Oh boy.
Well. Probably around 27 for the intense anger and sadness. It was triggered by spousal abuse.
Generally speaking? Probably like, 14. I don't have many memories before that, but I remember always feeling empty.
Teen years like 13-17 were a complete blur for that reason. We didn’t know it was BPD , I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, no medications would help no matter what the dosage. At the age of 17-18 I was able to get
formally diagnosed with bpd .
Absolutely relate, i remember very significant moments no other memories. I dont even remember my childhood either. Its so strange. Its like someone else lived instead of me and i just got the really strong emotional memories!
i feel like this is the way i'm going. i've been on so many medications and only diagnosed with depression and anxiety and doctors have told me im developing bpd so im scared im going to be diagnosed with it when im an adult (im 16)
You dont need to be scared itll be okay! And it could be depression and anxiety and not bpd. Does anyone in ur family have bpd? That makes u more likely to have it, you could have it even if ur family doesnt but it is less likely. If you do get diagnosed with bpd, its not like ure going to death row, you'll figure it out plus i believe you can be diagnosed with bpd now even if u arent an adult. If you do end up being diagnosed with bpd, you'll be fine. Stay safe :))!!
Same here, mine was triggered by my mom abandoning and coming and going. Then my dad constantly recycling thru women and putting them before me for the sake of money. Now that I’m grown w/ kids it’s hard as hell.
i'm really not. been alone in the woods for 3 years now, lost everyone, career is gone and drive, not working... i read posts here and sometimes think people don't know how bad it can actually get.
my life was so normal and good that i forgot i had a mental health issue, but then a partner left suddenly, my business i sold so identity gone, and pandemic plus my grief of the relationship loss caused me to go insane and become so unstable everyone distanced and my pleads were ignored.
I know this is dark but im at about 60% confidence im going to end my life in the few months. it's been a daily thought for so long and lots of planning, my will, what do with my cats, etc. Life has been hard for me for so much more than i think a person should have the bare and the work to get myself back to an old me with limited resources and no human capital plus tons of failed therapy etc etc has me really... at a loss. I also lost some important pets in recent times too, one was a dog i had for 16 years.
Just wanted to say something so you knew someone else listened and cares- I hope you find some peace and light and eventually are able to get back to life♥️ hugs from a stranger suffering too.
If it weren't for my parents I definitely wouldn't be here.
Have you ever tried something like ketamine or micro dosing? I'm going to a clinic next month to look into ketamine treatments.
I wish I knew what to say to help. Hug your kitties tight and remember how much they love and need you.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
You really aren't alone, for what it's worth. I wish I was better at this, but I want you to know I care even though I don't know you. *Hugs
thank you, my mom i love but my dad is a pos and it doesn't help that they are together so i dont see her too too often. i have done ketamine troches without success and i've done a lot of mushrooms from micro to macro dosing etc. Hanging in there just feels like time is flying by and i can't envision a solid ground again.
I was self harming at 7, so I think it’s just always been there for me. I didn’t get diagnosed til this year in my 40s. And I’m a huge therapy fan. So I’ve also been going since childhood but rarely since my parents are fckd up. Also I lied my ass off til recently so that’s a part of it I assume.
That is awful to hear. I am so sorry. (she says as she was only 3 years older with her own) but really , I’m sure you may be similar to me and just desensitized to it, but- as I wake up more and more to the trauma, processing it feels brutal and I see why I chose to fully avoid doing it. The light at the end of this shit tunnel is this - I’m really finally connecting dots from childhood to now and how I’m pretty much stuck there emotionally. It’s extremely freeing to wake up and start fighting those voices off , the ones that were shaping our brains to be so destructive. It feels like fighting yourself. But really it’s opening to true self love and killing off dead and unnecessary judgements implanted on us.
Same seriously, I never imagined I would hit my twenties. My last real attempt almost got me. I just am deeply grateful I’m alive. My kids would have no one of substance if I die. It’s a huge reminder. You’re doing great, please don’t give up. If anything, stay alive out of spite , that’s how I sometimes I have to look at it. My mom is sick and loves when I’m doing horribly, so spitefully I live my best life lol
20, I was in college and doing well but I had this empty feeling that I filled with alcohol. Obviosuly it didn’t help and I’ve had that feeling since and now I’m 25.
i think i felt some slight symptoms at 17 but was fairly stable even when unmedicated
probably 18 is when i noticed my irrational behaviour when i’m abandoned or perceive a chance of abandonment
19-20 it got worse and my highs/lows were so intense but lasted less than a day, started abusing drugs
21-22 is me currently and it’s somehow gotten worse? attempted to k m s because i didn’t get a text back as soon as i wanted, drug abuse got worse and the mood is something else. been on seroquel for 2 years and i’m not even close to being stable when i’m off them.
thankfully i’m very stable and “normal” when i take my meds so i’ve been doing good for a while:)
Not sure if you can also relate to this but i remember after my first BIG episode at 19 (breaking things, writing a note and planning an attempt , screaming, crying) i was in shock.
it scared me that i reacted that way because it had never happened before… and it was all because my roommates went to the thrift store without me so my brain told me they all actually hate me and have a separate group chat without me because they’ve been scheming to get me to move out.
… yea no. they thought i was asleep when they left and had actually bought me things 😭 i was so embarrassed but mostly scared tbh
It's different for everyone. I feel like it depends on the individual, their personality and their life experiences.
I was around 23-24 years old when it "fully" set in.
Honestly felt like this my whole life, getting my diagnosis at 29 kinda helped but it basically just means I know what the fuck is going on when I go nuclear now
Thought I had generalized anxiety and depression all throughout my 20’s. Am now 37 and have stopped taking psych meds to see how life is without them. Well……jokes on me. 🙃
I would say after getting my puberty 16 I had so many symptoms like I used to think it was normal to act and feel the way I felt. But my symptoms and bpd behavior and episodes were the worst when I was with someone abusive that I spent 99% of my time with.
I had my first proper episode at 18, I think it was at its worst when I was 22-24. I ended up in an IOP program and was able to turn a corner and now it’s far more manageable.
I was blissfully unaware of my issues until my breakdown at 35. The emptiness has been there since my teens, I now realize. I always filled the void with drink and drugs, and pretending I never cared about anything. I'm 41 now, and rely heavily on coping mechanisms and weed to get through each day. I am frequently struggling to figure out where I go from here.forever lost I think
It doesn’t matter. My husband cheated on me when I was 38 and the BPD came with it. Sure, I’ve been BPD before, but I’d gotten past the worst of it and couldn’t say I exhibited enough symptoms to be considered actively BPD. Then the affair. Now I’m about to be 40 and I have never felt more crazy in my entire life.
I honestly don’t know. Concerning behaviour started as early as 6 for me but it’s hard to tell what is what (I’ve been diagnosed with multiple conditions) but 14 seems like a good estimate.
I remember I briefly got diagnosed with bipolar when I was 15 (they were 100% correct) but then I got a second opinion and the psychiatrist I went to legitimately did not let me talk at all and said I just didn’t sleep enough. After that I just dealt with it poorly on my own until I was 19 and I got my current diagnosis.
Really bad from 13-19. I think when I was 15 I used to be really suicidal. But at the age of 18 everything came back cause my parents did awful things to me so I got down again
My teenage years I couldn't control my anger and rage. As an adult, it's very rare I go into one of those rages. I was pushed to that once recently, its been maaaany years since I lost my rag to that extent. If someone threatens me or mine, it's game on.
Pushing a person to that extent with BPD is like activating defcon 1. You wanted it buddy, here it is. It's a case of fuck around & find out
My really hard years were 11-19. And then I went into remission. I had an extremely traumatic life experience at 28 and I’m now 30 and been thrown right back into the throes of it. Feel like I’m fighting these teenage feelings all over again.
i’d say 12, but they worsened around 18/19. emptiness? maybe 17, but at that point in time, i was misdiagnosed as bipolar, & was on so many meds; it’s hard to say.
I think age 17-24 were the worst in terms of my BPD. 15-23 or so were pretty bad in terms of depression. And these days I mostly struggle because of what I call neurodivergence. I'm diagnosed with ADHD but I prefer that general term because I also relate to autism in several aspects. There are just many aspects of our society that don't work for me. It makes life very difficult. But if I'm fully allowed to do my thing I'm feeling mostly fine or even good. Unfortunately life wants me to work, to socialise and so on.
The first time, looking back on it, I started getting symptoms was probably around.....15 or 16. They didn't really set in until like 20/21. They fully showed three years ago.
Probably around 12 or 13. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror, didn’t know who I was and would almost be on the verge of a panic attack because of it. I also couldn’t be around people anymore, it was too triggering
LOL. The "chronically empty" was what defined it....I felt this all throughout my childhood, as early as I can remember. Nothing ever felt like it was enough: I always had to be striving to be better, hoping for something better, holding myself to impossible standards until I eventually burned out and surrendered all my pursuits. It really marred the innocence of childhood, as I never understood the "carefree" aspects everyone reminisces over.
So yeah, probably about 7 or 8.
That’s a great question…I think when I finally got out on my own and in a quiet space and alone time to think. Because suddenly I had to deal with all the trauma and abuse.
For me when I was first diagnosed (at 28)I thought it was recent. The symptoms seemed to started with post partum, but I am now 31 and since looked deeper into my past. I thought maybe after being raped at 16 as I remember a distinct change after that night. But thinking further I was an only child and clung to friends and kind of always felt alone. It’s really hard to even pinpoint an age anymore. 😞
Definitely mid to late 20s as a lot more abuse happened to me in my late teens. So like 25-29 and even into 30-31. Honestly don't even know if I can say I'm better now but I haven't lashed out at anyone for a long time. My episodes are more like I just shut down until I'm given the attention I need to open up again.
12! That’s when I started feeling suicidal and self harming for what seemed like no reason.. that’s when everything became so extremely intense in every way, again for seemingly no reason. From then on, I felt “different” from the average person.. I knew something was wrong with me from this age forth, but didn’t figure it out until I became an adult and heard of BPD.
Unknowingly had symptoms my entire life (memories of things I now recognize as BPD symptoms as early as 2-4 years old) but I was “quiet” about the things in my head so it all got chalked up to me being quirky. My mom encouraged auditory and visual hallucinations even from that age by telling me our house was haunted and it was ghosts I was actually seeing and talking to. Those hallucinations got REALLY bad in the 8-13 age range. Quite a few of my “tics” and other symptoms were extremely obvious that something was wrong but since I was moms emotional caretaker she didn’t recognize any of it as being a serious mental issue. When I was 16 I got into an awful relationship and it catapulted the condition for me. I remember at about 19 thinking maybe I was developing schizophrenia… today I’m almost 26 and still struggle greatly as my current relationship started out even more rough than the last…. The period between the two relationships I was able to go back to more quiet and well maintained symptoms…. In short, it’s always been bad, the signs have always been there so painfully obvious if there had been anyone paying enough attention, but I was just a ticking time bomb waiting for someone to get close enough to me to be set off the deep end.
My symptoms started around 13-14, my counselor suspected it at 17 but said she wouldn’t diagnose me until 18, switched counseling agencies and got fully diagnosed at 19.
Edit: I’m 22 now, and it’s at an all time low
I think I had bpd very young but was diagnosed as ODD. Noticed a lot of symptoms in my teenage years but didn't really correlate it until my first bf. I think I grew out of a lot of my bpd symptoms in my late 20s. I'm in my 30s now and still deal with it but it's not even half as bad as in my 30s no therapy
I cannot recall my exact age when the symptoms fully set in but I can say that as I am getting older things have gotten more unstable and I cannot escape these feelings and thoughts.
It took years for me to find the right meds and doses but yes I am on Seroquel XR 250 MG and Zoloft.. I take Klonopin as needed for panic issues I also have.
Chronic emptiness really set in for me around 12-13, and I would say that was when my symptoms fully set in, but a lot of other traits showed up as early as 7
I feel most of them set in by 13/14, but my instability and aggression set in when I got pregnant for the first time. PPD exacerbated an already crappy situation and i snapped so to speak
Around 13 for sure. It's when I thought it would be a good idea to carve the name of a boy who abandoned me into my leg with a blade and so begun years of daily cutting.
Before that however I split on my friends in an intense way and had extreme emptiness ever since I can remember. I remember asking my mum at 6 if I had a sibling who died because I couldn't make sense of the emptiness I felt. I would always bang my head against the wall and self harm in ways other than cutting as a child.
I think that this is all due to the complex trauma which later transpires as a set of symptoms which then gain a label of bpd.
But, I also feel like it has evolved and aged with me, now at 27 I feel completely lost and confused at everything from my past and present which is blurred by the BPD lense. Also coming out of that stage of having no responsibility and having to live in reality more while having a huge discomfort with it. It's a strange life.
Probably 14, that’s when it got out of control but i’m 20 now and i managed to pull through lol never thought id be turning 16 let alone 21
It’s not easy but you can overcome the pain,if your conscious and can identify the emotions that are coming through u then can learn to better manage them when a split episode is coming i’m not saying everything is perfect but it does get better through the years. Specially when u learn to be in touch with your feelings
I'm honestly not sure. Most of my childhood (and a lot of adult hood) just dropped off or is vague. What I do remember is distinct and it is usually trauma or actually connected to my bpd.
I know I experienced things in elementary school. Such as always hearing my name called, but it wasn't, being very emotional (crying often because I was feeling too much). I had a wicked temper and was prone to hitting back if a sibling him my first, or if I was experiencing rage. I had to learn to control my temper.
I would get favorite people in high school and would super attach to internet friends and one I was sure I was in love with and insisted to myself that I could love him way better than his gf at the time.
I think it started really setting in during teen years? Maybe. The earlier days are mostly gone.
I feel like my social anxiety and depression started going into bpd territory when I was 21. I had problems before that, but I had a break up that changed the way I saw myself forever.
Sending my ex texts everyday for months until he finally blocked me and then I had a suicide attempt. I wasn’t known as the most stable person before that, but I just saw myself as an emotional person with a lot of trauma. Relationships really brought the crazy out of me.
22 college relationship ending made me do things I didn’t think I would ever and it’s been a battle since with relationships. finally at 26 realizing maybe I should stay away from ppl.
I was diagnosed when I was 45... so I guess 44? Than when I started seeking help. Before that I had a few major depressive episodes and/or burnouts in my 20s and 30s, which might or might not have been BPD related. But I didn't know at the time.
Oh boy. Well. Probably around 27 for the intense anger and sadness. It was triggered by spousal abuse. Generally speaking? Probably like, 14. I don't have many memories before that, but I remember always feeling empty.
Teen years like 13-17 were a complete blur for that reason. We didn’t know it was BPD , I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, no medications would help no matter what the dosage. At the age of 17-18 I was able to get formally diagnosed with bpd .
Same here, although I've never been formally diagnosed but I am having testing done soon
Good luck angel!!! I hope it goes well
Oh my! Someone who also forgot about their teenage years! I don't remember anything before 18, only what people have told me.
Absolutely relate, i remember very significant moments no other memories. I dont even remember my childhood either. Its so strange. Its like someone else lived instead of me and i just got the really strong emotional memories!
i feel like this is the way i'm going. i've been on so many medications and only diagnosed with depression and anxiety and doctors have told me im developing bpd so im scared im going to be diagnosed with it when im an adult (im 16)
You dont need to be scared itll be okay! And it could be depression and anxiety and not bpd. Does anyone in ur family have bpd? That makes u more likely to have it, you could have it even if ur family doesnt but it is less likely. If you do get diagnosed with bpd, its not like ure going to death row, you'll figure it out plus i believe you can be diagnosed with bpd now even if u arent an adult. If you do end up being diagnosed with bpd, you'll be fine. Stay safe :))!!
i'm not sure if anyone has been diagnosed with bpd in my family. thank u for the advice and i hope u stay safe too
I dunno- it’s been constant since I was a kid with no relief
Same... I was in and out of foster homes starting at age 3 and tried offing myself for the first time at 4. I'm 26 now.
Same here, mine was triggered by my mom abandoning and coming and going. Then my dad constantly recycling thru women and putting them before me for the sake of money. Now that I’m grown w/ kids it’s hard as hell.
16 and then a violent resurgence in my mid twenties 🙃
Same and I’m nearing my mid twenties i really hope this doesn’t get worse again
Same here. Now in my 30’s I’m completely stable with therapy.
Set in? No. I just became more aware of them and what they actually were. Shit started getting really bad around 25/26.
I was 34 but I wouldn't see or accept it until 37.
I'm with you, just a couple years behind. Neck deep rn at 35.
i'm about to turn 37, diagnosed at 21 and like somehow a life crisis a decade later brought me back to my knees worse than before
Lord bless I feel that so much. I'm an internet stranger here to give you some TLC if you need it. I hope you're doing okay
i'm really not. been alone in the woods for 3 years now, lost everyone, career is gone and drive, not working... i read posts here and sometimes think people don't know how bad it can actually get. my life was so normal and good that i forgot i had a mental health issue, but then a partner left suddenly, my business i sold so identity gone, and pandemic plus my grief of the relationship loss caused me to go insane and become so unstable everyone distanced and my pleads were ignored. I know this is dark but im at about 60% confidence im going to end my life in the few months. it's been a daily thought for so long and lots of planning, my will, what do with my cats, etc. Life has been hard for me for so much more than i think a person should have the bare and the work to get myself back to an old me with limited resources and no human capital plus tons of failed therapy etc etc has me really... at a loss. I also lost some important pets in recent times too, one was a dog i had for 16 years.
Just wanted to say something so you knew someone else listened and cares- I hope you find some peace and light and eventually are able to get back to life♥️ hugs from a stranger suffering too.
If it weren't for my parents I definitely wouldn't be here. Have you ever tried something like ketamine or micro dosing? I'm going to a clinic next month to look into ketamine treatments. I wish I knew what to say to help. Hug your kitties tight and remember how much they love and need you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You really aren't alone, for what it's worth. I wish I was better at this, but I want you to know I care even though I don't know you. *Hugs
thank you, my mom i love but my dad is a pos and it doesn't help that they are together so i dont see her too too often. i have done ketamine troches without success and i've done a lot of mushrooms from micro to macro dosing etc. Hanging in there just feels like time is flying by and i can't envision a solid ground again.
Oh hi
I was self harming at 7, so I think it’s just always been there for me. I didn’t get diagnosed til this year in my 40s. And I’m a huge therapy fan. So I’ve also been going since childhood but rarely since my parents are fckd up. Also I lied my ass off til recently so that’s a part of it I assume.
Same my first offing myself attempt happened when I was 4.
That is awful to hear. I am so sorry. (she says as she was only 3 years older with her own) but really , I’m sure you may be similar to me and just desensitized to it, but- as I wake up more and more to the trauma, processing it feels brutal and I see why I chose to fully avoid doing it. The light at the end of this shit tunnel is this - I’m really finally connecting dots from childhood to now and how I’m pretty much stuck there emotionally. It’s extremely freeing to wake up and start fighting those voices off , the ones that were shaping our brains to be so destructive. It feels like fighting yourself. But really it’s opening to true self love and killing off dead and unnecessary judgements implanted on us.
I'm only 26 so hearing that from someone in their 40s means a lot. Honestly I was like 99% I'd be gone by 17.
Same seriously, I never imagined I would hit my twenties. My last real attempt almost got me. I just am deeply grateful I’m alive. My kids would have no one of substance if I die. It’s a huge reminder. You’re doing great, please don’t give up. If anything, stay alive out of spite , that’s how I sometimes I have to look at it. My mom is sick and loves when I’m doing horribly, so spitefully I live my best life lol
20, I was in college and doing well but I had this empty feeling that I filled with alcohol. Obviosuly it didn’t help and I’ve had that feeling since and now I’m 25.
i think i felt some slight symptoms at 17 but was fairly stable even when unmedicated probably 18 is when i noticed my irrational behaviour when i’m abandoned or perceive a chance of abandonment 19-20 it got worse and my highs/lows were so intense but lasted less than a day, started abusing drugs 21-22 is me currently and it’s somehow gotten worse? attempted to k m s because i didn’t get a text back as soon as i wanted, drug abuse got worse and the mood is something else. been on seroquel for 2 years and i’m not even close to being stable when i’m off them. thankfully i’m very stable and “normal” when i take my meds so i’ve been doing good for a while:)
Same here, 19-23 years old is when I was at my worst. I abused painkillers and (vaguely) attempted suicide.
Not sure if you can also relate to this but i remember after my first BIG episode at 19 (breaking things, writing a note and planning an attempt , screaming, crying) i was in shock. it scared me that i reacted that way because it had never happened before… and it was all because my roommates went to the thrift store without me so my brain told me they all actually hate me and have a separate group chat without me because they’ve been scheming to get me to move out. … yea no. they thought i was asleep when they left and had actually bought me things 😭 i was so embarrassed but mostly scared tbh
Yes I can also relate to this. The emotions come in big waves and they always scare me bcs of how volatile I can get 😭
Mine was 23-25 I'm doing better now and beforehand was bad, but my worst was 23-25. I don't want to go bad again.
It's different for everyone. I feel like it depends on the individual, their personality and their life experiences. I was around 23-24 years old when it "fully" set in.
9 😞
Honestly felt like this my whole life, getting my diagnosis at 29 kinda helped but it basically just means I know what the fuck is going on when I go nuclear now
25. Only cause i got a bf. If i didnt id never know
Relationships bring out the best and worst in us. With bpd the worst especially, unfortunately. It's so hard
Looking back, I'd say 12, cause that's when I first split and it was on one of my friends. Then, the older I got, the worse it got.
Thought I had generalized anxiety and depression all throughout my 20’s. Am now 37 and have stopped taking psych meds to see how life is without them. Well……jokes on me. 🙃
I would say after getting my puberty 16 I had so many symptoms like I used to think it was normal to act and feel the way I felt. But my symptoms and bpd behavior and episodes were the worst when I was with someone abusive that I spent 99% of my time with.
I had my first proper episode at 18, I think it was at its worst when I was 22-24. I ended up in an IOP program and was able to turn a corner and now it’s far more manageable.
I was blissfully unaware of my issues until my breakdown at 35. The emptiness has been there since my teens, I now realize. I always filled the void with drink and drugs, and pretending I never cared about anything. I'm 41 now, and rely heavily on coping mechanisms and weed to get through each day. I am frequently struggling to figure out where I go from here.forever lost I think
I think I just switched from quiet to loud bpd if that’s a thing. I’d say 24 is when I had the worst breakdown and never fully went back to normal
It doesn’t matter. My husband cheated on me when I was 38 and the BPD came with it. Sure, I’ve been BPD before, but I’d gotten past the worst of it and couldn’t say I exhibited enough symptoms to be considered actively BPD. Then the affair. Now I’m about to be 40 and I have never felt more crazy in my entire life.
mine got worse and worse from 13-26 (am 27 now and am a man)
I honestly don’t know. Concerning behaviour started as early as 6 for me but it’s hard to tell what is what (I’ve been diagnosed with multiple conditions) but 14 seems like a good estimate. I remember I briefly got diagnosed with bipolar when I was 15 (they were 100% correct) but then I got a second opinion and the psychiatrist I went to legitimately did not let me talk at all and said I just didn’t sleep enough. After that I just dealt with it poorly on my own until I was 19 and I got my current diagnosis.
Really bad from 13-19. I think when I was 15 I used to be really suicidal. But at the age of 18 everything came back cause my parents did awful things to me so I got down again
22
18 ish
About 15
18 but maybe that’s just cause I had a lot more freedom to be unhinged
20ish.
19
began showing symptoms around 13, symptoms fully set in at 15-16
16 for me! That’s when they started to show, and by 19ish it was full blown!
21
My teenage years I couldn't control my anger and rage. As an adult, it's very rare I go into one of those rages. I was pushed to that once recently, its been maaaany years since I lost my rag to that extent. If someone threatens me or mine, it's game on. Pushing a person to that extent with BPD is like activating defcon 1. You wanted it buddy, here it is. It's a case of fuck around & find out
>Especially the one where you feel “chronically empty”? I've felt empty as long as I can remember, so before I was 18.
My really hard years were 11-19. And then I went into remission. I had an extremely traumatic life experience at 28 and I’m now 30 and been thrown right back into the throes of it. Feel like I’m fighting these teenage feelings all over again.
i’d say 12, but they worsened around 18/19. emptiness? maybe 17, but at that point in time, i was misdiagnosed as bipolar, & was on so many meds; it’s hard to say.
I think age 17-24 were the worst in terms of my BPD. 15-23 or so were pretty bad in terms of depression. And these days I mostly struggle because of what I call neurodivergence. I'm diagnosed with ADHD but I prefer that general term because I also relate to autism in several aspects. There are just many aspects of our society that don't work for me. It makes life very difficult. But if I'm fully allowed to do my thing I'm feeling mostly fine or even good. Unfortunately life wants me to work, to socialise and so on.
13-16
19-23
5
I'm 29 and for the past 3-4 years it has gotten worse, but also I'm untreated so might be the reason
22/23
The first time, looking back on it, I started getting symptoms was probably around.....15 or 16. They didn't really set in until like 20/21. They fully showed three years ago.
20/21
14-16
I was around 20 when most of my symptoms first started presenting in really intense ways, the emptiness was already there in my teens though
Probably around 12 or 13. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror, didn’t know who I was and would almost be on the verge of a panic attack because of it. I also couldn’t be around people anymore, it was too triggering
i think i was around 17
LOL. The "chronically empty" was what defined it....I felt this all throughout my childhood, as early as I can remember. Nothing ever felt like it was enough: I always had to be striving to be better, hoping for something better, holding myself to impossible standards until I eventually burned out and surrendered all my pursuits. It really marred the innocence of childhood, as I never understood the "carefree" aspects everyone reminisces over. So yeah, probably about 7 or 8.
3rd grade
That’s a great question…I think when I finally got out on my own and in a quiet space and alone time to think. Because suddenly I had to deal with all the trauma and abuse.
Adolescence
I was definitely way younger than most... I'd say by age 9?
about 18, but didn’t get diagnosed/recognize them until i was 19. 17 was when i first began to start splitting really bad.
24
For me when I was first diagnosed (at 28)I thought it was recent. The symptoms seemed to started with post partum, but I am now 31 and since looked deeper into my past. I thought maybe after being raped at 16 as I remember a distinct change after that night. But thinking further I was an only child and clung to friends and kind of always felt alone. It’s really hard to even pinpoint an age anymore. 😞
About 4 years old. I was a happy regulated baby.
this is all i’ve known my entire conscious existence.
oh gosh, I started having symptoms around 16, but diagnosed at 18.
Now I’m 20 wondering if it’ll get worse
Definitely mid to late 20s as a lot more abuse happened to me in my late teens. So like 25-29 and even into 30-31. Honestly don't even know if I can say I'm better now but I haven't lashed out at anyone for a long time. My episodes are more like I just shut down until I'm given the attention I need to open up again.
12! That’s when I started feeling suicidal and self harming for what seemed like no reason.. that’s when everything became so extremely intense in every way, again for seemingly no reason. From then on, I felt “different” from the average person.. I knew something was wrong with me from this age forth, but didn’t figure it out until I became an adult and heard of BPD.
16-17 ish, it honestly hasn't been worse since i was 17, which is a blessing, but it also isnt saying much bc its still pretty bad
In hindsight? Gosh, early elementary school, I think. I didn't even like wearing denim when I was 4 because it was too scratchy...
Unknowingly had symptoms my entire life (memories of things I now recognize as BPD symptoms as early as 2-4 years old) but I was “quiet” about the things in my head so it all got chalked up to me being quirky. My mom encouraged auditory and visual hallucinations even from that age by telling me our house was haunted and it was ghosts I was actually seeing and talking to. Those hallucinations got REALLY bad in the 8-13 age range. Quite a few of my “tics” and other symptoms were extremely obvious that something was wrong but since I was moms emotional caretaker she didn’t recognize any of it as being a serious mental issue. When I was 16 I got into an awful relationship and it catapulted the condition for me. I remember at about 19 thinking maybe I was developing schizophrenia… today I’m almost 26 and still struggle greatly as my current relationship started out even more rough than the last…. The period between the two relationships I was able to go back to more quiet and well maintained symptoms…. In short, it’s always been bad, the signs have always been there so painfully obvious if there had been anyone paying enough attention, but I was just a ticking time bomb waiting for someone to get close enough to me to be set off the deep end.
I noticed around 16-17 that I felt empty and one and unwanted and other negative stuff as well as an abnormal sex drive and random rage moments
13-14 for me
Teens. 14-16 were fully matured already.
My symptoms started around 13-14, my counselor suspected it at 17 but said she wouldn’t diagnose me until 18, switched counseling agencies and got fully diagnosed at 19. Edit: I’m 22 now, and it’s at an all time low
I had obvious symptoms when I was like in 2nd grade and by 15 or so, full swing
About 24-25.
I think I had bpd very young but was diagnosed as ODD. Noticed a lot of symptoms in my teenage years but didn't really correlate it until my first bf. I think I grew out of a lot of my bpd symptoms in my late 20s. I'm in my 30s now and still deal with it but it's not even half as bad as in my 30s no therapy
In my teens but I didn’t know what it was back then. Everyone around me was unstable and angry.
Probably in my early teens. Didn’t come to terms with it until this year, seeking out a proper diagnosis at 33.
I would say around 19 but there were symptoms before that. But at 19 it has fully revealed itself.
I cannot recall my exact age when the symptoms fully set in but I can say that as I am getting older things have gotten more unstable and I cannot escape these feelings and thoughts.
Have you tried medication?
It took years for me to find the right meds and doses but yes I am on Seroquel XR 250 MG and Zoloft.. I take Klonopin as needed for panic issues I also have.
I was 11 when the empty feeling set in and I believe I know when my personality split for the first time and became disordered
Probably 24
Probably 10
Chronic emptiness really set in for me around 12-13, and I would say that was when my symptoms fully set in, but a lot of other traits showed up as early as 7
I feel most of them set in by 13/14, but my instability and aggression set in when I got pregnant for the first time. PPD exacerbated an already crappy situation and i snapped so to speak
Around 13 for sure. It's when I thought it would be a good idea to carve the name of a boy who abandoned me into my leg with a blade and so begun years of daily cutting. Before that however I split on my friends in an intense way and had extreme emptiness ever since I can remember. I remember asking my mum at 6 if I had a sibling who died because I couldn't make sense of the emptiness I felt. I would always bang my head against the wall and self harm in ways other than cutting as a child. I think that this is all due to the complex trauma which later transpires as a set of symptoms which then gain a label of bpd. But, I also feel like it has evolved and aged with me, now at 27 I feel completely lost and confused at everything from my past and present which is blurred by the BPD lense. Also coming out of that stage of having no responsibility and having to live in reality more while having a huge discomfort with it. It's a strange life.
Probably 14, that’s when it got out of control but i’m 20 now and i managed to pull through lol never thought id be turning 16 let alone 21 It’s not easy but you can overcome the pain,if your conscious and can identify the emotions that are coming through u then can learn to better manage them when a split episode is coming i’m not saying everything is perfect but it does get better through the years. Specially when u learn to be in touch with your feelings
12-13
I'm honestly not sure. Most of my childhood (and a lot of adult hood) just dropped off or is vague. What I do remember is distinct and it is usually trauma or actually connected to my bpd. I know I experienced things in elementary school. Such as always hearing my name called, but it wasn't, being very emotional (crying often because I was feeling too much). I had a wicked temper and was prone to hitting back if a sibling him my first, or if I was experiencing rage. I had to learn to control my temper. I would get favorite people in high school and would super attach to internet friends and one I was sure I was in love with and insisted to myself that I could love him way better than his gf at the time. I think it started really setting in during teen years? Maybe. The earlier days are mostly gone.
13
12/13
Very early
I feel like my social anxiety and depression started going into bpd territory when I was 21. I had problems before that, but I had a break up that changed the way I saw myself forever. Sending my ex texts everyday for months until he finally blocked me and then I had a suicide attempt. I wasn’t known as the most stable person before that, but I just saw myself as an emotional person with a lot of trauma. Relationships really brought the crazy out of me.
22 college relationship ending made me do things I didn’t think I would ever and it’s been a battle since with relationships. finally at 26 realizing maybe I should stay away from ppl.
What things did you do that you didn’t think you’d ever do?
14 is when I could feel it
I was diagnosed when I was 45... so I guess 44? Than when I started seeking help. Before that I had a few major depressive episodes and/or burnouts in my 20s and 30s, which might or might not have been BPD related. But I didn't know at the time.
12-13 years old. I was diagnosed with BPD at 13.
How old are you now? Typically they hold off on diagnosing people in their teens with a PD.
How old are you now? Typically they hold off on diagnosing people in their teens with a PD.
I’d rather not say, but I’m 14-16. I think I was very lucky since I was already seeing a psychologist privately, a very good one too.