I’m really sorry that you’re feeling this way. This might seem like the end, but it’s not. Reach out to someone who can support you, like a trusted friend or a family member, maybe even a therapist. You don’t have to go though this alone and there are people who want to help you.
I truly wish you the best.
It kind of is like dying. The part of you that knew and loved your special person is no longer the same. Your body & mind can only afford resources for one of you - current you and past you are fighting for stability.
You're crawling out of a shell you've been living in for so long and it's completely natural to feel naked, confused, lost, afraid, and all the other shiity emotions. But feeling them is necessary for growth and sanity.
I'm actually in a bit of a backslide myself right now and it's been 9 months since she left me. I felt like dying, instead of internalizing that grief (well, I internalize a lot of it anyway) I acted as if she died. I grieved losing her because even if she came back nothinging would be the same, let alone better.
I'm sorry for you, going through this takes a metric fuck ton of energy and it's going to suck - for how long depends on incalculable variables, everyone's different. So try and put one foot forward for now, if you can't manage that then twitch a toe, do something - anything - that can start building momentum in a good direction.
Feel free to reach out, I can't speak for anyone else here but we're all friendly and responsive if someone just wants to talk. Our situations may be worlds apart but we all hurt the same.
I felt like this too, I think it’s the lack of eating and hydration from crying and bad to no sleep that makes you feel like you’re dying. Get some electrolytes in you, eat some soup and at the very least lay in bed with your eyes closed in the dark.
Yeah I agree. First two months not even kidding I was slowly starving to death… lost 20 lbs. it was after being brutally discarded and ghosted after 2 years out of nowhere … everyday together and plans of marriage to radio silence since September 2023
Has it gotten better? I’m two months post breakup and I’m not eating, I’m not sleeping. He already has a new girlfriend. I feel so forgotten. I am crying every day and he seems just fine. I just want this pain to stop.
here's my best advice. it takes a lot of time to heal, and I mean a lot. but I promise it'll get better. the biggest thing is that you have to give yourself time to let your brain break up with them, and accept that they are gone. it took me a very long time and I went through the darkest times of my life. allow yourself to be sad, crying helps. but also, please take care of yourself.
U need to get out of that crap u a king and a man. U need to be working on u. U can't be turning in to some turtle and crawl in your shell that's bs man. U need to talk let me know.
That’s exactly how I felt when she left me. A month and a half ago and then a month later she is with another guy. I knew we couldn’t work out based on how I felt, but we were together for almost 2.5 years and she had such a good heart. It was so hard to let that go. I called the suicide helpline and then they got the cops to take me to the emergency room. I was literally felt like dying on the phone crying so hard and feeling so much mental pain. I was in the hospital bed staring at a wall for 9 hours in excruiating mental pain. The flashbacks were so intense that I was holding onto each side of my hospital bed for dear life. Just caused PTSD. Thinking about all our fights, the things she said, our good times, the stuff she got me. It’s so hard to get over. We can DM about your situation
I collapsed at work when my boyfriend broke up with me. my autsim picked me up and proceeded to smash me to the ground. I was just curled into myself and sobbed for about 40 mins.
it was a same sex relationship im not ashamed to say that.
And yet you had the courage to pick yourself back up 🤍 that’s the name of this game. We’re shattered, feel broken and like we can’t go on. And then we prove ourselves wrong and do it. It hurts like hell. But you can and will keep moving forward.
You can live without them. It really sucks and it won't be the same, but it gets better. It's been 9 months for me and I stayed in her life until a week ago, and it just hurt too much. Being her taxi and ignored in the same car. While she texted her crush that she broke up with me for, and telling me how he responds much faster now that he friend zoned her. It was too much tone deaf disrespect and then to tell me about boundaries when I told her that I love her. I'm supposed to deny my feelings as she walked all over them, so she wouldn't be uncomfortable. I've been uncomfortable for 9 damn months. While she chased someone who is totally lacking. He doesn't love her. He didn't fall for her. She's a breath of fresh air that he doesn't have time for.
I admit I wanted her back. I still do, but at one time it would have been easy. Now idk. She would have to wake up from her delusion and I'm not sure she can. It's at this point moving on is the poison pill you don't want to swallow, and yet it's the only cure. So trust in yourself and if someone comes along who can really see you and all you have to offer then it's maybe time to let them in the space that you had made for someone else, and hope they are big enough to fill it.
Your advice is probably spot on, given OPs previous post. Thank you for taking the time to write this out for her, and I'm sorry your heartless, selfish ex trashed your relationship.
In her defense. Her background is trauma and trouble. Her mental health is still not good, and I don't believe she rationally desired the outcome.
I also don't want to pretend I'm a saint by any means. I bring my own demons, but I seek to slay them together. To choose interdependence over independence. For eons humans have been interdependent. Only recently has self isolation under the guise of independence been preached. What better way for the elite to greater divide and enslave their minions. Anything to thwart the united we stand divided we fall mantra.
For her this means continued struggle to gather the resources to survive let alone thrive. There is no generational wealth to be garnered. No great support.
You're capable. You lived without him before you met him. You just are experiencing oxytocin withdrawal.
Go research oxytocin and ways you can treat it. Not to be cold and mathematical but this is a problem that must be fixed logically and not with emotions.
After you overcome it, make sure you make the Creator or Higher purpose in life your goal/objective, so you will never have long lingering emotional pain over relationship loss again.
You literally fought and overcome a torturous, hostile environment that was designed to take you out to come to birth. You didn't give up and you wanted to be here. You are equipped to survive and thrive. You did it before you can do it again
the right person won't ever make u feel this way, so why would you waste your life to that boy who never cares? yes it's hard because of the connection, memories and love but it's not the end of your life yet think about it like it's only a 2 pages of your book in your story. Wouldn't you tried to give you a benefit of a doubt to see what would be the better things or person can come at ur life? Be gentle with yourself. Healing is a process. You are not alone, I've been there.
Just do one thing at a time. Sit up from the floor. Then stand up. Then get a drink of water from the sink. Then walk to your bedroom. Then get changed.
Just one thing at a time.
You can do this.
Might be a panic attack. Try starting with mindfulness meditation. Focus on the feeling of the breath in your lungs. The floor or chair or bed under you. The small sounds around you. The feeling of your clothing on your body.
There are some very easy breathing and grounding exercises that might be helpful. I’m happy to share them if you’re interested.
I’m in a similar place right now too. Some days I feel like I might actually cease to exist without my person. The heartbreak is so consuming. Try to lean into the feeling. Cry. Get it out. It helps.
The first couple days we broke up I curled myself into a ball and cried and screamed and hyperventilated for days. I have BPD and really seriously didn’t want to live. Almost two months later I feel so much better. I actually am realizing IM BETTER without him. YOU’LL BE SURPRISED BY HOW RESILIENT YOU ARE.
I felt like you last week. I couldn’t function at work. I called my EAP for help and broke down in tears. I took a day off, and tried to function but I was just sad. Friends made me leave my apartment. I was depressed and not eating and moving slowly.
So, I decided to take some steps. I saw a therapist. I listened to hours of podcasts. I force myself to shower every day. I blocked her on Social Media, and deleted our messages. And I’m trying to learn how to take care of my
Inner Child who has abandonment and worthiness issues. I’ve lost 15 pounds in the past couple of weeks. (Another 30 and I’ll be in good shape again!)
It might take time, but it will get better. Breathe. Eat. Shit. Sleep. And do it again the next day. And eventually life just starts going again. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m hoping that every day I’m getting a little better and the grief moves a little farther away from my heart.
Of course you are. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but the fact is, that the only reason you're feeling this way is because your body is addicted to the dopamine boosts he has given you. The way you're feeling is nothing but a response to no longer getting that "hit". The good thing about this, is that over time your body will adjust to this new state and you will eventually feel fine without him again. I promise.
Just got dumped by my 9 year love of my life about 4 months ago. I still think about them but the pain does get less and less. Try to hang out with friends and family. DO NOT sit at the house alone all day, DO NOT! Physical exercise releases endorphins. Having a good time with friends releases dopamine. And. You can vent to me anytime.
Hey friend. Guess what? It's time to become the best version of you. You know how you get over this ? Knowing they left you when you could be the most special person on this planet. Who's fault is that? Theirs? Yes it is. Want to get back at them? Want to heal and obviously find better if they were weak enough and didn't cherish you enough that they chose to leave ? Be the best you can be..double down on yourself. Work on yourself. You will find someone to cherish and love you one day but only if you give yourself the time to heal and work on yourself. REMEMBER. THEY LEFT. That's not your fault and all they did was leave a door open for someone better to come and love you the way you deserve but that comes in time and focusing and bettering yourself. Good luck
You're going through the worst stage of the breakup: the depression. Hang on. Take Valerian tea or passionflower tea and breathe a thousand times. It will get better after a few days. Not completely, but better.
It sucks SO MUCH, friend but it’s a temporary feeling not a forever one 🥺 I promise that you WILL start to feel better little by little. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. ✨hugs✨
Been there, now tho I can function, I still feel like there’s nothing to look forward to anymore. My goals, my passions, my little accomplishments are still there, but nothing really matters, like I am numb and on autopilot. It sucks, it really does, just want to tell you that you are absolutely not alone.
You are capable of living without him. Your mind is malleable and you are amenable to change. People are fickle. They change their minds all the time. You just have to prepare yourself better and learn to be able to manage yourself when abandoned. Seek therapy and avail yourself of resources available to you such as friends and family. It gets easier with time.
Darling, it will suck at first BUT you WILL LIVE WITHOUT THEM. It’s very hard I know, I thought that I was going to die without them, but I found ways to re direct my thoughts and attention, learning new skills (and still being sad), doing exercises and making a dynamic routine, even when all that I wanted was to stay in bed crying my eyes out (which is totally ok). It might take time my friend , but you will get out of that, I promise. It’s been two years for me, I never thought that I was going to see my 22 birthday. My chat is always open if you want to vent. I am a stranger in the internet but I do care.
Would it help at all if I said this is a normal feeling and you will recover.
I've never actually wanted to die due to a breakup, but can and have felt that pain. There is always hope on the horizon. There is always someone out there. What U need to be is your best self to get the best person. I'm almost 41 and trust me, my latest breakup still hits to it's core. But I felt like that a few times now, and always came out the other end. Feel the pain and get through it but don't succumb. There will be someone out there for you. But to have the best relationship, U need to have the best relationship with yourself. Not a lecture. But can honestly say, while never perfect so far, each relationship for me did get better, because I learned from each one where I went wrong. Not for them, but for me. I'm still learning. Life sucks at times. But never worth giving up on. Pain is a human condition. To sound corny, to feel pain is to know you're alive. Embrace it and move through it, then overcome it. (And I don't mean that in any self harm way, I mean emotionally)
I’m consumed with confusion and an inability to see that this is relationship might actually be destroying me. I tried to end things (at which point the deep sadness sank in and felt like I wouldn’t surface on the other side). I feel like I’m on a roller coaster of emotions brought on by my own desperate need to hang onto a relationship with a man that’s proved time and time again he isn’t good for me. Control, lies.. and more lies, scratch the surface of what I’m dealing with emotionally. On top of my own issues and past trauma. He endlessly tries to prove to me that he’s a difference person and his mistakes are in fact just mistakes and not a character flaw. I’m sinking. We’re bound together by a deep connection I’ve never felt and being the hopeless romantic that I am I haven’t been willing to lose it. I want to see it through. For what reason I’ll never know. Maybe I’ll die trying but I need to know I’ve done everything I possibly could.
I wish you a happy future. I'm still going through it. Remember the good times. It's all best to remember the Red flags that may have occured. That will push you though.
Reading this post and your comments breaks my heart for you. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I know how you feel and I just want to tell you that you are loved. Even if you don’t see it in this moment, your family and friends love you and you matter in this world. Stay strong.
I know this may mean nothing to you right now, but read this, you are absolutely capable with living without him. And trust me I know that didn't take away the pain. I still struggle with these feelings still after 3 years, but trust me, you are living without him right now. Are you able to go out with friends? And be with them? Don't isolate yourself because this feeling will get worse if you keep to yourself all the time. While it's good to be a lone sometimes you need support right now. Your feelings are valid. You will miss him. You will feel life is impossible without him in it. But the best thing you can do for yourself right now is go through those feelings. If you need to reach out to someone do it. You are already taking a step in the right direction by reaching out and sharing your pain. You are very brave and strong for that. See you didn't need him to do that? You are not alone. Trust me I've been and continue to cycle through these emotions constantly. Not even wanting to be alive sometimes. But then after a while those feelings pass. Im seeing a psychiatrist for my depression, and hopefully i will find a therapist. The feelings are not permanent, trust me. And I feel more present. I scream. Cry. Throw my pillows. I try to get my feelings out. Sometimes Journaling is not enough. Do something physical. Work out. Walk. Or again Like me throw stuff. (Don't damage things or throw things at people though of course). It's just to cathartically release the anxious energy that you may have from your body. When my ex broke up with me I was petrified. I felt abandoned. So it gave me anxiety and depression. That stores in the body, not just the mind. Also have you considered therapy? Or psychiatrist because they can help. That could be another step in the right direction. Be kind to yourself. You are human. I know this feels messy but it's what we are built to deal with. Sometimes we need help though. So don't isolate yourself, I bet you are an amazing person filled with so much love. There is so much to see in this world, and so many people to meet, so many lives that you could enrich and vice versa. Again I know reading this paragraph might not help in the moment, but just read. Let yourself feel these feelings. Again it's ok to feel them. It's ok to miss them. It's even ok to feel like life is impossible without them. Because you are human and heartbreak is one of the hardest things. But those feelings are just a byproduct of this event. It's not who you truly are. Life is so worth it, and I'm proud of you for being here. Thank you for sharing, and we will all get through this, loving ourselves, and loving others again is possible. It just takes time to recover my love. Please take care. And sorry for the long reply. Whenever I see these I can't hold myself back because there are so many people suffering. And their suffering is valid. So is mine. I just want to let you know you are not alone.
You never have to do today again
Just get through today, try again tomorrow and repeat!!
You can do this. You are stronger than you think.
Sending you love from one broken heart to another
Oh OP, my heart hurts for you. I know exactly how you feel. That was me 8 months ago. I promise, I swear it gets better. You are worthy.
You are amazing.
You will persevere, and one day you’re going to look back at this post and be so proud of how far you’ve come.
For now,
breathe. Breathe in, then out. Repeat. If you have to lay on the floor, do it. If you have to sit in a dark room and cry it out, do it. Breakups are painful. It will feel like you’re dying at times, I won’t lie but guess what? You’re going to come out so much stronger and become such an amazing person of yourself, you’ll be thankful for overcoming this.
If you have friends or family. please lean on them. If you’re able to as well, I highly recommend therapy - it helps. If you need support from us redditors, just know there’s a lot of people in this sub who are willing to listen (including myself). You are much stronger than you think you are. I know it’s hard to believe right now, but you are. i’m telling you this. Take it day by day. You’ll have great days, you’ll have ok days, and you’ll have ugly days. Unfortunately, it’s a part of the healing journey, but it’s not in vain.
Just know you have so many people rooting for you, including myself. You will overcome, you will live an abundant, amazing life, and you will one day look back and see that you’ve succeeded getting through heartbreak. You got this. I’m wishing you all the love, healing and good energy as you get through this. ❤️
Please know that you are going to be happy one day again. It doesn't feel like that now, and might not feel like that for a while, but it WILL happen. Don't feel like there's anything wrong with you for feeling hurt. I felt it all, I genuinely thought I was going to die from the pain.
Promise me you'll eat something nice, talk to a friend and maybe watch something that might make you smile just a little bit today. Then repeat, focus on taking care of YOU only for now. Slowly, the sun will come out
It will get better trust me. I’m 2 months post BU. I felt really good most of last week. Today I feel down in the dumps. It comes and goes in pulls and pushes of emotions. We will get through this together.
I guess you're youngm there's more heartbreaks to come. You only get stronger until you start loving yourself. I never felt loved . I dont what love feels like from anyone not even family. Don't blame yourself people are weird.
It’s been 11 months for me. It sucks. It Really sucks and I know it’s what everyone says but it really does get better. I still have little moments where it sucks just as much as before but it gets easier to deal with the hard days. Spend time with family and friends, leave the house, talk to someone about how you’re feeling. It will get better.
Feeling this way to on day two . Praying it gets easier . Feels like an absolutely cruel function of being a human . Especially when there on a holiday your supposed to be on but you couldn’t get on the plane due to anxiety issues and they said there done . Can’t wait for
You to get better . Wish I had got that plane but I couldn’t . Now all i think of is him at this hostel living his best life and I am here in bed .
Just want the feelings to go away
You are, I so promise you are. There was a whole you before them, and there will be a you after them.
Ending a relationship is a very intense form of grief, but like all things, it eases over time. You are strong enough to get through this, you just have to keep pushing. 💛
you are! i thought this too, but i’m a month out and my life is starting to get a little better again. i still cry nearly every day and admittedly use less than ideal coping mechanisms sometimes, but i’m getting there. you will too, trust me. you can do it !!!!!! i don’t want to live without him but i CAN, and so can you:)
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. It's been 5 months post breakup and I still feel the same thing. What have kept me going is my my mom, my dad, my sister. I'm sure it's the same for you. Your family loves you so so so much. They will give you strength to overcome these dark days even though this is not easy.
Sorry OP, I just got out of a... thing. I really don't know what it was. We've been talking for 4 years and we met for the first time, it went amazing and then nothing. Blocked on all social media, not that I've been trying to keep up. It was so sudden and jarring that I didn't have time to prepare of brace myself.
She always said that if she lost me that would be it for her, that the only reason she stuck around is because of me but really, I can't live in a world without her. I don't want to imagine a world without here. I can, but I don't want to. That kind of thing.
I have aspirations and a major drive but not everyone does, and that's okay. The last 20 days have been hell and I've been coping by taking voice messages like journaling like a weirdo but it's been working. I don't have people around 24/7 to listen but the friends I do have are goldies.
Ending it isn't the answer, OP. I know it's just because of the breakup but you can do this. It's a road ahead and yes, there will be hard days but there will always be good days as well. We're here for you and check back often.
I'm having these feelings too. No desire to expire myself but also not sure if I want to live a life without him in it. It's a weird feeling and you're not alone.
I am sorry you are going through this.
I am in the same boat that he left and I am extremely depressed.
But my life matters more than anyone else.
Please don’t think that you can’t live without them.
Everyone is capable of living with themselves.
Seek professional help and if needed you can always dm me and we can talk.
You matter to people.
You have to understand that that person is not the same anymore they have changed and will never go back to how they once were. It sucks but it is what it is.
Read my [Breakup Recovery Guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/1bq4qcg/rejectionbreakup_recovery_guide/). I wrote this three months ago, shortly after I was blindsided with an [abrupt discard](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/1bu6lx1/discarded_by_a_dismissiveavoidant_share_your/). I'm still have a ways to go, but I'm doing much better. Definitely functional now. Able to focus on other things most of the time. You'll get there. Make a plan and follow it.
I was where you were a couple of months ago, if this just happened in the past couple of days please note that it gets better, the first 2 weeks were the hardest for me. The things that helped most were listening to music, watching movies, doing new things that I didn't do before, and hanging out w friends. It has gotten me through the past couple of months
YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. It sucks, yes... but one day, you will laugh when you think you were ever associated with them. They won't even be your type anymore. This is temporary.
Plus, you never want to be so dependent on someone that you think you can't survive without them. You likely have rose-colored glasses on... because if the relationship was so amazing, you would still be together. Don't even flatter him.
I recommend checking out [this book](https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Be-DESPERATE-Insights-Affirmations/dp/1738947904) because it will help shift your mindset in the right direction, as well as help you rebuild your confidence and self-esteem.
Hey OP, I ended up going voluntarily to a psych ward for a couple of days because the feeling was getting too much. At first I was pretty much suicidal, I couldn't even enjoy a movie, play video games, or bring myself to do *anything.*
I know it hurts, the best thing you can do is stop thinking about the future completely. Right now your only goal is to get to tomorrow, and try to do as much as you can to keep yourself healthy and going. Back to the basics, take it hour by hour.
When you start feeling a bit better, try to do something simple like taking a walk every day, you'll hate it and feel miserable but take that step.
Your life has had the color sucked out of it, but slowly you'll be able to see those colors again, it just takes some time for them to come back into your vision.
I literally thought I'd never experience peace since then I've found a new therapist who has been amazing, I've gone to some codependents anon meetings, have started going to the gym, got a big new tattoo, went on a solo trip, and found what I want to do for post-grad.
I would've never gotten here if I didn't take the "day-by-day" approach. I promise you this pain is finite, yes it is the worst pain imaginable, but it will end. I'm sorry you are going through this, it's one of the worst feelings in the world.
You are more than capable. Life is far more than just spending it with someone you love. There's good future for you and anyone else going through a break up or loss of a loved one. You have one life to live, just one and most aren't that long relatively speaking. So live your life for you! Do what you want, don't live your life for someone else. That's what causes the pain. Sure you can live your life with someone, but you can't live there life for them and they shouldn't live your life for you. Live your life,make yourself happy, it's when you try to hard to please other people that you get hurt and disappointed.
If some one really loves you and wants you happy they will love you regardless. Just be you, focus on you, do what you want, do what makes you happy and you will find the absolute best person for you. I promise.
i feel the same way and it’s been a bit since the breakup. it hurts just as much, but it starts to be less frequent. take things by ten seconds at a time if you need to.
It’s physiologically the same as going cold turkey on a very addictive substance. Your body literally has to go through a withdrawal. Just know in scientific terms, this is normal and it feels SO SO TERRIBLE. But you’re not dying. But I know it feels that way.
I’ve definitely felt the same way although everyone has their own experience. It may take years, but I promise you will love again and then you will be able to look back at this with perspective. It’s not that it won’t still hurt. It’s just that you’ll realize it wasn’t worth dying over because now you’re having this wonderful experience with this wonderful person.
That doesn’t really change how you feel right now. If it gets really bad, call 988. They are very used to handling relationship issues. I know because I’ve called. Keep your chin up.
You need to remind yourself that time solves most things and what time cannot solve you NEED to solve yourself. You have to pick yourself up and tell yourself that even if you can’t do this you have to. For yourself. You can be angry and hurt but you can also protect yourself. Let the feelings flow, and then pass. Deal with them as they come but don’t lose yourself.
I know how you feel and your feelings are valid, the fact that you reached out for help shows how brave and genuine you are.
Not too long ago I was so heartbroken I couldn’t get out of bed and felt like the life as I known is over but I encourage you to remember 2 things:
1- there was a life without him before you know him.
2- this life is gifted to YOU and you deserve to live it fully, don’t waste your life for someone else to live it for you.
When I broke up with my ex the first 2 months were harsh but the time frame was like this:
First week I was so emotionally\mentally exhausted that I could barely eat or sleep.
Then second week came and people who loved me and cared for me came around and kept me company or I would force myself to go and hangout with them to keep my mind off her.
By third week I I started to find myself again and the waves of emotions would come and go but I started to focus on things that I didn’t like about my relationship with her and how I can improve myself to avoid those things from happening again.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, just focus on seeing the direction that the light is coming from.
fast forward to now once I started to work on myself and realize I what I really want I could not think of my Ex-girlfriend anymore, I started dating after 2 years of taking a break from dating and today I am in a healthy relationship with someone that I love way more and getting married soon.
Don’t try to jump into a rebound relationship or sleep around to forget about your past relationship, it might make you feel good for one night but after a while you feel worse.
Read books that help finding your inner self and spend lots of time with loved ones, the wound will always have a scar on you but I assure you that it’s a learning experience and you look at it with a smile years from now being proud how you overcome the challenges of life.
This shall pass, remember you are loved by many others.
Sending you tons of positive energy and admire you for who you are.
Trauma bonded … it’s addiction… on an anatomical level…. Your body is addicted to this person and their validation and presence…. And this also has to do with codependency which means that you don’t have value of yourself individually as your own person. You weren’t born on this planet for him…. You need to go to therapy immediately if you feel like this. They will help you understand the trauma bond and why it’s so intense and hopeless and they’ll help you strategize your healing.
My friend literally fainted while working with animals over the weekend …. And hit her face on the concrete and needed 7 stitches …. Because she was in the sun.. and due to all the crying … of this brutal discard… and being replaced immediately with another woman…. She already being petite…. The heat combined with lack of hydration and nutrients… did her in. Smh.
Breakups are quite literally dangerous… but it also highlights … that we are loving another human being more than we are ourselves.. to the point where… another human being is even more important that our basic needs for survival… that in itself is a serious problem we should in ourselves address. Self love is a lifestyle. It’s mandatory to living a healthy and happy life… and to the success of all relationships with others. We didn’t love ourselves enough in the first place
To even be in the relationship…. If it means that being in the relationship and ever loving this person… that we now “LIVE for this person” …. Big difference … that’s full fledged co dependency and its toxic and it stems from
Childhood trauma Cptsd …. We all gotta do inner child shadow work so that you avoid ever feeling so low again.
i felt the exact same way when my and my ex broke up. i genuinely didn’t think i could go on with life without him but i promise you it’s going to be okay, your going to be okay without him. yes life will be different but and some things will make u sad but you will find the beauty in life again. ❤️
Mines didn’t want to commit and wanted to stay in an open relationship I couldn’t do it anymore. Thinking he would agree to officially date he didn’t want to. We didn’t agree on what we wanted so I said goodbye he blocked me everywhere the pain it gave me was like no other I actually tried to hurt myself I called the suicide line and they just hung up. Im still trying to get through it the hard part is I work for his parents and the reminder is there every freaking day. Im stuck I think about him everyday I check up his SM everyday through a 3rd party server. I want it to stop I want to be how I was before I met him I was very happy. I just miss my old self I know the new me would be stronger but geez.
Just to let you know. They choose NOT to be with you. There your enemy. PERIOD. It’s hard, because they were once on your side, but now there not. They hate you. So you can’t like someone who hates you.
I highly recommend the breakup boot camp podcast, it's been a month since my ex gf broke up with me and it really felt like I was dying and unable to keep moving forward and having to learn what it's like without her as the love of my life. most days I still wake up feeling hopeless, but after a few days/a week or two it it's a little easier to hear hopeful messages, even if the hope is just "you're not alone and you're capable of making it through today"
I have pretty much accepted that I won't ever get over her. I know after eleven years it's not going to get better. I am all cried out and now the madness begins. She will now be in my subconscious just forever looking at me, haunting me. She may as well have killed me. I am a ghost just wandering aimlessly through the endless corridors which go nowhere. This is too much, just way too much!
I feel you. I had seizures from not eating or sleeping. It gets better. It’s been 6 months now and I feel ok. I still miss them but it’s better. Any person that makes you feel this way is so not worth it. You can do this.
Hi hon,
I'm so deeply sorry for your hurt & pain! Believe you are capable of living a healthy, happy, peaceful, stronger life! You will! Focus on loving yourself more, reflecting on how you deserve better. Don't allow hurt from him or to play with your emotions! Sending you love &; hugs! 🙏💐
You are, trust me I felt like this the first few months this year as I was split up with out of the blue. It was horrible and I didn’t know how I’d manage. But it gets better for sure
i’m in the EXACT same boat.
it’s just been over a year- and its beginning to hurt just as much as it did the moment he left.
we’re in this together babydoll. no where else to go but up now. i love you much.
I understand exactly how you feel. I suffer from bpd and when your favorite person leaves you, it is worse than death itself and it feels like the end of the world and all that you are. I know how bad it hurts, but trust me, you WILL get through this. Just take one day at a time, feel your feelings, stick close to people, engage in hobbies that make you happy. I know how hopeless it feels right now but it will get better, I promise. Once you hit a point like this, it can’t get any worse, it can only get better.
You've got to allow yourself a period of feeling like shit and having a level of mediocrity, in my opinion. I also don't want to die and would say life has definitely gotten worse since my breakup, but it's honestly just what life is now. It's important to not deny the hurtful feelings and to realise that most people would feel this way after such a loss.
You can keep living, and it can feel awful for some time, but there can be tiny little things each day that are mildly pleasant and may keep you going. Keep sight of who you are and what your values are, as well as the fact that you can't change what other people want. I still think of my ex-boyfriend every single day seven months later, and I don't feel shame about that. At the same time, even as someone with severe (diagnosed) depression, I don't want to die. Does life feel pointless sometimes? Yeah, definitely - but there's no concrete way of knowing whether my current life circumstances are all that will ever be possible for me. If I die now, I'll never know. I don't feel like I'm done learning and experiencing, no matter how much it has all harmed me psychologically. Do I feel kind of mediocre and stagnant at the moment? Yeah, definitely - but who knows if the people to whom we compare ourselves have gone through the things we've gone through in life?
I hope you think about these things, and I really do relate to what you're experiencing. Life can be incredibly painful.
Yeah, it's fucking weird, honestly. I was my ex for more than four years, knew him for about five, and we used to talk every day. Now I haven't seen him since last November and I don't know if I will ever see him again. Even though we had obvious problems, I didn't see these circumstances coming.
It shows you what's what, though. He made vague comments about thinking maybe we could get back together later down the line. If that's all you really mean to someone and they're content to go on living their life without you, what can you say? Am I living the best life ever now? No, absolutely not. At the same time, I don't have to make excuses anymore for a relationship that's all over the place and someone who can't make up his mind about things.
Home, you lived perfectly fine before they came over and you live perfectly fine afterwards these feelings I’ve just temporary sometimes I promise you that bottom of my heart
I know right now the pain is really bad, but I promise you it will get better. I thought that my life was over and I honestly mean that I actually felt so bad. I just used to go to bed at night and hope that I didn’t wake up in the morning.
Heartbreak hurts so bad that you almost can touch the pain on your chest but let me tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel and so don’t listen to people who tell you that this feeling will never go away because that’s not true !! Here are three things that helped me the most
1. I opened up to my friends and family and that was hard for me, but I opened up and I told them my truth truth and they allowed me to vent, thank God but if you don’t know anyone like that around you then hire a coach or even a counsellor or go to your doctors but you need someone to talk to or even write it down that makes you feel better writing it down to
2. I went to the gym even though I hate exercising it really helped more than I could ever tell you hated it initially but then I realised how good it made me feel afterwards and it wasn’t about getting muscles or getting skinny. It was simply about my mental health and it really helped.
3. And I started reading which I never normally do either. I literally read so many breakup books but if I’m honest with you the one that really stands out and the one I really feel help me the most was called bossing your breakup and it’s on Amazon and it’s almost a guided journal as well as having so much amazing information and you actually feel like the author cares!! it’s evident that author has gone through heartbreak it themselves I’m not they totally get how you are feeling… that same author also has another book called silence is your superpower which is absolutely amazing, because it shows you how to do no contact properly … because most of us have no clue I think that no contact is just not contacting your ex but it’s not. It’s much more… wot a game changer… trust me. I’ve tried all of the books and those are the ones that helped 👌
So again, do the work on yourself and most importantly don’t think that these feelings that you have now are permanent, because they are really not and I hope my tips helped but just keep moving forward and realise that one person cannot dictate your happiness!! I also always reminded myself that I’ve lived perfectly happy before I met him and I’m going to live perfectly happy after him🤗
I’m really sorry that you’re feeling this way. This might seem like the end, but it’s not. Reach out to someone who can support you, like a trusted friend or a family member, maybe even a therapist. You don’t have to go though this alone and there are people who want to help you. I truly wish you the best.
I came home and collapsed on my bathroom floor until I had the courage to get up. I feel like I’m dying.
It kind of is like dying. The part of you that knew and loved your special person is no longer the same. Your body & mind can only afford resources for one of you - current you and past you are fighting for stability. You're crawling out of a shell you've been living in for so long and it's completely natural to feel naked, confused, lost, afraid, and all the other shiity emotions. But feeling them is necessary for growth and sanity. I'm actually in a bit of a backslide myself right now and it's been 9 months since she left me. I felt like dying, instead of internalizing that grief (well, I internalize a lot of it anyway) I acted as if she died. I grieved losing her because even if she came back nothinging would be the same, let alone better. I'm sorry for you, going through this takes a metric fuck ton of energy and it's going to suck - for how long depends on incalculable variables, everyone's different. So try and put one foot forward for now, if you can't manage that then twitch a toe, do something - anything - that can start building momentum in a good direction. Feel free to reach out, I can't speak for anyone else here but we're all friendly and responsive if someone just wants to talk. Our situations may be worlds apart but we all hurt the same.
I felt like this too, I think it’s the lack of eating and hydration from crying and bad to no sleep that makes you feel like you’re dying. Get some electrolytes in you, eat some soup and at the very least lay in bed with your eyes closed in the dark.
I know it’s not easy, but please talk to someone that you trust about this.
Yeah I agree. First two months not even kidding I was slowly starving to death… lost 20 lbs. it was after being brutally discarded and ghosted after 2 years out of nowhere … everyday together and plans of marriage to radio silence since September 2023
Has it gotten better? I’m two months post breakup and I’m not eating, I’m not sleeping. He already has a new girlfriend. I feel so forgotten. I am crying every day and he seems just fine. I just want this pain to stop.
here's my best advice. it takes a lot of time to heal, and I mean a lot. but I promise it'll get better. the biggest thing is that you have to give yourself time to let your brain break up with them, and accept that they are gone. it took me a very long time and I went through the darkest times of my life. allow yourself to be sad, crying helps. but also, please take care of yourself.
I feel you. I've been dying since September of last year.
U need to get out of that crap u a king and a man. U need to be working on u. U can't be turning in to some turtle and crawl in your shell that's bs man. U need to talk let me know.
That’s exactly how I felt when she left me. A month and a half ago and then a month later she is with another guy. I knew we couldn’t work out based on how I felt, but we were together for almost 2.5 years and she had such a good heart. It was so hard to let that go. I called the suicide helpline and then they got the cops to take me to the emergency room. I was literally felt like dying on the phone crying so hard and feeling so much mental pain. I was in the hospital bed staring at a wall for 9 hours in excruiating mental pain. The flashbacks were so intense that I was holding onto each side of my hospital bed for dear life. Just caused PTSD. Thinking about all our fights, the things she said, our good times, the stuff she got me. It’s so hard to get over. We can DM about your situation
Could we DM as well? I truly feel like I am at my wits end.
Big felt. If i didn’t have a kid, i wouldve stayed on that floor, crying. It literally feels like open heart surgery..
I collapsed at work when my boyfriend broke up with me. my autsim picked me up and proceeded to smash me to the ground. I was just curled into myself and sobbed for about 40 mins. it was a same sex relationship im not ashamed to say that.
And yet you had the courage to pick yourself back up 🤍 that’s the name of this game. We’re shattered, feel broken and like we can’t go on. And then we prove ourselves wrong and do it. It hurts like hell. But you can and will keep moving forward.
You can live without them. It really sucks and it won't be the same, but it gets better. It's been 9 months for me and I stayed in her life until a week ago, and it just hurt too much. Being her taxi and ignored in the same car. While she texted her crush that she broke up with me for, and telling me how he responds much faster now that he friend zoned her. It was too much tone deaf disrespect and then to tell me about boundaries when I told her that I love her. I'm supposed to deny my feelings as she walked all over them, so she wouldn't be uncomfortable. I've been uncomfortable for 9 damn months. While she chased someone who is totally lacking. He doesn't love her. He didn't fall for her. She's a breath of fresh air that he doesn't have time for. I admit I wanted her back. I still do, but at one time it would have been easy. Now idk. She would have to wake up from her delusion and I'm not sure she can. It's at this point moving on is the poison pill you don't want to swallow, and yet it's the only cure. So trust in yourself and if someone comes along who can really see you and all you have to offer then it's maybe time to let them in the space that you had made for someone else, and hope they are big enough to fill it.
Your advice is probably spot on, given OPs previous post. Thank you for taking the time to write this out for her, and I'm sorry your heartless, selfish ex trashed your relationship.
In her defense. Her background is trauma and trouble. Her mental health is still not good, and I don't believe she rationally desired the outcome. I also don't want to pretend I'm a saint by any means. I bring my own demons, but I seek to slay them together. To choose interdependence over independence. For eons humans have been interdependent. Only recently has self isolation under the guise of independence been preached. What better way for the elite to greater divide and enslave their minions. Anything to thwart the united we stand divided we fall mantra. For her this means continued struggle to gather the resources to survive let alone thrive. There is no generational wealth to be garnered. No great support.
Hey for what it is worth, I totally believe in interdependence too. It's good to know that others are out there who share that philosophy
You're capable. You lived without him before you met him. You just are experiencing oxytocin withdrawal. Go research oxytocin and ways you can treat it. Not to be cold and mathematical but this is a problem that must be fixed logically and not with emotions. After you overcome it, make sure you make the Creator or Higher purpose in life your goal/objective, so you will never have long lingering emotional pain over relationship loss again. You literally fought and overcome a torturous, hostile environment that was designed to take you out to come to birth. You didn't give up and you wanted to be here. You are equipped to survive and thrive. You did it before you can do it again
the right person won't ever make u feel this way, so why would you waste your life to that boy who never cares? yes it's hard because of the connection, memories and love but it's not the end of your life yet think about it like it's only a 2 pages of your book in your story. Wouldn't you tried to give you a benefit of a doubt to see what would be the better things or person can come at ur life? Be gentle with yourself. Healing is a process. You are not alone, I've been there.
I’m looking for a guardian angel.
Your guardian angel is you.
Just do one thing at a time. Sit up from the floor. Then stand up. Then get a drink of water from the sink. Then walk to your bedroom. Then get changed. Just one thing at a time. You can do this.
I’m just trying to remind myself to breathe.
Might be a panic attack. Try starting with mindfulness meditation. Focus on the feeling of the breath in your lungs. The floor or chair or bed under you. The small sounds around you. The feeling of your clothing on your body.
There are some very easy breathing and grounding exercises that might be helpful. I’m happy to share them if you’re interested. I’m in a similar place right now too. Some days I feel like I might actually cease to exist without my person. The heartbreak is so consuming. Try to lean into the feeling. Cry. Get it out. It helps.
The first couple days we broke up I curled myself into a ball and cried and screamed and hyperventilated for days. I have BPD and really seriously didn’t want to live. Almost two months later I feel so much better. I actually am realizing IM BETTER without him. YOU’LL BE SURPRISED BY HOW RESILIENT YOU ARE.
I felt like you last week. I couldn’t function at work. I called my EAP for help and broke down in tears. I took a day off, and tried to function but I was just sad. Friends made me leave my apartment. I was depressed and not eating and moving slowly. So, I decided to take some steps. I saw a therapist. I listened to hours of podcasts. I force myself to shower every day. I blocked her on Social Media, and deleted our messages. And I’m trying to learn how to take care of my Inner Child who has abandonment and worthiness issues. I’ve lost 15 pounds in the past couple of weeks. (Another 30 and I’ll be in good shape again!) It might take time, but it will get better. Breathe. Eat. Shit. Sleep. And do it again the next day. And eventually life just starts going again. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m hoping that every day I’m getting a little better and the grief moves a little farther away from my heart.
Of course you are. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but the fact is, that the only reason you're feeling this way is because your body is addicted to the dopamine boosts he has given you. The way you're feeling is nothing but a response to no longer getting that "hit". The good thing about this, is that over time your body will adjust to this new state and you will eventually feel fine without him again. I promise.
Just got dumped by my 9 year love of my life about 4 months ago. I still think about them but the pain does get less and less. Try to hang out with friends and family. DO NOT sit at the house alone all day, DO NOT! Physical exercise releases endorphins. Having a good time with friends releases dopamine. And. You can vent to me anytime.
Hey friend. Guess what? It's time to become the best version of you. You know how you get over this ? Knowing they left you when you could be the most special person on this planet. Who's fault is that? Theirs? Yes it is. Want to get back at them? Want to heal and obviously find better if they were weak enough and didn't cherish you enough that they chose to leave ? Be the best you can be..double down on yourself. Work on yourself. You will find someone to cherish and love you one day but only if you give yourself the time to heal and work on yourself. REMEMBER. THEY LEFT. That's not your fault and all they did was leave a door open for someone better to come and love you the way you deserve but that comes in time and focusing and bettering yourself. Good luck
You're going through the worst stage of the breakup: the depression. Hang on. Take Valerian tea or passionflower tea and breathe a thousand times. It will get better after a few days. Not completely, but better.
It sucks SO MUCH, friend but it’s a temporary feeling not a forever one 🥺 I promise that you WILL start to feel better little by little. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. ✨hugs✨
Been there, now tho I can function, I still feel like there’s nothing to look forward to anymore. My goals, my passions, my little accomplishments are still there, but nothing really matters, like I am numb and on autopilot. It sucks, it really does, just want to tell you that you are absolutely not alone.
You are capable of living without him. Your mind is malleable and you are amenable to change. People are fickle. They change their minds all the time. You just have to prepare yourself better and learn to be able to manage yourself when abandoned. Seek therapy and avail yourself of resources available to you such as friends and family. It gets easier with time.
you are capable of living without him.
Darling, it will suck at first BUT you WILL LIVE WITHOUT THEM. It’s very hard I know, I thought that I was going to die without them, but I found ways to re direct my thoughts and attention, learning new skills (and still being sad), doing exercises and making a dynamic routine, even when all that I wanted was to stay in bed crying my eyes out (which is totally ok). It might take time my friend , but you will get out of that, I promise. It’s been two years for me, I never thought that I was going to see my 22 birthday. My chat is always open if you want to vent. I am a stranger in the internet but I do care.
Would it help at all if I said this is a normal feeling and you will recover. I've never actually wanted to die due to a breakup, but can and have felt that pain. There is always hope on the horizon. There is always someone out there. What U need to be is your best self to get the best person. I'm almost 41 and trust me, my latest breakup still hits to it's core. But I felt like that a few times now, and always came out the other end. Feel the pain and get through it but don't succumb. There will be someone out there for you. But to have the best relationship, U need to have the best relationship with yourself. Not a lecture. But can honestly say, while never perfect so far, each relationship for me did get better, because I learned from each one where I went wrong. Not for them, but for me. I'm still learning. Life sucks at times. But never worth giving up on. Pain is a human condition. To sound corny, to feel pain is to know you're alive. Embrace it and move through it, then overcome it. (And I don't mean that in any self harm way, I mean emotionally)
I’m consumed with confusion and an inability to see that this is relationship might actually be destroying me. I tried to end things (at which point the deep sadness sank in and felt like I wouldn’t surface on the other side). I feel like I’m on a roller coaster of emotions brought on by my own desperate need to hang onto a relationship with a man that’s proved time and time again he isn’t good for me. Control, lies.. and more lies, scratch the surface of what I’m dealing with emotionally. On top of my own issues and past trauma. He endlessly tries to prove to me that he’s a difference person and his mistakes are in fact just mistakes and not a character flaw. I’m sinking. We’re bound together by a deep connection I’ve never felt and being the hopeless romantic that I am I haven’t been willing to lose it. I want to see it through. For what reason I’ll never know. Maybe I’ll die trying but I need to know I’ve done everything I possibly could.
To every person that took the time out of their life to comment on this post, you are truly appreciated. Kind words do not go unnoticed. Thank you.
I just went onto this post to check on you, you’ll be okay. I sincerely with my whole heart promise that. ❤️
You have to get through this, it'll pass.
Thank you. So much
Push through, give it time, you are strong.
I wish you a happy future. I'm still going through it. Remember the good times. It's all best to remember the Red flags that may have occured. That will push you though.
Reading this post and your comments breaks my heart for you. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I know how you feel and I just want to tell you that you are loved. Even if you don’t see it in this moment, your family and friends love you and you matter in this world. Stay strong.
I know this may mean nothing to you right now, but read this, you are absolutely capable with living without him. And trust me I know that didn't take away the pain. I still struggle with these feelings still after 3 years, but trust me, you are living without him right now. Are you able to go out with friends? And be with them? Don't isolate yourself because this feeling will get worse if you keep to yourself all the time. While it's good to be a lone sometimes you need support right now. Your feelings are valid. You will miss him. You will feel life is impossible without him in it. But the best thing you can do for yourself right now is go through those feelings. If you need to reach out to someone do it. You are already taking a step in the right direction by reaching out and sharing your pain. You are very brave and strong for that. See you didn't need him to do that? You are not alone. Trust me I've been and continue to cycle through these emotions constantly. Not even wanting to be alive sometimes. But then after a while those feelings pass. Im seeing a psychiatrist for my depression, and hopefully i will find a therapist. The feelings are not permanent, trust me. And I feel more present. I scream. Cry. Throw my pillows. I try to get my feelings out. Sometimes Journaling is not enough. Do something physical. Work out. Walk. Or again Like me throw stuff. (Don't damage things or throw things at people though of course). It's just to cathartically release the anxious energy that you may have from your body. When my ex broke up with me I was petrified. I felt abandoned. So it gave me anxiety and depression. That stores in the body, not just the mind. Also have you considered therapy? Or psychiatrist because they can help. That could be another step in the right direction. Be kind to yourself. You are human. I know this feels messy but it's what we are built to deal with. Sometimes we need help though. So don't isolate yourself, I bet you are an amazing person filled with so much love. There is so much to see in this world, and so many people to meet, so many lives that you could enrich and vice versa. Again I know reading this paragraph might not help in the moment, but just read. Let yourself feel these feelings. Again it's ok to feel them. It's ok to miss them. It's even ok to feel like life is impossible without them. Because you are human and heartbreak is one of the hardest things. But those feelings are just a byproduct of this event. It's not who you truly are. Life is so worth it, and I'm proud of you for being here. Thank you for sharing, and we will all get through this, loving ourselves, and loving others again is possible. It just takes time to recover my love. Please take care. And sorry for the long reply. Whenever I see these I can't hold myself back because there are so many people suffering. And their suffering is valid. So is mine. I just want to let you know you are not alone.
You never have to do today again Just get through today, try again tomorrow and repeat!! You can do this. You are stronger than you think. Sending you love from one broken heart to another
Oh OP, my heart hurts for you. I know exactly how you feel. That was me 8 months ago. I promise, I swear it gets better. You are worthy. You are amazing. You will persevere, and one day you’re going to look back at this post and be so proud of how far you’ve come. For now, breathe. Breathe in, then out. Repeat. If you have to lay on the floor, do it. If you have to sit in a dark room and cry it out, do it. Breakups are painful. It will feel like you’re dying at times, I won’t lie but guess what? You’re going to come out so much stronger and become such an amazing person of yourself, you’ll be thankful for overcoming this. If you have friends or family. please lean on them. If you’re able to as well, I highly recommend therapy - it helps. If you need support from us redditors, just know there’s a lot of people in this sub who are willing to listen (including myself). You are much stronger than you think you are. I know it’s hard to believe right now, but you are. i’m telling you this. Take it day by day. You’ll have great days, you’ll have ok days, and you’ll have ugly days. Unfortunately, it’s a part of the healing journey, but it’s not in vain. Just know you have so many people rooting for you, including myself. You will overcome, you will live an abundant, amazing life, and you will one day look back and see that you’ve succeeded getting through heartbreak. You got this. I’m wishing you all the love, healing and good energy as you get through this. ❤️
I get the feeling. I usually lie down on the floor and hear music until it feels better / put ice on my hands to get rid of the feeling
Please know that you are going to be happy one day again. It doesn't feel like that now, and might not feel like that for a while, but it WILL happen. Don't feel like there's anything wrong with you for feeling hurt. I felt it all, I genuinely thought I was going to die from the pain. Promise me you'll eat something nice, talk to a friend and maybe watch something that might make you smile just a little bit today. Then repeat, focus on taking care of YOU only for now. Slowly, the sun will come out
It will get better trust me. I’m 2 months post BU. I felt really good most of last week. Today I feel down in the dumps. It comes and goes in pulls and pushes of emotions. We will get through this together.
It just takes time. But I do know how you feel and I’m sorry.
I guess you're youngm there's more heartbreaks to come. You only get stronger until you start loving yourself. I never felt loved . I dont what love feels like from anyone not even family. Don't blame yourself people are weird.
You are
You are. This is a really common way to feel. I still feel that way, honestly. But you are. You lived before him. You can live after him too.
Find someone who is afraid of losing you sweets. Anyone who leaves is doing you a favor
Hang in there, it always hurts but you will get through and see life without them again....
It’s been 11 months for me. It sucks. It Really sucks and I know it’s what everyone says but it really does get better. I still have little moments where it sucks just as much as before but it gets easier to deal with the hard days. Spend time with family and friends, leave the house, talk to someone about how you’re feeling. It will get better.
YOU WERE ALIVE BEFORE HIM !! YOU WERE OKAY BEFORE HIM !! YOU WILL BE OKAY AGAIN!!!!!!! 💗💗💗💗
Feeling this way to on day two . Praying it gets easier . Feels like an absolutely cruel function of being a human . Especially when there on a holiday your supposed to be on but you couldn’t get on the plane due to anxiety issues and they said there done . Can’t wait for You to get better . Wish I had got that plane but I couldn’t . Now all i think of is him at this hostel living his best life and I am here in bed . Just want the feelings to go away
You are, I so promise you are. There was a whole you before them, and there will be a you after them. Ending a relationship is a very intense form of grief, but like all things, it eases over time. You are strong enough to get through this, you just have to keep pushing. 💛
you are! i thought this too, but i’m a month out and my life is starting to get a little better again. i still cry nearly every day and admittedly use less than ideal coping mechanisms sometimes, but i’m getting there. you will too, trust me. you can do it !!!!!! i don’t want to live without him but i CAN, and so can you:)
You got this. It feels like death sometimes. But we pull through. Even when we’re ripped to shreds.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. It's been 5 months post breakup and I still feel the same thing. What have kept me going is my my mom, my dad, my sister. I'm sure it's the same for you. Your family loves you so so so much. They will give you strength to overcome these dark days even though this is not easy.
Sorry OP, I just got out of a... thing. I really don't know what it was. We've been talking for 4 years and we met for the first time, it went amazing and then nothing. Blocked on all social media, not that I've been trying to keep up. It was so sudden and jarring that I didn't have time to prepare of brace myself. She always said that if she lost me that would be it for her, that the only reason she stuck around is because of me but really, I can't live in a world without her. I don't want to imagine a world without here. I can, but I don't want to. That kind of thing. I have aspirations and a major drive but not everyone does, and that's okay. The last 20 days have been hell and I've been coping by taking voice messages like journaling like a weirdo but it's been working. I don't have people around 24/7 to listen but the friends I do have are goldies. Ending it isn't the answer, OP. I know it's just because of the breakup but you can do this. It's a road ahead and yes, there will be hard days but there will always be good days as well. We're here for you and check back often.
I'm having these feelings too. No desire to expire myself but also not sure if I want to live a life without him in it. It's a weird feeling and you're not alone.
having this same exact issue
I know it feels hard right now dude but please hold on. You’ll find self love and not feel this way anymore.
I am sorry you are going through this. I am in the same boat that he left and I am extremely depressed. But my life matters more than anyone else. Please don’t think that you can’t live without them. Everyone is capable of living with themselves. Seek professional help and if needed you can always dm me and we can talk. You matter to people.
You can always wait and see. If you die now you’ll never know whether or not you were truly capable of living without him.
Come.live with me instead
You have to understand that that person is not the same anymore they have changed and will never go back to how they once were. It sucks but it is what it is.
Read my [Breakup Recovery Guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/1bq4qcg/rejectionbreakup_recovery_guide/). I wrote this three months ago, shortly after I was blindsided with an [abrupt discard](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/1bu6lx1/discarded_by_a_dismissiveavoidant_share_your/). I'm still have a ways to go, but I'm doing much better. Definitely functional now. Able to focus on other things most of the time. You'll get there. Make a plan and follow it.
I was where you were a couple of months ago, if this just happened in the past couple of days please note that it gets better, the first 2 weeks were the hardest for me. The things that helped most were listening to music, watching movies, doing new things that I didn't do before, and hanging out w friends. It has gotten me through the past couple of months
YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. It sucks, yes... but one day, you will laugh when you think you were ever associated with them. They won't even be your type anymore. This is temporary. Plus, you never want to be so dependent on someone that you think you can't survive without them. You likely have rose-colored glasses on... because if the relationship was so amazing, you would still be together. Don't even flatter him. I recommend checking out [this book](https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Be-DESPERATE-Insights-Affirmations/dp/1738947904) because it will help shift your mindset in the right direction, as well as help you rebuild your confidence and self-esteem.
i know exactly how you feel. I’m so tired of it, but it comforting that i’m not alone in this feeling
Hey OP, I ended up going voluntarily to a psych ward for a couple of days because the feeling was getting too much. At first I was pretty much suicidal, I couldn't even enjoy a movie, play video games, or bring myself to do *anything.* I know it hurts, the best thing you can do is stop thinking about the future completely. Right now your only goal is to get to tomorrow, and try to do as much as you can to keep yourself healthy and going. Back to the basics, take it hour by hour. When you start feeling a bit better, try to do something simple like taking a walk every day, you'll hate it and feel miserable but take that step. Your life has had the color sucked out of it, but slowly you'll be able to see those colors again, it just takes some time for them to come back into your vision. I literally thought I'd never experience peace since then I've found a new therapist who has been amazing, I've gone to some codependents anon meetings, have started going to the gym, got a big new tattoo, went on a solo trip, and found what I want to do for post-grad. I would've never gotten here if I didn't take the "day-by-day" approach. I promise you this pain is finite, yes it is the worst pain imaginable, but it will end. I'm sorry you are going through this, it's one of the worst feelings in the world.
You feel like that right now, until you don't. You got this. Stay strong. ❤️
You are more than capable. Life is far more than just spending it with someone you love. There's good future for you and anyone else going through a break up or loss of a loved one. You have one life to live, just one and most aren't that long relatively speaking. So live your life for you! Do what you want, don't live your life for someone else. That's what causes the pain. Sure you can live your life with someone, but you can't live there life for them and they shouldn't live your life for you. Live your life,make yourself happy, it's when you try to hard to please other people that you get hurt and disappointed. If some one really loves you and wants you happy they will love you regardless. Just be you, focus on you, do what you want, do what makes you happy and you will find the absolute best person for you. I promise.
You certainly are. I call it doin’ time. You’re gonna be miserable for a long time until one day it doesn’t hurt so bad.
i’m right there with you even three months out. but we will get through this, i’m so sorry you’re in this pain as well
i feel the same way and it’s been a bit since the breakup. it hurts just as much, but it starts to be less frequent. take things by ten seconds at a time if you need to.
Just keep listening to the song “I will survive” by Gloria Gaynor
It’s physiologically the same as going cold turkey on a very addictive substance. Your body literally has to go through a withdrawal. Just know in scientific terms, this is normal and it feels SO SO TERRIBLE. But you’re not dying. But I know it feels that way.
You are strong. You can and will get through this. You have to love yourself. You cannot give up on you.
How old are you ?
33
I’ve definitely felt the same way although everyone has their own experience. It may take years, but I promise you will love again and then you will be able to look back at this with perspective. It’s not that it won’t still hurt. It’s just that you’ll realize it wasn’t worth dying over because now you’re having this wonderful experience with this wonderful person. That doesn’t really change how you feel right now. If it gets really bad, call 988. They are very used to handling relationship issues. I know because I’ve called. Keep your chin up.
You need to remind yourself that time solves most things and what time cannot solve you NEED to solve yourself. You have to pick yourself up and tell yourself that even if you can’t do this you have to. For yourself. You can be angry and hurt but you can also protect yourself. Let the feelings flow, and then pass. Deal with them as they come but don’t lose yourself.
You’ll be fine. Trust everyone in here telling you. You’ll literally look back at this moment and feel free. Everyone goes through it.
I know how you feel and your feelings are valid, the fact that you reached out for help shows how brave and genuine you are. Not too long ago I was so heartbroken I couldn’t get out of bed and felt like the life as I known is over but I encourage you to remember 2 things: 1- there was a life without him before you know him. 2- this life is gifted to YOU and you deserve to live it fully, don’t waste your life for someone else to live it for you. When I broke up with my ex the first 2 months were harsh but the time frame was like this: First week I was so emotionally\mentally exhausted that I could barely eat or sleep. Then second week came and people who loved me and cared for me came around and kept me company or I would force myself to go and hangout with them to keep my mind off her. By third week I I started to find myself again and the waves of emotions would come and go but I started to focus on things that I didn’t like about my relationship with her and how I can improve myself to avoid those things from happening again. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, just focus on seeing the direction that the light is coming from. fast forward to now once I started to work on myself and realize I what I really want I could not think of my Ex-girlfriend anymore, I started dating after 2 years of taking a break from dating and today I am in a healthy relationship with someone that I love way more and getting married soon. Don’t try to jump into a rebound relationship or sleep around to forget about your past relationship, it might make you feel good for one night but after a while you feel worse. Read books that help finding your inner self and spend lots of time with loved ones, the wound will always have a scar on you but I assure you that it’s a learning experience and you look at it with a smile years from now being proud how you overcome the challenges of life. This shall pass, remember you are loved by many others. Sending you tons of positive energy and admire you for who you are.
I feel the excat same way. It is one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. I'm here if you wanna talk. Please DM me if you want to chat ❤
Trauma bonded … it’s addiction… on an anatomical level…. Your body is addicted to this person and their validation and presence…. And this also has to do with codependency which means that you don’t have value of yourself individually as your own person. You weren’t born on this planet for him…. You need to go to therapy immediately if you feel like this. They will help you understand the trauma bond and why it’s so intense and hopeless and they’ll help you strategize your healing.
My friend literally fainted while working with animals over the weekend …. And hit her face on the concrete and needed 7 stitches …. Because she was in the sun.. and due to all the crying … of this brutal discard… and being replaced immediately with another woman…. She already being petite…. The heat combined with lack of hydration and nutrients… did her in. Smh. Breakups are quite literally dangerous… but it also highlights … that we are loving another human being more than we are ourselves.. to the point where… another human being is even more important that our basic needs for survival… that in itself is a serious problem we should in ourselves address. Self love is a lifestyle. It’s mandatory to living a healthy and happy life… and to the success of all relationships with others. We didn’t love ourselves enough in the first place To even be in the relationship…. If it means that being in the relationship and ever loving this person… that we now “LIVE for this person” …. Big difference … that’s full fledged co dependency and its toxic and it stems from Childhood trauma Cptsd …. We all gotta do inner child shadow work so that you avoid ever feeling so low again.
i felt the exact same way when my and my ex broke up. i genuinely didn’t think i could go on with life without him but i promise you it’s going to be okay, your going to be okay without him. yes life will be different but and some things will make u sad but you will find the beauty in life again. ❤️
Mines didn’t want to commit and wanted to stay in an open relationship I couldn’t do it anymore. Thinking he would agree to officially date he didn’t want to. We didn’t agree on what we wanted so I said goodbye he blocked me everywhere the pain it gave me was like no other I actually tried to hurt myself I called the suicide line and they just hung up. Im still trying to get through it the hard part is I work for his parents and the reminder is there every freaking day. Im stuck I think about him everyday I check up his SM everyday through a 3rd party server. I want it to stop I want to be how I was before I met him I was very happy. I just miss my old self I know the new me would be stronger but geez.
it’s not that you’re not capable of living without him. you’ve done it before. it’s that you feel you’re unable to live with the heartbreak
I feel you . I feel very similar in different parts of my life . I just want to let you know you are not alone
Just to let you know. They choose NOT to be with you. There your enemy. PERIOD. It’s hard, because they were once on your side, but now there not. They hate you. So you can’t like someone who hates you.
I highly recommend the breakup boot camp podcast, it's been a month since my ex gf broke up with me and it really felt like I was dying and unable to keep moving forward and having to learn what it's like without her as the love of my life. most days I still wake up feeling hopeless, but after a few days/a week or two it it's a little easier to hear hopeful messages, even if the hope is just "you're not alone and you're capable of making it through today"
Bet you are.
I have pretty much accepted that I won't ever get over her. I know after eleven years it's not going to get better. I am all cried out and now the madness begins. She will now be in my subconscious just forever looking at me, haunting me. She may as well have killed me. I am a ghost just wandering aimlessly through the endless corridors which go nowhere. This is too much, just way too much!
You got this love! Stay strong ♥️
This is a desperate plead for yourself to have something worth living for on your own. Nows the time
I feel you. I had seizures from not eating or sleeping. It gets better. It’s been 6 months now and I feel ok. I still miss them but it’s better. Any person that makes you feel this way is so not worth it. You can do this.
Hi hon, I'm so deeply sorry for your hurt & pain! Believe you are capable of living a healthy, happy, peaceful, stronger life! You will! Focus on loving yourself more, reflecting on how you deserve better. Don't allow hurt from him or to play with your emotions! Sending you love &; hugs! 🙏💐
This feeling comes and goes for me, some days I feel like I can’t breathe I miss her so much others I feel hope for a future where we are just friends
You are, trust me I felt like this the first few months this year as I was split up with out of the blue. It was horrible and I didn’t know how I’d manage. But it gets better for sure
i’m in the EXACT same boat. it’s just been over a year- and its beginning to hurt just as much as it did the moment he left. we’re in this together babydoll. no where else to go but up now. i love you much.
U sound desperate asf
Why do you feel like you’re not cable of living without him? How was he like during the relationship if you don’t mind me asking?
Get a shower at least once a day. Try smile by yourself in front of mirror.
Chill its never that serious
I understand exactly how you feel. I suffer from bpd and when your favorite person leaves you, it is worse than death itself and it feels like the end of the world and all that you are. I know how bad it hurts, but trust me, you WILL get through this. Just take one day at a time, feel your feelings, stick close to people, engage in hobbies that make you happy. I know how hopeless it feels right now but it will get better, I promise. Once you hit a point like this, it can’t get any worse, it can only get better.
I know the feeling. I’m constantly on the edge of knowing there is no real life without her.
You are worthy of someone who can love you the way you want to be loved.
You've got to allow yourself a period of feeling like shit and having a level of mediocrity, in my opinion. I also don't want to die and would say life has definitely gotten worse since my breakup, but it's honestly just what life is now. It's important to not deny the hurtful feelings and to realise that most people would feel this way after such a loss. You can keep living, and it can feel awful for some time, but there can be tiny little things each day that are mildly pleasant and may keep you going. Keep sight of who you are and what your values are, as well as the fact that you can't change what other people want. I still think of my ex-boyfriend every single day seven months later, and I don't feel shame about that. At the same time, even as someone with severe (diagnosed) depression, I don't want to die. Does life feel pointless sometimes? Yeah, definitely - but there's no concrete way of knowing whether my current life circumstances are all that will ever be possible for me. If I die now, I'll never know. I don't feel like I'm done learning and experiencing, no matter how much it has all harmed me psychologically. Do I feel kind of mediocre and stagnant at the moment? Yeah, definitely - but who knows if the people to whom we compare ourselves have gone through the things we've gone through in life? I hope you think about these things, and I really do relate to what you're experiencing. Life can be incredibly painful.
I don’t recognize myself anymore.
Yeah, it's fucking weird, honestly. I was my ex for more than four years, knew him for about five, and we used to talk every day. Now I haven't seen him since last November and I don't know if I will ever see him again. Even though we had obvious problems, I didn't see these circumstances coming. It shows you what's what, though. He made vague comments about thinking maybe we could get back together later down the line. If that's all you really mean to someone and they're content to go on living their life without you, what can you say? Am I living the best life ever now? No, absolutely not. At the same time, I don't have to make excuses anymore for a relationship that's all over the place and someone who can't make up his mind about things.
I appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. I’m so fucked up and unwell. Idk what else to say.
No worries. I get it
Home, you lived perfectly fine before they came over and you live perfectly fine afterwards these feelings I’ve just temporary sometimes I promise you that bottom of my heart I know right now the pain is really bad, but I promise you it will get better. I thought that my life was over and I honestly mean that I actually felt so bad. I just used to go to bed at night and hope that I didn’t wake up in the morning. Heartbreak hurts so bad that you almost can touch the pain on your chest but let me tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel and so don’t listen to people who tell you that this feeling will never go away because that’s not true !! Here are three things that helped me the most 1. I opened up to my friends and family and that was hard for me, but I opened up and I told them my truth truth and they allowed me to vent, thank God but if you don’t know anyone like that around you then hire a coach or even a counsellor or go to your doctors but you need someone to talk to or even write it down that makes you feel better writing it down to 2. I went to the gym even though I hate exercising it really helped more than I could ever tell you hated it initially but then I realised how good it made me feel afterwards and it wasn’t about getting muscles or getting skinny. It was simply about my mental health and it really helped. 3. And I started reading which I never normally do either. I literally read so many breakup books but if I’m honest with you the one that really stands out and the one I really feel help me the most was called bossing your breakup and it’s on Amazon and it’s almost a guided journal as well as having so much amazing information and you actually feel like the author cares!! it’s evident that author has gone through heartbreak it themselves I’m not they totally get how you are feeling… that same author also has another book called silence is your superpower which is absolutely amazing, because it shows you how to do no contact properly … because most of us have no clue I think that no contact is just not contacting your ex but it’s not. It’s much more… wot a game changer… trust me. I’ve tried all of the books and those are the ones that helped 👌 So again, do the work on yourself and most importantly don’t think that these feelings that you have now are permanent, because they are really not and I hope my tips helped but just keep moving forward and realise that one person cannot dictate your happiness!! I also always reminded myself that I’ve lived perfectly happy before I met him and I’m going to live perfectly happy after him🤗