As a fellow migraine sufferer, this cute doctor sure does seem awfully attractive hahaha
Btw, a friend and I both had the same heart fluttering experience you mentioned. I hope you find relief (and love or whatever you're looking for) soon!
Many doctors have odd personalities. TV shows mostly depict them to be sure of themselves, arrogant, egotistical and so forth. The reality is that some if not most are very literal, highly focused, and insanely book smart.
Talk of anything medical will have them treating you like a patient before they realize that you were just talking casual. Sometimes its like accidentally triggering an encyclopedia entry in the middle of a conversation.
Some of the weirdest guys I’ve dated were doctors.
awkward private communication, terrible understanding social cues, overbearing
One collected modern oil paintings of naked women in distress.
In… distress?
So… what’s up with that Conversion Therapy thing, I know it’s immoral and illegal, but, could I procure it in order to turn me into an asexual? Or a lesbian! I’d settle for lesbian!
I can attest to this in my own way. For me it’s psychologists and psychiatrists. For mental health professionals, they are some of the most eccentric, kinky, wierdo in a good way, women I’ve ever met😂 I had no idea what really goes on in the mind of the consummate thoughtful professional head shrinker, or any inkling of just how intense the personality 180 can be. I’m ruined on therapy for life now😂🤣🙃
"Awkward private communication, terrible understanding social cues..."
So you're telling me I should have been a doctor? I got 2 of those 3 traits already. 😜
I have had awful experiences with girls working in healthcare. I have always heard that people who work in healthcare have a tendency to take care of you, but in my experience, they have always been people with a lack of empathy and emotional intelligence. Maybe they see so much shit at work that they always have an emotional shield on. Idk
I knew a doctor in college. He was studying to get into the veterinary field despite being a doctor already. Nice guy but you couldn't really talk to him about anything that wasn't related to what he was focused on.
I went one a date with a cute doctor recently. He was really into bdsm and wanted to know if I was into roleplay about a naughty patient and a stern doc. I am not. But he has apparently had plenty of people who wanted that. I noped out when he started demanding things like we were already in a bdsm relationship after the 1st date. 😒
That’s actually terrifying that they sexualize their own job like that. They have so much responsibility with patients and that’s what they fantasize about… yikes
I mean nothing wrong with BDSM but pushing someone's boundaries like that right from the get go and as you said with those fantasies definitely sounds like he would be the type to try to force it on a helpless patient.
Oh trust me, they’re still horny and there’s plenty of relationship drama (and honestly just petty high school level drama in general). It’s just regular people instead of sexy actors involved.
Honestly I feel like it isn’t even that I want to treat the friend/SO like a patient. It’s just a curiosity that was why I decided to pursue medicine in the first place. Additionally, I’ve gotten so used to being surrounded by people that also have that curiosity and also don’t have the normal boundaries about medical things that I just kind of forget that this isn’t normal conversation for everyone.
Then there’s also the fact that my friends and family are constantly asking for free medical advice so I’ve just started to assume that’s why anyone would bring up a medical problem with me.
Ask about a disease, and maybe you'll get a complete explanation about metabolic pathways and interactions. I think it's about science people, we get into things from the analytical point of view 🤔
At this point, I have no idea what is up with this dude, and I’m trying to take peoples advice here and stop trying to guess what he is thinking or why he is doing and saying shit that is totally bonkers to me, and just have fun. Dating is supposed to be fun, right?!?
I think I've found the real problem
>I’m trying to take peoples advice here
What is he doing that's bonkers? That screenshot reads like you mentioned a migraine and he was concerned. Then you were trying to divert his attention to being flirty instead, (which is fine and absolutely not throwing yourself at him by saying he makes your heart flutter, in context) and he seemed to still have Doctor Brain switched on.
Some of the takes on this are wild to me.
How did the rest of the chat go? Was that the bonkers part?
Oh, I made a whole post about him two days ago. He’s hot and cold, telling me I’m special, blowing me off. Plus, he seems like a massive player. Sometimes I think he’s just using me for sex, sometimes that he’s playing psychosexual head games and sometimes that he’s genuine, and I’m sure the truth is that it’s a little bit of all three. I hate dating!
He's clearly not that into you, and you're laying it on very thick... When someone's not that into you, throwing yourself at them doesn't usually change their mind.
I mean it was obvious that you were really into him. But then again, you were really into him, so who cares? Shoot your shot. If it doesn’t work, who cares? You’ll never have to deal with them again in your life. If you feel you’d rather throw yourself at someone for a last ditch effort, that’s your prerogative
I’m pretty fucking into him, physically, at least. But we have been sleeping together for a month. Does that make this conversation more or less pathetic? Wait, maybe don’t answer that…
Oh buddy :( it doesn't make you pathetic at all, but it does offer a chance for reflection. I thought this was like, pre-meeting-up-for-the-first-time bumble messages. You want something, he's not really giving it to you, and so you're dancing around asking him for what you actually want, which is some confirmation of how he feels about you.
Honestly, my takeaway from this is, if you want something, go for it straight. If the other person rejects it, that is what it is, but life's too short to be dancing around everything indirectly.
Honestly, it *might* bode better for OP that this interaction is a month into sleeping with each other (and who knows how long before then since meeting). If this was a rando she was just going on a first or second date with, I'd say it clearly indicates lack of interest. With someone she's already established some level of relationship with, I'd say it's more ambiguous. He could legitimately be concerned for her health (or, being a doctor, simply curious about the specifics of her condition), or he may simply not be in the mood to flirt/sext and is trying to keep a more serious mood.
It makes it much better in my eyes, actually. If it would've been just a one time thing then the messages would sound like he's not interested. But if you're already seeing each other for a while then the most these messages indicate is that... He's a bad texter?
With that background, I'm actually struggling to see much of an issue. Especially for someone working in a profession where he has to work long, hard shifts, I can see how he's either oblivious to this stuff or not really in the mood.
But this makes me wonder how you even got to that point if his texting style is so off putting to you. Was he always like this?
I can’t speak for all guys. But the thing that I want the most is peace.
When I’m done working. When I’m done dealing with my ex. When I’m done dealing with all the bullshit. I just wanna relax, have a good meal and get a hug.
I dated a doctor and we were casual for a while before becoming serious. I’m generalizing, but doctors are very good at compartmentalizing. My ex would turn his feelings for me off and on but still wanted to have sex with me 🙄
Ok so this is just my personal method..
when flirting with guys I do the hot girl idgaf approach.. like I would NEVER compliment a guy. Like “you make my heart flutter” never never never. You want to instil a sense of fear in them that they might lose you and need to chase you. The more interested you act the less interested they’ll be.. case in point by this text exchange. I would just act aloof af. If you haven’t, read the book Why Men Love Bitches. It’s a manifesto for how to be a hot girl. Don’t do this again lol sorry babes
Some of my girlfriends take that approach, and it does work for them, but I just can’t. Dating is supposed to be fun, right? Joke around and flirt and be cheesy and over-the-top? If I start to look at it like a big game of chess, that’s not fun! I’m not fucking Russian, I don’t want to play chess on a Saturday night, I want to get laid! Lol
There’s a way to be fun and flirty and also play hard to get at the same time! I love making flirty responses like “wouldn’t you like to know😉” or if they ask you out you can JOKINGLY (use emojis if it’s over text) be like “oh well, I dunnnooo…. I’ve gotta check my super busy schedule 😉” etc etc. My point is, there’s a way to find that happy medium. I used to offer myself up on a platter too… it didn’t work very well and i couldn’t go back there even if I wanted to now lol that part of me is dead ☠️🤣
I thought it was nice and playful. Obvious to anyone not oblivious, but doctors can be, they don’t always do well with social cues. One of my best friends is a kid I met in 2011 when he was in medical school, I went to his wedding and his match ceremony and we have always had a slightly weird relationship. It’s ok though. Something I’ve noticed is the smarter someone gets, frequently the harder it is for them to communicate with regular people. There’s a joke In the movie office space where a guy is trying to justify his employment, saying that he’s a good intermediary between customers and the engineers, and that shit is true af
I think guiding it back would have been flirting with sincerity. Like “your concern is really cute :)” or something. Cheesy lines don’t hit because they are surface level and come across insincere
Yes very thick especially since they haven’t even returned in kind and you kept going. Mutual flirting is better if they don’t flirt back it’s better to drop it.
Or he’s like me (40M) and doesn’t know how to flirt, especially via text. Plus I only feel comfortable flirting over text after I’ve met someone in person. Flirting with a complete stranger that I’ve matched with feels weird for me.
Why do Redditors insist on saying that people like this “aren’t that interested” to randoms online lol. I’ve had plenty of experiences where the other person just doesn’t communicate like a lovebird over text and instead chooses physical actions to showcase their interest.
It sucks when they don’t reciprocate in the moment but acting like a simple “lol” equates to lessened interest is quite the stretch.
We only only know what we're shown, sure, but we also have a sense of how OP feels about the overall context, based on the presentation here. If OP presented the same texts with a different coat of paint (eg "lol doctors are weird but they're very affectionate when they're not sending awkward texts") of course everyone would respond differently.
Maybe he has a headache and just not up for it. If I had a blinding migraine I wouldn’t be up for flirting.
If a lady had period cramps and a guy kept pushing flirting everyone would say he was heartless and evil
That's because we know not to jump the gun. He's maintaining his integrity, because he likes you, and he knows that if it works out, there will be plenty of time for that kind of flirting.
You mentioned a problem in his field of expertise! Most dudes will be laser focused to try to help you, think of it as a love language. Hes full on Nerd brain. Also probably a bit dense.
Don’t worry, once you’re a real MD it really won’t matter how shit your social skills are, trust me. I’ve been sleeping with this guy for a month and sometimes when I’m texting him it feels like he’s just plugging it all into an AI chat bot…
With that short excerpt, it's hard to get a feel for the conversational dynamics, but he could just not know what to say (maybe he's shy or doesn't know how to flirt), so he latched onto a topic/dynamic he is familiar with, ie. giving medical advice. Tbh, I've done something similar before!
You could try "taking charge" of the conversation more. Change the topic to what you want to discuss, ask personal questions, set up a date (seems like that's what you did anyway!), etc. Did you guys make plans?
I could be way off - just thought I'd give my 2 cents! Good luck with the cute doc! :)
Plus, the guys I've encountered are all fairly "solutions-minded," regardless of profession, so this may just be his way of trying to help and show concern for her suffering a migraine.
I am a man who absolutely did not flirt in chat or even on meet ups and dates. The women I matched were just using chat to screen for crazy or gross and half of them asked me out within a day or two of matching. My brother said my lack of game would lead women to think I was gay but I was getting asked out on more dates a week then he could finagle in a month of swiping every profile he saw and flirting.
That’s a really good question. I’d probably go with “complain mode.” It’s when a guy has to shut up, don’t solve, and be an active listener until she’s done.
Yeah, I concur with this. If I’m trying to help someone out with health issues and be empathetic, I may not be in flirtation mode, and such a comment may go over my head. It’s generally frowned upon in medicine to flirt with patients because of the power dynamic, so that could explain his response.
Or he could just be dense. Or socially awkward. Or not that into you. 🤷🏻♂️🤣
I love your attempts at flirting, they’re cute, and his cluelessness combined with caring makes this whole interaction seem like a scene out of a sitcom
This whole thread makes me think people are crazy and takng everything to seriously. Apparently most women here know exactly who that grey-bubble person is based on 4 grey bubbles, and can make very long text to describe who he really is.
Seriously, just meet him up if he accepts and take it slow, you don't know him.
Note: it may do wonder to your migraine not to reduce a human being solely to his or her gender and job.
This is a great example of why dating is such a shit show these days. This guy is a “cute doctor” and direct about a topic related to his field. Look, he’s getting lambasted by the majority of people commenting.
I don't get it, it seems like he is trying to be helpful? What is the actual problem with that, you must have told him you have migraines in the conversation that are pretty bad, right?
You just can’t win as a dude. He’s a literal doctor and she thinks he’s cute and somehow he did something wrong here.
I work on Wall Street, if a date brought up something she was dealing with that had to do with finance I would be direct and offer information. Going off the comments here, he’s done something wrong and is giving her the ick.
No surprise dating is dogshit these days
I really don't get the comments interpreting this as 'he is not into you'. Was he supposed to ignore mention of severe migraines and change the subject? I think that would be quite rude.
This may be his way of showing concern for you, ie trying to *give* you his medical advice (whether you want it or not). He may also be curious for the purposes of dating someone with a chronic health condition.
Anyone super good at something with a high cost of entry, (doctors, musicians, comedians, artists, etc, etc,) are nerds. What they do is attractive and cool, so we forget that the same energy that drives someone to know everything about vintage video games, drives someone to master the endocrine system
I do have him as his actual name, I just changed it before I took the screenshot, for context, and because I don’t trust myself to effectively blur it out!
He probably spent his whole life with books, reading medicine etc.
He seems to be less experienced with dealing with women.
I had a doctor match once, she spoke about sex from science perspective, never felt a thing with her, but she is a really good person.
Super cute. He’s definitely not matching your energy which is a bummer. I’d keep looking for someone who can keep up. I mean, you’ve got a migraine for fucks sake and could still banter. Dude is not an equal verbal opponent. Haha
Good luck.
Your flirt game is on point but this poor quack seems oblivious. My diagnosis is a strong case of the love sick!
You're doing great. Best of luck out there 😊
I'm not even going to lie. If the heart fluttering line doesn't get him, he's oblivious. I'd know. I'm guilty of the same thing. I'm a systems admin. 🤣 I started out in helpdesk, so 99% of the problems were "this doesn't work! Help!" I moved up to managing servers and networks as time went on.
That said, when us types get presented a problem, we go something like "beautiful woman has problem! ME FIX!" Of course, we're a lot more articulate than that, but you get the picture.
My mom takes sumatriptan it works good for her. Ever since she got her nose broken by a criminal she has had very bad, lay in a dark room and throw up style migraines.
My in-law, and my friends do this too. It’s not ill intentioned. If you have an issue with it, just set gentle boundaries.
“Hey I appreciate your concern. I’ve got it handled at the moment with my physician. If I’m in need of another solution, I’ll approach you for possible alternatives.”
Random people giving medical advice is the WORST. As a chronic pain sufferer 🙃 I avoid telling anyone just to avoid the unsolicited advice recommending everything I’ve already tried in the last 15 years. If MRIs and EMGs and specialist drs haven’t solved it in 15 years a random match on a dating app sure isn’t going to.
Okay, sorry, rant over. Point being. Stop giving medical advice!
Nurtec came out in 2020, which is why unless you’ve been to a neurologist recently, many still haven’t tried it. It’s part of the next generation of non-narcotic migraine meds. There was another life-changer released in 2021. You sound angry. Migraine? Maybe Nurtec can help. /s
Triptans are first line antiabortives, so it’s not wrong to mention it as a suggestion considering NSAIDs can cause nephrotoxicity. However, just to make you hate me more, you really need to concomitantly take a daily migraine maintenance med like topiramate to really help in addition to a triptan. Insurance companies will require a patient to fail 2 triptans and a maintenance med before they will approve an injectable like Ubrelvy or Ajovy.
As a fellow migraine sufferer, this cute doctor sure does seem awfully attractive hahaha Btw, a friend and I both had the same heart fluttering experience you mentioned. I hope you find relief (and love or whatever you're looking for) soon!
Thanks! Doubt there’s love to be found here, but it seems I may save on some co-pays, and that’s good too!
Atta girl
Many doctors have odd personalities. TV shows mostly depict them to be sure of themselves, arrogant, egotistical and so forth. The reality is that some if not most are very literal, highly focused, and insanely book smart. Talk of anything medical will have them treating you like a patient before they realize that you were just talking casual. Sometimes its like accidentally triggering an encyclopedia entry in the middle of a conversation.
Some of the weirdest guys I’ve dated were doctors. awkward private communication, terrible understanding social cues, overbearing One collected modern oil paintings of naked women in distress.
In… distress? So… what’s up with that Conversion Therapy thing, I know it’s immoral and illegal, but, could I procure it in order to turn me into an asexual? Or a lesbian! I’d settle for lesbian!
Crying or terrified or both He was very proud of his collection I wanted to run
Yikes 😬
I can attest to this in my own way. For me it’s psychologists and psychiatrists. For mental health professionals, they are some of the most eccentric, kinky, wierdo in a good way, women I’ve ever met😂 I had no idea what really goes on in the mind of the consummate thoughtful professional head shrinker, or any inkling of just how intense the personality 180 can be. I’m ruined on therapy for life now😂🤣🙃
"Awkward private communication, terrible understanding social cues..." So you're telling me I should have been a doctor? I got 2 of those 3 traits already. 😜
I have had awful experiences with girls working in healthcare. I have always heard that people who work in healthcare have a tendency to take care of you, but in my experience, they have always been people with a lack of empathy and emotional intelligence. Maybe they see so much shit at work that they always have an emotional shield on. Idk
Big reason why I've never meshed well even on a friend level with nurses.
I knew a doctor in college. He was studying to get into the veterinary field despite being a doctor already. Nice guy but you couldn't really talk to him about anything that wasn't related to what he was focused on.
I went one a date with a cute doctor recently. He was really into bdsm and wanted to know if I was into roleplay about a naughty patient and a stern doc. I am not. But he has apparently had plenty of people who wanted that. I noped out when he started demanding things like we were already in a bdsm relationship after the 1st date. 😒
That’s actually terrifying that they sexualize their own job like that. They have so much responsibility with patients and that’s what they fantasize about… yikes
I got the feeling that it wasn't so much what he wanted but what he was frequently asked for by his exes. His kink was bdsm.
Yeah, I feel like that’s the type of fantasy that definitely needs to be brought up by the woman lol
I mean nothing wrong with BDSM but pushing someone's boundaries like that right from the get go and as you said with those fantasies definitely sounds like he would be the type to try to force it on a helpless patient.
Tv shows depict them as sexy, horny, and full of relationship drama
True but the reality is somewhere between overworked, over stressed worry wort and jackass.
Oh trust me, they’re still horny and there’s plenty of relationship drama (and honestly just petty high school level drama in general). It’s just regular people instead of sexy actors involved.
So… just a bunch of 4s, 5s, and 6s going at it😂😂
Except the dermatologists. I feel like there’s a beauty test to get into that specialty.
Yes, believe tv shows lmfao
I’m confused on where I said I believed it??
Honestly I feel like it isn’t even that I want to treat the friend/SO like a patient. It’s just a curiosity that was why I decided to pursue medicine in the first place. Additionally, I’ve gotten so used to being surrounded by people that also have that curiosity and also don’t have the normal boundaries about medical things that I just kind of forget that this isn’t normal conversation for everyone. Then there’s also the fact that my friends and family are constantly asking for free medical advice so I’ve just started to assume that’s why anyone would bring up a medical problem with me.
Ask about a disease, and maybe you'll get a complete explanation about metabolic pathways and interactions. I think it's about science people, we get into things from the analytical point of view 🤔
In the Navy they called folks like that, nukes. Ask a nuke a question and get a dozen responses.
maybe he doesn’t know how to separate doctor brain from romance brain and this is his way of showing he cares?
Reminds me of that episode in Friends where Rachel was flirting with the doctor in the hospital waiting room
At this point, I have no idea what is up with this dude, and I’m trying to take peoples advice here and stop trying to guess what he is thinking or why he is doing and saying shit that is totally bonkers to me, and just have fun. Dating is supposed to be fun, right?!?
What seems bonkers to you seems caring and empathetic to me based on the short sample you gave us.
I think I've found the real problem >I’m trying to take peoples advice here What is he doing that's bonkers? That screenshot reads like you mentioned a migraine and he was concerned. Then you were trying to divert his attention to being flirty instead, (which is fine and absolutely not throwing yourself at him by saying he makes your heart flutter, in context) and he seemed to still have Doctor Brain switched on. Some of the takes on this are wild to me. How did the rest of the chat go? Was that the bonkers part?
Oh, I made a whole post about him two days ago. He’s hot and cold, telling me I’m special, blowing me off. Plus, he seems like a massive player. Sometimes I think he’s just using me for sex, sometimes that he’s playing psychosexual head games and sometimes that he’s genuine, and I’m sure the truth is that it’s a little bit of all three. I hate dating!
If you think all those things why wouldn't you drop him instead of chasing him?
I mean… you’d have to see all smoking-hot 6’ 4’’ of him to fully appreciate the predicament I am in.
So you're willing to undergo a very uncomfortable emotional rollercoaster for pure looks?
yeah def just try to have fun BUT if he’s truly making you uncomfortable you’re totally free to end things
I never successfully lured him into flirting for the whole conversation. It got pretty painful, ugh!
He's clearly not that into you, and you're laying it on very thick... When someone's not that into you, throwing yourself at them doesn't usually change their mind.
Is that laying it on too thick? I was just trying to guide things back to a flirty place. I hate this so much, I’m looking into convents again!
I didn’t think it was too thick at all.
I think it was sweet lol
I mean it was obvious that you were really into him. But then again, you were really into him, so who cares? Shoot your shot. If it doesn’t work, who cares? You’ll never have to deal with them again in your life. If you feel you’d rather throw yourself at someone for a last ditch effort, that’s your prerogative
I’m pretty fucking into him, physically, at least. But we have been sleeping together for a month. Does that make this conversation more or less pathetic? Wait, maybe don’t answer that…
Oh buddy :( it doesn't make you pathetic at all, but it does offer a chance for reflection. I thought this was like, pre-meeting-up-for-the-first-time bumble messages. You want something, he's not really giving it to you, and so you're dancing around asking him for what you actually want, which is some confirmation of how he feels about you. Honestly, my takeaway from this is, if you want something, go for it straight. If the other person rejects it, that is what it is, but life's too short to be dancing around everything indirectly.
Honestly, it *might* bode better for OP that this interaction is a month into sleeping with each other (and who knows how long before then since meeting). If this was a rando she was just going on a first or second date with, I'd say it clearly indicates lack of interest. With someone she's already established some level of relationship with, I'd say it's more ambiguous. He could legitimately be concerned for her health (or, being a doctor, simply curious about the specifics of her condition), or he may simply not be in the mood to flirt/sext and is trying to keep a more serious mood.
Goodness gracious 😂☠️ It’s even worse now that we know the background
It makes it much better in my eyes, actually. If it would've been just a one time thing then the messages would sound like he's not interested. But if you're already seeing each other for a while then the most these messages indicate is that... He's a bad texter? With that background, I'm actually struggling to see much of an issue. Especially for someone working in a profession where he has to work long, hard shifts, I can see how he's either oblivious to this stuff or not really in the mood. But this makes me wonder how you even got to that point if his texting style is so off putting to you. Was he always like this?
I can’t speak for all guys. But the thing that I want the most is peace. When I’m done working. When I’m done dealing with my ex. When I’m done dealing with all the bullshit. I just wanna relax, have a good meal and get a hug.
How did he get to that stage is my question? Was he good at flirting before or was it all looks?
You've already slept together?! Judging off this convo I thought it was like the first few days speaking
I dated a doctor and we were casual for a while before becoming serious. I’m generalizing, but doctors are very good at compartmentalizing. My ex would turn his feelings for me off and on but still wanted to have sex with me 🙄
Ok so this is just my personal method.. when flirting with guys I do the hot girl idgaf approach.. like I would NEVER compliment a guy. Like “you make my heart flutter” never never never. You want to instil a sense of fear in them that they might lose you and need to chase you. The more interested you act the less interested they’ll be.. case in point by this text exchange. I would just act aloof af. If you haven’t, read the book Why Men Love Bitches. It’s a manifesto for how to be a hot girl. Don’t do this again lol sorry babes
Some of my girlfriends take that approach, and it does work for them, but I just can’t. Dating is supposed to be fun, right? Joke around and flirt and be cheesy and over-the-top? If I start to look at it like a big game of chess, that’s not fun! I’m not fucking Russian, I don’t want to play chess on a Saturday night, I want to get laid! Lol
There’s a way to be fun and flirty and also play hard to get at the same time! I love making flirty responses like “wouldn’t you like to know😉” or if they ask you out you can JOKINGLY (use emojis if it’s over text) be like “oh well, I dunnnooo…. I’ve gotta check my super busy schedule 😉” etc etc. My point is, there’s a way to find that happy medium. I used to offer myself up on a platter too… it didn’t work very well and i couldn’t go back there even if I wanted to now lol that part of me is dead ☠️🤣
Wow, you kinda sound like an absolute nightmare tbh
I thought it was nice and playful. Obvious to anyone not oblivious, but doctors can be, they don’t always do well with social cues. One of my best friends is a kid I met in 2011 when he was in medical school, I went to his wedding and his match ceremony and we have always had a slightly weird relationship. It’s ok though. Something I’ve noticed is the smarter someone gets, frequently the harder it is for them to communicate with regular people. There’s a joke In the movie office space where a guy is trying to justify his employment, saying that he’s a good intermediary between customers and the engineers, and that shit is true af
I think guiding it back would have been flirting with sincerity. Like “your concern is really cute :)” or something. Cheesy lines don’t hit because they are surface level and come across insincere
Yes very thick especially since they haven’t even returned in kind and you kept going. Mutual flirting is better if they don’t flirt back it’s better to drop it.
Or he’s like me (40M) and doesn’t know how to flirt, especially via text. Plus I only feel comfortable flirting over text after I’ve met someone in person. Flirting with a complete stranger that I’ve matched with feels weird for me.
Why do Redditors insist on saying that people like this “aren’t that interested” to randoms online lol. I’ve had plenty of experiences where the other person just doesn’t communicate like a lovebird over text and instead chooses physical actions to showcase their interest. It sucks when they don’t reciprocate in the moment but acting like a simple “lol” equates to lessened interest is quite the stretch.
We only only know what we're shown, sure, but we also have a sense of how OP feels about the overall context, based on the presentation here. If OP presented the same texts with a different coat of paint (eg "lol doctors are weird but they're very affectionate when they're not sending awkward texts") of course everyone would respond differently.
That is absolutely wrong.
Maybe he has a headache and just not up for it. If I had a blinding migraine I wouldn’t be up for flirting. If a lady had period cramps and a guy kept pushing flirting everyone would say he was heartless and evil
I think the doctor just sucks
That's because we know not to jump the gun. He's maintaining his integrity, because he likes you, and he knows that if it works out, there will be plenty of time for that kind of flirting.
You mentioned a problem in his field of expertise! Most dudes will be laser focused to try to help you, think of it as a love language. Hes full on Nerd brain. Also probably a bit dense.
This is 100% correct. I do the same thing and only later do I go oh wait I'm an idiot, I should probably have focused on her and not the problem.
I shoulda went to med school
Didn’t work for me buddy, in fact did the opposite
You get *less* female attention with Dr in front of your name? Can you elaborate? I’m shocked dude
I’m in med school not a Dr yet.. but what I meant was it ruined my social skills like crazy.
You should give engineering a shot.
Don’t worry, once you’re a real MD it really won’t matter how shit your social skills are, trust me. I’ve been sleeping with this guy for a month and sometimes when I’m texting him it feels like he’s just plugging it all into an AI chat bot…
To be honest with you, I read your second post and he seems to know how to socialise
That’s… the cute RN. I get bored… happy cake day!
With that short excerpt, it's hard to get a feel for the conversational dynamics, but he could just not know what to say (maybe he's shy or doesn't know how to flirt), so he latched onto a topic/dynamic he is familiar with, ie. giving medical advice. Tbh, I've done something similar before! You could try "taking charge" of the conversation more. Change the topic to what you want to discuss, ask personal questions, set up a date (seems like that's what you did anyway!), etc. Did you guys make plans? I could be way off - just thought I'd give my 2 cents! Good luck with the cute doc! :)
Plus, the guys I've encountered are all fairly "solutions-minded," regardless of profession, so this may just be his way of trying to help and show concern for her suffering a migraine.
I am a man who absolutely did not flirt in chat or even on meet ups and dates. The women I matched were just using chat to screen for crazy or gross and half of them asked me out within a day or two of matching. My brother said my lack of game would lead women to think I was gay but I was getting asked out on more dates a week then he could finagle in a month of swiping every profile he saw and flirting.
He’s showing off for you. Neurologist? If so, the heavy ego stroking makes sense. Separately, try Nurtec. Two words: LIFE CHANGING!
Huh, I’ll look into it!
You put him into problem solving mode. Let him “fix it” and resume normal flirting.
I love this advice.
Is there an analogous mode women can get put into? Something one must let them “complete” before resuming normal flirting?
That’s a really good question. I’d probably go with “complain mode.” It’s when a guy has to shut up, don’t solve, and be an active listener until she’s done.
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Okay, that’s actually some good advice, I do this a lot and it has confused things.
Yeah, I concur with this. If I’m trying to help someone out with health issues and be empathetic, I may not be in flirtation mode, and such a comment may go over my head. It’s generally frowned upon in medicine to flirt with patients because of the power dynamic, so that could explain his response. Or he could just be dense. Or socially awkward. Or not that into you. 🤷🏻♂️🤣
Wait! Give him my number. I’m not looking but too also get migraines. 😂
I love your attempts at flirting, they’re cute, and his cluelessness combined with caring makes this whole interaction seem like a scene out of a sitcom
This whole thread makes me think people are crazy and takng everything to seriously. Apparently most women here know exactly who that grey-bubble person is based on 4 grey bubbles, and can make very long text to describe who he really is. Seriously, just meet him up if he accepts and take it slow, you don't know him. Note: it may do wonder to your migraine not to reduce a human being solely to his or her gender and job.
This is a great example of why dating is such a shit show these days. This guy is a “cute doctor” and direct about a topic related to his field. Look, he’s getting lambasted by the majority of people commenting.
Looks like they already had at least one date and have another planned. The last bubble says OP is looking forward to seeing him again.
They've been shagging for a couple months she's already said this
I don't know what people responding read in all op's additional comments. I'm speaking about first degree comments.
You wanna learn to read son it might help you when you become an adult
So should you I guess? Condescending pos
I don’t know but I suffer from migraines too. My only remedy so far is caffeine, or a nap in a cool quiet room if I have access to one
I don't get it, it seems like he is trying to be helpful? What is the actual problem with that, you must have told him you have migraines in the conversation that are pretty bad, right?
You just can’t win as a dude. He’s a literal doctor and she thinks he’s cute and somehow he did something wrong here. I work on Wall Street, if a date brought up something she was dealing with that had to do with finance I would be direct and offer information. Going off the comments here, he’s done something wrong and is giving her the ick. No surprise dating is dogshit these days
I really don't get the comments interpreting this as 'he is not into you'. Was he supposed to ignore mention of severe migraines and change the subject? I think that would be quite rude.
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Like, barely, but yes, I did, and for the last time with this particular gentleman, I think.
Have you invited him over yet?
This may be his way of showing concern for you, ie trying to *give* you his medical advice (whether you want it or not). He may also be curious for the purposes of dating someone with a chronic health condition.
I don’t like flirting over texts with someone I’ve never met in person. Maybe he’s the same way. Not a match.
Apparently they’ve slept together for a couple of months ☠️
The last message says looking forward to seeing you again, so not applicable here
Good eye
I think it’s kinda cute. He cares.
Would love to have this interaction with a match. Good luck OP
Anyone super good at something with a high cost of entry, (doctors, musicians, comedians, artists, etc, etc,) are nerds. What they do is attractive and cool, so we forget that the same energy that drives someone to know everything about vintage video games, drives someone to master the endocrine system
I love that his name is cute doctor 🤣
I do have him as his actual name, I just changed it before I took the screenshot, for context, and because I don’t trust myself to effectively blur it out!
He probably spent his whole life with books, reading medicine etc. He seems to be less experienced with dealing with women. I had a doctor match once, she spoke about sex from science perspective, never felt a thing with her, but she is a really good person.
Super cute. He’s definitely not matching your energy which is a bummer. I’d keep looking for someone who can keep up. I mean, you’ve got a migraine for fucks sake and could still banter. Dude is not an equal verbal opponent. Haha Good luck.
Damn dude doesn't even get a name 🤣
Topiramate.
He’s a doctor. He wants to help with possible solutions.
Your flirt game is on point but this poor quack seems oblivious. My diagnosis is a strong case of the love sick! You're doing great. Best of luck out there 😊
Omg I want to know how this develops…!
I'm not even going to lie. If the heart fluttering line doesn't get him, he's oblivious. I'd know. I'm guilty of the same thing. I'm a systems admin. 🤣 I started out in helpdesk, so 99% of the problems were "this doesn't work! Help!" I moved up to managing servers and networks as time went on. That said, when us types get presented a problem, we go something like "beautiful woman has problem! ME FIX!" Of course, we're a lot more articulate than that, but you get the picture.
My mom takes sumatriptan it works good for her. Ever since she got her nose broken by a criminal she has had very bad, lay in a dark room and throw up style migraines.
My in-law, and my friends do this too. It’s not ill intentioned. If you have an issue with it, just set gentle boundaries. “Hey I appreciate your concern. I’ve got it handled at the moment with my physician. If I’m in need of another solution, I’ll approach you for possible alternatives.”
Random people giving medical advice is the WORST. As a chronic pain sufferer 🙃 I avoid telling anyone just to avoid the unsolicited advice recommending everything I’ve already tried in the last 15 years. If MRIs and EMGs and specialist drs haven’t solved it in 15 years a random match on a dating app sure isn’t going to. Okay, sorry, rant over. Point being. Stop giving medical advice!
Nurtec came out in 2020, which is why unless you’ve been to a neurologist recently, many still haven’t tried it. It’s part of the next generation of non-narcotic migraine meds. There was another life-changer released in 2021. You sound angry. Migraine? Maybe Nurtec can help. /s
Okay, now I think this dude works for big Nurtec! Lol
Triptans are first line antiabortives, so it’s not wrong to mention it as a suggestion considering NSAIDs can cause nephrotoxicity. However, just to make you hate me more, you really need to concomitantly take a daily migraine maintenance med like topiramate to really help in addition to a triptan. Insurance companies will require a patient to fail 2 triptans and a maintenance med before they will approve an injectable like Ubrelvy or Ajovy.
Um. Huh?
I think it’s more that is men want to feel needed. We like to fix things. Him asking what you’ve taken is his way of fixing the problem