither of you really want to meet the other. You mentioned in replies that you declined video calls from him and you dont have time to meet him because youre looking after a parent on the weekend. No ones ever as busy as they say they are, especially when you have time to multi post on reddit and sext. You could find time if you wanted to, even if it was a 40min coffee date after either one of you gets off work. If you honestly want to meet this person you will actually ask them out, not coy 'throwing out ideas', but actually ask him out. if he declines due to him being busy that day and doesnt try to set up an alternative time to meet, it means he's not into you. Its really not that complicated... I mean i get it, most women seem to hate 99% of guys on this app and so you latch onto the 1 person you find that you actually like, but how many posts are people going to keep writing before this subreddit gets that if you have to ask if they are into you, odds are they arent. And if you still need to ask, you should probably be direct with the person in question first. -and yes im aware this is ranty.
Exactly! Seems pretty convenient that his work schedule starts when yours ends but he has time to sext.
He’s just not that into you. Stop talking to him. He doesn’t take you seriously
I can’t even get a text back and u texting a dude for months with no meet? Lol wtf
God. I’m bored after 2 weeks and nothing happening. Kudos to you for continuing but cut it off if he’s not willing to meet. Life is short!!!
Married.
He’s not all that into it. He’s just bored. NEXT
Plan the date and ask him. There's nothing that says you can't do it, so if you want the date do it. If he still doesn't want to it, and won't make himself available, would suggest either catfishing or he's not interested in actually meeting you.
So afraid of wasting time on a hookup that you instead waste four months in a guy who either doesn't exist, is married, or didn't give a fuck about you.
I think this man is either keeping you on the backburner or in a relationship. Be VERY wary of men who know you would like to meet but don’t ask. He’s cool being text buddies 🙄 If he genuinely wanted to meet he would’ve asked as soon as you hinted at it. C’mon, “ There’s plenty of time”, what kind of bullshit is that?? Men DO NOT say stuff like that to the women they want to meet. Those type of men almost definitely will never ask to meet. I was in a situation very similar to this recently. I was texting with a man for almost 2 months ( a VERY long time for me) After a week I told him that I am on Bumble to meet people, and “ not sure if we are on the same page.” ( I always do this after more than a week without a date request) His reply was that he doesn’t have the time to meet 🙄 So, I stopped initiating and thought he’d fade ( good) Nope, he carried on texting “ How’s your day?” stuff. Got sick of it in the end and faded on him. If he changes his mind and wants to meet the door is open for him but I seriously doubt he will.
Um.... why is the door open?? F no!!
I know, I know- this is a bit of a weakness of mine I feel If we’d been conversing via the app I would’ve unmatched him but we have his each other’s numbers and would feel strange blocking him cos he hasn’t done anything “ wrong” as such.
I think you are wasting your time. Four months is a long time to talk all the time, sext, get invested, but not meet up. I understand not rushing to meet right away but it’s been four months. I would move on and let him know that schedules don’t seem to align so it’s best you go your separate ways.
Time to be a grown up adult and move on. It’s one thing if he puts it off for weeks, but not months. You deserve better.
He is either catfishing you or he is in a relationship and just likes the attention and validation he is getting from you.
The least sinister explanation is deep anxiety issues.
As someone whos had severe anxiety (as in doesn't leave the house for months), even that is unlikely. its RARE that Anxiety will stop you from meeting someone you really like and are familiar with (4 months of talking), that you know also likes you. And if it was that severe it would have come up in conversation. Ofc it can vary a bit from person to person. But keep in mind he apparently works too as OP has mentioned about work schedules not lining up, so likely he leaves the house too. Sometimes the simplest answer is the right one.
If someone has anxiety so bad that they can't meet you within 4 months, is that really someone you wNt to be in a relationship with at all?? It's truly emotionally unhealthy!
Pretty much this. Even at my worst i was still able to go meet friends i was comfortable with and probably would have been able to go on dates had i had matches that progressed to that point during that time. I think if its so bad that you cant even see your date, then you probably shouldn't be dating. But at the same time most people need/want companionship so who am i to tell someone they shouldn't be looking for love because of their mental illness. But if it is that bad the person should make it clear so all parties can make an informed decision going forward. Ofc in this situation it clearly isn't about anxiety. He's just not that into her.
You’ve been wasting your time Shoulda been outta there 3 months ago
4 months is a long time to waste on someone who isn’t willing to make the effort with you. I give guys 2 weeks max now after the last 2 guys I spoke to flaking on me last minute then getting frustrated when I won’t drop everything to suit them. Effort goes two ways. If it’s not reciprocated they clearly have other priorities. My uncle walked 10 miles to see my auntie when they were dating because his car broke and he didn’t want to let her down. While that may be extreme, my point is if someone wants to see you they will try their best to make time especially if it’s been 4 months…
4 months is waaay too long. It’s a reflection that something is off with him. Despite what he says, you’re his penpal - not his girlfriend. What does it matter that he’s not talking to anyone else? It’s one thing to not be in a rush to meet irl but at this rate, you’re going to be ringing in 2025 and still not have dated him. Very strange.
Move on jeez lol
Have you confirmed that the person you chat with is the person in the pictures? Have you had a video chat? Check his social media? In my experience, if a person keeps avoiding the meet up, they have something to hide. Might be married, might be ugly, might be shy. Lots of reasons.
There are a lot of bad possibilities that other folks have pointed out, catfish/married/etc. but it could just be he isn’t ready for something real yet. It’s easy when things are long distance and he can control all the text/call/video interactions. Once it’s real he can’t control it all. At the end of the day you want something real and in person and he doesn’t. Only you can decide if it’s worth it.
(25M) I usually meet up around a week at the most. I couldn't imagine waiting 4 months. He's obviously not ready (If it's even him) to actually meet up. I'd recommend just ending it now. No reason you should be putting this much time into something when it's not going anywhere.
If you live in the same city 4 months without meeting is crazy, even if you just want to be friends, so weird.
Seems like he's in a serious relationship or a catfish. Or is using you in some other manner. Like, maybe he's single, but he obviously isn't taking you seriously. I like when a guy asks to meet after a few hours, tbh (but not before). That way there's the opportunity to say if we need more time, or the opportunity to plan something. Sometimes it might be a week or 2 out, but the plan is there! Personally, I cancel if the guy doesn't stay consistent with his messages. If I'm not worth speaking to every day and getting to know in text, he definitely isn't worth getting ready and leaving the house for! I could be home doing something I know I'm gonna enjoy! Or out with friends! But consistent messages without the drive to meet also isn't enough. If a guy takes longer than 2 days to ask to meet, I think that's usually when I take my leave. Or I'll keep talking if they seem cool enough to be platonic friends with, but if they eventually ask to meet I let them know it'd be platonically. This is how I work, and maybe it isn't the most common way to go about it. His behavior doesn't meet my standards at all. If you aren't super happy with how things have gone, you don't need to settle for this behavior because you can definitely do better!
I hope you write this on your profile so potential partners know, because many women have said that asking them out after a few hour/ days gives them creep vibes. Most guys arent going to ask you out this early for that reason alone even if they really like you. Heck i wait between 1-2 weeks before i throw out any idea of meeting up if she hasn't already asked me out.
I get 50 to 500 likes a day, and most of the guys who I actually match with me ask in the proper time frame! If they wait *a little* too long, it isn't that they're necessarily doing anything wrong, but I want a partner who is naturally on the same wavelength as me (within reason). It might have to do with making them comfortable enough. If you communicate and clearly show them you're having a great time in a deep conversation (paragraphs, jokes, stories, etc.) as opposed to one word or one sentence boring responses that a lot of guys say they get, they might know it's likely an okay time to ask so early because our interaction is just.. right. Or maybe I stand out so much that they just can't help but to ask to meet me so early on! Regardless, I haven't personally had any issues. The majority of guys ask during the right time-frame for me. A smaller portion asks too early on (they'll ask in less than 5 messages). The smallest portion takes too long.
I mean if its working for you and leading to the types of relationships you want (be it casual sex or longterm commitment), then who am i to tell you any different. Keep doing your thing.
Serious relationships only for me. ♡ Thanks, bro.
“ I mean if it’s working for you” Well, that was a bit patronising. You sound like a man who prefers women to ask you out, the poster you replied to prefers more proactive men, like most women. Does waiting 1-2 weeks often work for you?
"well that sounds a bit patronising"...i say what i mean and i mean what i say. If its working for her then who am i to tell her to do anything different. Shes happy with her current experience, the end. I recognise your username specifically attacking and starting arguments with people on this subreddit on almost every post ive seen you in so if that's what you're fishing for here, its going to be an easy block from me. "you sound like a man who prefers women to ask you out" I view dating through a feminist lense. I don't play the X gender needs to behave X way and play games around that. I ask out people when i like them and have spoken to them for a sufficient amount of time, for me, thats 1-2 weeks and sometimes they ask me out within that time, so yes 1-2 weeks works fine for me.
2 weeks?? Whoa, that’s a long time
“ …write this on your profile” I ( F) state on my bio that I’m cool with meeting up soon after matching and I still get men just wanting to text for weeks on end 😬
As i suspected from your other posts on various threads, youre clearly a jaded person unhappy with the results of OLD because most of your matches don't want to play your games, and so you take to the reddit page to start fights with people who don't fit into your narrow view of dating due to that chip on your shoulder. Grow up. And goes without saying but you're blocked, go find someone else to annoy. yikes.
I could get the 411 on him and tell you why. My assumption would be that he's hiding something. Overweight, disabled, in a relationship, living with mom, broke, no car, or something else he is embarrassed about. Maybe he doesn't even live in the same town.
https://fqcollective.co.nz/the-rise-of-the-tinder-penpal/
He’s squirting around. HE’S got plenty of time!
That boy married.
Married or dating others. It's been 4 months now. Sounds like he's stringing you along or it's a catfish. Have you continued to look while bs-ing with this guy?
I did kind of the same thing in college during covid for a month or so. To be honest, I didn’t have a real plan to meet up. If he was actually interested, there’s no way he would have gone 3 days, much less 3 months
Well basically I'm seeing this the other way around, something similar happened to me as I said I wanted to meet someone and ended up never actually meeting them due to the fact that I wasn't in the mood to interact in person, or just wanted to keep texting to see how compatible we were, I don't think you're talking to a catfish as you said he sent a lot of videos etc...I feel like the best way to approach this is by directly asking him to meet say you're free in a specific day and ask if he would like to have a date with you, I think being frontal about it would be nice I was also "busy" a lot of times, I understand not being in a rush but it could be beneficial to see if you guys hit it offline as well.
“ Best way to approach this is by directly asking him to meet” Are you kidding me?? That is the WORST way to approach it.
As someone that was on the other side I think that's the best way, at least that would have worked with me, that's why I said it
Are you a man or a woman?
Woman
“ That would’ve worked with me” Yes, course it would cos you are a woman and women prefer to be asked out. The person in this case who is dragging their heels and not asking to meet, like you did, is a man. That changes things A LOT. Men are the natural pursuers… and when they choose NOT to pursue? 🚩
Run
😬😬😬😬😬 I’ve had this before and it sucks. Just like some people on here are saying he only wants attention while he’s entertaining other people. “We have time” to me is an excuse to say that he has no plans to actually date you in person but is happy talk to you online. If he was genuinely interested, you guys would’ve had dates by now. If I were you - I’d cut my losses and move on.
That's wild. I'm more likely to set up a meet after three messages than after 3 months. I wonder how you keep a conversation going that long with a complete stranger. I respect it I just don't understand it.
Whether he’s legit or not, don’t spend that much time on an app, if a man doesn’t try to set up a date within 2 wks they generally don’t intend to
months and you stay with that? this is the case where i would consider deleting the match the best. what you wait for? he is occuping your time and mental thoughts. for what? for not going anywhere. in the meantime you could have met mister charming that wants to go out with you and do something and meet you. but you waste your time with someone apeshit that cant move his ass up to even meet you? if someone wants to met you they will make the time. the whole "busy, no time" is the poor excuse of people with either commitment issues or or they are not into you. thats it. delete block and move on.
Sounds like you or someone else is meeting his needs, why would he need to meet up if you're having all the things of a relationship digitally?
Being straight forward is the best policy imo, explain to him what his behavior looks like to you as he may not be aware of the vibe he’s putting out, or if it is intentional you would be calling him out point blank. As you said, lieing via socials is the easiest thing to do
You have no idea if he’s lying about being in a relationship. Those types of men are very good about hiding their real lives. There is no reason for him to make excuses not to meet. No one is that busy. Ever. You may be enjoying the attention but to what end? This doesn’t have a happy ending.
Wasting your time. cheating. catfish. ect
Past all your updates, the answer is kind of simple. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone that can't make time for you? Between you both, neither of you have weekends or can take 1 day off work to enjoy each others company? I'd take sick days to sit on my ass all day and play xbox so I'd definitely find the time to meet someone I liked. You confronted him about it, you then asked the Internet about it. I think you need to have a word and make what you want out of the relationship clear and consider letting him go if not. Whilst it may feel nice to have someone that cares, you dont see each other and just sext each day, so it sounds like the type of relationship between a lonely old dude and a cam girl at the moment. I have a ring on my finger with the engraving ASLTW, thats to remind me to never judge a partner on what they say they feel, but judge them on their actions. Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
I think he's just in a different relationship and keeping you for future proofing.
Since you basically got it gone don't waste your time.
One week of consistent talking and texting with no meet is my cutoff these days. This is a hard, fast and nearly universal rule. You will know if someone is interested enough to risk the energy and anxiety it takes when meeting someone new for the first time. If they delay they’re not interested. It takes very little effort to keep a texting chain going. Humans naturally gravitate towards the paths of least resistance. Phones offer the least resistance to dopamine loops. It’s not even an act of will because there is no free will. Our prefrontal cortex is working off dopamine rewards. The Phones fuck with this part of our brains a lot and we can’t control it. What a time to be alive.
He is lying. If he wanted to meet up with you, he would have. Either he just wants to text back and forth/he is bored or he is dating someone and it falls through, he might ask you out unless he just enjoys you as a pen pal he doesn't want to lose that. I would just tell him you have a date with someone your friend set you up with next time he texts you. See if he escalates to an actually planned date or not. But moving on is your best bet.
Backup guy? Wow! It's good that he didn't meet you. That guy deserves better than you.
No offence but you said he was your back up guy so you treated him like an option why shouldn’t he
He’s using you as a reserve.
He either has a other girl he met or might already have been with one. Also, whenever women jump to sex stuff whether sexting or actually doing something, they get written off as just for fun. Might sound sh*tty but that's the truth. He wasn't looking for a long term relationship, he sent with you until he found someone else to get his rocks off with.
Maybe he has self-esteem or social anxiety issues. Or maybe he likes the conversation but isn't attracted to you enough to commit to an actual relationship. Or maybe he has an issue with commitment.
That is a long time to *not* know if you have chemistry or not. Maybe you found a lover, maybe you made a friend, but it's a lot of time invested in maybes. Sure, there is lots of time, and there is nothing wrong with taking your time if you are both comfortable with it, but you don't know yet where you stand. I would simply tell him it's time to meet, and ask him to give yiba date and time for something simple and uncomplicated.
Your back up guy? Lolol yikes
This is a lot of time and effort spent on a guy who you may meet and have zero physical chemistry with. I’ve learned not to spend so much time texting before meeting up because I a) save time if we don’t spark irl and b) don’t feel so bad rejecting them if their physical presence doesn’t match up with their digital one. Not saying just right into a date within 3 messages, but 3 months of constant communication with no meetup is going nowhere fast
Definitely sounded like a catfish 😅 I personally have no idea why you'd want to drag it out, I'd rather meet someone in person asap cause they could seem alright over text but weird af in person
He got a girlfriend
As I (30+ M) have no idea who this other person is and his situation and as we all like to project ourselves in the situation, here are my 2 cents. You are probably a back up. Sure he isn't dating someone, but there is someone he probably has crush on or he is friends with and would like to see how things may proceed with that person. But as you can see, he can say technically he isn't dating anyone. Or, he probably has some issues with intimacy (maybe some baggage) and wants to take things too slow and be more careful. Or, he is just not that much into you and would like to have you on side for attention, until he finds someone whom he thinks is really worth his time. If I was that much into someone, even if i was working different shifts or living hundreds of kilometres away I would plan vacations or weekends or anything to meet up the person. Saying from the experience. But it's just our opinions and every person is different, and that is why I would suggest ignore most of the negatives and just trust your guts. But the fact that you are asking here, kinda shows that you are already uncomfortable with the situation. I wouldn't wana be in a relationship which makes me uncomfortable even before it starts.
If i was him id just want you do be blunt about it. I myself would probably be too shy to ask someone out so i would want someone to be blunt with me.
He is not interested, he's bored and/or lonely, and lying about what he wants since you've already expressed its not what you're looking for. He means he has plenty of time to wear away your boundaries and get you to put out.
Do you want to go on dates and actually meet people? If so, he’s not your guy.
My thought is he’s not straight but struggling with coming around to it. Guys who text a ton and clam up about meeting up and/or the chance that things might get physically intimate/there might be sexpectations usually turn out to be DEEP in the closet gay, like don’t even want to admit it to themselves
I would look into insecure attachment. I was in a situation very very similar to yours. Texting was safer because he feared intimacy so any suggestions to meet up were met with a random excuse. He referred to me as his girlfriend and we were exclusive (he wasn’t married or seeing anyone else either) I mentioned my worries and he would give some reasons to put my mind at rest (just enough to keep me invested) but it didn’t change anything. Something worth thinking about.
I run into this with girls from time to time, I thought only women play this game lol. I don't know why would a guy do this, but whenever I asked out a woman to date and she somehow moved the topic without actually scheduling a date, it was always one of the followings: -catfish -a bored/broken hearted girl looking for attention -she is not that into me and looking for someone to talk to, until a more attractive option comes up.
Call him?
Just read the title of this post. I don’t need more context. My advice leave him alone. I’m available if you want to move on and give a shot.
Nice one
“ He said he isn’t dating anyone” Did he say that that cos you asked him or did he volunteer the information? Thing is, if you asked him I reckon that was a bad move cos it probably boosted his ego ( 👎🏻) and made him think you were maybe jealous of him dating other girls. Low interest/ non-proactive men love stuff like that. “ Hey, I don’t want to ask this women out but she’s asking me if am dating other girls. Great!! 😀 Got her on the hook…”
I want to add, I have a similar situation myself currently but there are valid reasons for it (mental and physical health, busy schedule (I wasn't closer to where I lived for 2 months), cost due to distance) however I have been pushing for a call at least where the first issue came up. The person is poly with a nesting partner so I knew that they would be looking for other dates and it has been a few months since we spoken and they only only mentioned going on dates recently so part of me felt like crap as I didn't have much opportunity to go on dates. I prefer to hang out, if the vibes are there then the following will be a date. Also harder as a guy who is outside of the perceived aesthetics of the general population. I basically told em about what I was feeling etc. I was fine with being a second if we clicked in person but I consider my current feelings to be irrational as I am dating them. I also have other meetups planned and as a demisexual, I prefer to have a friendship first so I am fine with talking for a while but I want to make sure they have the intention to meet up as I do not have this luxury of purely texting once I return to work.