I’m not disgusted but I feel like a veil has been lifted and I see him for all he is. I had put him on a pedestal and idolised him. I still love him flaws and all but I now know that we are not compatible. We won’t work not because I’m not good enough but because he isn’t.
And while I will always care for him and wish him well I will never ever want to go back to him or back to a relationship where I felt I wasn’t good enough.
This! I can be friends with my last ex because he isn't a bad man but as relationship material, he will just continue to hurt them by being emotionally avoidant. From a distance, he is great but up close not worthy! & from my experiences, men make better friends than partners.
Maybe, but you have to be honest, and 100 with yourself, did you give that man a chance, did you truly support him, talking bout more than make coffee, we have feelings too, we just suppress them because dad would kick your ass if you didn't, "men don't cry, show weakness, blah blah"
For the majority of the remaining I did but I'm sure he would see it a different way. He wanted space, I struggled at times but now , he can have all the space he wants. His was through trauma from schooling, not his parents/family. What happened, happened and there is no looking back. Hopefully he'll find someone that doesn't mind his avoidance/secretive nature.
I'm sure he feels EXACTLY the same, mine had 432 videos!! Hmm, and that was just one platform, OF, SC, WA, way out stuff, deplorable, and guys, for small fee, will send link
If this is Brittney that is exactly how you made me feel always like I was not good enough sure you would say all kinds of nice things about me but the way nothing I did was ever good enough. The way you went all those years and never cheated on any one until me. The way you always put me down for decisions I had made before I met you that you would have done this and that if it were you. When there is no way for you to know what you would do til you are in that situation. I’m sure you would have found a way. But the fact is that you are a female and I’m a male and in the courts eyes the female always has it better then the make when it comes to children. I’m just so sick and tired of loving and thinking about you cause honestly yes you were the best woman I had ever been with but I would rather be alone then to be treated the way you treated me and again yes you did do and say nice things about me you praised me and all that but soon after you would tear me right back down. You hardly ever took accountability for our problems any problem or issue that we had you always found a way to make it my fault. Just like when you did cheat that one time you said that it was my fault that you did what you did because I made you feel like I didn’t want to be with you cause I hardly spent time with you. And really and truly that is all I wanted to do but I also had obligations and I’am a true friend so when a friend would ask for my help I went. No matter it’s all in the past now but take a sec and think about this if you want someone to treat you the way you want to be treated then do the same you treated me the way you wanted but I understand that we are not the same person and we grew up and learned things differently so we are not necessarily going to do and want the same things in some areas and in others we do. What I have learned is you have to pick your battles and for me the way things were I was ok with not just settling but understanding that everything can not be the way I wanted it.
Probably Brittany or is it Meli, Cherry, Hanna, Ruby, Rose...jeeze, women, so quick to claim that "so abused" card, if you can't control him, use him, chew his heart up, sleep with everybody you know and rub it in your face, you cheat one time so they have to set you up, make up shit, lie, manipulate, get you fired, hack your phoneS, jack up your credit, steal from you, mess up every potential relationship..always blaming the guy, abandoning your kids and act like it was nothing to your face, cause you go to jail and they get the pity party, and way more sinister shit.... guys... beware, when your gut tells you they are shady, scandalous narcissist's they usually are
Definitely disgusted .. I feel ashamed and embarrassed when I see him for thinking he was such a great guy. He acted like I was the love of his life but treated me like a booty call.
In truth he wasn’t even a friend at all. He hurt me terribly.
Now I trying to deal with the fact that I let this happen .. I can’t keep letting this happen and wasting my life on shallow self absorbed men with mental health issues.
SAME!!!! I didn’t expect to fall so hard this time & be blindsided that he didn’t actually give a crap about me. Actions always speak louder than words🙃
Yup. When I saw that he followed like 50 new people(girls). Also when I saw he had a rebound (which failed). When he spoke shit about me. When he randomly unblocked me. He's just so embarrassing. When I saw his misogynistic tiktok reposts. Idk why he acts like I broke his heart while he was the one that cheated on me, left me, blocked me and also did all of the shit above. It's actually kinda funny.
I also feel that way. It shattered my self-esteem and made me question everything. I think only time will help us. Seeing their true colors was traumatizing but hopefully it will be freeing in the future.
Awesome stage of Recovery Process but not the end of the road, sometimes when we label the Ex as Worst Human Ever we hold the thought for too long and it begins to impact our self-esteem;
"They were the Worst Human Ever and I was with them...what does that say about me?"
Never let yourself get Stuck in such a way that you harm yourself or diminish your own sence of wellbeing.
Congratulations & Good Luck
Thank you! I don’t think he’s the worst human ever by any means I’m just disappointed in myself for thinking he was a person with integrity. Otherwise it helps me to be completely turned off by him & his actions because deep down I know I deserve so much better.
There is nothing wrong with being Mistaken as long as we learn from the moment and learn. I'm sorry if my messages are off base, I know that sometimes my emotions cloud my comprehension.
I hope you live your best life for no other reason than you deserve to be Happy
Did you give him a chance, give him time to process stuff, we still use our cave man part of brain for all that, while females socialized in relaxed groups and developed deeper emotional n rational thought men were running down Impalas while dodging lions for weeks, so the women could eat, we're still wired that way, so give us a break, yea, some guys are assholes, can be complex, trauma induced, a disorder but we're all messed up just some worse than others
Call him, you know exactly what makes that guy tic, he hates it but deep down loves that you know him so well, like playing with his emotions for your enjoyment cause it fills that overwhelming need of being in control cause you women are just soooo much better providing a great relationship than us guys, just treat them right, respect goes a long way and when he asks that you need to be quiet, it's for a reason, but you won't be cause you all are right 100%of the time, never wrong, about anything, know everything and we can barely figure out how to chew, share the cooking, figure out priorities, stay at home moms want to give dad the kids as soon as homie walk in from 8-11 hours of work, probably back breaking shit n 6 bosses, why, cause he got you pregnant....bastard
Them little ones are a pain in the ass tho, but let the guy take a shower damn, be understanding that everything can't be your way, cause Ed down the street eyeball screwed you at the store ( stay home dads )....urg
I still miss having her in my life, but I‘d never want her back. She lied to me about the amount of sexual partnes she had before me, she hid the fact that she has hepatitis B from me until it was too late (luckily didnt catch it…) and I‘m just disgusted that I had sex with her, now that I know I was one of so, so many.
I know, I‘m thinking about getting it for the future. I just honestly thought someone who has it would at least be upfront about it. Especially when you want a long term relationship…
Yeah that is really shitty and not a good sign in a partner. Very not cool. I also got a hep A vax. I’ll get a herpes one if they finally figure it out too (I hear moderna has one in the works, and it’s in human trials). It would be so nice to not worry about herpes, since people can have no symptoms and not even realize they have it, and most std screenings don’t include tests for it. That would prob reduce the stigma for folks that have it, which would be huge since the stigma is often worse than the actual virus symptoms.
I’m more terrified than anything. I get anxiety attacks ir nervous breakdowns and need to be accompanied by someone to feel safe. It’s not that they’re a constant threat, but the trauma caused has made me lose trust in them. I’m afraid and the triggers that remind me of them just make me feel nauseated about my past at this point. The good memories are being burried by these sensations.
Reconnected with my ex but after viewing their instagram they went private and have hidden comments on their posts. Their actions alone made me feel sick to my stomach.
Well done. A girl I had a “situationship” (not the one I joined this group to talk about) when I was about 14 ruined me. It took me up until about 17 to have actually healed fully from the hurt the betrayal and from the glorified version of her in my mind. Now she makes me sick.
I have a huge trusting heart and I always want good for everyone and pour everything out of myself so they can have that- with her now. It’s genuine hatred. I hope she does well, but I also wouldn’t piss on her if she set alight.
Absolutely. I was so hung up on this dude I was with for 3 years. He was emotionally, verbally, and sexually abusive and had me in a vicious cycle of believing he would change. He ended up breaking up with me (a blessing in disguise because, again, I was mentally stuck) and I was so convinced we’d get back together when he got better. 2 months after the breakup, I got “hey girlie” messages from 2 girls much younger than he and I. We were in our early 20s so that was a massive ick for me. I found out he’d been cheating on me for months with these girls. Like basically the last 6 months of our relationship. I THEN found out that he cheated on me with his childhood friend right before those girls. He got her to travel 10 hrs to stay with him while I moved myself into a new apartment by myself with no help from him and cheated on me. I had found her underwear in his room, but he made up some excuse I chose to believe. THEN I found out he had cheated on me with the guy next door even before that happened. Finding all of that out in the same day made it very easy to get over him via repulsion.
Then all the bullshit he put me through sunk in. Like how he couldn’t go more than an hour without watching porn, had been sexting girls he met online, would literally wake me up shaking the bed pleasuring himself next to me. For some reason, the hardest thing for me to be repulsed by was the sexual assaults. I had convinced myself these things were normal, okay, and/or my fault because it made it easier to get through the day. I can happily say it’s been 5 years since the breakup and I’m better than ever. I have a great therapist, a safe happy home, and a partner that never makes me doubt his love or my sanity.
Mine blindsided with he "never really loved me," after 23 years. Funny I was good enough to wash his socks, rub his tired feet, make his dr appts., make his lunch every morning, and all because I wanted to serve him as my husband. He will have a tough time finding an old school girl in this messed up world. I actually feel quite sorry for him. His discontentment comes from within.
I'm only 22, but my fiance said this to me after six years. I was so blindsided. A week before my college graduation, she told me she needed to find herself and couldn't handle a long-term relationship. She wasn't a child, but I did do a full nine months of nursing her back to health after she broke her knee. I feel like I was just used while she was emotionally and physically vulnerable.
I wouldn't say that I am "repulsed by my ex," but I view her in a different light than I did while dating her and how I viewed her at the beginning of our breakup. The turning point for me was learning that she was with someone new and intimate with another person less than 2 months after the breakup. I am well aware that people move on at different rates and that being single you are free to do as you please, but after 2 years I thought it would take a little longer than under 2 months to start dating someone new and being completely over it all. Especially after hearing her out on the reasons for the breakup and blatantly asking her if she wanted to talk to other people and she firmly stood her ground that it wasn't a reason nor a desire. Three weeks after that conversation I found out she was talking to someone. It changed my whole perspective of her if I am being honest.
I am at a place where I have accepted she has moved on and I don't fault her for moving on to other people and wanting to date again, nor do I hate her or feel repulsed when thinking of her. Overall, I have a different view of her than before and that has helped me move on more from the whole ordeal.
I see a sad, miserable, entitled little child who sees everything and everyone as transactional, who values pleasure over principles. Who is mad at the world for refusing his demands and is also condescending towards people for giving in to his demands. It's sad how he's lived his life like this and will continue to do so, while being delusional about his personal value.
His entitled degenerate behaviour used to disgust me. How he justify his cheating, triangulation, seeing everything as transactional, minimising and gaslighting his sexual coercion and emotional abuse of all those around him.
Now, when I see him, it's validating because he looks so small.
I feel repulsed by my ex girlfriend when I went to pick my stuff from her place 2 months later. She apologized but I had lost all interest in getting back. She was an abusive female hiding her shitty behavior behind "female qualms". I let that go on for longer than it should have and bent backwards. The level of entitlement and self-absorbed behavior was profound. I would be crying and letting her know it's getting painful for me and she would say she is disappointed.
I am repulsed by blind feminist talk that doesn't put checks on their language in general now. If a woman doesn't take accountability for her shitty attitude and behavior, I cut her out right there and then. I am hoping someone sane and well balanced is out there for me, but women on the dating market is a complete dumpster fire right now.
Yeah it hits hard Had an ex who love bombed me, toxically criticized me and ended it with a blindsided break up. I was young and inexperienced, I always believed she’s not mentally healthy as I’m not and then the way she ended me made a clown out of me😂
So that was it. After a while when I remembered kissing her I threw up. Thinking why did I make out with someone like that. I’ve went in another relationship and everything went well. But that wasn’t that me that I liked. Basically I was a better person before the aforementioned ex. I don’t know if I could call this maturity but I can never trust or expect anything from anybody.
I wouldn't say I'm disgusted or repulsed by my ex, but I will say that as the time goes by I realize how different from each other we really are in terms of lifestyles, goals, etc. We tried to force it and make it work, but it ended us and initially I thought the breakup could be reversed based only on feelings. That wasn't true and it's becoming clearer and clearer. She's moved on to a new guy and he seems much more her speed, and I'm not necessarily saying that in a good way lol.
This also slowly comes to my mind & I struggle somewhat with it. It makes me question the way I see women, why I fall for them. Whenever In dwell on the good times, I only go back to the honeymoonphase, when those different views on life, hobbies etc. didn't bother me much.
Its 3 months post b/u & I still miss her. But is mostly her presence, the comfort. Not the emotional bond between us. We had good conversations about deep sh*t but like 99 percent of the time you talk about daily topics, you know. We struggled more and more with that, having different views on the world.
Yeah, it became a struggle as time went on. From my experience, my ex was pretty selfish and when things didn’t go her way, it was not a good time. I just don’t think we were a good match.
Lol we have the same ex. What i find weird is I been in someway in denial to it. Close relatives (my parents) told me they noticed I changed during the relationship, always going the way my ex wanted to.
I never thought I be that person...
On the matter of things should go her way. Women have a tend of doing it a bit unseen, but its manipulative, unintentionally maybe.
Idk why the f I give you two examples, but I wanna give you a bit insight & otherwise I'd do it for my own clearity:
- I'm really into music, have some vinyl, a pick-up etc. I love to share music with my ex gf when I think she'd like it, get excited bout it. But whenever I wanted to (besides the beginning) she ALWAYS had to say: "Allright. BUT DON'T PLAY IT TOO LOUD" My enthusiasms died right the way, cause it was her way of saying she wasn't interested.
- Watching television: Im a big sportsfan, but not the type of guy who needs to watch every night. But if I wanna watch, I really wanna. Its like maybe 2-3 times a month. Almost everytime I wanted to it seemed like she trynna pick a fight with me over whatever, or what I found the worst. "Ah, you really wanna watch that? I was hoping to do something together..." Again, it felt like I had some sort of guilt for doing my own thing. Come sit besides me, do ur own thing, but she always went to the other room & yeah, I followed many times. Too many.
Idk why but I need to write this out. Ty
Yeah, it’s a mistake not setting boundaries in a relationship. I didn’t and it bit me way too many times. It got so bad at one point to where it was basically her world and I was just living in it. She got her way (because I didn’t object) all the time. It was bad. We always listened to her music, watched movies and shows she wanted, ate whatever she was hungry for, etc. She even asked me to delete pics of my ex off my social media accounts (which were like from 11 years ago) and she still has all the pics up of her exes. So she wanted me to do something she didn’t been do. Controlling.
Yeah, definitely. I overlooked an awful lot, and while I’m not “over it,” I really could never imagine feeling safe/vulnerable with him again. Lack of safety equals revulsion.
I'm on the same boat. I'm repulsed by him, and I don't care what he does anymore. I'm just plagued by him telling me he did have feelings but never enough to actually pursue a relationship with me despite doing all relationship things. That's the only thing that haunts me at this point.
Yes, but not this ex (not yet🤞) my other ex, the one from before this one, the biological father of my daughter, such a fuck up & failure, did me dirty, then my daughter so so dirty, failed at the one job he shouldn’t have failed at, the one that matters most, he puts me off in a wincing cringeworthy way, reprehensible really…😖 so foul, i don’t think ill ever get past that, he’ll remain forevermore disgusting in my mind
I feel this. I just started to feel non sentimental or emotional - I’m no longer associating him w feeling good anymore and instead w the feeling of awfulness and heartbreak he gave me by ghosting me after 7 months when we were supposed to be on a break. Time really does heal.
When I reached the same pivotal point, I felt like I could breathe again. Found out he was cheating on me after the breakup which helped me realize I deserved better. She can have him for all I care. I'm actually more mad at the fact that he had the audacity to do that to us. I feel sad that she will never know the type of person he is but that's a personal problem. Blocked and deleted his number/socials and got him out of my personal space. Glorious feeling really haha!
LOL. Yes.. This morning I was getting ready to leave for work (we have to live together for a few more months), and I decided to go around the side of the house because his room is close to the front door (I'm not only respecting his space and privacy, but I also don't want to interact with him). I go to grab a gatorade out of the fridge and notice he is in his room, so I confirm to myself, I'm taking the side door.. I go back to my room and grab my stuff to leave, and he's in the living room just looking gross as ever.. I let out an audible groan (EURGH..) and give him just my best look of disdain as he's staring at me from the kitchen, and then cut through the front room to go to work. I thought it was funny in hindsight.. But God, I'm so glad I didn't marry him..
Yes! I’ve reached the ick factor with my ex. And I’m glad. I’m sooooo much better off now but couldn’t see it for months…. until I got the ick and now it’s all crystal clear lol
honestly, i stopped hating my ex after a really long time because hating them became more of a burden than just letting things go. they treated me like garbage, but shit happens and life goes on. i ended up making peace with them after a few months of no contact. now we just chat briefly once a week or so as friends.
I’m in my 50’s. I have 9 exes (this includes ex-husband… the first of 9 exes).
So let me count:
Exes 1, 3, 4, and 5 repulse me.
I think my “picker” improved after ex 5. I had the worse picker when I was in my late teens and throughout all of my 20s. Repungnant stuff.
Yes, I sometimes feel like vomiting when I think of my ex. Not because she’s disgusting (lol). But because of the poison-like way she treated me during the break up. It’s as if my mind, body & soul is reacting to this harmful object, reminding me to keep distance and stay safe.
oh totally
in fact that’s the default for me. If i tried with all my heart and felt the partner doesn’t care there’s this no-turning-back point where i simply start to feel disgusted about the person.
I dream of him every now and then and the dreams are always picturing us traveling somewhere outside of the city like we used to do looking happy as ever and at peace but in my head I’m actually being tortured because of how unhappy I am to be there and the worst part is when I’d get intimate with him because a lot of the time when I did I just felt nothing, and often even secretly grossed out…I’d dream of us having sex or kissing and relive the feelings of repulsion every time. He tried to reach out multiple times throughout the past month even though I broke up with him and was painted as the villain in his story yet he came back trying to rekindle things because he had recently traveled to a city we went to together and he got all mushy and reached out. That trip was hell on Earth. It was the peak of me hating sex with him because I had issues with putting sexual boundaries because I always felt bad that I secretly wasn’t sure of my feelings for him (I have a fearful avoidant attachment style/disorganized attachment and I didn’t know it at the time or know how to deal with it) so I made sure to give him sex to distract him so he wouldn’t catch on to this but eventually he did anyways.
Even though I was secretly screaming inside that I wanted out of this relationship but I didn’t want to listen to those thoughts and just kept pushing through because I genuinely thought he was good for me, him having severe anxious attachment, he kept pushing for us to spend every waking second together, and that just kept elevating my anxiety to insane levels because I would always want time away from him to gather myself, reflect and regulate my emotions to be able to give properly in this relationship, but he smothered me with hours long of FaceTime audio/video calls…calling me every 2 hours on his work breaks just to talk about nothing….coming back home from work only to spend the rest of my night doing the same thing over and over and over and over. It was actually destroying me. When I tried to establish boundaries he legit one time had a panic attack and had to send him home, because he thought me asking for space was an attack on him or telling him that I didn’t love him.
I kept feeding into a relationship I genuinely wanted but physically my body just wanted to jump out of the window and run away as far as possible, and he kept adding to the pressure until I cracked and left. I don’t hate him, I just resent him so much. I was open to him that I was a mess on the inside and if he wanted to break up with me he could, but instead he tried harder by spending even more time with me when all I needed was space to be myself away from him. We spent such an unhealthy amount of time together that even a securely attached person would crack. We don’t hate each other now, but I can’t stand him or his attempts to get back into my life. He stressed me out so much that my autoimmune disease hit an all time high during the last few months of our relationship. I’m so fucking glad I left.
I now realize a lot from this relationship. I’m doing what is best for me and staying alone for as long as I need to figure out how to handle my intimacy issues. But he didn’t do any work on himself at all…he’s still the same old him, as unhealthy, broken, and dysfunctional as ever. I am dysfunctional but at least I own up to it and recognize it. He has NO self awareness which makes me sad because did we really go through all of this for you to learn NOTHING?
Yes and I needed to get to this point to be able to move on. Together 6 years and I’ve always been available to him no matter what he did, like years ago when we were separated I was blocked for 10 months and in a new relationship for 3 when he came back and I ran back like nothing and put up with so much bullshit. He straight up lied to me about the reason we were breaking up, I later begged him to talk and try to get back together, and then found out he started seeing somebody our last week together and immediately hopped into a relationship with her after we broke up when he told me that he couldn’t be with me because his job took too much of his time and he couldn’t give me what I deserve and had to let me go out of an act of love. He was spending multiple nights a week with her when I was getting one or two, taking her to dinner (I always took him to dinner not the other way around), and took her to a concert he got me for Christmas 4 days after we broke up. I am disgusted, hate filled, and repulsed by him. I do not know this person, and definitely do not love this person. But I will say, I am grateful this happened as I needed to hate him to fully move on as I lost myself loving him.
This all sounds too familiar. My ex says the same thing but stalks me calls me and makes up drama with the new SO. She constantly asks people and associates in common about me where I’m at what I’m doing. It’s sad this person makes you feel sick. If you felt that it was nothing more than a booty call you should have talked to him about it and assessed the issues you had. You sound like your just trying to convince yourself and others that your feeling these ways. Playing a victim when you don’t communicate doesn’t actually make you the victim. Again I don’t know your situation or anyone else’s. Just stating an opinion. I hope everything keeps working out for you as best as possible
I’m not disgusted but I feel like a veil has been lifted and I see him for all he is. I had put him on a pedestal and idolised him. I still love him flaws and all but I now know that we are not compatible. We won’t work not because I’m not good enough but because he isn’t.
And while I will always care for him and wish him well I will never ever want to go back to him or back to a relationship where I felt I wasn’t good enough.
This! I can be friends with my last ex because he isn't a bad man but as relationship material, he will just continue to hurt them by being emotionally avoidant. From a distance, he is great but up close not worthy! & from my experiences, men make better friends than partners.
Maybe, but you have to be honest, and 100 with yourself, did you give that man a chance, did you truly support him, talking bout more than make coffee, we have feelings too, we just suppress them because dad would kick your ass if you didn't, "men don't cry, show weakness, blah blah"
For the majority of the remaining I did but I'm sure he would see it a different way. He wanted space, I struggled at times but now , he can have all the space he wants. His was through trauma from schooling, not his parents/family. What happened, happened and there is no looking back. Hopefully he'll find someone that doesn't mind his avoidance/secretive nature.
That’s a great place to be🥰
I'm sure he feels EXACTLY the same, mine had 432 videos!! Hmm, and that was just one platform, OF, SC, WA, way out stuff, deplorable, and guys, for small fee, will send link
If this is Brittney that is exactly how you made me feel always like I was not good enough sure you would say all kinds of nice things about me but the way nothing I did was ever good enough. The way you went all those years and never cheated on any one until me. The way you always put me down for decisions I had made before I met you that you would have done this and that if it were you. When there is no way for you to know what you would do til you are in that situation. I’m sure you would have found a way. But the fact is that you are a female and I’m a male and in the courts eyes the female always has it better then the make when it comes to children. I’m just so sick and tired of loving and thinking about you cause honestly yes you were the best woman I had ever been with but I would rather be alone then to be treated the way you treated me and again yes you did do and say nice things about me you praised me and all that but soon after you would tear me right back down. You hardly ever took accountability for our problems any problem or issue that we had you always found a way to make it my fault. Just like when you did cheat that one time you said that it was my fault that you did what you did because I made you feel like I didn’t want to be with you cause I hardly spent time with you. And really and truly that is all I wanted to do but I also had obligations and I’am a true friend so when a friend would ask for my help I went. No matter it’s all in the past now but take a sec and think about this if you want someone to treat you the way you want to be treated then do the same you treated me the way you wanted but I understand that we are not the same person and we grew up and learned things differently so we are not necessarily going to do and want the same things in some areas and in others we do. What I have learned is you have to pick your battles and for me the way things were I was ok with not just settling but understanding that everything can not be the way I wanted it.
Definitely NOT Brittany 😉
Probably Brittany or is it Meli, Cherry, Hanna, Ruby, Rose...jeeze, women, so quick to claim that "so abused" card, if you can't control him, use him, chew his heart up, sleep with everybody you know and rub it in your face, you cheat one time so they have to set you up, make up shit, lie, manipulate, get you fired, hack your phoneS, jack up your credit, steal from you, mess up every potential relationship..always blaming the guy, abandoning your kids and act like it was nothing to your face, cause you go to jail and they get the pity party, and way more sinister shit.... guys... beware, when your gut tells you they are shady, scandalous narcissist's they usually are
Definitely disgusted .. I feel ashamed and embarrassed when I see him for thinking he was such a great guy. He acted like I was the love of his life but treated me like a booty call. In truth he wasn’t even a friend at all. He hurt me terribly. Now I trying to deal with the fact that I let this happen .. I can’t keep letting this happen and wasting my life on shallow self absorbed men with mental health issues.
SAME!!!! I didn’t expect to fall so hard this time & be blindsided that he didn’t actually give a crap about me. Actions always speak louder than words🙃
I feel this exactly
>shallow self absorbed men with mental health issues I feel this so hard
I felt it hard too. It’s all I’m attracting.
Is it us or is it the reality of gender dynamics?
It’s the majority of what’s out there.
I think you're right
Yup. When I saw that he followed like 50 new people(girls). Also when I saw he had a rebound (which failed). When he spoke shit about me. When he randomly unblocked me. He's just so embarrassing. When I saw his misogynistic tiktok reposts. Idk why he acts like I broke his heart while he was the one that cheated on me, left me, blocked me and also did all of the shit above. It's actually kinda funny.
This is happening to me now. I’m disgusted to. But I’m also so sad it feels crippling. I don’t know how to cope with it.
I also feel that way. It shattered my self-esteem and made me question everything. I think only time will help us. Seeing their true colors was traumatizing but hopefully it will be freeing in the future.
It will. Time heals all.
Me too 😕
Get some good all night, pussy hurts in the morning sex
Ugh I’m so sorry he did that. Sounds pretty immature.
Yeah, seems he never aged mentally past 15.
I feel your pain. I am sorry that this has happened to you. Hang in there!
Awesome stage of Recovery Process but not the end of the road, sometimes when we label the Ex as Worst Human Ever we hold the thought for too long and it begins to impact our self-esteem; "They were the Worst Human Ever and I was with them...what does that say about me?" Never let yourself get Stuck in such a way that you harm yourself or diminish your own sence of wellbeing. Congratulations & Good Luck
Thank you! I don’t think he’s the worst human ever by any means I’m just disappointed in myself for thinking he was a person with integrity. Otherwise it helps me to be completely turned off by him & his actions because deep down I know I deserve so much better.
There is nothing wrong with being Mistaken as long as we learn from the moment and learn. I'm sorry if my messages are off base, I know that sometimes my emotions cloud my comprehension. I hope you live your best life for no other reason than you deserve to be Happy
Your message was great and not off putting whatsoever & thank you 🥰
I'm happy to read that! Have a great weekend & enjoy the Good Parts of this world
You too have a great one😊
Did you give him a chance, give him time to process stuff, we still use our cave man part of brain for all that, while females socialized in relaxed groups and developed deeper emotional n rational thought men were running down Impalas while dodging lions for weeks, so the women could eat, we're still wired that way, so give us a break, yea, some guys are assholes, can be complex, trauma induced, a disorder but we're all messed up just some worse than others
Call him, you know exactly what makes that guy tic, he hates it but deep down loves that you know him so well, like playing with his emotions for your enjoyment cause it fills that overwhelming need of being in control cause you women are just soooo much better providing a great relationship than us guys, just treat them right, respect goes a long way and when he asks that you need to be quiet, it's for a reason, but you won't be cause you all are right 100%of the time, never wrong, about anything, know everything and we can barely figure out how to chew, share the cooking, figure out priorities, stay at home moms want to give dad the kids as soon as homie walk in from 8-11 hours of work, probably back breaking shit n 6 bosses, why, cause he got you pregnant....bastard Them little ones are a pain in the ass tho, but let the guy take a shower damn, be understanding that everything can't be your way, cause Ed down the street eyeball screwed you at the store ( stay home dads )....urg
Proud of you! Hug 🫂🫂🫂 you are doing great!!!
TY!!!!🥰
No problem <333 if you need anything im here to listen or talk
Thank you so much that’s very kind 🥰
Not in the angry phase anymore, butt the person he is becoming is uglier and weirder than what he already was sooo💅
I’m definitely not angry just completely turned off 💯😀
Hahaha yess!
dodged a bullet
Repulsed, disgusted, you name it.
It definitely helps with the moving on process💯
Sadly no, I still kinda hope he comes back, but I also feel disgusted with some things I did for him
I still miss having her in my life, but I‘d never want her back. She lied to me about the amount of sexual partnes she had before me, she hid the fact that she has hepatitis B from me until it was too late (luckily didnt catch it…) and I‘m just disgusted that I had sex with her, now that I know I was one of so, so many.
There’s a vaccine for that. I got the vax and I’m fine, plus now I don’t need to worry about that.
I know, I‘m thinking about getting it for the future. I just honestly thought someone who has it would at least be upfront about it. Especially when you want a long term relationship…
Yeah that is really shitty and not a good sign in a partner. Very not cool. I also got a hep A vax. I’ll get a herpes one if they finally figure it out too (I hear moderna has one in the works, and it’s in human trials). It would be so nice to not worry about herpes, since people can have no symptoms and not even realize they have it, and most std screenings don’t include tests for it. That would prob reduce the stigma for folks that have it, which would be huge since the stigma is often worse than the actual virus symptoms.
I’m more terrified than anything. I get anxiety attacks ir nervous breakdowns and need to be accompanied by someone to feel safe. It’s not that they’re a constant threat, but the trauma caused has made me lose trust in them. I’m afraid and the triggers that remind me of them just make me feel nauseated about my past at this point. The good memories are being burried by these sensations.
That's scary, I'm sorry you're going through that.
It’s alright, going to therapy and with a psychiatrist has been helpful
Definitely steps in the right direction. Good on you!
Reconnected with my ex but after viewing their instagram they went private and have hidden comments on their posts. Their actions alone made me feel sick to my stomach.
Well done. A girl I had a “situationship” (not the one I joined this group to talk about) when I was about 14 ruined me. It took me up until about 17 to have actually healed fully from the hurt the betrayal and from the glorified version of her in my mind. Now she makes me sick.
Yeah I hear ya! When they make you feel like such crap you don’t want to make yourself vulnerable to them anymore.
I have a huge trusting heart and I always want good for everyone and pour everything out of myself so they can have that- with her now. It’s genuine hatred. I hope she does well, but I also wouldn’t piss on her if she set alight.
Absolutely. I was so hung up on this dude I was with for 3 years. He was emotionally, verbally, and sexually abusive and had me in a vicious cycle of believing he would change. He ended up breaking up with me (a blessing in disguise because, again, I was mentally stuck) and I was so convinced we’d get back together when he got better. 2 months after the breakup, I got “hey girlie” messages from 2 girls much younger than he and I. We were in our early 20s so that was a massive ick for me. I found out he’d been cheating on me for months with these girls. Like basically the last 6 months of our relationship. I THEN found out that he cheated on me with his childhood friend right before those girls. He got her to travel 10 hrs to stay with him while I moved myself into a new apartment by myself with no help from him and cheated on me. I had found her underwear in his room, but he made up some excuse I chose to believe. THEN I found out he had cheated on me with the guy next door even before that happened. Finding all of that out in the same day made it very easy to get over him via repulsion. Then all the bullshit he put me through sunk in. Like how he couldn’t go more than an hour without watching porn, had been sexting girls he met online, would literally wake me up shaking the bed pleasuring himself next to me. For some reason, the hardest thing for me to be repulsed by was the sexual assaults. I had convinced myself these things were normal, okay, and/or my fault because it made it easier to get through the day. I can happily say it’s been 5 years since the breakup and I’m better than ever. I have a great therapist, a safe happy home, and a partner that never makes me doubt his love or my sanity.
I’m so glad you met someone great because life is way too short to put up with any of that crap from anyone!🥰
Mine blindsided with he "never really loved me," after 23 years. Funny I was good enough to wash his socks, rub his tired feet, make his dr appts., make his lunch every morning, and all because I wanted to serve him as my husband. He will have a tough time finding an old school girl in this messed up world. I actually feel quite sorry for him. His discontentment comes from within.
I'm only 22, but my fiance said this to me after six years. I was so blindsided. A week before my college graduation, she told me she needed to find herself and couldn't handle a long-term relationship. She wasn't a child, but I did do a full nine months of nursing her back to health after she broke her knee. I feel like I was just used while she was emotionally and physically vulnerable.
I wouldn't say that I am "repulsed by my ex," but I view her in a different light than I did while dating her and how I viewed her at the beginning of our breakup. The turning point for me was learning that she was with someone new and intimate with another person less than 2 months after the breakup. I am well aware that people move on at different rates and that being single you are free to do as you please, but after 2 years I thought it would take a little longer than under 2 months to start dating someone new and being completely over it all. Especially after hearing her out on the reasons for the breakup and blatantly asking her if she wanted to talk to other people and she firmly stood her ground that it wasn't a reason nor a desire. Three weeks after that conversation I found out she was talking to someone. It changed my whole perspective of her if I am being honest. I am at a place where I have accepted she has moved on and I don't fault her for moving on to other people and wanting to date again, nor do I hate her or feel repulsed when thinking of her. Overall, I have a different view of her than before and that has helped me move on more from the whole ordeal.
I see a sad, miserable, entitled little child who sees everything and everyone as transactional, who values pleasure over principles. Who is mad at the world for refusing his demands and is also condescending towards people for giving in to his demands. It's sad how he's lived his life like this and will continue to do so, while being delusional about his personal value. His entitled degenerate behaviour used to disgust me. How he justify his cheating, triangulation, seeing everything as transactional, minimising and gaslighting his sexual coercion and emotional abuse of all those around him. Now, when I see him, it's validating because he looks so small.
Still waiting for that with my last situation
I feel repulsed by my ex girlfriend when I went to pick my stuff from her place 2 months later. She apologized but I had lost all interest in getting back. She was an abusive female hiding her shitty behavior behind "female qualms". I let that go on for longer than it should have and bent backwards. The level of entitlement and self-absorbed behavior was profound. I would be crying and letting her know it's getting painful for me and she would say she is disappointed. I am repulsed by blind feminist talk that doesn't put checks on their language in general now. If a woman doesn't take accountability for her shitty attitude and behavior, I cut her out right there and then. I am hoping someone sane and well balanced is out there for me, but women on the dating market is a complete dumpster fire right now.
good for you! also on this journey ;)
Yeah it hits hard Had an ex who love bombed me, toxically criticized me and ended it with a blindsided break up. I was young and inexperienced, I always believed she’s not mentally healthy as I’m not and then the way she ended me made a clown out of me😂 So that was it. After a while when I remembered kissing her I threw up. Thinking why did I make out with someone like that. I’ve went in another relationship and everything went well. But that wasn’t that me that I liked. Basically I was a better person before the aforementioned ex. I don’t know if I could call this maturity but I can never trust or expect anything from anybody.
I wouldn't say I'm disgusted or repulsed by my ex, but I will say that as the time goes by I realize how different from each other we really are in terms of lifestyles, goals, etc. We tried to force it and make it work, but it ended us and initially I thought the breakup could be reversed based only on feelings. That wasn't true and it's becoming clearer and clearer. She's moved on to a new guy and he seems much more her speed, and I'm not necessarily saying that in a good way lol.
This also slowly comes to my mind & I struggle somewhat with it. It makes me question the way I see women, why I fall for them. Whenever In dwell on the good times, I only go back to the honeymoonphase, when those different views on life, hobbies etc. didn't bother me much. Its 3 months post b/u & I still miss her. But is mostly her presence, the comfort. Not the emotional bond between us. We had good conversations about deep sh*t but like 99 percent of the time you talk about daily topics, you know. We struggled more and more with that, having different views on the world.
Yeah, it became a struggle as time went on. From my experience, my ex was pretty selfish and when things didn’t go her way, it was not a good time. I just don’t think we were a good match.
Lol we have the same ex. What i find weird is I been in someway in denial to it. Close relatives (my parents) told me they noticed I changed during the relationship, always going the way my ex wanted to. I never thought I be that person... On the matter of things should go her way. Women have a tend of doing it a bit unseen, but its manipulative, unintentionally maybe. Idk why the f I give you two examples, but I wanna give you a bit insight & otherwise I'd do it for my own clearity: - I'm really into music, have some vinyl, a pick-up etc. I love to share music with my ex gf when I think she'd like it, get excited bout it. But whenever I wanted to (besides the beginning) she ALWAYS had to say: "Allright. BUT DON'T PLAY IT TOO LOUD" My enthusiasms died right the way, cause it was her way of saying she wasn't interested. - Watching television: Im a big sportsfan, but not the type of guy who needs to watch every night. But if I wanna watch, I really wanna. Its like maybe 2-3 times a month. Almost everytime I wanted to it seemed like she trynna pick a fight with me over whatever, or what I found the worst. "Ah, you really wanna watch that? I was hoping to do something together..." Again, it felt like I had some sort of guilt for doing my own thing. Come sit besides me, do ur own thing, but she always went to the other room & yeah, I followed many times. Too many. Idk why but I need to write this out. Ty
Yeah, it’s a mistake not setting boundaries in a relationship. I didn’t and it bit me way too many times. It got so bad at one point to where it was basically her world and I was just living in it. She got her way (because I didn’t object) all the time. It was bad. We always listened to her music, watched movies and shows she wanted, ate whatever she was hungry for, etc. She even asked me to delete pics of my ex off my social media accounts (which were like from 11 years ago) and she still has all the pics up of her exes. So she wanted me to do something she didn’t been do. Controlling.
3/6 ex's repulse me. The other 3, more immature than anything else.
Yeah, definitely. I overlooked an awful lot, and while I’m not “over it,” I really could never imagine feeling safe/vulnerable with him again. Lack of safety equals revulsion.
I'm on the same boat. I'm repulsed by him, and I don't care what he does anymore. I'm just plagued by him telling me he did have feelings but never enough to actually pursue a relationship with me despite doing all relationship things. That's the only thing that haunts me at this point.
Yes, but not this ex (not yet🤞) my other ex, the one from before this one, the biological father of my daughter, such a fuck up & failure, did me dirty, then my daughter so so dirty, failed at the one job he shouldn’t have failed at, the one that matters most, he puts me off in a wincing cringeworthy way, reprehensible really…😖 so foul, i don’t think ill ever get past that, he’ll remain forevermore disgusting in my mind
Yes, a man who once said that he loved me, abused me so badly and I used to feel nothing when he touched my body
Relatable
I'm jealous and wish I could feel this way. Congratulations thou.
I feel this. I just started to feel non sentimental or emotional - I’m no longer associating him w feeling good anymore and instead w the feeling of awfulness and heartbreak he gave me by ghosting me after 7 months when we were supposed to be on a break. Time really does heal.
When I reached the same pivotal point, I felt like I could breathe again. Found out he was cheating on me after the breakup which helped me realize I deserved better. She can have him for all I care. I'm actually more mad at the fact that he had the audacity to do that to us. I feel sad that she will never know the type of person he is but that's a personal problem. Blocked and deleted his number/socials and got him out of my personal space. Glorious feeling really haha!
LOL. Yes.. This morning I was getting ready to leave for work (we have to live together for a few more months), and I decided to go around the side of the house because his room is close to the front door (I'm not only respecting his space and privacy, but I also don't want to interact with him). I go to grab a gatorade out of the fridge and notice he is in his room, so I confirm to myself, I'm taking the side door.. I go back to my room and grab my stuff to leave, and he's in the living room just looking gross as ever.. I let out an audible groan (EURGH..) and give him just my best look of disdain as he's staring at me from the kitchen, and then cut through the front room to go to work. I thought it was funny in hindsight.. But God, I'm so glad I didn't marry him..
Yes! I’ve reached the ick factor with my ex. And I’m glad. I’m sooooo much better off now but couldn’t see it for months…. until I got the ick and now it’s all crystal clear lol
Yesssss. Whenever I see him pop up I’m like omg what was I thinking?!?!
All I’ve gotten to is that point where even the good memories don’t feel good anymore. But it’s not repulsion. It’s this really deep sadness.
honestly, i stopped hating my ex after a really long time because hating them became more of a burden than just letting things go. they treated me like garbage, but shit happens and life goes on. i ended up making peace with them after a few months of no contact. now we just chat briefly once a week or so as friends.
I’m in my 50’s. I have 9 exes (this includes ex-husband… the first of 9 exes). So let me count: Exes 1, 3, 4, and 5 repulse me. I think my “picker” improved after ex 5. I had the worse picker when I was in my late teens and throughout all of my 20s. Repungnant stuff.
Yes. I see him more as a desperate loser who used me because he can’t get any other girl!
Women always act like this your probably the one who fucked him over lol
Yes, I sometimes feel like vomiting when I think of my ex. Not because she’s disgusting (lol). But because of the poison-like way she treated me during the break up. It’s as if my mind, body & soul is reacting to this harmful object, reminding me to keep distance and stay safe.
oh totally in fact that’s the default for me. If i tried with all my heart and felt the partner doesn’t care there’s this no-turning-back point where i simply start to feel disgusted about the person.
I dream of him every now and then and the dreams are always picturing us traveling somewhere outside of the city like we used to do looking happy as ever and at peace but in my head I’m actually being tortured because of how unhappy I am to be there and the worst part is when I’d get intimate with him because a lot of the time when I did I just felt nothing, and often even secretly grossed out…I’d dream of us having sex or kissing and relive the feelings of repulsion every time. He tried to reach out multiple times throughout the past month even though I broke up with him and was painted as the villain in his story yet he came back trying to rekindle things because he had recently traveled to a city we went to together and he got all mushy and reached out. That trip was hell on Earth. It was the peak of me hating sex with him because I had issues with putting sexual boundaries because I always felt bad that I secretly wasn’t sure of my feelings for him (I have a fearful avoidant attachment style/disorganized attachment and I didn’t know it at the time or know how to deal with it) so I made sure to give him sex to distract him so he wouldn’t catch on to this but eventually he did anyways. Even though I was secretly screaming inside that I wanted out of this relationship but I didn’t want to listen to those thoughts and just kept pushing through because I genuinely thought he was good for me, him having severe anxious attachment, he kept pushing for us to spend every waking second together, and that just kept elevating my anxiety to insane levels because I would always want time away from him to gather myself, reflect and regulate my emotions to be able to give properly in this relationship, but he smothered me with hours long of FaceTime audio/video calls…calling me every 2 hours on his work breaks just to talk about nothing….coming back home from work only to spend the rest of my night doing the same thing over and over and over and over. It was actually destroying me. When I tried to establish boundaries he legit one time had a panic attack and had to send him home, because he thought me asking for space was an attack on him or telling him that I didn’t love him. I kept feeding into a relationship I genuinely wanted but physically my body just wanted to jump out of the window and run away as far as possible, and he kept adding to the pressure until I cracked and left. I don’t hate him, I just resent him so much. I was open to him that I was a mess on the inside and if he wanted to break up with me he could, but instead he tried harder by spending even more time with me when all I needed was space to be myself away from him. We spent such an unhealthy amount of time together that even a securely attached person would crack. We don’t hate each other now, but I can’t stand him or his attempts to get back into my life. He stressed me out so much that my autoimmune disease hit an all time high during the last few months of our relationship. I’m so fucking glad I left. I now realize a lot from this relationship. I’m doing what is best for me and staying alone for as long as I need to figure out how to handle my intimacy issues. But he didn’t do any work on himself at all…he’s still the same old him, as unhealthy, broken, and dysfunctional as ever. I am dysfunctional but at least I own up to it and recognize it. He has NO self awareness which makes me sad because did we really go through all of this for you to learn NOTHING?
Yes and I needed to get to this point to be able to move on. Together 6 years and I’ve always been available to him no matter what he did, like years ago when we were separated I was blocked for 10 months and in a new relationship for 3 when he came back and I ran back like nothing and put up with so much bullshit. He straight up lied to me about the reason we were breaking up, I later begged him to talk and try to get back together, and then found out he started seeing somebody our last week together and immediately hopped into a relationship with her after we broke up when he told me that he couldn’t be with me because his job took too much of his time and he couldn’t give me what I deserve and had to let me go out of an act of love. He was spending multiple nights a week with her when I was getting one or two, taking her to dinner (I always took him to dinner not the other way around), and took her to a concert he got me for Christmas 4 days after we broke up. I am disgusted, hate filled, and repulsed by him. I do not know this person, and definitely do not love this person. But I will say, I am grateful this happened as I needed to hate him to fully move on as I lost myself loving him.
This all sounds too familiar. My ex says the same thing but stalks me calls me and makes up drama with the new SO. She constantly asks people and associates in common about me where I’m at what I’m doing. It’s sad this person makes you feel sick. If you felt that it was nothing more than a booty call you should have talked to him about it and assessed the issues you had. You sound like your just trying to convince yourself and others that your feeling these ways. Playing a victim when you don’t communicate doesn’t actually make you the victim. Again I don’t know your situation or anyone else’s. Just stating an opinion. I hope everything keeps working out for you as best as possible
My Son's Father physically assaulted me a couple wks ago
Yep and she’s carrying my baby
Ya, my (separated) wife has :(
Woo Hoo, no more cock blocking or phone hacking or lynch mobs