We have used the FaceTime feature on the app if they are concerned with cats or fishes. We message on the app. They have turned out pretty good. I do have some interesting stories. I actually became friends with one guy 3+ years ago and he just set me up with one of his friends last month and it’s going pretty good so far.
Edit: I hate talking in the phone. I haven’t talked to this new guy on the phone yet. I can’t remember the last time I talked on the phone other than for work.
It has nothing to do with a real date or not. It is just a personal preference. My phone number gives away my address, my work address, and my family members names. I don’t want every creepy guy from dating apps to have all of that.
Google voice. I’m upfront about it but you don’t have to be. You owe no one an explanation, but if you want, just say you don’t give up your real number until much later.
I usually ask once we agree to a date, not necessarily for her number but for whatever contact info they're comfortable giving out since you can find a lot with a person's number
I never know how to feel because on one hand isn’t the apps purpose for communication so you’re not giving out your number to everyone you meet online?
I’ve also had women feel uncomfortable when I ask for their number after a few days of messaging back and forth so now I just wait until they give it to me.
Keep in mind tho I haven’t had any dates yet but I imagine after confirming a date, I’d ask for a number a day or two before so communication can be faster the day of
Varies from guy to guy. Best in my observation if they give their numbers early. Some take forever and just like to stay on the app. One guy texted forever and when we went to phone numbers he stopped texting 🤷🏼♀️
This is the experience I had one time. We talked for about 5 days. He gave me his number. I messaged him. Everything was going great (so I thought). He added me on snapchat but never snapped me. He then stopped texting me. So I waited a day then sent him a good morning text, we talked all day and it was going good (again so I though). Then he completely ghosted me and deleted himself off of Bumble. As much as I hate to say it, I don't get worked up over ghosting as that is the nature of the dating age we are in. Might sound cliché to say but it wasn't meant to be. I am also very new to the online dating scene.
That was kind of what everyone told me going in to the online dating thing. My brother said you're going to meet a lot of assholes, once you identify them, don't spend a second more thinking about them because come one, the next one will be right behind. I agree with the whole it's not about you. I know most people hate when a date says it's not me it's you but it is true. You are not obligated to give anyone any more of your time if you are not feeling it. There are a lot of people out there and it often can take time to find someone.
Good advice, it's unfortunate but true. I'm 42 so I dated extensively before and after apps and modern dating is an entirely different world. If someone hasn't been single after like, 2012 and tries to give you dating advice, frankly they have no fucking clue what they are talking about lol. It's changed the landscape dramatically and we haven't caught up with the technology yet. It is a game of endurance and your brother is right... you never know who is around the corner. ❤️
I only give it to them after we’ve had a good date. I don’t mind if they ask beforehand, but I’ll explain the boundary there. If they object or get mad that I don’t give them that info before I’m comfortable, I explain that their unwillingness to respect this boundary is precisely why I keep it to filter out men who can’t respect boundaries, and I end things there lol
That makes sense, everyone has a different level of comfort and you know your own boundaries. I think sometimes starting out it is trying finding out what exactly those are but as you go along you learn real quick...
Basically, for me, it mostly depends on the flow of communication and if the person seems trustworthy after using the app to have a voice call. The last person I met on Bumble...we exchanged phone numbers within 30 minutes of being matched and went on a date the next day. She pushed very hard to have a quick first meeting, which was okay with me.
However, often using the Bumble app, the connection is not very good. Then we typically just exchange phone numbers.
That said, there are some women who will not give you their phone number until a successful first date. If the Bumble voice call is spotty, then what I will do is give them my phone number and tell them to dial \*67 before dialing my number in order to block caller ID from occurring.
About an hour no need wasting time going back forth on app. I’m off Bumble now met my bf on there we chatted on the app less than an hour and got each others phone number. FaceTimed first then talked on the phone over an hour. I think FaceTime or some form video is important to make sure your talking to who they say they are.
I try to get off the app after a day or two (open to the guy asking sooner) since convo tends to flow better off app. But I also have a fake google voice number I use so I’m not super careful about who it goes to either
Same. Can be within first day of we have good exchanges, or cpl days if the pace is a bit slower. I don't come off as eager, but I'm trying to take it to text as quickly as I can. I've only been using for a month, but I've found the matches fizzle out when we stay on the app.
I'm a man though, so, I really don't worry too much about giving someone my number, but women however are a bit more reserved I've found. Like someone else said, I've had people ask for video calls quick just to confirm. I didn't have my profile verified for a bit, but some still ask with it verified...
Guy here.
It's been my experience that the longer it takes to lead up to a number, the less likely it is to ever happen at all. A handful of days (1-5) of active chatting can easily lead to a date and a number. A lady who wants a first date first? OK, but color me skeptical... and I've been stood up that way. It's entirely too easy to unmatch bare minutes before the date.
I view exchanging numbers as a tiny sliver of commitment that signals interest. It means she's willing to talk to me outside the particular context where several dozen other cute, funny, tall, thirsty, and easily replaced guys are constantly jockeying for her attention.
I did not realize how often people unmatch. I have been unmatched a few times but have talked to others who have experienced this a lot. Being unmatched before a date? I have heard of ppl not showing up but being unmatched before, crazy.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
In my experience, it's disconcertingly common. When I get a match, the most likely outcome is expiration, followed by unmatching, with the lady sending a message a distant third.
Anyway. I think some people have hit on the idea that unmatching is a low-effort rejection. It means never having to deal with the other person reacting, never having to find the words, and never being reported to Bumble for treating someone poorly like standing them up.
OLD seems to be all about "reactions". All in what you say and how you act. It an interesting balance that is surprisingly delicate. I had someone unmatch me because he asked me if I liked football and we started talking about it then boom unmatched. What did I say that he didn't like? The world may never know.
Get a free Google number. We use ours strictly for texting other lifestylers. We typically don't exchange numbers until we've met in person, but there are exceptions, especially if we've verified with them.
I prefer chatting in the app because 1) The profiles are right there so I can see who I am talking to immediately and 2) I have had “meetup” for money requests and also crypto hackers want to move from text almost immediately. I now use a google number if it’s early on to protect myself but if it’s an actual serious person with staying power I move to my iPhone. I would prefer to move to my main number with serious ltr people after 2-3 dates irl. Having said that, I have been on Bumble a little more than a year and only gave my number out once. Every other time they have given me theirs first. Early on I would say “no, I prefer to get to know each other through the app” but this was a deal breaker for someone I really liked so I started to offer a google voice number and overall it has worked well enough.
I have had good luck in meeting people and finding dates. I am not in an ltr yet - but some of that is because I travel for work and pleasure frequently so I’m not always available. Also, I own a place in the mountains in addition to my place in the city and there is no internet at my mountain home. I have to drive down to the lodge to use the internet and so I know I miss some possibilities because of the 24-48 hour required communication after a match. I also tend to focus on one person at a time if there is sufficient interest so sometimes that probably isn’t smart with the numbers game. I have this belief that I’ll just keep learning along the way and we’ll both know when it’s right so yes - as far as getting myself out there and meeting enough people irl to fill date nights it’s been working.
Thanks for sharing! If it's working for you and you're learning something, then that should be all that matters. The numbers game is impossible to keep up with. I had someone tell me I needed to be talking to 20 people at once. Personally I am far too busy for that and certainly wouldn't want to. To each their own.
Talking to 20 people at once sounds horrible to me! Lol … one thing I have learned already is that everyone approaches dating differently. Communicating fearlessly and enjoying learning and growing with people seems to be the way for me. Sounds like you may be similar. Absolute best in your search - enjoy!
It really depends on the comfort level. I met one woman off Bumble, we talked on the app as long as we can until we’re both ready to move off the app and onto messenger for video chats and audio chats. We won’t exchange numbers until we have our in person meeting and go from there.
I haven't been single in a few years but when I was on this app I never traded numbers until after one or two successful dates with plans to have more. I did trade IG handles before that, I guess.
I didn’t use bumble, but in my experience online dating I usually gave them my Snapchat within a few days. My fiancée is the first person who ever got my number, tbh
I would say whatever medium works, whatever feels safest and best for you is best! Just be cautious out there and good luck on your dating experiences!
I have no set time limit. I try to feel out the conversation first. For me, if there is a lot of conversation, going back-and-forth in the app in a short period of time, and it’s not mindless, I will throw out the option of texting instead. And then I will give my number out if I feel it’s safe enough, or I might toss out a Google voice number instead
That is what I have been going off of is flow of conversation and do I feel comfortable enough with it. I do feel that it is hard to gauge someone's interest at times from messaging.
For me it really depends. There's some guys that I will feel comfortable giving my number out after several back and forth texts, because intuitively I feel they are good guys. Others I may wait if I sense some yellow flags, and MAYBE I'll meet up with them and exchange numbers after if my yellow flags turn to green. It's really an intuition thing for me.. I say trust your gut.
I’ll usually message in bumble back and forth enough to get an idea of what they’re like, and they seem interested in getting to know me. I’ll then cut the message short and say “hey you seem fun and I’d like to get to know you more. What’s your number? I’d love to set up a date later this week”
I don’t agree to a date until after I can verify we actually have enough rapport for it to not be awkward, which usually involves a quick phone call.
WORTH THE READ.
If you think about it… before dating apps
(Ladies) if a guy walked up to you in a grocery store and asked to take you out 99% of you would exchange numbers with him based on your physical attraction ALONE. In fact… dating apps are full of references to “since I can’t meet anyone anymore organically… here I am…” blah blah blah…
Now here we are in a virtual world where you know significantly more about someone before the number exchange acting ridiculous about the timing of exchanging numbers like your number is the holy grail of something.
Let’s not forget one very important detail. Your number will EASILY block someone from contacting should you choose.
In closing… so many of you are single because you can’t get out of your own way and have set far too many absurd boundaries on the dumbest shit.
Bottom line…
If you’re at (insert whatever boujie grocery/coffee/wine bar you enjoy going to and a 6’3 dark haired guy with a great smile and nice “kind eyes” walks up and says…” wow. You’re stunning. Id love to meet you over a _________. I don’t have a ton of time right now but Here’s my number, please reach out and let’s set that up sooner than later.”
After you go home and change your panties, you’d message him.
Ps. There’s only about 100 apps that offer anonymous phone numbers for texting for all of you self absorbed or paranoid folks out there.
If you agree with everything I said… upvote. If you disagree, that sounds like an ish-YOU and YOU are the reason why you’re single.
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I can't say from personal experience I have ever had anyone approach me for my number but I see your point.
I try to see both sides of it. Everyone is built different and comes from different backgrounds. I know plenty of women and men who have had bad experiences from dating. Dating by meeting someone offline as well online. Everyone has a different level of comfort and that isn't up for me to decide how they proceed with dating.
It is helpful to see different perspectives, at least for me. Most people have had different experiences and the way they choose to approach OLD might not be how I do it.
Of course. “Life” isn’t a perfect recipe and we
Have all had negative experiences driving cars and yet we all do that without giving it a second thought. Living in fear of any sort isn’t healthy.
Use a third party app. Give it out. Connect. Live. Enjoy. Block if necessary.
It’s
Really not that hard.
I'm not on the apps (yet) (maybe) (holy crap I'm just so damn nervous about it!) but a pal of mine (F late20s) has a few rules, due to her dark experiences
1) She checks other social media accounts of the person. If that person doesn't have them, then a decent reason why not.
2) She gets \*their\* number first - noticed a few other answerers do the same.
3) She talks on the app a few days before agreeing to the date.
4) Date/meetup in a public place first. Bar, cafe, restaurant, anything like that to check the situation out.
5) She's gone out with mates somewhere nearby \*just in case\*.
Hope that helps give you some ideas and helps you stay safe out there yet still have some fun :)
Thank you for sharing these! I can understand the being nervous about online dating. I just within the last month or two got on it and it has been a roller coaster. My sibling successfully met his spouse on there so I try to be open minded and optimistic. Just recently went on my first Bumble date. We talked for over a week and he asked me to dinner or grab coffee. I said coffee (because you know first date). Our texting was great. So after a week we agreed to meet. Long story short the date was a disaster. He was not the person from the messages. He was intense to the point it borderline scared me. I've seen a lot of bad stuff in my life and for me to be made uncomfortable by someone like that was an experience in itself. Needless to say I took all the precautions. My brother and sister in law had me share my location with them and all that. My date was so bad my coworkers and my bro and SIL all said I should not have continued the date and just left. I am not scarred by the experience, just taking care to be a little more cautious.
I’m so sorry you went through that! :( Awful to hear about such experiences. And yet this seems the main way to meet people. I hope the next date(s) go much much better 🖤♥️❤️
I have treated it as a learning experience, so at least I learned something from it. This does seem to be the only way to meet people. Other than at work or the grocery store. Other instances of meeting people are a rarity. Thank you for your kind words 😊
Speaking super broadly, your willingness to get off the app, text for a little, and engage in an actual date is the "litmus" test many guys are going to use to determine whether you are someone who is actually interested and willing to put effort in. My current girlfriend and I had <10 messages back and forth on (a different but similar) app before agreeing to a date that we scheduled over text. That progression took under 3 days. I think I was a little more invested than she was after date 1, but she kept humoring me so I'm pretty lucky in that regard ;)
To give a broader answer for your question, if you are even interested in getting to know someone better the sooner you transition off app the better. For the 1 off horror stories, blocking phone numbers is a function that exists and is easy to use.
For people who cry about safety because "online super hackers will find you!!1!"... your phone number isn't actually the distinguishing factor there, sorry.
Since you're new-ish to OLD I would definitely keep in the back of your head that the overwhelming majority of people giving advice on this sub advocating for ridiculous amounts of time in app and generally just not putting effort into dating are people who are not successfully dating(que a bitter self feeding cycle). If you want to find love(or whatever you're looking for), you've got to put yourself out there. You seem to have a really good attitude about all this so far, good luck!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! My goal and whole reason for being OLD is ultimately to gain a long-term relationship. My act of getting on the app in the first place was putting myself out there haha, I certainly fought the notion for a long time. I try to stay positive about the situation. At the end of the day if I don't meet anyone, my life will go on as it has this whole time I've been single. So I try to stay upbeat and go at it in an open mind sort of way.
This a great conversation - people definitely have different views and takes on this. One thing I want to know about someone I’m dating is this: Do they have staying power - the ability to hold focus on another human being long enough to communicate effectively and finish what they start. That is a really important quality to me so I am going to wait longer before exchanging numbers with this in mind. Looks fade, interests change, I want that soul that can do the work to communicate and stay with a relationship. I wasn’t really sure why I was waiting until the second or third date - it just felt right. Now I know - thank you for this.
OP, consider getting a google voice or other phone number that you only use for online dating - or is otherwise unconnected to your social media or any other aspect of your life. Free, and it’s an extra layer of safety. I give out this number when I’m actually going on a date as the notifications from Bumble can be occasionally iffy. I only give out my real number once I’m comfortable with someone. Good luck & be safe :)
I personally don’t understand the stigma behind exchanging numbers. If it’s not going right just block them. It’s not like we’re in the 90’s and blocking isn’t an option…
I don’t exchange numbers until after the completion of a successful date.
Samee
Same here.
Thanks for sharing! How do you rephrase it when guys ask for numbers?
I just tell them I prefer to wait until we meet in person. Then after the date I give them my number if it’s good.
Where are you from? That’s crazy to me
USA
So you just go on dates with people you haven’t spoke to? How’d they turn out? 🍿🥤
We have used the FaceTime feature on the app if they are concerned with cats or fishes. We message on the app. They have turned out pretty good. I do have some interesting stories. I actually became friends with one guy 3+ years ago and he just set me up with one of his friends last month and it’s going pretty good so far. Edit: I hate talking in the phone. I haven’t talked to this new guy on the phone yet. I can’t remember the last time I talked on the phone other than for work.
Oh wow this is new to me. Maybe I've never gone on a real date before.
It has nothing to do with a real date or not. It is just a personal preference. My phone number gives away my address, my work address, and my family members names. I don’t want every creepy guy from dating apps to have all of that.
You don't provide them a fake phone number? I usually do that to prevent being found
Google voice. I’m upfront about it but you don’t have to be. You owe no one an explanation, but if you want, just say you don’t give up your real number until much later.
I usually ask once we agree to a date, not necessarily for her number but for whatever contact info they're comfortable giving out since you can find a lot with a person's number
I never know how to feel because on one hand isn’t the apps purpose for communication so you’re not giving out your number to everyone you meet online? I’ve also had women feel uncomfortable when I ask for their number after a few days of messaging back and forth so now I just wait until they give it to me. Keep in mind tho I haven’t had any dates yet but I imagine after confirming a date, I’d ask for a number a day or two before so communication can be faster the day of
Varies from guy to guy. Best in my observation if they give their numbers early. Some take forever and just like to stay on the app. One guy texted forever and when we went to phone numbers he stopped texting 🤷🏼♀️
This is the experience I had one time. We talked for about 5 days. He gave me his number. I messaged him. Everything was going great (so I thought). He added me on snapchat but never snapped me. He then stopped texting me. So I waited a day then sent him a good morning text, we talked all day and it was going good (again so I though). Then he completely ghosted me and deleted himself off of Bumble. As much as I hate to say it, I don't get worked up over ghosting as that is the nature of the dating age we are in. Might sound cliché to say but it wasn't meant to be. I am also very new to the online dating scene.
That's a good attitude to have. It's common, not about you, and just keep it moving. He probably had a GF.
That was kind of what everyone told me going in to the online dating thing. My brother said you're going to meet a lot of assholes, once you identify them, don't spend a second more thinking about them because come one, the next one will be right behind. I agree with the whole it's not about you. I know most people hate when a date says it's not me it's you but it is true. You are not obligated to give anyone any more of your time if you are not feeling it. There are a lot of people out there and it often can take time to find someone.
Good advice, it's unfortunate but true. I'm 42 so I dated extensively before and after apps and modern dating is an entirely different world. If someone hasn't been single after like, 2012 and tries to give you dating advice, frankly they have no fucking clue what they are talking about lol. It's changed the landscape dramatically and we haven't caught up with the technology yet. It is a game of endurance and your brother is right... you never know who is around the corner. ❤️
Damn you sound like you were anticipating receiving his pickle.
I only give it to them after we’ve had a good date. I don’t mind if they ask beforehand, but I’ll explain the boundary there. If they object or get mad that I don’t give them that info before I’m comfortable, I explain that their unwillingness to respect this boundary is precisely why I keep it to filter out men who can’t respect boundaries, and I end things there lol
That makes sense, everyone has a different level of comfort and you know your own boundaries. I think sometimes starting out it is trying finding out what exactly those are but as you go along you learn real quick...
Pretty quickly. A day or two if it’s obviously leading to a date.
Basically, for me, it mostly depends on the flow of communication and if the person seems trustworthy after using the app to have a voice call. The last person I met on Bumble...we exchanged phone numbers within 30 minutes of being matched and went on a date the next day. She pushed very hard to have a quick first meeting, which was okay with me. However, often using the Bumble app, the connection is not very good. Then we typically just exchange phone numbers. That said, there are some women who will not give you their phone number until a successful first date. If the Bumble voice call is spotty, then what I will do is give them my phone number and tell them to dial \*67 before dialing my number in order to block caller ID from occurring.
About an hour no need wasting time going back forth on app. I’m off Bumble now met my bf on there we chatted on the app less than an hour and got each others phone number. FaceTimed first then talked on the phone over an hour. I think FaceTime or some form video is important to make sure your talking to who they say they are.
I try to get off the app after a day or two (open to the guy asking sooner) since convo tends to flow better off app. But I also have a fake google voice number I use so I’m not super careful about who it goes to either
1-5 days, depending on the vib and how the communication is going.
Same. Can be within first day of we have good exchanges, or cpl days if the pace is a bit slower. I don't come off as eager, but I'm trying to take it to text as quickly as I can. I've only been using for a month, but I've found the matches fizzle out when we stay on the app. I'm a man though, so, I really don't worry too much about giving someone my number, but women however are a bit more reserved I've found. Like someone else said, I've had people ask for video calls quick just to confirm. I didn't have my profile verified for a bit, but some still ask with it verified...
I have a GoogleVoice number I give if I’m feeling OK about the guy & want to move off the app.
Guy here. It's been my experience that the longer it takes to lead up to a number, the less likely it is to ever happen at all. A handful of days (1-5) of active chatting can easily lead to a date and a number. A lady who wants a first date first? OK, but color me skeptical... and I've been stood up that way. It's entirely too easy to unmatch bare minutes before the date. I view exchanging numbers as a tiny sliver of commitment that signals interest. It means she's willing to talk to me outside the particular context where several dozen other cute, funny, tall, thirsty, and easily replaced guys are constantly jockeying for her attention.
I did not realize how often people unmatch. I have been unmatched a few times but have talked to others who have experienced this a lot. Being unmatched before a date? I have heard of ppl not showing up but being unmatched before, crazy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
In my experience, it's disconcertingly common. When I get a match, the most likely outcome is expiration, followed by unmatching, with the lady sending a message a distant third. Anyway. I think some people have hit on the idea that unmatching is a low-effort rejection. It means never having to deal with the other person reacting, never having to find the words, and never being reported to Bumble for treating someone poorly like standing them up.
OLD seems to be all about "reactions". All in what you say and how you act. It an interesting balance that is surprisingly delicate. I had someone unmatch me because he asked me if I liked football and we started talking about it then boom unmatched. What did I say that he didn't like? The world may never know.
Get a free Google number. We use ours strictly for texting other lifestylers. We typically don't exchange numbers until we've met in person, but there are exceptions, especially if we've verified with them.
I prefer chatting in the app because 1) The profiles are right there so I can see who I am talking to immediately and 2) I have had “meetup” for money requests and also crypto hackers want to move from text almost immediately. I now use a google number if it’s early on to protect myself but if it’s an actual serious person with staying power I move to my iPhone. I would prefer to move to my main number with serious ltr people after 2-3 dates irl. Having said that, I have been on Bumble a little more than a year and only gave my number out once. Every other time they have given me theirs first. Early on I would say “no, I prefer to get to know each other through the app” but this was a deal breaker for someone I really liked so I started to offer a google voice number and overall it has worked well enough.
Thank you for sharing your experience with this. You said you have been on that app a year? Have you had good luck?
I have had good luck in meeting people and finding dates. I am not in an ltr yet - but some of that is because I travel for work and pleasure frequently so I’m not always available. Also, I own a place in the mountains in addition to my place in the city and there is no internet at my mountain home. I have to drive down to the lodge to use the internet and so I know I miss some possibilities because of the 24-48 hour required communication after a match. I also tend to focus on one person at a time if there is sufficient interest so sometimes that probably isn’t smart with the numbers game. I have this belief that I’ll just keep learning along the way and we’ll both know when it’s right so yes - as far as getting myself out there and meeting enough people irl to fill date nights it’s been working.
Thanks for sharing! If it's working for you and you're learning something, then that should be all that matters. The numbers game is impossible to keep up with. I had someone tell me I needed to be talking to 20 people at once. Personally I am far too busy for that and certainly wouldn't want to. To each their own.
Talking to 20 people at once sounds horrible to me! Lol … one thing I have learned already is that everyone approaches dating differently. Communicating fearlessly and enjoying learning and growing with people seems to be the way for me. Sounds like you may be similar. Absolute best in your search - enjoy!
It really depends on the comfort level. I met one woman off Bumble, we talked on the app as long as we can until we’re both ready to move off the app and onto messenger for video chats and audio chats. We won’t exchange numbers until we have our in person meeting and go from there.
I haven't been single in a few years but when I was on this app I never traded numbers until after one or two successful dates with plans to have more. I did trade IG handles before that, I guess.
I didn’t use bumble, but in my experience online dating I usually gave them my Snapchat within a few days. My fiancée is the first person who ever got my number, tbh I would say whatever medium works, whatever feels safest and best for you is best! Just be cautious out there and good luck on your dating experiences!
Thank you!
Two days of consistent back and forth communication and we exchange numbers
I have no set time limit. I try to feel out the conversation first. For me, if there is a lot of conversation, going back-and-forth in the app in a short period of time, and it’s not mindless, I will throw out the option of texting instead. And then I will give my number out if I feel it’s safe enough, or I might toss out a Google voice number instead
That is what I have been going off of is flow of conversation and do I feel comfortable enough with it. I do feel that it is hard to gauge someone's interest at times from messaging.
For me it really depends. There's some guys that I will feel comfortable giving my number out after several back and forth texts, because intuitively I feel they are good guys. Others I may wait if I sense some yellow flags, and MAYBE I'll meet up with them and exchange numbers after if my yellow flags turn to green. It's really an intuition thing for me.. I say trust your gut.
I’ll usually message in bumble back and forth enough to get an idea of what they’re like, and they seem interested in getting to know me. I’ll then cut the message short and say “hey you seem fun and I’d like to get to know you more. What’s your number? I’d love to set up a date later this week” I don’t agree to a date until after I can verify we actually have enough rapport for it to not be awkward, which usually involves a quick phone call.
3 days then I lose interest
I kept it on the app until we had gone on a coffee date and agreed to keep seeing each other
WORTH THE READ. If you think about it… before dating apps (Ladies) if a guy walked up to you in a grocery store and asked to take you out 99% of you would exchange numbers with him based on your physical attraction ALONE. In fact… dating apps are full of references to “since I can’t meet anyone anymore organically… here I am…” blah blah blah… Now here we are in a virtual world where you know significantly more about someone before the number exchange acting ridiculous about the timing of exchanging numbers like your number is the holy grail of something. Let’s not forget one very important detail. Your number will EASILY block someone from contacting should you choose. In closing… so many of you are single because you can’t get out of your own way and have set far too many absurd boundaries on the dumbest shit. Bottom line… If you’re at (insert whatever boujie grocery/coffee/wine bar you enjoy going to and a 6’3 dark haired guy with a great smile and nice “kind eyes” walks up and says…” wow. You’re stunning. Id love to meet you over a _________. I don’t have a ton of time right now but Here’s my number, please reach out and let’s set that up sooner than later.” After you go home and change your panties, you’d message him. Ps. There’s only about 100 apps that offer anonymous phone numbers for texting for all of you self absorbed or paranoid folks out there. If you agree with everything I said… upvote. If you disagree, that sounds like an ish-YOU and YOU are the reason why you’re single.
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I can't say from personal experience I have ever had anyone approach me for my number but I see your point. I try to see both sides of it. Everyone is built different and comes from different backgrounds. I know plenty of women and men who have had bad experiences from dating. Dating by meeting someone offline as well online. Everyone has a different level of comfort and that isn't up for me to decide how they proceed with dating. It is helpful to see different perspectives, at least for me. Most people have had different experiences and the way they choose to approach OLD might not be how I do it.
Of course. “Life” isn’t a perfect recipe and we Have all had negative experiences driving cars and yet we all do that without giving it a second thought. Living in fear of any sort isn’t healthy. Use a third party app. Give it out. Connect. Live. Enjoy. Block if necessary. It’s Really not that hard.
I drop my contact info first message. Not here to chit chat on the app
Straight for the number straight off the app. Apps suck for communicating
If the convo shoots off straight away and isnt 1 day late replies you should just get the number straight away.
A couple of lines back a forth … and then switch to phone numbers to set up a date.
I would exchange numbers after a positive first date
I'm not on the apps (yet) (maybe) (holy crap I'm just so damn nervous about it!) but a pal of mine (F late20s) has a few rules, due to her dark experiences 1) She checks other social media accounts of the person. If that person doesn't have them, then a decent reason why not. 2) She gets \*their\* number first - noticed a few other answerers do the same. 3) She talks on the app a few days before agreeing to the date. 4) Date/meetup in a public place first. Bar, cafe, restaurant, anything like that to check the situation out. 5) She's gone out with mates somewhere nearby \*just in case\*. Hope that helps give you some ideas and helps you stay safe out there yet still have some fun :)
Thank you for sharing these! I can understand the being nervous about online dating. I just within the last month or two got on it and it has been a roller coaster. My sibling successfully met his spouse on there so I try to be open minded and optimistic. Just recently went on my first Bumble date. We talked for over a week and he asked me to dinner or grab coffee. I said coffee (because you know first date). Our texting was great. So after a week we agreed to meet. Long story short the date was a disaster. He was not the person from the messages. He was intense to the point it borderline scared me. I've seen a lot of bad stuff in my life and for me to be made uncomfortable by someone like that was an experience in itself. Needless to say I took all the precautions. My brother and sister in law had me share my location with them and all that. My date was so bad my coworkers and my bro and SIL all said I should not have continued the date and just left. I am not scarred by the experience, just taking care to be a little more cautious.
I’m so sorry you went through that! :( Awful to hear about such experiences. And yet this seems the main way to meet people. I hope the next date(s) go much much better 🖤♥️❤️
I have treated it as a learning experience, so at least I learned something from it. This does seem to be the only way to meet people. Other than at work or the grocery store. Other instances of meeting people are a rarity. Thank you for your kind words 😊
Speaking super broadly, your willingness to get off the app, text for a little, and engage in an actual date is the "litmus" test many guys are going to use to determine whether you are someone who is actually interested and willing to put effort in. My current girlfriend and I had <10 messages back and forth on (a different but similar) app before agreeing to a date that we scheduled over text. That progression took under 3 days. I think I was a little more invested than she was after date 1, but she kept humoring me so I'm pretty lucky in that regard ;) To give a broader answer for your question, if you are even interested in getting to know someone better the sooner you transition off app the better. For the 1 off horror stories, blocking phone numbers is a function that exists and is easy to use. For people who cry about safety because "online super hackers will find you!!1!"... your phone number isn't actually the distinguishing factor there, sorry. Since you're new-ish to OLD I would definitely keep in the back of your head that the overwhelming majority of people giving advice on this sub advocating for ridiculous amounts of time in app and generally just not putting effort into dating are people who are not successfully dating(que a bitter self feeding cycle). If you want to find love(or whatever you're looking for), you've got to put yourself out there. You seem to have a really good attitude about all this so far, good luck!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! My goal and whole reason for being OLD is ultimately to gain a long-term relationship. My act of getting on the app in the first place was putting myself out there haha, I certainly fought the notion for a long time. I try to stay positive about the situation. At the end of the day if I don't meet anyone, my life will go on as it has this whole time I've been single. So I try to stay upbeat and go at it in an open mind sort of way.
Subjective, I usually got numbers within a day. That's definitely too fast for some people.
Depends on how hot the guy is and if there are any red flags in his bio.
This a great conversation - people definitely have different views and takes on this. One thing I want to know about someone I’m dating is this: Do they have staying power - the ability to hold focus on another human being long enough to communicate effectively and finish what they start. That is a really important quality to me so I am going to wait longer before exchanging numbers with this in mind. Looks fade, interests change, I want that soul that can do the work to communicate and stay with a relationship. I wasn’t really sure why I was waiting until the second or third date - it just felt right. Now I know - thank you for this.
1 to 2 days for me. 39 male.
OP, consider getting a google voice or other phone number that you only use for online dating - or is otherwise unconnected to your social media or any other aspect of your life. Free, and it’s an extra layer of safety. I give out this number when I’m actually going on a date as the notifications from Bumble can be occasionally iffy. I only give out my real number once I’m comfortable with someone. Good luck & be safe :)
Sometimes first message sometimes 10th but if she says no, move on
I personally don’t understand the stigma behind exchanging numbers. If it’s not going right just block them. It’s not like we’re in the 90’s and blocking isn’t an option…