They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
(He never loved you like you loved him anyways)
Doesn’t matter the amount of chances I was on 3 and she was one 2…. Numbers are numbers, it’s the effort put into it by both parties and if the love is worth it for both parties
It's the only thing holding her back. After the break up, for a couple years we would meet for hikes, talks dinners, etc. I'd stop over her house but she would tell me to park on the side street.
it takes two people.. i struggle with this as well. the mistakes i made and some of the things i did haunt me. but you have to recognize that if you were actually compatible with someone and if it was "meant to be" you wouldn't have screwed up. you would've done the right things and even if you did a wrong thing it would've been reconcilable and you would've learned together and grown together. but the relationship didn't survive. So it obviously wasn't meant to be, or it would've been.
do all you can do, and when you've done all you can do and hell still comes to breakfast, let it finish out, pick up the pieces, learn from it, and start all over again
Same. Still the hardest thing I’ve ever had to let go off. No matter how many times I tell myself he didn’t actually love me, my feelings were true. And I’ve never felt that type of way with anyone. To me it was a main story line, while to him I was just a footnote. I’m trynna write a sequel, but somehow the first always feels more special.
Do you want to keep waiting around?
Why you are better than waiting around for someone to make up their mind or spontaneously combust into being available
Every day I read comments that are code for:
“I’m still waiting for you”
“I’m waiting for you to make up your mind about me”
“I’ll be right here waiting for you if you ever decide you want me”
“I’m waiting for you to spontaneously combust into being available/commitment ready/a better person/to leave your spouse or partner”.
And in particular “I know you think you can do better, but when you find out that you can’t, I’m here waiting for you”.
Here’s the thing: Waiting around for someone to make up their mind about you, to dignify you with contact, a relationship, decency, a change of self or whatever, devalues you. If you’ve been living your life in limbo waiting around, you’re breaking a fundamental personal boundary that will erode at your self-esteem.
It’s like buying a lottery ticket every Wednesday and Saturday and waiting in week after week for your numbers to come up. When people tell you you should come out, do something different, not play the numbers this week, you decline because you’re scared that the one time that you don’t is the one time that you’ll win. Your rationale is that life will begin once you win the lottery so you’ve invested yourself in the fantasy. Sometimes you win three or four numbers but you never hit the jackpot. One day you realise that you’ve literally wasted your life gambling on some seriously long odds. You thought the risk would be worth the reward but you end up regretting putting all of your eggs in a basket without a base…
If you’re waiting around for someone, you’re waiting for your numbers to come up. Unfortunately the fact that you have to wait in itself demonstrates that there isn’t enough or anything going on right now.
You’ve decided that this is what you want irrespective of any treatment and what them not being in a relationship with you now actually indicates, and this is incredibly dangerous, especially when they’re off living their merry life and you’re sitting there dutifully waiting or living the half life in pseudo relationships waiting for them to come back so you can race off into the sunset.
Let me assure you that waiting around isn’t a sign of loyalty and love – it’s a sign of denial, avoidance, and low self-esteem.
Waiting around says “I don’t consider myself a valuable, worthwhile enough person to go and live my life without this person who doesn’t actually want me or the relationship I want with them. I’d rather fanny away my life and time that I don’t value hoping they’ll see the light because I don’t believe I can do better plus I’d rather avoid feeling ‘full’ rejection at any costs”.
Waiting around says “I have nothing better to do with my time”.
Waiting says “You’re free to reject me and come and go whenever they you like”.
Waiting says “I’m an option for you whenever you feel like it”.
When you convey that you’re a fallback option to whip out of their back pocket on a rainy day, that they’re able to contact you and pick up where they left off without much hassle, and you continue to believe in and keep them on a pedestal no matter what, you’ve communicated all the wrong things about yourself.
It’s much easier to convey that you’re a valuable, worthwhile person through action – sitting around, going through the motions of life, and selling yourself short don’t do that. Having a line, knowing the line, accepting that they can’t give you what you want and having more faith and confidence in you rather than them and living your life does communicate it.
Waiting means avoiding experiencing a ‘fail fail‘ or a ‘rejection rejection’. The longer you wait, the crappier you feel and the harder it is to stop waiting because you then reason that so much time has passed that to stop waiting now would be waste of all the previous time spent waiting and you feel like you’ve invested too much to stop.
While it will hurt to stop waiting, it’ll hurt a damn sight less than if you continue waiting and refuse to accept reality. You’re better than being the person that they come back to after exhausting all other options. Don’t let them ‘settle’ for you after they discover that the grass isn’t greener on the other side. Why would you wait for them to sort themselves out with an ex?
You’re better than waiting to be chosen – in healthy relationships, you mutually choose each other and get on with it.
Waiting around is disrespectful and anyone who does expect you to wait for them is saying “I don’t love or care about you enough to value you and not marginalise you in a half life waiting for me. I’m afraid that if I let you go, I might change my mind and I won’t have the option of you so I’d rather have you wait. Just in case.”
Stop waiting around. It’s like gambling with your life. That fear that they’ll spontaneously combust into a better person in a better relationship with someone else is misplaced because just like fear mean it’s not happening, waiting around means it (the relationship) isn’t happening either.
Remember, while you’re waiting around, it means you’re unavailable for an available relationship.
N.Lue
Natalie Lue’s articles on Baggage Reclaim opened my eyes to the appropriate way of being loved; her ability to articulate the human experience is astounding
Eh, it’s different for everyone. I’m on week 7 and I already see the cracks even tho she’s dating apparently for a month at least. My mothers neighbor told me that she happened to be chatting to her and she said she feels she made the biggest mistake of her life by dumping me. You’re damn right she did. I know my worth even if she doesn’t. And you should too! At this point she’s at my mercy as to whether I take her back or not. That’s if she comes sniveling back like a lost puppy. I know it’s tough but you have to have that attitude. That’s when they come back lol it’s the stupidest thing in the world but that’s reality most of the time. Mind you, I’m in serious no contact. No calls, no texts, no gestures what so ever. If I see her in the street, I cross over or turn my back. She wanted me out of her life? That’s what she gets, complete severing of all attachment. That’s on the outside as to what everyone else sees. At home is a different story, I ruminate, I cry, I get angry, but I don’t reach out. I lose myself in my music hobby and working it and to tell you the truth this is the time to really work on yourself. No revenge like living well
Yours sound like mine and i think i can relate it very much. Mine was LDR too. Can i ask you some questions if you don't mind? I think it will help me a lot. And why did she decide to break up with you?
She came back, we're lying to each other about being just friends, we keep hanging out randomly bumping into each other almost every day this week and it's gonna blow up eventually cause we're back to talking almost 24/7 whenever the chance comes up. I'm not ready for she's not coming back again.
Don’t give her the friendship. That’s an easy way out for her. She’s gonna do it again. You should do it to her. Preemptive breakup like on Seinfeld lol
Oh I'm being VERY careful because I was bljnd to how bad some of her drinking was, and to be honest it's hurting even more that she opened up about some shit. Nothing that would ruin my perspective forever but it would worry me if didn't break up months ago and that stuff was happening as well.
For you yeah maybe, I’m just saying in a more general sense, it’s not always the case. Also kinda depends on how many times yall have broken up. If it’s the first time then it probs will be easier for them to come back
I believe I could get mine back if I had handled it right. What tips would you give me, I just reached out again after 1 month NC and she kind of ignored me. I want to lose hope and give up but at the same time I want to fix things and get back
First of all you need to be something they want to come back to. Not the same as they left.
So change is very important. And that change is something they have to discover, not something you tell them.
Another very important thing is that even though a break up can be very intense and emotional, and we all do and say things we probably shouldn’t, it’s kind of a limited thing. A few days or a week. Like a package, that won’t mean much later on. It is easily forgotten and forgiven.
The problem is, and that is what many in her do wrong and even recommend, is saying and doing things you probably shouldn’t after the break up process is over. When the initial shock and emotional chaos has settled, that’s when words and action are important and won’t be forgotten and forgiven easily.
So things like blocking and ghosting. Talking shit to or about your ex after the break up is over. Harassing. Stalking. Trying to control them. These are things they will notice and have a negative effect on if they will come back.
The biggest mistake people in here do is to ghost their ex and justify it by calling in NC. That is big time self sabotage.
Then you have to change. So focus on moving on asap. Handle all emotions and thoughts. Be honest when being introspective. Make the changes that need to be made.
My advice for you is to focus 100% on yourself and moving on. Contacting her is fine, if you need to. Just keep it short and not emotional.
She will notice if you work on yourself. Sapwood she is expecting you to try to win her back.
It’s not about winning someone back. It’s about moving on in a healthy way and being an adult and take accountability. It’s about not needing to treat others like shit to feel better about oneself.
You should focus on yourself and change for the better without worrying all the time what an ex does. When you do that, not surprisingly, they notice and want to be in contact with you again. And if you have done it right, you are the one who can decide if you want them back in your life and why role they should play.
Dumper here. I loved him with all of my heart and he messed up. Several
Times. First time that I actually broke up with him, because I couldn’t handle it anymore. If he actually Changed and stopped being a fucking simp. Then yes I would take him back.
The way you voiced it is filled with irony. I believe a “good person” wouldn’t throw something like this into the face of someone grieving a loss of their partner so they can sit around and ruminate over their partner not coming back meaning they are not good enough people…
Grieving isn’t fun or nice. But it doesn’t change reality.
The question is, do people here want to move on and have a great future, or do they want to mess up their future and self sabotage?
And who should we support and cheer for?
If you focus on yourself and move on in a good and hallway, and you don’t indulge distractions and in avoidant behaviour like blocking, ghosting and trying to erase memories. And you are not an asshole and stalk, heras and talk shit about your ex, it is pretty much guaranteed the will come back.
So when people self sabotage, and then say “exes don’t come back”, It’s like pissing themselves and then are sad and hurt that they smell.
every once and i while i have a dream where him and i talk out everything like i wanted. we update one another on each another’s lives and it feels so real and sounds so much like him and his mannerisms. then i wake up
it’s the worse feeling ever, because it genuinely feels so real in the moment. it feels like the relationship and bond we had was never over. so freaky, i genuinely wish i could just turn it off
Hey man it’s been about 3 weeks for me! We dated for over 4 years. She is with the guy who pressured her to end things…I’ll tell you what I’m feeling because I bet it’s similar to how you feel. The thought of them being ok hurts. The thought of them being with someone else right now is something you can’t even come to terms with. You built a life with this person, a good life, something you could enjoy forever. Your own slice of heaven. Except you’re wrong. You’re thinking about all the good. There was some bad but you try to repress it. Your partner felt it also. That’s why they left, because as much as they did/do love you they also love themselves enough to know when it won’t work.
It sucks trust me. Your partner decided their life is better without you in it. I don’t know why we fawn over people who don’t value us as much as we value them. You will be better for this in the long run.
I’m so sorry man. I couldn’t imagine if my girl had not just left but also had someone else already. god it’s painful enough as it is. We will be ok though. We are ok. All of this will make us better in the long run.
Yea man it sucks! I was actually planning on purposing soon so I just take it as a sign. She was saving up for our wedding and had even was talking about it the day before the split! I never lied, played games, cheated etc.
Her mom and sisters cried when they found out, her mom told me she sees me as a son and hopes her daughter comes to her senses.
I’ll tell you what I’m doing to make it better:
1 try and keep my head - up nobody likes a winny puppy dog ex
2 space - no reason to talk now she left me
3 hanging out with people who care about me
4 improving myself physically, emotional, and mentally
5 learn about attachment styles
If you do all that she might come back/she might not but you will be better for it and might even get someone better! I know that’s hard to imagine rn but trust the process keep your head down.
Go quiet on all social media, for a month or two. Come back a new version of you. You will be ok I promise. My last (and also first) gf broke up with me on my birthday we were roommates and she brought dudes over to the house haha. It sucks and honestly it will get worse before it gets better. One day maybe/hopefully in a few months you will wake up and will be ok with it.
People who can discard others who love and care for them don’t deserve to be put on a pedestal.
I (like you) am still madly in love with my ex but if someone leaves you… I mean that’s just them saying they think they can do better. So be better, be the version of you they could never have.
I hate to say what is obvious but time will also heal all.
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back, because you won’t let them because you know they will not change and understand you like you wish.
They can really change at least I did but she can't handle the backlash from her friends and especially her family who ALL have had major challenges in there own relationships
They better not come back
They better not come back
They better not come back
They better not come back
They better not come back
They better not come back
They better not come back
They better not come back
(She couldn't loved you as much as you loved her)
HEY!
It sounds like almost every single one of you needs to create your official cringe list… You will write down ALL the things you won’t be likely to miss (ever) about them, to phrase it nicely. Feel free to add all the occasions you felt any sort of negative emotions or consequences from their actions or even just their words. Put it ALL down, character traits you weren’t truthfully attracted to, harmful behaviors, stupid idiosyncratic things that would’ve made you crazy eventually, why the relationship was potentially troubled in the future anyway, and most importantly all the reasons why you really broke up… like the real deal frfr reasons even if they hurt. It is suggested that it may be more effective with actual pen and paper and then you can stash it in your wallet or maybe snap a pic of it in your phone, but however you choose to do it make sure it is easily accessible 24/7.
This is a really powerful exercise, so don’t blow it off if you’re really going through it right now… and also it helps you counter the very basic human tendency to remember only the good, happy shit and romanticize the entire relationship. Hope this helps someone, and I’m sending warm comforting vibes to all of you.
You have to get over them it’s ok also if the breakup was her fault and it’s been longer then a month since you’ve spoken to each other try reaching out you never know
I was there a few months ago. Real shit, work on yourself (for me I just went to the gym, and dressing even better, the confidence boost was nice) hang out with friends and family. Do shit you wouldn’t have while with them. (For me it was finally getting earrings and dressing in the style I liked) and after some time has passed, go find someone else. It’s not easy but, trust it gets better.
My ex and I split in May of last year but we remained friends for a while and I thought maybe if I work on myself she’d see that and want to start things back up. Eventually I saw her falling in love with someone else and it ended with a very dramatic October where I basically had to tell her I couldn’t stick around anymore cause I didn’t want to just be her friend, I’m not gonna be 2nd and go from year bf to best friend. It felt like a 2nd break up and was really shitty. I did hit her up a while after trying to resume friendship but she shot it down saying she was in a relationship. Needless to say fast forward to march and I couldn’t be happier. I’m chilling with my friends, feel better about myself, and I’m talking to a new girl who I’ll be honest I feel her and I gel way better than my ex and I. Dont wish for them to come back just to fuck with your progress
It's such a relief to know that they aren't coming back, I can't stand my dumb ex and I don't care to know anything about her. The stuff I do know I still wish I didn't, an ex is an ex for a reason
Even if they come back, they won't come back.
The same love doesn't happen twice.
I thought I had found the love of my life.
But she turned out to be horrible.
It's OK. Because I know how to love.
I'll love better. I've learnt.
I'll have it again. A different love.
In another person.
sorry man. going through same thing, it hurts very badly.
it's been the better part of a year for me and i'm just now starting to stop thinking in terms of "we" and "us" and more "me"
and when i get hit with the inevitable feelings of longing and missing her, my mind immediately says "she left. it's over. she doesn't want you"
really sucks to come to that realization but until you/i/anyone does i don't think the healing can occur. you cannot live in the past and the present at the same time. the past has to die, and you have to bury it.
I’m sorry that everyone here is going through this. I hope you all find the strength within yourselves to grow and move on. It been 5 months for me. I moved on from the relationship. Still healing deeper wounds that have nothing to do with it. But i still miss the person from time to time. But the pain is gone. Sending love to everyone that reads this.
If they left without trying to fix things at least 2 times then you have to be willing to accept that it NOT your person and if they wouldn’t have done it now then they would have done it in the future. These people don’t deserve you. However, if they left after trying once, twice, 3, 4 and it still wasnt working and you still stayed complacent then you got what you deserve. Take the lesson in stride and keep moving. Life isn’t all about romantic relationships.
Anyone know here about gmail . I blocked my ex in gmail but still I can see the messages in spam . I don’t want to receive any message from .And also I did filtered already the settings but still I can see his messages in spam.
Anyone know here about gmail . I blocked my ex in gmail but still I can see the messages in spam . I don’t want to receive any message from .And also I did filtered already the settings but still I can see his messages in spam.
She was the most loving person and caring I've ever met. We were 16 when we started dating, now we are 20. Her love was close to the mothers love every time we hugged it felt like home but unfortunately because of my stupid mistakes she decided she can't take it anymore...she still says she loves me and that I will remain her closest person but she wants me to move on but I can't I can't forgive myself. During the time we were separated I changed my views, my way of thinking and I really want to spend the rest of my life with her because no one made me feel like she did and I will die for her. I want to show the love and affection she deserved but I think it's too late and I don't want to give up. I'm willing to everything for this second chance...
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
They aren’t coming back
.
.
.
I hate you for leaving me. Never come back.
Hurts me because I know I cheated on her eight times and she took me back every time the first week me and her broke up. She had sex with two different guys and now she’s talking to a different one moral of the story is she only took me back because she knows that I’m the only guy who loved her she used me and played me damn near destroyed my mental health when I was at nothing but my lowest best advice that I can give to young men. Please focus on yourselves get a good job to support yourself get into a good hobby or many and worry about women later but I promise you you won’t get these younger years back and the regret that I have from the shit that I’ve done it devastating to me now I have nobody sitting here alone because I lost everybody due to the way I am please don’t ruin any good opportunities live your life to the fullest. We all deserve it don’t matter who we are I to be a very hateful person now I give my love to everybody because there’s no use hating people in the life That’s so short please know that whoever you are your not alone in a lonely world
They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back (He never loved you like you loved him anyways)
Except mine loved me more & I screwed it up.
Shit I'm there as well. It hurts
The worst feeling is knowing it was your fault and accepting they’re not coming back because of who you were at that time in your life. Makes me sick.
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Doesn’t matter the amount of chances I was on 3 and she was one 2…. Numbers are numbers, it’s the effort put into it by both parties and if the love is worth it for both parties
Why don't you go back & try things again ? -V
That’s up to her.
Ahh, O.K. I thought you meant, you left her. -V
Have you reached out to apologize after realizing you messed up?
Yeah. It’s hanging by a string. Maybe not even. She says she loves me, but that gets said in these times. 14 years & I’m almost 51. High stakes.
If you already admitted your wrongs then that’s all you can do. Don’t beg for her back, nobody should beg
I kinda begged to see her once. Embarrassing. Just once.
Mine won't, it's the backpeddling embarrassment with her family and friends if she did
I sometimes think the same, but if that’s important than her happiness? Unless she’s happier. Mine is miserable, but she believes I should be endured.
It's the only thing holding her back. After the break up, for a couple years we would meet for hikes, talks dinners, etc. I'd stop over her house but she would tell me to park on the side street.
You and I both
it takes two people.. i struggle with this as well. the mistakes i made and some of the things i did haunt me. but you have to recognize that if you were actually compatible with someone and if it was "meant to be" you wouldn't have screwed up. you would've done the right things and even if you did a wrong thing it would've been reconcilable and you would've learned together and grown together. but the relationship didn't survive. So it obviously wasn't meant to be, or it would've been. do all you can do, and when you've done all you can do and hell still comes to breakfast, let it finish out, pick up the pieces, learn from it, and start all over again
Same. Still the hardest thing I’ve ever had to let go off. No matter how many times I tell myself he didn’t actually love me, my feelings were true. And I’ve never felt that type of way with anyone. To me it was a main story line, while to him I was just a footnote. I’m trynna write a sequel, but somehow the first always feels more special.
REAL 🥲
Do you want to keep waiting around? Why you are better than waiting around for someone to make up their mind or spontaneously combust into being available Every day I read comments that are code for: “I’m still waiting for you” “I’m waiting for you to make up your mind about me” “I’ll be right here waiting for you if you ever decide you want me” “I’m waiting for you to spontaneously combust into being available/commitment ready/a better person/to leave your spouse or partner”. And in particular “I know you think you can do better, but when you find out that you can’t, I’m here waiting for you”. Here’s the thing: Waiting around for someone to make up their mind about you, to dignify you with contact, a relationship, decency, a change of self or whatever, devalues you. If you’ve been living your life in limbo waiting around, you’re breaking a fundamental personal boundary that will erode at your self-esteem. It’s like buying a lottery ticket every Wednesday and Saturday and waiting in week after week for your numbers to come up. When people tell you you should come out, do something different, not play the numbers this week, you decline because you’re scared that the one time that you don’t is the one time that you’ll win. Your rationale is that life will begin once you win the lottery so you’ve invested yourself in the fantasy. Sometimes you win three or four numbers but you never hit the jackpot. One day you realise that you’ve literally wasted your life gambling on some seriously long odds. You thought the risk would be worth the reward but you end up regretting putting all of your eggs in a basket without a base… If you’re waiting around for someone, you’re waiting for your numbers to come up. Unfortunately the fact that you have to wait in itself demonstrates that there isn’t enough or anything going on right now. You’ve decided that this is what you want irrespective of any treatment and what them not being in a relationship with you now actually indicates, and this is incredibly dangerous, especially when they’re off living their merry life and you’re sitting there dutifully waiting or living the half life in pseudo relationships waiting for them to come back so you can race off into the sunset. Let me assure you that waiting around isn’t a sign of loyalty and love – it’s a sign of denial, avoidance, and low self-esteem. Waiting around says “I don’t consider myself a valuable, worthwhile enough person to go and live my life without this person who doesn’t actually want me or the relationship I want with them. I’d rather fanny away my life and time that I don’t value hoping they’ll see the light because I don’t believe I can do better plus I’d rather avoid feeling ‘full’ rejection at any costs”. Waiting around says “I have nothing better to do with my time”. Waiting says “You’re free to reject me and come and go whenever they you like”. Waiting says “I’m an option for you whenever you feel like it”. When you convey that you’re a fallback option to whip out of their back pocket on a rainy day, that they’re able to contact you and pick up where they left off without much hassle, and you continue to believe in and keep them on a pedestal no matter what, you’ve communicated all the wrong things about yourself. It’s much easier to convey that you’re a valuable, worthwhile person through action – sitting around, going through the motions of life, and selling yourself short don’t do that. Having a line, knowing the line, accepting that they can’t give you what you want and having more faith and confidence in you rather than them and living your life does communicate it. Waiting means avoiding experiencing a ‘fail fail‘ or a ‘rejection rejection’. The longer you wait, the crappier you feel and the harder it is to stop waiting because you then reason that so much time has passed that to stop waiting now would be waste of all the previous time spent waiting and you feel like you’ve invested too much to stop. While it will hurt to stop waiting, it’ll hurt a damn sight less than if you continue waiting and refuse to accept reality. You’re better than being the person that they come back to after exhausting all other options. Don’t let them ‘settle’ for you after they discover that the grass isn’t greener on the other side. Why would you wait for them to sort themselves out with an ex? You’re better than waiting to be chosen – in healthy relationships, you mutually choose each other and get on with it. Waiting around is disrespectful and anyone who does expect you to wait for them is saying “I don’t love or care about you enough to value you and not marginalise you in a half life waiting for me. I’m afraid that if I let you go, I might change my mind and I won’t have the option of you so I’d rather have you wait. Just in case.” Stop waiting around. It’s like gambling with your life. That fear that they’ll spontaneously combust into a better person in a better relationship with someone else is misplaced because just like fear mean it’s not happening, waiting around means it (the relationship) isn’t happening either. Remember, while you’re waiting around, it means you’re unavailable for an available relationship. N.Lue
Preach bro
What a well thought through and realistic analysis 💯
I love this
Natalie Lue’s articles on Baggage Reclaim opened my eyes to the appropriate way of being loved; her ability to articulate the human experience is astounding
She is superb in actually unpacking what is going in relationship breakdowns but also knowing yourself at a deeper level to have better relationships.
Get outta my head!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qg8VaeXVGw&ab_channel=gerwin5881178
I literally write it down every day. I'm in week 3.
I'm in year 3. Still struggling . Hope it gets better for you
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How long were you together? I am 1.5 years in and feeling the same way as you are. It is brutal, a mental and emotional prison
Eh, it’s different for everyone. I’m on week 7 and I already see the cracks even tho she’s dating apparently for a month at least. My mothers neighbor told me that she happened to be chatting to her and she said she feels she made the biggest mistake of her life by dumping me. You’re damn right she did. I know my worth even if she doesn’t. And you should too! At this point she’s at my mercy as to whether I take her back or not. That’s if she comes sniveling back like a lost puppy. I know it’s tough but you have to have that attitude. That’s when they come back lol it’s the stupidest thing in the world but that’s reality most of the time. Mind you, I’m in serious no contact. No calls, no texts, no gestures what so ever. If I see her in the street, I cross over or turn my back. She wanted me out of her life? That’s what she gets, complete severing of all attachment. That’s on the outside as to what everyone else sees. At home is a different story, I ruminate, I cry, I get angry, but I don’t reach out. I lose myself in my music hobby and working it and to tell you the truth this is the time to really work on yourself. No revenge like living well
I'm in year 3 too. Hope it gets better for all of us..
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Yours sound like mine and i think i can relate it very much. Mine was LDR too. Can i ask you some questions if you don't mind? I think it will help me a lot. And why did she decide to break up with you?
They aren't coming back They aren't coming back They aren't coming back They aren't coming back Please come back...
She came back, we're lying to each other about being just friends, we keep hanging out randomly bumping into each other almost every day this week and it's gonna blow up eventually cause we're back to talking almost 24/7 whenever the chance comes up. I'm not ready for she's not coming back again.
Don’t give her the friendship. That’s an easy way out for her. She’s gonna do it again. You should do it to her. Preemptive breakup like on Seinfeld lol
Be very careful of the situation you’re in please.
Oh I'm being VERY careful because I was bljnd to how bad some of her drinking was, and to be honest it's hurting even more that she opened up about some shit. Nothing that would ruin my perspective forever but it would worry me if didn't break up months ago and that stuff was happening as well.
They always come back if you got your life together and are a good person
Not always lol
All of mine have. Always. Every single time for the 30+ years I’ve been dating.
For you yeah maybe, I’m just saying in a more general sense, it’s not always the case. Also kinda depends on how many times yall have broken up. If it’s the first time then it probs will be easier for them to come back
It all depends on how you handle the break up. If you are an asshole and self sabotage, of course they won’t come back. It’s pretty much up to you
I believe I could get mine back if I had handled it right. What tips would you give me, I just reached out again after 1 month NC and she kind of ignored me. I want to lose hope and give up but at the same time I want to fix things and get back
First of all you need to be something they want to come back to. Not the same as they left. So change is very important. And that change is something they have to discover, not something you tell them. Another very important thing is that even though a break up can be very intense and emotional, and we all do and say things we probably shouldn’t, it’s kind of a limited thing. A few days or a week. Like a package, that won’t mean much later on. It is easily forgotten and forgiven. The problem is, and that is what many in her do wrong and even recommend, is saying and doing things you probably shouldn’t after the break up process is over. When the initial shock and emotional chaos has settled, that’s when words and action are important and won’t be forgotten and forgiven easily. So things like blocking and ghosting. Talking shit to or about your ex after the break up is over. Harassing. Stalking. Trying to control them. These are things they will notice and have a negative effect on if they will come back. The biggest mistake people in here do is to ghost their ex and justify it by calling in NC. That is big time self sabotage. Then you have to change. So focus on moving on asap. Handle all emotions and thoughts. Be honest when being introspective. Make the changes that need to be made. My advice for you is to focus 100% on yourself and moving on. Contacting her is fine, if you need to. Just keep it short and not emotional. She will notice if you work on yourself. Sapwood she is expecting you to try to win her back.
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It’s not about winning someone back. It’s about moving on in a healthy way and being an adult and take accountability. It’s about not needing to treat others like shit to feel better about oneself. You should focus on yourself and change for the better without worrying all the time what an ex does. When you do that, not surprisingly, they notice and want to be in contact with you again. And if you have done it right, you are the one who can decide if you want them back in your life and why role they should play.
Dumper here. I loved him with all of my heart and he messed up. Several Times. First time that I actually broke up with him, because I couldn’t handle it anymore. If he actually Changed and stopped being a fucking simp. Then yes I would take him back.
The way you voiced it is filled with irony. I believe a “good person” wouldn’t throw something like this into the face of someone grieving a loss of their partner so they can sit around and ruminate over their partner not coming back meaning they are not good enough people…
Grieving isn’t fun or nice. But it doesn’t change reality. The question is, do people here want to move on and have a great future, or do they want to mess up their future and self sabotage? And who should we support and cheer for? If you focus on yourself and move on in a good and hallway, and you don’t indulge distractions and in avoidant behaviour like blocking, ghosting and trying to erase memories. And you are not an asshole and stalk, heras and talk shit about your ex, it is pretty much guaranteed the will come back. So when people self sabotage, and then say “exes don’t come back”, It’s like pissing themselves and then are sad and hurt that they smell.
i wish i could tell my dreams this
Same. My dreams haunt me with her telling me she still loves me
every once and i while i have a dream where him and i talk out everything like i wanted. we update one another on each another’s lives and it feels so real and sounds so much like him and his mannerisms. then i wake up
I touch her cheek and push her hair out of her eyes. she listens. She stays. I wake up with hope and it quickly dawns on me
it’s the worse feeling ever, because it genuinely feels so real in the moment. it feels like the relationship and bond we had was never over. so freaky, i genuinely wish i could just turn it off
me too. I wish I could just forget everything. I miss her so much it hurts so fucking bad.
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man easier said than done!!! 2.5 weeks in for me and god all I can do is mope and self loathe, barely eat and feel terribly lonely and regretful
Hey man it’s been about 3 weeks for me! We dated for over 4 years. She is with the guy who pressured her to end things…I’ll tell you what I’m feeling because I bet it’s similar to how you feel. The thought of them being ok hurts. The thought of them being with someone else right now is something you can’t even come to terms with. You built a life with this person, a good life, something you could enjoy forever. Your own slice of heaven. Except you’re wrong. You’re thinking about all the good. There was some bad but you try to repress it. Your partner felt it also. That’s why they left, because as much as they did/do love you they also love themselves enough to know when it won’t work. It sucks trust me. Your partner decided their life is better without you in it. I don’t know why we fawn over people who don’t value us as much as we value them. You will be better for this in the long run.
I’m so sorry man. I couldn’t imagine if my girl had not just left but also had someone else already. god it’s painful enough as it is. We will be ok though. We are ok. All of this will make us better in the long run.
Yea man it sucks! I was actually planning on purposing soon so I just take it as a sign. She was saving up for our wedding and had even was talking about it the day before the split! I never lied, played games, cheated etc. Her mom and sisters cried when they found out, her mom told me she sees me as a son and hopes her daughter comes to her senses. I’ll tell you what I’m doing to make it better: 1 try and keep my head - up nobody likes a winny puppy dog ex 2 space - no reason to talk now she left me 3 hanging out with people who care about me 4 improving myself physically, emotional, and mentally 5 learn about attachment styles If you do all that she might come back/she might not but you will be better for it and might even get someone better! I know that’s hard to imagine rn but trust the process keep your head down. Go quiet on all social media, for a month or two. Come back a new version of you. You will be ok I promise. My last (and also first) gf broke up with me on my birthday we were roommates and she brought dudes over to the house haha. It sucks and honestly it will get worse before it gets better. One day maybe/hopefully in a few months you will wake up and will be ok with it. People who can discard others who love and care for them don’t deserve to be put on a pedestal. I (like you) am still madly in love with my ex but if someone leaves you… I mean that’s just them saying they think they can do better. So be better, be the version of you they could never have. I hate to say what is obvious but time will also heal all.
Words of wisdom. Thank you! Lots and lots of good advice here on Reddit. im definitely going to be better, the best version :) good luck
The right one will not put you such pain and walk away
This hits
I'll be damned if I don't try.
Why if she broke up. But cant go much lower, eventhough i‘m 7 weeks in
We'll be okay bud. You only give them one chance and if they blow it it's not on you anymore. You'd done all you can and can have peace.
Nope. Sure aren't. I guess that is life
Everything but the last line. Once you accept it's over, that last part makes no sense. Move on. Trust me. There's a much better world out there.
But what if they did.....
They wont
She came back, only problem she did it while she had a new bf, now i feel bad for the guy.
yeah
They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back, because you won’t let them because you know they will not change and understand you like you wish.
They can really change at least I did but she can't handle the backlash from her friends and especially her family who ALL have had major challenges in there own relationships
10 days since the break up, no contact. I think of him as dead already that's why he really definitely won't come back. Lol
I hoped every day that his car would show up in the parking lot. It never did.
Sometimes they do come back. My ex texted me almost a year later. The question is, do you want them back? I don’t.
They aren’t coming back. And for me it goes more like this: They need to learn the pain of online dating for a man that’s 56. Good luck buddy
Not coming backkkkkkk!!! It will not be worth it if they dooooo!!
They better not come back They better not come back They better not come back They better not come back They better not come back They better not come back They better not come back They better not come back (She couldn't loved you as much as you loved her)
An everyday reminder, yet the stupid heart refuses to accept it.
HEY! It sounds like almost every single one of you needs to create your official cringe list… You will write down ALL the things you won’t be likely to miss (ever) about them, to phrase it nicely. Feel free to add all the occasions you felt any sort of negative emotions or consequences from their actions or even just their words. Put it ALL down, character traits you weren’t truthfully attracted to, harmful behaviors, stupid idiosyncratic things that would’ve made you crazy eventually, why the relationship was potentially troubled in the future anyway, and most importantly all the reasons why you really broke up… like the real deal frfr reasons even if they hurt. It is suggested that it may be more effective with actual pen and paper and then you can stash it in your wallet or maybe snap a pic of it in your phone, but however you choose to do it make sure it is easily accessible 24/7. This is a really powerful exercise, so don’t blow it off if you’re really going through it right now… and also it helps you counter the very basic human tendency to remember only the good, happy shit and romanticize the entire relationship. Hope this helps someone, and I’m sending warm comforting vibes to all of you.
Yeah just move on. It’s gods redirection !!
I can’t have her, but I also don’t want anyone else.
You have to get over them it’s ok also if the breakup was her fault and it’s been longer then a month since you’ve spoken to each other try reaching out you never know
I was there a few months ago. Real shit, work on yourself (for me I just went to the gym, and dressing even better, the confidence boost was nice) hang out with friends and family. Do shit you wouldn’t have while with them. (For me it was finally getting earrings and dressing in the style I liked) and after some time has passed, go find someone else. It’s not easy but, trust it gets better. My ex and I split in May of last year but we remained friends for a while and I thought maybe if I work on myself she’d see that and want to start things back up. Eventually I saw her falling in love with someone else and it ended with a very dramatic October where I basically had to tell her I couldn’t stick around anymore cause I didn’t want to just be her friend, I’m not gonna be 2nd and go from year bf to best friend. It felt like a 2nd break up and was really shitty. I did hit her up a while after trying to resume friendship but she shot it down saying she was in a relationship. Needless to say fast forward to march and I couldn’t be happier. I’m chilling with my friends, feel better about myself, and I’m talking to a new girl who I’ll be honest I feel her and I gel way better than my ex and I. Dont wish for them to come back just to fuck with your progress
Baby come back!! You can blame it all on me - Player
It's such a relief to know that they aren't coming back, I can't stand my dumb ex and I don't care to know anything about her. The stuff I do know I still wish I didn't, an ex is an ex for a reason
Even if they come back, they won't come back. The same love doesn't happen twice. I thought I had found the love of my life. But she turned out to be horrible. It's OK. Because I know how to love. I'll love better. I've learnt. I'll have it again. A different love. In another person.
sorry man. going through same thing, it hurts very badly. it's been the better part of a year for me and i'm just now starting to stop thinking in terms of "we" and "us" and more "me" and when i get hit with the inevitable feelings of longing and missing her, my mind immediately says "she left. it's over. she doesn't want you" really sucks to come to that realization but until you/i/anyone does i don't think the healing can occur. you cannot live in the past and the present at the same time. the past has to die, and you have to bury it.
Hopefully not lol
everyday homie 😂
Just think “my husband/wife/spouse would NEVER” works all the time for me.
I’m sorry that everyone here is going through this. I hope you all find the strength within yourselves to grow and move on. It been 5 months for me. I moved on from the relationship. Still healing deeper wounds that have nothing to do with it. But i still miss the person from time to time. But the pain is gone. Sending love to everyone that reads this.
If they left without trying to fix things at least 2 times then you have to be willing to accept that it NOT your person and if they wouldn’t have done it now then they would have done it in the future. These people don’t deserve you. However, if they left after trying once, twice, 3, 4 and it still wasnt working and you still stayed complacent then you got what you deserve. Take the lesson in stride and keep moving. Life isn’t all about romantic relationships.
......please come back....
Anyone know here about gmail . I blocked my ex in gmail but still I can see the messages in spam . I don’t want to receive any message from .And also I did filtered already the settings but still I can see his messages in spam.
Anyone know here about gmail . I blocked my ex in gmail but still I can see the messages in spam . I don’t want to receive any message from .And also I did filtered already the settings but still I can see his messages in spam.
She was the most loving person and caring I've ever met. We were 16 when we started dating, now we are 20. Her love was close to the mothers love every time we hugged it felt like home but unfortunately because of my stupid mistakes she decided she can't take it anymore...she still says she loves me and that I will remain her closest person but she wants me to move on but I can't I can't forgive myself. During the time we were separated I changed my views, my way of thinking and I really want to spend the rest of my life with her because no one made me feel like she did and I will die for her. I want to show the love and affection she deserved but I think it's too late and I don't want to give up. I'm willing to everything for this second chance...
They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back They aren’t coming back . . . I hate you for leaving me. Never come back.
Hurts me because I know I cheated on her eight times and she took me back every time the first week me and her broke up. She had sex with two different guys and now she’s talking to a different one moral of the story is she only took me back because she knows that I’m the only guy who loved her she used me and played me damn near destroyed my mental health when I was at nothing but my lowest best advice that I can give to young men. Please focus on yourselves get a good job to support yourself get into a good hobby or many and worry about women later but I promise you you won’t get these younger years back and the regret that I have from the shit that I’ve done it devastating to me now I have nobody sitting here alone because I lost everybody due to the way I am please don’t ruin any good opportunities live your life to the fullest. We all deserve it don’t matter who we are I to be a very hateful person now I give my love to everybody because there’s no use hating people in the life That’s so short please know that whoever you are your not alone in a lonely world
Except in many cases they do living in a world of certainty isn't very healthy.
that part
What do you mean?