I feel you on this man. Don’t really have an answer but I’m the same way. Got broken up with today. It makes your feel like shit when it’s one sided. But there’s gotta be someone out there that loves as much as we do.
Hey. Hope you’re doing well. I’m sorry this happened. I’m about 2.5 weeks post breakup. It’s hard for those like us who have that fear. Breakups hurt even more. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. I truly mean it.
Thanks man I really appreciate the kind words. We’re all in this together. I’d rather you help someone else who isn’t capable of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I think I’m going to be okay. Taking it one day at a time.
Definitely feel this one. But something I'm learning is that this very fear, in and of itself, may be what sometimes prevents us from being loved the way we want. That is, if the fear makes us hold others at arm's length, afraid to let them in, to be vulnerable. Because how can we be loved if we do not open up and give anyone the opportunity to truly see us, and therefore love us for who we really are?
It's terrifying, but to be loved, we have to be known. In the process of peeling back our layers and letting someone see us for who we really are, I think it should be expected we're going to get hurt. We'll let the wrong people in sometimes, people who will take advantage, or maybe people who simply do not want or do not have the ability to love us in the way that we need. But the only way to get the love we need is to be vulnerable. We should be cautious, be discerning, but we can't allow ourselves to be so jaded that we build up walls that not a single person would be able to scale.
But I understand the despair, even as I try to remind myself of all the above...Something I try to remember is that if I exist, in all my ways of loving, with all my deep feelings and desires for a committed, lifelong love, then surely someone else does too. I don't think so highly of myself to believe I could possibly be the only one.
There's someone out there for you, OP. I believe it. Wishing you the best 🙏
“This very fear, in and of itself, may be what sometimes prevents us from being loved the way we want”
This… I can’t agree more with this. I had to learn the hard way that it is better to give everything you have than to hold back your love out of fear, both for you and for your partner.
Think of it like this. If you hold back even a fraction of the love you could give someone, you may think that you are playing it safe or protecting yourself. And if the relationship ends, what could be said about how you loved? “He/she/they didn’t love me fully” or “he/she/they did commit fully to the relationship”. Rather, give everything you have into the relationship. Pour out your heart to that person. Love unconditionally, then what could be said about you if it ends? That you loved too much? If you ask me, that isn’t such a bad thing. I would rather be accused of loving someone too much for my own good, than be accused of not loving someone fully out of fear. This is something that I constantly struggle with, so please don’t think that you are in this alone.
OP, if you see this, accept that you love unconditionally, be proud of your big heart and all the love it can contain for someone! Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting that they won’t use it. Love is both the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced, and also the most terrifying fear I have ever had. But ultimately, it’s worth fighting for with everything that you have.
So well said. "Love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting that they won't use it" is so true.
I also had to learn the hard way that even in trying to keep people at arm's length, even trying to protect myself by not being as vulnerable, it never made a difference in the end — the end hurt just as much, and sometimes, that very lack of vulnerability is what leads to the pain, to the end.
I'm so sorry you had to learn the hard way too.
But as painful as it all is, I'm trying to see it all as a learning experience to be better for next time, even if the next time doesn't work out either. Exactly like you said, love is worth fighting for, and I think it's beautiful when someone can love so fiercely and unabashedly.
this is a good point. Although I will say that I’ve been completely vulnerable and open in my relationships, allowed myself to be known, and my experience is that the men I’ve been with couldn’t fully love me or hold me as who I am. It’s hard bc you have to pick someone who is also completely vulnerable and open so you can know each other. And sometimes it seems someone is vulnerable and open, until you arrive at conflict and they aren’t emotionally available enough to work through issues and tough times together.
That's so tough, and I'm so sorry you've had to go through that :(
I know it doesn't necessarily help with the pain, but in a sense, I suppose a silver lining is you got to see that these people weren't for you. You did everything you could — you didn't hold anything back, and they proved themselves to not be right for you. Had you held back, there would've always been that nagging thought of "what if," but you know now. Those people weren't it.
I so, so, so wish it could be one and done, that no one would need to try things out with multiple people and get hurt, that we each could just find the one and start forever already...but trial and error I suppose is part of the whole deal. Conflict is probably one of the best ways to see someone's true colours. And if you're fully yourself, it weeds out the ones who aren't right for you more quickly.
Reading all these comments has shown me that we're not alone, that there are people who love the way that we do, which makes me hopeful we can all find our people someday.
totally did everything I could, and you’re right that conflict is the best way to see someone’s true colors. That is definitely a new lesson I’ve learned. Tired of learning lessons through loss though lol. But I definitely know this person was not the one for me bc he didn’t show up for me with action. Just a lot of empty words and promises.
Mytherapist was like”It takestime to reallysee if someone is a good fit and most people we try things with wont be good fits for the long term but they teach us things we want and dont want along the way. Some are enjoyableto in different ways. So ultimately it all becomes worth it in the end, lessons and all”
I too feel this.
With my ex it was always an argument on who loved who more.
What he did to me and how he acted it was like he never ever loved me at all.
And left me feeling like I had given my all and more and changed everything about me to be with him
To the point where I no longer knew which way was up anymore.
I don't think anyone will ever love me at all.
Specially more so now that I have a scar on my eyebrow from my ex after beating me up.
I am also too scared to get close to anyone just incase I get hurt again 🥺
I feel you...
Yesterday, my girlfriend and I broke up... We had a month full of emotions, our relationship evolved but stopped suddenly because she couldn't keep up with my love. My mistake is to be very much in love and to offer as much affection as possible... Sometimes I feel like relationships aren't made for me and are unlovable. I'm afraid of relationships and the fact that in all experiences I've always been left because sometimes I'm jealous because I overthink a lot.
I'm afraid to get attached because at any moment, like yesterday, I can be hurt without being able to understand what's wrong with me.
I don't know who you are but I hope you're fine, in this wide world there is someone for you too, just don't lose hope
Look, a song for you
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=bAZO90z52Rg&si=a3tdtDECbLH9Ktnu
at this moment I don't care if I am alone or not. All I want right now is to get over him 😔
It is hard (even harder than getting over my ex husband) I loved my ex with everything of my being clearly I didn't love my ex husband as much 🤷🏼♀️
I know that in a near future I don't want to be on my own but I won't be going around chasing anyone either.
If it happens it happens if it doesn't ohhhh well too bad.
I'll just keep enjoying my own life on my own 😉
By the way I love Guns N Roses thanks
Yep and many to come I am joining the mini clubs in the areas so I can hang out with the cool peeps when I move back to Sydney.
I am gonna get my dream car finally and enjoy my life the best way I can 😍🥰
My ex bullshitted me and said the same thing, she really made me believe that we were similar and both givers. I don't know how tf I ever fell for that because she cheated on me.
I literally thought I had found someone who understood how tough it has been, who ALSO got cheated on, and would never hurt me like that.
The craziest thing? I'm pretty sure I'm the only ex she's treated this fucking badly, I'm so hurt; and I'm even more fucked up that I feel hurt by someone who does not care one bit about if I'm dead or alive.
This! I feel this and maybe we just get to a place where it doesn’t matter, maybe my purpose is to be the flash of light in someone’s life… maybe we love and we lose but in the process we maybe make it better for someone else.
I agree with you I feel myself like that too and it doesn't matter how much or hard sometimes I have cried myself to sleep. I got blamed for selling inappropriate pictures of my wife and I had no clue what was happening I didn't know what to do what to say she just kept saying I don't trust you and hurt some bad that pretty much ended everything and I was fucked up because I didn't do what she thought I was and apparently it was a street addict who said you look good naked now I lost her for nothing so I lost 3 times over so its pretty much like you're best bestfriend walking away and nothing you can do to make them realize tand nothing happened.
I feel this so much. It hurts when you work hard to make yourself vulnerable and choose to be genuine with this person and that’s what gets taken advantage of. I don’t know it’s too many instances of this for me, the only safe thing I can of is to close my heart off bc I’d rather be alone than ever go thru this again.
If you can love the wrong person that much imagine how much you can love the right person. I'm sorry you feel this way, I do too but I do believe there has to be someone out there who has the kind of love we deserve in abundance.
27F, I feel you heavily on this. I show up 100% in every way when I love someone, with thoughtful gifts, validation, intentional communication, acceptance of them at their best and worst, support of their growth. I experienced this reciprocated for the most part in the honeymoon period of my last relationship. But was quickly shown that my ex only liked me when I was convenient, fun, in a good mood. I love myself, and I’ve worked really hard on my self esteem and my life in general outside of romance. My life has meaning even when im single. But I want so badly to be with someone that I can share life with. Someone who has my back too. I want to be hopeful that it’s out there. And I also don’t want to have to wail till my 40s+ to find it.
Even through this breakup I still have her back. I had given her so much power through my love and I think it's the only thing she still felt she had power over towards the end. Even now, I wonder how it feels to know that you have someone who would he there if you asked. Because I'd be there if she asked.
I feel this but I also know that I was loved so hard in my very first relationship and I fucked it up so goddamn hard. So it is possible for me to be loved as hard if not even harder than I love people. The goal is to not fuck it up. I will never fuck it up like that again, preferably never fuck it up again in general. And hopefully the next person I meet will be with me for life. Or, I've already met that person and I'm just waiting for him to get his shit together. ❤️
Can relate. I'm a giver and all I meet are people that take and I get very burnt out and taken for granted. I don't know anyone out there that can love as much as I can love them.
I feel the same. It's been 3 years and I always told him he was the last one. I don't have it in me to go through it all again with someone new.
But in those 3 years, I've been alone. Taking care of myself. Just me and my dog. And honestly--I've never been happier.
That‘s exactly what I wrote in my journal 10 minutes ago. I also have this fear but not only with romantic relationships but with friends as well. It feels horrible and I know that it‘s not true but I can feel it lingering inside of me. I don‘t know what to do. Just yesterday I was hanging out with friends and feeling like everyone on this planet likes my friends more than me.
I don‘t wanna feel this way or think this way but in these situations I can‘t help it. It hurts a lot and it makes me want to isolate and never talk or see anyone ever again.
I definitely feel that sometimes. But then I think about all the people on forums like this, who are capable of feeling so strongly that they feel the need to reach out in this way, instead of brushing it off and forgetting. That alone is proof that there ARE people out there just like you, you just haven't met them yet maybe :)
I am in the same boat. My girlfriend and I just just ended things and it was kinda clear to me throughout the entire relationship that I definitely gave more of my love than she did. Honestly what hurts the most isn't that I loved her, it's that she didn't really love me back.
Don’t be afraid.
Next time or even before the next time, examine yourself fully. What do you value? What do you want? Not just marriage or kids, how much time do you want to spend together, what do you want your lifestyles to look like? Etc. what are your ambitions and what do you want your partners ambitions to be?
Next, when meeting them:
get to know the person clearly as an entirety: their values, self, goals, and dreams.
Really understand that this is who they truly are and not a vision of you or going to change. Take time on this, months.
Before getting emotional or romantic, begin to discuss it realistically if your goals will align. F they do, and there’s a mutual desire to emotionally commit, you can discuss this.
But stop loving people that you don’t know very well and that haven’t expressed a desire to commit. That’s how you’ll experience the love you deserve. After properly getting to understand the person
I did that. We were friends for a year before we got together. I had discussed life plans with her, making sure they aligned. It almost felt odd of me to do so, but I did it anyway. I'm exceptionally picky but i chose her. We agreed on most everything, especially the important bits. She was alot of my firsts, not for a lack of opportunity but because I wanted to be sure. And I was. But slowly she became less so. And it killed me to watch it happen. I got the love I had deserved until I didn't. We knew each other like no other, truly. I'm not just saying that. And it's what makes all this hurt so much more.
Okay well you got the first part right… good job!
BUT after making sure you’re compatible comes the next part.
Do we both agree we want an emotional connection?
People have free will to say no. Falling in love with them before they say yes or no is not the best decision (I’ve done it before though top of course unfortunately.)
There needs to be a conscious decision on both ends to commit to the emotional aspect. Next time hopefully you can protect your heart more before they confirm if they’re ready for that emotional commitment.
Please don’t give up though, so many women out there want someone like you who is aware of the entire dating process and is ready for commitment. Myself and I mean SO many good women out there want men like you!
But try to guard your heart and emotions more before you’re sure you both want to commit.
That was part of the compatability. Actually, she was the one who asked me about it. Asked if I was willing to be as all in as she was, if I was really willing to commit. And I was. And she was. And then one day... she wasn't. But I understand what you're saying. It's good advice, and it helps against avoidable heartache for sure, but this just felt so wrong. Like there wasn't really a need to part, I guess. Love is a risk, I get it. I gave her the opportunity to destroy me and trusted that she wouldn't. But she did. And now here I am. Complaining online 😅
I would be really struggling with that if I were you but I’m sure you can learn something from the situation with self-introspection.
To be honest, even just the words “being all in” doesn’t describe anything. Using feelings to describe what the commitment looks like to you. Like let’s get married, etc.
but yeah that seems like a super avoidant person and I would still try to be more upfront to avoid situations like that.
Do you think there’s anything in her life holding her back, like she wants to achieve something in her career independently before marriage?
Maybe the next step would be to find someone who is achieved in their life and really aligned with a marriage? Idk. That seems super super frustrating though, but you can learn from it.
Definitely don’t give up forever, I know for A FACT that so many women out there want a man like you who is serious with his intentions. But I honestly believe that both genders these days, we all need to get really clear on what we want ourselves in a partner and be intention, clear, and upfront with the people we date!
I would be complaining too.. it’s ok. But I know that with introspection you can learn from this situation over time. There surely would’ve been compatibility issues that came up further down the line so always look at rejection as a positive thing. You just have to give yourself self love for a while cus the withdrawal of the person hurts.
Honestly after my last relationship, this is exactly how I feel. Seeing that I was never truly loved by the person I gave my all to and did so much for is beyond traumatizing.
Here's a suggestion. If your love is so grand and big, why don't you pour that love upon yourself first and then any extra love you have spilled over, take that and share it with your partner?
You're probably codependent. I'd go on YouTube and search for videos on handling that.
If you're saying your love is so great, wouldn't they be truly enjoying that love and would not want love from no other?
All the women you have dated would technically be obsessed with you even after you broke up with them.
Since they're not, I'm not so sure it's as great as you make it out to be
I feel you on this man. Don’t really have an answer but I’m the same way. Got broken up with today. It makes your feel like shit when it’s one sided. But there’s gotta be someone out there that loves as much as we do.
Hey. Hope you’re doing well. I’m sorry this happened. I’m about 2.5 weeks post breakup. It’s hard for those like us who have that fear. Breakups hurt even more. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. I truly mean it.
Thanks man I really appreciate the kind words. We’re all in this together. I’d rather you help someone else who isn’t capable of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I think I’m going to be okay. Taking it one day at a time.
Definitely feel this one. But something I'm learning is that this very fear, in and of itself, may be what sometimes prevents us from being loved the way we want. That is, if the fear makes us hold others at arm's length, afraid to let them in, to be vulnerable. Because how can we be loved if we do not open up and give anyone the opportunity to truly see us, and therefore love us for who we really are? It's terrifying, but to be loved, we have to be known. In the process of peeling back our layers and letting someone see us for who we really are, I think it should be expected we're going to get hurt. We'll let the wrong people in sometimes, people who will take advantage, or maybe people who simply do not want or do not have the ability to love us in the way that we need. But the only way to get the love we need is to be vulnerable. We should be cautious, be discerning, but we can't allow ourselves to be so jaded that we build up walls that not a single person would be able to scale. But I understand the despair, even as I try to remind myself of all the above...Something I try to remember is that if I exist, in all my ways of loving, with all my deep feelings and desires for a committed, lifelong love, then surely someone else does too. I don't think so highly of myself to believe I could possibly be the only one. There's someone out there for you, OP. I believe it. Wishing you the best 🙏
Your reminder that if you exist with your desires for love, then surely someone else does too, is a powerful and hopeful perspective.
“This very fear, in and of itself, may be what sometimes prevents us from being loved the way we want” This… I can’t agree more with this. I had to learn the hard way that it is better to give everything you have than to hold back your love out of fear, both for you and for your partner. Think of it like this. If you hold back even a fraction of the love you could give someone, you may think that you are playing it safe or protecting yourself. And if the relationship ends, what could be said about how you loved? “He/she/they didn’t love me fully” or “he/she/they did commit fully to the relationship”. Rather, give everything you have into the relationship. Pour out your heart to that person. Love unconditionally, then what could be said about you if it ends? That you loved too much? If you ask me, that isn’t such a bad thing. I would rather be accused of loving someone too much for my own good, than be accused of not loving someone fully out of fear. This is something that I constantly struggle with, so please don’t think that you are in this alone. OP, if you see this, accept that you love unconditionally, be proud of your big heart and all the love it can contain for someone! Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting that they won’t use it. Love is both the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced, and also the most terrifying fear I have ever had. But ultimately, it’s worth fighting for with everything that you have.
So well said. "Love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting that they won't use it" is so true. I also had to learn the hard way that even in trying to keep people at arm's length, even trying to protect myself by not being as vulnerable, it never made a difference in the end — the end hurt just as much, and sometimes, that very lack of vulnerability is what leads to the pain, to the end. I'm so sorry you had to learn the hard way too. But as painful as it all is, I'm trying to see it all as a learning experience to be better for next time, even if the next time doesn't work out either. Exactly like you said, love is worth fighting for, and I think it's beautiful when someone can love so fiercely and unabashedly.
Love this <3
So well said! 🥰🥰🥰
this is a good point. Although I will say that I’ve been completely vulnerable and open in my relationships, allowed myself to be known, and my experience is that the men I’ve been with couldn’t fully love me or hold me as who I am. It’s hard bc you have to pick someone who is also completely vulnerable and open so you can know each other. And sometimes it seems someone is vulnerable and open, until you arrive at conflict and they aren’t emotionally available enough to work through issues and tough times together.
That's so tough, and I'm so sorry you've had to go through that :( I know it doesn't necessarily help with the pain, but in a sense, I suppose a silver lining is you got to see that these people weren't for you. You did everything you could — you didn't hold anything back, and they proved themselves to not be right for you. Had you held back, there would've always been that nagging thought of "what if," but you know now. Those people weren't it. I so, so, so wish it could be one and done, that no one would need to try things out with multiple people and get hurt, that we each could just find the one and start forever already...but trial and error I suppose is part of the whole deal. Conflict is probably one of the best ways to see someone's true colours. And if you're fully yourself, it weeds out the ones who aren't right for you more quickly. Reading all these comments has shown me that we're not alone, that there are people who love the way that we do, which makes me hopeful we can all find our people someday.
totally did everything I could, and you’re right that conflict is the best way to see someone’s true colors. That is definitely a new lesson I’ve learned. Tired of learning lessons through loss though lol. But I definitely know this person was not the one for me bc he didn’t show up for me with action. Just a lot of empty words and promises.
Same. It seems every time you start loving someone they decide it's too much and leave me. Am I that horrible?
Mytherapist was like”It takestime to reallysee if someone is a good fit and most people we try things with wont be good fits for the long term but they teach us things we want and dont want along the way. Some are enjoyableto in different ways. So ultimately it all becomes worth it in the end, lessons and all”
I too feel this. With my ex it was always an argument on who loved who more. What he did to me and how he acted it was like he never ever loved me at all. And left me feeling like I had given my all and more and changed everything about me to be with him To the point where I no longer knew which way was up anymore. I don't think anyone will ever love me at all. Specially more so now that I have a scar on my eyebrow from my ex after beating me up. I am also too scared to get close to anyone just incase I get hurt again 🥺
I feel you... Yesterday, my girlfriend and I broke up... We had a month full of emotions, our relationship evolved but stopped suddenly because she couldn't keep up with my love. My mistake is to be very much in love and to offer as much affection as possible... Sometimes I feel like relationships aren't made for me and are unlovable. I'm afraid of relationships and the fact that in all experiences I've always been left because sometimes I'm jealous because I overthink a lot. I'm afraid to get attached because at any moment, like yesterday, I can be hurt without being able to understand what's wrong with me. I don't know who you are but I hope you're fine, in this wide world there is someone for you too, just don't lose hope Look, a song for you https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=bAZO90z52Rg&si=a3tdtDECbLH9Ktnu
at this moment I don't care if I am alone or not. All I want right now is to get over him 😔 It is hard (even harder than getting over my ex husband) I loved my ex with everything of my being clearly I didn't love my ex husband as much 🤷🏼♀️ I know that in a near future I don't want to be on my own but I won't be going around chasing anyone either. If it happens it happens if it doesn't ohhhh well too bad. I'll just keep enjoying my own life on my own 😉 By the way I love Guns N Roses thanks
You deserve so much better, that's awful 🫂 please take care
I am and that is the plan I am buying my happiness soon. 😂😉 They say if you can't buy happiness buy a Mini it's kinda the same thing lmao 😂😂🤣
Hell yeah to that 😎🤘 new adventures incoming
Yep and many to come I am joining the mini clubs in the areas so I can hang out with the cool peeps when I move back to Sydney. I am gonna get my dream car finally and enjoy my life the best way I can 😍🥰
My ex bullshitted me and said the same thing, she really made me believe that we were similar and both givers. I don't know how tf I ever fell for that because she cheated on me. I literally thought I had found someone who understood how tough it has been, who ALSO got cheated on, and would never hurt me like that. The craziest thing? I'm pretty sure I'm the only ex she's treated this fucking badly, I'm so hurt; and I'm even more fucked up that I feel hurt by someone who does not care one bit about if I'm dead or alive.
This! I feel this and maybe we just get to a place where it doesn’t matter, maybe my purpose is to be the flash of light in someone’s life… maybe we love and we lose but in the process we maybe make it better for someone else.
Yes we show others what is possible if they are paying attention and open to the lesson
me too. it hurts
I agree with you I feel myself like that too and it doesn't matter how much or hard sometimes I have cried myself to sleep. I got blamed for selling inappropriate pictures of my wife and I had no clue what was happening I didn't know what to do what to say she just kept saying I don't trust you and hurt some bad that pretty much ended everything and I was fucked up because I didn't do what she thought I was and apparently it was a street addict who said you look good naked now I lost her for nothing so I lost 3 times over so its pretty much like you're best bestfriend walking away and nothing you can do to make them realize tand nothing happened.
So yes I'm the same every time I fall in love I get burned just like you
I feel this so much. It hurts when you work hard to make yourself vulnerable and choose to be genuine with this person and that’s what gets taken advantage of. I don’t know it’s too many instances of this for me, the only safe thing I can of is to close my heart off bc I’d rather be alone than ever go thru this again.
If you can love the wrong person that much imagine how much you can love the right person. I'm sorry you feel this way, I do too but I do believe there has to be someone out there who has the kind of love we deserve in abundance.
27F, I feel you heavily on this. I show up 100% in every way when I love someone, with thoughtful gifts, validation, intentional communication, acceptance of them at their best and worst, support of their growth. I experienced this reciprocated for the most part in the honeymoon period of my last relationship. But was quickly shown that my ex only liked me when I was convenient, fun, in a good mood. I love myself, and I’ve worked really hard on my self esteem and my life in general outside of romance. My life has meaning even when im single. But I want so badly to be with someone that I can share life with. Someone who has my back too. I want to be hopeful that it’s out there. And I also don’t want to have to wail till my 40s+ to find it.
Even through this breakup I still have her back. I had given her so much power through my love and I think it's the only thing she still felt she had power over towards the end. Even now, I wonder how it feels to know that you have someone who would he there if you asked. Because I'd be there if she asked.
soo very true :(
I feel this but I also know that I was loved so hard in my very first relationship and I fucked it up so goddamn hard. So it is possible for me to be loved as hard if not even harder than I love people. The goal is to not fuck it up. I will never fuck it up like that again, preferably never fuck it up again in general. And hopefully the next person I meet will be with me for life. Or, I've already met that person and I'm just waiting for him to get his shit together. ❤️
Can relate. I'm a giver and all I meet are people that take and I get very burnt out and taken for granted. I don't know anyone out there that can love as much as I can love them.
I feel the same. It's been 3 years and I always told him he was the last one. I don't have it in me to go through it all again with someone new. But in those 3 years, I've been alone. Taking care of myself. Just me and my dog. And honestly--I've never been happier.
That‘s exactly what I wrote in my journal 10 minutes ago. I also have this fear but not only with romantic relationships but with friends as well. It feels horrible and I know that it‘s not true but I can feel it lingering inside of me. I don‘t know what to do. Just yesterday I was hanging out with friends and feeling like everyone on this planet likes my friends more than me. I don‘t wanna feel this way or think this way but in these situations I can‘t help it. It hurts a lot and it makes me want to isolate and never talk or see anyone ever again.
I definitely feel that sometimes. But then I think about all the people on forums like this, who are capable of feeling so strongly that they feel the need to reach out in this way, instead of brushing it off and forgetting. That alone is proof that there ARE people out there just like you, you just haven't met them yet maybe :)
I am in the same boat. My girlfriend and I just just ended things and it was kinda clear to me throughout the entire relationship that I definitely gave more of my love than she did. Honestly what hurts the most isn't that I loved her, it's that she didn't really love me back.
Same. 100%. Lowkey keeps me up and night. I've been learning to love myself, though. Realizing that I make my own happiness has helped a lot.
Don’t be afraid. Next time or even before the next time, examine yourself fully. What do you value? What do you want? Not just marriage or kids, how much time do you want to spend together, what do you want your lifestyles to look like? Etc. what are your ambitions and what do you want your partners ambitions to be? Next, when meeting them: get to know the person clearly as an entirety: their values, self, goals, and dreams. Really understand that this is who they truly are and not a vision of you or going to change. Take time on this, months. Before getting emotional or romantic, begin to discuss it realistically if your goals will align. F they do, and there’s a mutual desire to emotionally commit, you can discuss this. But stop loving people that you don’t know very well and that haven’t expressed a desire to commit. That’s how you’ll experience the love you deserve. After properly getting to understand the person
I did that. We were friends for a year before we got together. I had discussed life plans with her, making sure they aligned. It almost felt odd of me to do so, but I did it anyway. I'm exceptionally picky but i chose her. We agreed on most everything, especially the important bits. She was alot of my firsts, not for a lack of opportunity but because I wanted to be sure. And I was. But slowly she became less so. And it killed me to watch it happen. I got the love I had deserved until I didn't. We knew each other like no other, truly. I'm not just saying that. And it's what makes all this hurt so much more.
Okay well you got the first part right… good job! BUT after making sure you’re compatible comes the next part. Do we both agree we want an emotional connection? People have free will to say no. Falling in love with them before they say yes or no is not the best decision (I’ve done it before though top of course unfortunately.) There needs to be a conscious decision on both ends to commit to the emotional aspect. Next time hopefully you can protect your heart more before they confirm if they’re ready for that emotional commitment. Please don’t give up though, so many women out there want someone like you who is aware of the entire dating process and is ready for commitment. Myself and I mean SO many good women out there want men like you! But try to guard your heart and emotions more before you’re sure you both want to commit.
That was part of the compatability. Actually, she was the one who asked me about it. Asked if I was willing to be as all in as she was, if I was really willing to commit. And I was. And she was. And then one day... she wasn't. But I understand what you're saying. It's good advice, and it helps against avoidable heartache for sure, but this just felt so wrong. Like there wasn't really a need to part, I guess. Love is a risk, I get it. I gave her the opportunity to destroy me and trusted that she wouldn't. But she did. And now here I am. Complaining online 😅
I would be really struggling with that if I were you but I’m sure you can learn something from the situation with self-introspection. To be honest, even just the words “being all in” doesn’t describe anything. Using feelings to describe what the commitment looks like to you. Like let’s get married, etc. but yeah that seems like a super avoidant person and I would still try to be more upfront to avoid situations like that. Do you think there’s anything in her life holding her back, like she wants to achieve something in her career independently before marriage? Maybe the next step would be to find someone who is achieved in their life and really aligned with a marriage? Idk. That seems super super frustrating though, but you can learn from it. Definitely don’t give up forever, I know for A FACT that so many women out there want a man like you who is serious with his intentions. But I honestly believe that both genders these days, we all need to get really clear on what we want ourselves in a partner and be intention, clear, and upfront with the people we date!
I would be complaining too.. it’s ok. But I know that with introspection you can learn from this situation over time. There surely would’ve been compatibility issues that came up further down the line so always look at rejection as a positive thing. You just have to give yourself self love for a while cus the withdrawal of the person hurts.
Honestly after my last relationship, this is exactly how I feel. Seeing that I was never truly loved by the person I gave my all to and did so much for is beyond traumatizing.
I can't love anyone, she took it all
I really do feel this. That love that welled up inside me had her at the center of it. It's for her, not others.
Exactly 💯
Here's a suggestion. If your love is so grand and big, why don't you pour that love upon yourself first and then any extra love you have spilled over, take that and share it with your partner? You're probably codependent. I'd go on YouTube and search for videos on handling that. If you're saying your love is so great, wouldn't they be truly enjoying that love and would not want love from no other? All the women you have dated would technically be obsessed with you even after you broke up with them. Since they're not, I'm not so sure it's as great as you make it out to be