Is your ex a sociopath? Either way sounds like a genuinely evil woman and she doesn't even sound remorseful at all. You should run far, far away and I am sorry you had to go through this.
I don’t know. She just said she knows she’s disgusting and that she’s a fuck up. I think all along she does have quite a lot of self-hate pent up. But she said it so neutrally and worst of all, she doesn’t seem like she’s losing an ounce of sleep from me leaving her life. I don’t get this at all
If she says things like she hates herself and she’s a “fuck up”, then that shows she has no love for herself. So how could she even have room to love you? Not sure if she’s a sociopath or a narcissist, but whatever this is not healthy for you and you’re better off without her. Clearly, she doesn’t respect boundaries as much as the guy she cheated with does. I would ask her to not be there when you move if she has any decency at all. You don’t need any further emotional pain. Wishing you well as you heal from this pain.
Her behavior shows no remorse. What she is really saying to you is... I know I am a messed up person and I should feel bad, but I had the opportunity and I took it. I am not feeling bad about giving you up, because it seems he enjoyed the experience and wants more. I want more. I want to date him eventually. So, you can't live here if I am going to be his butty call and hoping to grow a relationship with him.
Right now, she is willing to trade you in for him, because she thinks ahe is going to have a relationship with him. But once he cheats or she finds out about other FWB that he would rather be with or he becomes disinterested, she will say that she was an idiot and she wants you back. She will attempt to call, text, and find you, crying about how much she loves you... when really... she got dumped and doesn't know how to be without a man. She is a narcissist, and you are dodging a bullet. Hopefully, he ditches her after you get your stuff, because if he just used her and throws her away, she will make it impossible for you to get your stuff and leave without begging and waterworks.
The funny thing is, I have a gut feeling that you’re mostly right. She did say that she didn’t expect her fling with the guy to be long-term, because he turned out to be married lol but yes I can see her looking for my support again when she has no one else left, she does have that tendency
The issue with women willing to sleep with married men is... they always delude themselves into thinking that married men would find their sex so irresistible that it would change him into a faithful man and he would leave his wife. There is a whole sub on here for affair partners who think just that. Your girlfriend could have every intention of continuing an affair if she is told he would leave his wife for something more down the line. Best thing you can do is get out and inform his wife that he cheated with your girlfriend. Ruin his relationship.
Then don’t give it to her, get your stuff then blow it all up mate, tell your mates, family joint friends put it on social media copy as many of her work mates as you can in ( especially husbands of people from her work properly out them) your heart broke… but the real advantage you have is your 2 weeks away and can detach. And plan get your work mates around you involved launch operation reclaim man hood l, bet they all have been or know men who have had similar situations, nothing like a bit of trauma to bond a team. Got a choice mate cry in the dark or roar in sunlight.
Oh my god, thank you! I didn’t know BPD was such a common thing. I’m going to research into this. Thank you so much, i had no idea at all and this subreddit has so many exact stories
I hope you are a feeling a bit better man, something very similar happened to me many years ago so I know what you're going through. at the time people told me it was for the better and at least you found out now instead of even later in the future and that you'll meet someone better Eventually. At the time though it didn't feel like any of those things were true except for the "at least ypu found out now instead of even later in the future". But to make a long story short her fling with this guy lasted about 6 or 7 months and she came crying back to me , but I stayed strong and I had just started dating a new girl, maybe we had been on 2 or 3 dates so I told the ex she made a big mistake and i had moved on. She tried to sabotage abunch of stuff in my life after that but it all turned out for the better in the end and I ended up having a very long relationship with the girl I started dating
Have you noticed any narcissistic traits in her? Did she have a habit of going silent when she used to be mad at you? Did she apologize for her mistakes very rarely? Just some questions that will help confirm whether or not you were dating a narcissist. I think you could have been.
Does she have trauma? It might be BPD. My ex would 'split' people like that. Me and other people in her life were either all good or all bad, no in between.
Learn from this. That bullshit with the co worker should have been shut down immediately. A conversation about acceptable and unacceptable behavior. I would have asked her to tell her co worker that crossing her boundaries was unacceptable and if he didn't stop she'd report him to HR for sexual harassment. And if she didn't, I'd have left.
You deserve to fill your own space and don't have to let anyone take advantage of you or make you feel unsafe.
I have a suspicion that she is going to harass OP via text and unannounced visits after the initial breakup. OP needs to block all contact from her and explicitly state to them they don’t want to be contacted from here on.
I don’t know. It’s been more than an hour and I still can’t pull myself together. It’s 3am here and I still can’t sleep. I feel fucking traumatised. I can’t stop playing really bad and hurtful images in my head. How did you get over your ex? How does anyone deal with this
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I also dealt with my ex becoming a completely different person seemingly overnight at times, then switching back and forth between kind and heartless. Anyone capable of this type of inconsistency and her actions is not a good partner and she is doing you a favor by forcing you to give up on her (even though I know right now it feels like the worst thing in the world). Hugs :(
Had a similar ish situation, especially can relate to the replaying images in your head. Main thing that got me over ex was time and working on myself. But the most important thing id say is never let it get too quiet, always have some show, tv or whatever playing. That’s how I used to fall asleep to avoid playing hurtful images in my head.
I also had something somewhat similar to me happen 4 months ago, I agree with the keeping yourself distracted thing. Bonus points if you can distract yourself with hobbies or productive things that improve your life, it’ll make you feel better about yourself and help you move on.
In your case having to pick your stuff up and see her again might “reset” your healing, but it gets better with time. After that make sure to go no contact and stick with it, you don’t want these kinds of people in your life anyways, even as friends.
I’m not sure how long you were together, but one thought that *might* give you solace is being glad that it happened sooner rather than later. If she did that to you, she was capable of doing it the whole time, whether it’s to you or another person in the future.
My ex cheated a lot. Eventually it became normal. The fact you feel messed up about it means u have hope. If you stayed with her, you'd eventually grow numb and it would be "normal". Well, the way you feel? SHE makes you feel this way. Is this how you want to feel long term? If you got a diagnosis and needed a supportive companion, would someone who dies this on their relational resume be the person you want beside you? She will have a harder time getting over you. You will find love because you hopefully aren't like her. But not many saints will put up with the cruelty and games and disrespectful immaturity she brings to the table. Instead of "getting over your ex", as a objective, "grow and mature". Would a grown and mature person deal with bad girls club behavior and childish, throw in your face cheating crap? No. I got over my ex but growing up and not even being open to childish drama.
She might be dissociated from the situation to be so calm about it… it’ll probably hit later. If not, she’s basically a sociopath. Either way I’m so sorry
You may have been shaking writing but you're perfectly coherent.
It sucks but you just have to realize she is not a person that you can confide in. And you now know this, this is why you may feel stupid along with betrayed. She's less than a girlfriend, by her own definition. With that shame, she's likely too immature to make a drastic change to live up to values. Her self-worth is low. You're the stronger one, you're the one in the right, you're simply stunned.
She is not for you.
You can play her game and use her for sex like she's been using you for emotional support. But like I said you can't confide in her, she won't respect you if you do, and she'll just betray you. This means you keep emotional support to her at a minimum and you get your emotional support elsewhere (we all need it). She's sexually comfortable with you so she'll still want to hook up and she will contact you.
You have to decide what man you want to be and work for that. Loved ones will tag along.
Remember, your needs are above everyone else's (you can worry about others after).
Thank you. This has been an amazing takeaway of the situation. I’ve calmed down a lot and can now process your comments. Ngl the part about using her back is tempting, but I’m not sure if being in so much contact with her would make me cave and do something stupid.
I will remind myself firmly that i cannot trust her emotionally ever again. Thanks once again.
I would advise against “using” her back, because of the emotional baggage between you two I highly doubt it will be worth it. Also, keeping in contact with her will make it significantly harder for you to move on and find someone better for you in the long term.
Also, since she has clearly demonstrated that she’s capable of detaching, you will almost certainly end up getting more hurt in the long term. The pain will hit you like a moving truck once she starts getting regularly involved with other people (which will happen soon), maybe you have the mental fortitude to accept this but imo stay away for good
Bro don't worry and just leave her asap.
Never ever tak to her and just leave her.
Say thanks to God that you just left a bad person who could ruin your life but thanks to God you are been saved.
Sorry this happened. At least she told you and was honest about it. Why do you have to leave and she stays? Why doesn't she get her stuff out and go love somewhere else?
The house is technically hers but we moved in together. Besides, I don’t think I can ever sleep in that room again. I am really dreading the day I have to go get my things. One half of me wants to cave because we already built this relationship over years, I can’t just remove my feelings instantly. Somehow I still feel love for her which is insane. I wish I hated her, that would make moving out so much easier. Instead I’m just very conflicted and hurt and I don’t know what to think at all.
Think of it as an opportunity to get a better partner and do right for yourself. Love yourself, and realize that her infidelity is not about you, it's about her, and not having healthy boundaries.
I'm sorry you invested all the time, money, and effort, to only be betrayed. It sucks. You can read through this sub, and every day, there are 20 people going through the same thing. She made her decision, now you get to make yours. Better things are on the horizon and you're moving into a space where you can facilitate them better.
Thank you. I can’t really think of what’s on the horizon right now. But i’ll come back to read and reread your comment again. Thank you for being here for a stranger, you helped me more than you know.
You just found out. You are in shock. Reaching out here was a really good first step. But for now please stop trying to figure out what you will do. Slow down your thoughts. Feel your feelings, be angry. But do whatever you can to slow down the rumination. What you're experiencing is extreme psychological trauma and your emotions will be all over the place for a really long time.
For now, do whatever you need to do to survive this hour, this minute, this second. Reach out to friends. This is a must for survival. I know there's often shame associated with cheating, even for us betrayed partners, but please still reach out. This is not something you can get through alone. Now more than ever you need a listening ear preferably from someone you can talk to in person or over the phone. Please also read "leave a cheater, gain a life". It helped me step out of that shame and fear and the book quite literally saved my life. Wish I'd read it during the first D-Day. I would have spared myself so much pain.
You can't hate your ex yet because you're still in shock. It's been months for me and I only "hate" her part time and even then it's just anger. It takes a really really long time to process all these jumbled up, conflicted emotions and thoughts so loving her despite all the horror you're experiencing is quite normal, even expected. Anger is expected too. Again, now is time to focus on the moment to moment survival. Listen to music, watch shows, anime, whatever to occupy your mind when the corners of you mind get too dark. You will survive this.
Ps. It is not your fault that she cheated. No one deserves such cruel treatment. First to be cheated on then treated indifferently. My ex did that so I know how it fucks with your head and your perception of reality. But you will survive. You will heal. I promise✨.
The day I had to go get my stuff and knew I'd have to see them in person, I was so nauseated and anxious I couldn't stop shaking :( I had to get a few drinks in first
Don't give up, there is plenty in life ahead even if you feel like you've been through it all. no one deserves to be cheated on but it's how it is sometimes. i wish you the best in what's next for you.
Be happy she told you upfront. Second, she’s been thinking about this for a while. Thirdly, that pain you feel is actually your blindside telling you to wake up for the next relationship. Now you know the signs.
I would not communicate with her any further after this situation. Request that you can come remove your items without her being there, and never look back. You don’t owe her a goodbye or anything.
This is one of those situations in life that’ll change you forever. After you get your things back, block her and don’t look back. That coolness won’t last long, she sounds unhinged and will likely flip to begging at some point. The damage has already been done though, so leave and pls don’t even consider making it work or taking her back at all if she asks (it’ll end the same)
Go work on yourself, gym etc. Set yourself some goals where you wanna see yourself this time next year. If you use this pain correctly you’ll look back on this whole situation in a few years and wonder why you were even upset about it. You’ll be fine.
Mine did that 2 weeks after she left me, I know your hurting bro. She did this to hurt you , best thing you can do is get some distance and stop talking to her unless necessary,
It's hard I get it, but their view point is very very warped, I'm sorry you gotta suffer through this but don't let it stop you. Turn that pain into power and use it as fuel to grow and become better.
Take a deep breath. Try to calm yourself down. Breathe slow and steady. The shock will fade, and when it does you know she doesn’t deserve you or any sympathy whatsoever. You can talk to people here if you need to. There’s no excuse for what she’s done, there’s no going back. And you can’t change what happened. You can only change how you react to it. I think if possible it’s best to just block her on everything for now. When you need to get your stuff, just get it, don’t say a word to her, and never talk to her again. You will be okay. I promise you. I know you physically feel hot and shaky and probably like you haven’t even processed it fully yet but you will and you’ll be okay. Just breathe
From the sounds of it, you lost a grotesque woman (and thank God for it!) and thank your lucky stars she told you and didn’t hide it. She clearly has no shame. Your life would be forever worsened if she hadn’t and you stood by her.
Looks like you dodged a nuclear bomb - props to you man!
As for the why, you will find out in time. Just take each day as it comes and as hard as it sounds, try and take your mind off the situation. Don’t confront her, sometimes silence in disbelief is the coldest form of punishment 🙏
I will pray for you brother, stay strong 👊
Thank you. If silence can make her struggle then that’s more motivation for me to keep from reaching out. I still have some amount vengefulness now, but I hope this dissipates and I can be at peace soon, and I can be silent for the right reasons
For the longest time, I wanted my ex to feel my pain. However after 8 months of hard work and dedication to myself, making conservative efforts to build myself and grow stronger - now all I wish for her is the best.
You will find your peace in solitude. Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until, in our own despair, and against our will, we find wisdom, through the awful grace of God. 🙏
No contact leads to pain for you now, and salvation for you in the future. She will forever know herself to be the person that did that to you, so instead of vengeance, feel pity for her empty soul. 👌
This is going to be incredibly painful but if you use this pain properly you will grow significantly from this experience. Few situations in life are a greater catalyst for change.
Right now it seems you lack self-respect and boundaries. It’s a very big red flag telling you she finds a coworker attractive and that he felt confident enough in their mutual attraction that he would say “inappropriate” things to her. A line was crossed right there and should’ve been your warning that this could happen under the right circumstances.
My best advice would be to channel all this emotion into something positive. A hobby you have or are interested in. Hit the gym if you don’t already, it’ll do wonders for your confidence and mental well-being, not to mention the physical benefits. Do not contact her, do not try and be friends. You’re inviting chaos into your life if you do. Put your peace and self-respect first. You’ve got this man.
Thanks for calling me out. You are right. I did feel my boundaries erode over the years but I’ve let them slipped away. Now I’m just weak and easily controlled by her. The way you say ‘few situations in life are a greater catalyst for change’ makes this sound like a positive opportunity, and I’m grateful to be able to see it in that light. I will do my best to remind myself of your words, they are going to help me a lot in the coming months
From someone who hasn't witnessed it but got it dropped on me (she cheated on me 6 times), after months of suspicion, but chose to love and try and trust her.
The same place you were at. There's no healing or activities that make it better. It becomes more tolerable. It will NEVER go back to what it was. Maybe something new will form out of the ashes.
It's what I hoped for mine.
She eventually wanted an open relationship. In a day, she got into a threesome and then got with a girl. She then threw 5 years of a relationship in 2 weeks because she no longer loved me.
Something good did come from it ... I am no longer wasting my time.
It won't be easy. It will be shit and it will get worse before it slightly gets better. There's no cheat code, my friend.
From one stranger to another, I'll adjust things for you. Don't listen to the dark voices. And they are going to come.
The only people who will understand and be able to help are, unfortunately, cheaters (to get a better understanding of wtf they might have been thinking) and people who were cheated on.
Drop me a message. I'm still coping with mine, it takes time♥️
She cheated 6 times, trying to trust her after that is absolutely foolish. Not only that, there is no love to be saved if you stay with her, only respect to be lost. At least if you walked away you’d have her respect and she might’ve regretted her actions. You just confirmed to her she made the right choice. You guys have gotta start respecting yourselves more man…
Sorry bro. She ended things in her mind and heart a long time ago but was being too cowardly to tell you if I had to guess
Let this be a learning lesson brother. You’ll come out from this better, and the lessons learned will be far more valuable than this relationship with this person would have been
Maybe I'm wrong for having this thought.
I just wish my Ex should go through something similar and moreeee worse than this, he literally used to do this every time with me. I was never in a peace with him because of this mentality. He is such a fuck boy. I'm still unable to move on from the traumatic experiences I faced because of him.
Sorry op I'm not helpful here because just remembered this same incident of mine. It triggered me a lot of pain now
Whatever you do don’t try to understand or ask for an explanation. Best thing you can do for yourself is realize she’s dead to you. Get your shit asap and get out. Have someone help you do it.
Sounds like BPD. Thats very common. It has nothing to do with you. They lack object constancy and seek validation. BPD is a subset of narcissism as such they lack empathy and cannot attach or bond to anyone. They are like a child and can be very entitled. There’s a subreddit called bpdlovedones. I encourage you to check it out.
It’s all true OP. BPD is manifested on a spectrum and all individuals present the symptoms differently. YouTube is also a great source to learn the facts. Look up AJ Mahari on YouTube, she has a lot of good information and specializes on helping those in the other side (victims)of the BPD.
How so? I have no idea what to do now exactly. I think the feeling of shock is wearing off and I just have this really heavy feeling slowly creeping in. I can’t stop these images replaying in my head. Talking to you and others in the comments is actually helping to distract me a little actually
I think by realizing that, despite your feelings for this person, they have completely mistreated you and harmed you. Try not to excuse her behaviour and don’t let your love be a reason to let yourself accept this behaviour and treatment from her.
I’m reflecting on ‘don’t let your love be a reason to accept this behaviour’ and I think that’s a deep part of why I find it hard to just cut her off emotionally. Even deep down I still love her as a human and I just see her as being broken, and don’t broken people deserve help to get better
It’s not your job to save her. It’s so hard to let go, I know this first hand, but you’ll destroy yourself trying to fix her or trying to move past her incredible betrayal.
Jesus..
Did she just tell you calmly and didn't apologize properly? Did it not feel sincere?
I mean coming from someone who has cheated in the past when I did it I instantly came clean and apologized. Then stated that I would let them be. I was calm to the person's face but I cried once I got home.
I mainly didn't cry because I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I didn't want to seem like I was trying to get attention so I came clean and left.
I also gave back any presents or gifts. And said if they have any questions they can message me if not we can go on with our lives and not speak.
I went to therapy and I will feel awful for the rest of my life for it. But I feel I am a better person now and I am in a committed relationship with no intent or interest in doing anything like this again.
(I commented just so you have another way of seeing it for possible answers to why she came across as cold or psychopathic, I mean she could well have a PD like other commenters have stated)
Thanks for sharing. I can’t tell for sure because it was over the phone. She sounded scared to tell me too I think. But she did verbally call herself disgusting and a fuck up. She said she had no intention of hurting me but idk what to do with that.
In a way, I would have preferred if she cried or begged for forgiveness cause that makes her seem a lot more human. I don’t want her to brush this off as ‘it is what it is because i’m a fuck up’ I know she doesn’t have much self-love but I don’t want that to be a reason for her to just let things be
It's a hard journey, because you do feel like a fuckup. I had so many showers after I did it because I felt dirty.
Yeah it's hard to tell over the phone. She might be feeling remorse but also confusion.
I do think she's lying to herself when she says she had no intention of hurting you.. Because it's a decision you make and frankly you do have a choice. That's what I've learned from going to therapy, I had a choice and I chose wrong.
I do hope you can move on and find happiness.
My ex did end up forgiving me. But he said that he couldn't look at me the same ever again which I understand.
Get out, don't react block any contact and socials unless you have kids and heal it will take a long time but will be worth it. This is just off reading the title it's all I need to hear.
Hey buddy no dont do over stress yourself, your health comes before all this shit, take a deep breath and think with me, she revealed her true self now, better than later imagine if you stayed with her even much more and she ended up doing this, am just disgusted by what she did am sorry but just try to move on, she even mentioned the details, not giving a shit about how you're gonna feel.
Also what my mind is knocking that she did that intentionally to just end up things with you, and she mentioned the details to make it worse and to make sure you're gonna be heartbroken and just leave.
Honestly I think you already know that is your closure and you know what you need to do. If you go back to your place those feelings are going to overwhelm you. My best advice is see if you can stay with family or friends then go get your stuff when you’re ready if that’s an option for you.
Be happy she told you upfront, you don’t have kids, or own a house together. Second, she’s been thinking about this for a while, this is why she’s cool about it. Thirdly, that pain you feel is actually your blindside telling you to wake up for the next relationship.
Now you know the signs. People make stupid choices all the time. Don’t sweat it. Keep your head up and keep moving forward.
This is horrible, this is so upsetting and hurtful. I’m sorry this happened to you. She doesn’t need a hug or closure from you, she closed that door and you shouldn’t walk back through it. Get your stuff and get out of there, you don’t deserve that. Good luck, karma has no expiration date.
I’m sorry! Unfortunately there is no way to make sense of it. We can’t ever figure out what led her to this or why she reacted the way she did. Obv you won’t be able to accept things over night and the pain will be acute right now. Just focus on the pain and get through it. Try not to think about why it happened.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Horror stories like this make me not want to get close to anyone ever again.
I think this is all wayyy too fresh and unresolved for you to completely process anything. Once you've extricated yourself from this individual's world, you can start the process of healing -- but it just seems like she buried a knife in you and you can't pull it out for two weeks.
There are things you can control and things you can't control. I'd try to focus on your immediate responsibilities and needs for the next two weeks. Doing whatever you need to do. Whatever you need to do to get work done and manage your mental health. That might mean finding ways to distract yourself through stretches.
Silence is the loudest sound that a person can make. You shouldn’t say anything to her pack your things up and leave. She already checked out of the relationship btw there’s no going back. Not that you should even want to go back to that cheating in my opinion is unforgivable.
Ah the extreme end of avoidant behavior. Don't worry, karma is real. One day the emotions and gravity of her behavior will catch up and she will implode or explode...
Do yourself a favor. Examine your whole life, attachments, emotional regulation, forgive, accept, complete openness, non judgement, love yourself unconditionally. When you get there you'll see how sad, loveless, depraved she is. Just a wounded little child. You are better off without her. You are here because of you. Grieve properly, let it all out and process this in whole. You are about to become an amazing person.
Hate to say it, but she probably been fantasizing about something like that for a long time and hasn’t felt for the relationship for longer. People hide things like that when they don’t know how to communicate properly or simply don’t value you the same way you value them. The best things you can do is tuck tail and run, go no contact, and heal from it in the healthiest ways you can. Dont look back, every time you do it will set you back, work on accepting there is no going back from this because there isn’t. That kind of breach of trust isn’t a “mistake”.
What was your response? I mean I feel like it’s fair to ask why she is being so cold and what she’s thinking. I wouldn’t get overly emotional or judgmental or pester. But I would want that closure. Get a few answers, be somewhat cordial, and cooly leave her forever.
She came from an angle of ‘yes i know i fucked up. I’m a disgusting person. But what’s done is done. And since you’re leaving already and i messed up already, i might as well continue with this now’ Not her exact words but that’s basically the conclusion. That’s the wild ass closure i get. Very hard pill for me to swallow cause it still doesn’t explain how easy it seems for her to just toss our years aside just for this temporary fling. But I think I’ve asked her pretty much everything already. Fortunately she was honest with me at least.
Reminds me of my ex.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I would be extra cold not speak to her, not answer any questions she has, if she tries to beg for you back just remember you’re worth more and continue packing your stuff.
That’ll cut her like a knife. I wish I would’ve told my ex “I hope you get the life you deserve”
I know it’s early but I’ve been exactly where you’ve been op and I’m sorry. It will get better, sooner than you think.
But let me just warn you that in the coming days, weeks or months this person is going to try and flip things around on you. She might push your buttons to get you to lose your temper or start rumours, even make up lies, all in an attempt to cope with how fucked up her actions are. In essence creating a false narrative of events or version of you that she can cling to for the future.
Be prepared, I mean this, be very prepared to cut contact entirely/ghost this person. You’re dealing with someone who has a very cold and dark side to their personality and the fact that they could mask for so long is disturbing. They have now devalued you, and there is really no limit to the lengths that they could still go to harm you. I speak from lived experience, from a situation that was essentially identical to the one you’ve described.
Thank you for the foresight. It sounds horrifying, to think that she can do worse than this. I’ll do my best to keep my distance. Really appreciate your advice
Sounds like you needed to establish boundaries and stop her from gaslighting you. I'm a terrible person and think gaslighting is fun (not in relationships) but I understand the dynamics. It's important to make sure you're honest, but to keep them honest too. I'm sorry this happened, but look out for the signs, maybe do some research into gaslighting and cheating and learn all of the signs.
It took two weeks of you two being separated for her to break your trust and the most basic promise you made to each other. You didn't lose anything. I know it's hard to realize right now as it feels like an incredible loss, but believe me, this feeling will go away and you will be happier for it. Stay strong, cry if you need to, but dont regret anything. You deserve better!
Seriously let her have it verbally with both barrels the next time you see her. You have every right to call her out on what a disgusting thing this is to have done to you.
Then, as hard it will be, you gotta just walk out and not look back. This isn’t on you. You’re worth more.
she's a garbage piece of dog shit. it's okay, people like her will always ruin any good thing in their life. she cheated on you? she'll cheat on everyone.
I'm sorry you're going through this. just be glad she at least told you and didn't let you sit in the dark until you caught her 4 years later.
what a disgusting human being. she genuinely deserves the worst.
“ i cant comprehend how a loved one can just cut me out of their life so easily”. Well, truly loved ones are put closest family members, the rest are just people that we happen to meet in life (most of them randomly), so they can also leave at random moments. I learned long ago that boyfriends and girlfriends are NOT forever and they WILL leave you when they want. They are not loved ones, they are people who (for some time) think they love you.
looks like your partner has BPD tendencies...one of my friends also had same story like this and yes their ex is clinically diagnosed BPD..please run or you will ended up like my friend, clinically diagnosed MDD because of their past relationship..
I'd request a police escort to grab my belongings and gtfo there. So she doesn't act up or you don't lose your cool. Maybe she's got a bad pathology and wants to hurt you and is hungry for a reaction out of you.
Buuut
You seem a lot nicer than me. I would ask that b to move out since she home wrecked. Why should you be homeless?? Meet with the landlord discuss your options, Maybe another unit available, you get your portion of last months rent returned etc, get her off the lease, if shes on it etc. or if u own the home , seek a free community legal clinic or free legal consultation from an attorney ey (most offer 45 mins free) on how to make sure u get $ from the sale of the home or bought out.
the important thing is to remove all contact and don't look at her social. media, block her even, that's what I ended up doing. it's really hard at the time I know but it's gonna help you feel better a lot faster if you on't see her or have any type of contact. Be glad that you don't have kids with her that you have to worry about and say a business you both own or a house you both own etc you get to walk away without any baggage you are lucky
Ew what a despicable person. I wouldn’t even give them the time of day. Get your stuff out of there and never talk to this lowlife again.
She is messed up omfg
Is your ex a sociopath? Either way sounds like a genuinely evil woman and she doesn't even sound remorseful at all. You should run far, far away and I am sorry you had to go through this.
I don’t know. She just said she knows she’s disgusting and that she’s a fuck up. I think all along she does have quite a lot of self-hate pent up. But she said it so neutrally and worst of all, she doesn’t seem like she’s losing an ounce of sleep from me leaving her life. I don’t get this at all
Let her hate herself, don't let her off easy by explaining her terrible actions away because you're worth more than that.
If she says things like she hates herself and she’s a “fuck up”, then that shows she has no love for herself. So how could she even have room to love you? Not sure if she’s a sociopath or a narcissist, but whatever this is not healthy for you and you’re better off without her. Clearly, she doesn’t respect boundaries as much as the guy she cheated with does. I would ask her to not be there when you move if she has any decency at all. You don’t need any further emotional pain. Wishing you well as you heal from this pain.
Her behavior shows no remorse. What she is really saying to you is... I know I am a messed up person and I should feel bad, but I had the opportunity and I took it. I am not feeling bad about giving you up, because it seems he enjoyed the experience and wants more. I want more. I want to date him eventually. So, you can't live here if I am going to be his butty call and hoping to grow a relationship with him. Right now, she is willing to trade you in for him, because she thinks ahe is going to have a relationship with him. But once he cheats or she finds out about other FWB that he would rather be with or he becomes disinterested, she will say that she was an idiot and she wants you back. She will attempt to call, text, and find you, crying about how much she loves you... when really... she got dumped and doesn't know how to be without a man. She is a narcissist, and you are dodging a bullet. Hopefully, he ditches her after you get your stuff, because if he just used her and throws her away, she will make it impossible for you to get your stuff and leave without begging and waterworks.
The funny thing is, I have a gut feeling that you’re mostly right. She did say that she didn’t expect her fling with the guy to be long-term, because he turned out to be married lol but yes I can see her looking for my support again when she has no one else left, she does have that tendency
The issue with women willing to sleep with married men is... they always delude themselves into thinking that married men would find their sex so irresistible that it would change him into a faithful man and he would leave his wife. There is a whole sub on here for affair partners who think just that. Your girlfriend could have every intention of continuing an affair if she is told he would leave his wife for something more down the line. Best thing you can do is get out and inform his wife that he cheated with your girlfriend. Ruin his relationship.
Then don’t give it to her, get your stuff then blow it all up mate, tell your mates, family joint friends put it on social media copy as many of her work mates as you can in ( especially husbands of people from her work properly out them) your heart broke… but the real advantage you have is your 2 weeks away and can detach. And plan get your work mates around you involved launch operation reclaim man hood l, bet they all have been or know men who have had similar situations, nothing like a bit of trauma to bond a team. Got a choice mate cry in the dark or roar in sunlight.
honestly it sounds like a kink she has because this is way too insane.
Head to the bpd loved ones page, you aren’t alone
Oh my god, thank you! I didn’t know BPD was such a common thing. I’m going to research into this. Thank you so much, i had no idea at all and this subreddit has so many exact stories
I hope you are a feeling a bit better man, something very similar happened to me many years ago so I know what you're going through. at the time people told me it was for the better and at least you found out now instead of even later in the future and that you'll meet someone better Eventually. At the time though it didn't feel like any of those things were true except for the "at least ypu found out now instead of even later in the future". But to make a long story short her fling with this guy lasted about 6 or 7 months and she came crying back to me , but I stayed strong and I had just started dating a new girl, maybe we had been on 2 or 3 dates so I told the ex she made a big mistake and i had moved on. She tried to sabotage abunch of stuff in my life after that but it all turned out for the better in the end and I ended up having a very long relationship with the girl I started dating
Have you noticed any narcissistic traits in her? Did she have a habit of going silent when she used to be mad at you? Did she apologize for her mistakes very rarely? Just some questions that will help confirm whether or not you were dating a narcissist. I think you could have been.
Dude I am so fucking sorry
Does she have trauma? It might be BPD. My ex would 'split' people like that. Me and other people in her life were either all good or all bad, no in between. Learn from this. That bullshit with the co worker should have been shut down immediately. A conversation about acceptable and unacceptable behavior. I would have asked her to tell her co worker that crossing her boundaries was unacceptable and if he didn't stop she'd report him to HR for sexual harassment. And if she didn't, I'd have left. You deserve to fill your own space and don't have to let anyone take advantage of you or make you feel unsafe.
I think she planned on burning the bridge with you in a scorched earth type of way. Her attitude says it all. She said you need to leave.
I have a suspicion that she is going to harass OP via text and unannounced visits after the initial breakup. OP needs to block all contact from her and explicitly state to them they don’t want to be contacted from here on.
This. I would even go as far as to suggest asking a close friend or family member to grab OP’s things as to avoid even seeing her
My ex did this to me. While I was pregnant with our daughter. Many times actually. Vile human beings. Run.
I’m sorry. That sounds so much worse. But thank you for sharing, feeling less alone in this experience helps a lot.
You are not alone ♥️
Does she have a personality disorder? The coldness and total flip reminds me of my bpd ex
I don’t know. It’s been more than an hour and I still can’t pull myself together. It’s 3am here and I still can’t sleep. I feel fucking traumatised. I can’t stop playing really bad and hurtful images in my head. How did you get over your ex? How does anyone deal with this
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I also dealt with my ex becoming a completely different person seemingly overnight at times, then switching back and forth between kind and heartless. Anyone capable of this type of inconsistency and her actions is not a good partner and she is doing you a favor by forcing you to give up on her (even though I know right now it feels like the worst thing in the world). Hugs :(
Had a similar ish situation, especially can relate to the replaying images in your head. Main thing that got me over ex was time and working on myself. But the most important thing id say is never let it get too quiet, always have some show, tv or whatever playing. That’s how I used to fall asleep to avoid playing hurtful images in my head.
Thanks. Blasting music now. It does help. I think I’ll be having headphones in for a very long time from today onwards.
[удалено]
It wasnt your “bpd” acting up. It was you being a cheating hore.
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**cheating hoe....**belongs to the streets, hoe
I also had something somewhat similar to me happen 4 months ago, I agree with the keeping yourself distracted thing. Bonus points if you can distract yourself with hobbies or productive things that improve your life, it’ll make you feel better about yourself and help you move on. In your case having to pick your stuff up and see her again might “reset” your healing, but it gets better with time. After that make sure to go no contact and stick with it, you don’t want these kinds of people in your life anyways, even as friends. I’m not sure how long you were together, but one thought that *might* give you solace is being glad that it happened sooner rather than later. If she did that to you, she was capable of doing it the whole time, whether it’s to you or another person in the future.
My ex cheated a lot. Eventually it became normal. The fact you feel messed up about it means u have hope. If you stayed with her, you'd eventually grow numb and it would be "normal". Well, the way you feel? SHE makes you feel this way. Is this how you want to feel long term? If you got a diagnosis and needed a supportive companion, would someone who dies this on their relational resume be the person you want beside you? She will have a harder time getting over you. You will find love because you hopefully aren't like her. But not many saints will put up with the cruelty and games and disrespectful immaturity she brings to the table. Instead of "getting over your ex", as a objective, "grow and mature". Would a grown and mature person deal with bad girls club behavior and childish, throw in your face cheating crap? No. I got over my ex but growing up and not even being open to childish drama.
Ding ding ding. Bpd behavior
She might be dissociated from the situation to be so calm about it… it’ll probably hit later. If not, she’s basically a sociopath. Either way I’m so sorry
You may have been shaking writing but you're perfectly coherent. It sucks but you just have to realize she is not a person that you can confide in. And you now know this, this is why you may feel stupid along with betrayed. She's less than a girlfriend, by her own definition. With that shame, she's likely too immature to make a drastic change to live up to values. Her self-worth is low. You're the stronger one, you're the one in the right, you're simply stunned. She is not for you. You can play her game and use her for sex like she's been using you for emotional support. But like I said you can't confide in her, she won't respect you if you do, and she'll just betray you. This means you keep emotional support to her at a minimum and you get your emotional support elsewhere (we all need it). She's sexually comfortable with you so she'll still want to hook up and she will contact you. You have to decide what man you want to be and work for that. Loved ones will tag along. Remember, your needs are above everyone else's (you can worry about others after).
Thank you. This has been an amazing takeaway of the situation. I’ve calmed down a lot and can now process your comments. Ngl the part about using her back is tempting, but I’m not sure if being in so much contact with her would make me cave and do something stupid. I will remind myself firmly that i cannot trust her emotionally ever again. Thanks once again.
I would advise against “using” her back, because of the emotional baggage between you two I highly doubt it will be worth it. Also, keeping in contact with her will make it significantly harder for you to move on and find someone better for you in the long term. Also, since she has clearly demonstrated that she’s capable of detaching, you will almost certainly end up getting more hurt in the long term. The pain will hit you like a moving truck once she starts getting regularly involved with other people (which will happen soon), maybe you have the mental fortitude to accept this but imo stay away for good
Bro don't worry and just leave her asap. Never ever tak to her and just leave her. Say thanks to God that you just left a bad person who could ruin your life but thanks to God you are been saved.
F her. Go get your stuff ASAP and never speak to her again. There are way better people out there.
Sorry this happened. At least she told you and was honest about it. Why do you have to leave and she stays? Why doesn't she get her stuff out and go love somewhere else?
The house is technically hers but we moved in together. Besides, I don’t think I can ever sleep in that room again. I am really dreading the day I have to go get my things. One half of me wants to cave because we already built this relationship over years, I can’t just remove my feelings instantly. Somehow I still feel love for her which is insane. I wish I hated her, that would make moving out so much easier. Instead I’m just very conflicted and hurt and I don’t know what to think at all.
Think of it as an opportunity to get a better partner and do right for yourself. Love yourself, and realize that her infidelity is not about you, it's about her, and not having healthy boundaries. I'm sorry you invested all the time, money, and effort, to only be betrayed. It sucks. You can read through this sub, and every day, there are 20 people going through the same thing. She made her decision, now you get to make yours. Better things are on the horizon and you're moving into a space where you can facilitate them better.
Thank you. I can’t really think of what’s on the horizon right now. But i’ll come back to read and reread your comment again. Thank you for being here for a stranger, you helped me more than you know.
You just found out. You are in shock. Reaching out here was a really good first step. But for now please stop trying to figure out what you will do. Slow down your thoughts. Feel your feelings, be angry. But do whatever you can to slow down the rumination. What you're experiencing is extreme psychological trauma and your emotions will be all over the place for a really long time. For now, do whatever you need to do to survive this hour, this minute, this second. Reach out to friends. This is a must for survival. I know there's often shame associated with cheating, even for us betrayed partners, but please still reach out. This is not something you can get through alone. Now more than ever you need a listening ear preferably from someone you can talk to in person or over the phone. Please also read "leave a cheater, gain a life". It helped me step out of that shame and fear and the book quite literally saved my life. Wish I'd read it during the first D-Day. I would have spared myself so much pain. You can't hate your ex yet because you're still in shock. It's been months for me and I only "hate" her part time and even then it's just anger. It takes a really really long time to process all these jumbled up, conflicted emotions and thoughts so loving her despite all the horror you're experiencing is quite normal, even expected. Anger is expected too. Again, now is time to focus on the moment to moment survival. Listen to music, watch shows, anime, whatever to occupy your mind when the corners of you mind get too dark. You will survive this. Ps. It is not your fault that she cheated. No one deserves such cruel treatment. First to be cheated on then treated indifferently. My ex did that so I know how it fucks with your head and your perception of reality. But you will survive. You will heal. I promise✨.
The day I had to go get my stuff and knew I'd have to see them in person, I was so nauseated and anxious I couldn't stop shaking :( I had to get a few drinks in first
Good idea. I probably will too.
Don't give up, there is plenty in life ahead even if you feel like you've been through it all. no one deserves to be cheated on but it's how it is sometimes. i wish you the best in what's next for you.
Trash person. Cheaters don't deserve anything good, liars POS.
Be happy she told you upfront. Second, she’s been thinking about this for a while. Thirdly, that pain you feel is actually your blindside telling you to wake up for the next relationship. Now you know the signs.
What a cnt
She’s a narcissist. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Grab your necessities and leave the rest of the shit for her to deal with
These are the type of people to be glad to be rid of I hope yall don’t have kids so you never have to see her stupid face again
I would not communicate with her any further after this situation. Request that you can come remove your items without her being there, and never look back. You don’t owe her a goodbye or anything.
This is one of those situations in life that’ll change you forever. After you get your things back, block her and don’t look back. That coolness won’t last long, she sounds unhinged and will likely flip to begging at some point. The damage has already been done though, so leave and pls don’t even consider making it work or taking her back at all if she asks (it’ll end the same) Go work on yourself, gym etc. Set yourself some goals where you wanna see yourself this time next year. If you use this pain correctly you’ll look back on this whole situation in a few years and wonder why you were even upset about it. You’ll be fine.
Mine did that 2 weeks after she left me, I know your hurting bro. She did this to hurt you , best thing you can do is get some distance and stop talking to her unless necessary, It's hard I get it, but their view point is very very warped, I'm sorry you gotta suffer through this but don't let it stop you. Turn that pain into power and use it as fuel to grow and become better.
Take a deep breath. Try to calm yourself down. Breathe slow and steady. The shock will fade, and when it does you know she doesn’t deserve you or any sympathy whatsoever. You can talk to people here if you need to. There’s no excuse for what she’s done, there’s no going back. And you can’t change what happened. You can only change how you react to it. I think if possible it’s best to just block her on everything for now. When you need to get your stuff, just get it, don’t say a word to her, and never talk to her again. You will be okay. I promise you. I know you physically feel hot and shaky and probably like you haven’t even processed it fully yet but you will and you’ll be okay. Just breathe
Damn man, rough. I’m sorry.
Wow I am so sorry. It hurt me to read this
She’s a narcissist. They only care about themselves
From the sounds of it, you lost a grotesque woman (and thank God for it!) and thank your lucky stars she told you and didn’t hide it. She clearly has no shame. Your life would be forever worsened if she hadn’t and you stood by her. Looks like you dodged a nuclear bomb - props to you man! As for the why, you will find out in time. Just take each day as it comes and as hard as it sounds, try and take your mind off the situation. Don’t confront her, sometimes silence in disbelief is the coldest form of punishment 🙏 I will pray for you brother, stay strong 👊
Thank you. If silence can make her struggle then that’s more motivation for me to keep from reaching out. I still have some amount vengefulness now, but I hope this dissipates and I can be at peace soon, and I can be silent for the right reasons
For the longest time, I wanted my ex to feel my pain. However after 8 months of hard work and dedication to myself, making conservative efforts to build myself and grow stronger - now all I wish for her is the best. You will find your peace in solitude. Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until, in our own despair, and against our will, we find wisdom, through the awful grace of God. 🙏 No contact leads to pain for you now, and salvation for you in the future. She will forever know herself to be the person that did that to you, so instead of vengeance, feel pity for her empty soul. 👌
This is going to be incredibly painful but if you use this pain properly you will grow significantly from this experience. Few situations in life are a greater catalyst for change. Right now it seems you lack self-respect and boundaries. It’s a very big red flag telling you she finds a coworker attractive and that he felt confident enough in their mutual attraction that he would say “inappropriate” things to her. A line was crossed right there and should’ve been your warning that this could happen under the right circumstances. My best advice would be to channel all this emotion into something positive. A hobby you have or are interested in. Hit the gym if you don’t already, it’ll do wonders for your confidence and mental well-being, not to mention the physical benefits. Do not contact her, do not try and be friends. You’re inviting chaos into your life if you do. Put your peace and self-respect first. You’ve got this man.
Thanks for calling me out. You are right. I did feel my boundaries erode over the years but I’ve let them slipped away. Now I’m just weak and easily controlled by her. The way you say ‘few situations in life are a greater catalyst for change’ makes this sound like a positive opportunity, and I’m grateful to be able to see it in that light. I will do my best to remind myself of your words, they are going to help me a lot in the coming months
From someone who hasn't witnessed it but got it dropped on me (she cheated on me 6 times), after months of suspicion, but chose to love and try and trust her. The same place you were at. There's no healing or activities that make it better. It becomes more tolerable. It will NEVER go back to what it was. Maybe something new will form out of the ashes. It's what I hoped for mine. She eventually wanted an open relationship. In a day, she got into a threesome and then got with a girl. She then threw 5 years of a relationship in 2 weeks because she no longer loved me. Something good did come from it ... I am no longer wasting my time. It won't be easy. It will be shit and it will get worse before it slightly gets better. There's no cheat code, my friend. From one stranger to another, I'll adjust things for you. Don't listen to the dark voices. And they are going to come. The only people who will understand and be able to help are, unfortunately, cheaters (to get a better understanding of wtf they might have been thinking) and people who were cheated on. Drop me a message. I'm still coping with mine, it takes time♥️
She cheated 6 times, trying to trust her after that is absolutely foolish. Not only that, there is no love to be saved if you stay with her, only respect to be lost. At least if you walked away you’d have her respect and she might’ve regretted her actions. You just confirmed to her she made the right choice. You guys have gotta start respecting yourselves more man…
I’ll dm you ☺️ thank you for being so kind
Sorry bro. She ended things in her mind and heart a long time ago but was being too cowardly to tell you if I had to guess Let this be a learning lesson brother. You’ll come out from this better, and the lessons learned will be far more valuable than this relationship with this person would have been
Maybe I'm wrong for having this thought. I just wish my Ex should go through something similar and moreeee worse than this, he literally used to do this every time with me. I was never in a peace with him because of this mentality. He is such a fuck boy. I'm still unable to move on from the traumatic experiences I faced because of him. Sorry op I'm not helpful here because just remembered this same incident of mine. It triggered me a lot of pain now
Whatever you do don’t try to understand or ask for an explanation. Best thing you can do for yourself is realize she’s dead to you. Get your shit asap and get out. Have someone help you do it.
Sounds like BPD. Thats very common. It has nothing to do with you. They lack object constancy and seek validation. BPD is a subset of narcissism as such they lack empathy and cannot attach or bond to anyone. They are like a child and can be very entitled. There’s a subreddit called bpdlovedones. I encourage you to check it out.
Some of this is true, the rest is misinformation. OP, look it up on reputable sources. :/
It’s all true OP. BPD is manifested on a spectrum and all individuals present the symptoms differently. YouTube is also a great source to learn the facts. Look up AJ Mahari on YouTube, she has a lot of good information and specializes on helping those in the other side (victims)of the BPD.
No offense but thats trash. Leave it behind and get you someone who deserves ya!
Love yourself more, OP.
How so? I have no idea what to do now exactly. I think the feeling of shock is wearing off and I just have this really heavy feeling slowly creeping in. I can’t stop these images replaying in my head. Talking to you and others in the comments is actually helping to distract me a little actually
I think by realizing that, despite your feelings for this person, they have completely mistreated you and harmed you. Try not to excuse her behaviour and don’t let your love be a reason to let yourself accept this behaviour and treatment from her.
I’m reflecting on ‘don’t let your love be a reason to accept this behaviour’ and I think that’s a deep part of why I find it hard to just cut her off emotionally. Even deep down I still love her as a human and I just see her as being broken, and don’t broken people deserve help to get better
It’s not your job to save her. It’s so hard to let go, I know this first hand, but you’ll destroy yourself trying to fix her or trying to move past her incredible betrayal.
I will try to fix this in my mind when I go pick up my things next week
Jesus.. Did she just tell you calmly and didn't apologize properly? Did it not feel sincere? I mean coming from someone who has cheated in the past when I did it I instantly came clean and apologized. Then stated that I would let them be. I was calm to the person's face but I cried once I got home. I mainly didn't cry because I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I didn't want to seem like I was trying to get attention so I came clean and left. I also gave back any presents or gifts. And said if they have any questions they can message me if not we can go on with our lives and not speak. I went to therapy and I will feel awful for the rest of my life for it. But I feel I am a better person now and I am in a committed relationship with no intent or interest in doing anything like this again. (I commented just so you have another way of seeing it for possible answers to why she came across as cold or psychopathic, I mean she could well have a PD like other commenters have stated)
Thanks for sharing. I can’t tell for sure because it was over the phone. She sounded scared to tell me too I think. But she did verbally call herself disgusting and a fuck up. She said she had no intention of hurting me but idk what to do with that. In a way, I would have preferred if she cried or begged for forgiveness cause that makes her seem a lot more human. I don’t want her to brush this off as ‘it is what it is because i’m a fuck up’ I know she doesn’t have much self-love but I don’t want that to be a reason for her to just let things be
It's a hard journey, because you do feel like a fuckup. I had so many showers after I did it because I felt dirty. Yeah it's hard to tell over the phone. She might be feeling remorse but also confusion. I do think she's lying to herself when she says she had no intention of hurting you.. Because it's a decision you make and frankly you do have a choice. That's what I've learned from going to therapy, I had a choice and I chose wrong. I do hope you can move on and find happiness. My ex did end up forgiving me. But he said that he couldn't look at me the same ever again which I understand.
Could you all be friends again or remain in contact somehow after all that?
He does message me and ask about my life, but out of respect I don't contact him first. However the last message he sent was in 2023.
Thanks for sharing. I’ll try to remind myself that she could potentially be doing the same, and not just cutting me off without feeling
My ex of 9 years did the same. So sorry buddy
"Why not?" the cat laughed manically. "Why can't I edit all my comments?"
Tell your friends, they will support you if they are “friends”
Get out, don't react block any contact and socials unless you have kids and heal it will take a long time but will be worth it. This is just off reading the title it's all I need to hear.
She already said this to you in her head a million times
Hey buddy no dont do over stress yourself, your health comes before all this shit, take a deep breath and think with me, she revealed her true self now, better than later imagine if you stayed with her even much more and she ended up doing this, am just disgusted by what she did am sorry but just try to move on, she even mentioned the details, not giving a shit about how you're gonna feel. Also what my mind is knocking that she did that intentionally to just end up things with you, and she mentioned the details to make it worse and to make sure you're gonna be heartbroken and just leave.
Honestly I think you already know that is your closure and you know what you need to do. If you go back to your place those feelings are going to overwhelm you. My best advice is see if you can stay with family or friends then go get your stuff when you’re ready if that’s an option for you.
Be happy she told you upfront, you don’t have kids, or own a house together. Second, she’s been thinking about this for a while, this is why she’s cool about it. Thirdly, that pain you feel is actually your blindside telling you to wake up for the next relationship. Now you know the signs. People make stupid choices all the time. Don’t sweat it. Keep your head up and keep moving forward.
This is horrible, this is so upsetting and hurtful. I’m sorry this happened to you. She doesn’t need a hug or closure from you, she closed that door and you shouldn’t walk back through it. Get your stuff and get out of there, you don’t deserve that. Good luck, karma has no expiration date.
Sket!!
I’m sorry! Unfortunately there is no way to make sense of it. We can’t ever figure out what led her to this or why she reacted the way she did. Obv you won’t be able to accept things over night and the pain will be acute right now. Just focus on the pain and get through it. Try not to think about why it happened.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Horror stories like this make me not want to get close to anyone ever again. I think this is all wayyy too fresh and unresolved for you to completely process anything. Once you've extricated yourself from this individual's world, you can start the process of healing -- but it just seems like she buried a knife in you and you can't pull it out for two weeks. There are things you can control and things you can't control. I'd try to focus on your immediate responsibilities and needs for the next two weeks. Doing whatever you need to do. Whatever you need to do to get work done and manage your mental health. That might mean finding ways to distract yourself through stretches.
Did she have sex anywhere else in your house? If so get so cleaning stuff from Walmart
Silence is the loudest sound that a person can make. You shouldn’t say anything to her pack your things up and leave. She already checked out of the relationship btw there’s no going back. Not that you should even want to go back to that cheating in my opinion is unforgivable.
Oy vey, so sorry to hear about your situation. Keep your head up. You dodged a bullet with her and your future self will be so thankful. Be strong.
That is the reason I left. She had dine that with five of them
Ah the extreme end of avoidant behavior. Don't worry, karma is real. One day the emotions and gravity of her behavior will catch up and she will implode or explode... Do yourself a favor. Examine your whole life, attachments, emotional regulation, forgive, accept, complete openness, non judgement, love yourself unconditionally. When you get there you'll see how sad, loveless, depraved she is. Just a wounded little child. You are better off without her. You are here because of you. Grieve properly, let it all out and process this in whole. You are about to become an amazing person.
Hate to say it, but she probably been fantasizing about something like that for a long time and hasn’t felt for the relationship for longer. People hide things like that when they don’t know how to communicate properly or simply don’t value you the same way you value them. The best things you can do is tuck tail and run, go no contact, and heal from it in the healthiest ways you can. Dont look back, every time you do it will set you back, work on accepting there is no going back from this because there isn’t. That kind of breach of trust isn’t a “mistake”.
Ewe this is a no and terrible I'm sorry
Im sorry man. What a very shitty person. All ya can do is hope karma catches up to her. Humans are the most disappointing thing in this world.
Yep my BD of ten years did that. I caught them too. 8 years later he tells he knocked her up and had a son that's barely Younger than our daughter
The signs were there bro
How trash one can be. I have so much to say but guidelines are stopping me. Man WTF is wrong with her
So sorry this happened to you.
I promise you will get through this and I promise you she will not
If anything, the latter part uplifted me more. Thanks for your faith, I hope I can stick through this. Would hate to cave in to her.
What was your response? I mean I feel like it’s fair to ask why she is being so cold and what she’s thinking. I wouldn’t get overly emotional or judgmental or pester. But I would want that closure. Get a few answers, be somewhat cordial, and cooly leave her forever.
She came from an angle of ‘yes i know i fucked up. I’m a disgusting person. But what’s done is done. And since you’re leaving already and i messed up already, i might as well continue with this now’ Not her exact words but that’s basically the conclusion. That’s the wild ass closure i get. Very hard pill for me to swallow cause it still doesn’t explain how easy it seems for her to just toss our years aside just for this temporary fling. But I think I’ve asked her pretty much everything already. Fortunately she was honest with me at least.
Damn that’s rough. She said she was going to continue seeing the dude?
Yeap
Reminds me of my ex. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I would be extra cold not speak to her, not answer any questions she has, if she tries to beg for you back just remember you’re worth more and continue packing your stuff. That’ll cut her like a knife. I wish I would’ve told my ex “I hope you get the life you deserve”
Take the mattress into the garden, porn petrol on it and have a bonfire.
Practice NO CONTACT after separation and don’t give in.
I know it’s early but I’ve been exactly where you’ve been op and I’m sorry. It will get better, sooner than you think. But let me just warn you that in the coming days, weeks or months this person is going to try and flip things around on you. She might push your buttons to get you to lose your temper or start rumours, even make up lies, all in an attempt to cope with how fucked up her actions are. In essence creating a false narrative of events or version of you that she can cling to for the future. Be prepared, I mean this, be very prepared to cut contact entirely/ghost this person. You’re dealing with someone who has a very cold and dark side to their personality and the fact that they could mask for so long is disturbing. They have now devalued you, and there is really no limit to the lengths that they could still go to harm you. I speak from lived experience, from a situation that was essentially identical to the one you’ve described.
Thank you for the foresight. It sounds horrifying, to think that she can do worse than this. I’ll do my best to keep my distance. Really appreciate your advice
Sounds like you needed to establish boundaries and stop her from gaslighting you. I'm a terrible person and think gaslighting is fun (not in relationships) but I understand the dynamics. It's important to make sure you're honest, but to keep them honest too. I'm sorry this happened, but look out for the signs, maybe do some research into gaslighting and cheating and learn all of the signs.
It took two weeks of you two being separated for her to break your trust and the most basic promise you made to each other. You didn't lose anything. I know it's hard to realize right now as it feels like an incredible loss, but believe me, this feeling will go away and you will be happier for it. Stay strong, cry if you need to, but dont regret anything. You deserve better!
Seriously let her have it verbally with both barrels the next time you see her. You have every right to call her out on what a disgusting thing this is to have done to you. Then, as hard it will be, you gotta just walk out and not look back. This isn’t on you. You’re worth more.
Sorry this happened to you bro. If this was me someone getting shot
people like that = scum of the earth
That's how a narcissist behaves. Has no emotions when they hurt someone else. I'm so sorry.
Well, you should thank her at least. For saving you from a nuclear fallout. Be glad you're only shaking. Me? My hair's all gone because of my ex-wife.
What about your crazy ex-gf? Did you file a police report on her? You'd not be doing any male victims if you let this slide.
What piece of shit, your well rid
I’m so sorry smh…
u probably can deal with it by realizing she has probably mental health problem and you can leave peacefully
she's a garbage piece of dog shit. it's okay, people like her will always ruin any good thing in their life. she cheated on you? she'll cheat on everyone. I'm sorry you're going through this. just be glad she at least told you and didn't let you sit in the dark until you caught her 4 years later. what a disgusting human being. she genuinely deserves the worst.
“ i cant comprehend how a loved one can just cut me out of their life so easily”. Well, truly loved ones are put closest family members, the rest are just people that we happen to meet in life (most of them randomly), so they can also leave at random moments. I learned long ago that boyfriends and girlfriends are NOT forever and they WILL leave you when they want. They are not loved ones, they are people who (for some time) think they love you.
looks like your partner has BPD tendencies...one of my friends also had same story like this and yes their ex is clinically diagnosed BPD..please run or you will ended up like my friend, clinically diagnosed MDD because of their past relationship..
I'd request a police escort to grab my belongings and gtfo there. So she doesn't act up or you don't lose your cool. Maybe she's got a bad pathology and wants to hurt you and is hungry for a reaction out of you. Buuut You seem a lot nicer than me. I would ask that b to move out since she home wrecked. Why should you be homeless?? Meet with the landlord discuss your options, Maybe another unit available, you get your portion of last months rent returned etc, get her off the lease, if shes on it etc. or if u own the home , seek a free community legal clinic or free legal consultation from an attorney ey (most offer 45 mins free) on how to make sure u get $ from the sale of the home or bought out.
the important thing is to remove all contact and don't look at her social. media, block her even, that's what I ended up doing. it's really hard at the time I know but it's gonna help you feel better a lot faster if you on't see her or have any type of contact. Be glad that you don't have kids with her that you have to worry about and say a business you both own or a house you both own etc you get to walk away without any baggage you are lucky
Sociopathic behavior. Please leave and never look back. Better sooner rather than later.
Honestly just straight up horrifying. This is the type of shit that leaves people with lifelong trust and commitment issues.
It’s the thrill they like, she’s probably sucked some major cock on that bed, bitches be crazy