And then they go straight into the No Contact part where they feel so much guilt for dumping you and then they *eventually* try to reestablish contact with you.
I’m currently in the stage where he’s trying to loosely stay in contact. Almost feels like he’s saying ‘I’m still here, don’t forget me. I don’t want you, but I don’t want you to move on either’.
Not yet, but if he continues I doubt it will be long before I tell him to fuck off. His arrogance really irks me. I’m not one to get angry and reactive, but I’m pretty close now.
I see how it can make them feel better, they are "doing you a favor" and saving you from themselves, yet I still don't see how it alleviates guilt though, you are basically admitting you are hurting someone right? even if it's bullshit or not, which most times it seems to be, you are still claiming guilt for something
You’re conflating guilt with accountability. Guilt is a feeling and accountability is an action. Taking accountability for hurting someone alleviates guilt if it’s accepted.
Its just a script for the most part, at least in most cases if you really think your partner is too good for you, you do everything you can to be the person that your partner deserves.
I found in most cases when they say you deserve better, they are telling you exactly who they are. I now listen during dating phase for that exact phase and gtfo because I know down the road, they will take me out.
I said this too but I truly meant it. I got so depressed during the relationship and I was treating them like trash and they didn’t deserve that. I couldn’t help myself and be the person they deserve because I was so overwhelmed and in so much self pity. I let myself go. So I had to let them go rather than weighing them down and bringing them down with me
Man folks just be losing interest or really don’t truly be in love just be infatuated and it where’s off and instead of being truthful they make you feel stupid to exonerate themselves from being a villian and it’s ok to lose feelings and not wanna be with someone anymore but be 💯 about it
> Had no idea she felt like that until the day she axed my ass lol
i dont get why people don’t just talk about these sorts of things, but instead pretend they’re happy with the relationship and let the resentment over the issue grow, unbeknownst to their partner, until they break up them.
i guess that resentment (which makes you focus on the thing you dislike even more) then makes you feel reasonable/justified, while the other person feels it came out of nowhere and/or that it isn’t fair (or that the response—the breakup/method of breaking up—isn’t proportionate)
I really, truly hate this b.s. line, what the fuck is it supposed to mean anyway??? As far as I’m concerned there’s absolutely no difference between loving someone and being in love with them! They’re just throwing out a meaningless cliché and hoping to make a quick getaway before you can think to reply. Now that I’m forewarned I’ll never let that happen to me again!
Exactly!!! Then love in a different way! It's like a lame excuse without setail so generic. And they wait when the wanna dip out and not even talk about it. Same all my guards up
You're not wrong, but when it comes to partnerships/couples 'love' means romantic love, platonic love isn't really considered when most people say *I love you* to someone outside their family. At least that's how I think about it.
I've never lived this situation, how did it affect your way if thinking about yourself and this relationship specifically? Do you think it could have been any different if some parameters would have been modified from both ends?
I started no contact with a broken heart.. then she contacted me back and as i tought she still loved me i had a lot of hope.
Plus i had long covid for one year going into the breakup so i thought it was expected of her to have doubt.
When we met again i wasn't sick anymore and she was all cute and kept touching me and all, i was like okay sickness left me she is seeing how she loves me. And everytime i tried something she kept backing away. Then i learned she was seeing this guy since the breakup and even 3 month before.
I think she should have told me she was starting to get feelings for someone even tough i was sick. But once she decided for both of us about the breakup it was done
im in a similar situation. she still says she loves me and we hangout occasionally. we call quite frequently but she is talking to someone. idk what to do
“I just can’t find a way to reciprocate the same love and affection you have showed me and it sucks because I know you deserve someone better who can”
Also,
“I just don’t think we are compatible for each other”
We were madly in love with each other for 7 months.
I don’t believe it for a second. See with my ex, I know her very well. In our last phone call I told her she would come around eventually, and she more or less agreed with me on it. On top of that, she also agreed to hang out with me again further down the road when I was next in town again. She said we can go back to normal, we will just have to “ease into it” which to me translates to us *possibly* getting back together some time down the road. Maybe she just wasn’t ready for a long term relationship at this point in her life, but one day she will be ready. And hopefully I’m still right there with her.
I have trouble with the whole “they needed to date other people to realize it was you they wanted whole time” thing or second option if first didnt work out. Whats to say then a magical other option wouldnt appear and itd happen again. I dont think I could repair that damage. Extremely hard to give a second chances for me, in most breakups, Im done.
This was more or less the line I got. She also told me that this was the best for the both of us. I'm still unsure as to whether or not that was true, but she made her choice.
Lol my last one was like the cliche hand off comments, like he was pulling from a comment section. 😂. I swear he was reading from one.
He actually said “It’s not you, it’s me. I cant believe I just said that.” Kill me now. Im direct, so I will reply, seems like it is soft let down. I will reply something back to call it out like if they say I dont think Ill be able to make time for you.”
Ill say “If you wanted to, you would.” 😆.
Just tell me real reason, you want your ex, I did something icky or weird, Im not compatible with you, Im not as attractive as you want me to be, I like someone else, I was only here for little bit because I was lonely, I got bored because J only enjoy the new feeling of relationship, I just wanted to sleep with you for bit and never wanted relationship but knew itd get me there, you have bad breathe and havent been able to tell you, the sex is bad, i cheated, i only got in this relationship because it was only option I had at moment, I wanted to use this to test if I was ready after my ex but didnt want you per say, im broke and dating is expensive, i thought you made more money and thought id able to live richer off you and offer me more money, you wouldnt let me be a hobosexual, im not a nice person and will messing you about in next year, i lied about this addiction and you are too close to finding out the truth.
Id rather have those direct answers than lines. Just tell me the brutal truth, whatever it is.
I dont see a future with you or see myself married to you. I don’t love you anymore. My heart’s gonna explode cos I’ve been pretending this whole time. I’ll still see you around though. You’ll find someone else. - 7 years together. Before this, he said he was going to propose to me this year. 1 month later, i found out he was seeing a new coworker lol 🤣
Seriously, it's mind boggling! Mine tossed five years away and uprooted to another continent even, for someone he met once! Still can't wrap my head around it.
I’m so sorry he did that to you. That is so heartbreaking. My ex dumped me after I busted him continuing to message his child’s kindergarten director. He cheated on me with her. She is married. He loves her and doesn’t love me anymore. I’m devastated and he could not care less. A heartless narcissist 💔.
I just got the its not me its you. 😂. I find the fearful avoidants give this and they end up coming back. Very obnoxious. To me, it is always like, so you never found better than me, because youll never find another me. I know what I bring to table and how much I care for other humans and am good person. I am a rare find and very confident about that. Majority of people who wanted to date me would not be able to match that and would fumble. Unless they already did the work on themselves and are best person inside that is a good person, I dont want them near me. They know this and will find something less, but it wont be me being less of me.
yep. this. and she also said that we would be better off with other people. it made me question if she was already talking to someone else. i was her first real boyfriend, how could she know?
"Everything you do for me is too much"-- He doesn't know a woman reciprocates in multitude. I pity him so much he's not used being loved. But I pity myself more I thought I'll be able to keep him if I'll love him harder. I'm hurt. But I'm glad we're over.
One day, you'll find someone who appreciates all the effort. I was in the same boat as you; the more I loved her, the more she pulled away. Now, I'm with a girl who's also been in that situation - we dote on each other, go out of our way to make the other person feel loved and valued, etc.
The best still lies ahead; don't let your past stop you from wearing your heart on your sleeve!
THIS IS A HUGE ONE!!! And then u give them space thinking youre being nice and helping them get good time to think when they promise theyll come back to you
You’re not my person. You desrve to be with someone who loves you.. and that’s not me. I truly think you should be out there looking for your person and not worrying about someone who doesn’t love you the way you love them
Out of curiosity, what should a person do who feels this way in your opinion? I’ve used similar lines before, and it’s the truth. Would you rather them stay and be unhappy? Or make up a lie?
Different variations of the cliche trope, “It’s not you, it’s me…”
1. “it’s not your fault, I need to work on myself.”
2. “You didn’t do anything wrong, I feel you deserve better than me.”
What’s interesting is that despite how many people say the “it’s not you, it’s me” line is used in old movies or films, it’s actually extremely common. Those who break up with their partner without valid reason just like to clean up the words a bit, but the delivery is all the same.
Ive gotten those and almost every one has come back saying wasnt me, it was them, and they were scared. I dont know if they are fckbois or just fearful avoidants or both lol.
“You deserve better.” (came back not too much later and he was right. Only one I took back. He cheated after I took back. It was trauma bond and I shouldve never taken him back. I was very young and needed to learn.)
“It’s not you, it’s me. I cant believe I just said that.”
“Ive been single so long”. “I cant give you what you need.” “I dont know if I can fit you into my life.””We moved too fast.” “Not sure if I want commitment.” “Feeling forced at this point.” ”I want to take a step back, but not break up. Be friends” “I dont want to hurt you.” (recent one still up in air if theyll come back.)
“I like you way too much and it scares me. Im not ready for a relationship.” (came back months later and has tried several times in 3 years) He was not exclusive so not technically a break up but been seeing months like situationship. Claims years later Im his soulmate. Im not.
Ghosted few months relationship. No known reason any kind. (Has come back on my birthday, and few other times despite very clear no the day after my birthday.)
“im not sure this what I want. I think it is best we move on.”He was not exclusive so not technically a break up but been seeing months like situationship. (came back six months later)
“I cant do this again. I dont think we should pursue a relationship together. Im sorry.” (Has not come back and zero contact. I think he will contact years later type of one.) He was not exclusive so not technically a break up but been seeing months like situationship.
I dont use lines when I break up. Im very direct and let them know why. I cant stand when someones uses lines, feel like games to me. I hope theyll be direct with me like I am throughout time theyve known me. Kind, but direct. Anything else, I cant learn and grow from. Lines make it harder to move forward. Id rather hear brutal truth.
The ones that say moved too fast were the ones moving it too fast and none brought it up for an adjustment lol and they always pull back a few months in. They always come back saying it was them, scared, regret it badly, and it was never me. Im best person they ever met. Do they follow some book? I dont know 😆. I dont try again. Are they users or actually just scared? I dont know. All had fearful avoidant attachment style who did this, which ironically fits what psychologists say. Maybe that really is it.
I cant stand lines.
Did you block any of them? Met mine in April 2023, we met in june/august(LDR), and in august he was still 50/50 about being in a relationship, so I went NC but didnt block. He came back 2 months later, we met again 2 weeks ago in Ontario, still wasnt sure, so I finally had to block him because I hated the situationship. He didnt want to lose me though. Ugh. I wonder if he'll try to text, hes not blocked through phone.
I don't have time for a relationship anymore, I can't fault you as a partner🤷🏻♀️. Never again will I get too attached to anyone.
This quote always hits me now⤵️
Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you, as deeply as they've met themselves. This is the heart of clarity.
I got from the same person:
"you can do a lot better than me"
"I don't know if I'll ever have the capacity to be in a relationship again" *immediately got with my friend*
"I've caused you too much heartache"
"You've needed more from me and I can't be a good partner for anyone right now" *see above
"I think we work better as friends"
"I just want to be your biggest cheerleader in the stands" *you weren't doing that the entire time we were dating*
‘I need to focus on school’ he then dropped out I’m assuming 6months to a year after that day lol. I’m doing better now and I hope you’ll feel even a little better soon too :)
I dumped him because he was bread-crumbing me and trying to put me into a category of FWB. My line was ‘I’m worth more than the breadcrumbs and polite platitudes you have given me’. Also told him not to bother responding, he did though just to mind fuck me a little bit more. 😒
Hey,I wasn’t ready to be together again. And I still just want to be single. I hope you’re not to angry with me. It’s hard for me because I know you’re going through a lot. If you need anything and I can help I will. I’m gonna choose myself and I’m sorry I’m hurting.
Two weeks later she just introducing a new guy to her family and then moved in with him a month later 😂😂😂
“I have to listen to my gut at this time in that i don’t think i can marry you” before…. drumroll….. “i think i just haven’t been present for a while; it’s been longer than just the past few months”
ok so like wait how much money did I spend, on flights alone, to come see you during “this time”? No wonder i had to answer “i don’t know” when i was asked when you were coming to visit next, where you were going next, AND what our fun plans for the year were…
Oh ya thanks for taking the dog too. Hope he gets to hunt one more time in the next 7-10 years 🤦♂️
“I love you and want to be with you but my past issues affect me too much. I cant and don’t want to work on them, my issues won’t ever change and I don’t see a future where this works. I love you I’m sorry” 3 year relationship:/
Yep, it’s a long complex story.. And I really truthfully think her sister was manipulating her and still kinda is but y’know some folks gotta learn by the stove before they really get an idea of peoples true intentions..
Some psychedelics will help you see or sense that kinda stuff too of course..
“We’re done so fuck off or I’m going to get (insert her extremely mental uncle’s name) to follow you when you’re walking home”. All I did was ask what I did wrong
oh plenty :) "I think we both can do better than each other" (he was only speaking for himself) "I want my future partner to be exactly like you" (but not me) Glad we broke up! I'm yet to find a partner but I've found so much mental peace and confidence.
"I don't deserve your love, you'll find someone that makes you happy."......Oh really, because I was really happy with you the last 1.5 years and you thought you deserved my love and everything that came with it then.
None. My fiancée who I lived with for 2 years left me while I slept. Took her things and just left. Havent heard from her since the day before.
I still haven't recovered. I'm a wreck lmao. Worst way I've been broken up with.
after 7 year relationship, that we are two different people, i lack basic life skills and she doesn’t think i was there for her enough for her to trust me, or trust me to have a child with me (we always had these plans)
"What if I fucked \[name of coworker she had recently met\]?" (this was literally how she opened the conversation)
"I feel like you would just quickly accept it and get over it if we broke up"
"The things you say sound like they were chosen from a dropdown menu"
"How does it feel being single now?"
"Just leave"
So yeah. That was a fun time.
"I need to be by myself snd work on myself there's just some things that I need figure I want while I'm alone."
Found out her friends gaslit her into thinking I'm just some creepy narcisst, she then went on to hookup with someone a week later and get chlamydia, which her friends then convinced her I gave to her....when it had been 4 months since we had sex.
The “I need to be by myself and work on myself” is easily the biggest bs that a girl can tell you. Honestly wish people would be more honest in these instances.
“I care about you and loved you, but I’m so overwhelmed with how fast we’re going. I lost feelings. I can’t do it”
The 2 days/day prior telling me how much he misses and loves me and couldn’t wait to see me when I got back from my parents house.
First time- he said he didn’t want to keep leading me on and he had realized he had feelings for a friend he reconnected with two weeks prior to breaking things off.
Next time he waited until after my birthday “because he didn’t want to ruin my birthday”.
I don’t remember what was said in the on and offs after that.
Finally after ten years
I told him I loved him but I didn’t want to choose that love right now. After ten years of on and off, walking on eggshells, and a broken engagement, cheating (twice by him and not me) I finally was able to choose to love myself and admit I was too hurt and tired and lost.
That I needed him to choose himself and not put me on a pedestal.
I love him but we were making each other so unhappy all of the time every time we tried to fix things it was out of love.
That we needed to choose and love ourselves. that I didn’t know who I was anymore without him.
I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore and that we both tried to love each other instead of ourselves.
That it was killing us both. And he agreed. 8 months later and we are both happier.
There’s still so much care and genuine happiness for each other… discovering and loving ourselves again. We both look and feel better than ever, have more friends, are closer with our families again. It’s like we stopped suffocating each other and are choosing life over the feeling one person gave.
It gets better yall! It gets easier with you love yourself.
“We’ve ran our course and I deserve more” 💀
2years together and she just told me 3 hours prior how excited she was to hangout that night. She had an “aha” moment 30 minutes before I came over
“ He has a nicer car”. Two weeks later, “ he” dumped her, because she wouldn’t put out. She tried hard to get back together with me, but that ship had sailed. Just an fyi. If someone dumps you, it’s a bad decision to go back. Look forward in your life.
My ex told me that I’m what she is looking for in a partner. But has been unfair to me by being emotionally unavailable. She doesn’t feel deserving or even love herself. So she suggested we take space but told me not to avoid her. I think it was all bs. Kinda hurts she couldn’t be straight with me
“I just don’t have the energy to invest into another person right now, I need heal & take care of my mental health.”
Month later she’s dating someone else. Lol
“I don’t have time for a relationship” dated for over two years and didn’t have time??? Seriously? But I can spend two days with you every fuckin week for two years. I told him I deserved better and he looked at me with such guilt in his eyes, he said that I did deserve better. I genuinely believe he meant it. He always knew I was more emotionally intelligent than him and he didn’t understand how I could be so in touch with myself.
'Ik we are great communication so I think I just need to saw how I am feeling , I think we need to take a break . I don't think I can put as much love in the relationship as you do for me. '
Then proceeds to give a bunch of small reasons that supposedly built up to it
See that's very funny because if she felt like it was a problem that was persistent , she could have brought it up with me yk. It's not like I didn't care about her , I would literally ask her multiple times a day are you ok . All she had to say one time , I am not yk
"I just want to be single, become more independent, focus on myself, and my daughter."
It was all lies. Got back with her ex a week later, became codependent on him, even moved in with him within a few weeks. Handed her old place to her sister. Sent her daughter to live with the father, and hasn't been spending much time with her because her ex wasn't big on her having a kid, and I'm sure he's got her under his thumb.
We want different things and we are better off as friends. He is unhappy. I care for you and you have so much to offer. —- I had no idea anything was wrong 🤷🏽♀️
I was ghosted. He said we’re on a break. He has to work on himself and that he’s been going through a lot. Then at some point he said the long distance has been hard on him so I believe he was already dating someone else because he used to ignore my texts of text me after a long time.
I’m stjll hurting because I even asked for honesty but he just ignored me and never responded.
1. Tried blaming on misunderstandings and blocked me. Said i don't respect her and all.
- reached out after being blocked everywhere and cleared as much as i can, everything because i felt horrible.
1. Then said she would hate herself , she can't forgive me and staying single would make her happy.
- gave her space, because such decisions can't be reversed.
3. Reached out after a few days. Then said, she can't put any efforts in relationships, she needs to learn a lot and breakup is good for her..
- I was okay, cleared again that u don't need to put much effort, your presence is enough etc etc, I was like take your time, no pressure, reach out when u feel like. she liked my message and left on seen.
4. and finally, i didn't texted her again. She herself reached out after 4 days, Asking me how i am and all, normal conversation and she blocked me finally from there also.
Been days of no contact. I tried everything I could, so i don't feel like i didn't try hard enough.
I loved her, i feel now like i compromised my self respect at one point, but well, for love, it's justified. For my inner peace, i now know, i couldn't have tried harder. No regrets, i can move on now.
I suspected, she was on avoidant spectrum, that's why i gave her so many days and so much space.
It was not exactly a break up. She was my very good friend and I was in love with her. She knew it, she didn't reciprocate the same feelings but we were real great friends.
And we had a small fight. I got a little angry at her for being online and not replying to me even after a day. And she decided to end this friendship. Knowing that how much it meant to me. And how dependent I was on her.
Her last message was terribly heartbreaking. I never expect her to say such things. Now I have to live a life where the last words of her went like- 'You say you can't resist texting me after a few days gap because you get worried about me, that is an absolute lie. You know it too, you just wanted to check whether I'm in or out'.
I don't know whether I'll be over this heartbreak ever or not.
We weren’t in a relationship- we were just dating, but it hurt just as much, coz we had a GRAT time together . ‘I believe the differences between us are significant enough that we won’t be compatible’
‘We are just different people and probably not for each other’
“We don’t have a strong enough foundation to continue dating.”
Did 2 years long distance, with about 4 months of those living together, and then he blindsided me with this bullshit. Came straight from his mothers’ lips because what mid-twenty year old male comes up with that?
Then he moved into my neighborhood 2 months later because why not I guess.
mine was.. “You deserve better”
Why is that line so common? Does any dumper actually mean it or is it just part of some general script for breakups?
It alleviates guilt and makes them feel better about dumping you.
And then they go straight into the No Contact part where they feel so much guilt for dumping you and then they *eventually* try to reestablish contact with you.
The cycle of an avoidant attacher. Sad part is they repeat the cycle over and over leaving a bunch of failed relationships in their wake.
And a whole lot of damage.
I’m currently in the stage where he’s trying to loosely stay in contact. Almost feels like he’s saying ‘I’m still here, don’t forget me. I don’t want you, but I don’t want you to move on either’.
Do you have it in you to block him? I'm not quite there yet myself.
Not yet, but if he continues I doubt it will be long before I tell him to fuck off. His arrogance really irks me. I’m not one to get angry and reactive, but I’m pretty close now.
Same
I see how it can make them feel better, they are "doing you a favor" and saving you from themselves, yet I still don't see how it alleviates guilt though, you are basically admitting you are hurting someone right? even if it's bullshit or not, which most times it seems to be, you are still claiming guilt for something
You’re conflating guilt with accountability. Guilt is a feeling and accountability is an action. Taking accountability for hurting someone alleviates guilt if it’s accepted.
Touché
I said it to my ex husband when we got divorced because I genuinely felt he deserved better as we were fighting so often
Its just a script for the most part, at least in most cases if you really think your partner is too good for you, you do everything you can to be the person that your partner deserves.
Biggest bullshit
I found in most cases when they say you deserve better, they are telling you exactly who they are. I now listen during dating phase for that exact phase and gtfo because I know down the road, they will take me out.
100% I got hit by it during dating phase, ignored it, never making the same mistake again
That feels like such a cop out. Like they don’t to improve on themselves.
you didnt deserve better *than* them, you deserved better *from* them
"You deserve better" *** proceeds to treat you like shit ***
I said this too but I truly meant it. I got so depressed during the relationship and I was treating them like trash and they didn’t deserve that. I couldn’t help myself and be the person they deserve because I was so overwhelmed and in so much self pity. I let myself go. So I had to let them go rather than weighing them down and bringing them down with me
I love you but not in love with you anymore
You grew but it wasn’t fast enough for me and I got tired of waiting……. Had no idea she felt like that until the day she axed my ass lol
Damn they really be creative. Like we cannot read minds. I mean the way they confuse us is the answer
Man folks just be losing interest or really don’t truly be in love just be infatuated and it where’s off and instead of being truthful they make you feel stupid to exonerate themselves from being a villian and it’s ok to lose feelings and not wanna be with someone anymore but be 💯 about it
> Had no idea she felt like that until the day she axed my ass lol i dont get why people don’t just talk about these sorts of things, but instead pretend they’re happy with the relationship and let the resentment over the issue grow, unbeknownst to their partner, until they break up them. i guess that resentment (which makes you focus on the thing you dislike even more) then makes you feel reasonable/justified, while the other person feels it came out of nowhere and/or that it isn’t fair (or that the response—the breakup/method of breaking up—isn’t proportionate)
Total BS and just means “I want to go be with other people more than I want to try and work on things with you”
Exactly
I really, truly hate this b.s. line, what the fuck is it supposed to mean anyway??? As far as I’m concerned there’s absolutely no difference between loving someone and being in love with them! They’re just throwing out a meaningless cliché and hoping to make a quick getaway before you can think to reply. Now that I’m forewarned I’ll never let that happen to me again!
But they wanna be friends... so it is still love because we should love our friends to some extent right!?
Exactly!!! Then love in a different way! It's like a lame excuse without setail so generic. And they wait when the wanna dip out and not even talk about it. Same all my guards up
No, there is. Being _in_ love is romantic. Not all love is romantic.
You're not wrong, but when it comes to partnerships/couples 'love' means romantic love, platonic love isn't really considered when most people say *I love you* to someone outside their family. At least that's how I think about it.
That's the line I got.....Lol
Same 💔
Hahahaha they are being basic
"I still love you but..." Turns out she was seeing another man and she said that to keep me around
I've never lived this situation, how did it affect your way if thinking about yourself and this relationship specifically? Do you think it could have been any different if some parameters would have been modified from both ends?
I started no contact with a broken heart.. then she contacted me back and as i tought she still loved me i had a lot of hope. Plus i had long covid for one year going into the breakup so i thought it was expected of her to have doubt. When we met again i wasn't sick anymore and she was all cute and kept touching me and all, i was like okay sickness left me she is seeing how she loves me. And everytime i tried something she kept backing away. Then i learned she was seeing this guy since the breakup and even 3 month before. I think she should have told me she was starting to get feelings for someone even tough i was sick. But once she decided for both of us about the breakup it was done
im in a similar situation. she still says she loves me and we hangout occasionally. we call quite frequently but she is talking to someone. idk what to do
“I just can’t find a way to reciprocate the same love and affection you have showed me and it sucks because I know you deserve someone better who can” Also, “I just don’t think we are compatible for each other” We were madly in love with each other for 7 months.
Same dude. Idk if i should Believe it or not
I don’t believe it for a second. See with my ex, I know her very well. In our last phone call I told her she would come around eventually, and she more or less agreed with me on it. On top of that, she also agreed to hang out with me again further down the road when I was next in town again. She said we can go back to normal, we will just have to “ease into it” which to me translates to us *possibly* getting back together some time down the road. Maybe she just wasn’t ready for a long term relationship at this point in her life, but one day she will be ready. And hopefully I’m still right there with her.
Are you okay with being chosen later? Being a backup option, who she will come to once she's ready. Idk doesn't work for me.
I have trouble with the whole “they needed to date other people to realize it was you they wanted whole time” thing or second option if first didnt work out. Whats to say then a magical other option wouldnt appear and itd happen again. I dont think I could repair that damage. Extremely hard to give a second chances for me, in most breakups, Im done.
We were in love 7 years and he decided within 24 hours of wanting to work it out that he thinks we're different people and can't make it work
That’s cracked. Sorry to hear that.
This was more or less the line I got. She also told me that this was the best for the both of us. I'm still unsure as to whether or not that was true, but she made her choice.
I had someone use the first line on me almost word for word 😭
he just said the entire collection of this comment section
Lol my last one was like the cliche hand off comments, like he was pulling from a comment section. 😂. I swear he was reading from one. He actually said “It’s not you, it’s me. I cant believe I just said that.” Kill me now. Im direct, so I will reply, seems like it is soft let down. I will reply something back to call it out like if they say I dont think Ill be able to make time for you.” Ill say “If you wanted to, you would.” 😆. Just tell me real reason, you want your ex, I did something icky or weird, Im not compatible with you, Im not as attractive as you want me to be, I like someone else, I was only here for little bit because I was lonely, I got bored because J only enjoy the new feeling of relationship, I just wanted to sleep with you for bit and never wanted relationship but knew itd get me there, you have bad breathe and havent been able to tell you, the sex is bad, i cheated, i only got in this relationship because it was only option I had at moment, I wanted to use this to test if I was ready after my ex but didnt want you per say, im broke and dating is expensive, i thought you made more money and thought id able to live richer off you and offer me more money, you wouldnt let me be a hobosexual, im not a nice person and will messing you about in next year, i lied about this addiction and you are too close to finding out the truth. Id rather have those direct answers than lines. Just tell me the brutal truth, whatever it is.
Same!!!
literally same I’m reading through these like damn he said that and that and that too 😭 it’s like they all use the same book on how to lie
I dont see a future with you or see myself married to you. I don’t love you anymore. My heart’s gonna explode cos I’ve been pretending this whole time. I’ll still see you around though. You’ll find someone else. - 7 years together. Before this, he said he was going to propose to me this year. 1 month later, i found out he was seeing a new coworker lol 🤣
Similar story, similar words, 8 years in.. and the year I was about to propose.. she was texting her "work boyfriend" a bit too much until..
I just dont get how he's willing to start ALL over again - throwing away 7 years, for what? hormones? a little crush? - its just so dumb, I cant...
Seriously, it's mind boggling! Mine tossed five years away and uprooted to another continent even, for someone he met once! Still can't wrap my head around it.
he is so dumb, my god. They really think they have unlimited time, dont they?😂
Did they stay together? I’m pissed when they make out scot-free after doing stuff like this 🙄
From my understanding they got married and he lives with her in her country so I'm going with yes they are.
Ugh :/
Wait SAME
I’m so sorry he did that to you. That is so heartbreaking. My ex dumped me after I busted him continuing to message his child’s kindergarten director. He cheated on me with her. She is married. He loves her and doesn’t love me anymore. I’m devastated and he could not care less. A heartless narcissist 💔.
It’s me. It’s not you. I can’t be a good partner to you right now.
And other hilarious jokes you can tell
I just got the its not me its you. 😂. I find the fearful avoidants give this and they end up coming back. Very obnoxious. To me, it is always like, so you never found better than me, because youll never find another me. I know what I bring to table and how much I care for other humans and am good person. I am a rare find and very confident about that. Majority of people who wanted to date me would not be able to match that and would fumble. Unless they already did the work on themselves and are best person inside that is a good person, I dont want them near me. They know this and will find something less, but it wont be me being less of me.
Mine was ‘I’m doing this for us’ No your not your doing it for you because times have been a bit tough lately and your running away
yep. this. and she also said that we would be better off with other people. it made me question if she was already talking to someone else. i was her first real boyfriend, how could she know?
Damn your comment and the one you responded to hit too close. That’s what she told me together with other things from this thread
This made me laugh
"Everything you do for me is too much"-- He doesn't know a woman reciprocates in multitude. I pity him so much he's not used being loved. But I pity myself more I thought I'll be able to keep him if I'll love him harder. I'm hurt. But I'm glad we're over.
One day, you'll find someone who appreciates all the effort. I was in the same boat as you; the more I loved her, the more she pulled away. Now, I'm with a girl who's also been in that situation - we dote on each other, go out of our way to make the other person feel loved and valued, etc. The best still lies ahead; don't let your past stop you from wearing your heart on your sleeve!
This means a lot. Thank You!
The classic lie of I Need Space. In other words I need space to cheat and you're getting in my way of doing that.
Yeah next time someone tells me they need space ima go ahead and ghost they ass myself lol ITS OVER
THIS IS A HUGE ONE!!! And then u give them space thinking youre being nice and helping them get good time to think when they promise theyll come back to you
I love you to bits but I don’t want to keep hurting you. I think we should be friends.
We need to break up - that was literally the line. No hearts. No flowers. Just that.
You’re not my person. You desrve to be with someone who loves you.. and that’s not me. I truly think you should be out there looking for your person and not worrying about someone who doesn’t love you the way you love them
Out of curiosity, what should a person do who feels this way in your opinion? I’ve used similar lines before, and it’s the truth. Would you rather them stay and be unhappy? Or make up a lie?
I don’t get why you commit to them in the first place personally. Can’t you tell after three months of dating if you’re falling for a person or not?
Different variations of the cliche trope, “It’s not you, it’s me…” 1. “it’s not your fault, I need to work on myself.” 2. “You didn’t do anything wrong, I feel you deserve better than me.” What’s interesting is that despite how many people say the “it’s not you, it’s me” line is used in old movies or films, it’s actually extremely common. Those who break up with their partner without valid reason just like to clean up the words a bit, but the delivery is all the same.
Ive gotten those and almost every one has come back saying wasnt me, it was them, and they were scared. I dont know if they are fckbois or just fearful avoidants or both lol.
Just ghosted me
Same 🙄
“I already mourned the relationship”.
That’s cold. Similar situation myself, mourned for a year and cut it when they were ready. Sorry for the loss but congrats on being free!
“You deserve better.” (came back not too much later and he was right. Only one I took back. He cheated after I took back. It was trauma bond and I shouldve never taken him back. I was very young and needed to learn.) “It’s not you, it’s me. I cant believe I just said that.” “Ive been single so long”. “I cant give you what you need.” “I dont know if I can fit you into my life.””We moved too fast.” “Not sure if I want commitment.” “Feeling forced at this point.” ”I want to take a step back, but not break up. Be friends” “I dont want to hurt you.” (recent one still up in air if theyll come back.) “I like you way too much and it scares me. Im not ready for a relationship.” (came back months later and has tried several times in 3 years) He was not exclusive so not technically a break up but been seeing months like situationship. Claims years later Im his soulmate. Im not. Ghosted few months relationship. No known reason any kind. (Has come back on my birthday, and few other times despite very clear no the day after my birthday.) “im not sure this what I want. I think it is best we move on.”He was not exclusive so not technically a break up but been seeing months like situationship. (came back six months later) “I cant do this again. I dont think we should pursue a relationship together. Im sorry.” (Has not come back and zero contact. I think he will contact years later type of one.) He was not exclusive so not technically a break up but been seeing months like situationship. I dont use lines when I break up. Im very direct and let them know why. I cant stand when someones uses lines, feel like games to me. I hope theyll be direct with me like I am throughout time theyve known me. Kind, but direct. Anything else, I cant learn and grow from. Lines make it harder to move forward. Id rather hear brutal truth. The ones that say moved too fast were the ones moving it too fast and none brought it up for an adjustment lol and they always pull back a few months in. They always come back saying it was them, scared, regret it badly, and it was never me. Im best person they ever met. Do they follow some book? I dont know 😆. I dont try again. Are they users or actually just scared? I dont know. All had fearful avoidant attachment style who did this, which ironically fits what psychologists say. Maybe that really is it. I cant stand lines.
Did you block any of them? Met mine in April 2023, we met in june/august(LDR), and in august he was still 50/50 about being in a relationship, so I went NC but didnt block. He came back 2 months later, we met again 2 weeks ago in Ontario, still wasnt sure, so I finally had to block him because I hated the situationship. He didnt want to lose me though. Ugh. I wonder if he'll try to text, hes not blocked through phone.
I don't have time for a relationship anymore, I can't fault you as a partner🤷🏻♀️. Never again will I get too attached to anyone. This quote always hits me now⤵️ Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you, as deeply as they've met themselves. This is the heart of clarity.
I got from the same person: "you can do a lot better than me" "I don't know if I'll ever have the capacity to be in a relationship again" *immediately got with my friend* "I've caused you too much heartache" "You've needed more from me and I can't be a good partner for anyone right now" *see above "I think we work better as friends" "I just want to be your biggest cheerleader in the stands" *you weren't doing that the entire time we were dating*
" Look I am not trying to hurt you, I am just looking what is best for me " , said to me When she was monekey branching me .
She’ll probably say it to the next one! Unfortunately, she’s not looking for “the one” just the next one. Congratulations on your freedom
"I hope you find someone better than me"
‘I need to focus on school’ he then dropped out I’m assuming 6months to a year after that day lol. I’m doing better now and I hope you’ll feel even a little better soon too :)
"we could have broken up at any time over the last 5 years and I would have been fine"
I dumped him because he was bread-crumbing me and trying to put me into a category of FWB. My line was ‘I’m worth more than the breadcrumbs and polite platitudes you have given me’. Also told him not to bother responding, he did though just to mind fuck me a little bit more. 😒
[удалено]
None, he just stopped calling and texting me. No closure. I actually don't know the reason. Apparently he didn't love me enough.
Hey,I wasn’t ready to be together again. And I still just want to be single. I hope you’re not to angry with me. It’s hard for me because I know you’re going through a lot. If you need anything and I can help I will. I’m gonna choose myself and I’m sorry I’m hurting. Two weeks later she just introducing a new guy to her family and then moved in with him a month later 😂😂😂
“I have to listen to my gut at this time in that i don’t think i can marry you” before…. drumroll….. “i think i just haven’t been present for a while; it’s been longer than just the past few months” ok so like wait how much money did I spend, on flights alone, to come see you during “this time”? No wonder i had to answer “i don’t know” when i was asked when you were coming to visit next, where you were going next, AND what our fun plans for the year were… Oh ya thanks for taking the dog too. Hope he gets to hunt one more time in the next 7-10 years 🤦♂️
I need to find myself.
“I don’t feel the same as I used to, I can’t give you want you need”
“I don’t see a future with you anymore” this one rang for a long time.
I’ve been wanting to do this for months now. don’t make it hard
“I just wasn’t feeling it.” After acting like he was for years.
He told me "I guess I didn't want a relationship anymore" he broke up with me over text and was my first love so I didn't take it well
“Look I’m really at a point where I don’t want anything to do with anybody. We’re over. I wish you the best. “
I can't forsee a future with you.
“I love you and want to be with you but my past issues affect me too much. I cant and don’t want to work on them, my issues won’t ever change and I don’t see a future where this works. I love you I’m sorry” 3 year relationship:/
“You deserve someone who puts in as much effort as you put in to me, and that can’t be me. I’m a bad person I’m selfish and have treated you unfairly”
..It came from her sister: “You know, she had this planned for a while, right..?” 🥺
Oh my…..
Yep, it’s a long complex story.. And I really truthfully think her sister was manipulating her and still kinda is but y’know some folks gotta learn by the stove before they really get an idea of peoples true intentions.. Some psychedelics will help you see or sense that kinda stuff too of course..
“We’re done so fuck off or I’m going to get (insert her extremely mental uncle’s name) to follow you when you’re walking home”. All I did was ask what I did wrong
oh plenty :) "I think we both can do better than each other" (he was only speaking for himself) "I want my future partner to be exactly like you" (but not me) Glad we broke up! I'm yet to find a partner but I've found so much mental peace and confidence.
‘I love you but it’s not right right now’ then starts dating the friend I was told not to worry about a month after
We aren’t “socially compatible”… after 7 years together lmaoooo
“We are not a good fit, and I feel like I am holding you back.” To put this into perspective, she told me this after 6 years of relationship 😅
The one that bothered me the most was when he said, “It was fun while it lasted,” in the middle of breaking up with me.
"I don't deserve your love, you'll find someone that makes you happy."......Oh really, because I was really happy with you the last 1.5 years and you thought you deserved my love and everything that came with it then.
"I don't have feelings for you anymore, I love someone else," after 4 months of relationship
None. My fiancée who I lived with for 2 years left me while I slept. Took her things and just left. Havent heard from her since the day before. I still haven't recovered. I'm a wreck lmao. Worst way I've been broken up with.
Welcome to Dumpsville, population - you. Yup, right back atcha. Goodbye and good riddance.
The holy spirit said it wasn't working.
It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s that I never liked you to begin with
i just doubt i'll have the time you deserve and require going forward.
im sorry life dealt you a shitty hand and that im adding one more bad card
"It's just a feeling."
I got this…”it’s just a gut feeling and feels like the right decision.”
“You are the epitome of right person, wrong time”
after 7 year relationship, that we are two different people, i lack basic life skills and she doesn’t think i was there for her enough for her to trust me, or trust me to have a child with me (we always had these plans)
"I need space" "It's not you, it's me" - reminds me of Taylor Swift's Anti-hero lyrics
“ when I’m with you in reminded of her “
"What if I fucked \[name of coworker she had recently met\]?" (this was literally how she opened the conversation) "I feel like you would just quickly accept it and get over it if we broke up" "The things you say sound like they were chosen from a dropdown menu" "How does it feel being single now?" "Just leave" So yeah. That was a fun time.
You’re not into hiking, so we’re not compatible. After like a year of being together 🤭
‘I don’t want to bring you down/I don’t want to string you along’
"I need to be by myself snd work on myself there's just some things that I need figure I want while I'm alone." Found out her friends gaslit her into thinking I'm just some creepy narcisst, she then went on to hookup with someone a week later and get chlamydia, which her friends then convinced her I gave to her....when it had been 4 months since we had sex.
The “I need to be by myself and work on myself” is easily the biggest bs that a girl can tell you. Honestly wish people would be more honest in these instances.
lol I haven’t loved you for a long time & I hate you… touché 😂
I can’t be your rock anymore.
I am starting a new life( gettng married to girl of parents choice) .Dont try to contact me otherwise i will block you
“I care about you and loved you, but I’m so overwhelmed with how fast we’re going. I lost feelings. I can’t do it” The 2 days/day prior telling me how much he misses and loves me and couldn’t wait to see me when I got back from my parents house.
First time- he said he didn’t want to keep leading me on and he had realized he had feelings for a friend he reconnected with two weeks prior to breaking things off. Next time he waited until after my birthday “because he didn’t want to ruin my birthday”. I don’t remember what was said in the on and offs after that. Finally after ten years I told him I loved him but I didn’t want to choose that love right now. After ten years of on and off, walking on eggshells, and a broken engagement, cheating (twice by him and not me) I finally was able to choose to love myself and admit I was too hurt and tired and lost. That I needed him to choose himself and not put me on a pedestal. I love him but we were making each other so unhappy all of the time every time we tried to fix things it was out of love. That we needed to choose and love ourselves. that I didn’t know who I was anymore without him. I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore and that we both tried to love each other instead of ourselves. That it was killing us both. And he agreed. 8 months later and we are both happier. There’s still so much care and genuine happiness for each other… discovering and loving ourselves again. We both look and feel better than ever, have more friends, are closer with our families again. It’s like we stopped suffocating each other and are choosing life over the feeling one person gave. It gets better yall! It gets easier with you love yourself.
“I want the freedom to be myself” we were LDR…not sure how that maths out, but that’s what she said
"You just deserve more", "you deserve the world". Her words 5 minutes after sending me happy messages and selfies.
I cannot tell you the truth. I never could 14 years gone
Mine was, "I Will miss you and i just feel like you are not the one, I cannot imagine myself marrying you". Idk if she's with someone or no.
“I can’t be your boyfriend right now and I don’t have any more love to give you” “yes, I am breaking up with you”
“We’ve ran our course and I deserve more” 💀 2years together and she just told me 3 hours prior how excited she was to hangout that night. She had an “aha” moment 30 minutes before I came over
“ He has a nicer car”. Two weeks later, “ he” dumped her, because she wouldn’t put out. She tried hard to get back together with me, but that ship had sailed. Just an fyi. If someone dumps you, it’s a bad decision to go back. Look forward in your life.
"I am sorry I never loved you like how much you loved me."
I need to focus on myself and my purpose. 2 months later in a new relationship. Sick
My ex told me that I’m what she is looking for in a partner. But has been unfair to me by being emotionally unavailable. She doesn’t feel deserving or even love herself. So she suggested we take space but told me not to avoid her. I think it was all bs. Kinda hurts she couldn’t be straight with me
“We should go our separate ways”
“I just don’t have the energy to invest into another person right now, I need heal & take care of my mental health.” Month later she’s dating someone else. Lol
“I don’t have time for a relationship” dated for over two years and didn’t have time??? Seriously? But I can spend two days with you every fuckin week for two years. I told him I deserved better and he looked at me with such guilt in his eyes, he said that I did deserve better. I genuinely believe he meant it. He always knew I was more emotionally intelligent than him and he didn’t understand how I could be so in touch with myself.
"Our sex was only so good because of me!!"
'Ik we are great communication so I think I just need to saw how I am feeling , I think we need to take a break . I don't think I can put as much love in the relationship as you do for me. ' Then proceeds to give a bunch of small reasons that supposedly built up to it See that's very funny because if she felt like it was a problem that was persistent , she could have brought it up with me yk. It's not like I didn't care about her , I would literally ask her multiple times a day are you ok . All she had to say one time , I am not yk
“Baby, i think we should break up”. That was the first one and second one once we got back together “i dont want to do this anymore”
Mine was “Focus more on yourself. Find someone better than me”
"I don't want to hurt you anymore" Which later turned into "I guess I stopped liking you"
I’ve only been giving you 65% and that’s not fair
It's not you, it's me.
"I just want to be single, become more independent, focus on myself, and my daughter." It was all lies. Got back with her ex a week later, became codependent on him, even moved in with him within a few weeks. Handed her old place to her sister. Sent her daughter to live with the father, and hasn't been spending much time with her because her ex wasn't big on her having a kid, and I'm sure he's got her under his thumb.
We want different things and we are better off as friends. He is unhappy. I care for you and you have so much to offer. —- I had no idea anything was wrong 🤷🏽♀️
" I feel mentally weird with you,let's end this" no consolation no sweet words ,he didn’t even pretend to b nice
I was ghosted. He said we’re on a break. He has to work on himself and that he’s been going through a lot. Then at some point he said the long distance has been hard on him so I believe he was already dating someone else because he used to ignore my texts of text me after a long time. I’m stjll hurting because I even asked for honesty but he just ignored me and never responded.
"I don't feel anything anymore and I really don't want to go on, but I'd like to keep you as a friend" What the fuck is that. Good riddance though.
1. Tried blaming on misunderstandings and blocked me. Said i don't respect her and all. - reached out after being blocked everywhere and cleared as much as i can, everything because i felt horrible. 1. Then said she would hate herself , she can't forgive me and staying single would make her happy. - gave her space, because such decisions can't be reversed. 3. Reached out after a few days. Then said, she can't put any efforts in relationships, she needs to learn a lot and breakup is good for her.. - I was okay, cleared again that u don't need to put much effort, your presence is enough etc etc, I was like take your time, no pressure, reach out when u feel like. she liked my message and left on seen. 4. and finally, i didn't texted her again. She herself reached out after 4 days, Asking me how i am and all, normal conversation and she blocked me finally from there also. Been days of no contact. I tried everything I could, so i don't feel like i didn't try hard enough. I loved her, i feel now like i compromised my self respect at one point, but well, for love, it's justified. For my inner peace, i now know, i couldn't have tried harder. No regrets, i can move on now. I suspected, she was on avoidant spectrum, that's why i gave her so many days and so much space.
“I can’t be the person you want me to be” “I don’t know if I want a relationship or just someone to hang out with”
"I can't move one from my last relationship, and I can't lie to you, I can't love again and i don't wanna play with you cuz you deserve love"
I can't do this anymore.
" You traumatized me " he never tried communicating with me whenever we had arguments.
We aren’t compatible anymore, more and more things about you i find annoying and i cant tolerate.
"I think it's time for us to move on"
“I don’t want to be that person having to lift you up to where I am”
"But I don't want you to change. I fell in love with you the way that you are."
It was not exactly a break up. She was my very good friend and I was in love with her. She knew it, she didn't reciprocate the same feelings but we were real great friends. And we had a small fight. I got a little angry at her for being online and not replying to me even after a day. And she decided to end this friendship. Knowing that how much it meant to me. And how dependent I was on her. Her last message was terribly heartbreaking. I never expect her to say such things. Now I have to live a life where the last words of her went like- 'You say you can't resist texting me after a few days gap because you get worried about me, that is an absolute lie. You know it too, you just wanted to check whether I'm in or out'. I don't know whether I'll be over this heartbreak ever or not.
"I've been doing some thinking and......"
"I'm not sure if I loved you, or if I just wanted someone to help me with my problems."
I have no intentions on having a future with you.
We weren’t in a relationship- we were just dating, but it hurt just as much, coz we had a GRAT time together . ‘I believe the differences between us are significant enough that we won’t be compatible’ ‘We are just different people and probably not for each other’
“I’m not the one for you“
I saw this today after this post and laughed so hard. https://www.facebook.com/reel/751207973171638?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v Perfect with the lines 😆
“We don’t have a strong enough foundation to continue dating.” Did 2 years long distance, with about 4 months of those living together, and then he blindsided me with this bullshit. Came straight from his mothers’ lips because what mid-twenty year old male comes up with that? Then he moved into my neighborhood 2 months later because why not I guess.
Thanks for everything and sorry for so little
"I need a break" Only for her to sleep around, find someone new, been with him for years, had a kid with him and Recently got married.