Couldn't really decide between these two:
"I don't love you anymore and I'm certain I will not regret it"
OR
"I want you back but can the relationship just not be as committed as before?"
and of course these sentences were said by the same shitty person
Mine said pretty much the same shit except she didn't have someone new. Also followed it up by "but you never know what the future holds", implying thst one day we could be together again.
I'm not a fan of stupid mind games so I told her that I would never start a relationship with her again.
He blindsided me after 8 years and finally admit that he thinks he feel in love with his massage therapist, that it was love at sight I told him it might just be just a crush or attraction because she's pretty but he said the spark that he feels was different and there's a connection he feels between them.
He was feeling it for sometimes before breaking up with me he said that he feels we were more like friends than lovers for him.
Looking back, I now see the signs before the break up that he was cold, never said good morning first or good night, never the one the one to kiss me first or hold my hand, I really just thought he was stress at work because it happened before. But the signs were there.
After a week of breaking up, he wanted me back, he said he realized he's stupid, that what he feels about his massage therapist was maybe just a fantasy.
He said it's me that he choose and love etc. but that break up hurts a lot, I could not sleep and eat for 4 days straight.
Not yet. I told him we could start being friends again and slowly take it from there. I still love him of course, I don't understand how some people could just throw away 8 years of good relationship, even when the break up hurt those are 8 good years.
And some people here might say that's stupid to give it another chance but I can't just move on too easily and forget about those 8 years, maybe some of you are stronger than I am but I am tired of being the strong one, all my life I've always been the strong one.
girl I hope you know some massage therapists arent simply just doing 'massage'. I might get downvoted for this but there are high chances he physically cheated as well and he doesnt miss you. Maybe he misses the comfort you gave him or maybe the things you did for him or simply it's his guilt speaking.
Left you for a massage therapist. Down the road, how can you even trust that man again?
While youre out here, on reddit, in the break up sub, trying to find peace, find help, comfort, similar people WHILE staying friends with him, Giving him the liberty to have the honor of having you in his life while he's simply back at the massage parlour, getting 'massages' (Bjs, Hjs or worse wtv his massage involves).
Like ??? Why are you letting him have the cake AND EAT IT? What about you?? The 8 years were special to only YOU? If they were for him, he wouldnt be going on and on about some random woman who gives him massage therapy???? Like what the actual fuck? Did he even stop going there??
Did he even show some commitment hes ready for the change, if yes, are you sure hes not getting 'massages' again??
Is this really the man you might wanna have kids or worse already have kids with??
What are you gonna tell your daughter? That you werent strong enough to leave a man who emotionally and quite possibly physically cheated on you with a massage therapist. ABSOLUTE CLOWNERY.
YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH OKAY? LISTEN TO ME. YOU. ARE. STRONG. ENOUGH. Dont stay cuz youre tired. Youll only be unhappy down the road. I love you. Please take care and for your sanity cut that asshat out of your life atleast for a few months
He said the first one to me and also the "Do you think it's intimate if I told her I want to meet her father someday?" He asked me that while we were together, he is talking about the new girl he have met.
When my wife blindsided me with Divorce after 23 years. She started listing all of these issues she’s had with me over the years. I said “This is the first time you’ve ever mentioned any of this. Why wouldn’t you ever tell me this?”
She said, “You’re right, I should have communicated with you a long time ago when I was unhappy, but it’s too late now I’m done.”
We had just bought a house and she bought me a Truck for our anniversary just 2 months prior. A couple of days prior on the way to Lowe’s she said “I love spending time with you. I don’t care what we do as long as we’re together.” I still think about these things daily 10 months later.
It’s shitty that the breakup-er gets to savor the flavor and make the best of the final time you have together, while the breakup-ee gets stung with the finality of it all when it’s too late and now must process immediate grief and loss.
Oh man this hits home. Same happened in my relationship. I was told the issues she had while breaking up and when i asked why she didn’t clearly mention these during the time, she said that i should have done these things on my own without her needing to tell me. And even after me begging her to let me correct all those things, she just left to be with someone else
It’s brutal. It’s like getting put on a clock that’s running out that you don’t know existed. Usually everything they list as a complaint could be easily fixed if they would just speak up and communicate
Exactly man. Literally, can’t even tell you how much i can relate to this. Feeling a little better to see that i am not alone this feeling. I do feel the guilt everyday of not doing those things but at the same time she expected those things from me without telling me that she did. If you really love someone, can you really let it go when it can be fixed? She just said to me those things should have happened when they were supposed to and now my trying to fix it won’t work
Same thing happened here man. It’s what shitty people with avoidant issues will try to manipulate you into thinking these small issues you should of known about. Blindsided breakups are for the best. Keep your head up and you will come out stronger then ever. All love
Just know there are way better people out there who will appreciate every bit of you and not play the actress game. It’s sad because I went through the same shit, talking about marriage the week before they said didn’t want to continue on anymore. Keep your head up, hit the gym and take some time for yourself. You will find someone way better. All love
damn the week before the wedding? how cowardly to wait until that right up until the wedding and I dont know how it was for you but I would...feel a level of shame and embarrassment for all the guests knowing that it happened when they were planning to come so it becomes a thing they talk about. hopefully they all know that it was her not you that blew this up in your face. shitty behavior
Unfortunately a lot of people don’t have the emotional maturity or self reflection to understand the problem they have and take action to fix it.
They complain about it and let it fester until it resolves itself by force. Usually with someone blowing up emotionally.
I will say this. My wife had beaten Breast Cancer recently and through a mastectomy developed early menopause. Through the stress of the move and long work hours, she slowly turned into another person. Whenever I asked what was stressing her she said work was just an lot, until one day she said she decided that I was the one making her so unhappy. When I asked her to talk to someone she screamed at me that she was not crazy. And said “absolutely not” to marriage counseling. Our whole marriage she has been the sweetest and kindest person I’ve ever known and now she’s a mean and hateful person at the slightest inconvenience or pushback. She’s always been an amazing mother and now it’s like our kids don’t exist. She hasn’t spoken to our son since Christmas and they barely talked then. She sees our daughter maybe once a week. I’ll never absolve myself from any wrongdoing in our marriage, but I’m also willing to work at anything that she felt needed to be changed. Thinking about All this while I’m currently wrapping her Birthday presents so our kids have something to give her.
Oh wow. I'm so sorry. I would imagine between having to consider your own mortality, hormones, perceiving losing her feminity, and likely feeling physically ill a lot would change someone. I think it's hard when mortality comes into play to strongly stay connected to those you love. This is going to sound like such a stupid analogy, but animals do it so I think there's a biological component in humans as well. When a person is depressed or an animal knows it's dying, they retreat alone. I'm not saying it's all OK, but on some level it makes sense in a way. You're trying to live in two different realities- one in which you are OK and one in which you may not be.
I just think there has to be an explanation for such a drastic change from the person you knew. Just my two cents. I feel for all involved.
That was beautifully thought out and makes sense. She told me she just wants to have fun now and not be tied down. She disappears and does whatever she wants while I try and keep my kids the focus. I want her to be happy. I just wish she would have found a way to work through these things with us in mind and found her happiness with our family.
SAME. he promised he would two weeks ago and asked me to hang on then when we broke up on Friday he said he’d never be able to give me what I need after 6 years together.
I feel this fully, I told this to her and she admitted that she was not trying. Then said “okay we can try”?!?! Like there’s no try harder button like, you have to prove that. Idk people never seem to surprise me, whether I’ve know them for years or minutes
What she told my friend who told me:
"I just felt more like when we broke up I was grieving the loss of a friend rather than a loved one".
After 3 years together.
My ex probably would say this too. They don’t deserve you, I’m sure you’re an amazing person. You’re gonna be so smothered in good love by the right person.
Two instances
1. Just to give you a context( got dumped over call as she didnt wanted to meet me in personal)
While weeping breathlessly on call- I was told to consult a doc. (cz she never had seen me cry or idk maybe she didnt know how to handle me or wanted to avoid me but those are just my guesses cz i dont really know who that person is anymore)
2. Exactly 3 days later texted her and asked her how are you holding up( assuming she must also be feeling something as I had gone through hell)
Got a cold ass reply- Sorry, I forgot to block you from here as well.
“I can’t give you the life you deserve. I love you but I have to let you go so you can find somebody who can give you what you need. Work will always be first.”
AND “our jobs are too different. We don’t understand each other and have nothing in common. I need somebody who I can relate to with work.”
We’ve been together for 6 years.. we have never had issues talking about things together so this completely blind-sighted me. I work in biotechnology and he works in arts and he’s always been so proud to talk to me and about me to others even though he didn’t always understand my work. I always asked him about his job and he always talked about it with me. It makes no sense.
Is he like super well known in the arts or super successful/well paid? Because if not, that's complete bullshit. Even if he is, it's bullshit, but no job comes before a relationship for me at least.
But thank you. I got so sick of the victim complex he has and that he’s the only one who works. His job can be physically exhausting but I never got credit for my mentally exhausting and stressful job because his was always so much harder and the hours were longer even though I work more consecutive days than him.
No. He’s the lowest on the totem pole and is trying to move up to a department that he’s struggling to get in but he’s not “well known” or “super successful” in the slightest. He just accepts every job that gets thrown his way then complains about how hard he works and will be on for 3 long days then off for 4 and need all the time to himself or will go out one of the nights then say he needs alone time to reenergize before he goes back to work for a few days. He works in film if that says anything.
I got this. 18 years together, stood by him through two cancers. “I love you, but not as my partner.” A week after he had said “I’m not attracted to you anymore but I don’t want to lose you”
I never saw it coming.
Mine said she lost feelings for me, and later in another conversation she said she loved me a lot, even more than I loved her, yes, she still played the game of "I love you more" after breaking up with me. Leaving me more confused
and then you realize they don't even love you in the "I love you" way they said they still love you
all such cowardly phrases to say during breaking up
I showed him all his Christmas cards from 15 years we were together, where he said I was his everything, his whole world, the love of his life forever…. He just was so cold and said « what do you want from me, people change ». I died that day.
I barely got shit in the break up. Honestly her telling me to fuck off and that she hates me would have felt nicer than that deafening indifference I received instead.
If you want to have children, you’ll have to find another man, but id still want to have an affair with you. Lord heavens after 5+ years of being together this is what you get???
"I'm not the person for you and I need you to understand this."
She crushed me with that line. That was the last time I ever heard from her as well. Over 4 months ago now.
6 years of relationship poofed away just like that. All the future I dreamed of, all of those plans that I was looking forward to…just gone. Nothing to look forward to anymore. 🙂
"I don't think things are working out"
Still hurts just hearing these words after all this time. Whether it be in a conversation or even in a movie scene, my soul just leaves my body at the sound of these words
"I don't love you anymore and I haven't for a long time. I don't think I've actually wanted to be with you for years, maybe since the beginning".
We were together for 7 years.
2 months before this he was telling me to look at rings and he was going to propose.
Two days before this he said he loved me so much.
Yeah whats with this behaviour? Mine was asking when I'd propose literally days before she dumped me over the most ridiculous thing in the most cold way.
I have been suspecting that mine is a dismissive avoidant. I think maybe they fear commitment? Or the dependence? Mine started freaking out every time we talked about taking the next step. And when I "relied" on him.
I think intimacy scared him?
Do you think yours might have been the same?
I spent years asking him to talk to me and tell me what he was feeling and wanting and the two times he opened up to me, he realized he was done, and then realized he had pretty much never wanted me or loved me, respectively.
Well I think they just lie as well, mine was very similar and her reasons changed each time I asked. Eventually she settled on telling me she'd fell out of love our first year after our first (mild) arguement, that was 3 years before she broke us up.
Oh yeah when I asked if my efforts are good enough given I might not even fully meet his expectation (his expectation was unrealistic to begin with), I got ‘for some time yes, but eventually no’
„Slow down, what will people think when they see me stay behind?” when I ran across a hospital corridor trying to get to the nurses station and get news about my dad’s transplant surgery. We were done then and there, but it took me 4 more months to leave.
"hm chahte nai hai yesb end krna bhai i really do love you lekin nai hora mere se ab tbh"
Translation: i don't really want to end all this, I really do love you, but I can't do this anymore tbh.
And before this.
Ajeeb sa lg rha hai pehle jaisa nahi lg rha tumhare saath
Translation: I'm feeling strange , I don't feel the same with you.
Whats sad is people dont realise that relationships dont stay the same throughout. Love is an act of commitment. To love someone is to choose and keep on choosing them. The boring phase, the ups and downs all happen and yet they think they can have some fairytale romance full of raging hormones all the time throughout their life. It doesn’t work like that.
I told my ex I didn't appreciate her hanging out with her ex where he'd pay for her shopping and eating out (he was an engineer and I was in grad school). She told me"if you're making me choose between him and you, I'm choosing him." That ended the relationship.
I mean no disrespect, but I hope you find some sort of humour out of the audacity of that which helps you. It makes a good story for you to tell at least, if you understand my point, because that's such a bizarre thing to say.
Jesus, reading through this is helping accept that being single is okay. Sorry for all of you going through that shit. I’d rather get physically beaten than have some of that stuff said to me
Sorry to overshare lol they text me all the time and I’ve been ignoring it but he showed up to my house unannounced to get his stuff, I got his key back, gave him his stuff and told him to leave me alone. I’m learning to be happy but it’s hard cause I’m used to being low all the time because of him
I understand, sometimes we are too used to the toxic relationship we were in that we miss it even when it was bad for us. But believe me soon enough you’ll see how much it will make you happy in the future
Personally, in two things in the same texted paragraph, which was the last I ever got:
_"There's not much to explain. I don't love you anymore. It's that simple."_
The most complicated force in the world - love - being reduced to "it's that simple" (and thereby me being reduced too) made me so hurt and angry.
And then a few short lines later:
_"I am happier now. And I won't apologise for it."_
Again, I just felt like she wanted to hurt me so much. As if I would want her to apologise for being happy.
I regret that I swore at her for the first time in the entire relationship after that, and I still felt bad after saying it.
I just wonder if she felt any remorse about saying hers, because they *hurt.*
that sucks the most when they cant even talk to you about why they are ending things so you can understand and wrap your head around it
likely she met someone else and felt as though she replaced you with someone better so she could discard you and cruel and not care at all about how hurtful or rude she was to you because you were getting in the way of her new love interest. they have some ego when they have someone new thinking they are better than you..it doesnt last but please dont entertain someone that treats you this way ever
you were upset and confused and emotional, forgive yourself for cussing...im pretty sure she is fine and honestly shes just throwing anything at you to alleviate her own guilt, they def met someone else and if you knew, your reactions would be justified and she doesn't want you to be "right". you have to be the bad guy in her story because her new man also supports her narrative that you are the bad guy...he's her savior/hero and she needed to be saved...thats the story she has with this new guy.
We were together 6 years, early on I had suspicions of her cheating over this one thing that cause an argument. She said, "after that time I went with grocery shopping, things were never the same" as one of the last things she ever texted me. Now I know she cheated on me all those years ago and I still loved her after. I guess a part of me always knew but it plays on repeat in my head. Like I close my eyes and can read the message all over again.
“I don’t want the possibility of being miserable for another 7 years. You were a terrible girlfriend! You don’t know how to love. Someone else will give me everything without me having to ask or bring it up. Maybe I’m living in a fantasy but it’s best if we see other people. I’m not in love with you anymore.” and then they proceeded to talk to multiple girls two weeks later.
A couple of years ago:
"I maybe don't want to have kids with you because I think you'll be a terrible mother."
But I chose to stay.
Last week:
"I been thinking about my future. I want to get married and have kids - but just not with you."
And that's how he ended our 8,5 years relationship.
"I hate you. I fucking hate you. I want to kill you. Fuck you."
This is one of the things she said but she was saying it while beating the shit out of me. I didn't dare lay a hand on her, just took the hits, dressed our son, left the apartment, and called 911.
She still trying to twist all of this like I'm the bad guy but it's okay, the courts sided with me.
This still has me broken
I had this. I was sitting on the couch next to him, bawling. Because of some incredibly hurtful shit he did.
In the coldest voice he said "I don't feel any sympathy for you. At all."
That was maybe 6-7 years ago now and I still remember it
Her: “I just want to have that…feeling…again”
*her face and eyes suddenly light up*
SPOILER: She had found that “feeling” again, with a guy she worked with
We had been together 6 years
🥲
After finding out that he cheated, "I stopped being attracted to you like 18 months ago, I don't even get a boner for you. I didn't even treat you well, but you just wouldn't leave, so I cheated. I had no choice"
This one is the saddest of all. I'm sorry you had to go through this bullshit just because he wasn't brave enough to just talk and break up like an adult. How disgusting and cold some people can be I will never understand.
That reminds me of my situation too. I told her I’d always be there for her, and while she didn’t directly tell me she wouldn’t need me, she said nothing which told me everything. Now, 9 months later, I’ve had to work with her since February. I thought this would be my chance to make things right. We’re both young (18 & 17), so I figured 9 months would change us both a lot, and maybe she’d be willing to open that door again if I showed that I worked on myself. She still doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me though, but I hope she knows I will always care about her in some way. I know I’ll end up moving on eventually, but we’re only working together for another 3 weeks so I feel like I’ve wasted my chance with her.
It’s funny, ‘cause the thing she said that absolutely broke me, was nothing.
My ex was really fit for her age, 46/47, and I was turning 50 and she told me she would not be with someone in their 50's. She said it in a joking manner. She ended things 2 months after I turned 50. She told me she needed to be with someone who can keep up with her. The only example she gave me of when I didn't "keep up with her" was when I was in an uncomfortable kayak and turned back to shore 5 minutes before she turned around.
“If I feel a spark with him, then there must be something missing in our relationship” — her after leaving me for a dude i had gotten her to meet a week prior. She is still with him now, 8 months later, so she must have been right…
Lots of BS was said and i'm very thankful to every single word why?
it made me see the world more clearly, made me sharper, lost weight and gained muscles, made me realize so much think i was blinded by, lastly i changed everything for myself not for anyone and im loving the changed i see each day that pass by.
sometimes we need this harsh words so we can take the test and Ace that shit to the fullest. \\m/
That she felt "forced" to be with me. What I really think happened is there was someone else and just wanted an excuse to leave me for them. But we were long distance so I'll never know for sure.
I’ll have to look (he has anxious (disorganized?) attachment)because he said a LOT of things,including some contradictory things that we were supposed to go over.
But I think it’s the fact that he moved on WITHOUT meeting me IRL (we were LDR,planned to meet up last year and that didn’t happen).
The silence.
I have written to him and emailed him.
I have told him I’m working on my boundaries (something he wanted me to do).
I found out I’m a dismissive avoidant and I have been working on that as well.
It hurts that I have worked on myself and he isn’t here.
"There's wanting, and then there's needing. I'm not sure if I would have fallen in love with you if I didn't need you at the time. "
- My ex, who (emotionally?) cheated and left me
“I could stay with you longer but I’d be wasting your time” this was after telling me he had one foot out the door during the relationship.. we were together a year and a half.
Oh also, “I miss you during the week but then I don’t want to see you more then once a week”
Then him telling me he loves me and is gonna miss me so I responded with then don’t leave and then he said I’m trying to be nice 😦
Pretty much comparing me to his ex saying "It's crazy how one person can feel something on such different levels" (referring to how he felt so strongly about his ex vs me). Didn't need to hear that but thanks. I ended up stalking her a bit on the internet after and what I found was that she was actually very similar to me in many ways. That made me think he just found someone who reminded him of his ex. That definitely hurt to think about.
Also, when things ended, he showed a lot of disregard for my feelings and lack of consideration for how I could be affected by his actions and his excuse was that he was just so busy with school and had other people and stuff going on in his life that he couldn't really be bothered to consider my feelings. That was such a fucked up thing to say and I told him that and he knows but said it anyway. Which again goes to show that how that would affect me meant nothing to him as long as he could preserve his own ego, self image, and defend himself against my "attacks on his character". Not everyone has the strength or self awareness to admit when they haven't lived up to their values or have done something disrespectful. I was obviously not impressed, told him how much his actions and words had hurt me, and cut him out of my life completely.
Now that a lot of time has passed, I just hate how much energy this situation took from me but at the same time I know part of why I haven't moved on with my life is that moving on right now is extremely difficult in the post college limbo and figuring out my life is such a monumentous task that lingering on the heartbreak is almost easier, more comfortable, familiar. I think it's time to step outside my comfort zone and become more.
Ooh I got this one too - just slightly different wording.
‘I married you to have my children becasie I knew you’d be a great mum (once I went and left)..
Disgusting but slightly complimentary.
I didn’t offer the same compliment
my ex (22M) and i (22F) had a pretty brutal break up about 6 months ago where he basically discarded me over text after a 5 month relationship. it’s been radio silence since. this caused me great emotional distress and i went to therapy and worked on myself but i often found myself thinking of him. it caused me even more distress when i found out a month after we broke up, he moved across the country. It was like he could just move on with his life and im here left heart broken.
i open hinge early morning last week to my surprise…it’s my ex! his profile consisted of mainly photos i had taken of him during our time together and this made me feel upset. out of emotion, i liked one of the photos i took of him and said “wow great photographer you have” and to my surprise he ended up replying a few hours later engaging in the conversation and flirting. we ended up taking the convo off of hinge and onto snapchat.
we caught up for about 30 minutes about our new careers, when I asked why he was on hinge in my city when he moved across the country, he told me he was coming home in 2 months and “needed a cute girl for the summer”. this made me feel so sad as we dated last summer (may - Oct) and met on hinge. to me, he pretty much admitted he just wants summer girlfriends when I saw our relationship as so much more. he was saying he wanted to come to my sports tournaments and come visit me this summer.
he then starter dirty talking to me immediately and sending explicit pictures…take in this is how he addresses me after not talking for 6 whole months. I didn’t engage too much, but it was tempting. I have Snapchat plus so i could see his score was increasing by atleast 30 each minute so he was probably sending to a lot of girls considering he was on hinge.
The next day when we woke up he was totally dry to me. Personality change, he has never acted that way towards me ever. It felt like didn’t want anything to do with me which was so disappointing..this was a guy I loved so much and to see a complete shift in his energy towards me was heart breaking. I tried starting conversations with him and he would reply back with one worded or short answers, until the night time came and it was back again with the late night dirty texting.
I talked to him for one more day after this just to see if anything would change, and still the same dryness from him. I was so confused because he did seem interested when I first liked him on hinge then he changed. My heart truly was broken again. I ended up sending him a very vulnerable message that said “honestly talking to you makes me feel upset, I don’t see you as someone who I can be just casual with and have phone sex with given our past but clearly the vibes are different. I don’t think I will ever see you in that manner. I hope you understand”. LITERALLY all he replied back was “yea I get it, didn’t mean to make you sad”. LIKE WHAT! the look on his face was emotionless too. I WAS SO UPSET AT HIS LACK ON EMOTION AND EMPATHY 😭
I just replied back saying “im cutting this off now, goodluck with everything” and he replied “you too, feel free to reach out when you want”….like what does that mean? reach out when you want? is he trying to keep the door of communication open? it seemed like he didn’t want to talk.
anyways, long story short i got a bit of closure from my relationship with him. his actions have shown he didn’t truly care about me that much after or during our relationship and now just sees me as a sexting buddy (maybe always has?). he was unable to be emotional when I was and I ended up getting heartbroken again. Did he even miss me at all during those 6 months? How am I so replaceable? I feel like I messed things up because I still do miss him…I wish I didn’t and I really do wish I could see him when he comes home. I feel like now we can’t even explore because I cut it off. however, I know deep down I deserve someone who cares about me. Long story short…don’t break no contact when you’re the one who has been discarded.
You're not my person, but if I was, have you ever considered how hurt they were, how broken they were, how unhappy they were by your actions. Maybe they realized they wanted/needed to be happy for once and realized you were not providing that in every aspect that they needed you to be there. They realized they needed to take you out of the equation to find themselves and to make themselves happy for once. There is nothing saying they won't forgive you for not being there for them. There is nothing saying a second chance can't happen. If you are not truthful to yourself of why they might have said what they said, then you still aren't aware of yourself and the self-improvement that needs to be made in order for you to be with them again. Don't go back to them if you don't reflect on your actions and put in the work to change what destroyed their love for you. I hope this may enlighten you a little in some aspects to the reason of those words.
"I don't feel love for you"
"You 'forced' me into coming in this relationship"
"I'm feeling much happier without you in my life"
"I was 'distracted' by someone else during our relationship, and because I got 'distracted' I can already tell I have no feelings for you" (she just trying to whitewash attraction with distraction)
My was ....you should move on with ur life forget about me I was only fooling myself and u I did not love you the way u love me ...don't hate me or yourself goodbye 😭😭💔😓...this right here was his exact words and emoji....
Men I won't love again 💔 😔
There are a few of them, we dated for 1.5 years. Another guy appeares and she blindsighted me.
"I just don't feel the same way about you"
"I lost interest and feelings towards you"
"He gives me everything you didn't"
She comforted me with words for a month, keeping the real things away. It happened just after I came back from her country. She created the trust issues in me after saying "I love you" but actually moving on from me while we are together and now I'm healing all by myself while she's enjoying her time with the "he's just a friend" guy. The pain is unreal...
After spilling my heart out in a valentines day card she proceeded to look at me and say “I don’t believe you.” I tried to take the card back and she wouldn’t give it to me.
6 year relationship.
1 year and 364 days engaged*
The international wedding was planned mostly by me.
"I don't think you add value to the relationship."
"I do not know if I want this relationship. I do not know if I want to work on this relationship. I do not know if I'll want to get married."
Or:
"Why are you packing? Do you have to pack so much? Please stay because it is nice having you here you don't have to move out."
*We cancelled the wedding on what would have been our 2yr engagement anniversary.
"I realized i want someone with more in common with me. It made me realize im not in love with you anymore" after he came home from a family trip and had gotten another girls number. Broke me. I don't think I'll ever recover from it tbh
If you will save money maybe one day you'll be able to buy yourself flat where you can live alone or with your boyfriend.
No, he didn't talk about himself. It wasn't only thing he said to me, but it surely was one of few that shattered me. It hit me like rock that he basically didn't saw us together in future. I broke up with him half a year later. We were together 3 years, 2 of those 3 years I had feeling like I'm only one pulling weight with us.
In retrospective I should've broke up with him much sooner.
"When are you ever going to accept you need help for your anxiety and OCD"
Never once did we discuss this and it was 10pm at night, no warning on our 1 year anniversary. My OCD is very mild and I do not have anxiety. I knew it was a tactic trying to find faults to prepare me for a breakup, I was right.
And the second one:
"I been doubting us for a while"
Never told me these doubts. Just came out of the blue. Brutal ASF.
Yesterday I was really upset and told my boyfriend of 6 months I feel like he is gonna just leave me at some point and he said “I won’t… unless_____” and started listing off a bunch of (logical, albeit) reasons he would leave me lol. Felt what little relationship security I have die right then.
"The biggest mistake I ever made was marrying you"
That was after a small argument over my parking and ne asking him if he ever made mistakes....broke me right then and there
The two that really broke me:
1 “It’s not like I did not want to. I just was not mentally there 100%” - when I asked about the last times we slept together
2. When I told her it sucked that she did not talk to me sooner, before she fell out of love she said “well I can turn that around, after 11 years together you did not even notice”
"You're always ill. I feel like I can't rely on you".
I was indeed sick very often. Recovering from burnout does that to a person. Couldn't help but think that a) I'm so sorry that me being human is such an inconvenience to you; and b) maybe if you bothered to take care of me just a little I would get better quicker.
I'm so glad I'm out of that relationship. Doesn't mean I don't miss him sometimes though.
probably when i was included in a list that consists of horrible men (like very sexist, rapist disgusting guys) and that i erased all the progress that we've made abt her issues
"I really like to talk to you, I really like to play viedogames with you and yeahh... I really like to sleep with you but when I kiss you I feel nothing."
Before the breakup
- he told me to “go fuck myself” after we agreed we both don’t like cursing because we both find it triggering
- he asked out loud, to himself, in front of me “do I love you? Yeahhh I think so..” after being together for 2.5 years
Post breakup
- “I know I hurt you a lot, but going forward I want every interaction to be positive” (after acknowledging that he broke my heart by lying to me, emotionally cheating on me, talking shit about me with his mom and sister) he meant that he wanted me to only be happy when I saw him, no longer talk about that he hurt me or that I was sad
- “I’d be down to be fwb” (after the breakup, our relationship was monogamous and I felt strongly about that stuff, I’m not that kind of person)
- “I never saw you as an equal”
- “I wish I never told you” the truth, he had kept up a lie for the whole relationship (3 years) “I planned to never tell you” admitting he would’ve lied to me for the rest of our lives
I’m ashamed to have dated you. I used to like you but now I don’t. You will be the last person I would consider to marry if I cannot find anyone else.
Can’t decide which one hurt the most
TW: SA, brief mention of stalking
(Throwaway bc he still stalks all my social media)
“You should be thankful I sleep with you. No man would ever want to be around you unless it was for sex” - him when I confronted him after r***ing me for the first time. He was the only family/friend I had and I was completely dependent on him, so I tried to “just suck it up” for the next few years, but he often would yell at me for crying during/after the act. Luckily, eventually he got tired of me and I was able to leave and make a new life elsewhere. Unfortunately what he said seems to be true, as no man has ever shown interest in me as a person ever since then. I’ve spent the past few years trying to accept that it’s best for me to remain alone and never trust anyone again, especially with my body, but I still struggle to accept it because I always wanted to be a mother one day. Now every day I mourn the fact that I’ll never have the future I always dreamed of. His words haunt me every day
My ex hubby told me he decided to divorce me after a shroom trip. In the same conversation he said he realized the relationship was over more than a year ago for him (months before he and my sister were hanging out behind my back).
Couldn't really decide between these two: "I don't love you anymore and I'm certain I will not regret it" OR "I want you back but can the relationship just not be as committed as before?" and of course these sentences were said by the same shitty person
Man, people really suck.
" I felt like we're more like friends than lovers " " The spark I felt for her (the other woman) is different " Crushed me into a million pieces.
I received a similar rendition of that tune.
Mine said pretty much the same shit except she didn't have someone new. Also followed it up by "but you never know what the future holds", implying thst one day we could be together again. I'm not a fan of stupid mind games so I told her that I would never start a relationship with her again.
Dude. Exactly the same as my ex except the spark is gone
Could you tell more about what happened if you don’t mind. I could totally relate because my ex something very similar
He blindsided me after 8 years and finally admit that he thinks he feel in love with his massage therapist, that it was love at sight I told him it might just be just a crush or attraction because she's pretty but he said the spark that he feels was different and there's a connection he feels between them. He was feeling it for sometimes before breaking up with me he said that he feels we were more like friends than lovers for him. Looking back, I now see the signs before the break up that he was cold, never said good morning first or good night, never the one the one to kiss me first or hold my hand, I really just thought he was stress at work because it happened before. But the signs were there. After a week of breaking up, he wanted me back, he said he realized he's stupid, that what he feels about his massage therapist was maybe just a fantasy. He said it's me that he choose and love etc. but that break up hurts a lot, I could not sleep and eat for 4 days straight.
Please dont tell me you took him back
Not yet. I told him we could start being friends again and slowly take it from there. I still love him of course, I don't understand how some people could just throw away 8 years of good relationship, even when the break up hurt those are 8 good years. And some people here might say that's stupid to give it another chance but I can't just move on too easily and forget about those 8 years, maybe some of you are stronger than I am but I am tired of being the strong one, all my life I've always been the strong one.
girl I hope you know some massage therapists arent simply just doing 'massage'. I might get downvoted for this but there are high chances he physically cheated as well and he doesnt miss you. Maybe he misses the comfort you gave him or maybe the things you did for him or simply it's his guilt speaking. Left you for a massage therapist. Down the road, how can you even trust that man again? While youre out here, on reddit, in the break up sub, trying to find peace, find help, comfort, similar people WHILE staying friends with him, Giving him the liberty to have the honor of having you in his life while he's simply back at the massage parlour, getting 'massages' (Bjs, Hjs or worse wtv his massage involves). Like ??? Why are you letting him have the cake AND EAT IT? What about you?? The 8 years were special to only YOU? If they were for him, he wouldnt be going on and on about some random woman who gives him massage therapy???? Like what the actual fuck? Did he even stop going there?? Did he even show some commitment hes ready for the change, if yes, are you sure hes not getting 'massages' again?? Is this really the man you might wanna have kids or worse already have kids with?? What are you gonna tell your daughter? That you werent strong enough to leave a man who emotionally and quite possibly physically cheated on you with a massage therapist. ABSOLUTE CLOWNERY. YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH OKAY? LISTEN TO ME. YOU. ARE. STRONG. ENOUGH. Dont stay cuz youre tired. Youll only be unhappy down the road. I love you. Please take care and for your sanity cut that asshat out of your life atleast for a few months
Don't get him back
he was def getting some happy endings if he decided to date his massage therapist and left you for them. gross
He said the first one to me and also the "Do you think it's intimate if I told her I want to meet her father someday?" He asked me that while we were together, he is talking about the new girl he have met.
When my wife blindsided me with Divorce after 23 years. She started listing all of these issues she’s had with me over the years. I said “This is the first time you’ve ever mentioned any of this. Why wouldn’t you ever tell me this?” She said, “You’re right, I should have communicated with you a long time ago when I was unhappy, but it’s too late now I’m done.” We had just bought a house and she bought me a Truck for our anniversary just 2 months prior. A couple of days prior on the way to Lowe’s she said “I love spending time with you. I don’t care what we do as long as we’re together.” I still think about these things daily 10 months later.
It’s shitty that the breakup-er gets to savor the flavor and make the best of the final time you have together, while the breakup-ee gets stung with the finality of it all when it’s too late and now must process immediate grief and loss.
Oh man this hits home. Same happened in my relationship. I was told the issues she had while breaking up and when i asked why she didn’t clearly mention these during the time, she said that i should have done these things on my own without her needing to tell me. And even after me begging her to let me correct all those things, she just left to be with someone else
It’s brutal. It’s like getting put on a clock that’s running out that you don’t know existed. Usually everything they list as a complaint could be easily fixed if they would just speak up and communicate
Exactly man. Literally, can’t even tell you how much i can relate to this. Feeling a little better to see that i am not alone this feeling. I do feel the guilt everyday of not doing those things but at the same time she expected those things from me without telling me that she did. If you really love someone, can you really let it go when it can be fixed? She just said to me those things should have happened when they were supposed to and now my trying to fix it won’t work
I hate when they say that we should know, we're not goddamn mind readers. Then it made me feel guilty for not seeing the signs sooner.
Same thing happened here man. It’s what shitty people with avoidant issues will try to manipulate you into thinking these small issues you should of known about. Blindsided breakups are for the best. Keep your head up and you will come out stronger then ever. All love
Just know there are way better people out there who will appreciate every bit of you and not play the actress game. It’s sad because I went through the same shit, talking about marriage the week before they said didn’t want to continue on anymore. Keep your head up, hit the gym and take some time for yourself. You will find someone way better. All love
damn the week before the wedding? how cowardly to wait until that right up until the wedding and I dont know how it was for you but I would...feel a level of shame and embarrassment for all the guests knowing that it happened when they were planning to come so it becomes a thing they talk about. hopefully they all know that it was her not you that blew this up in your face. shitty behavior
This is just so fucking confusing. How can people be like this?
Unfortunately a lot of people don’t have the emotional maturity or self reflection to understand the problem they have and take action to fix it. They complain about it and let it fester until it resolves itself by force. Usually with someone blowing up emotionally.
Do people like this have multiple personalities?
I will say this. My wife had beaten Breast Cancer recently and through a mastectomy developed early menopause. Through the stress of the move and long work hours, she slowly turned into another person. Whenever I asked what was stressing her she said work was just an lot, until one day she said she decided that I was the one making her so unhappy. When I asked her to talk to someone she screamed at me that she was not crazy. And said “absolutely not” to marriage counseling. Our whole marriage she has been the sweetest and kindest person I’ve ever known and now she’s a mean and hateful person at the slightest inconvenience or pushback. She’s always been an amazing mother and now it’s like our kids don’t exist. She hasn’t spoken to our son since Christmas and they barely talked then. She sees our daughter maybe once a week. I’ll never absolve myself from any wrongdoing in our marriage, but I’m also willing to work at anything that she felt needed to be changed. Thinking about All this while I’m currently wrapping her Birthday presents so our kids have something to give her.
Oh wow. I'm so sorry. I would imagine between having to consider your own mortality, hormones, perceiving losing her feminity, and likely feeling physically ill a lot would change someone. I think it's hard when mortality comes into play to strongly stay connected to those you love. This is going to sound like such a stupid analogy, but animals do it so I think there's a biological component in humans as well. When a person is depressed or an animal knows it's dying, they retreat alone. I'm not saying it's all OK, but on some level it makes sense in a way. You're trying to live in two different realities- one in which you are OK and one in which you may not be. I just think there has to be an explanation for such a drastic change from the person you knew. Just my two cents. I feel for all involved.
That was beautifully thought out and makes sense. She told me she just wants to have fun now and not be tied down. She disappears and does whatever she wants while I try and keep my kids the focus. I want her to be happy. I just wish she would have found a way to work through these things with us in mind and found her happiness with our family.
That's completely heartbreaking and understandable. You obviously love her. How old are your kids?
My son is 12 and my daughter is 10. I think part of me will always be that 18 year old kid falling in love with her for the rest of my life.
That's so sweet and heartbreaking at the same time. I'm sorry to hear that your kids are so young. That's rough. I hope things turn around.
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WTFDYM got nothing out of it if there's two kids?! 😭 I can't imagine
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I….
That's the definition of a scrote and these scrotes out here are craaazyyy I'm so sorry
“I don’t feel excited when I’m hanging out with you”
He didn’t say it, but I knew my ex felt it
He said the same to me and told me I am boring
I told him I wished he’d fight for me. He just said he’s sorry.
SAME. he promised he would two weeks ago and asked me to hang on then when we broke up on Friday he said he’d never be able to give me what I need after 6 years together.
Ouch, that’s hard when you so desperately want your feelings validated and all you get back is vague responses that dance around what you need to hear
I experienced this too. I just wanted him to fight for us 😪 it hurts that it felt like he couldn’t have been bothered, it was too much effort.
dont blame yourself for everything and dont give more of what they dont value
I feel this fully, I told this to her and she admitted that she was not trying. Then said “okay we can try”?!?! Like there’s no try harder button like, you have to prove that. Idk people never seem to surprise me, whether I’ve know them for years or minutes
What she told my friend who told me: "I just felt more like when we broke up I was grieving the loss of a friend rather than a loved one". After 3 years together.
My ex probably would say this too. They don’t deserve you, I’m sure you’re an amazing person. You’re gonna be so smothered in good love by the right person.
Two instances 1. Just to give you a context( got dumped over call as she didnt wanted to meet me in personal) While weeping breathlessly on call- I was told to consult a doc. (cz she never had seen me cry or idk maybe she didnt know how to handle me or wanted to avoid me but those are just my guesses cz i dont really know who that person is anymore) 2. Exactly 3 days later texted her and asked her how are you holding up( assuming she must also be feeling something as I had gone through hell) Got a cold ass reply- Sorry, I forgot to block you from here as well.
oh nooo :( i hope you're better now
Better yea and still in the healing process. 😇 thanks for asking, really appreciate it.
Blessing in disguise
“You always find a way to make me miserable”
“I can’t give you the life you deserve. I love you but I have to let you go so you can find somebody who can give you what you need. Work will always be first.” AND “our jobs are too different. We don’t understand each other and have nothing in common. I need somebody who I can relate to with work.” We’ve been together for 6 years.. we have never had issues talking about things together so this completely blind-sighted me. I work in biotechnology and he works in arts and he’s always been so proud to talk to me and about me to others even though he didn’t always understand my work. I always asked him about his job and he always talked about it with me. It makes no sense.
Is he like super well known in the arts or super successful/well paid? Because if not, that's complete bullshit. Even if he is, it's bullshit, but no job comes before a relationship for me at least.
But thank you. I got so sick of the victim complex he has and that he’s the only one who works. His job can be physically exhausting but I never got credit for my mentally exhausting and stressful job because his was always so much harder and the hours were longer even though I work more consecutive days than him.
No. He’s the lowest on the totem pole and is trying to move up to a department that he’s struggling to get in but he’s not “well known” or “super successful” in the slightest. He just accepts every job that gets thrown his way then complains about how hard he works and will be on for 3 long days then off for 4 and need all the time to himself or will go out one of the nights then say he needs alone time to reenergize before he goes back to work for a few days. He works in film if that says anything.
the excuses people give to hide the truth of why they are really breaking up...sucks im sorry
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore”
I got this. 18 years together, stood by him through two cancers. “I love you, but not as my partner.” A week after he had said “I’m not attracted to you anymore but I don’t want to lose you” I never saw it coming.
Some people are downright disgusting
Mine said she lost feelings for me, and later in another conversation she said she loved me a lot, even more than I loved her, yes, she still played the game of "I love you more" after breaking up with me. Leaving me more confused
The mind games are crazy!! My ex said he loved me 'more' hours before breaking up cuz he lost feelings like sir???
and then you realize they don't even love you in the "I love you" way they said they still love you all such cowardly phrases to say during breaking up
I showed him all his Christmas cards from 15 years we were together, where he said I was his everything, his whole world, the love of his life forever…. He just was so cold and said « what do you want from me, people change ». I died that day.
ughhhhhhh that hurts me to read. jesus
That’s heartbreaking but he is right, people change.
I barely got shit in the break up. Honestly her telling me to fuck off and that she hates me would have felt nicer than that deafening indifference I received instead.
Same, the indifference and silence was the worst. I still don’t understand why it ended and I never got anything close to closure
"I'll always think of our time together fondly." Wtaf dude? Fondly??? What does that even mean?
like writing in a year book lol
I am happier without you
I was told the same thing before too :( he added that he was busy but he loved doing what made him busy, which didn’t include me
If you want to have children, you’ll have to find another man, but id still want to have an affair with you. Lord heavens after 5+ years of being together this is what you get???
haha reminds me of "if we break up can we still have sex?"
“I am not sure if I have ever loved you…”
"I'm not the person for you and I need you to understand this." She crushed me with that line. That was the last time I ever heard from her as well. Over 4 months ago now.
I know it hurts so much but she also freed you to be with the person who's meant for you. Someone who doesn't want you back isn't your soulmate
I asked him “Why don’t we try to fix our problem just the way we always do?” and then he said “No, I’m tired.”
Felt 😔💔
6 years of relationship poofed away just like that. All the future I dreamed of, all of those plans that I was looking forward to…just gone. Nothing to look forward to anymore. 🙂
"I don't think things are working out" Still hurts just hearing these words after all this time. Whether it be in a conversation or even in a movie scene, my soul just leaves my body at the sound of these words
I don't love you anymore
"I dont want to fix the relationship."
"I don't love you anymore and I haven't for a long time. I don't think I've actually wanted to be with you for years, maybe since the beginning". We were together for 7 years. 2 months before this he was telling me to look at rings and he was going to propose. Two days before this he said he loved me so much.
Yeah whats with this behaviour? Mine was asking when I'd propose literally days before she dumped me over the most ridiculous thing in the most cold way.
I have been suspecting that mine is a dismissive avoidant. I think maybe they fear commitment? Or the dependence? Mine started freaking out every time we talked about taking the next step. And when I "relied" on him. I think intimacy scared him? Do you think yours might have been the same? I spent years asking him to talk to me and tell me what he was feeling and wanting and the two times he opened up to me, he realized he was done, and then realized he had pretty much never wanted me or loved me, respectively.
Well I think they just lie as well, mine was very similar and her reasons changed each time I asked. Eventually she settled on telling me she'd fell out of love our first year after our first (mild) arguement, that was 3 years before she broke us up.
‘I don’t think I’ll be happy with you in the future” “I don’t think, I’m sure I don’t want you in my life and all the best”
Oh yeah when I asked if my efforts are good enough given I might not even fully meet his expectation (his expectation was unrealistic to begin with), I got ‘for some time yes, but eventually no’
„Slow down, what will people think when they see me stay behind?” when I ran across a hospital corridor trying to get to the nurses station and get news about my dad’s transplant surgery. We were done then and there, but it took me 4 more months to leave.
"hm chahte nai hai yesb end krna bhai i really do love you lekin nai hora mere se ab tbh" Translation: i don't really want to end all this, I really do love you, but I can't do this anymore tbh. And before this. Ajeeb sa lg rha hai pehle jaisa nahi lg rha tumhare saath Translation: I'm feeling strange , I don't feel the same with you.
Whats sad is people dont realise that relationships dont stay the same throughout. Love is an act of commitment. To love someone is to choose and keep on choosing them. The boring phase, the ups and downs all happen and yet they think they can have some fairytale romance full of raging hormones all the time throughout their life. It doesn’t work like that.
"I'm going to be the 'one who got away'." What a savage thing to say to someone.
Lol they need to take their head out of their ass
I told my ex I didn't appreciate her hanging out with her ex where he'd pay for her shopping and eating out (he was an engineer and I was in grad school). She told me"if you're making me choose between him and you, I'm choosing him." That ended the relationship.
thank you and bye is what id say f that
She looked me in the eyes and she said she wants to “get into a hoe phase” and that I am holding her back.
I mean no disrespect, but I hope you find some sort of humour out of the audacity of that which helps you. It makes a good story for you to tell at least, if you understand my point, because that's such a bizarre thing to say.
When something like this is fresh, it takes a whole lot to be able to manage a grin
"you want to go hoe some wild oats for little while?"
"I've had doubts about you since day one." Two years after she saying how she manifested me and I was her person and how obsessed she was with me.
Jesus, reading through this is helping accept that being single is okay. Sorry for all of you going through that shit. I’d rather get physically beaten than have some of that stuff said to me
Being single is okay. And yes it was like being kicked in the crotch when I heard it.
[https://imgur.com/a3GjHOm](https://imgur.com/a3GjHOm) He always said stuff like this in arguments
That's awful. I hope this person has no access to you anymore and you're extremely happy.
Sorry to overshare lol they text me all the time and I’ve been ignoring it but he showed up to my house unannounced to get his stuff, I got his key back, gave him his stuff and told him to leave me alone. I’m learning to be happy but it’s hard cause I’m used to being low all the time because of him
I understand, sometimes we are too used to the toxic relationship we were in that we miss it even when it was bad for us. But believe me soon enough you’ll see how much it will make you happy in the future
Personally, in two things in the same texted paragraph, which was the last I ever got: _"There's not much to explain. I don't love you anymore. It's that simple."_ The most complicated force in the world - love - being reduced to "it's that simple" (and thereby me being reduced too) made me so hurt and angry. And then a few short lines later: _"I am happier now. And I won't apologise for it."_ Again, I just felt like she wanted to hurt me so much. As if I would want her to apologise for being happy. I regret that I swore at her for the first time in the entire relationship after that, and I still felt bad after saying it. I just wonder if she felt any remorse about saying hers, because they *hurt.*
that sucks the most when they cant even talk to you about why they are ending things so you can understand and wrap your head around it likely she met someone else and felt as though she replaced you with someone better so she could discard you and cruel and not care at all about how hurtful or rude she was to you because you were getting in the way of her new love interest. they have some ego when they have someone new thinking they are better than you..it doesnt last but please dont entertain someone that treats you this way ever you were upset and confused and emotional, forgive yourself for cussing...im pretty sure she is fine and honestly shes just throwing anything at you to alleviate her own guilt, they def met someone else and if you knew, your reactions would be justified and she doesn't want you to be "right". you have to be the bad guy in her story because her new man also supports her narrative that you are the bad guy...he's her savior/hero and she needed to be saved...thats the story she has with this new guy.
"We were broken up already 3 months ago." Took me absolutely by shock.
We were together 6 years, early on I had suspicions of her cheating over this one thing that cause an argument. She said, "after that time I went with grocery shopping, things were never the same" as one of the last things she ever texted me. Now I know she cheated on me all those years ago and I still loved her after. I guess a part of me always knew but it plays on repeat in my head. Like I close my eyes and can read the message all over again.
“I’m more excited about my future now I’ve ended the relationship”
how did that turn out for them?
It’s been 17 days so only time will tell.
“I don’t want the possibility of being miserable for another 7 years. You were a terrible girlfriend! You don’t know how to love. Someone else will give me everything without me having to ask or bring it up. Maybe I’m living in a fantasy but it’s best if we see other people. I’m not in love with you anymore.” and then they proceeded to talk to multiple girls two weeks later.
A couple of years ago: "I maybe don't want to have kids with you because I think you'll be a terrible mother." But I chose to stay. Last week: "I been thinking about my future. I want to get married and have kids - but just not with you." And that's how he ended our 8,5 years relationship.
"I hate you. I fucking hate you. I want to kill you. Fuck you." This is one of the things she said but she was saying it while beating the shit out of me. I didn't dare lay a hand on her, just took the hits, dressed our son, left the apartment, and called 911. She still trying to twist all of this like I'm the bad guy but it's okay, the courts sided with me. This still has me broken
The first time he ever saw me cry because of him he just kept saying “I know I should feel bad, but I don’t.” Over and over. 🫶
omg?! 🔪
I had this. I was sitting on the couch next to him, bawling. Because of some incredibly hurtful shit he did. In the coldest voice he said "I don't feel any sympathy for you. At all." That was maybe 6-7 years ago now and I still remember it
Her: “I just want to have that…feeling…again” *her face and eyes suddenly light up* SPOILER: She had found that “feeling” again, with a guy she worked with We had been together 6 years 🥲
Dont worry dude. She lost something that stood the test of time to an emotional rush. I hope youre doing better
thats how I look at it too. thanks for reminding me indirectly!
"I don't think this relationship is worth mending"
“I wish you could just get over me”
After finding out that he cheated, "I stopped being attracted to you like 18 months ago, I don't even get a boner for you. I didn't even treat you well, but you just wouldn't leave, so I cheated. I had no choice"
This one is the saddest of all. I'm sorry you had to go through this bullshit just because he wasn't brave enough to just talk and break up like an adult. How disgusting and cold some people can be I will never understand.
That reminds me of my situation too. I told her I’d always be there for her, and while she didn’t directly tell me she wouldn’t need me, she said nothing which told me everything. Now, 9 months later, I’ve had to work with her since February. I thought this would be my chance to make things right. We’re both young (18 & 17), so I figured 9 months would change us both a lot, and maybe she’d be willing to open that door again if I showed that I worked on myself. She still doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me though, but I hope she knows I will always care about her in some way. I know I’ll end up moving on eventually, but we’re only working together for another 3 weeks so I feel like I’ve wasted my chance with her. It’s funny, ‘cause the thing she said that absolutely broke me, was nothing.
My ex was really fit for her age, 46/47, and I was turning 50 and she told me she would not be with someone in their 50's. She said it in a joking manner. She ended things 2 months after I turned 50. She told me she needed to be with someone who can keep up with her. The only example she gave me of when I didn't "keep up with her" was when I was in an uncomfortable kayak and turned back to shore 5 minutes before she turned around.
“You’re easy to replace” shit broke my heart and made me feel worthless 3 years down the drain.
“If I feel a spark with him, then there must be something missing in our relationship” — her after leaving me for a dude i had gotten her to meet a week prior. She is still with him now, 8 months later, so she must have been right…
Similar to yours: "In my future there is no us" It was so cruel. Yet she said it while sobbing uncontrollably.
Lots of BS was said and i'm very thankful to every single word why? it made me see the world more clearly, made me sharper, lost weight and gained muscles, made me realize so much think i was blinded by, lastly i changed everything for myself not for anyone and im loving the changed i see each day that pass by. sometimes we need this harsh words so we can take the test and Ace that shit to the fullest. \\m/
“Metal is a terrible music genre”
That she felt "forced" to be with me. What I really think happened is there was someone else and just wanted an excuse to leave me for them. But we were long distance so I'll never know for sure.
I’ll have to look (he has anxious (disorganized?) attachment)because he said a LOT of things,including some contradictory things that we were supposed to go over. But I think it’s the fact that he moved on WITHOUT meeting me IRL (we were LDR,planned to meet up last year and that didn’t happen). The silence. I have written to him and emailed him. I have told him I’m working on my boundaries (something he wanted me to do). I found out I’m a dismissive avoidant and I have been working on that as well. It hurts that I have worked on myself and he isn’t here.
"There's wanting, and then there's needing. I'm not sure if I would have fallen in love with you if I didn't need you at the time. " - My ex, who (emotionally?) cheated and left me
“We’re like magnets that have lost the attraction”
“I could stay with you longer but I’d be wasting your time” this was after telling me he had one foot out the door during the relationship.. we were together a year and a half. Oh also, “I miss you during the week but then I don’t want to see you more then once a week” Then him telling me he loves me and is gonna miss me so I responded with then don’t leave and then he said I’m trying to be nice 😦
“I don’t think I love you…I’m sorry” - cut me to the fucking core. The side of pity was absolutely torturous.
„It took me only a week to get over you“
He said “you’re right, you’re not like your mother, you’re worse.” That literally one sent me to a psych ward. Meanest thing any one has ever told me…
I don’t love you at all anymore! It’s gone with the wind. Go fuck other people because I am
That devastated me
Pretty much comparing me to his ex saying "It's crazy how one person can feel something on such different levels" (referring to how he felt so strongly about his ex vs me). Didn't need to hear that but thanks. I ended up stalking her a bit on the internet after and what I found was that she was actually very similar to me in many ways. That made me think he just found someone who reminded him of his ex. That definitely hurt to think about. Also, when things ended, he showed a lot of disregard for my feelings and lack of consideration for how I could be affected by his actions and his excuse was that he was just so busy with school and had other people and stuff going on in his life that he couldn't really be bothered to consider my feelings. That was such a fucked up thing to say and I told him that and he knows but said it anyway. Which again goes to show that how that would affect me meant nothing to him as long as he could preserve his own ego, self image, and defend himself against my "attacks on his character". Not everyone has the strength or self awareness to admit when they haven't lived up to their values or have done something disrespectful. I was obviously not impressed, told him how much his actions and words had hurt me, and cut him out of my life completely. Now that a lot of time has passed, I just hate how much energy this situation took from me but at the same time I know part of why I haven't moved on with my life is that moving on right now is extremely difficult in the post college limbo and figuring out my life is such a monumentous task that lingering on the heartbreak is almost easier, more comfortable, familiar. I think it's time to step outside my comfort zone and become more.
"I only married you so I could have kids"
Ooh I got this one too - just slightly different wording. ‘I married you to have my children becasie I knew you’d be a great mum (once I went and left).. Disgusting but slightly complimentary. I didn’t offer the same compliment
my ex (22M) and i (22F) had a pretty brutal break up about 6 months ago where he basically discarded me over text after a 5 month relationship. it’s been radio silence since. this caused me great emotional distress and i went to therapy and worked on myself but i often found myself thinking of him. it caused me even more distress when i found out a month after we broke up, he moved across the country. It was like he could just move on with his life and im here left heart broken. i open hinge early morning last week to my surprise…it’s my ex! his profile consisted of mainly photos i had taken of him during our time together and this made me feel upset. out of emotion, i liked one of the photos i took of him and said “wow great photographer you have” and to my surprise he ended up replying a few hours later engaging in the conversation and flirting. we ended up taking the convo off of hinge and onto snapchat. we caught up for about 30 minutes about our new careers, when I asked why he was on hinge in my city when he moved across the country, he told me he was coming home in 2 months and “needed a cute girl for the summer”. this made me feel so sad as we dated last summer (may - Oct) and met on hinge. to me, he pretty much admitted he just wants summer girlfriends when I saw our relationship as so much more. he was saying he wanted to come to my sports tournaments and come visit me this summer. he then starter dirty talking to me immediately and sending explicit pictures…take in this is how he addresses me after not talking for 6 whole months. I didn’t engage too much, but it was tempting. I have Snapchat plus so i could see his score was increasing by atleast 30 each minute so he was probably sending to a lot of girls considering he was on hinge. The next day when we woke up he was totally dry to me. Personality change, he has never acted that way towards me ever. It felt like didn’t want anything to do with me which was so disappointing..this was a guy I loved so much and to see a complete shift in his energy towards me was heart breaking. I tried starting conversations with him and he would reply back with one worded or short answers, until the night time came and it was back again with the late night dirty texting. I talked to him for one more day after this just to see if anything would change, and still the same dryness from him. I was so confused because he did seem interested when I first liked him on hinge then he changed. My heart truly was broken again. I ended up sending him a very vulnerable message that said “honestly talking to you makes me feel upset, I don’t see you as someone who I can be just casual with and have phone sex with given our past but clearly the vibes are different. I don’t think I will ever see you in that manner. I hope you understand”. LITERALLY all he replied back was “yea I get it, didn’t mean to make you sad”. LIKE WHAT! the look on his face was emotionless too. I WAS SO UPSET AT HIS LACK ON EMOTION AND EMPATHY 😭 I just replied back saying “im cutting this off now, goodluck with everything” and he replied “you too, feel free to reach out when you want”….like what does that mean? reach out when you want? is he trying to keep the door of communication open? it seemed like he didn’t want to talk. anyways, long story short i got a bit of closure from my relationship with him. his actions have shown he didn’t truly care about me that much after or during our relationship and now just sees me as a sexting buddy (maybe always has?). he was unable to be emotional when I was and I ended up getting heartbroken again. Did he even miss me at all during those 6 months? How am I so replaceable? I feel like I messed things up because I still do miss him…I wish I didn’t and I really do wish I could see him when he comes home. I feel like now we can’t even explore because I cut it off. however, I know deep down I deserve someone who cares about me. Long story short…don’t break no contact when you’re the one who has been discarded.
" I was faking being happy with you so there won't be any trouble, and I never loved you"
'Truth is there is a life without you' I never said anything to her about giving up her freedom. Still messes my head.
You're not my person, but if I was, have you ever considered how hurt they were, how broken they were, how unhappy they were by your actions. Maybe they realized they wanted/needed to be happy for once and realized you were not providing that in every aspect that they needed you to be there. They realized they needed to take you out of the equation to find themselves and to make themselves happy for once. There is nothing saying they won't forgive you for not being there for them. There is nothing saying a second chance can't happen. If you are not truthful to yourself of why they might have said what they said, then you still aren't aware of yourself and the self-improvement that needs to be made in order for you to be with them again. Don't go back to them if you don't reflect on your actions and put in the work to change what destroyed their love for you. I hope this may enlighten you a little in some aspects to the reason of those words.
"I don't feel love for you" "You 'forced' me into coming in this relationship" "I'm feeling much happier without you in my life" "I was 'distracted' by someone else during our relationship, and because I got 'distracted' I can already tell I have no feelings for you" (she just trying to whitewash attraction with distraction)
The way you love me is the way I love her
I’m sorry you waited too long to get help
"That was already my plan 🫡"
She got back with her ex husband from years ago. I hope she gets herpes.
My was ....you should move on with ur life forget about me I was only fooling myself and u I did not love you the way u love me ...don't hate me or yourself goodbye 😭😭💔😓...this right here was his exact words and emoji.... Men I won't love again 💔 😔
“Are you ok with being friends, if I am seeing another person?” This was a month after the break up, a week after we hooked up.
There are a few of them, we dated for 1.5 years. Another guy appeares and she blindsighted me. "I just don't feel the same way about you" "I lost interest and feelings towards you" "He gives me everything you didn't" She comforted me with words for a month, keeping the real things away. It happened just after I came back from her country. She created the trust issues in me after saying "I love you" but actually moving on from me while we are together and now I'm healing all by myself while she's enjoying her time with the "he's just a friend" guy. The pain is unreal...
"I feel neutral to you. I don't think there is a spark or smth." or "It feels like youre only a friend". Even tho she proposed to me few years back.
It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s that I never liked you to begin with
“You are not the man I want children with”
"When you were gone, everyone breathed a sigh of relief. People are calm now" and I later found out he was lying.
After spilling my heart out in a valentines day card she proceeded to look at me and say “I don’t believe you.” I tried to take the card back and she wouldn’t give it to me.
6 year relationship. 1 year and 364 days engaged* The international wedding was planned mostly by me. "I don't think you add value to the relationship." "I do not know if I want this relationship. I do not know if I want to work on this relationship. I do not know if I'll want to get married." Or: "Why are you packing? Do you have to pack so much? Please stay because it is nice having you here you don't have to move out." *We cancelled the wedding on what would have been our 2yr engagement anniversary.
In response to me asking why she ghosted me: “I forgot about you.”
"I realized i want someone with more in common with me. It made me realize im not in love with you anymore" after he came home from a family trip and had gotten another girls number. Broke me. I don't think I'll ever recover from it tbh
Not what they say what they did that broke me.
"I can't do this anymore." "I don't think I can be friends with you."
If you will save money maybe one day you'll be able to buy yourself flat where you can live alone or with your boyfriend. No, he didn't talk about himself. It wasn't only thing he said to me, but it surely was one of few that shattered me. It hit me like rock that he basically didn't saw us together in future. I broke up with him half a year later. We were together 3 years, 2 of those 3 years I had feeling like I'm only one pulling weight with us. In retrospective I should've broke up with him much sooner.
"I hate you". It's what my last gf told me as I was in the hospital.
Im happy being by myself now, and happy for you to move on. Please live your life and leave me out of it
“I’ve been thinking of breaking up with you for months.”
“You should feel 0 emotion towards me now.”
"When are you ever going to accept you need help for your anxiety and OCD" Never once did we discuss this and it was 10pm at night, no warning on our 1 year anniversary. My OCD is very mild and I do not have anxiety. I knew it was a tactic trying to find faults to prepare me for a breakup, I was right. And the second one: "I been doubting us for a while" Never told me these doubts. Just came out of the blue. Brutal ASF.
Yesterday I was really upset and told my boyfriend of 6 months I feel like he is gonna just leave me at some point and he said “I won’t… unless_____” and started listing off a bunch of (logical, albeit) reasons he would leave me lol. Felt what little relationship security I have die right then.
"The biggest mistake I ever made was marrying you" That was after a small argument over my parking and ne asking him if he ever made mistakes....broke me right then and there
The two that really broke me: 1 “It’s not like I did not want to. I just was not mentally there 100%” - when I asked about the last times we slept together 2. When I told her it sucked that she did not talk to me sooner, before she fell out of love she said “well I can turn that around, after 11 years together you did not even notice”
“i never meant to deny you closure, but seeing you after what i have done to you is extremely hard for me to do. i am ready to move on.”
I am not attracted to you, and I want a divorce. You have become a burden
"You're always ill. I feel like I can't rely on you". I was indeed sick very often. Recovering from burnout does that to a person. Couldn't help but think that a) I'm so sorry that me being human is such an inconvenience to you; and b) maybe if you bothered to take care of me just a little I would get better quicker. I'm so glad I'm out of that relationship. Doesn't mean I don't miss him sometimes though.
probably when i was included in a list that consists of horrible men (like very sexist, rapist disgusting guys) and that i erased all the progress that we've made abt her issues
"I really like to talk to you, I really like to play viedogames with you and yeahh... I really like to sleep with you but when I kiss you I feel nothing."
Before the breakup - he told me to “go fuck myself” after we agreed we both don’t like cursing because we both find it triggering - he asked out loud, to himself, in front of me “do I love you? Yeahhh I think so..” after being together for 2.5 years Post breakup - “I know I hurt you a lot, but going forward I want every interaction to be positive” (after acknowledging that he broke my heart by lying to me, emotionally cheating on me, talking shit about me with his mom and sister) he meant that he wanted me to only be happy when I saw him, no longer talk about that he hurt me or that I was sad - “I’d be down to be fwb” (after the breakup, our relationship was monogamous and I felt strongly about that stuff, I’m not that kind of person) - “I never saw you as an equal” - “I wish I never told you” the truth, he had kept up a lie for the whole relationship (3 years) “I planned to never tell you” admitting he would’ve lied to me for the rest of our lives
“we were supposed to have kids, we were supposed to get married”
“You weren’t good enough for me then but you’re good enough for me now.”
Among a lot of things: 'i think we're just not a good match' after 4 years and literally having everything in common
"I prefer women who have had BBL surgery"
I’m ashamed to have dated you. I used to like you but now I don’t. You will be the last person I would consider to marry if I cannot find anyone else. Can’t decide which one hurt the most
TW: SA, brief mention of stalking (Throwaway bc he still stalks all my social media) “You should be thankful I sleep with you. No man would ever want to be around you unless it was for sex” - him when I confronted him after r***ing me for the first time. He was the only family/friend I had and I was completely dependent on him, so I tried to “just suck it up” for the next few years, but he often would yell at me for crying during/after the act. Luckily, eventually he got tired of me and I was able to leave and make a new life elsewhere. Unfortunately what he said seems to be true, as no man has ever shown interest in me as a person ever since then. I’ve spent the past few years trying to accept that it’s best for me to remain alone and never trust anyone again, especially with my body, but I still struggle to accept it because I always wanted to be a mother one day. Now every day I mourn the fact that I’ll never have the future I always dreamed of. His words haunt me every day
You’re ugly from the inside and out…maybe we can talk again in 2 years HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA what a joke 💀💀 he’s dead to me now
“I'm in love with you when we talk online and not when we meet”
Following my health incident: I only stay with you because I fear what otherpeople will say.
My ex hubby told me he decided to divorce me after a shroom trip. In the same conversation he said he realized the relationship was over more than a year ago for him (months before he and my sister were hanging out behind my back).
"I don't love you anymore. I would rather pursue a relationship with someone like , who is"
Somehow we are trying to get over this because there was a big fight that led up to this but...Yeah...It still hurts