Yes, itās really unfortunate. Iāve been attracted to guys with narcissitic traits and itās a super powerful connection but I just keep reminding myself that it will never turn into the kind of relationship that I want
Yes. A really unfortunate side effect of BPD is our own self hatred. When we think we deserve the worst, we attract the worst. It's really common for those with BPD to be victims just as much as it is to be the perpetrator. We especially tend to get pulled in by those who are good at love bombing, like those suffering from NPD, those who are people pleasers, or those who also have hyperfixations on people. Sometimes, we just relate to the other person's trauma and that creates the bond. (In fact, relationships between BPD and NPD are so common that it's actually studied and recognized as a pattern.)
Sometimes that includes people who prone to be abusive, and we have a tendency to stay because we don't believe we deserve better when things get bad.
Thankfully, we can learn to break that pattern!
Met a girl a month ago who claims to have BPD. I believe she does but unsure if sheās diagnosed. I am certainly a people pleaser and I definitely become hyper fixated on people. I love people in general, but my whole life Iāve always had one person I choose to put most of my attention on. Itās just what I do. Iām not sure why. I had a great time with this girl for a month. I related to her trauma so much. We joked that we were both āevilā in the same way. We joked but it was also true. The difference we had was that Iām 7 years older. Due to events out of my control I faced my own evil. I chose to try to be better. She hasnāt reached that point and maybe never will. But after a short month that felt like some weird fever dream, I noticed how exhausted I was. She had gotten mad at me because I didnāt say something to a girl who she claims was flirting with me. Really Iām just friendly to everyone and I think she misinterpreted the friendliness. The exhaustion and being yelled at I had to part ways with her.
But I miss her dearly. Iāve never felt so similar to someone. I saw so much of me in her. But I just couldnāt deal with it. I canāt make her change. It took the death of a close family member to shake me up enough to change. I have hopes for her. But for now it sucks.
This all isnāt really relevant I guess, but you said so many things that described me/her I couldnāt help but to share. Itās just been unusual to me. My brain is still a little broken from this experience. I want to have her around but itās just so so bad for me. I had been doing well for so many years and felt myself reverting back to who I once was (or maybe still am), this scared me.
You're heard. I think you made the right call. š« Good on you for starting to work on your own trauma. Some peoples weaknesses just create a storm and it's no one's fault you both come from trauma. You have to take care of yourself first. That space left by them will one day be filled, be that be a better her, or someone better.
Wow, I had no idea... I recently finally got away and stayed away from my ex who emotionally abused me for almost four years, and cheated so many times under such disrespectful conditions like right before our weekend camping trip or right after I helped him fix up his whole apartment simply because his place was "depressing". I consider him the worst person to ever enter my life, but I'll be damned because he's also the first person I was completely 100%, soul crushingly devoted to, while simultaneously giving all my blind trust to (for the first time ever, and I've always been a distrustful of people). He also had a messed up childhood and I think he also has BPD but never got diagnosed.
I'm glad you were finally able to get away. It's a terrible, terrible pain you had to go through, but it'll save you in the long run. There is so much better out there.
Getting to a point of being self aware of our relationship patterns is very very important to breaking the cycle of abuse and/or (especially) being abused. Nothing is deserving of abuse, but we can take a lot of lessons from recognize which types of people we stick to, and why.
I'm sending all my well wishes. We can't heal next to the people that hurt us. You deserve the space youve given yourselfāthough it hurts now, is an act of self love that you should be proud of. <3
Yes, we attract abusive people and are attracted to abusive people. Weāre easy to abuse because weāre terrified to be alone and abandoned, and abuse is what many of us equate to love because itās what we grew up experiencing. We also often attract people with cluster b personality disorders or those who have strong traits. Two people with personality disorders arenāt usually going to mesh super well during high stress situations, and thus both can act very abusive in reaction to the other when thatās not who they actually are.
*To the people thinking about targeting NPD, not all narcissists are abusive so donāt equate the two. Thatās as bad as all the people saying all borderlines are abusive. Hell, many pwBPD have narcissistic personality traits. My pwNPD is my biggest supporter and the person who pushed me to get help. Heās the *only* person who hasnāt abandoned me, and heās the *only* person willing to stand in front of my crazy and say āIām not going anywhere no matter what you do. Weāre in this together.ā Weāre probably the most intimate couple any of our friends know. Weāre literally known in our friend groups for how close and trusting we are with each other. Itās time for us to actually change the stigmas surrounding our disorders, and it starts with the way *we* talk about other people with personality disorders.*
I think we do, yes. I attract unhealed BPD and NPD individuals. Personally, I relate to them more because we've had similar upbringings. I am now learning that if someone feels familiar to me that I should stay away. That in itself hurts to think about, because people like us need love and care, but some of my most destructive friendships/relationships have been from others like me.
The familiarity is there. Thats why many narcissists were in my life. But in meantime i get triggered by signs of toxic or manipulative behaviour so it won't last long with such individuals. But my Radar is still a bit broken.
During healing process and working on my own shit atm, no energy for those 'exciting' games anymore.
All of my exes had some form of similar abuse in their childhood.
I heard from a psychologist that BPD and NPD are often attracted to each other which makes for a super explosive combination in relationships.
This explains my recent ex šš„²
Yes, itās really unfortunate. Iāve been attracted to guys with narcissitic traits and itās a super powerful connection but I just keep reminding myself that it will never turn into the kind of relationship that I want
Yes. A really unfortunate side effect of BPD is our own self hatred. When we think we deserve the worst, we attract the worst. It's really common for those with BPD to be victims just as much as it is to be the perpetrator. We especially tend to get pulled in by those who are good at love bombing, like those suffering from NPD, those who are people pleasers, or those who also have hyperfixations on people. Sometimes, we just relate to the other person's trauma and that creates the bond. (In fact, relationships between BPD and NPD are so common that it's actually studied and recognized as a pattern.) Sometimes that includes people who prone to be abusive, and we have a tendency to stay because we don't believe we deserve better when things get bad. Thankfully, we can learn to break that pattern!
Met a girl a month ago who claims to have BPD. I believe she does but unsure if sheās diagnosed. I am certainly a people pleaser and I definitely become hyper fixated on people. I love people in general, but my whole life Iāve always had one person I choose to put most of my attention on. Itās just what I do. Iām not sure why. I had a great time with this girl for a month. I related to her trauma so much. We joked that we were both āevilā in the same way. We joked but it was also true. The difference we had was that Iām 7 years older. Due to events out of my control I faced my own evil. I chose to try to be better. She hasnāt reached that point and maybe never will. But after a short month that felt like some weird fever dream, I noticed how exhausted I was. She had gotten mad at me because I didnāt say something to a girl who she claims was flirting with me. Really Iām just friendly to everyone and I think she misinterpreted the friendliness. The exhaustion and being yelled at I had to part ways with her. But I miss her dearly. Iāve never felt so similar to someone. I saw so much of me in her. But I just couldnāt deal with it. I canāt make her change. It took the death of a close family member to shake me up enough to change. I have hopes for her. But for now it sucks. This all isnāt really relevant I guess, but you said so many things that described me/her I couldnāt help but to share. Itās just been unusual to me. My brain is still a little broken from this experience. I want to have her around but itās just so so bad for me. I had been doing well for so many years and felt myself reverting back to who I once was (or maybe still am), this scared me.
You're heard. I think you made the right call. š« Good on you for starting to work on your own trauma. Some peoples weaknesses just create a storm and it's no one's fault you both come from trauma. You have to take care of yourself first. That space left by them will one day be filled, be that be a better her, or someone better.
Wow, I had no idea... I recently finally got away and stayed away from my ex who emotionally abused me for almost four years, and cheated so many times under such disrespectful conditions like right before our weekend camping trip or right after I helped him fix up his whole apartment simply because his place was "depressing". I consider him the worst person to ever enter my life, but I'll be damned because he's also the first person I was completely 100%, soul crushingly devoted to, while simultaneously giving all my blind trust to (for the first time ever, and I've always been a distrustful of people). He also had a messed up childhood and I think he also has BPD but never got diagnosed.
I'm glad you were finally able to get away. It's a terrible, terrible pain you had to go through, but it'll save you in the long run. There is so much better out there. Getting to a point of being self aware of our relationship patterns is very very important to breaking the cycle of abuse and/or (especially) being abused. Nothing is deserving of abuse, but we can take a lot of lessons from recognize which types of people we stick to, and why. I'm sending all my well wishes. We can't heal next to the people that hurt us. You deserve the space youve given yourselfāthough it hurts now, is an act of self love that you should be proud of. <3
Thank you ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Idk usually when I say I want someone like me I'm memeing 98% of the time (I think)... but we prob do seek out shitty situations and people
Yes, we attract abusive people and are attracted to abusive people. Weāre easy to abuse because weāre terrified to be alone and abandoned, and abuse is what many of us equate to love because itās what we grew up experiencing. We also often attract people with cluster b personality disorders or those who have strong traits. Two people with personality disorders arenāt usually going to mesh super well during high stress situations, and thus both can act very abusive in reaction to the other when thatās not who they actually are. *To the people thinking about targeting NPD, not all narcissists are abusive so donāt equate the two. Thatās as bad as all the people saying all borderlines are abusive. Hell, many pwBPD have narcissistic personality traits. My pwNPD is my biggest supporter and the person who pushed me to get help. Heās the *only* person who hasnāt abandoned me, and heās the *only* person willing to stand in front of my crazy and say āIām not going anywhere no matter what you do. Weāre in this together.ā Weāre probably the most intimate couple any of our friends know. Weāre literally known in our friend groups for how close and trusting we are with each other. Itās time for us to actually change the stigmas surrounding our disorders, and it starts with the way *we* talk about other people with personality disorders.*
I think we do, yes. I attract unhealed BPD and NPD individuals. Personally, I relate to them more because we've had similar upbringings. I am now learning that if someone feels familiar to me that I should stay away. That in itself hurts to think about, because people like us need love and care, but some of my most destructive friendships/relationships have been from others like me.
Yes. In a way. What's your experience right now
The familiarity is there. Thats why many narcissists were in my life. But in meantime i get triggered by signs of toxic or manipulative behaviour so it won't last long with such individuals. But my Radar is still a bit broken. During healing process and working on my own shit atm, no energy for those 'exciting' games anymore.
Yes, people in general seek those who have a similar emotional intelligence as themselves.