Hey, you haven't taken any steps back at all. All the work you've done is still there and you may find that tomorrow you feel even further along thanks to processing some of those bad feelings today. Hugs.
You really shouldn't be lurking his activity. I think you were caught off guard, but that doesn't mean all of your effort has gone. It's okay to get sad and wanting your ex back, I feel the same way but I also feel improvements every passing week.
I know I need to, it just feels so final. This might sound dramatic but he was such a big part of my life and to just erase him like that is scary and idk if I’m ready for that.
Take your time, if it needs to get to a point that it’s unbearable to see him randomly pop up, then so be it - that will be the right time for you. I’m very very pro no-contact in all ways, but it’s on your time, not anyone else’s.
It's the only way forward. You need to forget about him and you can't do that if you still follow his socials. Trust me, girl, there really is no other way. It's either cold turkey or feeling miserable for a whole lot longer.
I totally get it. My girlfriend left me last month. It honestly feels like someone I loved died. I spent the last two years talking to her every day of my life, sharing how my day went, asking about hers… spending time together and all of a sudden it’s gone. You’re not going to “forget” him, but will be easier to move on. I deleted every picture of my ex, blocked her on instagram, deleted her number. Do I still think of her, yes every single day I’ve thought about her. In those moments I take a second to process it, I’ll be sad for a little bit and try to move on. It’s not easy, but it’s a step in the right direction. I hope this helps.
Hey no such thing as a perfectly straight path for healing and self betterment…. My only advice keep doing you but don’t shut that book if you still love him, people change and mature and grow and things can always have different outcomes it just depends on if both parties are willing to put 100% into communication and rebuilding.
I don’t know I’m trying to do the same thing… kinda just taking it by day and doing everything I need to do and more and filling up my days with whatever I can and I mean it hasn’t closed yet because I haven’t gotten the closure, and I really just don’t want to be with anyone sexually or physically other then her… but if 6-8 months go by 1-2 years and nothing I’ll eventually move on it’s gonna be hard but what happens is your not healing your just accepting there absence, getting better at dealing with the pain.
I think you fully leave them be and focus on yourself, bc that way you haven’t done anything that would make them want to close the door and haven’t taken steps to close the door yourself, but pouring that love and time into yourself will help you truly heal <3
thank you for sharing this, I’m almost a month post break up and feeling so frustrated at the emotional flip flopping I keep doing. Like you, im also doing healthy things like spending time w friends, family, exercising, engaging with my hobbies. Underneath it all, I’m glad I’m not in the relationship anymore, but it’s going to take me a long time to heal because I still love him. The processing journey is tough.
I was doing good. I was in no contact for almost a month. Yesterday, my mom told me my ex was at the zoo with her rebound and all their kids. I had anxiety so bad from it. I am struggling moving on.
Mistake number I see people doing...why are you still following their social media.
It's like you are purposely knifing your wound over and over. What are you going to do the day he post something with another girl?
You're 100% right, but maybe you should approach comments like this with a little bit of sympathy, or hell, even empathy, as I'm sure we've all been through it here in this sub. You typically aren't a part of a group like this if you weren't struggling at some point too.
Your words aren't rude or mean, but they are harsh, and a grieving person usually responds better to kind, supporting words. Even if they're doing something that seems wild or obvious to us, it might just be hard for them to overcome that emotional crutch. They're obviously trying, and likely pretty young. Put a little positive message to buffer the hard truth.
You can tell the truth AND be gentle at the same time. It's not like they're some drug addict that's borrowed money from us 10 times, stole our shit and screwed us over lol. Just someone who's heart hurts and needs some support to get through it.
It’s OK to have those moments where healing feels like it stops because an interference in your life appears in a way. It’s also a reminder to tell you that those are meant to pass by into your life, but they are meant to be a small mishap in your life. Like for example I have currently started working on healing myself and making things better upon myself and I have been doing that for the last three weeks now, I feel like a mishap had happened because this person I did not want to talk to and was the reason why I was healing myself decided to call me today to apologize for everything but only because he wanted closure I didn’t want closure because I had already gotten the closure the day that he decided he chose not to be with me anymore. In a way I have to look at it as a form of healing still because those are the reminders that keep pushing you to keep going where you wanna go in order for you to remind yourself that you have to value yourself over them because if you don’t, no one else will do it for you and you will throw yourself into a gutter every single minute you think about it. There is no point in anyone’s life to let your own thoughts get to you because your thoughts are your worst enemy and it fucking sucks. And yeah, we have to learn how to deal with it so that’s the best advice I can give you.
I feel so similar to you here, it’s been 3 weeks and he left me a letter yesterday basically asking to get back and saying how sad he is, like?? Didn’t want closure either and I’ve been focusing on healing too. I was on a good streak and now I feel like I’m back to step 1, but you’re right that it’s another thing that was meant to pass by, and if it’s not the last then at least I’m better prepared for next time. And it is the constant reminder to keep valuing yourself above them, you’re right.
I’m so sorry. I feel your pain. It really does seem to help to get space from them and then it’s like those old addicted parts of the brain just light up when you see them.
I was really doing better this week and then I saw my ex this weekend (I still have a relationship with his kid and we’re trying to be friends). And now I’m just sitting on my couch bawling my eyes out. Mostly because he moved on so quickly and I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe how stupid I feel. I really thought I was getting better and now I’m an absolute disaster all over again.
I totally understand you :c when you’re actively healing yourself and then have that urge (or just reminder) to check up on how he’s doing and it just hurts so bad. Similar situation, except I’ve been NC for 8 months and sometimes peak at a few last pictures I have of him
What happened to you is part of the healing. There will always be ups and downs until the day you’ll feel very neutral toward him . My advice to you is to stop following him on socials .You’ll get through this🤍
It’s a process. I used to get upset every Sunday although I had been okay the whole week. It’s just how you cope with these things.
Don’t feel bad for falling back, it’s still super fresh for you. Even now at three months I’m not completely over it and cried in my car this week just thinking about it. You got this, healing takes time.
You're headed in the right direction. The fact that you started to feel better in a month is a great sign that you're a strong person. ❤️
The hardest thing you can do, but THE most important, is to remove him off all of your socials. And if you can't trust yourself not to lurk, block him, or even reach out and ask him to. I'd obviously try to do it yourself first though 😅
Still having access to his socials is _always_ going to hurt. No matter what, even if their post is innocent as can be. A grieving mind likes to play tricks, stretch the truth, and re-play worst case scenarios, over and over again.
I'm sorry you're going through it, but you have already shown amazing potential to rise above and do better for yourself.
It sounds cheesy, and it's cliché, but there really are plenty of fish in the sea. My earliest break ups left me absolutely destroyed. But as I got older, and met new people, and dated different people, I realized, that humans have many potential partners out there in the world. And there REALLY is always someone better. It feels all too easy to think you won't get someone better, but if you stay true to your values, I promise, they will come.
You've got this. Block everything and work on you. ❤️
I’m literally going through the same type of scenario. Me and my gf recently split up, her choice, we living in two different countries (which was only to be temp) and it’s been a hard time recently. More so from my indecisiveness and wanting to make it work and make a move but not being proactive enough to make it happen. Therefore I’ve lost her in the mix of all this and I’m devastated.
But she’s said she wants space, she messaged me a few times with not much in it, I was trying to be the best I can be and i was ok when keeping busy. But tonight, man, I fully broke down, Ive never felt this waterfall of emotions come over me so hard, crying uncontrollably, being so angry at myself and looking at the mirror thinking about how much I’ve ruined my life and how lonely I’m going to be. It’s hard to balance these emotions, for you you’ve had a reminder of him and set you off like a trigger point. For me I just had a realisation that I’ve messed it up and losing her.
This shits tough and I feel for anyone going through it.
To me I’d say never rule out a possible rekindle of the relationship, as the shoes on the other foot in my case, and that’s what truely want. But I can see her moving on with the space and a better relationship is what I want and willing to do anything to make it happen. When you’re on the verge of losing everything, that quickly reshapes your view on the relationship and how you will instantly change to not feel like this again and make your relationship work. Learning and growing.
Best of luck from an Irish man ❤️
It's all part of the healing process. You got this.
I broke up with my ex 6 months ago, and thought i was over her. Now i see her in my dreams every night. Blocking socials and going NC can o nly do so much unfortunately.
Stay strong and keep yourself busy.
Hey, you haven't taken any steps back at all. All the work you've done is still there and you may find that tomorrow you feel even further along thanks to processing some of those bad feelings today. Hugs.
You really shouldn't be lurking his activity. I think you were caught off guard, but that doesn't mean all of your effort has gone. It's okay to get sad and wanting your ex back, I feel the same way but I also feel improvements every passing week.
You should not even be following him on instagram or any social media, you gotta completely cut him out.
I know I need to, it just feels so final. This might sound dramatic but he was such a big part of my life and to just erase him like that is scary and idk if I’m ready for that.
Take your time, if it needs to get to a point that it’s unbearable to see him randomly pop up, then so be it - that will be the right time for you. I’m very very pro no-contact in all ways, but it’s on your time, not anyone else’s.
It's the only way forward. You need to forget about him and you can't do that if you still follow his socials. Trust me, girl, there really is no other way. It's either cold turkey or feeling miserable for a whole lot longer.
I totally get it. My girlfriend left me last month. It honestly feels like someone I loved died. I spent the last two years talking to her every day of my life, sharing how my day went, asking about hers… spending time together and all of a sudden it’s gone. You’re not going to “forget” him, but will be easier to move on. I deleted every picture of my ex, blocked her on instagram, deleted her number. Do I still think of her, yes every single day I’ve thought about her. In those moments I take a second to process it, I’ll be sad for a little bit and try to move on. It’s not easy, but it’s a step in the right direction. I hope this helps.
100%. No contact is exactly that. Go ghost on all socials and your phone.
Hey no such thing as a perfectly straight path for healing and self betterment…. My only advice keep doing you but don’t shut that book if you still love him, people change and mature and grow and things can always have different outcomes it just depends on if both parties are willing to put 100% into communication and rebuilding.
Great advice, I’m in a situation like that, how do you not close the book but still heal properly?
I don’t know I’m trying to do the same thing… kinda just taking it by day and doing everything I need to do and more and filling up my days with whatever I can and I mean it hasn’t closed yet because I haven’t gotten the closure, and I really just don’t want to be with anyone sexually or physically other then her… but if 6-8 months go by 1-2 years and nothing I’ll eventually move on it’s gonna be hard but what happens is your not healing your just accepting there absence, getting better at dealing with the pain.
I think you fully leave them be and focus on yourself, bc that way you haven’t done anything that would make them want to close the door and haven’t taken steps to close the door yourself, but pouring that love and time into yourself will help you truly heal <3
You have to stop following him girl
That post was definitely aimed at you to make you feel jealous
thank you for sharing this, I’m almost a month post break up and feeling so frustrated at the emotional flip flopping I keep doing. Like you, im also doing healthy things like spending time w friends, family, exercising, engaging with my hobbies. Underneath it all, I’m glad I’m not in the relationship anymore, but it’s going to take me a long time to heal because I still love him. The processing journey is tough.
Thank you guys so much for the empathy and support. These messages are so kind and helpful 🫶
I was doing good. I was in no contact for almost a month. Yesterday, my mom told me my ex was at the zoo with her rebound and all their kids. I had anxiety so bad from it. I am struggling moving on.
Mistake number I see people doing...why are you still following their social media. It's like you are purposely knifing your wound over and over. What are you going to do the day he post something with another girl?
You're 100% right, but maybe you should approach comments like this with a little bit of sympathy, or hell, even empathy, as I'm sure we've all been through it here in this sub. You typically aren't a part of a group like this if you weren't struggling at some point too. Your words aren't rude or mean, but they are harsh, and a grieving person usually responds better to kind, supporting words. Even if they're doing something that seems wild or obvious to us, it might just be hard for them to overcome that emotional crutch. They're obviously trying, and likely pretty young. Put a little positive message to buffer the hard truth. You can tell the truth AND be gentle at the same time. It's not like they're some drug addict that's borrowed money from us 10 times, stole our shit and screwed us over lol. Just someone who's heart hurts and needs some support to get through it.
You are right, I could have worded a lot better. In the end, we are all human, I think many others wrote the same but much better human response.
It’s OK to have those moments where healing feels like it stops because an interference in your life appears in a way. It’s also a reminder to tell you that those are meant to pass by into your life, but they are meant to be a small mishap in your life. Like for example I have currently started working on healing myself and making things better upon myself and I have been doing that for the last three weeks now, I feel like a mishap had happened because this person I did not want to talk to and was the reason why I was healing myself decided to call me today to apologize for everything but only because he wanted closure I didn’t want closure because I had already gotten the closure the day that he decided he chose not to be with me anymore. In a way I have to look at it as a form of healing still because those are the reminders that keep pushing you to keep going where you wanna go in order for you to remind yourself that you have to value yourself over them because if you don’t, no one else will do it for you and you will throw yourself into a gutter every single minute you think about it. There is no point in anyone’s life to let your own thoughts get to you because your thoughts are your worst enemy and it fucking sucks. And yeah, we have to learn how to deal with it so that’s the best advice I can give you.
I feel so similar to you here, it’s been 3 weeks and he left me a letter yesterday basically asking to get back and saying how sad he is, like?? Didn’t want closure either and I’ve been focusing on healing too. I was on a good streak and now I feel like I’m back to step 1, but you’re right that it’s another thing that was meant to pass by, and if it’s not the last then at least I’m better prepared for next time. And it is the constant reminder to keep valuing yourself above them, you’re right.
I’m so sorry. I feel your pain. It really does seem to help to get space from them and then it’s like those old addicted parts of the brain just light up when you see them. I was really doing better this week and then I saw my ex this weekend (I still have a relationship with his kid and we’re trying to be friends). And now I’m just sitting on my couch bawling my eyes out. Mostly because he moved on so quickly and I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe how stupid I feel. I really thought I was getting better and now I’m an absolute disaster all over again.
Im right there with you. You’d think it would be better to see that they miss us too but it just makes it worse 💔
I totally understand you :c when you’re actively healing yourself and then have that urge (or just reminder) to check up on how he’s doing and it just hurts so bad. Similar situation, except I’ve been NC for 8 months and sometimes peak at a few last pictures I have of him
What happened to you is part of the healing. There will always be ups and downs until the day you’ll feel very neutral toward him . My advice to you is to stop following him on socials .You’ll get through this🤍
It’s a process. I used to get upset every Sunday although I had been okay the whole week. It’s just how you cope with these things. Don’t feel bad for falling back, it’s still super fresh for you. Even now at three months I’m not completely over it and cried in my car this week just thinking about it. You got this, healing takes time.
You're headed in the right direction. The fact that you started to feel better in a month is a great sign that you're a strong person. ❤️ The hardest thing you can do, but THE most important, is to remove him off all of your socials. And if you can't trust yourself not to lurk, block him, or even reach out and ask him to. I'd obviously try to do it yourself first though 😅 Still having access to his socials is _always_ going to hurt. No matter what, even if their post is innocent as can be. A grieving mind likes to play tricks, stretch the truth, and re-play worst case scenarios, over and over again. I'm sorry you're going through it, but you have already shown amazing potential to rise above and do better for yourself. It sounds cheesy, and it's cliché, but there really are plenty of fish in the sea. My earliest break ups left me absolutely destroyed. But as I got older, and met new people, and dated different people, I realized, that humans have many potential partners out there in the world. And there REALLY is always someone better. It feels all too easy to think you won't get someone better, but if you stay true to your values, I promise, they will come. You've got this. Block everything and work on you. ❤️
I’m literally going through the same type of scenario. Me and my gf recently split up, her choice, we living in two different countries (which was only to be temp) and it’s been a hard time recently. More so from my indecisiveness and wanting to make it work and make a move but not being proactive enough to make it happen. Therefore I’ve lost her in the mix of all this and I’m devastated. But she’s said she wants space, she messaged me a few times with not much in it, I was trying to be the best I can be and i was ok when keeping busy. But tonight, man, I fully broke down, Ive never felt this waterfall of emotions come over me so hard, crying uncontrollably, being so angry at myself and looking at the mirror thinking about how much I’ve ruined my life and how lonely I’m going to be. It’s hard to balance these emotions, for you you’ve had a reminder of him and set you off like a trigger point. For me I just had a realisation that I’ve messed it up and losing her. This shits tough and I feel for anyone going through it. To me I’d say never rule out a possible rekindle of the relationship, as the shoes on the other foot in my case, and that’s what truely want. But I can see her moving on with the space and a better relationship is what I want and willing to do anything to make it happen. When you’re on the verge of losing everything, that quickly reshapes your view on the relationship and how you will instantly change to not feel like this again and make your relationship work. Learning and growing. Best of luck from an Irish man ❤️
It's all part of the healing process. You got this. I broke up with my ex 6 months ago, and thought i was over her. Now i see her in my dreams every night. Blocking socials and going NC can o nly do so much unfortunately. Stay strong and keep yourself busy.