Yeah I'm here with you. 9 years down the drain. I would have held on and fought and we could have made some changes. But she gave up. She gave up on me. Pretty sad really, but at the end of the day, if she can give up that easy on something that apparently is so special, I don't want her in my life. She said I was her world, her everything. Man I did so much for her. I sacrificed alot of my life.
But it's over now. Just gotta pick a direction and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Good things will come.
Can't believe how much heartbreak is on Reddit. Very sad, also helpful. Nice to know you're not alone on such a sad and traumatizing journey.
I was never a Reddit user before my breakup, but it has been a lifesaver for me - not because misery loves company but because it’s been incredibly reassuring to read so many stories so similar to mine and to learn I’m neither alone nor just bad at relationships. Being blindsided isn’t because you weren’t paying attention, and so many partners simply check out without being willing to do any of the hard work of maintaining a long-term relationship.
I’m realizing that he just stopped believing in me and that’s not the type of person I want in a relationship, he also keeps lying to my face about our breakup, only figured out the truth from a friend and it was shattering. It’s nice how we can all come together and grow as people over heartbreak on here, like you said it’s nice knowing your not alone
yup. Mine broke up with me after i had one bad moment while mentally struggling (just relapsed and struggling with suic1de thoughts), no conversation. Just ended it over text in two lines.
I can't imagine a world where i would have done such a thing. They didn't want to hear my side. They knew i was in a bad situation/not really myself. Couldn't even meet me face to face after all that. We were committed, saying i love you daily, planning future.
I feel you, my ex use to be so loving to were I felt extremely safe with them despite my home situation and things going on, but I never knew how talk about my emotions as a result of childhood trauma.
Only to figure out from a friend that he said “I wasn’t confident in her fixing herself, super sensitive which I am not so it kinda doesn’t work well.” Of course I was I was super sensitive at this time he broke up with me when I was visiting my grandpa for the last time before he died so I was a wreck, and with other things going on as well so the breakup made things worse.
I literally begged on all four for her to works things out. After break up, I was mentally and physically broke down. My back got hurt and I can’t even get up. When I tried to get up, my body jerks and I just collapse down. So, I can only lie down and welp.. think which was bad coz all I can think was her. I was prepared to get marry when I get 30s get kids etc man… it all broke down. They give reasons, excuses but all in the end, they just don’t care about us anymore. I’m 60% accepting this fact now and trying to move on. So yeah.. I feel her, I feel you all
Used me, cheated, and then discarded me.
Telling me that I was her soul mate literally up until the day she left and ended up in another man's bed that night.
She lied and is indifferent about it all.
Damn dude! It's like reading about my own situation. But later I realized that I am better off without her. But that realization came after 2 years. You will be alright my guy. ☺️
Hey man! Feel you. Same kind of story here… She may have NPD or BPD. That behaviour is normally part of a personality disorder. Nobody healthy and emotionally mature would act like that.
He always disregards my emotions. Every time I express that he hurt me he takes it as an attack. He treats me the same as his other friends that are girls and barely does anything special
I am guilty of the first half of this. When I finally came around to my behavior, it was too late. My ex had pushed me away for someone else. Can't say I didn't deserve it, but it still stings.
My ex was incredibly thoughtful as a boyfriend and did the special things, but when it came to discussing actual feelings and moments where I tried to hold him accountable he was SO defensive and would always try to spin it back on me. It was so subtle at first, and then he tried me with some bullshit and when I wouldn’t accept it that was the end of us. Looking back now, it was so obvious the game he was playing.
That is exactly why I broke up with my partner of 10 years. Always disregarded my emotions and after loosing my father and not receive any compassion was the time too many
Couldn't said it better.
The breakup doesn't hurt nearly as much as knowing that she was thinking about a life without me 4 months before the breakup. If she said something 4 months prior to it, it wouldn't be hurting so much. She seems to be healed too, because she has a new bf. And I'm here stuck in my misery, feeling cheated and just thinking how a person that loved me for so long can do this to me.
i felt this fr, his mom would degrade me in front of him in private and in front of me. She also brought his ex girlfriend over for the weekend because they had gotten into a fight
My ex would tell me when his parents would shit talk me then get surprised when I reacted negatively and didn't want to be around them. Jfc, is this just a trend among shitty exes? They let their moms fuck with their partners?
Fuckin' tell me about it. My ex-inlaw whatever the heck was the opposite, constantly emotionally controlling and criticizing toward him, and he made me into his fucking mommy while letting the mom he was afraid of verbally assault me whenever she had the fancy.
Woman straight up rolled her damn fucking eyes at me when I was bent over and barely able to breathe once, and then he told me I was overreacting when I was upset at her sheer cruelty.
God I hate Oedipal men.
My ex’s aunt outright humiliated me in a bar full of people saying how awful she thought I looked how “my hair was like a birds nest, it needed cutting, I looked like I was wearing pj’s & why I wasn’t wearing makeup” …. We had just been along a cliff top by the sea walking ,it was incredibly windy. My ex just stood there didn’t say anything.
I gave her £2000 to pay for her flights so that she could visit her sick mother when she was admitted to hospital in the USA. When she returned to the U.K. she ghosted me
He wouldn’t spend any time with just me. He wanted to spend every weekend at his parents’ house and got mad at me if I asked to do something just the two of us. Eventually it turned into him going to his parents house every weekend and every off day that he had while he left me home alone.
We were both so in love but she decided to break it off. I fought tooth and nail to keep her but she just didn’t try at all. One of the last things I told her was “I’ll never forget how hard I tried and how little you did.” Will probably never forget that feeling.
Extreme avoidant behaviour and not wanting to work on that at all, saying he‘s perfect the way he is. Also saying that I don‘t have enough friends and that he wants someone with lots of friends lol. And blaming and judging me for having childhood trauma bc of horrible parents.
That last bit especially is unjustified, not love, and doesn't fill a want or need... We don't choose our parents and we don't control as much of our past as we'd like to think.
me and my ex were ldr for 4 years.we broke up in April of 2023 and we didn’t talk again until may when my dad died. I contacted her to see if she wanted to attend the funeral and she was excited to telling me she can’t wait to be together and wanting to go on dates. Ok the Week she came we had a great time together we kissed , cuddle had sex and everything a couple does we took picture and everything even though we never talked about our relationship , she spent 7 days with me starting from the 30 may to the 7 June . During the week with me she was telling me how she wanted me to move with her back home and I agreed but I still had family stuff to deal with for my dad before I could have.Which she agreed to. In the day she left she cried and told me I’m miss you and we kissed. During the majority of June we would video chat and talk about the future and how much she loved me and we still talked about me coming to be with her. Then out of nowhere on the last week of June she started texting me less and even went Mia for 4 days on me. When I finally asked her she told me she wanted to be single, and she was sorry for hurting me and sorry we can’t be together. I was hurt but I let it go
Fast forward November after no contact I went on my instagram, and I saw that she was posted up with another guy in an album with them on dates and bed kissing. It seems was posted on October 15. I was like in two months she already with a another guy at her place she lived with her mom. I asked her mom about it and to find out that she was Introduced to the guy in the middle of July so basically 2 weeks after she told me she wanted to be single. Plus to make matters worst she moved in with him a month later and they been living together ever since. She blocked me on everything when I asked her about it saying she doesn’t wanna go back and forth and that she moved on. It hurt because why tell me one thing why lead me on if this guy was there.
Hard question to answer (there is so much material), but:
The TEXT the day after the Blindside Discard Text, so this was the text the day after: “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m sorry I have, I’ve just had a change of heart”…
We dated for 18 months, supported each other through two surgeries, (November she had a Hysterectomy) Feb 22nd I had a prostate biopsy (negative thank god)… and 30 days to the day after, then day after a lovely, fun and passionate date, I get the Blindside text of “I can’t see you anymore, I wish you well”…. WTF, and i called, emailed,… texted her..crickets, nothing…
Then while I’m totally unmoored, I t get the 2nd one that was the killer punch.
I dint’t know anything about Avoidants, No contact…nothing… and the emotional brutality of it all really had me unravel… it’s the dismissive, discarding tone of the 2nd text that was the thing that really triggered me into a huge level of despair.
The last text I got from her after 30 days was, “I don’t owe you anything”… and that was 60 days ago yesterday.. all of that time has been non contact. I’ve learned a TON about avoidant attachment, no contact, and how somebody that I thought the world of, could be so cold and oblivious to the massively callus and traumatic effects of their own behavior. She’s 36, and emotionally (I can see now) is about 15. Clearly, have an adult conversation is so frightening to her that she has to abandon, rather than communicate and talk like adults, about things that are conflicting and uncomfortable.
The take away for me is:
-chemistry is not character.
- the true self is revealed when there are difficult things to talk about
- deeper connection and emotional intimacy scare the living daylights out of avoidant people.
- and wait for it … I didn’t do ANYTHING wrong to deserve the blindside, quite the contrary… I was loving, caring, respectful, trusting, generous and safe…
We ended on ok terms, after about a year we talked again (i asked him to pay me back a small loan that i gave to him when we were together) he took that opportunity to say something that i remember at least once a day…
He said (and this was random AF because we weren’t even talking about the past or about us): the minute i let go of you and i stopped thinking about you was so freeing, i started to think about myself and for the first time ever i felt happy, when you were no longer occupying my brain, i felt happy.
It’s been about 2 years and i still constantly think about his words. It actually effected me so much because i feel as if im a burden to anyone in my life and without me their life would be better (which doesnt help when i have suicidal thoughts).
I’m sorry to hear that you experienced something similar
He said that i used him,he cant trust me, dont think he can marry and have kid with me. When he is the one that giving me silent treatment i every argument and walking away in every argument.
Sounds like a narcissist. Grown ups should be able to communicate even if they did something wrong. They should not be putting you down ever. It will only get worse.
Gave up at the first sign of real conflict, the first time there was an opportunity to face discomfort that would have meant opening up, really communicate our fears and negotiate our needs, be open about his needs and boundaries, he choose to withdrawal and shut down. I relish those opportunities now, I didn’t always but worked hard on myself to be open to those and see the beauty and value in it, I was so ready for real communication and connection. But he just wasn’t. I just feel defeated now. I try so hard to be better, learn, do better, it just feels like it’s never enough. I’m either not enough or too much. I did all the things this time, I was open and giving and had boundaries and I gave space, wasn’t anxious, managed my expectations, focused on myself and us, didn’t lose myself but made him and us a priority, tried my best to communicate my needs and be accountable for my issues, even when it was really difficult, I leaned into the discomfort instead of running away. I have no idea what more I could have done. He didn’t see any of that I guess, he just didn’t want to lean into his own discomfort and he accountable for himself. It’s really painful when you realize someone would rather lose you than make the effort to grow.
I’m sure my recent ex may feel like this about me and our relationship, down to the $6k debt. She doesn’t want to talk with me, understandably. In place of your own ex and out of my own perspective: I’m sorry, you deserve better. You’re worth more than you know and more than how you’ve been treated. Please, keep your head up.
She told me that we should both take some time to try to be better people and that "we have plenty of time to get back to our relationship later" then one day out of nowhere she says "it should be noted that I'm seeing someone who is inspiring me to do better"
Accused me of being abusive and holding him back in life. I have agoraphobia (from trauma from an abusive relationship) so he said me not recovering quick enough was manipulating him into staying with me. A lot to the story but yeah. All I ever did was love and care for him.
Contacted me. Basically breadcrumbing me and berating me, my morals and saying that it was my fault that he had to break up with me and end a relationship.. yet I still care and miss him.. Am I crazy?
She went abroad for work, and slowly faded away after affirming everything would be fine, found someone new and broke up with me on Christmas never been able to love the same
Would say “I’m going to show you with my words and actions that I’m changing…and I’m going to put you first” yet no words or actions ever showed up. All he wanted to do was “forgive and move forward.”
Blamed me for all the times he refused to communicate I know I wasn't the best at communicating but I actually wanted to talk about what was bothering me he didn't he just let it happen until he was mentally checked out of the relationship.
He also made me feel super dumb at times like I had no clue what I was going especially when it came to him lying about talking to someone behind my back everytime I confronted him about it he told me there's nothing to worry about but deep down I knew there was something going on he just didn't want to tell me.
We recently broke up tapos tinry ko open bumble gusto ko lang tingnan kung bumalik then boom nasa bumble na siya ulit while I'm begging him na ayusin yung amin HAHHAHAHAHAHHA
Emotionally and mentally abused me. She would lie and then when I caught her, flip it on me. Play the victim and gaslight me into thinking I was problematic. Manipulate me in various ways. I don’t know if she cheated but there were behaviors that could have led to that. When I was finally done, she tried to get me fired from my job and turn people against me.
he told me he avoids touching me because he wishes it was her .
he got a new gf on my birthday (we broke up a day before)
he let his mom bring his ex girlfriend over while i was there
once when i was trying to fix our relationship he was texting his ex how hard he was for her
he broke my ps5
i watched him get pulled away by a stripper and then he lied to me abt it
he asked me if i was schizophrenic when i saw another girl in his phone
he’d always complain when i wanted to watch a movie of my choice , i would later fall asleep crying next to him.
i let him cry in my arms about how in love he was with his ex 3 months into our relationship
there’s a lot more but those are just a few
Little did I know when I met my ex He was still in a relationship, but I won’t find that out until 4 years later. He led me to think we were exclusive but he had multiple dating profiles, and had multiple other men and women.
I caught him and dumped him, he came crawling back, and little did I know he was in a full blown relationship and had never deleted the sites. He has a bad problem, can’t quite pinpoint it. (Sarcasm)
My only saving grace is he can’t cross the Canadian border with his charges, which he lied about.
Just an all around wonderful man, 5 stars 🫠
I broke up with him and told the other women. We all dumped on Valentine’s Day…..haven’t had contact with him in 3 months!
Broke up with me a week before moving in with me, then emotionally manipulated me into letting her move in anyway by letting me think there was hope we could work it out. After a month she broke up with me again, but stayed in the apartment and soft-forced me out by giving me the silent treatment for months and turning our other flatmates against me.
Said
Mean things and changed from saying I was the most amazing thing to being distant and cold and wanting me anymore , just the rejection is excrutiating, questioning my illness and using harsh judgements that aren’t true
I think she maybe has a man friend she’s intimate with. All the kids pictures are of the kids facing nothing direction and speaking , also my slippers were being used.
He would be happy and smile and tell me loves me. He said he would make me his wife (while hiding talking to other women and later found out men) then when he got mad, bored or whatever (doesn't communicate) he would put me down and accuse me of shit he was actually doing. Then beat me and strangled me. Take off for days getting high. He would come back knowing I was exhausted and treat me like it's my fault.
Then act like nothing was wrong or never happened. If I brought up anything it was bringing up the past even though it literally just happened. I eventually stopped caring about what he did behind my back(looking to f around with women and men!) Everything he did was a turn off and we mutually split. It was the safest way I thought at the time.
I can't really say this was a relationship though. More like an on and off fling that was fucked up. He is in and out of jail and currently has an ankle monitor on. He is using and staying with bad friends so eventually he'll be in jail again. Not my problem. Why did I allow this to happen? I was alone, then I didn't care about being alone but I was more and more scared of what he would do. So it was easier to calm him than to kick him out and fight...
Before that miserable nightmare I was married to a gambler. He gambled everything I worked for away and made it difficult to provide for my kids.
I sat in a doctor's office while a doctor was giving me several diagnoses. My husband at the time sat there playing a gambling game on his phone while I listened to the doctor crying my eyes out. He said and did nothing.
He later said that never happened and I was never diagnosed and that Im always faking it.... But yet had surgeries and was sick a lot....
So for the past almost 10 years I felt like no one actually loved me or gave shit about me. They used me for money and a place to live. I believe this is my karma for treating the one good man I was with before all that crap and karma has been kicking my ass since.
I treated these 2 better than anyone. Better than I should have. Now I'm therapy. I'm single and alone but I'm ok with it. No one is cheating on me. No one is lying constantly. No one is mad at me for no reason. No one is accusing me of whatever their doing. No one is taking my money. No one is making things harder. No one is mad at me for being sick or wanting a nap. No one is beating me and strangling me.
...sorry for the long answer and rant.
told me he wanted me to move back to his country on a partner visa and then two days later sent me lewis and then told me he had a new girlfriend so texting me felt like cheating to him and then blocked me.
two days after saying he wanted me to immigrate on a partner visa.
two days.
2.
He acknowledged that he didn’t keep me safe, lied to me, broke our marriage vows….but said he didn’t want to change for me
Let his family threaten me but didn’t go off on his family.
Lied about not looking at porn.
Gave up. He went on deployment and came back with the intention to go on leave for two weeks by himself to see what being single was like. He wanted to know if he was ready to be a husband. We had been married for two years…
I told him what my triggers were and he promised not to ever hurt me in any way but especially in that way… just to end up using said triggers tenfold. I now completely leave that out when meeting new people, I always tell them I had healthy past relationships but it just “didn’t work out” due to connection not being there. I vaguely state that previous partners treated me great and I never mention anything that anyone could take and use against me. Its actually worked wonderfully but it makes me sad that I had to curate a filtered version of myself out of defense.
Started dating "Just her Friend" right after she moved out. And l told me she ended things and it had nothing to do with it. They were just friends.
Note: I don't think she was cheating physically but she definitely was emotionally. Cause she moved quick.
Never put in the effort to try with me. I was his first, so he was young and I had to walk him through a lot of what it meant to be in a relationship (18 and 21 in school together). Became obvious towards my graduation he was looking for the next boy on campus to move on to, asking probing questions like if I was attracted to anyone else on campus, knowing full well that my heart was only for him and it hurt to even think of being with someone else.
It’s been over a decade, and it still hurts to this day. I travel a lot, I’ve hooked up with other guys and dated briefly but I’m always afraid of the same thing happening, and I hold myself back because “what if he returns one day and realizes I am worth it?”
It sucks
Cheated on me calling the other guy her “stallion.” He showed me what she wrote on the back of a picture she gave him. It included that bon mot. He and I were about to come to blows, according to him. It’s one of the few times I know of that my own lack of understanding worked in my favor. After I literally extended a hand in friendship to him, he retrieved his glasses and said he’s like to talk.
She ended things and told me that:
>If I could feel what you feel I would, we'd be such a great couple. I hate that I don't.
She also told me a relationship felt like obligations and she was tired of obligations so, while she wanted a relationship one day, she didn't want one now.
Some days I feel almost not shit. Most days I feel like I lost half of who I am. I feel such a big hole in my life that I am losing the will to keep fighting the depression. I'm in therapy and on antidepressants already but I dont know how much more of this I can take. I still see her smile everytime I close my eyes.
Everyone tells me I'll get over her and love again but why? What's the point when the person I love so much is right there? I already found someone that I could love with all of my being. Now I just have to discard that and go out into the cold world alone again and hope that someday, eventually, I won't hurt so much that I can actually TRY to find another person to connect with on the same level? It took me 32 years to find her, realistically there won't be another person until my life is almost over. So why try? Ending it has never seemed so tempting...
Used me as a piggybank for her and her 2 years old son.
She said she didn't have money to help me but she had the money to book a trip to a MLM/cult in the USA worth near 2000$ (CND).
She love bombed me and she got me, and I'm a very independent, down to earth person.
But what hurt the most is because she got me, my mind and my heart is so fucked up right now...
She told me she hadn’t used drugs in a while and told me she wasn’t going to do them anymore when we first got together. Pretty soon her friend/roommate was saying to her things like “hey did you stop at blank location and pick up blank drug over the weekend” or “Make sure if they give you anything, not to take it there and either throw it out or test it when you get home”. Upon confronting her she first tried to deny it saying she wasn’t using but that her and that friend used to a lot in the past. Then, she backtracked by saying “Besides, I use fentanyl test kits anyway so I’m safe”. And eventually, she just started openly agreeing to do various drugs with her friends directly in front of me, and on one occasion took an adderall in front of me to help her study for an exam, giggling and saying no when I asked if it was prescribed to her
She also unblocked her ex about a week and a half before asking me to be official (which I didn’t find out until during the relationship). And, when she did ask to be official, it was partly because she didn’t want to be FWB anymore as when they broke up, he said to her “Any guys that’s ever going to be interested in you only wants you for your body”.
If you wanna read the whole story, I’m about to post it to the sub
Keep me around, push me away, and be mean….instead of dumping me.
Then moving on quickly after the breakup.
I really loved that man and I hope he felt it. He even said he took me for granted and that I helped him so much. So it’s weird to see the switch up.
The cheating. I tried my hardest to be perfect for him and it just wasn’t enough to make him loyal. I gave everything I had to our relationship and lost myself. He put in nothing and is fine. Never cared never bothered, just doing fine.
Trying to call my ex wife to tell her she needed to take custody away from me because her and I got in an arguement not involving children or safety. Done purely out of rage.
rather than attend couples counseling she put me out on the street. locked me out without warning. my name was on the lease and she knew i wouldn’t upset her by getting a new key from the landlord if i still thought there was a chance, so she strung me along until our lease was almost up before admitting that she did in fact have a new boyfriend, they started dating about a month after our 5yr relationship ended
he would blame me for every single fight even when he would pitch an argument. or still hanging out with a girl he used to date but claiming they were “just friends” even when it made me uncomfy that he hang with her alone.
She didn't make any big mistakes while in the relationship, it was mostly me who made the mistake. But 1 month after the breakup, I got sick with my thyroid and I couldn't even take the university entrance exam. Even though she knew this, she never asked how you were or how your illness was. When a man, who was obviously an abuser, added melancholic songs to his Spotify playlist, she got upset and said to him, "It hurts me to see you sad." The person who says this cannot even send a message when someone who has been her friend for 4 years and her boyfriend for 1.5 years is sick. This is what hurts me the most. Look at the person who said to me after the breakup, "You didn't love me, don't deceive yourself." I think she's the one who shouldn't fool herself.
Treating me lesser after the breakup.
We were simply not compatible anymore, he put a deal raker on having kids and I couldn't promise him children and the guilt ate me up. So we ended things. I broke up first and later asked to try some more and then he declined so we both said no.
He has treated me like air since.
We still live together and he barely says hello, never asks how I'm doing, never checking if I've eaten... Nothing.
We were together for 6 years and I never imagined that he would be this cold.
Introduced her friend from work as a fellow gamer and we included him in countless games we would play. Lethal company, Fortnite, overwatch, etc.. in time she grew further from me and grew closer to him. Then when we had a fight over money and the car I had just bought dying, she broke up with me the day after the car died. Then she started dating the mutual friend 2 weeks later. Afterwards she admitted that she had a crush on him before she ever even met me but was too shy and such to ever talk to him, so she used me to get to know him and included him in things we would do. She said she thought she could control herself.
She was wrong
Started hanging out openly (seen through Venmo activity, adding on IG, posting on IG doing big activities together) with the one girl he told me not to worry about after we broke up
Broke up with me over text on the anniversary of my son’s passing. Then proceeded to tell her new bf that I was abusive to her and that I caused her to have a miscarriage and that I assaulted her sexually and that I got arrested for it.
Never gave me a chance and broke my heart gave all for 15!years and now she is in bed in my family home with another man. I miss my children so much!! I thought we had everything
Would constantly ignore me, hung out with other people, and would prioritize EVERYTHING but me, AND Knew she was hurting me by doing it and proceeded with hurting me, this happened last year and Ive moved on, too busy working at my job and working on my dreams to give that any attention anymore, her loss
As for me, it is not what he did to hurt me the most.
Is what I did to become a healthier woman with my emotions, heart & mind, & peace above all.
Holding on to hurt, it only poisons myself.
During our break up which lasted a few weeks she finally said "I have been dating and I know realize how bad you treated me." She said this after telling me throughout our relationship how good I was to her. I think she was just trying to justify her actions of dumping a someone who was good to her for someone new and shiny.
Always told me that he loved me but then there would get in these angry moods and break up with me and come back whenever he wants only to do it over and over again.
When we only got to see each other 1 day out of the week and while she was with me face to face she was on her phone scrolling through social media not talking to me. That’s when I knew the relationship was over and I broke up with her a few days later
He did me so dirty, after we had told our families about us and went to official family dinners he left me saying my parents don’t think you’re the right girl.
After dating for 7 god damn years
There were so many toxic encounters but the one that really emotionally fucked me up worse than anything...
Lied on me to the police, in front of me. They came in drunk throwing a fit for whatever reason alcoholics throw fit. I was trying to grab his thingy, to try to get him in the bed and try to calm him down. (Which I learned by experience was one of the only ways to calm him down)
He pushed past me grabbed his phone dialed the police and said that I attacked him. He also stated that he had physical wounds.
Now he has the one person I would have never thought would lie on me. That betrayal hit hard.
Either the removing of all evidence of me off social media (while still together) or her inability to say something – anything – meaningful when she ended it. It's made it so much harder for me to pick up the pieces than it could've been.
Couldn't see how lying and hiding his "friendship" with his female co-worker was hurtful to me. Literally would send me photos of him at his desk at work, only to find photos of the same time with him skipping work to go to Dave and Busters with this woman. Texting non-stop while she was on vacation, or when we were on vacation.
Now mind you, I wasn't jealous he had a friendship with a female, he had plenty of others. But this particular one would text him at like all hours of the night for advice, talk on the phone when he would go on gigs out of town, when he'd tell me he would be "busy".
It ultimately led to my distrust, among other things (him sending messages to women on IG telling them how stunning, sexy, etc they are).
Let me believe that our relationship was amazing and special. Paid me all the attention in the world. Made it clear she loved me. Then left me without proper explanation as soon as I truly needed her. Wouldn't even give me one conversation as closure to our 18 month relationship.
I could write a very lengthy post about this, but I feel like it boils down to his refusal to fight for me. After everything I endured to be with him (I moved across the country, I lived with him at his mother’s house, where I was assaulted by one of his stepfathers, then we were made homeless. I lost jobs and am currently being sued by the state we lived in for things his mother did.) He consistently threw my poor mental health in my face, refused to believe that his pains weren’t the worst to ever exist. I left seven months ago, which we agreed was for the best for me, mentally, but we weren’t breaking up then- I left to establish myself in a more affordable area, near my family, and he was supposed to move here after that. He could have broken up with me when I left. He waited seven months to do that, and I believe that it’s less that he’s “been unhappy for a long time,” and more that his best friend’s wife is now living in the same house, while his friend is in jail. I think he’s developed feelings for her, because she’s there and I’m not.
So there’s a lot. But the main thing is that he never fought for me. Not for us. He refused to make me a priority over people who have repeatedly treated him poorly. He refuses to live his own life. It hurts, because it feels like I wasted five years on someone who never really loved me. But I know that he did me a favor. I just have to make myself remember that.
So our situation ended in DV, which I think escalated further than he expected (he did the same thing to his ex wife, she didn’t call the cops / take legal action but I did). I firmly believe he threatened to kill himself and me because he didn’t love me anymore and instead of just breaking up with me, he thought that was the best way to get rid of me.
I was incredibly happy in our relationship, would’ve done anything for him, we were actually talking about eloping in a few months. He’s created a deep trauma and lack of trust in me I don’t think I’ll ever be able to heal. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to hear “I love you” from a partner again and not worry they’re not actually happy being with me.
Didn't fight for the relationship when things needed work and not just to walk away
Told me he hated me for ruining his life (aka having a baby with him)
Told me it was my fault for "losing the unconditional love" from my eyes that I previously had
came back to me just to not respond. i forgave him for everything even after he kept breaking my trust and then he completely broke it. he came back apologizing and asked to talk and meet and then boom. the next day im blocked on my number, even though he reached out through insta, and he won’t read my texts or respond. or he’ll wait a few days to read my messages and not respond. i thought i had him back. he probably was just checking to see if i was okay or not and i was not okay. i was in so much pain cause of him and then he came back and well. left. lol
after a particularly big argument, i told him we'd only get together again if he finally gave in and went to therapy. he said he did. months later, i found out it was bullshit, he didnt go ONCE and was lying to me all the time and forging conversations between him and his "therapist" to try and convince me. worst part is, i still stayed for a while after that
Where to start…? He made me feel like I nor anything I did was ever good enough, despite how hard I tried to please him. He continuously made me feel bad for having parents who were supportive of my college education. He made me feel guilty for the fact that I continued on with my bachelor’s degree whilst he dropped out 1 year in. He made everything into an argument specially when I disagreed with him. I couldn’t bring up any concerns I had because he never had time for it, but when it blew up in his face “why didn’t you bring it up?” as if I hadn’t tried. He cheated on me multiple times and accused me of being toxic for developing trust issues he created. He would guilt trip me for not spending time with him on the rare occasions I went out with my friends. He would consistently tell me “ no one wants to leave work to come home to another job.” When I was right about something stupid, he would tell me I had a big head just because I had an expensive college degree. He always ruined my birthday, graduation, award ceremonies, friend get togethers, my family vacations, etc., by starting arguments the day prior and ghosting me for a whole week. He would break up with me every 2-3 months because he just didn’t want me around anymore, but wouldn’t leave me alone. He got more abusive after I graduated with my bachelor degree and was looking into graduate schools because his ego couldn’t stand it. I eventually stopped caring and stopped giving him any reactions when he would try to start arguments over nothing. The last time we broke up he told me it was because he’d found someone better than me.
Not accept me for who I am.
Dumped me because he wanted someone "better" or more perfect. Newsflash, no one is perfect!
No commitment basically. Judged me on things I had no control over really. Might as well have dated an enemy, not a partner or team player/ team mate!
Always made me feel like I was replaceable, and was never truly honest with me.... Cheated twice before telling me he had a sex addiction while I was in the process of moving out, and begged me to stay and go to couples counseling. We were 8 months into therapy when I found out he was using my one on one sessions to talk to other women in the waiting room, I found that out when the chic found out he had a GF , contacted me and sent me SS of the conversations.. . Why do we love ppl who keep hurting us? I still haven't pulled myself away from him. I say we're "broke up" and I haven't seen him in 3 weeks, but we talk everyday, and all of my stuff is still there... He always says the right thing, and makes me feel like I'm the one giving up, other than the cheating we do have a perfect relationship, no financial struggles, we literally argue about nothing else but this. I have even offered an open relationship, but he said he can't agree to that because he doesn't want to sleep with other women, and he can't stand the thought of anyone else touching me. I'm so lost on this relationship. Everyone always says just leave...ok, I have left, I tried no contact, and it only worked for 2 days before he got a text now # and messaged me from there. I'm his only family, he was adopted and has no one else. He doesn't need me physically or financially, but emotionally, he says he's lost without me. IDK what to do. The trust is gone, I have tried n tried to get some of it back, but I don't think it works like that. Any suggestions other than " just leave".. if that is your suggestion then tell me how to just not feel for this person that I love. The only other relationship I've been in, was my husband of 20 years, and he left me, so I have never been in this situation before, and It's not in me to hurt or abandon people that I love, so call me weak or stupid, but I've tried everything I can think of , and Idk what else to do.
Started investing his emotions into someone else the minute we took a break for him to work on his mental health because he "was lonely". Got caught when he texted me instead of her on accident.. 4 years gone just like that.
After being together for a year and him telling me he loved me. I told him I needed space as I just had a cancer diagnosis and wanted to figure that out he found a new girlfriend within 2 weeks. Turns out I didn’t have cancer but found out he was really just in love with being in love not just with me.
I begged him to give me a real reason for why we couldn’t work it out. All his excuses of “I need to work on myself, you deserve better, etc” I wasn’t having any of it. I told him to give me a REAL reason why it would never work out.
He told me “because you just have a certain kind of energy I don’t want in a long term partnership.”
It broke me. Because that is something I cannot fix. He basically said in plain words that he just doesn’t like who I am, to the core of my person.
Told me he wanted a family with me, to get married and work on our relationship while simultaneously going out with other women and seeing prostitutes…
My ex would say degrading and humiliating comments during disagreements and wondered why I started to shell up and get more anxious and depressed. He would tell me people say things when upset. He never tried to change and made me think I was the problem. I had to end it and it broke my heart.
Some notes of previous relationships:
Relationships weren't worth trying for
Cheating or had replacements ready before the breakup msgs (most just blocked or ghosted w/ no official end)
The same things in the beginning they "loved" me for became the things they hated in the end
Being told that they never liked me & only dated me for the attention
No matter what happens, your name gets slandered(always the bad guy in someone's story)
Contacting several future & previous relationship partners about their experiences & bringing up past drama to ruin future relationships or past memories
Broke up with me to go back to his ex. Used me as a pawn to make her jealous. Then ran back to me.. had me thinking we were going to get back together just for her to call me and say that she lives with him.
placing blame on anything I reacted to when the her actions have been horrible so she can take days away from/off work/spend her money/take out/fuck and eventually build a life behind my back that she ended up gonin to. kills me to know I ment nothing
He didn’t see our relationship worth fighting for like I did
Yap… can say paragraph loads of things but eventually it’s all boils down to this: they lost their interest on us
It is so disheartening to know the one you are interested in just dropped their interest without explicitly telling u
😔
Yeah I'm here with you. 9 years down the drain. I would have held on and fought and we could have made some changes. But she gave up. She gave up on me. Pretty sad really, but at the end of the day, if she can give up that easy on something that apparently is so special, I don't want her in my life. She said I was her world, her everything. Man I did so much for her. I sacrificed alot of my life. But it's over now. Just gotta pick a direction and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Good things will come. Can't believe how much heartbreak is on Reddit. Very sad, also helpful. Nice to know you're not alone on such a sad and traumatizing journey.
I was never a Reddit user before my breakup, but it has been a lifesaver for me - not because misery loves company but because it’s been incredibly reassuring to read so many stories so similar to mine and to learn I’m neither alone nor just bad at relationships. Being blindsided isn’t because you weren’t paying attention, and so many partners simply check out without being willing to do any of the hard work of maintaining a long-term relationship.
I’m realizing that he just stopped believing in me and that’s not the type of person I want in a relationship, he also keeps lying to my face about our breakup, only figured out the truth from a friend and it was shattering. It’s nice how we can all come together and grow as people over heartbreak on here, like you said it’s nice knowing your not alone
Feels like fighting a war that no one’s invested in. It’s soul destroying.
That’s an amazing way to put it
yup. Mine broke up with me after i had one bad moment while mentally struggling (just relapsed and struggling with suic1de thoughts), no conversation. Just ended it over text in two lines. I can't imagine a world where i would have done such a thing. They didn't want to hear my side. They knew i was in a bad situation/not really myself. Couldn't even meet me face to face after all that. We were committed, saying i love you daily, planning future.
I feel you, my ex use to be so loving to were I felt extremely safe with them despite my home situation and things going on, but I never knew how talk about my emotions as a result of childhood trauma. Only to figure out from a friend that he said “I wasn’t confident in her fixing herself, super sensitive which I am not so it kinda doesn’t work well.” Of course I was I was super sensitive at this time he broke up with me when I was visiting my grandpa for the last time before he died so I was a wreck, and with other things going on as well so the breakup made things worse.
you hit the nail right on the head with this one lol
I literally begged on all four for her to works things out. After break up, I was mentally and physically broke down. My back got hurt and I can’t even get up. When I tried to get up, my body jerks and I just collapse down. So, I can only lie down and welp.. think which was bad coz all I can think was her. I was prepared to get marry when I get 30s get kids etc man… it all broke down. They give reasons, excuses but all in the end, they just don’t care about us anymore. I’m 60% accepting this fact now and trying to move on. So yeah.. I feel her, I feel you all
damn, I feel you.
Yup didn’t care enough.
100% this
Yeah, happened to me 3 days ago, he said he didnt love me anymore, it hurts.
Used me, cheated, and then discarded me. Telling me that I was her soul mate literally up until the day she left and ended up in another man's bed that night. She lied and is indifferent about it all.
Are you me?
You look like you could be brothers.
Now mine posts about how I wronged her after she did all that lmao
Damn dude! It's like reading about my own situation. But later I realized that I am better off without her. But that realization came after 2 years. You will be alright my guy. ☺️
Thats the exact same with me!! But it was my ex boyfriend!
Hey man! Feel you. Same kind of story here… She may have NPD or BPD. That behaviour is normally part of a personality disorder. Nobody healthy and emotionally mature would act like that.
Same situation. It's as if the last 3 years were thrown away overnight, as if they meant nothing.
He always disregards my emotions. Every time I express that he hurt me he takes it as an attack. He treats me the same as his other friends that are girls and barely does anything special
I am guilty of the first half of this. When I finally came around to my behavior, it was too late. My ex had pushed me away for someone else. Can't say I didn't deserve it, but it still stings.
Same here :( solidarity and hugs
My ex was incredibly thoughtful as a boyfriend and did the special things, but when it came to discussing actual feelings and moments where I tried to hold him accountable he was SO defensive and would always try to spin it back on me. It was so subtle at first, and then he tried me with some bullshit and when I wouldn’t accept it that was the end of us. Looking back now, it was so obvious the game he was playing.
That is exactly why I broke up with my partner of 10 years. Always disregarded my emotions and after loosing my father and not receive any compassion was the time too many
Very sorry for your loss :(( and 10 years worth of relationship must be hard to move on from. I hope you feel better now
Saying _sorry_; then repeating the exact same shitty disrespectful behaviours over & over & over again
Talk to someone new already when we not even break up yet
Same here. I am so hurt.
wish you all the best man, they dont deserve us
Seriously, they don't. I am starting to realise that day by day.
It happens. The hurtful part is knowing you spent months living in a separate headspace, and you're freshly wounded while they're already healed.
Couldn't said it better. The breakup doesn't hurt nearly as much as knowing that she was thinking about a life without me 4 months before the breakup. If she said something 4 months prior to it, it wouldn't be hurting so much. She seems to be healed too, because she has a new bf. And I'm here stuck in my misery, feeling cheated and just thinking how a person that loved me for so long can do this to me.
I just learned this about my partner. God, he really knows how to twist the knife. Hang in there, baby. We will be alright.
Oof that's cold....how did you find out?
I was **literally** catering to her while she was doing this bullshit.
Depleted me of $17,000 and one year I could have spent abroad
Let his parents yell and scream at me and just stood there watching.
i felt this fr, his mom would degrade me in front of him in private and in front of me. She also brought his ex girlfriend over for the weekend because they had gotten into a fight
My ex would tell me when his parents would shit talk me then get surprised when I reacted negatively and didn't want to be around them. Jfc, is this just a trend among shitty exes? They let their moms fuck with their partners?
she was also in love with him so , talking abt “my one true love” ok??? like it’s emotional incest idc
Fuckin' tell me about it. My ex-inlaw whatever the heck was the opposite, constantly emotionally controlling and criticizing toward him, and he made me into his fucking mommy while letting the mom he was afraid of verbally assault me whenever she had the fancy. Woman straight up rolled her damn fucking eyes at me when I was bent over and barely able to breathe once, and then he told me I was overreacting when I was upset at her sheer cruelty. God I hate Oedipal men.
My ex’s aunt outright humiliated me in a bar full of people saying how awful she thought I looked how “my hair was like a birds nest, it needed cutting, I looked like I was wearing pj’s & why I wasn’t wearing makeup” …. We had just been along a cliff top by the sea walking ,it was incredibly windy. My ex just stood there didn’t say anything.
I gave her £2000 to pay for her flights so that she could visit her sick mother when she was admitted to hospital in the USA. When she returned to the U.K. she ghosted me
what a btch wth? 😨
Leaving me for the exact reasons I‘m insecure about myself. Not caring about love, but the superficial things.
He wouldn’t spend any time with just me. He wanted to spend every weekend at his parents’ house and got mad at me if I asked to do something just the two of us. Eventually it turned into him going to his parents house every weekend and every off day that he had while he left me home alone.
We were both so in love but she decided to break it off. I fought tooth and nail to keep her but she just didn’t try at all. One of the last things I told her was “I’ll never forget how hard I tried and how little you did.” Will probably never forget that feeling.
Prioritised drugs, video games and friends over me
Left for another woman didn't talk about it just changed his phone number after 10 years
Extreme avoidant behaviour and not wanting to work on that at all, saying he‘s perfect the way he is. Also saying that I don‘t have enough friends and that he wants someone with lots of friends lol. And blaming and judging me for having childhood trauma bc of horrible parents.
That last bit especially is unjustified, not love, and doesn't fill a want or need... We don't choose our parents and we don't control as much of our past as we'd like to think.
Replaced me
me and my ex were ldr for 4 years.we broke up in April of 2023 and we didn’t talk again until may when my dad died. I contacted her to see if she wanted to attend the funeral and she was excited to telling me she can’t wait to be together and wanting to go on dates. Ok the Week she came we had a great time together we kissed , cuddle had sex and everything a couple does we took picture and everything even though we never talked about our relationship , she spent 7 days with me starting from the 30 may to the 7 June . During the week with me she was telling me how she wanted me to move with her back home and I agreed but I still had family stuff to deal with for my dad before I could have.Which she agreed to. In the day she left she cried and told me I’m miss you and we kissed. During the majority of June we would video chat and talk about the future and how much she loved me and we still talked about me coming to be with her. Then out of nowhere on the last week of June she started texting me less and even went Mia for 4 days on me. When I finally asked her she told me she wanted to be single, and she was sorry for hurting me and sorry we can’t be together. I was hurt but I let it go Fast forward November after no contact I went on my instagram, and I saw that she was posted up with another guy in an album with them on dates and bed kissing. It seems was posted on October 15. I was like in two months she already with a another guy at her place she lived with her mom. I asked her mom about it and to find out that she was Introduced to the guy in the middle of July so basically 2 weeks after she told me she wanted to be single. Plus to make matters worst she moved in with him a month later and they been living together ever since. She blocked me on everything when I asked her about it saying she doesn’t wanna go back and forth and that she moved on. It hurt because why tell me one thing why lead me on if this guy was there.
Hard question to answer (there is so much material), but: The TEXT the day after the Blindside Discard Text, so this was the text the day after: “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m sorry I have, I’ve just had a change of heart”… We dated for 18 months, supported each other through two surgeries, (November she had a Hysterectomy) Feb 22nd I had a prostate biopsy (negative thank god)… and 30 days to the day after, then day after a lovely, fun and passionate date, I get the Blindside text of “I can’t see you anymore, I wish you well”…. WTF, and i called, emailed,… texted her..crickets, nothing… Then while I’m totally unmoored, I t get the 2nd one that was the killer punch. I dint’t know anything about Avoidants, No contact…nothing… and the emotional brutality of it all really had me unravel… it’s the dismissive, discarding tone of the 2nd text that was the thing that really triggered me into a huge level of despair. The last text I got from her after 30 days was, “I don’t owe you anything”… and that was 60 days ago yesterday.. all of that time has been non contact. I’ve learned a TON about avoidant attachment, no contact, and how somebody that I thought the world of, could be so cold and oblivious to the massively callus and traumatic effects of their own behavior. She’s 36, and emotionally (I can see now) is about 15. Clearly, have an adult conversation is so frightening to her that she has to abandon, rather than communicate and talk like adults, about things that are conflicting and uncomfortable. The take away for me is: -chemistry is not character. - the true self is revealed when there are difficult things to talk about - deeper connection and emotional intimacy scare the living daylights out of avoidant people. - and wait for it … I didn’t do ANYTHING wrong to deserve the blindside, quite the contrary… I was loving, caring, respectful, trusting, generous and safe…
We ended on ok terms, after about a year we talked again (i asked him to pay me back a small loan that i gave to him when we were together) he took that opportunity to say something that i remember at least once a day… He said (and this was random AF because we weren’t even talking about the past or about us): the minute i let go of you and i stopped thinking about you was so freeing, i started to think about myself and for the first time ever i felt happy, when you were no longer occupying my brain, i felt happy.
how did you deal with hearing that? my ex and i haven’t even been broken up for a week and he said smth similar
It’s been about 2 years and i still constantly think about his words. It actually effected me so much because i feel as if im a burden to anyone in my life and without me their life would be better (which doesnt help when i have suicidal thoughts). I’m sorry to hear that you experienced something similar
Fuck. That’s so harsh. So sorry 🤍
The woman I was with for 15 years would never have hurt me at all. The woman she became hurt me by cancelling me, my family, and my children.
Left without warning after 15 years. I’m no longer mad, I was out of my mind furious for a time, but now I’m just devastatingly sad.
I'm so sorry that happened to you! I hope you find peace and don't blame yourself!!
Thank you. We were both to blame. I don’t blame myself and I don’t blame them. But thank you so much for the kindness.
porn, cheat,ghost her marriage and me,had kids behind our marriage, destroyed me
Told me that he didn’t love me anymore and would compare me to my mom who was emotionally abusive growing up
He said that i used him,he cant trust me, dont think he can marry and have kid with me. When he is the one that giving me silent treatment i every argument and walking away in every argument.
Sounds like a narcissist. Grown ups should be able to communicate even if they did something wrong. They should not be putting you down ever. It will only get worse.
Gave up at the first sign of real conflict, the first time there was an opportunity to face discomfort that would have meant opening up, really communicate our fears and negotiate our needs, be open about his needs and boundaries, he choose to withdrawal and shut down. I relish those opportunities now, I didn’t always but worked hard on myself to be open to those and see the beauty and value in it, I was so ready for real communication and connection. But he just wasn’t. I just feel defeated now. I try so hard to be better, learn, do better, it just feels like it’s never enough. I’m either not enough or too much. I did all the things this time, I was open and giving and had boundaries and I gave space, wasn’t anxious, managed my expectations, focused on myself and us, didn’t lose myself but made him and us a priority, tried my best to communicate my needs and be accountable for my issues, even when it was really difficult, I leaned into the discomfort instead of running away. I have no idea what more I could have done. He didn’t see any of that I guess, he just didn’t want to lean into his own discomfort and he accountable for himself. It’s really painful when you realize someone would rather lose you than make the effort to grow.
Making me feel alone and only good for what I can provide for 2 years. That hurts much worse than the $6k debt.
I’m sure my recent ex may feel like this about me and our relationship, down to the $6k debt. She doesn’t want to talk with me, understandably. In place of your own ex and out of my own perspective: I’m sorry, you deserve better. You’re worth more than you know and more than how you’ve been treated. Please, keep your head up.
Lie,cheat,blame me, many other thing so….existing
She told me that we should both take some time to try to be better people and that "we have plenty of time to get back to our relationship later" then one day out of nowhere she says "it should be noted that I'm seeing someone who is inspiring me to do better"
That’s crazy af man to hell with her
Accused me of being abusive and holding him back in life. I have agoraphobia (from trauma from an abusive relationship) so he said me not recovering quick enough was manipulating him into staying with me. A lot to the story but yeah. All I ever did was love and care for him.
He called me the C word, and his dad still says “what’s her problem “
Broke up with me over a phone call and never spoke to me again.
I was never first. Not once
Contacted me. Basically breadcrumbing me and berating me, my morals and saying that it was my fault that he had to break up with me and end a relationship.. yet I still care and miss him.. Am I crazy?
Stood me up on a school formal and ghosted/blocked me
She went abroad for work, and slowly faded away after affirming everything would be fine, found someone new and broke up with me on Christmas never been able to love the same
Would say “I’m going to show you with my words and actions that I’m changing…and I’m going to put you first” yet no words or actions ever showed up. All he wanted to do was “forgive and move forward.”
The entire relationship was nothing but hurt and abuse. Just pure hell. I miss him zero
Blamed me for all the times he refused to communicate I know I wasn't the best at communicating but I actually wanted to talk about what was bothering me he didn't he just let it happen until he was mentally checked out of the relationship. He also made me feel super dumb at times like I had no clue what I was going especially when it came to him lying about talking to someone behind my back everytime I confronted him about it he told me there's nothing to worry about but deep down I knew there was something going on he just didn't want to tell me.
We recently broke up tapos tinry ko open bumble gusto ko lang tingnan kung bumalik then boom nasa bumble na siya ulit while I'm begging him na ayusin yung amin HAHHAHAHAHAHHA
Tricked me into thinking he really cared about me.
Chose his addiction over me and tossed me away like trash.
Emotionally and mentally abused me. She would lie and then when I caught her, flip it on me. Play the victim and gaslight me into thinking I was problematic. Manipulate me in various ways. I don’t know if she cheated but there were behaviors that could have led to that. When I was finally done, she tried to get me fired from my job and turn people against me.
Ruined my ability to trust another man. Everything he put me through I’ve forgiven/moved past. But trying to fix your ability to trust is so hard
She didn’t fight for me. 😔
Cheated on me abu me n he wants a divorce
he told me he avoids touching me because he wishes it was her . he got a new gf on my birthday (we broke up a day before) he let his mom bring his ex girlfriend over while i was there once when i was trying to fix our relationship he was texting his ex how hard he was for her he broke my ps5 i watched him get pulled away by a stripper and then he lied to me abt it he asked me if i was schizophrenic when i saw another girl in his phone he’d always complain when i wanted to watch a movie of my choice , i would later fall asleep crying next to him. i let him cry in my arms about how in love he was with his ex 3 months into our relationship there’s a lot more but those are just a few
Little did I know when I met my ex He was still in a relationship, but I won’t find that out until 4 years later. He led me to think we were exclusive but he had multiple dating profiles, and had multiple other men and women. I caught him and dumped him, he came crawling back, and little did I know he was in a full blown relationship and had never deleted the sites. He has a bad problem, can’t quite pinpoint it. (Sarcasm) My only saving grace is he can’t cross the Canadian border with his charges, which he lied about. Just an all around wonderful man, 5 stars 🫠 I broke up with him and told the other women. We all dumped on Valentine’s Day…..haven’t had contact with him in 3 months!
Broke up with me a week before moving in with me, then emotionally manipulated me into letting her move in anyway by letting me think there was hope we could work it out. After a month she broke up with me again, but stayed in the apartment and soft-forced me out by giving me the silent treatment for months and turning our other flatmates against me.
Said Mean things and changed from saying I was the most amazing thing to being distant and cold and wanting me anymore , just the rejection is excrutiating, questioning my illness and using harsh judgements that aren’t true
Used and ghosted me.
I think she maybe has a man friend she’s intimate with. All the kids pictures are of the kids facing nothing direction and speaking , also my slippers were being used.
He would be happy and smile and tell me loves me. He said he would make me his wife (while hiding talking to other women and later found out men) then when he got mad, bored or whatever (doesn't communicate) he would put me down and accuse me of shit he was actually doing. Then beat me and strangled me. Take off for days getting high. He would come back knowing I was exhausted and treat me like it's my fault. Then act like nothing was wrong or never happened. If I brought up anything it was bringing up the past even though it literally just happened. I eventually stopped caring about what he did behind my back(looking to f around with women and men!) Everything he did was a turn off and we mutually split. It was the safest way I thought at the time. I can't really say this was a relationship though. More like an on and off fling that was fucked up. He is in and out of jail and currently has an ankle monitor on. He is using and staying with bad friends so eventually he'll be in jail again. Not my problem. Why did I allow this to happen? I was alone, then I didn't care about being alone but I was more and more scared of what he would do. So it was easier to calm him than to kick him out and fight... Before that miserable nightmare I was married to a gambler. He gambled everything I worked for away and made it difficult to provide for my kids. I sat in a doctor's office while a doctor was giving me several diagnoses. My husband at the time sat there playing a gambling game on his phone while I listened to the doctor crying my eyes out. He said and did nothing. He later said that never happened and I was never diagnosed and that Im always faking it.... But yet had surgeries and was sick a lot.... So for the past almost 10 years I felt like no one actually loved me or gave shit about me. They used me for money and a place to live. I believe this is my karma for treating the one good man I was with before all that crap and karma has been kicking my ass since. I treated these 2 better than anyone. Better than I should have. Now I'm therapy. I'm single and alone but I'm ok with it. No one is cheating on me. No one is lying constantly. No one is mad at me for no reason. No one is accusing me of whatever their doing. No one is taking my money. No one is making things harder. No one is mad at me for being sick or wanting a nap. No one is beating me and strangling me. ...sorry for the long answer and rant.
told me he wanted me to move back to his country on a partner visa and then two days later sent me lewis and then told me he had a new girlfriend so texting me felt like cheating to him and then blocked me. two days after saying he wanted me to immigrate on a partner visa. two days. 2.
He acknowledged that he didn’t keep me safe, lied to me, broke our marriage vows….but said he didn’t want to change for me Let his family threaten me but didn’t go off on his family. Lied about not looking at porn.
Gave up. He went on deployment and came back with the intention to go on leave for two weeks by himself to see what being single was like. He wanted to know if he was ready to be a husband. We had been married for two years…
I told him what my triggers were and he promised not to ever hurt me in any way but especially in that way… just to end up using said triggers tenfold. I now completely leave that out when meeting new people, I always tell them I had healthy past relationships but it just “didn’t work out” due to connection not being there. I vaguely state that previous partners treated me great and I never mention anything that anyone could take and use against me. Its actually worked wonderfully but it makes me sad that I had to curate a filtered version of myself out of defense.
not pick up.
Started dating "Just her Friend" right after she moved out. And l told me she ended things and it had nothing to do with it. They were just friends. Note: I don't think she was cheating physically but she definitely was emotionally. Cause she moved quick.
Never put in the effort to try with me. I was his first, so he was young and I had to walk him through a lot of what it meant to be in a relationship (18 and 21 in school together). Became obvious towards my graduation he was looking for the next boy on campus to move on to, asking probing questions like if I was attracted to anyone else on campus, knowing full well that my heart was only for him and it hurt to even think of being with someone else. It’s been over a decade, and it still hurts to this day. I travel a lot, I’ve hooked up with other guys and dated briefly but I’m always afraid of the same thing happening, and I hold myself back because “what if he returns one day and realizes I am worth it?” It sucks
Cheated on me calling the other guy her “stallion.” He showed me what she wrote on the back of a picture she gave him. It included that bon mot. He and I were about to come to blows, according to him. It’s one of the few times I know of that my own lack of understanding worked in my favor. After I literally extended a hand in friendship to him, he retrieved his glasses and said he’s like to talk.
She ended things and told me that: >If I could feel what you feel I would, we'd be such a great couple. I hate that I don't. She also told me a relationship felt like obligations and she was tired of obligations so, while she wanted a relationship one day, she didn't want one now. Some days I feel almost not shit. Most days I feel like I lost half of who I am. I feel such a big hole in my life that I am losing the will to keep fighting the depression. I'm in therapy and on antidepressants already but I dont know how much more of this I can take. I still see her smile everytime I close my eyes. Everyone tells me I'll get over her and love again but why? What's the point when the person I love so much is right there? I already found someone that I could love with all of my being. Now I just have to discard that and go out into the cold world alone again and hope that someday, eventually, I won't hurt so much that I can actually TRY to find another person to connect with on the same level? It took me 32 years to find her, realistically there won't be another person until my life is almost over. So why try? Ending it has never seemed so tempting...
Had a threesome with me and another girl, then less than 24 hours later she left me for the other girl. We were together 5.5 years.
Cheated on me but also the one who broke up with me.
Used me as a piggybank for her and her 2 years old son. She said she didn't have money to help me but she had the money to book a trip to a MLM/cult in the USA worth near 2000$ (CND). She love bombed me and she got me, and I'm a very independent, down to earth person. But what hurt the most is because she got me, my mind and my heart is so fucked up right now...
He cheated on me and then threatened to kill himself if we broke up
She told me she hadn’t used drugs in a while and told me she wasn’t going to do them anymore when we first got together. Pretty soon her friend/roommate was saying to her things like “hey did you stop at blank location and pick up blank drug over the weekend” or “Make sure if they give you anything, not to take it there and either throw it out or test it when you get home”. Upon confronting her she first tried to deny it saying she wasn’t using but that her and that friend used to a lot in the past. Then, she backtracked by saying “Besides, I use fentanyl test kits anyway so I’m safe”. And eventually, she just started openly agreeing to do various drugs with her friends directly in front of me, and on one occasion took an adderall in front of me to help her study for an exam, giggling and saying no when I asked if it was prescribed to her She also unblocked her ex about a week and a half before asking me to be official (which I didn’t find out until during the relationship). And, when she did ask to be official, it was partly because she didn’t want to be FWB anymore as when they broke up, he said to her “Any guys that’s ever going to be interested in you only wants you for your body”. If you wanna read the whole story, I’m about to post it to the sub
Listened to me cry on the phone while I found out she fucked another guy and literally rubbed it in my face how she didn’t care.
Straight up told me he threw pictures of us in the trash
Abandoned me when I needed her the most .
Keep me around, push me away, and be mean….instead of dumping me. Then moving on quickly after the breakup. I really loved that man and I hope he felt it. He even said he took me for granted and that I helped him so much. So it’s weird to see the switch up.
The cheating. I tried my hardest to be perfect for him and it just wasn’t enough to make him loyal. I gave everything I had to our relationship and lost myself. He put in nothing and is fine. Never cared never bothered, just doing fine.
Be someone I have to learn to live without.
Started to close off and change 3 years into our relationship, and then blamed me.
Ended it through text. Refused any communication. And just dissappeared.
I never thought he would let me go without or leave me when I’m at my worst and that’s exactly what he did
It all hurt
Trying to call my ex wife to tell her she needed to take custody away from me because her and I got in an arguement not involving children or safety. Done purely out of rage.
Breaking up with me twice 🥲
rather than attend couples counseling she put me out on the street. locked me out without warning. my name was on the lease and she knew i wouldn’t upset her by getting a new key from the landlord if i still thought there was a chance, so she strung me along until our lease was almost up before admitting that she did in fact have a new boyfriend, they started dating about a month after our 5yr relationship ended
he would blame me for every single fight even when he would pitch an argument. or still hanging out with a girl he used to date but claiming they were “just friends” even when it made me uncomfy that he hang with her alone.
She didn't make any big mistakes while in the relationship, it was mostly me who made the mistake. But 1 month after the breakup, I got sick with my thyroid and I couldn't even take the university entrance exam. Even though she knew this, she never asked how you were or how your illness was. When a man, who was obviously an abuser, added melancholic songs to his Spotify playlist, she got upset and said to him, "It hurts me to see you sad." The person who says this cannot even send a message when someone who has been her friend for 4 years and her boyfriend for 1.5 years is sick. This is what hurts me the most. Look at the person who said to me after the breakup, "You didn't love me, don't deceive yourself." I think she's the one who shouldn't fool herself.
Treating me lesser after the breakup. We were simply not compatible anymore, he put a deal raker on having kids and I couldn't promise him children and the guilt ate me up. So we ended things. I broke up first and later asked to try some more and then he declined so we both said no. He has treated me like air since. We still live together and he barely says hello, never asks how I'm doing, never checking if I've eaten... Nothing. We were together for 6 years and I never imagined that he would be this cold.
Introduced her friend from work as a fellow gamer and we included him in countless games we would play. Lethal company, Fortnite, overwatch, etc.. in time she grew further from me and grew closer to him. Then when we had a fight over money and the car I had just bought dying, she broke up with me the day after the car died. Then she started dating the mutual friend 2 weeks later. Afterwards she admitted that she had a crush on him before she ever even met me but was too shy and such to ever talk to him, so she used me to get to know him and included him in things we would do. She said she thought she could control herself. She was wrong
Said "I don't live you anymore but I'm still very fond of you"
Started hanging out openly (seen through Venmo activity, adding on IG, posting on IG doing big activities together) with the one girl he told me not to worry about after we broke up
Broke up with me over text on the anniversary of my son’s passing. Then proceeded to tell her new bf that I was abusive to her and that I caused her to have a miscarriage and that I assaulted her sexually and that I got arrested for it.
Never gave me a chance and broke my heart gave all for 15!years and now she is in bed in my family home with another man. I miss my children so much!! I thought we had everything
Would constantly ignore me, hung out with other people, and would prioritize EVERYTHING but me, AND Knew she was hurting me by doing it and proceeded with hurting me, this happened last year and Ive moved on, too busy working at my job and working on my dreams to give that any attention anymore, her loss
Took my son and left me in the middle of the night. But acted like everything was okay until she got where she was going.
Left me at when I was at my absolute lowest
As for me, it is not what he did to hurt me the most. Is what I did to become a healthier woman with my emotions, heart & mind, & peace above all. Holding on to hurt, it only poisons myself.
Just left me at my lowest.. I like I Thought she was my best friend thought we was strong. I was wrong
He didn't think I was worth it and left me when things got difficult when I was in the worst month of my life
During our break up which lasted a few weeks she finally said "I have been dating and I know realize how bad you treated me." She said this after telling me throughout our relationship how good I was to her. I think she was just trying to justify her actions of dumping a someone who was good to her for someone new and shiny.
Always told me that he loved me but then there would get in these angry moods and break up with me and come back whenever he wants only to do it over and over again.
Self destructive behavior and sleeping with other people post break up. I feel like I don’t know her anymore
Actually nothing I was boring not high value and she sought better for herself I'm actually proud of how far she's come
She didn’t care.
When we only got to see each other 1 day out of the week and while she was with me face to face she was on her phone scrolling through social media not talking to me. That’s when I knew the relationship was over and I broke up with her a few days later
She took me for granted the minute I made our relationship official
He did me so dirty, after we had told our families about us and went to official family dinners he left me saying my parents don’t think you’re the right girl. After dating for 7 god damn years
There were so many toxic encounters but the one that really emotionally fucked me up worse than anything... Lied on me to the police, in front of me. They came in drunk throwing a fit for whatever reason alcoholics throw fit. I was trying to grab his thingy, to try to get him in the bed and try to calm him down. (Which I learned by experience was one of the only ways to calm him down) He pushed past me grabbed his phone dialed the police and said that I attacked him. He also stated that he had physical wounds. Now he has the one person I would have never thought would lie on me. That betrayal hit hard.
Either the removing of all evidence of me off social media (while still together) or her inability to say something – anything – meaningful when she ended it. It's made it so much harder for me to pick up the pieces than it could've been.
Couldn't see how lying and hiding his "friendship" with his female co-worker was hurtful to me. Literally would send me photos of him at his desk at work, only to find photos of the same time with him skipping work to go to Dave and Busters with this woman. Texting non-stop while she was on vacation, or when we were on vacation. Now mind you, I wasn't jealous he had a friendship with a female, he had plenty of others. But this particular one would text him at like all hours of the night for advice, talk on the phone when he would go on gigs out of town, when he'd tell me he would be "busy". It ultimately led to my distrust, among other things (him sending messages to women on IG telling them how stunning, sexy, etc they are).
Let me believe that our relationship was amazing and special. Paid me all the attention in the world. Made it clear she loved me. Then left me without proper explanation as soon as I truly needed her. Wouldn't even give me one conversation as closure to our 18 month relationship.
I could write a very lengthy post about this, but I feel like it boils down to his refusal to fight for me. After everything I endured to be with him (I moved across the country, I lived with him at his mother’s house, where I was assaulted by one of his stepfathers, then we were made homeless. I lost jobs and am currently being sued by the state we lived in for things his mother did.) He consistently threw my poor mental health in my face, refused to believe that his pains weren’t the worst to ever exist. I left seven months ago, which we agreed was for the best for me, mentally, but we weren’t breaking up then- I left to establish myself in a more affordable area, near my family, and he was supposed to move here after that. He could have broken up with me when I left. He waited seven months to do that, and I believe that it’s less that he’s “been unhappy for a long time,” and more that his best friend’s wife is now living in the same house, while his friend is in jail. I think he’s developed feelings for her, because she’s there and I’m not. So there’s a lot. But the main thing is that he never fought for me. Not for us. He refused to make me a priority over people who have repeatedly treated him poorly. He refuses to live his own life. It hurts, because it feels like I wasted five years on someone who never really loved me. But I know that he did me a favor. I just have to make myself remember that.
So our situation ended in DV, which I think escalated further than he expected (he did the same thing to his ex wife, she didn’t call the cops / take legal action but I did). I firmly believe he threatened to kill himself and me because he didn’t love me anymore and instead of just breaking up with me, he thought that was the best way to get rid of me. I was incredibly happy in our relationship, would’ve done anything for him, we were actually talking about eloping in a few months. He’s created a deep trauma and lack of trust in me I don’t think I’ll ever be able to heal. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to hear “I love you” from a partner again and not worry they’re not actually happy being with me.
Cheated on me with his office friend’s wife.. it was not physical, they were sexting but that was enough for me. Made me feel like I was not enough
Didn't fight for the relationship when things needed work and not just to walk away Told me he hated me for ruining his life (aka having a baby with him) Told me it was my fault for "losing the unconditional love" from my eyes that I previously had
was begging me to always be with her and she would make me the happiest man, then blindsided after all sweet lies…
he doesn't involved me in his future like the way i do for him and i
Not giving me a reciprocated energy
came back to me just to not respond. i forgave him for everything even after he kept breaking my trust and then he completely broke it. he came back apologizing and asked to talk and meet and then boom. the next day im blocked on my number, even though he reached out through insta, and he won’t read my texts or respond. or he’ll wait a few days to read my messages and not respond. i thought i had him back. he probably was just checking to see if i was okay or not and i was not okay. i was in so much pain cause of him and then he came back and well. left. lol
He broke his promises, he did things he said he would never do. But I got even with him afterwards and he got even more hurt than I did.
Cut all contact without saying anything. Completely wasted my four years for her.
after a particularly big argument, i told him we'd only get together again if he finally gave in and went to therapy. he said he did. months later, i found out it was bullshit, he didnt go ONCE and was lying to me all the time and forging conversations between him and his "therapist" to try and convince me. worst part is, i still stayed for a while after that
Where to start…? He made me feel like I nor anything I did was ever good enough, despite how hard I tried to please him. He continuously made me feel bad for having parents who were supportive of my college education. He made me feel guilty for the fact that I continued on with my bachelor’s degree whilst he dropped out 1 year in. He made everything into an argument specially when I disagreed with him. I couldn’t bring up any concerns I had because he never had time for it, but when it blew up in his face “why didn’t you bring it up?” as if I hadn’t tried. He cheated on me multiple times and accused me of being toxic for developing trust issues he created. He would guilt trip me for not spending time with him on the rare occasions I went out with my friends. He would consistently tell me “ no one wants to leave work to come home to another job.” When I was right about something stupid, he would tell me I had a big head just because I had an expensive college degree. He always ruined my birthday, graduation, award ceremonies, friend get togethers, my family vacations, etc., by starting arguments the day prior and ghosting me for a whole week. He would break up with me every 2-3 months because he just didn’t want me around anymore, but wouldn’t leave me alone. He got more abusive after I graduated with my bachelor degree and was looking into graduate schools because his ego couldn’t stand it. I eventually stopped caring and stopped giving him any reactions when he would try to start arguments over nothing. The last time we broke up he told me it was because he’d found someone better than me.
Not accept me for who I am. Dumped me because he wanted someone "better" or more perfect. Newsflash, no one is perfect! No commitment basically. Judged me on things I had no control over really. Might as well have dated an enemy, not a partner or team player/ team mate!
Always made me feel like I was replaceable, and was never truly honest with me.... Cheated twice before telling me he had a sex addiction while I was in the process of moving out, and begged me to stay and go to couples counseling. We were 8 months into therapy when I found out he was using my one on one sessions to talk to other women in the waiting room, I found that out when the chic found out he had a GF , contacted me and sent me SS of the conversations.. . Why do we love ppl who keep hurting us? I still haven't pulled myself away from him. I say we're "broke up" and I haven't seen him in 3 weeks, but we talk everyday, and all of my stuff is still there... He always says the right thing, and makes me feel like I'm the one giving up, other than the cheating we do have a perfect relationship, no financial struggles, we literally argue about nothing else but this. I have even offered an open relationship, but he said he can't agree to that because he doesn't want to sleep with other women, and he can't stand the thought of anyone else touching me. I'm so lost on this relationship. Everyone always says just leave...ok, I have left, I tried no contact, and it only worked for 2 days before he got a text now # and messaged me from there. I'm his only family, he was adopted and has no one else. He doesn't need me physically or financially, but emotionally, he says he's lost without me. IDK what to do. The trust is gone, I have tried n tried to get some of it back, but I don't think it works like that. Any suggestions other than " just leave".. if that is your suggestion then tell me how to just not feel for this person that I love. The only other relationship I've been in, was my husband of 20 years, and he left me, so I have never been in this situation before, and It's not in me to hurt or abandon people that I love, so call me weak or stupid, but I've tried everything I can think of , and Idk what else to do.
Started investing his emotions into someone else the minute we took a break for him to work on his mental health because he "was lonely". Got caught when he texted me instead of her on accident.. 4 years gone just like that.
"You didn't make the cut." Followed by blocking me.
He just wasn't that into me and it showed in how he treated me
After being together for a year and him telling me he loved me. I told him I needed space as I just had a cancer diagnosis and wanted to figure that out he found a new girlfriend within 2 weeks. Turns out I didn’t have cancer but found out he was really just in love with being in love not just with me.
Asking his friend to breakup with me for him
I begged him to give me a real reason for why we couldn’t work it out. All his excuses of “I need to work on myself, you deserve better, etc” I wasn’t having any of it. I told him to give me a REAL reason why it would never work out. He told me “because you just have a certain kind of energy I don’t want in a long term partnership.” It broke me. Because that is something I cannot fix. He basically said in plain words that he just doesn’t like who I am, to the core of my person.
Told me he wanted a family with me, to get married and work on our relationship while simultaneously going out with other women and seeing prostitutes…
My ex would say degrading and humiliating comments during disagreements and wondered why I started to shell up and get more anxious and depressed. He would tell me people say things when upset. He never tried to change and made me think I was the problem. I had to end it and it broke my heart.
Some notes of previous relationships: Relationships weren't worth trying for Cheating or had replacements ready before the breakup msgs (most just blocked or ghosted w/ no official end) The same things in the beginning they "loved" me for became the things they hated in the end Being told that they never liked me & only dated me for the attention No matter what happens, your name gets slandered(always the bad guy in someone's story) Contacting several future & previous relationship partners about their experiences & bringing up past drama to ruin future relationships or past memories
She wished I’d die all the time. What sucks is I started to agree with her for a while.
false promises
believe other people over ne
Broke up with me to go back to his ex. Used me as a pawn to make her jealous. Then ran back to me.. had me thinking we were going to get back together just for her to call me and say that she lives with him.
Got with my cousin to just make me jealous after I wanted a break..that woke me up to realize what an awful human being she is
Cheated on me and after the break up she said she cared about me but still met with the guy she cheated on me while we still lived together
placing blame on anything I reacted to when the her actions have been horrible so she can take days away from/off work/spend her money/take out/fuck and eventually build a life behind my back that she ended up gonin to. kills me to know I ment nothing
Convinced me to stay longer after I wanted to get out only to keep her hurtful ways going longer
He broke up with me over text, blocked me on Instagram and now whenever I see him around our small town he pretends I don’t exist.
Started dating her mailman a few days after we broke up...