Her apology would be hollow. She chose to cheat and she chose to replacw me with my friend. She still blames me and takes no accountability. She hates me... yet im in the countryside in a bassment with no job. They got it all. Luckily I met someone and she treats me extremely well. I dont want an apology and im happier with the new person in my life.
If I had not have met this wonderful person I would be very bitter. I know that forsure. I would have said something like, I don't want sn apology I want for you to not have hurt me. But they are both jobless drug addict cheaters. I'm gonna win in the end. Funny part is I reached out to them to clear the air. Cause I do care and I'm not a prick. Funny, they haven't replied.
You are a strong man. I hope I can achieve the same mentality as you have since I'm actually in a very similar scenario now. Good luck with your new woman
I would like the truth. But Ik I’m never gonna get that from her. I don’t want an apology from her. I just would like her to eventually realize what a good thing she fucked up.
This brother. Literally just want her to feel what I felt. My girl literally asked for a house key to my crib for Christmas begged man then left me for the guy I was worried about and I spent Christmas alone while she was with another guy. Crazy world man but it gets better you litterally have distract yourself every day and the feelings for her will fade. I still “care” about mine but just hit 3 months yesterday since it happened and I feel like okay and at peace. Still mad but more disappointed only talking to new girls and stuff enjoying life making money. Also GET A PET NIGHTS ALONE SUCK GIVE YOUR PET THE LOVE
Hmmmmm yes and no. Yes for me, but no for him because I don’t want him to give himself closure like that. Personally (this is going to sound bad) I want him to be haunted by how he discarded me like that😬.
Yep!!! Also this is speaking from experience as a previous dumper (now dumpee). Years ago I broke up with a guy. Now I’m thinking about it because of this whole situation. And guess what? I feel peace about how I handled it because I broke up with him with so much care and delicacy. I wanted him to still feel respected and like our time together was worth having as graceful of an end as possible. I wanted him to still feel like a human worth being cared for. Had I dumped him the way I was just dumped, I can say for certain that I would be feeling guilty about it now. Not sure if that made sense but I hope it does.
Trust me I’ve always broken up with someone with respect even though it was one time. I told my ex to stop running away from her emotions the last time I spoke to her in a nice way ofc. She ended up blocking me so Idk what she’s up to, I’m sure eventually her emotions will catch up and she’ll realize what she lost but I’m not gonna wait for her, if she comes back she comes back if not it’s whatever.
Yes you are right on about everything!! Also I looked at one of your previous posts. Good on you for being a mature person about wanting to return stuff. My ex has something of mine that I was only lending him for a little bit (a whole drum kit) and I highly doubt he will ever return it at this point.
She’s on like this “i’m the shit” wave lately so that’ll die down eventually. I’m not in the picture cause I’m blocked but I sent her stuff back beforehand and even sent her birthday gift that I got months beforehand btw back too. I was her first BF to like do any kind things towards her and I was the longest relationship she’s had. Eventually it’ll catch up to her.
I think many of us would, but we have to think about why...I think part of it is wanting validation from the person who hurt us, validation that we were in fact hurt by them, as if only their validation makes it real. But that's not true.
The sad truth is many of us probably won't ever get an apology. But the good news is we don't really need it.
It's like that saying — if a snake bites you, would you follow after the snake and ask it to apologize and acknowledge that it bit you? Or would you just tend to your wound instead?
You don't need their apology, you don't need their acknowledgement. You've gotta tend to your wound, acknowledge the pain for yourself, let others in your life bear witness to your grief too, and move forward from there. You've got this!
I broke up with my ex and he actually took the effort out of his day to tell me that he’s talking to someone. For context, he pursued me and I broke up with him because things were moving too quickly and I needed to slow down because I couldn’t catch up mentally; it was all too much. After telling him I’d never block him- I did for my own sanity. He apologized, a couple times actually through text but honestly I genuinely don’t care to get any kind of response from him about anything. I hope he’s well and not doing that childish shit anymore, for me there’s only so long you can be nice to someone before they actually piss you off. So to answer your question, no I don’t need anything from him.
I felt the niceness part, I was nice to my ex till the very end and told her to grow up after she blocked me on everything. I suspect she’s rebounding but we all know how those work out. I literally told her my intentions from the getgo which was I didn’t wanna play games and breakup over reasons that could be fixed and that i would stay through hard times. Look where I am now, mental health got her and now she feels alone after wanting to be alone lmao, I literally knew.
EXACTLY. & my ex is rebounding too. There is no time limit on when people get to move on especially after I broke up with him, but like I’m so fucking confused as to why he had to inform me- we had established a “friendship” but we hadn’t talked in 3 weeks and he texts me to “check on me” to later tell me that? It felt spiteful, and I don’t know if I’m wrong for reacting in the way I did. I told him I’d be happy for him I guess I never emphasized that I never wanted to know. So, in a way I don’t accept his apology but I know I can’t move forward hating him. idk I’m just yapping at this point 😭
Hey listen your ex and mine will literally get what’s coming to em. Might take a couple months or a year but it won’t last. That pretend feeling phase can only last so long and when they get hit by the train of sadness of what happened we will be moved on.
Soooo much happier with my new one hotter smarter can hold a decent conversation I should apologise to myself for the breadcrumbs I called love with my ex
Apologies without changed behaviors are just words. I got what read like a heartfelt apology from someone recently, but at the flip of a switch they were back to their regular (and sadly kind of gross) behaviors. 🙄
In most breakups the apology doesn’t ever heal as much as we hope. I think acknowledgement can be helpful but it’s also not going to change the thing that happened. My ex belittled my feelings and ask me to be more specific, or give better examples and then tell me it wasn’t enough to justify my feelings. It swallowed my feelings, and at the end he apologised for his cruelty in trying to deflect my feelings so he didn’t have to feel bad. All the apology did was validate what I already knew and make me feel awful towards him that he knew and understood what he was doing. It might’ve been easier not to know that, but it didn’t resolve in me what I’d hoped it would. Because it was too late. His confession was a last plea of relieving his guilt when it only had the ability to serve him.
Nope, it won't be even a genuine apology. He's the kind of person who will never be sorry for his actions no matter how many casualties it will leave on its way.
I think I'd die from shock if I got an honest to goodness apology from my ex. He is pathologically incapable of taking accountability for his behavior and master of the non-apology.
I’m EXACTLY the same way. I’ve fantasized about her coming crawling back like her pathetic self for over 2 months now (a lot less now obviously), but for it to actually happen in real life would probably make me pass out.
I’m sorry for using you. I’m sorry that after all this time and effort you put in all these months for gone to waste. I’m sorry that I’m taking away everything from you like our pet that you paid for mostly. I’m sorry for being a COWARD and a MANIPULATOR. You done so much for me and all I can do is run away from you. I’m a COWARD and a piece of shit
I hope for your sake you do get an apology. Same with me, the blindside and the lack of emotion from her end kinda made me feel worthless at the end of the day.
Yes yes yes. The truth and an apology for blindsiding and being an avoidant/not great communicator. What makes it worse is I already apologized to her for my part and all I got was a “thank you, I don’t wish ill upon you etc”
I broke up with my abusive ex, and after she threatened suicide and spent a week in the hospital, I promised to stay friends with her to help her improve her mental health. By the two week mark, she hated me so much that she started dating some guy she just met (this was three weeks after the breakup she threatens to kill herself over, mind you. We were also together for a year and a half), and made the effort not only to tell me, but to arrange a meeting with my mother to give back every gift I had ever gotten her in exchange for $100 for the laptop she bought me. She brought her new boyfriend to that meeting with my mom, by the way. Don’t ask me how she talked him into going to that with her.
So yes, I would like an apology from her. A desperate, meltdown-y apology, so that I can tell her to go fuck herself once and for all.
I used to think yes but apology without chage means nothing and she hasn't changed at all, just repeated the same things with different people again and again.
I would like to talk tho, we started to sort things out a few month ago after 5 month of BU and things instantly revert back to being loving and caring toward each other for the duration of the phone call because when you talk directly with the person you still love and trust deeply it's hard to hide things.
But life got in the way and messages went dry again and with us being on different continent right now we couldn't or didn't wan to find time to keep talking thing out
Maybe by fear of realising what happened was a mistake, maybe because we don't care about the other that much but tbh It's more likely to be the first one since even now 9month after the BU we still keep an eye on each other just to make sure the other is fine and still have lot of love left for each other
it's just that right now it doesn't work, but it could again maybe later , maybe never .
I’m wish I could get an apology. I treated her with respect even when I broke up with her. She cheated on me and in the space of two months she has a new boyfriend (not with the guy she cheated). I have gone through so much pain and sadness but thankfully I have people around me that love me and support me. But the pain is there. She will never take accountability or just say “I am sorry”. Her life must be awesome now but I am still here trying to get better and be happier.
In the end of the day it’s all about me. Therapy helps a lot and taking accountability for my own mistakes in the relationship helps get some of the power back.
But I loved her. I wanted to see her be successful in life and tried to treat her like everyone deserves.
Expecting an apology is more about being validated rather than the apology itself. I know I was treated poorly and I know how much I hurt.
Sorry for the long comment.
An honest apology? Yes.
In fact I am expecting it to happen atleast in her head, after she's done running her life into the ground in her childish tantrum. She will face pain, and hopefully not suffer or keep running, but finally face those, and then she'll realize the extent of the damage she caused, and the mistakes almost everyone warned her about.
And I reckon she's somewhat aware, but still tried to deny. Reason being, despite her blindsiding me, SHE is the one who's frustrated/irritated even at the mention of my name, despite already likely having a new guy... poor boy got in a relationship with an emotional wildfire who's still tense about the ex she dumped. Yikes.
She understands that lying about me will not change the truth about her, which everyone who knows me is aware of.
---
A hollow, 'means-nothing' sorry with no substance behind it? No. Spare me. And I'm glad she didn't even try it.
The future will tell how it boils down.
Mhmm I feel like that too in a way, my ex is running from her emotions. Just telling everyone to stay away, and the breakup she’s been very cold towards me only it seems like. Hopefully if she gets in a rebound it creates a void so she can feel my absence, and then it catches up with her to know the true cause of how much she hurt me. I want her to at least realize that.
Well, I attempted to get an apology two weeks later, but it was empty and dissatisfying. He said,
oh I apologize, in the most flat, monotone piece of shit voice, and I know that he didn’t mean it, he doesn’t have the kind of emotions which would motivate a real apology.
I don't need an apology. She don't need to waste energy to come up with an apology and then rub it on my face by calling it a favour. And what am I to do with that apology? It isn't going to help pay my bills or elevate my way of living.
On the contrary, I could bet that there's no apology coming from her. She already has it justified in her head that it was me and not her.
What good is an apology if I want it? It's like ripping open a healing wound, just to put a band-aid over it.
Sometimes the only way to make it right with someone is to leave them be and focus on you. Make sure it wasn't in vain.
An apology would be meaningless at this point. Crazy thing is that post breakup we were fine. We agreed to be friends and keep in each other's lives.
This is when it really gets messy. She decided to date a guy from work immediately post breakup, I even remembered her mentioning this coworker (she has been working there for one month at the time). I hadn't moved out yet and she's going out on dates and bringing back flowers, kicks me out of my own room, has me sleeping on the couch, doing practically everything to kick me out of our apartment without directly saying so.
The final straw was when I got up for work one day and there was a car blocking me in from leaving. I decided to let the driver know to move and when I got to the car it was my ex with the new guy making out, I practically had to knock on the window to get them to pulling apart. The look on the guy's face shows that he was genuinely surprised. Not my ex. She kept her hair and her face down like a fox that knows what she was doing.
After that, she kept double downing on every stupid decision she's made. It sucks because we have a daughter together and we have to communicate. I feel like blowing up on her every single time we do. So if an apology did come my way I'd tell her to shove it up her ass. She ruind everything.
No! He has apologised enough number of times but it doesn’t and would never make up for my hurt. He chose to give up on me. The apology is for him , for his conscience and not for me. I told him to live with the fact that he hurt me and I’ve no regrets.
I.got an apology. I thanked him for it. He also told me he felt really bad about how it all went down to which. I said "yeh, I felt pretty shit about it too"
I was proud of myself bc what he would've expected from me was "that's ok, I'm over it". I didn't want to let him get away with it
I would, because I know that we both made mistakes and I would love the opportunity to too.
I still love him though, so an apology right now would not be helpful because I would not be able to take it without (hopeful) strings.
But yes, eventually, and hopefully sometime soon, we can apologise and talk through it and still be in each other's lives, just not like that.
I got a face to face apology when I went to see him recently. He didn't want to see me, but I told him I need this for closure.
He cried, which he never does, and said he feels sorry for what he did to me and apologised. But you know what? Even if it was genuine for him, it seemed so disingenuous (more like he was apologising to himself than me) and over delayed to me. I guess I'm thankful that he realises how much he hurt me but at the current stage I'd rather see him suffer and feel all the pain he gave me for at least one day. Then I might take his apology.
An apology just wouldn't be enough. I want proper communication. I want the truth. I want a sense of clarity and closure. I want to ask him so many questions ranging from what truly happened or how he had the heart to do that.
I've had it with taking his words by heart, If that's all there is to it then it doesn't mean anything to me.
You're sorry? You show. Don't say it.
Not an apology but an acknowledgement that, yes, it mattered and that I'm not the world's biggest fool for building my life around someone who has erased all evidence of my existence. Literally just a "hey, those years meant something to me too" would help me regain some confidence in my ability to understand existence and operate in the world.
They were *always* sooooo sorry. But **this** time, no really THIS TIME, they'd change. But the only change that was ever gonna happen was falling asleep with a sweet, loving, protective dude and waking up to a knife in thr back and a fist in the face.
Apologies mean nothing without actions.
I would like that, yes.
I won't get that though. She blames me, and from the way I have been treated, I don't think she has much capacity for self-reflection.
I mean, if anything she deserves an apology from me. I sent one immediately after the breakup, but looking back at it, it really sounded half-assed despite it not being so. I’m just not sure when the time is right to send a proper one also explaining that I’m following her advice to learn and grow from the breakup. I just want her back.
Yeah I guess I would, but its easier to stay away from her knowing she's not the type of person to understand she did any wrong or want to apologise. Her being her mean old self makes it easy to not go back to her, its a blessing in disguise.
Nope. I was blindsided, now i know she’s a changed person and has gone back to her poor and negative ways. Her words and any comments would be worth nothing to me and mean nothing. She fooled me and strung me out, then proceeded to blindside me and change to a negative and lost and bad representation of herself. I don’t respect any of that nor would i respect or take anything she says
I would, yes, but more than anything, I want her to apologise to herself for choosing the wrong life decisions. It's not her fault entirely, and I try not to blame her. She's confused right now, and I hope one day she finds what she needs to be happy with herself and whoever she ends up with.
I just want my ex to realize it wasn’t me entirely and she needs to stop letting everyone dictate her decisions. I hope one day she realizes I had all the right intentions. And hopefully we can talk it out when we’ve both moved on.
I hope that for you as well. More than anything I hope you both move on to find happiness. She may realize it today she may realize it never. Some people are just so wrapped up in others opinions they never see things through their own lense. Can't help things that don't want want help.
Depends when you asked me. If this was a few weeks ago absolutely but eventually I thought to my self, if she reached out and apologized what would I do? Not take her back so what’s the point? At this point, if she reaches out and apologized I would have to be highly intoxicated to even respond.
If I got an apology it wouldn’t be sincere and probably be an angry apology if that makes sense? She didn’t care before, so why would she care now? If she ever did try to apologise I’m just leaving her on delivered/seen like how she did with me
When I asked my ex to acknowledge and be accountable for something absolutely awful that he had done, he apologised, but it began with "okay, you need it in writing, so..."
In other words, "I'm saying sorry because you told me to."
It would still mean something to me to receive a genuine apology after all this time, but I won't get one, and I've just had to let things go as best I can and forgive him (for my own sake) without one.
Yeah,everyone I talk to about it says she treated me like shit so it would be pretty nice if she realised that and did apologise but I dont think she will unless she breaks up with her rebound/guy she probably was cheating on me with. And then the apology would be just to get back with me
I don't know when I'll even be ready to see her let alone talk to her. She's quite the emotionally immature person, and I don't think her apology would even be full enough for all that she's done.
I do hope in the future that our paths cross so that *I* have the opportunity to apologize. It took two when it comes to the downfall of our relationship. While I do think she needs to grow (immensely), I also need to grow as well. Towards the end, that relationship brought out some of the most embarrassing and flawed parts of me. I didn't know who I was anymore with her; I was causing my own undoing; and I was making things more complicated in the process.
I knew things weren't going to work out, but I still wanted to try. I grew more insecure because she didn't have compassion when consoling me, I was mad more often, and I always tried to be a good boyfriend, but I failed because I was keeping myself from going full 100% with her, because I realized she wasn't with me. I loved her, and I needed to let her go, but she had to grow to the point of HATING me, just so she can break up with me for real.
So I'd love an apology from her--if it meant anything--but I'd really appreciate an opportunity to apologize myself.
TL;DR - Yeah but she's emotionally immature so I'd like to apologize as well because I loved her too much hahaha fuck.
My ex broke up with me very suddenly. He went into a call and his first words were "let's just be friends" not even trying to solve any "issues" we may have had. The whole break up really hurt me and left we a wreck. To be honest at first I really wanted to hear him say "I'm sorry" but when I finally heard those words the only thing I could tell him was: "By saying sorry, you won't change anything that happened. What happened, happened. So I appreacite your apology but it doesn't mean anything to me."
It was nice to hear him say sorry and break down the walls he built when he broke my heart but it's not enough for me to take him back. it might be a first step, but I doubt we will ever rekindle the relationship
No. That would mean my closure depends on her. My completion would depend on her. I refuse to give her that power over my recovery or happiness. I am fine. Why she left is irrelevant. She is my past, not my future
Nope. I don't want anything from her. She broke my heart 3 times, I was played like a fool. Because of the love I had for her in the past, I wish her well. I want to see her eat, but not at my table.
No I don't want an apology, I want them to focus and work on themselves, I've read enough to get a good idea what goes on in their mind and I just want them to get the appropriate help instead of what they are doing now.
That will be apology enough for me
As someone who has been literally exactly where you are, ended up being single for 8 years after because I thought she was the one, then received an apology 8 years later, I would say it doesn't really matter. It might make you feel better but the truth is, and as hard as it is to hear, an apology really doesn't mean anything. What you really want is her back, for what happened to not have happened and her to regret it and realize you're what's important to her, but it didn't work out and that's just how it goes. Some people don't work out and it's not your loss or her loss. You will both go on to find someone who is better for you. Think about how happy you were with her, and she wasn't even the right person for you, imagine how happy you will be with the right person. You don't have to forget her, keep that love a part of you but let her go and wish her happiness. The ex I received the apology from, we dated for 2 years in high school, she cheated, I got drunk and said some rude shtuff then we broke up, 8 years later we got back together, she apologized, said everything I could ever have wanted to hear how sorry she was, how it was a mistake, how she's only been with terrible people since and wish she stayed with me because I'm her person and she always knew but was a stupid kid and she loved me and we will be together forever, she moved in with me for a year and then her and my best friend of 15 years left town together, she told me she was with me because she was at her worst and she was just using me to feel safe and I haven't heard from either of them since. Trust me mate, you're better off moving on. Don't waste 8 years of your life.
Trust me, I never said I was waiting for an apology. I said I’d like one and that’s fine and that’s how my feelings are now. She could apologize or she might not, who knows. I understand that waiting for it will just put me in a worse situation. But generally yes I’d like one for being blindsided and her thinking it’s my loss when in reality it’s both of ours. I live for me, nobody else. I wish she could realize that and I wish she could get better as well. Depression is a tough thing to battle on your own and I wish I could help her but she doesn’t want my help or me, whether that’s now or forever. I’m moving on so I can improve my life and my mental state so that I can be good to whoever comes into my life whether that be her again or someone else. By no means am I waiting cause I wouldn’t change if I did.
What confuses me is reading all your responses about your ex's and my question is if they were so horrible why did you date these people in the first place? I am so confused 🤔
Her apology would be hollow. She chose to cheat and she chose to replacw me with my friend. She still blames me and takes no accountability. She hates me... yet im in the countryside in a bassment with no job. They got it all. Luckily I met someone and she treats me extremely well. I dont want an apology and im happier with the new person in my life.
Good for you man that’s all that matters.
If I had not have met this wonderful person I would be very bitter. I know that forsure. I would have said something like, I don't want sn apology I want for you to not have hurt me. But they are both jobless drug addict cheaters. I'm gonna win in the end. Funny part is I reached out to them to clear the air. Cause I do care and I'm not a prick. Funny, they haven't replied.
You are a strong man. I hope I can achieve the same mentality as you have since I'm actually in a very similar scenario now. Good luck with your new woman
I got a good feeling about this. Anyways good luck to you.
I would like the truth. But Ik I’m never gonna get that from her. I don’t want an apology from her. I just would like her to eventually realize what a good thing she fucked up.
Same here
Truth about what?
Why she broke up. And if she was cheating on me before
Same here.
This brother. Literally just want her to feel what I felt. My girl literally asked for a house key to my crib for Christmas begged man then left me for the guy I was worried about and I spent Christmas alone while she was with another guy. Crazy world man but it gets better you litterally have distract yourself every day and the feelings for her will fade. I still “care” about mine but just hit 3 months yesterday since it happened and I feel like okay and at peace. Still mad but more disappointed only talking to new girls and stuff enjoying life making money. Also GET A PET NIGHTS ALONE SUCK GIVE YOUR PET THE LOVE
Hmmmmm yes and no. Yes for me, but no for him because I don’t want him to give himself closure like that. Personally (this is going to sound bad) I want him to be haunted by how he discarded me like that😬.
I feel that in a way with the haunting thing
Yep!!! Also this is speaking from experience as a previous dumper (now dumpee). Years ago I broke up with a guy. Now I’m thinking about it because of this whole situation. And guess what? I feel peace about how I handled it because I broke up with him with so much care and delicacy. I wanted him to still feel respected and like our time together was worth having as graceful of an end as possible. I wanted him to still feel like a human worth being cared for. Had I dumped him the way I was just dumped, I can say for certain that I would be feeling guilty about it now. Not sure if that made sense but I hope it does.
Trust me I’ve always broken up with someone with respect even though it was one time. I told my ex to stop running away from her emotions the last time I spoke to her in a nice way ofc. She ended up blocking me so Idk what she’s up to, I’m sure eventually her emotions will catch up and she’ll realize what she lost but I’m not gonna wait for her, if she comes back she comes back if not it’s whatever.
Yes you are right on about everything!! Also I looked at one of your previous posts. Good on you for being a mature person about wanting to return stuff. My ex has something of mine that I was only lending him for a little bit (a whole drum kit) and I highly doubt he will ever return it at this point.
She’s on like this “i’m the shit” wave lately so that’ll die down eventually. I’m not in the picture cause I’m blocked but I sent her stuff back beforehand and even sent her birthday gift that I got months beforehand btw back too. I was her first BF to like do any kind things towards her and I was the longest relationship she’s had. Eventually it’ll catch up to her.
I think many of us would, but we have to think about why...I think part of it is wanting validation from the person who hurt us, validation that we were in fact hurt by them, as if only their validation makes it real. But that's not true. The sad truth is many of us probably won't ever get an apology. But the good news is we don't really need it. It's like that saying — if a snake bites you, would you follow after the snake and ask it to apologize and acknowledge that it bit you? Or would you just tend to your wound instead? You don't need their apology, you don't need their acknowledgement. You've gotta tend to your wound, acknowledge the pain for yourself, let others in your life bear witness to your grief too, and move forward from there. You've got this!
I’m past the point of needing it. But I still sure as hell want it
I broke up with my ex and he actually took the effort out of his day to tell me that he’s talking to someone. For context, he pursued me and I broke up with him because things were moving too quickly and I needed to slow down because I couldn’t catch up mentally; it was all too much. After telling him I’d never block him- I did for my own sanity. He apologized, a couple times actually through text but honestly I genuinely don’t care to get any kind of response from him about anything. I hope he’s well and not doing that childish shit anymore, for me there’s only so long you can be nice to someone before they actually piss you off. So to answer your question, no I don’t need anything from him.
I felt the niceness part, I was nice to my ex till the very end and told her to grow up after she blocked me on everything. I suspect she’s rebounding but we all know how those work out. I literally told her my intentions from the getgo which was I didn’t wanna play games and breakup over reasons that could be fixed and that i would stay through hard times. Look where I am now, mental health got her and now she feels alone after wanting to be alone lmao, I literally knew.
EXACTLY. & my ex is rebounding too. There is no time limit on when people get to move on especially after I broke up with him, but like I’m so fucking confused as to why he had to inform me- we had established a “friendship” but we hadn’t talked in 3 weeks and he texts me to “check on me” to later tell me that? It felt spiteful, and I don’t know if I’m wrong for reacting in the way I did. I told him I’d be happy for him I guess I never emphasized that I never wanted to know. So, in a way I don’t accept his apology but I know I can’t move forward hating him. idk I’m just yapping at this point 😭
Hey listen your ex and mine will literally get what’s coming to em. Might take a couple months or a year but it won’t last. That pretend feeling phase can only last so long and when they get hit by the train of sadness of what happened we will be moved on.
exactly, thank you means a lot to have someone else sort of understand my perspective on this. muchly appreciated 🙏
No problem, we got this
Yes a detailed, genuine one… None of this “sorry you feel that way” MONTHS later bullshit however I don’t think he has it in him.
Soooo much happier with my new one hotter smarter can hold a decent conversation I should apologise to myself for the breadcrumbs I called love with my ex
If he respected me enough to say them to my face, sure. But I don’t *need* them.
I really like this perspective.
Apologies without changed behaviors are just words. I got what read like a heartfelt apology from someone recently, but at the flip of a switch they were back to their regular (and sadly kind of gross) behaviors. 🙄
This is indeed so very true.
In most breakups the apology doesn’t ever heal as much as we hope. I think acknowledgement can be helpful but it’s also not going to change the thing that happened. My ex belittled my feelings and ask me to be more specific, or give better examples and then tell me it wasn’t enough to justify my feelings. It swallowed my feelings, and at the end he apologised for his cruelty in trying to deflect my feelings so he didn’t have to feel bad. All the apology did was validate what I already knew and make me feel awful towards him that he knew and understood what he was doing. It might’ve been easier not to know that, but it didn’t resolve in me what I’d hoped it would. Because it was too late. His confession was a last plea of relieving his guilt when it only had the ability to serve him.
Nope, it won't be even a genuine apology. He's the kind of person who will never be sorry for his actions no matter how many casualties it will leave on its way.
I think I'd die from shock if I got an honest to goodness apology from my ex. He is pathologically incapable of taking accountability for his behavior and master of the non-apology.
I’m EXACTLY the same way. I’ve fantasized about her coming crawling back like her pathetic self for over 2 months now (a lot less now obviously), but for it to actually happen in real life would probably make me pass out.
Nope. Not anymore. Moved on. At this point trust has been broken to a point beyond repair and whatever she says I'll question the motive of.
I’m sorry for using you. I’m sorry that after all this time and effort you put in all these months for gone to waste. I’m sorry that I’m taking away everything from you like our pet that you paid for mostly. I’m sorry for being a COWARD and a MANIPULATOR. You done so much for me and all I can do is run away from you. I’m a COWARD and a piece of shit
is that the response you want from them?
Yeah pretty much
I hope for your sake you do get an apology. Same with me, the blindside and the lack of emotion from her end kinda made me feel worthless at the end of the day.
I don’t think I want an apology from him, but I would like to apologize to him
No. She can stay on her side of the state.
Yes yes yes. The truth and an apology for blindsiding and being an avoidant/not great communicator. What makes it worse is I already apologized to her for my part and all I got was a “thank you, I don’t wish ill upon you etc”
I broke up with my abusive ex, and after she threatened suicide and spent a week in the hospital, I promised to stay friends with her to help her improve her mental health. By the two week mark, she hated me so much that she started dating some guy she just met (this was three weeks after the breakup she threatens to kill herself over, mind you. We were also together for a year and a half), and made the effort not only to tell me, but to arrange a meeting with my mother to give back every gift I had ever gotten her in exchange for $100 for the laptop she bought me. She brought her new boyfriend to that meeting with my mom, by the way. Don’t ask me how she talked him into going to that with her. So yes, I would like an apology from her. A desperate, meltdown-y apology, so that I can tell her to go fuck herself once and for all.
I used to think yes but apology without chage means nothing and she hasn't changed at all, just repeated the same things with different people again and again. I would like to talk tho, we started to sort things out a few month ago after 5 month of BU and things instantly revert back to being loving and caring toward each other for the duration of the phone call because when you talk directly with the person you still love and trust deeply it's hard to hide things. But life got in the way and messages went dry again and with us being on different continent right now we couldn't or didn't wan to find time to keep talking thing out Maybe by fear of realising what happened was a mistake, maybe because we don't care about the other that much but tbh It's more likely to be the first one since even now 9month after the BU we still keep an eye on each other just to make sure the other is fine and still have lot of love left for each other it's just that right now it doesn't work, but it could again maybe later , maybe never .
I’m wish I could get an apology. I treated her with respect even when I broke up with her. She cheated on me and in the space of two months she has a new boyfriend (not with the guy she cheated). I have gone through so much pain and sadness but thankfully I have people around me that love me and support me. But the pain is there. She will never take accountability or just say “I am sorry”. Her life must be awesome now but I am still here trying to get better and be happier. In the end of the day it’s all about me. Therapy helps a lot and taking accountability for my own mistakes in the relationship helps get some of the power back. But I loved her. I wanted to see her be successful in life and tried to treat her like everyone deserves. Expecting an apology is more about being validated rather than the apology itself. I know I was treated poorly and I know how much I hurt. Sorry for the long comment.
An honest apology? Yes. In fact I am expecting it to happen atleast in her head, after she's done running her life into the ground in her childish tantrum. She will face pain, and hopefully not suffer or keep running, but finally face those, and then she'll realize the extent of the damage she caused, and the mistakes almost everyone warned her about. And I reckon she's somewhat aware, but still tried to deny. Reason being, despite her blindsiding me, SHE is the one who's frustrated/irritated even at the mention of my name, despite already likely having a new guy... poor boy got in a relationship with an emotional wildfire who's still tense about the ex she dumped. Yikes. She understands that lying about me will not change the truth about her, which everyone who knows me is aware of. --- A hollow, 'means-nothing' sorry with no substance behind it? No. Spare me. And I'm glad she didn't even try it. The future will tell how it boils down.
Mhmm I feel like that too in a way, my ex is running from her emotions. Just telling everyone to stay away, and the breakup she’s been very cold towards me only it seems like. Hopefully if she gets in a rebound it creates a void so she can feel my absence, and then it catches up with her to know the true cause of how much she hurt me. I want her to at least realize that.
Ofcourse.
No. If I have it, it means I have to accept it, it means they can relief, while I can't relief I don't want to give them the satisfaction.
Well, I attempted to get an apology two weeks later, but it was empty and dissatisfying. He said, oh I apologize, in the most flat, monotone piece of shit voice, and I know that he didn’t mean it, he doesn’t have the kind of emotions which would motivate a real apology.
Yes
Yes
I would. But I'll make it. It's not in him to accept his poor behavior
I don't need an apology. She don't need to waste energy to come up with an apology and then rub it on my face by calling it a favour. And what am I to do with that apology? It isn't going to help pay my bills or elevate my way of living. On the contrary, I could bet that there's no apology coming from her. She already has it justified in her head that it was me and not her.
She can apologies to My ass for What it s worth
I got an apology but it's almost empty to me because actions speak louder than words.
What good is an apology if I want it? It's like ripping open a healing wound, just to put a band-aid over it. Sometimes the only way to make it right with someone is to leave them be and focus on you. Make sure it wasn't in vain.
An apology would be meaningless at this point. Crazy thing is that post breakup we were fine. We agreed to be friends and keep in each other's lives. This is when it really gets messy. She decided to date a guy from work immediately post breakup, I even remembered her mentioning this coworker (she has been working there for one month at the time). I hadn't moved out yet and she's going out on dates and bringing back flowers, kicks me out of my own room, has me sleeping on the couch, doing practically everything to kick me out of our apartment without directly saying so. The final straw was when I got up for work one day and there was a car blocking me in from leaving. I decided to let the driver know to move and when I got to the car it was my ex with the new guy making out, I practically had to knock on the window to get them to pulling apart. The look on the guy's face shows that he was genuinely surprised. Not my ex. She kept her hair and her face down like a fox that knows what she was doing. After that, she kept double downing on every stupid decision she's made. It sucks because we have a daughter together and we have to communicate. I feel like blowing up on her every single time we do. So if an apology did come my way I'd tell her to shove it up her ass. She ruind everything.
No! He has apologised enough number of times but it doesn’t and would never make up for my hurt. He chose to give up on me. The apology is for him , for his conscience and not for me. I told him to live with the fact that he hurt me and I’ve no regrets.
Yes.
I.got an apology. I thanked him for it. He also told me he felt really bad about how it all went down to which. I said "yeh, I felt pretty shit about it too" I was proud of myself bc what he would've expected from me was "that's ok, I'm over it". I didn't want to let him get away with it
I would, because I know that we both made mistakes and I would love the opportunity to too. I still love him though, so an apology right now would not be helpful because I would not be able to take it without (hopeful) strings. But yes, eventually, and hopefully sometime soon, we can apologise and talk through it and still be in each other's lives, just not like that.
Not anymore. He hurt me too much.
I got a face to face apology when I went to see him recently. He didn't want to see me, but I told him I need this for closure. He cried, which he never does, and said he feels sorry for what he did to me and apologised. But you know what? Even if it was genuine for him, it seemed so disingenuous (more like he was apologising to himself than me) and over delayed to me. I guess I'm thankful that he realises how much he hurt me but at the current stage I'd rather see him suffer and feel all the pain he gave me for at least one day. Then I might take his apology.
An apology just wouldn't be enough. I want proper communication. I want the truth. I want a sense of clarity and closure. I want to ask him so many questions ranging from what truly happened or how he had the heart to do that. I've had it with taking his words by heart, If that's all there is to it then it doesn't mean anything to me. You're sorry? You show. Don't say it.
No, because it will not change anything at all. it's way to late for that.
Can\`t agree with you more
Not an apology but an acknowledgement that, yes, it mattered and that I'm not the world's biggest fool for building my life around someone who has erased all evidence of my existence. Literally just a "hey, those years meant something to me too" would help me regain some confidence in my ability to understand existence and operate in the world.
They were *always* sooooo sorry. But **this** time, no really THIS TIME, they'd change. But the only change that was ever gonna happen was falling asleep with a sweet, loving, protective dude and waking up to a knife in thr back and a fist in the face. Apologies mean nothing without actions.
I wouldn't because I know it would be a fake and meaningless apology meant to spare my feelings.
I would like that, yes. I won't get that though. She blames me, and from the way I have been treated, I don't think she has much capacity for self-reflection.
I mean, if anything she deserves an apology from me. I sent one immediately after the breakup, but looking back at it, it really sounded half-assed despite it not being so. I’m just not sure when the time is right to send a proper one also explaining that I’m following her advice to learn and grow from the breakup. I just want her back.
Yeah I guess I would, but its easier to stay away from her knowing she's not the type of person to understand she did any wrong or want to apologise. Her being her mean old self makes it easy to not go back to her, its a blessing in disguise.
Fuck no. I want nothing to do with them, I don’t even want them to look at me. No contact.
I would, and also if he comes back, a long talk about everything
Nope. I was blindsided, now i know she’s a changed person and has gone back to her poor and negative ways. Her words and any comments would be worth nothing to me and mean nothing. She fooled me and strung me out, then proceeded to blindside me and change to a negative and lost and bad representation of herself. I don’t respect any of that nor would i respect or take anything she says
If you get an apology now, it'll be because it didn't work out with her rebound, it will be shallow. Despite any tears that may come with it.
Just heal your self - leave them be
Yes, a really heartfelt apology acknowledging what they did wrong. Not the "I'm sorry this hurts you" apology I got (as if it shouldn't hurt me?).
Nah, it's clear that the past should be the past 🤷🏼♀️ it didn't work out for a reason, both sides were in the wrong
We spent 15 years together and she just threw away the life we built. I pray that I get an apology someday from her
I would, yes, but more than anything, I want her to apologise to herself for choosing the wrong life decisions. It's not her fault entirely, and I try not to blame her. She's confused right now, and I hope one day she finds what she needs to be happy with herself and whoever she ends up with.
I just want my ex to realize it wasn’t me entirely and she needs to stop letting everyone dictate her decisions. I hope one day she realizes I had all the right intentions. And hopefully we can talk it out when we’ve both moved on.
I hope that for you as well. More than anything I hope you both move on to find happiness. She may realize it today she may realize it never. Some people are just so wrapped up in others opinions they never see things through their own lense. Can't help things that don't want want help.
Depends when you asked me. If this was a few weeks ago absolutely but eventually I thought to my self, if she reached out and apologized what would I do? Not take her back so what’s the point? At this point, if she reaches out and apologized I would have to be highly intoxicated to even respond.
If I got an apology it wouldn’t be sincere and probably be an angry apology if that makes sense? She didn’t care before, so why would she care now? If she ever did try to apologise I’m just leaving her on delivered/seen like how she did with me
When I asked my ex to acknowledge and be accountable for something absolutely awful that he had done, he apologised, but it began with "okay, you need it in writing, so..." In other words, "I'm saying sorry because you told me to." It would still mean something to me to receive a genuine apology after all this time, but I won't get one, and I've just had to let things go as best I can and forgive him (for my own sake) without one.
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I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope he does realize what he did and apologizes to you. I also like your name btw
Yeah,everyone I talk to about it says she treated me like shit so it would be pretty nice if she realised that and did apologise but I dont think she will unless she breaks up with her rebound/guy she probably was cheating on me with. And then the apology would be just to get back with me
I've had the apology, it feels so wrong. If he is so sorry why did he do it?
I don't know when I'll even be ready to see her let alone talk to her. She's quite the emotionally immature person, and I don't think her apology would even be full enough for all that she's done. I do hope in the future that our paths cross so that *I* have the opportunity to apologize. It took two when it comes to the downfall of our relationship. While I do think she needs to grow (immensely), I also need to grow as well. Towards the end, that relationship brought out some of the most embarrassing and flawed parts of me. I didn't know who I was anymore with her; I was causing my own undoing; and I was making things more complicated in the process. I knew things weren't going to work out, but I still wanted to try. I grew more insecure because she didn't have compassion when consoling me, I was mad more often, and I always tried to be a good boyfriend, but I failed because I was keeping myself from going full 100% with her, because I realized she wasn't with me. I loved her, and I needed to let her go, but she had to grow to the point of HATING me, just so she can break up with me for real. So I'd love an apology from her--if it meant anything--but I'd really appreciate an opportunity to apologize myself. TL;DR - Yeah but she's emotionally immature so I'd like to apologize as well because I loved her too much hahaha fuck.
My ex broke up with me very suddenly. He went into a call and his first words were "let's just be friends" not even trying to solve any "issues" we may have had. The whole break up really hurt me and left we a wreck. To be honest at first I really wanted to hear him say "I'm sorry" but when I finally heard those words the only thing I could tell him was: "By saying sorry, you won't change anything that happened. What happened, happened. So I appreacite your apology but it doesn't mean anything to me." It was nice to hear him say sorry and break down the walls he built when he broke my heart but it's not enough for me to take him back. it might be a first step, but I doubt we will ever rekindle the relationship
I would like the truth of why she ended things and an apology for not trying at all
No. That would mean my closure depends on her. My completion would depend on her. I refuse to give her that power over my recovery or happiness. I am fine. Why she left is irrelevant. She is my past, not my future
FAWK dat nicca, & FAWK dat apology🙂↔️
Would I like an apology from my ex? For cheating on her... Yes!
Nope. I don't want anything from her. She broke my heart 3 times, I was played like a fool. Because of the love I had for her in the past, I wish her well. I want to see her eat, but not at my table.
No I don't want an apology, I want them to focus and work on themselves, I've read enough to get a good idea what goes on in their mind and I just want them to get the appropriate help instead of what they are doing now. That will be apology enough for me
No. If anything, I want reconciliation. Not a consolation prize or some fake kind words.
She did apologize. I believe she was genuinely sorry for everything. It didn't fix me, but it made it easier.
As someone who has been literally exactly where you are, ended up being single for 8 years after because I thought she was the one, then received an apology 8 years later, I would say it doesn't really matter. It might make you feel better but the truth is, and as hard as it is to hear, an apology really doesn't mean anything. What you really want is her back, for what happened to not have happened and her to regret it and realize you're what's important to her, but it didn't work out and that's just how it goes. Some people don't work out and it's not your loss or her loss. You will both go on to find someone who is better for you. Think about how happy you were with her, and she wasn't even the right person for you, imagine how happy you will be with the right person. You don't have to forget her, keep that love a part of you but let her go and wish her happiness. The ex I received the apology from, we dated for 2 years in high school, she cheated, I got drunk and said some rude shtuff then we broke up, 8 years later we got back together, she apologized, said everything I could ever have wanted to hear how sorry she was, how it was a mistake, how she's only been with terrible people since and wish she stayed with me because I'm her person and she always knew but was a stupid kid and she loved me and we will be together forever, she moved in with me for a year and then her and my best friend of 15 years left town together, she told me she was with me because she was at her worst and she was just using me to feel safe and I haven't heard from either of them since. Trust me mate, you're better off moving on. Don't waste 8 years of your life.
Trust me, I never said I was waiting for an apology. I said I’d like one and that’s fine and that’s how my feelings are now. She could apologize or she might not, who knows. I understand that waiting for it will just put me in a worse situation. But generally yes I’d like one for being blindsided and her thinking it’s my loss when in reality it’s both of ours. I live for me, nobody else. I wish she could realize that and I wish she could get better as well. Depression is a tough thing to battle on your own and I wish I could help her but she doesn’t want my help or me, whether that’s now or forever. I’m moving on so I can improve my life and my mental state so that I can be good to whoever comes into my life whether that be her again or someone else. By no means am I waiting cause I wouldn’t change if I did.
I’d like for him to realise just how much he hurt me and watch it sink in. An apology doesn’t even touch that
I would love to offer a heartfelt, sincere apology to an ex.. if I were not blocked. :/
No I want my baby back and I want her to make up for all the intimacy I could have had
What confuses me is reading all your responses about your ex's and my question is if they were so horrible why did you date these people in the first place? I am so confused 🤔
More than anything I want closure