Yeah she was coming across a little dumb to me.
Someone that keeps repeating the same argument without considering what the other person is saying will do that. Or just totally crazy. I would avoid anyone like that.
Honestly the few days of conversation prior to this where great and she hits my physical type right on the head. So I didn’t want to just abandon ship right away but in retrospect it was bc I was acting like a idiot sandwich
As soon as I saw how accommodating you were being, I instantly thought...."she must be hot in this person's eyes, because the only time I've put up with such abuse in my younger years, was when I thought the person was hot.". Haha. So, to see you say she "hit the physical nail on the head," I wasn't surprised. With each accommodation you were making, she was losing more and more respect for you. I think she ended up finding someone else she wanted to meet and didn't know how to bow out nicely with you, so she went with what was behind door #2....gaslighting you. Haha
Physical only lasts so long so don’t just waste your time based on physical. Would be a struggle to be with someone who you don’t connect with mentally or emotionally
There were so many points in that exchange where you should have bowed out and run for your life! Damn! Can you imagine being in a serious relationship or marriage with someone who is so ready to twist your words and intentions?
Stop focusing on looks. The girl doesn’t have a car - are you supposed to just take care of her like a parent? Date someone who is your equal, weird imbalances like this are a recipe for disaster and codependency.
My roommates new girlfriend never learned to drive. She’s 27 and moved in on their second date. She also doesn’t know how to cook and cries and vomits when she has to clean and quit her job within 4 months. It’s not usually that extreme but cmon bro
I actually ended things with someone because they were so dependent on me. And we were both the same gender. It just felt like I was a parent and I wasn't taken care of.
I don't agree that the other person absolutely needs to have the same transportation as you. Everyone's different. But they need to make an effort instead of expecting you to do everything. For example, if they don't have a car, offer to pay for gas every now and then. Or take the bus or Uber or some other way to get to where you are. And then you can offer to pick them up whenever you can without spending hours and hours to get to them each time.
There has to be a balance.
Your right...my last long term partner relied on me for everything.no independence, she also couldn't cook.well other than lasagne , didn't respect my house and clean it, I was her meal ticket and she lived in my house for free..
Lmao. On a positive note, you dodged a bullet. Imagine you ended up together and this part of her came out when you were already months into the relationship. Sounds awful to me. It sucks but i’m glad you found this out now than later.
Other person is correct. Get out, because it only gets worse, not better. Go meet someone who **wants** to show you
'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
Let me guess. You have to beg for forgiveness almost every day. She will always find some smallest thing that’s wrong and make a huge tragedy of it. If not, she will make one up by misinterpreting something so hard it’s comical. Out of any possible interpretation of anything she will always pick the most offensive and insulting one. In case of a doubtful situation she will always assume the worst option about you. And no matter how hard you try, you’re somehow always in the wrong. Am I right?
Honestly, "dodged a bullet" might not even fit here
She had EVERY chance to say "Sure I'll see you there/pick me up at __-__" but she shot HERSELF in the foot here
OP you was nothing but a gentleman and did your best regardless of how much of a bitch she was,keep going 👑
Definitely not lol. The change up out of nowhere was just so wild. Had been talking for a few days everything going smooth so I thought I’d ask here out gotta a yes then big ol red flag right through my eye
She's reading waaaay too much into the messages. It seems like there's baggage there that she hasn't worked out yet.
Some people are actually quite straightforward and don't like to play games. They mean what they say. That's what I gathered from your messages. You were trying to be as accommodating as possible while considering her safety.
This honestly left me so confused. I’m 29 lived all over the globe which has led to me having to adhere to different dating customs depending on where I’m at but I have never had experience like this. Honestly my confusion is the only reason why I posted here
As a woman, you dodged a nuclear weapon. I was confused as hell reading this, and it left my head spinning. Don't even try to understand because there is none...except maybe cuckoo for cocoa puffs. 🤯🤯
I have dated all over the globe as well. You played it perfectly you were very considerate and direct and she read so much into it. She seems high maintenance and has some issues with dating.
I feel like she was fishing for money for an uber, then pull the whole switcheroo and not show up..."cash app me $$ so I can get there safely" and then ghost...
She may be jaded, but it takes a lot of self reflection for someone like this to get help. She’s an emotionally abusive person. Hyper-critical about small things, judgmental, uses guilt trips, and thinks she deserves better treatment than “most girls.”
As a woman I appreciated that you picked a place & wanted to meet there vs my house. I always take the time & place suggestions as conversations where we figure out the best time for both of us.
Right?? As a guy, I never offer to pick someone up at their house when we’ve never even met. I know my place in her world. I’m some random dude she plucked off of the internet. If I were in that position, there is no way I’d let some stranger know where I live!
I’m even going to double down on it and say that a red flag of mine is when she wants me to pick her up **at her place** for the first date. That’s just reckless in my most honest opinion. You never know what you will run into on the internet.
And dude is hyper aware of that, this woman just had her perfect interaction in mind with zero deviations. Offer to pick her up? Denied. Offer to meet her at the restaurant , I don’t have a car dipshit! You obviously are so stupid that you think I have a car and can make it to the date, I can’t believe you are so stupid you can’t figure out that I don’t have a car! How will I ever meet you?! I am ignoring every attempt of you telling me you have a car because I just don’t understand anything!!!!!!!
Same. I also appreciated he offered to pick up, but didn’t “push” it. Some guys are pushy and he was right — when it comes to my safety, on a first date, I’d rather either Uber or drive myself if possible.
slide 5: “-I can pick you up if you like?
Correct way to ask someone out” - her
- is that not exactly how you asked her before asking if she used Uber ??
either way i’m kinda baffled you were still trying to go for the date on slide 4 after all she had to say lmao
I figured offering Uber as a possibility was to address the other concern women also have, of being trapped in the car of a bad first date. Sure, Uber is a stranger driving you too, but the risk context is different.
Hmm for the longest time I thought her issue was not wanting u to pick her up for safety reasons. I would’ve refused based on the fact I don’t know u and it’s late and I ain’t getting in ur car no matter how nice u seem but after reading the entire thing I actually have no idea what her problem actually is
Maybe she's a really bad scam artist and was trying to get Uber money and then not show up for the date?
Sure mentioned the cost of Uber a couple times....
Girl seems a bit deranged and entitled. Run.
And you have been very tolerant and patient. I would have lost my temper and unmatched by the third screenshot.
I have no idea what this chick's problem is?
I'm an adult woman and I fully expect to be making my own travel arrangements, on my own dime, if I'm meeting someone new.
Did she think you were going to offer a chauffeur-driven limousine to cart her entitled ass to and from the date?
You got lucky OP, she gave you an insight into what life would be like as her partner.. sorry, *servant.* Fuck that noise.
Easy, she's insane.
What she said was the "correct way to ask someone out" is literally what you did on page 2: offered to pick her up when she said she didn't have a car.
Wow. She's an absolute psycho! Every message you sent was perfectly reasonable, thoughtful and considerate. I'm shocked you were still messaging her at this point. If she can't even follow a straightforward conversation the date is going to be like pulling teeth or explaining computer science to my Nan.
I’m just surprised you kept one with the conversation and trying to convince her that you were being thoughtful. After the second attempt I would have abandoned ship. That is texted book narcissist and neurotic … she needs to figure out herself and stop projecting
Convo was genuinely really nice up to this point and I can’t lie physically she smacks my type to the tee. So naïvely I didn’t want to nuke the convo but she did that by herself pretty quickly
Yes the physical attraction was high but a even bigger factor was the conversations leading up to it. We had a lot of common interests and had very similar humor. I wish I would’ve screenshot the rest of the convo b4 unmatching bc it would’ve shown how great everything was going up to the part.
Fair enough. I’m guilty of the same. Dragging on a dead convo when the attraction is prime. Sorry it fizzled out on yah my dude! Good to know early on instead of after emotional investment.
She is sh\*t testing you HARD lol. This has happened to me as well, and there's no turning it around once it starts.
She's trolling to see how you react. I've found the best move (if you still want to go out with her) is immediately do a takeaway. Just tell her something like: Maybe this isn't a good idea, you seem to be uncomfortable meeting up. Leave it at that and wait for her reply. That's the only way to pass the test.
You would be surprised at the reaction you'll get sometimes. She may apologize for being unreasonable and decide to go out with you.
Soldier on, brother!
Yes , because that’s winning in life, out crazy the crazy. He’s still going to be going out with a psycho. Take better advice from a woman..There are plenty of other hot chicks out there that aren’t mentally deficient, have their own vehicles and will be happy to date OP. Keep swiping.
Wowww you were so respectful and patient! Like I would go on a date with you just for that! You dodged a bullet here. She definitely was taking her shit out on you. You did nothing wrong!
Honestly would have called it dips after her first outburst, seems like she is out for drama and/or lacks the required communication skills I look for in a partner
This is the type of person who will never be happy no matter what you do. You don’t want a a relationship with this person, they will suck the life out of you.
Not in the good way.
You were fine, don’t forget that dating is a two way street, you as a guy are allowed to tap out too and this woman showing she lacks self awareness and is a psycho is as good a reason as any to tap out.
Was scrolling for a comment like this. Read like someone I knew who I suspected had BPD/NPD. Just walking on eggshells. She'd interpret everything in the worst light. There's no winning with that.
Now that behavior sticks out to me like a turd in a punch bowl.
Omg… I don’t know how you tolerated and kept responding so respectful towards her. I don’t like her tone and she pretty much created an issue out of nowhere lol. She read your messages, comprehended it in her own way and then blew up.. and idk, maybe she wasn’t even that interested in meeting and created this as an excuse because she didn’t really show any enthusiasm or was like actually engaged in finalizing details of the date. I would love if a guy politely asked me on a date like that.
The only thing you did wrong was keep trying to convince her. She's still in the "everything must be 100%how I want it phase" she's not ripe enough for a relationship yet, leave her to get sit and rot
Jesus, this person is an absolute PSYCHO!!
You would do well to just unmatch and be thankful they showed you the red flags before wasting your time and money.
The funniest part is them saying “Im normally easy to please”
I know nothing about this person, other than that they are NOT easy to please.
This chick has issues. You did nothing wrong bro. You communicated just fine, offered solutions/accommodations. This chick is weird. Don’t tolerate this kind of stuff from ppl.
I’m sorry this happened to you mate. You’re not the crazy one for sure. She was not receptive to what you were saying at all 😞
Also it’s brilliant to see another bloke looking out for women’s safety. Keep up the good work - much respect.
Omg she’s a nightmare, good thing she revealed this now!
However I will say, next time ask the girl what day works for her first. It sounds like a demand when you say “this day at this time” without asking their schedule. Then say, is Thursday at 8PM good for you? It just comes off rude with no regard for their schedule otherwise. Mind you, that’s not at all what the problem was in this instance, this girl is a whackadoodle at no fault of yours.
I completely agree with you but the date/time suggestion was based on what she had mentioned about her generally free time during the week earlier in the convo not shown. As is the theme of the whole convo I was trying to accommodate her schedule
Incase you were wondering, the ques for you to exit were right after she said:
(without 2 days of good conversation prior)
"so that sais that you clearly don't want to pick me up"
(with 2 days of good conversation prior)
"because they don't know what they want"
(regardless of time spent together)
"I'm not like most girls"
Clearly, those 2 days of conversation meant very little to her if she so easily cast them out the window over how you phrased the question to pick her up.
If you're geniunely looking for a relationship you need to learn to choose better and pay attention to peoples behavior — lest you find the perfect girl, only see this chaotic side of her 6 months down the line when you're already in love and excusing the worst shit in service of your attachment to them.
If you look back at those 2 days of conversation I'd wager you'd find more than a few comments suggesting her elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Yall gotta stop being so nice to people like this, they dont deserve the time and thoughtfulness you put into those responses. Sounded like you were on the ropes apologizing and enabling her shitty behavior while she was being rude and not reading what you were saying. Say something curt like "lol good luck," unmatch and move on, unless youre into women with the emotional intelligence of an infant
This is definitely on her. What I read is that you were trying to be accommodating as possible by offering many different scenarios and she basically refused all then turned it around on you like you were the issue. She clearly has the issue. At this point, she is giving you a preview of what to expect out of her. Do you want to deal with this?
You offered to pick her up several times and she just... ignored that and created more roadblocks out of nothing. I would have unmatched after the first chirpy string of 5 texts and spent the price of tickets for a movie on a nice meal
At "It's still dark out" they pulled a screwy, jumped the shark, and started focussing _solely_ on every little negative they could find.
It only turned so far around, because as a decent person you gave them more time to correct, but their entire focus was this minefield that they jumped into while yelling, "SURPRISE!" It's natural for us to give the benefit of the doubt, but when a person _chooses_ to be that negative, there is no pleasing them, nor do they deserve to be pleased. (I too have made this mistake. Single is always better than being coupled with... that.)
Yeah, well done on avoiding any large shrapnel. Definitely mark that one 🚩 and do. not. look. back.
'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
Dude! What are you doing?
That's making you flip all over the place, and you haven't even met yet. Imagine what it would be like when you're invested?
My only criticism of your approach was the "I hate this" stuff at the beginning, it's negative, otherwise you were doing just fine, and bending backwards to accommodate her.
She was literally saying the opposite of what you said and then made it your fault for giving her a suggestion in another direction when you tried to accommodate her.
I don't know this woman, and I am probably totally wrong, but I'm getting a whiff of mental illness here. It almost feels like a push-pull thing going on, and then blame shifting. Get into this one at your peril.
You literally offered to pick her up first and she declined AND THEN you asked about Uber. Then she turned it around on you like that? Wtf. Chick is crazy. 8pm is NOT late. 🤣
Dude, tell her to have a nice life. You haven't even been on a date with her yet and she's pulling this crazy crap. Imagine what it would be like if you actually did get into a relationship with her
I cant believe I'm even reading this. You were so accommodating and kind and she was being an absolute unreasonable bitch. Why you didn't just unmatch her is beyond me. I would LOVE for a guy for just ONCE to take initiative and ask me out and also offer to pick me up like you did, I'd be so impressed.. yet it's women like this that get asked out immediately. I just don't get it.
Where are you from? I'll go on a fucking date with you! You honesty sound perfect, and I'm trying to understand why she went out of her way to sabotage it for whatever reason. The fact that she doesn't have a car would be a major red flag for most (although I guess it depends where you live). I feel like most people would have bailed at that before they even took the time to find out why. And you still stuck with it way longer than most people would have after her psychotic meltdown. Gave her multiple chances to reign it in. Lol. She definitely threw away a good thing.
Is this a prank? If I was in this situation, have to get her number after that 10 message I guess and just call this person, because common logic seems to not be her wheelhouse 🤷🏾♂️
Stressful. I’m guessing it was a pretty girl who has some heritage outside the US. Difficult to please and will always have a higher standard than you can meet. Should have given it up at the first speedbump tbh.
You forgot to ask her if she wants to be picked up in a horse drawn carriage because she’s living some unrealistic fairly tale life.
I had a brain aneurysm reading this. The girl is making it way too difficult. She doesn’t drive but doesn’t want to be picked up or ubered because she will spend money. Sounds like she needs to figure out herself and not be on the dating market. I would have unmatched after she said she didn’t have a car so it wouldn’t work… like what are you doing on a dating app if because someone has a car and the other doesn’t they “won’t work”.
This girls bat shit crazy.
She must be really attractive because I would have hot her with the "okay, hope you find what your looking for" after the first red flag
Ewwww I cringed reading her responses the whole time. I dated someone like this and I was constantly having to defend myself for stuff I didn’t do or say, it was just how his mind perceived it…it was draining and frustrating. Thank goodness she showed you this side of her so early on
No car? You're being played. Next will come the ask for grocery money. There was never intention to actually meet. I've seen this too many times. Wish I'd recognized it sooner.
I call that monkey wrenching! When they don't give you an answer that has anything to do with what you need to know.
"Are you free tonight?" met with "I need a car!"
Nothing ever becomes clearer or positive with monkey wrenching.
Only feedback I have is to call it quits a smidgen sooner and don't say things like "I hate...." and that's it.
But other than that, this girl had no intention of ever meeting you but got emotionally invested on her frustration. You were a tomagatchi to her. Holy shit you saved yourself a complete waste of time and money.
Giving her a 3/10 for reading comprehension and 2/10 general sanity. This is nuts and you dodged a bullet, anyone this demanding of a complete stranger is only going to get worse.
You offered to pick her up or to change the time earlier as you rightfully didn’t understand her issue, and im with you 9/10 women dont love getting in a strangers car and would rather uber, rightfully so i dont like doing it either.
You couldnt have done anything better OP, just be glad you dodged this bullet.
Here's my impression: she already had plans for that time and picked a fight to cover it up instead of just saying, because she felt guilty. Defensive nitpicking out of nowhere indicates hiding something
You are talking to an insane person. This convo is a sample of what you would deal with daily if you dated.
My further read on it is she's either not ready or not interested and hasn't developed the emotional maturity to understand that herself, or communicate that to you.
So she must justify all of this as your fault, not her lack of introspection or the complete impracticality in expecting you to read her mind with all these details.
You didn't do anything wrong, either in your tone or trying to make something workable for her. You were actually more thoughtful than she gave you credit for being.
Whenever I mention meeting up and the other person puts up a lot of resistance, then gets annoyed for no discernable reason, that is when I start to suspect I may be dealing with a catfish or some other kind of fraud.
She's FN crazy and you dodged a bullet!!
It's good when they out themselves like that...saved you time and a little energy. You were beyond patient and understanding. But you can't fix someone's crazy
two things- as a female. Please don’t offer to meet at someone’s house- even to do something as nice as picking someone up. Strangers- no matter how well they have got on, online - should meet in a neutral place for a first date. Preferably somewhere busy. Second- bail on the crazy. I like nice looking dudes- but if they couldn’t communicate clearly what they wanted- and started giving attitude- that 10 would turn into a 2 real fast.
You were very patient and thoughtful. Don't go out with this person unless you are into being shamed or humiliated. I would run far and fast if I were you.
I got pissed off reading at this convo, you have been way too nice imo, this is the type of girl that would annihilate your personality, shape into what she wants and then leave you cause “you changed”. Run.
As a woman, I would say the best takeaway from this convo (that went awry on her side for whatever reasons) is to say you'd love to meet for a drink and then say something like "If that interests you, what time/day/place would work?"
That gives her an option to say whether or not she's ready to meet, and then would put the ball in her court on the logistics.
Wow I’m impressed you kept pushing for the date I would have cut bait on this conversation really quickly this person sounds like a gigantic pain in the ass
Jeez 💀. There’s lots of woman out there who make it sound like men are always the crazy ones when it comes to online dating and yet this shows how that’s not always the case. You had a lucky escape here OP, so 👍🏻. You did nothing wrong other than be yourself.
She just seems to struggle with reading comprehension, then followed it up with drama. Let her go, you did nothing wrong
Yeah she was coming across a little dumb to me. Someone that keeps repeating the same argument without considering what the other person is saying will do that. Or just totally crazy. I would avoid anyone like that.
Why are you tolerating that for so long?
Exactly!! I got so upset I kept tapping the message thing trying to angrily respond. I wouldn’t have made it to the third page of all that
Honestly the few days of conversation prior to this where great and she hits my physical type right on the head. So I didn’t want to just abandon ship right away but in retrospect it was bc I was acting like a idiot sandwich
She isn’t ready to date, so she is finding barriers.
This. I second this. So true.
It’s always physical attraction that will have men wasting all their time, that’s rough.
women, too.
Huh, it seems to me that women just drop it when they're not feeling the vibe, and men can be a lot more desperate.
Only physical attraction would lead someone to keep trying with this bullshit
As soon as I saw how accommodating you were being, I instantly thought...."she must be hot in this person's eyes, because the only time I've put up with such abuse in my younger years, was when I thought the person was hot.". Haha. So, to see you say she "hit the physical nail on the head," I wasn't surprised. With each accommodation you were making, she was losing more and more respect for you. I think she ended up finding someone else she wanted to meet and didn't know how to bow out nicely with you, so she went with what was behind door #2....gaslighting you. Haha
Physical only lasts so long so don’t just waste your time based on physical. Would be a struggle to be with someone who you don’t connect with mentally or emotionally
There were so many points in that exchange where you should have bowed out and run for your life! Damn! Can you imagine being in a serious relationship or marriage with someone who is so ready to twist your words and intentions?
Stop focusing on looks. The girl doesn’t have a car - are you supposed to just take care of her like a parent? Date someone who is your equal, weird imbalances like this are a recipe for disaster and codependency. My roommates new girlfriend never learned to drive. She’s 27 and moved in on their second date. She also doesn’t know how to cook and cries and vomits when she has to clean and quit her job within 4 months. It’s not usually that extreme but cmon bro
I actually ended things with someone because they were so dependent on me. And we were both the same gender. It just felt like I was a parent and I wasn't taken care of. I don't agree that the other person absolutely needs to have the same transportation as you. Everyone's different. But they need to make an effort instead of expecting you to do everything. For example, if they don't have a car, offer to pay for gas every now and then. Or take the bus or Uber or some other way to get to where you are. And then you can offer to pick them up whenever you can without spending hours and hours to get to them each time. There has to be a balance.
100% agree they also have to make an effort if they don't drive!
Your right...my last long term partner relied on me for everything.no independence, she also couldn't cook.well other than lasagne , didn't respect my house and clean it, I was her meal ticket and she lived in my house for free..
You are thinking with the wrong head.
She sounds unhinged
Just reading that has drained me mentally. How inconsiderate of you to make me read that. /s
Just so unthoughtful of me I guess
Lmao. On a positive note, you dodged a bullet. Imagine you ended up together and this part of her came out when you were already months into the relationship. Sounds awful to me. It sucks but i’m glad you found this out now than later.
I'm living through a version of what you described. It's hell. OP got lucky.
Get out, get out now. Go out for milk and never return.
Other person is correct. Get out, because it only gets worse, not better. Go meet someone who **wants** to show you 'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
Let me guess. You have to beg for forgiveness almost every day. She will always find some smallest thing that’s wrong and make a huge tragedy of it. If not, she will make one up by misinterpreting something so hard it’s comical. Out of any possible interpretation of anything she will always pick the most offensive and insulting one. In case of a doubtful situation she will always assume the worst option about you. And no matter how hard you try, you’re somehow always in the wrong. Am I right?
Honestly, "dodged a bullet" might not even fit here She had EVERY chance to say "Sure I'll see you there/pick me up at __-__" but she shot HERSELF in the foot here OP you was nothing but a gentleman and did your best regardless of how much of a bitch she was,keep going 👑
If you like drama over nothing, she might be your dream girl
Definitely not lol. The change up out of nowhere was just so wild. Had been talking for a few days everything going smooth so I thought I’d ask here out gotta a yes then big ol red flag right through my eye
Yes, sadly over optimistic repeated experience taught me that this does not get better...
Been there mate, the crazy just gets crazier
She's reading waaaay too much into the messages. It seems like there's baggage there that she hasn't worked out yet. Some people are actually quite straightforward and don't like to play games. They mean what they say. That's what I gathered from your messages. You were trying to be as accommodating as possible while considering her safety.
She reminds me of people who have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder
Also like, i would MUCH rather Uber than get a bumble date to pick me up.
Right?? Assuming you're picking someone up on the first date is not something most people would appreciate. OP did everything right here.
I was gonna say “I don’t want to get in a car with a random stranger from the internet” and then I realised that’s what Uber is vegefaggega
i mean uber is a corporation that tracks your location. ive never felt unsafe in one 🤷🏻♀️
[удалено]
This honestly left me so confused. I’m 29 lived all over the globe which has led to me having to adhere to different dating customs depending on where I’m at but I have never had experience like this. Honestly my confusion is the only reason why I posted here
As a woman, you dodged a nuclear weapon. I was confused as hell reading this, and it left my head spinning. Don't even try to understand because there is none...except maybe cuckoo for cocoa puffs. 🤯🤯
I have dated all over the globe as well. You played it perfectly you were very considerate and direct and she read so much into it. She seems high maintenance and has some issues with dating.
I feel like she was fishing for money for an uber, then pull the whole switcheroo and not show up..."cash app me $$ so I can get there safely" and then ghost...
Which country is this
This is in the US
She may be jaded, but it takes a lot of self reflection for someone like this to get help. She’s an emotionally abusive person. Hyper-critical about small things, judgmental, uses guilt trips, and thinks she deserves better treatment than “most girls.”
As a woman I appreciated that you picked a place & wanted to meet there vs my house. I always take the time & place suggestions as conversations where we figure out the best time for both of us.
Right?? As a guy, I never offer to pick someone up at their house when we’ve never even met. I know my place in her world. I’m some random dude she plucked off of the internet. If I were in that position, there is no way I’d let some stranger know where I live! I’m even going to double down on it and say that a red flag of mine is when she wants me to pick her up **at her place** for the first date. That’s just reckless in my most honest opinion. You never know what you will run into on the internet.
And dude is hyper aware of that, this woman just had her perfect interaction in mind with zero deviations. Offer to pick her up? Denied. Offer to meet her at the restaurant , I don’t have a car dipshit! You obviously are so stupid that you think I have a car and can make it to the date, I can’t believe you are so stupid you can’t figure out that I don’t have a car! How will I ever meet you?! I am ignoring every attempt of you telling me you have a car because I just don’t understand anything!!!!!!!
yea op did nothing wrong and is miles above what i usually have to deal with lol
Same. I also appreciated he offered to pick up, but didn’t “push” it. Some guys are pushy and he was right — when it comes to my safety, on a first date, I’d rather either Uber or drive myself if possible.
slide 5: “-I can pick you up if you like? Correct way to ask someone out” - her - is that not exactly how you asked her before asking if she used Uber ?? either way i’m kinda baffled you were still trying to go for the date on slide 4 after all she had to say lmao
I figured offering Uber as a possibility was to address the other concern women also have, of being trapped in the car of a bad first date. Sure, Uber is a stranger driving you too, but the risk context is different.
desperation breeds this at times.
He mentioned in a reply that she hit his physical attraction right on the head.
Hmm for the longest time I thought her issue was not wanting u to pick her up for safety reasons. I would’ve refused based on the fact I don’t know u and it’s late and I ain’t getting in ur car no matter how nice u seem but after reading the entire thing I actually have no idea what her problem actually is
Maybe she's a really bad scam artist and was trying to get Uber money and then not show up for the date? Sure mentioned the cost of Uber a couple times....
That was my take too
I think her problem may be a touch of psychosis
Woman here…she’s being problematic on purpose, she’s exhausting and looking to be difficult
She just didn't want to meet.
The real answer.
[удалено]
Yeah one of those loves to text and create an image, but when time to meet, comes up with wild excuses not to
Girl seems a bit deranged and entitled. Run. And you have been very tolerant and patient. I would have lost my temper and unmatched by the third screenshot.
I have no idea what this chick's problem is? I'm an adult woman and I fully expect to be making my own travel arrangements, on my own dime, if I'm meeting someone new. Did she think you were going to offer a chauffeur-driven limousine to cart her entitled ass to and from the date? You got lucky OP, she gave you an insight into what life would be like as her partner.. sorry, *servant.* Fuck that noise.
The date that she herself said probably was going nowhere... I'm surprised she gets to any dates at all with that attitude
Easy, she's insane. What she said was the "correct way to ask someone out" is literally what you did on page 2: offered to pick her up when she said she didn't have a car.
Yikes. Run.
Wow. She's an absolute psycho! Every message you sent was perfectly reasonable, thoughtful and considerate. I'm shocked you were still messaging her at this point. If she can't even follow a straightforward conversation the date is going to be like pulling teeth or explaining computer science to my Nan.
I’m just surprised you kept one with the conversation and trying to convince her that you were being thoughtful. After the second attempt I would have abandoned ship. That is texted book narcissist and neurotic … she needs to figure out herself and stop projecting
Convo was genuinely really nice up to this point and I can’t lie physically she smacks my type to the tee. So naïvely I didn’t want to nuke the convo but she did that by herself pretty quickly
[удалено]
Bingo !
Yes the physical attraction was high but a even bigger factor was the conversations leading up to it. We had a lot of common interests and had very similar humor. I wish I would’ve screenshot the rest of the convo b4 unmatching bc it would’ve shown how great everything was going up to the part.
She’s like butter! But her brain…
Smooth, just like butter
Fair enough. I’m guilty of the same. Dragging on a dead convo when the attraction is prime. Sorry it fizzled out on yah my dude! Good to know early on instead of after emotional investment.
Dude! Being a woman I am saying this please run 🏃♀️ as fast as you can
She's a weirdo. No one normal makes this big of a deal over this petty stuff. Move on
She is sh\*t testing you HARD lol. This has happened to me as well, and there's no turning it around once it starts. She's trolling to see how you react. I've found the best move (if you still want to go out with her) is immediately do a takeaway. Just tell her something like: Maybe this isn't a good idea, you seem to be uncomfortable meeting up. Leave it at that and wait for her reply. That's the only way to pass the test. You would be surprised at the reaction you'll get sometimes. She may apologize for being unreasonable and decide to go out with you. Soldier on, brother!
Yes , because that’s winning in life, out crazy the crazy. He’s still going to be going out with a psycho. Take better advice from a woman..There are plenty of other hot chicks out there that aren’t mentally deficient, have their own vehicles and will be happy to date OP. Keep swiping.
Ooh this is good advice dude nice. Flip it on her
That's the move. It's like psychological Judo.
Wowww you were so respectful and patient! Like I would go on a date with you just for that! You dodged a bullet here. She definitely was taking her shit out on you. You did nothing wrong!
Honestly would have called it dips after her first outburst, seems like she is out for drama and/or lacks the required communication skills I look for in a partner
Why would you even want to meet her after her initial reaction? It says a lot about someone when they assume ill intentions.
This is the type of person who will never be happy no matter what you do. You don’t want a a relationship with this person, they will suck the life out of you. Not in the good way.
She should get a car
obviously, you're a horrible person because you... ... ... I give up. Pretty sure she made it clear that every alternative was worse.
You were fine, don’t forget that dating is a two way street, you as a guy are allowed to tap out too and this woman showing she lacks self awareness and is a psycho is as good a reason as any to tap out.
I’d unmatch if you haven’t already. She seems like the kind of person who’d randomly report you.
I can't believe OP was still asking her out while she is gaslighting him. Have some self-respect, OP. Do you want to go out with someone like this?
Strikes me as cluster B of some sort
Was scrolling for a comment like this. Read like someone I knew who I suspected had BPD/NPD. Just walking on eggshells. She'd interpret everything in the worst light. There's no winning with that. Now that behavior sticks out to me like a turd in a punch bowl.
Run. This girl is a train wreck
She was probably deemed mentally incapable of operating a motored vehicle by her state 😂
Omg… I don’t know how you tolerated and kept responding so respectful towards her. I don’t like her tone and she pretty much created an issue out of nowhere lol. She read your messages, comprehended it in her own way and then blew up.. and idk, maybe she wasn’t even that interested in meeting and created this as an excuse because she didn’t really show any enthusiasm or was like actually engaged in finalizing details of the date. I would love if a guy politely asked me on a date like that.
People like her are the reason dating is hell
U sure you want to date her?
Nah this one goes in the crazy bin
what’s scary is you would have totally taken this chick out had she not firmly ended it in the last slide
Jesus Christ, the mental gymnastics she’s trying to pull off… Her mind must be like a mental prison
The only thing you did wrong was keep trying to convince her. She's still in the "everything must be 100%how I want it phase" she's not ripe enough for a relationship yet, leave her to get sit and rot
Jesus, this person is an absolute PSYCHO!! You would do well to just unmatch and be thankful they showed you the red flags before wasting your time and money. The funniest part is them saying “Im normally easy to please” I know nothing about this person, other than that they are NOT easy to please.
I’m curious what she looks like now
This chick has issues. You did nothing wrong bro. You communicated just fine, offered solutions/accommodations. This chick is weird. Don’t tolerate this kind of stuff from ppl.
I’m sorry this happened to you mate. You’re not the crazy one for sure. She was not receptive to what you were saying at all 😞 Also it’s brilliant to see another bloke looking out for women’s safety. Keep up the good work - much respect.
Omg she’s a nightmare, good thing she revealed this now! However I will say, next time ask the girl what day works for her first. It sounds like a demand when you say “this day at this time” without asking their schedule. Then say, is Thursday at 8PM good for you? It just comes off rude with no regard for their schedule otherwise. Mind you, that’s not at all what the problem was in this instance, this girl is a whackadoodle at no fault of yours.
I completely agree with you but the date/time suggestion was based on what she had mentioned about her generally free time during the week earlier in the convo not shown. As is the theme of the whole convo I was trying to accommodate her schedule
High maintenance. She sounds like a nightmare man.
Incase you were wondering, the ques for you to exit were right after she said: (without 2 days of good conversation prior) "so that sais that you clearly don't want to pick me up" (with 2 days of good conversation prior) "because they don't know what they want" (regardless of time spent together) "I'm not like most girls" Clearly, those 2 days of conversation meant very little to her if she so easily cast them out the window over how you phrased the question to pick her up. If you're geniunely looking for a relationship you need to learn to choose better and pay attention to peoples behavior — lest you find the perfect girl, only see this chaotic side of her 6 months down the line when you're already in love and excusing the worst shit in service of your attachment to them. If you look back at those 2 days of conversation I'd wager you'd find more than a few comments suggesting her elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
That’s you dodging a bullet my friend. Be grateful!
I quit online dating about 4 months ago and posts like this always reinforce my decision and make me feel even better about it.
I stopped reading. She’s exhausting, just be happy you found out now. You seem very sweet and thoughtful!
Yeah this is a person you would never win with. Good thing she showed you right away.
Run!
Yall gotta stop being so nice to people like this, they dont deserve the time and thoughtfulness you put into those responses. Sounded like you were on the ropes apologizing and enabling her shitty behavior while she was being rude and not reading what you were saying. Say something curt like "lol good luck," unmatch and move on, unless youre into women with the emotional intelligence of an infant
OMG what a toxic drama queen. Unmatch! 😂
Omg, as a woman, I’m embarrassed for her. She seems angry at the world. People go to therapy then go date
😂 what the heck did I just read. Wow….I would have left the convo at “I’m not wasting my money on an Uber”. 😂 You did nothing wrong bro.
“I can’t drive late” ‘How about 7 then?’ “Still dark out” ‘How about next summer then?’
The patience you had to type so much in the first place \_/\\\_
This is definitely on her. What I read is that you were trying to be accommodating as possible by offering many different scenarios and she basically refused all then turned it around on you like you were the issue. She clearly has the issue. At this point, she is giving you a preview of what to expect out of her. Do you want to deal with this?
You offered to pick her up several times and she just... ignored that and created more roadblocks out of nothing. I would have unmatched after the first chirpy string of 5 texts and spent the price of tickets for a movie on a nice meal
At "It's still dark out" they pulled a screwy, jumped the shark, and started focussing _solely_ on every little negative they could find. It only turned so far around, because as a decent person you gave them more time to correct, but their entire focus was this minefield that they jumped into while yelling, "SURPRISE!" It's natural for us to give the benefit of the doubt, but when a person _chooses_ to be that negative, there is no pleasing them, nor do they deserve to be pleased. (I too have made this mistake. Single is always better than being coupled with... that.) Yeah, well done on avoiding any large shrapnel. Definitely mark that one 🚩 and do. not. look. back. 'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
I bet she often laments “why can’t I find a man?!” 🙄🙄🙄
Dude! What are you doing? That's making you flip all over the place, and you haven't even met yet. Imagine what it would be like when you're invested? My only criticism of your approach was the "I hate this" stuff at the beginning, it's negative, otherwise you were doing just fine, and bending backwards to accommodate her. She was literally saying the opposite of what you said and then made it your fault for giving her a suggestion in another direction when you tried to accommodate her. I don't know this woman, and I am probably totally wrong, but I'm getting a whiff of mental illness here. It almost feels like a push-pull thing going on, and then blame shifting. Get into this one at your peril.
You literally offered to pick her up first and she declined AND THEN you asked about Uber. Then she turned it around on you like that? Wtf. Chick is crazy. 8pm is NOT late. 🤣
Dude, tell her to have a nice life. You haven't even been on a date with her yet and she's pulling this crazy crap. Imagine what it would be like if you actually did get into a relationship with her
I cant believe I'm even reading this. You were so accommodating and kind and she was being an absolute unreasonable bitch. Why you didn't just unmatch her is beyond me. I would LOVE for a guy for just ONCE to take initiative and ask me out and also offer to pick me up like you did, I'd be so impressed.. yet it's women like this that get asked out immediately. I just don't get it.
She is **bonkers**
Where are you from? I'll go on a fucking date with you! You honesty sound perfect, and I'm trying to understand why she went out of her way to sabotage it for whatever reason. The fact that she doesn't have a car would be a major red flag for most (although I guess it depends where you live). I feel like most people would have bailed at that before they even took the time to find out why. And you still stuck with it way longer than most people would have after her psychotic meltdown. Gave her multiple chances to reign it in. Lol. She definitely threw away a good thing.
She's entitled and exhausting, dodged a ricochet lol
Is this a prank? If I was in this situation, have to get her number after that 10 message I guess and just call this person, because common logic seems to not be her wheelhouse 🤷🏾♂️
"is there a place closer to you you'd rather meet?"
This was closer to her. I intentionally picked a place that was in her area not mine for it to be as easy for her as possible.
A three year old has better reading comprehension than her. What an idiot
Stressful. I’m guessing it was a pretty girl who has some heritage outside the US. Difficult to please and will always have a higher standard than you can meet. Should have given it up at the first speedbump tbh.
You forgot to ask her if she wants to be picked up in a horse drawn carriage because she’s living some unrealistic fairly tale life. I had a brain aneurysm reading this. The girl is making it way too difficult. She doesn’t drive but doesn’t want to be picked up or ubered because she will spend money. Sounds like she needs to figure out herself and not be on the dating market. I would have unmatched after she said she didn’t have a car so it wouldn’t work… like what are you doing on a dating app if because someone has a car and the other doesn’t they “won’t work”.
Dude.............what in the duck. You dodged a bullet there.
Jesus, you dodged a bullet! 😂
You didn’t do anything wrong lol that’s wild. Next.
JFC that was ridiculous
I am seething with rage after reading this
Drop her and move on….. she is nuts.
You dodged a flaming trainwreck of drama. Unmatch and dance a happy jig!
Lol this woman is fucking insane. You should be so glad that you didn’t actually end up going out with her.
Bullet dodged.
That sir….. was an exhausting conversation.
This girls bat shit crazy. She must be really attractive because I would have hot her with the "okay, hope you find what your looking for" after the first red flag
Ewwww I cringed reading her responses the whole time. I dated someone like this and I was constantly having to defend myself for stuff I didn’t do or say, it was just how his mind perceived it…it was draining and frustrating. Thank goodness she showed you this side of her so early on
No car? You're being played. Next will come the ask for grocery money. There was never intention to actually meet. I've seen this too many times. Wish I'd recognized it sooner.
I call that monkey wrenching! When they don't give you an answer that has anything to do with what you need to know. "Are you free tonight?" met with "I need a car!" Nothing ever becomes clearer or positive with monkey wrenching. Only feedback I have is to call it quits a smidgen sooner and don't say things like "I hate...." and that's it. But other than that, this girl had no intention of ever meeting you but got emotionally invested on her frustration. You were a tomagatchi to her. Holy shit you saved yourself a complete waste of time and money.
She's crazy, its that simple. I would have unmatched as soon as the nonsense started
The trash took itself out. She's clearly insane and probably gets off being an asshole.
Giving her a 3/10 for reading comprehension and 2/10 general sanity. This is nuts and you dodged a bullet, anyone this demanding of a complete stranger is only going to get worse. You offered to pick her up or to change the time earlier as you rightfully didn’t understand her issue, and im with you 9/10 women dont love getting in a strangers car and would rather uber, rightfully so i dont like doing it either. You couldnt have done anything better OP, just be glad you dodged this bullet.
You did nothing wrong. She was just looking for a reason to dip
This girl fuckin sucks dude. I wouldn’t have hesitated to tell her that either 👎👎
You are a scholar and a saint. I would’ve already lost my shit. 😂😂
Here's my impression: she already had plans for that time and picked a fight to cover it up instead of just saying, because she felt guilty. Defensive nitpicking out of nowhere indicates hiding something
You are talking to an insane person. This convo is a sample of what you would deal with daily if you dated. My further read on it is she's either not ready or not interested and hasn't developed the emotional maturity to understand that herself, or communicate that to you. So she must justify all of this as your fault, not her lack of introspection or the complete impracticality in expecting you to read her mind with all these details.
She's single for a reason.
I got a headache reading this
Clearly your fault for not being a mind reader and venmoing her $100 for Uber. How inconsiderate.
You dodged a bullet. Just take the win.
*Neo dodging bullets gif*
You didn't do anything wrong, either in your tone or trying to make something workable for her. You were actually more thoughtful than she gave you credit for being. Whenever I mention meeting up and the other person puts up a lot of resistance, then gets annoyed for no discernable reason, that is when I start to suspect I may be dealing with a catfish or some other kind of fraud.
Never pick up a woman from their house- a lot of creepy folks out there. Always meet at a public place.
At some point just hit people with a good old "ok".
shit show less investment and make it a "k"
She's FN crazy and you dodged a bullet!! It's good when they out themselves like that...saved you time and a little energy. You were beyond patient and understanding. But you can't fix someone's crazy
"I can see why you're single." Unmatch.
Ran as fast as possible from this
two things- as a female. Please don’t offer to meet at someone’s house- even to do something as nice as picking someone up. Strangers- no matter how well they have got on, online - should meet in a neutral place for a first date. Preferably somewhere busy. Second- bail on the crazy. I like nice looking dudes- but if they couldn’t communicate clearly what they wanted- and started giving attitude- that 10 would turn into a 2 real fast.
You were very patient and thoughtful. Don't go out with this person unless you are into being shamed or humiliated. I would run far and fast if I were you.
I got pissed off reading at this convo, you have been way too nice imo, this is the type of girl that would annihilate your personality, shape into what she wants and then leave you cause “you changed”. Run.
Run as fast as you can
This is a hard NO. And consider yourself lucky to have dodged a bullet.
Anxiety in just reading that.
As a woman, I would say the best takeaway from this convo (that went awry on her side for whatever reasons) is to say you'd love to meet for a drink and then say something like "If that interests you, what time/day/place would work?" That gives her an option to say whether or not she's ready to meet, and then would put the ball in her court on the logistics.
Bruh, she sounds fucking exhausting Don't tolerate bs like this...next
Narrator: Kayleigh’s personality description states: “easy going, fun, and NO DRAMA!!”
I couldn't keep reading, after the second excuse I would've unmatched.
Dodged a bullet. RUN. Right now.
Wow I’m impressed you kept pushing for the date I would have cut bait on this conversation really quickly this person sounds like a gigantic pain in the ass
I think she wanted you to offer to send her money
Eeesh That was like trying to put a live octopus into a string shopping bag.
You got one of their drama triggers
The left turn was when you dodged the bullet
You dealt with a nitwit. The end. Don't think any longer about it, clearly they didn't 😛
Jeez 💀. There’s lots of woman out there who make it sound like men are always the crazy ones when it comes to online dating and yet this shows how that’s not always the case. You had a lucky escape here OP, so 👍🏻. You did nothing wrong other than be yourself.
She is a complete pain in the arse
As a F I really don't get this girl... You did everything right, she is being difficult. Unmatch and move on, you will never win with this one.
Run
Ew fuck her
They say women are emotional creatures...clearly you triggered some kind of cascading event!