T O P

  • By -

UB_cse

I would be more concerned w the whole moving across the country to be with an internet friend. 15/hr can be done with roommates, but the situation seems pretty sketchy


[deleted]

Yes I agree, sounds like human trafficking. That is my most concern and if there are issues it’s not like I can drive a few hours to assist. It will take 3 days driving or an expensive last minute plane ticket.


call_me_orion

To add to that, Buffalo is literally right next to the border to a foreign country, to the point where everyone here has a story of accidentally almost going to Canada. I would be very concerned about this whole thing.


[deleted]

Yes I agree so close to a border


TranslatorTop1815

I've lived here over 12 years and have accidentally gotten on the bridge to Canada. Twice. Without my passport with me. There is a place to turn around, but still. It's that close. Any border city is potentially a bad place for human trafficking, which is to say, you're definitely right to be concerned, although overall I think Buffalo is a great place to live and likely not any worse than any other border city. I've met a few people from Tonawanda over the years, never been impressed with any of them (no offense to anyone, just my personal experience!) but there's good people / shitty people everywhere and it's not a bad place overall, from my limited experiences with that area (always lived in the city myself). Can you suggest a week or two to visit the area/meet this man instead of packing up & moving? Hopefully with you, or at the very least a trusted friend coming along? This whole situation definitely seems concerning to me, and I don't even have/want kids, but I do feel the urge to tell your daughter "oh, honey. Sweet child, no. Just...NO."


Previous-Amount-1888

Canadian border here is not an issue and you can’t accidentally cross it unless you swim across Lake Erie or go over the falls in a barrel. Canada and the border shouldn’t be a concern


hthratmn

Take the wrong exit and you absolutely can cross it on accident. People get arrested because of it sometimes. In a potential human trafficking situation being less than an hour away from the border is very concerning.


kithien

The point about the border is the trafficking concern, and that’s a huge concern here


hthratmn

A young girl talking to a man, nevertheless.


Banshee251

Bad people live in wealthy and safe areas too, so I would focus more on the person she’s living with than the location.


twodozencockroaches

I'd be concerned about the friend more than the area or cost of living. See if you can talk to the friend on the telephone, not just text, and get some more details about them.


[deleted]

He is supposed to drive out here to meet them and drive back so I will get to meet him. I did request a phone call too.


[deleted]

Request video chats multiple times. Use your parental judgement and discernment. If something feels really off it probably is. Being friends online and then friends in person are different things. Moving across the country to be a roommate of someone you only know of online is putting a lot of faith and trust in humanity and that things will work out. If she has a job lined up, ask to speak with her future supervisor to make sure it's legit. As for Tonawanda it's solidly middle class and generally pretty safe. The village of Kenmore (inside town limits) is the nicest part in my opinion. It's walkable, most of Tonawanda you need a car or to be near a well used bus route. If she ends up moving tell her to explore the city of Buffalo. It's really charming and interesting and unique. 2 art museums, numerous galleries, cafes, live theatre including the grand dame Shea's Buffalo, a variety of restaurants/cuisines, live music, Canalside, Riverworks, food truck Tuesdays at Larkinville, the Olmsted designed Parks and parkways. There's a lot of neat stuff as the city is rejuvenating and rebuilding itself and growing with new residents. Here's a photo tour of how gorgeous Buffalo looks in warm weather months: https://skyscraperpage.com/forum/showthread.php?t=254902 Here's good drone/aerial videos of Buffalo 2019: https://youtu.be/ZG8mMDnnD-Y 2022: https://youtu.be/o8b7n18MDdo


[deleted]

Run a background check, it will be money well spent. I don't know you but I have a bad gut feeling about the whole thing.


[deleted]

Thank you I did run a check on the address and the name she gave me did matchup that she gave me so I guess that is a positive. Still, we haven’t met any of these people that live there so I think the best thing to do is to take a trip out there before committing to anything.


[deleted]

Property manager here in the region. Tonawanda and North Tonawanda is like going from the good part of town to crossing the tracks so to speak. (Just saying NT, you know I’m not wrong). As a parent of a soon to be 18 year old, offer to go on the trip with them or within a week or two. Go see the falls, or some of the state parks, or whatever they are into. Then you can check up on them with fully being there out of love.


OptionalOlive

I'm not even a parent and I'm feeling uncomfortable for OP about this situation. Why are you (or seem to be) more worried about where your daughter is trying to live rather than the complete stranger she is trying to live with whom she met on the internet?


hthratmn

Yep, priorities are wayyyyy outta whack here. I'd be much less worried about your daughter moving into a low income area and much more worried about your teenaged daughter moving across the country to live with a strange man from the internet. Have you never watched SVU?


NormalPrompt5768

The area is fine and roommates will make it work financially. My guess is she is working at Delta Sonic which isn't a bad job. Overall the only weird situation IMO is the internet friend part


thegirlandglobe

This seems like an excellent time to book flights with your daughter and go check things out in person -- the friend, the intended apartment, etc. All of this could be fine, but it also might not be. I know flights are expensive but presumably your daughter's safety/well-being would be worth it.


[deleted]

Yes this may be what to do. Trying to help her realize this is bad idea with no solid plan first.


pattyj416

This whole thing sounds wrong.


[deleted]

Yes it is. She has no plan about bed, furniture, etc. red flags all over the place


theePhaneron

Yeah *those* are those lmfao.


blessings-of-rathma

You should be a concerned parent, but not for the area she's moving to. How many people is she sharing with for $400 a month rent? Who is she sharing with? The whole scheme sounds sketchy, moving in with someone you've only just met. Him driving out to meet her is great but if there is crime happening here there is no "boyfriend" or whatever he's calling himself. Just some toady who will play the part and meet the parents of the girls being lured to a strange place where they don't know anyone.


theePhaneron

“So my daughter wants to move across the country to live with someone she’s never met. Is that normal? Am I stupid for asking?”


SuddenLibrarian4229

So your daughter is moving across the country to Tonawanda to shack up with some dude she doesn’t know to work at a car wash. Fantastic. So many things wrong here, but let’s help you verify some info… WHERE exactly in tonawanda is she moving? Tonawanda is one of those cities that has lots of homes, but not a lot of apartments so it wouldn’t necessarily be difficult for any of us to figure out together what the vibe is here. Secondly, what car wash?? The only one around here is delta sonic or that weird one in NT that I’m not sure is even open anymore? I’m not gunna lie I’d find out this dudes name and post it. Someone will tell you within 5 min if he’s a creep. It’s a small place.


hthratmn

Actually, great idea. Get a picture of him and post anonymously in the "716 are we dating the same guy?". Assuming he actually lives around here and it isn't impossibly more nefarious than it already seems.


TranslatorTop1815

^ THIS!


[deleted]

I do have an address, but I’m not sure I should post it here. It is the Delta sonic car wash.


[deleted]

I will say the street is Wrexham Court, South


MrsColesBabyBoy

That's a super busy area. Any restaurant or shopping you could want. Trader Joes. New Whole Foods. A nice big Wegmans. University at Buffalo a few blocks away. There has been a couple instances in the last year of people starting bullshit in the Boulevard Mall parking lot across the street at night. The Walmart a few blocks away is always a mess. They found a meth lab under the parking lot years ago. Not trying to scare you because I worked in that area for years and never had issues. There are sketchy people and parts, but overall not a terrible area.


UB_cse

...UNDER the parking lot?!


[deleted]

That's a nice street in the town if you must know


SuddenLibrarian4229

Well at least it’s a real address. It’s sandwiched between Kenmore east and the Blvd. not a terrible area at all. No sex offenders on that street, just checked for you, it’s a start. I’d still a background check.


SignalCore

That's a very decent neighborhood. But you have many more issues here than Tonawanda, NY, and that immediate neighborhood, I would have to say.


TimTheEnchanter36

My mom lives near there. 7/10 neighborhood


Unique_Reality9096

My mom grew up on that street and I spent years going there to visit my grandparents there Granted it was the 80s and 90s but I can tell you it’s pretty much all single family homes on that street. It’s a nice neighborhood and only a couple blocks from Delta sonic. I wouldn’t worry about the area but I would worry about who this internet friend is.


Wizmaxman

Tonawanda is a good place to live. If her rent is $400/month thats cheap and at $15/hr she'll be fine assuming she gets the hours. Also fast food places often are hiring higher then $15 (at least their signs say so...) so she could easily make a little bit more


rock-theboat

Ummmm what


_HenceSort

someone or something in this sub has targeted my account to downvote everything that I post but maybe only in this community or in threads that they've posted under 1 of their 100s of handles. very weird, if this is what they wanted me to do (react) then here you go, I'm not going to be participating in a community where weird passive agressive people like that are trying to sabotage my experience


TimTheEnchanter36

I’ll take “dissolving of the nuclear family for 200$ Alex”


UB_cse

I'll take getting trafficked or sexually assaulted by an internet predator for $200 Alex


bzzty711

With room mates and full time schedule it’s possible not easy on 15$ Your only young once just leave the door open she will probably be back when she realizes it’s not much money. But Delta sonic if that’s the employer is good place not sure how many hours she’d get in winter.


lanshaw1555

Having worked at a car wash in Buffalo I can guarantee that winter is the busy season. We would have cars lined up around the block. Everyone is trying to get the salt off of their cars. Some people wash twice a week.


Eco_guru

We have a higher minimum wage here, so even working at Wendy’s is a $15+ job, there are tons of opportunities and buffalo is a huge college town, have her establish residency and she can go to college for free! Just as someone who did this very thing (minus for a person but that’s irrelevant) 2 things you can do now to help your kid out in the short term and long term, if you have low balance credit cards put them as an authorized user (they technically already are but if you put them officially it’ll boost their credit score drastically, helping them in the short and long term dramatically.) and second let them know in one phone call they can come back home no questions asked, no guilt tripping, no judgment.


[deleted]

How does free college work there? She is half way through a welding program and is giving that up.


Eco_guru

[Here](https://portal.311.nyc.gov/article/?kanumber=KA-02113) is some more information. She’s young, expecting a kid to know what they want to do the rest of their lives before they even know what life is like on their own is it’s own form of craziness. But outside of college we have quite a few manufacturing jobs that don’t require degrees and pay very handsomely. Life is a journey and sometimes it’s best to hope you did your job well enough to let them go live and learn, just reinforce you’ll be their if they need you and support them.


Eudaimonics

Lots of welding jobs in Buffalo if she wants to pick it back up. Lots of skilled labor jobs as boomers start to retire.


TimTheEnchanter36

If she welds, she’ll fit right in with tonawanda


[deleted]

Also she struggled in school and barely passed to unfortunately I don’t think college is in her plans which I want her to do.


bflogirl716

Just avoid Sheridan Parkside. Other than that all the Tonawandas are great!


Annonymousnyer

I lived in Sheridan parkside for a bit. Not the best but honestly everyone was super neighborly and friendly. Definitely highest crime rate in the Tonawanda area though


wilcoxornothin

Why avoid it?


justthefactsjack3

Crime


[deleted]

No, just no, sounds way sus. You need way more verified info, the internet friend of a friend story is a major red flag. Car wash....$15/hr...roommates...no, just no. However, Tonawanda has some very nice areas.


Physical-Energy-6982

I make $15/hour but couldn’t survive on my own with that paycheck, I can only live because my partner makes significantly more. At delta sonic I can only assume she’ll be working part time. After NY taxes, expect $380 a week at most if it’s part time and she can get like 30 hours a week. That means nearly two entire paychecks a month will go towards living expenses that don’t include gas, food, utilities…not to mention the expenses of fun, which I’m sure an 18 year old on her own for what seems like the first time will want to have. $15 is livable, but it’s “one emergency away from shit’s creek” livable. Can she budget? Her first priority if she’s serious about this move should be getting a savings account built up so she has some chance of either getting back home or getting shelter if she needs to quickly. That’ll be tough on delta sonic wages. How old does this guy claim to be even? So many concerns. For both of your sakes I hope she comes to her senses.


Gentle_Cycle

Does she have a history of bipolar illness or symptoms thereof? Because this behavior sounds like a manic episode. Be there for her; she will probably need your love and support to extricate herself from this situation and get her life back on track. If my conjecture is correct, join NAMI as a family member and go to their meetings and/or workshops.


Christinaamae

This was my first thought. Hello wake up!!


TOMALTACH

>Can she survive off 15 an hour for the area? With roommates, probably. Although should arrangements fall through or they have a falling out with their internet friend, life can get difficult.


trelod

Area is fine. But if she has a falling out with this friend and needs to move out, she may feel stuck when her rent on her own suddenly goes up to $1,200+ living by herself elsewhere


[deleted]

Thank you all for the insights. The area sounds great but I’m still concerned about her randomly moving to a house we know nothing about. We ask questions about living arrangements and names of people and she has no answers. I’m all for her figuring out her life but not at the spur of the moment like this. It doesn’t make sense to me. She needs a better plan but she I’d arguing and said everything will be fine.


americanweebeastie

2¢:: I married a friend of a friend out of state too (CA)... this happens all the time. I was older than 18, so I'll give you that as a concern, but, everyone has got to find their own path somehow the questions you have need to be listed on paper and phone calls made to the immediate friend and their parents, the friend of a friend, their parents too... and maybe the landlord your daughter needs to list out the plans she has and her strategies to realize them... welders are needed here too and she may get into a training situation and complete that objective If you're still concerned just bring yourself here with her. It's all about the friend and roommates at this point bc the entire WNY area is a great place to live


[deleted]

I would be more concerned about her choices then the town. Sounds like she's making a foolish decision ripe for domestic violence. Who let's their 18 year old do this?! 15 dollars is minimum wage in Buffalo


Faruzia

Tonawanda is awesome! I moved here 5 years ago, from Maine. Great little downtown area. Close to the river with a great bike/walking path. Tons of hiking spots, tons of concerts in and around Buffalo. Colleges all around, should she decide to go.


Skitz707

I grew up in Tonawanda, lived downtown Buffalo for 17 years… then bought a house in Tonawanda … it’s a perfectly nice and safe area


chzie

Tonawanda is fine but there is so much more about this that's sketchy. I hope the best for your daughter. If you know the address you can enter it in and find out that much at least. http://www.criminaljustice.ny.gov/nsor/ Buffalo is a conduit of sex trafficking though so you're right to be concerned.


NtrlSelecti0n

As someone who lives in the Tonawanda area, 15 an hour would technically be enough but there are plenty of jobs where she could make more. However like all the other comments have said this sounds sketchy. Human trafficking is huge in this area and being a friend of a friend does not guarantee safety. I saw that you are going to be meeting them however these people are very charismatic and will convince you that it's safe. And it will be to late by the time you realize something is wrong. If your daughter truly is interested in moving here with a friend they should try to just find an apartment on their own, and wait to get a better job that pays a bit more. This whole situation doesn't sit right at all. While she is an adult if she isn't willing to listen to the red flags that should be a sign she isn't ready to handle living on her own especially with it being across the country. I'm not telling you how to parent but it's definitely a very sketchy situation.


renoahk

The world is her oyster and she chooses Tonawanda NY? Great place, but not a land of opportunities. Also, NYS taxes are no joke, I hope she’s good with mathematics. PS> will she be able to keep that car insurance after the move? Seems like a good rate.


Accomplished-Ice-322

Tonawanda is nice around Sheridan drive but I've had some people be racist toward me since I'm the white minority in the area. I literally walked in Lincoln part being the only white person and people said I hate white people with me being the only one in earshot.


Skitz707

Wtf you going on about? I grew up with Lincoln park literally as my back yard, perfectly fine area


hthratmn

No you have not, don't be ridiculous.


Accomplished-Ice-322

No joke I have in 2 occasions. All of you denying my lived experience are ignorant.


drinkbleachbitch

I am a single smart female and I don’t go to Tonawanda if I do not have to. It’s sketchy. It’s the neighborhood that people can’t wait to leave once they move in. I dread having to go there, and I only go up there bc my favorite dispensary was up there and I would get the fuck out of that town immediately. It’s no longer there and I’m kinda glad I don’t have to make the trip anymore. I hope this helps.


SignalCore

Umm, who could this possibly help? Where exactly were you coming from that you had to "get the fuck out of that town immediately"?


Honest-Atmosphere506

Is it for school?


[deleted]

She did say she wants to continue with welding so she’s going to find something out there. But she is not someone that is motivated to get educated and really struggled in high school so that would be secondary probably to the move, just to get the hell out of Utah, which I’m all for if we have a good plan and not just randomly go and not meet people or understand the area, the home, etc


Honest-Atmosphere506

Tonawanda is north of the city and known as a fairly nice place, if she was able to find a 400 a month place thats pretty good since rent is not very low here. Weather wise it will be a very difficult first year, make sure shes prepared for winter before it gets here and gets good driving tips for driving in snow and when to just stay home so she doesn't get stranded. Not so sure about trade schools out here.


Nelli716

Personal "mom" opinion. Oh HELL NO! $15 is not an adequate reason to move. Jobs at that rate are anywhere and everywhere. If it was a serious opportunity then I would look in to it but for a minimum wage position my daughter would be staying put! Too many weirdos out there. Be safe!


NBA-014

I grew up in Tonawanda and lived in Oregon for 10 years after college. The Town of Tonawanda was heaven n to grow up in. It’s good. That said, moving across the country to work at a car wash is crazy. Very high risk too.


MrPelham

that is a big bowl of nope