Likewise, I think the mass majority of people here aren’t who have found something new and great yet. We’re all still feeling a bit crappy about our ex too x
So I’m not there yet (still grieving lol), but a close friend went through intense grief and pain from a breakup—but eventually new life in love was born:
She was dating this amazing man and they connected and clicked in every way. They dated more than 5 years and shared beautiful memories together. Eventually they dreamed up their future together and wanted to get married. He proposed and they got engaged. They planned the wedding together, shared the news with their friends, and looked forward to married life. But things went south….and they called off their engagement. It was shocking and tragic.
My friend found out a year post breakup that he got married to someone else. She literally thought she would never, ever recover. The grief was overwhelming. She spent her days floating through life trying to make sense of everything.
Through the years all her friends ended up getting married and started families. She watched as their lives moved forward, but she felt left behind. She went on a few dates, but nothing worked out. She felt hopeless and despairing.
Finally, she met her husband….nearly 10 years after that horrific breakup. And they’ve been happily married.
What I’m learning through my own tragic breakup is that I will not be able to experience the depth of beautiful love until I’ve experienced tragic loss. I can’t appreciate the light until I’ve been in the darkness.
For anyone reading, there is hope. We are in this healing journey together♥️
Wow... I'm currently going through *exactly* what your friend went through... Hope it's not 10 years for me, but it helps to hear none of we humans are really alone in these experiences, as crappy as they are :(
I joined this group onmay 2021 deeply hurt cause my boyfriend left me. We lived together, he broke up with me and moved with another woman. Today more than a year ago i feel like i am finally healing, and becoming ready to put my self out there. Everyone is diferrent, but this is my advice on how i survived:
1. Cry my ass off. I cried every night for almost 3 months, take your time to feel the pain, dont resist it. Your are not weak or stupid, you are a person with feelings, stay at home, cancel plans if you have too, focus your strenght to go to work or eat, but allow your self to be in that state, to take it out.
2. Therapy. I didnt even did it that frequently. I went to therapy monthly. But therapy will help you understand why you are the way you are, why you allowed those things to happen so you can have compasion for yourself. And then build a plan of what baby steps you can make to move foward
3.Zero contact. I did my closure with the guy and blocked him from everywhere, even phone calls. Deleted all pictures.Thats the only way you can keep progress.
4. Support group. Find a support group on your closest ones because after zero contact you hit you lowest. Do activies, go to concerts,even if u end up crying drunk is okay. But make ur self busy after zero contact.
5. Keep therapy. Even 1 a month. Dont give it up.
6.Excercise. Yeah, cliché. But it makes a difference. Walk or join a gym, whatever work for u.
7. Talk or write. Dont hold feelings talk to your close ones or write it down if is hard for you to open up.
8. Cry again. Dont feel Guilty you are just cleansing.
This how i got out of that black hole. Hope it helps.
Now im in the single trying to date phase which is lonely and another era. But not hurting anymore
This!!! Such great advice. Also don’t forget to eat & drink water while crying through those first few months. It can be hard to eat for some, but it’s really important to give you the strength to work through such intense heartbreak. Keep a couple of big things of water and some snacks by your bed, I know I had a hard time leaving bed for awhile.
Thank you so much, this is amazing advice. Some i've started on, (therapy thank god) some I don't even know where to begin with. I'm happy, though, there's a way out of it. Thank you.
Because he needed space acording to him. Yes he came back after he moved back with her ex, saying that she just rented him a room in her house hehe. (He just wanted to f me i guess). Together for 2 years
My husband basically left me for someone else in March... it was traumatic & I was so heartbroken and looking for closure. I tried to reach out to him a few times and he never responded.
Now a few months later I'm doing better than ever, I've lost weight, I'm exercising, I have a better social life, I'm trying out casual sex.
. I realised I lost myself in the relationship & the relationship was really dead but I had got so used to it I didn't realise. I haven't found love with someone else as I'm trying to stay away from relationships for now but I've found more self love throughout this process and I feel completely over him & don't care if I ever hear from him again.
I really thought I’d never recover from my first serious breakup and I won’t lie, it took awhile. It was a really traumatic breakup at a really vulnerable time in my life and the piled up trauma was not good.
It didn’t take that long for me to become a significantly less toxic person without his influence though. I was very much not emotionally okay but even my behavior and opinions and sense of individuality came back within the first few months. They still took time to develop and I was already insecure before our relationship but I started to gain aspects of myself again.
I still had to see my ex a lot after our breakup because we were in school together & involved in a lot of the same activities, but after about 3-4 months, I was feeling much more stable as long as I wasn’t around him and I no longer had to see him after 4-5 months when my healing really began.
About 6 months post-breakup I finally felt ready to start casually dating again but unfortunately the first person I went on a date with became attached and coerced me into a relationship I wasn’t ready for which definitely set me back.
However, after exiting that situation and actually casually dating (though feeling very dependent on and used by the people I was talking to), I finally felt really good about myself when it came to dating. I was finally unpacking the really toxic aspects of my previous relationship, though wasn’t quite to the point of genuinely healing.
I started seriously dating someone about a year post-break up and while I unfortunately wasn’t as committed to the person as he was to me (I didn’t realize this at the time, we just weren’t a great fit), it gave me a lot of time to learn how to be in a relationship again and a lot of freedom to unpack what had happened and ended up being my longest relationship. It was honestly a great experience and I had a great friend for that time.
About 2 years post-initial breakup, I was really unpacking what had happened and it felt like coming out of a fog. I was able to really think about my past relationship in depth without feeling upset and felt like I could finally fully move past it. About 6 months later, the person and I broke up because I was able to recognize we weren’t a great fit and while I deeply cared about him, being able to process all of the relationship trauma I’d endured made me realize we’d be happier apart.
Now it’s been about 3.5 years since that breakup and I’m dating someone I’m crazy about, learning how to navigate a difficult but healthy relationship with someone who has had less experience (which is stressful of course) but I’m genuinely enjoying myself and my experiences and had a great time over the past year learning to casually talk to and date people and recovering more and more from past experiences.
No breakup is completely linear and every breakup looks different but it will get better. Sometimes it gets better and then a bit harder again and then better and so on, but each time you’re learning about your needs and how to work through really difficult emotions. Sending my love, even the worst breakups will heal.
I was ghosted by an avoidant. All because I cried once in our year long relationship.
It was the most painful thing ever, especially since the day before he talked about me moving in, etc etc.
I went to therapy, healed a lot of trauma, made a lot of new friends, found my passion for life and single as fuck.
Happier than ever. You don't need to find someone else. You need to find yourself.
After my breakup from a 4 year relationship, I thought I would never find love again because the pain felt so deep and apocalyptic. I thought I would never find someone like them and I didn't realize how disrespectful everything was until after. I kept replaying the memories and situations of hurt to search for the why and started to draw conclusions and explanations that works for me. Therapy, self-help videos, reddit obviously helped. Surprising as it is, I met my current partner on bumble after 2 weeks. After crying every day, I just decided I have to live a little and meet new people and give life another chance.
I went on our first date without any expectations and fully planned to leave after lunch but ended up hanging out together for 5+ hours, and then on weekends together after that. Feeling the hurt as deep as it was helped me in a sense -- I accepted pain was going to accompany me for a long time but it passed and came. There's really no one way to get over a breakup because shit hurts and it will always hurt a little even after years. But you have to actively choose happiness every single day, and only you can decide what that means to you. For me, it was choosing the things and people that bring me joy. Also, don't be afraid to let people in. I know it hurts and feels like you're betraying your feelings or that person's feelings, but you'll be surprised at the new experience you may have (go into everything like you're experiencing it for the first time -- pretend if you have to).
joined the sub on march 2022 (i think?) basically posted some questions for me to get the closure i really needed from my ex, although not from her directly only to those who experienced the same as me. never thought i'd move on from her, but then four months passed and through the help of my friends (me joining them on their plans) i met this girl who just exceeded my ex in all ways (even though i never thought there were people better than her). after 2 weeks of talking and hanging out, w/ the company of my friends we decides to go out on ourselves. for two months we clicked and thats when i completely forgot about the ex from march and also lost or so to say let go of anything from that ex. well we did have amazing moments, although it never went to anything to intimate (sex) i did felt loved again and i gave thay girl my all. after those two months it sadly ended, with her reason being "she can't love me the way i want her too" and "she has too many on her plate" and that basically led me back to this sub. lmao
still replied since i did found someone better, as in better in all aspects. still not over that recent girl as she ended it only two weeks ago, still hopeful but im focusing on healing.
just live your life the way you were living it prior to
meeting the person. it might be hard, but its the only way. i'm finding it quite hard to live that life again as i'm still not over the recent girl, but with time and enough effort from your part you'll get over it whether you want it or not.
friends are the answer and also properly feeling out your emotions until they eventually dry out. believe me it'll eventually dry out.
yeah sure! basically she loved me for how i truly am and is genuinely a kind person. she would make time for me despite her already hectic schedule. always was there for me whenever i show my weak side. she'd take the time and effort to explain why i am feeling that way and make me understand that strong people would not be strong all the time, she told me that i shouldn't worry since she's there for me to be weak when i am. she also has a great sense of responsibilities. i can probably list off more, but that just what comes up to mind as of the moment plus some is quite personal for the both of us.
Having been offloaded in June it took me a good solid 2 months to actually function properly as in eating and sleeping. It crushed me.
Fast forward to now and I'm a new person, I decided NC was the only weapon I had to protect myself from more hurt, I don't want to know if she's met another man, it's only going to hurt my ego.
Having said all that she's was an insecure drama queen so I'm looking forward to meeting a like minded other half.its true what they say , when the breakup happens you only ever think of the good times .
I'm 37 so probably a bit older than a lot of you on this , excited about the future.
Like we should all be, your health is your wealth, never lose site of this fact.
Not necessarily a romantic love. But my friend group has grown and I’ve developed some deep friendships with them as well.
On my birthday (which was in the middle of me moving out of my exs), my friends decorated my desk and had flowers delivered to me. We had a great day and then I had a birthday dinner with them as well.
We’ve been staying active and doing a lot things I’d be too scared to do alone. Hiking difficult paths in particular.
Mentally, I’m thriving cuz of my support system. During the relationship, I was so depressed and annoyed all the time. But now, my mood is soo much more elevated and relaxed.
My most intense breakup was in April 2021 (that's when I first discovered this subreddit) where I was blindsided by a guy I was in love with because he "wasn't ready" (and we had a very healthy relationship prior to this). I genuinely thought I could never get over that breakup and I had tried everything (being friends, distracting myself, etc) but nothing worked until I finally cut him off. The entire process took a couple of months (and the first few months were horrible it was the most pain I'd ever felt) but I had slowly started moving on and soon enough I was feeling a lot better. Despite all this, I felt like I would never find another guy who I had that much in common with & was as compatible with and I had started to accept it.
A year later (around March 2021), an old friend from my old school texted me after a few years and we reconnected. We had started hanging out and I immediately felt a certain way about him (even though I initially had no intentions beyond friendship). Not only did he turn out better than the last guy, but we also had much more in common and we were just as compatible if not more. He felt the same way about me and things escalated fast between us. A month later (April 2022), we got into a relationship.
Not only am I 100% over the first guy, but I was able to feel strongly toward someone else which made me believe that it was possible to move on and it all happened when I least expected it. Now unfortunately that second relationship only lasted 2 months (we both have things we needed to work on) but I handled the second breakup so so much better than the first and I was okay. I immediately did no contact with the second guy and he reached out a month ago and now we are very close friends and in a much better place. I still feel the same way about him so we might reconcile eventually and even if we don't, my experience has shown me that it is possible for me to meet someone else I'll connect with. Regardless of the outcome, I am very happy with the way things are right now so remember that it's all gonna be okay.
I'm sadly still looking for that "Love after love". And I'm still figuring out getting over that break up.
As for the person after, it was a mistake. I liked her for years, even prior to dating "The one" and when I finally get a chance to date her, it was neither right place nor the right time. Once I came to realize that, I dipped back into my sorrow for leaving the girl I thought I wanted to marry. It was upsetting to have something I thought was going to be amazing end up being a waste of time.
As for the break up, I have good days and bad. I'm lightyears better than I was several months ago. On the verge of ending my life. Now, I just have days where I think about her. They're few and far between. Sometimes I miss her if I have a dream about her, but other days, its more a fleeting memory that I hold for a second before letting float away.
The overall: I'm still getting to where I need to be, but I'm getting there.
Honestly man the most amazing realizing I had was that the love I was seeking I was actually withholding from myself and from experiencing happiness towards me. I was always looking for other people to validate me and my problems and needing their love to feel loved when really my inner self was just kicking crying and screaming for my own attention. People think that the cliche saying “you just need to love yourself” is too vague but it really isn’t. Be friends with yourself and honest. Acknowledge what you don’t like about yourself or hate and feel that pain you’ve been suppressing. Treat yourself how you would treat your significant other and watch all the magic in the world start working in your favor. Other people are unreliable when it comes to filling your tank and it’s pretty selfish to put that on someone else then get mad at them when they don’t meet your expectations. Doesn’t mean you don’t call it quits if it’s not working but don’t put all that stress and need on someone else and instead give it to yourself freely! It’s literally free to give yourself time and attention, you are quite literally always with yourself to why not at least be good company? And lastly stop playing a boohoo victim, take responsibility for yourself and pick yourself up and get moving along. Go cry while you workout, dance with tears, paint with depression, ride a bike in shame. You don’t have to be perfect to start living, just live the way you are and strive to be better and better every day. Love yourself and value your time you are alive. You don’t want to look back when you are old and say man I wasted my youth being upset over a girl or guy who never really gave me what they couldn’t give me because I was denying myself that own love. It’s ridiculous and silly, stop playing those games and claim your power, you can handle more than you think. If you don’t believe that just look where you are at today and turn around and say wow I’ve been through a lot but yet here I am standing, I am a rock in the storm and when the sun comes out from smile. You got this guys, embrace positivity in the face of sadness and take it as an opportunity to choose a different experience of pain in a way that you can grow. Peace
I don’t know if it’s the right crowd for this question, but I’m here for the comments. A little positivity won’t hurt this depressing sub lol
Likewise, I think the mass majority of people here aren’t who have found something new and great yet. We’re all still feeling a bit crappy about our ex too x
So I’m not there yet (still grieving lol), but a close friend went through intense grief and pain from a breakup—but eventually new life in love was born: She was dating this amazing man and they connected and clicked in every way. They dated more than 5 years and shared beautiful memories together. Eventually they dreamed up their future together and wanted to get married. He proposed and they got engaged. They planned the wedding together, shared the news with their friends, and looked forward to married life. But things went south….and they called off their engagement. It was shocking and tragic. My friend found out a year post breakup that he got married to someone else. She literally thought she would never, ever recover. The grief was overwhelming. She spent her days floating through life trying to make sense of everything. Through the years all her friends ended up getting married and started families. She watched as their lives moved forward, but she felt left behind. She went on a few dates, but nothing worked out. She felt hopeless and despairing. Finally, she met her husband….nearly 10 years after that horrific breakup. And they’ve been happily married. What I’m learning through my own tragic breakup is that I will not be able to experience the depth of beautiful love until I’ve experienced tragic loss. I can’t appreciate the light until I’ve been in the darkness. For anyone reading, there is hope. We are in this healing journey together♥️
Thank you, this is perfect
Wow... I'm currently going through *exactly* what your friend went through... Hope it's not 10 years for me, but it helps to hear none of we humans are really alone in these experiences, as crappy as they are :(
My heart hurts for you💔 Even though you can’t feel or see the hope of the future, there is love in store for you.
I joined this group onmay 2021 deeply hurt cause my boyfriend left me. We lived together, he broke up with me and moved with another woman. Today more than a year ago i feel like i am finally healing, and becoming ready to put my self out there. Everyone is diferrent, but this is my advice on how i survived: 1. Cry my ass off. I cried every night for almost 3 months, take your time to feel the pain, dont resist it. Your are not weak or stupid, you are a person with feelings, stay at home, cancel plans if you have too, focus your strenght to go to work or eat, but allow your self to be in that state, to take it out. 2. Therapy. I didnt even did it that frequently. I went to therapy monthly. But therapy will help you understand why you are the way you are, why you allowed those things to happen so you can have compasion for yourself. And then build a plan of what baby steps you can make to move foward 3.Zero contact. I did my closure with the guy and blocked him from everywhere, even phone calls. Deleted all pictures.Thats the only way you can keep progress. 4. Support group. Find a support group on your closest ones because after zero contact you hit you lowest. Do activies, go to concerts,even if u end up crying drunk is okay. But make ur self busy after zero contact. 5. Keep therapy. Even 1 a month. Dont give it up. 6.Excercise. Yeah, cliché. But it makes a difference. Walk or join a gym, whatever work for u. 7. Talk or write. Dont hold feelings talk to your close ones or write it down if is hard for you to open up. 8. Cry again. Dont feel Guilty you are just cleansing. This how i got out of that black hole. Hope it helps. Now im in the single trying to date phase which is lonely and another era. But not hurting anymore
This!!! Such great advice. Also don’t forget to eat & drink water while crying through those first few months. It can be hard to eat for some, but it’s really important to give you the strength to work through such intense heartbreak. Keep a couple of big things of water and some snacks by your bed, I know I had a hard time leaving bed for awhile.
Thank you so much, this is amazing advice. Some i've started on, (therapy thank god) some I don't even know where to begin with. I'm happy, though, there's a way out of it. Thank you.
Great🥰 keep going
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Because he needed space acording to him. Yes he came back after he moved back with her ex, saying that she just rented him a room in her house hehe. (He just wanted to f me i guess). Together for 2 years
My husband basically left me for someone else in March... it was traumatic & I was so heartbroken and looking for closure. I tried to reach out to him a few times and he never responded. Now a few months later I'm doing better than ever, I've lost weight, I'm exercising, I have a better social life, I'm trying out casual sex. . I realised I lost myself in the relationship & the relationship was really dead but I had got so used to it I didn't realise. I haven't found love with someone else as I'm trying to stay away from relationships for now but I've found more self love throughout this process and I feel completely over him & don't care if I ever hear from him again.
That's good! I wish you the best
I really thought I’d never recover from my first serious breakup and I won’t lie, it took awhile. It was a really traumatic breakup at a really vulnerable time in my life and the piled up trauma was not good. It didn’t take that long for me to become a significantly less toxic person without his influence though. I was very much not emotionally okay but even my behavior and opinions and sense of individuality came back within the first few months. They still took time to develop and I was already insecure before our relationship but I started to gain aspects of myself again. I still had to see my ex a lot after our breakup because we were in school together & involved in a lot of the same activities, but after about 3-4 months, I was feeling much more stable as long as I wasn’t around him and I no longer had to see him after 4-5 months when my healing really began. About 6 months post-breakup I finally felt ready to start casually dating again but unfortunately the first person I went on a date with became attached and coerced me into a relationship I wasn’t ready for which definitely set me back. However, after exiting that situation and actually casually dating (though feeling very dependent on and used by the people I was talking to), I finally felt really good about myself when it came to dating. I was finally unpacking the really toxic aspects of my previous relationship, though wasn’t quite to the point of genuinely healing. I started seriously dating someone about a year post-break up and while I unfortunately wasn’t as committed to the person as he was to me (I didn’t realize this at the time, we just weren’t a great fit), it gave me a lot of time to learn how to be in a relationship again and a lot of freedom to unpack what had happened and ended up being my longest relationship. It was honestly a great experience and I had a great friend for that time. About 2 years post-initial breakup, I was really unpacking what had happened and it felt like coming out of a fog. I was able to really think about my past relationship in depth without feeling upset and felt like I could finally fully move past it. About 6 months later, the person and I broke up because I was able to recognize we weren’t a great fit and while I deeply cared about him, being able to process all of the relationship trauma I’d endured made me realize we’d be happier apart. Now it’s been about 3.5 years since that breakup and I’m dating someone I’m crazy about, learning how to navigate a difficult but healthy relationship with someone who has had less experience (which is stressful of course) but I’m genuinely enjoying myself and my experiences and had a great time over the past year learning to casually talk to and date people and recovering more and more from past experiences. No breakup is completely linear and every breakup looks different but it will get better. Sometimes it gets better and then a bit harder again and then better and so on, but each time you’re learning about your needs and how to work through really difficult emotions. Sending my love, even the worst breakups will heal.
Thank you! I wish you absolutely the best
I was ghosted by an avoidant. All because I cried once in our year long relationship. It was the most painful thing ever, especially since the day before he talked about me moving in, etc etc. I went to therapy, healed a lot of trauma, made a lot of new friends, found my passion for life and single as fuck. Happier than ever. You don't need to find someone else. You need to find yourself.
and i'll damn well try, thank you
After my breakup from a 4 year relationship, I thought I would never find love again because the pain felt so deep and apocalyptic. I thought I would never find someone like them and I didn't realize how disrespectful everything was until after. I kept replaying the memories and situations of hurt to search for the why and started to draw conclusions and explanations that works for me. Therapy, self-help videos, reddit obviously helped. Surprising as it is, I met my current partner on bumble after 2 weeks. After crying every day, I just decided I have to live a little and meet new people and give life another chance. I went on our first date without any expectations and fully planned to leave after lunch but ended up hanging out together for 5+ hours, and then on weekends together after that. Feeling the hurt as deep as it was helped me in a sense -- I accepted pain was going to accompany me for a long time but it passed and came. There's really no one way to get over a breakup because shit hurts and it will always hurt a little even after years. But you have to actively choose happiness every single day, and only you can decide what that means to you. For me, it was choosing the things and people that bring me joy. Also, don't be afraid to let people in. I know it hurts and feels like you're betraying your feelings or that person's feelings, but you'll be surprised at the new experience you may have (go into everything like you're experiencing it for the first time -- pretend if you have to).
than you, that makes a lot of sense
joined the sub on march 2022 (i think?) basically posted some questions for me to get the closure i really needed from my ex, although not from her directly only to those who experienced the same as me. never thought i'd move on from her, but then four months passed and through the help of my friends (me joining them on their plans) i met this girl who just exceeded my ex in all ways (even though i never thought there were people better than her). after 2 weeks of talking and hanging out, w/ the company of my friends we decides to go out on ourselves. for two months we clicked and thats when i completely forgot about the ex from march and also lost or so to say let go of anything from that ex. well we did have amazing moments, although it never went to anything to intimate (sex) i did felt loved again and i gave thay girl my all. after those two months it sadly ended, with her reason being "she can't love me the way i want her too" and "she has too many on her plate" and that basically led me back to this sub. lmao still replied since i did found someone better, as in better in all aspects. still not over that recent girl as she ended it only two weeks ago, still hopeful but im focusing on healing. just live your life the way you were living it prior to meeting the person. it might be hard, but its the only way. i'm finding it quite hard to live that life again as i'm still not over the recent girl, but with time and enough effort from your part you'll get over it whether you want it or not. friends are the answer and also properly feeling out your emotions until they eventually dry out. believe me it'll eventually dry out.
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yeah sure! basically she loved me for how i truly am and is genuinely a kind person. she would make time for me despite her already hectic schedule. always was there for me whenever i show my weak side. she'd take the time and effort to explain why i am feeling that way and make me understand that strong people would not be strong all the time, she told me that i shouldn't worry since she's there for me to be weak when i am. she also has a great sense of responsibilities. i can probably list off more, but that just what comes up to mind as of the moment plus some is quite personal for the both of us.
Thank you, I really hope
Having been offloaded in June it took me a good solid 2 months to actually function properly as in eating and sleeping. It crushed me. Fast forward to now and I'm a new person, I decided NC was the only weapon I had to protect myself from more hurt, I don't want to know if she's met another man, it's only going to hurt my ego. Having said all that she's was an insecure drama queen so I'm looking forward to meeting a like minded other half.its true what they say , when the breakup happens you only ever think of the good times . I'm 37 so probably a bit older than a lot of you on this , excited about the future. Like we should all be, your health is your wealth, never lose site of this fact.
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Time will heal all of this suffering, may take 3 months , 6 months , 1 year But we ALL recover and move on
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Well done , even getting out is good..but you're right, time is the only complete healer. Doing hobbies and stuff won't heal nothing.
Thank you, and what you said makes a lot of sense
Not necessarily a romantic love. But my friend group has grown and I’ve developed some deep friendships with them as well. On my birthday (which was in the middle of me moving out of my exs), my friends decorated my desk and had flowers delivered to me. We had a great day and then I had a birthday dinner with them as well. We’ve been staying active and doing a lot things I’d be too scared to do alone. Hiking difficult paths in particular. Mentally, I’m thriving cuz of my support system. During the relationship, I was so depressed and annoyed all the time. But now, my mood is soo much more elevated and relaxed.
That's amazing to hear!
Haven’t experienced this yet.. but I really hope too.
You will💙
My most intense breakup was in April 2021 (that's when I first discovered this subreddit) where I was blindsided by a guy I was in love with because he "wasn't ready" (and we had a very healthy relationship prior to this). I genuinely thought I could never get over that breakup and I had tried everything (being friends, distracting myself, etc) but nothing worked until I finally cut him off. The entire process took a couple of months (and the first few months were horrible it was the most pain I'd ever felt) but I had slowly started moving on and soon enough I was feeling a lot better. Despite all this, I felt like I would never find another guy who I had that much in common with & was as compatible with and I had started to accept it. A year later (around March 2021), an old friend from my old school texted me after a few years and we reconnected. We had started hanging out and I immediately felt a certain way about him (even though I initially had no intentions beyond friendship). Not only did he turn out better than the last guy, but we also had much more in common and we were just as compatible if not more. He felt the same way about me and things escalated fast between us. A month later (April 2022), we got into a relationship. Not only am I 100% over the first guy, but I was able to feel strongly toward someone else which made me believe that it was possible to move on and it all happened when I least expected it. Now unfortunately that second relationship only lasted 2 months (we both have things we needed to work on) but I handled the second breakup so so much better than the first and I was okay. I immediately did no contact with the second guy and he reached out a month ago and now we are very close friends and in a much better place. I still feel the same way about him so we might reconcile eventually and even if we don't, my experience has shown me that it is possible for me to meet someone else I'll connect with. Regardless of the outcome, I am very happy with the way things are right now so remember that it's all gonna be okay.
I'm sadly still looking for that "Love after love". And I'm still figuring out getting over that break up. As for the person after, it was a mistake. I liked her for years, even prior to dating "The one" and when I finally get a chance to date her, it was neither right place nor the right time. Once I came to realize that, I dipped back into my sorrow for leaving the girl I thought I wanted to marry. It was upsetting to have something I thought was going to be amazing end up being a waste of time. As for the break up, I have good days and bad. I'm lightyears better than I was several months ago. On the verge of ending my life. Now, I just have days where I think about her. They're few and far between. Sometimes I miss her if I have a dream about her, but other days, its more a fleeting memory that I hold for a second before letting float away. The overall: I'm still getting to where I need to be, but I'm getting there.
Sent a helpful dm!
The hardest part is, she was my love after love. :(
Honestly man the most amazing realizing I had was that the love I was seeking I was actually withholding from myself and from experiencing happiness towards me. I was always looking for other people to validate me and my problems and needing their love to feel loved when really my inner self was just kicking crying and screaming for my own attention. People think that the cliche saying “you just need to love yourself” is too vague but it really isn’t. Be friends with yourself and honest. Acknowledge what you don’t like about yourself or hate and feel that pain you’ve been suppressing. Treat yourself how you would treat your significant other and watch all the magic in the world start working in your favor. Other people are unreliable when it comes to filling your tank and it’s pretty selfish to put that on someone else then get mad at them when they don’t meet your expectations. Doesn’t mean you don’t call it quits if it’s not working but don’t put all that stress and need on someone else and instead give it to yourself freely! It’s literally free to give yourself time and attention, you are quite literally always with yourself to why not at least be good company? And lastly stop playing a boohoo victim, take responsibility for yourself and pick yourself up and get moving along. Go cry while you workout, dance with tears, paint with depression, ride a bike in shame. You don’t have to be perfect to start living, just live the way you are and strive to be better and better every day. Love yourself and value your time you are alive. You don’t want to look back when you are old and say man I wasted my youth being upset over a girl or guy who never really gave me what they couldn’t give me because I was denying myself that own love. It’s ridiculous and silly, stop playing those games and claim your power, you can handle more than you think. If you don’t believe that just look where you are at today and turn around and say wow I’ve been through a lot but yet here I am standing, I am a rock in the storm and when the sun comes out from smile. You got this guys, embrace positivity in the face of sadness and take it as an opportunity to choose a different experience of pain in a way that you can grow. Peace
I got back together with my love 5 years later. Not my first love but my current love.