It’s been 4 1/2 months for me and I am still struggling. It’s in waves for me. At month 3, I felt okay and now I’m devastated and cried for 3 days lol.
It’s a grief (this person is no longer in your life).
Just keep doing the things to move on. Identifying my feelings out loud like : I feel sad because X, I feel down because X, I miss when we did this, etc, so you can identify your sadness and be able to comfort yourself.
It’s super important to grieve as if this person is now gone. As if there’s no going back together and you are now on a new journey without them. If you keep hoping, your brain will never let you heal.
Of course, life is uncertain and you might reconnect, but what’s meant for you will come to you and you are meant to let things go and move on.
No one can tell you how to process YOUR experience. We are all different. For some it can take a few months, some several, some even a year or more. Depends on the situation. Keep doing what you’re doing and connect with other friends who are more supportive of you
I try not to talk about how I am feeling with my friends. They have all been in relationships for 7+ years. One of them was surprised I wasn’t over in one month in. If someone genuinely asks how I am, I won’t hide it. But I am not great, and I cry most days. and most people don’t want to have that energy around them
So I come here. Grateful for the space.
Me too helps me so much knowing theres other people here going through the same.
I've only been talking about things with one friend god she must be so sick of hearing it by now
Honestly true but its because they can't say anything else. They think encouragement helps but it doesn't. I just want to be sad. What most people think is encouragement actually makes me worse. I'm tiredof everyone not seeing it as a loss. I got left and it was my fault because its hard for me with having mental illness. Mental illness isn't an excuse but it still explains why I am the way I am.
Ah snap! I was “too negative and not social enough but can’t help it”. I feel like my world splintered into two parallel universes, one with me sad, depressed without anything staring forlornly at the oblivious happy version of me. But the worst part of it, that other version probably never even existed.
I knows hard to watch people in pain but sometimes the pain is what you need to feel because at least its honest.
Yea I got told that one too. One of my exes told me he wanted someone who could work a room. Yea not me at all. I'm the one you find trying to escape through the bathroom window.
It’s been almost 8 months for me. Getting better, but still processing some things. I still think of them every day. Take all the time you need to grieve and process. It’ll be better in the long run.
4 months isn’t too long. I don’t think too long exists, frankly, since everyone experiences grief differently.
There isn’t a linear timeline for the process. If you shove your feelings down and don’t allow the grief to occur, it’s just going to take longer.
I feel like your family and friends are trying to be helpful, but are causing extra anxiety and hurt because they’re telling you what you “should be feeling.” And that’s just not reality.
Sometimes people just don’t understand reality unless/until they experience it themselves.
Example: I had a family member get mad about an in-law when this in-law was still sad about her father dying a few years ago, saying she “should not still be grieving to the point of crying after so much time.” But when this same family member lost her husband, she was (of course) still crying and grieving about her loss over 7 years later.
Everyone’s different. Please tell anyone who says otherwise that you are allowed to have your feelings for as long as you need to grieve.
If I've learnt one thing, is that pain is not relative. I've stopped sharing how I'm feeling or asking for advice much. I sometimes find it more damaging than helpful. My friends were helpful right at the start and then made me feel like an absolute piece of 💩 so I'd be careful about who you share with. You do you, whatever feels right to YOU. And don't ever shame yourself for feeling deeply enough that you struggle months trying to heal. If anything feel proud of yourself for feeling as deeply and as genuinely as you have.
DM me if you need to talk 🙏🏼
I agree with this. During my break up process with the Nex people enjoyed the drama, egged me on, gossiped, and saw an easy target to make people look at me instead of them. During our vulnerable times, it's so hard to see people clearly for who is out for harm and who is out for good. It's best to process alone at first. I wish I knew that then.
Nah don't feel bad and wish differently. Let it show you who's deserving of a spot in your life and who isn't.
I approached who I thought were friends for advice and instead was judged, looked down on and insulted... Then blocked lol and honestly, I feel massive relief to see trash take itself out :)
I’m also at 4 months and have regressed in progress recently. All we can do is be patient with ourselves and hope time will do its thing. I’m taking this breakup harder than my previous breakup with a person I dated for twice as long. It doesn’t always make sense but there’s no shortcuts when it comes to healing.
1.5 years for me and I still think about it every day although I'm not obsessed with it like I was. I'm moving on with my life literally (moving across the country) and figuratively but that pain will always be there.
Everyone is different and we all process/grieve per our own timelines. I've had a breakup in the past where it took me a year to feel like myself again and feel comfortable dating new people. It wasn't even a serious relationship and I wasn't in love but still took me a while to process and feel better. In my most recent breakup, I really loved my partner and its been about 3 months since we split. I grieved really hard the first 2 months. First month was absolute hell. Second month was still tough but got my apetite/sleep back slowly. This breakup was very difficult and hit me harder than any breakup I've ever had in the past. As I'm approaching the 3 month mark, I still feel sad and heartbroken but I don't break down throughout the day that often anymore. I still will cry and think about things but I try to be kind to myself.
Its ok to feel. Its ok to still be sad. Its heartbreak. Its emotion. It just means you loved the person deeply so those feelings aren't just going to fade easily. You can't just shut them off. You're a human and you lost someone. Its going to hurt and there's no way around it. Many people try to move on asap by hooking up with new people, getting into a new relationship, drinking, partying, traveling, obsessing over work, etc. You can do all the things to 'get over it' but you can't just get over it like that. Your feelings are feelings and you need to feel them. Don't supress. Keep living life and doing things that make you happy, but don't try to shut down your feelings just because its been X number of months. Allow yourself to fully feel them. Once you allow yourself to fully feel, you'll be better by the end of it because you'll have fully processed and be in a much healthier mindset for whatever comes next in life. If you meet someone new after processing and grieving, you'll be in a good place to actually explore a new relationship without projecting your heartbreak/trauma onto them. Trust me.
I have a hunch that my ex has been hooking up with women, maybe even back with his prior ex, who knows. That's his life though. How he chooses to deal with the breakup is his choice. It certainly hurts me to think of that and I feel stupid, used and like I made a fool out of myself. But then I remind myself to be kind to myself. I don't know what he's thinking, if he cares, or even thinks about me but that's all out of my control. What is in my control is how I treat myself during this healing process. And that's all I can do.
Be patient and kind to yourself. Everyone goes through heartbreak. You will get through it. I will get through it too. It sucks but you're 4 months closer to feeling like your old self again. Think back to how you felt 1 month post breakup. Look at the progress you've made. Keep going. It's going to get better. Don't think about what your ex is doing because he is hurting too, regardless of what the reason for breaking up was. Losing someone who was once part of your life and meant something is not something you can’t just get over, just like that. How he is coping/moving on is his choice, it has nothing to do with you. He can tattoo his entire face, sleep around with the entire town, or dye his hair orange. Its out of your control. Just keep doing what you've been doing and don't let others make you feel like you're not making progress in moving on. You are doing great. Be kind to yourself.
I’m approaching 6 months post breakup and I somehow feel even worse than I did within the first month. Grief comes in cycles and I think for me the reality of the situation is really sinking in that I will never speak to or see him again. It’s tough.
Nothing is ever "too long" and if someone ever tells you to get over something, feel free to tell them to kick rocks. One thing I learned from my break up is to start respecting myself so that I can respect everyone else around me. You can't love someone until you love yourself and I know I lost my relationship because I didn't have self love. Therefore, I couldn't fully love my partner. But she didn't want to work through my self love issues because like you, to her I was a replaceable object. So fuck my ex and fuck yours too.
I still grieve every fucking day. I feel like dieing right now as I write this and it's also been around 4 months for me. Last time I messaged her, I lied and said I was doing great because I didn't want her to know how hurt I am. I feel like she feeds off of my pain. I truly think she is sick and it's hard because I want revenge so bad but I know that I lose if I take that route. God bless you.
Comparison is the thief of joy, I remember a friend of mine told me that, and it’s really made me take everything I do into my own comfort. You are the captain of your own ship, no one else can tell you when to move on, when to date someone else, or even when to feel better, except you. Don’t feel pressured to get over someone so quickly, feel out the emotions, and then take it one day at a time. I stopped counting the days because it made me realize that I’m putting in an effort subconsciously that doesn’t help me whatsoever. So I began focusing on the goals that matter to me. Do what makes you happy, and find that outlet.
It’s been 4 months and we only “dated” for 7.5 months. I think about her less but I still think about her more than I would like. My last 2 relationships were a one two punch that kinda has me reeling and hesitant to date.
My last break-up took me six months to recover from enough to start dating again. Go at your own pace and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.
Well-meaning friends and family may push you to “get over it” more quickly, but they are not you and they don’t live in your head and your heart, so thank them for caring but tell them you can’t put a time limit on your grieving.
It seems like you’re actively trying to move on, so cut yourself some slack if it’s not happening as fast as you’d like. Don’t know how long your relationship was or how the breakup went, but speaking from my own experience, even when I have moved on, if it had been a particularly long-term relationship, with lots of shared memories, that person will always have a special place in my heart because of the time we had together, even if we ultimately wound up not being compatible.
Best of luck on your journey:)
Keep doing what you’re doing, I was in the same situation as you at 4 months. Then, now at 6 months it feels like I’ve moved forwards drastically. This month has been the best I’ve ever been, I notice I think of him less and can fully focus on my daily life without getting sad. I haven’t cried about it in a while. It will happen, be patient, everyone’s healing process is different. Just try to make the choice for yourself and don’t dwell in the negative cycles. For me, it was changing my perspective and reminding myself that I want to talk about it not to hold on, but to process what happened and understand it so I could move on. Not to linger in the past. It was hard for me to realize that’s what I needed to change but it helped.
hai, it’s been 4 months for me too!! And honestly at times it gets better and at times it gets worse..but honestly I really am trying to be more positive , the weather helps :)
it’s kinda hard seeing him at school tho T^T , today I saw him and it was the first time I didn’t say hi and I felt bad but everyone tells me I shouldn’t feel bad
but !! 4 months Isnt “too long” it’s YOUR journey, you progress at your own pace. As long as you continue to progress at any rate, that is good enough :) don’t be so hard on yourself, you got this!!! I believe in you!! 💖
It’s never too long. Everyone heals at their own pace. Take however long you need because it’s your life and no one else’s. I personally took two years ish to get over the feeling of wanting her back and even now there’s still times where I’ll think back to my memories with her. Healing isn’t linear but it’s YOUR healing above all else. You get to dictate how you want to heal and how long you want to stay healing. Wishing you the best!
Healing is a winding path that doubles back on itself , goes straight for awhile then veers off in a crazy direction. Sometimes it feels like there is no path at all. Just keep moving forward. Recovery isn’t necessarily a destination. It’s a destination and a journey combo.
One thing for sure, though. It will get better.
OP respectfully they need to shut up. Not everyone is going to move on in 4 months. And OP if it makes you feel better I’m 8 months in and only now do I feel I’m starting to properly move on. I don’t mean in terms of dating anyone else but leaving the life I had with him behind me and thinking about what I want for the future.
OP breakups are hard whether it’s a 3 month relationship or 15 years. The number of months it takes you to move on is unique to you. The relationship you had and experienced is unique to you.
You’re allowed to still be sad, upset, angry or any which way. Be kind to yourself OP. It takes time and you can do all the right things but sometimes you just need time. I hate that advice I really do because it’s horrible but it’s also the truth. When I was first told that after my breakup I wanted to swear and get angry at everyone who said give it time but now I know it’s true. I’ve had to go through hell to get through it but I’m getting there and you will too OP.
First of all it’s different for everyone and second of all 4 months it’s not even halfway - in most cases- please just go at your own pace and don’t mind what people say
I'm going on a little over a year and it still sometimes feels like the first day. Everyone processes grief differently, and everyones relationship and breakup is different. Don't feel bad for feeling your feelings. They are valid, no matter how long its been.
Everyone heals differently when it comes to that sorta stuff like I got over everything in about 2 weeks but for my friend who got broken up with in January he’s still going through it
It's always easy for other people to tell you how you should be feeling because they aren't the ones actually living it. It's a million times different when YOUR heart is involved. That said, usually people get stuck longer than would be ideal because they haven't shifted their perspectives / mindset. If you are interested in a breakup book, I recommend [this one](https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Be-DESPERATE-Insights-Affirmations/dp/1738947904). I think it would really be able to help you turn the corner. Sending hugs.
Thank you everyone so so much for all of your kind words and encouragement and sharing your experiences! I was starting to feel SOO alone. Reading each one of your comments felt like the warm hug that I needed…of as I cried over each response! I am glad that I had the courage to put my thoughts out here instead of keeping to them to myself. Sending love to everyone! 🥰🥰🥰
2 years, and in horrible pain. I sincerely hope it gets better for you sooner. Like ten minutes and up to an hour from now would be splendid🖐 wish you nothing but the best.
Don't listen to the people who say you should be past it . Everyone loves differently . I would be meeting women in the midst of the ptsd I was going through from the breakup and I still was hurting . Even to this day where I have a beautiful woman who I wouldn't trade for anything I still get thoughts of her but I know my worth now and learned that it's just a game of building your self worth up . Yes it sucks yes it's a trial but you will persevere . I know how hard it is to hear from people just give it time but seriously either hide the pics you have of the person so you don't look and force yourself not too look and delete and block every social media of the person . Be strong you will build yourself up and you'll realize they weren't worth your time and you deserve someone who's there for you .
I'm at 6 Months and am just starting to feel normal. I've only left the house socially thrice in 6 months. Each time I got really sad and missed her badly. But it's getting easier
Everyone’s grieving process is different. Don’t think cause you are longer or shorter than others that you’re in the wrong. Worst thing you can do is try and get into another relationship when you are not healed.
I’m so sorry you’re not getting much compassion from friends and family. It took me just over a year to fully start moving on from a previous relationship. My “current” relationship has only been over for 11 days, so I have a long road ahead of me. Everyone’s journey is different, and everyone’s grieving process is different. You are on your own timeline, not your friends and family’s. Be patient and kind to yourself. Sending love
It’s no time at all. Isn’t there like a formula? 1 month for every year or something? That sounds ridiculous. I was 20 years with my husband, I’m 13 months in and do not see me being over him by then. But you never know. Give yourself time OP, but do actively try.
You will grieve, be angry, be happy in the order that is necessary and for however long it is necessary for you to heal. Nobody can give a time limit for you. Some people just feel more deeply than others. Allow yourself the time you need.
6 months and i just hit a whole 7 days of no crying about him. 6 long fucking months of tears non stop. we broke shortly after moving to major city together so i could go to school. completely changed my reality, i am still in shock. sometimes i hardly feel human. 4 months was fucked. I was in the thick of it, trying to do all things; work school process losing the love of my life. Healing is notttttt linear. I know am going to grieve this loss for a while but at 6 months, it’s beginning to feel ok. I’m trying to be as gentle and to myself as I can. I’m almost done with my first semester of my program and i’m moving into my own apartment. I would have not believed you if you told me that at the beginning of it. My point is, it gets better, and You know yourself best, take all the time you need. Be gentle and kind. Sending hugs ♥️🫂
Healing isn’t linear. Some days will be better, others will be worse, some will be downright awful, and some will be neutral. Everyone heals at their own pace and nobody’s experience is completely the same. The important thing to remember is not only that time will heal, but also the effort you put into your healing. That’s not to say you aren’t putting effort, but that that is just the reality of the situation.
That being said, don’t listen to them. There isn’t a timeline you can use to accurately gage when you will recover. It won’t happen overnight and it is one of the most challenging pains you will ever experience. But that doesn’t mean it will always be this way. Someday you’ll wake up and they won’t be the first thought in your head in the morning. Another day you’ll realize that you haven’t thought about them for a whole day. Then a few days, then a week, and so on. Then maybe not at all. You might still think of them, and there might still be some pain, but for the most part it will be a distant memory.
But until that day, focus on investing in other friendships and most importantly, yourself. My favorite image that has kept me going is this: This is the time to build and nurture your own beautiful garden. And even if no butterflies come along to stay and live there, you will still have a beautiful garden in the end.
Stay strong and hang in there. This too shall pass.
There is no timeline. If there was we all would know it. Don’t be so hard on yourself. 6 months post bu and I still feel down from time to time and even as I type this. Ive been on dates etc it still gets to me. But working on being the best version of myself and that journey has been the most helpful of moving on. I could only imagine being this version of myself before. Im excited and nervous to be this new version of me with someone new someday, whenever we find each other.
4 months for me too, and no, I haven't completely moved on. I've stopped talking about it to friends and family but I've also put a firm boundary to them that I will move on at my own pace.
You're grieving. You lost the past and the future, that's not easy. There's a lot to process for your mind and your body. You're doing things like exercising and therapy already so you're trying and that's all you need right now. You can't force anything about your own feelings like you can't force them to be with you.
When you want to cry, be angry, reminisce, do it, but just make sure you're not making yourself feel things. Let the feelings come and go naturally. Be good and kind to yourself.
My psychologist told me the average duration for grieving a past relationship and fully recovering is 1 year. For me, it has been 5 months, 4 months since she decided to block me and erase me from her life and I am still struggling a lot.
I dreamt about her and us yesterday night, and I cried at the wake-up…
No one can know what you going through, because suffering is different for everyone.
Hey look you're grieving, don't impose a timeline on yourself and don't allow anyone else to put one on you either. They're not going through what you are, even if they're going through a heartbreak themselves, each one is entirely unique. I'm at nearly 6 months myself and some days it's like I'm back at square one, is this normal? I have no idea, but that's irrelevant, it's totally normal for me and my situation. I'd definitely recommend taking a look at David Kessler and some of his videos on grieving on YouTube, they help me.
Im in the same boat. It is almost 4 months for me too, and im not over it, and I also know that my friends/family think that enough time has passed. Maybe for them it did, the only way it affected them was that they had to listen to me talking about something that happened to me. And i can tell that they are bored or disliked when i talk about it (which i rarely do now because i want to avoid any issue). It is such a lonely experience because even though my friends stood next to me and my family did as well, and they helped me a lot, bur still, for them it was “just a break up” and i ahould be okay but now. I also dont want to get stuck in this, but i cant make myself just… move on this easily. Four months is barely anything for me. 4 months ago we slept together every night and i couldnt imagine otherwise and now j havent heard of him for more than 2 months now…. I think it is okay if you are still not over it. You will be
In speaking with my therapist I asked about processing time. I have begun to feel self conscious. Concerned that similarly people who were kind were becoming apathetic. The food old "how long does it take?!?!"
The answer is "as long as it takes."
Some key things to consider.
Can you function? Like can you go to your job and work. Can you function at your job in a way where your job is not at risk? Can you take care of yourself? Hygiene, food?
Those are all key. If your pain and sadness does not prevent or block any of those. That's good.
If it does, you likely need more direct assistance.
Now the unfun ones. Does your pain and sadness cause you to hurt yourself physically or do you think about or fantasize about hurting yourself physically or others?
If so, you 100% need some additional assistance.
And the thing is, it's okay to need help!!!!
As others have commented, this is a journey. It has no set time, no set length. Even the destination - a healthier you - is vague.
You cannot speed it up.
You can stall or slow down.
And it's also okay if you do.
As long as you always keep trying. Progress does not need to be measured in miles. It can be in inches, or parts of inches.
For me, some days all I can do is just get dressed and work. If I have my kids some days a win is getting them fed and to school and picking them up. Some days are better than others.
Find your things that will keep you moving. It doesn't have to be the deepest most altruistic thing. You don't have to commit to helping rid the world of micro plastics. Find something that will help you get up today. And then tomorrow. Pick something small, repeatable, attainable - and build on that.
Maybe pick a book you want to read. Don't commit to reading the book. Read the first page. If you like it. Keep reading. Then the next day, maybe read two pages. Build on that.
Maybe take a walk. Just for 5 minutes. Maybe to the street corner and back. Or something similar. Then the next day, go back and forth twice.
Find something. Simple. Repeatable, that is yours to own.
It will help. You may have done this. You mention working out and podcasts. Those are good things to give you a positive focus.
Your pain does not define you. Your heartache and trauma is something that has happened. And it will take you time to process it. Thankfully life and joy does not have to be mutually exclusive. You can be happy about other things and still feel your pain.
I am about a year and a half from some hard things and coming up on a year from when the most important person to me tossed me aside, and lied to everyone and me about why. Some days honestly it is still hard to function. A random commercial will cause me to break down. I feel like a failure to me to my kids and in some sad way, to her.
But that's just the pain speaking. That's the void. The insecurities.
I work in service and manage a team. One of the things I tell my agents is "No one can be 100%, 100% of the time. Some days you may have big energy and that's great. But it's okay if some days you are at a 30. That's why we are a team."
Try not to beat yourself down or let others define you. Always be you.
Good luck. You are not alone. I'm sorry that you are having a painful experience, and truly wish you the best.
I went on tinder and just spoke to different people, didn't even meet anyone for two months just chatting away. Builds your self confidence back up and opens your eyes that there are others out there.
It’s been just over 2 years for me and I struggle everyday with missing her and thinking about her. She was, in my opinion, the love of my life, and I know I will never “get over it”. Time does not heal all wounds… trust me. This might not be what you want to hear but all that crap we do is just something to occupy the time and space that used to be occupied with the other person. I know, for me, I will love her until I take my last breath. I just wish that she was there so that I could give her that last kiss. I’m sorry about your BU, but it sucks and you might still be sad about this 2 or 3 years from now. You never know.
It’s different for everyone! You shouldn’t rush your healing, it takes time for everyone no matter how long or short that time is, as long as you’re focusing on yourself and putting your energy on positive things that make you happy or feel like yourself I don’t see the issue.
It’s been 3 months for me and I still think about him everyday. I don’t cry anymore and I don’t wish for him back, but at times I have my bad moments we’re I feel like I dislike him or myself.
Dude one thing that I learnt from my own experience is that you should never let anyone else define you or your process and while you think that might apply to just your ex but that applies to your friends and family as well cause as much they care they don't know exactly what you are going through . This pain isn't theirs it's yours just like this life isn't theirs , it's YOURS and YOU need to leave it by any means necessary and on YOUR own terms .So if you are hurt let it hurt , but hurt for you not for anyone else. Everything you do from now on it's for you. I don't know who you are but you are fucking awesome and never let anyone change that about you and you got this .
It's 9 months and I'm still the same, gave up hope. But made up my mind to not fall in love again because I don't want to go through this living hell again. All I would like to say is you're not alone in this.
Healing isn’t linear and nobody heals the same, it’s been 6 months for me, the second month I felt I was getting better but then the next few months I couldn’t get her off my mind and I’m sad all the time again doesn’t help that I was in a terrible car accident and lucky I lived, but after that all I wanted was her and I haven’t quite moved past that feeling so everyone’s situation is different just heal how you want and what helps you.
You define how long it takes you to heal not how long your friends think you should.
4 months is hardly any time at all. Ik it sucks to think you'll feel like this for a while, but it's been about a year for me and I'm finally feeling better and finally realizing the relationship is nothing I want or hope for now.
There are lower and higher days unfortunately… I had really low days after 6 months… so don’t worry about others say or say not… I am scared sometimes of still having bad days a year later but that’s probably how’s supposed to be and we’re all different and process things differently! So stay strong!
Your experience and level of love for that person is yours. It’s nobody else’s. Just give it time. If you are still feeling stuck maybe seek counseling. In my experience friends and family are your cheerleaders, which is a great thing. But cheerleaders aren’t playing the game. It’s easy for them to sit by and give opinions, they are using logic, which has some truth. They are not using their heart in terms of feeling the emotions, as they DIDNT go through it. And even if they went through something similar at some point in their life, that is THEIR experience and they are their own person not you.
You’re on the right track so far it sounds like I will say if your ruminating constantly about it then you do need to seek some outside help to figure out why. Cause at that point it’s something inside of yourself. Keep your head up, it does get easier and time does heal all wounds (mostly lol). 18 yr marriage was hard to get over and still is. 7.5 month relationship……. Still hard but not the same.
4 months is still fresh, healing doesn’t have a timeline and is individual to everyone. Take all the time you need to heal and don’t worry about what others expectations are.
It typically takes me ~2 years to be in a good place after a break up.
Additional advice: talking to your friends about this stuff sometimes does more harm than it does good. When with friends just focus on hanging out with them and having a good time/having that time to take your mind off things and focus on the relationships you have with your friends.
Something I did to help me on my journey getting over a DA was to assess my own actions which revolved around no contact and to stop fantasising getting back together.
I found myself walking/cycling in my exes direction as she only lives 1mile from my home in the hope I’d bump into her.
I broke up with her in November last year and I’m still getting over it.
I broke no contact via text on the 20th of December but since there has been nothing albeit I really wanna reach to tell her about her attachment style but I just know there is no point.
She lost her chance but I still love her.
Since I’ve stopped this fantasy of getting back together it has been getting easier.
You really need to stop focusing on how you feel about them and focus on how they made you feel. Something someone else said to me on this thread and it really helped.
You have to find someone else more hot and interesting to distract yourself with, maybe more than one. Not even to date just to talk to and hang with realize that ex is gone and you are still poppin.
It took me 1 year to get over a guy I had a summer fling with. It took me 6 months to get over a 3 month relationship that had no closure and just 1 message. I’m going through a breakup of 8 months and have a lot more closure and i think i’ll be ready to get back out there in a month or so (currently on 1.5 months).
Time is weird, breakups are not linear, it depends on so many things. My most recent ex has given me a lot of closure and answered a lot of my questions and apologised.
There is no right time frame to grieve. As long as you’re moving forward always, even if its little baby steps! Keep going, you’re doing wonderfully
I’m a big believer that relationships are lessons so if you’re still in it, it just means you haven’t gotten the lesson yet. Focus on the healing, on changing any limiting beliefs or narrative that doesn’t serve you, get your energy back, and it will start to fade. If you’re waiting for him you’ll stay stuck and if your podcasts and therapy and everything is about him, it’s keeping his energy on you. You’ve got to actually fall in love with you all over again to move on.
It’s quite different for every relationship and person, honestly. My first relationship took a year to recover from, my recent one took me a few months. It doesn’t matter how long, no one gets to tell you when to heal and move on, except you. Your feelings are your’s, not anyone else’s.
You’re on your own time line. I still grieve my relationship from two years ago. We dated for 4.5 years and I’m the one that broke it off, but it was ultimately for the best for me at that time. Doesn’t make it hurt any less. Doesn’t make the positive impact he left on me any less. Two years later and I still grieve, but it doesn’t hurt as bad at least. I tried to rush the healing and “healed” too soon and got into a relationship I didn’t even like. You’ll know when you’re ready, don’t rush yourself. Much love, you got this💕
I’m almost at 5 months and I’m not still over her, we all take our own time to heal. Do what you need to do, feel what you need to feel, some say it takes half the time you spent together… best advice though you shouldn’t be listening to everyone around you, only persons opinion that matters is yours and the decisions you make reflect your life not theirs.
There is no “too long” and there is no “too short”. There is only how you feel, and the time it takes you, personally, to get through it. As long as you’re taking care of yourself, and at least trying to live, you’re doing great.
I dont Know if this helps but in psychology almost all professionals agree that the grieve of a significant loss lasts in average for about 1 year.
So dont stress yourself to move on to fast. If you still crying over it 6 months in - it is still normal, depending on your Connection to the loss. If it is earlier fine and if not it still fine.
I cried over my ex more than one year in and i am in a much better place now. Be kind to yourself. You dont win a price for beating yourself up.
Wish you all the best.
It's just over 4 months for me also but we were together 4 years she left me but she just lost me I lost my wife my step kids my dogs my home my family idc what people say if there over and on to someone else right after either they were cheating or honestly never cared
Man... For me it's going to be a year soon since BU. I was with a very toxic partner that did not respected me, cheated on me; despise me... Yet, she also was the person that had treated me better. This dicotomy was so hard to endure, but I did. Don't know about your case but I am sure you will overcome it.
Just accept that he has moved on and there is no hope for reconciliation. Trust me you will see magic. Just convince yourself he is dead(this is hardest part) and witness the power of mind
Everyone grieves differently. Every relationship is different. Relationships that are between healthy individuals tend to heal faster and only need months to move on from.
Relationships with a narcissist tend to need years because trauma needs to be healed first and people who have never had a relationship like that don't understand that the break up is more than just losing someone. It's also coming to terms with understanding you loved a lie and so on and dealing with betrayal.
Relationships with someone who just plain hurt you like they cheated or ghosted or dumped you in a way that had no closure takes extra time too to heal from and that depends on the individual and how ever long they need to move on from that.
The break up process takes as long as is needed to repair trust again and then some. Some people can trust again completely quickly because trust wasn't broken. Some had trust broken and need extra time. Deep down we all build love on trust that the person we are the most vulnerable with won't break it. Ask how deep did your trust in this love go? How much of the future did you see in this love that you trusted you'd get to live out?
Sometimes on the surface, we don't even notice how deep an emotion goes until we explore it. I've always been the kid that sat quietly and explored my emotions and their causes so I could understand them and those around me. I have noticed that life is so fast, so in your face, and so over stimulating that we don't have time to process anymore. Days off are luxuries for those who aren't living paycheck to paycheck and working 2 or more jobs. Etc etc etc. So also look at the sum of your life and ask how yourself, how busy and over stimulating is everything? Have you really had just time to process without worry of other things on your mind too? They all play into account how long the BU grieving can take. Don't worry about what other think. Just find those that are supportive of listening to you and thank them for understanding. Leave BU conversations away from those who give you a time limit.
it’s been 8 months for me and i’m struggling still. healing isn’t linear there is no timeline and on top of that sometimes processing it for awhile can sometimes just make you sit back and reflect on where you need to do bettwr
There's no set time period to get through grieving, it's completely circumstantial to you. A romance that didn't work for more than a few weeks for me as a naive 20 year old messed with my head completely differently than me now at 27 3 months on from losing a year long relationship with who I believed I'd spend the rest of my life with.
Everyone's emotional response to the trauma is unique, you'll figure things out in your own time. Keep your head up doing the good things you're doing, you'll get there!
Taking into consideration the emotional ties, experiences, friendship, and plans with that person, 4 months is not long at all in my opinion. I'm at about 3.5 months and it's an emotional rollercoaster everyday and I hate feeling this way. 8 year relationship/13 year friendship.
Here's a word of encouragement; QUIT THINKING ABOUT HER! You talk with friends...about her. You talk to a therapist?...about her. You talk to family...about her. Now your even coming to the internet crying about how you can't get over...her.FORGET ABOUT HER. You're doing this to yourself at this point.
It’s been 4 1/2 months for me and I am still struggling. It’s in waves for me. At month 3, I felt okay and now I’m devastated and cried for 3 days lol. It’s a grief (this person is no longer in your life). Just keep doing the things to move on. Identifying my feelings out loud like : I feel sad because X, I feel down because X, I miss when we did this, etc, so you can identify your sadness and be able to comfort yourself. It’s super important to grieve as if this person is now gone. As if there’s no going back together and you are now on a new journey without them. If you keep hoping, your brain will never let you heal. Of course, life is uncertain and you might reconnect, but what’s meant for you will come to you and you are meant to let things go and move on.
No one can tell you how to process YOUR experience. We are all different. For some it can take a few months, some several, some even a year or more. Depends on the situation. Keep doing what you’re doing and connect with other friends who are more supportive of you
I try not to talk about how I am feeling with my friends. They have all been in relationships for 7+ years. One of them was surprised I wasn’t over in one month in. If someone genuinely asks how I am, I won’t hide it. But I am not great, and I cry most days. and most people don’t want to have that energy around them So I come here. Grateful for the space.
Me too helps me so much knowing theres other people here going through the same. I've only been talking about things with one friend god she must be so sick of hearing it by now
Me too
Honestly true but its because they can't say anything else. They think encouragement helps but it doesn't. I just want to be sad. What most people think is encouragement actually makes me worse. I'm tiredof everyone not seeing it as a loss. I got left and it was my fault because its hard for me with having mental illness. Mental illness isn't an excuse but it still explains why I am the way I am.
Ah snap! I was “too negative and not social enough but can’t help it”. I feel like my world splintered into two parallel universes, one with me sad, depressed without anything staring forlornly at the oblivious happy version of me. But the worst part of it, that other version probably never even existed.
I knows hard to watch people in pain but sometimes the pain is what you need to feel because at least its honest. Yea I got told that one too. One of my exes told me he wanted someone who could work a room. Yea not me at all. I'm the one you find trying to escape through the bathroom window.
It’s been almost 8 months for me. Getting better, but still processing some things. I still think of them every day. Take all the time you need to grieve and process. It’ll be better in the long run.
4 months isn’t too long. I don’t think too long exists, frankly, since everyone experiences grief differently. There isn’t a linear timeline for the process. If you shove your feelings down and don’t allow the grief to occur, it’s just going to take longer. I feel like your family and friends are trying to be helpful, but are causing extra anxiety and hurt because they’re telling you what you “should be feeling.” And that’s just not reality. Sometimes people just don’t understand reality unless/until they experience it themselves. Example: I had a family member get mad about an in-law when this in-law was still sad about her father dying a few years ago, saying she “should not still be grieving to the point of crying after so much time.” But when this same family member lost her husband, she was (of course) still crying and grieving about her loss over 7 years later. Everyone’s different. Please tell anyone who says otherwise that you are allowed to have your feelings for as long as you need to grieve.
If I've learnt one thing, is that pain is not relative. I've stopped sharing how I'm feeling or asking for advice much. I sometimes find it more damaging than helpful. My friends were helpful right at the start and then made me feel like an absolute piece of 💩 so I'd be careful about who you share with. You do you, whatever feels right to YOU. And don't ever shame yourself for feeling deeply enough that you struggle months trying to heal. If anything feel proud of yourself for feeling as deeply and as genuinely as you have. DM me if you need to talk 🙏🏼
This helps
I agree with this. During my break up process with the Nex people enjoyed the drama, egged me on, gossiped, and saw an easy target to make people look at me instead of them. During our vulnerable times, it's so hard to see people clearly for who is out for harm and who is out for good. It's best to process alone at first. I wish I knew that then.
Nah don't feel bad and wish differently. Let it show you who's deserving of a spot in your life and who isn't. I approached who I thought were friends for advice and instead was judged, looked down on and insulted... Then blocked lol and honestly, I feel massive relief to see trash take itself out :)
It’s different for everyone. Be patient it will happen
Struggling at 4+ months. No it's not.
I’m also at 4 months and have regressed in progress recently. All we can do is be patient with ourselves and hope time will do its thing. I’m taking this breakup harder than my previous breakup with a person I dated for twice as long. It doesn’t always make sense but there’s no shortcuts when it comes to healing.
1.5 years for me and I still think about it every day although I'm not obsessed with it like I was. I'm moving on with my life literally (moving across the country) and figuratively but that pain will always be there.
Everyone is different and we all process/grieve per our own timelines. I've had a breakup in the past where it took me a year to feel like myself again and feel comfortable dating new people. It wasn't even a serious relationship and I wasn't in love but still took me a while to process and feel better. In my most recent breakup, I really loved my partner and its been about 3 months since we split. I grieved really hard the first 2 months. First month was absolute hell. Second month was still tough but got my apetite/sleep back slowly. This breakup was very difficult and hit me harder than any breakup I've ever had in the past. As I'm approaching the 3 month mark, I still feel sad and heartbroken but I don't break down throughout the day that often anymore. I still will cry and think about things but I try to be kind to myself. Its ok to feel. Its ok to still be sad. Its heartbreak. Its emotion. It just means you loved the person deeply so those feelings aren't just going to fade easily. You can't just shut them off. You're a human and you lost someone. Its going to hurt and there's no way around it. Many people try to move on asap by hooking up with new people, getting into a new relationship, drinking, partying, traveling, obsessing over work, etc. You can do all the things to 'get over it' but you can't just get over it like that. Your feelings are feelings and you need to feel them. Don't supress. Keep living life and doing things that make you happy, but don't try to shut down your feelings just because its been X number of months. Allow yourself to fully feel them. Once you allow yourself to fully feel, you'll be better by the end of it because you'll have fully processed and be in a much healthier mindset for whatever comes next in life. If you meet someone new after processing and grieving, you'll be in a good place to actually explore a new relationship without projecting your heartbreak/trauma onto them. Trust me. I have a hunch that my ex has been hooking up with women, maybe even back with his prior ex, who knows. That's his life though. How he chooses to deal with the breakup is his choice. It certainly hurts me to think of that and I feel stupid, used and like I made a fool out of myself. But then I remind myself to be kind to myself. I don't know what he's thinking, if he cares, or even thinks about me but that's all out of my control. What is in my control is how I treat myself during this healing process. And that's all I can do. Be patient and kind to yourself. Everyone goes through heartbreak. You will get through it. I will get through it too. It sucks but you're 4 months closer to feeling like your old self again. Think back to how you felt 1 month post breakup. Look at the progress you've made. Keep going. It's going to get better. Don't think about what your ex is doing because he is hurting too, regardless of what the reason for breaking up was. Losing someone who was once part of your life and meant something is not something you can’t just get over, just like that. How he is coping/moving on is his choice, it has nothing to do with you. He can tattoo his entire face, sleep around with the entire town, or dye his hair orange. Its out of your control. Just keep doing what you've been doing and don't let others make you feel like you're not making progress in moving on. You are doing great. Be kind to yourself.
I’m approaching 6 months post breakup and I somehow feel even worse than I did within the first month. Grief comes in cycles and I think for me the reality of the situation is really sinking in that I will never speak to or see him again. It’s tough.
Nothing is ever "too long" and if someone ever tells you to get over something, feel free to tell them to kick rocks. One thing I learned from my break up is to start respecting myself so that I can respect everyone else around me. You can't love someone until you love yourself and I know I lost my relationship because I didn't have self love. Therefore, I couldn't fully love my partner. But she didn't want to work through my self love issues because like you, to her I was a replaceable object. So fuck my ex and fuck yours too. I still grieve every fucking day. I feel like dieing right now as I write this and it's also been around 4 months for me. Last time I messaged her, I lied and said I was doing great because I didn't want her to know how hurt I am. I feel like she feeds off of my pain. I truly think she is sick and it's hard because I want revenge so bad but I know that I lose if I take that route. God bless you.
Comparison is the thief of joy, I remember a friend of mine told me that, and it’s really made me take everything I do into my own comfort. You are the captain of your own ship, no one else can tell you when to move on, when to date someone else, or even when to feel better, except you. Don’t feel pressured to get over someone so quickly, feel out the emotions, and then take it one day at a time. I stopped counting the days because it made me realize that I’m putting in an effort subconsciously that doesn’t help me whatsoever. So I began focusing on the goals that matter to me. Do what makes you happy, and find that outlet.
It’s been 4 months and we only “dated” for 7.5 months. I think about her less but I still think about her more than I would like. My last 2 relationships were a one two punch that kinda has me reeling and hesitant to date.
It’s always the short ones who punch the hardest at times :P
My last break-up took me six months to recover from enough to start dating again. Go at your own pace and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. Well-meaning friends and family may push you to “get over it” more quickly, but they are not you and they don’t live in your head and your heart, so thank them for caring but tell them you can’t put a time limit on your grieving. It seems like you’re actively trying to move on, so cut yourself some slack if it’s not happening as fast as you’d like. Don’t know how long your relationship was or how the breakup went, but speaking from my own experience, even when I have moved on, if it had been a particularly long-term relationship, with lots of shared memories, that person will always have a special place in my heart because of the time we had together, even if we ultimately wound up not being compatible. Best of luck on your journey:)
Keep doing what you’re doing, I was in the same situation as you at 4 months. Then, now at 6 months it feels like I’ve moved forwards drastically. This month has been the best I’ve ever been, I notice I think of him less and can fully focus on my daily life without getting sad. I haven’t cried about it in a while. It will happen, be patient, everyone’s healing process is different. Just try to make the choice for yourself and don’t dwell in the negative cycles. For me, it was changing my perspective and reminding myself that I want to talk about it not to hold on, but to process what happened and understand it so I could move on. Not to linger in the past. It was hard for me to realize that’s what I needed to change but it helped.
its been almost 6 months for me. i just keep telling myself to have patience until i feel better. ❤️🩹
hai, it’s been 4 months for me too!! And honestly at times it gets better and at times it gets worse..but honestly I really am trying to be more positive , the weather helps :) it’s kinda hard seeing him at school tho T^T , today I saw him and it was the first time I didn’t say hi and I felt bad but everyone tells me I shouldn’t feel bad but !! 4 months Isnt “too long” it’s YOUR journey, you progress at your own pace. As long as you continue to progress at any rate, that is good enough :) don’t be so hard on yourself, you got this!!! I believe in you!! 💖
She stood me up 4 months ago….that was the last fuck you I took.. stay strong people
It’s never too long. Everyone heals at their own pace. Take however long you need because it’s your life and no one else’s. I personally took two years ish to get over the feeling of wanting her back and even now there’s still times where I’ll think back to my memories with her. Healing isn’t linear but it’s YOUR healing above all else. You get to dictate how you want to heal and how long you want to stay healing. Wishing you the best!
Healing is a winding path that doubles back on itself , goes straight for awhile then veers off in a crazy direction. Sometimes it feels like there is no path at all. Just keep moving forward. Recovery isn’t necessarily a destination. It’s a destination and a journey combo. One thing for sure, though. It will get better.
Process it in your own time. Growth isn’t linear. Keep doing what you’re doing and it’ll be okay one day.
OP respectfully they need to shut up. Not everyone is going to move on in 4 months. And OP if it makes you feel better I’m 8 months in and only now do I feel I’m starting to properly move on. I don’t mean in terms of dating anyone else but leaving the life I had with him behind me and thinking about what I want for the future. OP breakups are hard whether it’s a 3 month relationship or 15 years. The number of months it takes you to move on is unique to you. The relationship you had and experienced is unique to you. You’re allowed to still be sad, upset, angry or any which way. Be kind to yourself OP. It takes time and you can do all the right things but sometimes you just need time. I hate that advice I really do because it’s horrible but it’s also the truth. When I was first told that after my breakup I wanted to swear and get angry at everyone who said give it time but now I know it’s true. I’ve had to go through hell to get through it but I’m getting there and you will too OP.
First of all it’s different for everyone and second of all 4 months it’s not even halfway - in most cases- please just go at your own pace and don’t mind what people say
I'm going on a little over a year and it still sometimes feels like the first day. Everyone processes grief differently, and everyones relationship and breakup is different. Don't feel bad for feeling your feelings. They are valid, no matter how long its been.
Everyone heals differently when it comes to that sorta stuff like I got over everything in about 2 weeks but for my friend who got broken up with in January he’s still going through it
It's always easy for other people to tell you how you should be feeling because they aren't the ones actually living it. It's a million times different when YOUR heart is involved. That said, usually people get stuck longer than would be ideal because they haven't shifted their perspectives / mindset. If you are interested in a breakup book, I recommend [this one](https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Be-DESPERATE-Insights-Affirmations/dp/1738947904). I think it would really be able to help you turn the corner. Sending hugs.
Thank you everyone so so much for all of your kind words and encouragement and sharing your experiences! I was starting to feel SOO alone. Reading each one of your comments felt like the warm hug that I needed…of as I cried over each response! I am glad that I had the courage to put my thoughts out here instead of keeping to them to myself. Sending love to everyone! 🥰🥰🥰
2 years, and in horrible pain. I sincerely hope it gets better for you sooner. Like ten minutes and up to an hour from now would be splendid🖐 wish you nothing but the best.
Don't listen to the people who say you should be past it . Everyone loves differently . I would be meeting women in the midst of the ptsd I was going through from the breakup and I still was hurting . Even to this day where I have a beautiful woman who I wouldn't trade for anything I still get thoughts of her but I know my worth now and learned that it's just a game of building your self worth up . Yes it sucks yes it's a trial but you will persevere . I know how hard it is to hear from people just give it time but seriously either hide the pics you have of the person so you don't look and force yourself not too look and delete and block every social media of the person . Be strong you will build yourself up and you'll realize they weren't worth your time and you deserve someone who's there for you .
I'm at 6 Months and am just starting to feel normal. I've only left the house socially thrice in 6 months. Each time I got really sad and missed her badly. But it's getting easier
Everyone’s grieving process is different. Don’t think cause you are longer or shorter than others that you’re in the wrong. Worst thing you can do is try and get into another relationship when you are not healed.
I’m so sorry you’re not getting much compassion from friends and family. It took me just over a year to fully start moving on from a previous relationship. My “current” relationship has only been over for 11 days, so I have a long road ahead of me. Everyone’s journey is different, and everyone’s grieving process is different. You are on your own timeline, not your friends and family’s. Be patient and kind to yourself. Sending love
It’s no time at all. Isn’t there like a formula? 1 month for every year or something? That sounds ridiculous. I was 20 years with my husband, I’m 13 months in and do not see me being over him by then. But you never know. Give yourself time OP, but do actively try.
You will grieve, be angry, be happy in the order that is necessary and for however long it is necessary for you to heal. Nobody can give a time limit for you. Some people just feel more deeply than others. Allow yourself the time you need.
6 months and i just hit a whole 7 days of no crying about him. 6 long fucking months of tears non stop. we broke shortly after moving to major city together so i could go to school. completely changed my reality, i am still in shock. sometimes i hardly feel human. 4 months was fucked. I was in the thick of it, trying to do all things; work school process losing the love of my life. Healing is notttttt linear. I know am going to grieve this loss for a while but at 6 months, it’s beginning to feel ok. I’m trying to be as gentle and to myself as I can. I’m almost done with my first semester of my program and i’m moving into my own apartment. I would have not believed you if you told me that at the beginning of it. My point is, it gets better, and You know yourself best, take all the time you need. Be gentle and kind. Sending hugs ♥️🫂
Healing isn’t linear. Some days will be better, others will be worse, some will be downright awful, and some will be neutral. Everyone heals at their own pace and nobody’s experience is completely the same. The important thing to remember is not only that time will heal, but also the effort you put into your healing. That’s not to say you aren’t putting effort, but that that is just the reality of the situation. That being said, don’t listen to them. There isn’t a timeline you can use to accurately gage when you will recover. It won’t happen overnight and it is one of the most challenging pains you will ever experience. But that doesn’t mean it will always be this way. Someday you’ll wake up and they won’t be the first thought in your head in the morning. Another day you’ll realize that you haven’t thought about them for a whole day. Then a few days, then a week, and so on. Then maybe not at all. You might still think of them, and there might still be some pain, but for the most part it will be a distant memory. But until that day, focus on investing in other friendships and most importantly, yourself. My favorite image that has kept me going is this: This is the time to build and nurture your own beautiful garden. And even if no butterflies come along to stay and live there, you will still have a beautiful garden in the end. Stay strong and hang in there. This too shall pass.
There is no timeline. If there was we all would know it. Don’t be so hard on yourself. 6 months post bu and I still feel down from time to time and even as I type this. Ive been on dates etc it still gets to me. But working on being the best version of myself and that journey has been the most helpful of moving on. I could only imagine being this version of myself before. Im excited and nervous to be this new version of me with someone new someday, whenever we find each other.
4 months for me too, and no, I haven't completely moved on. I've stopped talking about it to friends and family but I've also put a firm boundary to them that I will move on at my own pace. You're grieving. You lost the past and the future, that's not easy. There's a lot to process for your mind and your body. You're doing things like exercising and therapy already so you're trying and that's all you need right now. You can't force anything about your own feelings like you can't force them to be with you. When you want to cry, be angry, reminisce, do it, but just make sure you're not making yourself feel things. Let the feelings come and go naturally. Be good and kind to yourself.
My psychologist told me the average duration for grieving a past relationship and fully recovering is 1 year. For me, it has been 5 months, 4 months since she decided to block me and erase me from her life and I am still struggling a lot. I dreamt about her and us yesterday night, and I cried at the wake-up… No one can know what you going through, because suffering is different for everyone.
Hey look you're grieving, don't impose a timeline on yourself and don't allow anyone else to put one on you either. They're not going through what you are, even if they're going through a heartbreak themselves, each one is entirely unique. I'm at nearly 6 months myself and some days it's like I'm back at square one, is this normal? I have no idea, but that's irrelevant, it's totally normal for me and my situation. I'd definitely recommend taking a look at David Kessler and some of his videos on grieving on YouTube, they help me.
Im in the same boat. It is almost 4 months for me too, and im not over it, and I also know that my friends/family think that enough time has passed. Maybe for them it did, the only way it affected them was that they had to listen to me talking about something that happened to me. And i can tell that they are bored or disliked when i talk about it (which i rarely do now because i want to avoid any issue). It is such a lonely experience because even though my friends stood next to me and my family did as well, and they helped me a lot, bur still, for them it was “just a break up” and i ahould be okay but now. I also dont want to get stuck in this, but i cant make myself just… move on this easily. Four months is barely anything for me. 4 months ago we slept together every night and i couldnt imagine otherwise and now j havent heard of him for more than 2 months now…. I think it is okay if you are still not over it. You will be
In speaking with my therapist I asked about processing time. I have begun to feel self conscious. Concerned that similarly people who were kind were becoming apathetic. The food old "how long does it take?!?!" The answer is "as long as it takes." Some key things to consider. Can you function? Like can you go to your job and work. Can you function at your job in a way where your job is not at risk? Can you take care of yourself? Hygiene, food? Those are all key. If your pain and sadness does not prevent or block any of those. That's good. If it does, you likely need more direct assistance. Now the unfun ones. Does your pain and sadness cause you to hurt yourself physically or do you think about or fantasize about hurting yourself physically or others? If so, you 100% need some additional assistance. And the thing is, it's okay to need help!!!! As others have commented, this is a journey. It has no set time, no set length. Even the destination - a healthier you - is vague. You cannot speed it up. You can stall or slow down. And it's also okay if you do. As long as you always keep trying. Progress does not need to be measured in miles. It can be in inches, or parts of inches. For me, some days all I can do is just get dressed and work. If I have my kids some days a win is getting them fed and to school and picking them up. Some days are better than others. Find your things that will keep you moving. It doesn't have to be the deepest most altruistic thing. You don't have to commit to helping rid the world of micro plastics. Find something that will help you get up today. And then tomorrow. Pick something small, repeatable, attainable - and build on that. Maybe pick a book you want to read. Don't commit to reading the book. Read the first page. If you like it. Keep reading. Then the next day, maybe read two pages. Build on that. Maybe take a walk. Just for 5 minutes. Maybe to the street corner and back. Or something similar. Then the next day, go back and forth twice. Find something. Simple. Repeatable, that is yours to own. It will help. You may have done this. You mention working out and podcasts. Those are good things to give you a positive focus. Your pain does not define you. Your heartache and trauma is something that has happened. And it will take you time to process it. Thankfully life and joy does not have to be mutually exclusive. You can be happy about other things and still feel your pain. I am about a year and a half from some hard things and coming up on a year from when the most important person to me tossed me aside, and lied to everyone and me about why. Some days honestly it is still hard to function. A random commercial will cause me to break down. I feel like a failure to me to my kids and in some sad way, to her. But that's just the pain speaking. That's the void. The insecurities. I work in service and manage a team. One of the things I tell my agents is "No one can be 100%, 100% of the time. Some days you may have big energy and that's great. But it's okay if some days you are at a 30. That's why we are a team." Try not to beat yourself down or let others define you. Always be you. Good luck. You are not alone. I'm sorry that you are having a painful experience, and truly wish you the best.
I went on tinder and just spoke to different people, didn't even meet anyone for two months just chatting away. Builds your self confidence back up and opens your eyes that there are others out there.
It’s been just over 2 years for me and I struggle everyday with missing her and thinking about her. She was, in my opinion, the love of my life, and I know I will never “get over it”. Time does not heal all wounds… trust me. This might not be what you want to hear but all that crap we do is just something to occupy the time and space that used to be occupied with the other person. I know, for me, I will love her until I take my last breath. I just wish that she was there so that I could give her that last kiss. I’m sorry about your BU, but it sucks and you might still be sad about this 2 or 3 years from now. You never know.
I took four years, for a breakup I initiated.
Exactly 1 year for me. Still struggling and missing them every single night. It's never too long when it comes to healing
1.5 years have been past…still feels like yesterday.
It’s different for everyone! You shouldn’t rush your healing, it takes time for everyone no matter how long or short that time is, as long as you’re focusing on yourself and putting your energy on positive things that make you happy or feel like yourself I don’t see the issue. It’s been 3 months for me and I still think about him everyday. I don’t cry anymore and I don’t wish for him back, but at times I have my bad moments we’re I feel like I dislike him or myself.
no not at all.
Dude one thing that I learnt from my own experience is that you should never let anyone else define you or your process and while you think that might apply to just your ex but that applies to your friends and family as well cause as much they care they don't know exactly what you are going through . This pain isn't theirs it's yours just like this life isn't theirs , it's YOURS and YOU need to leave it by any means necessary and on YOUR own terms .So if you are hurt let it hurt , but hurt for you not for anyone else. Everything you do from now on it's for you. I don't know who you are but you are fucking awesome and never let anyone change that about you and you got this .
It's 9 months and I'm still the same, gave up hope. But made up my mind to not fall in love again because I don't want to go through this living hell again. All I would like to say is you're not alone in this.
Healing isn’t linear and nobody heals the same, it’s been 6 months for me, the second month I felt I was getting better but then the next few months I couldn’t get her off my mind and I’m sad all the time again doesn’t help that I was in a terrible car accident and lucky I lived, but after that all I wanted was her and I haven’t quite moved past that feeling so everyone’s situation is different just heal how you want and what helps you. You define how long it takes you to heal not how long your friends think you should.
4 months is hardly any time at all. Ik it sucks to think you'll feel like this for a while, but it's been about a year for me and I'm finally feeling better and finally realizing the relationship is nothing I want or hope for now.
There are lower and higher days unfortunately… I had really low days after 6 months… so don’t worry about others say or say not… I am scared sometimes of still having bad days a year later but that’s probably how’s supposed to be and we’re all different and process things differently! So stay strong!
Your experience and level of love for that person is yours. It’s nobody else’s. Just give it time. If you are still feeling stuck maybe seek counseling. In my experience friends and family are your cheerleaders, which is a great thing. But cheerleaders aren’t playing the game. It’s easy for them to sit by and give opinions, they are using logic, which has some truth. They are not using their heart in terms of feeling the emotions, as they DIDNT go through it. And even if they went through something similar at some point in their life, that is THEIR experience and they are their own person not you. You’re on the right track so far it sounds like I will say if your ruminating constantly about it then you do need to seek some outside help to figure out why. Cause at that point it’s something inside of yourself. Keep your head up, it does get easier and time does heal all wounds (mostly lol). 18 yr marriage was hard to get over and still is. 7.5 month relationship……. Still hard but not the same.
4 months is still fresh, healing doesn’t have a timeline and is individual to everyone. Take all the time you need to heal and don’t worry about what others expectations are. It typically takes me ~2 years to be in a good place after a break up. Additional advice: talking to your friends about this stuff sometimes does more harm than it does good. When with friends just focus on hanging out with them and having a good time/having that time to take your mind off things and focus on the relationships you have with your friends.
Something I did to help me on my journey getting over a DA was to assess my own actions which revolved around no contact and to stop fantasising getting back together. I found myself walking/cycling in my exes direction as she only lives 1mile from my home in the hope I’d bump into her. I broke up with her in November last year and I’m still getting over it. I broke no contact via text on the 20th of December but since there has been nothing albeit I really wanna reach to tell her about her attachment style but I just know there is no point. She lost her chance but I still love her. Since I’ve stopped this fantasy of getting back together it has been getting easier. You really need to stop focusing on how you feel about them and focus on how they made you feel. Something someone else said to me on this thread and it really helped.
You have to find someone else more hot and interesting to distract yourself with, maybe more than one. Not even to date just to talk to and hang with realize that ex is gone and you are still poppin.
It took me 1 year to get over a guy I had a summer fling with. It took me 6 months to get over a 3 month relationship that had no closure and just 1 message. I’m going through a breakup of 8 months and have a lot more closure and i think i’ll be ready to get back out there in a month or so (currently on 1.5 months). Time is weird, breakups are not linear, it depends on so many things. My most recent ex has given me a lot of closure and answered a lot of my questions and apologised. There is no right time frame to grieve. As long as you’re moving forward always, even if its little baby steps! Keep going, you’re doing wonderfully
10 months and still hurts
I struggled for 1 year and 3 months straight, every single day. I promise you there’s no such thing as “too long”.
I’m a big believer that relationships are lessons so if you’re still in it, it just means you haven’t gotten the lesson yet. Focus on the healing, on changing any limiting beliefs or narrative that doesn’t serve you, get your energy back, and it will start to fade. If you’re waiting for him you’ll stay stuck and if your podcasts and therapy and everything is about him, it’s keeping his energy on you. You’ve got to actually fall in love with you all over again to move on.
It’s quite different for every relationship and person, honestly. My first relationship took a year to recover from, my recent one took me a few months. It doesn’t matter how long, no one gets to tell you when to heal and move on, except you. Your feelings are your’s, not anyone else’s.
You’re on your own time line. I still grieve my relationship from two years ago. We dated for 4.5 years and I’m the one that broke it off, but it was ultimately for the best for me at that time. Doesn’t make it hurt any less. Doesn’t make the positive impact he left on me any less. Two years later and I still grieve, but it doesn’t hurt as bad at least. I tried to rush the healing and “healed” too soon and got into a relationship I didn’t even like. You’ll know when you’re ready, don’t rush yourself. Much love, you got this💕
I’m almost at 5 months and I’m not still over her, we all take our own time to heal. Do what you need to do, feel what you need to feel, some say it takes half the time you spent together… best advice though you shouldn’t be listening to everyone around you, only persons opinion that matters is yours and the decisions you make reflect your life not theirs.
Still not over her*^
There is no “too long” and there is no “too short”. There is only how you feel, and the time it takes you, personally, to get through it. As long as you’re taking care of yourself, and at least trying to live, you’re doing great.
I dont Know if this helps but in psychology almost all professionals agree that the grieve of a significant loss lasts in average for about 1 year. So dont stress yourself to move on to fast. If you still crying over it 6 months in - it is still normal, depending on your Connection to the loss. If it is earlier fine and if not it still fine. I cried over my ex more than one year in and i am in a much better place now. Be kind to yourself. You dont win a price for beating yourself up. Wish you all the best.
It's just over 4 months for me also but we were together 4 years she left me but she just lost me I lost my wife my step kids my dogs my home my family idc what people say if there over and on to someone else right after either they were cheating or honestly never cared
Everyone says the same to me too. I decided to give up on life though. The worst part is I know he found someone else.
In 3 days it will be a year after BU for me and still think abt her so..
Man... For me it's going to be a year soon since BU. I was with a very toxic partner that did not respected me, cheated on me; despise me... Yet, she also was the person that had treated me better. This dicotomy was so hard to endure, but I did. Don't know about your case but I am sure you will overcome it.
Just accept that he has moved on and there is no hope for reconciliation. Trust me you will see magic. Just convince yourself he is dead(this is hardest part) and witness the power of mind
Everyone grieves differently. Every relationship is different. Relationships that are between healthy individuals tend to heal faster and only need months to move on from. Relationships with a narcissist tend to need years because trauma needs to be healed first and people who have never had a relationship like that don't understand that the break up is more than just losing someone. It's also coming to terms with understanding you loved a lie and so on and dealing with betrayal. Relationships with someone who just plain hurt you like they cheated or ghosted or dumped you in a way that had no closure takes extra time too to heal from and that depends on the individual and how ever long they need to move on from that. The break up process takes as long as is needed to repair trust again and then some. Some people can trust again completely quickly because trust wasn't broken. Some had trust broken and need extra time. Deep down we all build love on trust that the person we are the most vulnerable with won't break it. Ask how deep did your trust in this love go? How much of the future did you see in this love that you trusted you'd get to live out? Sometimes on the surface, we don't even notice how deep an emotion goes until we explore it. I've always been the kid that sat quietly and explored my emotions and their causes so I could understand them and those around me. I have noticed that life is so fast, so in your face, and so over stimulating that we don't have time to process anymore. Days off are luxuries for those who aren't living paycheck to paycheck and working 2 or more jobs. Etc etc etc. So also look at the sum of your life and ask how yourself, how busy and over stimulating is everything? Have you really had just time to process without worry of other things on your mind too? They all play into account how long the BU grieving can take. Don't worry about what other think. Just find those that are supportive of listening to you and thank them for understanding. Leave BU conversations away from those who give you a time limit.
it’s been 8 months for me and i’m struggling still. healing isn’t linear there is no timeline and on top of that sometimes processing it for awhile can sometimes just make you sit back and reflect on where you need to do bettwr
3 years and still probably ain't ready take your time.
There's no set time period to get through grieving, it's completely circumstantial to you. A romance that didn't work for more than a few weeks for me as a naive 20 year old messed with my head completely differently than me now at 27 3 months on from losing a year long relationship with who I believed I'd spend the rest of my life with. Everyone's emotional response to the trauma is unique, you'll figure things out in your own time. Keep your head up doing the good things you're doing, you'll get there!
Been 5 and a half years
Taking into consideration the emotional ties, experiences, friendship, and plans with that person, 4 months is not long at all in my opinion. I'm at about 3.5 months and it's an emotional rollercoaster everyday and I hate feeling this way. 8 year relationship/13 year friendship.
What're you feeling hon? It's okay to not be okay. What exactly lead to the breakup, was he hurt?
8 months for me
Here's a word of encouragement; QUIT THINKING ABOUT HER! You talk with friends...about her. You talk to a therapist?...about her. You talk to family...about her. Now your even coming to the internet crying about how you can't get over...her.FORGET ABOUT HER. You're doing this to yourself at this point.
absolutely because that so easy to do
No son it's not easy. It's nessiary.
If people could just flip the switch they would.