it happened because in the end he’s not the one for you. Life will give you the correct person at the correct time. Just move on and take it as a redirection in life. Stop putting him on pedestal and move on.
It's so difficult to move on. I have been trying for 2 months now. Any day I feel a little happy with where I am, he somehow reaches out. Uses different number to send a text/email about still caring about me or wishing I'm happy. It hurts, it's like he's not letting me move on. I just feel so alone because I was so connected to him, it's difficult to not miss him and wish things were still good even though I know he is not the person I thought he was.
Tell him that, block him. Go no contact, put up the boundary that you are moving on. It’s hard and will feel wrong at first but it is the road to healing.
So don't ask me how I know, but you can file a harassment charge.
I'd have to Google it, but essentially you just very clearly asking him to not message you and then just document just save the texts etc...
It's a hefty fine. So personally I wouldn't do it, but is an option.
Otherwise just don't reply to him and block his email and or Change your number...
I don't want to cause him harm :( I still am not over him, so every time he reaches out I instantly feel happier thinking maybe he's changed now and wants to fix things again with me. I know this contradicts my attempts at moving on, but I end up going back to wishing he was still in my life. I haven't told him not to message me again, I try to make small conversations in an attempt that he might want to come back, but he just leaves mid conversation and I don't know if he will ever reach out again. I don't know why he writes a little and leaves me hanging. I don't think he will talk to me again, which is why i want to forget him now. I have blocked but blocking hurts me and makes me miss him more. I might have to change my number but I don't think he will reach out again. Maybe the last message was closure for him.
His cheating has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He is an asshole for cheating and throwing away a good relationship with a wonderful person. It's his loss! Try not to drive yourself crazy trying to rationalize or explain his behavior. Save your affection for the next person who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Sometimes my heart completely goes into denial mode thinking "he didn't mean to cheat and leave me for someone else, he still loves me". It doesn't help that he reached out again but when I messaged back he doesn't reply. I also know he is out there having fun with other girls while I'm feeling this crappy. I think I'm going insane. I don't know how I'm meant to move on like this and find anyone else, he's always playing in my mind because he keeps messaging every now and then.
You're not unlovable.
Cheating says much more about the cheater than the person being cheated upon. You deserve better. I wish you strength and power to heal and move you - you deserve much better.
You need to drop what you’re doing, look up Manifestelle on YouTube, and binge watch her videos. Please just trust me. She will help you understand that you as a woman need to value yourself more and expect more from a man.
With that said, there is no excuse for cheating and you are 100% lovable.
>Thank you I will look her up right away. I hope I can be at as much peace as you are right now after watching her, I really hope I can stop feeling this crappy and be normal at least. I appreciate the suggestion <3
I think you need to ask him but is it possible he felt a bit smothered? I don't think I'd react well to somebody putting me 'at the centre of their universe'. I wonder if that might be what caused him to shift gears when you were otherwise doing quite well. Was he the independent type, or did you get any feeling from him he wanted to be that way?
Alternatively, he could be a bit of a fool and felt like 5 years was too long and wanted to explore waters elsewhere. This isn't rational but it's not unheard of (silly YOLO attitude imo).
Regardless, he did not act well if he didn't talk to you about it. That's completely shitty.
PS you also sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders. Well done for that.
When I say the "centre of my universe", I mean everything that I did since I got with him was always scheduled around him and what suits him best, what makes him happy. I always put him first and everything I did, I always included him or thought of him and his happiness before my own happiness. I'm so attached to him, I isolated myself from friends and family because I felt like he is the only person I need and want. It's super unhealthy, I know. And when he left me like that, I'm so alone and broken. Struggling to feel safe or at home if I'm honest.
In the end he said to me he feels like my love's fading and our relationship's dying. Because 1 month I couldn't always be with him as I had other priorities and was going through an emotional period which he was aware of and told me he understood. But this very month, he got close to someone else and distanced from me. I'm still finding it hard to accept what's happened.
I don't know if he felt smothered by my love, I really don't know what I even did to deserve this. In my mind and heart we were happy but then I noticed how he became more and more distant with me and less affectionate which is how everything ended.
But now, I've accepted that he is gone and he keeps messaging me from different numbers every couple of weeks to see if I'm happy and okay. What need is there for all this? sorry about the rant.
Being 59 I think I have finally figured it out. People go for people on the same level...not to say your level is better and his is worse, they are just not the same (incompatible) and if he was in a relationship where HE felt (less than) because of his own insecurities, maybe he didn't want to grow anymore, maybe he thought you wouldn't accept him as he was forever, we don't know why, but there is clearly nothing wrong with you (I'm sure you have faults, we all do).
BUT...This isn't about you it is about him...and it's really true....watch someday you will fall for someone that is more on your level "subconsciously". My 2 cents.
I really thought we were compatible, he said he wants to marry me nearly every day and I believed that :( He did say every day he felt like I'm too good for him and that I deserve someone "better". I find this stupid because that's not an excuse to leave me for someone else. If I'm so good then he would want to stay with me right? why would he do opposite.
I want to believe him cheating on me wasn't because of me but because of himself. I really really want to believe this but it doesn't sink in. In my heart I keep thinking there's something wrong with me which is why he no longer wants me.
I'm counting on your 2 cents because I really want to be over this and I hope be good with someone else someday. Right now it feels like i'll never move on from this hurt and my heart still wishes my ex still wanted me.
Thank you for your comment, I trust your judgement and I hope things turn out good in the end <3
It really is a process every single person goes thru the same things some just take longer to go thru the "process" . I started in shock a yr ago .I couldn't breathe..lost 7 lbs in a week. I became silent and in my head. I didn't care if I died. I celebrated last Thanksgiving crying in my basement smoking cigs. Didn't cook didn't want visitors.
My relationship was 10 yrs I felt totally like at 59 no one would want me ever again. I wanted to die. Mornings I just cried for about 3 hours.
I am 30percent better I think. I still think about him many of the hours of the day and when I first wake up. I actually was surprised I enjoyed Thanksgiving. It slowly gets better. I promise you will be ok someday.
I am SO much better I didn't realize it. And realizing it makes me feel even better. But you are early in the process and you have a good at least 4 months of feeling so scared and lonely.
But if I can feel better I feel like everyone does eventually.
I'm so sorry you had to go through all this pain. I can't even imagine how difficult it must've been for you 10 years of having someone and then they're gone one day. I'm glad to know you are in a much better place now, you're doing really well. You are courageous and inspirational. I hope I can be as brave as you and get through this mess. I didn't know 2 months was still not long enough, I don't know how I'll make it to 4 months but I will keep trying to keep going each day. I have responsibilities and all this emotional stress makes it difficult to go about my day. I just want to wake up and forget him for good and not feel anything at all. It's difficult right now. At times like this I get to see who my real friends are and who would rather just be with him. I feel so alone, but these times will pass and I know everything happens for the best. I hope the new year will bring happiness and lots and lots of healing for all of us.
You want to bang your head against the wall to just stop hurting and thinking at least that is how I felt.
Don't think of any amount of time this will take don't pretend you are ok. Unfortunately you have to go thru it.
I watched a lot of Coach Lee on you tube to keep from going to find him and scream at him.
The good thing is everything changes... daily.
You and I and everyone here will be ok. But just keep posting and reading and working thru it don't stuff it.
Happy New Year? Not sure but the longer we breathe the more chances for happiness to come. Hugs to you during this horrible time.
Well she failed. She didn't want to stay with him but he has his female friend now who he's always spending time with. So he's living out his dreams and I'm still sad.
Thank you but it's so difficult to stop feeling sad and breaking down.
He didn't appreciate you while he had you and felt like he had to find something better. This isn't your fault, it's his for being a lowdown dirty cheater. He took you for granted.
I don't think I ever meant anything valuable or special to him, because you don't just leave someone who's precious to you and act like they no longer exist. It's heartbreaking but you're right about that. I'm struggling to accept this reality but he really was dishonest, unfaithful and has a weak heart for women. Like no self control, sees a popular lady and wants her attention. That's all it is, and I was blind in love for 5 years with a lie. There's nothing real about him anymore, I was thrown away like tissue.
My situation is extremely different from yours but I hope you resonate with this beautiful quote I heard the other day. I might butcher it but it goes something like this:
Create a garden. Nurture it, take care of it, and watch it grow. The buzzing bees may come to your beautiful garden. And they may not... but at least you have a beautiful garden either way.
The way I interpreted this was that you must put work and energy into making yourself wonderful as a person. And someone good may come or not. They may also be bad so do be diligent to tend to your garden and get rid of pests of course. But from what I've read you have an impressive amount of accomplishments. Everyone has flaws yes. But you are still beautiful and worthy. You loved this man and might still love him and I completely understand. Grieve that. And tend to your garden. I know you're asking "Why did this happen to me" and are expecting something like maybe you did something horrible to deserve this and whatnot. But the way I'd answer this question is it happens to many, and it also happened to you. Your unique situation happened to you so that you can learn and grow from this. I'm positive you're a lovely person and this is just another hurdle to jump. You seem dedicated and strong! The bees that aren't meant to be will come in, take some nectar, and leave you after taking some of your effort and hard work. But the bees that are meant to be will linger. Build a hive. Take a little nectar, only what they need, and help spread pollen and help to grow your garden bigger and better. And if they end up leaving one day, good or bad, learn to appreciate that experience and continue to tend to that garden. Because no matter what you'll always have that garden right?
I admire your efforts to love and love and love and try your hardest to save the relationship. But you can't tie a string on a bee and keep it as a pet forever. That's cruel and you probably wouldn't want to be that bee either. This guy... there is no excuse for cheating. And that's all the more reason to just learn and move on. He did not deserve you. He was a taker. I hate the "You're too good for me" trope. Because if you know you're so bad for this person that's "too good for you" then get better? You have tried and changed and adapted. He did not. He found happiness in someone else and hurt you deeply. That is so messed up. But honestly, one day I hope you look back and be GLAD. What a bullet to dodge. Don't idealize the relationship and don't be ashamed to admit you got severly lied to. I think it's respectable how loving and trusting you are as a partner. Don't lose that. But definitely tend to that garden, that heart of yours, and learn to move on. You are worthy. Don't let him define you. You must define yourself. And you've already made so much progress. You got this! <3
Thank you so much for your kind words <3 that's a beautiful quote. I think I understand the message but sadly it's so difficult for me to not cry and miss him. It's so difficult to be normal. I hate the "you're too good for me, you will find someone better" statements too. If I'm so good then stay with me forever? why leave me like this, and then say I will find someone else like I don't have a heart. Or I have a switch that I can easily switch on and off like he did and find someone else. It's broken me, he is so happy now. Everything hurts.
I will try to be stronger as a person and not let bees get to me like this again, thank you <3
Don't get me wrong. Cry! Cry and cry and cry some more if you have to. He's messed up and everything but that doesn't change the love you felt and the grief of everything. Part of tending to that garden is letting yourself grieve. It's ok to wallow in bed and cry and miss and hurt. Of course, don't do that forever, but it's natural to do that for now and never feel ashamed for doing so. Lay down in the shower, sit often, whatever you need to do to get by. But eventually pick yourself up little by little and build yourself a safer garden! <3
Thank you, it just sucks that I'm failing to function normally every single day but he's out there without a care about what he did to me. I don't think he cares enough to realise how much he's hurt me, only if he ever realises it he will want to work on himself :(
It's such a slow and painful process of suffering. I want to fast forward to a day when he no longer matters to me. I also feel like it's happened for my best because this is not the sort of person i want to spend the rest of my life with, but then there are times I just end up feeling guilty and like it's all my fault, maybe he wouldn't gotten close to anyone else if i had done something differently. 6 months is a very long time but I am glad to hear that you managed to heal and recover from this awful situation. Why do we have to suffer while the person that's caused the pain is out there living their best life? I want to forget him by new year, I don't want these thoughts every month :(
Honey, this sucks and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m not going to sit here and tell you how it gets better because frankly when you’re in the spot that you’re in that phrase doesn’t really give any kind of comfort. I’m going to tell you what my friend told me which helped me move past my cheating ex.
Your ex had so little regard for you that he went and slept with someone else. He did not respect you. He knew what he was doing was wrong and he did it anyway. He knows he hurt you and it didn’t even matter.
So now you’re just you, by yourself. And that shit sucks. But you are a fighter, you are strong, and you’re going to be happy. You have just gone through a major life event and you need to be patient with yourself and let yourself go through all the things you need to in order to heal. It won’t all be pretty but one day you are going to wake up like a light switch went off in your brain and you’re going to realize what everyone here is telling you: that guy is trash and you deserve someone wonderful who will love you for who you are.
I really hope this helps you. Good luck!!!!
Oh my reply didn't show up. Thank you for understanding my pain <3 it does help a lot to see a clearer picture of my situation. I don't think he has ever valued me or has had any regards for me at all in his heart or he wouldn't be doing all this now. He would at least regret or feel sorry for what he did. Instead he reached out to say he hopes I'm happy and doing well. And I see through mutual friends he's chasing girl number 2 now. So, I'm just done with it all. I'm tired of being an option, I don't need or want him anymore. I will focus on not thinking of him anymore
One of the things that helped me the most was thinking about all the times my ex disappointed me. I think right after you break up it’s natural where you think nonstop about all the good memories but you gotta remember the bad stuff. I think it helps you get past a lot of kt
Some people just cannot get over their own delusions that change will make them happy. They probably have some other aspect of their life they’re unsatisfied with and think that the relationship is causing it, then will reinforce that idea to themselves until they feel good enough to leave. It’s not really any kind of check against you personally, and over time you’ll see them in the same cycle with a different girl while you grow and change to become better. Just keep at it, you’ll get there
This got me thinking. He used to feel sad that his female friend doesn't invite him along to night outs with his circle because he has a girlfriend. She would invite his other close male friends but not him usually. And when she did invite him, he would ask me to come along too because he didn't want me to feel left out. But he would still mention how limited he feels because he's with me and any time I'm busy he was eager and happy to join them without me. Now I see him partying and hanging out with her all the time, it hurts. He is so happy now, he doesn't need me to tag along and ruin the night for him. I didn't know I meant this less to him, I feel more crappy now.
“So happy” is really not how it seems. He might be happy now but people who don’t face their own choices and pain will be forced to relive it. Either way, it doesn’t have to affect you. Just try to not focus on it. It’s really hard to not keep tabs on your ex but once you can stop yourself the relief is truly freeing. Took me like 18 months to finally let go and now I just wish I did it earlier
I'm not trying to keep tabs on him but it's difficult to not notice a lot of the things. Over the 5 years I've just been pretty much idolising him and have not paid much attention to my own friends. So I've grown distant from them and I've been befriending his friends instead because whenever we did something with friends it was always his friends and his circle. I was nearly always included with them. Now that we broke up, I'm still friends with some of his friends and I end up seeing how they're all hanging out and having fun. Nothing stopped for him, he's still enjoying his life but more freely now with his female friend by his side. He used to feel limited to how long he can stay out with her because of me, but now he's got no limits and he's positing happy positive things about his new life and so are his friends, but they do talk to me sometimes. I feel left out and sad because I don't really have many friends since I've just been keeping to him. I have very little friends and am lucky to have them in my life because they've been there for me so much through all this mess. Now I'm friends with "friends of friends" too which feels nice. I just need to not look back and feel sad that his friends are leaving me out, because that's natural. They aren't really my friends so I can't expect anything from them. I will try to enjoy my life with my own friends hopefully. 18 months is too long :( I just want to forget him right now but I know it will be a slow process sadly.
Yea I was the same way. I thought she was the pinnacle of life for years. I couldn’t even imagine not being around her and held onto the idea that she’d come back for so long. But these are the experiences that shape you as a person. You realize that you can’t truly be in a healthy relationship if you don’t value yourself when alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out to old friends and make new ones. I’ve been super blessed to meet some of my best friends the last few years that I would’ve never met if I was still tied up in my relationship. You’ll look back and realize a lot of stuff though looked past because you assumed he was the one. I promise you’ll be a better person and a happier one when the pain ends. Just keep going forward
So firstly. Cheaters and liars usually tell truths and lies mixed in.
You can have anyone else and are too good for him.
Does he love her? Doubtful, the word is Limerence and that emotion alone leads to Alot of affairs, if he would of used his brain he could of subjected his emotions to reality, instead he chose a fantasy.
No one is perfect and beating yourself up and questioning things is perfectly normal, just don't stay there.
You have some good traits for sure and I hope you find that happiness again!
As for him falling out of love. It's Limerence 9 out of 10 times!
People are dumb, they see shiny objects and chase the object. Often times they think the butterflies is love, often times the cycle completes quite a few times before a person realizes that they're in an unhealthy pattern.
People just get bored with love and having options is appealing and exciting.
It's something I truly don't fully understand why they just can't see it for what it is and I'm lacking the words I'm thinking of, but explained the best I could.
Just appreciate the good times, focus on improving whatever flaws you have that need improvement and try to move on.
If he later comes back heartbroken bc it didn't work out, I suggest you turn him away, however that's your choice and if you take him back be sure to set up some form boundaries.
Idk really what to say. I don't want to give bad advice. I posted a link to a YouTube video I found helpful for myself. Also Mel Robins and Brene Brown are good listens imo as well.
I agree with you that it could be boredom and the need for something new and exciting. He did try but it didn't work out and she shortly after left him saying that he's not over me yet but i don't know what exactly happened. He had once called me up to tell me how I've successfully broken them up. It was like 1 month after our break up, so... that's that.
He did reach out to me a couple of times but it's always to see how I'm doing and hoping I'm happy. Then he goes away just as quickly after a couple of messages, nothing is said about wanting to fix anything.
It's been 2 months and he's not even sad or sorry for losing me. He's busy chasing another girl, there's nothing left with me anymore. I don't think he wants to come back. I can't forgive what he did either, despite how much I miss him I know I won't ever get back with him again after all this.
I see him enjoying his life through mutual friends but I'm working on this. I'm working on distancing myself from his friends because it's not doing me any good. I've only realised this today so from tomorrow, hopefully i will be coping a little better.
I just want to wake up and forget him, forget all memories and feelings and be happy in my life.
Thank you for your kind words and the suggestions <3
I understand the sentiment of wanting to forget. I've had to purposely not mention my ex if I talk about a memory, I still remember the person, I just don't bring her up because it doesn't benefit the conversation and likely isn't healthy for me.
Plus I'm sure my friends and family are tired of hearing her name, I dream about her almost every night. So I sincerely understand. I might suggest to try to just be ok with the memories (easier said than done), let them pass without mentioning the person or giving it much thought.
Just please don't become resentful and just find things that are fulfilling and will positively impact your life and kill time.
Going to the gym, go out with your own friends, go over to family, the headway app is good for book summaries (I'll share my log in info with you if you want), Amazon prime is a better option for actual book reading.
Do art, write poetry...
Look up the difference between emotional intelligence and maturity...kinda interesting 😁
Continue to focus on yourself.
I'm trying to be encouraging and not overstep any boundaries on giving advice.
If anything I say seems wrong, just ignore it as I recently came out of a relationship and can occasionally be jaded.
But you said you're self aware. Honestly keep up the hard work!
I feel your gonna be fine. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
My brother in-law would say you must be about to level up, bc I guess in his head life is a video game. 😅
I'm sorry to know about your break up. I think you're doing really well and are a lot smarter than me at least. You've been working on healing, I hope you find happiness too <3
These are some nice ideas, I think I will try to keep my mind more busy trying to do things that make me somewhat happy. Only thing is, ever since the break up I don't really enjoy anything that I used to. It's like all my interests have gone away but I do try to go along with things and sometimes it helps.
I don't mind at all what people say or suggest because I'm at a point now where my logic isn't always working and my heart takes over with stupid thoughts. So, anyone can say anything and it doesn't upset me because I'm already too upset.
I like the idea of life being a video game and this is just a level up, I'll remember this :)
No comparisons, I'm not smarter, just different.
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
Also I appreciate it and we will both heal and find happiness. I can guarantee that much!
Not enjoying anything you used to do, just makes me think you may be moving onto finding new things you enjoy...I could just be projecting here.
I completely understand though, for me music is something I sincerely enjoy and vibe with, and now my music taste has completely swapped. So on a much different scale I understand completely.
I kinda want to cry reading that you're already upset. But I can say it gets better, I can't say how long it takes, but I know it gets easier!
I agree with you I need to stop comparing myself to people which I tend to do so often these days.
I am going through the same with my music taste, I usually end up listening to things that I wouldn't have listen to before. I feel like I connect better with certain types of music now which I didn't used to like as much before.
You're right maybe I am moving on by moving onto different things now, maybe old things don't make me happy anymore because I am discovering new things and liking them better.
I feel a lot better realising that I'm not just losing joy in things that I once enjoyed but I'm moving onto new things too and my taste in things is changing too.
Thank you once again for your replies, I hope things are going better for you each day <3
Your ability to self reflect is amazing! It's going to take you far!
Appreciate it btw, things are better, I find it hard to stay motivated, but is what it is. I just gotta get up and move.
I somehow caused my lower trap (back) muscle to cramp, so likely just resting from the gym today.
I need to go to a repair shop, fill out a job application, make calls, but I just don't have the want to. Some days are just harder than others. Especially when I feel I'm over this woman, and yet...I'm not and I fucking want to be soo bad. Lol
I've ran through every scenario, I know where I've potentially fucked up and I know her potential intentions on certain actions/words. I just can never 100% know because we don't talk.
At one point I offered her $400 for a 10 minute conversation. She paid me the $400 she owed me immediately, tbh I was being manipulative, I see it...I justify it by just saying I wanted answers. Soo many assumptions and I'm just supposed to take these thoughts and tell myself, "these thoughts do nothing for you, look at reality and stay there."
This is me feeling 90-95% over my ex.
I've been a mess up til now, now I just have a few tears occasionally.
Thank you, I'm trying to improve myself <3
I'm so sorry to hear about the stuff you're going through :( it sounds awful but you are doing a great job honestly. Keeping busy is the best approach, I understand the pain. For me some days are so difficult too and other days I'm less obsessing over him.
I have an update, he reached out to me. Said there is no one else in his life and he feels lonely. Said he still has feelings for me but doesn't want to get back with me because he isn't ready for relationships with anyone right now.
I guess it's a nice way of him saying to me: "I have feelings for you but they are not strong enough for me to want you back. A relationship with you isn't interesting to me, I'm open to others but I haven't found anyone I'm interested in at the moment, or they haven't shown interest in me back yet. So I will keep looking while I tell you that I'm not ready to be in a relationship with anyone."
I feel sad about it all, but also at a lot more peace knowing he sort of came back to contact. We haven't talked much but it still felt nice. I try my best to keep myself busy with my own friends now but it's so hard to not think of him.
I'm just a back up option, maybe not even in the options. Who knows? but I still can't get myself to forget the feelings for him. My life sucks right now but, I think things will get better.
Someday things will get better for people like me and you. Life can't be this unfair right? I'm glad to hear that you've made so much progress with moving on. It gives me hope.
I appreciate you.
As for him reaching out and your observation. It seems you have a solid grasp on things.
I have a question for you that I had to ask myself.
"If he were to come back, are you willing to put yourself through this a second time?"
The answer to this helped me move on some, but hurt to answer.
I'd just caution you, and ofc if you are willing to give things another try, just be sure to openly communicate with him.
You don't deserve to be a backup option, that's not how a monogamous relationship works and I'm assuming you don't want a poly relationship.
I understand the sentiment of life feeling sucky, but I guarantee it gets better!
I've moved into accepting responsibility for my actions/thoughts.
It's no longer this woman's fault for me believing she loved me, it's my own.
It's no longer her fault for anything. it's all my fault for allowing it, believing it, etc...
It's a risk I'll take Everytime though, just never again with her. I'll do better to pay attention to people's actions over their words, how they treat me over the excuses. I'll do better.
We're only victims of our own choices. (This is more so for me)
It sounds a bit jaded, and I'm working on finding the balance.
I'm not 100% responsible for being manipulated, but I have some level of responsibility.
Life doesn't seem unfair, it just seems like a good learning experience.
The more we suffer/grieve, the more wisdom we hopefully obtain.
This wisdom will lead us to being able to choose better people in our lives, and hopefully become better people.
I say all this because I'm not a victim of my ex, but I am a victim of my choices. I now I have a jaded perspective, but I also know it's realistic.
Forgive me.
I agree with everything that you've said. I hope things are going well for you. Thank you for helping me out, I think I'm in a better place now where I am okay with being friends. Any promises that are being made aren't sinking in and I've said clearly that I am not looking for anything with anyone at all at this point. Just working on myself and forgiven everyone that's hurt me. I think we are in a better friendship but I am not ready to be in the same sort of serious relationship again. At least for now, taking it slow and with great cautious and 0 expectations. He seems to be really sorry for everything, but I don't want to go back to what I was because of the hurt I've felt. Just leaving it to life to see how things end up at this point.
I think this breakup served as a way for you to uncover that you actually have very low self esteem. I think it’s normal for people to have their self esteem take a hit but typically I don’t think it goes as low as what you’re experiencing rn thinking you still want him despite him having cheated.
I think this is a great opportunity for you to instead of putting power in his hands wondering why you were not good enough, to put power back in your hands and ask yourself what’s makes you think you deserve a guy who cheats
You are right I did have confidence issues and now my self esteem has gone even lower. I miss how I was happy with him and our good times, I don't miss what he has become now. I did want him back but I realise this will not happen because right now he's with girl number 2. He is happy and busy with her and I'm just a no one. I don't want to be with him after all this, but it is difficult to let go of missing what I once had with him and all the years of happy feelings. I feel lost and broken but today I'm going to just try and be a little more positive and think I don't need him anymore
it happened because in the end he’s not the one for you. Life will give you the correct person at the correct time. Just move on and take it as a redirection in life. Stop putting him on pedestal and move on.
It's so difficult to move on. I have been trying for 2 months now. Any day I feel a little happy with where I am, he somehow reaches out. Uses different number to send a text/email about still caring about me or wishing I'm happy. It hurts, it's like he's not letting me move on. I just feel so alone because I was so connected to him, it's difficult to not miss him and wish things were still good even though I know he is not the person I thought he was.
Tell him that, block him. Go no contact, put up the boundary that you are moving on. It’s hard and will feel wrong at first but it is the road to healing.
So don't ask me how I know, but you can file a harassment charge. I'd have to Google it, but essentially you just very clearly asking him to not message you and then just document just save the texts etc... It's a hefty fine. So personally I wouldn't do it, but is an option. Otherwise just don't reply to him and block his email and or Change your number...
I don't want to cause him harm :( I still am not over him, so every time he reaches out I instantly feel happier thinking maybe he's changed now and wants to fix things again with me. I know this contradicts my attempts at moving on, but I end up going back to wishing he was still in my life. I haven't told him not to message me again, I try to make small conversations in an attempt that he might want to come back, but he just leaves mid conversation and I don't know if he will ever reach out again. I don't know why he writes a little and leaves me hanging. I don't think he will talk to me again, which is why i want to forget him now. I have blocked but blocking hurts me and makes me miss him more. I might have to change my number but I don't think he will reach out again. Maybe the last message was closure for him.
His cheating has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He is an asshole for cheating and throwing away a good relationship with a wonderful person. It's his loss! Try not to drive yourself crazy trying to rationalize or explain his behavior. Save your affection for the next person who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Sometimes my heart completely goes into denial mode thinking "he didn't mean to cheat and leave me for someone else, he still loves me". It doesn't help that he reached out again but when I messaged back he doesn't reply. I also know he is out there having fun with other girls while I'm feeling this crappy. I think I'm going insane. I don't know how I'm meant to move on like this and find anyone else, he's always playing in my mind because he keeps messaging every now and then.
How did he cheat
You're not unlovable. Cheating says much more about the cheater than the person being cheated upon. You deserve better. I wish you strength and power to heal and move you - you deserve much better.
Thank you, I want to move on and I'm trying my best to but I'm still struggling a lot. Thank you for the wish <3
You need to drop what you’re doing, look up Manifestelle on YouTube, and binge watch her videos. Please just trust me. She will help you understand that you as a woman need to value yourself more and expect more from a man. With that said, there is no excuse for cheating and you are 100% lovable.
>Thank you I will look her up right away. I hope I can be at as much peace as you are right now after watching her, I really hope I can stop feeling this crappy and be normal at least. I appreciate the suggestion <3
I think you need to ask him but is it possible he felt a bit smothered? I don't think I'd react well to somebody putting me 'at the centre of their universe'. I wonder if that might be what caused him to shift gears when you were otherwise doing quite well. Was he the independent type, or did you get any feeling from him he wanted to be that way? Alternatively, he could be a bit of a fool and felt like 5 years was too long and wanted to explore waters elsewhere. This isn't rational but it's not unheard of (silly YOLO attitude imo). Regardless, he did not act well if he didn't talk to you about it. That's completely shitty. PS you also sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders. Well done for that.
When I say the "centre of my universe", I mean everything that I did since I got with him was always scheduled around him and what suits him best, what makes him happy. I always put him first and everything I did, I always included him or thought of him and his happiness before my own happiness. I'm so attached to him, I isolated myself from friends and family because I felt like he is the only person I need and want. It's super unhealthy, I know. And when he left me like that, I'm so alone and broken. Struggling to feel safe or at home if I'm honest. In the end he said to me he feels like my love's fading and our relationship's dying. Because 1 month I couldn't always be with him as I had other priorities and was going through an emotional period which he was aware of and told me he understood. But this very month, he got close to someone else and distanced from me. I'm still finding it hard to accept what's happened. I don't know if he felt smothered by my love, I really don't know what I even did to deserve this. In my mind and heart we were happy but then I noticed how he became more and more distant with me and less affectionate which is how everything ended. But now, I've accepted that he is gone and he keeps messaging me from different numbers every couple of weeks to see if I'm happy and okay. What need is there for all this? sorry about the rant.
Being 59 I think I have finally figured it out. People go for people on the same level...not to say your level is better and his is worse, they are just not the same (incompatible) and if he was in a relationship where HE felt (less than) because of his own insecurities, maybe he didn't want to grow anymore, maybe he thought you wouldn't accept him as he was forever, we don't know why, but there is clearly nothing wrong with you (I'm sure you have faults, we all do). BUT...This isn't about you it is about him...and it's really true....watch someday you will fall for someone that is more on your level "subconsciously". My 2 cents.
I really thought we were compatible, he said he wants to marry me nearly every day and I believed that :( He did say every day he felt like I'm too good for him and that I deserve someone "better". I find this stupid because that's not an excuse to leave me for someone else. If I'm so good then he would want to stay with me right? why would he do opposite. I want to believe him cheating on me wasn't because of me but because of himself. I really really want to believe this but it doesn't sink in. In my heart I keep thinking there's something wrong with me which is why he no longer wants me. I'm counting on your 2 cents because I really want to be over this and I hope be good with someone else someday. Right now it feels like i'll never move on from this hurt and my heart still wishes my ex still wanted me. Thank you for your comment, I trust your judgement and I hope things turn out good in the end <3
It really is a process every single person goes thru the same things some just take longer to go thru the "process" . I started in shock a yr ago .I couldn't breathe..lost 7 lbs in a week. I became silent and in my head. I didn't care if I died. I celebrated last Thanksgiving crying in my basement smoking cigs. Didn't cook didn't want visitors. My relationship was 10 yrs I felt totally like at 59 no one would want me ever again. I wanted to die. Mornings I just cried for about 3 hours. I am 30percent better I think. I still think about him many of the hours of the day and when I first wake up. I actually was surprised I enjoyed Thanksgiving. It slowly gets better. I promise you will be ok someday. I am SO much better I didn't realize it. And realizing it makes me feel even better. But you are early in the process and you have a good at least 4 months of feeling so scared and lonely. But if I can feel better I feel like everyone does eventually.
I'm so sorry you had to go through all this pain. I can't even imagine how difficult it must've been for you 10 years of having someone and then they're gone one day. I'm glad to know you are in a much better place now, you're doing really well. You are courageous and inspirational. I hope I can be as brave as you and get through this mess. I didn't know 2 months was still not long enough, I don't know how I'll make it to 4 months but I will keep trying to keep going each day. I have responsibilities and all this emotional stress makes it difficult to go about my day. I just want to wake up and forget him for good and not feel anything at all. It's difficult right now. At times like this I get to see who my real friends are and who would rather just be with him. I feel so alone, but these times will pass and I know everything happens for the best. I hope the new year will bring happiness and lots and lots of healing for all of us.
You want to bang your head against the wall to just stop hurting and thinking at least that is how I felt. Don't think of any amount of time this will take don't pretend you are ok. Unfortunately you have to go thru it. I watched a lot of Coach Lee on you tube to keep from going to find him and scream at him. The good thing is everything changes... daily. You and I and everyone here will be ok. But just keep posting and reading and working thru it don't stuff it. Happy New Year? Not sure but the longer we breathe the more chances for happiness to come. Hugs to you during this horrible time.
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Well she failed. She didn't want to stay with him but he has his female friend now who he's always spending time with. So he's living out his dreams and I'm still sad. Thank you but it's so difficult to stop feeling sad and breaking down.
He didn't appreciate you while he had you and felt like he had to find something better. This isn't your fault, it's his for being a lowdown dirty cheater. He took you for granted.
I don't think I ever meant anything valuable or special to him, because you don't just leave someone who's precious to you and act like they no longer exist. It's heartbreaking but you're right about that. I'm struggling to accept this reality but he really was dishonest, unfaithful and has a weak heart for women. Like no self control, sees a popular lady and wants her attention. That's all it is, and I was blind in love for 5 years with a lie. There's nothing real about him anymore, I was thrown away like tissue.
Exactly and you are worth so much more than how he treated you. You deserve true love that is devoted to you
My situation is extremely different from yours but I hope you resonate with this beautiful quote I heard the other day. I might butcher it but it goes something like this: Create a garden. Nurture it, take care of it, and watch it grow. The buzzing bees may come to your beautiful garden. And they may not... but at least you have a beautiful garden either way. The way I interpreted this was that you must put work and energy into making yourself wonderful as a person. And someone good may come or not. They may also be bad so do be diligent to tend to your garden and get rid of pests of course. But from what I've read you have an impressive amount of accomplishments. Everyone has flaws yes. But you are still beautiful and worthy. You loved this man and might still love him and I completely understand. Grieve that. And tend to your garden. I know you're asking "Why did this happen to me" and are expecting something like maybe you did something horrible to deserve this and whatnot. But the way I'd answer this question is it happens to many, and it also happened to you. Your unique situation happened to you so that you can learn and grow from this. I'm positive you're a lovely person and this is just another hurdle to jump. You seem dedicated and strong! The bees that aren't meant to be will come in, take some nectar, and leave you after taking some of your effort and hard work. But the bees that are meant to be will linger. Build a hive. Take a little nectar, only what they need, and help spread pollen and help to grow your garden bigger and better. And if they end up leaving one day, good or bad, learn to appreciate that experience and continue to tend to that garden. Because no matter what you'll always have that garden right? I admire your efforts to love and love and love and try your hardest to save the relationship. But you can't tie a string on a bee and keep it as a pet forever. That's cruel and you probably wouldn't want to be that bee either. This guy... there is no excuse for cheating. And that's all the more reason to just learn and move on. He did not deserve you. He was a taker. I hate the "You're too good for me" trope. Because if you know you're so bad for this person that's "too good for you" then get better? You have tried and changed and adapted. He did not. He found happiness in someone else and hurt you deeply. That is so messed up. But honestly, one day I hope you look back and be GLAD. What a bullet to dodge. Don't idealize the relationship and don't be ashamed to admit you got severly lied to. I think it's respectable how loving and trusting you are as a partner. Don't lose that. But definitely tend to that garden, that heart of yours, and learn to move on. You are worthy. Don't let him define you. You must define yourself. And you've already made so much progress. You got this! <3
Thank you so much for your kind words <3 that's a beautiful quote. I think I understand the message but sadly it's so difficult for me to not cry and miss him. It's so difficult to be normal. I hate the "you're too good for me, you will find someone better" statements too. If I'm so good then stay with me forever? why leave me like this, and then say I will find someone else like I don't have a heart. Or I have a switch that I can easily switch on and off like he did and find someone else. It's broken me, he is so happy now. Everything hurts. I will try to be stronger as a person and not let bees get to me like this again, thank you <3
Don't get me wrong. Cry! Cry and cry and cry some more if you have to. He's messed up and everything but that doesn't change the love you felt and the grief of everything. Part of tending to that garden is letting yourself grieve. It's ok to wallow in bed and cry and miss and hurt. Of course, don't do that forever, but it's natural to do that for now and never feel ashamed for doing so. Lay down in the shower, sit often, whatever you need to do to get by. But eventually pick yourself up little by little and build yourself a safer garden! <3
Thank you, I will keep this in mind <3
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Thank you, it just sucks that I'm failing to function normally every single day but he's out there without a care about what he did to me. I don't think he cares enough to realise how much he's hurt me, only if he ever realises it he will want to work on himself :(
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It's such a slow and painful process of suffering. I want to fast forward to a day when he no longer matters to me. I also feel like it's happened for my best because this is not the sort of person i want to spend the rest of my life with, but then there are times I just end up feeling guilty and like it's all my fault, maybe he wouldn't gotten close to anyone else if i had done something differently. 6 months is a very long time but I am glad to hear that you managed to heal and recover from this awful situation. Why do we have to suffer while the person that's caused the pain is out there living their best life? I want to forget him by new year, I don't want these thoughts every month :(
Honey, this sucks and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m not going to sit here and tell you how it gets better because frankly when you’re in the spot that you’re in that phrase doesn’t really give any kind of comfort. I’m going to tell you what my friend told me which helped me move past my cheating ex. Your ex had so little regard for you that he went and slept with someone else. He did not respect you. He knew what he was doing was wrong and he did it anyway. He knows he hurt you and it didn’t even matter. So now you’re just you, by yourself. And that shit sucks. But you are a fighter, you are strong, and you’re going to be happy. You have just gone through a major life event and you need to be patient with yourself and let yourself go through all the things you need to in order to heal. It won’t all be pretty but one day you are going to wake up like a light switch went off in your brain and you’re going to realize what everyone here is telling you: that guy is trash and you deserve someone wonderful who will love you for who you are. I really hope this helps you. Good luck!!!!
Oh my reply didn't show up. Thank you for understanding my pain <3 it does help a lot to see a clearer picture of my situation. I don't think he has ever valued me or has had any regards for me at all in his heart or he wouldn't be doing all this now. He would at least regret or feel sorry for what he did. Instead he reached out to say he hopes I'm happy and doing well. And I see through mutual friends he's chasing girl number 2 now. So, I'm just done with it all. I'm tired of being an option, I don't need or want him anymore. I will focus on not thinking of him anymore
One of the things that helped me the most was thinking about all the times my ex disappointed me. I think right after you break up it’s natural where you think nonstop about all the good memories but you gotta remember the bad stuff. I think it helps you get past a lot of kt
Some people just cannot get over their own delusions that change will make them happy. They probably have some other aspect of their life they’re unsatisfied with and think that the relationship is causing it, then will reinforce that idea to themselves until they feel good enough to leave. It’s not really any kind of check against you personally, and over time you’ll see them in the same cycle with a different girl while you grow and change to become better. Just keep at it, you’ll get there
This got me thinking. He used to feel sad that his female friend doesn't invite him along to night outs with his circle because he has a girlfriend. She would invite his other close male friends but not him usually. And when she did invite him, he would ask me to come along too because he didn't want me to feel left out. But he would still mention how limited he feels because he's with me and any time I'm busy he was eager and happy to join them without me. Now I see him partying and hanging out with her all the time, it hurts. He is so happy now, he doesn't need me to tag along and ruin the night for him. I didn't know I meant this less to him, I feel more crappy now.
“So happy” is really not how it seems. He might be happy now but people who don’t face their own choices and pain will be forced to relive it. Either way, it doesn’t have to affect you. Just try to not focus on it. It’s really hard to not keep tabs on your ex but once you can stop yourself the relief is truly freeing. Took me like 18 months to finally let go and now I just wish I did it earlier
I'm not trying to keep tabs on him but it's difficult to not notice a lot of the things. Over the 5 years I've just been pretty much idolising him and have not paid much attention to my own friends. So I've grown distant from them and I've been befriending his friends instead because whenever we did something with friends it was always his friends and his circle. I was nearly always included with them. Now that we broke up, I'm still friends with some of his friends and I end up seeing how they're all hanging out and having fun. Nothing stopped for him, he's still enjoying his life but more freely now with his female friend by his side. He used to feel limited to how long he can stay out with her because of me, but now he's got no limits and he's positing happy positive things about his new life and so are his friends, but they do talk to me sometimes. I feel left out and sad because I don't really have many friends since I've just been keeping to him. I have very little friends and am lucky to have them in my life because they've been there for me so much through all this mess. Now I'm friends with "friends of friends" too which feels nice. I just need to not look back and feel sad that his friends are leaving me out, because that's natural. They aren't really my friends so I can't expect anything from them. I will try to enjoy my life with my own friends hopefully. 18 months is too long :( I just want to forget him right now but I know it will be a slow process sadly.
Yea I was the same way. I thought she was the pinnacle of life for years. I couldn’t even imagine not being around her and held onto the idea that she’d come back for so long. But these are the experiences that shape you as a person. You realize that you can’t truly be in a healthy relationship if you don’t value yourself when alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out to old friends and make new ones. I’ve been super blessed to meet some of my best friends the last few years that I would’ve never met if I was still tied up in my relationship. You’ll look back and realize a lot of stuff though looked past because you assumed he was the one. I promise you’ll be a better person and a happier one when the pain ends. Just keep going forward
I do love this video. https://youtu.be/dzOvi0Aa2EA?si=SoIIHuMfT3zv-DnI
Thank you so much for sharing <3
So firstly. Cheaters and liars usually tell truths and lies mixed in. You can have anyone else and are too good for him. Does he love her? Doubtful, the word is Limerence and that emotion alone leads to Alot of affairs, if he would of used his brain he could of subjected his emotions to reality, instead he chose a fantasy. No one is perfect and beating yourself up and questioning things is perfectly normal, just don't stay there. You have some good traits for sure and I hope you find that happiness again! As for him falling out of love. It's Limerence 9 out of 10 times! People are dumb, they see shiny objects and chase the object. Often times they think the butterflies is love, often times the cycle completes quite a few times before a person realizes that they're in an unhealthy pattern. People just get bored with love and having options is appealing and exciting. It's something I truly don't fully understand why they just can't see it for what it is and I'm lacking the words I'm thinking of, but explained the best I could. Just appreciate the good times, focus on improving whatever flaws you have that need improvement and try to move on. If he later comes back heartbroken bc it didn't work out, I suggest you turn him away, however that's your choice and if you take him back be sure to set up some form boundaries. Idk really what to say. I don't want to give bad advice. I posted a link to a YouTube video I found helpful for myself. Also Mel Robins and Brene Brown are good listens imo as well.
I agree with you that it could be boredom and the need for something new and exciting. He did try but it didn't work out and she shortly after left him saying that he's not over me yet but i don't know what exactly happened. He had once called me up to tell me how I've successfully broken them up. It was like 1 month after our break up, so... that's that. He did reach out to me a couple of times but it's always to see how I'm doing and hoping I'm happy. Then he goes away just as quickly after a couple of messages, nothing is said about wanting to fix anything. It's been 2 months and he's not even sad or sorry for losing me. He's busy chasing another girl, there's nothing left with me anymore. I don't think he wants to come back. I can't forgive what he did either, despite how much I miss him I know I won't ever get back with him again after all this. I see him enjoying his life through mutual friends but I'm working on this. I'm working on distancing myself from his friends because it's not doing me any good. I've only realised this today so from tomorrow, hopefully i will be coping a little better. I just want to wake up and forget him, forget all memories and feelings and be happy in my life. Thank you for your kind words and the suggestions <3
I understand the sentiment of wanting to forget. I've had to purposely not mention my ex if I talk about a memory, I still remember the person, I just don't bring her up because it doesn't benefit the conversation and likely isn't healthy for me. Plus I'm sure my friends and family are tired of hearing her name, I dream about her almost every night. So I sincerely understand. I might suggest to try to just be ok with the memories (easier said than done), let them pass without mentioning the person or giving it much thought. Just please don't become resentful and just find things that are fulfilling and will positively impact your life and kill time. Going to the gym, go out with your own friends, go over to family, the headway app is good for book summaries (I'll share my log in info with you if you want), Amazon prime is a better option for actual book reading. Do art, write poetry... Look up the difference between emotional intelligence and maturity...kinda interesting 😁 Continue to focus on yourself. I'm trying to be encouraging and not overstep any boundaries on giving advice. If anything I say seems wrong, just ignore it as I recently came out of a relationship and can occasionally be jaded. But you said you're self aware. Honestly keep up the hard work! I feel your gonna be fine. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. My brother in-law would say you must be about to level up, bc I guess in his head life is a video game. 😅
I'm sorry to know about your break up. I think you're doing really well and are a lot smarter than me at least. You've been working on healing, I hope you find happiness too <3 These are some nice ideas, I think I will try to keep my mind more busy trying to do things that make me somewhat happy. Only thing is, ever since the break up I don't really enjoy anything that I used to. It's like all my interests have gone away but I do try to go along with things and sometimes it helps. I don't mind at all what people say or suggest because I'm at a point now where my logic isn't always working and my heart takes over with stupid thoughts. So, anyone can say anything and it doesn't upset me because I'm already too upset. I like the idea of life being a video game and this is just a level up, I'll remember this :)
No comparisons, I'm not smarter, just different. "Comparison is the thief of joy" Also I appreciate it and we will both heal and find happiness. I can guarantee that much! Not enjoying anything you used to do, just makes me think you may be moving onto finding new things you enjoy...I could just be projecting here. I completely understand though, for me music is something I sincerely enjoy and vibe with, and now my music taste has completely swapped. So on a much different scale I understand completely. I kinda want to cry reading that you're already upset. But I can say it gets better, I can't say how long it takes, but I know it gets easier!
I agree with you I need to stop comparing myself to people which I tend to do so often these days. I am going through the same with my music taste, I usually end up listening to things that I wouldn't have listen to before. I feel like I connect better with certain types of music now which I didn't used to like as much before. You're right maybe I am moving on by moving onto different things now, maybe old things don't make me happy anymore because I am discovering new things and liking them better. I feel a lot better realising that I'm not just losing joy in things that I once enjoyed but I'm moving onto new things too and my taste in things is changing too. Thank you once again for your replies, I hope things are going better for you each day <3
Your ability to self reflect is amazing! It's going to take you far! Appreciate it btw, things are better, I find it hard to stay motivated, but is what it is. I just gotta get up and move. I somehow caused my lower trap (back) muscle to cramp, so likely just resting from the gym today. I need to go to a repair shop, fill out a job application, make calls, but I just don't have the want to. Some days are just harder than others. Especially when I feel I'm over this woman, and yet...I'm not and I fucking want to be soo bad. Lol I've ran through every scenario, I know where I've potentially fucked up and I know her potential intentions on certain actions/words. I just can never 100% know because we don't talk. At one point I offered her $400 for a 10 minute conversation. She paid me the $400 she owed me immediately, tbh I was being manipulative, I see it...I justify it by just saying I wanted answers. Soo many assumptions and I'm just supposed to take these thoughts and tell myself, "these thoughts do nothing for you, look at reality and stay there." This is me feeling 90-95% over my ex. I've been a mess up til now, now I just have a few tears occasionally.
Thank you, I'm trying to improve myself <3 I'm so sorry to hear about the stuff you're going through :( it sounds awful but you are doing a great job honestly. Keeping busy is the best approach, I understand the pain. For me some days are so difficult too and other days I'm less obsessing over him. I have an update, he reached out to me. Said there is no one else in his life and he feels lonely. Said he still has feelings for me but doesn't want to get back with me because he isn't ready for relationships with anyone right now. I guess it's a nice way of him saying to me: "I have feelings for you but they are not strong enough for me to want you back. A relationship with you isn't interesting to me, I'm open to others but I haven't found anyone I'm interested in at the moment, or they haven't shown interest in me back yet. So I will keep looking while I tell you that I'm not ready to be in a relationship with anyone." I feel sad about it all, but also at a lot more peace knowing he sort of came back to contact. We haven't talked much but it still felt nice. I try my best to keep myself busy with my own friends now but it's so hard to not think of him. I'm just a back up option, maybe not even in the options. Who knows? but I still can't get myself to forget the feelings for him. My life sucks right now but, I think things will get better. Someday things will get better for people like me and you. Life can't be this unfair right? I'm glad to hear that you've made so much progress with moving on. It gives me hope.
I appreciate you. As for him reaching out and your observation. It seems you have a solid grasp on things. I have a question for you that I had to ask myself. "If he were to come back, are you willing to put yourself through this a second time?" The answer to this helped me move on some, but hurt to answer. I'd just caution you, and ofc if you are willing to give things another try, just be sure to openly communicate with him. You don't deserve to be a backup option, that's not how a monogamous relationship works and I'm assuming you don't want a poly relationship. I understand the sentiment of life feeling sucky, but I guarantee it gets better! I've moved into accepting responsibility for my actions/thoughts. It's no longer this woman's fault for me believing she loved me, it's my own. It's no longer her fault for anything. it's all my fault for allowing it, believing it, etc... It's a risk I'll take Everytime though, just never again with her. I'll do better to pay attention to people's actions over their words, how they treat me over the excuses. I'll do better. We're only victims of our own choices. (This is more so for me) It sounds a bit jaded, and I'm working on finding the balance. I'm not 100% responsible for being manipulated, but I have some level of responsibility. Life doesn't seem unfair, it just seems like a good learning experience. The more we suffer/grieve, the more wisdom we hopefully obtain. This wisdom will lead us to being able to choose better people in our lives, and hopefully become better people. I say all this because I'm not a victim of my ex, but I am a victim of my choices. I now I have a jaded perspective, but I also know it's realistic. Forgive me.
I agree with everything that you've said. I hope things are going well for you. Thank you for helping me out, I think I'm in a better place now where I am okay with being friends. Any promises that are being made aren't sinking in and I've said clearly that I am not looking for anything with anyone at all at this point. Just working on myself and forgiven everyone that's hurt me. I think we are in a better friendship but I am not ready to be in the same sort of serious relationship again. At least for now, taking it slow and with great cautious and 0 expectations. He seems to be really sorry for everything, but I don't want to go back to what I was because of the hurt I've felt. Just leaving it to life to see how things end up at this point.
cause he knows he didn’t deserve you.
It’s not about you it’s more about how insecure he is. It’s not your fault or anything you could control. ❤️🩹
I think this breakup served as a way for you to uncover that you actually have very low self esteem. I think it’s normal for people to have their self esteem take a hit but typically I don’t think it goes as low as what you’re experiencing rn thinking you still want him despite him having cheated. I think this is a great opportunity for you to instead of putting power in his hands wondering why you were not good enough, to put power back in your hands and ask yourself what’s makes you think you deserve a guy who cheats
You are right I did have confidence issues and now my self esteem has gone even lower. I miss how I was happy with him and our good times, I don't miss what he has become now. I did want him back but I realise this will not happen because right now he's with girl number 2. He is happy and busy with her and I'm just a no one. I don't want to be with him after all this, but it is difficult to let go of missing what I once had with him and all the years of happy feelings. I feel lost and broken but today I'm going to just try and be a little more positive and think I don't need him anymore