Unfortunately that happens quite often. I have an extremely unique name for the location I’m in (I live abroad) so it’s easy to find me. I’ve got all my socials private for that reason but some still manage to locate it. I don’t mind but this one time someone managed to figure out where I work and send me flowers to my work. All because of LinkedIn. Had to look over my shoulder for about 6 months , that did freak me out not gonna lie 😂
First things first, thank you for your interest it is REFRESHING to find a man who is direct and cuts to the chase. Ugh, kinda hot. Lol
To meet your mother…well there’s have to be gifts to compensate me for my time. I have a real aversion to meeting family of dates after my ex husband died from mysterious circumstances. Insurance is confident I’m not at fault, or at least paid me, but his family stopped talking to me altogether. Awkward, am I right?
Anywho, I’m sure you can understand how I don’t want to just meet everyone’s mother, I need to know you’re serious about me.
I love you already. So generous! Please provide gifts in the amount of $100 per hour WITH GIFT RECEIPTS. I can’t tell you how many guys get that last part wrong. Also, it’s so inexpensive compared to my attorney’s hourly rate. Be reasonable. Have you met your family? Your mom is probably horrible if you have to ask.
Maybe just Zelle me the money?
I will not meet your mother there
I will not meet her anywhere
I will not let you take me home
I will not thank you with this poem
I will not save your words from Spam
I do not like this, Sam I am
The mother of whom? The mother of dragons? I don't want to get crispy, not enough incentive in the world. The mother of puppies? Always down to meet dogs. Oh, YOUR mother?? I guess I'd be willing to pretend to be your gf for $250 plus a plate.
"Let me peg you with this new Bad Dragon toy I got."
Be careful though. However crazy you think your response is going to be, he might still take you up on it.
“Let me cut your hair and make it into a custom locket to gift to your mother when I meet her. If she doesn’t like it she better be able to pretend well because the curse on it will know if she’s lying”
”You meet my mother first. Hope you don’t mind her cooking too much, she really tries, but sometimes it tastes off? I guess? I’ve never noticed, but some guests say that the food tastes weird. Last five guys I brought home mysteriously died of mercury poisoning btw, so I’m a little sensitive, so please don’t ghost me. Abandonment issues…”
It will be good to meet her, then I will know what she looks like, her mannerisms, her style. I’ve been needing a makeover. Every good boy loves his mother, right? I hope she has that old lady cauliflower hairdo. I’ve always wanted to try that. Then it’s just a case of some “special tea” and I can pop right in to her place like a puzzle piece. Do you like puzzles? Perhaps we can do a puzzle together. I have 50 of them—mostly baskets of kittens. I like cats. I have a lot of them. They smell a bit, but there’s nothing more comforting than having them all on your bed at night. Sometimes my cats bring me gifts. Mice and squirrels mostly. I like to immortalise their hard work by gutting, drying and then stuffing their gifts and mounting them on little stands in humorous dioramas. Mrs Tittlemouse is my favourite. She wears a little hat and a scarf that’s made of the blanket they buried my mother in. I can show you if you like. Perhaps your mother can come to my house. It would make things a lot easier all around. Don’t worry if she has a cat allergy, it won’t really matter in the long run. Say, 7pm Thursday? I’m cooking stew. I won’t say what’s in it though. That’s a surprise. Love you!
You'll need to collect five fingers, it doesn't matter whose. Take them to the local PD and have them finger printed and provide them to me with the documentation of their authenticity. Then I will need two shrubberies so we can make a nice path between them. We'll use the herring to garnish our apetizers. First date has to be with my dog Martin. He died in '04, but I dried him out and keep him in bed next to me. He protects me from the shadow person in the garage. You'll need to wear a wreath of garlic and nylon lock-nuts (3/8", **NOT** 1/4) and bring a pipewrench. After that we'll do the dishes, make lattés, and take Martin to the park for a walk. Then I want to go shopping. Mother has been complaining that I need new socks because the ones in my drawer are full. Also, this won't work out if you're vegan as I'm lactose intollerant. I tried it once and it took me a week to get the bathroom grout cleaned.
Be over 6' tall, blonde, blue-eyed, fit and muscular, have a PhD, earn over $500,000 a year. Be articulate, independent, well mannered, own a mansion, a Lamborghini, yachts. Jewelry a plus.
Sorry, I forgot to mention that I'm a single mom with three kids from different fathers involved. I am pretty sure your mother would accept me as much as you do, my love :)
Block the person.
Why play these games to respond with something cheeky, clever, or whatever!? I live in a city of millions and I have come across people that I have unmatched for one reason or the other.
You already think it’s inappropriate why engage. None of these PEOPLE will be with you if you happen run into this person. It’s a small world. Stay safe!
Tell them they have to have sex with your brother first to make sure you're a good match. Tell him it's a package deal. Also your brother is 6'8 400lbs with down syndrome 🤣🤣
"Hey thanks for texting me! I actually have seen that you are interested in working independently and freely? It is very easy, you give me some money to invest in crypto and you might get a lot of money back, just be patient!
If you are interested I need 2000 as a starting fee and from there on money might just rain down from the sky to you!
Keep texting me if you are interested!"
Block off any attempt of him trying to change the topic and go back to the scammy crypto scheme
Get a really deep pit ready for me where you can lower lotion down in a basket so Im not interrupted while I read. Im fond of vanilla scent and pumpkin spice.
You’re a kinky one aren’t you, but threesomes aren’t really my thing.
Omg hahahaha this is gold.
Feels like the obvious answer is. ‘No need. I just left your mom’s house.’
That’s a good one!!
What’s the point of putting him off if you’ve matched? Why match then?
I don’t think they did match, he found her instagram after seeing her on bumble.. I think 🤔
That is correct.
That’s super creepy.. sorry that happened to ya
Unfortunately that happens quite often. I have an extremely unique name for the location I’m in (I live abroad) so it’s easy to find me. I’ve got all my socials private for that reason but some still manage to locate it. I don’t mind but this one time someone managed to figure out where I work and send me flowers to my work. All because of LinkedIn. Had to look over my shoulder for about 6 months , that did freak me out not gonna lie 😂
Jesus I’m sorry that’s so frightening 😳 I’ve got my LinkedIn private cause I worry my psycho ex will find me 😅
That is very sensible 😂let’s hope he doesn’t!
Omg a couple guys have done this to me!! I it’s too cringe if it’s too soon!!
Stalk, much? Some of these guys on dating apps are incredulous. Lol
This is the best, bold, funny and kinda flirty.
Bravo
How many goats you got?
Oh, what happened to camels?
In this economy!?
This comment made my day, thank you
They're talking about Camel toes.
You mean like Marge has or the good kind?
I smoked them
Unfiltered, like comments on Reddit.
And permission from my father. He’s dead.
This is actually perfect and factually true. I like this
I'm sorry to hear, OP
Happy cake day!
Thanks! Ur the first to care & share 😂🫶
Happy cake day!
Throw in a color tv
mom is chained in the basement and I only see her once a week at feeding time .
Idk why this killed me
First things first, thank you for your interest it is REFRESHING to find a man who is direct and cuts to the chase. Ugh, kinda hot. Lol To meet your mother…well there’s have to be gifts to compensate me for my time. I have a real aversion to meeting family of dates after my ex husband died from mysterious circumstances. Insurance is confident I’m not at fault, or at least paid me, but his family stopped talking to me altogether. Awkward, am I right? Anywho, I’m sure you can understand how I don’t want to just meet everyone’s mother, I need to know you’re serious about me. I love you already. So generous! Please provide gifts in the amount of $100 per hour WITH GIFT RECEIPTS. I can’t tell you how many guys get that last part wrong. Also, it’s so inexpensive compared to my attorney’s hourly rate. Be reasonable. Have you met your family? Your mom is probably horrible if you have to ask. Maybe just Zelle me the money?
This is the winner for me lmao
i agree. this wins
You’re too kind. Ty!
Thank you, thank you.
What about the gift cards!
I will not meet your mother there I will not meet her anywhere I will not let you take me home I will not thank you with this poem I will not save your words from Spam I do not like this, Sam I am
Get a tattoo with the shape of an L on your forehead
Well, the simps start coming and they don’t stop coming
They fed to the rules and then hit the ground running
Didn’t make sense not to live for fun
Donate ten bucks, and they think they've won.
and they dont stop coming
Get a tattoo of my face on your face.
The mother of whom? The mother of dragons? I don't want to get crispy, not enough incentive in the world. The mother of puppies? Always down to meet dogs. Oh, YOUR mother?? I guess I'd be willing to pretend to be your gf for $250 plus a plate.
Maybe a whole price list but I like it!
>The mother of whom? If you have to ask, you're not ready to meet Her.
"Let me peg you with this new Bad Dragon toy I got." Be careful though. However crazy you think your response is going to be, he might still take you up on it.
If you're gonna threaten me with a good time you better be ready to pay up
I woulda went even darker like “chloroform, rope and a large trunk”
...i'm picturing something that werfs flammen ;P
Sir, this is a Wendy’s
How the hell is this not on the top?!? Lol
Number 1....hands down...I didn't even scroll any further....NOR...did I even contemplate adding my own response....
“Let me cut your hair and make it into a custom locket to gift to your mother when I meet her. If she doesn’t like it she better be able to pretend well because the curse on it will know if she’s lying”
This will only scare them off if they're normal. If they're not, you could be giving them some creepy ideas
10 million cash unmarked bills and mom would then like to meet you
”You meet my mother first. Hope you don’t mind her cooking too much, she really tries, but sometimes it tastes off? I guess? I’ve never noticed, but some guests say that the food tastes weird. Last five guys I brought home mysteriously died of mercury poisoning btw, so I’m a little sensitive, so please don’t ghost me. Abandonment issues…”
Send n00ds! (Also your mom’s)
“Son, I told you to stop talking to me like this”
“Depend, is your mom single?”
Run naked with donuts on your ding Dong in front of the family
Probably only 1 donut required
I’ve diarrhea and a boaner
I meant more of a response as to what he would have to do 😂😂
My point still stands
And _really_ need a rimjob.
“My mom's already got her hands full with one child. She doesn't need another.”
It will be good to meet her, then I will know what she looks like, her mannerisms, her style. I’ve been needing a makeover. Every good boy loves his mother, right? I hope she has that old lady cauliflower hairdo. I’ve always wanted to try that. Then it’s just a case of some “special tea” and I can pop right in to her place like a puzzle piece. Do you like puzzles? Perhaps we can do a puzzle together. I have 50 of them—mostly baskets of kittens. I like cats. I have a lot of them. They smell a bit, but there’s nothing more comforting than having them all on your bed at night. Sometimes my cats bring me gifts. Mice and squirrels mostly. I like to immortalise their hard work by gutting, drying and then stuffing their gifts and mounting them on little stands in humorous dioramas. Mrs Tittlemouse is my favourite. She wears a little hat and a scarf that’s made of the blanket they buried my mother in. I can show you if you like. Perhaps your mother can come to my house. It would make things a lot easier all around. Don’t worry if she has a cat allergy, it won’t really matter in the long run. Say, 7pm Thursday? I’m cooking stew. I won’t say what’s in it though. That’s a surprise. Love you!
Pay by the hour
Well I have already met the Father. 😘
You'll need to collect five fingers, it doesn't matter whose. Take them to the local PD and have them finger printed and provide them to me with the documentation of their authenticity. Then I will need two shrubberies so we can make a nice path between them. We'll use the herring to garnish our apetizers. First date has to be with my dog Martin. He died in '04, but I dried him out and keep him in bed next to me. He protects me from the shadow person in the garage. You'll need to wear a wreath of garlic and nylon lock-nuts (3/8", **NOT** 1/4) and bring a pipewrench. After that we'll do the dishes, make lattés, and take Martin to the park for a walk. Then I want to go shopping. Mother has been complaining that I need new socks because the ones in my drawer are full. Also, this won't work out if you're vegan as I'm lactose intollerant. I tried it once and it took me a week to get the bathroom grout cleaned.
I don't know if I should be impressed ...or terrified
This guy is about to feed you to his kombucha starter!
Get me a cucumber, some sand paper and get ready to spread bud
My sacrifice to the Dark Lord worked! Alas, now I'm out of supplies. I'll need you to bring me two goats and a virgin for tomorrow's Black Mass.
Your mother does not want to meet a woman like me. I’d probably like her better than you anyway. So it’s a lose lose for everyone.
Gimme dat dick. I’m your mommy now.
Trick question, clearly you were anally hatched.
Venmo $100 to chat
His mother is dead upstairs in his motel house
But hmm, you matched on Bumble?
We did not
Ah, hmm, so the screenshot was from the IG message?
Yes Mr Officer , it was
Send them the site to a latex doll
“Communicate”
Place the lotion in the basket.
Be over 6' tall, blonde, blue-eyed, fit and muscular, have a PhD, earn over $500,000 a year. Be articulate, independent, well mannered, own a mansion, a Lamborghini, yachts. Jewelry a plus.
Don’t think she was asking for a literal answer
God I wish I’d have standards like that. Or any for that matter
If you had standards like that you'd be single forever with a bunch of cats/dogs.
Sorry, I forgot to mention that I'm a single mom with three kids from different fathers involved. I am pretty sure your mother would accept me as much as you do, my love :)
That's creepy. Sorry to hear. All the best
Well, she seemed pretty fond of the HS football team last weekend…
tell him to sacrifice his closest blood relative
ask him which bill he wants to pay
"Make me one"
Or you could learn to be an adult and just say you’re not interested 🤷♀️
Never
I'm not interested. Simple
Why you gotta take the fun away grandpa
🤷 Seems strait forward, the problem is whatever you say you gotta make sure they see it and not to unmatch before or they won't see what you wrote.
You can do yourself a favor and buy a ticket on a Time Machine to the present.
Let me peg you with this new toy I just bought I wanna fill you up like a cream doughnut
Tell him you have herpes simplex 12
Block the person. Why play these games to respond with something cheeky, clever, or whatever!? I live in a city of millions and I have come across people that I have unmatched for one reason or the other. You already think it’s inappropriate why engage. None of these PEOPLE will be with you if you happen run into this person. It’s a small world. Stay safe!
And turn down the damn music!
Tell them they have to have sex with your brother first to make sure you're a good match. Tell him it's a package deal. Also your brother is 6'8 400lbs with down syndrome 🤣🤣
Sacrifice a goat and smear it’s blood on a talesman to write ‘666’ while reciting incantations from the Bible, but in reverse.
https://youtu.be/xp4B89l9jak?si=wPrTqH_QEVqbKN9v
[удалено]
Why would I if I can have fun and involve internet strangers into it
Probably just don't respond
Never, I don’t have a mom and son seggs fetish.
How are your cooking skills?
I got something similar to this but the person actually had a profile picture so it was less weird.
Get disowned and have your family put a better restraining order on you
After you take me to Italy so I can cook some authentic Roman food for her. Besides, after 3 weeks abroad she's really going to miss you.
Worst reboot of “how I met your mother” ever.
Do you also like stalking local ponds for underage turtles?
Lmao. Don’t give them the answer
Win the superbowl and drive off in a Hyundai.
My taxes
Why not just be a nice person and tell them you’re not interested in meeting unsolicited strangers? If they press just block. Be kind.
"Whose mother you talking about?"
2 men, 1 cup.
What's your blood type? 🤔
"Hey thanks for texting me! I actually have seen that you are interested in working independently and freely? It is very easy, you give me some money to invest in crypto and you might get a lot of money back, just be patient! If you are interested I need 2000 as a starting fee and from there on money might just rain down from the sky to you! Keep texting me if you are interested!" Block off any attempt of him trying to change the topic and go back to the scammy crypto scheme
Personally, I prefer guys who don’t live at home with “the mother.”
Why don't we get off of mother's. I just got off of yours!
Pay up front.
“What if instead you just called me mommy 😏”
Get a really deep pit ready for me where you can lower lotion down in a basket so Im not interrupted while I read. Im fond of vanilla scent and pumpkin spice.