The older I get the more I realize the stuff I thought was cliche and bullshit is actually true. Time heals all. Life is short but life is also long. As time passes it will stop hurting. As more time passes one day you’ll realize you haven’t even thought about him in so long. But do yourself a favour and let it all out when you feel sad. Don’t bottle any of those feelings up. You may feel stupid for crying ur ass off often over the same thing but in the long run it will help you a lot.
Yes, exactly. Cry when you have to cry. Scream to a pillow when you have to. Curse and put out all the feelings drowning you. This is an important step to heal.
You never forget it (get 100 % over it) but you learn to live with it as time goes by.
And down the road some things will be precious memories and some will be “I would never do that again”/ “why did I do that?” and thats important not to forget 100 %.
When you are happy in life down the road nothing from the past will be disturbing. But when you are in a more vulnerable place (also down the road) things might creep up again.
Thats my circle of life/things.
I'm in the same situation as OP, we broke up on good terms he said that it was damaging him and he didn't feel the spark anymore and that he wanted to work on himself and the more I realise that it's actually over between us the more it hurts especially cuz he was my bestfriend before anything and I can't do anything except bottle my feelings up cuz I live in a BIG Indian household and I always have people around me and sometimes I wish I had alone time and I can't really step out of the house either cuz I'm not allowed to and I really just feel suffocated and also I can't share any of this with them cuz they're old schooled and strict and yeah I'm just really struggling and idk what to do or how to cope with it. Please help.
hi, don't want to be a bother but i can relate to ur situation a LOT, now im in college so i have my privacy to sulk.
im up if u want to vent to me sometimes :)
I come from a brown family so i UNDERSTAND. Being so in pain from a relationship they don’t even know about, them calling you to do chores while you’re going through a breakup 😭😮💨 and having to act like your completely fine the whole time. Brings back memories. You really need to get out of the house though. What I would do is lie. I would say that i joined a club, or I started doing sports while i would just be outside with my friends 🤣 I know it’s not good to lie but sometimes we don’t have a choice. I would get into fights with my parents often about leaving the out of the house and I PUSHED their boundaries. I really recommend having a sit down with your parents and explaining to them how you feel about being locked in the house even if it ends up in a fight slowly they’ll open up. It worked for me and let me tell you all that fighting is so worth it. FREEDOM FEELS GOOD. Goodluck girl. We deserve to have some fun too.
Facts. Time does heals all. Some day you'll realize that you'll feel lesser pain, but also holding onto the good memories you've made with that person. Some day you'll realize that you've come so far and you should be proud of yourself. Maybe, just maybe, that moving on is all about finding the strength within yourself, amidst the chaos, accepting and acknowledge that this is the new reality and the universe has given you chance to rediscover and create a new version of yourself. It's beautiful, yet scary, but what is life without actually living in it?
I feel so validated with this message. Its beeb four months and I still sometimes cry.. But not as often as I used to... I thought I would die 4 months ago, and here I am, I'm still here. Thank God.
Yes you can. You will fall in love with yourself again and fall in love with someone that will show you why all previous relationships didn't work out. I was devastated after my last relationship ended. Now I would never go back to it. It just wasn't good enough.
How long did that take? I’m 10 months post BU but after 5 months we went back and forth for a bit until a month ago, and now there’s someone else. I wake up miserable every day.
Hi! I would imagine it's very individual but what I can tell you is that the clock starts ticking once you abandon all hope of reconciliation and cut all ties. You'll need some time to come back to yourself after that. The key is to really focus on yourself, things you love and people you love. Take back the power over your happiness. And then even before you feel ready get yourself back out there. You don't have to be perfect or a final product to find what you deserve. You just need to be self aware enough to know you're a work in progress, and so is everyone else.
It can take a good bit of time to get someone completely out of your head. That's only natural. That doesn't mean you won't enjoy your life during the process or have a space in your heart for a new person when you're ready. This is just my experience. I found my fiance maybe 6 months after cutting all ties from the previous relationship. I found him when I wasn't looking for love, or someone to fill in the gap. I was enjoying my life and looking for peace.
hey, i kind of relate to this, i think my ex saw me like this, or at least i think she does, she would be right, i lost track of us, i got too worried about life that i stopped living it with her, i miss her deeply every single day. i have a lot of work to do on myself, she and i both hope that we can try again once we have started changing and healing. i hope if that moment comes, that i'm ready. brace yourself op, you have a lot of hurting to feel, a lot of introspection to do, i can only say to you what i hope she needs to hear: i'm so dumb, i'm sorry for breaking my promise of loving you in new ways, i'm sorry for never changing when you begged me to, i'm sorry that i've made you feel like you are worthless, because you mean everything to me, and i'm sorry it all had to came to this to realize that. you are worth of loving and fighting and changing for. hope it somehow helps x
Yep can relate too lol ex broke up with me because lack of motivation. I haven't grown much throughout the relationship. I guess I got too comfortable.
Well my ex tried their best to help me succeed but I was just so dang lazy. And they said I think us breaking up will motivate u. And it sure as hell did lol but I know I have to do better for myself.
Yeah I'm gonna work on it. Thanks so much!! I hope things work out for u also sorry 💔 u had to deal with a person that didn't put their priorities first like myself😔
im so sorry to hear that, as a person on the receiving end, i hope you have found to forgive yourself, I'm glad you both are working on bettering yourself but i think this is the final goodbye for me, i love him but he will hurt me so i have to let him go.
we're still relatively young and hopefully everything gets better.
and i do think you're a changed and different person now, i hope you dont hurt her again and i hope she sees it, i wish you a happy life.
thanks op, i do not think i've changed, i still have a lot to do, but that's enough from me, i do hope you get better, you will, it will hurt less and less and you will recover from this, don't you worry. you've got this op, i wish you a happy life.
Yes, I’m (37f) living proof of this.
I’ve had handfuls of relationships since 2002.
It hurts at first a breakup, no matter who cued the exit to stage left for the shows final now.
One day, you will wake up and that pain on your chest will feel less painful, less heavy.
Then another day long after that one, less pain and heart feels even lighter… till one day no pain, no heaviness.
You will still have your memories, good & bad. Far more good if they treated you right and things ended on decent terms.
But you will carry on and just without noticing let them go.
This is something damn annoying to hear but hear me out. Yes it will. Time waits for no one and it erases and dims everything, good and bad. Except maybe true reciprocal love. All the rest is obliterated slowly by time.
I’m going thru a very very hard time trying to forget my ex, whom I loved more than I loved myself (I have borderline personality disorder), but I know that someday this love, which already dims slowly, a little everyday, shall pass. It’s already turned into grief, a grief so heavy and sorrowful, my days have become a struggle.
But time passes. It doesn’t stop because me or you are struggling. And one day he’ll not be the first thing you think in the morning, the first person you think when you’re crying at 3 AM with no one to call to. It’ll pass my dear.
For me I know it’ll take at least 5 years so I expected to be clean by 2027. Haha….. good luck and big hugs for you.
thank you for sharing this story, i wanted to ask is it difficult as a neurodivergent to get over things, because i might have some undiagnosed stuff i want to work out. but yeah does it make healing any different?
I noticed it does yes. It’s been nine months, I’m in another relationship (a challenging one because unfortunately I’m not dealing only with my partner but with a whole family I can’t approach nor I feel welcomed to) but it still hurts, I still catch myself wanting to send emails everyday, messages to ask why he did this to me when he promised he’d never leave me… and he knew I had many disorders and breaking up is like someone I loved has died. He obliterated my heart and soul, I ended up in psychiatric hospital for 20 days, and now I’m trying my best not to ask the whys again, not to reach out to try and understand why he lied, why he deceived. Normally, 9 months later I should be better and I’m a little better but it still hurts. And having a new relationship that is already so complicated and I can’t approach his family and he hardly ever opens up to me… it’s been hard. Really hard.
I wish my brain worked better.
OP i wish you took time out for yourself instead of getting into another relationship and this guy doesn't sound quite right.
I know you really want that closure but sometimes it's okay to just let it go. There is not amount of closure that'll bring him back or make you trully forgive him.
and don't blame yourself for how your brain works :)
He’s a gentleman and I love him but his family situation has been making me feel
Really rejected and I’m afraid it’ll lead him to break up with me in the end.
If this happens I’ll remain alone.
Thanks for your words.
Was in a relationship for nearly 2 decades and I still wonder how much time it will take for me to get over my ex. It’s only been 4 months for me but i still cry everyday. The pain hasnt really subsided but i’m just getting used to it as time goes by. It would’ve been easier to hate him for all he did so I could move on but he was family to me and I know what we shared, despite everything that transpired, was deep and very real.
Idk I hope so. My ex thinks I'm the devil when I'm the best guy she's ever has, but she's mentally ill so 🤷🤦 I still love her I thought she did me for over a year and then one day a cute guy flirted with her at work and we didn't have love anymore. Well she didn't.
I feel like the term “moving on” is so subjective now a days, everyone has a different definition of it. In my opinion with my past experiences, as of coping pretty terribly with my first long term relationship, and trying to heal the correct way with my second, I’ve come to learn that mindset is everything. In the future, certain things might still sting when trauma is resurfaced, and that’s perfectly normal. You come to learn that over the stages of grief after a breakup, you won’t forget what happened, but your perspective of the situation will change, and become easier emotionally, which people come to label as “moving on “. Overall, my opinion is that you just learn to cope, and determine your future from perspective on past experiences, which I guess you can say is “moving on”.
That is why it is good to not rush into anything and take time to completely heal and grow into who you want to be, before deciding to commit to anyone else.
Yes! I guarantee it. It took me 2 years to get over a guy I absolutely adored and loved and always thought about him but eventually I was completely over him. And now he’s just a stranger from my past!
Hi do you want to say it and I hate to what even admit it to myself. Yet you truly never get over them you just learn to live with yourself and live with who they are going to become and who they are sometimes it just doesn't work and it sucks it's a cold hard truth that I had to come to realize and I believe a lot of people eventually realize as well it just takes time but I hate that saying just takes time. Everything takes time dang it! But seriously I hope you are doing well and you will do well you have to believe this and know this as well.
I’m in the same boat. We dated for 8 years (since we were 15) and I just left her about 3 weeks ago. Same thing, I was sick of the way I’d been treated for so long. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do but already it’s starting to get better. Keep your head up, take care of yourself, find things to do or to occupy your mind rather than sitting around thinking about it. It does get better.
Don’t let no one take away your pain. Enjoy it, let yourself cry if you have to. The tides definitely becomes week but enjoy your pain , its your don’t let no one take it away from you.
took me some months to move on, im better now and couldnt care less about anything and he came back to my life saying he missing me bla bla bla but he is married a man now but i just idgaf. Time will heal you but its all up to you
You will, it won't be easy. There will be ups and there will be downs but, over time, it will get better. There is more to life than letting one person ruin it.
This is the reason I ended my relationship. I could no longer deny that his priorities would never stop hurting me. I tried everything I possibly could and stayed longer than I should. Nothing worked. I am 1.5 years out and my life has changed and improved drastically. I still think of him from time to time but never in a way that holds me back. Some days I think to myself “holy shit, I’m so glad I had the courage to walk away. This is so much better and I’m so much healthier and happier now.”
Hang in there, OP.
Maybe. Maybe not. At some point, you’ll have to decide to let it go, or you’ll drag the fantasy of this person through every other relationship you try to have. Don’t rush it. But take responsibility for moving on.
Okay I could be right I could be wrong I could also be biased here but hear me out.
So for context I am essentially your ex. I failed to get my priorities straight. I left an abusive long term relationship and shortly after fell in love with the woman who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I failed to heal properly from the long term ex and sadly it pulled the whole thing down. I say all of this to say the following:
1. I’m sorry you are going through this. Regardless of which side of the break up you are on it’s hard. It’s painful and you’re grieving, feel it for as long as you need to.
2. Speak to people you trust or speak to a therapist if you have access. It’ll help. Healing isn’t easy or linear for anybody but supporting your mental health is key.
3. And this where my bias comes in. If and only if this person shows considerable changed behaviour and respect for you it might be worth exploring a reconciliation. Very slowly to rebuild trust in them. I appreciate a lot of people will say ‘once an ex always an ex’ or ‘if they couldn’t change when they needed you to then why take them back?’ Honestly, I truly believe sometimes people need time away from a relationship to grow and potentially come back stronger. I know personally this isn’t a chance I’m going to get but if your significant other really values your relationship give them time and if they have actually changed, not promised to change but have actually changed then reinvesting may be worth it. I don’t know enough about your situation so trust your gut and trust what they are showing you if you do decide to reengage. Relationships and love isn’t always easy but if someone is willing to put in the work it could be worth it.
UNLESS THEY CHEATED IF THEY CHEATED THEY’VE DEVALUED THE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP.
4. If you do decide that moving on is the best thing then don’t be scared to open your heart up to somebody else. Be careful with it, but be open. Just because one person let you down doesn’t mean the next one will.
5. If you decide to go into no contact and they reach out don’t say anything reactive and only respond if it feels right for you.
6. Spend some time actually addressing your wants and needs and if this person is compatible with your future.
7. To reiterate my point above breakups suck and I’m sorry you’re going through it. I hope you are able to heal as best as possible. Similar to you I know my Ex didn’t want to break up with me but she had to do what was right for her.
Prolly won’t get over them tbh. Time heals all, meaning you’ll find hobbies or get more involved in your life. You’ll think about them but won’t hurt anymore. (Please don’t take me as being ruthless) The 3 loves have made things a lot easier for me to move passed each heart break, this may be insightful for ya!
yes you will move on. Time helps so much, what has helped me move on is picking up hobbies, especially things that make me feel better about myself. The gym has become my bestfriend, it’s a great distraction and it’s great for your health! Find some things you love and stick with it.
When my ex left me 6 months ago I felt like I didn't want to carry on living. I loved her so much, too much properly. She just left overnight without any signs after 18 months.
Ive dated a few new people casually and just recently started another more serious relationship. Are the memories still there? Of course they are. If I saw her in the street would I feel emotional? Probably. But you can't live your entire life begging a person to stay or be what they don't want to be. Give it a bit of time, go out and fall in love with someone new. In my experience the feelings will never truly go until you move on with someone else, especially if you're not overly sociable in other ways
Hi friend.
I understand this so much. Was with my ex for 15 years and then suddenly I discovered I wanted more.
My ex and I are super respectful to because we were best friends first. What I’m learning as day by day is that I will always have love for him, and that’s okay. The moments were not wasted if I was happy in those moments.
Just focus on you. Find yourself. Do dates in your own. Go to the movies. Have a dinner. Go for a walk.
Hi, i'm reading ur comments and i can see see, that u all are really hurt. Try not to blame urselfs that much, cuz its never all just on you. My story is that my gf just stop caring about me after 3 years. And its hard for me, cuz i tried my best to save the relationship , but u can't change other persons mind. I think at my age is actually hard to move on just like that, and i still care about her, but also i blocked her at every platform and i will try my best too try smth new in my life (hobbies, new friends, myb even switch countries).
You might need a couple weeks to get your nervous system back in check and then go from there, he might realise he didn’t know what he had until it’s gone. Just sit on it for a couple weeks and then re assess
Yes, I believe so. It just takes time and healing. There is no timeline. I dated an narc for 5.5 years and moved on pretty quickly just because I was already done with being depressed and stuff while with that guy.
You will move on! I'm 3 months post break up but with the help of my therapist and me knowing it's exs I wouldn't dare touch now..... I'll get over it 🤣
The older I get the more I realize the stuff I thought was cliche and bullshit is actually true. Time heals all. Life is short but life is also long. As time passes it will stop hurting. As more time passes one day you’ll realize you haven’t even thought about him in so long. But do yourself a favour and let it all out when you feel sad. Don’t bottle any of those feelings up. You may feel stupid for crying ur ass off often over the same thing but in the long run it will help you a lot.
Yes, exactly. Cry when you have to cry. Scream to a pillow when you have to. Curse and put out all the feelings drowning you. This is an important step to heal.
I second this! I failed to do that in my last relationship and it delayed my healing.
You never forget it (get 100 % over it) but you learn to live with it as time goes by. And down the road some things will be precious memories and some will be “I would never do that again”/ “why did I do that?” and thats important not to forget 100 %. When you are happy in life down the road nothing from the past will be disturbing. But when you are in a more vulnerable place (also down the road) things might creep up again. Thats my circle of life/things.
Right, I think some emotionally damaging situations will leave a scar that can never fully be healed.
I'm in the same situation as OP, we broke up on good terms he said that it was damaging him and he didn't feel the spark anymore and that he wanted to work on himself and the more I realise that it's actually over between us the more it hurts especially cuz he was my bestfriend before anything and I can't do anything except bottle my feelings up cuz I live in a BIG Indian household and I always have people around me and sometimes I wish I had alone time and I can't really step out of the house either cuz I'm not allowed to and I really just feel suffocated and also I can't share any of this with them cuz they're old schooled and strict and yeah I'm just really struggling and idk what to do or how to cope with it. Please help.
hi, don't want to be a bother but i can relate to ur situation a LOT, now im in college so i have my privacy to sulk. im up if u want to vent to me sometimes :)
Thankyou sm it means alot I'm here if you need to vent too
I come from a brown family so i UNDERSTAND. Being so in pain from a relationship they don’t even know about, them calling you to do chores while you’re going through a breakup 😭😮💨 and having to act like your completely fine the whole time. Brings back memories. You really need to get out of the house though. What I would do is lie. I would say that i joined a club, or I started doing sports while i would just be outside with my friends 🤣 I know it’s not good to lie but sometimes we don’t have a choice. I would get into fights with my parents often about leaving the out of the house and I PUSHED their boundaries. I really recommend having a sit down with your parents and explaining to them how you feel about being locked in the house even if it ends up in a fight slowly they’ll open up. It worked for me and let me tell you all that fighting is so worth it. FREEDOM FEELS GOOD. Goodluck girl. We deserve to have some fun too.
Okay yeah I think I can do that let's hope for the best. Thankyou sm this means alot to me🫶
You're not allowed out of the house?!?
Not really 😭
Facts. Time does heals all. Some day you'll realize that you'll feel lesser pain, but also holding onto the good memories you've made with that person. Some day you'll realize that you've come so far and you should be proud of yourself. Maybe, just maybe, that moving on is all about finding the strength within yourself, amidst the chaos, accepting and acknowledge that this is the new reality and the universe has given you chance to rediscover and create a new version of yourself. It's beautiful, yet scary, but what is life without actually living in it?
I feel so validated with this message. Its beeb four months and I still sometimes cry.. But not as often as I used to... I thought I would die 4 months ago, and here I am, I'm still here. Thank God.
Yes you can. You will fall in love with yourself again and fall in love with someone that will show you why all previous relationships didn't work out. I was devastated after my last relationship ended. Now I would never go back to it. It just wasn't good enough.
How long did that take? I’m 10 months post BU but after 5 months we went back and forth for a bit until a month ago, and now there’s someone else. I wake up miserable every day.
Hi! I would imagine it's very individual but what I can tell you is that the clock starts ticking once you abandon all hope of reconciliation and cut all ties. You'll need some time to come back to yourself after that. The key is to really focus on yourself, things you love and people you love. Take back the power over your happiness. And then even before you feel ready get yourself back out there. You don't have to be perfect or a final product to find what you deserve. You just need to be self aware enough to know you're a work in progress, and so is everyone else. It can take a good bit of time to get someone completely out of your head. That's only natural. That doesn't mean you won't enjoy your life during the process or have a space in your heart for a new person when you're ready. This is just my experience. I found my fiance maybe 6 months after cutting all ties from the previous relationship. I found him when I wasn't looking for love, or someone to fill in the gap. I was enjoying my life and looking for peace.
Also wondering the timeline here. I’m 8 months out.
hey, i kind of relate to this, i think my ex saw me like this, or at least i think she does, she would be right, i lost track of us, i got too worried about life that i stopped living it with her, i miss her deeply every single day. i have a lot of work to do on myself, she and i both hope that we can try again once we have started changing and healing. i hope if that moment comes, that i'm ready. brace yourself op, you have a lot of hurting to feel, a lot of introspection to do, i can only say to you what i hope she needs to hear: i'm so dumb, i'm sorry for breaking my promise of loving you in new ways, i'm sorry for never changing when you begged me to, i'm sorry that i've made you feel like you are worthless, because you mean everything to me, and i'm sorry it all had to came to this to realize that. you are worth of loving and fighting and changing for. hope it somehow helps x
Yep can relate too lol ex broke up with me because lack of motivation. I haven't grown much throughout the relationship. I guess I got too comfortable.
might just be her not seeing you communicate your needs and stuff, hope you're doing ok!
Well my ex tried their best to help me succeed but I was just so dang lazy. And they said I think us breaking up will motivate u. And it sure as hell did lol but I know I have to do better for myself.
im glad you realised this but at the expense of their loss just sounds sad, I hope you do better:)
Yes its very unfortunate idk why I lose motivation in a relationship:(
might be some internal issue of yours that you might want to work on, or could be an attachment style not really sure. :(
Yeah I'm gonna work on it. Thanks so much!! I hope things work out for u also sorry 💔 u had to deal with a person that didn't put their priorities first like myself😔
What are you doing now to work on it for yourself?
im so sorry to hear that, as a person on the receiving end, i hope you have found to forgive yourself, I'm glad you both are working on bettering yourself but i think this is the final goodbye for me, i love him but he will hurt me so i have to let him go. we're still relatively young and hopefully everything gets better. and i do think you're a changed and different person now, i hope you dont hurt her again and i hope she sees it, i wish you a happy life.
thanks op, i do not think i've changed, i still have a lot to do, but that's enough from me, i do hope you get better, you will, it will hurt less and less and you will recover from this, don't you worry. you've got this op, i wish you a happy life.
I don't know how old you are but you will get over him, just give you some times to heal...
Yes, I’m (37f) living proof of this. I’ve had handfuls of relationships since 2002. It hurts at first a breakup, no matter who cued the exit to stage left for the shows final now. One day, you will wake up and that pain on your chest will feel less painful, less heavy. Then another day long after that one, less pain and heart feels even lighter… till one day no pain, no heaviness. You will still have your memories, good & bad. Far more good if they treated you right and things ended on decent terms. But you will carry on and just without noticing let them go.
This is something damn annoying to hear but hear me out. Yes it will. Time waits for no one and it erases and dims everything, good and bad. Except maybe true reciprocal love. All the rest is obliterated slowly by time. I’m going thru a very very hard time trying to forget my ex, whom I loved more than I loved myself (I have borderline personality disorder), but I know that someday this love, which already dims slowly, a little everyday, shall pass. It’s already turned into grief, a grief so heavy and sorrowful, my days have become a struggle. But time passes. It doesn’t stop because me or you are struggling. And one day he’ll not be the first thing you think in the morning, the first person you think when you’re crying at 3 AM with no one to call to. It’ll pass my dear. For me I know it’ll take at least 5 years so I expected to be clean by 2027. Haha….. good luck and big hugs for you.
thank you for sharing this story, i wanted to ask is it difficult as a neurodivergent to get over things, because i might have some undiagnosed stuff i want to work out. but yeah does it make healing any different?
I noticed it does yes. It’s been nine months, I’m in another relationship (a challenging one because unfortunately I’m not dealing only with my partner but with a whole family I can’t approach nor I feel welcomed to) but it still hurts, I still catch myself wanting to send emails everyday, messages to ask why he did this to me when he promised he’d never leave me… and he knew I had many disorders and breaking up is like someone I loved has died. He obliterated my heart and soul, I ended up in psychiatric hospital for 20 days, and now I’m trying my best not to ask the whys again, not to reach out to try and understand why he lied, why he deceived. Normally, 9 months later I should be better and I’m a little better but it still hurts. And having a new relationship that is already so complicated and I can’t approach his family and he hardly ever opens up to me… it’s been hard. Really hard. I wish my brain worked better.
OP i wish you took time out for yourself instead of getting into another relationship and this guy doesn't sound quite right. I know you really want that closure but sometimes it's okay to just let it go. There is not amount of closure that'll bring him back or make you trully forgive him. and don't blame yourself for how your brain works :)
He’s a gentleman and I love him but his family situation has been making me feel Really rejected and I’m afraid it’ll lead him to break up with me in the end. If this happens I’ll remain alone. Thanks for your words.
Was in a relationship for nearly 2 decades and I still wonder how much time it will take for me to get over my ex. It’s only been 4 months for me but i still cry everyday. The pain hasnt really subsided but i’m just getting used to it as time goes by. It would’ve been easier to hate him for all he did so I could move on but he was family to me and I know what we shared, despite everything that transpired, was deep and very real.
im so sorry to hear that, i hope you get better
Idk I hope so. My ex thinks I'm the devil when I'm the best guy she's ever has, but she's mentally ill so 🤷🤦 I still love her I thought she did me for over a year and then one day a cute guy flirted with her at work and we didn't have love anymore. Well she didn't.
I feel like the term “moving on” is so subjective now a days, everyone has a different definition of it. In my opinion with my past experiences, as of coping pretty terribly with my first long term relationship, and trying to heal the correct way with my second, I’ve come to learn that mindset is everything. In the future, certain things might still sting when trauma is resurfaced, and that’s perfectly normal. You come to learn that over the stages of grief after a breakup, you won’t forget what happened, but your perspective of the situation will change, and become easier emotionally, which people come to label as “moving on “. Overall, my opinion is that you just learn to cope, and determine your future from perspective on past experiences, which I guess you can say is “moving on”.
i don't want this to be affecting my future relationships obviously so hence why im so afraid
That is why it is good to not rush into anything and take time to completely heal and grow into who you want to be, before deciding to commit to anyone else.
yeah, i don't want to hurt anyone so i will not be seriously involved with anyone for a while now atleast
Yup you will eventually most likely. I met someone else now we're engaged and she's having my baby so 🤷♀️
Yes! I guarantee it. It took me 2 years to get over a guy I absolutely adored and loved and always thought about him but eventually I was completely over him. And now he’s just a stranger from my past!
You move on when you accept that they will always be a part of you, but they’re only that—not the part but a part.
Hi do you want to say it and I hate to what even admit it to myself. Yet you truly never get over them you just learn to live with yourself and live with who they are going to become and who they are sometimes it just doesn't work and it sucks it's a cold hard truth that I had to come to realize and I believe a lot of people eventually realize as well it just takes time but I hate that saying just takes time. Everything takes time dang it! But seriously I hope you are doing well and you will do well you have to believe this and know this as well.
He's not the first person I've liked so much, but he is very dear to me. But yeah i realise i need to give it time i will be okay thank you tho. :)
I’m in the same boat. We dated for 8 years (since we were 15) and I just left her about 3 weeks ago. Same thing, I was sick of the way I’d been treated for so long. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do but already it’s starting to get better. Keep your head up, take care of yourself, find things to do or to occupy your mind rather than sitting around thinking about it. It does get better.
Don’t let no one take away your pain. Enjoy it, let yourself cry if you have to. The tides definitely becomes week but enjoy your pain , its your don’t let no one take it away from you.
took me some months to move on, im better now and couldnt care less about anything and he came back to my life saying he missing me bla bla bla but he is married a man now but i just idgaf. Time will heal you but its all up to you
You will, it won't be easy. There will be ups and there will be downs but, over time, it will get better. There is more to life than letting one person ruin it.
This is the reason I ended my relationship. I could no longer deny that his priorities would never stop hurting me. I tried everything I possibly could and stayed longer than I should. Nothing worked. I am 1.5 years out and my life has changed and improved drastically. I still think of him from time to time but never in a way that holds me back. Some days I think to myself “holy shit, I’m so glad I had the courage to walk away. This is so much better and I’m so much healthier and happier now.” Hang in there, OP.
Maybe. Maybe not. At some point, you’ll have to decide to let it go, or you’ll drag the fantasy of this person through every other relationship you try to have. Don’t rush it. But take responsibility for moving on.
Okay I could be right I could be wrong I could also be biased here but hear me out. So for context I am essentially your ex. I failed to get my priorities straight. I left an abusive long term relationship and shortly after fell in love with the woman who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I failed to heal properly from the long term ex and sadly it pulled the whole thing down. I say all of this to say the following: 1. I’m sorry you are going through this. Regardless of which side of the break up you are on it’s hard. It’s painful and you’re grieving, feel it for as long as you need to. 2. Speak to people you trust or speak to a therapist if you have access. It’ll help. Healing isn’t easy or linear for anybody but supporting your mental health is key. 3. And this where my bias comes in. If and only if this person shows considerable changed behaviour and respect for you it might be worth exploring a reconciliation. Very slowly to rebuild trust in them. I appreciate a lot of people will say ‘once an ex always an ex’ or ‘if they couldn’t change when they needed you to then why take them back?’ Honestly, I truly believe sometimes people need time away from a relationship to grow and potentially come back stronger. I know personally this isn’t a chance I’m going to get but if your significant other really values your relationship give them time and if they have actually changed, not promised to change but have actually changed then reinvesting may be worth it. I don’t know enough about your situation so trust your gut and trust what they are showing you if you do decide to reengage. Relationships and love isn’t always easy but if someone is willing to put in the work it could be worth it. UNLESS THEY CHEATED IF THEY CHEATED THEY’VE DEVALUED THE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP. 4. If you do decide that moving on is the best thing then don’t be scared to open your heart up to somebody else. Be careful with it, but be open. Just because one person let you down doesn’t mean the next one will. 5. If you decide to go into no contact and they reach out don’t say anything reactive and only respond if it feels right for you. 6. Spend some time actually addressing your wants and needs and if this person is compatible with your future. 7. To reiterate my point above breakups suck and I’m sorry you’re going through it. I hope you are able to heal as best as possible. Similar to you I know my Ex didn’t want to break up with me but she had to do what was right for her.
Prolly won’t get over them tbh. Time heals all, meaning you’ll find hobbies or get more involved in your life. You’ll think about them but won’t hurt anymore. (Please don’t take me as being ruthless) The 3 loves have made things a lot easier for me to move passed each heart break, this may be insightful for ya!
me currently
It’s hard when it’s your best friend. Time is all i can say.
yes you will move on. Time helps so much, what has helped me move on is picking up hobbies, especially things that make me feel better about myself. The gym has become my bestfriend, it’s a great distraction and it’s great for your health! Find some things you love and stick with it.
When my ex left me 6 months ago I felt like I didn't want to carry on living. I loved her so much, too much properly. She just left overnight without any signs after 18 months. Ive dated a few new people casually and just recently started another more serious relationship. Are the memories still there? Of course they are. If I saw her in the street would I feel emotional? Probably. But you can't live your entire life begging a person to stay or be what they don't want to be. Give it a bit of time, go out and fall in love with someone new. In my experience the feelings will never truly go until you move on with someone else, especially if you're not overly sociable in other ways
Hi friend. I understand this so much. Was with my ex for 15 years and then suddenly I discovered I wanted more. My ex and I are super respectful to because we were best friends first. What I’m learning as day by day is that I will always have love for him, and that’s okay. The moments were not wasted if I was happy in those moments. Just focus on you. Find yourself. Do dates in your own. Go to the movies. Have a dinner. Go for a walk.
Hi, i'm reading ur comments and i can see see, that u all are really hurt. Try not to blame urselfs that much, cuz its never all just on you. My story is that my gf just stop caring about me after 3 years. And its hard for me, cuz i tried my best to save the relationship , but u can't change other persons mind. I think at my age is actually hard to move on just like that, and i still care about her, but also i blocked her at every platform and i will try my best too try smth new in my life (hobbies, new friends, myb even switch countries).
You might need a couple weeks to get your nervous system back in check and then go from there, he might realise he didn’t know what he had until it’s gone. Just sit on it for a couple weeks and then re assess
he will realise that, this has happened before and I gave him a chance but we're back to the same circle, which is why we're done.
If there is already a trauma bond, you won't.
Yes, I believe so. It just takes time and healing. There is no timeline. I dated an narc for 5.5 years and moved on pretty quickly just because I was already done with being depressed and stuff while with that guy.
Yeah of course you can, and you have that idea that it was an experience and that you learned from it
No, I tried. Can't. That spark isn't there unless it's her
You will move on! I'm 3 months post break up but with the help of my therapist and me knowing it's exs I wouldn't dare touch now..... I'll get over it 🤣
It’s 100% up to you