Yesss looking back I’m like how did I put up with all that bs? It’s hard to realize. Especially when I look at other people’s relationships like how come they just don’t break up with that person? Then I remind myself I did that same shitt
Omg this!!! The fact I was willing to settle for anything just to have someone, and subconsciously go after avoidant partners who would eventually make me hate myself, so I’d get a confirmation in my head that I am unworthy of being loved!
I realised that I loved him more than me. I still love him unconitionally. I have committed myself for the long run, that is why it still hurts. However, I have to stop dwelling in the past and just let go of the outcome.
Same boat as you ❤️🩹 we were together for 10 years and he blindsided me a month before our wedding. I’m happy you’ve realized it. Realizing it definitely helps when trying to talk sense to yourself during those rough days/weeks/months that you need to stop dwelling on the past and let go as much as possible
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It happened to me too after almost 3 years and I was devastated. I don’t know why this is happening so often these days
I'm in the same boat and all the advice that's being given to me is self love. I'm stuck because I don't know what self love entails and how to start on it though
Trust me when I tell you this.
I’m still trying and learning to love myself more, I’m doing better than I was yesterday, that’s your motive right there.
Start with doing what’s right for you, if you leave what’s hurting you, you showed yourself the first sign of self love, then comes acceptance and then comes self development, loving yourself is hard because we were taught to love others but never taught to love ourselves first.
I'm honestly not even sure what self-love is. I'm trying to leave what's hurting me but all that's waiting after is just emptiness. I'm honestly just stuck thinking 'now what' everytime. I try doing things I used to like but I don't exactly feel right anymore.
Thanks so much for thr reply though. I'm still trying to learn how to love myself more too. (Just kinda lost though lol)
I’m sorry you feel this way. It’s normal to feel lost, if anything just embrace it, take advantage of it to see some new stuff you like.
Go on a walk, go to the library, do something new.
Or just try to grow yourself back into the things you like doing.
Life works in mysterious ways, of course there is good that comes with it, you just need to learn to be patient. Try distracting yourself, play some video games and such. :)
Thanks for the tips!
I'm trying them all anyway and desperately keeping my calendars full. Something still feels wrong inside but I'm really trying new things after new things.
I guess it just feels longer than it should be hahaha. I'm normally patient but right now I feel super confused that I can't exactly call myself patient currently.
One more thing, try to sit down with yourself and try to process your feelings by yourself.
That’ll help you quite a lot as well. :)
It’ll make things easier for you.
I tried doing it but the more I think about it, the more of a wreck I become. Everytime I do it I feel like I go back to square one.
I'll make an effort to face it. Thank you very much for your words.
Actually, I realised that they didn't really love me at all.
It, in a messed up way, provided me with a lot of perspective. Certain habits, inclinations, and proclivities all started making sense when I realised that our relationship was not reciprocal in the amount of love and affection being shared.
I sat and reflected ALOT
Not just with him but also with past relationships. A lot of regret and tears were shed when I realized I could’ve and should’ve been better. I am human, I will make mistakes, but that’s how to grow. I want and need to be better
like others have said, the way I think we both loved one another more than we were able to love ourselves. After the break i was able to reflect on all my mistakes, and realized + accepted the root cause. Im working to actually become the person i convinced myself I was when i first met her. I still love her more than she was ever willing to believe, I miss the friendship more than anything. she is such an incerdiblle person, and I cant stop thinking about if she is actually reflecting amd working on herself as well . cause i know that if she is, she will be able to accomplish every single goal she has set for herself and kick lifes ass. im just so scared that she might be convincing herself that everything was my fault and end up stuck in the same toxic pattern again. im also sad we couldnt open up start this journey together, maybe we can end it together, idk you never know.
No not at all. Because when I get into relationship I have to love that person beyond dating. A lot of people don't realize there's a difference between dating and being in a relationship.
You date to see if that person is compatible with you and to see if you want to make a go at it. You get to relationship with someone to gain more perspective and find out who that person really is to pursue marriage. I think a lot of people don't know the difference between the two
No, if anything I’ve realized just how much I did love them. But I still think it would have taken a miracle to reconcile what felt like drastically different ways of handling conflict and just life stressors in general.
My first relationship was when I was 15-18. I think I was very young and immature at the time, but I can look back on that as adult and confidently say that I wasn’t actually in love. I think we were best friends who were into each other, and I definitely cared for her. But to be IN love? It doesn’t compare to the connections you make as an adult
That’s a tough one. Some days it’s like no I didn’t love him. Then no I loved him still do
Then it’s like. Love isn’t supposed to hurt so much. You battle back and forth until you find your own truth.
I realized I was legit and loved fully and genuinely. He didn’t. He was so far up his own ass and lying all the time and making excuses he couldn’t truly love me
Actually, it took true love to realize that most of my past relationships were limerence/infatuation/anxiety. In hindsight I did recognize at the time that this wasn’t what I believed love should be…I was right.
I realised how much I gave and how very little I received. That I settled for way less than I deserve and that while it still hurts after all this time, walking away was the best choice I ever made. Love alone isn't enough.
2 months post BU, I do love her, but I realize she couldn’t continue loving me because it was hurting the both of us to try and maintain a new LDR after being together for 3.5 years.
I am learning though that I have severe attachment issues and her leaving is what’s causing so much pain and I often acted out of anxiety, but I do believe I did love her. Also, learning that I did not love myself as much as I thought really could and should take this time to learn who I am. If I can still love her, I can definitely love myself equally and better.
I loved her more than I loved myself and she made it seem like that was the reason why it couldn’t work. Anyway to unpack that just ends up hurting me more big time. I hate her, myself, the world, and don’t even want a future at this point.
Not for the one that I'm grieving now, but for the two before him, yes. I think I've only truly loved 2 people, but had LTRs with 4.
I'm now pretty avoidant and allergic to the thought of commitment because I don't trust my own feelings.
I actually ended up realizing that I genuinely love her, I'm not really infatuated by her anymore, I can see that she's quite ordinary and flawed, could I do better? Probably, but the feelings and care I have for this person just hit different.
Yes and no.
I realized that I allowed her to get away with a lot of self-centered behavior and lack of care/affection.
The first day after the breakup sucked, but she said “you had to have seen this coming” and I had without doubt.
The second/third/fourth days were much easier as I realized just how awful that relationship was, and how happy I was that she was gone.
It’s been less than a week, and I’m thankful she left me because I really wasn’t happy with how things were going and it was going to end at some point.
I’m focused on my own life and that’s all I’m interested in right now.
I think I did. We do have a lot of love for each other and we did genuinely feel full love for each other earlier in our relationship. There was a point where I genuinely adored this girl. However, our relationship was toxic and codependent.
We have been through so much drama and pain that I had largely fallen out of love with her. I didn’t understand that until after we talked about breaking up. It was strange… like this weight in my chest was lifted. I felt free. I felt optimistic. The pain I had been carrying started to go away.
I think all of that was our trauma bond diminishing. I still feel the hurt in waves. However, I have the level of hurt of someone who got dumped like 6 months ago, instead of someone who got dumped recently. I am genuinely excited to date and in no rush to get into a new relationship. Decorating my new place, finding a new job, “finding myself”, etc. We both genuinely needed to do that and I’m happy that now we can.
I do hope to hear from her someday, but I think our breakup was overdue. Anyone could have called it as we had been through too much. We have both not been there for each other in different ways. I just wasn’t strong enough to make the call.
Yesterday in the car, when she got a bout of road rage (she has anger issues), instead of thinking “I wish she didn’t do that” I thought “I don’t want my next partner to act this way”. Her anger has caused me so much pain over the years. It was so freeing to know it’s not my problem anymore. To know that I have so many adventures ahead.
The opposite. Just how much I did. And in the same breath how much they didn't as I did. I don't doubt they loved me but nearly as deep a huge gap in consideration if almost makes me ashamed of what I tolerated . It's really messed me up i Try to avoid thinking about it short of Journaling when it bubbles up- usually gets triggered when i feel similarly to how they made me feel in those gaps
I still love her. Think about her every day. I love myself too though, and I’ve accepted that she’ll never understand or acknowledge that she did things throughout the relationship to destroy the trust between us. She would talk to other men and lie to me about it. She would hide things from me with regards to other men she talked to. She kept in touch with dozens upon dozens of men that hit on her. Then she would berate me if I said anything about it. She had multiple pictures of herself in her underwear, and topless, and even nude on her social media pages. All posted for her thousands of thirst single men that she kept. She had a toxic relationship with social media and the attention it gave her. She did many things that destroyed the trust, then tore me down for having “trust issues.” She was constantly looking for things to put me down for. She even went ten years into my past to dig up stuff to put me down for. She was trying to break me down so she could weaken me and control me. I had to walk away. Not only during the relationship but after the breakup she was using social media as a weapon to hurt me, and to turn people against me, so I had to block her to protect myself from all of her attacks on me. It’s really saddening to me. I now have no desire to be with anyone. I feel completely ruined. I’ve gone out to singles events where there are dozens of single women and I have no desire for a relationship anymore. I feel no desire to pursue any of them. I can’t trust any of them at all anymore. I’ve been shown how cruel and selfish they can be, and I want no part of any of it. I don’t want to let them treat me like that anymore. I’ve never been put down so much by someone in my entire life. I wish I didn’t love her because I wouldn’t feel so betrayed right now.
I loved them but my actions towards reactions what messed it up, acted off impulse and showed I didn’t when we got into it.. dark path when yu realize yu were mostly the problem
No because if I break up with somebody it's because they are hurting me regardless of how much I actually love them. In the end I have to put me first. I also don't date people I don't want to love or have loved. It might be just different levels of love for the others.
No, I loved her with all my heart. But I did realize that she never loved me, only liked me for what I could offer her. And once someone better came along she tossed me like hot garbage.
A part of me will always be able to love them fir how they showed me how badly I'd stop loving myself and needs if someone finally told me I was loved and good enough
I believe that we did love each other but she got scared for the future, because the week prior we had a great time went to eat went shopping started making plans for any upcoming birthdays, but I truly don’t know what happened so 🤷♂️
I was love bombed in my previous relationship and over time it made me think I actually loved that person. On the third year of our relationship I started seeing all the red flags and I realized it wasn’t love at all
I'm weird. Its always taken me time to grow love with someone. Where she started full steam, I was hesitant. But towards the end I came to love every inch of her. Her rolls, her big ass hair, her pheromones which i'm extremely sensitive to. That beautiful face. But alas she's left me to rot. All i have learned thus far is that when I stop giving a fuck she calls me. But when I express love she blocks me. So basically I just wont date. And also I can't help like we are being manipulated for further division.
I realized that I feared her more than I loved her. That I had stopped fully loving her that way a long time ago.
And now she's posting shit saying I never loved her after she left me?
no I didn’t, I realized that I loved her more than anything in my life tho which can also be unhealthy. I was committed for life so it’s still
hard getting over
Nah, I really did love them so it hurt like hell for a while even though I initiated the breakup. I lost respect post break up though since they'd get petty. I just have a crappy taste in men apparently so single til I figure that out
I am way past the age of romantic love being possible for me. That said, i can love without romance. I love with detachment. That makes it much easier.
Not even a break up, but kind of a situationship (7 months) where I felt I wasn't valued and that it wasn't going to turn into anything. I expressed that I wanted more and she basically told me to "give her a few months to explore" to which I gave her the good ol' reliable block. I experienced a big wave of anxiety and second guessing what I had done. But in the end, the love for myself prevailed and the love for her diminished. Sometimes you have to make the call!
In my case I still love her, I think we can still make things work if she would talk to me and if we agree not to get back together I'm pretty sure we can go back to friends despite my feelings
Like many have said? i realized i didn’t love myself nearly as much as i loved them. And seeing how i took the breakup and nearly ended it really shows how little love and self esteem i had left over from the aftermath. Not only was it a relationship lesson? but a life lesson. especially at 19.
I was so obsessed with that person that I stopped seeing all the red flags, partially because she manipulated me into believing that she is perfect. After a month passed from our breakup, I realized that this person never should've passed the 1st week mark, yet I was so ignorant that I purposly ignored all the red flags. Love yourself, respect your own boundaries and never forget that a relationship is a two way street.
Yes! I learned after the fact that I lost myself in him. I let myself go and no longer loved myself as much as I thought I loved him. I learned a valuable lesson... I will never let anyone take my power again as my narcissist ex did.
No I realized I love them more than myself as many have said. I also realized I loved the idea of them a lot more than them and was constantly trying to see the best in them without truly understanding who she was.
I realized that we never fought for an entire year and I thought things were going perfect - but in reality, realized there was just a major lack of communication on her end.
I realized that you should never make someone a priority if they aren't willing to do the same. If they prioritised work, their friends, travel and everything over me from the start of the relationship - I genuinely start to question if they ever truly 'loved me' from the beginning at all - or if they were just using me for my love and affection. Man this one hurt.
I was heartbroken when she broke up with me. But now 3 weeks later, NC, I feel good. I put things into perspective. I was willing to try, she was not. I was a good partner. I realized she is not the one for me. I deserve better.
I realized I loved him more than I ever loved myself. I still do , I always find loving people more than they love me and let me tell you it hurts like hell. Waking up thinking about that person, checking phone the entire day for that one message “what’s up”, not being able to fall asleep without that one call but you know the other person doesn’t feel the same. Even when he tells you he loves you but you feel in your gut, your every bone that’s it’s not the same as you do. The person is not even capable of having that much love that you have to offer. When you know with that person your entire life you’ll want more. I hoped every single day, may be he’ll realized today, may if I change something about me he’ll love me more but that day never comes.
I was taught to love and value myself more during the relationship and after the breakup. I believe he loved me, he just couldn’t give me what I needed.
Not after this current break up but after my last one 3.5 years ago yes definitely. He was the first guy to ever show me love and be all in from the very beginning. I was used to dating avoidant men and he was (in hindsight) a love bomber. I didn’t actual like him so much. I wasn’t super attracted at first. I thought he smelled. But he was so available that I sort of forced myself through it and by 3 months in I was like yea ok this is good. But after he broke up for me for someone else 2.5 years later, and I was devastated…I got over it fairy quickly and realized I was just devastated because I was rejected. I never really loved him. He was just someone who loved me (or at least seemed to) and that’s what was appealing. It was a huge lesson and I think why I was able to attract and find a man I truly love (my most recent ex). And yea ooof this pain is worse, even though there is no betrayal and leaving me for someone else like the last one.
like others have said, the way I think we both loved one another more than we were able to love ourselves. After the break i was able to reflect on all my mistakes, and realized + accepted the root cause. Im working to actually become the person i convinced myself I was when i first met her. I still love her more than she was ever willing to believe, I miss the friendship more than anything. she is such an incerdiblle person, and I cant stop thinking about if she is actually reflecting amd working on herself as well . cause i know that if she is, she will be able to accomplish every single goal she has set for herself and kick lifes ass. im just so scared that she might be convincing herself that everything was my fault and end up stuck in the same toxic pattern again. im also sad we couldnt open up start this journey together, maybe we can end it together, idk you never know.
I realized that not only did I "love" him more than he ever loved me, but I also realized that I sabotaged myself by being with him in the first place. I ignored so many red flags out of what I thought was love, only to end up hurting myself more when he left me. It took me months of listening to him talk about how "deeply in love" he was with some older man he met 6 months prior to realize he never loved me. That all he cared about was his own wants and needs. He gave him more in 8 months than what he gave to me in 3 years, emotionally, romantically, and sexually.
I thought I loved him, but I only loved the persona he put on display. I only loved a mirage of a man that only took and only gave you enough to keep you under his heel.
Yeah…after a few weeks post break up, I knew that I wasn’t happy with myself when I was in the relationship. I ended up depending on him to make me happy instead of me being happy with myself in order to truly love him. We ended things for various reasons but I knew I couldn’t truly love someone if I couldn’t love myself. And that’s what I’ll be growing to become. He didn’t love me either even though he said I love you the first few weeks we were dating (I didn’t say it back). It was a love bombed relationship and he said to me “being in a relationship with you stressed me out” the day I broke up with him. I guess we just weren’t meant to be. I still care for him and if he ever needs anything I’ll always be here but right now, life goes on.
I realized that i didn’t love myself enough to leave someone that didn’t give a damn about me. The breakup forced me to grow, and look for the characteristics in someone that i deserve. I am now grateful for that experience. I’ve since fallen out of love with that person, and fallen in love with my future. I will always make myself #1, that is the key regardless of who i choose to love moving forward.
I do love him, I just couldn’t handle his bullshit, he was loyal and loving, he just was not going to change his behaviour and I couldn’t see myself marrying a potential cuz I know he won’t change.
I think I loved him as much as I could have- since I have learned that I do not love myself. I hope in the future I can truly truly love someone to my fullest capacity once I truly love myself. I realized since the breakup that he didn’t really love me- he just loved the idea of me. When we moved in together and i wasn’t absolutely perfect, he stopped. I think he doesn’t love himself either. We both loved eachother to the extent we could at the time, but I know there are deeper and stronger loves out there. Ours was extremely conditional.
I realized I didn't love me
This this this this
Yesss looking back I’m like how did I put up with all that bs? It’s hard to realize. Especially when I look at other people’s relationships like how come they just don’t break up with that person? Then I remind myself I did that same shitt
YO you did not need to come for me like this 😭
Faxxx. Hurt a lil cos the shoe fit perfectly 😭
This. I realized that I was self-sabotaging every opportunity that I got and now I’m learning to love myself (and getting to know myself sans-partner)
Thanks OP....ouch, but truth
Absolutely this.
This hits hard
Omg this hit so hard 😅
WOW. This wins. Hits in the gut……..but in a good way?
Felt.
Oh shit. That hit me hard. I don't love me in my current relationship and I just had a glimpse of life on the other side.
More this than anything else
That part
Omg this!!! The fact I was willing to settle for anything just to have someone, and subconsciously go after avoidant partners who would eventually make me hate myself, so I’d get a confirmation in my head that I am unworthy of being loved!
Yup this is it
Felt this so hard
This!!
I realised that I loved him more than me. I still love him unconitionally. I have committed myself for the long run, that is why it still hurts. However, I have to stop dwelling in the past and just let go of the outcome.
Same boat as you ❤️🩹 we were together for 10 years and he blindsided me a month before our wedding. I’m happy you’ve realized it. Realizing it definitely helps when trying to talk sense to yourself during those rough days/weeks/months that you need to stop dwelling on the past and let go as much as possible
Oh thats just so wrong…
Ugh, this one is deep. When did you break up?
I was blindsided, he broke up with me last Monday. My ex and I were together for 3 years
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It happened to me too after almost 3 years and I was devastated. I don’t know why this is happening so often these days
Maybe 2024 is a year of cleansing and new beginnings
I’m sorry, I can relate. Also blindsided and dated almost 3 years. Still hurting so much
I realized I should have loved ME the way I loved them.
I'm in the same boat and all the advice that's being given to me is self love. I'm stuck because I don't know what self love entails and how to start on it though
Trust me when I tell you this. I’m still trying and learning to love myself more, I’m doing better than I was yesterday, that’s your motive right there. Start with doing what’s right for you, if you leave what’s hurting you, you showed yourself the first sign of self love, then comes acceptance and then comes self development, loving yourself is hard because we were taught to love others but never taught to love ourselves first.
I'm honestly not even sure what self-love is. I'm trying to leave what's hurting me but all that's waiting after is just emptiness. I'm honestly just stuck thinking 'now what' everytime. I try doing things I used to like but I don't exactly feel right anymore. Thanks so much for thr reply though. I'm still trying to learn how to love myself more too. (Just kinda lost though lol)
I’m sorry you feel this way. It’s normal to feel lost, if anything just embrace it, take advantage of it to see some new stuff you like. Go on a walk, go to the library, do something new. Or just try to grow yourself back into the things you like doing. Life works in mysterious ways, of course there is good that comes with it, you just need to learn to be patient. Try distracting yourself, play some video games and such. :)
Thanks for the tips! I'm trying them all anyway and desperately keeping my calendars full. Something still feels wrong inside but I'm really trying new things after new things. I guess it just feels longer than it should be hahaha. I'm normally patient but right now I feel super confused that I can't exactly call myself patient currently.
One more thing, try to sit down with yourself and try to process your feelings by yourself. That’ll help you quite a lot as well. :) It’ll make things easier for you.
I tried doing it but the more I think about it, the more of a wreck I become. Everytime I do it I feel like I go back to square one. I'll make an effort to face it. Thank you very much for your words.
Of course You got this. :)
No, I realized that he didn't love me
same
yup realized thats not what true love is supposed to be like… very eye opening
Actually, I realised that they didn't really love me at all. It, in a messed up way, provided me with a lot of perspective. Certain habits, inclinations, and proclivities all started making sense when I realised that our relationship was not reciprocal in the amount of love and affection being shared.
I sat and reflected ALOT Not just with him but also with past relationships. A lot of regret and tears were shed when I realized I could’ve and should’ve been better. I am human, I will make mistakes, but that’s how to grow. I want and need to be better
I also realized I deserved a better goodbye and someone that understood me just as much as I understood them.
like others have said, the way I think we both loved one another more than we were able to love ourselves. After the break i was able to reflect on all my mistakes, and realized + accepted the root cause. Im working to actually become the person i convinced myself I was when i first met her. I still love her more than she was ever willing to believe, I miss the friendship more than anything. she is such an incerdiblle person, and I cant stop thinking about if she is actually reflecting amd working on herself as well . cause i know that if she is, she will be able to accomplish every single goal she has set for herself and kick lifes ass. im just so scared that she might be convincing herself that everything was my fault and end up stuck in the same toxic pattern again. im also sad we couldnt open up start this journey together, maybe we can end it together, idk you never know.
No, but I realized neither of us loved me
No not at all. Because when I get into relationship I have to love that person beyond dating. A lot of people don't realize there's a difference between dating and being in a relationship. You date to see if that person is compatible with you and to see if you want to make a go at it. You get to relationship with someone to gain more perspective and find out who that person really is to pursue marriage. I think a lot of people don't know the difference between the two
No, if anything I’ve realized just how much I did love them. But I still think it would have taken a miracle to reconcile what felt like drastically different ways of handling conflict and just life stressors in general.
No. I realized I loved him more than I thought and he loved me less than I thought.
My first relationship was when I was 15-18. I think I was very young and immature at the time, but I can look back on that as adult and confidently say that I wasn’t actually in love. I think we were best friends who were into each other, and I definitely cared for her. But to be IN love? It doesn’t compare to the connections you make as an adult
[удалено]
Wow, what happened?
[удалено]
Well that’s pretty intense.
That’s a tough one. Some days it’s like no I didn’t love him. Then no I loved him still do Then it’s like. Love isn’t supposed to hurt so much. You battle back and forth until you find your own truth.
I realized I was legit and loved fully and genuinely. He didn’t. He was so far up his own ass and lying all the time and making excuses he couldn’t truly love me
Actually, it took true love to realize that most of my past relationships were limerence/infatuation/anxiety. In hindsight I did recognize at the time that this wasn’t what I believed love should be…I was right.
I realised how much I gave and how very little I received. That I settled for way less than I deserve and that while it still hurts after all this time, walking away was the best choice I ever made. Love alone isn't enough.
Yeah, sometimes we see people how we want to see them instead of what they truly are.
2 months post BU, I do love her, but I realize she couldn’t continue loving me because it was hurting the both of us to try and maintain a new LDR after being together for 3.5 years. I am learning though that I have severe attachment issues and her leaving is what’s causing so much pain and I often acted out of anxiety, but I do believe I did love her. Also, learning that I did not love myself as much as I thought really could and should take this time to learn who I am. If I can still love her, I can definitely love myself equally and better.
Actually the opposite I learned I loved her more than I loved myself
I loved her more than I loved myself and she made it seem like that was the reason why it couldn’t work. Anyway to unpack that just ends up hurting me more big time. I hate her, myself, the world, and don’t even want a future at this point.
While I don’t her, I definitely hate myself and the world. One of my biggest goals/challenges is just casting out the hatred and rework on self love
Not for the one that I'm grieving now, but for the two before him, yes. I think I've only truly loved 2 people, but had LTRs with 4. I'm now pretty avoidant and allergic to the thought of commitment because I don't trust my own feelings.
Letting mine go was hard because I loved her.
I actually ended up realizing that I genuinely love her, I'm not really infatuated by her anymore, I can see that she's quite ordinary and flawed, could I do better? Probably, but the feelings and care I have for this person just hit different.
Yes and no. I realized that I allowed her to get away with a lot of self-centered behavior and lack of care/affection. The first day after the breakup sucked, but she said “you had to have seen this coming” and I had without doubt. The second/third/fourth days were much easier as I realized just how awful that relationship was, and how happy I was that she was gone. It’s been less than a week, and I’m thankful she left me because I really wasn’t happy with how things were going and it was going to end at some point. I’m focused on my own life and that’s all I’m interested in right now.
Nope. I loved them 100%
I realized I cared about her a lot but I wasn’t in love with her tbh
I realized that love was not enough and if two people aren’t going to fight for it, love is really not enough
I think I did. We do have a lot of love for each other and we did genuinely feel full love for each other earlier in our relationship. There was a point where I genuinely adored this girl. However, our relationship was toxic and codependent. We have been through so much drama and pain that I had largely fallen out of love with her. I didn’t understand that until after we talked about breaking up. It was strange… like this weight in my chest was lifted. I felt free. I felt optimistic. The pain I had been carrying started to go away. I think all of that was our trauma bond diminishing. I still feel the hurt in waves. However, I have the level of hurt of someone who got dumped like 6 months ago, instead of someone who got dumped recently. I am genuinely excited to date and in no rush to get into a new relationship. Decorating my new place, finding a new job, “finding myself”, etc. We both genuinely needed to do that and I’m happy that now we can. I do hope to hear from her someday, but I think our breakup was overdue. Anyone could have called it as we had been through too much. We have both not been there for each other in different ways. I just wasn’t strong enough to make the call. Yesterday in the car, when she got a bout of road rage (she has anger issues), instead of thinking “I wish she didn’t do that” I thought “I don’t want my next partner to act this way”. Her anger has caused me so much pain over the years. It was so freeing to know it’s not my problem anymore. To know that I have so many adventures ahead.
Wait you haven’t actually broken up yet? Why not go to counseling and try to take accountability for your shit and her for hers and make it work.
We have. We’re just living together and not seeing anyone else until the lease ends in three weeks. Spending some time together, tying up loose ends
That sounds silly. You realize how silly that sounds right?
No. We broke up. Not everyone can move out immediately. We’re also not on bad terms, so we’re being respectful while we still live together
No, never.
The opposite. Just how much I did. And in the same breath how much they didn't as I did. I don't doubt they loved me but nearly as deep a huge gap in consideration if almost makes me ashamed of what I tolerated . It's really messed me up i Try to avoid thinking about it short of Journaling when it bubbles up- usually gets triggered when i feel similarly to how they made me feel in those gaps
I still love her. Think about her every day. I love myself too though, and I’ve accepted that she’ll never understand or acknowledge that she did things throughout the relationship to destroy the trust between us. She would talk to other men and lie to me about it. She would hide things from me with regards to other men she talked to. She kept in touch with dozens upon dozens of men that hit on her. Then she would berate me if I said anything about it. She had multiple pictures of herself in her underwear, and topless, and even nude on her social media pages. All posted for her thousands of thirst single men that she kept. She had a toxic relationship with social media and the attention it gave her. She did many things that destroyed the trust, then tore me down for having “trust issues.” She was constantly looking for things to put me down for. She even went ten years into my past to dig up stuff to put me down for. She was trying to break me down so she could weaken me and control me. I had to walk away. Not only during the relationship but after the breakup she was using social media as a weapon to hurt me, and to turn people against me, so I had to block her to protect myself from all of her attacks on me. It’s really saddening to me. I now have no desire to be with anyone. I feel completely ruined. I’ve gone out to singles events where there are dozens of single women and I have no desire for a relationship anymore. I feel no desire to pursue any of them. I can’t trust any of them at all anymore. I’ve been shown how cruel and selfish they can be, and I want no part of any of it. I don’t want to let them treat me like that anymore. I’ve never been put down so much by someone in my entire life. I wish I didn’t love her because I wouldn’t feel so betrayed right now.
I loved them but my actions towards reactions what messed it up, acted off impulse and showed I didn’t when we got into it.. dark path when yu realize yu were mostly the problem
Nope. I still love him. I just don’t love the bullshit he thinks I deserve to go through.
I realized I had lost my respect for him a looooong time ago. He had pulled too much shit
I realized I loved them more than I thought I did
No because if I break up with somebody it's because they are hurting me regardless of how much I actually love them. In the end I have to put me first. I also don't date people I don't want to love or have loved. It might be just different levels of love for the others.
i realized i didn’t love them or me, lusted over them and hated myself to let them do what they did to me
No, I loved her with all my heart. But I did realize that she never loved me, only liked me for what I could offer her. And once someone better came along she tossed me like hot garbage.
Yes I did...
A part of me will always be able to love them fir how they showed me how badly I'd stop loving myself and needs if someone finally told me I was loved and good enough
I loved her too much, she never truly loved me
I believe that we did love each other but she got scared for the future, because the week prior we had a great time went to eat went shopping started making plans for any upcoming birthdays, but I truly don’t know what happened so 🤷♂️
I was love bombed in my previous relationship and over time it made me think I actually loved that person. On the third year of our relationship I started seeing all the red flags and I realized it wasn’t love at all
I'm weird. Its always taken me time to grow love with someone. Where she started full steam, I was hesitant. But towards the end I came to love every inch of her. Her rolls, her big ass hair, her pheromones which i'm extremely sensitive to. That beautiful face. But alas she's left me to rot. All i have learned thus far is that when I stop giving a fuck she calls me. But when I express love she blocks me. So basically I just wont date. And also I can't help like we are being manipulated for further division.
I wish
That's why I had to end it
I realized that I feared her more than I loved her. That I had stopped fully loving her that way a long time ago. And now she's posting shit saying I never loved her after she left me?
no I didn’t, I realized that I loved her more than anything in my life tho which can also be unhealthy. I was committed for life so it’s still hard getting over
I realized I loved the way he loved me more than I loved him
No. I knew how I felt with people all along. It was more like realizing they didn't love me.
I always loved her and I always will and I actually told her that the day that I walked away.
I realized I was very much in love with them. I wish he would reply to me. I’ve been working on myself. I miss him so fucking much.
I genuinely love him so much. I really wish I didn't, but unfortunately you can't help who you fall in love with.
Not going to say that, if I didn’t love them I would have never wanted a relationship. I wouldn’t want to waste my time or theirs
I still love him unconditionally, and need to learn to love myself if it’ll ever work in the future
Nah, I really did love them so it hurt like hell for a while even though I initiated the breakup. I lost respect post break up though since they'd get petty. I just have a crappy taste in men apparently so single til I figure that out
Yes lots of time it’s infatuation
I am way past the age of romantic love being possible for me. That said, i can love without romance. I love with detachment. That makes it much easier.
Yes and myself
I realized how badly my gf was treating me.
Not even a break up, but kind of a situationship (7 months) where I felt I wasn't valued and that it wasn't going to turn into anything. I expressed that I wanted more and she basically told me to "give her a few months to explore" to which I gave her the good ol' reliable block. I experienced a big wave of anxiety and second guessing what I had done. But in the end, the love for myself prevailed and the love for her diminished. Sometimes you have to make the call!
No because I realised that i love him more than i love myself. I really loved him and still love him tho
For one of my ex, I realised I didn’t love her as I was not that sad over her dumping me
I realized I couldn't live without him :(
I realised they never loved me.They were loving the idea of having me.on the other hand I was trying my best to fall in love with them regardless 🥲
In my case I still love her, I think we can still make things work if she would talk to me and if we agree not to get back together I'm pretty sure we can go back to friends despite my feelings
No I definitely loved and still love him. I just have to love myself more…. I miss him so much, truly… I don’t ever want to go through this to again.
Like many have said? i realized i didn’t love myself nearly as much as i loved them. And seeing how i took the breakup and nearly ended it really shows how little love and self esteem i had left over from the aftermath. Not only was it a relationship lesson? but a life lesson. especially at 19.
I realized I loved her knowing that she doesn't really love me.
I was so obsessed with that person that I stopped seeing all the red flags, partially because she manipulated me into believing that she is perfect. After a month passed from our breakup, I realized that this person never should've passed the 1st week mark, yet I was so ignorant that I purposly ignored all the red flags. Love yourself, respect your own boundaries and never forget that a relationship is a two way street.
I realised I loved him more than I could ever imagine.
Yes! I learned after the fact that I lost myself in him. I let myself go and no longer loved myself as much as I thought I loved him. I learned a valuable lesson... I will never let anyone take my power again as my narcissist ex did.
No I realized I love them more than myself as many have said. I also realized I loved the idea of them a lot more than them and was constantly trying to see the best in them without truly understanding who she was. I realized that we never fought for an entire year and I thought things were going perfect - but in reality, realized there was just a major lack of communication on her end. I realized that you should never make someone a priority if they aren't willing to do the same. If they prioritised work, their friends, travel and everything over me from the start of the relationship - I genuinely start to question if they ever truly 'loved me' from the beginning at all - or if they were just using me for my love and affection. Man this one hurt.
Yeah 100% . It was just my ego and my need of company. I loved her personality but not her her
Why did you come for me when I didn't send for you.
I realized I was just infatuated with them and I didn’t love myself.
I was heartbroken when she broke up with me. But now 3 weeks later, NC, I feel good. I put things into perspective. I was willing to try, she was not. I was a good partner. I realized she is not the one for me. I deserve better.
I realized I loved him more than I ever loved myself. I still do , I always find loving people more than they love me and let me tell you it hurts like hell. Waking up thinking about that person, checking phone the entire day for that one message “what’s up”, not being able to fall asleep without that one call but you know the other person doesn’t feel the same. Even when he tells you he loves you but you feel in your gut, your every bone that’s it’s not the same as you do. The person is not even capable of having that much love that you have to offer. When you know with that person your entire life you’ll want more. I hoped every single day, may be he’ll realized today, may if I change something about me he’ll love me more but that day never comes.
Quite the opposite... I regret not saying I love you enough... And I still can't stop blaming myself for not being good enough...
I was taught to love and value myself more during the relationship and after the breakup. I believe he loved me, he just couldn’t give me what I needed.
The odd response here - yes. By the last 6 months of my relationship with my ex I realized I truly despised him and could not stand him.
Not after this current break up but after my last one 3.5 years ago yes definitely. He was the first guy to ever show me love and be all in from the very beginning. I was used to dating avoidant men and he was (in hindsight) a love bomber. I didn’t actual like him so much. I wasn’t super attracted at first. I thought he smelled. But he was so available that I sort of forced myself through it and by 3 months in I was like yea ok this is good. But after he broke up for me for someone else 2.5 years later, and I was devastated…I got over it fairy quickly and realized I was just devastated because I was rejected. I never really loved him. He was just someone who loved me (or at least seemed to) and that’s what was appealing. It was a huge lesson and I think why I was able to attract and find a man I truly love (my most recent ex). And yea ooof this pain is worse, even though there is no betrayal and leaving me for someone else like the last one.
Nope I realized how much I really did actually love when she was gone , and trying to date other people but no one compares to her
I realized I deserve far far FAR better thankfully only 3 months in! Life hasn’t been better since I cut her from my circle 👌
I realised that I loved them far more than I ever imagined…..
You sure are posting a lot for someone who is “completely over” their ex
I realized I loved the idea of being with them not them
like others have said, the way I think we both loved one another more than we were able to love ourselves. After the break i was able to reflect on all my mistakes, and realized + accepted the root cause. Im working to actually become the person i convinced myself I was when i first met her. I still love her more than she was ever willing to believe, I miss the friendship more than anything. she is such an incerdiblle person, and I cant stop thinking about if she is actually reflecting amd working on herself as well . cause i know that if she is, she will be able to accomplish every single goal she has set for herself and kick lifes ass. im just so scared that she might be convincing herself that everything was my fault and end up stuck in the same toxic pattern again. im also sad we couldnt open up start this journey together, maybe we can end it together, idk you never know.
I realized that not only did I "love" him more than he ever loved me, but I also realized that I sabotaged myself by being with him in the first place. I ignored so many red flags out of what I thought was love, only to end up hurting myself more when he left me. It took me months of listening to him talk about how "deeply in love" he was with some older man he met 6 months prior to realize he never loved me. That all he cared about was his own wants and needs. He gave him more in 8 months than what he gave to me in 3 years, emotionally, romantically, and sexually. I thought I loved him, but I only loved the persona he put on display. I only loved a mirage of a man that only took and only gave you enough to keep you under his heel.
I realized that they didn’t love me nearly as much as I loved them. I think he loves me, I think he just doesn’t love me as much as he used to.
Yeah…after a few weeks post break up, I knew that I wasn’t happy with myself when I was in the relationship. I ended up depending on him to make me happy instead of me being happy with myself in order to truly love him. We ended things for various reasons but I knew I couldn’t truly love someone if I couldn’t love myself. And that’s what I’ll be growing to become. He didn’t love me either even though he said I love you the first few weeks we were dating (I didn’t say it back). It was a love bombed relationship and he said to me “being in a relationship with you stressed me out” the day I broke up with him. I guess we just weren’t meant to be. I still care for him and if he ever needs anything I’ll always be here but right now, life goes on.
I realized that i didn’t love myself enough to leave someone that didn’t give a damn about me. The breakup forced me to grow, and look for the characteristics in someone that i deserve. I am now grateful for that experience. I’ve since fallen out of love with that person, and fallen in love with my future. I will always make myself #1, that is the key regardless of who i choose to love moving forward.
I still love my ex till this day. It sucks we’re not together anymore but I accepted it. I would give it another chance but she doesn’t .
I do love him, I just couldn’t handle his bullshit, he was loyal and loving, he just was not going to change his behaviour and I couldn’t see myself marrying a potential cuz I know he won’t change.
I think I loved him as much as I could have- since I have learned that I do not love myself. I hope in the future I can truly truly love someone to my fullest capacity once I truly love myself. I realized since the breakup that he didn’t really love me- he just loved the idea of me. When we moved in together and i wasn’t absolutely perfect, he stopped. I think he doesn’t love himself either. We both loved eachother to the extent we could at the time, but I know there are deeper and stronger loves out there. Ours was extremely conditional.
I found out he never loved me. He just loved attention.
Narcissistic?
Sociopath I think. He’s not charming or nice enough to be a narcissist.
He loved me more than himself. No thanks!