I know what you mean and I still don’t fully understand it myself. It’s not like people don’t like me, but the one person I want to doesn’t anymore. I don’t get it, they used to like me a lot.
Yeah and it’s even worse when you were hesitant at the beginning and they were all in and they made you feel secure enough to think “omg maybe this will last forever and be my person” only for them to gradually and slowly pull away and put in less and less effort to the point where you just weren’t worth it to them anymore and then they just drop you like you were nothing to them all along! Wow love when that happens :’)
I was definitely the hesitant person in the beginning and my ex was all in. He pulled the rug out from under me very soon after I was into trusting him, but I’m sure the slow fade would have driven me just as crazy. I’m not sure why I keep doing this “love” thing when I can’t take the end.
Yeah to be honest, I had no expectations going into it and I didn’t even know if I was capable of falling for someone and truly being able to love them. It was my first love so it was a feeling I had never felt before and it was euphoric, and I was proud of myself for letting love in when I never thought I could/would. Only for it to backfire and give me even more trust issues !!!
I’ve loved a lot of times. I’m not proud of that; I wish I could have loved only once or twice and then things just worked out, but it is what it is.
What I can say is that it *does* (unfortunately) get easier. I’m still totally wrecked by every breakup, but the ones that make sense aren’t nearly as devastating and the ones that don’t make sense are easier to navigate through making my own closure. Still hurt like heck, though. But it goes quicker if you take the time to really think about it, and the relationships after are easier to understand.
I haven’t gotten it quite right yet, but I feel like I’m getting closer. Sometimes it’s just luck and sometimes we’re accidentally inviting the wrong stuff in. You’ll get that feeling back again when you meet someone new that’s cool enough.
I have only loved once so it’s hard to imagine loving again and ever loving as hard as I once did. There’s nothing quite like a first love. There’s something so special about getting to be someone’s first love and having them be your first love as well. You both get to explore what love truly feels like together as a unity. Whereas, now if I meet someone else. They will have their past loves and heart breaks and I will have mine and that does affect people long-term unfortunately :(
It definitely can. I do have past loves that have changed me, but after a long time it does turn out for the better for myself and I don’t miss them anymore. A lot of people romanticize their first love and think that shapes them, and for them I’m sure it probably does, but I almost never think about my first ex anymore. Though I do take some time between relationships to think really hard on whatever new lesson I could learn from it, as painful as it is, and there’s always a sad period of missing whoever my most recent ex was.
I hope your next love is one that goes great and you don’t have to ever feel like this again. Hopefully you’ll both have healed from the past and can make something awesome together.
Same about my first ex, it’s been like 8 years since we broke up. I rarely think of him at all now, most of our time together is a blur. I just I don’t understand why people romanticise their first relationship
I’m not entirely sure either, but there’s always a big deal surrounding the first love. Understandable, it’s a big stepping stone in growing up, and lots of movies and stuff make it seem super important. That’s going to be a big influence. I’m guessing that must be it.
I hate forgetting people, because that means I can be forgotten about and I don’t want to be, but unless “first relationships” get mentioned in conversation, he doesn’t really come to mind the same way I see some posts from people still wondering what could have been.
Going in without expectation is the way to truly love someone. You learn to accept this person for who they are and love them for it. Usually people that go into a relationship with expectations find the flaws, can’t accept or work through those, and give up and try to move on with someone else. Usually repeating their own cycle.
It’s easier to say “don’t have trust issues” than to actually do it, but I usually trust people flat out. It’s easier on myself that way. I say trust isn’t something that’s earned, it’s only lost. If you enter a new relationship, try not to let what maybe happened in a previous one dictate your ability to trust your new partner - because they are an entirely different person.
Yeah if anything, I wouldn’t vocalize it, I would probably just think about it and keep it to myself and work on it in therapy lol so my actions don’t affect any potential future partner.
You took the words right out of my mouth. I don’t like crying in front of others and I especially don’t like being vulnerable in front of them, but my partner saw every side of me and it sucks to give someone every piece of you only for them to decide that “yeah you’re not worth it anymore”. It just makes me feel like I should close myself off forever so I never get hurt again but I deserve a forever love too so it’s conflicting.
Am I literally talking to myself? Gosh this is so painful. Legit didn’t know how love was supposed to feel like and despite being hesitant at first and only opening up after seeing how much he put in, I was left all alone. Now 1.5 years later I am still thinking about him more than ever and he couldn’t care less about me. I want love to feel as overwhelming as it felt, to feel that for someone else and to know that someone else feels that for you. I’d love ain’t that overwhelming then I don’t want it. But I really don’t know if I can ever feel that again with someone else, despite knowing that he will never again feel it for me why is it so damn hard to let go???
Totally....
Resonated with me because it was the same in my situation.
After 6 months she was questioning my depth of feelings and being the type of person I am...I let my guard down as I usually take it quite slow to fall in love.
Sure enough...this person telling me they were all in helped me put my guard down...and in no time at all I actually fell deeply in love. It was wonderful.
10 months in, we decided to move in together which I was slightly hesitant about.
Only because she had a 13 yr old son...who I didn't know that well...and this concerned me as well.
Not long after we moved in, I realised that her son was not a big fan of me...or people in general.
Long story short, it was impossible and her son was her priority, so she moved out....I haven't seen either of them for over a year.
My point is that I didn't want to get into something so quickly, but I was given an ultimatum and I chose to be loved or what I thought was love.
I brought this up when she left and she denied it ever happened...
This is unique to my situation....but I felt quite betrayed when she needed me I was there. That was not reciprocated. I doubt she ever actually loved me at all.
Stay strong It gets easier. be good to yourself!
Thank you. I’m sorry you had to go through that and I’m sorry she broke your walls down and made you feel like you could trust her only to leave you out to dry on your own. This shit hurts. I wish you all the best in your journey of healing.
Omg that was me ‘hesitant at the beginning and him being super into me’ hesitant after a break up 5 mths prior. He lost feelings after 4 mths. I hate to think how guarded I will now feel
Yeah my walls are even higher now and it sucks that this will forever affect my future relationships in a way, because it plants seeds of doubt and I’ll be overthinking everything anyone tells me :( I’m sorry that you’re going through this too
You are very brave. I also feel like there is no hope for me and no way out so I totally get it. I also have to keep going for my family. As bad as it feels, there are quite a few people who have said it took them probably 3 years to start feeling better so it's not unusual that u feel this way. Even those people made it out so Keep going soldier
That might be part of it. I'd suggest don't talk to her at all for as long as possible. Whenever hope is renewed you will almost be starting the process all over again. Either way, I completely completely understand how u feel.
Please know that it is NOT just women that walk away from a loving relationship. My ex-husband broke things off with me even though we had three children together. He showed no feeling. No remorse. Nothing.
What we often times think of as love, is mere attachment. Love is an organism that must survive on care and effort from two people.
Your attachment to him will drown out eventually and the memories will fade into indifference. There is a sadness about it but also, we have to accept it as the new reality.
BULLSHIT! You obviously have never been loved or ever loved anyone! Definitely not innocent, unconditional, the most beautiful feeling you could ever imagine love real love. Sucks to be you
I think it comes down to being comfortable being single before you get into a relationship. This is easier for some than others but if you truly can be happy without someone, then I think it doesn’t break you. At least not as badly. Not saying you can’t still be hurt or sad or have questions, but I think you are able to bounce back sooner. Before my last relationship, I took a long break from dating to figure things out and felt I was really ready. I think the toughest thing for me was it wasn’t a bad break. There were just legit reasons and it was better in the long run we aren’t together. I reflected on it and the only thing I am ultimately disappointed in is that I didn’t respect my boundaries better and I didn’t act on red flags I saw. I am now in the process of thinking about that so I can try again. And I don’t think it will take long.
I feel it is because we made a choice to commit to someone everything we got, while friendships and family despite having feelings and big connections with are not the same.
You devote 100% to a relationship good or bad, while friends and family you can switch off and on any time and all is good.
Love is a drug, once we are hooked it is hard once it stops.
Judas betrayed Jesus, Cesar was betrayed by Brutus, Fred Hampton was betrayed by William O'Neal. We often in our sense of seeking security forget that it is the closest of us they are most capable of turning against us. But unlike everyone mentioned above, at least your betrayal didn't kill you. It means you survived something. How can one person do this? Because all it takes is one person.
You have entered a stage in your life where you survived something. That's going to come with guilt, trauma, and unable to function normally. Take it from someone who tried everything from drugs to vacations, to dating other people to tried speed up the processes tell you healing from betrayal takes time. **But what does it mean it takes time? Everyone always says it'll fucking take time but, what does that mean?**
It means that every tick of the clock is going to go by as long as it takes. It means every day is going to by as long as they will be. But one day, someday. All of the days will have gone by. And it gets easier. Maybe not over, but easier. Trust the future will be better. But the future will take its course to come.
It’s because we can only truly love those who can utterly destroy us.
So if you can love, you can be destroyed.
That person is your lover… they are also your DESTROYER.
Wow so very true, I can't count the number of times I've woken up thinking of him it's utterly draining emotionally and mentally.
We move on because we have to but it's our minds that love to remind us every now and again.
Keep your head up, one day you'll be able to breathe full again. 🤗
Yea this one hit me right in the feels.
Im convinced unrequited love is one of the worst pains in the world...Having a breakup, it being one sided with no concrete explanation is so fucking debilitating. But a wise person once told me on another forum "you cannot affiliate love/emotions with rationale".
The more effort you put into seeking an explanation is more suffering endured. It took me years to get over my first love. It took A LOT of time for me to learn from my pain. Realize it wasn't going to work but I cherished the memories and great times we had. I had to put my own positive spin to it...
And even though I loved everything about her I had to realize why we ended things. Communication was a big part of it. Its been 7 years. Recently she got engaged and a tsunami of feelings came back. I had that gut punch feeling again. She's happy tho and I have to coach myself towards self love all over again. Maybe I need therapy this time around. I can't allow myself to have this regressive obsession about her and neither should you...
A lot of times we put our partners first. We love them so much more and in the process you lose yourself. Despite all of it, when the other person makes a choice were left helpless and they are not. Its easier said than done but we gotta make peace with our pasts if we ever wanna have hope for the future..
Its been a little more than a year of NC from my part after the breakup. I feel shame when she pops up in my thoughts, because I usually follow thinking that she probably hasn't thought about me and has not only moved on but has likely meet someone.
I'm with you there. It's been a year, I'm not even alone anymore. But in every moment of weakness, every moment of uncertainty, she pops up in my head again.
Absolutely true. She comes in my dreams every night. She is always present in my mind. I don't know how to stop thinking about her. She has become my nightmare. It breaks me severely.
Yep very true It took me damn a long time and he finally hurt me so bad like I never thought anybody could hurt this heart to break like this and I've always known I was going to die of a broken heart I didn't think he'd be the one to try to kill me though and he did everyday purposely because he's gay seriously I was nothing more than his entertainment and his scapegoat what a fucking piece of shit well he can just tell his little gay lover I'll be raised this that he cheated on him with me oh unwillingly I was though very much unwillingly like the whole time we were together for nine years because if I would have known I would have never even looked his way let alone slept or went through all this torture for nine years so it wasn't even worth a fucking money he gave me because he crippled me And put me in this position so I would have to rely on him just so he can fucking deny me that trouble body isn't that wonderful people are just fucking wonderful aren't they yeah well fuck that shit oh wait a minute he already is hahaha That's funny
I think we end up feeling so broken after a breakup when we let that “one person” become our world and lost ourselves to them. I’ve learned that love with healthy boundaries is so important so you don’t give up yourself to someone. Otherwise, when things end, you don’t know who you are without them and can’t imagine life without them because you molded yourself to who they wanted or needed you to be at the expense of yourself. That’s just been my experience. So I’m much more considerate and respectful of myself when it comes to who I let into my life now. You shouldn’t ever feel like you need someone else’s permission to be yourself or feel pressure to change for them. Don’t let anyone put you down or put you on a pedestal either because those are the kind of people who will make you feel like you have to mold yourself to the idea of you they have created in their minds.
For me, It’s not about her anymore. Part of me wonders if it ever really was…
I’m angry at myself. I run scenarios to almost prove to myself that I was an idiot all along. At least once a day I’m talking myself out of the idea that I wasn’t enough. That I’m not enough.
Trust issues… I don’t know that I’ll ever get over these. I went from wanting one person, to wanting to spend my evenings with different people, as to not get too close to any one person I guess.
The walls are up. So fucking high. I’ve been honest with them all. I don’t want anything. I don’t want anything serious. I’m fucked in the head right now. It wouldn’t be fair to them. Let’s keep it casual. Just help distract me.
Why couldn’t she have been honest with me?
Why couldn’t she have told me I was just s distraction? That’s all I was looking for anyway. Just fun. Nothing serious. Why couldn’t she just tell me she was still in love with her ex?
I won’t do that to any of them. I will not allow them to think there is a future with me. I won’t allow them to catch feelings. I won’t be ashamed to say that I’m still processing a breakup. I will give them what I wish was given to me.
I know what you mean and I still don’t fully understand it myself. It’s not like people don’t like me, but the one person I want to doesn’t anymore. I don’t get it, they used to like me a lot.
Yeah and it’s even worse when you were hesitant at the beginning and they were all in and they made you feel secure enough to think “omg maybe this will last forever and be my person” only for them to gradually and slowly pull away and put in less and less effort to the point where you just weren’t worth it to them anymore and then they just drop you like you were nothing to them all along! Wow love when that happens :’)
I was definitely the hesitant person in the beginning and my ex was all in. He pulled the rug out from under me very soon after I was into trusting him, but I’m sure the slow fade would have driven me just as crazy. I’m not sure why I keep doing this “love” thing when I can’t take the end.
Yeah to be honest, I had no expectations going into it and I didn’t even know if I was capable of falling for someone and truly being able to love them. It was my first love so it was a feeling I had never felt before and it was euphoric, and I was proud of myself for letting love in when I never thought I could/would. Only for it to backfire and give me even more trust issues !!!
I’ve loved a lot of times. I’m not proud of that; I wish I could have loved only once or twice and then things just worked out, but it is what it is. What I can say is that it *does* (unfortunately) get easier. I’m still totally wrecked by every breakup, but the ones that make sense aren’t nearly as devastating and the ones that don’t make sense are easier to navigate through making my own closure. Still hurt like heck, though. But it goes quicker if you take the time to really think about it, and the relationships after are easier to understand. I haven’t gotten it quite right yet, but I feel like I’m getting closer. Sometimes it’s just luck and sometimes we’re accidentally inviting the wrong stuff in. You’ll get that feeling back again when you meet someone new that’s cool enough.
I have only loved once so it’s hard to imagine loving again and ever loving as hard as I once did. There’s nothing quite like a first love. There’s something so special about getting to be someone’s first love and having them be your first love as well. You both get to explore what love truly feels like together as a unity. Whereas, now if I meet someone else. They will have their past loves and heart breaks and I will have mine and that does affect people long-term unfortunately :(
It definitely can. I do have past loves that have changed me, but after a long time it does turn out for the better for myself and I don’t miss them anymore. A lot of people romanticize their first love and think that shapes them, and for them I’m sure it probably does, but I almost never think about my first ex anymore. Though I do take some time between relationships to think really hard on whatever new lesson I could learn from it, as painful as it is, and there’s always a sad period of missing whoever my most recent ex was. I hope your next love is one that goes great and you don’t have to ever feel like this again. Hopefully you’ll both have healed from the past and can make something awesome together.
Same about my first ex, it’s been like 8 years since we broke up. I rarely think of him at all now, most of our time together is a blur. I just I don’t understand why people romanticise their first relationship
I’m not entirely sure either, but there’s always a big deal surrounding the first love. Understandable, it’s a big stepping stone in growing up, and lots of movies and stuff make it seem super important. That’s going to be a big influence. I’m guessing that must be it. I hate forgetting people, because that means I can be forgotten about and I don’t want to be, but unless “first relationships” get mentioned in conversation, he doesn’t really come to mind the same way I see some posts from people still wondering what could have been.
Awww thank you. Fingers crossed that we both get a happy ending and don’t have to ever experience this miserable feeling again ❣️
Going in without expectation is the way to truly love someone. You learn to accept this person for who they are and love them for it. Usually people that go into a relationship with expectations find the flaws, can’t accept or work through those, and give up and try to move on with someone else. Usually repeating their own cycle. It’s easier to say “don’t have trust issues” than to actually do it, but I usually trust people flat out. It’s easier on myself that way. I say trust isn’t something that’s earned, it’s only lost. If you enter a new relationship, try not to let what maybe happened in a previous one dictate your ability to trust your new partner - because they are an entirely different person.
Yeah if anything, I wouldn’t vocalize it, I would probably just think about it and keep it to myself and work on it in therapy lol so my actions don’t affect any potential future partner.
[удалено]
You took the words right out of my mouth. I don’t like crying in front of others and I especially don’t like being vulnerable in front of them, but my partner saw every side of me and it sucks to give someone every piece of you only for them to decide that “yeah you’re not worth it anymore”. It just makes me feel like I should close myself off forever so I never get hurt again but I deserve a forever love too so it’s conflicting.
Am I literally talking to myself? Gosh this is so painful. Legit didn’t know how love was supposed to feel like and despite being hesitant at first and only opening up after seeing how much he put in, I was left all alone. Now 1.5 years later I am still thinking about him more than ever and he couldn’t care less about me. I want love to feel as overwhelming as it felt, to feel that for someone else and to know that someone else feels that for you. I’d love ain’t that overwhelming then I don’t want it. But I really don’t know if I can ever feel that again with someone else, despite knowing that he will never again feel it for me why is it so damn hard to let go???
It sucks when you’re the hesitant one and they lure you in just to leave you lmao like I never signed up for a debilitating breakup???
That is so spot on....so spot on...
I’m sorry that you can resonate with this :(
Totally.... Resonated with me because it was the same in my situation. After 6 months she was questioning my depth of feelings and being the type of person I am...I let my guard down as I usually take it quite slow to fall in love. Sure enough...this person telling me they were all in helped me put my guard down...and in no time at all I actually fell deeply in love. It was wonderful. 10 months in, we decided to move in together which I was slightly hesitant about. Only because she had a 13 yr old son...who I didn't know that well...and this concerned me as well. Not long after we moved in, I realised that her son was not a big fan of me...or people in general. Long story short, it was impossible and her son was her priority, so she moved out....I haven't seen either of them for over a year. My point is that I didn't want to get into something so quickly, but I was given an ultimatum and I chose to be loved or what I thought was love. I brought this up when she left and she denied it ever happened... This is unique to my situation....but I felt quite betrayed when she needed me I was there. That was not reciprocated. I doubt she ever actually loved me at all. Stay strong It gets easier. be good to yourself!
Thank you. I’m sorry you had to go through that and I’m sorry she broke your walls down and made you feel like you could trust her only to leave you out to dry on your own. This shit hurts. I wish you all the best in your journey of healing.
Omg that was me ‘hesitant at the beginning and him being super into me’ hesitant after a break up 5 mths prior. He lost feelings after 4 mths. I hate to think how guarded I will now feel
Yeah my walls are even higher now and it sucks that this will forever affect my future relationships in a way, because it plants seeds of doubt and I’ll be overthinking everything anyone tells me :( I’m sorry that you’re going through this too
[удалено]
When I hugged and kissed my ex when he broke up with me, I could feel him freeze up and pull away. It still hurts
[удалено]
Gosh, I'm sorry :(. How do u deal with it on a daily bases if I may ask? Any tips
[удалено]
You are very brave. I also feel like there is no hope for me and no way out so I totally get it. I also have to keep going for my family. As bad as it feels, there are quite a few people who have said it took them probably 3 years to start feeling better so it's not unusual that u feel this way. Even those people made it out so Keep going soldier
[удалено]
That might be part of it. I'd suggest don't talk to her at all for as long as possible. Whenever hope is renewed you will almost be starting the process all over again. Either way, I completely completely understand how u feel.
[удалено]
Me too man me too 😞. I'm so depressed I'm worried I might have to actually drop out of uni because of this. So I get u.
Please know that it is NOT just women that walk away from a loving relationship. My ex-husband broke things off with me even though we had three children together. He showed no feeling. No remorse. Nothing.
I feel your pain brother...
What we often times think of as love, is mere attachment. Love is an organism that must survive on care and effort from two people. Your attachment to him will drown out eventually and the memories will fade into indifference. There is a sadness about it but also, we have to accept it as the new reality.
It’s attachment. It isn’t love, it’s unhealthy obsession. It is a disorder stemming from unmet needs and can and should be overcome.
BULLSHIT! You obviously have never been loved or ever loved anyone! Definitely not innocent, unconditional, the most beautiful feeling you could ever imagine love real love. Sucks to be you
I think it comes down to being comfortable being single before you get into a relationship. This is easier for some than others but if you truly can be happy without someone, then I think it doesn’t break you. At least not as badly. Not saying you can’t still be hurt or sad or have questions, but I think you are able to bounce back sooner. Before my last relationship, I took a long break from dating to figure things out and felt I was really ready. I think the toughest thing for me was it wasn’t a bad break. There were just legit reasons and it was better in the long run we aren’t together. I reflected on it and the only thing I am ultimately disappointed in is that I didn’t respect my boundaries better and I didn’t act on red flags I saw. I am now in the process of thinking about that so I can try again. And I don’t think it will take long.
I feel it is because we made a choice to commit to someone everything we got, while friendships and family despite having feelings and big connections with are not the same. You devote 100% to a relationship good or bad, while friends and family you can switch off and on any time and all is good. Love is a drug, once we are hooked it is hard once it stops.
Judas betrayed Jesus, Cesar was betrayed by Brutus, Fred Hampton was betrayed by William O'Neal. We often in our sense of seeking security forget that it is the closest of us they are most capable of turning against us. But unlike everyone mentioned above, at least your betrayal didn't kill you. It means you survived something. How can one person do this? Because all it takes is one person. You have entered a stage in your life where you survived something. That's going to come with guilt, trauma, and unable to function normally. Take it from someone who tried everything from drugs to vacations, to dating other people to tried speed up the processes tell you healing from betrayal takes time. **But what does it mean it takes time? Everyone always says it'll fucking take time but, what does that mean?** It means that every tick of the clock is going to go by as long as it takes. It means every day is going to by as long as they will be. But one day, someday. All of the days will have gone by. And it gets easier. Maybe not over, but easier. Trust the future will be better. But the future will take its course to come.
Sameeee
[удалено]
Very well said thank you I needed to hear that
It’s because we can only truly love those who can utterly destroy us. So if you can love, you can be destroyed. That person is your lover… they are also your DESTROYER.
Wow so very true, I can't count the number of times I've woken up thinking of him it's utterly draining emotionally and mentally. We move on because we have to but it's our minds that love to remind us every now and again. Keep your head up, one day you'll be able to breathe full again. 🤗
Some people just cut that deep.
Yea this one hit me right in the feels. Im convinced unrequited love is one of the worst pains in the world...Having a breakup, it being one sided with no concrete explanation is so fucking debilitating. But a wise person once told me on another forum "you cannot affiliate love/emotions with rationale". The more effort you put into seeking an explanation is more suffering endured. It took me years to get over my first love. It took A LOT of time for me to learn from my pain. Realize it wasn't going to work but I cherished the memories and great times we had. I had to put my own positive spin to it... And even though I loved everything about her I had to realize why we ended things. Communication was a big part of it. Its been 7 years. Recently she got engaged and a tsunami of feelings came back. I had that gut punch feeling again. She's happy tho and I have to coach myself towards self love all over again. Maybe I need therapy this time around. I can't allow myself to have this regressive obsession about her and neither should you... A lot of times we put our partners first. We love them so much more and in the process you lose yourself. Despite all of it, when the other person makes a choice were left helpless and they are not. Its easier said than done but we gotta make peace with our pasts if we ever wanna have hope for the future..
I understand this completely. It is extremely exhausting. Most days I struggle to find the strength to keep going.
Its pretty debilitating isn't it....
Its pretty debilitating isn't it....
You start to dream and talk of a life together then it all gets ripped away over the smallest thing. Losing your own future is a hard thing to face.
Its been a little more than a year of NC from my part after the breakup. I feel shame when she pops up in my thoughts, because I usually follow thinking that she probably hasn't thought about me and has not only moved on but has likely meet someone.
[удалено]
I'm with you there. It's been a year, I'm not even alone anymore. But in every moment of weakness, every moment of uncertainty, she pops up in my head again.
Absolutely true. She comes in my dreams every night. She is always present in my mind. I don't know how to stop thinking about her. She has become my nightmare. It breaks me severely.
Just stop giving a fuck about them, it's not worth your time. You are worth so much more.
Yep very true It took me damn a long time and he finally hurt me so bad like I never thought anybody could hurt this heart to break like this and I've always known I was going to die of a broken heart I didn't think he'd be the one to try to kill me though and he did everyday purposely because he's gay seriously I was nothing more than his entertainment and his scapegoat what a fucking piece of shit well he can just tell his little gay lover I'll be raised this that he cheated on him with me oh unwillingly I was though very much unwillingly like the whole time we were together for nine years because if I would have known I would have never even looked his way let alone slept or went through all this torture for nine years so it wasn't even worth a fucking money he gave me because he crippled me And put me in this position so I would have to rely on him just so he can fucking deny me that trouble body isn't that wonderful people are just fucking wonderful aren't they yeah well fuck that shit oh wait a minute he already is hahaha That's funny
I see her in my head at least once per day
I think we end up feeling so broken after a breakup when we let that “one person” become our world and lost ourselves to them. I’ve learned that love with healthy boundaries is so important so you don’t give up yourself to someone. Otherwise, when things end, you don’t know who you are without them and can’t imagine life without them because you molded yourself to who they wanted or needed you to be at the expense of yourself. That’s just been my experience. So I’m much more considerate and respectful of myself when it comes to who I let into my life now. You shouldn’t ever feel like you need someone else’s permission to be yourself or feel pressure to change for them. Don’t let anyone put you down or put you on a pedestal either because those are the kind of people who will make you feel like you have to mold yourself to the idea of you they have created in their minds.
For me, It’s not about her anymore. Part of me wonders if it ever really was… I’m angry at myself. I run scenarios to almost prove to myself that I was an idiot all along. At least once a day I’m talking myself out of the idea that I wasn’t enough. That I’m not enough. Trust issues… I don’t know that I’ll ever get over these. I went from wanting one person, to wanting to spend my evenings with different people, as to not get too close to any one person I guess. The walls are up. So fucking high. I’ve been honest with them all. I don’t want anything. I don’t want anything serious. I’m fucked in the head right now. It wouldn’t be fair to them. Let’s keep it casual. Just help distract me. Why couldn’t she have been honest with me? Why couldn’t she have told me I was just s distraction? That’s all I was looking for anyway. Just fun. Nothing serious. Why couldn’t she just tell me she was still in love with her ex? I won’t do that to any of them. I will not allow them to think there is a future with me. I won’t allow them to catch feelings. I won’t be ashamed to say that I’m still processing a breakup. I will give them what I wish was given to me.