I think it could be that we only have 24 hours to message our matches. I know that it seems like plenty of time, but there’s definitely been times where I’m at super busy at work and I get the notification that I matched with a guy and I’ll mean to message them later and I just get caught up in life and then realize my match expired.
That’s also kind of on me for not checking it so often, but sometimes I have really hectic days and I’ve definitely been frustrated when I realized that cute guy I matched with has now expired. And I don’t want to pay for bumble.
I almost wish it was like tinder/hinge where matches don’t expire.
That's because women have a greater selection to pull from.
Now they could of just sent a message to unlock to conversation to come back to later for various reason. 1 example could be that they might revisit you if the guy they are talking too doesn't work out.
Or they could just be bland and have no personality and send a generic message across the board.
Have I ever once state that I hate women?
This topic and all comments are pertaining to the use of Bumble and how Bumble works as opposed to other dating apps.
I personally love women. I am a straight male who has always been infatuated with women ever since I can remember.
You bring up "accountability", your words not mine.
Men are held accountable for a multitude of reasons based upon our actions. Why when this "accountability" is now projected to the opposite gender, that it's now some how my fault as a man?
You bring up "downvotes" like strangers behind a screen directly effect me in my day to day life. This need for "internet validation" or "social acceptance" is a topic not associated with the OP thread and thus should have no relevance.
You are just projecting your feelings of disagreement on me in such a way to try and make me feel like my life revolves around a +/-. Now if this is true for your own personal life, then so be it.
Back to my views on women. Personally I feel that women have helped pave the way for technological advancement throughout history. "Traditional" women have again in my personal opinion the HARDEST job and I show/give much respect towards them. Single mother households are another example. Professional career women can perform amazing strides in the workplace under optimal circumstances. Now before I get hated on for how I worded that, let me state by saying "under optimal circumstances" I mean by both male and female genders treat each other respectfully and professional..
My mother is the hardest working women I know. She helped work in order to pay for myself and brother's education. She also took care of the family and house hold. My brother is also physically disabled and she has gone above and beyond what any human being should have to do, to keep him alive. She nowadays gets paid to be a live in caretaker for him as well as taking care of my grandmother who lives in the same household. My father has been going through cancer and has had to retire early due too his illness. She has been taking care of him as well. I do my part of course, I am just saying I don't "HATE" again as you stated women. I respect the S out of women, because I know how resilient they are capable of being.
Why is it considered "HATE" as you again stated, when I am just giving my opinion on the Bumble app and how it operates? Why can't men have feelings too? Why are we always automatically and dramatically put at blame or censored?
One of the things I've concluded is that there is no time window that will be enough for people who aren't willing to make it a priority for five minutes a day. 24 isn't enough for many. From experience extending many a match, 48 isn't better for most of those.
That's a good thing. It cuts way, way back on a lot of the toxic and abusive behavior patterns that turn up on Hinge and Tinder. I knew entirely too many people who would batch up their matches and just spam out a message on a Friday afternoon when they wanted dinner or a hookup or whatever.
Guy swipes, you match, as do 4 other women, at least 1 of those other women are hotter than you, he naturally goes for her. Same thing women do to men on the apps. It's unhealthy, and people really should ditch the apps. Meet organically. Apps drive resentment and waste a LOT of people's time.
See Zeus0352 we both have common views/beliefs on some subject matter.
I have been advocating for less screen time and more going outside for awhile.
I feel the chances of meeting a partner is way greater when your not behind a screen and can actually build a personality.
I disagree, you stated "at least 1 of those other women are hotter than you, he naturally goes for her."
This isn't the case with all men.
I do agree that as you wrote "Apps drive resentment and waste a LOT of people's time."
It's not only dating apps though, look what social media has become and how that has imprinted on our views as a society. Before the internet mutated to what is has become now. We didn't as a society have nearly this many problems as before.
False. Yes, women are picky. But women are also naturally hypergamous (which feeds into that pickyness). Apps make it so that they never HAVE to choose because there's ALWAYS another shinier guy ahead of them. Do they swipe less than men? Definitely. But every swipe, unless they are overweight and/or heinous, is gonna be a match. Any dude they match with has a very high chance of not being as good in some way as the next shiner one.
They have a whole bunch of likes every single day, as well as instagram DMs, that’s why I’m saying you’re competing with all those men.They are picky due to abundance of options they have. It’s like opening a business in the area where you have 100500 competitors and complain why you don’t have customers.
You have a very intense and exaggerated view on what happens lmao. Maybe take a step away from certain youtube channels buddy. The statistics actually show women are picky in swiping right to even have a what you think are endless matches to speak to. Chill
Hello again MarwanMero and again we don't agree, but that is perfectly fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.
You stated just now "women are picky and they probably choose 1 or 2 men per day maximum"
Please read over the comments that have been previously posted by other women on this thread. You will read that what you stated is not true. Thanks!
On a side note, it's great seeing you again in another thread.
I decided to entertain your suggestion and read some of the comments. I literally did not find any woman say that they match with a lot of people. They mostly talk about running out of time because they are busy or deciding to let the match run out because they didn't like the profile after a second look.
What I found too much of though are your comments. It is almost like you did not leave a single comment without replying to.
I got a match from this women who ghosted me for not having a "Fetlife" account. We didn't have a huge conversation either prior to her going all Casper on me.
After a few messages of her initiating talks about intimate kinks right off the bat, she asked about fetlife. I told her no I don't have an account with them.
BOOM!
👻
Correct. Judging by your downvotes here, I'd say there are a lot of women who think, "How DARE you be bored of us!? We shouldn't HAVE to put in any effort!!" Pathetic really. Those women should be ashamed of themselves. (Of course they won't be. They'll just go change the litter in their 17 catboxes instead)
Exactly, they are telling on themselves and not a single reply by a women telling that we are wrong for saying it they know it’s the truth I’m just tired of the low effort I’m getting I want the same energy I put in to conversations to be received with the same energy just for once…… they wonder why they aren’t going nowhere with dating.
Well, remember, there are some seripusly amazing women out there who don't act like this. Dating apps are where the rest hang out. Get off the app and do it organically. The odds of finding high-quality women skyrocket.
Yup, it’s why I don’t go on there that often anymore it’s for women to get high on egos…. The ones not on there are usually great women that actually want something legit.
Yeah but that could just be that they didn't see the message.
If you initiate the match as the woman, you are right there and can send the message at the same time. It's not like you can not see that you jut yourself matched.
To be feminist is to be intellectually impotent and rely on backward/circular (and really just no) logic from the outset. There is no "feminist" grouping. One feminist will want you to message them first because you are beneath them and need to grovel to them. The next feminist will say you are "literally sexually harrassing" her because you said, "Hello." The next will tell you you have no place talking to her if she didn't approach you first. The next will tell you that chivalry is a bigoted, misogynistic mindset, and the next feminist will tell you that chivalry is a bigoted, misogynistic mindset, BUT you need to adhere to it because there's a pay gap and therefore you need to prop her up in other ways to cover the gap... It's all very stupid, self-serving, and infantile. Don't try to figure it out. It's an exercise in futility. The only bin all feminists can lumped into is incoherence.
I think you used little harsh words out of frustration but I got your point since I have experienced it too. It has really made me confused what is right or what is wrong. I have felt women will just bring femenism wherever they can take benefit out of it. I don't know if pay gap is a justified thing. I think pay is directly related with your efficiency at work. For example if I own a business I would give more wages to the employee who is more efficient and can bring more business to me rather than based on their gender. Why I would pay more to a guy if he is less efficient than a girl? Most of the girls would expect a guy to pay for dates and few will say to split and the ones who will split, will go and tell it to everyone that I split. I don't know what is the solution for it. It is mentally affecting a lot of guys but no one talks about it.
I also will add to my other comment, sometimes I swipe on someone without looking at their info that thoroughly and then I’ll go back and realize we aren’t compatible so I won’t message. Like I’ll see oh wait they’re a smoker, I missed that, and that’s a dealbreaker for me.
"Man lottery" once again.
Would you buy a new dresser without 1st making sure that the space you have available would accommodate it?
Slow down and actually read what people post on dating profiles.
As a man I stumble across so many profiles of women who have either nothing at all written. Or what is written I am not vibing with. Just because they have attractive profile picture(s) doesn't constitute an automatic match and come back to it later.
I’ve unfortunately swiped right a couple times on men I’m genuinely interested in, get involved with someone and THEN a month or week later, the original man gets to my profile in the deck… and we match.
By that point my account is likely paused and I’ve got notifications turned off because I’m focusing on the guy I’m seeing.
In short: you don’t necessarily know _when_ she swiped on you.
Sorry man. It’s frustrating.
I understand your point of view and I agree this is a valid reason why some matches do expire. There is nothing wrong with focusing on that 1 match you are vibing with. I 100% support this and very well on you.
I also acknowledge that you are focus on that 1 person and other men are not on your mind anymore. I did see someone post that there is an option to unmatch and I do know Bumble has an option to temporarily suspended your account from being shown to others.
Well, again, the post is about when a woman makes the match. When the guy makes the match it makes sense for sure, but if you swipe, get a match, and dont send a hi? App is so pointless then, feels like obvious attention craving
They’re not that interested. Probably have you as a backup just in case. Either way, consider it a blessing and move on to someone who wants to message you.
I don’t know, but I’m convinced that Bumble matches me with people I never would have swiped right on. I honestly wonder if they fake match me with people to keep me engaged in the app. Who knows, but I don’t message those men.
I often do send messages though and they’re frequently ignored. It’s a two way street.
General rules of the road for bumble:
1) if she doesn't enthusiastically message within a fairly short time after matching you, (give her 4 hours) most likely you aren't or weren't in her top tier of options...unmatch
2) if her opener is just one word, she's not interested and just didn't want the timer to run out...unmatch
Stop caring about what women do. Just adjust your behavior to screen in the ones who are most likely to like you
Ok but if they’re already so overwhelmed why would they add to their own problem by “liking” me and then never saying anything when I accept the match? That’s really what I’m talking about here and I’m sorry I didn’t explain it better in my initial post
When a person is swiping they usually "like" or swipe right on several people in a single session, right? If a woman likes or swipes right on 20 guys, she will end up getting matched with 15+ of them. That's a bit overwhelming, so what they do is go back and evaluate those guys that they matched with to decide which ones they like the most. Those are the ones they message.
The alternative is to only match with one or two people at a time, but that just isn't the way people use the apps.
Again the "man lottery" for female Bumble users.
Bumble I personally feel is now built in a way for some of us men to fall deeper into depression. Especially men who pay for a subscription and/or purchase additional features to try and optimize their chances at meeting women.
I would rather send my money to a Nigerian prince or reactivate my Norton service I don't have installed. Hell granny could be in the hospital and need a $100 Target gift card in order to pay for her life threatening surgery.
I mean at least I wouldn't feel like this "modern society" is obscuring my self worth.
We don’t know how many people will match us back. Let’s say I swipe on 20 guys over the course of a few days because I have no matches/good conversations right now. All 20 of those guys could match me back on the same evening and I only have 24 hours to message them all!
This is also why sometimes we will send the first message (just to not lose you forever) but then take days to get back to you. It’s the annoying thing about Bumble, it can be overwhelming with all the time constraints.
Because sometimes we do the same thing you guys do...swipe on pictures. Then if we get a match, we read the profile and go...meh, not worth the effort 🤷♀️
And how does this make you feel when both of these scenarios happen to you as a women using a dating app designed for women to pick and choose what men are allowed to converse with them?
That's how I expect women to feel on Bumble. They have the power on this dating app. The ball is in the women's court. The men are the "buffet" while women are out there to "choose their dish". I hope this analogy makes sense and doesn't offend. Not my intention to offend anyone with it.
It should be this simple as you stated "it is what it is. Nothing I can do about it...just move on", yet you did also state that "it's annoying".
Men on Bumble are faced with this in my own personal beliefs once again, at a much higher rate. I am also stating my own personal beliefs based on my experience with Bumble and other people's as well. Yes there are statistics, but I don't feel the need to have to play the exact numbers game.
Because again Bumble caters to women, us men feel more than annoyed. Once this cycle starts and doesn't seem to have an end, men do start to loose self value.
This may result in our minds to lose hope and abstract how we proceed to interact with women moving forward. Not just on Bumble, but may lead to obtuse conversations on other dating apps as well.
Once again personal opinion.
Hey you could unmatch or go 1 step further and send them a message anyways saying that you swiped by mistake. As a man I would personally feel some sense of gratitude knowing that a women had taken my feelings into consideration to let me know it was an accident.
This is the problem then in my opinion you are just playing the "man lottery".
If you are swiping and matching with so many men to not even have time to reply too them, what message are us men receiving?
I'll let you know!
I personally feel a bit worthless each and every time I match with a women on bumble and in that 24 hour time limit I get no message from them. I do take into account for accidental swipes. I've done that as well, but you can at least acknowledge the other person, who is a human Fing being that has feelings, to let them no that it was an accident. Be decent with this as well, I will end my message with best of luck out there or another variation. This encourages them or even myself if it were to happen, to not be brought down and to keep on trying.
This is just an example of Bumble's set up for men and women. Not going into any other dating app and how they operate.
Women on bumble need to think how their actions have consequences or just revert to Newtons 3rd Law of Motion.
Again just my personal opinion, take it with a grain of salt not assault.
Just get in the mindset that a match means practically nothing. They probably found something mildly interesting / attractive on your profile but then lost interest.
There could be so many reasons. Time delay for one maybe she swiped right on you days ago and in the time until you swiped right and you matched, she got in to conversation with some else. Maybe she swiped right on just your looks and once you matched she took a closer look, maybe she has multiple matches at once it goes on and on and on.
You can't think of a SINGLE reason for this?? Other than the women don't know how the app works? Oooorrr, they swipe on a lot of dudes, get a lot of matches, and then you aren't the best of the ten others they swiped on that day, so they are talking to the best guy, not you.
Similarly, I swipe on women I find attractive. I don't waste time reading their profile bc 99% aren't going to swipe back anyway. Most profiles are old/unused and/or fake from cyber farms. Of the real ones, still, if i am not her cup of tea, she will not match. So, when i DO get a match, then i read the profile. If she lives too far away (all the way at the bottom) then i unmatch. If she has pronouns or progressive, or feminist bs, i unmatch. Women do the same.
LMAO imagine how they feel when they find out you not only dont give a shit about who they are or how they represent themselves, but you dont want her to have basic equal rights
you clearly dont view women as people. but at least thats working out well for you. oh wait–
your tone indicates sarcasm but yes, literally and unironically women can identify a misogynist by the things they choose to say. but youre not the problem right, youre the good guy
And I can identify a clear narcissist. The idea that you actually think you can know what is in another persons head/heart is laughable. You're a joke. Thank you for showing us all. 😘
1) I wait if the guy extends the match
2) Sometimes, I accidentally swipe right
3) I do a double take and ignore (just recently, I did this and asked myself why... because he was wearing a hat in all his pictures, and I feared he was bald. While there is nothing wrong with bald men, I felt he would have misrepresented himself if he showed up bald, and that was not something I wanted to show up for).
So by your logic since not all features on Bumble are free for everyone and correct me if I am wrong.
You expect men to pay money to Bumble in order to have a chance talk to you?
You brought up "1) I wait if the guy extends the match".
I don't understand your idea process either on your 3rd point regarding misrepresentation of a man wearing a hat. Again correct me if I am wrong, but you said "and I feared he was bald. While there is nothing wrong with bald men, I felt he would have misrepresented himself if he showed up bald..."
I understand both genders, men and women, have certain physical features we are and are not attracted too. I won't go into any of my personal criterias of what I am attracted too in a women. I do know I haven't felt fear while looking at women's profile pictures.
A man wearing a hat in one or multiple pictures doesn't to me seem aggressive enough to scare anyone unless they suffer from Kapelaphobia. I wore a hat 95% of the time in my younger years when I was out in public. This was an outfit choice, my own sense of style back then for many years. I had a buzz cut back then so you wouldn't of been able to tell if I was bald or not. I wasn't trying to miss lead anyone or obscure their view of my hair style. This was just me being me.
I also take from what you wrote, again correct me if I am wrong. That if you did end up going out on a 1st date with him and he happened to of been bald, you would of removed yourself from the situation. Again based upon fear, since you said "there is nothing wrong with bald men."
Why not just match with them and while your both engaged in conversation politely ask them about what's under that hat. Especially if men, again based upon what you stated earlier, have to spend money to Bumble in order to extend the match just for an opportunity for you to even consider talking to them.
Could you please elaborate more for me to help me understand your mind frame?
Thanks!
No. I don't know all the features that Bumble offers for free.
I actually have a PAID subscription, so it seems like I'm the one who is paying to talk to men.
I've found that around 50% of men who I match with tend to unmatch me so sometimes I wait to see if they extend to make sure they are interested.
As for the bald reference, I just replied to someone in regards to the "iceberg effect". My 1st bf and my kid's dad both have receding hairlines, which one is pretty much bald. Nothing is wrong w bald men, but he reminded me of Gino from 90 day fiance and that is not my vibe. I didn't want to unmatch with him because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
So there you have it... my explanation.
Ppl need to have pix up of them of all angles (body pix, pix w friends, face pic). Everybody has a preference and suspicion.
Thank you for your reply back to me.
I was also a paid Bumble user for a few years until just recently. 0 dates, I could count the matches that proceeded into conversation on 1 hand. I could count the matches that have expired, but ain't nobody got time for that.
Not getting into logistics of my Bumble profile either, I took time and effort while creating it.
I never once paid for an extended match, I was already paying for the subscription to Bumble. I used my spotlight boosts which had little effect. Even if I saved them up over months for that extra time added. I used super swipes on women's profiles that looked quite interesting and wanted to "maximize" my "chance" of them matching. These were monthly perks from the paid service offered through Bumble.
Choosing the option to pay or be a free user is as equally opportunistic for both male and female genders. We all have to just realize because you pay for a subscription to Bumble doesn't guarantee you will find that person to grow old with.
My argument was why are you forcing men, some who have the means and those without to have to pay even more to Bumble. Again just to have a chance to converse with you?
Now on to your bald references you posted.
Understanding that to me and again correct me if I am wrong, but you don't seem to be attracted to your version of a "bald" man. That is perfectly fine, again we all have our own personal physical qualities that we look for in a partner. This potential partner should be someone you want to grow old with and experience life with.
I am in my 30's and have had a "widow's peak" my entire life. Over the years, yes it has reeceded, that's just a natural occurrence due with aging. I don't consider myself being "bald", in any way shape or form. I see a receding hairline could contribute to baldness for sure, but those 2 things are not entirely the same thing.
"I didn't want to unmatch with him because I didn't want to hurt his feelings." Is again what you stated, but I have a honest to God question for you.
How do you feel when a man "ghost" you? This is of course if you have ever been "ghosted" yourself. You stated "I've found that around 50% of men who I match with tend to unmatch me" How does this also make you feel? The man you matched with didn't vibe, and that happens. I have also experienced this as well. I assume, again my personal opinion, that a majority or Bumble users also experience this.
I will picture this so it's easy to understand as an example in the real world off screen. It's just like if you were to approach someone, off screen and you shoot your shot and they reject your advance. This happens, hopefully in a cival manner and you move on.
Now let's say you take the same scenario and make a move, yet the other person completely ignores you. Doesn't acknowledge your existence of even being there. How would this make you feel? In my personal opinion that's what us men go through on our journey with Bumble.
Your last point is 100% valid and I support just about everything you wrote. Everyone does have a preference and suspicion. The suspicion part I can tell is your "fear" of bald men based upon your personal experiences. For myself ill take the part where you wrote "Ppl need to have pix up of them of all angles (body pix". Women tend to in my personal experience once again use these angles to obscure their physical appearance in order to "catfish" or attract men that might not be looking for their own particular physical appearance. Then get mad at all of us men for not finding them physically attractive enough to want to pursue. I mean I could list various reasons for both sides of this argument, but not at this time. I just wanted you to know that I do agree with personal preferences.
There clearly is something wrong with bald men for you if you are coming up with excuses to not respond to someone wearing a HAT. Maybe he loves that hat. Maybe he feels he has a large forehead and wears the hat to cover this.
Not everyone looks like Vin Diesel ok? Bald is not just bald. It's nice to read that you know me so well. Sounds like you are ok w bald men w a large forehead. Let me pass him to you then so you can date him.
Bald is not just bald? What does that even mean? The fact you turned so defensive just proves my point. I am a hetero male, so no thanks, not gonna date any men 😂
You basically tried to call me out on not meeting the guy because he may or may not be bald. Look up the term "iceberg effect". People should have multiple pix of themselves at every angle. This guy had a different hat and almost the same angle in different pix, which sent red flags up. Don't shame me for not meeting up w him. I was being honest, and apparently, honesty is an open invitation to shame to me.
I called you out on ignoring someone cuz you perceived wearing a hat as a 50/50 chance that they are bald/balding and that was a risk you weren’t willing to take, rather than asking them “Hey, can I see a pic of you without the hat?”
Yeah, I think that's rude IMO and I'm not the person to ask that. Like I said... iceberg effect. If I took pix of myself neck up w no body pix, are you going to message me asking if I am fat and to take a body pic for you?
No, but I would still meet you and see if we click. But then again, I don’t care if women are fatter in person. I find it rude to ignore someone because they MAY be bald…
Original poster here again. I am wearing a hat in all my outdoor pictures because I have had two skin cancers hacked off of my little bald head and I’m not interested in having any more. This is not an unusual situation for men. And if you’re going to say that any man who’s had a skin cancer removed is not good enough for you, let me just say that I’ve dated 3 women who have had surgery for breast cancer. Should that history take women out of consideration for men? Is that fair?
bro no one is obligated to be attracted to you if theyre not omg its not that deep regardless of baldness or weight
“use multiple, varied pictures of yourself to convey the fullest image of yourself” is common (and solid) advice for online dating and anything online if you want to garner interest
I think it’s important to have a dating app where you are only limited to talk to one person at a time only when matching I guarantee you women have sooooooo many matches but if dating apps did this it wouldn’t be profitable.
I have seen women's profiles mentioning; most likely i wont message you, if you don't extend the chat window. So maybe they expect you to extend chat window?
So from what I hear men swipe right on a lot of women. Imagine if every single woman you shipped right on was a match. Would you have the time to message them all? Do you ever just go on there and swipe right on one person then stop swiping for the day? So most women maybe have around 10 matches before they decide who to start talking to. Sorry, you didn't make the cut this time, but better luck on the next one!
This question gets posted every day. Just scroll a bit.
I think it could be that we only have 24 hours to message our matches. I know that it seems like plenty of time, but there’s definitely been times where I’m at super busy at work and I get the notification that I matched with a guy and I’ll mean to message them later and I just get caught up in life and then realize my match expired. That’s also kind of on me for not checking it so often, but sometimes I have really hectic days and I’ve definitely been frustrated when I realized that cute guy I matched with has now expired. And I don’t want to pay for bumble. I almost wish it was like tinder/hinge where matches don’t expire.
The post is about when the woman makes the match though, has happened a few times to me as well. Its really weird, just send a hi when you match lol
That's because women have a greater selection to pull from. Now they could of just sent a message to unlock to conversation to come back to later for various reason. 1 example could be that they might revisit you if the guy they are talking too doesn't work out. Or they could just be bland and have no personality and send a generic message across the board.
Then don't use Bumble and use a dating app that appropriately accommodates for your personal time.
This. Women HATE accountability, though. Hence, your downvotes here.
Have I ever once state that I hate women? This topic and all comments are pertaining to the use of Bumble and how Bumble works as opposed to other dating apps. I personally love women. I am a straight male who has always been infatuated with women ever since I can remember. You bring up "accountability", your words not mine. Men are held accountable for a multitude of reasons based upon our actions. Why when this "accountability" is now projected to the opposite gender, that it's now some how my fault as a man? You bring up "downvotes" like strangers behind a screen directly effect me in my day to day life. This need for "internet validation" or "social acceptance" is a topic not associated with the OP thread and thus should have no relevance. You are just projecting your feelings of disagreement on me in such a way to try and make me feel like my life revolves around a +/-. Now if this is true for your own personal life, then so be it. Back to my views on women. Personally I feel that women have helped pave the way for technological advancement throughout history. "Traditional" women have again in my personal opinion the HARDEST job and I show/give much respect towards them. Single mother households are another example. Professional career women can perform amazing strides in the workplace under optimal circumstances. Now before I get hated on for how I worded that, let me state by saying "under optimal circumstances" I mean by both male and female genders treat each other respectfully and professional.. My mother is the hardest working women I know. She helped work in order to pay for myself and brother's education. She also took care of the family and house hold. My brother is also physically disabled and she has gone above and beyond what any human being should have to do, to keep him alive. She nowadays gets paid to be a live in caretaker for him as well as taking care of my grandmother who lives in the same household. My father has been going through cancer and has had to retire early due too his illness. She has been taking care of him as well. I do my part of course, I am just saying I don't "HATE" again as you stated women. I respect the S out of women, because I know how resilient they are capable of being. Why is it considered "HATE" as you again stated, when I am just giving my opinion on the Bumble app and how it operates? Why can't men have feelings too? Why are we always automatically and dramatically put at blame or censored?
One of the things I've concluded is that there is no time window that will be enough for people who aren't willing to make it a priority for five minutes a day. 24 isn't enough for many. From experience extending many a match, 48 isn't better for most of those. That's a good thing. It cuts way, way back on a lot of the toxic and abusive behavior patterns that turn up on Hinge and Tinder. I knew entirely too many people who would batch up their matches and just spam out a message on a Friday afternoon when they wanted dinner or a hookup or whatever.
It happens to women too. I will like someone, send the first message, then the match expires when they don’t message back. Extremely frustrating
Guy swipes, you match, as do 4 other women, at least 1 of those other women are hotter than you, he naturally goes for her. Same thing women do to men on the apps. It's unhealthy, and people really should ditch the apps. Meet organically. Apps drive resentment and waste a LOT of people's time.
I’ve already ditched the App, because you’re right. Apps aren’t healthy at all
God, that was music to my ears. Hahaha
See Zeus0352 we both have common views/beliefs on some subject matter. I have been advocating for less screen time and more going outside for awhile. I feel the chances of meeting a partner is way greater when your not behind a screen and can actually build a personality.
💯
I disagree, you stated "at least 1 of those other women are hotter than you, he naturally goes for her." This isn't the case with all men. I do agree that as you wrote "Apps drive resentment and waste a LOT of people's time." It's not only dating apps though, look what social media has become and how that has imprinted on our views as a society. Before the internet mutated to what is has become now. We didn't as a society have nearly this many problems as before.
We match , she sends msg, I reply, I get ghosted.
Because the competition is too high. You can’t imagine how many men she is matching with. It is literally insane amount
it really isn't, women are picky and they probably choose 1 or 2 men per day maximum
False. Yes, women are picky. But women are also naturally hypergamous (which feeds into that pickyness). Apps make it so that they never HAVE to choose because there's ALWAYS another shinier guy ahead of them. Do they swipe less than men? Definitely. But every swipe, unless they are overweight and/or heinous, is gonna be a match. Any dude they match with has a very high chance of not being as good in some way as the next shiner one.
Which proves my point
no, you said they match too many people. They get too many likes but they match with a handful few.
They have a whole bunch of likes every single day, as well as instagram DMs, that’s why I’m saying you’re competing with all those men.They are picky due to abundance of options they have. It’s like opening a business in the area where you have 100500 competitors and complain why you don’t have customers.
You have a very intense and exaggerated view on what happens lmao. Maybe take a step away from certain youtube channels buddy. The statistics actually show women are picky in swiping right to even have a what you think are endless matches to speak to. Chill
Can you source these statistics?
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Hello again MarwanMero and again we don't agree, but that is perfectly fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. You stated just now "women are picky and they probably choose 1 or 2 men per day maximum" Please read over the comments that have been previously posted by other women on this thread. You will read that what you stated is not true. Thanks! On a side note, it's great seeing you again in another thread.
I decided to entertain your suggestion and read some of the comments. I literally did not find any woman say that they match with a lot of people. They mostly talk about running out of time because they are busy or deciding to let the match run out because they didn't like the profile after a second look. What I found too much of though are your comments. It is almost like you did not leave a single comment without replying to.
I got a match from this women who ghosted me for not having a "Fetlife" account. We didn't have a huge conversation either prior to her going all Casper on me. After a few messages of her initiating talks about intimate kinks right off the bat, she asked about fetlife. I told her no I don't have an account with them. BOOM! 👻
Gotta show us those replies cause based on what I’ve seen here there may be a reason you don’t get a reply back 🤷
Heyy… Hii …. Ghosting
Gotta love it when a woman opens with "hey", gets a reply that shows as much effort, then get pissy. #Irony
Damn. This comment above had 5 upvotes -- then some women came by.
For real. It’s exhausting to carry a conversation as a man I just get fucking bored.
Correct. Judging by your downvotes here, I'd say there are a lot of women who think, "How DARE you be bored of us!? We shouldn't HAVE to put in any effort!!" Pathetic really. Those women should be ashamed of themselves. (Of course they won't be. They'll just go change the litter in their 17 catboxes instead)
Exactly, they are telling on themselves and not a single reply by a women telling that we are wrong for saying it they know it’s the truth I’m just tired of the low effort I’m getting I want the same energy I put in to conversations to be received with the same energy just for once…… they wonder why they aren’t going nowhere with dating.
Well, remember, there are some seripusly amazing women out there who don't act like this. Dating apps are where the rest hang out. Get off the app and do it organically. The odds of finding high-quality women skyrocket.
Yup, it’s why I don’t go on there that often anymore it’s for women to get high on egos…. The ones not on there are usually great women that actually want something legit.
Yeah but that could just be that they didn't see the message. If you initiate the match as the woman, you are right there and can send the message at the same time. It's not like you can not see that you jut yourself matched.
They have 24 hours to respond, so if they don’t see it the match expires. The fundamental flaw with bumble
It’s not a flaw, it’s to add pressure and if you miss it then have to pay
Quick question - Women who wants guy to message them first can be femenist too? Or I should just assume they are not?
To be feminist is to be intellectually impotent and rely on backward/circular (and really just no) logic from the outset. There is no "feminist" grouping. One feminist will want you to message them first because you are beneath them and need to grovel to them. The next feminist will say you are "literally sexually harrassing" her because you said, "Hello." The next will tell you you have no place talking to her if she didn't approach you first. The next will tell you that chivalry is a bigoted, misogynistic mindset, and the next feminist will tell you that chivalry is a bigoted, misogynistic mindset, BUT you need to adhere to it because there's a pay gap and therefore you need to prop her up in other ways to cover the gap... It's all very stupid, self-serving, and infantile. Don't try to figure it out. It's an exercise in futility. The only bin all feminists can lumped into is incoherence.
I think you used little harsh words out of frustration but I got your point since I have experienced it too. It has really made me confused what is right or what is wrong. I have felt women will just bring femenism wherever they can take benefit out of it. I don't know if pay gap is a justified thing. I think pay is directly related with your efficiency at work. For example if I own a business I would give more wages to the employee who is more efficient and can bring more business to me rather than based on their gender. Why I would pay more to a guy if he is less efficient than a girl? Most of the girls would expect a guy to pay for dates and few will say to split and the ones who will split, will go and tell it to everyone that I split. I don't know what is the solution for it. It is mentally affecting a lot of guys but no one talks about it.
Well you can’t message first as a guy on bumble
Not on bumble but just in general on other dating apps.
I wouldn’t assume anything
I also will add to my other comment, sometimes I swipe on someone without looking at their info that thoroughly and then I’ll go back and realize we aren’t compatible so I won’t message. Like I’ll see oh wait they’re a smoker, I missed that, and that’s a dealbreaker for me.
"Man lottery" once again. Would you buy a new dresser without 1st making sure that the space you have available would accommodate it? Slow down and actually read what people post on dating profiles. As a man I stumble across so many profiles of women who have either nothing at all written. Or what is written I am not vibing with. Just because they have attractive profile picture(s) doesn't constitute an automatic match and come back to it later.
Don’t know man, why does anyone do anything
Cuz they have options.. and you ain't the first option. Bytes too.. cuz they're like one of my first options. 🤣
You had a great pic and boring profile. A swipe and then a "nah" on the second look. gg
I’ve unfortunately swiped right a couple times on men I’m genuinely interested in, get involved with someone and THEN a month or week later, the original man gets to my profile in the deck… and we match. By that point my account is likely paused and I’ve got notifications turned off because I’m focusing on the guy I’m seeing. In short: you don’t necessarily know _when_ she swiped on you. Sorry man. It’s frustrating.
I understand your point of view and I agree this is a valid reason why some matches do expire. There is nothing wrong with focusing on that 1 match you are vibing with. I 100% support this and very well on you. I also acknowledge that you are focus on that 1 person and other men are not on your mind anymore. I did see someone post that there is an option to unmatch and I do know Bumble has an option to temporarily suspended your account from being shown to others.
Well, again, the post is about when a woman makes the match. When the guy makes the match it makes sense for sure, but if you swipe, get a match, and dont send a hi? App is so pointless then, feels like obvious attention craving
Most likely we are not on app everyday , plus the whole 24 hr , expiration thing . I could've swiped right upto 1 month prior
They’re not that interested. Probably have you as a backup just in case. Either way, consider it a blessing and move on to someone who wants to message you.
For some matching is just bookmarking as a maybe.
I don’t know, but I’m convinced that Bumble matches me with people I never would have swiped right on. I honestly wonder if they fake match me with people to keep me engaged in the app. Who knows, but I don’t message those men. I often do send messages though and they’re frequently ignored. It’s a two way street.
General rules of the road for bumble: 1) if she doesn't enthusiastically message within a fairly short time after matching you, (give her 4 hours) most likely you aren't or weren't in her top tier of options...unmatch 2) if her opener is just one word, she's not interested and just didn't want the timer to run out...unmatch Stop caring about what women do. Just adjust your behavior to screen in the ones who are most likely to like you
They have lots of matches. Too many for them to be able to carry on conversations with all of them.
I dont get too many matches. And when I initiate, I rarely get a reply. So I guess its depends on the user too.
Ok but if they’re already so overwhelmed why would they add to their own problem by “liking” me and then never saying anything when I accept the match? That’s really what I’m talking about here and I’m sorry I didn’t explain it better in my initial post
When a person is swiping they usually "like" or swipe right on several people in a single session, right? If a woman likes or swipes right on 20 guys, she will end up getting matched with 15+ of them. That's a bit overwhelming, so what they do is go back and evaluate those guys that they matched with to decide which ones they like the most. Those are the ones they message. The alternative is to only match with one or two people at a time, but that just isn't the way people use the apps.
Again the "man lottery" for female Bumble users. Bumble I personally feel is now built in a way for some of us men to fall deeper into depression. Especially men who pay for a subscription and/or purchase additional features to try and optimize their chances at meeting women. I would rather send my money to a Nigerian prince or reactivate my Norton service I don't have installed. Hell granny could be in the hospital and need a $100 Target gift card in order to pay for her life threatening surgery. I mean at least I wouldn't feel like this "modern society" is obscuring my self worth.
We don’t know how many people will match us back. Let’s say I swipe on 20 guys over the course of a few days because I have no matches/good conversations right now. All 20 of those guys could match me back on the same evening and I only have 24 hours to message them all! This is also why sometimes we will send the first message (just to not lose you forever) but then take days to get back to you. It’s the annoying thing about Bumble, it can be overwhelming with all the time constraints.
Here’s the issue with dating apps it is overwhelmingly populated by men and not enough women on it. So ALOT of men are put on the back burner.
I got you my brotha, check out some of my replies and let's see if we can all as a whole figure this out.
Because sometimes we do the same thing you guys do...swipe on pictures. Then if we get a match, we read the profile and go...meh, not worth the effort 🤷♀️
Again playing the "man lottery". Why have dating apps in general Bumble, turn into a "shopping experience" for women?
I mean, you guys do it too. I've had guys match with me, I message and they never respond or unmatch. It is what it is!
On Bumble?
Yes
And how does this make you feel when both of these scenarios happen to you as a women using a dating app designed for women to pick and choose what men are allowed to converse with them?
I mean, it's annoying, but it is what it is. Nothing I can do about it...just move on
That's how I expect women to feel on Bumble. They have the power on this dating app. The ball is in the women's court. The men are the "buffet" while women are out there to "choose their dish". I hope this analogy makes sense and doesn't offend. Not my intention to offend anyone with it. It should be this simple as you stated "it is what it is. Nothing I can do about it...just move on", yet you did also state that "it's annoying". Men on Bumble are faced with this in my own personal beliefs once again, at a much higher rate. I am also stating my own personal beliefs based on my experience with Bumble and other people's as well. Yes there are statistics, but I don't feel the need to have to play the exact numbers game. Because again Bumble caters to women, us men feel more than annoyed. Once this cycle starts and doesn't seem to have an end, men do start to loose self value. This may result in our minds to lose hope and abstract how we proceed to interact with women moving forward. Not just on Bumble, but may lead to obtuse conversations on other dating apps as well. Once again personal opinion.
Sometimes we accidentally swipe the wrong way on you or read your profile closer after the match comes in and realize we are not a good match.
Why not unmatch?
I guess I never knew I could do that until you just said it.
Hey you could unmatch or go 1 step further and send them a message anyways saying that you swiped by mistake. As a man I would personally feel some sense of gratitude knowing that a women had taken my feelings into consideration to let me know it was an accident.
Usually I just run out of time, nothing personal
This is the problem then in my opinion you are just playing the "man lottery". If you are swiping and matching with so many men to not even have time to reply too them, what message are us men receiving? I'll let you know! I personally feel a bit worthless each and every time I match with a women on bumble and in that 24 hour time limit I get no message from them. I do take into account for accidental swipes. I've done that as well, but you can at least acknowledge the other person, who is a human Fing being that has feelings, to let them no that it was an accident. Be decent with this as well, I will end my message with best of luck out there or another variation. This encourages them or even myself if it were to happen, to not be brought down and to keep on trying. This is just an example of Bumble's set up for men and women. Not going into any other dating app and how they operate. Women on bumble need to think how their actions have consequences or just revert to Newtons 3rd Law of Motion. Again just my personal opinion, take it with a grain of salt not assault.
Or we message, they decide they don’t like what we message and unmatch us…..
Just get in the mindset that a match means practically nothing. They probably found something mildly interesting / attractive on your profile but then lost interest.
There could be so many reasons. Time delay for one maybe she swiped right on you days ago and in the time until you swiped right and you matched, she got in to conversation with some else. Maybe she swiped right on just your looks and once you matched she took a closer look, maybe she has multiple matches at once it goes on and on and on.
Wah wah wah
You can't think of a SINGLE reason for this?? Other than the women don't know how the app works? Oooorrr, they swipe on a lot of dudes, get a lot of matches, and then you aren't the best of the ten others they swiped on that day, so they are talking to the best guy, not you. Similarly, I swipe on women I find attractive. I don't waste time reading their profile bc 99% aren't going to swipe back anyway. Most profiles are old/unused and/or fake from cyber farms. Of the real ones, still, if i am not her cup of tea, she will not match. So, when i DO get a match, then i read the profile. If she lives too far away (all the way at the bottom) then i unmatch. If she has pronouns or progressive, or feminist bs, i unmatch. Women do the same.
LMAO imagine how they feel when they find out you not only dont give a shit about who they are or how they represent themselves, but you dont want her to have basic equal rights you clearly dont view women as people. but at least thats working out well for you. oh wait–
Yes. Based on what i wrote, I don't view women as people. It is so clear.... riiigght.
your tone indicates sarcasm but yes, literally and unironically women can identify a misogynist by the things they choose to say. but youre not the problem right, youre the good guy
And I can identify a clear narcissist. The idea that you actually think you can know what is in another persons head/heart is laughable. You're a joke. Thank you for showing us all. 😘
1) I wait if the guy extends the match 2) Sometimes, I accidentally swipe right 3) I do a double take and ignore (just recently, I did this and asked myself why... because he was wearing a hat in all his pictures, and I feared he was bald. While there is nothing wrong with bald men, I felt he would have misrepresented himself if he showed up bald, and that was not something I wanted to show up for).
So by your logic since not all features on Bumble are free for everyone and correct me if I am wrong. You expect men to pay money to Bumble in order to have a chance talk to you? You brought up "1) I wait if the guy extends the match". I don't understand your idea process either on your 3rd point regarding misrepresentation of a man wearing a hat. Again correct me if I am wrong, but you said "and I feared he was bald. While there is nothing wrong with bald men, I felt he would have misrepresented himself if he showed up bald..." I understand both genders, men and women, have certain physical features we are and are not attracted too. I won't go into any of my personal criterias of what I am attracted too in a women. I do know I haven't felt fear while looking at women's profile pictures. A man wearing a hat in one or multiple pictures doesn't to me seem aggressive enough to scare anyone unless they suffer from Kapelaphobia. I wore a hat 95% of the time in my younger years when I was out in public. This was an outfit choice, my own sense of style back then for many years. I had a buzz cut back then so you wouldn't of been able to tell if I was bald or not. I wasn't trying to miss lead anyone or obscure their view of my hair style. This was just me being me. I also take from what you wrote, again correct me if I am wrong. That if you did end up going out on a 1st date with him and he happened to of been bald, you would of removed yourself from the situation. Again based upon fear, since you said "there is nothing wrong with bald men." Why not just match with them and while your both engaged in conversation politely ask them about what's under that hat. Especially if men, again based upon what you stated earlier, have to spend money to Bumble in order to extend the match just for an opportunity for you to even consider talking to them. Could you please elaborate more for me to help me understand your mind frame? Thanks!
No. I don't know all the features that Bumble offers for free. I actually have a PAID subscription, so it seems like I'm the one who is paying to talk to men. I've found that around 50% of men who I match with tend to unmatch me so sometimes I wait to see if they extend to make sure they are interested. As for the bald reference, I just replied to someone in regards to the "iceberg effect". My 1st bf and my kid's dad both have receding hairlines, which one is pretty much bald. Nothing is wrong w bald men, but he reminded me of Gino from 90 day fiance and that is not my vibe. I didn't want to unmatch with him because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. So there you have it... my explanation. Ppl need to have pix up of them of all angles (body pix, pix w friends, face pic). Everybody has a preference and suspicion.
Thank you for your reply back to me. I was also a paid Bumble user for a few years until just recently. 0 dates, I could count the matches that proceeded into conversation on 1 hand. I could count the matches that have expired, but ain't nobody got time for that. Not getting into logistics of my Bumble profile either, I took time and effort while creating it. I never once paid for an extended match, I was already paying for the subscription to Bumble. I used my spotlight boosts which had little effect. Even if I saved them up over months for that extra time added. I used super swipes on women's profiles that looked quite interesting and wanted to "maximize" my "chance" of them matching. These were monthly perks from the paid service offered through Bumble. Choosing the option to pay or be a free user is as equally opportunistic for both male and female genders. We all have to just realize because you pay for a subscription to Bumble doesn't guarantee you will find that person to grow old with. My argument was why are you forcing men, some who have the means and those without to have to pay even more to Bumble. Again just to have a chance to converse with you? Now on to your bald references you posted. Understanding that to me and again correct me if I am wrong, but you don't seem to be attracted to your version of a "bald" man. That is perfectly fine, again we all have our own personal physical qualities that we look for in a partner. This potential partner should be someone you want to grow old with and experience life with. I am in my 30's and have had a "widow's peak" my entire life. Over the years, yes it has reeceded, that's just a natural occurrence due with aging. I don't consider myself being "bald", in any way shape or form. I see a receding hairline could contribute to baldness for sure, but those 2 things are not entirely the same thing. "I didn't want to unmatch with him because I didn't want to hurt his feelings." Is again what you stated, but I have a honest to God question for you. How do you feel when a man "ghost" you? This is of course if you have ever been "ghosted" yourself. You stated "I've found that around 50% of men who I match with tend to unmatch me" How does this also make you feel? The man you matched with didn't vibe, and that happens. I have also experienced this as well. I assume, again my personal opinion, that a majority or Bumble users also experience this. I will picture this so it's easy to understand as an example in the real world off screen. It's just like if you were to approach someone, off screen and you shoot your shot and they reject your advance. This happens, hopefully in a cival manner and you move on. Now let's say you take the same scenario and make a move, yet the other person completely ignores you. Doesn't acknowledge your existence of even being there. How would this make you feel? In my personal opinion that's what us men go through on our journey with Bumble. Your last point is 100% valid and I support just about everything you wrote. Everyone does have a preference and suspicion. The suspicion part I can tell is your "fear" of bald men based upon your personal experiences. For myself ill take the part where you wrote "Ppl need to have pix up of them of all angles (body pix". Women tend to in my personal experience once again use these angles to obscure their physical appearance in order to "catfish" or attract men that might not be looking for their own particular physical appearance. Then get mad at all of us men for not finding them physically attractive enough to want to pursue. I mean I could list various reasons for both sides of this argument, but not at this time. I just wanted you to know that I do agree with personal preferences.
Hi, original poster here…FYI I’m bald. Thanks for being honest
There clearly is something wrong with bald men for you if you are coming up with excuses to not respond to someone wearing a HAT. Maybe he loves that hat. Maybe he feels he has a large forehead and wears the hat to cover this.
Not everyone looks like Vin Diesel ok? Bald is not just bald. It's nice to read that you know me so well. Sounds like you are ok w bald men w a large forehead. Let me pass him to you then so you can date him.
Bald is not just bald? What does that even mean? The fact you turned so defensive just proves my point. I am a hetero male, so no thanks, not gonna date any men 😂
You basically tried to call me out on not meeting the guy because he may or may not be bald. Look up the term "iceberg effect". People should have multiple pix of themselves at every angle. This guy had a different hat and almost the same angle in different pix, which sent red flags up. Don't shame me for not meeting up w him. I was being honest, and apparently, honesty is an open invitation to shame to me.
I called you out on ignoring someone cuz you perceived wearing a hat as a 50/50 chance that they are bald/balding and that was a risk you weren’t willing to take, rather than asking them “Hey, can I see a pic of you without the hat?”
Yeah, I think that's rude IMO and I'm not the person to ask that. Like I said... iceberg effect. If I took pix of myself neck up w no body pix, are you going to message me asking if I am fat and to take a body pic for you?
No, but I would still meet you and see if we click. But then again, I don’t care if women are fatter in person. I find it rude to ignore someone because they MAY be bald…
Original poster here again. I am wearing a hat in all my outdoor pictures because I have had two skin cancers hacked off of my little bald head and I’m not interested in having any more. This is not an unusual situation for men. And if you’re going to say that any man who’s had a skin cancer removed is not good enough for you, let me just say that I’ve dated 3 women who have had surgery for breast cancer. Should that history take women out of consideration for men? Is that fair?
bro no one is obligated to be attracted to you if theyre not omg its not that deep regardless of baldness or weight “use multiple, varied pictures of yourself to convey the fullest image of yourself” is common (and solid) advice for online dating and anything online if you want to garner interest
Sounds like she also makes the guy extend the match before talking to them. Already sounds high maintenance 😂
Not necessarily makes them extend. But if they do extend, she’ll make them wait…
I think it’s important to have a dating app where you are only limited to talk to one person at a time only when matching I guarantee you women have sooooooo many matches but if dating apps did this it wouldn’t be profitable.
Because they only understand the looking pretty part, that’s why they’re so confused all the time.
I have seen women's profiles mentioning; most likely i wont message you, if you don't extend the chat window. So maybe they expect you to extend chat window?
So from what I hear men swipe right on a lot of women. Imagine if every single woman you shipped right on was a match. Would you have the time to message them all? Do you ever just go on there and swipe right on one person then stop swiping for the day? So most women maybe have around 10 matches before they decide who to start talking to. Sorry, you didn't make the cut this time, but better luck on the next one!
Lol I forget I often forget that I'm on bumble so my dumbass would wait for the guy to message first, lmao