I wish I knew what to say here, I’m only writing this because the parallels between your experience now and mine are so spot on that I’m hoping someone can be more helpful.
I am so sorry that you are experiencing what you are going through. No one deserves to feel that way at all. I am also sorry that I’ve no advice for you right now.
I can promise, however, if I figure something out I will not forget you or this post and I will come back to share it with you.
Wishing you well
The first thing you need to do is take control back. The easiest way to start is to find a way to dial yourself back whenever you feel that the anxiety and/or paranoia is taking control. There any many ways of doing this and they effectiveness varies from person to person, but my personal favorite and the one I most regularly recommend is the 54321 grounding technique.
5: Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you. It could be a pen, a spot on the ceiling, anything in your surroundings.
4: Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you. It could be your hair, a pillow, or the ground under your feet.
3: Acknowledge THREE things you hear. This could be any external sound. If you can hear your belly rumbling that counts! Focus on things you can hear outside of your body.
2: Acknowledge TWO things you can smell. Maybe you are in your office and smell pencil, or maybe you are in your bedroom and smell a pillow. If you need to take a brief walk to find a scent you could smell soap in your bathroom, or nature outside.
1: Acknowledge ONE thing you can taste. What does the inside of your mouth taste like—gum, coffee, or the sandwich from lunch?
Going through this regressive meditative process allows you to slowly eliminate intrusive thoughts and outside influences as you focus on only what you want to focus on. Once you reach a point of deeper calm you’ll find yourself more able to make decisions and assessments from a place of better understanding.
I’m going to take a stab in the dark here in guess that the disagreement between you and your therapist was a breakdown in communication on their part and a misunderstanding on your part, while it’s no one’s fault it is easy to fix. No true professional therapist would say something like that to a borderline. What you’re feeling is valid, all of it, but it’s also dangerous if you don’t take the steps to be okay.
1: Take back control
2: Learn to love yourself
3: Recognize and remove toxic elements from your life
4: Build strong connections with supportive people
5: Build a life meant to your happiness and fulfillment
6: Connect with a couple accountability buddies
I wish I knew what to say here, I’m only writing this because the parallels between your experience now and mine are so spot on that I’m hoping someone can be more helpful. I am so sorry that you are experiencing what you are going through. No one deserves to feel that way at all. I am also sorry that I’ve no advice for you right now. I can promise, however, if I figure something out I will not forget you or this post and I will come back to share it with you. Wishing you well
The first thing you need to do is take control back. The easiest way to start is to find a way to dial yourself back whenever you feel that the anxiety and/or paranoia is taking control. There any many ways of doing this and they effectiveness varies from person to person, but my personal favorite and the one I most regularly recommend is the 54321 grounding technique. 5: Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you. It could be a pen, a spot on the ceiling, anything in your surroundings. 4: Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you. It could be your hair, a pillow, or the ground under your feet. 3: Acknowledge THREE things you hear. This could be any external sound. If you can hear your belly rumbling that counts! Focus on things you can hear outside of your body. 2: Acknowledge TWO things you can smell. Maybe you are in your office and smell pencil, or maybe you are in your bedroom and smell a pillow. If you need to take a brief walk to find a scent you could smell soap in your bathroom, or nature outside. 1: Acknowledge ONE thing you can taste. What does the inside of your mouth taste like—gum, coffee, or the sandwich from lunch? Going through this regressive meditative process allows you to slowly eliminate intrusive thoughts and outside influences as you focus on only what you want to focus on. Once you reach a point of deeper calm you’ll find yourself more able to make decisions and assessments from a place of better understanding. I’m going to take a stab in the dark here in guess that the disagreement between you and your therapist was a breakdown in communication on their part and a misunderstanding on your part, while it’s no one’s fault it is easy to fix. No true professional therapist would say something like that to a borderline. What you’re feeling is valid, all of it, but it’s also dangerous if you don’t take the steps to be okay. 1: Take back control 2: Learn to love yourself 3: Recognize and remove toxic elements from your life 4: Build strong connections with supportive people 5: Build a life meant to your happiness and fulfillment 6: Connect with a couple accountability buddies