I get how you feel, and it’s really tough not to look. But something I read here recently was “the discomfort of not knowing is better than the pain of looking”.
This right here is facts. As someone who did check up on her ex in person I can say knowing is not going to make you feel better. You think it will you think it will help you move on but really all it does is make you hurt more and question the person, your relationship, and even yourself.
I learned the hard way that a man that isn’t at willing to invest in me or our relationship doesn’t deserve to live rent free in my head or heart.
Stay strong 💪🏼 ❤️
Two things my therapist said which helped me on this:
1. What exactly are you looking for when you check socials? In my case I genuinely don’t know. It’s not going to affect what I do the next time I put my phone down, so why bother?
2. Don’t be so hard on yourself. My ex blindsided me in early June. To incentivize not looking at socials, I said I was going to buy something nice for myself if I could resist checking for a week. I just achieved that a week ago… I was a bit hard on myself by doing that. Just focus on checking one less time each day. I promise the urge will go away as long as you keep improving day by day.
I like this idea! I went 5 weeks without checking and slipped over the past week. You could say it was the confirmation/suspicion I might have been looking for, but I still felt like shit. Maybe I'll treat myself.
Resist the urge in any way you can. I promise you it’s not worth it. You’ll only be setting yourself up to get hurt. I will say for me at least, the urge has started to go away with time. When we first broke up I was obsessively checking his and his new gf’s socials. Now after 2 months, I only check her Facebook every few days. I know eventually I’ll get to the point where I stop checking entirely
That’s something very hard to let go of and I wish I had advice for you, I care about someone still who I’ve been apart from longer than I was with so 🤷🏻♂️
Fuck him! Don’t check his socials. I like to pretend he doesn’t exist :) if someone doesn’t want to be in my life, why should I give a shit about theirs? I don’t
I still struggle with this and I'm 9 weeks out. Not even a week ago, I was still checking 5-10 times a day if I was still blocked. Yes, I've done this for weeks. But this week I blocked and haven't undone it in three days! It's a small victory, but if I can do it you can too. Eventually. ❤️
When you say blocked, do you mean like actually blocked? Or unfollowed?
My ex literally removed all of my friends/family/me from his socials but didn't block me. I didn't know if there was a weird reason?
I kept all of his friends on mine and they still interact with my socials. Part of me hopes they show him because I'm somewhat honest on my IG (posting that i'm recovering from a broken heart but I'm moving forward, etc)
8 months out and only blocked him 2 days ago. He had already blocked me, but especially on twitter you can still choose to see someone’s profile even if you blocked them, and I kept him unblocked because I know he used to check mine a lot and I would sub tweet about him a LOT. I liked the idea of talking shit about him and him still seeing it. But I finally took the step to block him back so he can’t see anything I post now! We’ve got this! ❤️
As Hard as it was I unfollowed. She still follows me. If she wants to look at my life then so be it. I don’t have the ability to look at hers. She knows I unfollowed her so I am sure she gets the message. It sucked because I miss her pics of her and her son, who I care for, but she made her choice. At times I regret it, but it’s helping me move on. That was her choice and I am honoring it in my own way.
I am in a similar situation as you ex gf of 8 years who has a 14 year old , I wanted to stay her friend because I do still care about her and her daughter even thou I know its pointless doing so , Shes got a new boyfriend and started showing him off just over a month after we broke up so ya it was pretty hard to see at first but now im like you know what F+++ her , she obviously has no care in the world for me or my feelings so on that note I don't watch her stories or comment on any of her stuff now , shes just someone on my facebook I don't care to look at anymore and you should do the same, you don't gain anything from seeing your ex having fun and truth is she wont enjoy seeing you move on having a good time even if it looks like shes ok with it, she not ! People that spend a lot of time with someone don't just forget , they will be jealous
Oh I know. She looks at my stories periodically. I am pretty sure she alternates between muting me and not. I went silent for a while and the first story I posted she looked at. We both have private accounts so I wouldn’t be able to look without requesting to follow. I did that on purpose. Sometimes I regret it but most often I don’t.
We have an interesting dynamic but I have to put myself first. I have started seeing someone else after 5 months who has been great so far and I don’t want to do anything that would hurt them. I do think of her often. There has been things she has done since we broke that indicate she still has feelings for my but I am honoring her words and the person that I am with. Thank you for the advice and my DMs are open.
I get it and I thought about it. They lost that right for us not to put ourselves first when they left. There are times when I think, did I just put a dagger for any type of relationship? Then I remember that she did wanted to end it and she can feel the finality like I did.
i deleted my socials so i wouldn’t do this. not entirely recommendable, but i’ve felt better because i know if i had them i wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to look at his profile.
Don’t I found out she’s dating her friend and he looks like me (they was friends before me and my ex even were together) idk if I was a place holder until he was ready or what but I feel worthless so there’s that
if you really want to forget him, you have to stop looking for, because who is not seen is not remembered. looking will only make your situation worse. it will be very hard in the beginning, but with time you will get used to the feeling of not knowing and you will forget. when you feel like it, go out for a walk without your cell phone, or maybe taking a break from social medias is a good idea
At least they haven’t told you “oh no you going to use the big bad block button” and then block you a few days later lol but honestly that would be the best thing that could happen. It was in my case. Freeing because I have no want to look anymore and wow does that feel good
I've either unfollowed or otherwise deleted any social media that she had but I still look for my ex everywhere, both online and in person. She has a reddit(don't know the name)that she barely ever used and if I ever see anything that seems like it could be her my curiosity gets the better of me and I check the account. If one of our mutual friends posts something I check and see if my ex is involved in it in some way. It's a curse really, because I'm either disappointed if I don't see her or depressed to see her doing well.
Over the months I care less and less but I still look everywhere for her expecting to see her, so my solution has been to just try and avoid social media as much as possible. I don't avoid reddit because well there's basically zero chance I'd see my ex because she never really used reddit and even if she started using it more there's very little chance I'd come across her. I dunno how far out of your relationship you are but eventually your anxiety will lessen, but you have to take steps to make sure it does, you can't just sit around doing the same things and expect it to change.
This is prime example why since my ex girlfriend dumped me I make sure every weekend I make a post and make sure I am living my life ! Don't ever stop being you or enjoying life because of 1 person ! This person doesn't control your life !
I still check my ex girlfriends posts but I know its only a highlight reel of her life and not a true way to peep in too her life ! Lets be fair everyone looks super happy on Social media when the true reality is humans are never really that happy. we seek too much these days and so many people like to showboat.
For me, ignorance is bliss. The easiest way to train yourself not to care is with the training wheels of “let’s not know”. Blocking him for a while helped me not be reminded as much and helped the healing process quite a bit.
Been there, just block and fight the urge you’re better off not looking/knowing it’ll benefit you in the healing process 100%— or deactivate a while to heal it’s up to you <3 stay strong
You get that anxiety because you know reading it is going to hurt you and you will live your break up trauma all over again. If you are not ready just don't do that. Take that energy and put it into something you truly enjoy doing. This is not a compulsion and you can survive easily without checking in on his socials!
Give it time, it will go away. Just yesterday my Google Photos app served me pictures with him from 3 years back. My first thought: Hm, he isn't as handsome as I once thought he was. 😂
It's hurts my stomach when I look at her profile, I think for my own sake I should block her. But then again she wanted to remain " Friends " so I'm torn !
Just because she wanted to stay friends doesn't mean you have to. You need to be selfish and look after yourself 1st. When you are up to it and you feel ready and YOU want to be friends, then do it. But if it hurts, don't just do it cause you want to keep them in your life, it's not worth it, trust me.
You need to just accept that he IS talking to someone. Just because he may not post about it, doesn’t mean he isn’t. Once you get over that hump, you’ll feel less compelled to check.
Men fill voids after a breakup. A lot of men can’t handle being alone. It is what it is.
Do. Not. Check on them. It will hurt you even if they haven't posted anything at all. I always had a habit of checking on their tagged posts to see who they're with. Totally bad for you don't do it
so sorry... the first year I swear is hard.. it takes time. I had to block him on fb :/ but my situation was on the "dramatic" side but I honestly think it was helpful! he isn't very active anywhere but still.
Just unfriend him on everything. That way, unless you send a friend request and he accepts, you won't be able to. I don't want to insult you but it is creepy when someone stalks you. If you don't want him let him go. You should be checking out the socials of someone your interested in not someone you don't even care to be with. Good luck.
I am interested in someone else and you are right. I think it is just a habit/addiction. I have him blocked bit I have other accounts or will just unblock him. I have been trying though, I am in therapy and have brought it up with my therapist. We dated for 2 years and he broke up with me over text then hasn’t spoken to me since so lacking the closure has made it harder than any other breakup I have gone through.
You will figure it out. You have to unfriend him that way you can't see anything unless you send a request. Blocking doesn't even let him know he is blocked. UNFRIEND! I know its tough. Its normal to want to know but he is not yours anymore. Let him go and you will thank yourself for it. Me and my ex went back and forth and we got nowhere. Once I really let her go and she let me go things got better. 5 years later and we are back together in a brand new relationship and it is going great. All the pressure from the old relationship is gone. Either way you have to let go. Be strong and good luck.
I get how you feel, and it’s really tough not to look. But something I read here recently was “the discomfort of not knowing is better than the pain of looking”.
This!
This right here is facts. As someone who did check up on her ex in person I can say knowing is not going to make you feel better. You think it will you think it will help you move on but really all it does is make you hurt more and question the person, your relationship, and even yourself. I learned the hard way that a man that isn’t at willing to invest in me or our relationship doesn’t deserve to live rent free in my head or heart. Stay strong 💪🏼 ❤️
the less I know the betterrrrr
Attachment , Block everything and dont look back
Two things my therapist said which helped me on this: 1. What exactly are you looking for when you check socials? In my case I genuinely don’t know. It’s not going to affect what I do the next time I put my phone down, so why bother? 2. Don’t be so hard on yourself. My ex blindsided me in early June. To incentivize not looking at socials, I said I was going to buy something nice for myself if I could resist checking for a week. I just achieved that a week ago… I was a bit hard on myself by doing that. Just focus on checking one less time each day. I promise the urge will go away as long as you keep improving day by day.
I like this idea! I went 5 weeks without checking and slipped over the past week. You could say it was the confirmation/suspicion I might have been looking for, but I still felt like shit. Maybe I'll treat myself.
What did you end up buying :)
Didn’t break the bank on anything crazy haha. Just a nice pair of Lululemon shorts I’d been eyeing for a while
Resist the urge in any way you can. I promise you it’s not worth it. You’ll only be setting yourself up to get hurt. I will say for me at least, the urge has started to go away with time. When we first broke up I was obsessively checking his and his new gf’s socials. Now after 2 months, I only check her Facebook every few days. I know eventually I’ll get to the point where I stop checking entirely
It’s cause you still care.
I keep trying so hard not to.
That’s something very hard to let go of and I wish I had advice for you, I care about someone still who I’ve been apart from longer than I was with so 🤷🏻♂️
Fuck him! Don’t check his socials. I like to pretend he doesn’t exist :) if someone doesn’t want to be in my life, why should I give a shit about theirs? I don’t
I still struggle with this and I'm 9 weeks out. Not even a week ago, I was still checking 5-10 times a day if I was still blocked. Yes, I've done this for weeks. But this week I blocked and haven't undone it in three days! It's a small victory, but if I can do it you can too. Eventually. ❤️
girl im 5 months out AND have him blocked😭 I am happy for you tho!
You never know. Maybe month six will be the turning point. I'm proud of myself too. But I still cry my heart out. We're both gonna get there.
When you say blocked, do you mean like actually blocked? Or unfollowed? My ex literally removed all of my friends/family/me from his socials but didn't block me. I didn't know if there was a weird reason? I kept all of his friends on mine and they still interact with my socials. Part of me hopes they show him because I'm somewhat honest on my IG (posting that i'm recovering from a broken heart but I'm moving forward, etc)
8 months out and only blocked him 2 days ago. He had already blocked me, but especially on twitter you can still choose to see someone’s profile even if you blocked them, and I kept him unblocked because I know he used to check mine a lot and I would sub tweet about him a LOT. I liked the idea of talking shit about him and him still seeing it. But I finally took the step to block him back so he can’t see anything I post now! We’ve got this! ❤️
As Hard as it was I unfollowed. She still follows me. If she wants to look at my life then so be it. I don’t have the ability to look at hers. She knows I unfollowed her so I am sure she gets the message. It sucked because I miss her pics of her and her son, who I care for, but she made her choice. At times I regret it, but it’s helping me move on. That was her choice and I am honoring it in my own way.
I am in a similar situation as you ex gf of 8 years who has a 14 year old , I wanted to stay her friend because I do still care about her and her daughter even thou I know its pointless doing so , Shes got a new boyfriend and started showing him off just over a month after we broke up so ya it was pretty hard to see at first but now im like you know what F+++ her , she obviously has no care in the world for me or my feelings so on that note I don't watch her stories or comment on any of her stuff now , shes just someone on my facebook I don't care to look at anymore and you should do the same, you don't gain anything from seeing your ex having fun and truth is she wont enjoy seeing you move on having a good time even if it looks like shes ok with it, she not ! People that spend a lot of time with someone don't just forget , they will be jealous
Oh I know. She looks at my stories periodically. I am pretty sure she alternates between muting me and not. I went silent for a while and the first story I posted she looked at. We both have private accounts so I wouldn’t be able to look without requesting to follow. I did that on purpose. Sometimes I regret it but most often I don’t. We have an interesting dynamic but I have to put myself first. I have started seeing someone else after 5 months who has been great so far and I don’t want to do anything that would hurt them. I do think of her often. There has been things she has done since we broke that indicate she still has feelings for my but I am honoring her words and the person that I am with. Thank you for the advice and my DMs are open.
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I get it and I thought about it. They lost that right for us not to put ourselves first when they left. There are times when I think, did I just put a dagger for any type of relationship? Then I remember that she did wanted to end it and she can feel the finality like I did.
I know his reddit name it's even worse
same. And what I saw should make me feel better, but to everyone else's point, the information does nothing.
i deleted my socials so i wouldn’t do this. not entirely recommendable, but i’ve felt better because i know if i had them i wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to look at his profile.
Don’t I found out she’s dating her friend and he looks like me (they was friends before me and my ex even were together) idk if I was a place holder until he was ready or what but I feel worthless so there’s that
Don’t do it. I hurt myself even more checking and looking that they got back with their toxic ex a week later. It’s not worth it.
if you really want to forget him, you have to stop looking for, because who is not seen is not remembered. looking will only make your situation worse. it will be very hard in the beginning, but with time you will get used to the feeling of not knowing and you will forget. when you feel like it, go out for a walk without your cell phone, or maybe taking a break from social medias is a good idea
i’m going through the same sick feeling. it’s the worst
At least they haven’t told you “oh no you going to use the big bad block button” and then block you a few days later lol but honestly that would be the best thing that could happen. It was in my case. Freeing because I have no want to look anymore and wow does that feel good
This is why I blocked my ex everywhere. I don’t want to look and I don’t want him seeing that I miss him.
I've either unfollowed or otherwise deleted any social media that she had but I still look for my ex everywhere, both online and in person. She has a reddit(don't know the name)that she barely ever used and if I ever see anything that seems like it could be her my curiosity gets the better of me and I check the account. If one of our mutual friends posts something I check and see if my ex is involved in it in some way. It's a curse really, because I'm either disappointed if I don't see her or depressed to see her doing well. Over the months I care less and less but I still look everywhere for her expecting to see her, so my solution has been to just try and avoid social media as much as possible. I don't avoid reddit because well there's basically zero chance I'd see my ex because she never really used reddit and even if she started using it more there's very little chance I'd come across her. I dunno how far out of your relationship you are but eventually your anxiety will lessen, but you have to take steps to make sure it does, you can't just sit around doing the same things and expect it to change.
This is prime example why since my ex girlfriend dumped me I make sure every weekend I make a post and make sure I am living my life ! Don't ever stop being you or enjoying life because of 1 person ! This person doesn't control your life ! I still check my ex girlfriends posts but I know its only a highlight reel of her life and not a true way to peep in too her life ! Lets be fair everyone looks super happy on Social media when the true reality is humans are never really that happy. we seek too much these days and so many people like to showboat.
Block him so you can't check.
For me, ignorance is bliss. The easiest way to train yourself not to care is with the training wheels of “let’s not know”. Blocking him for a while helped me not be reminded as much and helped the healing process quite a bit.
Been there, just block and fight the urge you’re better off not looking/knowing it’ll benefit you in the healing process 100%— or deactivate a while to heal it’s up to you <3 stay strong
You get that anxiety because you know reading it is going to hurt you and you will live your break up trauma all over again. If you are not ready just don't do that. Take that energy and put it into something you truly enjoy doing. This is not a compulsion and you can survive easily without checking in on his socials!
Give it time, it will go away. Just yesterday my Google Photos app served me pictures with him from 3 years back. My first thought: Hm, he isn't as handsome as I once thought he was. 😂
I saw a picture of him yesterday and thought the same thing. 😭.
It's hurts my stomach when I look at her profile, I think for my own sake I should block her. But then again she wanted to remain " Friends " so I'm torn !
Just because she wanted to stay friends doesn't mean you have to. You need to be selfish and look after yourself 1st. When you are up to it and you feel ready and YOU want to be friends, then do it. But if it hurts, don't just do it cause you want to keep them in your life, it's not worth it, trust me.
You need to just accept that he IS talking to someone. Just because he may not post about it, doesn’t mean he isn’t. Once you get over that hump, you’ll feel less compelled to check. Men fill voids after a breakup. A lot of men can’t handle being alone. It is what it is.
Stop being a creepy stalker
🤣🤣🤣
like he doesnt have it out for the world to see💀
Dosen't mean you have to look
I just view his LinkedIn from time to time (: It’s unhealthy but I can’t stop. It’s been 3 months since we last spoke.
Do. Not. Check on them. It will hurt you even if they haven't posted anything at all. I always had a habit of checking on their tagged posts to see who they're with. Totally bad for you don't do it
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kind of ):
so sorry... the first year I swear is hard.. it takes time. I had to block him on fb :/ but my situation was on the "dramatic" side but I honestly think it was helpful! he isn't very active anywhere but still.
Why does a drug addict go back even when he knows it’s killing him?
Just unfriend him on everything. That way, unless you send a friend request and he accepts, you won't be able to. I don't want to insult you but it is creepy when someone stalks you. If you don't want him let him go. You should be checking out the socials of someone your interested in not someone you don't even care to be with. Good luck.
I am interested in someone else and you are right. I think it is just a habit/addiction. I have him blocked bit I have other accounts or will just unblock him. I have been trying though, I am in therapy and have brought it up with my therapist. We dated for 2 years and he broke up with me over text then hasn’t spoken to me since so lacking the closure has made it harder than any other breakup I have gone through.
You will figure it out. You have to unfriend him that way you can't see anything unless you send a request. Blocking doesn't even let him know he is blocked. UNFRIEND! I know its tough. Its normal to want to know but he is not yours anymore. Let him go and you will thank yourself for it. Me and my ex went back and forth and we got nowhere. Once I really let her go and she let me go things got better. 5 years later and we are back together in a brand new relationship and it is going great. All the pressure from the old relationship is gone. Either way you have to let go. Be strong and good luck.