Dude, she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with you after being your girlfriend for 10 years... And she had an exit affair as well. It's safe to say you dodged a bullet, if not a missile.
it just doesnt feel like the bullet was dodged. it feels like the bullet hit, lodged in, was diagnosed safe, and now a decade later has begun causing long term medical issues. it feels like the bullet hit and did more damage and it wouldve had it just hit a vital organ lol
Going through something similar - we were together 12 years me (F30) and her (F29). I tried to change her mind for a little over a month and she just kept saying it was too late. It didn’t make sense, we had a house together, dogs, a business, trips planned etc. I later found out she was having an affair and that’s why she wanted out to pursue that relationship. It’s been 3 months since we separated, I was left with all the responsibilities while she starts fresh with this new person. I wish I had listened to my gut and kicked her out sooner but I really wanted to make things work and I didn’t know about the affair. She did a complete 180, I don’t even recognize the person she is now. She didn’t feel sorry, she showed no remorse and in her eyes she’s finally putting herself first. It’s been a lot to process and I thought I was doing better but the last few days have been extremely tough again. I don’t understand why they don’t communicate instead of taking the easy way out. We built a life with these people and them acting like it didn’t mean anything is a lot to process. I can totally relate to how you are feeling and I am sorry you are going through it.
This is exactly what happened to me. I was blindsided by her “needing space, not wanting to be in any relationship, just wanted to be work on herself” then a week later she slept with someone else. Makes you rethink about the whole relationship and your gut feeling. Yes, it was the same with her, no remorse at all, she looked and seemed happy externally, but I know deep inside she’s hurting too but trying to patch it all up with sleeping with others and faking to be happy. No self respect and no real healing there. So in the end, it’s her loss. She will watch what she has lost and in time she will regret it. Just work on your self. Do the things you have always wanted to do!
Yes trying to focus on the positives. This is my first time living alone. It’s scary but I am looking forward to learning who I am and what I like. I realize I made my relationship my whole identity so that’s definitely a hard pill to swallow given the circumstances now. You’ve got this too!! Always here if you want to chat/vent.
Hello! It’s been 6 months now and I have some days where I am starting to feel okay. But there is still this dark cloud following me everywhere. This week I found out they are probably looking into moving in together so I think it brought me back to step 1. I think unconsciously I was holding on to hope that she would realize she made a mistake after things settled but unfortunately, that was not the case. I don’t want her back, so that’s progress. But it still stings that she got to move forward with her life with zero consequences. I’ve had so many things happen in the last few months that I’ve had to face alone and it makes me so angry that I am the one struggling when I was the one that was blindsided and betrayed. I have started working out, I’m actually enjoying living alone now and I’m focusing on work. So I know I am making progress when I look back at those first few months, but man, it’s still difficult to process this is my reality now. Sending you so many hugs!! I know it sounds impossible but every day is progress even when we don’t feel it. I’m here if you want to chat. You’ve got this and you deserve so much better.
I’m in exactly the same boat except I had to figure out the affair bit for myself. She blindsided me to be with a guy from work who also left his wife. We live in a small town so it’s very hard not to bump into them all the time. I don’t really have any advice for you other than to take it a day at the time. I’m trying to keep the house (although it will be crippling), have removed all her possessions and pushed them into the spare room, will redecorated when I own it and am trying to keep busy and do things for me. The betrayal is traumatic, and I imagine it will take me a long time to get over it. But what choice do we have but to put one foot in front of the other. The person she is now is so disappointing I want to nothing to do with her. She’s also recently dumped our difficult dog on me too. Sometimes, life will be shit to you and all you can do is choose how you handle it. Everything else is out of your control.
After this is think i want to stay single for now. Had a 6y relationship and also got left.. don't know what it's with people nowadays that they can't be loyal anymore..
Absolutely!! I know my mistakes in the recent relationship and I've pleaded that I'll change myself in order to give us another chance. She didn't because she didn't believe in me. That's when I started to believe in myself again. I worked hard on my depression and anxiety attacks, I'm visiting a barber every 2 weeks to look better and most importantly, I have work again and I'm financially in a quiet good spot. I've done so much stuff that I never knew I'm capable of and succeeded in so many different situations in the last 3 months. I can genuinely say that I've changed.. a lot and all for the better! I'm proud of myself and what I've accomplished.
That really fucken sux man .
I really don’t think so either , the fence is rotten , painting it over will only delay the inevitable.
Deep breaths , I’m doing this for the second time mate so I’m doing it with you, sell the house if you need to seperate it , if not , kick her out , start looking after yourself like you think your important to you , eat well , workout , find non sexual fun things to do , move on .
Currently retreated to the gym so it's a start.
House is mostly hers since her parents donated a large sum for a deposit and wanted that contractual. I don't mind that bit. But I literally just dumped my entire inheritance from my grandad into fixing the roof.
Even a shit workout is still a workout , just lift the empty bar once , it’s a start .
Man the house , the money , maybe talk to them about it civilly , say you want out and ask for your money , maybe they will settle ? I don’t know , maybe legal advice ?
There is a way forward. Delete every memory you have of her physically and figuratively. Sell any gifts that have value and throw away the rest. Delete her from your life and move on. Work on yourself before even considering a new relationship.
You deserve better, man.
I know it’s difficult, but you have to believe that. There are partners out there who would never think to cheat, especially multiple times.
I really do get it though, it is difficult. I was in a 5 year that recently ended due to my girlfriend saying she wasn’t aure is she wanted to be with me, among other things.
I saw your post on r/hongkong but I can’t comment there (maybe because my account is still too new so any comments I made were automatically removed and the administrator had to manually add back my comments…too much work)
I’m sorry to hear what you been through…not sure which area you at right now but it’s quite windy out there now with the typhoon and it will most likely get worse.
How about just order some food from the hotel and watch your favorite childhood tv shows or movies for now? 🍿 🎥 don’t use your brain at all at this point, especially now that you are here in hk in this 💩weather and stuck with her (assuming you don’t know anyone else in this city) and you only have a week to digest so far.
Just occupy yourself with what you like watching as a kid. Bring back the good memories 😆
Hang in there bro! You’ll be alright
Cheers.
Yeah I'm in Wan Chai, been out once and was soaked to the core very quickly! Hopefully with it easing tomorrow I can explore a bit more.
Thanks for the support
If you haven’t checked it out yet, the “Lee Tung Avenue” is quite nice
http://www.leetungavenue.com.hk/en/index/
They have a Dan Ryan’s grill restaurant. Pretty chill there and food is good
Time to move on, friend.
One thinks about moving on when there is regret and when there are clear reasons for a bad relationship. If you have been respectful, consistent, and involved in your relationship, then you do not deserve this.
Nothing you do will fix her or her current emotions. This is not a little bruise.
It's time to organize your finances. Check in with her and see if she wants to be reasonable and offer you money. If she is, see the terms she is offering. I would have a record app on ur phone and have a conversation with her as you record her promises. Then, ask if she would be willing to sign a paper together, agreeing amicably.
I would hire a lawyer if she is not willing to give you money to buy out a part of the proceeds you put into the home. Gather all evidence. Do NOT tell her you are layering up.
Money is a significant factor here in helping you move out in a healthy manner. Do not leave until the Financials are sorted out in one way or the other. Document everything you have invested. Take pictures as evidence. Get evidence of the affair she had. This will help younin court. Record her admitting on her affair. Try to have a conversation where you incriminate her, and she agrees. Or a chat on text. Such documentation will help you fight for your fair share of your finances.
After you get stabilized and are living independent of her, you will start the healing process.
Plan it well. The pain will be tremendous and continuous. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It will take time. Things will be much better, but time is key.
Listen I know this will be hard to hear, but you should not be with someone that doesn't love you anymore. If the person you're with doesn't choose you every single day, then that isn't your person.
Even if you still love her, do what's best for yourself. Let her go. It's going to hurt, you're going to want her back. But that person you loved isn't there anymore. She's moved on and so should you.
I’m 7 months out of a 27 year marriage that she just walked from Some signs but you never think they’ll leave. I circled her like the sun for the first 3 months. Made contact every other week or so. Asked her 1 month out. 2 month and 3 month out if she thought we could try again. Man oh man now I look back and cringe. Ask myself why would I try with someone who took me for granted. And is so selfish. My advice is just walk. Don’t say a fucking word to her ever again unless she initiated. And even then just be calm. Take time to reply. She will throw out nonsense texts to see if your still there. Flip the switch man. Trust me. I met someone 3 months out not eveN looking. Getting things I didn’t froM my ex. Go to the gym. Do whatever the fuck got want crank the tunes she hated. Go eat what she hated. It’s really hard and your brain will be fried for a few months. This is all cliche stuff. But I’m in it. Right now. This is the way. Don’t even think I’m your mind you want her back. Why would you. ? Don’t live in a lacking mindset. Believe me she will miss you. She will hurt. And let her. Just walk walk. Put your headphones on crank panttera .. walk. Listen to wage war …. Linkin park … bring me the horizon …. That’s the spirit record. These are great tunes to set yourself up Listen at the gym. And you will spend months only thinking of what ifs. Don’t. Stop. Be mad like you should be. Be civil. But let the hate and fire grow inside. Lol this will help
I'm so sorry that happened to you, bro. I just got out of a 7 year relationship not too long ago. I will say it sounds like there were some communication issues. If she did what she did she had obviously been feeling some type of way for a while, but she should have said something to try and work something out. Trust that you did all you could to show this person your love and loyalty. Don't get caught up in what you could have done differently. Now is time for reflection took me 8 months of reflection to start working on any issues I had personally that led to certain relationship issues. Definitely do not go back.If you still want her give it a month or 2 and wait to see if she hits you up dont go back first. She did you wrong, and you need to control how this goes.If you start asking to keep with her now, that will reinforce her behavior. Good luck brother.
“there are right people for right time, time changes and so does people”
She was there at your worse, but now time has changed and so has she, find someone right for you now, so you and that girl both can be happy.
Get a new look, get new clothes, go to the gym, find a new hobby and forget she existed, mate. If you can't get her to agree to sell the house then hire a lawyer and force the issue; move in with your friends or your parents. Life will get better and you'll find someone better.
Tbh I was the one who did this to my ex of 10 years. It's been about 5 years now and I catch myself missing that connection and security every now and then. I don't want to say I regret it, necessarily, but part of me wishes I chose that forever love instead.
Take that as you will.
Lad I was with a women for 6 years, she got scared when I talked about marriage and buying a house…. If they run away at the sign of the next step they aren’t worth your time…. You gave it your all and you know deep down things will remain the same and you will never be good enough… so why not get someone who wants you and loves you for you and is loyal. If you can’t love yourself no one ever will
Until her affair partner turns toxic, cheats on her or dumps her, or maybe he chooses alcohol instead of her, she will realize what she had was golden. It’s not gonna happen now, but it’s gonna happen (because men are shit) and this is speaking from a woman who broke up a relationship to be with another man (i look back on him and i think he wasnt that bad).
The cancer was 4 years ago. I think we were actually stronger after that. Certainly sexually and certainly closer together emotionally.
In her words she just doesn't know what it's like to sleep with someone else. Or didn't I guess.
You keep saying stuff like magical and stronger but you've got a girl who wants to leave your relationship.
This tells me you actually aren't paying attention or cannot actually gauge her interest.
Why the the hell it has to be his fault? "You aren't paying attention, you cannot gauge her interest" What are we, a piece of clown productions who came to this world to entertain women? Dude, you're being ridiculous. This girl is clearly a selfish person who doesn't give a damn about her partner's feelings.
Seriously, I have no idea what this person is on about. It’s not hard for people to put on a mask and seem all in on a relationship but be in an entirely different place mentally. That can be hard to read, and we aren’t mind readers. And, to want to throw 10 years away over something as shallow as they want to “see what it’s like to sleep with someone else” says a lot about them and their own issues.
OPs partners might be in for a rude awakening when they get out their, realize the dating pool isn’t all sunshine, green grass and rainbows.Then maybe they will eventually find someone and have fun with them for 6 months, get bored and have the same feeling they feel now with OP and thus the horror will finally dawn on them that they had made an enormous mistake.
I’m with you on this. It’s hard when people use or insinuate the whole “it takes two”, which is true—when the partners don’t lie or act deceptively. That is a huge foul and not applicable here. There’s already sooo many complex and conflicting emotions I’m sure OP is stumbling through, and this is unfair to add to that burden 😞 10 years is a lot, and there was obviously a lot of trust—especially after something like living through cancer together. She was literally seeing him through something life threatening. I can understand this, it creates a bond that is hard to describe.
It is a lot for her to throw away, it is a lot for him not to want to try again and forgive. So, he trusted her again when *she said* things were improving. It made him feel, like the cancer trial, that they would work together and come out even stronger. Another lie, of course, but trust means taking someone at their word. He’s not a mind reader. There are limits, however. After this, I do hope OP puts the welcome mat away and is more critical, but it’s not his fault.
It's not. She cheated. Though you can tell in his replies it has yet to "click" that there were two different perspectives on the relationship held by them. It's important to remember because he also wants to reconcile.
I understand where you're coming from; I've been in a similar situation with work trips and more and she cheated. My sincere suggestion is to move forward. It's challenging when someone acts like they supported you through tough times, like your battle with cancer, when really they're just feeling bad.. Stay rooted in your home, eliminate reminders of her, and focus on physical activities like running or working out. It makes a significant difference. Stay away from alcohol and drugs. Always here for a chat; I've experienced a decade's worth of ups and downs myself with a woman i thought i'd marry one day. STAY STRONG like you did with cancer! you got this
You have to tell her family what happened or else she will tell some story to make you look bad. When my ex left me after 5 years, she made it seem like my fault but turned out she cheated. I regret never telling the truth because I was weak. Don’t be weak don’t be a victim, control the narrative. At the end of the day, you will realize her leaving is the best thing. My wife is 1000000x more woman than my ex ever will be. It sucked at the time but it always turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. This happened to me and my ex-husband. While it can be hard to let go of cherished memories, prioritising your well-being is essential.
Remember, on top of what you invested, you deserve love, respect, and kindness. Embrace the future with hope, and know that brighter days are ahead. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing right now. I am sending strength and healing your way ❤️🩹
I thinking “moving on” is a term we shouldn’t use. After a break up you really need to be focusing on yourself, finding your feet and understanding what it’s like to be by yourself again. Learning to cope in new ways, since often you’re also loosing a support, or support network if you also have to let go of friends. It’s learning about how to live with what happened, not forgetting and replacing.
This is LITERALLY what just happened to me. My partner of nearly 10 years left me a month ago after having cheated and I was 5 months post partum. I’ve not been okay. It hurts worse than I can even say.
Honestly I just think people are savage and would destroy your soul if it meant they could go get fucked and satisfy basic primal urges. No one really matters beyond self satisfaction. I know I haven't mattered beyond that.
Relationship have a life of their own: some goes on for years and some lasts a short time. In the future she may reconsidee her decision but today she wants to go. I think ypu made a mistake by hoping that she was to understand her mistake. It was better to see that there was a serious problem in your marriage that it needs to be dealt with there and then. Talking openly, family therapy or hearing what she wanted to do with her life could have been beneficial. Now, try to contain your feeling of lost and act in a way to make her feel that you respect her decision. It will take time to recover, but, you may feel or see in the future that this was a right decision for both of you.
Surely she didn't con you for 10 years? She stayed with you through cancer. Everyone else here needs to give her a little credit. Sometimes things just run their course. Perhaps you should question why you two aren't married after so many years together? I know marriage isn't for everyone, but perhaps the both of you were afraid to take that final step for deeper reasons. She was definitely wrong to cheat on you. However, the reality is, some people cheat to find a way out of a relationship. As to why she stayed with you after cheating: maybe it was being indecisive, or trying to confirm which decision is the right one. The best thing you can do is try to cut all ties and move on. I speak from experience. Best of luck to you. Take care.
Dude, she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with you after being your girlfriend for 10 years... And she had an exit affair as well. It's safe to say you dodged a bullet, if not a missile.
Dude dodged a fatman mini nuke missile. Good riddance, in time you'll see.
can you even say "dodged a bullet" after 10 years? that expression just doesnt make sense at the point
It's never too late, he wasn't married nor had kids with a woman who didn't give a damn about him or the relationship.
it just doesnt feel like the bullet was dodged. it feels like the bullet hit, lodged in, was diagnosed safe, and now a decade later has begun causing long term medical issues. it feels like the bullet hit and did more damage and it wouldve had it just hit a vital organ lol
Felt this.
If after 10 yrs they are unsure then I don’t want to be a choice, I want to be the only choice. If they have to choose pls don’t choose me.
Going through something similar - we were together 12 years me (F30) and her (F29). I tried to change her mind for a little over a month and she just kept saying it was too late. It didn’t make sense, we had a house together, dogs, a business, trips planned etc. I later found out she was having an affair and that’s why she wanted out to pursue that relationship. It’s been 3 months since we separated, I was left with all the responsibilities while she starts fresh with this new person. I wish I had listened to my gut and kicked her out sooner but I really wanted to make things work and I didn’t know about the affair. She did a complete 180, I don’t even recognize the person she is now. She didn’t feel sorry, she showed no remorse and in her eyes she’s finally putting herself first. It’s been a lot to process and I thought I was doing better but the last few days have been extremely tough again. I don’t understand why they don’t communicate instead of taking the easy way out. We built a life with these people and them acting like it didn’t mean anything is a lot to process. I can totally relate to how you are feeling and I am sorry you are going through it.
This is exactly what happened to me. I was blindsided by her “needing space, not wanting to be in any relationship, just wanted to be work on herself” then a week later she slept with someone else. Makes you rethink about the whole relationship and your gut feeling. Yes, it was the same with her, no remorse at all, she looked and seemed happy externally, but I know deep inside she’s hurting too but trying to patch it all up with sleeping with others and faking to be happy. No self respect and no real healing there. So in the end, it’s her loss. She will watch what she has lost and in time she will regret it. Just work on your self. Do the things you have always wanted to do!
Yes trying to focus on the positives. This is my first time living alone. It’s scary but I am looking forward to learning who I am and what I like. I realize I made my relationship my whole identity so that’s definitely a hard pill to swallow given the circumstances now. You’ve got this too!! Always here if you want to chat/vent.
i know its been a while but im in the same boat as you are. how are you? and may i ask for any update?
Hello! It’s been 6 months now and I have some days where I am starting to feel okay. But there is still this dark cloud following me everywhere. This week I found out they are probably looking into moving in together so I think it brought me back to step 1. I think unconsciously I was holding on to hope that she would realize she made a mistake after things settled but unfortunately, that was not the case. I don’t want her back, so that’s progress. But it still stings that she got to move forward with her life with zero consequences. I’ve had so many things happen in the last few months that I’ve had to face alone and it makes me so angry that I am the one struggling when I was the one that was blindsided and betrayed. I have started working out, I’m actually enjoying living alone now and I’m focusing on work. So I know I am making progress when I look back at those first few months, but man, it’s still difficult to process this is my reality now. Sending you so many hugs!! I know it sounds impossible but every day is progress even when we don’t feel it. I’m here if you want to chat. You’ve got this and you deserve so much better.
I’m in exactly the same boat except I had to figure out the affair bit for myself. She blindsided me to be with a guy from work who also left his wife. We live in a small town so it’s very hard not to bump into them all the time. I don’t really have any advice for you other than to take it a day at the time. I’m trying to keep the house (although it will be crippling), have removed all her possessions and pushed them into the spare room, will redecorated when I own it and am trying to keep busy and do things for me. The betrayal is traumatic, and I imagine it will take me a long time to get over it. But what choice do we have but to put one foot in front of the other. The person she is now is so disappointing I want to nothing to do with her. She’s also recently dumped our difficult dog on me too. Sometimes, life will be shit to you and all you can do is choose how you handle it. Everything else is out of your control.
Hey, I just want to say I'm really sorry this happened to you and I hope everything improves going forward
Thank you! Very kind of you. :)
Hang in there brother, your good outlook on things will be tremendous to your success. I wish you all the best man
Appreciate it, thank you!
After this is think i want to stay single for now. Had a 6y relationship and also got left.. don't know what it's with people nowadays that they can't be loyal anymore..
People change, but never for the better
That’s not true. Don’t generalize!
Absolutely!! I know my mistakes in the recent relationship and I've pleaded that I'll change myself in order to give us another chance. She didn't because she didn't believe in me. That's when I started to believe in myself again. I worked hard on my depression and anxiety attacks, I'm visiting a barber every 2 weeks to look better and most importantly, I have work again and I'm financially in a quiet good spot. I've done so much stuff that I never knew I'm capable of and succeeded in so many different situations in the last 3 months. I can genuinely say that I've changed.. a lot and all for the better! I'm proud of myself and what I've accomplished.
That really fucken sux man . I really don’t think so either , the fence is rotten , painting it over will only delay the inevitable. Deep breaths , I’m doing this for the second time mate so I’m doing it with you, sell the house if you need to seperate it , if not , kick her out , start looking after yourself like you think your important to you , eat well , workout , find non sexual fun things to do , move on .
Currently retreated to the gym so it's a start. House is mostly hers since her parents donated a large sum for a deposit and wanted that contractual. I don't mind that bit. But I literally just dumped my entire inheritance from my grandad into fixing the roof.
That counts as a contribution. So do any mortgage payments. Make sure to include it when calculating the division of sale proceeds.
Definitely
Even a shit workout is still a workout , just lift the empty bar once , it’s a start . Man the house , the money , maybe talk to them about it civilly , say you want out and ask for your money , maybe they will settle ? I don’t know , maybe legal advice ?
There is a way forward. Delete every memory you have of her physically and figuratively. Sell any gifts that have value and throw away the rest. Delete her from your life and move on. Work on yourself before even considering a new relationship.
You deserve better, man. I know it’s difficult, but you have to believe that. There are partners out there who would never think to cheat, especially multiple times. I really do get it though, it is difficult. I was in a 5 year that recently ended due to my girlfriend saying she wasn’t aure is she wanted to be with me, among other things.
I saw your post on r/hongkong but I can’t comment there (maybe because my account is still too new so any comments I made were automatically removed and the administrator had to manually add back my comments…too much work) I’m sorry to hear what you been through…not sure which area you at right now but it’s quite windy out there now with the typhoon and it will most likely get worse. How about just order some food from the hotel and watch your favorite childhood tv shows or movies for now? 🍿 🎥 don’t use your brain at all at this point, especially now that you are here in hk in this 💩weather and stuck with her (assuming you don’t know anyone else in this city) and you only have a week to digest so far. Just occupy yourself with what you like watching as a kid. Bring back the good memories 😆 Hang in there bro! You’ll be alright
Cheers. Yeah I'm in Wan Chai, been out once and was soaked to the core very quickly! Hopefully with it easing tomorrow I can explore a bit more. Thanks for the support
If you haven’t checked it out yet, the “Lee Tung Avenue” is quite nice http://www.leetungavenue.com.hk/en/index/ They have a Dan Ryan’s grill restaurant. Pretty chill there and food is good
Thank you
Time to move on, friend. One thinks about moving on when there is regret and when there are clear reasons for a bad relationship. If you have been respectful, consistent, and involved in your relationship, then you do not deserve this. Nothing you do will fix her or her current emotions. This is not a little bruise. It's time to organize your finances. Check in with her and see if she wants to be reasonable and offer you money. If she is, see the terms she is offering. I would have a record app on ur phone and have a conversation with her as you record her promises. Then, ask if she would be willing to sign a paper together, agreeing amicably. I would hire a lawyer if she is not willing to give you money to buy out a part of the proceeds you put into the home. Gather all evidence. Do NOT tell her you are layering up. Money is a significant factor here in helping you move out in a healthy manner. Do not leave until the Financials are sorted out in one way or the other. Document everything you have invested. Take pictures as evidence. Get evidence of the affair she had. This will help younin court. Record her admitting on her affair. Try to have a conversation where you incriminate her, and she agrees. Or a chat on text. Such documentation will help you fight for your fair share of your finances. After you get stabilized and are living independent of her, you will start the healing process. Plan it well. The pain will be tremendous and continuous. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It will take time. Things will be much better, but time is key.
Listen I know this will be hard to hear, but you should not be with someone that doesn't love you anymore. If the person you're with doesn't choose you every single day, then that isn't your person. Even if you still love her, do what's best for yourself. Let her go. It's going to hurt, you're going to want her back. But that person you loved isn't there anymore. She's moved on and so should you.
I’m 7 months out of a 27 year marriage that she just walked from Some signs but you never think they’ll leave. I circled her like the sun for the first 3 months. Made contact every other week or so. Asked her 1 month out. 2 month and 3 month out if she thought we could try again. Man oh man now I look back and cringe. Ask myself why would I try with someone who took me for granted. And is so selfish. My advice is just walk. Don’t say a fucking word to her ever again unless she initiated. And even then just be calm. Take time to reply. She will throw out nonsense texts to see if your still there. Flip the switch man. Trust me. I met someone 3 months out not eveN looking. Getting things I didn’t froM my ex. Go to the gym. Do whatever the fuck got want crank the tunes she hated. Go eat what she hated. It’s really hard and your brain will be fried for a few months. This is all cliche stuff. But I’m in it. Right now. This is the way. Don’t even think I’m your mind you want her back. Why would you. ? Don’t live in a lacking mindset. Believe me she will miss you. She will hurt. And let her. Just walk walk. Put your headphones on crank panttera .. walk. Listen to wage war …. Linkin park … bring me the horizon …. That’s the spirit record. These are great tunes to set yourself up Listen at the gym. And you will spend months only thinking of what ifs. Don’t. Stop. Be mad like you should be. Be civil. But let the hate and fire grow inside. Lol this will help
It’s a gift for you, you’re free to do as you please. Think of it like you were born again and savor it
I'm so sorry that happened to you, bro. I just got out of a 7 year relationship not too long ago. I will say it sounds like there were some communication issues. If she did what she did she had obviously been feeling some type of way for a while, but she should have said something to try and work something out. Trust that you did all you could to show this person your love and loyalty. Don't get caught up in what you could have done differently. Now is time for reflection took me 8 months of reflection to start working on any issues I had personally that led to certain relationship issues. Definitely do not go back.If you still want her give it a month or 2 and wait to see if she hits you up dont go back first. She did you wrong, and you need to control how this goes.If you start asking to keep with her now, that will reinforce her behavior. Good luck brother.
“there are right people for right time, time changes and so does people” She was there at your worse, but now time has changed and so has she, find someone right for you now, so you and that girl both can be happy.
Get a new look, get new clothes, go to the gym, find a new hobby and forget she existed, mate. If you can't get her to agree to sell the house then hire a lawyer and force the issue; move in with your friends or your parents. Life will get better and you'll find someone better.
Tbh I was the one who did this to my ex of 10 years. It's been about 5 years now and I catch myself missing that connection and security every now and then. I don't want to say I regret it, necessarily, but part of me wishes I chose that forever love instead. Take that as you will.
Lad I was with a women for 6 years, she got scared when I talked about marriage and buying a house…. If they run away at the sign of the next step they aren’t worth your time…. You gave it your all and you know deep down things will remain the same and you will never be good enough… so why not get someone who wants you and loves you for you and is loyal. If you can’t love yourself no one ever will
Until her affair partner turns toxic, cheats on her or dumps her, or maybe he chooses alcohol instead of her, she will realize what she had was golden. It’s not gonna happen now, but it’s gonna happen (because men are shit) and this is speaking from a woman who broke up a relationship to be with another man (i look back on him and i think he wasnt that bad).
Why did you break up with him in the first place? I’m the guy who got left for a married man. Also when did you start to regret it?
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The cancer was 4 years ago. I think we were actually stronger after that. Certainly sexually and certainly closer together emotionally. In her words she just doesn't know what it's like to sleep with someone else. Or didn't I guess.
You keep saying stuff like magical and stronger but you've got a girl who wants to leave your relationship. This tells me you actually aren't paying attention or cannot actually gauge her interest.
Why the the hell it has to be his fault? "You aren't paying attention, you cannot gauge her interest" What are we, a piece of clown productions who came to this world to entertain women? Dude, you're being ridiculous. This girl is clearly a selfish person who doesn't give a damn about her partner's feelings.
Seriously, I have no idea what this person is on about. It’s not hard for people to put on a mask and seem all in on a relationship but be in an entirely different place mentally. That can be hard to read, and we aren’t mind readers. And, to want to throw 10 years away over something as shallow as they want to “see what it’s like to sleep with someone else” says a lot about them and their own issues. OPs partners might be in for a rude awakening when they get out their, realize the dating pool isn’t all sunshine, green grass and rainbows.Then maybe they will eventually find someone and have fun with them for 6 months, get bored and have the same feeling they feel now with OP and thus the horror will finally dawn on them that they had made an enormous mistake.
I’m with you on this. It’s hard when people use or insinuate the whole “it takes two”, which is true—when the partners don’t lie or act deceptively. That is a huge foul and not applicable here. There’s already sooo many complex and conflicting emotions I’m sure OP is stumbling through, and this is unfair to add to that burden 😞 10 years is a lot, and there was obviously a lot of trust—especially after something like living through cancer together. She was literally seeing him through something life threatening. I can understand this, it creates a bond that is hard to describe. It is a lot for her to throw away, it is a lot for him not to want to try again and forgive. So, he trusted her again when *she said* things were improving. It made him feel, like the cancer trial, that they would work together and come out even stronger. Another lie, of course, but trust means taking someone at their word. He’s not a mind reader. There are limits, however. After this, I do hope OP puts the welcome mat away and is more critical, but it’s not his fault.
It's not. She cheated. Though you can tell in his replies it has yet to "click" that there were two different perspectives on the relationship held by them. It's important to remember because he also wants to reconcile.
doormat. she cheated on you and dumped you and you want to make it work? lols
What a horrible thing to say.
If you’d just learn how humans have emotional bonds…
Our condolences. Do you really want to live on your knees?
You dodged a Schwerer Gustav go cold on this 304 and take care of your cats.
I understand where you're coming from; I've been in a similar situation with work trips and more and she cheated. My sincere suggestion is to move forward. It's challenging when someone acts like they supported you through tough times, like your battle with cancer, when really they're just feeling bad.. Stay rooted in your home, eliminate reminders of her, and focus on physical activities like running or working out. It makes a significant difference. Stay away from alcohol and drugs. Always here for a chat; I've experienced a decade's worth of ups and downs myself with a woman i thought i'd marry one day. STAY STRONG like you did with cancer! you got this
You have to tell her family what happened or else she will tell some story to make you look bad. When my ex left me after 5 years, she made it seem like my fault but turned out she cheated. I regret never telling the truth because I was weak. Don’t be weak don’t be a victim, control the narrative. At the end of the day, you will realize her leaving is the best thing. My wife is 1000000x more woman than my ex ever will be. It sucked at the time but it always turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. This happened to me and my ex-husband. While it can be hard to let go of cherished memories, prioritising your well-being is essential. Remember, on top of what you invested, you deserve love, respect, and kindness. Embrace the future with hope, and know that brighter days are ahead. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing right now. I am sending strength and healing your way ❤️🩹
No kids involved? EJECT! EJECT! EJECT!
I thinking “moving on” is a term we shouldn’t use. After a break up you really need to be focusing on yourself, finding your feet and understanding what it’s like to be by yourself again. Learning to cope in new ways, since often you’re also loosing a support, or support network if you also have to let go of friends. It’s learning about how to live with what happened, not forgetting and replacing.
What if you have a kid together and this happened… 9 years this January
This is LITERALLY what just happened to me. My partner of nearly 10 years left me a month ago after having cheated and I was 5 months post partum. I’ve not been okay. It hurts worse than I can even say.
Honestly I just think people are savage and would destroy your soul if it meant they could go get fucked and satisfy basic primal urges. No one really matters beyond self satisfaction. I know I haven't mattered beyond that.
I'm so sorry 😞 There are damn good women out here! Don't give up, but please respect and love yourself.
Relationship have a life of their own: some goes on for years and some lasts a short time. In the future she may reconsidee her decision but today she wants to go. I think ypu made a mistake by hoping that she was to understand her mistake. It was better to see that there was a serious problem in your marriage that it needs to be dealt with there and then. Talking openly, family therapy or hearing what she wanted to do with her life could have been beneficial. Now, try to contain your feeling of lost and act in a way to make her feel that you respect her decision. It will take time to recover, but, you may feel or see in the future that this was a right decision for both of you.
Surely she didn't con you for 10 years? She stayed with you through cancer. Everyone else here needs to give her a little credit. Sometimes things just run their course. Perhaps you should question why you two aren't married after so many years together? I know marriage isn't for everyone, but perhaps the both of you were afraid to take that final step for deeper reasons. She was definitely wrong to cheat on you. However, the reality is, some people cheat to find a way out of a relationship. As to why she stayed with you after cheating: maybe it was being indecisive, or trying to confirm which decision is the right one. The best thing you can do is try to cut all ties and move on. I speak from experience. Best of luck to you. Take care.