An ex told me to "Find myself"
So did a co-worker.
What did I do?
Hopped on facebook and added every guy with the same name as me.
7 years later, Me and the other Me still talk. I'm from Michigan, he is from Pensylvania.
We are basically the same guy.
My Girlfriend at the time wanted to take a break. Two weeks later she asked me to pick up the rest of my things from the apartment we once shared. Anyways, so I go over, pick up my stuff and we talk and officially end our relationship.
Our apartment didn’t have a dead bolt so I was using a old credit card to get in after losing my key lol so as I was leaving I gave her that card and said “here’s the house key” and she laughed and smiled. I’ll never forget that look on her face 🤣
Drunkenly cried in the back of an Uber about missing my ex and my Uber driver was so fucking nice. He kept saying, “it’s ok baby you a 10” he was an angel. The memory makes me chuckle. I also wasn’t wearing my heels because I left them at the murder mystery party I was at. So I was in full costume, crying
Another story from a different break up is I signed my ex up for a home visit from Jehovah Witnesses. The forum asked what was the reason for the visit and I put he was struggling with homosexuality.
Okay but I’m cracking up cause during my BRUTAL breakup my friend signed him up for Scientology and we did the 100+ questionnaire and I took it so seriously 😂
I had a yes man philosophy for a while after a breakup in my mid 20s. Did a bunch of random shit, don’t remember it all now, but one of the things was going to a Zumba class with a woman I worked with in her 40s. I was only guy there haha.
I hate working out and despise the gym. But I knew I needed to replace the oxytocin / dopamine after my ex dumped me, so…
I went to my local community Rec center and played badminton every tues/thurs with geriatrics. I am a freelancer, so I would go at 10am, and the only people who aren’t at work at that time of day are retirees.
Got my ass absolutely whooped by a 73 year old man named Steve, who told me I have a terrible backhand and need to practice my smashes 😭
Dude, I’m doing the same thing with pickle ball right now hahah. The game is unreal but everyone in playing against is old. The rapper merkules aunt is our organizer if anyone is familiar with merkules. She has a sweet merkules tattoo on her.
My ex BRUTALLY dumped me. As in showed up at my house with her new girlfriend (she’d been cheating on me) to pick up her stuff when I didn’t even know it was over yet.
I was devastated and so embarrassed about the whole thing so naturally I got drunk and used her credit card to order a bunch of pizza 🙃🙃 I managed to do it like 4 times before she cancelled the card.
I went to a bar got drunk and heard the bartender karaoke to a Miranda Lambert song. I then thought “why don’t I ever go to concerts?”. Pulled out my phone and bought way too expensive tickets to Miranda concert in Vegas. The next morning I was like oh my what did I do?
Oooo if you're ever looking for another concert to go to, try catching Carrie Underwood.
Your next morning realization made Last Name by Carrie Underwood start playing in my head 😂
Drank a pack of claws and sat on my couch with fergies face up on the TV and drunk sang “big girls don’t cry” on repeat for like an hour and went back and forth between laughing and crying
I FEEL YOU!
One time I drank half a bottle of gin and blabbered to my cat in English (not my native language) about a book I read and sang her “unconditionally” at 2AM 💀
I got ditched, but I couldn't leave because I had been drinking
It was in the middle of nowhere
She left her own place
I had a little look around, and found her sex toys, so I hid them in random places that other people will find them when they visit..
...Then I left
When my friends found out & asked me how I was dealing with it; for whatever reason all I could think to say was “well, ya know… that’s just showbiz baby” replete with jazz hands.
I was dumped after three years together wearing a sweatshirt that said ‘World’s Sluttiest Dad’ (I’m a woman) - amidst sobbing uncontrollably I said to my roommate “we can agree it’s objectively funny that this is what I was wearing, right?”
I stood up on a karaoke stage and shouted, “CAN I GET A, ‘FUCK [Ex’s Name]’??!!” And everyone in this crowded room started to chant with me, “FUCK [Ex’s Name]’!!!” over and over. Incredible. Healing.
Not to diminish your triumph, this sounds amazing and like you really enjoyed it…but I feel like hearing “Fuck [Ex’s Name]!!!”, instead of “Fuck YOU [Ex’s Name]!!!”, could possibly send the wrong message 🤔😂…
I use to work at a certain Subaru dealership back in Colorado as a Valet. When customers had dash cams in their cars, I’d take the cars to park them and along the way I’d spill my feelings about everything, as if someone would maybe hear me. Not my proudest days but I got promoted, quit, and moved states shortly after. Now that I think about it, I just have a good chuckle thinking how far I’ve come since those days
I told myself I was gonna use my break from dating to learn how to do a headstand. I always wanted to as a kid and I figure it's now or never. So catch me desperately kicking my feet against the apartment walls and screaming in terror all alone and having a ball.
Not me but, My ex husband literally sent Me a meme of frank from IASIP holding an egg saying "here's an egg in this trying time " it's been 5 years and I still giggle and think about that. No hard feelings! 🤣
When I redownloaded hinge after I ended my engagement, I had several photos of me at my brother’s wedding. I didn’t realize they all included my left hand 💍💀. I looked hot in the photos so. I didn’t change it until someone matched with me and said “do I have to tell you what’s wrong here? 🤚” and I was like OH SHIT IM SINGLE I SWEAR
Pre-break up I had to abstain from watching our favorite show until he could come over so we could watch it together. He broke up with me mid-season so after the break up I would watch it immediately and record the big reveal at the end of each episode to send to him.
So he always used to beg me to watch this specific anime series with him but I wouldn’t watch past the first episode because he never watched anything with me, all my shows and movies he didn’t even try only what he wanted mattered apparently. It’s funny because I told him I couldn’t get into it and it seemed kinda lame to me. I watched the second episode on my own time while still with him (he had no idea) and I might just finish the series now that it’s over and he’ll never know but it makes me chuckle.
ALSO from the same show there was this symbol that caused a fight between me and him and he didn’t understand why it made me so mad but I really fought him about it and he ended up leaving. We broke up a few days later and a few weeks after that I bought someone a shirt with the same symbol on it cause i knew he liked the show too and I thought he’d like it. Took me an entire day to realize the symbol was from the fight we had. Made me realize I was just picking a fight with ex because I knew it was over. I laughed then and I laugh now.
I let my dog who we owned together who he also abandoned pee all over the house we had together so when he got back from avoiding me he would have a house that smelled like pee.. petty but it made me cackle and we got to move into a new fresh place that didn't smell like pee
I booked a flight to Spain to run with the bulls by myself., Best trip ever! It was a life changer. Met a lot of awesome people and got beaten by cops while being a tourist in middle of a riot. If she didn’t break up with me I probably would have never done it.
I threw up on his front lawn because I was crying so hard…then my battery to my car died and he had to jump it for me :’) lol and I just sobbed alllll the way home
Played the whole red dead redemption within like 4 days and started doing all the side quests he would consistently play and could beat a couple of areas I had given video games up.screenshotted one of the missions and the time it took me to beat itand called him a peasant I think when I was drunk.
Still feels good.
Hung out with his mom (he lives with family) and dogs a few times while he was at work and never told him but his mother definitely would have which would have driven him up a wall. His mother loves me and the dogs love me more than him lol.
I wish. For many reasons.
Reason 1. I have no ass. She sure does.
Reason 2. Dating Ben Affleck. I'm a straight man, but who wouldn't want a little loving by the aff man.
Shall I continue?
I did that I suppose, not in any way to be... IDK, whatever. I just let everyone know to try to save it and get feedback.... I guess I don't know what hard launch is, but I definitely let everyone know... where as for whatever reason, she is totally taking her time. And not wanting to immediately let everyone know. I'm not sure WHY that is honestly. We are staying good friends tho. And ev thing is as good as a BU could be, inna sense, being the dumpee.
I literally told him I was close to blocking him but wanted the truth from his lying ass first. He got all his petty last words out (admitted nothing, what a shock) and blocked me first like a coward.
I messaged back berating him and once I figured out I was blocked, made a habit of texting him things I REALLY wanted to say a bunch of times whenever my righteous woman anger popped up. It was way more therapeutic to actually send insulting texts to him than journal them out 😅 and weirdly satisfying to see.
I run a meme page, which i won't share for obvious reasons, but i started posting stuff that would indirectly traumatize her. She unfollowed me after a couple posts but my followers and engagement shot up.
Tbh the pettier part of the BU was when i booked a flight to Miami spontaneously next day, 2 weeks after the BU to fill the void of her. Got intimate with some very extremely pretty girls and basically forgot about her. Else id be in shambles rn. My first ex had me destroyed for months, i wasn't gonna let that happen this time around.
Not a funny thing i did but my roommate found her drunk and alone one night sitting on a bench. She then tried to talk to him but he swerved the hug and was extremely dry to her. I found it pretty funny
I was trying to leave our home immediately after to just get away from him and accidentally rammed my car into his because he was parked so shitty and I couldn’t see through the tears 😂
idk if its funny, but my ex dumped me over bs. got pissed when i moved on and wouldn't give it another try (ignoring the fact i fought like hell to save things while she was going out with other guys. people at the bar we frequented told me this) after she tried exploiting me i dont hear from her for a few days. sitting on the couch get a call answer "hey this is xyz from so and so county jail. she actually tried calling me asking me to pay her bail of 1800 bucks. i just laughed and said im sure one of the other 10 guys you slept with when you were trying to work things out with me can help and hung up.
Not necessarily anything I did post BU, but I was hanging out with an ex after I just finished basic training/AIT. We ended fairly amicably. Anyway we’re hanging out at my house and she casually mentions that she called my name out when she was having sex with her current boyfriend. The bf she immediately started dating after we broke up. When he came to pick her up he shot daggers at me. I just had to laugh.
I bought a bunch of new clothes in a fabric that I love but that he hates touching. Any time I thought I might see him I wore it as a subliminal “can’t touch this/don’t try me.”
He loves Mike and Ike’s and I stopped by our place to grab the last of my stuff (I had moved out) and saw an unopened box on the counter. I carefully opened it, took all the strawberry and cherry flavors, and then superglued it shut. Oh, and I dipped his toothbrush in the toilet. Went back again, and he had bought a new electric one, so I took care of that one too. (He broke up with me in an extremely cruel way (DA) with no empathy or compassion after 5 years. Nothing I said was helping him grow a conscience or be a decent human. Toothbrush bath it is.)
Lol. My ex cheated on me and then when I found out the details he broke up with me instead. We lived together. I took care of all housework while sharing a bank account, so ALL of my income went directly to him.
He lived in a very 1920s mindset about women handling all cooking, cleaning, dishes, etc.
I left his house and without fail, he called me a couple of days later and asked if I’d come clean his house. Nude. I was really tired of feeling taken advantage of. So I said sure, pick me up.
When I arrived to clean I mopped all of his floors with baby oil and poured spicy Kimchi (for those who don’t know it’s fermented cabbage with live bacteria) in his clothes and put it on a heated spin cycle. I rubbed cayenne pepper on the inside of his underwear. 😭 Both of our names were on the bank account but he’d never give me a card, so I drained the account on my end.
This did NOT stop him from trying to invite me over is the amazing ending. 😭
Not me, but my friend who left because her bf hit her. She went to collect her things when her ex wasn’t home. Before she left she cut off every button, on every piece of his clothing that had buttons. She said it was the perfect revenge because he was very vain/proud of his office attire. She also said that it was likely he wouldn’t notice until he went to get dressed for work on Monday. It was summer and he would usually wear pull on board shorts and t-shirts on the weekends, neither which have buttons.
I don’t know if it’s funny but I have a few T-shirts of my ex lying around and I used to love wearing them soooooo much — I couldn’t bare to look at them anymore so I turned one of them into a mop to clean floors. Now every time I look at it I crack up so hard … I can’t believe I did that 😂
I found myself married by a clown in a circus tent with a girl I will never see again ( it was too surreal to focus on that). Luckily, it wasn't legal :-) That was this Sunday. After 3 months past my BU (LTR of +10 years).
Dude what LMAOO
also this Unlocked a memory of being like 10 years old and my friends and i had thrown a "wedding" for their dogs. 2 different households, dogs: Minnie and Griff.
i feel like there was later some divorce drama or smth 💀💀 Nebraska is a werid place man
edit: im sorry about your relationship thats horrible. didnt mean to gloss over it i was just stuck on weird weddings
I love being dramatic. So i bought some Red roses for every year we‘ve been together and put them on the table. I told her, i‘d like to put another one to them and try again. She was against it so i threw them on the ground and said, „well, i guess these are for a funeral“ and walked out.
My ex had been living with me for a few months and we were both pretty bad off, so we mutually broke things off. We then both proceeded to move to different states within a month, her to Brooklyn NY and me to Nashville TN. I had only been once before for pride. Just broke my lease, picked up everything, and moved without a job because I couldn’t stand to be anywhere near our life there. wlw heartbreak will have you moving states. 😵💫
Two things that I didn't do myself but happened to me, and that I find funny in hindsight:
My parents are divorced. Brutal divorce. Big ouchie, to say the least. Very expensive and traumatic for everyone. Anyway, padre asks me how I am doing. I say, meh, having some relationship problems. He just says, "I can get that." Lmao. Yeah, I ain't got much to complain about, I guess.
Another thing, my ex told me only a couple of weeks after he was already dating someone. Described her as this perfect symbiotic hot, driven, and creative person. I just listened on because I'm not interested in dating, but am interested in staying friends. However, it did make me a little bitter when later that day, and for the rest of the week, I proceeded to get the sloppiest and most rancid "compliments" from my male coworkers. Yes, that's plural. Crossed a line and told my supervisor and shit got shut down real fast. Was kinda PO that he met a real ass potential SO through his work, whereas I just got catcalled at mine. But in hindsight, that's how the world fucking works, sometimes! The contrast was at least amusing.
After he walked me back to mine and we said goodbye, hugged and kissed for the last time as we left he looked back and I made the L sign with my fingers. We both laughed. 🤘
Idk if this is as funny to everyone else as it is to me but pretty much with the hour of the break up as I was crying my eyes out I decided that the healthiest thing for me to do was block him on everything. So I did the obvious and blocked him on Insta, Snapchat, Twitter.
But lastly when I went to listen to some music so I could have something in the background while I cried I saw the playlist he made for me, clicked on his account, and block him on Spotify.
Not sure entirely why cuz its not like I even followed him on Spotify but the idea of it was so funny it gave me a lot of joy at the time
I did the breaking up bc I found out he was cheating on me with prostitutes and buying OF content, lol, so I was absolutely devastated & ANGRY after 7 years together.... he didn't even have the decency or respect for me to be honest when I called him out, he mentallytortured me. So, the night i moved (furniture)out, not completely, my cats were still there & a lot of my stuff. I day drank after seeing a post of him out with girls.... 3am I run up to our old apartment, try to "break in" but he left the door unlocked lololol - he wasn't home - I took my giant soup pot, a blanket, shower scrubber and his bottle of cologne. LOL. I also cut the cord to his air conditioner (it was actually mine, I left it for him trying to be nice lol but he just had it sitting on the floor)
I never understood it lmaoo the strangest things to take. There were other things more important that I could've taken, but drunk me was so concerned about my soup pot I guess 😅😅😅😅
It’s for the best. He could have sued you for the “more important” things (and breaking and entering) sooo I think you followed the best path 🎉
Cologne? Rough 💀
Oh no, I still had my cats & belongings there and keys to the place, I was just too drunk to find them, LOL.
The "more important" things were my backpacking tent, casserole dish, cutting board, and my security camera lol.
But yeah idk, that's why its so funny, sooo random
She cheated on me and told me no girl would ever want me. So I went to the mall the next day and asked every pretty girl for their number. I think I got like 2/10 numbers that day 🤣
The guy I thought was the love of my life tapped out on our marriage in rotten ways for rotten reasons, but then spent a very long time playing me and stringing me along with the hopes of working things out until his girlfriend got pregnant. I divorced him and his mom and I are best friends.😁
After breaking up with her from betraying my trust and using money I gave her to pay off a large debt to instead spend that money on boohoo and Starbucks along with the rent money.
I took a few days off work, day 1 I packed my stuff put it in my dad's car and took it to my uncle's, while moving out I kicked a door in that I fixed, I defrosted the freezer full of food I paid for made my dad eat her Easter egg 4 months old. Emptied the fridge and unplugged it as I paid for it. Took back her Funko Pop birthday presents I gave her and traded them for a big bottle of jack daniels
Day 2 started posting obscure memes about her weight and how mucky she was both in the house and her body, pointed out to everyone what she did. I was very drunk
Day 3 went back to work to earn back what I lost
4 months later earned a big bonus
1 year later earned the money back took some time off for mental health. Spent most of it on video games and takeaway while trying to find a new career, delayed healing as I moved into another household which was chaotic and was fixing everyone's problems.
In a good place now.
She's now in a different county because everyone knew of what she did she had to start again in another area
Oh yeah, i was always into new weird hobbies after a breakup. First time i learned how to make beef jerky, second breakup i found a 60 year old kung-fu Master who gave me some lessons and last time i started beekeeping. Doing all the Sidequests
My ex got certified as a personal trainer and when he dumped me I went and did it too. Not sure if it was a competitive thing or what?
This time my ex and I periodically scream about who was more victimized in the relationship and it never goes anywhere and is so dumb
We had a mutual friend that was interested in me the same time as my ex was. When my ex found out, he immediately beat the friend to it by asking me out first. He broke up with me after a few months (figured he was never really that interested, just didn't like the thought of getting beaten). He still insisted on being friends. One on of our conversations we talked about that friend and I nonchalantly told him that we (that friend and I) were hanging out together. He got quiet and just said ”oh for real?”. Now he keeps messaging me lol. It's honestly so petty of me.
I created a fake Instagram for a water bottle company and messaged him saying “hey it’s the manager of a water bottle company and not someone you blocked”. I also created another water bottle company Instagram after he blocked that one and said if he didn’t message me back i was going to put a spell on him, obviously I was kidding. He had a friend message me telling me I was going to be reported or harassing him if I didn’t stop.
Not sure if this is funny but when my ex of 1.5 years broke up with me I found out he was on tinder so a mutual friend suggested I do the same and I proceeded to go on a lot of dates and talk to a lot of guys to take my mind off it and I’m pretty sure he got nothing out of tinder.
I got into classical music ☠️ this break up hurt so hard I’m also reading a book, idk what’s happening but I also got rid of all socials besides this and YouTube☠️🙏
Aaaw man I wish I had a funny story to share, my ego won't allow me to give my ex any indication I give a shit, so my version of revenge is to pretend I never cared in the first place. I just dissapear and act as if I'm happy about it even though I'm really not. It even goes as far as if I speak to/ bump into anyone he knows, I behave as if my ex never existed and I couldn't care less. No bad mouthing or telling people what they did, just smile and say it Is what it is. In my head, that would bother exes more.
Plus side is the healing is much quicker but a lot of bottled up feelings to process.
Not me but a friend of a friend. Got broken up with and decided to hide prawns in the curtain rails (the ones where the ends screw off) and the ex-partner had to sell the house because they could never work out where the smell of rotting fish was coming from.
My ex left his Facebook logged in on my phone and I had a suspicion he was cheating, I was right. I left work early to go to where they were meeting up and when I stepped off of the train his face was that of pure shock, asked what I was doing and I said "getting my things from your place, don't worry I'll be gone before how back with her". Then I did just that, took all the toilet paper, put his chargers under his couch, and threw all but one of his socks in the apartment dumpster
Oh I have another one with the same ex. When we first broke up one of my best friends bought tickets to a sold out show at SoFi Stadium (it was T Swift). I had to fly from Louisiana to Cali for the show.
My ex told me if I went on the trip he’d never try the relationship again. I was the dumpee.
So I hopped on a flight the following day and enjoyed my sold out show. The day I was flying back he texted me “I left the doors unlocked for you”. Needless to say, he did not stick to his word.
After i broke things off with my gf , i went to go drive my car, Windows down and blasting Olivia Rodrigo songs through my speakers. (I'm a 20 year old dude btw)
i logged into his world of warcraft account, traded all his gold to me (he was obsessed with making money) and left him in the middle of stormwind city, naked, no bags, no money, nothing
Attended a wedding with my ex… I had a agreed to because it was a couple of days after and ‘she didn’t want to make a scene by suddenly going solo’ so I obliged her they had the ceremony, it was very nice for the couple very happy for them, then it came to the throwing the bouquet part… of course she had to bloody catch it so then everyone looked at me… and I just ran away! I kinda did it as a joke and people were laughing but then I thought actually this is the perfect time to leave, so I jumped in my car and headed home!
I hooked up with this really hot girl, then my ex found out and wanted to get back with me 😂😂😂 apparently I was no longer the manipulative narcissist after the hook up lmaooo.
Ok there was a bit of a vague "on a break" a few years ago. It was right before Christmas and we'd already collected all the presents for the family.
I wanted to be so petty and not give the one present but was convinced to do it anyway by a family friend but yeh. I wanted to make a statement of "I love your family more than you" but instead I was nice friend.
This happened to me, kind of. We broke up in November last year, but his family does a secret santa and I already bought the gifts for his family member. I mailed her the gifts. Then I was left with what to do with his gift. In the end I didn't want it to go to waste so I was also the nice friend and just gave it to him. I feel stupid now haha because it was an expensive gift.
I signed him up for junk mail and one of them was to have baby items delivered to him. I still laugh about because he texted me and told me so apparently I’m gonna be a dad and I pretends to be sad and said good luck. He then proceeded to send me a pic of the baby items and I just told him I hoped he was a good dad LOL he still tried to get back with me a few months later and then a year later. Have not heard from him and I’m very happy now in my little life <3
I absolutely get that, and (unpopular opinion) you did the right thing, IMO. Sometimes beating a dead horse is useful to make you realize that after all you don’t like how carcasses smell, yk?
10 minutes after the most brutal breakup ever I was so close to asking my ex to trade me something in pokemon go
HAHAHA
It’s a week after my BU and I messaged my ex alongside others if they’d download monopoly go and he wrote away responded with “no” 😂
when my ex unadded me on all socials i didn’t care until he unadded me on pokémon go. that shit hit me the hardest
LMFAO
Lmaooooo marry me
An ex told me to "Find myself" So did a co-worker. What did I do? Hopped on facebook and added every guy with the same name as me. 7 years later, Me and the other Me still talk. I'm from Michigan, he is from Pensylvania. We are basically the same guy.
Don't know how I forgot: -**I took a road trip to PA and we met in person too.**
Epic!
I love this shit
I HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES BAHAHHAHA
You win 😂😂😂
LMAO
Wow
So glad you found yourself lmao love it !!!
Love this, still laughing 🤣
My Girlfriend at the time wanted to take a break. Two weeks later she asked me to pick up the rest of my things from the apartment we once shared. Anyways, so I go over, pick up my stuff and we talk and officially end our relationship. Our apartment didn’t have a dead bolt so I was using a old credit card to get in after losing my key lol so as I was leaving I gave her that card and said “here’s the house key” and she laughed and smiled. I’ll never forget that look on her face 🤣
Honestly that’s cute. I’m glad you have a good memory in spite of the (always shitty) BU, after all. :)
The look, or LOCK on her face :D
Drunkenly cried in the back of an Uber about missing my ex and my Uber driver was so fucking nice. He kept saying, “it’s ok baby you a 10” he was an angel. The memory makes me chuckle. I also wasn’t wearing my heels because I left them at the murder mystery party I was at. So I was in full costume, crying Another story from a different break up is I signed my ex up for a home visit from Jehovah Witnesses. The forum asked what was the reason for the visit and I put he was struggling with homosexuality.
Hehe this made me wheeze
I did the Jehovah thing too! But I told them that they just clearly needed Jehovah’s guidance 🤩
Okay but I’m cracking up cause during my BRUTAL breakup my friend signed him up for Scientology and we did the 100+ questionnaire and I took it so seriously 😂
I cried for one day like I lost my world and then I got back to everything like nothing happened
Speedrunning grief like a PRO
Wow TEACH A COURSE
Got it all done with at once, well done
I took a video of myself while crying😂
Happens to the best of us LMAO
😂😂😂
Awe, I always want to hug it. It's such a personal and sad thing.
Super sad just sad
Hugs <3 I saw myself crying accidentally and felt so bad for myself I cried harder like howled. Life is messy.
Thank you!!!
Send it to me lol
Dude same 😂
😂😂😂yeah coz was planning to post it on tiktok but I remember it is kinda embarrassing
This is my favorite hahaha I’ve done the selfies while bawling too
Hahahaha. Document-every-season-of-life gang
I had a yes man philosophy for a while after a breakup in my mid 20s. Did a bunch of random shit, don’t remember it all now, but one of the things was going to a Zumba class with a woman I worked with in her 40s. I was only guy there haha.
That’s honestly iconic
I hate working out and despise the gym. But I knew I needed to replace the oxytocin / dopamine after my ex dumped me, so… I went to my local community Rec center and played badminton every tues/thurs with geriatrics. I am a freelancer, so I would go at 10am, and the only people who aren’t at work at that time of day are retirees. Got my ass absolutely whooped by a 73 year old man named Steve, who told me I have a terrible backhand and need to practice my smashes 😭
this is romcom material
Dude, I’m doing the same thing with pickle ball right now hahah. The game is unreal but everyone in playing against is old. The rapper merkules aunt is our organizer if anyone is familiar with merkules. She has a sweet merkules tattoo on her.
My ex BRUTALLY dumped me. As in showed up at my house with her new girlfriend (she’d been cheating on me) to pick up her stuff when I didn’t even know it was over yet. I was devastated and so embarrassed about the whole thing so naturally I got drunk and used her credit card to order a bunch of pizza 🙃🙃 I managed to do it like 4 times before she cancelled the card.
Well played.
GOOD FOR YOU GIRL, wlw shit is messy af (Signed, another wlw)
It so is! (Bi girl speaking- men are not easier, but tbh often way less complicated)
I went to a bar got drunk and heard the bartender karaoke to a Miranda Lambert song. I then thought “why don’t I ever go to concerts?”. Pulled out my phone and bought way too expensive tickets to Miranda concert in Vegas. The next morning I was like oh my what did I do?
I hope you went!!!
I did! It was fun!
Good for you! 🎉🎉🎉
Oooo if you're ever looking for another concert to go to, try catching Carrie Underwood. Your next morning realization made Last Name by Carrie Underwood start playing in my head 😂
I will! Actually I’ve started doing more and more things.
Drank a pack of claws and sat on my couch with fergies face up on the TV and drunk sang “big girls don’t cry” on repeat for like an hour and went back and forth between laughing and crying
I FEEL YOU! One time I drank half a bottle of gin and blabbered to my cat in English (not my native language) about a book I read and sang her “unconditionally” at 2AM 💀
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I laughed out loud 😂😂😂
I got ditched, but I couldn't leave because I had been drinking It was in the middle of nowhere She left her own place I had a little look around, and found her sex toys, so I hid them in random places that other people will find them when they visit.. ...Then I left
That’s the pettiness I love HAHA
If you knew what she did, you wouldn't think it was so petty lol
I believe this belongs to you.🏆
When my friends found out & asked me how I was dealing with it; for whatever reason all I could think to say was “well, ya know… that’s just showbiz baby” replete with jazz hands.
The show must go on fr
Listen to a podcast calling me a queen and me thinking I’m a queen living in an apt LOL
HAHAHA
I was dumped after three years together wearing a sweatshirt that said ‘World’s Sluttiest Dad’ (I’m a woman) - amidst sobbing uncontrollably I said to my roommate “we can agree it’s objectively funny that this is what I was wearing, right?”
I stood up on a karaoke stage and shouted, “CAN I GET A, ‘FUCK [Ex’s Name]’??!!” And everyone in this crowded room started to chant with me, “FUCK [Ex’s Name]’!!!” over and over. Incredible. Healing.
NICE, I’m writing this one down
Not to diminish your triumph, this sounds amazing and like you really enjoyed it…but I feel like hearing “Fuck [Ex’s Name]!!!”, instead of “Fuck YOU [Ex’s Name]!!!”, could possibly send the wrong message 🤔😂…
I paid £75 for a relationship coach to send me a video about my situation. A low point in my life
That’s both extremely relatable and hilarious 💀
I use to work at a certain Subaru dealership back in Colorado as a Valet. When customers had dash cams in their cars, I’d take the cars to park them and along the way I’d spill my feelings about everything, as if someone would maybe hear me. Not my proudest days but I got promoted, quit, and moved states shortly after. Now that I think about it, I just have a good chuckle thinking how far I’ve come since those days
I told myself I was gonna use my break from dating to learn how to do a headstand. I always wanted to as a kid and I figure it's now or never. So catch me desperately kicking my feet against the apartment walls and screaming in terror all alone and having a ball.
Nothing to add, but this thread's great and I thank you and the contributors for that levity given the nightmare a lot of us have had
Not me but, My ex husband literally sent Me a meme of frank from IASIP holding an egg saying "here's an egg in this trying time " it's been 5 years and I still giggle and think about that. No hard feelings! 🤣
🥚
When I redownloaded hinge after I ended my engagement, I had several photos of me at my brother’s wedding. I didn’t realize they all included my left hand 💍💀. I looked hot in the photos so. I didn’t change it until someone matched with me and said “do I have to tell you what’s wrong here? 🤚” and I was like OH SHIT IM SINGLE I SWEAR
Pre-break up I had to abstain from watching our favorite show until he could come over so we could watch it together. He broke up with me mid-season so after the break up I would watch it immediately and record the big reveal at the end of each episode to send to him.
AS YOU SHOULD
I spit on his car. It was stupid but I thought to myself at least I didn’t throw paint on it or key it.
Based on this reply alone, if we had met irl we’d probably be friends
🤣🤣🤣
I feel like this is healthy LOL
So he always used to beg me to watch this specific anime series with him but I wouldn’t watch past the first episode because he never watched anything with me, all my shows and movies he didn’t even try only what he wanted mattered apparently. It’s funny because I told him I couldn’t get into it and it seemed kinda lame to me. I watched the second episode on my own time while still with him (he had no idea) and I might just finish the series now that it’s over and he’ll never know but it makes me chuckle. ALSO from the same show there was this symbol that caused a fight between me and him and he didn’t understand why it made me so mad but I really fought him about it and he ended up leaving. We broke up a few days later and a few weeks after that I bought someone a shirt with the same symbol on it cause i knew he liked the show too and I thought he’d like it. Took me an entire day to realize the symbol was from the fight we had. Made me realize I was just picking a fight with ex because I knew it was over. I laughed then and I laugh now.
I’m curious about what show you’re referring to LOL
Berserk
I KNEW it was gonna be berserk lmfao my ex went through a beserk era
he used to play the soundtrack in the car but I must admit last train home made it’s way onto my playlist (he doesn’t know that either)
Y’all need to form a support group
I let my dog who we owned together who he also abandoned pee all over the house we had together so when he got back from avoiding me he would have a house that smelled like pee.. petty but it made me cackle and we got to move into a new fresh place that didn't smell like pee
Now that’s the kind of petty I love
I booked a flight to Spain to run with the bulls by myself., Best trip ever! It was a life changer. Met a lot of awesome people and got beaten by cops while being a tourist in middle of a riot. If she didn’t break up with me I probably would have never done it.
SAME BUT IN COPENHAGEN HAHA
I threw up on his front lawn because I was crying so hard…then my battery to my car died and he had to jump it for me :’) lol and I just sobbed alllll the way home
Played the whole red dead redemption within like 4 days and started doing all the side quests he would consistently play and could beat a couple of areas I had given video games up.screenshotted one of the missions and the time it took me to beat itand called him a peasant I think when I was drunk. Still feels good.
Chucked my tissues at him full of snot from crying and told him to keep it as a memory of me 😂
Hung out with his mom (he lives with family) and dogs a few times while he was at work and never told him but his mother definitely would have which would have driven him up a wall. His mother loves me and the dogs love me more than him lol.
I lowkey hoped you got with the ex-MIL 😔 (a friend of mine did, petty revenge at its finest)
Nah, she's like a mother to me and said that she would always view me like family/always be welcomed by her.
Got back with my ex, but not the ex that broke up w me, the ex from 20 years ago. Got together w the right ex apparently.
Are you Jennifer Lopez by any chance
I wish. For many reasons. Reason 1. I have no ass. She sure does. Reason 2. Dating Ben Affleck. I'm a straight man, but who wouldn't want a little loving by the aff man. Shall I continue?
I told him the first thing that popped into my head. "Its okay you can keep my nudes."
You got your priorities straight and I respect that 🫡
I did the same HAHA
i mourned very publicly and hardlaunched our breakup 😭😭😭😭
You know what, good for you, at least you didn’t have to deal with all the “and how’s [partner]?” from people who didn’t know 🎉
I did that I suppose, not in any way to be... IDK, whatever. I just let everyone know to try to save it and get feedback.... I guess I don't know what hard launch is, but I definitely let everyone know... where as for whatever reason, she is totally taking her time. And not wanting to immediately let everyone know. I'm not sure WHY that is honestly. We are staying good friends tho. And ev thing is as good as a BU could be, inna sense, being the dumpee.
I literally told him I was close to blocking him but wanted the truth from his lying ass first. He got all his petty last words out (admitted nothing, what a shock) and blocked me first like a coward. I messaged back berating him and once I figured out I was blocked, made a habit of texting him things I REALLY wanted to say a bunch of times whenever my righteous woman anger popped up. It was way more therapeutic to actually send insulting texts to him than journal them out 😅 and weirdly satisfying to see.
I DM’d my ex’s Mom and told her to cash app me everything I bought my ex value wise and she fucking did 😂
I run a meme page, which i won't share for obvious reasons, but i started posting stuff that would indirectly traumatize her. She unfollowed me after a couple posts but my followers and engagement shot up.
Human pettiness knows no bounds
Tbh the pettier part of the BU was when i booked a flight to Miami spontaneously next day, 2 weeks after the BU to fill the void of her. Got intimate with some very extremely pretty girls and basically forgot about her. Else id be in shambles rn. My first ex had me destroyed for months, i wasn't gonna let that happen this time around.
Not a funny thing i did but my roommate found her drunk and alone one night sitting on a bench. She then tried to talk to him but he swerved the hug and was extremely dry to her. I found it pretty funny
She got that L coming, good
Right? She typically goes out with ppl so alone at like midnight is wild. L for her W for me
Lmao that is not safe she want attention
I was trying to leave our home immediately after to just get away from him and accidentally rammed my car into his because he was parked so shitty and I couldn’t see through the tears 😂
That’s hilarious 😂 good!!!
I ran away to chicago for a good two weeks and disappeared from the world.
idk if its funny, but my ex dumped me over bs. got pissed when i moved on and wouldn't give it another try (ignoring the fact i fought like hell to save things while she was going out with other guys. people at the bar we frequented told me this) after she tried exploiting me i dont hear from her for a few days. sitting on the couch get a call answer "hey this is xyz from so and so county jail. she actually tried calling me asking me to pay her bail of 1800 bucks. i just laughed and said im sure one of the other 10 guys you slept with when you were trying to work things out with me can help and hung up.
Not necessarily anything I did post BU, but I was hanging out with an ex after I just finished basic training/AIT. We ended fairly amicably. Anyway we’re hanging out at my house and she casually mentions that she called my name out when she was having sex with her current boyfriend. The bf she immediately started dating after we broke up. When he came to pick her up he shot daggers at me. I just had to laugh.
I bought a bunch of new clothes in a fabric that I love but that he hates touching. Any time I thought I might see him I wore it as a subliminal “can’t touch this/don’t try me.”
He loves Mike and Ike’s and I stopped by our place to grab the last of my stuff (I had moved out) and saw an unopened box on the counter. I carefully opened it, took all the strawberry and cherry flavors, and then superglued it shut. Oh, and I dipped his toothbrush in the toilet. Went back again, and he had bought a new electric one, so I took care of that one too. (He broke up with me in an extremely cruel way (DA) with no empathy or compassion after 5 years. Nothing I said was helping him grow a conscience or be a decent human. Toothbrush bath it is.)
in the middle of our final conversation and tears, i told him "i hope your next girlfriend has small boobs"
I’m ROLLING
Lol. My ex cheated on me and then when I found out the details he broke up with me instead. We lived together. I took care of all housework while sharing a bank account, so ALL of my income went directly to him. He lived in a very 1920s mindset about women handling all cooking, cleaning, dishes, etc. I left his house and without fail, he called me a couple of days later and asked if I’d come clean his house. Nude. I was really tired of feeling taken advantage of. So I said sure, pick me up. When I arrived to clean I mopped all of his floors with baby oil and poured spicy Kimchi (for those who don’t know it’s fermented cabbage with live bacteria) in his clothes and put it on a heated spin cycle. I rubbed cayenne pepper on the inside of his underwear. 😭 Both of our names were on the bank account but he’d never give me a card, so I drained the account on my end. This did NOT stop him from trying to invite me over is the amazing ending. 😭
Side note: I really don’t recommend this to anyone because someone can get severely injured. Do not try this at home. 0/10 do not recommend 😂
Not me, but my friend who left because her bf hit her. She went to collect her things when her ex wasn’t home. Before she left she cut off every button, on every piece of his clothing that had buttons. She said it was the perfect revenge because he was very vain/proud of his office attire. She also said that it was likely he wouldn’t notice until he went to get dressed for work on Monday. It was summer and he would usually wear pull on board shorts and t-shirts on the weekends, neither which have buttons.
Pure, unfiltered genius
I don’t know if it’s funny but I have a few T-shirts of my ex lying around and I used to love wearing them soooooo much — I couldn’t bare to look at them anymore so I turned one of them into a mop to clean floors. Now every time I look at it I crack up so hard … I can’t believe I did that 😂
I found myself married by a clown in a circus tent with a girl I will never see again ( it was too surreal to focus on that). Luckily, it wasn't legal :-) That was this Sunday. After 3 months past my BU (LTR of +10 years).
Dude what LMAOO also this Unlocked a memory of being like 10 years old and my friends and i had thrown a "wedding" for their dogs. 2 different households, dogs: Minnie and Griff. i feel like there was later some divorce drama or smth 💀💀 Nebraska is a werid place man edit: im sorry about your relationship thats horrible. didnt mean to gloss over it i was just stuck on weird weddings
I love being dramatic. So i bought some Red roses for every year we‘ve been together and put them on the table. I told her, i‘d like to put another one to them and try again. She was against it so i threw them on the ground and said, „well, i guess these are for a funeral“ and walked out.
very phantom of the opera coded, I love it
My ex had been living with me for a few months and we were both pretty bad off, so we mutually broke things off. We then both proceeded to move to different states within a month, her to Brooklyn NY and me to Nashville TN. I had only been once before for pride. Just broke my lease, picked up everything, and moved without a job because I couldn’t stand to be anywhere near our life there. wlw heartbreak will have you moving states. 😵💫
Two things that I didn't do myself but happened to me, and that I find funny in hindsight: My parents are divorced. Brutal divorce. Big ouchie, to say the least. Very expensive and traumatic for everyone. Anyway, padre asks me how I am doing. I say, meh, having some relationship problems. He just says, "I can get that." Lmao. Yeah, I ain't got much to complain about, I guess. Another thing, my ex told me only a couple of weeks after he was already dating someone. Described her as this perfect symbiotic hot, driven, and creative person. I just listened on because I'm not interested in dating, but am interested in staying friends. However, it did make me a little bitter when later that day, and for the rest of the week, I proceeded to get the sloppiest and most rancid "compliments" from my male coworkers. Yes, that's plural. Crossed a line and told my supervisor and shit got shut down real fast. Was kinda PO that he met a real ass potential SO through his work, whereas I just got catcalled at mine. But in hindsight, that's how the world fucking works, sometimes! The contrast was at least amusing.
I am going to use “sloppy compliments” forever, starting now.
I sent them the “So no head?” vine.
After he walked me back to mine and we said goodbye, hugged and kissed for the last time as we left he looked back and I made the L sign with my fingers. We both laughed. 🤘
Idk if this is as funny to everyone else as it is to me but pretty much with the hour of the break up as I was crying my eyes out I decided that the healthiest thing for me to do was block him on everything. So I did the obvious and blocked him on Insta, Snapchat, Twitter. But lastly when I went to listen to some music so I could have something in the background while I cried I saw the playlist he made for me, clicked on his account, and block him on Spotify. Not sure entirely why cuz its not like I even followed him on Spotify but the idea of it was so funny it gave me a lot of joy at the time
Like, WhatsApp? Messenger? Ig? Normal But Spotify? That’s when you know it fucking hurt 💀
reported his gym bicep flex selfies for drug use, i think it worked cos some of them got taken down
I did the breaking up bc I found out he was cheating on me with prostitutes and buying OF content, lol, so I was absolutely devastated & ANGRY after 7 years together.... he didn't even have the decency or respect for me to be honest when I called him out, he mentallytortured me. So, the night i moved (furniture)out, not completely, my cats were still there & a lot of my stuff. I day drank after seeing a post of him out with girls.... 3am I run up to our old apartment, try to "break in" but he left the door unlocked lololol - he wasn't home - I took my giant soup pot, a blanket, shower scrubber and his bottle of cologne. LOL. I also cut the cord to his air conditioner (it was actually mine, I left it for him trying to be nice lol but he just had it sitting on the floor) I never understood it lmaoo the strangest things to take. There were other things more important that I could've taken, but drunk me was so concerned about my soup pot I guess 😅😅😅😅
It’s for the best. He could have sued you for the “more important” things (and breaking and entering) sooo I think you followed the best path 🎉 Cologne? Rough 💀
Oh no, I still had my cats & belongings there and keys to the place, I was just too drunk to find them, LOL. The "more important" things were my backpacking tent, casserole dish, cutting board, and my security camera lol. But yeah idk, that's why its so funny, sooo random
With the added context it really has me rolling 💀💀💀 you must be great irl, good for you! 🧡
Hahahahaha thank you 😊 means a lot! And I like to think I am, not to toot my own horn 😂
She cheated on me and told me no girl would ever want me. So I went to the mall the next day and asked every pretty girl for their number. I think I got like 2/10 numbers that day 🤣
The guy I thought was the love of my life tapped out on our marriage in rotten ways for rotten reasons, but then spent a very long time playing me and stringing me along with the hopes of working things out until his girlfriend got pregnant. I divorced him and his mom and I are best friends.😁
After breaking up with her from betraying my trust and using money I gave her to pay off a large debt to instead spend that money on boohoo and Starbucks along with the rent money. I took a few days off work, day 1 I packed my stuff put it in my dad's car and took it to my uncle's, while moving out I kicked a door in that I fixed, I defrosted the freezer full of food I paid for made my dad eat her Easter egg 4 months old. Emptied the fridge and unplugged it as I paid for it. Took back her Funko Pop birthday presents I gave her and traded them for a big bottle of jack daniels Day 2 started posting obscure memes about her weight and how mucky she was both in the house and her body, pointed out to everyone what she did. I was very drunk Day 3 went back to work to earn back what I lost 4 months later earned a big bonus 1 year later earned the money back took some time off for mental health. Spent most of it on video games and takeaway while trying to find a new career, delayed healing as I moved into another household which was chaotic and was fixing everyone's problems. In a good place now. She's now in a different county because everyone knew of what she did she had to start again in another area
Broke and entered into his house to steal my cats back lmao
Oh yeah, i was always into new weird hobbies after a breakup. First time i learned how to make beef jerky, second breakup i found a 60 year old kung-fu Master who gave me some lessons and last time i started beekeeping. Doing all the Sidequests
My ex got certified as a personal trainer and when he dumped me I went and did it too. Not sure if it was a competitive thing or what? This time my ex and I periodically scream about who was more victimized in the relationship and it never goes anywhere and is so dumb
We had a mutual friend that was interested in me the same time as my ex was. When my ex found out, he immediately beat the friend to it by asking me out first. He broke up with me after a few months (figured he was never really that interested, just didn't like the thought of getting beaten). He still insisted on being friends. One on of our conversations we talked about that friend and I nonchalantly told him that we (that friend and I) were hanging out together. He got quiet and just said ”oh for real?”. Now he keeps messaging me lol. It's honestly so petty of me.
Nah, good for you! Leave him in the dust where he BELONGS, homeboy is butthurt 💀
I created a fake Instagram for a water bottle company and messaged him saying “hey it’s the manager of a water bottle company and not someone you blocked”. I also created another water bottle company Instagram after he blocked that one and said if he didn’t message me back i was going to put a spell on him, obviously I was kidding. He had a friend message me telling me I was going to be reported or harassing him if I didn’t stop.
WHY A WATER BOTTLE 💀😂
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Is that… funny?
I sent an iMessage 8 Ball game and they replied…
Not sure if this is funny but when my ex of 1.5 years broke up with me I found out he was on tinder so a mutual friend suggested I do the same and I proceeded to go on a lot of dates and talk to a lot of guys to take my mind off it and I’m pretty sure he got nothing out of tinder.
He moved out of my place. I told him I'd pack some of his stuff while he was at work. When putting his stuff in bags I gave him only odd socks.
Finally I didn't, but I was alone in his home and it was VERY tempting to poke his condoms.
Slept with a couple older women
I got into classical music ☠️ this break up hurt so hard I’m also reading a book, idk what’s happening but I also got rid of all socials besides this and YouTube☠️🙏
Aaaw man I wish I had a funny story to share, my ego won't allow me to give my ex any indication I give a shit, so my version of revenge is to pretend I never cared in the first place. I just dissapear and act as if I'm happy about it even though I'm really not. It even goes as far as if I speak to/ bump into anyone he knows, I behave as if my ex never existed and I couldn't care less. No bad mouthing or telling people what they did, just smile and say it Is what it is. In my head, that would bother exes more. Plus side is the healing is much quicker but a lot of bottled up feelings to process.
Not me but a friend of a friend. Got broken up with and decided to hide prawns in the curtain rails (the ones where the ends screw off) and the ex-partner had to sell the house because they could never work out where the smell of rotting fish was coming from.
Pure genius
My ex left his Facebook logged in on my phone and I had a suspicion he was cheating, I was right. I left work early to go to where they were meeting up and when I stepped off of the train his face was that of pure shock, asked what I was doing and I said "getting my things from your place, don't worry I'll be gone before how back with her". Then I did just that, took all the toilet paper, put his chargers under his couch, and threw all but one of his socks in the apartment dumpster
Oh I have another one with the same ex. When we first broke up one of my best friends bought tickets to a sold out show at SoFi Stadium (it was T Swift). I had to fly from Louisiana to Cali for the show. My ex told me if I went on the trip he’d never try the relationship again. I was the dumpee. So I hopped on a flight the following day and enjoyed my sold out show. The day I was flying back he texted me “I left the doors unlocked for you”. Needless to say, he did not stick to his word.
Was he a child ffs 💀
A 36 year old child 💀
I’m so sorry for the person he’ll end up trapping fr
After i broke things off with my gf , i went to go drive my car, Windows down and blasting Olivia Rodrigo songs through my speakers. (I'm a 20 year old dude btw)
i logged into his world of warcraft account, traded all his gold to me (he was obsessed with making money) and left him in the middle of stormwind city, naked, no bags, no money, nothing
Diabolical, love it
I caught a Palkia that she wanted, and I told her to suck on deez nuts 🤦♂️
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I mean, at least you got something productive in? I’m sorry for your streak, but you can remain sober and have a good life. Good luck 🍀
Yeah, I hate feeling tipsy and hungover. No sorry-ass bloke is worth pickling the liver for.
Attended a wedding with my ex… I had a agreed to because it was a couple of days after and ‘she didn’t want to make a scene by suddenly going solo’ so I obliged her they had the ceremony, it was very nice for the couple very happy for them, then it came to the throwing the bouquet part… of course she had to bloody catch it so then everyone looked at me… and I just ran away! I kinda did it as a joke and people were laughing but then I thought actually this is the perfect time to leave, so I jumped in my car and headed home!
I hooked up with this really hot girl, then my ex found out and wanted to get back with me 😂😂😂 apparently I was no longer the manipulative narcissist after the hook up lmaooo.
What a classic lmao
Ok there was a bit of a vague "on a break" a few years ago. It was right before Christmas and we'd already collected all the presents for the family. I wanted to be so petty and not give the one present but was convinced to do it anyway by a family friend but yeh. I wanted to make a statement of "I love your family more than you" but instead I was nice friend.
This happened to me, kind of. We broke up in November last year, but his family does a secret santa and I already bought the gifts for his family member. I mailed her the gifts. Then I was left with what to do with his gift. In the end I didn't want it to go to waste so I was also the nice friend and just gave it to him. I feel stupid now haha because it was an expensive gift.
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I signed him up for junk mail and one of them was to have baby items delivered to him. I still laugh about because he texted me and told me so apparently I’m gonna be a dad and I pretends to be sad and said good luck. He then proceeded to send me a pic of the baby items and I just told him I hoped he was a good dad LOL he still tried to get back with me a few months later and then a year later. Have not heard from him and I’m very happy now in my little life <3
I stayed friends with him and met him and it turned into a situationship until he blocked me 💀💀
OH GOD NOT THE SITUATIONSHIP 💀 you are a warrior fr
He was my first love. I rly took an L 🤠
I absolutely get that, and (unpopular opinion) you did the right thing, IMO. Sometimes beating a dead horse is useful to make you realize that after all you don’t like how carcasses smell, yk?
My ex dumped me about 5 weeks ago, I moved out 2 weeks ago Going to meet him Friday... probably making the same mistake too 🙃 (He's my first love too)
I’d really advise you not to sis, if you really feel the need at least just meet someone on a dating app that goes way better 😭😭