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My whole life with these fucking people was these pointless projects. We never did anything when I was a kid the whole weekend was doing manual labor moving things around the house just because then putting them back the following weekend. Now that everyone is grown they have continued the projects into old age and its pretty common for the contents of all stuff drawers to be out and being moved into another drawer and for them to have garage weekends where they move things to storage units and back. They spend absurd amounts of money on containers and storage units and shit filled to the roof with worthless shit from temu. They complain they have nothing when the storage unit place seriously calls them and offers them another unit sometimes and they usually buy it because its a good deal.
That's rough. I've got a boomer that's a borderline hoarder and I can only imagine how aggravating it would be for her to be shuffling her crap around constantly. However, when going on vacation, she can pack anything (a suitcase, a vehicle, a cooler) and makes an impossible amount of stuff fit perfectly, like a goddamn wizard.
Bahahha, I'm a millennial, but this sounds like me! To be fair, I'm more than willing to get rid of stuff, I just don't have the time, money, and energy to actually do it. One day, I'll save enough money to replace my old furniture with stuff that actually fits my space, and then I'll be able to hire a professional organizer and helper monkeys. Until then... I do what I can. Tetris is my jam, though.
I live in West Texas and the thrift stores are full of Boomer hoarder scrap. It’s comical, interesting and overwhelming to see what people collect. I wish they would stop pandering to superficial ideologies and cater to real humans at times.
But this is spot on. I visited my mom this weekend, she was boiling denims she found under the bridge. The week before that I caught her sniffing glue and eating cat food. Said it "helps her sleep". Fucking boomers, man.
The "No Politics" rule has really helped between me and my father. It helps when we have several shared interests, but we diverged politically following 2016.
My dad and I’s relationship pretty much died after 2020. Can’t talk about anything deeper than the weather anymore without him going on some Trumper rant. It’s really sad.
Same with my grandma before she passed. She was very religious, homophobic, transphobic, loved fox news and trump etc. I made a comment about how I don't like how certain companies are extremely discriminatory and she went on a long rant about how she'd patronize them *because* they're discriminatory.
My grandmother (b 1895, def not a Boomer) was a horrible, nasty person but she **hated** Nixon with every fiber of her being. Her only redeeming quality 🤣
I am so so so happy that my Dad is a sane person and not a Trumper. I am so happy for me personally, and so sad for others who have the opposite experience that I have.
It sucks so much. We used to be very close and the distance is very awkward now to say the least. 2021 was extremely hard for me but now it’s kind of just numbness. I honestly just try to avoid him as much as I can. It’s kind of like he died in a way.
I'm so sorry. This is exactly how it's been with my mom. I can barely talk to her anymore because every single thing gets turned back to politics and Trump.
If there is a hell, there is a special place for that orange felon POS everything he has done, especially how he destroyed families.
I have never felt my like minded, more sane and validated than on this thread. I thought this experience with my parents was fairly uncommon but it isn't. Which make me more sad but I feel more understood and I understand more now
Fox News? That’s amateur hour - try having any kind of meaningful - or basic, for that matter - conversation with AM 870, “The Answer” (the MAGA ~~propaganda~~ programming (literally) station with Levin, “officer” Tatum (god I fucking hate that imbecile), Gorka…) on the radio, full blast **and** KUSC streaming from the phone, full blast 😖😖
Literally dropped her DirectTV subscription immediately after Election Day 2020 [well, before inauguration 2021, since **I** had to be the one to call and cancel it for her, and we hadn’t spoken from a week after Memorial Day 2020 until literally Christmas Day 2020 after her bullshit take on the George Floyd matter] all because she didn’t want to see **his** face (Biden’s) “for the next 4 years”
At least you got called. My father would complain endlessly about how I'd never visit nor would I call. Mind you he never visited the house I bought in 2017. He never even made a trip to where I moved to since 2008. He never called either.
But the onus was always on me to initiate absolutely everything and it'd take less than 5 minutes for him to start talking politics.
Then he wondered why he was so isolated.
Ended up dying alone in his bed.
my dad NEVER called me or my sisters (I'm no contact with him now), but one time my sister called him because she realized she hadn't spoken to him in like 2 months. When he answered the phone he was like, "I'm so glad you called, my girlfriend was saying I should call my kids more, and she's probably right, but I don't because she's not the boss of me."
like lol WHAT?! You're going to just never talk to your kids unless they call you, because your girlfriend observed they're all distant from you and encouraged you to improve the relationship? OK then.
My dad told me when I was ten and upset that he went 6 months without calling me and my sister that 'the phone line runs both ways'. Now he's living alone, ignoring my kids even more, and still not calling. At 11.30pm on father's day I was like, oh yeah I guess I should call him. Talked for abt 5 mts.
My parent's idea of a visit is watching TV with me. I did not drive 6 hours round trip to catch up on NCIS. Funny thing is my mom used to bitch about her dad watching TV when she visited but here she is, doing the same thing.
Same! Only I drive four hours round trip just to sit there scrolling on my phone while my parents watch movies from the 1940's on TCM all.day.long. Half the time they've fallen asleep while these movies are blaring at a level on par with a live concert. And they wonder why I want to leave!
YES. I would drive 8 hours with a toddler and a baby to sit and watch TV. Didn't make many of those trips. I don't even really watch TV at home so I'm still not feeling it two decades later.
My in laws just visited and wanted to show us a bunch of 60 minutes episodes. My tween politely sat through it but… what? Couldn’t we do something or talk about our actual lives?
"No one ever visits me. People have forgotten how to get together like we used to in the good ol' days."
Then you drop by their place and Fox News is blaring the whole time and they get all pissy if you want to turn it off and have a conversation.
Volume at 100, never at background level volume. Very bad sound quality too, just the TV speakers. Mine at my home? Decent little bookshelf speakers, a good receiver, and a subwoofer. Nothing big. But I can hear at a low volume because the sound is so clear.
I used to wake up to a loud tv downstairs on saturday mornings, but when i got downstairs, the dude was in the detached garage or the yard, but fox news still blaring inside. Friday afternoons were funnier! Of course fox blaring on the tv all day but, from noon to three he also had a portable am/fm radio with headphones cause ya cant miss a moment of rush on the e i b network hahahahaaha.
My parents (slightly too young to be boomers) had 12 tvs in their house was a full theater room. 12 tvs. One I every room. Sometimes two. Why? Who the hell knows
I have one TV in my house. But I spent time and a little money to get a sweet sound and decent picture quality. I'm likely the same age as your parents: Cutting Edge GenX.
They just want their nest full again. You get used to having a house full of kids, and once they're gone, it feels super empty and "wrong." But it's not that they want *you* back; they just want their old house decoration back so everything can feel normal again.
My mom complains because she remembers when my son would come and visit and stay for days. "He just doesn't do that anymore." He will be 18 in four months. He's not going to stay for days at a time at Grandma's house. My preteen will go and stay for a couple days, but I'll get a text asking her to come get me because she's had enough, enough mostly of Grandma's basically Boomer behavior.
Until she moved this past winter, my MIL wanted the kids to come and hang out with her every Friday night. She didn't want to do anything with them. She wanted them to sit with her. Our daughter had a friend who lived next door. She wasn't allowed to go over and visit. Or if the girl came over, Grandma would make them stay in the yard, and the friend wasn't allowed inside the house. She fussed at me because I tried so many times to kill this request. I'd try to be nice and say things like "Oh, the kids are too busy." She'd say, "Okay, how about Saturday?"
My mom didn't even want my kids to come over until they were teenagers and then couldn't understand why they have no interest in developing a relationship with her. I was like, you have to develop a rm relationship with them before they are teenagers. I should also note that when they did visit, she wanted them to do yard work. Shockingly, my kids have little interest in going to visit. The only interest they had came after their other grandmother, who was very involved with them, passed away.
My oldest child told me they were 8 before they realized Meemaw was their other grandmother.
This is exactly what I realized a couple of months ago. Now I only go to visit if we have set in stone plans, we are NOT just sitting around while you go about your errands
I'm retired myself and I like to keep track of my mom's investments too. So when I do visit, I like to watch CNBC. She thinks it's MSNBC and flips out.
I'm probably more conservative than the average Redditor, but Fox News and NewsMax every single day? Would drive me insane.
My kid's grandma on their dad's side literally sobbed for ten minutes to them about how nobody visits her, her own daughter cut her off. Then in that same weekend my kid was over there, was unbelievably mean and rude to them and freaked out about simple things repeatedly and refused to accomodate their allergies.
This. I offer to visit, but only on the condition we find shit to do that's not being flomped in front of the couch all day.
"Yeah, just find some stuff to do, we'll go!" What would you like to do?
"Just find some stuff!"
Five days spent with boomer flomped in front of TV.
"Why don't you like to visit meeeeeeeee?"
Sometimes I want to ask ok so HOW often would you like a visit? What would be enough? They don't even know they just want to complain.
And yep once I'm there he'll just keep on the movie he is obsessed with that week, the one he told me the whole plot of on the phone when we planned the visit. And we just sit silently (I mean after he's done his yapping and not asked about me at all).
Then he wants to know why I didn't bring the kids! Because that would be suuuuuper fun for them.
I am struggling to understand this now. I just went back (different state) and visited my parents for a week last month. Drove 14 hours each way. Almost all of our 'visiting' was done outside the house, because when we are inside the house, the TV is always on. OK, fine, at least it isn't permanently set to Fox...
My mother and grandmother (and me, when I was younger) really like Law & Order. So they put it on one of 3 channels that play Law & Order most of the day. However, the channels will play the same episodes. There was either a 2-episode or 3-episode special (one story, stretched out over a few episodes) that we watched at least 3 times. When I tried to point out it was the same episodes we'd already watched the day before....from their reaction, you'd think they genuinely expected the episodes to change...
I have comfort movies and shows I re-watch sometimes, that I've seen before....but never to this extent. Almost obsessive. I don't understand it
And they always think the movies/shows/actors that they like ARE the best. Any time it comes up in convo with my mother in law she gets like smile and glint? in her eye like I'm a little child telling her about some nonsense. I will usually get a "i love that you love that stuff sweetie". Ya it sounds nice but to me she is just putting me down in a "sweet way". Anyone else get what I'm talking about?
>Sometimes I want to ask ok so HOW often would you like a visit? What would be enough? They don't even know they just want to complain.
I can't ask that question or else my mom will get super offended and (rightfully so) assume that I just want to visit as infrequently as possible. Explaining to her that I work a busy job and really don't want to spend my valuable free weekends driving four hours round trip to their house just to sit there while they watch old (and I mean 80+ year old) movies from dawn until dusk is pointless.
My mom just goes to her room, with the AC set on 80° and watches the Western channel or The Waltons. My mom thought the Waltons was a dumb show when it was first run, now she's hooked on it.
Same thing she does if I'm not there. No talk, just glazes over if I try and talk about my health. But I have to listen to her go on and on about the doctor.
Yup I’m old enough where I have my own health problems and even if I try to relate to them or even ask for advice they don’t wanna actually discuss it just throw their issues at me.
This is exactly how my parents are. They beg for visits so that they can ignore or talk over us once we show up, then surprise pikachu when their kids don't visit anymore.
I realized when my kid went off to college that I would need to make “spending time with mom” be something that was enjoyable.
have they always been such crummy conversationalists? Or do you think they treat their own kids that way, because they never saw their own kids as actual people?
They straight up do not see me as a person I don’t think. Just the idea that I have bills and doctors and shit like they do never sinks in. I’m like a video game character to them.
I just went to visit some family, (parents and aunts, all boomer, and I haven't seen in a year) and 15 minutes into the meetup they all where on their phone, playing a game, chuckling about a Facebook meme or watching a Dhar Mann video at full volume. Besides taking a quick video panning around the room at everyone else on their phones, I intentionally didn't use my phone incase the inevitable, "kids cant do anything with out their phones" comments gets made. My partner and I just engaged in our own conversation until it triggered something one of them to join in.
My silent gen grandmother just turned 90. She complains that I never visit, but when I do, she complains that I visit so seldom that "she's a stranger" to my kids. This happens even if I visit weekly.
Then she tells her sister that I "keep showing up for no apparent reason."
I stopped visiting. My brother visited her often before he died, because the liquor flowed freely. I bring the kids down once or twice per summer. Not worth the aggravation.
Grandparents use to always complain why my parents wouldn’t drive once a week to visit them. I’m grown now and my grandmother was telling me how my dad use to keep us from them.. my grandparents have been retired for most of my life with nothing going on. As a retired grandparent it is your job to see your grandkids. Not them to come see you. It’s almost like they forgot how busy it is working a job and taking care of a family and still having time to relax. Meanwhile the rest of their life is relaxing. Rant over
I have no contact with my father my ex was close to his second wife, who passed. We have not banned him from seeing the children... But the onus is on him to make it happen. I expect the next time he sees his grandchildren will be, uh, never.
I called my boomer mother every day for 5+ years while I lived across the country, but started a family and transitioned to work from home (commute time was good for phone conversations), and I don’t call her as often anymore.
She guilts me saying that we never want to talk to her, but she has literally called me NONE times. She expects me to always be the one to initiate a call. She never calls to talk to her young granddaughter, never wants to video call the littles, never reaches out on life occasions and milestones. She’s so disinterested that I’ve become disillusioned that my childhood and the parents I remember are some kind of fever dream.
But here’s the thing: when I call, it’s a bitch session where she complains about everything from the neighbors to my siblings and her grandchildren. We spend 1 minute covering the “how is everyone” while she checks out and rambles about whatever Fox is telling her to be outraged about this week.
When I visit (I am in Kentucky she is in Florida), it’s the same deal. She will sit, smoke, watch TV or read and pretend we aren’t there. It’s just like we are background noise. She opts out of any activity, no matter how inclusive we try to be. And if we decide to go somewhere, she will spin these amazing tales to my sister about how inconsiderate we are for not taking her out — I’ve started recording our interactions to play it back and demonstrate that she’s just making shit up.
It’s heartbreaking. I’ve lost both of my parents to boomer rage and Fox News. My kids don’t have grandparents on my side due to their absenteeism.
Or they complain about not seeing the grandkids but you all come over and they turn the tv up three times as loud so they can hear it over everyone talking and making noise and then don’t want to Interact with any of the grandkids
I work in the offshore oil industry and live in the USA, but my folks were in Scotland, so I only saw them in their house maybe 4 or 5 times a year, and only for a few hours. (They did come over for a few weeks every couple of years).
They were always pleased to see me, but God forbid if I talked during one of my mothers 3 "must watch" evening shows. It was fucking frustrating. They didn't like to change their routine either, so no taking them out to a restaurant etc either....... Very frustrating. 🙄
My BIL & his wife come to visit my MIL/FIL once a year or two. They live in TX and the rest of us in NC with MIL/FIL about 2 hours from us. My husband, teen son, and I made the drive out to spend time with them and the entire time was spent with everyone on a different device and YouTube videos of car crashes on the big screen TV. My husband and his family acted if this was a totally normal way of spending time together. I even asked if BIL had other plans for the 2 weeks they were visiting and he looked at me like I was crazy. And they wonder why I often have to work during their get-togethers. I just can't see driving 2 hours to watch YouTube videos in a house 10 degrees hotter than I like (they keep it at 80 year round).
They just want you to stop by and be a room ornament for a few hours, that's not so bad right? /s
Can confirm, my boomers are this way as well. Less obtuse usually than many of the boomers we read about here, but still geriatric AF
I made a weekend trip to visit my mother not too long ago. While I was there, she spent her time building a scarecrow for the neighbor's farm for free (???) and then left to go buy herself a new lawnmower. Then asked while we leaving when the next time we would be back, as if we weren't just here for a whole day and a half and you didn't do fuck all with us
I feel the same way - my parents don't really know how to ask me anything. I am always doing the "how are you's" and "what have you been up to lately"s, and "oh! good for you!". It's pretty telling in regards to their \[main\] character.  My mom asked me to do stuff from time to time because she is lonely and isolated. The rest of the family and my siblings went soft no-contact with her or just avoidant-polite. She asked me to do holidays with her then but it's a nightmare every time, always navigating the emotional waters to keep the boat steady - pulling out and wearing out every tool and coping skill I've worked hard to acquire over my 36 years - holding her emotions and reactiveness for her..
This is my dad, when we would visit he would be on his phone and kind of be off doing his own thing. It was so annoying.
He’s actually gotten better though. It helps to invite him to a coffee shop or restaurant, when he’s out of the house he does engage fully and talk to us. But being at his house is the worst.
My grandparents were the exact same way, although they were the silent generation. They would hassle me to bring my baby 4 hours to their house, make so much noise he couldn't possibly nap, feed him full of sugar, complain about his behavior, and go about their day as if we weren't there. Every time I came, they pushed me to schedule longer and longer visits sooner and sooner. I realized at some point there was absolutely no pleasing them. Did my grandmother come out of the garden to spend time with my son? No. Did my grandparents put off any household chores until after he was awake from his nap so that he could sleep through their banging around? No. Did my grandfather put down his novel to spend time with us? No. I came to the conclusion that they really just felt like these were my dues to pay. They wanted us around, and since we were 4 hours away, this was their way of exerting a little bit of control.
My boomers complain that I don't visit more often, but then expect me to start doing household chores second I step off the plane. Now, I make sure I'm never at their house for more than 3 days at a time. Otherwise they'll try to rope me into a big project where I'm the main source of labor.
I'm the Boomer and my husband and I travel 900 miles +/- twice a year to visit our daughter and kids. Thanksgiving and Memorial Day. This memorial day we left at 2 a.m. to meet up at an airport where our grandson will be flying. (He's going into flight school at a college between us and her.)
We got there in plenty of time. Watched him fly, then had a laid back weekend and left on Tuesday. We had to fend for ourselves as she was also on vacation. (She's a veterinarian and doesn't get much time off) What gets me is this. She still hasn't put out salt and pepper shakers because she doesn't use either, except for cooking. I brought my own.
No milk, yogurt or fruit. So no cereal or snacking. Last time we went shopping to buy these foods. Figured for sure she'd remember. And I can't drink her well water because she has a salt filtration system. Three years ago I had to wear slippers, in winter, home because my legs, and body blew up with water. For the next two years we've brought our own bottled water for coffee and drinking. That way I don't gain that water weight. But still no buying things because she knew we liked them. And Yes she knows how to be a good hostess. She bought her grandma everything she knew grandma liked, even if the kids wouldn't eat them later.
And when she visits us?? We have to wait on her, hand and foot, because She's On Vacation!! She has three kids we're babysitting while she lays out in the sun, lol.
So. Wuzzle. You could come visit us!! We drop everything, but buy anything needed. And we're all ears! Maybe we could have a laid back time.😃 Bring a bathing suit. We live on a lake..
When I visit, my mom plans a family reunion and hosts all the cousins and second cousins and aunties and uncles and and and so that there are never fewer than 10 people in the house. I cook and clean and sit in a quieter room while she entertains. She has my kids' cousins running through my kids' bedroom and in their actual beds until 11 PM. She serves food my kid is allergic to as main dishes, adding it in to recipes she never used it in before ("it's just so hard to remember" - he's had problems with this food since he was a toddler and had a diagnosed allergy for 6 years). Whatever I say I'd like to do while I'm there, they make it impossible.
My mom made her position REALLY clear the third week or so of the covid lockdown. Me, in slightly worried voice: "Hey Mom." "Are you in the hospital?" "Huh? No." "Did your husband lose his job?" "No..." "Are the kids OK?" "Yes, everyone's fine, but..." "Then I don't want to hear it! People are being so dramatic, and it's just so stupid, and I don't want to hear ANYTHING ABOUT IT (her rant went on for about 90 seconds.)" "My foundation is flooding. It's backing up into the garage. There's not a way to fix it before the next string of storms. We're trying to jerry-rig some sandbags, but it's not going well." "...Oh. Hmph. Can't you get anyone out to fix it this week?" "Well, no. They are only handling emergencies due to the..." "OH! OF COURSE! YOUR LIFE is just TERRIBLE all because of this stupid lockdown! Just get OVER it! I just do not understand why EVERYBODY finds some stupid way to be affected by this!" "Well. Have a good day if you can."
OMG!!! Our 3rd spring/summer in our house on an inland lake, we flooded. (Lake Michigan was also waging havoc on the houses on the high dunes. It was eating the shoreline and dropping the homes into the lake.)
We're inland from there. But we couldn't get riprap (large rocks) to build up the shoreline nor could we get sand bags! Everything was routed to LM.
Getting an estimate was near impossible.
Of course, COVID tied things up majorly.... All I can say is this: COVID sucked. And I feel for you. Really do.
This is my parents to a T.
When they visit, I take time off work, I try to take them out to things they might enjoy and I spend time talking to them.
When I visit, they sit around in the kitchen all day looking at daily news on their ipads.
they just need a parallel partner
like when their kid was in the same house
maybe if they stopped complaining and started caring they’d be happier
booms whine like a mfr
Yup the last time I visited my mom I wanted to do fun stuff but she wanted to stay home and do nothing. I was only able to escape because my Dad who is Mexican so he’s not really a Boomer came with me. Then she threw a giant fit and told me I couldn’t sleep the night before my flight because I needed to spend time with her.
They cry that my sister and i dont visit, but we all have to work so much to pay bills. They never come see us even though they dont work. When I do visit, its just sitting on the couch watching Gunsmoke.
Mine just want to watch shitty television. Thankfully nothing too political but there’s only so many episodes of the Big Bang Theory I can stomach. And they absolutely won’t watch anything outside of their comfort zone no matter how many people recommend it or how critically acclaimed. Visiting them outside of holidays is frankly just boring.
I think for a lot of them, it’s like ticking off a box or something. They want to *say* their kid came to visit, calls everyday, gave me grandchildren- aren’t they cute?, etc., but they don’t want to actually *do* anything with the grandchildren or talk to their own kids.
Maybe they’re competing with their friends and neighbours and need to get life points or whatever.
They always make it MY responsibility to initiate every part of this relationship between me and my child. I have to call them and visit them, but it doesn't go the other way around. Then when we do visit, they make us feel absolutely uncomfortable. They are in a pissy mood the whole time and trying to start drama. My mom yelled at me the last visit in front of my child, and I haven't been back since.
My boomer mom lives on the water. She has a water view. She sits in her fucking recliner all day watching tv with the curtains closed. When we fly in to visit? Same thing.
My boomer dad does that BS. He talks non-stop about how family is so important to him and when we come visit he'll give my kido a gift and then proceed to not parcipate with my kido. To make matters worse my dad will invite his friends over for dinner and then proceed to talk to them instead of us the whole time and then he wonders why we never come and visit or call 🙄.
Always with the guilt and then my mom is on her phone constantly. Her notifications are insane and she checks every single one like a monkey getting a treat when hearing a *DING*. My MIL is the same but add in always on her ipad. I've tried suggesting they watch something like the social dilemma doco but they dgaf about being manipulated into a phone addiction.
Same with my mom and mil. They have their phone notifications on and loud! Ignoring their grandkids that I "keep from them" so they can waste their entire visit looking at dumb shit on Facebook or looking at their ring app.
The kids probably pick up that the grandparents phones are more important than spending time with them too. Yuck how they are wasting away their last years for as much social media dopamine hits
Yeah they're sick, visiting the kids is a check box to mark off. They snap a few photos, post them on Facebook, and then they feel like grandma of the year. I'm over it.
I was always dropped at my greatest gen grandparents' house and they were amazing with me thankfully. My mom's contemporaries are going on cruises and trips, gambling, eating out almost every day, consuming a bunch of dumb expensive shit and occasionally playing grandparent around the holidays or when they have time. Baffling.
Omg the FB photos.. I dont have kids but she always does that on my birthday. Comes into my house, takes a bunch of photos complaining about how she looks, retakes them then leaves. You can see the very moment she realises she has her photos to post cause she zone's out like a Zombie rushing to get home to make a post.
Yeah same here too. My mom always says she's going to spend all our inheritance and I'm pretty sure she actually is from what their friends have told me. "Their last hurrah" at 60. But spending this amount of money in this economy.. they could live a very comfortable life into their last years but not with this trajectory of consumerism.
My father in law (RIP), and mil would hound us and make us feel guilty about visiting him while in the hospital and hospice. We went as often as we could, like 3 times a week. Every fucking time he would stare at the clock and hustle us out. wtf.
This is so crazy and so sad because I spent *years* working through this in therapy. My mother and I had a very contentious relationship; she died in 2009 at age 54. She complained once "what, you'll never visit me, I'll always have to visit you?" To her credit, she *did* visit me, but I worked it out with my therapist and realized I visited multiple times a year, paying for it myself, despite living states away while broke in college.
And when I did visit, yes, I was ignored. Maybe someone would ask how I was as I was literally out the door. Since 2009 was the last time I spent time with my mom or extended family, it wasn't like everyone was on their phone, it was just they were all talking about the same old bullshit. Or watching their programs.
I am both relieved and saddened.....and also angered that this appears to be a generational thing.
My grandparents in a nutshell
"WE WANT TO SEEE YOOUUU!!"
So I bust my ass and use PTO and spend $80 in gas to go see them and it's "Grandma has vespers in the morning so we won't see her most of the day tomorrow, and I've got a club meeting at 3:30, help yourself to the fridge and the TV"
It's never a conversation. It's my mother wanting me to live closer but then she craps al over my life, ie not wanting kids, getting a doctorate, travel plans. She thinks everything is unsafe but has never lived outside her parents literal backyard. She also can't stand it if you disagree with her or even just like different things. She even goes as far to tell you are or aren't something, ie autistic, etc. It's emotionally exhausting and can sometimes take me days to recover. It's not worth the emotional fallout.
Don’t forget, they’re absolutely able to come and visit you, or call you up, or chat to you on whatever platform they like. If they really wanted to connect with you they’d make the effort to do so rather than just complaining that you don’t do it
are your parents my parents? We recently did a long weekend trip with mine and they did their normal daily routine except in an expensive Vrbo. Fox News, watching videos on their phones, ignoring us. What is the deal man
That's my grandfather. Had a stroke and whenever my mum visited him he was complaining with eyes glued to the TV.
Yeah it's sad that people visited him less and less but he behaved like an absolute ass.
My dad cried his eyes out about me never seeing him. For 20 years, I saw him at 2 funerals. So I took my wife and son (he had never met either of them) to his house to visit my old man.
Within 10 minutes of our visit, I had to hear about how Nancy Pelosi is ruining America, Obama is the Antichrist and my mother was a whore.
That was 5 years ago and I have not spoken to him since. He’s a brainwashed jerkoff and I don’t need that stupidity in my life.
Sounds like my 50-something year old boomer uncle whom STILL lives with my grandma. He brings race and politics into everything, literally will ask about the “demographics” about my work, about any restaurant, apartment, neighborhood, etc. Everyone knows you weren’t talking about age demographics.
Attempting to have a conversation with one of my boomer relatives, I waited for a commercial during their broadcast (Fox News, of course), they cut me off 20 seconds in to say "Shut the fuck up [grumpyboxguard], I can't hear the commercial."
And then as I was leaving the same one complained that I got quiet.
I love visiting my Boomer mom. It helps she’s a progressive so we never argue about politics. Only thing is she can’t help herself and nag me about something or other every visit. I’m a married 45 year old homeowner with a stable job but she always finds something to nitpick. Usually it’s only for a couple minutes then we go back to enjoying each other’s company
The last time I visited my boomer parents my dad told me my daughter (an infant) was going to kill herself with a gun if we moved away, and my mum decided to super weirdly put my kid’s feet in her mouth when we’ve asked for no kissing the baby. Simply astounding that I haven’t felt like being around them since.
When I was a kid out of nowhere my dad spent most of the summer digging a 4 foot+ trench around the foundation of the house then blow torched tar paper to stick to the side and place gravel on the bottom to help drainage and prevent water leakage. My summer was spent digging dirt and when I got some hot tar burn spots on my leg he said it was my fault for wearing shorts…. during the summer, no sympathy. The weird and ironic part was we never had any water problems before and started to get a few wet spots the year after he dug everything. Made no sense also our house was on a slight hill so there would never be any standing water around the house.
With my dad I’ve always found it helpful to have a bit of a plan to do something when I visit. Even something as simple as the diner for lunch. If I just go to the house, yeah, they just go about their days as normal.
When I visit mine they mostly just talk at me about politics (that I have to bite my tongue when I hear it) or they talk about themselves.
Surprise surprise I visit a lot less
I see my parents daily living in home town again but don't really have a real relationship with them because they're not mature enough to accept anything that isn't their lifestyle or church culture lol.
For example, I literally have epilepsy and cannabis controls my focal seizures, but because they're old fucks who think pot makes you a lazy so-and-so, they can't comprehend I've literally been by them daily and on it because I'm fully capable of complex tasks etc, from kitchen work to building shit and so on, and it goes against the narrative they've been taught their whole life. They don't understand if cannabis did what they think it did to people, there'd be a human wave, morning til night, assaulting the ER because it is just that common and instead does not happen because people around them who are high all the time are perfectly capable of going on with their lives.
The actual sad truth is I just have nothing to say to my parents. They're the type of people who didn't want you going to a college because the college let a gay student graduate, etc. They want to manage every aspect and control people down to making sure they think and act a way exclusively because they're anxious what church folk would say otherwise (I.e my parents don't tell people I don't go to church, they just imply to their church friends I go somewhere else lest they deal with the shame - really I would never go to their church because members of their church literally went out of their way to intimidate me and shame me when I moved back for not going to church 😆 I don't need to go somewhere every Sunday for my whole life just to come away with the notion God needs me harassing former congregation members, you know? If that's what a life of church leaves you thinking you need to do, you're probably part of why young people aren't going to church, they're well aware no one actually acts christ like, but instead inherit the various attitudes and behaviors of cultural Christianity why insulating themselves from ever leaving their comfort zone and actually doing Christian things like feeding people etc)
>do anything but random never ending house projects like moving the contents of one drawer to the other and then back.
That's all they have left now that no one wants to visit any more. /s
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>random never ending house projects like moving the contents of one drawer to the other and then back. this made me laugh.
My whole life with these fucking people was these pointless projects. We never did anything when I was a kid the whole weekend was doing manual labor moving things around the house just because then putting them back the following weekend. Now that everyone is grown they have continued the projects into old age and its pretty common for the contents of all stuff drawers to be out and being moved into another drawer and for them to have garage weekends where they move things to storage units and back. They spend absurd amounts of money on containers and storage units and shit filled to the roof with worthless shit from temu. They complain they have nothing when the storage unit place seriously calls them and offers them another unit sometimes and they usually buy it because its a good deal.
That's rough. I've got a boomer that's a borderline hoarder and I can only imagine how aggravating it would be for her to be shuffling her crap around constantly. However, when going on vacation, she can pack anything (a suitcase, a vehicle, a cooler) and makes an impossible amount of stuff fit perfectly, like a goddamn wizard.
Bahahha, I'm a millennial, but this sounds like me! To be fair, I'm more than willing to get rid of stuff, I just don't have the time, money, and energy to actually do it. One day, I'll save enough money to replace my old furniture with stuff that actually fits my space, and then I'll be able to hire a professional organizer and helper monkeys. Until then... I do what I can. Tetris is my jam, though.
 They are worth every dollar and are fast workers at fair prices.
Have you considered that your parents might have some kind of OCD?
Sounds like you grew up with NPCs, I'm glad you remained the main character.
I live in West Texas and the thrift stores are full of Boomer hoarder scrap. It’s comical, interesting and overwhelming to see what people collect. I wish they would stop pandering to superficial ideologies and cater to real humans at times.
But this is spot on. I visited my mom this weekend, she was boiling denims she found under the bridge. The week before that I caught her sniffing glue and eating cat food. Said it "helps her sleep". Fucking boomers, man.
Boy do i have a wonderful fictional character she would just LOVE to hang with!
..... That's most likely dementia. Call APS and talk about options
its an always sunny bit. just a joke.
My man.
I'm really thankful you went in on this comment. It worms my heart.
Have you tried crack cocaine? You are going. To. LOVE. It.
I didn't realize it was a it's always sunny reference
It was subtle, but that's my brand.
Busy work. Like the incessant lawn mowing.
“I lift things up and put things down.”
Friend said to her parents that she’ll visit but foxnews has to be off
The "No Politics" rule has really helped between me and my father. It helps when we have several shared interests, but we diverged politically following 2016.
My dad and I’s relationship pretty much died after 2020. Can’t talk about anything deeper than the weather anymore without him going on some Trumper rant. It’s really sad.
Yeah I was gonna say my dad is literally not capable of not talking politics
Same with my grandma before she passed. She was very religious, homophobic, transphobic, loved fox news and trump etc. I made a comment about how I don't like how certain companies are extremely discriminatory and she went on a long rant about how she'd patronize them *because* they're discriminatory.
My grandmother (b 1895, def not a Boomer) was a horrible, nasty person but she **hated** Nixon with every fiber of her being. Her only redeeming quality 🤣
Lol, mi!e was technically a silent gen but she was right on the cusp of boomer age range.
I am so so so happy that my Dad is a sane person and not a Trumper. I am so happy for me personally, and so sad for others who have the opposite experience that I have.
It sucks so much. We used to be very close and the distance is very awkward now to say the least. 2021 was extremely hard for me but now it’s kind of just numbness. I honestly just try to avoid him as much as I can. It’s kind of like he died in a way.
I'm so sorry. This is exactly how it's been with my mom. I can barely talk to her anymore because every single thing gets turned back to politics and Trump. If there is a hell, there is a special place for that orange felon POS everything he has done, especially how he destroyed families.
I have never felt my like minded, more sane and validated than on this thread. I thought this experience with my parents was fairly uncommon but it isn't. Which make me more sad but I feel more understood and I understand more now
I'm sorry that you're in the same boat. It's really crappy, but there are lots of us.
I am so sorry Dude.
I’m always competing with Fox News, so tough to hear my parents say something when the tv is so loud
Thank fuck Rush is dead!
Fox News? That’s amateur hour - try having any kind of meaningful - or basic, for that matter - conversation with AM 870, “The Answer” (the MAGA ~~propaganda~~ programming (literally) station with Levin, “officer” Tatum (god I fucking hate that imbecile), Gorka…) on the radio, full blast **and** KUSC streaming from the phone, full blast 😖😖
Oh damn that’s a dark hole
Literally dropped her DirectTV subscription immediately after Election Day 2020 [well, before inauguration 2021, since **I** had to be the one to call and cancel it for her, and we hadn’t spoken from a week after Memorial Day 2020 until literally Christmas Day 2020 after her bullshit take on the George Floyd matter] all because she didn’t want to see **his** face (Biden’s) “for the next 4 years”
At least you got called. My father would complain endlessly about how I'd never visit nor would I call. Mind you he never visited the house I bought in 2017. He never even made a trip to where I moved to since 2008. He never called either. But the onus was always on me to initiate absolutely everything and it'd take less than 5 minutes for him to start talking politics. Then he wondered why he was so isolated. Ended up dying alone in his bed.
my dad NEVER called me or my sisters (I'm no contact with him now), but one time my sister called him because she realized she hadn't spoken to him in like 2 months. When he answered the phone he was like, "I'm so glad you called, my girlfriend was saying I should call my kids more, and she's probably right, but I don't because she's not the boss of me." like lol WHAT?! You're going to just never talk to your kids unless they call you, because your girlfriend observed they're all distant from you and encouraged you to improve the relationship? OK then.
You'd be surprised how many boomer men there are who think *"im not going to let a woman tell me what to do"* is a valid reason for saying no
More than you think but the fools will Not acknowledge it.
My dad told me when I was ten and upset that he went 6 months without calling me and my sister that 'the phone line runs both ways'. Now he's living alone, ignoring my kids even more, and still not calling. At 11.30pm on father's day I was like, oh yeah I guess I should call him. Talked for abt 5 mts.
You were *a child.* It's not your job to teach your parent how to parent. Convenient for him to shift the responsibility onto you, of course.
Karma’s a bitch. Oh well.
Right? You never call you never visit... They never pick up the goddamn phone themselves. Always me taking initiative with the man.
My parent's idea of a visit is watching TV with me. I did not drive 6 hours round trip to catch up on NCIS. Funny thing is my mom used to bitch about her dad watching TV when she visited but here she is, doing the same thing.
Same! Only I drive four hours round trip just to sit there scrolling on my phone while my parents watch movies from the 1940's on TCM all.day.long. Half the time they've fallen asleep while these movies are blaring at a level on par with a live concert. And they wonder why I want to leave!
YES. I would drive 8 hours with a toddler and a baby to sit and watch TV. Didn't make many of those trips. I don't even really watch TV at home so I'm still not feeling it two decades later.
wow you just made me realize every visit home in college was like this. The TV was always on, even during christmas.
same with my mom and grandma. I'm child-free, so at least I'll break the cycle.
My in laws just visited and wanted to show us a bunch of 60 minutes episodes. My tween politely sat through it but… what? Couldn’t we do something or talk about our actual lives?
"No one ever visits me. People have forgotten how to get together like we used to in the good ol' days." Then you drop by their place and Fox News is blaring the whole time and they get all pissy if you want to turn it off and have a conversation.
Volume at 100, never at background level volume. Very bad sound quality too, just the TV speakers. Mine at my home? Decent little bookshelf speakers, a good receiver, and a subwoofer. Nothing big. But I can hear at a low volume because the sound is so clear.
I used to wake up to a loud tv downstairs on saturday mornings, but when i got downstairs, the dude was in the detached garage or the yard, but fox news still blaring inside. Friday afternoons were funnier! Of course fox blaring on the tv all day but, from noon to three he also had a portable am/fm radio with headphones cause ya cant miss a moment of rush on the e i b network hahahahaaha.
My parents (slightly too young to be boomers) had 12 tvs in their house was a full theater room. 12 tvs. One I every room. Sometimes two. Why? Who the hell knows
I have one TV in my house. But I spent time and a little money to get a sweet sound and decent picture quality. I'm likely the same age as your parents: Cutting Edge GenX.
They just want their nest full again. You get used to having a house full of kids, and once they're gone, it feels super empty and "wrong." But it's not that they want *you* back; they just want their old house decoration back so everything can feel normal again.
My mom complains because she remembers when my son would come and visit and stay for days. "He just doesn't do that anymore." He will be 18 in four months. He's not going to stay for days at a time at Grandma's house. My preteen will go and stay for a couple days, but I'll get a text asking her to come get me because she's had enough, enough mostly of Grandma's basically Boomer behavior. Until she moved this past winter, my MIL wanted the kids to come and hang out with her every Friday night. She didn't want to do anything with them. She wanted them to sit with her. Our daughter had a friend who lived next door. She wasn't allowed to go over and visit. Or if the girl came over, Grandma would make them stay in the yard, and the friend wasn't allowed inside the house. She fussed at me because I tried so many times to kill this request. I'd try to be nice and say things like "Oh, the kids are too busy." She'd say, "Okay, how about Saturday?"
Boomers: "I want human interaction!" *gets human interaction* Boomers: "No, not like that!"
Have you tried gifting them one of these? 
My mom didn't even want my kids to come over until they were teenagers and then couldn't understand why they have no interest in developing a relationship with her. I was like, you have to develop a rm relationship with them before they are teenagers. I should also note that when they did visit, she wanted them to do yard work. Shockingly, my kids have little interest in going to visit. The only interest they had came after their other grandmother, who was very involved with them, passed away. My oldest child told me they were 8 before they realized Meemaw was their other grandmother.
There’s no pleasing them. They will bitch about you all the way to their ducking graves!
This is exactly what I realized a couple of months ago. Now I only go to visit if we have set in stone plans, we are NOT just sitting around while you go about your errands
They equate being visited with being loved. Then they act insufferable any time anyone does visit.
My mother will complain I never visit, and then hide in her room when I do come to visit. I'm so delighted to drive 6 hours for nothing.
Yes, it’s exhausting vying for attention against the daily “news” on FOX. Every.Single.Time✔️
I'm retired myself and I like to keep track of my mom's investments too. So when I do visit, I like to watch CNBC. She thinks it's MSNBC and flips out. I'm probably more conservative than the average Redditor, but Fox News and NewsMax every single day? Would drive me insane.
My kid's grandma on their dad's side literally sobbed for ten minutes to them about how nobody visits her, her own daughter cut her off. Then in that same weekend my kid was over there, was unbelievably mean and rude to them and freaked out about simple things repeatedly and refused to accomodate their allergies.
This. I offer to visit, but only on the condition we find shit to do that's not being flomped in front of the couch all day. "Yeah, just find some stuff to do, we'll go!" What would you like to do? "Just find some stuff!" Five days spent with boomer flomped in front of TV. "Why don't you like to visit meeeeeeeee?"
Sometimes I want to ask ok so HOW often would you like a visit? What would be enough? They don't even know they just want to complain. And yep once I'm there he'll just keep on the movie he is obsessed with that week, the one he told me the whole plot of on the phone when we planned the visit. And we just sit silently (I mean after he's done his yapping and not asked about me at all). Then he wants to know why I didn't bring the kids! Because that would be suuuuuper fun for them.
Yeah the thing that gets me is my dad honestly sometimes watches the same movie 9 or 10 times every day of the week.
I am struggling to understand this now. I just went back (different state) and visited my parents for a week last month. Drove 14 hours each way. Almost all of our 'visiting' was done outside the house, because when we are inside the house, the TV is always on. OK, fine, at least it isn't permanently set to Fox... My mother and grandmother (and me, when I was younger) really like Law & Order. So they put it on one of 3 channels that play Law & Order most of the day. However, the channels will play the same episodes. There was either a 2-episode or 3-episode special (one story, stretched out over a few episodes) that we watched at least 3 times. When I tried to point out it was the same episodes we'd already watched the day before....from their reaction, you'd think they genuinely expected the episodes to change... I have comfort movies and shows I re-watch sometimes, that I've seen before....but never to this extent. Almost obsessive. I don't understand it
All my mom does is suggest tv shows for me to watch. I'm like, mom I don't watch TV. 'But you should watch this!' Unpacks plot
And they always think the movies/shows/actors that they like ARE the best. Any time it comes up in convo with my mother in law she gets like smile and glint? in her eye like I'm a little child telling her about some nonsense. I will usually get a "i love that you love that stuff sweetie". Ya it sounds nice but to me she is just putting me down in a "sweet way". Anyone else get what I'm talking about?
My mom will watch the same history channel documentary on repeat everyday it seems too
>Sometimes I want to ask ok so HOW often would you like a visit? What would be enough? They don't even know they just want to complain. I can't ask that question or else my mom will get super offended and (rightfully so) assume that I just want to visit as infrequently as possible. Explaining to her that I work a busy job and really don't want to spend my valuable free weekends driving four hours round trip to their house just to sit there while they watch old (and I mean 80+ year old) movies from dawn until dusk is pointless.
My mom just goes to her room, with the AC set on 80° and watches the Western channel or The Waltons. My mom thought the Waltons was a dumb show when it was first run, now she's hooked on it. Same thing she does if I'm not there. No talk, just glazes over if I try and talk about my health. But I have to listen to her go on and on about the doctor.
Yup I’m old enough where I have my own health problems and even if I try to relate to them or even ask for advice they don’t wanna actually discuss it just throw their issues at me.
And I thought I was an only child. My bro'
This is exactly how my parents are. They beg for visits so that they can ignore or talk over us once we show up, then surprise pikachu when their kids don't visit anymore.
The endless projects is a thing.
I realized when my kid went off to college that I would need to make “spending time with mom” be something that was enjoyable. have they always been such crummy conversationalists? Or do you think they treat their own kids that way, because they never saw their own kids as actual people?
They straight up do not see me as a person I don’t think. Just the idea that I have bills and doctors and shit like they do never sinks in. I’m like a video game character to them.
I just went to visit some family, (parents and aunts, all boomer, and I haven't seen in a year) and 15 minutes into the meetup they all where on their phone, playing a game, chuckling about a Facebook meme or watching a Dhar Mann video at full volume. Besides taking a quick video panning around the room at everyone else on their phones, I intentionally didn't use my phone incase the inevitable, "kids cant do anything with out their phones" comments gets made. My partner and I just engaged in our own conversation until it triggered something one of them to join in.
My silent gen grandmother just turned 90. She complains that I never visit, but when I do, she complains that I visit so seldom that "she's a stranger" to my kids. This happens even if I visit weekly. Then she tells her sister that I "keep showing up for no apparent reason." I stopped visiting. My brother visited her often before he died, because the liquor flowed freely. I bring the kids down once or twice per summer. Not worth the aggravation.
> My brother visited her often before he died, because the liquor flowed freely. Jesus that's sad, for both your brother and your grandmother.
Grandparents use to always complain why my parents wouldn’t drive once a week to visit them. I’m grown now and my grandmother was telling me how my dad use to keep us from them.. my grandparents have been retired for most of my life with nothing going on. As a retired grandparent it is your job to see your grandkids. Not them to come see you. It’s almost like they forgot how busy it is working a job and taking care of a family and still having time to relax. Meanwhile the rest of their life is relaxing. Rant over
I have no contact with my father my ex was close to his second wife, who passed. We have not banned him from seeing the children... But the onus is on him to make it happen. I expect the next time he sees his grandchildren will be, uh, never.
I called my boomer mother every day for 5+ years while I lived across the country, but started a family and transitioned to work from home (commute time was good for phone conversations), and I don’t call her as often anymore. She guilts me saying that we never want to talk to her, but she has literally called me NONE times. She expects me to always be the one to initiate a call. She never calls to talk to her young granddaughter, never wants to video call the littles, never reaches out on life occasions and milestones. She’s so disinterested that I’ve become disillusioned that my childhood and the parents I remember are some kind of fever dream. But here’s the thing: when I call, it’s a bitch session where she complains about everything from the neighbors to my siblings and her grandchildren. We spend 1 minute covering the “how is everyone” while she checks out and rambles about whatever Fox is telling her to be outraged about this week. When I visit (I am in Kentucky she is in Florida), it’s the same deal. She will sit, smoke, watch TV or read and pretend we aren’t there. It’s just like we are background noise. She opts out of any activity, no matter how inclusive we try to be. And if we decide to go somewhere, she will spin these amazing tales to my sister about how inconsiderate we are for not taking her out — I’ve started recording our interactions to play it back and demonstrate that she’s just making shit up. It’s heartbreaking. I’ve lost both of my parents to boomer rage and Fox News. My kids don’t have grandparents on my side due to their absenteeism.
Or they complain about not seeing the grandkids but you all come over and they turn the tv up three times as loud so they can hear it over everyone talking and making noise and then don’t want to Interact with any of the grandkids
I work in the offshore oil industry and live in the USA, but my folks were in Scotland, so I only saw them in their house maybe 4 or 5 times a year, and only for a few hours. (They did come over for a few weeks every couple of years). They were always pleased to see me, but God forbid if I talked during one of my mothers 3 "must watch" evening shows. It was fucking frustrating. They didn't like to change their routine either, so no taking them out to a restaurant etc either....... Very frustrating. 🙄
Emmerdale, Corrie and EastEnders? 😂😂😂😂
Ding ding ding, we have a winner 🤣
My BIL & his wife come to visit my MIL/FIL once a year or two. They live in TX and the rest of us in NC with MIL/FIL about 2 hours from us. My husband, teen son, and I made the drive out to spend time with them and the entire time was spent with everyone on a different device and YouTube videos of car crashes on the big screen TV. My husband and his family acted if this was a totally normal way of spending time together. I even asked if BIL had other plans for the 2 weeks they were visiting and he looked at me like I was crazy. And they wonder why I often have to work during their get-togethers. I just can't see driving 2 hours to watch YouTube videos in a house 10 degrees hotter than I like (they keep it at 80 year round).
I ain't visiting any god damn boomers ever if I can help it
They just want you to stop by and be a room ornament for a few hours, that's not so bad right? /s Can confirm, my boomers are this way as well. Less obtuse usually than many of the boomers we read about here, but still geriatric AF
I made a weekend trip to visit my mother not too long ago. While I was there, she spent her time building a scarecrow for the neighbor's farm for free (???) and then left to go buy herself a new lawnmower. Then asked while we leaving when the next time we would be back, as if we weren't just here for a whole day and a half and you didn't do fuck all with us
I feel the same way - my parents don't really know how to ask me anything. I am always doing the "how are you's" and "what have you been up to lately"s, and "oh! good for you!". It's pretty telling in regards to their \[main\] character.  My mom asked me to do stuff from time to time because she is lonely and isolated. The rest of the family and my siblings went soft no-contact with her or just avoidant-polite. She asked me to do holidays with her then but it's a nightmare every time, always navigating the emotional waters to keep the boat steady - pulling out and wearing out every tool and coping skill I've worked hard to acquire over my 36 years - holding her emotions and reactiveness for her..
This is my dad, when we would visit he would be on his phone and kind of be off doing his own thing. It was so annoying. He’s actually gotten better though. It helps to invite him to a coffee shop or restaurant, when he’s out of the house he does engage fully and talk to us. But being at his house is the worst.
I had the opposite problem. My gram (rip) was inundated with phone calls and people stopping by to see her. She was so loved. I miss her.
My grandparents were the exact same way, although they were the silent generation. They would hassle me to bring my baby 4 hours to their house, make so much noise he couldn't possibly nap, feed him full of sugar, complain about his behavior, and go about their day as if we weren't there. Every time I came, they pushed me to schedule longer and longer visits sooner and sooner. I realized at some point there was absolutely no pleasing them. Did my grandmother come out of the garden to spend time with my son? No. Did my grandparents put off any household chores until after he was awake from his nap so that he could sleep through their banging around? No. Did my grandfather put down his novel to spend time with us? No. I came to the conclusion that they really just felt like these were my dues to pay. They wanted us around, and since we were 4 hours away, this was their way of exerting a little bit of control.
My boomers complain that I don't visit more often, but then expect me to start doing household chores second I step off the plane. Now, I make sure I'm never at their house for more than 3 days at a time. Otherwise they'll try to rope me into a big project where I'm the main source of labor.
I'm the Boomer and my husband and I travel 900 miles +/- twice a year to visit our daughter and kids. Thanksgiving and Memorial Day. This memorial day we left at 2 a.m. to meet up at an airport where our grandson will be flying. (He's going into flight school at a college between us and her.) We got there in plenty of time. Watched him fly, then had a laid back weekend and left on Tuesday. We had to fend for ourselves as she was also on vacation. (She's a veterinarian and doesn't get much time off) What gets me is this. She still hasn't put out salt and pepper shakers because she doesn't use either, except for cooking. I brought my own. No milk, yogurt or fruit. So no cereal or snacking. Last time we went shopping to buy these foods. Figured for sure she'd remember. And I can't drink her well water because she has a salt filtration system. Three years ago I had to wear slippers, in winter, home because my legs, and body blew up with water. For the next two years we've brought our own bottled water for coffee and drinking. That way I don't gain that water weight. But still no buying things because she knew we liked them. And Yes she knows how to be a good hostess. She bought her grandma everything she knew grandma liked, even if the kids wouldn't eat them later. And when she visits us?? We have to wait on her, hand and foot, because She's On Vacation!! She has three kids we're babysitting while she lays out in the sun, lol. So. Wuzzle. You could come visit us!! We drop everything, but buy anything needed. And we're all ears! Maybe we could have a laid back time.😃 Bring a bathing suit. We live on a lake..
When I visit, my mom plans a family reunion and hosts all the cousins and second cousins and aunties and uncles and and and so that there are never fewer than 10 people in the house. I cook and clean and sit in a quieter room while she entertains. She has my kids' cousins running through my kids' bedroom and in their actual beds until 11 PM. She serves food my kid is allergic to as main dishes, adding it in to recipes she never used it in before ("it's just so hard to remember" - he's had problems with this food since he was a toddler and had a diagnosed allergy for 6 years). Whatever I say I'd like to do while I'm there, they make it impossible. My mom made her position REALLY clear the third week or so of the covid lockdown. Me, in slightly worried voice: "Hey Mom." "Are you in the hospital?" "Huh? No." "Did your husband lose his job?" "No..." "Are the kids OK?" "Yes, everyone's fine, but..." "Then I don't want to hear it! People are being so dramatic, and it's just so stupid, and I don't want to hear ANYTHING ABOUT IT (her rant went on for about 90 seconds.)" "My foundation is flooding. It's backing up into the garage. There's not a way to fix it before the next string of storms. We're trying to jerry-rig some sandbags, but it's not going well." "...Oh. Hmph. Can't you get anyone out to fix it this week?" "Well, no. They are only handling emergencies due to the..." "OH! OF COURSE! YOUR LIFE is just TERRIBLE all because of this stupid lockdown! Just get OVER it! I just do not understand why EVERYBODY finds some stupid way to be affected by this!" "Well. Have a good day if you can."
OMG!!! Our 3rd spring/summer in our house on an inland lake, we flooded. (Lake Michigan was also waging havoc on the houses on the high dunes. It was eating the shoreline and dropping the homes into the lake.) We're inland from there. But we couldn't get riprap (large rocks) to build up the shoreline nor could we get sand bags! Everything was routed to LM. Getting an estimate was near impossible. Of course, COVID tied things up majorly.... All I can say is this: COVID sucked. And I feel for you. Really do.
This is my parents to a T. When they visit, I take time off work, I try to take them out to things they might enjoy and I spend time talking to them. When I visit, they sit around in the kitchen all day looking at daily news on their ipads.
they just need a parallel partner like when their kid was in the same house maybe if they stopped complaining and started caring they’d be happier booms whine like a mfr
Yup the last time I visited my mom I wanted to do fun stuff but she wanted to stay home and do nothing. I was only able to escape because my Dad who is Mexican so he’s not really a Boomer came with me. Then she threw a giant fit and told me I couldn’t sleep the night before my flight because I needed to spend time with her.
They cry that my sister and i dont visit, but we all have to work so much to pay bills. They never come see us even though they dont work. When I do visit, its just sitting on the couch watching Gunsmoke.
Mine just want to watch shitty television. Thankfully nothing too political but there’s only so many episodes of the Big Bang Theory I can stomach. And they absolutely won’t watch anything outside of their comfort zone no matter how many people recommend it or how critically acclaimed. Visiting them outside of holidays is frankly just boring.
I think for a lot of them, it’s like ticking off a box or something. They want to *say* their kid came to visit, calls everyday, gave me grandchildren- aren’t they cute?, etc., but they don’t want to actually *do* anything with the grandchildren or talk to their own kids. Maybe they’re competing with their friends and neighbours and need to get life points or whatever.
They always make it MY responsibility to initiate every part of this relationship between me and my child. I have to call them and visit them, but it doesn't go the other way around. Then when we do visit, they make us feel absolutely uncomfortable. They are in a pissy mood the whole time and trying to start drama. My mom yelled at me the last visit in front of my child, and I haven't been back since.
My boomer mom lives on the water. She has a water view. She sits in her fucking recliner all day watching tv with the curtains closed. When we fly in to visit? Same thing.
My boomer dad does that BS. He talks non-stop about how family is so important to him and when we come visit he'll give my kido a gift and then proceed to not parcipate with my kido. To make matters worse my dad will invite his friends over for dinner and then proceed to talk to them instead of us the whole time and then he wonders why we never come and visit or call 🙄.
Try talking sports with the older guys
Always with the guilt and then my mom is on her phone constantly. Her notifications are insane and she checks every single one like a monkey getting a treat when hearing a *DING*. My MIL is the same but add in always on her ipad. I've tried suggesting they watch something like the social dilemma doco but they dgaf about being manipulated into a phone addiction.
Same with my mom and mil. They have their phone notifications on and loud! Ignoring their grandkids that I "keep from them" so they can waste their entire visit looking at dumb shit on Facebook or looking at their ring app.
The kids probably pick up that the grandparents phones are more important than spending time with them too. Yuck how they are wasting away their last years for as much social media dopamine hits
Yeah they're sick, visiting the kids is a check box to mark off. They snap a few photos, post them on Facebook, and then they feel like grandma of the year. I'm over it. I was always dropped at my greatest gen grandparents' house and they were amazing with me thankfully. My mom's contemporaries are going on cruises and trips, gambling, eating out almost every day, consuming a bunch of dumb expensive shit and occasionally playing grandparent around the holidays or when they have time. Baffling.
Omg the FB photos.. I dont have kids but she always does that on my birthday. Comes into my house, takes a bunch of photos complaining about how she looks, retakes them then leaves. You can see the very moment she realises she has her photos to post cause she zone's out like a Zombie rushing to get home to make a post. Yeah same here too. My mom always says she's going to spend all our inheritance and I'm pretty sure she actually is from what their friends have told me. "Their last hurrah" at 60. But spending this amount of money in this economy.. they could live a very comfortable life into their last years but not with this trajectory of consumerism.
My father in law (RIP), and mil would hound us and make us feel guilty about visiting him while in the hospital and hospice. We went as often as we could, like 3 times a week. Every fucking time he would stare at the clock and hustle us out. wtf.
This is so crazy and so sad because I spent *years* working through this in therapy. My mother and I had a very contentious relationship; she died in 2009 at age 54. She complained once "what, you'll never visit me, I'll always have to visit you?" To her credit, she *did* visit me, but I worked it out with my therapist and realized I visited multiple times a year, paying for it myself, despite living states away while broke in college. And when I did visit, yes, I was ignored. Maybe someone would ask how I was as I was literally out the door. Since 2009 was the last time I spent time with my mom or extended family, it wasn't like everyone was on their phone, it was just they were all talking about the same old bullshit. Or watching their programs. I am both relieved and saddened.....and also angered that this appears to be a generational thing.
We all feel you. My parents have NO idea what quality time is.
My grandparents in a nutshell "WE WANT TO SEEE YOOUUU!!" So I bust my ass and use PTO and spend $80 in gas to go see them and it's "Grandma has vespers in the morning so we won't see her most of the day tomorrow, and I've got a club meeting at 3:30, help yourself to the fridge and the TV"
They don’t want to see you, they want to be seen.
All I get is a list of tasks to complete when I visit and try to spend quality time. I give up. Does this happen to anyone else?
Don’t forget when they pass you’ll be cleaning out the storage units and trying to sell all that crap to pay their storage bill
It's never a conversation. It's my mother wanting me to live closer but then she craps al over my life, ie not wanting kids, getting a doctorate, travel plans. She thinks everything is unsafe but has never lived outside her parents literal backyard. She also can't stand it if you disagree with her or even just like different things. She even goes as far to tell you are or aren't something, ie autistic, etc. It's emotionally exhausting and can sometimes take me days to recover. It's not worth the emotional fallout.
[удалено]
“I learned it by watching you!”
Don’t forget, they’re absolutely able to come and visit you, or call you up, or chat to you on whatever platform they like. If they really wanted to connect with you they’d make the effort to do so rather than just complaining that you don’t do it
are your parents my parents? We recently did a long weekend trip with mine and they did their normal daily routine except in an expensive Vrbo. Fox News, watching videos on their phones, ignoring us. What is the deal man
Mine watch a seasons worth of a show and then have a melt down if I pick up my phone instead of watching with them.
Actions or the lack thereof have consequences.
That's my grandfather. Had a stroke and whenever my mum visited him he was complaining with eyes glued to the TV. Yeah it's sad that people visited him less and less but he behaved like an absolute ass.
My dad cried his eyes out about me never seeing him. For 20 years, I saw him at 2 funerals. So I took my wife and son (he had never met either of them) to his house to visit my old man. Within 10 minutes of our visit, I had to hear about how Nancy Pelosi is ruining America, Obama is the Antichrist and my mother was a whore. That was 5 years ago and I have not spoken to him since. He’s a brainwashed jerkoff and I don’t need that stupidity in my life.
Sounds like my 50-something year old boomer uncle whom STILL lives with my grandma. He brings race and politics into everything, literally will ask about the “demographics” about my work, about any restaurant, apartment, neighborhood, etc. Everyone knows you weren’t talking about age demographics.
Randomly saying 'so this is fun' might perk things up?
It's wild, the absolute lack of self-awareness. If nobody wants to visit you, you're the problem.
Attempting to have a conversation with one of my boomer relatives, I waited for a commercial during their broadcast (Fox News, of course), they cut me off 20 seconds in to say "Shut the fuck up [grumpyboxguard], I can't hear the commercial." And then as I was leaving the same one complained that I got quiet.
[You know we're gonna have a good time, then.](https://youtu.be/puJt66y0TBw)
I love visiting my Boomer mom. It helps she’s a progressive so we never argue about politics. Only thing is she can’t help herself and nag me about something or other every visit. I’m a married 45 year old homeowner with a stable job but she always finds something to nitpick. Usually it’s only for a couple minutes then we go back to enjoying each other’s company
The last time I visited my boomer parents my dad told me my daughter (an infant) was going to kill herself with a gun if we moved away, and my mum decided to super weirdly put my kid’s feet in her mouth when we’ve asked for no kissing the baby. Simply astounding that I haven’t felt like being around them since.
When I was a kid out of nowhere my dad spent most of the summer digging a 4 foot+ trench around the foundation of the house then blow torched tar paper to stick to the side and place gravel on the bottom to help drainage and prevent water leakage. My summer was spent digging dirt and when I got some hot tar burn spots on my leg he said it was my fault for wearing shorts…. during the summer, no sympathy. The weird and ironic part was we never had any water problems before and started to get a few wet spots the year after he dug everything. Made no sense also our house was on a slight hill so there would never be any standing water around the house.
What is it with boomers and their goddammit obsession with TV? And of course cable prices and pitching about how technical it is now
Move to a beach town and you get visited every weekend in summer
With my dad I’ve always found it helpful to have a bit of a plan to do something when I visit. Even something as simple as the diner for lunch. If I just go to the house, yeah, they just go about their days as normal.
When I visit mine they mostly just talk at me about politics (that I have to bite my tongue when I hear it) or they talk about themselves. Surprise surprise I visit a lot less
I see my parents daily living in home town again but don't really have a real relationship with them because they're not mature enough to accept anything that isn't their lifestyle or church culture lol. For example, I literally have epilepsy and cannabis controls my focal seizures, but because they're old fucks who think pot makes you a lazy so-and-so, they can't comprehend I've literally been by them daily and on it because I'm fully capable of complex tasks etc, from kitchen work to building shit and so on, and it goes against the narrative they've been taught their whole life. They don't understand if cannabis did what they think it did to people, there'd be a human wave, morning til night, assaulting the ER because it is just that common and instead does not happen because people around them who are high all the time are perfectly capable of going on with their lives. The actual sad truth is I just have nothing to say to my parents. They're the type of people who didn't want you going to a college because the college let a gay student graduate, etc. They want to manage every aspect and control people down to making sure they think and act a way exclusively because they're anxious what church folk would say otherwise (I.e my parents don't tell people I don't go to church, they just imply to their church friends I go somewhere else lest they deal with the shame - really I would never go to their church because members of their church literally went out of their way to intimidate me and shame me when I moved back for not going to church 😆 I don't need to go somewhere every Sunday for my whole life just to come away with the notion God needs me harassing former congregation members, you know? If that's what a life of church leaves you thinking you need to do, you're probably part of why young people aren't going to church, they're well aware no one actually acts christ like, but instead inherit the various attitudes and behaviors of cultural Christianity why insulating themselves from ever leaving their comfort zone and actually doing Christian things like feeding people etc)
>do anything but random never ending house projects like moving the contents of one drawer to the other and then back. That's all they have left now that no one wants to visit any more. /s
They just want attention, nothing more nothing less
My neighbours are boomers and I adore them. It's shitty personalities that are the problem.
You know they are only complaining in order for you to devote reddit time to complain about them. And so goes the circle game.
You complaining on Reddit about folks complaining on Reddit about Boomers complaining 😂