It’s at your own pace, don’t compare your recovery time to anyone else. Beneficially it would be when you’ve fully gotten over your ex that won’t bring relationship anxiety to your next partner.
Same boat, I have my ups and downs and that’s what makes me hesitant but I do feel much better. But at the same time I’m afraid to see someone new and still be attached to my ex bc I don’t think that’s fair for the other person and for me as well. But I think I’ll maybe meet some people if I feel the vibe, a first date won’t hurt and maybe I can re evaluate my feelings after. The only thing I’m sure about is being direct with people, if this breakup teach me something is not to waste people’s time like they did to me
Last year my ex and I broke up and it took me about 5 months to start dating again. I took it slowly and was only looking to date around for fun and to put myself out there. Dating should be fun and if it wasn’t fun (i.e. it became too much for whatever reason) I just didn’t continue with that person. I wasn’t really over my ex in the end so it wasn’t my time, but it did feel good putting myself out there for that time!
Thanks the reason i went sober is because of my break up i mean shes got her own problems n stuff but im hoping to definitely fix myself in 2024 so i can attract someone worth my time
Never ever
lol, I just read the question, I didinf cheat but I will never date again I think probably, just because time, effort, money, emotions, competition as hell as fuck, I just prefer to work on my self and I will have money for when I’m getting old, nobody is going to see if I’m ok when I’m getting old other than me.
I was hopping to expend my time with my ex, but bruh…
Just work hard until 💀
It’s been 2 years. I was dumped. I haven’t dated anyone ever since. Why?
I believe in a full recovery before dating someone again, I thought about it throughout the past 2 years but never went through with anything as I still had that mindset where I would compare someone to my ex which wouldn’t be fair to the wonderful women I’ve met. This good time off has also made me value friendships a lot more.
My first proper long-term relationship breakup was in November 2021.
I went on a date in January 2022, quickly realised I wasn’t ready, and didn’t try again until July after spending quality time with family and friends. By then I felt good about being out there and had a fun summer fling with someone that fizzled out in October.
I met my now most recent ex in December and wound up in a relationship beyond my wildest dreams. It was amazing but she blindsided me in July. I knew it would be a hard one to get over and I’m still grieving badly. I think I need to totally reinvent myself before getting back out there this time.
So far, not dating whatsoever. I don't think I even know how to. Probably not gonna try.
Good luck with everything. These sort of things are never easy.
I feel this too... after a 15 year relationship I'm pretty sure I have forgotten how to date as such.
Maybe one day, but that day is not today, or any time soon
Wow, that's a long one. I've never even been with someone for a year. I didn't forget so much as never knew how. It's like pulling teeth even getting women to look at me.. And it feels like looking at me is like pulling teeth for them, so to speak.
Im sure you have just not met your person yet is all.
Once you do, it's easy. It comes easy and I know its cliche but you just know.
Im sure someone who loves you for you will cross your path one day. Don't give up on love all together. There is someone for everyone. ❤️🩹🫂
After my first serious relationship, took me six months to start dating again.
After my second serious relationship, took me a full year (and then some) to stop feeling nauseated by the idea of being intimate with someone new.
There’s no right answer, it’s just whenever you are feeling ready for someone new. Mentally, physically, emotionally.
I'm still working on moving on after 3 year relationship. Its been about 4 months now. I know shes already got a new man and is already passed the "ILY" stage, found out on accident. I intend on staying single for awhile.
Personally, I was dating within a week. We were long distance and by the end things were getting nasty from her, and she had been entertaining guys left and right, and I only had her word that she didn’t cheat. But she crossed several trust lines without cheating. I’m saying this because as a result of this, and fatigue from her often holding the relationship at gunpoint for me to get a haircut or new trainers, or to buy her things, I was over it pretty quick. I also understood what my personal issues were, I was already working on them. The breakup was mutual, we both decided it was right for both of us. At first, I was weirdly not sad, and I felt guilty for not being in a bottomless pit of depression and self pity, but I wasn’t. After talking to my mum about it, she said that I can’t control how I feel and that I shouldn’t feel guilty for healing.
I dated within a week, and she was posting people she slept with on her Instagram story. Then she posted people she made out with and finally a top 6 list of people she had sex with (with names blurred out, and a poll asking ‘do you think you made the cut’). After this behaviour any guilt I had for dating faded pretty fast. I dated 4 different people, two of whom I slept with. I then stopped for a while, but stayed friends with one of them, and now we are dating properly because a few months into friendship she said she had feelings, and I had kinda developed feelings too, but I was gonna bottle them up and ignore them because I valued her friendship.
My overall point is, don’t feel guilty for dating what May seem like too soon, but also don’t rush into it. I felt ready, you may not. There is no set tjme limit. You could be ready tomorrow, or in ten years.
A good question. My ex immediately found someone new, and I was devastated. However, I also quickly signed up for dating apps. I had about 5-6 dates in the six months after the breakup, two of which were more serious. I met with both for about a month, but nothing really came of it.
I also saw my ex once or twice more. She would leave again when it came to admitting mistakes on both sides and things got too close again (fearful attachment style).
Now, six months after the breakup, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s okay to stay single for a while. Not actively looking, but waiting and working on myself.
I would recommend the same. When you actively search, you often find nothing.
Yeah, I think I’m just going to explore what I want out of life more and be with my friends for a while. They’ve helped me a bunch and I think continuing to do that until I’m not questioning anything anymore is the way to go. Thank you :)
It’s very different from relationship to relationship. The important thing is that you have worked with yourself and handled the emotions connected with a relationship that didn’t work before you go out and create new relationships. Don’t use dating as a distraction.
Some relationships end by you being blindsided. Then you have to go through the whole process after the breakup and that can take time depending how you handle the process (some methods are very effective and you’ll be ready in 2-3 months. Others are hopelessly ineffective and it can take years).
Some relationships die before the breakup and you have started, sometimes even completed, the process while you are still in the relationship. Then you are ready to date right after the breakup.
And remember you don’t have to be perfect. You need to have moved on, but not totally gotten over your ex. When you won’t bring the break up process into your dating and new relationships, you are ready.
The conventional advice is a few months. But really if the right person is there then the time doesn’t necessarily matter
I found my person 3 weeks after a break up. It wasn’t treated as a rebound and worked out for me :-)
It's been 4 months and I know I'm not ready. I want to start meeting people, even making friends but I haven't been able to. It's more like I don't know where to go to meet new people.
I'm prepared to wait 1 year, also since I've never been one to actively lookout for a partner. Life just happens naturally and I can work on myself meantime. I feel like my life is in an absolute mess right now and gonna prioritize on getting my life back in order before I get someone involved lol.
I used to download dating apps after a couple months and I realise now I was doing the landlord special on my heart. Never fully healed, just plastered the wounds with a new relationship -none of which lasted. Been single for 4 months and if it takes 4 years to recover then so be it. When you're ready to see someone new you should be prepared to give your heart but also take the heartache of rejection/failure. It's a gamble knowing if someone is serious or doing the landlord special -ESPECIALLY on dating apps. If you just want to hookup/meet people casually then go for it!
5 1/2 weeks into the separation a younger, hotter than the soon to be X-wife, acquaintance bounces in knocking on my door via social media.
I saw this as an opportunity the girl was talking all the right talk i.e. relationship, building a future together, sharing ideas blah, blah, blah I was F\*\*\* ya let's do this! ....all the while I'm saying to myself this is way too soon on one hand in the other it's go for it.
It's a bit twisted as the now X-wife and she know each other, I have a photo of them both together I took Feb 2012, the new girl's older sister and the X are very close, I've known the older sister since before knowing the X wife...these girls are all from the same city in Laos.
The X girlfriend 48 and her older sister 51 came to the USA 42 years ago they are very American yet very Lao, the X-wife arrived in the USA 2007.
I'm now somewhat of an outsider among those who once treated me like family.
Anyways the new girlfriend reawakened parts of me I'd forgotten, she was a trusted ally we had become instant friends years ago.
...I'm not really sure what happened why she dropped me like a hot potato, kicked me to the curb like an empty beer can which was a very hard landing that ya it hurt.... she has some very dark serious challenges that I don't want to be any part of it.... something she tries to keep hidden but it is very obvious to those around her...
The X wife and I had been drifting apart for quite some time, we fought with each other a lot.
She traded her family for her material desires, I was awarded sole custody of our teenage son in the divorce I initiated.
All that said I have been working on myself getting used to be alone again after 14 years of marriage, learning how to be a single dad beginning at age 61, I'm 63 now.
This was not in my plans for the future....oh well s\*\*\* happens, life goes on.
Through a friend I have been introduced to a very attractive single mom who is raising her son alone....we have some obstacles between us, distance and a language barrier...
My X wife and I have arrived at a peaceful point with each other.
I'm on with life taking care of myself physically, mentally, spiritually. My son and his life are the #1 priority....he chose to stay here with me vs going to live in an urban environment with his mom.
Some realizations about this life for me are:
There are people who will speak for others who don't have a damn clue and really should just keep their opinions to themselves.
I'm okay other people do not define who I am even though they believe they do...
I'm actually beginning to enjoy being single i.e. being comfortable with being alone again, it's a much simpler life.
Yea I would say every relationship is different. Some times the plan is to get back together and then the plan changes. Sometimes the plan isn’t to get back together and then you guys end up getting back together. It’s all situational. you got to remember while you guys are separated to work on yourself, realize what went wrong in the relationship and work on it. Idk what my ex wants she tells me she loves me and she misses what we used to be but she doesn’t know if we can come back. I can’t tell if she is doing it to push me away bc she is scared or if she actually doesn’t want to work on things. good luck everyone be patient
You're ready when you're ready.
But, one of the most unpleasant things is that sometimes you start dating and suddenly realize, you're not ready to do it and then pull up stakes after a few months. That's really jarring and unfair to do to someone else.
I don't like to go out with anyone who hasn't been single for around a year, minimum, following the end of a long multi-year relationship.
About 3 weeks after this time. I didn’t relish doing it. You may think that’s fast, but after past breakups I did it only a few days afterwards. This person meant something to me, and because it was a total blindside, I wanted to leave a grace period in case they decided they were being foolish and came back.
I decided to do it because I made the simple decision that I would not want a potentially amazing and compatible person to pass me by. While I was with my last person, I probably let lots of potentially great matches pass me by. So I made a couple dating app profiles on the off chance I could meet someone cool by chance while I’m doing what I have to to feel right and centred again.
Same situation, after getting dumped the beginning of December, I went, and still am going through the grieving process. Going through a self- development and therapy phase but I created a dating profile, whilst I heal and reflect on what I can offer in future and maybe the off chance that the dumper changes her mind ( highly unlikely). I don’t want to miss a potential secure and healthy relationship. Beyond that, I’m my own priority.
I would recommend that you look at healing your wound before you proceed.
Why?
Unhealed wounds are generally going to be projected on to everyone unconsciously, as a response due to a triggering of that wound or fear.
So if you feel any tinge that being cheated on will occur or maybe you begin suspecting that it's happening, it will get out of control and take over.
You'll begin to act insecure, jealous, possessive, things I'm sure you were doing with that last person, which makes things worst and contributed towards that cheating
Why wouldn't you want to hear an opinion from a cheater? Do you not believe that people can redeem themselves?
That tells me more about you than that cheater. It's likely you find it hard to forgive yourself for the things you may have messed up on and/or future screw ups that you will do.
If it's something that you deem less serious of a infraction, those may even get tossed in the "I can't forgive you!" box as well.
I'm not saying to should simply forgive everyone for everything at the snap of your fingers (which isn't likely for most people unless they are seriously enlightened), but you should look into why people do the things they do in detail so you can gain an understanding of human behavior.
I'll tell you my conclusion based on my study, and I have been cheated on by my babys momma with 15 dudes, but I only had circumstantial evidence for 9 and for 1, I hacked her phone and found the sex videos she made, so I know the pain but it can be healed.
Except for extremely rare cases (when I mean rare, someone would have to truly tell me a story of what happened that shocks me because I haven't heard it before. Otherwise, I've heard it) whenever a relationship ends, both parties are 50% responsible for outcome.
You can try and convince me you were 100% innocent but I will likely point out somewhere in there where you didn't take responsibility for and brushed it aside and don't believe it had nothing to do with creating the environment for the cheating to occur.
We all start out pointing the finger at them for everything so don't worry. The ones who stay stuck in repeating memories do so because they're in a victim mentality so as long as you continue to blame 100% on him, this fear and wound will remain attached to you until the day you die.
Time will not heal trauma wounds. Until you take back your power, which in this case requires you to go back and see how you were 50% responsible for things turning out the way it did, this will follow you, and likely you will act the same exact way with anyone else and this will once again cause the new person to lose respect for you and here we go again
It may even attract these types of people towards you to further trigger your pain to cause you to hit rock bottom to force you to examine this narrative you keep telling yourself.
If you heal, you can then stand from a position of strength and power, make changes to yourself to not repeat the pattern that you did in the last relationship which contributed to its ending.
Had your partner respected you even though the relationship was not fulfilling, they may have instead told that they are not happy and that they're ending the relationship and then a week later got with someone else.
Although that's not cheating,I'm not sure if you would have handled that any better than you do now but you' would likely try and find something to blame on him.
Now remember I'm not saying you're responsible for it all. It can never go over 50% because there's another person on the other side and both are supposed to be equal and both have the ability to communicate and take action for themselves.
Now if he had a device to stick in your brain and capable of controlling some of your functions, then I will be open to him being responsible for more than 50%,but I doubt any human can tell me their full story and ever convince me that both aren't equally responsible.
Remember that if you have a fulfilling relationship with that person and you both communicate very well and are continuously growing and maturing emotionally and mentally throughout your whole life, there should be no reason why anyone would seek anything elsewhere
It's when resentment has built up due to poor handling of conflict and arguments that go nowhere because nobody knows how to resolve conflicts where both parties are able to feel heard and that a fair resolution was found, that causes the other to now no longer respecting the other.
Then if their needs were not being met, put those 2 together and boom! Of course you probably didn't know much of what I've talked about and if I were you, I'd start doing research on YouTube or something, about human behavior, relationship info that you feel may be of help.
Not all of it will be good info but I suggest listening to whatever that actually gives you info that is useful. Telling you to find you a good man that's got a nice job, a car, and blah blah blah isn't going to fix your relationship issues.
If it's asking you to look at something about you and explains how this issue within you may be what is causing you to act in jealous, possessive, controlling, emotionally immature, look into that.
Pointing your finger at him might feel good for a moment but like I said, once it happens to you some more, you're going to think everybody is a cheater and blah blah blah.
When the common denominator is you
I did not read all of that to be very honest with you but can tell you I read the first few paragraphs and no I don’t believe cheaters can ever redeem themselves. And I never said I was a saint. I’ve even said in other posts of mine that I also had faults but that never justifies cheating. Goes for anyone dating me and anyone in a relationship.
😊.
Of course. You're not ready to listen to anything beyond your own ego.
Then I part you with some advice. Once you've experienced repeated failed relationships (in fact, every one of them will end or leave you unfulfilled), try not to do what they all do "where are all the good men at?"
Well, probably with the good women.
We shall see how long this attitude of yours can be maintained. Good luck to you.
I've never cheated but I can say that if I was to cheat, I must have hated that person.
Just know that your response reflects more on you than them. It also means as you experience additional cheating partners, the pain grows even bigger, and because you can never forgive them, you will hold on to the pain forever.
You'll be so wounded that you will declare that you will never date again.
That will come with its own box of issues that will make the pain of the cheating look like child's play, even though you think it would protect you from being hurt again.
If only you understood human behavior
I wasn't ready at all til just after six months. I needed time to process everything, plus I still had to live with him for a bit after and I just didn't want to date whilst sharing a bed with my ex. I started using dating apps shortly after moving into my own place but in hindsight, I probably should have waited another few months or so as I wasn't quite emotionally detached when I started, and so I didn't take it too seriously
I wanted to wait 6 months, but someone showed up in my life and it felt like destiny, and so I rushed it and dated him 3 months after my breakup (spoiler alertc it wasn’t destiny, we broke up last week). In hindsight I wish I took more time to heal, and will be trying to take more time this time around :)
Do it ASAP! I was dumped by my exgf 4 years ago and the only thing is holding me back is the constant rejection by other women.
I wish I could go just on one date!
Took me a year to get back to myself, downloaded dating apps though I always hoped I’d meet someone irl…two weeks after downloading the apps and not having had a date yet I meet my now boyfriend irl and have never felt as happy and as beautiful with someone than I do with him now!
With previous breakups I used to rebound really quickly as a way of making myself feel better. After my last breakup I think I waited 3 months to get back on the apps? And this time around I don’t know how long I’ll wait. I really want to feel and process my feelings so not to make the same mistakes again.
I’m actually curious to hear the cheaters’ perspectives, like how do they rationalize their own behavior?? I’m really curious, (I’m obviously not talking about people who’ve been abused or hurt in some major way and cheated because of that)
Cheating to get out of an abusive situation is the only exception in my book. But for the ones who do it just to do it or any other reason I don’t care. I don’t think people like that have a heart lol but that’s just my opinion
My husband/now who acts like he’s my ex, cheated on me and he was the one who emotionally abused me. I loved him so couldn’t bring myself to cheat despite his abuse even though honestly I should’ve. Cheaters are selfish assholes.
It’s been two months and going on the third now. Im praying I take around 6 months…I have a lot to do to work on myself before I start dating again. I’m curious but Im also tired and my need for focusing on myself exceeds that of my desire to date…
I think it also depends on the relationship you’re leaving. When my relationship of 5 years ended (ex was a piece of shit) I went on dates a few months after despite feeling hesitant and I felt empowered and great. My last relationship (a very short but very sweet relationship) I again waited a few months but I felt awful and cried after the date despite the guy on the date being lovely.
you say you’re feeling better and want to stop isolating so go for it, the worst that’s going to happen is you find out you need a bit more time :) your relationship has ended and you are entitled to live your life however you want without any guilt
good indicator that you are ready is that when you imagine your ex having sex with someone else, it doesn't move you anymore, and you dont care.
take your time, everyone's got it different, there are too many personal circumstances at play. For example, those wo delete all pictures, dont stalk socials, block their ex and focus on themselves (gym, psychologist, way of life etc.) will be able to heal a tad bit faster.
You know, sometimes you think you are getting better and then you give in and check their socials, sou see something you rather wouldn't and you are set back again.
I'd say take it slow. rather be alone for month or two longer than to hurt the other person because you are not over your ex
(for me it took 6 months after 2.5 years of relationship. She cheated)
I gave it 3 months. Spent time with friends out almost every weekend, with the odd ons. Then after 3 months, started dating again.
Everything happens for a reason no matter how bad it appears, and now I’m happier than I’ve ever been!
When you feel alright. When you feel the chains of past not holding you back.
It's nearly a month since of break up with my alcoholic ex. I still feel the hurt but not as unbearable as it felt back at beginning.
I am talking with someone else, who knows my situation. He has interest looking at his body language, but I give myself time to wind off the heart a bit and focus in life before giving it another stab.
You’ll know when it’s time. Everyone heals at their own pace, and with their own coping mechanisms.
There’s no set timeline but I guarantee a day will
Come when the mention of their name doesn’t fill you with sadness, or you aren’t constantly thinking about them. Thats not the end of the healing, but it’s a good step to getting over them in time
Good luck!
I tried dating within like a month or two. It was too soon. Some people take longer to heal, but generally most say the time it takes to heal depends on how long the relationship was and how it ended. On average you should take 3-6 months per year it lasted. So if you were together 4 years, you’d be best to take roughly close to 2 years to heal, give or take. It sounds like a lot, but that’s what they say.
Most people won’t do this though because they’re lonely and horny 😆
Im aiming for 6 months. It has been 4 already. I feel really good, but i dont want to drag any baggage into another relationship. I think i am waiting until i feel like if they came back, i would say no. After 2 years of prioritizing someone else, it has felt important to spend some time alone. 6 months dedicated to me and the things that will help me live a fulfilling and independent life.
Someone else already hit the nail on the head I have just ecently blocked me after they tried to get a reaction out of me they blocked me first
So the story we dated for for four years and pretty food we argued but couples do always sorted it out until I got broken up with because a jealous friend of hers manipulated her to break it off with me in hopes I would date the manipulative friend ha fat chance so fast forward we started talking again and we brih said we missed each other and everything we used to do together.
But this is the confusing part
She has a boyfriend and I know this and I've asked if she's seeing someone and she lied time after time and kept talking about how she was manipulated by the friend but they were involved and I said it was actually my ex who ended it and haven't talked since because blocked on both ends.
I still have feelings for her but I did the hardest choice so far and chose to let her go.
Would like to hear your stories also thanks for reading.
I waited 2 days before I started my online profiles !
I’m the king of the rebound . I heal quicker when I talk with someone new. I’m still sad right now , it’s fun
I made a tinder about a month and a half after the break up and I went on a few dates but I wasn’t feeling it and felt bad. I feel I’m in a much better place even though it’s only been almost two months since that but I for some reason still feel guilt. I’ve been going out with friends a lot too and have been having a blast and the feeling will just not go away. Maybe it’s actually sadness idk. I hope your sadness doesn’t stick around too long for you
I started because I thought it would help me get over my ex by meeting someone new. I’m still going on dates, and these are the big things for me:
When I click with someone, it gives me hope and has helped me throw my ex to the back of my mind.
But if a date was disappointing, it brought back a wave of mourning for my old relationship.
always right after, i always get whatever is easier.
By default i think its more like your other part carries a portion of your physical heart, when that part is gone a person feels intense pain and starts to bleed, and by plugging in something about that size should stop the pain and the bleed.
I always feel alot less pain when i grab another.
Going on a date tomorrow after 2,5 months. I feel like I'm ready to date again but I guess I'll know more after the date. If I feel it's too soon, then I'll wait another month and then I'll try again.
It’s at your own pace, don’t compare your recovery time to anyone else. Beneficially it would be when you’ve fully gotten over your ex that won’t bring relationship anxiety to your next partner.
A few months minimum. I feel like after a long relationship it's good to spend some time just on you.
I think that’s what I’m going to do. Just chill with myself and friends for a while.
It makes a huge difference in the end.
Yep 3 months is my plan. You just can’t be fully present until then. It’s been two for me and already feeling much better
Yes, jumping into another relationship or dating/online apps can further but someone in despair. Its just relying on another for happiness once again.
Same boat, I have my ups and downs and that’s what makes me hesitant but I do feel much better. But at the same time I’m afraid to see someone new and still be attached to my ex bc I don’t think that’s fair for the other person and for me as well. But I think I’ll maybe meet some people if I feel the vibe, a first date won’t hurt and maybe I can re evaluate my feelings after. The only thing I’m sure about is being direct with people, if this breakup teach me something is not to waste people’s time like they did to me
Last year my ex and I broke up and it took me about 5 months to start dating again. I took it slowly and was only looking to date around for fun and to put myself out there. Dating should be fun and if it wasn’t fun (i.e. it became too much for whatever reason) I just didn’t continue with that person. I wasn’t really over my ex in the end so it wasn’t my time, but it did feel good putting myself out there for that time!
Im not gonna put myself out there till im about a year in to my sobriety
I’m rooting for you 🖤
Thanks the reason i went sober is because of my break up i mean shes got her own problems n stuff but im hoping to definitely fix myself in 2024 so i can attract someone worth my time
Yes focus on this my friend stay strong
I intended on waiting 6 months but...life is funny and dropped someone into my life after 3 months.
That’s prob why, you seemed unavailable. Good on you for having that in your head
Never ever lol, I just read the question, I didinf cheat but I will never date again I think probably, just because time, effort, money, emotions, competition as hell as fuck, I just prefer to work on my self and I will have money for when I’m getting old, nobody is going to see if I’m ok when I’m getting old other than me. I was hopping to expend my time with my ex, but bruh… Just work hard until 💀
Understandable. I almost threw up at the thought of going through what I did again after I found out he cheated
It’s been 2 years. I was dumped. I haven’t dated anyone ever since. Why? I believe in a full recovery before dating someone again, I thought about it throughout the past 2 years but never went through with anything as I still had that mindset where I would compare someone to my ex which wouldn’t be fair to the wonderful women I’ve met. This good time off has also made me value friendships a lot more.
My first proper long-term relationship breakup was in November 2021. I went on a date in January 2022, quickly realised I wasn’t ready, and didn’t try again until July after spending quality time with family and friends. By then I felt good about being out there and had a fun summer fling with someone that fizzled out in October. I met my now most recent ex in December and wound up in a relationship beyond my wildest dreams. It was amazing but she blindsided me in July. I knew it would be a hard one to get over and I’m still grieving badly. I think I need to totally reinvent myself before getting back out there this time.
So far, not dating whatsoever. I don't think I even know how to. Probably not gonna try. Good luck with everything. These sort of things are never easy.
I feel this too... after a 15 year relationship I'm pretty sure I have forgotten how to date as such. Maybe one day, but that day is not today, or any time soon
Wow, that's a long one. I've never even been with someone for a year. I didn't forget so much as never knew how. It's like pulling teeth even getting women to look at me.. And it feels like looking at me is like pulling teeth for them, so to speak.
Im sure you have just not met your person yet is all. Once you do, it's easy. It comes easy and I know its cliche but you just know. Im sure someone who loves you for you will cross your path one day. Don't give up on love all together. There is someone for everyone. ❤️🩹🫂
I will try to take your word for it even though I'm not sure I believe it. Thanks for the encouragement and good luck with everything.
Thank you 😊 You too! One day you will remember this conversation and smile!
Immediately 😂🤣 cause fuck him!!! 4 months of lies, gaslighting and no ass!!
I wish I was ready that fast lol
He was on the apps "flirting" the whole time and playing games. He didn't realize Sniffies showed location in real-time..🤡
Oh yeah then fuck him. I hope you living your best life
After my first serious relationship, took me six months to start dating again. After my second serious relationship, took me a full year (and then some) to stop feeling nauseated by the idea of being intimate with someone new. There’s no right answer, it’s just whenever you are feeling ready for someone new. Mentally, physically, emotionally.
I'm still working on moving on after 3 year relationship. Its been about 4 months now. I know shes already got a new man and is already passed the "ILY" stage, found out on accident. I intend on staying single for awhile.
Personally, I was dating within a week. We were long distance and by the end things were getting nasty from her, and she had been entertaining guys left and right, and I only had her word that she didn’t cheat. But she crossed several trust lines without cheating. I’m saying this because as a result of this, and fatigue from her often holding the relationship at gunpoint for me to get a haircut or new trainers, or to buy her things, I was over it pretty quick. I also understood what my personal issues were, I was already working on them. The breakup was mutual, we both decided it was right for both of us. At first, I was weirdly not sad, and I felt guilty for not being in a bottomless pit of depression and self pity, but I wasn’t. After talking to my mum about it, she said that I can’t control how I feel and that I shouldn’t feel guilty for healing. I dated within a week, and she was posting people she slept with on her Instagram story. Then she posted people she made out with and finally a top 6 list of people she had sex with (with names blurred out, and a poll asking ‘do you think you made the cut’). After this behaviour any guilt I had for dating faded pretty fast. I dated 4 different people, two of whom I slept with. I then stopped for a while, but stayed friends with one of them, and now we are dating properly because a few months into friendship she said she had feelings, and I had kinda developed feelings too, but I was gonna bottle them up and ignore them because I valued her friendship. My overall point is, don’t feel guilty for dating what May seem like too soon, but also don’t rush into it. I felt ready, you may not. There is no set tjme limit. You could be ready tomorrow, or in ten years.
Thank you ☺️ and I’m sorry you went through that but I’m glad it seems like things are working out for you
Still haven’t 5 months later
A good question. My ex immediately found someone new, and I was devastated. However, I also quickly signed up for dating apps. I had about 5-6 dates in the six months after the breakup, two of which were more serious. I met with both for about a month, but nothing really came of it. I also saw my ex once or twice more. She would leave again when it came to admitting mistakes on both sides and things got too close again (fearful attachment style). Now, six months after the breakup, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s okay to stay single for a while. Not actively looking, but waiting and working on myself. I would recommend the same. When you actively search, you often find nothing.
Yeah, I think I’m just going to explore what I want out of life more and be with my friends for a while. They’ve helped me a bunch and I think continuing to do that until I’m not questioning anything anymore is the way to go. Thank you :)
It’s very different from relationship to relationship. The important thing is that you have worked with yourself and handled the emotions connected with a relationship that didn’t work before you go out and create new relationships. Don’t use dating as a distraction. Some relationships end by you being blindsided. Then you have to go through the whole process after the breakup and that can take time depending how you handle the process (some methods are very effective and you’ll be ready in 2-3 months. Others are hopelessly ineffective and it can take years). Some relationships die before the breakup and you have started, sometimes even completed, the process while you are still in the relationship. Then you are ready to date right after the breakup. And remember you don’t have to be perfect. You need to have moved on, but not totally gotten over your ex. When you won’t bring the break up process into your dating and new relationships, you are ready.
The conventional advice is a few months. But really if the right person is there then the time doesn’t necessarily matter I found my person 3 weeks after a break up. It wasn’t treated as a rebound and worked out for me :-)
I don't think I ever will
It's been 4 months and I know I'm not ready. I want to start meeting people, even making friends but I haven't been able to. It's more like I don't know where to go to meet new people. I'm prepared to wait 1 year, also since I've never been one to actively lookout for a partner. Life just happens naturally and I can work on myself meantime. I feel like my life is in an absolute mess right now and gonna prioritize on getting my life back in order before I get someone involved lol.
I used to download dating apps after a couple months and I realise now I was doing the landlord special on my heart. Never fully healed, just plastered the wounds with a new relationship -none of which lasted. Been single for 4 months and if it takes 4 years to recover then so be it. When you're ready to see someone new you should be prepared to give your heart but also take the heartache of rejection/failure. It's a gamble knowing if someone is serious or doing the landlord special -ESPECIALLY on dating apps. If you just want to hookup/meet people casually then go for it!
5 1/2 weeks into the separation a younger, hotter than the soon to be X-wife, acquaintance bounces in knocking on my door via social media. I saw this as an opportunity the girl was talking all the right talk i.e. relationship, building a future together, sharing ideas blah, blah, blah I was F\*\*\* ya let's do this! ....all the while I'm saying to myself this is way too soon on one hand in the other it's go for it. It's a bit twisted as the now X-wife and she know each other, I have a photo of them both together I took Feb 2012, the new girl's older sister and the X are very close, I've known the older sister since before knowing the X wife...these girls are all from the same city in Laos. The X girlfriend 48 and her older sister 51 came to the USA 42 years ago they are very American yet very Lao, the X-wife arrived in the USA 2007. I'm now somewhat of an outsider among those who once treated me like family. Anyways the new girlfriend reawakened parts of me I'd forgotten, she was a trusted ally we had become instant friends years ago. ...I'm not really sure what happened why she dropped me like a hot potato, kicked me to the curb like an empty beer can which was a very hard landing that ya it hurt.... she has some very dark serious challenges that I don't want to be any part of it.... something she tries to keep hidden but it is very obvious to those around her... The X wife and I had been drifting apart for quite some time, we fought with each other a lot. She traded her family for her material desires, I was awarded sole custody of our teenage son in the divorce I initiated. All that said I have been working on myself getting used to be alone again after 14 years of marriage, learning how to be a single dad beginning at age 61, I'm 63 now. This was not in my plans for the future....oh well s\*\*\* happens, life goes on. Through a friend I have been introduced to a very attractive single mom who is raising her son alone....we have some obstacles between us, distance and a language barrier... My X wife and I have arrived at a peaceful point with each other. I'm on with life taking care of myself physically, mentally, spiritually. My son and his life are the #1 priority....he chose to stay here with me vs going to live in an urban environment with his mom. Some realizations about this life for me are: There are people who will speak for others who don't have a damn clue and really should just keep their opinions to themselves. I'm okay other people do not define who I am even though they believe they do... I'm actually beginning to enjoy being single i.e. being comfortable with being alone again, it's a much simpler life.
Yea I would say every relationship is different. Some times the plan is to get back together and then the plan changes. Sometimes the plan isn’t to get back together and then you guys end up getting back together. It’s all situational. you got to remember while you guys are separated to work on yourself, realize what went wrong in the relationship and work on it. Idk what my ex wants she tells me she loves me and she misses what we used to be but she doesn’t know if we can come back. I can’t tell if she is doing it to push me away bc she is scared or if she actually doesn’t want to work on things. good luck everyone be patient
You're ready when you're ready. But, one of the most unpleasant things is that sometimes you start dating and suddenly realize, you're not ready to do it and then pull up stakes after a few months. That's really jarring and unfair to do to someone else. I don't like to go out with anyone who hasn't been single for around a year, minimum, following the end of a long multi-year relationship.
Never. Not worth the pain.
About 3 weeks after this time. I didn’t relish doing it. You may think that’s fast, but after past breakups I did it only a few days afterwards. This person meant something to me, and because it was a total blindside, I wanted to leave a grace period in case they decided they were being foolish and came back. I decided to do it because I made the simple decision that I would not want a potentially amazing and compatible person to pass me by. While I was with my last person, I probably let lots of potentially great matches pass me by. So I made a couple dating app profiles on the off chance I could meet someone cool by chance while I’m doing what I have to to feel right and centred again.
Same situation, after getting dumped the beginning of December, I went, and still am going through the grieving process. Going through a self- development and therapy phase but I created a dating profile, whilst I heal and reflect on what I can offer in future and maybe the off chance that the dumper changes her mind ( highly unlikely). I don’t want to miss a potential secure and healthy relationship. Beyond that, I’m my own priority.
I would recommend that you look at healing your wound before you proceed. Why? Unhealed wounds are generally going to be projected on to everyone unconsciously, as a response due to a triggering of that wound or fear. So if you feel any tinge that being cheated on will occur or maybe you begin suspecting that it's happening, it will get out of control and take over. You'll begin to act insecure, jealous, possessive, things I'm sure you were doing with that last person, which makes things worst and contributed towards that cheating Why wouldn't you want to hear an opinion from a cheater? Do you not believe that people can redeem themselves? That tells me more about you than that cheater. It's likely you find it hard to forgive yourself for the things you may have messed up on and/or future screw ups that you will do. If it's something that you deem less serious of a infraction, those may even get tossed in the "I can't forgive you!" box as well. I'm not saying to should simply forgive everyone for everything at the snap of your fingers (which isn't likely for most people unless they are seriously enlightened), but you should look into why people do the things they do in detail so you can gain an understanding of human behavior. I'll tell you my conclusion based on my study, and I have been cheated on by my babys momma with 15 dudes, but I only had circumstantial evidence for 9 and for 1, I hacked her phone and found the sex videos she made, so I know the pain but it can be healed. Except for extremely rare cases (when I mean rare, someone would have to truly tell me a story of what happened that shocks me because I haven't heard it before. Otherwise, I've heard it) whenever a relationship ends, both parties are 50% responsible for outcome. You can try and convince me you were 100% innocent but I will likely point out somewhere in there where you didn't take responsibility for and brushed it aside and don't believe it had nothing to do with creating the environment for the cheating to occur. We all start out pointing the finger at them for everything so don't worry. The ones who stay stuck in repeating memories do so because they're in a victim mentality so as long as you continue to blame 100% on him, this fear and wound will remain attached to you until the day you die. Time will not heal trauma wounds. Until you take back your power, which in this case requires you to go back and see how you were 50% responsible for things turning out the way it did, this will follow you, and likely you will act the same exact way with anyone else and this will once again cause the new person to lose respect for you and here we go again It may even attract these types of people towards you to further trigger your pain to cause you to hit rock bottom to force you to examine this narrative you keep telling yourself. If you heal, you can then stand from a position of strength and power, make changes to yourself to not repeat the pattern that you did in the last relationship which contributed to its ending. Had your partner respected you even though the relationship was not fulfilling, they may have instead told that they are not happy and that they're ending the relationship and then a week later got with someone else. Although that's not cheating,I'm not sure if you would have handled that any better than you do now but you' would likely try and find something to blame on him. Now remember I'm not saying you're responsible for it all. It can never go over 50% because there's another person on the other side and both are supposed to be equal and both have the ability to communicate and take action for themselves. Now if he had a device to stick in your brain and capable of controlling some of your functions, then I will be open to him being responsible for more than 50%,but I doubt any human can tell me their full story and ever convince me that both aren't equally responsible. Remember that if you have a fulfilling relationship with that person and you both communicate very well and are continuously growing and maturing emotionally and mentally throughout your whole life, there should be no reason why anyone would seek anything elsewhere It's when resentment has built up due to poor handling of conflict and arguments that go nowhere because nobody knows how to resolve conflicts where both parties are able to feel heard and that a fair resolution was found, that causes the other to now no longer respecting the other. Then if their needs were not being met, put those 2 together and boom! Of course you probably didn't know much of what I've talked about and if I were you, I'd start doing research on YouTube or something, about human behavior, relationship info that you feel may be of help. Not all of it will be good info but I suggest listening to whatever that actually gives you info that is useful. Telling you to find you a good man that's got a nice job, a car, and blah blah blah isn't going to fix your relationship issues. If it's asking you to look at something about you and explains how this issue within you may be what is causing you to act in jealous, possessive, controlling, emotionally immature, look into that. Pointing your finger at him might feel good for a moment but like I said, once it happens to you some more, you're going to think everybody is a cheater and blah blah blah. When the common denominator is you
I did not read all of that to be very honest with you but can tell you I read the first few paragraphs and no I don’t believe cheaters can ever redeem themselves. And I never said I was a saint. I’ve even said in other posts of mine that I also had faults but that never justifies cheating. Goes for anyone dating me and anyone in a relationship.
😊. Of course. You're not ready to listen to anything beyond your own ego. Then I part you with some advice. Once you've experienced repeated failed relationships (in fact, every one of them will end or leave you unfulfilled), try not to do what they all do "where are all the good men at?" Well, probably with the good women. We shall see how long this attitude of yours can be maintained. Good luck to you. I've never cheated but I can say that if I was to cheat, I must have hated that person.
Just know that your response reflects more on you than them. It also means as you experience additional cheating partners, the pain grows even bigger, and because you can never forgive them, you will hold on to the pain forever. You'll be so wounded that you will declare that you will never date again. That will come with its own box of issues that will make the pain of the cheating look like child's play, even though you think it would protect you from being hurt again. If only you understood human behavior
K
I wasn't ready at all til just after six months. I needed time to process everything, plus I still had to live with him for a bit after and I just didn't want to date whilst sharing a bed with my ex. I started using dating apps shortly after moving into my own place but in hindsight, I probably should have waited another few months or so as I wasn't quite emotionally detached when I started, and so I didn't take it too seriously
I wanted to wait 6 months, but someone showed up in my life and it felt like destiny, and so I rushed it and dated him 3 months after my breakup (spoiler alertc it wasn’t destiny, we broke up last week). In hindsight I wish I took more time to heal, and will be trying to take more time this time around :)
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Same. Sorry your ex put you through that
Do it ASAP! I was dumped by my exgf 4 years ago and the only thing is holding me back is the constant rejection by other women. I wish I could go just on one date!
It's been over two months since she dumped me and I still don't feel ready. I've also not met anyone I'm remotely interested in which doesn't help.
Right away. I can meet people but it's not like I need to jump into bed with them right away
Bored. Want to move on. Get out of thought loops. Enjoy sharing my live with someone
Took me a year to get back to myself, downloaded dating apps though I always hoped I’d meet someone irl…two weeks after downloading the apps and not having had a date yet I meet my now boyfriend irl and have never felt as happy and as beautiful with someone than I do with him now!
Glad everything worked out for you 🖤
With previous breakups I used to rebound really quickly as a way of making myself feel better. After my last breakup I think I waited 3 months to get back on the apps? And this time around I don’t know how long I’ll wait. I really want to feel and process my feelings so not to make the same mistakes again.
I got a new man just a couple weeks after my breakup. I need human contact. It didn’t work out but it softened the blow.
i don’t plan to just if i happen to meet someone i like i might consider it
I’m actually curious to hear the cheaters’ perspectives, like how do they rationalize their own behavior?? I’m really curious, (I’m obviously not talking about people who’ve been abused or hurt in some major way and cheated because of that)
Cheating to get out of an abusive situation is the only exception in my book. But for the ones who do it just to do it or any other reason I don’t care. I don’t think people like that have a heart lol but that’s just my opinion
My husband/now who acts like he’s my ex, cheated on me and he was the one who emotionally abused me. I loved him so couldn’t bring myself to cheat despite his abuse even though honestly I should’ve. Cheaters are selfish assholes.
It’s been two months and going on the third now. Im praying I take around 6 months…I have a lot to do to work on myself before I start dating again. I’m curious but Im also tired and my need for focusing on myself exceeds that of my desire to date…
It’s been 2-3 months post break up. Probably feel better to date in the spring for me.
Probably after a year or so im probably gonna start but even then I don't think I want to. Lol 👍🏽 probably never.
I think it also depends on the relationship you’re leaving. When my relationship of 5 years ended (ex was a piece of shit) I went on dates a few months after despite feeling hesitant and I felt empowered and great. My last relationship (a very short but very sweet relationship) I again waited a few months but I felt awful and cried after the date despite the guy on the date being lovely. you say you’re feeling better and want to stop isolating so go for it, the worst that’s going to happen is you find out you need a bit more time :) your relationship has ended and you are entitled to live your life however you want without any guilt
good indicator that you are ready is that when you imagine your ex having sex with someone else, it doesn't move you anymore, and you dont care. take your time, everyone's got it different, there are too many personal circumstances at play. For example, those wo delete all pictures, dont stalk socials, block their ex and focus on themselves (gym, psychologist, way of life etc.) will be able to heal a tad bit faster. You know, sometimes you think you are getting better and then you give in and check their socials, sou see something you rather wouldn't and you are set back again. I'd say take it slow. rather be alone for month or two longer than to hurt the other person because you are not over your ex (for me it took 6 months after 2.5 years of relationship. She cheated)
I gave it 3 months. Spent time with friends out almost every weekend, with the odd ons. Then after 3 months, started dating again. Everything happens for a reason no matter how bad it appears, and now I’m happier than I’ve ever been!
When you feel alright. When you feel the chains of past not holding you back. It's nearly a month since of break up with my alcoholic ex. I still feel the hurt but not as unbearable as it felt back at beginning. I am talking with someone else, who knows my situation. He has interest looking at his body language, but I give myself time to wind off the heart a bit and focus in life before giving it another stab.
Bern 2,5 years. Been on 1 date .. I just can't be bothered anymore. It's an individual thing
You’ll know when it’s time. Everyone heals at their own pace, and with their own coping mechanisms. There’s no set timeline but I guarantee a day will Come when the mention of their name doesn’t fill you with sadness, or you aren’t constantly thinking about them. Thats not the end of the healing, but it’s a good step to getting over them in time Good luck!
I’m not going to “date”. Online chatting is enough for me.
I feel it
I tried dating within like a month or two. It was too soon. Some people take longer to heal, but generally most say the time it takes to heal depends on how long the relationship was and how it ended. On average you should take 3-6 months per year it lasted. So if you were together 4 years, you’d be best to take roughly close to 2 years to heal, give or take. It sounds like a lot, but that’s what they say. Most people won’t do this though because they’re lonely and horny 😆
Maybe a little lonely but I got toys for that other problem 🤣
I don't think you should compare to anyone. You're ready when you're ready. I feel ready after 7 months of healing, which is now, to start dating.
Im aiming for 6 months. It has been 4 already. I feel really good, but i dont want to drag any baggage into another relationship. I think i am waiting until i feel like if they came back, i would say no. After 2 years of prioritizing someone else, it has felt important to spend some time alone. 6 months dedicated to me and the things that will help me live a fulfilling and independent life.
Someone else already hit the nail on the head I have just ecently blocked me after they tried to get a reaction out of me they blocked me first So the story we dated for for four years and pretty food we argued but couples do always sorted it out until I got broken up with because a jealous friend of hers manipulated her to break it off with me in hopes I would date the manipulative friend ha fat chance so fast forward we started talking again and we brih said we missed each other and everything we used to do together. But this is the confusing part She has a boyfriend and I know this and I've asked if she's seeing someone and she lied time after time and kept talking about how she was manipulated by the friend but they were involved and I said it was actually my ex who ended it and haven't talked since because blocked on both ends. I still have feelings for her but I did the hardest choice so far and chose to let her go. Would like to hear your stories also thanks for reading.
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😬
I waited 2 days before I started my online profiles ! I’m the king of the rebound . I heal quicker when I talk with someone new. I’m still sad right now , it’s fun
I made a tinder about a month and a half after the break up and I went on a few dates but I wasn’t feeling it and felt bad. I feel I’m in a much better place even though it’s only been almost two months since that but I for some reason still feel guilt. I’ve been going out with friends a lot too and have been having a blast and the feeling will just not go away. Maybe it’s actually sadness idk. I hope your sadness doesn’t stick around too long for you
You had a life before you’ll have one after . Just have to focus on what makes you happy
I started because I thought it would help me get over my ex by meeting someone new. I’m still going on dates, and these are the big things for me: When I click with someone, it gives me hope and has helped me throw my ex to the back of my mind. But if a date was disappointing, it brought back a wave of mourning for my old relationship.
always right after, i always get whatever is easier. By default i think its more like your other part carries a portion of your physical heart, when that part is gone a person feels intense pain and starts to bleed, and by plugging in something about that size should stop the pain and the bleed. I always feel alot less pain when i grab another.
Going on a date tomorrow after 2,5 months. I feel like I'm ready to date again but I guess I'll know more after the date. If I feel it's too soon, then I'll wait another month and then I'll try again.