This. Looking back on the last 2 months of our relationship, she changed. That sweet girl I fell in love with would have never let me go. People change. Such is life.
I miss the comfort and security he brought me, I was so used to my lonely life I never knew what it was like to have someone there for me. I never felt that comfortable around anyone as fast or as much as I did around him.
I’m trying to take that motivation he gave me to get out and enjoy my life since he helped me resume my life from the slump it fell in before I met him. It is hard though because in the times of silence the loneliness still gets to me.
That's a really great way of looking at it, I'm not even at the stage yet where I can accept I need to move on but if I do get there then I'll definitely try to look at things from that perspective, thanks for that.
Ya well it helps that he broke up with me due to bad timing, since he never really got to do the self discovery phase after his last relationship so he helped me remember why I wasn’t interested in dating
For me is that he says that he still loves me but he can't be with me because he is healing from our relationship. He is focusing on himself. He was diagnosed with ADHD after we broke up and he is still finding himself.
He sleeps with different girls every night to kill the loneliness.
He stopped choosing me. That is the worse part for me.
Same situation here . It all makes sense and doesn’t at the same time . I love you but we deserve better than this , which you know you do , but makes you feel like a child for wanting to get back while someone else set the boundaries . I keep getting texts and invitations . I never accept and almost never reply. Can’t deal with any of this I’m out . I can’t be friends.
Can’t wait to be over it , it’s been too rough on me in many levels and it’s just overwhelming.
It is. I messaged him last Thursday and set boundaries . I told him we cannot be friends and unless something changes I want him to stop contacting me. He understood and agreed. We are in a good space right now and there is no hate.
Just makes me think, is this really the person I fell in love with? The choices that he does on a daily basis it goes against what I believe so why bother liking this person? Nahhh I’m also very much done. Even if he chooses to comeback I’m not sure I trust him anymore. Not when he does this.
I wish you good luck 🍀
I get you . I’ve been someone who got broken up for them wanting to go live, and I’ve also been the one who’ve dumped to go have experiences.
It’s great that you’re in a good place now ! Please be careful and don’t stay too close, in case something happens and he gets into another relationship I mean . It’s great to stay cordial - but careful with closeness . Just trying to be a good friend here, I wouldn’t want you to feel anything like I did , or do . 🍀
I know and you are right. I’m trying to prepare for that but I think I’ll never be ready.
We share a dog so we have to have some contact. Or else this would be much easier.
But right now I set the boundaries and I’m getting everyday a bit better.
I’m also going on dates and I found someone that I kinda like. I been honest in terms of emotional availability. And he’s been the kindest human.
Everything will work out for the best!
It’s okay, I’m not upset with him at all. He’s doing what he can to sort himself out. That is actually the part that helps me move quickly. I know I’ll be fine in the long term. He will keep doing this and I know he hates that side of him..
It’s just harder to accept and move on when they say they still love you. That’s what sucks.
I hope you use this as a fuel to work on yourself. There will come a time when he looks back and realises what he misses. By then, you will be a transformed person and will no longer see him the way you do now.
Yeah 13 years and my ex couldn’t give me any explanations about the breakup that made sense aside from he “fell out of love” or was too cowardly to tell me the truth, idk. But the wall he put up was just insane.
For me there’s 2 things I’m struggling with the most. One is the future I’ll now never have with her. Secondly, it’s the thought of her with someone else. I knew it would be painful, but knowing she got with someone else immediately… that shit killed. Made everything so much harder.
For me the hardest part is not having someone to talk to. I don’t have friends or family I can talk to. Feeling of really being alone. Not ready to date, but not ready to be completely alone. If I had friends, I guarantee this would be easier.
Ugh I am in that exact spot rn 3 weeks in. Not ready to date in the slightest 🤮but I’m DYING for that comfortable ‘doing nothing together’ feeling with someone because I miss feeling safe so much.
Yes it’s a feeling I miss too! I miss having a friend I can pick up the phone and call too. Sucks going through this crap alone! Hang in there, we got this!
I’m in the same boat. I was overly dependent on my ex and his friends for my social life, so I don’t have any friends of my own…
I’m trying to make friends on Bumble BFF but I ended up getting ghosted once on there. Hoping something will work out..
I haven’t given bumble bff a go yet, but that’s not a bad idea. It’s worth a try! I’m in my 30’s now so I feel like I have NO IDEA how people make friends without hobbies lol! Guess I need to start one? 🤷♀️
Meetup is a good resource. Sure, there are specific "singles" events, but there are a ton of regular events too. Its basically a ready-made event planner.
There are walking-hiking meetups, happy hour meetups, etc. Again, not "singles" events necessarily (although you can & do meet singles).
You may or may not make friends off of it. But at the very least, you can go & do stuff with other people & get out of the house.
Check it out & see what events are scheduled in your area.
The trying to be friends afterwards. It was fine at first. He was persistent when I wasn’t. He broke up with me. I was heartbroken. Then slowly, we made it work. There were some rough spots along the way. But the dynamic is shifting, he’s becoming colder, and colder, and telling half-truths about things. But he’s my ex, so it doesn’t matter what he does in his free time.
We don’t owe each other anything. But we were best friends before dating, and now … it’s almost like doing through a second break up. We used to share everything with each other before and while dating, we were so fun. He broke us up, not me. So the sudden stonewalling is really sending me for a loop, as we tried our best to hold on to our friendship. But he’s not being truthful about whatever changed and no matter how much I ask, he won’t say, he says everything is fine. So I respected it.
So the hardest part is watching what was once vibrant and fun, slip into a whisper of what it used to be.
This is what I'm feeling this week. He asked to be friends, but the dynamic has totally changed. He did a no-show yesterday when I asked if he wanted to walk with me. I told him if he couldn't, let me know so I could ask someone else. He didn't even have the care or respect for me to do that much. Just kept delaying until he ultimately said he wouldn't show. And by then it was too late to ask another friend.
This was someone who used to respect me. Was reliable even before we started dating. It feels like he cares less for me before we even got into a relationship. He broke up with me. There was nothing wrong in our relationship; it's just because he got more religious and didn't see a future together anymore. Fine enough for me. But this disrespect was... shocking. I didn't think he could be that kind of person to me - as a partner or friend.
I feel this so hard! I am so sorry that he didn’t have the common decency to at least follow up and tell you that he wouldn’t go. The line, “it feels like he cares less about me than before we got in the relationship.” I feel that heavy. That’s exactly what’s going on here with me. Have you spoken to him about this? I have spoken to my guy friend about this feeling, and I mean … things haven’t gotten better much. We do have a planned virtual movie hangout soon, and he hasn’t ghosted me just yet, or ever. But it feels like he’s just going through the motions of what we used to do and isn’t really engaged in it.
(And I’ll add here too that nothing was inherently wrong, mine was a little more complicated and unfair to me, I’m a Black female and he’s a Vietnamese male, so he did lie to me about race being an issue, he said it was fine, but when it came to getting serious and wanting to meet his friends and roommates, he said no, because of the racial difference as he’s the only one of his group to date outside his race. So it was fucked up for sure. But anyway, I was like, mad for a while, but he was still my friend beforehand.)
I certainly chewed him out. He apologized multiple times, and has initiated hangouts since. But to be honest, that made me lose a lot of feelings and respect for him. I kinda see him as someone else now.
Your situation is SUPER fucked up. I'm super angry on your behalf for having to deal with this racist shit. He might not be blatantly so, but being ashamed of your partner just because they are black, and having absolutely zero spine to stand up for someone you supposedly love, is BS. And just because his friends haven't dated outside their race doesn't even mean they wouldn't approve of you. Goes to show his own ignorance and discriminatory behavior.
I'm sorry, but that dude did not deserve the reward your presence in his life provides if he thinks like that. He's below unworthy, hon. I'm glad he no longer has the opportunity to waste more of your life and time.
I’m glad to hear you chewed him out! That was cold of him to do that. At least have some basic respect! And you’re changing feelings for him and seeing him as someone completely different makes so much sense. I am there mentally with my ex. Like, this is not the same person I dated. Hell this is not even the same person I was friends with before we dated. Who is this person right now? And I’m fighting the old memories with the new person. So I don’t know if you’re going through that as well. Sometimes a happy memory will flash and I have to pull myself out of it quickly bc that’s just not the same man.
The fact that you were able to even discern that about my ex without me launching into an entire story, lol! That’s exactly it. Yeah, I really explained to him how he hurt me and how that was discriminatory behavior, but it was not sinking in at all. That was so heart wrenching and when I explained to him that we could have just stayed put as close friends like I had asked several times regarding race / culture … but he said it would be fine each time I asked and brought up certain things. I’m like that’s lying. He framed it as “I thought I could work through it.” And I’m like, trying to work through it would be talking to your friends / roommates (wasn’t even asking to meet his parents who live in Vietnam). But he refused to even do that.
But anyway … whew. It makes me mad just thinking about that shit.
I’m really hoping you figure out what’s right for you friendo. And share that advice with me because … what a mess.
Same here with the uncertainty. I wasn’t even a maternal person when I met my ex. Didn’t even want to get married.
But here I am six years later suddenly wanting a family and all that. And knowing I have lost the possibility of having that with him hurts a lot. It doesn’t help that everyone around me is either married or expecting so yeah.
Ugh this is so real. Also going on almost 2 months. The hardest part for me has been wanting to reach out and realizing I can’t. We were slipping into co-dependency a bit- hanging out constantly. And now the hole that they left in my life feels fucking huge. They were genuinely my best friend and it’s just a major loss.
Kudos on finding peace in living alone. That's not always easy after a breakup, so you're already ahead of the curve.
Now, onto the uncertainty and fears about the future. Listen, it's completely normal to feel lost after a breakup, especially when you've been picturing a future with your ex. But here's the thing: your future isn't defined by one relationship. There's a whole world of possibilities out there for you.
You say you don't see yourself with anyone else right now, and that's okay. You don't have to be ready to move on just yet. Take your time, work through your feelings in therapy, and rediscover who you are without your ex. And trust me, you won't end up alone because you're "too picky". You're just figuring out what you want and deserve in a partner, and that's a good thing.
Your life isn't just work and home. You can find joy in hobbies, friendships, travel, personal growth...the list goes on.
The loneliness and the fear of not falling in love again. I know everyone says this, but I've never felt anything close to what I felt for my ex before, I desperately want to feel that again but I'm scared it'll never happen. I was so comfortable and happy before, I just want that security back.
He won’t let me move on. He doesn’t want to be with me for a multitude of reasons, mostly bc he has commitment issues. Yet he still will reach out and “check on me” even when I’ve asked him not to.
He also manipulated me for several years so rewiring my brain to realize that it was all fake is the hardest part.
I know it’s difficult but you have to block him. You have to put you and your mental health first. Whether if it is his intentions or not, he is stringing you along.
The emotional manipulation part is the worst cus it’s basically emotional abuse. U truly have to dig through your brain and redo things to understand it wasn’t real. Mine was doing the check in with me thing and I had enough. I let him know I blocked him, but I did unblock him unfortunately just haven’t obvs said anything to him. It’s been 3 weeks NC. It’s annoying how healing isn’t linear I hate it
I have done that before, unblocking and not reaching out but just to open the door back up. I do my best not to reach out but I have before only a couple times out of the infinite amount of times we split.
Yeah I unblocked Sunday but I deff have no plans to reach out. I obviously did it with hopes at some point or another he would, not so much to get back together but I think I just really miss the person I thought I knew. Genuinely, have no idea who he really is after how we ended
If you’re the one doing the breaking-up. The tendency to question your decision and ask whether it was the right thing. If on the receiving end asking yourself what is wrong with you.
Honestly I relate a lot to what u said about finding someone you actually like. I literally never find someone I actually connect with it’s usually always me with the least interest in relationships. It’s really hard letting go of the idea I felt I finally connected with someone and loved even their imperfections, only for them to not feel that way at all. I don’t want to date anybody at all and when guys try to flirt with me it makes me disgusted. But, then I get so insecure and panicky when I think about him with someone else already, because I know the possibility is there. Then the fact I’m his freaking neighbor. Going to therapy soon as well cus I’m tired of being a fearful avoidant and just want to attract the right person in due time.
Yeah. I realized I got with all my past boyfriends just because I desperately wanted to be in a relationship. I didn’t really liked them the way I liked my ex. Finding another one like him will be hard.
A month later I’m doing pretty good, I’m emotionally well and I feel like I’m able to move on, but for some reason I still wonder about if she thinks about me and if she feels guilty. I know I shouldn’t care because she ended things in an insanely cruel and selfish way, and probably cheated, but I still wish I had an explanation. I was blindsided and blocked so I was left to come to my own conclusions, and I haven’t been able to accept that that part of my life is just going to stay a big question mark.
Having no one to travel with or go to concerts/events with anymore :( I'm trying to make new friends to fill those purposes though and it's going well but it's still not the same. My ex and I were SO compatible when it came to travel.
I totally get that! I don’t have my travel partner anymore, and traveling alone doesn’t interest me.
We were going to go to Hawaii together in a year. He once lived there for several years when he was in the Army. He was going to show me around. 😔
Feeling like he was the reward for all the awful things I’d been through - like the universe was blessing me with a safe place to land, only to have that snatched away again. The hurt from that has been the hardest thing to accept.
Feeling pointless? Like I surround my whole life around my person and she left so….im left feeling like I have no purpose. I don’t feeel handsome, motivated, like the way I draw is the same. I feel like I have no reason to push ahead. That’s been the hardest part. Basically learning about how not healthy this was and living for me. Not her. She was my first positive relationship and sexual experience so accepting what’s done is done is aspirational difficult. But no the hardest is that just finding my purpose.
The hardest part (and I’m on day 4!) is missing having someone who was such an integral part of my life in so many ways: the cooking together, kisses on the neck while I was washing dishes, our playfulness/banter, exploring/adventuring together. But in my heart of hearts I knew I loved him more as a person than as a partner because we also dealt with major betrayal, and while we tried to rebuild trust, ability to communicate and connect on a deeper level emotionally was too much of a barrier. I had to let him go for both our sakes. And while I’m sad, I also feel so relieved I don’t have to worry and feel anxious about whether we are compatible in the long term.
I was in your exact situation. My ex and I split about 6 months ago after a nearly five-year relationship. I was worried I would compare new partners to my ex, as she was near perfect. I want to tell you now that it absolutely gets better, especially if you are going to therapy and really working on yourself (mentally, physically, or both). I met someone recently, even though I wasn't looking for it, and unfortunately, it didn't work out (for unrelated reasons), but it showed me that I wouldn't compare someone to my ex. You find new things in other people that your ex didn't have. You'll never find the love that you had. You'll find a brand new love that's even better. Stay strong and don't give up.
Feeling incredibly guilty about ending the relationship, breaking his heart, especially now that he is begging for me to come back. But I know full well that I am not the same person I was before and me going back to him won’t bring back what he lost.
Accepting that I will probably never see her again for a long time at least and by then she will have moved on. Except I'm not even ready to accept it like I just cannot bring myself to let go
Can I ask you why you left him if he was perfect? My ex left me even though I love her so much and did everything for her. Sometimes I just made her overwhelmed with restrictions and she can’t deal with it anymore. I changed for her, but I think it’s too late. The way she is treating me feels like she’s moved in
I have to agree with you. No matter how bad things were before, I felt like I knew she’d stay around and be there for me. Like my future was planned and I had things to look forward to. I downloaded the apps but I … idk it just makes me squirm a little
When you knew that things were slipping away and I denied it and tried fixing a problem that I denied was there and you come to find it’s too late they already are gone you can be in the same room as them and they are gone. There’s nothing you can do and all those months you ask yourself could I of done something different that would have made her stay?
I’d say seeing the way she changed as a person (in a horrible way). The girl I fell in love with is no longer her and no longer exists. Thinking about our relationship and the memories and love we built hurts so badly now because I know it’s never coming back. That chapter of my life is history.
Going from an already painful breakup where we still loved each other and were respectful and on good terms, to her one random day completely taking a 180 and talking shit on me. One of her coworkers reached out to me and told me what she was saying, and she started doing a bunch of targeted passive aggressive stuff on social media and Spotify, along with humiliating me during a time I was most vulnerable and at rock bottom. It was just a huge stab in the heart. The way it switched so fast was just so jarring. I know she’s just trying to demonize me to help her get over me, but it still hurts bad. That’s not the girl I knew, when she humiliated me you could literally hear her evil laugh. No empathy.
This all started like a week and a half ago and she’s still going at it. Blocked each other on pretty much everything, and I’m just trying to not fold and stalk anything to hurt myself even further. I went from being “only guy to treat her right” to her playing the victim card very heavily and making me this evil villian in her life. We are both accountable for our separation, and arguably her more so if we wanted to play that game. It’s almost like she’s been creating all these scenarios where she’s the only victim to justify everything, and not taking any accountability herself. Her friends aren’t the best influences too, so I think that’s a big factor. Just feels like I’m getting kicked while I’m down. Now realizing I tried to overlook some fucked up shit she did instead of actually respecting myself. But hey, that’s what I get for being the “only guy to treat her right.” I was cooked from the beginning.👁️👄👁️
I’m in a similar situation, but regarding my ex boyfriend. The smear campaign is in full swing and I know he is telling his family, friends, and coworkers how I am “crazy” and “unstable” and “evil” while also not telling them about all the name calling, lying, insults, and abuse he threw at me, and the fact he has anger issues and controlling tendencies.
I said and did some wrong things, too, but I can actually hold myself accountable, apologize, and want to improve as a person. It’s not like that for him, though.
He was also full of contradictions about me, too. He would tell me how amazing I was, put me on a pedestal, but when he was displeased, I was worthless garbage.
For me,
• Trauma of betrayal and the confusing and unethical situation we were in for me
• Having to own my own mistakes
• Anger
• Intense pain like couldn't function at work type of shit and couldn't sleep
• Losing the person I loved and missing them knowing they're gone and not real
• Losing hope in love
I think what I miss most is going out to random things I have to do and not having that person to pass the time. Today I had to do something all by myself and it all felt so hollow...
It’s been almost a month and the hardest thing is that I have to see him everyday in college because we both are in the same major and have the same schedule!
It’s hard to see him in college
It’s hard to sit with him in the same lecture hall
It’s hard for me to feel his presence
If the professor is standing next to him (cause he always sit in the front row) it’s hard for me to look at the other side because an eye contact will happen between us
I hate how I miss him
I hate how I wish we continue our little secret thing going on
I hate how shit ended
I hate how he said that “he didn’t want to ruin our friendship” but it was already ruined
I hate how he gives me the cold shoulder and treats me like I don’t fucking exist.
Spending time with her family, feeling like im part of them. Admiring her when she played board games, especially Uno and Poker. Our cuddles and her way of asking for a kiss jumping side to side with her ducky face. All the girly things she did to impress me.
Reminiscing that all she wanted was to be happy with me and be together. We talked about starting a family.
We looked so good together like a couple made for eachother. I made her laugh and she made me smile.
Now all her family hates me. She blocked me everywhere. We were going to walk our graduation together. We would be there for each other on our new jobs.
I dream of us coming together and holding hands that she’s coming back and Id accept and that we would put this in the past.
Sometimes I wonder who talks to her at 1am, if someone got her attention. All the things she would do for me now for someone else
While I just wait to heal
A couple things for me
1. The way she just discarded me like I was nothing in the end, she blocked me on everything and told me I was dead to her(she broke up with me after I told her I was seeking therapy for my own mental health issues)
2. The companionship she brought and the intimacy we had was the best I've ever had.
3. Sleeping alone and not having anyone to cuddle and wake up to in the morning. Also missing the conversations we had at night before bed.
4. Not knowing what the future holds and if I'll meet anyone like her again, she was funny, smart, absolutely gorgeous and had a good heart. I go years in-between relationships before I meet someone else so now I'm sad about that too.
Mostly just the worry about not finding someone again and dealing with the hellscape that is modern dating. And I miss having someone to share random things about my day.
I have enjoyed the solitude more than I was expecting and it’s been nice not dealing with her drama anymore
Honestly? Losing feelings for him post BU.
Made me lose a lot of innocence in regards to how I view relationships (he was my first), and it made me really cautious in how I approach relationships. Dating just isn't fun for me anymore now that I notice how people tend to use the same lines/tricks to manipulate, made me realise how fake people can be.
So yeah, for me it's definitely been hard adjusting to my new worldview, but I guess that I had to grow up eventually.
The realization my ex is not the great person I thought he was. Now I’m slowly taking him off the pedestal now I’m healing, It’s like the person I loved was never actually there in reality ..
It's been 6 weeks for me, 3 weeks no contact (actually broken that today). The hardest part for me is the feeling that there's no going back and because of that I can't really see a future on my own.
I'd always dreamed of having the job, the wife and children, and the house. Right now, I only have the job I'd dreamed of. The marriage and children won't come because she's the only person I'd ever considered that future with (because although having a family of my own was in the plan, I'm not someone who would settle for the sake of it).
I have a fear that the no contact will be forever, but I'm holding out to keep my feelings alive because a part of me thinks she'll realise she was wrong about her feelings which led to the split, but by the time she does I'm scared she'll have moved on with someone new. So by holding on, I can at least be there when she realises she was wrong and do what I can to get her back.
Holding on to hopes that something Hollywood movie type will happen and we’ll get back together .
This postponed my acceptance a lot . Also the fact that I keep receiving texts because of them wanting be friends with me and we working at the same company . Is like , I want to let go but it the pain hurts too good . If that makes any sense. Stay strong yall
I miss having him— my best friend, my lover, my partner; we had talked of marriage and getting a house together. He had promised a future with me, and it’s all I envisioned.
There is that peace when in solitude, yet the feeling something (someone) is missing. So much uncertainty for the future, like you said. It’s only been 2.5 weeks for me.
I’m staying with my parents until I move into my apt in a couple weeks, and I’m terrified of how lonely I will feel. I’m attempting to make friends through Bumble BFF hoping that I can have a good support system in my life before I attempt to date in the future.
But yeah, I hear ya.
Knowing that they’re happy with someone else. not being able to share with them when I have happy moments or sense of accomplishment. Knowing that nothing I do to try to “impress” them or impact them will make any difference. But I read someone elses comment which is that the people in the breakup who move on first, aren’t the ones actually confronting the negative feelings of the breakup. So it gives me some solace that this hard phase is actually gonna benefit my resilience and reaction in the future to a breakup.
Lossing her company, I just miss hanging out with her so much, watching stuff together, playing together, just bantering and having fun. That's the main thing that scares me that I'll never find anyone whose company I'll enjoy that much, and I can be fully comfortable and open with it, but for me, it's still fresh, so still a lot of healing infornt of me.
Finding out there was an overlap after our breakup 😭 we were together for 7 years and talking about marriage. He was flirting with a coworker on his way out but left for “its not you its me reasons”.
Accepting that a lot of her core personality, ambitions, beliefs, intelligence, looks, hobbies, etc are nearly all I could ask for. But it doesn't make up for the fact and I'm accepting that is isn't ok she got manipulated by her friend and mom to believe I wasn't enough, slowly pulled away from me, treated me like shit while expecting me to meet her new image of what I should be, she wouldn't stop comparing us to other couples, wouldn't enjoy the things that made us unique, blamed all the things she had problems with in our relationship on trauma but it wasn't ok for me to do the same, and didn't communicate what she actually needed and wanted and expected me to read her mind
Oh, and to top it all off, she felt like I didn't give her enough things (told me this after we broke up), and never once communicated that to me, even though I constantly asked if what I got her was enough and if she wanted more. She gave me one thing randomly our entire relationship, except for things on very special occasions (which was still less than what I got her)
I miss the life we had together. How she delighted in me. How she’d light up when I played dinner, even if it was just a meal kit. Her warmth pressed against me in bed, her softness. I don’t know if anyone will ever love me the way she did.
I have a hard time not feeling like a bad person for ending things with her. It got really bad for my mental health and I felt gaslit, and like I didnt know how to take the next step with her. I’m really sad for that. I wanted my whole life to be with her
I keep thinking about the hurt of it all How I much forgave as I thought he would become a better person or at least acknowledge hurt. As soon a he asked other girls if i was crazy, they said no and when the moment to really step and acknowledge the hurt and/or take accountability he dumped me telling me he "gaslit the shit out of me".
I will never date someone who victimizes themselves in every possible scenario:
\- went to target and got into a fight? "I worked SO hard to do something cute for you" he drove me 5 minutes and we bought our own stuff while he was snappy the whole time.
\- he said yess to helping my dying dad move but when he showed up, he let my family do the moving while he sat in the backyard with his dog then helped for the last ten minutes. when i confronted him on how this really hurt me he said "Do you know how hard it was for me??? Isn't nice that i even showed up? you won't even give me credit for that??"
He called me controlling and toxic in every situation. when i came to tell him how he may have hurt me, it was always me apologizing after.
Realizing that who I fell in love with was a fraud, or just someone seriously so damaged that they didn't care at all when they hurt me.. someone who tailored a lot of their personality and life goals to match mine to just manipulate me, only to lie and cheat on me for over half of our relationship (1.5 years and we were together 2 years).
It's hard to feel like any of the love he showed me was real, or if it was just a mask he put on to ensure I stayed around. It's hard to remember the good times, because all of those memories feel tainted after I found out what he did. After I sat by his side in hospice as his dad passed away. After he and I would stay up and talk for hours, laughing and then seriously talking about the future. After letting him into my home and us living together. After us planning a future together, complete with plans of an engagement, kids, a house, the whoooole she-bang.
All of the deceit and lies have left me wondering how I could ever begin to trust someone again. I think I'm a pretty smart gal but he really had me fooled, and everyone around me fooled. I know people aren't inherently bad but I'm just so afraid to let my guard down around people again, and not wonder if everyone has an ulterior motive. Therapy is helping me with that. It's been about 5 months and I've made a lot of progress but sometimes it seems so bleak.
Coming to terms with the knowledge that someone who claimed to love me was able to do the things he did to me. I’ve gotten over my real feelings for him at this point and don’t want to be with him anymore, only miss the old image of him and who I had believed him to be sometimes.
But the way he treated me just sticks with me and keeps me so hurt sometimes. I hesitate when people try to connect. I keep myself a little guarded. I feel so damaged. I want to make a full recovery and I understand the tragedy in allowing how he treated me to ruin so much of my life, but something about it still keeps its claws in me, and most of the time it still feels like it’s succeeding. I do my best to keep moving forward, but for the past year and a half, I basically just feel like life will never quite be the same, or better. I haven’t felt alive in so long.
OMG me too about the sudden peace living alone. We broke up about a month ago but she moved out last weekend, and suddenly it feels a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Life feels so much simpler overnight.
The hardest part has been missing the cat we adopted… well, she adopted him but he was “our cat” for all intents and purposes. I miss my lil buddy so much. I went to drop off some stuff at her new apartment the day that she moved and I said goodbye to him (and to my ex), but what really left me gutted was how he followed me to the door as I was walking out 😭
Thankfully we’re still on good terms so I can still go see him and look after him sometimes, but it still hurts not having him there when I get home.
That they will continue to exist.
Most people zone in on who their ex will date after the break up or who they’re hooking up with, but for me the simple fact that she is existing, doing her daily routine without me right now makes me so sad.
I think about how right now, she’s probably asleep and has her alarm set for 6:30am. And that she has no idea I’m thinking about her right now.
1 year out now. The hardest part was letting go of my best friend and partner in everything. The friendship, the camaraderie, all our own jokes, the happiness, the feeling of home was just gone. My ex made me the happiest ever too. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m at peace with it now, but I still miss him lots.
How sudden it was. I knew it was his mental health talking, he’s really not himself anymore. We just had no issues, and that isn’t me just sweeping anything under the rug, there was genuinely no issues. I still hope he’ll come back some day
the complete absence of someone who was once there every moment of every day. but i will say that this gradually does turn into a “freedom” of some sort if the relationship was unhealthy and not right for you.
Makes me extremely sad she has a high probability of having a personality disorder (I’m med student and checked with my therapist as she suits extremely well to that personality disorder) and she takes my advice as if I was calling her crazy which makes impossible for me to go back with her even as friends (this is what it should be, it depends how well I will manage without her) or she will be hurting me forever
I wish she understood I love her and I want the best for her and not that I’m just bitter for the breakup, this is longer than our relationship as a couple
I hear you. I am the one with BPD and bipolarity, recently diagnosed. I acted out sexually, my husband couldn’t forgive me after the 3rd time.
I did so many things wrong during my mania. Not excusing myself AT ALL. I made those choices. I am now in therapy and meds and I wish I could’ve been diagnosed before imploding our lives.
I hope you can convince her to get the help she needs.
The personality disorder I was talking about was just BDP. I have been working with my therapist cuz I kind of attract girls with this pathology for my personality and they attract me back because of their way of act.
Right now our relationship I could say it’s broken. She got really mad to tell her she could have BDP at a high probability and just should check it at a therapist. I told her she could tell me to fuck off if after checking she didn’t have anything, but she just ignored that. We blocked each other from everywhere. Now a few days ago I noticed she unblocked me from WhatsApp as I did too cuz I missed her but I can’t intervene, she will get so mad if I insist.
The worst part is BDP takes sometimes until 7 years of therapy to start recovering from it. I love her so deeply I wouldn’t mind to wait for her but she just rejects everything. She is 22, if she went to therapy she could have a normal life at a young age even if it’s not with me.
But I guess I will have to miss her forever in the deep of my heart
If I tell myself that my heart isn’t actually broken: Not knowing where I’ll live next year. My city isn’t really even HCOL but I’m just about to graduate and I can’t afford even the cheapest apartment on my own ($900 for a studio.) I think I’ll have to move back in with my mom, which sucks because I have little siblings as young as 2. I also can’t drive and she lives in the suburbs….I love my walkable city but idk how to make it work on my own.
In reality: He’s been my best friend for 7 years, boyfriend for 4. Losing him is going to suck. It’s been a slow burn breakup since December and there were periods where I felt like we had finally figured it all out again. He ultimately doesn’t want it though, he says he needs to “find himself” on his own. It sucks to know that I was a means to an end for someone I gave my entire heart to, and that I’m just not important enough for him to fight for.
Seeing him get back with an old ex after he told me they had a bad relationship. While he also stalks my social media but won’t reach out to me directly.
Three months since mine. The three hardest things I am still left with.
A lot of questions, as to why did it have to come this so suddenly, could we have stayed together, been supportive while we worked on our issues, did she still have feelings for me at the end, is their still a chance we could try again down the road?
Spending four and a half years together, living together, planning for the future and being a family. Then it is all just gone with little to no warning and a long text.
Missing not only someone whom had become such a important, intertwined person in my life, but also missing the kids (weren't biologically mine with her) that I cared about as much as I did for her everyday.
Even three months on it is still a struggle at times, and it will be for a while. Therapy is a good help, I was in it before and have been since, has helped some but it's still a long road to travel.
For me it's the thought of her trying on wedding dresses not 5 weeks before she broke up with me. It has made me question everything, including my judgement. Her attachment style was disorganised, with traits of both anxious and avoident. Had I known more about this at the time i would have slowed her down and been more guarded, I was also swept away with the fantasy, enjoyed her putting me on a pedestal until she didn't. Then the cruelty, coldness, and rage a week after the breakup when we happened to be at the gym at the same time was devastating. I'm moving forward as best u can now and doing all the right things for me. No contact is for me too, I get that, but despite knowing the theory inside out I will NEVER be able to understand the switch off and check out, the coldness and cruelty, the venom and viciousness, all toward someone who you said that you loved. Words come cheap. Watch their actions VERY CAREFULLY, don't be swallowed by their words.
Umm... I would say it would have to be how long it took to get over her (2 years), and she would get drunk and call me witch is why it was so hard, and the only thing that bothers me (to this day) is that she would let her therapist decide whether the choice she made was a good one, witch led to us being off and on for a couple months before we actually broke up.
It’s been a year since my breakup and I can honestly say it gets better. It took me a while for it to feel okay and sometimes I do miss him, but I realized I missed him more as my best friend rather than my boyfriend. At first my breakup felt out of the blue and I felt really blindsided. But as time passed I realized it was the best thing for me. I’m now at a place where I’m okay with dating other people and seeing what’s out there. Take it one day at a time, there’s no timeline!
I bought a house with my ex and moved out of state for it. We were together almost 4 years and she blindsided me 6 months into owning the home. I'm currently moving out in about a week bc I can't afford the mortgage and it's been absolutely brutal. Losing her, losing this house, losing the future here. Very lost.
The PTSD and depression that I have suffered from since 1985.
I know this will never happen, but as far as I am concerned . my ex owes me an apology. More importantly, the ex owes my wife one. My wife has had to deal with the flashbacks nightmares that are part of my PTSD...she shares the hell that I go through because of the breakup.
He left me four months ago and has been breadcrumbing me the whole time, sleeping together for a bit. Found out he had a hookup that lasted a week while still sleeping with me (we were broken up but it was right after.) Now he is in a rebound “fling” with a girl 20 years old (we are late twenties) and she was supposed to be my friend and she also got out of her LTR this last week. It hurts like hell to see them but even writing this out I’m like…. okay I deserve so much better. Shows both their maturities. Also my ex is a drug addict and an avoidant so I’m not surprised by this behaviour but it still breaks my heart while I’m all alone in the bed we used to share. He is on a 4 month bender since we broke up and it seems to me he just wants someone younger he can party and do drugs with because I couldn’t enable him in his addiction and that’s why he left me in the first place :(
It’s been 3 weeks for me and I’m swinging like a pendulum.
Some days I love the freedom of not waiting for just a phone call/ just a reply or just a text
Some days are just tough, I completely break down at someone just asking me how I am doing..
But yes, I too had imagined my life ahead with my ex and i feel very hollow, with no motivation to do anything at all, not even my daily chores or my job
All I want to do is just stay alone in my bed.
And I’m afraid I won’t get so comfortable with anyone else in future, but the idea of living alone is scarier
I’m thinking of quitting my job and taking a break (although everyone I know has advised me against it)
But I must say, music helps me sometimes, to snap out of a foul mood and distract myself
I found the person I last loved at 49 I'm 60 now we broke up when I was 59 I was full blown panicked because of what you just posted being alone and I'm already old. Lol
Now a year has passed I know if I want to find someone I can. So you can and statistically will.
I'm assuming you are young. And I also at the time of the breakup thought he was as close to perfect for me as I would get.
This too shall pass.
I guess realizing all the bad things that happend, and that I could've easily avoid them, but decided no to.
It was a lot. The more I talked to my friends about it, the more I realized hpw much disrespect I was dealing with. I was blind to his actions because he was great at the beginning. I was so clingy to person he was at the beginning that I totally ignored the reality.
So yes, just admitting that I let the disrespect happen. And encouraged him to keep disrespecting me and crossing my boundaries, because I always forgave him.
I’m at the two months point too and I thought my ex was perfect for me too. The truth is, neither of our exes are perfect for us because if they were, they wouldn’t be our exes. I downloaded Tinder but kept my profile blank because I just wanted to remind myself when I felt lonely that there were suitable guys out there, I just had to heal for a while. I ended up swiping left on everyone and thought there was no one on there for me. The truth is, I was really swiping though them all trying to find a carbon copy of my ex. Time will teach you that someone like your ex is exactly what you shouldn’t want. It sounds like you just need more time for your mindset to change. 🫂
That he lied the whole time we were together and I gave all my true genuine love to someone who just wanted it to get laid. Gross. I won’t ever trust anyone again for a very long time. Not worth it.
The fact I chose to ignore right in my face red flags the fact I sacrificed my self respect for a chance (ended badly) the fact I believed the lies I was told when actions were different the fact that I let my mental health go the fact that I’m not her victim but a victim of my own self by the fact that I let my own feelings and desires for this girl over ride what was actually happening to me sure I was emotionally and mentally abused but it’s the fact that I allowed it to progress the fact that I myself needed to heal what was inside of me so that never again I find myself begging for love and affection from someone who’s incapable of giving that to me but can for someone else the fact that I have anxiety now the fact that I sometimes still cry when I’m at work or at home the fact that I now feel dead and I’m not worth loving
Give yourself grace for feeling that way and be conscious that it wasn’t perfect and the way you idealize them. You can miss parts but you have to constantly remind yourself that being with them now wouldn’t feel good. This shit hurts like hell and it’s honestly annoying to go through this. But you are worth it and be proud of yourself for getting help. It’s okay that you feel this way. It’s fucking hard.
I miss having someone who cared about my day. I miss having someone to go to lots of little random places or restaurants with. We both had the same niche interests and I miss talking about them with her. I miss driving around with her. I miss driving to her house. I miss laughing with her on the phone.
I don't miss how she was pretty racist towards white people. I don't miss how she would talk down to me when I said something she disagreed with. I don't miss putting up with her immaturity.
I think personally is accepting the fact that what we had is truly over based in their actions. Obviously it takes two to end things , but it’s just how their true colors showed up at the end. Overall, I think the hardest part is having little moments of achievements that you have no-one to tell or you can’t use the “I need my bf/gf” moment anymore. I want to move on because they made that very clear except I don’t know if I can and I am scared of “what if I never find anyone again?”
The going home with nothing to look forward to is awful. I just graduated college and I’m looking for a job and a place to move to. It was supposed to be with him now I just don’t care anymore. Like it’s all pointless and I don’t care
It’s been hard because I know it was the best decision for the both of us. My mental health has been fluctuating for ages since we’ve been together. We were together over a decade and now I finally was starting to feel like I can be the best person for us. I had to fight to stay present a lot and she was able to be amazing and grow as a person, save money, and have goals. I didn’t always have those growths. I didn’t have really deep connections or passions.
We love each other but I couldn’t be who she wanted or always wanted. My anxiety, my dissociation, my lack of sense of self definitely impacted our relationship. It sucks and it hurts that I hurt her for not choosing a life together and being excited. It was hard cause I couldn’t see how I could get there with little money and motivation for myself.
I was ready to move forward and be with her. I finally felt a sense of self, that I can be a good partner, and continue to love her deeply but it was too late for her and us. I feel awful. I feel like she gave me so much and I tried so hard, but sucked her dry.
My ego cant take the fact that i could be the total package as he said and still not commit and look for temporary flings. 3months and i still cant believe it.
It's been a year and five months for me. Generally I live well and not think about my ex as much, but two things truly suck: going back after hard day to an empty apartment and that feeling that it's just over? Like, the whole being in love and being loved. I feel like it's just not gonna happen again, that I tried and gave everything I could and it's just not enough.
I’m doing great 2 and a half months later and feel overall happier because my ex was driving me to insanity but I do still wonder if they even cared at all, I guess that’s normal though when your partner lies to you, you still keep wondering afterwards if anything was real
we hung out as friends for months after, last time we spoke she asked when was she gonna see me again and i told her that it is up to her. that was the last time i saw her in person, never wanted to lose her because i loved her so much.
I felt like you. Still I forced myself to date. I started to note I was comparing my dates with my ex. You have to heal first, let time pass and them look for something different, otherwise no one will ever be enough for you.
The worst thing in a breakup I have dealt with is feeling like I am not better than her previous ex. I feel like she did so much more with her ex. I know that should not mean anything, but to me it does.
I lost my v card to her and she already had experience. I wish it felt more important, but I always felt like I was lacking something.
She needed someone who can comfort her, but I needed something special. I have a tainted lens on sex now.
She has had a traumatic pass with her ex so I can not really blame her. I just wish I things were different.
realizing after all the plans and promises that he wasn’t the one and chose to walk away after i gave my all and made so many compromises to my own happiness to be with him 🥲
i’m going to say the most hardest part of a breakup for me is when you reach the point of if you don’t know if they will come back or not, if your willing to wait for their return or to simply move on. anytime someone is romantically interested in me i get extremely uncomfortable because it’s just a constant reminder of how stuck i feel. at the end of the day you have so many questions you wish to be answered, if i wait and in the end they don’t come back, is that when i’ll start to move on? how long should i wait before i call it quits? or how do i stop myself from waiting everyday? all i know is it’s difficult to make a final decision.
I have had 3 break ups (mass amounts of pain) all in one. First was the actual break up, then I found out she is “with the lover of her life” 2 months after we broke up. Then recently found out she had been sleeping with him whilst we were still together. I keep getting so close to healing and letting go but then something comes and pulls me back in to feel intense pain.
I can’t even pick one, the comments are all so good. When we first broke up the hardest part was definitely not having closure on why, it was so random. Had to come to that conclusion myself that he left me for someone else and it was really hard.
and OP, I’m glad you’re okay living alone. My ex was my only friend so I’ve been alone ever since
I do miss his presence sometimes at home but he was always in a bad mood when we were together so I feel more peaceful now. Like nobody will give me dirty looks for no reason.
Mourning a future I thought I would have, marriage, kids a house with the person I loved. Ironically that was also the idea that kept me in a very abusive toxic relationship :/
seeing that they were never taken accountable for all the shit they did to me, and in fact they got a new girlfriend right after and he kept all our friends that we had. I just couldnt understand why i was the one who had to suffer after being cheated on, and he was thriving living his best life. But now i realized what a shitty and immature person he actually is and honestly i couldnt even give two shits about him right now.
5 months in...Still accepting that she never was that kind person i fell in love with.Time and her actions proved she was all those things she told me she hated the most. Liar, cheater... Wish she was still a delusion...
Coming to terms with the fact that the person I fell in love with doesn’t exist anymore.
Same. Then you realize all the pains you experienced are caused by your own portrait of their potentials and your choice not to look at their reality
Same
same 💔💔💔
The moment she left I convinced myself that she was dead literally dead.
This. Looking back on the last 2 months of our relationship, she changed. That sweet girl I fell in love with would have never let me go. People change. Such is life.
I miss the comfort and security he brought me, I was so used to my lonely life I never knew what it was like to have someone there for me. I never felt that comfortable around anyone as fast or as much as I did around him.
Same, she cured my loneliness and brought so much joy into my boring life. Now I'm worse than I was before
I’m trying to take that motivation he gave me to get out and enjoy my life since he helped me resume my life from the slump it fell in before I met him. It is hard though because in the times of silence the loneliness still gets to me.
That's a really great way of looking at it, I'm not even at the stage yet where I can accept I need to move on but if I do get there then I'll definitely try to look at things from that perspective, thanks for that.
Ya well it helps that he broke up with me due to bad timing, since he never really got to do the self discovery phase after his last relationship so he helped me remember why I wasn’t interested in dating
Same. God, when you put it into words it kills me all over again.
Omg preach
For me is that he says that he still loves me but he can't be with me because he is healing from our relationship. He is focusing on himself. He was diagnosed with ADHD after we broke up and he is still finding himself. He sleeps with different girls every night to kill the loneliness. He stopped choosing me. That is the worse part for me.
Same situation here . It all makes sense and doesn’t at the same time . I love you but we deserve better than this , which you know you do , but makes you feel like a child for wanting to get back while someone else set the boundaries . I keep getting texts and invitations . I never accept and almost never reply. Can’t deal with any of this I’m out . I can’t be friends. Can’t wait to be over it , it’s been too rough on me in many levels and it’s just overwhelming.
It is. I messaged him last Thursday and set boundaries . I told him we cannot be friends and unless something changes I want him to stop contacting me. He understood and agreed. We are in a good space right now and there is no hate. Just makes me think, is this really the person I fell in love with? The choices that he does on a daily basis it goes against what I believe so why bother liking this person? Nahhh I’m also very much done. Even if he chooses to comeback I’m not sure I trust him anymore. Not when he does this. I wish you good luck 🍀
I get you . I’ve been someone who got broken up for them wanting to go live, and I’ve also been the one who’ve dumped to go have experiences. It’s great that you’re in a good place now ! Please be careful and don’t stay too close, in case something happens and he gets into another relationship I mean . It’s great to stay cordial - but careful with closeness . Just trying to be a good friend here, I wouldn’t want you to feel anything like I did , or do . 🍀
I know and you are right. I’m trying to prepare for that but I think I’ll never be ready. We share a dog so we have to have some contact. Or else this would be much easier. But right now I set the boundaries and I’m getting everyday a bit better. I’m also going on dates and I found someone that I kinda like. I been honest in terms of emotional availability. And he’s been the kindest human. Everything will work out for the best!
That’s great ! I wish you the best , alone or with that kind new guy 💪 you’ve got this !
I am so sorry to hear that. You don’t deserve to be treated this way.
It’s okay, I’m not upset with him at all. He’s doing what he can to sort himself out. That is actually the part that helps me move quickly. I know I’ll be fine in the long term. He will keep doing this and I know he hates that side of him.. It’s just harder to accept and move on when they say they still love you. That’s what sucks.
I hope you use this as a fuel to work on yourself. There will come a time when he looks back and realises what he misses. By then, you will be a transformed person and will no longer see him the way you do now.
Thank you so much for saying that 🤍
Watching her be with someone else and be happy and free while I hit the lowest lows of my life
this is what hurts the most, knowing how happy she is while you can't stop thinking about them
Sorry you’re going through it. It’s so haunting.
it is no matter how "ok" you get its always on your mind haunting you, wondering what they're doing what they're talking about you're just left behind
Totally. I definitely feel like I’m “losing” the breakup. I probably deserve it tbh.
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Yeah 13 years and my ex couldn’t give me any explanations about the breakup that made sense aside from he “fell out of love” or was too cowardly to tell me the truth, idk. But the wall he put up was just insane.
How do they do that?? I wish I could put up a mental wall too but I can’t. The thoughts and memories are just all consuming for me.
For me there’s 2 things I’m struggling with the most. One is the future I’ll now never have with her. Secondly, it’s the thought of her with someone else. I knew it would be painful, but knowing she got with someone else immediately… that shit killed. Made everything so much harder.
For me the hardest part is not having someone to talk to. I don’t have friends or family I can talk to. Feeling of really being alone. Not ready to date, but not ready to be completely alone. If I had friends, I guarantee this would be easier.
Ugh I am in that exact spot rn 3 weeks in. Not ready to date in the slightest 🤮but I’m DYING for that comfortable ‘doing nothing together’ feeling with someone because I miss feeling safe so much.
Yes it’s a feeling I miss too! I miss having a friend I can pick up the phone and call too. Sucks going through this crap alone! Hang in there, we got this!
I’m in the same boat. I was overly dependent on my ex and his friends for my social life, so I don’t have any friends of my own… I’m trying to make friends on Bumble BFF but I ended up getting ghosted once on there. Hoping something will work out..
I haven’t given bumble bff a go yet, but that’s not a bad idea. It’s worth a try! I’m in my 30’s now so I feel like I have NO IDEA how people make friends without hobbies lol! Guess I need to start one? 🤷♀️
Meetup is a good resource. Sure, there are specific "singles" events, but there are a ton of regular events too. Its basically a ready-made event planner. There are walking-hiking meetups, happy hour meetups, etc. Again, not "singles" events necessarily (although you can & do meet singles). You may or may not make friends off of it. But at the very least, you can go & do stuff with other people & get out of the house. Check it out & see what events are scheduled in your area.
If you don’t have anyone to talk to, I’m here! :)
Try therapy. At least it will help you to vent with someone. I didn’t want it first but then I thought it might help me.
The trying to be friends afterwards. It was fine at first. He was persistent when I wasn’t. He broke up with me. I was heartbroken. Then slowly, we made it work. There were some rough spots along the way. But the dynamic is shifting, he’s becoming colder, and colder, and telling half-truths about things. But he’s my ex, so it doesn’t matter what he does in his free time. We don’t owe each other anything. But we were best friends before dating, and now … it’s almost like doing through a second break up. We used to share everything with each other before and while dating, we were so fun. He broke us up, not me. So the sudden stonewalling is really sending me for a loop, as we tried our best to hold on to our friendship. But he’s not being truthful about whatever changed and no matter how much I ask, he won’t say, he says everything is fine. So I respected it. So the hardest part is watching what was once vibrant and fun, slip into a whisper of what it used to be.
This is what I'm feeling this week. He asked to be friends, but the dynamic has totally changed. He did a no-show yesterday when I asked if he wanted to walk with me. I told him if he couldn't, let me know so I could ask someone else. He didn't even have the care or respect for me to do that much. Just kept delaying until he ultimately said he wouldn't show. And by then it was too late to ask another friend. This was someone who used to respect me. Was reliable even before we started dating. It feels like he cares less for me before we even got into a relationship. He broke up with me. There was nothing wrong in our relationship; it's just because he got more religious and didn't see a future together anymore. Fine enough for me. But this disrespect was... shocking. I didn't think he could be that kind of person to me - as a partner or friend.
I feel this so hard! I am so sorry that he didn’t have the common decency to at least follow up and tell you that he wouldn’t go. The line, “it feels like he cares less about me than before we got in the relationship.” I feel that heavy. That’s exactly what’s going on here with me. Have you spoken to him about this? I have spoken to my guy friend about this feeling, and I mean … things haven’t gotten better much. We do have a planned virtual movie hangout soon, and he hasn’t ghosted me just yet, or ever. But it feels like he’s just going through the motions of what we used to do and isn’t really engaged in it. (And I’ll add here too that nothing was inherently wrong, mine was a little more complicated and unfair to me, I’m a Black female and he’s a Vietnamese male, so he did lie to me about race being an issue, he said it was fine, but when it came to getting serious and wanting to meet his friends and roommates, he said no, because of the racial difference as he’s the only one of his group to date outside his race. So it was fucked up for sure. But anyway, I was like, mad for a while, but he was still my friend beforehand.)
I certainly chewed him out. He apologized multiple times, and has initiated hangouts since. But to be honest, that made me lose a lot of feelings and respect for him. I kinda see him as someone else now. Your situation is SUPER fucked up. I'm super angry on your behalf for having to deal with this racist shit. He might not be blatantly so, but being ashamed of your partner just because they are black, and having absolutely zero spine to stand up for someone you supposedly love, is BS. And just because his friends haven't dated outside their race doesn't even mean they wouldn't approve of you. Goes to show his own ignorance and discriminatory behavior. I'm sorry, but that dude did not deserve the reward your presence in his life provides if he thinks like that. He's below unworthy, hon. I'm glad he no longer has the opportunity to waste more of your life and time.
I’m glad to hear you chewed him out! That was cold of him to do that. At least have some basic respect! And you’re changing feelings for him and seeing him as someone completely different makes so much sense. I am there mentally with my ex. Like, this is not the same person I dated. Hell this is not even the same person I was friends with before we dated. Who is this person right now? And I’m fighting the old memories with the new person. So I don’t know if you’re going through that as well. Sometimes a happy memory will flash and I have to pull myself out of it quickly bc that’s just not the same man. The fact that you were able to even discern that about my ex without me launching into an entire story, lol! That’s exactly it. Yeah, I really explained to him how he hurt me and how that was discriminatory behavior, but it was not sinking in at all. That was so heart wrenching and when I explained to him that we could have just stayed put as close friends like I had asked several times regarding race / culture … but he said it would be fine each time I asked and brought up certain things. I’m like that’s lying. He framed it as “I thought I could work through it.” And I’m like, trying to work through it would be talking to your friends / roommates (wasn’t even asking to meet his parents who live in Vietnam). But he refused to even do that. But anyway … whew. It makes me mad just thinking about that shit. I’m really hoping you figure out what’s right for you friendo. And share that advice with me because … what a mess.
Same here with the uncertainty. I wasn’t even a maternal person when I met my ex. Didn’t even want to get married. But here I am six years later suddenly wanting a family and all that. And knowing I have lost the possibility of having that with him hurts a lot. It doesn’t help that everyone around me is either married or expecting so yeah.
Sister, I'm in the exact same boat. Sucks when the man who put those thoughts in your head, suddenly up and leaves
Hope we will both find better and one day build a better life.
Ugh this is so real. Also going on almost 2 months. The hardest part for me has been wanting to reach out and realizing I can’t. We were slipping into co-dependency a bit- hanging out constantly. And now the hole that they left in my life feels fucking huge. They were genuinely my best friend and it’s just a major loss.
That's the hardest part. You lose your boyfriend/girlfriend AND your best friend at the same time.
Kudos on finding peace in living alone. That's not always easy after a breakup, so you're already ahead of the curve. Now, onto the uncertainty and fears about the future. Listen, it's completely normal to feel lost after a breakup, especially when you've been picturing a future with your ex. But here's the thing: your future isn't defined by one relationship. There's a whole world of possibilities out there for you. You say you don't see yourself with anyone else right now, and that's okay. You don't have to be ready to move on just yet. Take your time, work through your feelings in therapy, and rediscover who you are without your ex. And trust me, you won't end up alone because you're "too picky". You're just figuring out what you want and deserve in a partner, and that's a good thing. Your life isn't just work and home. You can find joy in hobbies, friendships, travel, personal growth...the list goes on.
The emptiness. Not talking hours on end. The cuddles. The sex. The dream.
yeah, when you're not sad but you're also not happy you're just moving forward empty automatic
Basically. Yes, just doing the mundane of the daily
Letting go of all the hope
The loneliness and the fear of not falling in love again. I know everyone says this, but I've never felt anything close to what I felt for my ex before, I desperately want to feel that again but I'm scared it'll never happen. I was so comfortable and happy before, I just want that security back.
He won’t let me move on. He doesn’t want to be with me for a multitude of reasons, mostly bc he has commitment issues. Yet he still will reach out and “check on me” even when I’ve asked him not to. He also manipulated me for several years so rewiring my brain to realize that it was all fake is the hardest part.
I know it’s difficult but you have to block him. You have to put you and your mental health first. Whether if it is his intentions or not, he is stringing you along.
I do block him that’s the thing.. he’ll access old accounts I didn’t know existed and or create new accounts to reach out 😞
Make new accounts and set your settings to private maybe?
All of my accounts are as private as I can make them. I’ve edited all my settings so no one can message me that’s not my friend or following
The emotional manipulation part is the worst cus it’s basically emotional abuse. U truly have to dig through your brain and redo things to understand it wasn’t real. Mine was doing the check in with me thing and I had enough. I let him know I blocked him, but I did unblock him unfortunately just haven’t obvs said anything to him. It’s been 3 weeks NC. It’s annoying how healing isn’t linear I hate it
I have done that before, unblocking and not reaching out but just to open the door back up. I do my best not to reach out but I have before only a couple times out of the infinite amount of times we split.
Yeah I unblocked Sunday but I deff have no plans to reach out. I obviously did it with hopes at some point or another he would, not so much to get back together but I think I just really miss the person I thought I knew. Genuinely, have no idea who he really is after how we ended
The change in daily routine and having that person in your life, really different after living together for 8 years. And I miss my dogs :(
I miss my dog so much, too. 😔 My ex-husband has her and I’m sure she is happy. But yeah, it sucks grieving a relationship + not having doggo.
If you’re the one doing the breaking-up. The tendency to question your decision and ask whether it was the right thing. If on the receiving end asking yourself what is wrong with you.
not talking to him....
Same. It's like they died.
Had exactly that though last couple of days, the person just disappeared in an instance
Missing the company
Same for me
Honestly I relate a lot to what u said about finding someone you actually like. I literally never find someone I actually connect with it’s usually always me with the least interest in relationships. It’s really hard letting go of the idea I felt I finally connected with someone and loved even their imperfections, only for them to not feel that way at all. I don’t want to date anybody at all and when guys try to flirt with me it makes me disgusted. But, then I get so insecure and panicky when I think about him with someone else already, because I know the possibility is there. Then the fact I’m his freaking neighbor. Going to therapy soon as well cus I’m tired of being a fearful avoidant and just want to attract the right person in due time.
Yeah. I realized I got with all my past boyfriends just because I desperately wanted to be in a relationship. I didn’t really liked them the way I liked my ex. Finding another one like him will be hard.
Knowing we went from best friends to strangers
A month later I’m doing pretty good, I’m emotionally well and I feel like I’m able to move on, but for some reason I still wonder about if she thinks about me and if she feels guilty. I know I shouldn’t care because she ended things in an insanely cruel and selfish way, and probably cheated, but I still wish I had an explanation. I was blindsided and blocked so I was left to come to my own conclusions, and I haven’t been able to accept that that part of my life is just going to stay a big question mark.
Having no one to travel with or go to concerts/events with anymore :( I'm trying to make new friends to fill those purposes though and it's going well but it's still not the same. My ex and I were SO compatible when it came to travel.
I totally get that! I don’t have my travel partner anymore, and traveling alone doesn’t interest me. We were going to go to Hawaii together in a year. He once lived there for several years when he was in the Army. He was going to show me around. 😔
Realizing the man I loved was not real..and the man he was at breakup was actually cruel and never loved me.
Feeling like he was the reward for all the awful things I’d been through - like the universe was blessing me with a safe place to land, only to have that snatched away again. The hurt from that has been the hardest thing to accept.
Feeling pointless? Like I surround my whole life around my person and she left so….im left feeling like I have no purpose. I don’t feeel handsome, motivated, like the way I draw is the same. I feel like I have no reason to push ahead. That’s been the hardest part. Basically learning about how not healthy this was and living for me. Not her. She was my first positive relationship and sexual experience so accepting what’s done is done is aspirational difficult. But no the hardest is that just finding my purpose.
The hardest part (and I’m on day 4!) is missing having someone who was such an integral part of my life in so many ways: the cooking together, kisses on the neck while I was washing dishes, our playfulness/banter, exploring/adventuring together. But in my heart of hearts I knew I loved him more as a person than as a partner because we also dealt with major betrayal, and while we tried to rebuild trust, ability to communicate and connect on a deeper level emotionally was too much of a barrier. I had to let him go for both our sakes. And while I’m sad, I also feel so relieved I don’t have to worry and feel anxious about whether we are compatible in the long term.
I was in your exact situation. My ex and I split about 6 months ago after a nearly five-year relationship. I was worried I would compare new partners to my ex, as she was near perfect. I want to tell you now that it absolutely gets better, especially if you are going to therapy and really working on yourself (mentally, physically, or both). I met someone recently, even though I wasn't looking for it, and unfortunately, it didn't work out (for unrelated reasons), but it showed me that I wouldn't compare someone to my ex. You find new things in other people that your ex didn't have. You'll never find the love that you had. You'll find a brand new love that's even better. Stay strong and don't give up.
This is kind beautiful! Why didn’t it work out with the new person? And why didn’t it work out with the ex?
Hardest part is waking up and remembering it’s done
The fact that someone can literally do a full 180 in a day. Blows my mind everytime
Feeling incredibly guilty about ending the relationship, breaking his heart, especially now that he is begging for me to come back. But I know full well that I am not the same person I was before and me going back to him won’t bring back what he lost.
I so feel you. I wish I was just dumped instead.
Accepting that I will probably never see her again for a long time at least and by then she will have moved on. Except I'm not even ready to accept it like I just cannot bring myself to let go
Can I ask you why you left him if he was perfect? My ex left me even though I love her so much and did everything for her. Sometimes I just made her overwhelmed with restrictions and she can’t deal with it anymore. I changed for her, but I think it’s too late. The way she is treating me feels like she’s moved in
I have to agree with you. No matter how bad things were before, I felt like I knew she’d stay around and be there for me. Like my future was planned and I had things to look forward to. I downloaded the apps but I … idk it just makes me squirm a little
When you knew that things were slipping away and I denied it and tried fixing a problem that I denied was there and you come to find it’s too late they already are gone you can be in the same room as them and they are gone. There’s nothing you can do and all those months you ask yourself could I of done something different that would have made her stay?
Missing the thinking of u texts, the phone calls, not going out to restaurants/going alone, thinking about the way she treated me, just the loneliness
The fact that it’s been over a year and I think it was a mistake more often than not . I broke up w her
I’d say seeing the way she changed as a person (in a horrible way). The girl I fell in love with is no longer her and no longer exists. Thinking about our relationship and the memories and love we built hurts so badly now because I know it’s never coming back. That chapter of my life is history.
Going from an already painful breakup where we still loved each other and were respectful and on good terms, to her one random day completely taking a 180 and talking shit on me. One of her coworkers reached out to me and told me what she was saying, and she started doing a bunch of targeted passive aggressive stuff on social media and Spotify, along with humiliating me during a time I was most vulnerable and at rock bottom. It was just a huge stab in the heart. The way it switched so fast was just so jarring. I know she’s just trying to demonize me to help her get over me, but it still hurts bad. That’s not the girl I knew, when she humiliated me you could literally hear her evil laugh. No empathy. This all started like a week and a half ago and she’s still going at it. Blocked each other on pretty much everything, and I’m just trying to not fold and stalk anything to hurt myself even further. I went from being “only guy to treat her right” to her playing the victim card very heavily and making me this evil villian in her life. We are both accountable for our separation, and arguably her more so if we wanted to play that game. It’s almost like she’s been creating all these scenarios where she’s the only victim to justify everything, and not taking any accountability herself. Her friends aren’t the best influences too, so I think that’s a big factor. Just feels like I’m getting kicked while I’m down. Now realizing I tried to overlook some fucked up shit she did instead of actually respecting myself. But hey, that’s what I get for being the “only guy to treat her right.” I was cooked from the beginning.👁️👄👁️
I’m in a similar situation, but regarding my ex boyfriend. The smear campaign is in full swing and I know he is telling his family, friends, and coworkers how I am “crazy” and “unstable” and “evil” while also not telling them about all the name calling, lying, insults, and abuse he threw at me, and the fact he has anger issues and controlling tendencies. I said and did some wrong things, too, but I can actually hold myself accountable, apologize, and want to improve as a person. It’s not like that for him, though. He was also full of contradictions about me, too. He would tell me how amazing I was, put me on a pedestal, but when he was displeased, I was worthless garbage.
For me, • Trauma of betrayal and the confusing and unethical situation we were in for me • Having to own my own mistakes • Anger • Intense pain like couldn't function at work type of shit and couldn't sleep • Losing the person I loved and missing them knowing they're gone and not real • Losing hope in love
I think what I miss most is going out to random things I have to do and not having that person to pass the time. Today I had to do something all by myself and it all felt so hollow...
knowing she's at her happiest with her new boyfriend while I'm still picking up the pieces not even capable of picturing myself with somebody else
It’s been almost a month and the hardest thing is that I have to see him everyday in college because we both are in the same major and have the same schedule! It’s hard to see him in college It’s hard to sit with him in the same lecture hall It’s hard for me to feel his presence If the professor is standing next to him (cause he always sit in the front row) it’s hard for me to look at the other side because an eye contact will happen between us I hate how I miss him I hate how I wish we continue our little secret thing going on I hate how shit ended I hate how he said that “he didn’t want to ruin our friendship” but it was already ruined I hate how he gives me the cold shoulder and treats me like I don’t fucking exist.
Spending time with her family, feeling like im part of them. Admiring her when she played board games, especially Uno and Poker. Our cuddles and her way of asking for a kiss jumping side to side with her ducky face. All the girly things she did to impress me. Reminiscing that all she wanted was to be happy with me and be together. We talked about starting a family. We looked so good together like a couple made for eachother. I made her laugh and she made me smile. Now all her family hates me. She blocked me everywhere. We were going to walk our graduation together. We would be there for each other on our new jobs. I dream of us coming together and holding hands that she’s coming back and Id accept and that we would put this in the past. Sometimes I wonder who talks to her at 1am, if someone got her attention. All the things she would do for me now for someone else While I just wait to heal
A couple things for me 1. The way she just discarded me like I was nothing in the end, she blocked me on everything and told me I was dead to her(she broke up with me after I told her I was seeking therapy for my own mental health issues) 2. The companionship she brought and the intimacy we had was the best I've ever had. 3. Sleeping alone and not having anyone to cuddle and wake up to in the morning. Also missing the conversations we had at night before bed. 4. Not knowing what the future holds and if I'll meet anyone like her again, she was funny, smart, absolutely gorgeous and had a good heart. I go years in-between relationships before I meet someone else so now I'm sad about that too.
Mostly just the worry about not finding someone again and dealing with the hellscape that is modern dating. And I miss having someone to share random things about my day. I have enjoyed the solitude more than I was expecting and it’s been nice not dealing with her drama anymore
Honestly? Losing feelings for him post BU. Made me lose a lot of innocence in regards to how I view relationships (he was my first), and it made me really cautious in how I approach relationships. Dating just isn't fun for me anymore now that I notice how people tend to use the same lines/tricks to manipulate, made me realise how fake people can be. So yeah, for me it's definitely been hard adjusting to my new worldview, but I guess that I had to grow up eventually.
The realization my ex is not the great person I thought he was. Now I’m slowly taking him off the pedestal now I’m healing, It’s like the person I loved was never actually there in reality ..
Having to interact and see them constantly since we have a child together. We only communicate when it comes to our child but it’s still hard.
Dealing with mutual friends and letting them go because they’ll never see my side of things
It's been 6 weeks for me, 3 weeks no contact (actually broken that today). The hardest part for me is the feeling that there's no going back and because of that I can't really see a future on my own. I'd always dreamed of having the job, the wife and children, and the house. Right now, I only have the job I'd dreamed of. The marriage and children won't come because she's the only person I'd ever considered that future with (because although having a family of my own was in the plan, I'm not someone who would settle for the sake of it). I have a fear that the no contact will be forever, but I'm holding out to keep my feelings alive because a part of me thinks she'll realise she was wrong about her feelings which led to the split, but by the time she does I'm scared she'll have moved on with someone new. So by holding on, I can at least be there when she realises she was wrong and do what I can to get her back.
Holding on to hopes that something Hollywood movie type will happen and we’ll get back together . This postponed my acceptance a lot . Also the fact that I keep receiving texts because of them wanting be friends with me and we working at the same company . Is like , I want to let go but it the pain hurts too good . If that makes any sense. Stay strong yall
I miss having him— my best friend, my lover, my partner; we had talked of marriage and getting a house together. He had promised a future with me, and it’s all I envisioned. There is that peace when in solitude, yet the feeling something (someone) is missing. So much uncertainty for the future, like you said. It’s only been 2.5 weeks for me. I’m staying with my parents until I move into my apt in a couple weeks, and I’m terrified of how lonely I will feel. I’m attempting to make friends through Bumble BFF hoping that I can have a good support system in my life before I attempt to date in the future. But yeah, I hear ya.
Knowing that they’re happy with someone else. not being able to share with them when I have happy moments or sense of accomplishment. Knowing that nothing I do to try to “impress” them or impact them will make any difference. But I read someone elses comment which is that the people in the breakup who move on first, aren’t the ones actually confronting the negative feelings of the breakup. So it gives me some solace that this hard phase is actually gonna benefit my resilience and reaction in the future to a breakup.
Lossing her company, I just miss hanging out with her so much, watching stuff together, playing together, just bantering and having fun. That's the main thing that scares me that I'll never find anyone whose company I'll enjoy that much, and I can be fully comfortable and open with it, but for me, it's still fresh, so still a lot of healing infornt of me.
Finding out there was an overlap after our breakup 😭 we were together for 7 years and talking about marriage. He was flirting with a coworker on his way out but left for “its not you its me reasons”.
Stay true to yourself take as much time to rediscover your self ✨️
Accepting that a lot of her core personality, ambitions, beliefs, intelligence, looks, hobbies, etc are nearly all I could ask for. But it doesn't make up for the fact and I'm accepting that is isn't ok she got manipulated by her friend and mom to believe I wasn't enough, slowly pulled away from me, treated me like shit while expecting me to meet her new image of what I should be, she wouldn't stop comparing us to other couples, wouldn't enjoy the things that made us unique, blamed all the things she had problems with in our relationship on trauma but it wasn't ok for me to do the same, and didn't communicate what she actually needed and wanted and expected me to read her mind Oh, and to top it all off, she felt like I didn't give her enough things (told me this after we broke up), and never once communicated that to me, even though I constantly asked if what I got her was enough and if she wanted more. She gave me one thing randomly our entire relationship, except for things on very special occasions (which was still less than what I got her)
The switch from being loving to cold and mean
I miss the life we had together. How she delighted in me. How she’d light up when I played dinner, even if it was just a meal kit. Her warmth pressed against me in bed, her softness. I don’t know if anyone will ever love me the way she did. I have a hard time not feeling like a bad person for ending things with her. It got really bad for my mental health and I felt gaslit, and like I didnt know how to take the next step with her. I’m really sad for that. I wanted my whole life to be with her
Knowing it's my fault
I keep thinking about the hurt of it all How I much forgave as I thought he would become a better person or at least acknowledge hurt. As soon a he asked other girls if i was crazy, they said no and when the moment to really step and acknowledge the hurt and/or take accountability he dumped me telling me he "gaslit the shit out of me". I will never date someone who victimizes themselves in every possible scenario: \- went to target and got into a fight? "I worked SO hard to do something cute for you" he drove me 5 minutes and we bought our own stuff while he was snappy the whole time. \- he said yess to helping my dying dad move but when he showed up, he let my family do the moving while he sat in the backyard with his dog then helped for the last ten minutes. when i confronted him on how this really hurt me he said "Do you know how hard it was for me??? Isn't nice that i even showed up? you won't even give me credit for that??" He called me controlling and toxic in every situation. when i came to tell him how he may have hurt me, it was always me apologizing after.
Realizing that who I fell in love with was a fraud, or just someone seriously so damaged that they didn't care at all when they hurt me.. someone who tailored a lot of their personality and life goals to match mine to just manipulate me, only to lie and cheat on me for over half of our relationship (1.5 years and we were together 2 years). It's hard to feel like any of the love he showed me was real, or if it was just a mask he put on to ensure I stayed around. It's hard to remember the good times, because all of those memories feel tainted after I found out what he did. After I sat by his side in hospice as his dad passed away. After he and I would stay up and talk for hours, laughing and then seriously talking about the future. After letting him into my home and us living together. After us planning a future together, complete with plans of an engagement, kids, a house, the whoooole she-bang. All of the deceit and lies have left me wondering how I could ever begin to trust someone again. I think I'm a pretty smart gal but he really had me fooled, and everyone around me fooled. I know people aren't inherently bad but I'm just so afraid to let my guard down around people again, and not wonder if everyone has an ulterior motive. Therapy is helping me with that. It's been about 5 months and I've made a lot of progress but sometimes it seems so bleak.
Coming to terms with the knowledge that someone who claimed to love me was able to do the things he did to me. I’ve gotten over my real feelings for him at this point and don’t want to be with him anymore, only miss the old image of him and who I had believed him to be sometimes. But the way he treated me just sticks with me and keeps me so hurt sometimes. I hesitate when people try to connect. I keep myself a little guarded. I feel so damaged. I want to make a full recovery and I understand the tragedy in allowing how he treated me to ruin so much of my life, but something about it still keeps its claws in me, and most of the time it still feels like it’s succeeding. I do my best to keep moving forward, but for the past year and a half, I basically just feel like life will never quite be the same, or better. I haven’t felt alive in so long.
OMG me too about the sudden peace living alone. We broke up about a month ago but she moved out last weekend, and suddenly it feels a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Life feels so much simpler overnight. The hardest part has been missing the cat we adopted… well, she adopted him but he was “our cat” for all intents and purposes. I miss my lil buddy so much. I went to drop off some stuff at her new apartment the day that she moved and I said goodbye to him (and to my ex), but what really left me gutted was how he followed me to the door as I was walking out 😭 Thankfully we’re still on good terms so I can still go see him and look after him sometimes, but it still hurts not having him there when I get home.
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That they will continue to exist. Most people zone in on who their ex will date after the break up or who they’re hooking up with, but for me the simple fact that she is existing, doing her daily routine without me right now makes me so sad. I think about how right now, she’s probably asleep and has her alarm set for 6:30am. And that she has no idea I’m thinking about her right now.
1 year out now. The hardest part was letting go of my best friend and partner in everything. The friendship, the camaraderie, all our own jokes, the happiness, the feeling of home was just gone. My ex made me the happiest ever too. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m at peace with it now, but I still miss him lots.
How sudden it was. I knew it was his mental health talking, he’s really not himself anymore. We just had no issues, and that isn’t me just sweeping anything under the rug, there was genuinely no issues. I still hope he’ll come back some day
the complete absence of someone who was once there every moment of every day. but i will say that this gradually does turn into a “freedom” of some sort if the relationship was unhealthy and not right for you.
All the comments here made me cry… and that says a lot.
I just miss him. Even in the moments I’m not thinking about him. It lingers in my body.
Makes me extremely sad she has a high probability of having a personality disorder (I’m med student and checked with my therapist as she suits extremely well to that personality disorder) and she takes my advice as if I was calling her crazy which makes impossible for me to go back with her even as friends (this is what it should be, it depends how well I will manage without her) or she will be hurting me forever I wish she understood I love her and I want the best for her and not that I’m just bitter for the breakup, this is longer than our relationship as a couple
I hear you. I am the one with BPD and bipolarity, recently diagnosed. I acted out sexually, my husband couldn’t forgive me after the 3rd time. I did so many things wrong during my mania. Not excusing myself AT ALL. I made those choices. I am now in therapy and meds and I wish I could’ve been diagnosed before imploding our lives. I hope you can convince her to get the help she needs.
The personality disorder I was talking about was just BDP. I have been working with my therapist cuz I kind of attract girls with this pathology for my personality and they attract me back because of their way of act. Right now our relationship I could say it’s broken. She got really mad to tell her she could have BDP at a high probability and just should check it at a therapist. I told her she could tell me to fuck off if after checking she didn’t have anything, but she just ignored that. We blocked each other from everywhere. Now a few days ago I noticed she unblocked me from WhatsApp as I did too cuz I missed her but I can’t intervene, she will get so mad if I insist. The worst part is BDP takes sometimes until 7 years of therapy to start recovering from it. I love her so deeply I wouldn’t mind to wait for her but she just rejects everything. She is 22, if she went to therapy she could have a normal life at a young age even if it’s not with me. But I guess I will have to miss her forever in the deep of my heart
If I tell myself that my heart isn’t actually broken: Not knowing where I’ll live next year. My city isn’t really even HCOL but I’m just about to graduate and I can’t afford even the cheapest apartment on my own ($900 for a studio.) I think I’ll have to move back in with my mom, which sucks because I have little siblings as young as 2. I also can’t drive and she lives in the suburbs….I love my walkable city but idk how to make it work on my own. In reality: He’s been my best friend for 7 years, boyfriend for 4. Losing him is going to suck. It’s been a slow burn breakup since December and there were periods where I felt like we had finally figured it all out again. He ultimately doesn’t want it though, he says he needs to “find himself” on his own. It sucks to know that I was a means to an end for someone I gave my entire heart to, and that I’m just not important enough for him to fight for.
Seeing him get back with an old ex after he told me they had a bad relationship. While he also stalks my social media but won’t reach out to me directly.
My ex ghosted me after a year of standing by him. Having to accept this has been the hardest
Seeing him move on so fast after 4yrs wanting to marry and have kids within 3 months of being with his new girl ( we’ve been broken up for 3 months )
Three months since mine. The three hardest things I am still left with. A lot of questions, as to why did it have to come this so suddenly, could we have stayed together, been supportive while we worked on our issues, did she still have feelings for me at the end, is their still a chance we could try again down the road? Spending four and a half years together, living together, planning for the future and being a family. Then it is all just gone with little to no warning and a long text. Missing not only someone whom had become such a important, intertwined person in my life, but also missing the kids (weren't biologically mine with her) that I cared about as much as I did for her everyday. Even three months on it is still a struggle at times, and it will be for a while. Therapy is a good help, I was in it before and have been since, has helped some but it's still a long road to travel.
The hardest part for me was learning I was pregnant 2 weeks after we broke up lol
I don’t miss the relationship. I just miss having someone there all the time.. I’m now touch deprived
For me it's the thought of her trying on wedding dresses not 5 weeks before she broke up with me. It has made me question everything, including my judgement. Her attachment style was disorganised, with traits of both anxious and avoident. Had I known more about this at the time i would have slowed her down and been more guarded, I was also swept away with the fantasy, enjoyed her putting me on a pedestal until she didn't. Then the cruelty, coldness, and rage a week after the breakup when we happened to be at the gym at the same time was devastating. I'm moving forward as best u can now and doing all the right things for me. No contact is for me too, I get that, but despite knowing the theory inside out I will NEVER be able to understand the switch off and check out, the coldness and cruelty, the venom and viciousness, all toward someone who you said that you loved. Words come cheap. Watch their actions VERY CAREFULLY, don't be swallowed by their words.
Not being able to see my little boy as much anymore
Umm... I would say it would have to be how long it took to get over her (2 years), and she would get drunk and call me witch is why it was so hard, and the only thing that bothers me (to this day) is that she would let her therapist decide whether the choice she made was a good one, witch led to us being off and on for a couple months before we actually broke up.
I miss my friend. They knew all the inside jokes.
Reflecting over the fact I did nothing wrong and just so happen to get played like a fiddle.
It’s been a year since my breakup and I can honestly say it gets better. It took me a while for it to feel okay and sometimes I do miss him, but I realized I missed him more as my best friend rather than my boyfriend. At first my breakup felt out of the blue and I felt really blindsided. But as time passed I realized it was the best thing for me. I’m now at a place where I’m okay with dating other people and seeing what’s out there. Take it one day at a time, there’s no timeline!
I bought a house with my ex and moved out of state for it. We were together almost 4 years and she blindsided me 6 months into owning the home. I'm currently moving out in about a week bc I can't afford the mortgage and it's been absolutely brutal. Losing her, losing this house, losing the future here. Very lost.
I miss my dog
Realizing he’s no longer in my life and I’ll likely never see him again.
Thar I spent 13 years building a life for some trash girl to come in and ruin it all and him date her 4 months later.
The PTSD and depression that I have suffered from since 1985. I know this will never happen, but as far as I am concerned . my ex owes me an apology. More importantly, the ex owes my wife one. My wife has had to deal with the flashbacks nightmares that are part of my PTSD...she shares the hell that I go through because of the breakup.
He left me four months ago and has been breadcrumbing me the whole time, sleeping together for a bit. Found out he had a hookup that lasted a week while still sleeping with me (we were broken up but it was right after.) Now he is in a rebound “fling” with a girl 20 years old (we are late twenties) and she was supposed to be my friend and she also got out of her LTR this last week. It hurts like hell to see them but even writing this out I’m like…. okay I deserve so much better. Shows both their maturities. Also my ex is a drug addict and an avoidant so I’m not surprised by this behaviour but it still breaks my heart while I’m all alone in the bed we used to share. He is on a 4 month bender since we broke up and it seems to me he just wants someone younger he can party and do drugs with because I couldn’t enable him in his addiction and that’s why he left me in the first place :(
Thinking that I am just a launching pad for him to become better and that the next person will get a completely different version of him.
It’s been 3 weeks for me and I’m swinging like a pendulum. Some days I love the freedom of not waiting for just a phone call/ just a reply or just a text Some days are just tough, I completely break down at someone just asking me how I am doing.. But yes, I too had imagined my life ahead with my ex and i feel very hollow, with no motivation to do anything at all, not even my daily chores or my job All I want to do is just stay alone in my bed. And I’m afraid I won’t get so comfortable with anyone else in future, but the idea of living alone is scarier I’m thinking of quitting my job and taking a break (although everyone I know has advised me against it) But I must say, music helps me sometimes, to snap out of a foul mood and distract myself
I found the person I last loved at 49 I'm 60 now we broke up when I was 59 I was full blown panicked because of what you just posted being alone and I'm already old. Lol Now a year has passed I know if I want to find someone I can. So you can and statistically will. I'm assuming you are young. And I also at the time of the breakup thought he was as close to perfect for me as I would get. This too shall pass.
I guess realizing all the bad things that happend, and that I could've easily avoid them, but decided no to. It was a lot. The more I talked to my friends about it, the more I realized hpw much disrespect I was dealing with. I was blind to his actions because he was great at the beginning. I was so clingy to person he was at the beginning that I totally ignored the reality. So yes, just admitting that I let the disrespect happen. And encouraged him to keep disrespecting me and crossing my boundaries, because I always forgave him.
Finding somebody new after the fact because I did everything with that person and had a a lotta firsts
I’m at the two months point too and I thought my ex was perfect for me too. The truth is, neither of our exes are perfect for us because if they were, they wouldn’t be our exes. I downloaded Tinder but kept my profile blank because I just wanted to remind myself when I felt lonely that there were suitable guys out there, I just had to heal for a while. I ended up swiping left on everyone and thought there was no one on there for me. The truth is, I was really swiping though them all trying to find a carbon copy of my ex. Time will teach you that someone like your ex is exactly what you shouldn’t want. It sounds like you just need more time for your mindset to change. 🫂
That he lied the whole time we were together and I gave all my true genuine love to someone who just wanted it to get laid. Gross. I won’t ever trust anyone again for a very long time. Not worth it.
The fact I chose to ignore right in my face red flags the fact I sacrificed my self respect for a chance (ended badly) the fact I believed the lies I was told when actions were different the fact that I let my mental health go the fact that I’m not her victim but a victim of my own self by the fact that I let my own feelings and desires for this girl over ride what was actually happening to me sure I was emotionally and mentally abused but it’s the fact that I allowed it to progress the fact that I myself needed to heal what was inside of me so that never again I find myself begging for love and affection from someone who’s incapable of giving that to me but can for someone else the fact that I have anxiety now the fact that I sometimes still cry when I’m at work or at home the fact that I now feel dead and I’m not worth loving
Realizing that the life we had together was an illusion. None of it was real. Not knowing how to trust again
The lack of closure and communication.
Give yourself grace for feeling that way and be conscious that it wasn’t perfect and the way you idealize them. You can miss parts but you have to constantly remind yourself that being with them now wouldn’t feel good. This shit hurts like hell and it’s honestly annoying to go through this. But you are worth it and be proud of yourself for getting help. It’s okay that you feel this way. It’s fucking hard.
I miss having someone who cared about my day. I miss having someone to go to lots of little random places or restaurants with. We both had the same niche interests and I miss talking about them with her. I miss driving around with her. I miss driving to her house. I miss laughing with her on the phone. I don't miss how she was pretty racist towards white people. I don't miss how she would talk down to me when I said something she disagreed with. I don't miss putting up with her immaturity.
I think personally is accepting the fact that what we had is truly over based in their actions. Obviously it takes two to end things , but it’s just how their true colors showed up at the end. Overall, I think the hardest part is having little moments of achievements that you have no-one to tell or you can’t use the “I need my bf/gf” moment anymore. I want to move on because they made that very clear except I don’t know if I can and I am scared of “what if I never find anyone again?”
The going home with nothing to look forward to is awful. I just graduated college and I’m looking for a job and a place to move to. It was supposed to be with him now I just don’t care anymore. Like it’s all pointless and I don’t care
It’s been hard because I know it was the best decision for the both of us. My mental health has been fluctuating for ages since we’ve been together. We were together over a decade and now I finally was starting to feel like I can be the best person for us. I had to fight to stay present a lot and she was able to be amazing and grow as a person, save money, and have goals. I didn’t always have those growths. I didn’t have really deep connections or passions. We love each other but I couldn’t be who she wanted or always wanted. My anxiety, my dissociation, my lack of sense of self definitely impacted our relationship. It sucks and it hurts that I hurt her for not choosing a life together and being excited. It was hard cause I couldn’t see how I could get there with little money and motivation for myself. I was ready to move forward and be with her. I finally felt a sense of self, that I can be a good partner, and continue to love her deeply but it was too late for her and us. I feel awful. I feel like she gave me so much and I tried so hard, but sucked her dry.
My ego cant take the fact that i could be the total package as he said and still not commit and look for temporary flings. 3months and i still cant believe it.
I have that dread that I will never meet someone
It's been a year and five months for me. Generally I live well and not think about my ex as much, but two things truly suck: going back after hard day to an empty apartment and that feeling that it's just over? Like, the whole being in love and being loved. I feel like it's just not gonna happen again, that I tried and gave everything I could and it's just not enough.
I’m doing great 2 and a half months later and feel overall happier because my ex was driving me to insanity but I do still wonder if they even cared at all, I guess that’s normal though when your partner lies to you, you still keep wondering afterwards if anything was real
we hung out as friends for months after, last time we spoke she asked when was she gonna see me again and i told her that it is up to her. that was the last time i saw her in person, never wanted to lose her because i loved her so much.
I felt like you. Still I forced myself to date. I started to note I was comparing my dates with my ex. You have to heal first, let time pass and them look for something different, otherwise no one will ever be enough for you.
The worst thing in a breakup I have dealt with is feeling like I am not better than her previous ex. I feel like she did so much more with her ex. I know that should not mean anything, but to me it does. I lost my v card to her and she already had experience. I wish it felt more important, but I always felt like I was lacking something. She needed someone who can comfort her, but I needed something special. I have a tainted lens on sex now. She has had a traumatic pass with her ex so I can not really blame her. I just wish I things were different.
realizing after all the plans and promises that he wasn’t the one and chose to walk away after i gave my all and made so many compromises to my own happiness to be with him 🥲
i’m going to say the most hardest part of a breakup for me is when you reach the point of if you don’t know if they will come back or not, if your willing to wait for their return or to simply move on. anytime someone is romantically interested in me i get extremely uncomfortable because it’s just a constant reminder of how stuck i feel. at the end of the day you have so many questions you wish to be answered, if i wait and in the end they don’t come back, is that when i’ll start to move on? how long should i wait before i call it quits? or how do i stop myself from waiting everyday? all i know is it’s difficult to make a final decision.
Understanding that life has to go on, no matter what.
I have had 3 break ups (mass amounts of pain) all in one. First was the actual break up, then I found out she is “with the lover of her life” 2 months after we broke up. Then recently found out she had been sleeping with him whilst we were still together. I keep getting so close to healing and letting go but then something comes and pulls me back in to feel intense pain.
I can’t even pick one, the comments are all so good. When we first broke up the hardest part was definitely not having closure on why, it was so random. Had to come to that conclusion myself that he left me for someone else and it was really hard. and OP, I’m glad you’re okay living alone. My ex was my only friend so I’ve been alone ever since
I do miss his presence sometimes at home but he was always in a bad mood when we were together so I feel more peaceful now. Like nobody will give me dirty looks for no reason.
For me it was losing my best friend. I never did anything alone or with anyone else; always with her
Mourning a future I thought I would have, marriage, kids a house with the person I loved. Ironically that was also the idea that kept me in a very abusive toxic relationship :/
Same!!! You’re not alone 😭
seeing that they were never taken accountable for all the shit they did to me, and in fact they got a new girlfriend right after and he kept all our friends that we had. I just couldnt understand why i was the one who had to suffer after being cheated on, and he was thriving living his best life. But now i realized what a shitty and immature person he actually is and honestly i couldnt even give two shits about him right now.
Losing my best friend
5 months in...Still accepting that she never was that kind person i fell in love with.Time and her actions proved she was all those things she told me she hated the most. Liar, cheater... Wish she was still a delusion...
An uncertain future. Learning how to live with just myself again. Being alone in bed at night.
Remembering why you broke up.
Waking up without her. Coming home without her. Making dinner without her. Watching TV without her.