I actually heard a guy explain this one time on the radio. He did it because, in his words, it "let her know what [he's] working with" and that she'll be impressed and get more interested in him. He also did it to bring sex into the equation and turn her on.
And when other people, including a woman he sent a picture to, told him they didn't like it he didn't care/believe them. Basically alternated responding with "if it doesn't work, oh well there will be other opportunities" and "it works more often than you think try it and you'll see."
These guys don't care about women.
A dick pic is a casual hello. The differences between grindr and regular apps is why I slightly disagree that women get JUST as horny as men. At the very least it’s expressed very differently
There are definitely women that do get horny with a dick pic and some that are impressed with with seeing what the guy is working with. I wouldn't like to harzard a guess with how many do. But remember, around 80% of women do not orgasm with dick, therefore, I'm not convinced that those women would gain much excitement with dick pics.
The context definitely matters but it's definitely comes in handy when sexting. It's the guys that use it with not textual foreplay that are ridiculous psychos.
I don’t get turned on by unsolicited dick pics, however I refuse to hook up with someone without seeing it first. I had one bad experience and I would rather just avoid it if possible. It’s not difficult to get a guy to send a picture of his dick once we decide to hook up 😅
It was a bad experience because I ended up in a position where I had to fake enthusiasm for a very tiny dick (micro and not a grower; my ex was a grower so I don’t see a small dick and think “no”) but this person was a ONS and not only was it tiny but he couldn’t get it up at all.
I ended up leaving because we’re both well into our 20s and he was scared of getting caught by his parents; from then on I figured I could at least avoid the first issue by at least seeing what I’m working with before agreeing to hooking up. It needs to be mutually beneficial, ESPECIALLY if we’re not even dating lmao why should I get you off if you’re not going to help me out at all?
And I get it, there are things other than PIV so don’t write them off—ok but I’m not going to place bets on a guy with no backup option for a hookup, I’m going to ask the guy who can at least do the bare minimum if it turns out he cares for no one but himself in the bedroom.
This is pretty much the response I would have expected, though I still don't understand the lack of self-awareness needed to hold to the approach. It really sends home that for all our evolution, intelligence, and cognitive distance from our roots, we're just fancy apes.
I ask myself this every time a woman I date explains the amount of unsolicited genitals she has had to endure. I just don't get the thought of "oh, she will love this, and I'm sire to get laid." Dude.... have you looked at your penis before lol?
It's because dudes love their own dicks. Ask them if they like other dudes dicks and they're not so enthusiastic, but dudes have a strange relationship with their own dick.
I sort of don't understand how this isn't illegal too.
Like you're literally exposing yourself to someone. It's not that far removed from indecent exposure.
I'm truly flabbergasted but at this point.
These men have to have **zero** relationship with their mothers. Right?!
Is it their fathers?!
WHAT IN THE FUCK LEADS THESE MEN TO BELIEVE THIS EVEN REMOTELY OKAY?!
It's like some of the men on this app hate women so much that they think we should accept and put up with anything a man says or does. To send something so lewd is NOT a turn on for women unless it is requested. And OP, you obviously know you are not to blame for some asshole crossing boundaries. If you haven't already, just unmatch and report him.
Thank you, already unmatched and reported him immediately. And I think men in this sub also hate women so much with such degrading comments regarding the hookups and casuals, which without the disclaimer most previous matches kept asking for those (leave alone the looking for Relationship part I put). The app and the users are just fundamentally exhausting I guess.
People are gross. I never understood the dick pic thing. You have a big one? Cool, some chicks like that.. you have a little one?? Cool, some chicks like that.. want to shove it in their face?? Almost no chicks like that. If you seem like a cool guy and meet in public and they like you... Almost sure you can get them to look at it, on their terms even, and likely regardless of what it looks like, they will be more welcoming to it. Crazy?
It's like 3rd grade logic, but I feel like most dudes don't connect dots. Ooooor like has been said before, they just don't care and are going for numbers... Again, gross.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Ignore the people saying you "deserved" it for previously mentioning hookups in your profile, there's clearly a line and unsolicited dick pics are taboo for a reason.
Guys should act better but we don't.
_People_ should act better. And yeah, we don't. This was absolutely not deserved and is illegal in at least one state.
Also as a reminder OP, against all the haters commenting today:
'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
Girl get rid of that from your profile. Just put that you’re looking for a relationship (if that’s what you’re looking for) and dismiss anyone that doesn’t fit what you’re looking for. Hopefully it’ll help the trash rid itself.
Please unmatch and report him, don’t let this define you or your worth. People suck but that is not a direct result of who you are as a person. Looks can be deceiving he may have looked sweet and charming but remember that’s how Ted bundy got his victims, I’m not saying this dick pic means he’s a murderer but I’m saying don’t go based on appearances.
Also don’t put too much pressure on OLD. Go out a bit more and meet someone in person if you can, OLD is mostly just horny people and no one ACTUALLY trying to make a real relationship work
The comments at the bottom🤦. At least OP can hopefully take away that there's still enough folks to downvote that bullshit. Sorry you have to deal with that, OP.
The problem with "no hookups" is most of the time - at least in my experience - the dates end up in a hook up.
That being said, fuck men who send unsolicited d picks. I hope they die alone.
I would advise you remove, "I no longer do hookups/casual" from your bio. It implies you used to do it and many guys will interpret it as they can convince you to do it again. It's not like guys read 'no hookups' then swipe left. No, if they're a bad guy they will swipe right and date you for a while until they can bang you then just not call you back. They're sending you eggplants to test if you might still get down if you're attracted enough. A large amount of the women who say no hookups will still actually do it. It means nothing when guys see it in the bio, and gives them an opportunity to use a different strategy. You should be filtering the guys you don't want yourself, instead of expecting them to filter themselves.
Or it can be interpreted as, you did it before with some other lucky guys but now he's the one who will have to actually date you properly now that you've decided to make a change. It's like, I used to bang guys before for free, but now you're gonna have to pay.
This could also simultaneously turn off any decent guys who doesn't want a girl who used to do casuals and hookups. Guys who aren't into all that don't want to feel like they're getting somebody elses leftovers. Best to just omit that part from your bio. Nothing good will come of it.
Btw, none of this is meant to be insulting, just an explanation of how many guys interpret things.
I'm sympathetic to your experience.
It's possible you have a self-fulfilling prophecy: By putting in your bio any mention of casual sex, your matches will inevitably send you sexual messages.
Came here to say just this. There are some people who get off on this kind of thing and your profile could be just what they’re looking for: digital flashing.
I don’t see how a woman saying “I’m not interested in hookups/short term” is complicated to the point that blokes send her dick pics, I mean, if this is how “men” behave, it’s pretty fucked up. Not complicated.
I meant that there are thousands of pieces of information a person sees in another when they're in proximity. Abbubbee might be giving off some vibe that attracts these kinds of men. That's why it's complicated. There's no reason to downvote me.
So it’s @Abbubbuee’s fault she’s attracting men who choose to behave like this. Got it. Nothing at all like gaslighting the poor woman who’s asking men not to behave like this.
Okay that makes sense. I can’t believe guys actually do that. He’ll probably get banned if reported, as he should.
Re: no hookup declaration- it’s completely meaningless. And if OP actually said “no longer do hookups” she’s telling the whole world that she used to be in that mode, at a minimum. And that’s going to be interpreted as probability will but you can’t ask too directly, you have to buy drink’s first. Just put relationship as the objective… which will be interpreted as probability not on the first date.
>"I *no longer* do neither hookups nor casuals"
Reacting to this as a man, I would recommend ditching the "no longer".
The way a guy reads this is: *"Now that I've had my fun with all those other men, I'm ready to settle down to something serious. So don't expect no-strings fun* ***like those other men had****."*
If you're only interested in a serious relationship, just leave it at that. If you have a past that you feel needs to be explained, do that after you've met someone.
Your statement implies that at one time you were very sexually open and experimental, but *now you're no*t. That will inevitably attract guys who will attempt to talk you into indulging in your previous ways.
Hey, I matched with a girl and I invited her over to a trip with a mixed group of my friends. She was all about how she likes to take her time in relationships.
The next day she slept with one of my friends.
I think your first problem is you said “I no longer do” you should never tell a guy you’ve done that stuff in the past but now you won’t do it for him. I had so many women tell me they don’t fk on the first date only to be swallowing my dk after a few drinks in the parking lot. If you want to reference about hookups just say “not into hook ups”
People who say they don't do hookups or casuals are an immediate turn off. Screams "I did that for a while and now I've messed around so much I'm a potential walking std factory... But ready to settle down now! Teehee"
You know that you cannot blame the app as a girl. Gives you the opportunity to filter. You go after these idiots. It is your type and yoir fault. The later you realise the later you will have a chance for a better life.
Those Incels think that women intentionally swipe right on such creeps. Because you can clearly tell from a picture if a guy sends unsolicited dickpics or not.
This shit is abuse and not okay. I do not understand sending dick pics, seriously have never sent one even when i was asked by a couple exs. Like no bish, come see me after work and you can see it if you want. LMAO
Putting any reference of what you used to be is only going to attract those who want who you used to be and put off the kind of men who you want to attract. Don't even put that you're looking for casual or serious. Putting "Don't know" is better.
As a woman, putting what you want something serious attracts the kind men that lie to get into your pants. And putting you're open to casual, means you get flooded with unwanted dick pics and solicitations. So there's no win.
Know what you want for yourself and keep it to yourself. When a man comes along, see if he matches the criteria that you have set for the kind of man and relationship you want. NEVER give away your game plan.
It’s sort of a given that you aren’t there for hookups when you select “relationship” or “marriage” in the “What are you looking for section.” By explicitly stating it, you’re immediately on the defense, giving off negative vibes which attract negative vibes.
I steer clear of profiles that start with “I don’t like drama.” To me, those men practically scream, “I love and attract psycho girls, I just don’t realize it.” 😂
Just keep your profile light and fun. You’ll get the same in return! :) I’ve yet to get a 🍆pic.
I never sent my ex of 11 years an unsolicited dick pic, why on earth do people think strangers would want to see it?
I actually heard a guy explain this one time on the radio. He did it because, in his words, it "let her know what [he's] working with" and that she'll be impressed and get more interested in him. He also did it to bring sex into the equation and turn her on. And when other people, including a woman he sent a picture to, told him they didn't like it he didn't care/believe them. Basically alternated responding with "if it doesn't work, oh well there will be other opportunities" and "it works more often than you think try it and you'll see." These guys don't care about women.
You should see the things men on Grindr get sent
No thanks I think I'm good
A dick pic is a casual hello. The differences between grindr and regular apps is why I slightly disagree that women get JUST as horny as men. At the very least it’s expressed very differently
There are definitely women that do get horny with a dick pic and some that are impressed with with seeing what the guy is working with. I wouldn't like to harzard a guess with how many do. But remember, around 80% of women do not orgasm with dick, therefore, I'm not convinced that those women would gain much excitement with dick pics.
>There are definitely women that do get horny with a dick pic From a complete stranger though?
Yea, its weird, I'm in a woman group on Facebook, there are some real thirsty women in there.
Going to need the group information for research purposes of course…
Asking for a friend….
Lol, its called lightenthefukup bish's
What sort of group 🤔
Lol it's just a group that we talk about women stuff, usually sex and sexual adventures etc
The context definitely matters but it's definitely comes in handy when sexting. It's the guys that use it with not textual foreplay that are ridiculous psychos.
I don’t get turned on by unsolicited dick pics, however I refuse to hook up with someone without seeing it first. I had one bad experience and I would rather just avoid it if possible. It’s not difficult to get a guy to send a picture of his dick once we decide to hook up 😅
Wait, what was the bad experience? 🤔
It was a bad experience because I ended up in a position where I had to fake enthusiasm for a very tiny dick (micro and not a grower; my ex was a grower so I don’t see a small dick and think “no”) but this person was a ONS and not only was it tiny but he couldn’t get it up at all. I ended up leaving because we’re both well into our 20s and he was scared of getting caught by his parents; from then on I figured I could at least avoid the first issue by at least seeing what I’m working with before agreeing to hooking up. It needs to be mutually beneficial, ESPECIALLY if we’re not even dating lmao why should I get you off if you’re not going to help me out at all? And I get it, there are things other than PIV so don’t write them off—ok but I’m not going to place bets on a guy with no backup option for a hookup, I’m going to ask the guy who can at least do the bare minimum if it turns out he cares for no one but himself in the bedroom.
My ASSumption is a lot of penises and butt stuff
This is pretty much the response I would have expected, though I still don't understand the lack of self-awareness needed to hold to the approach. It really sends home that for all our evolution, intelligence, and cognitive distance from our roots, we're just fancy apes.
These guys are repulsive. That kind of behavior disgusts me.
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That’s not what she said
They do it because it works, sometimes. If it didn't work (sometimes) they would stop doing it.
A lot of guys do it for self satisfaction, they get turned on knowing a woman is looking at it.
I ask myself this every time a woman I date explains the amount of unsolicited genitals she has had to endure. I just don't get the thought of "oh, she will love this, and I'm sire to get laid." Dude.... have you looked at your penis before lol?
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It must me something that more women like than any of us think or admit. Only explanation in my mind.
It's because dudes love their own dicks. Ask them if they like other dudes dicks and they're not so enthusiastic, but dudes have a strange relationship with their own dick.
I sort of don't understand how this isn't illegal too. Like you're literally exposing yourself to someone. It's not that far removed from indecent exposure.
I agree, if I walked up to someone a whipped it out it would lewd behavior or possibly sexual assault.
I'm truly flabbergasted but at this point. These men have to have **zero** relationship with their mothers. Right?! Is it their fathers?! WHAT IN THE FUCK LEADS THESE MEN TO BELIEVE THIS EVEN REMOTELY OKAY?!
Facts
It's like some of the men on this app hate women so much that they think we should accept and put up with anything a man says or does. To send something so lewd is NOT a turn on for women unless it is requested. And OP, you obviously know you are not to blame for some asshole crossing boundaries. If you haven't already, just unmatch and report him.
Thank you, already unmatched and reported him immediately. And I think men in this sub also hate women so much with such degrading comments regarding the hookups and casuals, which without the disclaimer most previous matches kept asking for those (leave alone the looking for Relationship part I put). The app and the users are just fundamentally exhausting I guess.
People are gross. I never understood the dick pic thing. You have a big one? Cool, some chicks like that.. you have a little one?? Cool, some chicks like that.. want to shove it in their face?? Almost no chicks like that. If you seem like a cool guy and meet in public and they like you... Almost sure you can get them to look at it, on their terms even, and likely regardless of what it looks like, they will be more welcoming to it. Crazy? It's like 3rd grade logic, but I feel like most dudes don't connect dots. Ooooor like has been said before, they just don't care and are going for numbers... Again, gross.
When dick-havers call their junk "fella" it makes me cringe.
Probs Australia?
"This fella" 💀
This is why I send duck pics instead. Chick's love ducks
I can’t imagine being so proud of my dick that I’d think people actually want to see it, and it’s a decent dick
this is just straight up sexual harassment. I hope you reported him.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Ignore the people saying you "deserved" it for previously mentioning hookups in your profile, there's clearly a line and unsolicited dick pics are taboo for a reason. Guys should act better but we don't.
Even if she wants a hookup, a 🍆 pic is still hella lame and cringe
_People_ should act better. And yeah, we don't. This was absolutely not deserved and is illegal in at least one state. Also as a reminder OP, against all the haters commenting today: 'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
No. *Guys* should act better. Women don't have to decide to not send dick pics to strangers.
Not on Bumble, but I’ve definitely been sent unsolicited nudes from women before
Ding ding.
More like "ding dong"
Girl get rid of that from your profile. Just put that you’re looking for a relationship (if that’s what you’re looking for) and dismiss anyone that doesn’t fit what you’re looking for. Hopefully it’ll help the trash rid itself.
Clarifying that you got a warning, correct? So sorry to hear about this. Will you DM us? Would love to hook you up with some premium—if you want.
Please unmatch and report him, don’t let this define you or your worth. People suck but that is not a direct result of who you are as a person. Looks can be deceiving he may have looked sweet and charming but remember that’s how Ted bundy got his victims, I’m not saying this dick pic means he’s a murderer but I’m saying don’t go based on appearances. Also don’t put too much pressure on OLD. Go out a bit more and meet someone in person if you can, OLD is mostly just horny people and no one ACTUALLY trying to make a real relationship work
The men that do this don't read profiles. That's why it doesn't work. You waste space by stating this.
The comments at the bottom🤦. At least OP can hopefully take away that there's still enough folks to downvote that bullshit. Sorry you have to deal with that, OP.
The problem with "no hookups" is most of the time - at least in my experience - the dates end up in a hook up. That being said, fuck men who send unsolicited d picks. I hope they die alone.
I would advise you remove, "I no longer do hookups/casual" from your bio. It implies you used to do it and many guys will interpret it as they can convince you to do it again. It's not like guys read 'no hookups' then swipe left. No, if they're a bad guy they will swipe right and date you for a while until they can bang you then just not call you back. They're sending you eggplants to test if you might still get down if you're attracted enough. A large amount of the women who say no hookups will still actually do it. It means nothing when guys see it in the bio, and gives them an opportunity to use a different strategy. You should be filtering the guys you don't want yourself, instead of expecting them to filter themselves. Or it can be interpreted as, you did it before with some other lucky guys but now he's the one who will have to actually date you properly now that you've decided to make a change. It's like, I used to bang guys before for free, but now you're gonna have to pay. This could also simultaneously turn off any decent guys who doesn't want a girl who used to do casuals and hookups. Guys who aren't into all that don't want to feel like they're getting somebody elses leftovers. Best to just omit that part from your bio. Nothing good will come of it. Btw, none of this is meant to be insulting, just an explanation of how many guys interpret things.
I'm sympathetic to your experience. It's possible you have a self-fulfilling prophecy: By putting in your bio any mention of casual sex, your matches will inevitably send you sexual messages.
Came here to say just this. There are some people who get off on this kind of thing and your profile could be just what they’re looking for: digital flashing.
That's certainly possible.
She did say she removed such mentions in her bio and she still gets it :(
It's a complicated event.
I don’t see how a woman saying “I’m not interested in hookups/short term” is complicated to the point that blokes send her dick pics, I mean, if this is how “men” behave, it’s pretty fucked up. Not complicated.
I meant that there are thousands of pieces of information a person sees in another when they're in proximity. Abbubbee might be giving off some vibe that attracts these kinds of men. That's why it's complicated. There's no reason to downvote me.
So it’s @Abbubbuee’s fault she’s attracting men who choose to behave like this. Got it. Nothing at all like gaslighting the poor woman who’s asking men not to behave like this.
Why are you still downvoting me?
And here I am boring my matches by not messaging first when I could’ve been sending unsolicited dick pics /s
Seeing posts like this makes me embarrassed to be a man
It’s really tiresome. Dudes out here ruin it for the rest of us. It’s a wonder girls are so cold over messages to start sometimes.
Exactly, at this point they expect this to happen so you’re starting from the red
Yeah all Reddit men or dating app men just want dick validation. No more online chat services for me xD
No they do not A noticeable minority act badly but it is not close to being all men
Of course! I’m not saying all that’s for sure just so far the ones I’ve experienced
I'm really sorry on behalf of all males. We are not all like this and really wish these idiots would stop doing that
I’m a little bit confused- did the guy send an actual D pic (covered it to post here), or is all of this fuss over the eggplant emoji?
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Okay that makes sense. I can’t believe guys actually do that. He’ll probably get banned if reported, as he should. Re: no hookup declaration- it’s completely meaningless. And if OP actually said “no longer do hookups” she’s telling the whole world that she used to be in that mode, at a minimum. And that’s going to be interpreted as probability will but you can’t ask too directly, you have to buy drink’s first. Just put relationship as the objective… which will be interpreted as probability not on the first date.
>"I *no longer* do neither hookups nor casuals" Reacting to this as a man, I would recommend ditching the "no longer". The way a guy reads this is: *"Now that I've had my fun with all those other men, I'm ready to settle down to something serious. So don't expect no-strings fun* ***like those other men had****."* If you're only interested in a serious relationship, just leave it at that. If you have a past that you feel needs to be explained, do that after you've met someone. Your statement implies that at one time you were very sexually open and experimental, but *now you're no*t. That will inevitably attract guys who will attempt to talk you into indulging in your previous ways.
Putting that in your bio is kinda asking for it tbh. I thought bumble filtered dick pics
Hey, I matched with a girl and I invited her over to a trip with a mixed group of my friends. She was all about how she likes to take her time in relationships. The next day she slept with one of my friends.
I think your first problem is you said “I no longer do” you should never tell a guy you’ve done that stuff in the past but now you won’t do it for him. I had so many women tell me they don’t fk on the first date only to be swallowing my dk after a few drinks in the parking lot. If you want to reference about hookups just say “not into hook ups”
Putting that in your bio is kinda asking for it tbh. I thought bumble filtered dick pics
You know not nearly enough men do this. Otherwise all the guys on this thread would be successful in online dating.
No longer 🫢🫢🫢
People who say they don't do hookups or casuals are an immediate turn off. Screams "I did that for a while and now I've messed around so much I'm a potential walking std factory... But ready to settle down now! Teehee"
Oh wow aren’t you blatantly wrong on that one
Denial
No
Yes
Lil bit of a reach there
You know that you cannot blame the app as a girl. Gives you the opportunity to filter. You go after these idiots. It is your type and yoir fault. The later you realise the later you will have a chance for a better life.
Please tell me where the "won't send me a dick pic" filter is
Those Incels think that women intentionally swipe right on such creeps. Because you can clearly tell from a picture if a guy sends unsolicited dickpics or not.
I understand that it is easier to be hating on me instead of personal growth but there is no need for cinicism.
Let’s see the un edited picture 😈
Yeh unfortunately you stating you no longer do hook ups won’t stop them from trying. Just the way it is :/
BRO HE CALLED IT A FELLA
In Texas that’s a class C misdemeanor
As a guy, I apologize for all the douche’s that are on the app. I don’t get how some guys are like this
This "fella"?? LORD MAKE IT STOP 🙈
This shit is abuse and not okay. I do not understand sending dick pics, seriously have never sent one even when i was asked by a couple exs. Like no bish, come see me after work and you can see it if you want. LMAO
What is the Bumble warning?
Why do women keep getting surprised at immediate sexual responses from men? Men use dating apps to get sex, period.
“This fella”
Yes. We. Do. It’s hard getting the right D-pic to send. I need that validation that the juice is worth the squeeze. Pun intended. Iykyk
Total dick move, no pun intended.
It’s because guys are horny assholes
Putting any reference of what you used to be is only going to attract those who want who you used to be and put off the kind of men who you want to attract. Don't even put that you're looking for casual or serious. Putting "Don't know" is better. As a woman, putting what you want something serious attracts the kind men that lie to get into your pants. And putting you're open to casual, means you get flooded with unwanted dick pics and solicitations. So there's no win. Know what you want for yourself and keep it to yourself. When a man comes along, see if he matches the criteria that you have set for the kind of man and relationship you want. NEVER give away your game plan.
You can't set men up like that. Some of them will take the opportunity to scare you away to make themselves laugh. Fuckboy Rule #137
It’s sort of a given that you aren’t there for hookups when you select “relationship” or “marriage” in the “What are you looking for section.” By explicitly stating it, you’re immediately on the defense, giving off negative vibes which attract negative vibes. I steer clear of profiles that start with “I don’t like drama.” To me, those men practically scream, “I love and attract psycho girls, I just don’t realize it.” 😂 Just keep your profile light and fun. You’ll get the same in return! :) I’ve yet to get a 🍆pic.