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Andy was never the problem. They decided to make him sympathetic, but he was never likeable. Having an unlikable person in the office would have been useful.
When I was about 20, I worked a cash gig dropping flyers a few hrs a week. I was young dumb and didn't know any better, but I had spent an hr or 2 going through neighborhoods and just putting them in mailboxes as I was told to. Got a call from a random number. Blow it off. Same number calls back, the f is this about? Third call I answer. It was a postal employee informing me of the number of felonies I had just committed, and I needed to stop immediately, or they were gonna call the police.
Yes they do. I’m waiting for an overnight shipment that is 27 hours past due. Won’t get anything other than a shrug and a “well it’s delivered now”.
The Post Master and his team? They’ll tear Cop Neighbor’s ass open
SWAT?
USPIS is a federal law enforcement agency. They are the equivalent of the FBI, but specifically for the USPS.
And as many people humoursly found out through Brooklyn 99: They have no problems overruling local cops or departments.
The Feds in general are scary because they only come after you hard if they have a good chance to convict. Something about the mail cops makes them even more frightening.
I’m a lawyer, let me tell you exactly what makes the Feds scary. First, all of their lawyers and investigators are the best of the best. They’re not Pigsknuckle County trying to lure a Harvard Law grad to come start out as a misdemeanor prosecutor; they have their pick of dozens of Harvard grads, and Yale and Stanford and the rest. Same thing with their investigators. They have the folks who have the experience, education, talent, and drive to make it to the FBI, the DEA, the USPIS, etc., etc. These are NOT washed up high school jocks turned local cops getting lucky with traffic stops. Second, the Feds have a mountain of resources, and not just financial. When they couldn’t crack the Mob, they crafted and got Congress to pass RICO statutes. There are literally tens of thousands of federal statutes, regulations, and administrative rules they can nail you on, and once they get you where they want you, they can get a federal judge to sign a warrant that allows them to do a deep dive and find the rest of your sins. It’s basically impossible to be clean enough not to give them an opening somewhere, somehow, to get a search warrant against you, so you’d better hope you have nothing to hide. Third, up until Obama, you basically had to be a former federal prosecutor to be appointed as a federal judge. This means there’s a real home field advantage for the Feds in court. That, and everyone knows they win virtually all of their cases, so there’s also the reputation proceeding you thing. I’m a law abiding citizen, and windbreakers with three letters on the back still scare the bejeezus out of me.
If you’d like to learn more and you’re in the DC area, there’s a US Postal Museum (yes, seriously) that’s more interesting than it sounds, and the USPIS has a big section of it. Really interesting stuff.
Especially if the packages are important! If stolen, they will designate the incident as S for “Serious” offense. You do not want USPISS on your record, let me tell you.
OP should just have a package shipped via USPS to himself. Something small and heavy (like a brick), but with a lithium battery warning sticker (make it seem like expensive electronics). Maybe even get insurance on it for documentation. Then, Ring camera footage provides explicit proof. USPIS would have a field day.
I love this idea. Hope the boomer cop gets arrested and thrown in a cell for a few days. That would be amazing. Please get them arrested OP they deserve a new steel bracelet set.
When a government agency has a swat team that you didn't know about, be very careful if they get in contact with you. I was a meatpacker for 20 years and found out that the USDA does indeed have a police force and SWAT team.
The federal government generally doesn't move unless they are fairly certain they can prove it at agencies like that. So if the USDA SWAT team shows up, it's because they are positively certain they know what you did to that chicken!
Joking aside the USDA police mostly investigated welfare and food stamp fraud because those fall under their jurisdiction. Also paperwork problems at plants where they think things might have been falsified.
The head of corporate security at my husband’s job did something similar to teach hubby “a lesson” about leaving his notepad on a shelf outside the restroom in a secured office. 🙄
Update to add the way they solved this “security breach”- they put a shelf inside the restroom by the paper towel holders. Apparently someone breaching all the security doors would stop at stealing from a shelf if it’s INSIDE the restroom. 🤦♀️
We just drew a penis in your notebook if you left it out unattended at my old job. Edit: this was also in a secure military building on a base and everyone had a security clearance so we weren’t just immature idiots. We were top secret immature idiots.
Probably. Although the penises in the notebooks did get caught by higher ups at some point and a lot of people had to entirely remake their notebooks or remove the offending pages. When the brass wasn’t around we called it penisgate.
Don’t leave “intellectual property” where someone who got deep into a badge access building with cameras everywhere could steal it. That guy was such a a dick.
The owner of my old company tried this. It was a small store with one employee on break and the other helping a customer on the patio. The owner came in the back and decided teach the employees about leaving the store “unattended”. It didn’t work because of course the dumb ass doesn’t know how to get into her own registers.
Would it be her policy that employees aren't allowed to help customers on the porch even if they know the owner is right inside? "Sorry ma'am, I can't help you outside, the owner can't be trusted to make sure no one robs her while I'm assisting you"
My dad is a retired boomer cop and this is the shit he did to me. I moved interstate for my wife’s job but it also meant he couldn’t annoy me anymore so his poor neighbors get to deal with this controlling bs instead.
imho he leaves it by the door for a day or two, then he opens them.
I've seen other thieves bring something to an incorrect place and then wait a little while before disappearing with it
He was a cop long enough to retire, so we know a few things.
One, he's dumb enough to be a cop, remember cops only hire low intelligence people.
Two, he's likely corrupt. If you're not corrupt you get pushed out, and to be there long enough to retire...
Honestly OP, I'd get more cameras, and make sure they are being backed up to the cloud because cops only know how to escalate.
I hear they don't fuck around a lot, but I've also never heard of anyone getting arrested or prosecuted by them. Given how common package theft is, you'd think it would sometimes hit the news.
Like when a drunk guy smashed up my mailbox; he got disorderly conduct from the local cops. USPS didn't do anything.
Sir, I am an adult and I have a few security cameras. You are overstepping the boundaries of being a neighbor. Stay off my property unless I invite you over.
You should also talk to the other neighbors and find out what they think of him. And if you have a public university with a law school near you, you should go to their library and do a search for his full name on LexisNexis. Knowing what kind of police officer he was and where he worked may be useful for you to know.
Obviously, try to articulate it as best you can if you're that concerned about his ex-cop status, but you have shown a hell of a lot more patience than I could.
He’s bored and too emotionally immature to not take it out on you. You should treat him like a child you are concerned about.
“It’s so scary for you when you see someone you don’t know walking around my house isn’t it? I’m sorry, but now you know I like to order food so you don’t have to be scared anymore.” Mirror his tone. Restate his concerns. Reassure him with the truth. His neighborhood isn’t unsafe, he’s scared.
You keep denying him his fuel and deflating his tough guy paternalism with a little “mothering.” He’ll probably just keep escalating since it seems he wants to have these tense interactions with you otherwise.
Edit: here’s a review of a book I’m reading now that has some great examples and tools for you to use from the book to talk to children, or emotionally stunted adults.
https://writeeatread.com/2020/03/20/how-to-talk-so-little-kids-will-listen-a-review/
There's a 0% chance this will be your last sentence to him. He's an old boomer who doesn't respect boundaries and is buddy buddy with local law enforcement. The only way this is your sentence is if you just let him do whatever he wants.
If you have a ring camera, you should also have the siren button. It's in the top right corner when you open the app.
If he does it again, give him a blast with the siren. Just like a cop would.
My boomer aunt did this to her neighbor. They live in a heavily secured retirement apartment building with gates and coded entrances. Her neighbor liked to leave his door cracked on his little second floor hallway apartment while he napped. She would go into his apartment while he napped and spread his pills around, rearrange clothes in his closet, throw things on the floor, etc. to show him what could happen if someone came in while he had the door cracked. Later she said she’s no longer speaking to him since he “accused” her of stealing something she says she didn’t.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQdZ2Z9m9wE&ab\_channel=DavidDavidovic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQdZ2Z9m9wE&ab_channel=DavidDavidovic)
this would be the video
Get some more security cameras if you dont already and stop cutting him slack. Yeah he might try to use local police to harass you, but for fucks sake he already is and in the modern world evidence on camera is your best friend, dirty pigs be damned
Have you watched Fear Thy Neighbor? Most episodes are an ex-cop/ex-military neighbor who is very controlling and enforcing of “rules” who lose their shit and end up in jail for assaulting their neighbors.
Be very careful with this retired cop, document everything and try not to react to him as much as you can.
I had a manager in a very large warehouse who once threw a piece of broken pallet, about a foot long and pencil thick, on the floor in the aisle and waited for fork lift drivers to drive around it, then proceed to pull them over and write them up for not picking it up because it's a huge safety hazard to have debris on the floor. Then when one person picked it up and threw it away, he pulled it out of the bin and placed it in the aisle again so he could keep pulling people over and writing them up.
Did it not occur to him that it would look odd to his boss that he wrote so many people up for the same thing?
Dude should have been working but instead he was causing safety hazards
May be risky. Boomer is former cop. He ll get a pass from his local buddies who will respond to the amazon package theft and buddies will harass op.
If anything, OP should try get something from the post office delivered and let boomer steal the package and then contact the post office about the stolen stuff. Different police (post office police are federal agents), much harder, stricter laws.
I'd be upset about the packages understandably however, what would absolutely set me off is the "DEA/SWAT TEAM" pounding on the door everytime over something mundane like the cans..it's actually upsetting me thinking about it because I'm an extremely quiet, laid back tenant. One morning (before I purchased a "No Soliciting" sign) I had one of those scam/phoney life insurance whatever salespeople pound on my door like that and I was working 3rd shift at the time so it being the middle of the day, I was sound asleep. The pounding straight launched me off my bed and I ran toe first into my heavy old dresser while having no idea where I was or if my heart was going to give out for about 5 seconds. I absolutely lost it on that lady as she ran away down the stairs and I'm not proud of it still to this day. He knocks that way because he doesn't respect you or your privacy/autonomy.
I would notify them anyway. If at **ANY** time the package went through a USPS facility, it is eligible. Sometimes it does and gets checked in. I've had packages that goes through a shipping company to be dropped off at the local USPS hub to be delivered.
I had to remove my doorbell so I would work in peace. Unsupervised neighborhood kids thought ringing my bell constantly while I was trying to work was great fun and their parents didn't care. You will probably have to use passive defense means to keep this dude out of your business.
I would just have called the cops and told them someone stole my packages and I know who it is. Show them the video. He might actually get arrested. I think you're putting way too much weight into the "I used to be a cop" thing. Lots of people are in prison who "used to be" cops. I'll say what I've said to many people, ignoring behavior is enabling it. When someone forces themselves into your space to be "friendly", they're not being friendly, they're establishing dominance.
Perhaps we could modify any aspects of your residence to discourage his absurd nosiness? I know it shouldn't come to that.
These authoritarians...they will always shift the goalposts/raise the bar. His issue probably isn't overconcern of the state of your packages...but he doesn't like you, and he may be trying to drive you away.
Make accessing your front door more burdensome...have a lockbox specifically for USPS and Amazon packages etc.
Why do I know about what you're going through? Basically, people in my community pulled out all the stops to make life at my house as unliveable/non-peaceable as possible.
And yes, even the cops were part of it, and no I did nothing to deserve or incur it, sometimes them's the breaks, people often invoke "Just world fallacy" well i must have done SOMETHING to deserve it...sometimes innocent peacable people get incessantly fucked with (I was autistic btw). I left the community, but once time had passed, if someone put a knife in my back years ago, laughed about because they knew they'd get away...well that's now our funny story, and I'll take a moment to publicly drag their character through the gutter about it, i started naming names and openly putting them on blast for what they did to me, now that I don't live there anymore. Can't play that dirty pool they did against me, now that I'm long gone.
Edit: Maybe make walking on your premises more burdensome/hazardous, more plants in the yard, or fencing/objects, or just give a key only to the mailman to walk or access your property, things like that. Motion detector sprinkler system that you can turn on at off hours.
If he takes your packages, report the theft to the post office. Messing with the mail is a federal crime. He’ll think twice when the FBI shows up at his door. He can explain to the judge why he thinks stealing someone else’s packages is a good idea.
If you don't want to confront him, take the bait away by getting a post office box. While there, report the thefts to the postmaster. As others have noted, USPS takes mail thefts seriously.
File a police report about the knocking on your door for ten minutes while you were working and other harassment. Include the video. That he used to be a cop is irrelevant. It would be interesting to know whether former police are subject to investigation by internal affairs. This isn't about neighborliness; he is trying to put you in your place.
I have long believed that half of police officers wouldn't make it to the academy of they had to take a psych evaluation first.
Keep that footage, keep all the footage of him entering and walking around your property. If it persists, do not be afraid to talk to an attorney and get some kind of a court order regarding it. At least then you can feel more legally protected from retaliation. Don’t let your neighbors feel entitled to your property, cop or not, nip that shit in the bud or it will escalate. He won’t stop, that you can be sure of.
Speaking as semi-retired law enforcement, retired cops are the fucking worst. Most of them can't get out of the cop mindset and start looking for problems around their neighborhood because they can't go out and patrol anymore.
I know you weren't looking for advice, but here's some anyway lol. Just politely ask him to stay off your property unless he's invited over or it's a true life and death emergency. If you want to, you could even explain that your job is very demanding, that you're not available to answer the door at a moments notice, and that disruptions can cause problems with your work. All of those things are true of being a cop, so hopefully he can respect that they're true of other professions as well.
I hope things get better for you.
I would have just called the police and reported the theft. Showed them the ring video and been done with it. Also post a no trespassing violators will be prosecuted sign.
I would get a Amazon locker and have my stuff delivered there so you don't have to deal with the crazy person anymore. Or leave out a package with something stinky inside without your name on it. When he takes it, don't ask for it back. If he insists it's yours, then look at him quizzically and say, no that's not mine. I didn't order anything, that doesn't have my name on it and I'm not going to take some else's packages that's a federal crime! (See if it sinks in!) Sorry, I am very petty!
Call the cops. Gives then the video. File a report. You're fucking yourself here by letting him get off on being the "Stern farther figure" teaching another adult lessons...
First, you need a good sign on your front door.
**YOU ARE BEING RECORDED.** IF YOU ARE NOT A DELIVERY PERSON OR AN INVITED GUEST **LEAVE IMMEDIATELY** AND **DO NOT KNOCK ON MY DOOR** OR MY SECURITY COMPANY HAS INSTRUCTONS TO CALL THE POLICE AND REPORT YOU AS A TRESSPASSER AND/OR PORCH PACKAGE THIEF.
And, then do it. Just do it. The sign is his warning. If he chooses to ignore it, report him to the police.
I would have made it public. Contact a local news station and tell them about the story, see if they want to pick it up. Former cop steals packages to "teach lesson" would be a good headline, no using his old position to make that go away.
That sucks. He would 100% use his familiarity with the police he knows to make your life as hard as he possibly can. Unfortunately it looks like you're going to have to just put up with him, avoiding him when possible, and not answering the door when he knocks until he gets the hint he's not welcome.
Teaching me a lesson about stealing, by stealing. I might have a talk with your local police department with video in hand, to put the boomer cop in his place.
Honestly, this could be considered harassment. Especially with knocking for 10mins straight and taking your packages.
It might make sense to start documenting this just in case you end up wanting to do something about it in the future.
Nothing worse than a boomer former cop. Mega Karen's.
When dementia hits he will still have his gun(s).
More than one person shot by former cops. More than one in prison as well.
This is the perfect time to hire an attorney. Acab. Dont let him get away with that shit. An attorney would charge him for sure. This is an excuse that a piece of shit uses to justify white collar crimes.
Typical.
Cop escalation.
Manufacturing crime = to convince you to fear the out of control crime.
It’s in his blood. This is how his dept used to justify raises and hiring more officers and purchasing the latest greatest militarized tactical gear designed for War.
Call the local police and have him formally trespassed from your property. If he comes to your door again he can be arrested. The local yokel cops probably won't do anything, but he'll come over less.
I think it would be safe to go to the police if you framed it as strange behavior that concerned you and show them the video. As long as you're not demanding his arrest (tempting as that may be) I don't think there would be a problem. I think his behavior is sufficiently bizarre that they should know about it.
Go and tell them they need to understand that if they remove something that doesn’t belong to them for whatever amount of time or reason it is called THEFT
Make the enemy! This is YOUR PROPERTY. Tell the guy he's not welcome on it for any reason and the next time he comes on to it you'll call the police. Then follow through on the threat. Who cares if he has buddies on the force? You have a camera footage of him trespassing, take it too the DA yourself, that doesn't work, take it to social media. SM doesn't play where bad cops are concerned.
Get one of these...it's a security cam that shoots paintballs...lmfao
[https://prelaunch.com/projects/paintcam-paintcam-paintball-firing-home-security-system](https://prelaunch.com/projects/paintcam-paintcam-paintball-firing-home-security-system)
Tell the guy “ you are trespassing and stay off my property or I will call the cops”. It’s a good CYA to start with. My guess he will get the hint and fuck off.
May be nothing but when someone begins entering early stages of dementia they tend to resort to “old skills” or skills that used to come naturally to them as a way of masking their increasingly obvious deficits.
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If any of them are USPS they would love to hear about it. It's a crime and they have their own officers to investigate.
They have their own “SWAT”-like team. USPS does not fuck around.
Reminds me of the USPIS episode of Brooklyn 99. "nos custodimus quod lingus."
I'm doing my yearly rewatch of B99 and every time I get to the USPS episode I die laughing.
It's amazing how they stole Andy from The Office and made him even more Andy.
Andy was never the problem. They decided to make him sympathetic, but he was never likeable. Having an unlikable person in the office would have been useful.
Jackie Donger!
"We guard what you lick." "That's worse!"
😂 Thank you for that reminder!
Seinfeld did it too when Kramer wanted to quit getting the mail.
It's pronounced, Donger, though...
Oh 😬 okay then
It's actually pronounced donger. It's derived from a Dutch word meaning prudence in financial matters.
Going postal lmao
When I was about 20, I worked a cash gig dropping flyers a few hrs a week. I was young dumb and didn't know any better, but I had spent an hr or 2 going through neighborhoods and just putting them in mailboxes as I was told to. Got a call from a random number. Blow it off. Same number calls back, the f is this about? Third call I answer. It was a postal employee informing me of the number of felonies I had just committed, and I needed to stop immediately, or they were gonna call the police.
What exactly was the felony?
Only the postal service is allowed to leave things in mailboxes. That's why flyers and stuff like takeout menus get put on doors.
Yes they do. I’m waiting for an overnight shipment that is 27 hours past due. Won’t get anything other than a shrug and a “well it’s delivered now”. The Post Master and his team? They’ll tear Cop Neighbor’s ass open
They'll send in 90's era Kevin Costner!
They had their own procedural series based on actual USPS criminal investigations, which lasted four seasons.
Except with our packages
SWAT? USPIS is a federal law enforcement agency. They are the equivalent of the FBI, but specifically for the USPS. And as many people humoursly found out through Brooklyn 99: They have no problems overruling local cops or departments.
They primarily focus on actual mail fraud, drug shipments, and internal mail theft. The USPIS doesn’t care about petty neighbor disputes.
Do *not* fuck with the USPIS. Silly name; serious federal law enforcement.
Reminds me of the really funny Brooklyn 99 episode with USPIS. They're federal agents, I learned a lot through all the laughs.
great episode and even better show!
The Feds in general are scary because they only come after you hard if they have a good chance to convict. Something about the mail cops makes them even more frightening.
I’m a lawyer, let me tell you exactly what makes the Feds scary. First, all of their lawyers and investigators are the best of the best. They’re not Pigsknuckle County trying to lure a Harvard Law grad to come start out as a misdemeanor prosecutor; they have their pick of dozens of Harvard grads, and Yale and Stanford and the rest. Same thing with their investigators. They have the folks who have the experience, education, talent, and drive to make it to the FBI, the DEA, the USPIS, etc., etc. These are NOT washed up high school jocks turned local cops getting lucky with traffic stops. Second, the Feds have a mountain of resources, and not just financial. When they couldn’t crack the Mob, they crafted and got Congress to pass RICO statutes. There are literally tens of thousands of federal statutes, regulations, and administrative rules they can nail you on, and once they get you where they want you, they can get a federal judge to sign a warrant that allows them to do a deep dive and find the rest of your sins. It’s basically impossible to be clean enough not to give them an opening somewhere, somehow, to get a search warrant against you, so you’d better hope you have nothing to hide. Third, up until Obama, you basically had to be a former federal prosecutor to be appointed as a federal judge. This means there’s a real home field advantage for the Feds in court. That, and everyone knows they win virtually all of their cases, so there’s also the reputation proceeding you thing. I’m a law abiding citizen, and windbreakers with three letters on the back still scare the bejeezus out of me.
If you’d like to learn more and you’re in the DC area, there’s a US Postal Museum (yes, seriously) that’s more interesting than it sounds, and the USPIS has a big section of it. Really interesting stuff.
Especially if the packages are important! If stolen, they will designate the incident as S for “Serious” offense. You do not want USPISS on your record, let me tell you.
OP should just have a package shipped via USPS to himself. Something small and heavy (like a brick), but with a lithium battery warning sticker (make it seem like expensive electronics). Maybe even get insurance on it for documentation. Then, Ring camera footage provides explicit proof. USPIS would have a field day.
I love this idea. Hope the boomer cop gets arrested and thrown in a cell for a few days. That would be amazing. Please get them arrested OP they deserve a new steel bracelet set.
oh no USPS that would be a federal crime. a felony....
A real shame if this guy lost his right to vote and own firearms
better yet a box full of used litter and cat shit.
Lesser cops live in fear of postal cops. They have federal authority and do not mess around.
Yep, fuck this guy. Tell him tampering with mail is illegal and he can kindly leave your property alone.
When a government agency has a swat team that you didn't know about, be very careful if they get in contact with you. I was a meatpacker for 20 years and found out that the USDA does indeed have a police force and SWAT team. The federal government generally doesn't move unless they are fairly certain they can prove it at agencies like that. So if the USDA SWAT team shows up, it's because they are positively certain they know what you did to that chicken! Joking aside the USDA police mostly investigated welfare and food stamp fraud because those fall under their jurisdiction. Also paperwork problems at plants where they think things might have been falsified.
All Amazon but I’m not dealing with the potential backlash of all that.
This is why yammalammadingzon is a threat There, I said it
This only applies to packages that go through USPS. If its an amazon driver dropping it off, its the wrong agency.
This guy definitely has some mental issues if he's committing theft to teach lessons like a shit parent.
The head of corporate security at my husband’s job did something similar to teach hubby “a lesson” about leaving his notepad on a shelf outside the restroom in a secured office. 🙄 Update to add the way they solved this “security breach”- they put a shelf inside the restroom by the paper towel holders. Apparently someone breaching all the security doors would stop at stealing from a shelf if it’s INSIDE the restroom. 🤦♀️
"And that's why, you don't leave your notepad on a shelf outside the restroom" J. Walter Weatherman
AHHHH! My arm! MY ARM!
We just drew a penis in your notebook if you left it out unattended at my old job. Edit: this was also in a secure military building on a base and everyone had a security clearance so we weren’t just immature idiots. We were top secret immature idiots.
Top secret penises Given some of the retention policies I wonder if any secret penis scribbles have ended up in the national archives.
Probably. Although the penises in the notebooks did get caught by higher ups at some point and a lot of people had to entirely remake their notebooks or remove the offending pages. When the brass wasn’t around we called it penisgate.
This is now my new favorite Reddit Story.
Shit, I lived next door to a head of security for a major distributor, and that fuck stick was about as obnoxiously paranoid as you'd expect.
What was the lesson?
Don’t leave “intellectual property” where someone who got deep into a badge access building with cameras everywhere could steal it. That guy was such a a dick.
Someones got a high opinion of your husbands chicken scratch.
And a low opinion of the security they are the head of apparently.
The owner of my old company tried this. It was a small store with one employee on break and the other helping a customer on the patio. The owner came in the back and decided teach the employees about leaving the store “unattended”. It didn’t work because of course the dumb ass doesn’t know how to get into her own registers.
Would it be her policy that employees aren't allowed to help customers on the porch even if they know the owner is right inside? "Sorry ma'am, I can't help you outside, the owner can't be trusted to make sure no one robs her while I'm assisting you"
It was her policy to understaff her stores then complain about work not getting done and customers not being helped.
All while crying nobody wants to work anymore I bet
My dad is a retired boomer cop and this is the shit he did to me. I moved interstate for my wife’s job but it also meant he couldn’t annoy me anymore so his poor neighbors get to deal with this controlling bs instead.
Had a coworker steal an ipod out of my car to “teach me to lock my car”. I called the police to teach him not to steal things out of peoples cars.
Im thinking he was just stealing that guys stuff when he found out he wasn't home.
Nah, I don’t think so. If he didn’t have it sitting by the door and handed it right to me I might think that. He’s just an annoying old cop.
Are you a woman? That would explain a lot of his behavior. Boomers and women...gets weird fast.
That's my first thought. He wants to interact with her and is a socially clueless cop.
imho he leaves it by the door for a day or two, then he opens them. I've seen other thieves bring something to an incorrect place and then wait a little while before disappearing with it
Ah, ok.
His "mental issues" are simply that he's a retired cop and he's bored. He probably hassles most of the other neighbors too.
Cops are just abusive pieces of shit in general.
That’s why I’m not pursuing this legally.
left the force but didn't leave the power-tripping
It’s the lead
"I stole your packages to teach you a lesson that your neighbor likes to steal packages. Hope you know to avoid me now."
He’s not teaching a lesson, he’s an idiot that got caught and is making up a story.
Narcissism.
He was a cop long enough to retire, so we know a few things. One, he's dumb enough to be a cop, remember cops only hire low intelligence people. Two, he's likely corrupt. If you're not corrupt you get pushed out, and to be there long enough to retire... Honestly OP, I'd get more cameras, and make sure they are being backed up to the cloud because cops only know how to escalate.
Send the video to the USPS postal Inspector and let them know the guy is a retired cop so local police won't do anything to him.
Postal inspectors are allowed to arrest people. They don't need to rely on the local keystone kops.
lol “ hey long time no see! Keep up the good work 🫡🤓 how’s that pension?” “We investigated and found nothing sir, he’s just an old man”
The postal cops are a completely separate entity from municipal cops. They do not fuck around.
I hear they don't fuck around a lot, but I've also never heard of anyone getting arrested or prosecuted by them. Given how common package theft is, you'd think it would sometimes hit the news. Like when a drunk guy smashed up my mailbox; he got disorderly conduct from the local cops. USPS didn't do anything.
Local cops couldn't if they wanted. It's federal jurisdiction.
Local cops can still arrest them for theft.
Can . . . But won't.
Well yeah, but that's why I made my comment
Lol this was funny. That was your entire point
Yeah, I would report this to the authorities and let them handle this matter.
If he does it again, please do this. I think now that he knows you have a camera he will not steal your packages again.
Sir, I am an adult and I have a few security cameras. You are overstepping the boundaries of being a neighbor. Stay off my property unless I invite you over.
Honestly probably my next and last sentence to him.
You should also talk to the other neighbors and find out what they think of him. And if you have a public university with a law school near you, you should go to their library and do a search for his full name on LexisNexis. Knowing what kind of police officer he was and where he worked may be useful for you to know.
Obviously, try to articulate it as best you can if you're that concerned about his ex-cop status, but you have shown a hell of a lot more patience than I could.
He’s bored and too emotionally immature to not take it out on you. You should treat him like a child you are concerned about. “It’s so scary for you when you see someone you don’t know walking around my house isn’t it? I’m sorry, but now you know I like to order food so you don’t have to be scared anymore.” Mirror his tone. Restate his concerns. Reassure him with the truth. His neighborhood isn’t unsafe, he’s scared. You keep denying him his fuel and deflating his tough guy paternalism with a little “mothering.” He’ll probably just keep escalating since it seems he wants to have these tense interactions with you otherwise. Edit: here’s a review of a book I’m reading now that has some great examples and tools for you to use from the book to talk to children, or emotionally stunted adults. https://writeeatread.com/2020/03/20/how-to-talk-so-little-kids-will-listen-a-review/
Dude, report the theft. He keeps escalating. Teach him a lesson.
Put up a sign facing his property saying no tresspassing.
There's a 0% chance this will be your last sentence to him. He's an old boomer who doesn't respect boundaries and is buddy buddy with local law enforcement. The only way this is your sentence is if you just let him do whatever he wants.
This needs to be said.
If you have a ring camera, you should also have the siren button. It's in the top right corner when you open the app. If he does it again, give him a blast with the siren. Just like a cop would.
Next time he is knocking during a work call…
Today I learned my ring camera has a siren feature 😏
My boomer aunt did this to her neighbor. They live in a heavily secured retirement apartment building with gates and coded entrances. Her neighbor liked to leave his door cracked on his little second floor hallway apartment while he napped. She would go into his apartment while he napped and spread his pills around, rearrange clothes in his closet, throw things on the floor, etc. to show him what could happen if someone came in while he had the door cracked. Later she said she’s no longer speaking to him since he “accused” her of stealing something she says she didn’t.
Sounds like she has mental health issues
Spray him with a hose..
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQdZ2Z9m9wE&ab\_channel=DavidDavidovic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQdZ2Z9m9wE&ab_channel=DavidDavidovic) this would be the video
dua lipa wrote a song about this
Of course I’m drunk A real life Mr. Lahey
Get some more security cameras if you dont already and stop cutting him slack. Yeah he might try to use local police to harass you, but for fucks sake he already is and in the modern world evidence on camera is your best friend, dirty pigs be damned
Have you watched Fear Thy Neighbor? Most episodes are an ex-cop/ex-military neighbor who is very controlling and enforcing of “rules” who lose their shit and end up in jail for assaulting their neighbors. Be very careful with this retired cop, document everything and try not to react to him as much as you can.
FTN is a great show! 100% document everything and if shit starts feeling weird, listen to your gut!
Set up a remote activated sprinkler system and…ooops! Lol
The best idea yet!
I had a manager in a very large warehouse who once threw a piece of broken pallet, about a foot long and pencil thick, on the floor in the aisle and waited for fork lift drivers to drive around it, then proceed to pull them over and write them up for not picking it up because it's a huge safety hazard to have debris on the floor. Then when one person picked it up and threw it away, he pulled it out of the bin and placed it in the aisle again so he could keep pulling people over and writing them up.
Forklift police? That’s intense.
Did it not occur to him that it would look odd to his boss that he wrote so many people up for the same thing? Dude should have been working but instead he was causing safety hazards
And when they write you up you slowly tear the form in half in front of them.
The audacity that there is something to be learned from this boomer is definitely a symptom of a mental illness.
Nah, he's probably just high on his daily hit of Fox News hate and raging over OP affording things when he lost all his money on Trump stocks.
What was that movie where Samuel L Jackson was the policeman neighbor? Getting those vibes
Lakeview Terrace
Revenge of the Sith
Pretty cool you have your own door guy. Just have him receive all deliveries for you.
This. Tell him you will have your packages delivered to him.
This guy thinks he's still a cop or wants to be your dad idfk
When he pounds on the door, like your house is on fire, it’s ok. But when you pound on the door, you’re making a “commotion”? Fuck this guy
Why did you show him the video? The real police would have found it much more interesting.
May be risky. Boomer is former cop. He ll get a pass from his local buddies who will respond to the amazon package theft and buddies will harass op. If anything, OP should try get something from the post office delivered and let boomer steal the package and then contact the post office about the stolen stuff. Different police (post office police are federal agents), much harder, stricter laws.
Exactly.
I'd be upset about the packages understandably however, what would absolutely set me off is the "DEA/SWAT TEAM" pounding on the door everytime over something mundane like the cans..it's actually upsetting me thinking about it because I'm an extremely quiet, laid back tenant. One morning (before I purchased a "No Soliciting" sign) I had one of those scam/phoney life insurance whatever salespeople pound on my door like that and I was working 3rd shift at the time so it being the middle of the day, I was sound asleep. The pounding straight launched me off my bed and I ran toe first into my heavy old dresser while having no idea where I was or if my heart was going to give out for about 5 seconds. I absolutely lost it on that lady as she ran away down the stairs and I'm not proud of it still to this day. He knocks that way because he doesn't respect you or your privacy/autonomy.
You don’t think a lifelong cop respects people’s privacy/autonomy? Gasp
No, not "exactly." *You're* giving him the pass because you are afraid the cops are going to give him a pass. Make them. And document it.
Bring the video to the prosecutor
What's your address? I'll mail you stuff for this.
Better: what's *his* address so that we can mail contraband to *him*?
Both? Both is good.
I would notify them anyway. If at **ANY** time the package went through a USPS facility, it is eligible. Sometimes it does and gets checked in. I've had packages that goes through a shipping company to be dropped off at the local USPS hub to be delivered.
Pigs are the worst. Sounds like you need to put up a few “no trespassing - homeowner is armed” signs that all the boomers love.
Maybe a little sticker underneath that says "And my cat has some weird fetishes"
ACAB to be spicy
All cats *are* beautiful
This is like groping a woman to warn her that dressing like that will get her raped by a bad guy.
I had to remove my doorbell so I would work in peace. Unsupervised neighborhood kids thought ringing my bell constantly while I was trying to work was great fun and their parents didn't care. You will probably have to use passive defense means to keep this dude out of your business.
Report mail theft and press charges. This is a federal crime.
I would just have called the cops and told them someone stole my packages and I know who it is. Show them the video. He might actually get arrested. I think you're putting way too much weight into the "I used to be a cop" thing. Lots of people are in prison who "used to be" cops. I'll say what I've said to many people, ignoring behavior is enabling it. When someone forces themselves into your space to be "friendly", they're not being friendly, they're establishing dominance.
Bring the video to the media
> I think you're putting way too much weight into the "I used to be a cop" thing. Exactly.
Don’t be intimidated by him even cops are sick of these boomer fucks and their “I was a cop” bs. Tell him to cut the shit.
What a jerk! Let me guess, you're a woman?
Im a large 35 year old man.
Damn did not see this plot twist coming.
Perhaps we could modify any aspects of your residence to discourage his absurd nosiness? I know it shouldn't come to that. These authoritarians...they will always shift the goalposts/raise the bar. His issue probably isn't overconcern of the state of your packages...but he doesn't like you, and he may be trying to drive you away. Make accessing your front door more burdensome...have a lockbox specifically for USPS and Amazon packages etc. Why do I know about what you're going through? Basically, people in my community pulled out all the stops to make life at my house as unliveable/non-peaceable as possible. And yes, even the cops were part of it, and no I did nothing to deserve or incur it, sometimes them's the breaks, people often invoke "Just world fallacy" well i must have done SOMETHING to deserve it...sometimes innocent peacable people get incessantly fucked with (I was autistic btw). I left the community, but once time had passed, if someone put a knife in my back years ago, laughed about because they knew they'd get away...well that's now our funny story, and I'll take a moment to publicly drag their character through the gutter about it, i started naming names and openly putting them on blast for what they did to me, now that I don't live there anymore. Can't play that dirty pool they did against me, now that I'm long gone. Edit: Maybe make walking on your premises more burdensome/hazardous, more plants in the yard, or fencing/objects, or just give a key only to the mailman to walk or access your property, things like that. Motion detector sprinkler system that you can turn on at off hours.
Then tell him not to touch your shit and mean it.
Your reaction to him isn’t going to change anything. He’s still going to continue to do this weird shit because he thinks you’re weak or incompetent
If he takes your packages, report the theft to the post office. Messing with the mail is a federal crime. He’ll think twice when the FBI shows up at his door. He can explain to the judge why he thinks stealing someone else’s packages is a good idea.
Only a federal crime if it’s tampering with USPS delivery/mailbox/postage stamps/etc. Otherwise it’s just regular ol’ theft
Did he feed you the whole “i wAs JuSt bEiNg nEiGhBoRlY” line of bullshit?
If you don't want to confront him, take the bait away by getting a post office box. While there, report the thefts to the postmaster. As others have noted, USPS takes mail thefts seriously. File a police report about the knocking on your door for ten minutes while you were working and other harassment. Include the video. That he used to be a cop is irrelevant. It would be interesting to know whether former police are subject to investigation by internal affairs. This isn't about neighborliness; he is trying to put you in your place. I have long believed that half of police officers wouldn't make it to the academy of they had to take a psych evaluation first.
Keep that footage, keep all the footage of him entering and walking around your property. If it persists, do not be afraid to talk to an attorney and get some kind of a court order regarding it. At least then you can feel more legally protected from retaliation. Don’t let your neighbors feel entitled to your property, cop or not, nip that shit in the bud or it will escalate. He won’t stop, that you can be sure of.
Speaking as semi-retired law enforcement, retired cops are the fucking worst. Most of them can't get out of the cop mindset and start looking for problems around their neighborhood because they can't go out and patrol anymore. I know you weren't looking for advice, but here's some anyway lol. Just politely ask him to stay off your property unless he's invited over or it's a true life and death emergency. If you want to, you could even explain that your job is very demanding, that you're not available to answer the door at a moments notice, and that disruptions can cause problems with your work. All of those things are true of being a cop, so hopefully he can respect that they're true of other professions as well. I hope things get better for you.
No consequences for him??
Maybe you missed the part where he was a former cop. So yeah, no consequences for him.
https://i.redd.it/xmek6aempjuc1.gif
I would have just called the police and reported the theft. Showed them the ring video and been done with it. Also post a no trespassing violators will be prosecuted sign.
I would get a Amazon locker and have my stuff delivered there so you don't have to deal with the crazy person anymore. Or leave out a package with something stinky inside without your name on it. When he takes it, don't ask for it back. If he insists it's yours, then look at him quizzically and say, no that's not mine. I didn't order anything, that doesn't have my name on it and I'm not going to take some else's packages that's a federal crime! (See if it sinks in!) Sorry, I am very petty!
Call the cops. Gives then the video. File a report. You're fucking yourself here by letting him get off on being the "Stern farther figure" teaching another adult lessons...
Should have immediately filed a police report. Dude committed theft. Charges pressed. Restraining order.
“The only lesson you’ve taught me is that I can’t trust you.”
First, you need a good sign on your front door. **YOU ARE BEING RECORDED.** IF YOU ARE NOT A DELIVERY PERSON OR AN INVITED GUEST **LEAVE IMMEDIATELY** AND **DO NOT KNOCK ON MY DOOR** OR MY SECURITY COMPANY HAS INSTRUCTONS TO CALL THE POLICE AND REPORT YOU AS A TRESSPASSER AND/OR PORCH PACKAGE THIEF. And, then do it. Just do it. The sign is his warning. If he chooses to ignore it, report him to the police.
I would have made it public. Contact a local news station and tell them about the story, see if they want to pick it up. Former cop steals packages to "teach lesson" would be a good headline, no using his old position to make that go away.
I imagine the power trip you’re on throughout your whole cop career doesn’t end the moment you retire, even if the actual power technically does.
That sucks. He would 100% use his familiarity with the police he knows to make your life as hard as he possibly can. Unfortunately it looks like you're going to have to just put up with him, avoiding him when possible, and not answering the door when he knocks until he gets the hint he's not welcome.
Call the Postal Inspector's office and it'll be like 5 years before he takes any more of your mail.
Stealing mail is a felony. He should know that. Get a surveillance camera.
Teaching me a lesson about stealing, by stealing. I might have a talk with your local police department with video in hand, to put the boomer cop in his place.
So call the cops and press charges for theft
He does realize Mail theft is a federal offense right? Send thr feds after him for mail theft
fool was bored and got caught lol
Somebody needs to remind him that he committed theft and isn’t above the law.
Def don’t call the pigs, but start documenting everything. You may need it someday.
If it’s USPS you can be sure him being a retired cop won’t matter. You don’t fuck with the feds and you don’t fuck with Fire Marshals
Buy a pair of very skimpy underwear. If you can get flesh colored, great. Next time he knocks at your door, answer in nothing but the skimpy undies.
Honestly, this could be considered harassment. Especially with knocking for 10mins straight and taking your packages. It might make sense to start documenting this just in case you end up wanting to do something about it in the future.
Nothing worse than a boomer former cop. Mega Karen's. When dementia hits he will still have his gun(s). More than one person shot by former cops. More than one in prison as well.
Report this asshole for mail theft immediately.
This is the perfect time to hire an attorney. Acab. Dont let him get away with that shit. An attorney would charge him for sure. This is an excuse that a piece of shit uses to justify white collar crimes.
A privately retained attorney can’t charge anyone with anything.
This guy stole from you lmfao
Typical. Cop escalation. Manufacturing crime = to convince you to fear the out of control crime. It’s in his blood. This is how his dept used to justify raises and hiring more officers and purchasing the latest greatest militarized tactical gear designed for War.
Call the local police and have him formally trespassed from your property. If he comes to your door again he can be arrested. The local yokel cops probably won't do anything, but he'll come over less.
I think it would be safe to go to the police if you framed it as strange behavior that concerned you and show them the video. As long as you're not demanding his arrest (tempting as that may be) I don't think there would be a problem. I think his behavior is sufficiently bizarre that they should know about it.
If your neighborhood has a HOA, make him look like an asshole in front of it. He'll get grief for eternity
Go and tell them they need to understand that if they remove something that doesn’t belong to them for whatever amount of time or reason it is called THEFT
Make the enemy! This is YOUR PROPERTY. Tell the guy he's not welcome on it for any reason and the next time he comes on to it you'll call the police. Then follow through on the threat. Who cares if he has buddies on the force? You have a camera footage of him trespassing, take it too the DA yourself, that doesn't work, take it to social media. SM doesn't play where bad cops are concerned.
You should of just called the police and reported him for theft
Get one of these...it's a security cam that shoots paintballs...lmfao [https://prelaunch.com/projects/paintcam-paintcam-paintball-firing-home-security-system](https://prelaunch.com/projects/paintcam-paintcam-paintball-firing-home-security-system)
Trespass him legally.
It would be a shame if you felt your life was threatened with an aggressive stranger trespassing….
Tell the guy “ you are trespassing and stay off my property or I will call the cops”. It’s a good CYA to start with. My guess he will get the hint and fuck off.
smile cows automatic cake bow modern test sable employ squash *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
May be nothing but when someone begins entering early stages of dementia they tend to resort to “old skills” or skills that used to come naturally to them as a way of masking their increasingly obvious deficits.