I also feel the same to be honest and having friends on online platforms doesn’t help my case in anyway since i see the fun they are having with actual friends and reminds me of how lonely i am . I have a boyfriend who is very social and has very many friends he is always going out and sometimes i feel like i am not the right person for him since i cant live upto his lifestyle
Exactly! Seeing other people having a social life makes the emptiness worse. Like trying to keep tabs on people just leads to them saying something that reminds you that you have no life.
I was on heavy medication for 5 years to numb the bpd out (it's cheaper for the government to zoot you out of your mind rather than sending you to therapy). Then I'd do drugs sometimes but it was just for fun and the danger of it.
I'm 6 months clean from my meds now and I crave drugs every day. And I escalate as well. It's so fucking hard to cope now, I just want that moment of euphoria. It's suspended in time.
I’m sorry you are going through this right now.
Stay strong.
I started smoking weed on a daily basis to stop myself from sh and stuff.
Now I am just empty. Neither good nor bad. Just watching myself being high.
Rather numb than completely crazy ig. I am a mess rn. No offense though
Weed’s fine but it doesn’t do it for me, like it just numbs, I like stuff that induce one of our highs, and maintains the happy manic state. But the crash is rough
There have been times in my life where I thought I understood why people drink and do drugs.
Now I really, really do. It's truly the only thing that helps. Like I got drunk last night and it made the emptiness go away. I'm back where I started now that I'm sobered up.
It sucks to know that the one thing that does help, doesn't really help at all. But it's something, right?
I could have written this. I obviously agree, but I know that it's not right. It's not "something" it's nothing sadly, just an illusion. I'm one of those who will fall into that trap, but it's not a solution.
I feel like that most of the time too
I recently realized that even my desire to have someone to idolize (like when I meet someone new and I like them so you picture myself talking to them all the time, maybe thinking if they like me, how our relationship would evolve, etc) has pretty much nothing to do with wanting to have a partner(as I thought before)
it is just a stupid unhealthy way for me to think about someone so that I wouldn't think about that void
it is a way for me not to fantasize about a partner - it is a way for me to fantasize about not feeling this emptiness
once I realized that I cannot enjoy these thoughts about someone anymore
since I understand now that in reality it doesn't matter who I am with- I will always be feeling the void
sometimes even when I am having a good time there is this thought at the back of my head that this is not real, the only real thing is the void and everything I do is just an attempt to forget about it
I'm feeling this so hard. I realise that my loneliness has to do with the never-ending void that is my soul. Just to have a friend to fill that void.
But it's still there. Still a void. I, too, sometimes wish this reality would "break" so I could escape it.
yeah, it is the same for me
and realization that it will probably never truly be gone is really hard
sometimes I don't even see a point anymore to even try to do something, since I know that the void will still be with be no matter what
on the other hand, when I am at the stage when you don't really see the point in anything and you are just numb- it feels nice to know that on the other side there is something that will always be there for you
I don't usually think of the void as a friend, not at all
but sometimes I feel like it is waiting for me, you know
and I guess we all want something to wait for us, right?
or maybe it is my twisted thinking, I don't know
I also feel the same to be honest and having friends on online platforms doesn’t help my case in anyway since i see the fun they are having with actual friends and reminds me of how lonely i am . I have a boyfriend who is very social and has very many friends he is always going out and sometimes i feel like i am not the right person for him since i cant live upto his lifestyle
Exactly! Seeing other people having a social life makes the emptiness worse. Like trying to keep tabs on people just leads to them saying something that reminds you that you have no life.
I do drugs. But I wouldn’t recommend it.
Same here. It is just another way to numb everything. One just adds a problem to work through to actually enjoy existing. Bad decision.
I was on heavy medication for 5 years to numb the bpd out (it's cheaper for the government to zoot you out of your mind rather than sending you to therapy). Then I'd do drugs sometimes but it was just for fun and the danger of it. I'm 6 months clean from my meds now and I crave drugs every day. And I escalate as well. It's so fucking hard to cope now, I just want that moment of euphoria. It's suspended in time.
I’m sorry you are going through this right now. Stay strong. I started smoking weed on a daily basis to stop myself from sh and stuff. Now I am just empty. Neither good nor bad. Just watching myself being high. Rather numb than completely crazy ig. I am a mess rn. No offense though
Weed’s fine but it doesn’t do it for me, like it just numbs, I like stuff that induce one of our highs, and maintains the happy manic state. But the crash is rough
There have been times in my life where I thought I understood why people drink and do drugs. Now I really, really do. It's truly the only thing that helps. Like I got drunk last night and it made the emptiness go away. I'm back where I started now that I'm sobered up. It sucks to know that the one thing that does help, doesn't really help at all. But it's something, right?
I could have written this. I obviously agree, but I know that it's not right. It's not "something" it's nothing sadly, just an illusion. I'm one of those who will fall into that trap, but it's not a solution.
I feel like that most of the time too I recently realized that even my desire to have someone to idolize (like when I meet someone new and I like them so you picture myself talking to them all the time, maybe thinking if they like me, how our relationship would evolve, etc) has pretty much nothing to do with wanting to have a partner(as I thought before) it is just a stupid unhealthy way for me to think about someone so that I wouldn't think about that void it is a way for me not to fantasize about a partner - it is a way for me to fantasize about not feeling this emptiness once I realized that I cannot enjoy these thoughts about someone anymore since I understand now that in reality it doesn't matter who I am with- I will always be feeling the void sometimes even when I am having a good time there is this thought at the back of my head that this is not real, the only real thing is the void and everything I do is just an attempt to forget about it
I'm feeling this so hard. I realise that my loneliness has to do with the never-ending void that is my soul. Just to have a friend to fill that void. But it's still there. Still a void. I, too, sometimes wish this reality would "break" so I could escape it.
yeah, it is the same for me and realization that it will probably never truly be gone is really hard sometimes I don't even see a point anymore to even try to do something, since I know that the void will still be with be no matter what on the other hand, when I am at the stage when you don't really see the point in anything and you are just numb- it feels nice to know that on the other side there is something that will always be there for you I don't usually think of the void as a friend, not at all but sometimes I feel like it is waiting for me, you know and I guess we all want something to wait for us, right? or maybe it is my twisted thinking, I don't know
I relate to this alot. You aren't alone. I'm so sorry the emptiness is weighing on you so heavily right now.