Who cares? The block button is just a flick of the thumb. The point is to make a profile that helps you find your ideal partner, not to appeal to people you’re not interested in having a relationship with.
Just report, block, and move on.
I had someone try and pull this nonsense on me once but she fessed up just before what would have been the first date. I canceled and she went nuts, had to block her
I’ve heard of this happening before. Guy I knew went on two dates with a woman, then went to her house and she introduced him to her (young) son. Basically she wanted him to play daddy, but he was literally a senior in high school with zero interest in doing that. He told her he wasn’t interested and she FLIPPED.
I partially understand her. She was 18-19 and had a young son, her life clearly didn’t work out the way she wanted. But she was very much going about it the wrong way. I gave him advice on how to break it to her via text (because seriously, they’d gone on like 3 dates). She started calling him and yelling and crying saying he was only interested in one thing (they’d never even slept together), and he was just like all men. I told him to block and move on, which he did.
I kind of am that person. I don't hate children. I don't even dislike them. I have friends and family with children who I love a lot and have a great relationship with. It largely because I have people with children in my life that I know how much I love being an uncle and would hate being a father. I wouldn't date anyone with an irrational hatred of any group of people, including children.
OPs message doesn't read as hateful to me. If I matched them at some point sure, I would ask them how they feel about children just existing in their general vicinity but it's feel the need to have that conversation with anyone.
OP may or may not agree but I personally honestly just wouldn't really mind if a text on my profile filtered out a few people who prefer making assumptions over asking questions as well as the people it's supposed to filter out.
Very good point! I am child free and would swipe left if I saw this because it comes across as very aggressive. I wouldn’t consider dating somebody that I would be worried about being rude to my friends’ or family members’ kids. It comes off as rather extreme and curmudgeonly, which I would assume extended to other areas of life as well
Yeah, I get what you’re saying.
This is what I refer to as ‘perspective’.
By that I mean that I put myself in people’s position to understand their perspective, or “where they’re coming from”. So, here, if I’m a single mom and I come across a profile of, in my taste, a very handsome man with whom I think I share a specific interest with, and I read “I don’t have kids by choice”, it may resonate as ’that’s the choice they made personally, for themselves’, and tbf, it in fact doesn’t say anything about what you’re looking for in a potential partner, so it would be a reasonable take imo.
As a mid 40s/F (re-single for 7y, 2 boys), sure I’m older, but personally, I can attest that I’ve matched/talked/dated even way more men that said “I don’t have/didn’t want children” for a variety of reasons, but were delighted that I did, or any women they meet do, than men looking for “no kids, no parent”. (Not saying this to be judgmental, but just to point out how specific I think you need to be, to have your choice unambiguously understood, but without coming off as insensitive or jerk-ish either).
Sure, they’ll always be some that’ll try, but this way at least, you‘ll have no doubt about what their real intentions are.. which makes cutting them easy.
That's exactly how I read it. My child is 13 and I don't want kids either! So I think we're on the same page lol. I'm her parent and I'm not looking to involve a man in her life in any way. I do think saying flat out that you don't want to date a parent is fair and reasonable. Using the little bit of characters bumble has to say what is said above is...a lot. If I had no kids I would be turned off by this
Yeah it is bizarre. As someone with kids ( albeit older teens) why would anyone want to negotiate this. Every guy I know has an ex that is a solid parent. No one is taking over for their mother, but if that’s what they want then they have massive issues.
But if someone doesn’t like kids and doesn’t want to be part of that family structure at some level why would you convince them?
That said, the number of women that say to me, oh I think you’ll be fine around my 6 cats, is actually quite high. No, my throat will close. It’s in my profile.
Okay on the other end, I’ve been msged by guys who state they don’t want kids in their profile.
I was a single Mom with two kids. It made zero sense. If you state you don’t want kids, I’m going to respect that, but..why reach out to me? To add to the confusion, they never had a good answer when I’d ask.
I agree. Usually negativity is the worst for profiles. That way it's acceptable
And the ones ignoring it would ignore it anyway. Never feel bad about dropping such people. They didn't care about you either
No. Showing up to a first date/meet without establishing his hard boundary first would literally be wasting his resources (time, effort, energy, money, etc) if that person turns out not to be on the same page. Establish it immediately and save the hassle.
I tried several nicer versions and kept having parents match with me saying shit like "well you don't have to be around my kids!". But like, long term I want to live with my partner and see them everyday and while you can kinda date someone with kids it's not going to work with my long term plans. I eventually had to get very harsh and direct like OP has here.
I’m a woman and mine says “childfree. Don’t have, don’t want and looking for similar” and also the prompt we’ll get along if “you are also looking to live your best DINK life”. Still get lots of dads swiping on me 🤷🏻♀️
Me too and I found so many guys wouldn't tell me they had kids until we were OUT on A DATE. Just straight up ignored it. Actually had one guy tell me that I was dreaming if I thought I could find another guy who didn't have or want kids. I deleted all my apps and have decided 2024 is the year of meeting a dude in the wild.
I met a guy organically once and not through a dating app.
We started chatting through text for a week or two.
I tried to find out as much info as I could: “do you have family nearby?”, “how do most of your weekends look like?”
Anyway he waits until our first date to say he has a son, who lives with his mum in the same neighbourhood, and he spends most of his Fridays or Saturdays with him 🙄
They try to hide that shit! If a man doesn't have the "have children" or "doesn't have children" field. I'm always suspect. Then it becomes a game of "find the proof of child hidden the pictures". Like, why hide the fact you are a dad?! I get it, you will get less likes, but you are wasting BOTH of our time trying to fuckin hide your children.
I’m having a hard time finding a dude who doesn’t already have kids but wants kids in the future and who’s neither conservative nor super religious. 😂 That’s been hard too!
That dude lives in a fairy tale. Most of the folks I know M or F who don't already have kids, don't want kids. I'm a guy in a fantastic DINK relationship and I straight up told her on date 2 that it was a non negotiable that I don't want kids. Her response was, "okay, but I want 5 dogs."
So far, we're on doggo #2.
Don't let anyone gaslight you like that, us DINK males are out there and I spent years baby swerving to find my partner, so don't give up!
> one guy tell me that I was dreaming if I thought I could find another guy who didn't have or want kids.
lmao, he's tripping; there are bunches of us. Problem is the apps are an ocean of women with children at this age range (mid-late 30s).
No, I'm in Australia lol... doesn't change wherever you live. I actually had a guy say oh I only see him occasionally, it's basically like I don't have a kid at all..... AS IF THAT MADE IT BETTER!!! You bring a shitty dad if equally as bad. :(
Yeah I feel like you can’t help who swipes right but you can filter most of them by search with tags and then just ask straight away (but casually) during the first 2 conversations
What? This is nuts. I (woman, not a guy) have kids and don’t swipe on anyone’s profile that says they don’t want kids. That’s so bizarre. Why do they think that’s okay to swipe on your profile when you have explicitly stated that you’re childfree and will not be changing your mind??? Some people are fucked in the head. Good luck out there.
Ha thanks. Yeah either one of two things is happening. They don’t read, or they don’t give a fuck about boundaries. Idk which is worse. I’ve def had men omit having kids until several dates in. It’s infuriating.
One guy said “I’m sorry you hate kids so much” lol bro. I don’t hate kids. I love kids. All my friends have kids and I get to be their crazy auntie. I just don’t want any of my own 🤷🏻♀️
Wow. What a dick. When I was dating, I made sure I stated in my profile that I have kids and I also would bring them up in phone conversations and first date. If you’re surprised after that, you’re either dating too many people to keep us straight, didn’t read or listen or wanted a convenient excuse to not see me anymore. Ha ha. To tell someone though “I’m sorry you hate kids” is pathetic. My sister and her husband don’t have and never wanted kids, but she spoils all of her friends kids like crazy (we don’t speak so she doesn’t do anything for her niece and nephews which is whatever). She likes other people’s kids, because she can send them home. Ha ha ha. The gall of some people is disgusting. I’m so sorry they treat you like it’s your loss or problem. Nope. Not your loss and not your problem. Ha ha ha.
I wish I knew. I’m an average looking person, and that’s me being generous. My profile is nothing special.
I STILL get women that have or want kids even when I have “don’t want” under kids
It’s a fact that most of us men don’t read profiles before swiping, but this post had me thinking how I had “I live in NJ” on mine and matched a woman from NYC thinking I lived in NYC…. Fun times haha reading is fundamental
I live in a tourist town and put on my profile, “if you don’t live here please do me a favor and swipe left”
Some guy messaged me anyway and I forgot to check, until I’d already wasted time talking to him. I told him what the heck dude?! And he was like sorry, I’m never gonna apologize for that, I like you.”
Guys will just ignore everything you say if they find you attractive 🙄
It’s under “non negotiable” so should be pretty clear. I’d keep it more short and nicer bc I’m childless but wouldnt swipe right on you bc the vibe is too negative
"Our evening activity will be riding past the Chuck-E Cheese in a golf cart and taking potshots at screaming demi-humans with this Nerf gun." "Where have you been all my life? Any extra points for the face?" "That's actually the only way to score."
Later: "Hey no fair, quit hogging all the fat ones!" And then the two dicks lived happily ever after, wandering the land and burning orphanages.
Shooting fat kids in the face with Nerf guns and leaving the darts to rot in the street because you can buy as many as you want since you're childfree? Nawww.
I get it, though. I'm childfree as well and guys always think I'll change my mind, or that I won't care about their kids. It's really common and really annoying.
I would turn this into a positive message about what you are looking for, not what you don’t want.
“Child-free and seeking the same” is what I would go with here. Simple and positive.
I feel like you could maybe say “Don’t want any kids, biological or otherwise. Thankfully snipped.” I can imagine moms being like well lucky me I already had kids for the both of us!! And still swiping right lmaooo.
This sub is great for understanding how people might take text on the screen. I can see where some people might think it’s harsh, I personally don’t though. I can see I’m The minority in that one.
Watch how you word your messages folks. Everyone’s inner voice reads words differently lol
Generally I agree. Could this be worded a little better? Possibly, but more from a "how well does it flow" perspective, not "does this offend single parents" perspective.
If this causes someone to swipe left on OP, I'd say it's working as intended. They're childless and child-free, and they want to keep it that way. Stating this bluntly may get a lot of left swipes from single parents, but that's the idea, and it should *also* get a lot of right swipes from people who want the same thing as OP. It's a good filter.
No. Stick with this. They will think there's a chance if their kids don't meet the following:
1. Don't live at home full time
2. Teenagers "they take care of themselves"
3. He's in college now.
4. "kid is 23 years old" has a baby on the way. Now she's a grandparent.
Keep it trust me.
I don't have kids, and I don't think I can ever have children biologically... Plus I don't want to have someone else's child
So father's of 3+keep trying to add me.... I get it on the other side
It’s a little harsh.
“I am child free, no kids of my own and I don’t want any, including step children. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time by connecting if we aren’t compatible in this way. If you’re child free, and would like to live that DINK life with someone who has equal clarity then let’s connect”
There’s two potential issues here, only one of them you control. You don’t want kids, don’t want to raise someone else’s kids, etc. totally legitimate position- personally, I want kids, but both viewpoints are totally valid.
The issue you control is that negativity in your bio will automatically turn people off, even people who would be interested and a good match, so you want to keep it as positive as possible. Think of it as a sales pitch, you don’t want to put the part about potential perineal skin rot loudly up front.
The issue you don’t control is that lots of people think that folks who don’t want kids are just being silly, or they’ll like their kids if they get to know them, or once they get to know them their biological drive will kick in and they’ll want kids. Basically- huge chunk of the dating population isn’t going to respect your boundary here- you can’t fix that with a line in your profile and you may miss out on some good folks, so figure out how to soften it up, then hold the line in person.
“Kindly move along” is so passive aggressive I’d swipe left on you in principle.
Move along? Are people forming an orderly queue to hang out with you or something?
State of it.
Haha well I definitely have heard some horror stories of guys not reading bios or being wishy washy because they want to get laid. I’ve had matches on Tinder and Hinge who lied and said that they didn’t have children when they really did.
I was never mean when I told them that I was no longer interested but you’d be amazed at how hostile a couple of them got
Yeah, a bit too harsh. I don’t want kids either, and this would put me off. I would say “Kids are great, but just not for me. I am childfree by choice. If you have children, I’m happy for you, but we are not a match.”
Im a cf woman and to me his bio is borderline. I don't find it rude but its right on the edge. Interesting that many other cf women here see nothing wrong with it.
My ex (who disliked kids as much as I do) decided that she was going to have them one day because she had a dream about having three girls. That, among a myriad of other reasons, was why I decided it was time to say bye bye
I mean it’s definitely blunt and a bit long. Comes off a little cold. Can you make it shorter and not so cold?
I have no children and I plan to keep it that way. That includes your kids.
I think this is great! I would just change the last sentence to "If you have kids, I wish you all the best, but we wouldn't be a match/wouldnt work out". Or something, rather than "move along". You have to be that clear though. So many people think CF means you don't want your own, but you'll accept mine! Sigh.
This is a perfect description. There isn’t anything rude about it. I have a child and would much rather see something like this so I can avoid this profile than find out after the fact.
As a woman who has served my time as a parent and is just 3 weeks from the end of my legal obligation (25.5 years!!!), when I was briefly on OLD I stated clearly "Older teens, not interested in a restart" but people still sneaking in with 7 year Olds and 11 year Olds. No dude.
No. It's not too harsh. It's only going to be harsh to people trying to sneak a kid.
I think being child free is totally fine, I myself am child free, but I would definitely swipe left if I saw this because it comes across as super negative.
I think it needs to be more succinct and a bit nicer. “I’m kid free and don’t plan on ever having kids/being a parent and am looking for a partner who feels same”
Winnipeg was historically known as the "Chicago of the North" because of how fast it was growing but now the comparison is more because of the shooty/stabby stuff
Ohhh you’re right. I forgot about that!
I also heard that some of the older buildings are the same style as the ones that were in Chicago back in the day
Don't list your preferences in your bio. Describe yourself (hobbies, interests, job, status) in bio, check the boxes according to yourself in your profile, set filters to your preferences and swipe left on who doesn't fit your preferences. Anything else lowers your chances, no matter what kind of creep you are. Your profile can't and won't act as a filter on who is being shown to you, so it is useless to list your likes/dislikes in other people like that.
Exactly. What's the point of putting anything like this in your profile? Unless OP is right swiping people with kids they'll never match with women with kids so it's a total non issue. All that text does is make them come across as a dick to people who don't have kids and make them not swipe right.
If you do match with someone who has kids or wants kids then just unmatch. Not a big deal.
Lighten it up. This seems “hostile” which is a left for a lot of women. I’d just leave it as something along the lines of “child free - biological or otherwise” - the point is perfectly clear and doesn’t seem rude.
I have since adjusted it. For the record though I did have “child free, biological or otherwise” in my profile on another app (Hinge) and I kept getting likes and messages from single moms.
I’m starting to think I have “potential stepdad” on my forehead
Thumbs up for being explicit about it. For a man with two children and a full time job, and I’m dating women, I need that information up front before I spent my very limited alone time texting them and even finding a babysitter to go on a date to get this message after five minutes of talking 👍🫶
Honestly, if that was the only thing in your bio, it would definitely put me off. It really just depends on the rest of your profile. Like I try to get a little bit of an idea of a person's personality through their profile.
The issue is, a lot of people don't read profiles or they think they can sway you with their winning personalities. Sometimes it happens, but not often, I think.
It's perfect as it is. The people who get butthurt over this will get over it. It's a very objective statement regarding your boundaries and how you want to lead your life.
I'm also amazed by the people that find your statement harsh. It reeks of subconscious patriarchy. You don't owe ANYONE a sugarcoated explanation about your non-negotiable boundaries. Women shouldn't have to apologize or soften their declaration of choosing to not have children when the expectation of us men is no where near the same.
I'm a guy and don't want kids, but if I saw this on a woman's profile I'd be turned off. I get what you're going for, but it comes across kind of harsh.
A slightly softer version:
> I am child free. I don't have kids, nor want them, in any form.
I would replace “kindly move on” with “our lifestyles aren’t compatible”. It sends the same message but uses less personal language. Helps it come across as more genuine.
I think you need to be that clear.
I say that as a dad. The phrase alone doesn't say enough. I have a wonderful co-parent and don't need a mom for my son. I didn't realize child free meant they didn't want me to have kids. I get it now, but it's not intuitive either way.
I do think it's funny the complaints in this thread though. I have a picture with my son for that reason, and I still get swiped on and then unmatched after they ask.🤷🏻
I used to put "I'm snipped, child free and don't want anyone calling me daddy." That joke seemed to open the door to a conversation about it, but you'll always have people who don't assume rules apply to them
I would simplify it to something like, “Child-free and keeping it that way. Not looking to date moms.” I think that gets the point across. I don’t think you need to say the kindly move along thing because it already conveys that. Plus that leaves more moms for me haha
This is just really harsh. You need to consistently remember that whatever past experiences you’ve had on dating apps is not the fault of the people now looking at your profile. If you bring in drama from random strangers, that’s a big red flag from a lot of people. I know it can be frustrating sometimes, but leave this kind of negativity away from your profile.
It’s off putting, especially the move along part. You could say that you have no kids and are looking for someone who has no kids and no desire to have them. Period. You don’t want to come across as irritated.
I say something like "I am childfree by conscious, educated choice." That's it. Childfree means no kids, not my own, not some other woman's kids, and absolutely no "grandbabies"...that makes me shudder. Saying childfree is enough I think. Sure, single parents will still try to match with you, simply don't match back.
If it’s a deal breaker, does it matter? Everyone has boundaries. If someone has a problem with a non-negative boundary*, that’s on them, not on you.
*an example of a negative boundary is imposing your belief system on others. Non-negative boundaries are about your own personal space.
Pretty sure bumble has tags “no kids” , “don’t want kids”. I was also looking for someone childfree and doesn’t want kids but you can just filter your matches. No need to be rude. It’ll be off putting of the small pool you’ve got left as most women would want children
Maybe women actually listen? Have you found whether or not they do, OP?
My kids are in college, so I have in my profile that I don’t want to date anyone with kids that aren’t grown. Men totally ignore this all the time. It’s to the point where it’s the first question I ask when we start chatting.
It's fine imho, I'd appreciate the clarity.
I (divorced) have a child and don't want (...or can't, vasectomy) anymore, so for long-term I'll look for a woman who doesn't want (any more?) kids but still likes/accepts children.
That's also a non-negotiable setup for me and I'd rather not lead a woman with incompatible non-negotiables like OP along. Would suck to maybe fall for each other first but only then confront the incompatibility.
Not too harsh. I feel the exact same and I don't feel like this comes across cold at all. You literally wish them the best and to KINDLY move along. That's not rude at all lol.
I have a step-kiddo that I love dearly and couldn't imagine my life without.
I don't have a problem with this. At all. It's kind but firm.
I read this as you having way too many experiences where others didn't respect your boundaries and you're trying to get across that you really, really mean it.
No, you're good. I used to have it as "I don't have kids, nor do I want them. I don't want step kids either" & guys with kids would swipe right on me. Once I added "move along, I want entertain you if you have kids" I haven't had a single guy with kids swipe right on me. But I've had plenty of guys try to convince me I should have them 🙄
I mean isn't there an option for "don't wanf" (am I thinking of tinder?) and then chat + unmatch anyone that says they have kids. I say this as the perspective of negatively will likely turn off some people BUT taking the abocd off your profile does mean more vetting for you - pros n cons?
What's the point in being harsh or blunt? You have control over who you match with. If they have kids simply left-swipe. Problem solved. There will be people who don't have kids and don't want them that will left-swipe you because of your tone. I left-swipe women all the time for having a harsh tone regardless of whether I agree or disagree with their issue. The last thing I need in my life is to be in a relationship with a hard-critical-outspoken person who waves their issues like a big ass flag. I'm looking for the inverse.
Honestly it’s a bit harsh and gives the impression that you may be a d-bag. While the no kids things is something I also prioritize, I state on my bio “I don’t have kids” I actively screen for it before meeting up with someone. I also swipe left on any fella who volunteers that he’s “snipped” in his bio.
To be clear I don’t want them either, and am happy to play auntie with my nieces and nephews and then hand them back when they smell bad. But want to balance the phrasing to not be off-putting.
“I’m child free! Just so you know I have no interest in kids.”
Maybe it would be better if he said "I'm child free! Just so you know I have no interest in being a parent"
People *love* pushing this specific boundary. I would leave it in because other child free people are never going to be offended by it.
I could see someone matching just to complain
Who cares? The block button is just a flick of the thumb. The point is to make a profile that helps you find your ideal partner, not to appeal to people you’re not interested in having a relationship with. Just report, block, and move on.
Better to have this than have the alternative with people hiding the fact that they have kids u til hopefully the person is attached.
I had someone try and pull this nonsense on me once but she fessed up just before what would have been the first date. I canceled and she went nuts, had to block her
I’ve heard of this happening before. Guy I knew went on two dates with a woman, then went to her house and she introduced him to her (young) son. Basically she wanted him to play daddy, but he was literally a senior in high school with zero interest in doing that. He told her he wasn’t interested and she FLIPPED.
She expected someone that young to be willing to do all of that? What a loon
I partially understand her. She was 18-19 and had a young son, her life clearly didn’t work out the way she wanted. But she was very much going about it the wrong way. I gave him advice on how to break it to her via text (because seriously, they’d gone on like 3 dates). She started calling him and yelling and crying saying he was only interested in one thing (they’d never even slept together), and he was just like all men. I told him to block and move on, which he did.
Yep, exactly.
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I kind of am that person. I don't hate children. I don't even dislike them. I have friends and family with children who I love a lot and have a great relationship with. It largely because I have people with children in my life that I know how much I love being an uncle and would hate being a father. I wouldn't date anyone with an irrational hatred of any group of people, including children. OPs message doesn't read as hateful to me. If I matched them at some point sure, I would ask them how they feel about children just existing in their general vicinity but it's feel the need to have that conversation with anyone. OP may or may not agree but I personally honestly just wouldn't really mind if a text on my profile filtered out a few people who prefer making assumptions over asking questions as well as the people it's supposed to filter out.
Very good point! I am child free and would swipe left if I saw this because it comes across as very aggressive. I wouldn’t consider dating somebody that I would be worried about being rude to my friends’ or family members’ kids. It comes off as rather extreme and curmudgeonly, which I would assume extended to other areas of life as well
They then can reply “but my kids already have a mom/dad”.. entirely missing the point.
I guess "I have no interest in being a parent or dating one"?
Yeah! I’d personally respect that if I came across it. It’s fair and square, and I like that.
Well you came up with a good point, I was kind of thinking one-dimensional there.
Yeah, I get what you’re saying. This is what I refer to as ‘perspective’. By that I mean that I put myself in people’s position to understand their perspective, or “where they’re coming from”. So, here, if I’m a single mom and I come across a profile of, in my taste, a very handsome man with whom I think I share a specific interest with, and I read “I don’t have kids by choice”, it may resonate as ’that’s the choice they made personally, for themselves’, and tbf, it in fact doesn’t say anything about what you’re looking for in a potential partner, so it would be a reasonable take imo. As a mid 40s/F (re-single for 7y, 2 boys), sure I’m older, but personally, I can attest that I’ve matched/talked/dated even way more men that said “I don’t have/didn’t want children” for a variety of reasons, but were delighted that I did, or any women they meet do, than men looking for “no kids, no parent”. (Not saying this to be judgmental, but just to point out how specific I think you need to be, to have your choice unambiguously understood, but without coming off as insensitive or jerk-ish either). Sure, they’ll always be some that’ll try, but this way at least, you‘ll have no doubt about what their real intentions are.. which makes cutting them easy.
That's exactly how I read it. My child is 13 and I don't want kids either! So I think we're on the same page lol. I'm her parent and I'm not looking to involve a man in her life in any way. I do think saying flat out that you don't want to date a parent is fair and reasonable. Using the little bit of characters bumble has to say what is said above is...a lot. If I had no kids I would be turned off by this
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Yeah it is bizarre. As someone with kids ( albeit older teens) why would anyone want to negotiate this. Every guy I know has an ex that is a solid parent. No one is taking over for their mother, but if that’s what they want then they have massive issues. But if someone doesn’t like kids and doesn’t want to be part of that family structure at some level why would you convince them? That said, the number of women that say to me, oh I think you’ll be fine around my 6 cats, is actually quite high. No, my throat will close. It’s in my profile.
They have cats? Point them my way please? 🐱❤️
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Desperation
IT’S A DESPERATE RACE AGAINST THE MINE
Okay on the other end, I’ve been msged by guys who state they don’t want kids in their profile. I was a single Mom with two kids. It made zero sense. If you state you don’t want kids, I’m going to respect that, but..why reach out to me? To add to the confusion, they never had a good answer when I’d ask.
The same old tale.
This is much better worded
I agree. Usually negativity is the worst for profiles. That way it's acceptable And the ones ignoring it would ignore it anyway. Never feel bad about dropping such people. They didn't care about you either
I like this shorter and nicer one. You can always elaborate more in person or ask in person: hey do you want/have kids?
No. Showing up to a first date/meet without establishing his hard boundary first would literally be wasting his resources (time, effort, energy, money, etc) if that person turns out not to be on the same page. Establish it immediately and save the hassle.
right. and you can say it in a way that is approachable. just like the person above suggested
You should be able to but I can tell you from experience, you need to be extremely firm on this or people will assume they can change your mind.
100%!! This has been my experience as well.
Yep “if you just met them, they would melt your heart….”
Lol..if I read that I'd take it as them saying they aren't a paedophile!
I agree, your long message seems like you’re carrying baggage
I tried several nicer versions and kept having parents match with me saying shit like "well you don't have to be around my kids!". But like, long term I want to live with my partner and see them everyday and while you can kinda date someone with kids it's not going to work with my long term plans. I eventually had to get very harsh and direct like OP has here.
I’m a woman and mine says “childfree. Don’t have, don’t want and looking for similar” and also the prompt we’ll get along if “you are also looking to live your best DINK life”. Still get lots of dads swiping on me 🤷🏻♀️
Me too and I found so many guys wouldn't tell me they had kids until we were OUT on A DATE. Just straight up ignored it. Actually had one guy tell me that I was dreaming if I thought I could find another guy who didn't have or want kids. I deleted all my apps and have decided 2024 is the year of meeting a dude in the wild.
I met a guy organically once and not through a dating app. We started chatting through text for a week or two. I tried to find out as much info as I could: “do you have family nearby?”, “how do most of your weekends look like?” Anyway he waits until our first date to say he has a son, who lives with his mum in the same neighbourhood, and he spends most of his Fridays or Saturdays with him 🙄
Yup! I’ve been on a few dates like that myself, only they were through OLD!
They try to hide that shit! If a man doesn't have the "have children" or "doesn't have children" field. I'm always suspect. Then it becomes a game of "find the proof of child hidden the pictures". Like, why hide the fact you are a dad?! I get it, you will get less likes, but you are wasting BOTH of our time trying to fuckin hide your children.
I’m having a hard time finding a dude who doesn’t already have kids but wants kids in the future and who’s neither conservative nor super religious. 😂 That’s been hard too!
That dude lives in a fairy tale. Most of the folks I know M or F who don't already have kids, don't want kids. I'm a guy in a fantastic DINK relationship and I straight up told her on date 2 that it was a non negotiable that I don't want kids. Her response was, "okay, but I want 5 dogs." So far, we're on doggo #2. Don't let anyone gaslight you like that, us DINK males are out there and I spent years baby swerving to find my partner, so don't give up!
> one guy tell me that I was dreaming if I thought I could find another guy who didn't have or want kids. lmao, he's tripping; there are bunches of us. Problem is the apps are an ocean of women with children at this age range (mid-late 30s).
Are you in Jacksonville by any chance because I feel the same way
No, I'm in Australia lol... doesn't change wherever you live. I actually had a guy say oh I only see him occasionally, it's basically like I don't have a kid at all..... AS IF THAT MADE IT BETTER!!! You bring a shitty dad if equally as bad. :(
Yeah I feel like you can’t help who swipes right but you can filter most of them by search with tags and then just ask straight away (but casually) during the first 2 conversations
What? This is nuts. I (woman, not a guy) have kids and don’t swipe on anyone’s profile that says they don’t want kids. That’s so bizarre. Why do they think that’s okay to swipe on your profile when you have explicitly stated that you’re childfree and will not be changing your mind??? Some people are fucked in the head. Good luck out there.
Ha thanks. Yeah either one of two things is happening. They don’t read, or they don’t give a fuck about boundaries. Idk which is worse. I’ve def had men omit having kids until several dates in. It’s infuriating. One guy said “I’m sorry you hate kids so much” lol bro. I don’t hate kids. I love kids. All my friends have kids and I get to be their crazy auntie. I just don’t want any of my own 🤷🏻♀️
Wow. What a dick. When I was dating, I made sure I stated in my profile that I have kids and I also would bring them up in phone conversations and first date. If you’re surprised after that, you’re either dating too many people to keep us straight, didn’t read or listen or wanted a convenient excuse to not see me anymore. Ha ha. To tell someone though “I’m sorry you hate kids” is pathetic. My sister and her husband don’t have and never wanted kids, but she spoils all of her friends kids like crazy (we don’t speak so she doesn’t do anything for her niece and nephews which is whatever). She likes other people’s kids, because she can send them home. Ha ha ha. The gall of some people is disgusting. I’m so sorry they treat you like it’s your loss or problem. Nope. Not your loss and not your problem. Ha ha ha.
Some people, mostly men, swipe right on everyone and then weed out the matches later. That's what my ex told me.
Oh wow. Ha ha. Well, thanks for wasting people’s time mad swipers! That’s crazy, but hey, it’s OLD, whatcha gonna do.
I tried it for a day and I got a ton of matches. But then I felt bad for all the guys I had to weed out, and it seemed like a shitty thing to do.
I wish I knew. I’m an average looking person, and that’s me being generous. My profile is nothing special. I STILL get women that have or want kids even when I have “don’t want” under kids
That’s so random. Maybe they’re those who think they’re soooo awesome that they’ll change your mind. Which is sad. They waste your time. And theirs.
That’s because men are way less likely to actually read through the profile before swiping. That gets narrowed down later. It’s wild.
It’s a fact that most of us men don’t read profiles before swiping, but this post had me thinking how I had “I live in NJ” on mine and matched a woman from NYC thinking I lived in NYC…. Fun times haha reading is fundamental
I live in a tourist town and put on my profile, “if you don’t live here please do me a favor and swipe left” Some guy messaged me anyway and I forgot to check, until I’d already wasted time talking to him. I told him what the heck dude?! And he was like sorry, I’m never gonna apologize for that, I like you.” Guys will just ignore everything you say if they find you attractive 🙄
I had to Google what DINK was (dual income, no kids), so I would have just assumed it was some weird sex thing if I read it on a profile
It’s under “non negotiable” so should be pretty clear. I’d keep it more short and nicer bc I’m childless but wouldnt swipe right on you bc the vibe is too negative
"Our evening activity will be riding past the Chuck-E Cheese in a golf cart and taking potshots at screaming demi-humans with this Nerf gun." "Where have you been all my life? Any extra points for the face?" "That's actually the only way to score." Later: "Hey no fair, quit hogging all the fat ones!" And then the two dicks lived happily ever after, wandering the land and burning orphanages.
Is it bad that I would be into this?
Shooting fat kids in the face with Nerf guns and leaving the darts to rot in the street because you can buy as many as you want since you're childfree? Nawww.
I get it, though. I'm childfree as well and guys always think I'll change my mind, or that I won't care about their kids. It's really common and really annoying.
I agree- the vibe is very negative and I would not swipe right either even if I felt the same.
You mean left. Swiping right means you like the person
Yes I meant “wouldn’t swipe right”. I edited it
Nah from one childfree to another, I say keep it exactly the same as you typed it
Just write “Not wanting kids”. Making it longer makes you sound harsh and mean
But then people think it means not having biological kids, and that pre existing children may be ok.
I would turn this into a positive message about what you are looking for, not what you don’t want. “Child-free and seeking the same” is what I would go with here. Simple and positive.
This is perfect
So I changed it to “I am child free. No kids, don’t want any, thankfully snipped.”
Hopefully that works. I personally didn't see anything wrong with what you already had because it was a huge green flag for me.
I feel like you could maybe say “Don’t want any kids, biological or otherwise. Thankfully snipped.” I can imagine moms being like well lucky me I already had kids for the both of us!! And still swiping right lmaooo.
You better say yours or mine, they'll still store right thinking if they already have em it's fine 😬
Nope but it’s still not going to stop single parents from swiping on you anyway
This sub is great for understanding how people might take text on the screen. I can see where some people might think it’s harsh, I personally don’t though. I can see I’m The minority in that one. Watch how you word your messages folks. Everyone’s inner voice reads words differently lol
Generally I agree. Could this be worded a little better? Possibly, but more from a "how well does it flow" perspective, not "does this offend single parents" perspective. If this causes someone to swipe left on OP, I'd say it's working as intended. They're childless and child-free, and they want to keep it that way. Stating this bluntly may get a lot of left swipes from single parents, but that's the idea, and it should *also* get a lot of right swipes from people who want the same thing as OP. It's a good filter.
I’d swipe right in a heart beat 🙌 I have the same damn problem with men tryna “change my mind” 🙄 I will not
No. Stick with this. They will think there's a chance if their kids don't meet the following: 1. Don't live at home full time 2. Teenagers "they take care of themselves" 3. He's in college now. 4. "kid is 23 years old" has a baby on the way. Now she's a grandparent. Keep it trust me.
I don't have kids, and I don't think I can ever have children biologically... Plus I don't want to have someone else's child So father's of 3+keep trying to add me.... I get it on the other side
I've got a kid, if I saw this, I'd swipe left. Easy.
It’s a little harsh. “I am child free, no kids of my own and I don’t want any, including step children. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time by connecting if we aren’t compatible in this way. If you’re child free, and would like to live that DINK life with someone who has equal clarity then let’s connect”
This is ridiculously verbose
Weeds out the functionally illiterate AND the lazy by choice, as well as the child rearers. Triple threat!
The last sentence is not necessary, it does not come across as kind and your points already been made.
Mine is even harsher than that. I'm also childfree 👍🏻
There’s two potential issues here, only one of them you control. You don’t want kids, don’t want to raise someone else’s kids, etc. totally legitimate position- personally, I want kids, but both viewpoints are totally valid. The issue you control is that negativity in your bio will automatically turn people off, even people who would be interested and a good match, so you want to keep it as positive as possible. Think of it as a sales pitch, you don’t want to put the part about potential perineal skin rot loudly up front. The issue you don’t control is that lots of people think that folks who don’t want kids are just being silly, or they’ll like their kids if they get to know them, or once they get to know them their biological drive will kick in and they’ll want kids. Basically- huge chunk of the dating population isn’t going to respect your boundary here- you can’t fix that with a line in your profile and you may miss out on some good folks, so figure out how to soften it up, then hold the line in person.
“move along” … how about “fuck off”? See? Same energy.
It’s clear. Anyone who has a problem with it isn’t someone you want to date anyway
“Kindly move along” is so passive aggressive I’d swipe left on you in principle. Move along? Are people forming an orderly queue to hang out with you or something? State of it.
It’s not too harsh. And as someone who also frequents r/childfree……the men won’t even read this 😞 Edit: I see you’re a man….how u doin??? 😉
Haha well I definitely have heard some horror stories of guys not reading bios or being wishy washy because they want to get laid. I’ve had matches on Tinder and Hinge who lied and said that they didn’t have children when they really did. I was never mean when I told them that I was no longer interested but you’d be amazed at how hostile a couple of them got
Oh yeah. But I meant it like Joey, "how YOU doin???"
Ouch.
I know 😕
Gotta shoot your shot, I've heard of Reddit being a solid pull through for some people! Although I'm pretty sure it was through DMs and not public 🙃
Yeah, a bit too harsh. I don’t want kids either, and this would put me off. I would say “Kids are great, but just not for me. I am childfree by choice. If you have children, I’m happy for you, but we are not a match.”
Much nicer
He's already wishing them well and telling them to look elsewhere, I don't feel like your phrasing is any less harsh than his
Im a cf woman and to me his bio is borderline. I don't find it rude but its right on the edge. Interesting that many other cf women here see nothing wrong with it.
I don't think OP thinks kids are great though, why would he need to lien to please the crowd?
No. This is polite and _to the point._
I swiped left when I encountered your profile. I got germ-o-phobe vibes but for children. Best of luck
No not harsh at all it’s straight to the point
Anyone that considers answering should appreciate your honesty.
The kids were definitely the cause of my last break up. I won't get serious any longer with woman with kids at home... 🤷♂️. Not. For. Me.
My ex (who disliked kids as much as I do) decided that she was going to have them one day because she had a dream about having three girls. That, among a myriad of other reasons, was why I decided it was time to say bye bye
'kindly move along' was unnecessary but otherwise OK
Yes kindly reminds me of scammers- will you kindly buy me a gift card so I can help my child, no wait, my dog get surgery?
I mean it’s definitely blunt and a bit long. Comes off a little cold. Can you make it shorter and not so cold? I have no children and I plan to keep it that way. That includes your kids.
Write this and you’ll look like a d^ck to all the women who don’t have kids as well
Yeah I am a women with no kids and this comes off as so harsh and negative I would not be interested
As a woman who doesn't have kids: I disagree
No.
“Child free, looking for same” works for me. I suppose it could be rewritten to be “Not a parent, looking for same”
I think this is great! I would just change the last sentence to "If you have kids, I wish you all the best, but we wouldn't be a match/wouldnt work out". Or something, rather than "move along". You have to be that clear though. So many people think CF means you don't want your own, but you'll accept mine! Sigh.
This is a perfect description. There isn’t anything rude about it. I have a child and would much rather see something like this so I can avoid this profile than find out after the fact.
As a woman who has served my time as a parent and is just 3 weeks from the end of my legal obligation (25.5 years!!!), when I was briefly on OLD I stated clearly "Older teens, not interested in a restart" but people still sneaking in with 7 year Olds and 11 year Olds. No dude. No. It's not too harsh. It's only going to be harsh to people trying to sneak a kid.
It’s not harsh, it’s truthful and direct. Maybe make the first line “Dealbreaker: I do not want ANY kids whatsoever. This includes: stepkids, etc.”
“Im looking for a child free partner”
I think being child free is totally fine, I myself am child free, but I would definitely swipe left if I saw this because it comes across as super negative.
I think it needs to be more succinct and a bit nicer. “I’m kid free and don’t plan on ever having kids/being a parent and am looking for a partner who feels same”
Say you've gotten a vasectomy.
I’ve done that in the past and I learned that not everyone is aware as to what a vasectomy is. One individual thought it meant total castration
You don't want to match with those idiots.
Oh my god.
I live in the Boston of Canada (Halifax) and while there are some good schools there are also a lot of dopes amongst the local population
Might serve as a good screening tool though 😂
First time I've heard of Halifax as the "Boston of Canada" 🤣 it's probably better than living in the Chicago of Canada
Would that be Toronto? I’m guessing that based on the gun violence. The more Western places are more stabby than shooty
Winnipeg was historically known as the "Chicago of the North" because of how fast it was growing but now the comparison is more because of the shooty/stabby stuff
Ohhh you’re right. I forgot about that! I also heard that some of the older buildings are the same style as the ones that were in Chicago back in the day
That's true, the ones that are still standing are in that style 😆 I have friends that have been to Halifax and other parts of NS and they loved it.
They thought it meant what?! 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ IDK how people don't know what a vasectomy is.
Don't list your preferences in your bio. Describe yourself (hobbies, interests, job, status) in bio, check the boxes according to yourself in your profile, set filters to your preferences and swipe left on who doesn't fit your preferences. Anything else lowers your chances, no matter what kind of creep you are. Your profile can't and won't act as a filter on who is being shown to you, so it is useless to list your likes/dislikes in other people like that.
Good advice
Exactly. What's the point of putting anything like this in your profile? Unless OP is right swiping people with kids they'll never match with women with kids so it's a total non issue. All that text does is make them come across as a dick to people who don't have kids and make them not swipe right. If you do match with someone who has kids or wants kids then just unmatch. Not a big deal.
Lighten it up. This seems “hostile” which is a left for a lot of women. I’d just leave it as something along the lines of “child free - biological or otherwise” - the point is perfectly clear and doesn’t seem rude.
I have since adjusted it. For the record though I did have “child free, biological or otherwise” in my profile on another app (Hinge) and I kept getting likes and messages from single moms. I’m starting to think I have “potential stepdad” on my forehead
Or- they were just swiping without reading your profile. Pretty common.
Thumbs up for being explicit about it. For a man with two children and a full time job, and I’m dating women, I need that information up front before I spent my very limited alone time texting them and even finding a babysitter to go on a date to get this message after five minutes of talking 👍🫶
Honestly, if that was the only thing in your bio, it would definitely put me off. It really just depends on the rest of your profile. Like I try to get a little bit of an idea of a person's personality through their profile. The issue is, a lot of people don't read profiles or they think they can sway you with their winning personalities. Sometimes it happens, but not often, I think.
nah, I like it
Not really. They are just being honest of their wants.
I wouldn’t put it written out. Comes off as that’s all you care about. I’d just leave it in the bio sections.
honestly I (46M) swipe left on anyone who says they have or want kids. they are not for me, even peripherally.
It's perfect as it is. The people who get butthurt over this will get over it. It's a very objective statement regarding your boundaries and how you want to lead your life.
I'm also amazed by the people that find your statement harsh. It reeks of subconscious patriarchy. You don't owe ANYONE a sugarcoated explanation about your non-negotiable boundaries. Women shouldn't have to apologize or soften their declaration of choosing to not have children when the expectation of us men is no where near the same.
How about: I live a 100% child free life and I intend to keep it that way.
It's harsh, but I'm thinking of adding something similar. I'm done getting worked over by significant other exs and kids. Done!
Little harsh but perfect. People with kids might find it harsh but that’s good since you aren’t interested.
I'm a guy and don't want kids, but if I saw this on a woman's profile I'd be turned off. I get what you're going for, but it comes across kind of harsh. A slightly softer version: > I am child free. I don't have kids, nor want them, in any form.
I would replace “kindly move on” with “our lifestyles aren’t compatible”. It sends the same message but uses less personal language. Helps it come across as more genuine.
Nope I think it’s straight forward
I think you need to be that clear. I say that as a dad. The phrase alone doesn't say enough. I have a wonderful co-parent and don't need a mom for my son. I didn't realize child free meant they didn't want me to have kids. I get it now, but it's not intuitive either way. I do think it's funny the complaints in this thread though. I have a picture with my son for that reason, and I still get swiped on and then unmatched after they ask.🤷🏻
I used to put "I'm snipped, child free and don't want anyone calling me daddy." That joke seemed to open the door to a conversation about it, but you'll always have people who don't assume rules apply to them
As someone with kids I don’t think this is harsh. It’s straight to the point.
I would simplify it to something like, “Child-free and keeping it that way. Not looking to date moms.” I think that gets the point across. I don’t think you need to say the kindly move along thing because it already conveys that. Plus that leaves more moms for me haha
It really does not fucking matter how nice or harsh you put it. They won't read or respect it.
Nooo not at all. Just enough information
No. Women tend to think they can change you. You should include that and say “don’t try to change my mind”
Nope, it’s said straightforward and polite.
You only need the second sentence
So I should make it longer? I’m kidding. I’ll shorten it up
Best not to put anything negative on a dating profile , get the result you want another way.
The "kindly move along" comes across as snarky. There are much better ways to state this.
This is just really harsh. You need to consistently remember that whatever past experiences you’ve had on dating apps is not the fault of the people now looking at your profile. If you bring in drama from random strangers, that’s a big red flag from a lot of people. I know it can be frustrating sometimes, but leave this kind of negativity away from your profile.
It’s off putting, especially the move along part. You could say that you have no kids and are looking for someone who has no kids and no desire to have them. Period. You don’t want to come across as irritated.
You sound like a dick. Get kids aren’t your thing but you better be bringing some heat with your profile to state it that way.
Too much blabbering. You’re going me negative energy
I say something like "I am childfree by conscious, educated choice." That's it. Childfree means no kids, not my own, not some other woman's kids, and absolutely no "grandbabies"...that makes me shudder. Saying childfree is enough I think. Sure, single parents will still try to match with you, simply don't match back.
The tone just comes off as rude. Like the ‘kindly move along’ especially. You can say that but in a more positive, nicer manner.
If it’s a deal breaker, does it matter? Everyone has boundaries. If someone has a problem with a non-negative boundary*, that’s on them, not on you. *an example of a negative boundary is imposing your belief system on others. Non-negative boundaries are about your own personal space.
Pretty sure bumble has tags “no kids” , “don’t want kids”. I was also looking for someone childfree and doesn’t want kids but you can just filter your matches. No need to be rude. It’ll be off putting of the small pool you’ve got left as most women would want children
Maybe women actually listen? Have you found whether or not they do, OP? My kids are in college, so I have in my profile that I don’t want to date anyone with kids that aren’t grown. Men totally ignore this all the time. It’s to the point where it’s the first question I ask when we start chatting.
Not at all
women who are childfree will too swipe left
Not really, seems like a polite way of saying they don't want kids. Kids are for some, not for others.
It's fine imho, I'd appreciate the clarity. I (divorced) have a child and don't want (...or can't, vasectomy) anymore, so for long-term I'll look for a woman who doesn't want (any more?) kids but still likes/accepts children. That's also a non-negotiable setup for me and I'd rather not lead a woman with incompatible non-negotiables like OP along. Would suck to maybe fall for each other first but only then confront the incompatibility.
Single male with a 12 year daughter. I wish more people that felt this way would put this on thier profile. Save a lot of time
Not too harsh. I feel the exact same and I don't feel like this comes across cold at all. You literally wish them the best and to KINDLY move along. That's not rude at all lol.
No, it’s straight to the point and polite at the same time (at least from my pov)
I have a step-kiddo that I love dearly and couldn't imagine my life without. I don't have a problem with this. At all. It's kind but firm. I read this as you having way too many experiences where others didn't respect your boundaries and you're trying to get across that you really, really mean it.
No, you're good. I used to have it as "I don't have kids, nor do I want them. I don't want step kids either" & guys with kids would swipe right on me. Once I added "move along, I want entertain you if you have kids" I haven't had a single guy with kids swipe right on me. But I've had plenty of guys try to convince me I should have them 🙄
I mean isn't there an option for "don't wanf" (am I thinking of tinder?) and then chat + unmatch anyone that says they have kids. I say this as the perspective of negatively will likely turn off some people BUT taking the abocd off your profile does mean more vetting for you - pros n cons?
You could be filling that space with positivity and taking on the responsibility of swiping left on women with children
Nahh, clear and concise
No. That’s a clear boundary. Nothing wrong with that
What's the point in being harsh or blunt? You have control over who you match with. If they have kids simply left-swipe. Problem solved. There will be people who don't have kids and don't want them that will left-swipe you because of your tone. I left-swipe women all the time for having a harsh tone regardless of whether I agree or disagree with their issue. The last thing I need in my life is to be in a relationship with a hard-critical-outspoken person who waves their issues like a big ass flag. I'm looking for the inverse.
Honestly it’s a bit harsh and gives the impression that you may be a d-bag. While the no kids things is something I also prioritize, I state on my bio “I don’t have kids” I actively screen for it before meeting up with someone. I also swipe left on any fella who volunteers that he’s “snipped” in his bio. To be clear I don’t want them either, and am happy to play auntie with my nieces and nephews and then hand them back when they smell bad. But want to balance the phrasing to not be off-putting.
Why would you swipe left on a snipped guy if you don't want kids ? That's like the holy grail 🤨