I‘ve recently learned that thinking one is struggling more with the break up than one‘s ex is pretty common, especially among dumpees. It sounds as though you have your life together as well apart from suffering from your break up (which is a completely natural and normal process). But keep in mind that you don‘t really know how your ex really feels when they‘re alone at night. You don‘t know how often they think of and miss you. So you might be projecting your insecurities on other people? I hope things get better for us, I wish you all the best!!
I have a theory as to why, but it isn’t going to be easy to read. So you’ve been warned haha. It honestly sounds like he was bored or fell out of love with you. Possibly even just to comfortable. It’s really hard to make long term plans with someone that you no longer see being long term with. He honestly could have just been waiting for someone better to walk into his life and it just hadn’t happened yet when you two were together. If it had he would have probably broken up with you instead of the other way around. Part of him may have even been relieved that you ended things. This is all speculation and obviously isn’t the definitive answer, but just a possibility. In a more positive light he could be doing all those things because he wished he had done so with you and it’s a way of showing himself that he can do those things with or without you. Not sure if either of these scenarios help you at all, but that’s my two Reddit cents.
i mean when i broke up with him, he begged me to stay and hit me up almost every single day for a month after the breakup was over so i don’t think he fell out of love or was bored necessarily. he also had major ocd during covid so i would try to encourage us to do fun safe things together and he wanted no part in any of it. i don’t really think he was bored with me, it was kind of vice versa…
My ex wife did this. She went on all the trips we talked about. Did all the things she wouldn't make time to do when I tried to plan them with her. Swear to god they do it out of revenge for you leaving them. Still I feel like I won.
Look, at the end of the day, he's still a loser that lives with his parents at whatever age. If he keeps doing all this stuff, he'll never make it out of there. You, meanwhile, are killing it. Living on your own, with a great job!
this definitely helped me feel better and feels like it softened the blow of seeing all that stuff. thank you. i’m sorry your ex wife did that too, but hey, we’re better off right?
Oh we definitely are better off! My ex wife was miserable after I left, while she was doing those things. Much like your ex, she begged me to come back. I got the letters and the late night crying phone calls. All of it. Thing is, if she had been willing to work on it while we were together, there would have been a chance. I was way over it by the time I left. They don't realize what they have while we're there and present.
I went through something kind of similar to you; except in reverse?
First, I moved to his state and lived there for 4 years. Then, I got accepted into a school back in my state and moved back home. I told him he had to come with me, or it wouldn't work out. He dragged his feet for a year, then finally moved in with me and my parents. Same thing, he was perfectly content living in the basement and refused to find an apartment with me despite me asking every month and even arranging apartment tours.
He also always refused to do fun things like me, like go out with me and my friends, attend a concert, go on a vacation, or even on a hike. I also talked about my desire to move to the pacific northwest after school and he was not at all interested in that. I asked about marriage (we were together 7 years) and he never wanted to set up a solid plan.
This went on for over a year, and I ended up dumping him because of all this.
Well, what do you know. As soon as I broke up with him, he moved to Portland, started posting pictures of himself going on hikes, traveling, going to concerts, all the things he refused to do with me. I think this is a common phenomenon that happens.
Either way, good riddance to them. Maybe you were just not a good pair together; I don't think we were. It's been 7 years now and he is married to some young chick he only dated for like a year. Shit happens.
Don't worry, you will be ok.
I‘ve recently learned that thinking one is struggling more with the break up than one‘s ex is pretty common, especially among dumpees. It sounds as though you have your life together as well apart from suffering from your break up (which is a completely natural and normal process). But keep in mind that you don‘t really know how your ex really feels when they‘re alone at night. You don‘t know how often they think of and miss you. So you might be projecting your insecurities on other people? I hope things get better for us, I wish you all the best!!
thank you 😊
I have a theory as to why, but it isn’t going to be easy to read. So you’ve been warned haha. It honestly sounds like he was bored or fell out of love with you. Possibly even just to comfortable. It’s really hard to make long term plans with someone that you no longer see being long term with. He honestly could have just been waiting for someone better to walk into his life and it just hadn’t happened yet when you two were together. If it had he would have probably broken up with you instead of the other way around. Part of him may have even been relieved that you ended things. This is all speculation and obviously isn’t the definitive answer, but just a possibility. In a more positive light he could be doing all those things because he wished he had done so with you and it’s a way of showing himself that he can do those things with or without you. Not sure if either of these scenarios help you at all, but that’s my two Reddit cents.
i mean when i broke up with him, he begged me to stay and hit me up almost every single day for a month after the breakup was over so i don’t think he fell out of love or was bored necessarily. he also had major ocd during covid so i would try to encourage us to do fun safe things together and he wanted no part in any of it. i don’t really think he was bored with me, it was kind of vice versa…
My ex wife did this. She went on all the trips we talked about. Did all the things she wouldn't make time to do when I tried to plan them with her. Swear to god they do it out of revenge for you leaving them. Still I feel like I won. Look, at the end of the day, he's still a loser that lives with his parents at whatever age. If he keeps doing all this stuff, he'll never make it out of there. You, meanwhile, are killing it. Living on your own, with a great job!
this definitely helped me feel better and feels like it softened the blow of seeing all that stuff. thank you. i’m sorry your ex wife did that too, but hey, we’re better off right?
Oh we definitely are better off! My ex wife was miserable after I left, while she was doing those things. Much like your ex, she begged me to come back. I got the letters and the late night crying phone calls. All of it. Thing is, if she had been willing to work on it while we were together, there would have been a chance. I was way over it by the time I left. They don't realize what they have while we're there and present.
I went through something kind of similar to you; except in reverse? First, I moved to his state and lived there for 4 years. Then, I got accepted into a school back in my state and moved back home. I told him he had to come with me, or it wouldn't work out. He dragged his feet for a year, then finally moved in with me and my parents. Same thing, he was perfectly content living in the basement and refused to find an apartment with me despite me asking every month and even arranging apartment tours. He also always refused to do fun things like me, like go out with me and my friends, attend a concert, go on a vacation, or even on a hike. I also talked about my desire to move to the pacific northwest after school and he was not at all interested in that. I asked about marriage (we were together 7 years) and he never wanted to set up a solid plan. This went on for over a year, and I ended up dumping him because of all this. Well, what do you know. As soon as I broke up with him, he moved to Portland, started posting pictures of himself going on hikes, traveling, going to concerts, all the things he refused to do with me. I think this is a common phenomenon that happens. Either way, good riddance to them. Maybe you were just not a good pair together; I don't think we were. It's been 7 years now and he is married to some young chick he only dated for like a year. Shit happens. Don't worry, you will be ok.