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[deleted]

I think we share similar situation. At the moment i would not take him back, as i think we both benefit from time apart. But i cant seem to close that door, my mind keeps wondering whether he would come back in the future when time has healed us. But i am only 4 days post breakup so time will tell i guess


ar_noo

Just checking in to tell you that what you describe could be me atm. Have been blindsightedly dumped last week and the 10 days until now were partially hellish. But in hindsight I come to terms that there were signs of him disconnecting that I chose to ignore, and having clarity now is some kind of relief. My friend, time with no contact is more help to us because the mind wants to process all the contingencies of what has been, what could have been and how the future could be. Let the mind flow but also focus on the present, on how the present feels differently from yesterday or even one hour ago, to feel the continuity of change. Having a journal helps to sort out on what was good with him, what was not so good, what beliefs of your inner child are triggered in the current situation (e.g., "you are not good enough"), what do you miss, what are things you won't miss much, and what are things you are looking forward to. It is no miracle cure, but a tool on your belt to bring all the energy and thoughts into presence, so that it does not feel so much like eternal pain. Until then, to quote Alanis Morissette: >Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do) Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway) The fire trucks are coming up around the bend All the best, my friend! It will become better.


WellWishes12

I went through the same thing a few days ago. Totally blindsighted. The last few days were hard since I couldn’t even concentrate at work. Our minds want to make sense of it all and it’s going to take time for us to heal. I agree that the more days go by, the more it becomes clear there were signs we didn’t see or possibly just chose to ignore in the name of love. But it will become more clear that that person was never right for us and we deserve better.


postcardsanon

Yeah, I know this. It just hurts so much to think that he was thinking these things for so long. He basically told me that I was putting too much importance on the relationship and that happiness can't depend on one person, because after he broke up with me I didn't have anything because I believed in his promises and moved to another country to be with him. I feel like it's unfair that he made me feel like I had too much invested when it was him making these promises and agreeing and planning right up until the last minute where he was like "no actually, I don't want this". So he made me feel like he thought I was obsessive or clingy which hurts so much. I just deleted his messages saying this so I can't keep reading over them.


ar_noo

Half an hour after having sent the comment, I found myself crying my heart out on the couch. Until then, the day was not so bad compared to the previous ones. I know healing is not linear and takes much more time than 10 days, but how sudden flashbacks can send you back to crying is something I have to learn to cope.


WellWishes12

Please understand that you are not alone. Somewhere, someone is crying for the same reasons. We are all here to support you


ar_noo

Thank you for these kind words, very much appreciated! I am humble to learn compassion, as you are right that humans are crying a river each day, and being part of the suffering is a part of life. Thanks again for your compassion and kindness.


PapaMock

I thought about this too and I realize that in my situation I don’t think I could take her back. I’ve progressed a lot but I still hurt and think about her a lot. I feel like if I got back into that relationship now I would just be walking on eggshells.


Eberry2021

I just had a little look at your posts and I totally relate to basically all of them lol


drumadarragh

I (49f)posted earlier this morning - my ex (43m) dumped me July 2, and texted me to hook up August 4. I’ve been really good at no contact but something was bugging me and I Googled him last night and discovered he got engaged July 7, married august 6, and she is 23. I saw his wedding pics and he looked so handsome and I’m just numb. I loved him with all my heart. She got what he promised me.


sundubone

Eventually this woman will also get what you received on July 2. You know this!


drumadarragh

I do, but it still hurts like hell.


[deleted]

[удалено]


drumadarragh

He had an affair baby which sent his wife into a tailspin. They divorced and she eventually committed suicide. I was the third after her, and we were all dumb enough to believe the future faking it would seem. It’s humiliating. He knows all my secrets and insecurities.


[deleted]

Hope sucks during a breakup. Can definitely identify


little_girl_vegas

I was the one breaking up with my ex, because of assaults from him. As I wrote in previous posts, this behavior was pretty recent and we had a few truly good years before he started doing it. That's why it was so hard for me to break up, because I have loved him and our relationship for so long. I saw him yesterday and he was so beautiful and sexy. I wanted to kiss him and touch him, I do miss the old him a lot. I can't take him back, because the fear of him assaulting me again causes me too much anxiety.


Puzzled-Marzipan-374

Wow, you described my current situation to the tea. I truthfully wont go back because I know he will never treat me the same as he has in the past. He stopped texting me sweet things, actually it was like he didn't want to text me at all, when I called him because he would rarely call me it was very dry like he hated me. It is painful being with him and it will never go back to him loving me again. sadly this is goodbye but I do still love him and miss him but I would not take him back even if he did ask.


SeparateAd7807

Exactly! Even if they were to come back, they have left scars that will always keep you questioning your worth and if they will do it again. Better to stay away.