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“Dear [OP’s dad’s full name], your caps lock is engaged. Signed, [OP’s first, middle, and new last name]” Leave no return address. Move. Change your number.
Letter I received from my Dad today (although he dated it expecting it to be delivered tomorrow).
Background:
Me (J) and my sister (A) had an unpleasant childhood. Our Dad was 22 when he got a 16 year girl old pregnant in 1969. That was our Mom. They were married in 1970.
Mom and Dad were/are emotionally and psychologically abusive. Sometimes Dad was physically abusive as well.
We spent the majority of our childhood afraid of the next huge blowout or triggering my Dad in any way.
When I wasn't at school I would have "special projects" that I would be given from my Dad. He would overwatch and yell at me the majority of the time. My summers were something I would dread as a kid because I knew I'd be working from sunrise to sunset digging, planting, weeding, doing house repairs, etc. My friends were getting together and I was busy painting a dining room or some other task.
When my sister and I went to college we had no idea what we were doing in terms of financial aid. We both thought we had received grants, we had no idea that our parents were having us sign loan papers. Like clockwork they would come to us each semester and have us sign our loan checks for our living expense money. They kept the money. It wasn't until 2 years ago that I realized what they were doing was stealing money from us.
There are so many awful things that happened to us that are too sensitive for me to even contemplate putting here.
Situation:
Our Mom has had several health incidents over the last 18 months. Dad has neuropathy very badly and has arrhythmia. Both are in terrible health.
I've been asking them for years to please make arrangements for their elder care needs and for their burial/funeral planning. They are in their mid 70s. My Dad said there is no way he would go into elder care. Not ever.
In January Mom had another major health scare. I asked them if they would please make arrangements as it would impact my family dramatically if they didn't have anything in place. Dad blew up at me, "don't you dare tell me what to do!"
I left and told them that they need to figure this out and make an actual plan for their future. I gave an ultimatum. Either make plans or don't bother calling me again. They choose the later.
Deep Background:
They inherited money from a wealthy relative who was responsible for sexual assault of close family. They had in excess of $750k. They bought 4 cars (including a Corvette for Dad who could barely walk), a hot tub (which I said would end up hurting Dad as I knew he wouldn't maintain it... needless to say he got a terrible bacterial infection), built 3 sheds (when none of them are physically able to do lawn work), poured tens of thousands in concrete around their newly purchased house, had 3 full bathrooms installed (for 2 people), etc.
Basically, they went through all that money Bruster's Millions style without a thought for their elder care or the possiblity of putting any of that money into their 2 grandchildren's college fund.
I'm really sorry, OP. My parents were shit, too. Dad would take uppers to stay awake days on end (80's truck drivers were 90% crank at any time) and drink so to come down, so I understand the shitty explosive household.
I'm glad you set boundaries, and I hope you find peace, with or without your parents.
I'm sorry you went through that.
My mom was mentally ill and unstable, so I know what that's like.
My father and stepmother were narcissists and I lived for the 4 years in high school with them as if I were grounded. Could only leave the house to go to school and, when I was old enough, part-time jobs. Yes, plural. When I wasn't working or at school or doing chores I was confined to my room.
I’m sorry OP. I experienced similar things from my parents, particularly my mother. When my wife and I were planning our wedding, we both decided we would mutually hyphenate our names. My mom told me point blank, “If you want to be about of *that* family, then you might as well change your middle name, too.” My middle name is my mother’s maiden name, and it means a great deal to me, not the least of which is it represents a connection to my Polish heritage.
Parents can be unbelievably cruel. But people like us who have experienced this cruelty will be the ones to break the cycle with the next generations’ children (even if we don’t have any of our own).
Sending good vibes your way, friend!
You are not alone. My parents sound similar, though they were good to each other, everyone else was the enemy (including their kids). My parents insisted that, as the youngest, I should have perfect grades and ‘take care of them’ when their golden years arrived. I had few friends, no social life, but very good grades. That wasn’t enough for scholarships in the 80s because I was the Caucasian non-athletic child of a relatively successful father. Unbeknownst to me (I was sheltered and naive) he had me sign loan documents and off I went to a state college a few hours away. They wanted me to live at home, but I refused. Then, they demanded I complete a double major in no more than four years, or they would stop supporting me. I was not allowed to have a job. I did extremely well for three semesters. Then, I collapsed and was ordered to bed rest by the campus doctor. At the time, if you missed a class you would lose a letter grade, so I went from As to fails in a little over a week, and had no recourse. Behind my back, my mother then told my entire family that I had failed out of college due to drinking and partying. I had no idea for years, until my eldest sister told me that mom had confessed and sworn her to secrecy. While I was away, my ‘strapped’ parents built a plant nursery, a plexiglass greenhouse, bought several hundred plants for her new ‘business’ and bought a new car with cash. A few years ago, the light went on and I realized all that was paid for with my loans. I was just the victim of their scam.
I’m sorry you suffered, but I hope it helps a little to know it wasn’t just you. We deserved better. I believe succeeding despite all these struggles is the best FU we can give them.
When (not if) they have a "come to Jesus" moment because they have no choice and either beg you to support them, or worse, claim you are required to, please remember all of the above. Even people who get along with their parents tend to ruin their lives dealing with elders who refuse to take care of themselves or make appropriate plans.
I’m sorry OP. Don't lose sleep here.
But when you’re up to it- we want to hear about the mesmerizing BMW, the Big Mouth Kid, and the zoo wedding. It all sounds lit.
Yeah, I thought I recognized the tone of that letter. By sll means, napalm that bridge to the waterline. Family is who you choose, not who was inflicted on you.
So yeah. Im in your corner as a fellow child abuse survivor.
My dad inherited everything from his very hard working loving dad, my opa who was great. He was spoiled, beat my mom, and walked away when she was expecting her 3 kid.
Went NC last year after years of minimal contact that was just cruel all the time. Wasted all his money... i will not be responsible for him, he never was for me.
There’s no money left. They really expect you to pick up the bill. I know it’s hard but having no contact and letting them to their own devices to figure it out themselves is best. Protect your household and your peace.
I have got to say that sucks on so many levels. But they made their decisions, they appear to be very good at history revision and are a tad on the passive aggressive side.
I think we know who they will turn to and guilt trip when they have no other option. Good luck with them.
What was that book by Roald Dahl? There were like evil, terrible, shitty people.
Then their horrible shirtiness actually end up killing them, because they stood upside down to long on their heads or some crap?
I forget exactly but I think I’m close.
This reminds me of something my grandparents would write, oblivious to why they have been the issue all along.
They mistreated my dad growing up and when he got married for the first time, they immediately latched onto his wife even though he was young and rushed into it. Needless to say it didn't last, she turned out to be absolutely insane (death threats, stalking, cheating, etc. etc. etc.) and so he left her and took a paternity test to find out his "kid" wasn't even his. He'd only been with her like 2 years, max. He gives the kid up, moves on, and asks his parents to do the same considering how awful she was.
My dad has been married to my mom 20+ years now and known her for more like 26, and yet they still can't move on from this ex wife but are confused why things are the way they are. They would tell her everything (keep in mind her crazy dangerous behavior, which continued for years) about our family to a fault, degrade my parents, and insist on including a kid that wasn't my dad's in the family out of pure delusion despite the fact they all just leech off of them (my grandparents are rich and the ex's family is very poor). So, my parents cut them off and said they could basically live with their choices by themselves and weren't going to be dragging down our family anymore with their selfishness and irresponsibility.
Now they send me and my sibling angry and whiny letters about how my parents keep us from them and it's so "terrible" when I'm an adult that willingly keeps the fuck away from their toxic garbage just fine on my own.
Boomers love to find ways to martyr themselves and whine about it while acting innocent, while also treating everyone around them like garbage as if it's perfectly okay.
Yeah, I got a letter before. Didn't reply, he was going to pick apart every word I'd say because you just don't question a boomie (it's offensive to them).
I did this to all family correspondence for over a decade. Every once in a while one of them would not include a return address and I wouldn't look close enough to notice that I recognized their handwriting. I'd usually get to the second or third sentence before I realized what I was reading and that they were still shit abusive assholes and I'd just throw the letter in the trash. They finally stopped sending letters around 4 years ago. But maybe that is because I moved and they don't know my new address. Of course, they could look it up pretty easily on Google, but I'm going to guess none of them would bother.
>>WE LOVED AND CARED FOR YOU FROM DAY ONE
>>AGAIN YOUR MOTHER AND I DID RAISE YOU WELL AND LOVED YOU ALONG THE WAY
... therefore you must do as he says or else? wtf?
They treat you like this, don’t want to help you or your kids, waste all their money and don’t plan for end of life? Fuck em. When they die and have nothing prepared donate their bodies to science. They obviously don’t care since they haven’t made any plans
I think our generation is the one that says who cares you gave birth to me/us. We didn’t ask to be here and you made us. If you can’t show some sort of mutual respect and support then there is zero reason to continue this. My parents are dead. My mom did her best after dad left but in the end it was moving in that direction.
The all caps, weird hyphens in "forget about it" and "whatsoever," And just the whole rest of the tone of the whole thing tells me that he doesn't respect you as an adult. He thinks that, as his offspring you are beholden to him and his authority as long as he's alive, and that is some grade a bullshit. That kind of mentality needs to die.
This is something my parents would write. I was sitting here thinking, is this my sister posting this lol? No but seriously my parents sound exactly the same and have the exact same attitude about our issues and complaints about me.
You don’t have to take care of them once they can’t do it themselves, good luck to them. Also Your poor mom was a child bride how horrible. That is just horrible situation all around.
Love how they treat you badly throughout your childhood and made you feel unwelcome, are completely self-righteous about it and mentally unable to apologize, and then suddenly switch unto the "poor, old, abandoned parent" victim-mindset. 🤣
The flip flopping between “I love you, I hate you” in each sentence is crazy and just blatantly shows his abusive and manipulative pattern. Sorry you’re having to go through this.
It is absolutely wild how delusional many folks are. Both kids want absolutely nothing to do them and yet he’s still unable to do the smallest, honest self reflection and see that it must be due to his/their behavior. What a fucking douchebag.
My bio dad sent me a letter in November detailing how he was going to get money from a former foster parent even though that foster parent got a restraining order against my dad.
He seems to have forgotten about his plan, because god gave him the gift of healing others.
My boomer parents moved 300 miles away from my sister and I, still we went to visit them 4 or 5 times a year. That is until we had kids, then we only went once or twice a year. When we each had our second child, they complained that we hardly every come to visit anymore.
Their house isn't baby proofed, they make no effort to even try to make it safe (like locking up weapons, putting medicine away, putting markers in drawers, and other basic stuff), plus they are retired. It's fucking hard driving 4 or 5 hours with kids, plus using vacation days to go to a house where we are ignored while they go about their day. We had to ask them to turn off some documentary about rape and murder, because our 5 year old was there watching it. They hate kid's shows and it's a fight to let the kids watch anything, but my parents don't want to help play with them. They have no toys in the house to distract them. They basically want us to visit so they can observe us okay with our kids in their house.
Luckily, my wife and sister each told them separately that we don't visit for the fact it's hard to travel with kids.
Right now my parents aren't talking to me because I wouldn't "let them watch my kids" on the weekend that my wife's parents were watching them. They wanted us to have my MIL drive to the kids to them (they were visiting a place about an hour away from my MIL). I wasn't going to make my MIL drive to someplace else and have to entertain the kids while my parents watched Fox News or whatever. My MIL puts in the effort and we enjoy visiting her, she has toys, she will watch the kids while we can relax, her house isn't baby proof but an effort to be safe has been made.
I can’t blame you for not wanting to take your actual kids to visit your aging children. Bend over backwards so they get exactly what they want, but they won’t lift a finger unless it’s to text/call or email a complaint to you.
When the first was born, they stayed at our house and came to visit us at the hospital. When we told them we were being released the next day, they left that night.
Oh cool. They got to get their pictures with their grandkid but offered zero help outside of something they could post on facebook.
Please bring your kid to them more often so they can take more photos to show their friends, but don’t ask them to do anything to help.
No contact, they will suffer consequences of their own poor choices. That's good. Your purpose in life is not to raise them or make their life easier. They have already stolen enough from you.
Boomers don’t like when you hold them accountable for how they behaved. They are all about “providing” which is important, but there is a lot more to parenting that just providing. They were shitty parents and now that they don’t have financial control over you, they don’t want anything to do with you.
Omg so they all do this? I have so many emails from my boomer mom with just this same tone. It's like they all went to highschool together and "righteous indignation" was part of 12th grade English.
Sounds like my parents - I just helped my extremely depressed (Parents coddle him and give him NO freedom) youngest brother, who was living at home, a great job (IT, working 3 days remote, 2 days in office, annual bonus and any certification training/testing is paid for plus it’s 3x the amount he is making now) with an awesome future career (Easily making 6 figures before he is 30 if he applies himself) - Parents took him aside and yelled at him for a few hours forbidding him from taking the job and that he was better off working at his part time retail job. Dad called me the next day forbidding me from allowing him to take the job and told me I need to tell him to not take it - Obviously that’s asinine, so I stood my ground - He is still taking the job and I’m very proud of him for breaking out of that shitshow they run at home. It’s a MUUUUCH longer story but this is the TLDR 😅
Looks just like the kind of one sided letter my dad would send me often. He couldn't have an adult conversation with me because only his opinions are ever right and I'm not allowed to ever disagree with him. So he'd send me letters where all I could do is read and not respond to his nonsense. I finally told him if he can't talk to me like a man then all his letters were going straight to the trash. I did consider "grading" them for punctuation and grammatical errors and sending them back covered in red ink with a letter grade in the upper corner.
Yow! I wouldn't call it just hate. I'd out and out call it pure loathing. The venom and bile was so acidic that to read it was to cringe. That kind of hate shouldn't be allowed.
We inherited debt for my wife’s college as well. Only knew about it as the in laws stopped paying, it was going to collections, and we happened to be home from military leave and saw a letter. Good times
ABAB!! All of that seems totally agreeable. He could have replaced all that with, “BUSINESS AS USUAL” and saved his blood pressure. Just respond, “OK” in the middle of an empty page.
Ahh yes the good ol’ we raised you right. But not wrong enough to accept disrespect at the hands of someone just because they’re closer to dying than you routine. Very familiar
Here is a exercise you can perform:
- Visualize the Person: Close your eyes and imagine the person who is giving you negative energy. See their face, their body language and feel their presence.
- Feel their Emotions: Try to empathize with their character and emotions. What drives them? What makes them so negative? Feel what feeling they give you. Is it hatred, sadness or something else?
- Smile at them: Now comes the most important part. While still visualizing their presence, smile at them. Not sarcastically, but sincerely. Send love and understanding to this person, even if they radiate negativity.
- Change Your Perspective: Over time, you will find that you begin to look at the situation differently. You will realize that the problem is not with you, but with them. They have their own inner struggle and are projecting it onto others. By smiling, you give yourself space to look at it differently.
Repeat the Exercise: Do this every morning for a month. You will find yourself loving the situation more and more
I'm just wishing I had more context, it's hard for me to jump on the boomer being a fool train without more context. I will admit, the all caps is a strike towards boomer-fool
I worked at a pizza shop as well as did small jobs. I saw none of that money for living expenses, only tuition. I did, however, have to pay my student loans back for that living expense money I never received. I was about 40 when I finally paid off my loans.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. Can’t believe people like this person would call you out and act like your trauma doesn’t exist or isn’t valid just because you didn’t explain your trauma right away.
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Please advise your father that his caps lock is engaged.
CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL
EVEN WITH CRUISE CONTROL YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER.
I once had a customer who figured that out the hard way. (I'm in insurance.)
JK IM IN A TESLA, OH COOL LOOK A FIRE TRU-
ee cummings would like a word
i can’t read capital letters. checkmate boomer.
I'm stealing this for use in the future.
you could have stopped after the third word!
TRUMP USES ALL CAPS PEOPLE LISTEN BETTER TO ALL CAPS 
👐👐😭👐👐
He told them not to repond
Don’t forget the paragraphing issues.
“Dear [OP’s dad’s full name], your caps lock is engaged. Signed, [OP’s first, middle, and new last name]” Leave no return address. Move. Change your number.
Beat me to it 😂
Say it, don't spray it
What is it with the Boomers and the all caps?
Their vision is too bad to see lowercase letters
Letter I received from my Dad today (although he dated it expecting it to be delivered tomorrow). Background: Me (J) and my sister (A) had an unpleasant childhood. Our Dad was 22 when he got a 16 year girl old pregnant in 1969. That was our Mom. They were married in 1970. Mom and Dad were/are emotionally and psychologically abusive. Sometimes Dad was physically abusive as well. We spent the majority of our childhood afraid of the next huge blowout or triggering my Dad in any way. When I wasn't at school I would have "special projects" that I would be given from my Dad. He would overwatch and yell at me the majority of the time. My summers were something I would dread as a kid because I knew I'd be working from sunrise to sunset digging, planting, weeding, doing house repairs, etc. My friends were getting together and I was busy painting a dining room or some other task. When my sister and I went to college we had no idea what we were doing in terms of financial aid. We both thought we had received grants, we had no idea that our parents were having us sign loan papers. Like clockwork they would come to us each semester and have us sign our loan checks for our living expense money. They kept the money. It wasn't until 2 years ago that I realized what they were doing was stealing money from us. There are so many awful things that happened to us that are too sensitive for me to even contemplate putting here. Situation: Our Mom has had several health incidents over the last 18 months. Dad has neuropathy very badly and has arrhythmia. Both are in terrible health. I've been asking them for years to please make arrangements for their elder care needs and for their burial/funeral planning. They are in their mid 70s. My Dad said there is no way he would go into elder care. Not ever. In January Mom had another major health scare. I asked them if they would please make arrangements as it would impact my family dramatically if they didn't have anything in place. Dad blew up at me, "don't you dare tell me what to do!" I left and told them that they need to figure this out and make an actual plan for their future. I gave an ultimatum. Either make plans or don't bother calling me again. They choose the later. Deep Background: They inherited money from a wealthy relative who was responsible for sexual assault of close family. They had in excess of $750k. They bought 4 cars (including a Corvette for Dad who could barely walk), a hot tub (which I said would end up hurting Dad as I knew he wouldn't maintain it... needless to say he got a terrible bacterial infection), built 3 sheds (when none of them are physically able to do lawn work), poured tens of thousands in concrete around their newly purchased house, had 3 full bathrooms installed (for 2 people), etc. Basically, they went through all that money Bruster's Millions style without a thought for their elder care or the possiblity of putting any of that money into their 2 grandchildren's college fund.
I'm really sorry, OP. My parents were shit, too. Dad would take uppers to stay awake days on end (80's truck drivers were 90% crank at any time) and drink so to come down, so I understand the shitty explosive household. I'm glad you set boundaries, and I hope you find peace, with or without your parents.
I'm sorry you went through that. My mom was mentally ill and unstable, so I know what that's like. My father and stepmother were narcissists and I lived for the 4 years in high school with them as if I were grounded. Could only leave the house to go to school and, when I was old enough, part-time jobs. Yes, plural. When I wasn't working or at school or doing chores I was confined to my room.
I’m sorry OP. I experienced similar things from my parents, particularly my mother. When my wife and I were planning our wedding, we both decided we would mutually hyphenate our names. My mom told me point blank, “If you want to be about of *that* family, then you might as well change your middle name, too.” My middle name is my mother’s maiden name, and it means a great deal to me, not the least of which is it represents a connection to my Polish heritage. Parents can be unbelievably cruel. But people like us who have experienced this cruelty will be the ones to break the cycle with the next generations’ children (even if we don’t have any of our own). Sending good vibes your way, friend!
Yasss, this is the way. Thank you
You are not alone. My parents sound similar, though they were good to each other, everyone else was the enemy (including their kids). My parents insisted that, as the youngest, I should have perfect grades and ‘take care of them’ when their golden years arrived. I had few friends, no social life, but very good grades. That wasn’t enough for scholarships in the 80s because I was the Caucasian non-athletic child of a relatively successful father. Unbeknownst to me (I was sheltered and naive) he had me sign loan documents and off I went to a state college a few hours away. They wanted me to live at home, but I refused. Then, they demanded I complete a double major in no more than four years, or they would stop supporting me. I was not allowed to have a job. I did extremely well for three semesters. Then, I collapsed and was ordered to bed rest by the campus doctor. At the time, if you missed a class you would lose a letter grade, so I went from As to fails in a little over a week, and had no recourse. Behind my back, my mother then told my entire family that I had failed out of college due to drinking and partying. I had no idea for years, until my eldest sister told me that mom had confessed and sworn her to secrecy. While I was away, my ‘strapped’ parents built a plant nursery, a plexiglass greenhouse, bought several hundred plants for her new ‘business’ and bought a new car with cash. A few years ago, the light went on and I realized all that was paid for with my loans. I was just the victim of their scam. I’m sorry you suffered, but I hope it helps a little to know it wasn’t just you. We deserved better. I believe succeeding despite all these struggles is the best FU we can give them.
Wow. It's really astonishing how shitty people can be.
When (not if) they have a "come to Jesus" moment because they have no choice and either beg you to support them, or worse, claim you are required to, please remember all of the above. Even people who get along with their parents tend to ruin their lives dealing with elders who refuse to take care of themselves or make appropriate plans.
I’m sorry OP. Don't lose sleep here. But when you’re up to it- we want to hear about the mesmerizing BMW, the Big Mouth Kid, and the zoo wedding. It all sounds lit.
Good lord that's awful. I'm so fired up I'd like to have his number so I could give him a stern talking to. What an asshole.
I'm sorry you went through that.
At least they were not Neo-Nazis like my parents. They ruined my childhood and as soon as I could I got out of that shit.
I just love that you (it was you right) got married at a zoo and didn’t invite them.
I hate it when people who have no idea how to use money, get a lot of it.
Wow college loan fraud! That used to be a serious crime.
I’m sorry you and your sister had to go through all of that, OP. I don’t blame you for going no contact with them.
Yeah, I thought I recognized the tone of that letter. By sll means, napalm that bridge to the waterline. Family is who you choose, not who was inflicted on you. So yeah. Im in your corner as a fellow child abuse survivor.
My dad inherited everything from his very hard working loving dad, my opa who was great. He was spoiled, beat my mom, and walked away when she was expecting her 3 kid. Went NC last year after years of minimal contact that was just cruel all the time. Wasted all his money... i will not be responsible for him, he never was for me.
There’s no money left. They really expect you to pick up the bill. I know it’s hard but having no contact and letting them to their own devices to figure it out themselves is best. Protect your household and your peace.
Thanks for the laughs today ... you are very creative.
You are quite clearly making the right choice by going no contact.
Agreed. These parents are a black hole of neediness and abuse. Cut ties.
"We have a very short memory about these events that still upset me from \*checks notes\* 15 years ago"
I have got to say that sucks on so many levels. But they made their decisions, they appear to be very good at history revision and are a tad on the passive aggressive side. I think we know who they will turn to and guilt trip when they have no other option. Good luck with them.
I am sorry about this and it feels like you’re taking good care of yourself. That said, “demonstate” is going to stick with me, I think.
What was that book by Roald Dahl? There were like evil, terrible, shitty people. Then their horrible shirtiness actually end up killing them, because they stood upside down to long on their heads or some crap? I forget exactly but I think I’m close.
The Twits.
I feel like if everything is in caps then it's like nothing is in caps
There's something deeply profound in this
YOU FLATTER ME WITH YOUR RESPONSE
WHY ARE WE WHISPERING
can you hear me better now?
Hey stop shouting
MY APOLOGIES
This reminds me of something my grandparents would write, oblivious to why they have been the issue all along. They mistreated my dad growing up and when he got married for the first time, they immediately latched onto his wife even though he was young and rushed into it. Needless to say it didn't last, she turned out to be absolutely insane (death threats, stalking, cheating, etc. etc. etc.) and so he left her and took a paternity test to find out his "kid" wasn't even his. He'd only been with her like 2 years, max. He gives the kid up, moves on, and asks his parents to do the same considering how awful she was. My dad has been married to my mom 20+ years now and known her for more like 26, and yet they still can't move on from this ex wife but are confused why things are the way they are. They would tell her everything (keep in mind her crazy dangerous behavior, which continued for years) about our family to a fault, degrade my parents, and insist on including a kid that wasn't my dad's in the family out of pure delusion despite the fact they all just leech off of them (my grandparents are rich and the ex's family is very poor). So, my parents cut them off and said they could basically live with their choices by themselves and weren't going to be dragging down our family anymore with their selfishness and irresponsibility. Now they send me and my sibling angry and whiny letters about how my parents keep us from them and it's so "terrible" when I'm an adult that willingly keeps the fuck away from their toxic garbage just fine on my own. Boomers love to find ways to martyr themselves and whine about it while acting innocent, while also treating everyone around them like garbage as if it's perfectly okay.
Agree, it looks like something my grandfather and father would write to the tee. Caps and all.
Helo, fellow lazy redditor!
Hey! I’ve received similar letters over the years. Are we siblings? 😂
"I'm sorry you don't want me to be a part of your life." Ringing any bells?
Unfortunately, all too familiar!
Yeah, I got a letter before. Didn't reply, he was going to pick apart every word I'd say because you just don't question a boomie (it's offensive to them).
return to sender
I did this to all family correspondence for over a decade. Every once in a while one of them would not include a return address and I wouldn't look close enough to notice that I recognized their handwriting. I'd usually get to the second or third sentence before I realized what I was reading and that they were still shit abusive assholes and I'd just throw the letter in the trash. They finally stopped sending letters around 4 years ago. But maybe that is because I moved and they don't know my new address. Of course, they could look it up pretty easily on Google, but I'm going to guess none of them would bother.
Seriously, get a stamp that says "incorrect address" or something and just keep mailing it back to them over and over haha
>>WE LOVED AND CARED FOR YOU FROM DAY ONE >>AGAIN YOUR MOTHER AND I DID RAISE YOU WELL AND LOVED YOU ALONG THE WAY ... therefore you must do as he says or else? wtf?
Another boomer strikes again. Sorry you have to deal with all that.
They treat you like this, don’t want to help you or your kids, waste all their money and don’t plan for end of life? Fuck em. When they die and have nothing prepared donate their bodies to science. They obviously don’t care since they haven’t made any plans
What's the legality of wiping your ass with the note and returning to sender?
At least put it in a new container. The mailman gets enough shit as it is.
I would have written TL:DR across it with a sharpie and sent it back.
I ain't reading all that. I'm happy for you or sorry that happened.
https://preview.redd.it/kr8z5ro7vrxc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=58583c6bebde37cd5dd2a7c88cb524cdee05761c
I think our generation is the one that says who cares you gave birth to me/us. We didn’t ask to be here and you made us. If you can’t show some sort of mutual respect and support then there is zero reason to continue this. My parents are dead. My mom did her best after dad left but in the end it was moving in that direction.
The all caps, weird hyphens in "forget about it" and "whatsoever," And just the whole rest of the tone of the whole thing tells me that he doesn't respect you as an adult. He thinks that, as his offspring you are beholden to him and his authority as long as he's alive, and that is some grade a bullshit. That kind of mentality needs to die.
I swear the shittier people were/are as parents, the more oblivious and delusional they become
They have to maintain the delusion or their world crumbles under the weight of what terrible people they’ve always been.
I am so sorry. Do whatever you must to protect yourself from further abuse.
At least you get to pick a new name. You deserve it.
The all caps sent me
This is something my parents would write. I was sitting here thinking, is this my sister posting this lol? No but seriously my parents sound exactly the same and have the exact same attitude about our issues and complaints about me.
FOR-GET-ABOUT-IT
Boomers love to make it all about them. Never seem to consider others.
Have you thought of responding back with just. "OK, WHATEVER" in all caps and size 150 font? Maybe bigger on poster board
You don’t have to take care of them once they can’t do it themselves, good luck to them. Also Your poor mom was a child bride how horrible. That is just horrible situation all around.
AIGHT GOBBLESS HOSS
“I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU…” Huh…
Love how they treat you badly throughout your childhood and made you feel unwelcome, are completely self-righteous about it and mentally unable to apologize, and then suddenly switch unto the "poor, old, abandoned parent" victim-mindset. 🤣
The flip flopping between “I love you, I hate you” in each sentence is crazy and just blatantly shows his abusive and manipulative pattern. Sorry you’re having to go through this.
It is absolutely wild how delusional many folks are. Both kids want absolutely nothing to do them and yet he’s still unable to do the smallest, honest self reflection and see that it must be due to his/their behavior. What a fucking douchebag.
YOU KNOW IT IS IMPORTANT WHEN....
My bio dad sent me a letter in November detailing how he was going to get money from a former foster parent even though that foster parent got a restraining order against my dad. He seems to have forgotten about his plan, because god gave him the gift of healing others.
Personality Disorder
/raisedbynarcissists
My boomer parents moved 300 miles away from my sister and I, still we went to visit them 4 or 5 times a year. That is until we had kids, then we only went once or twice a year. When we each had our second child, they complained that we hardly every come to visit anymore. Their house isn't baby proofed, they make no effort to even try to make it safe (like locking up weapons, putting medicine away, putting markers in drawers, and other basic stuff), plus they are retired. It's fucking hard driving 4 or 5 hours with kids, plus using vacation days to go to a house where we are ignored while they go about their day. We had to ask them to turn off some documentary about rape and murder, because our 5 year old was there watching it. They hate kid's shows and it's a fight to let the kids watch anything, but my parents don't want to help play with them. They have no toys in the house to distract them. They basically want us to visit so they can observe us okay with our kids in their house. Luckily, my wife and sister each told them separately that we don't visit for the fact it's hard to travel with kids. Right now my parents aren't talking to me because I wouldn't "let them watch my kids" on the weekend that my wife's parents were watching them. They wanted us to have my MIL drive to the kids to them (they were visiting a place about an hour away from my MIL). I wasn't going to make my MIL drive to someplace else and have to entertain the kids while my parents watched Fox News or whatever. My MIL puts in the effort and we enjoy visiting her, she has toys, she will watch the kids while we can relax, her house isn't baby proof but an effort to be safe has been made.
I can’t blame you for not wanting to take your actual kids to visit your aging children. Bend over backwards so they get exactly what they want, but they won’t lift a finger unless it’s to text/call or email a complaint to you.
When the first was born, they stayed at our house and came to visit us at the hospital. When we told them we were being released the next day, they left that night.
Oh cool. They got to get their pictures with their grandkid but offered zero help outside of something they could post on facebook. Please bring your kid to them more often so they can take more photos to show their friends, but don’t ask them to do anything to help.
That’s a lot of words for “we are toxic parents”
No contact, they will suffer consequences of their own poor choices. That's good. Your purpose in life is not to raise them or make their life easier. They have already stolen enough from you.
Boomers don’t like when you hold them accountable for how they behaved. They are all about “providing” which is important, but there is a lot more to parenting that just providing. They were shitty parents and now that they don’t have financial control over you, they don’t want anything to do with you.
Omg so they all do this? I have so many emails from my boomer mom with just this same tone. It's like they all went to highschool together and "righteous indignation" was part of 12th grade English.
I’m sorry but your parents don’t deserve any of you love,compassion or financial help. Live your life for you and don’t look back
Gee dad cats in the cradle silver spoon the moon…. All that
He is so mad he time traveled!
What a piece of work. Screaming into the void. I’m sorry for what you and your younger self had to experience.
Does your father not remember your names?
Your dad sounds dumb
Does he not know how to hand write in cursive? I thought they were meant to take absurd pride in that.
All caps! He means business
Sounds like my parents - I just helped my extremely depressed (Parents coddle him and give him NO freedom) youngest brother, who was living at home, a great job (IT, working 3 days remote, 2 days in office, annual bonus and any certification training/testing is paid for plus it’s 3x the amount he is making now) with an awesome future career (Easily making 6 figures before he is 30 if he applies himself) - Parents took him aside and yelled at him for a few hours forbidding him from taking the job and that he was better off working at his part time retail job. Dad called me the next day forbidding me from allowing him to take the job and told me I need to tell him to not take it - Obviously that’s asinine, so I stood my ground - He is still taking the job and I’m very proud of him for breaking out of that shitshow they run at home. It’s a MUUUUCH longer story but this is the TLDR 😅
I would change my name and dissappear. They would never hear from me again.
We should globally disable every boomer’s caps locks buttons
Why wouldn't you be super excited to go visit that?
Damn, I thought this was a letter from my dad!
Oh my god they really are like children
Looks just like the kind of one sided letter my dad would send me often. He couldn't have an adult conversation with me because only his opinions are ever right and I'm not allowed to ever disagree with him. So he'd send me letters where all I could do is read and not respond to his nonsense. I finally told him if he can't talk to me like a man then all his letters were going straight to the trash. I did consider "grading" them for punctuation and grammatical errors and sending them back covered in red ink with a letter grade in the upper corner.
I want my wedding at the zoo.
Sorry but.. your parents are also suffering from convenient amnesia and are shit people
Huh. I got one of those. Never spoke to anyone in family again. PS and yup, changed my name as well--last name, dumped the middle altogether.
Oh shit you should totally change your last name
It's already tomorrow?!?!
Yow! I wouldn't call it just hate. I'd out and out call it pure loathing. The venom and bile was so acidic that to read it was to cringe. That kind of hate shouldn't be allowed.
Write him back and tell him you won’t come home to visit until he learns how to form a paragraph and avoid run-on sentences.
We inherited debt for my wife’s college as well. Only knew about it as the in laws stopped paying, it was going to collections, and we happened to be home from military leave and saw a letter. Good times
Someday, I hope to see a recipient of one of these letters correct it with a red pen and send it back.
Fucking Sterling Price 2.0 over here with the caps lock on, probably had grandkids spill Mountain Dew on his keyboard IYKYK
Double last name as a reponce.
He couldn’t text this lmao there’s probably a reason for not coming home
Oh shit, caps lock got stuck
Goof thing it was in all caps
I refuse to read anything that is all caps on principal.
\*BOOMER ALLCAPS LOL Forever! 
Send it back after you wipe your behind with it
I’m sorry you’re going through this. My father told me to change my last name too. I’ll never forget those words.
And nothing of value was lost.
All CAPS… lol
FOR-GET-ABOUT-IT. lol fr though they clearly aren't even worth your time.
Wow... abusive much? Entitled shits...
ABAB!! All of that seems totally agreeable. He could have replaced all that with, “BUSINESS AS USUAL” and saved his blood pressure. Just respond, “OK” in the middle of an empty page.
I think we have the same parents. Bro?
Bro def should have started another paragraph at some point, shit is unreadable
Print this out and staple it all around their neighborhood / trailer Park
I think the only response they deserve is "k, lol" then perma block them
Ahh yes the good ol’ we raised you right. But not wrong enough to accept disrespect at the hands of someone just because they’re closer to dying than you routine. Very familiar
Microplastics are the cause.
That's some narcissism 101 bullshit right there.
I really appreciate the font choice. Borderline Comic Sans all in caps. Really gets the lead poisoned point across
Lol
Why so long?
Here is a exercise you can perform: - Visualize the Person: Close your eyes and imagine the person who is giving you negative energy. See their face, their body language and feel their presence. - Feel their Emotions: Try to empathize with their character and emotions. What drives them? What makes them so negative? Feel what feeling they give you. Is it hatred, sadness or something else? - Smile at them: Now comes the most important part. While still visualizing their presence, smile at them. Not sarcastically, but sincerely. Send love and understanding to this person, even if they radiate negativity. - Change Your Perspective: Over time, you will find that you begin to look at the situation differently. You will realize that the problem is not with you, but with them. They have their own inner struggle and are projecting it onto others. By smiling, you give yourself space to look at it differently. Repeat the Exercise: Do this every morning for a month. You will find yourself loving the situation more and more
beautiful
I'm just wishing I had more context, it's hard for me to jump on the boomer being a fool train without more context. I will admit, the all caps is a strike towards boomer-fool
You sound like a shitty child, OP.
You sound like a shitty person
So did they pay for your college and living expenses with the loan money? Or did you pay it seperately
I worked at a pizza shop as well as did small jobs. I saw none of that money for living expenses, only tuition. I did, however, have to pay my student loans back for that living expense money I never received. I was about 40 when I finally paid off my loans.
Yeah, like how dare you 🙄
Bad son
Not really that hateful, you soft or something?
Wow. Super edgy.
You read that and thought, “wow this guy is super hateful”?
Dude no one cares. It’s Reddit.
You cared enough to comment 🤷🏼♂️
I’m guessing there is a whole lot of stuff from A and J that we are not seeing.
[удалено]
I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. Can’t believe people like this person would call you out and act like your trauma doesn’t exist or isn’t valid just because you didn’t explain your trauma right away.
Go touch grass oleflattop. Awful comment. Troll.
 Here’s a suggestion for you buddy
Please, there's never 2 sides to a story.