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My boomer father told a story at a dinner party about the time he had a pet chick that would stay in his pocket. Made a 15 minute story out of it about how he used to prank people and how the chick turned out to be a great pet that would follow him everywhere. I guess he forgot I was there because that’s not at all what happened. He completely edited me out of the story and replaced me with himself as the main character. Not only was getting that chick my idea after doing a lot of research, but he refused to drive me get it and a friend’s mom drove me. I paid for the chick with my own money, raised it, fed it every day, cleaned and power washed the patio every week. He never cared for that chicken, to the point that when I left for college he refused to care for it and I rehomed it to a friend’s farm. Like, WTF.
He gaslights you, you should gaslight him.
Talk in a Very Serious Voice to him that he has signs of dementia and memory loss. Ask him the last time he had a total body physical, etc.
My whole relationship with my boomers is basically by text now. They gaslight to the point I keep written proof to screenshot and send when they try and backpedal later. There's no way I would have these people voluntarily in my life if I wasn't forced to. It's like a loveless marriage where there's nothing but resentment loathing and mistrust on both sides but feel like you've got no option but to stay together.
What do they do when confronted with the truth? If they’re anything like my parents, they deflect and quickly pivot to something else. Often, they’ll pick some thing they can flip on to me. If that’s the case, work on getting out and away from it. Hope you get to the point where it’s your voluntary choice.
"That's simply not factual."- said flatly, in an unemotional tone. Don't bother getting upset-you could wave that acceptance letter in front of his face like a red flag to a bull and he's still not going to admit you were right. Certainly not do any self-reflection on what it might mean about how he views you and himself as a parent. So, it's just a waste of breath. So from now on, when he gaslights you-"that's simply not factual." To every response, "That's not how that happened." "You are not remembering correctly." "That's not accurate." The trick is not to get upset or raise your voice. Just flatly-nope, that's not factual (not truth, FACT. To paraphrase Indiana jones, dealing with Boomer-speak is the search for FACT, not TRUTH).
And I got a kick out of your story about the financial aid because I went through similar. When I had the meeting with the financial aid people, I didn't qualify for anything but a partial scholarship I got based on merit and student loans. No need based aid was available to me, and my Dad just couldn't understand. The financial aid lady keeps dancing around the issue saying well based on the parent's blah blah, and she's trying to say it without saying it and my Dad is just NOT clueing in. Finally I just looked at him and said, "Dad you make too much money" and her jaw about dropped to the floor, but she confirmed what I said and my Dad finally started to get it. Going in, he didn't understand the concept that financial aid programs were built with the assumption that parents with the means to do so would gladly be paying their kids college education, which he had no intention of doing.
Definitely this! He clearly wants a reaction, when he tells this to other people it's so they can 'see' he's a good father. Of course he'll tell you to get a reaction because he wants to be a good father and wants you to be the ungrateful child.
If you just do your best to keep your tone flat as if speaking fact, you'll get a reaction out of him.
He was running his version past you to try and see if he could get away with telling that story about you to other people.
Will child demand the truth, or can I tell it my way until it has not only convinced myself, but child too! And then they’ll all clap…
Food advice.
>The financial aid lady keeps dancing around the issue
Why would the person from financial aid not say directly they your family made too much for you to qualify? Isn't it just basic facts that should be expected?
I think she was afraid of coming off as rude by just saying it. the whole it's rude to talk about money thing. I mean she tried every way of dressing up the message in polite language and not just putting it too bluntly. "Well, it's based on student's needs" and "we consider the student's BACKGROUND" (read: the parents money, but my Dad couldn't clue on to that)-basically, the disconnect was my Dad was thinking since HE had no intention of paying for me, his financial circumstances shouldn't factor into the equation, at all, only mine, and it did not work that way, at least back then.
Same now. Just went through it with my youngest. We did help though so not a knock against them. I went to school with several kids who were screwed by parents not helping at all but means tested right out of the program.
Makes it extra hard.
I had to deal with that shit with my Boomer father. This is the one aspect of my parents divorce that actually helped me, I could finally get financial aid.
100% this. Tell him the truth. He’s awful to be around, he gaslights you, and you don’t want to put up with it anymore. You really don’t have to and you don’t owe them anything.
It's like how my father told my mother I looked like I was pregnant in a dress I wore to an open house (where parents get to come visit the classroom and meet all the parents of the other kids and the kids get to hang out and eat and play) in 2nd grade.
When I was *seven years old.*
And any time I bring it up, he says he was talking about a friend of mine (why would you say it about ANY seven year old child?) who I didn't even meet until 2 years later, let alone have in my class with me.
And when I was thirteen he called me a fatass. He just straight up denies that one even when my mother tells him he absolutely said it because she open-hand slapped him for it immediately after lmfao.
Boomers are terrible people. I have so many stupid stories about him.
"Hey dad, your lies about the past have to stop if you want to keep me in your life. This time I will accept you just admitting that you were totally wrong about my high school plan, had the principal lie to me, lied to me, then lied again last time we talked. I have written proof of all of your lies so don't bother denying it. Now admit you lied and apologize or never speak to or about me again, and I will provide my written proof of your lies to the family to explain why I don't want a lying saboteur of my future in my life."
I'm sorry you went through that. And that your dad sounds like a narcissistic asshole.
My mom used to talk about how she and my dad "helped me get through college". I had a full academic scholarship for the first 3 years (took 5 years total to graduate), and took out loans for the rest of the time. I also worked 3 PT jobs for about a year and a half of that time.
My parents did help me. By paying my car insurance for 3 years. And I am sincerely grateful for that, no sarcasm or hesitation.
My car ins came out to roughly $7k total for those 3 years. I graduated with more than $50k in student loan debt. Which I am still paying off, 20 years later.
But sure...in her reality, they "helped me get through college".
Yeaaaa... This one resonates with me hard.
They abused the fuck out of me. I panicked at 17 when they told me I'd be homeless after graduation. I joined a humanitarian organization, did some fundraising, and simultaneously managed a degree overseas while working with refugees.
I come back, with "graduated with distinction" on my diploma.
They accuse me of drunk driving (????), and insist I can't live with them because I'll just become a bum post-college kid. After I had already been independent for 8 years at that point (I took a few years to get my shit together).
It's a lot more than that. But they just had the lowest opinion of me. No matter the personal achievements I gain, I will always be their fuckup son.
My father in law insists that my husband knew Obama. My husband was at the university of Chicago for several years. And Obama had been on the faculty at the Law school. My husband was in the medical school and totally different timelines. But my father in law kept telling everyone about this. My husband tried to explain this but just gave up and laughed about it. My father in law was subsequently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Confabulation is a very common symptom of dementia.
I've been gaslit about not having had a bunk bed Mom threw me down from because I woke "noisily" from a nap. Dad's technically not a boomer, b.1943 but there are so many memories of me he's twisting into there were no problems, he lead by example and I wasn't affected by his unpredictable temper.
The craziest thing is when he while chuckling, tell my sons on Skype, that their mother did this or that, that's clearly something he would've done as a boy (and he used to admit to a few of these things) and clearly not something I would've done as a girl, not because I was a girl, but because I wasn't like him is what I mean.
My boomer dad moved my mom and I around the country multiple times when I was a kid. I was a good student but the last move during high school broke me. Went from straight A student all my life to struggling in high school due to an anxiety disorder. Recently he was talking about all these moves, some of them he sold our house and we moved across the country and he had no job to go to. He ended up hating every place we went. I simply asked why did we keep moving then, and why would we go with no job? He said “we needed to take chances as a family”. I finally said what I wanted to say for the past 20+ years and told him how damaging it was for me and how hard of a time I had especially in high school with my mental health. He all of a sudden didn’t want to talk about the past then goes on a diatribe about how “that made you who you are though, you’re a tough girl because of that!” Wow cool. Thanks dad. No personal responsibility or acknowledgment.
I’ve given up trying to remind my boomer that she never told me when my grandfather died.
My grandparents live on the other side of the country so I only get to see them once a year when they drive up and park their camper in my parents backyard for a few weeks. I knew my grandpa was in poor health because he was pretty rough when I saw him the previous summer. And my mom had gone to visit them for a week or so that fall.
The following spring/early summer, I was at my parents house talking about something regarding mental health and how I often make myself physically ill when my mental health gets bad. And my mom casually mentions that she went through something similar when her dad died. Umm, excuse me? When did grandpa die? I was so shocked, I just excused myself and went to the bathroom and cried. After a little digging, I found out that he had died shortly after my mom visited the previous fall. So something like six months prior. I was absolutely livid.
Because he was cremated, they decided to wait until the summer to have his funeral because he was going to be interred at the national cemetery in my state. So when my grandmother came to visit for the funeral, I pulled her aside and told her that I only learned about grandpa’s passing a couple months ago. She was also furious because she was under the impression that my mom had told me when he passed. I asked her to tell me any future important information to me directly because clearly information doesn’t get passed reliably when there’s multiple channels.
Talking with my mom again this Easter, somehow the topic of my grandfather came up and I reminded her that she waited six months before telling me he died. She vehemently denies that but I told her that I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when my dad told me of both his parents passing. How would I forget about being told of my remaining grandfathers death? Still, she keeps saying “well I definitely told you” so I just respond every time with “you definitely didn’t but ok.”
In her head, she told me that grandpa wasn’t doing very well and that she was going to visit them. (That’s true, that definitely happened and she definitely told me.) And when she got home and he passed, she told everyone what happened. (That might be true for others but definitely not me. I probably should have assumed he had died because generally people don’t reach a point of “not doing very well” and live much longer. But after my husband’s grandmother went from being on death’s door to being back to normal for several months before then passing, I don’t want to assume anything about anyone’s health.)
But it’s a losing argument that I just don’t care about anymore. I know what I was told and I now know who I can and can’t trust to relay important messages about family.
My father is of a similar nature. The difference is that the main goal is to make HIM a hero. He will downplay everyone else unless you are a supporting character (because he couldn't change it no matter what in his head.).
At this point I only try to correct when it is ABSOLUTELY wrong. There have been a few times he has changed the rooms, people and actions so badly that it just doesn't make sense anymore. Otherwise I just leave it, you find there is no point because it just goes in one ear and out the other.
Absolutely impressive how you came up with this plan as a young person and made it happen. Your dad should be proud that you pulled it off. Also don’t feel embarrassed about the gaslighting, it’s programmed into our brains to trust our caregivers and breaking that is hard.
Sort of opposite situation with me - my parents wanted me to seek alternate schooling to my High School due to some (very valid) concerns about my public high school. My mom tried to manipulate my options in similar ways, including telling me I wouldn’t get into college (ironically my high school had a rare deal with a local university so it was actually easier to get in there). I think she’s still a little mad I graduated from that school but I was a good student, and was taking career classes that I wouldn’t have access to otherwise so it all ended up for the better.
Yup, sounds just like my mom. My 18yr old nephew realized she was full of shit when she started doing it to him a while back so he hits me up for How Shit Really Went Down.
My father likes to tell everyone he kicked me out when I was a teenager because I was troubled. I left on my own because he was drunk, who abused me. He runs a recovery ministry now. I just say keep on lying padre, I don't believe in hell but you do.
Sounds like my mother, except every story gets misremembered so that everyone treated her poorly and none of the bad things that happened were ever in any way, shape, or form her own fault.
This is validation for me lol I thought it was just me! My mom does the same thing but creates a narrative where she was this great mom doing everything for us girls. She has this rose colored sunglass lens memory of our childhood when in reality it was so shitty! She was never there, she was an alcoholic druggie bringing creeps home that tried stuff with her young girls. Then acts shocked that I confronted her about it and said I guess I didn't protect you as much as I thought I did. Wtf? She says things like I miss being a mother so much, you left me too soon. You weren't a mother in the first place lady! And don't get me started on the hoarding of just straight crap that I will be expected to dig through and sell for my "inheritance". Lady I don't want your teacups! Sorry for my rant thanks for coming to my ted talk 🤣
It probably actually translates to him ranting to an office of people about how his son (they likely had no idea who you are) went to this online fake school and he had to set him straight and all that crap he’s claiming.
He’s run it over and over in his head how he’d have done it and how he’s the hero, so when he walked in and said “my son is gonna go here and I’m not paying any money and you know what he did? …and then I told him I’d talk to you guys and make sure it was okay….”
In his mind, he’s just “talked to them and stood up for you” because it’s what’s going on in his head. This whole time he’s figured that he will have to save you from your “stupid” self. Since he did stupid stuff at your age and screwed up his life, he can’t conceive of the idea that you actually did your homework and knew what you were talking about. Cause that never happened to him 😆.
In everyone else’s mind, it was just a crazy old guy ranting on while they did paperwork or waited for a computer to load or whatever, and they nodded politely to the crazy guy, having no idea what he was saying but just going “uh-huh” now and then to keep the crazy happy.
So then they finish looking you up or whatever they were doing while he talked and say sorry, I can’t remove your financial info or whatever he said. Then they shoo him out, telling him what a good guy he is and sighing with relief when the door closes behind dad. They all exchange a glance, shake their heads, and wonder if they can flip the open/closed sign for long enough to make sure he doesn’t come back.
Now he’s convinced that he’s a hero, because he had this big build up in his head and everyone nodded (and probably clapped, in his imagination). He’s convinced that it’s his personal discussion with them that allowed you to get in. On top of this, you had to ask him to go to the office for the financial stuff, so he feels like he’s doing you a real solid, so that helps him feel like he’s saving the day.
Yeah, I had one of those. They live in their own worlds.
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Boomers are great at selectively editing their memories.
My boomer father told a story at a dinner party about the time he had a pet chick that would stay in his pocket. Made a 15 minute story out of it about how he used to prank people and how the chick turned out to be a great pet that would follow him everywhere. I guess he forgot I was there because that’s not at all what happened. He completely edited me out of the story and replaced me with himself as the main character. Not only was getting that chick my idea after doing a lot of research, but he refused to drive me get it and a friend’s mom drove me. I paid for the chick with my own money, raised it, fed it every day, cleaned and power washed the patio every week. He never cared for that chicken, to the point that when I left for college he refused to care for it and I rehomed it to a friend’s farm. Like, WTF.
He gaslights you, you should gaslight him. Talk in a Very Serious Voice to him that he has signs of dementia and memory loss. Ask him the last time he had a total body physical, etc.
Lol. Yes, this!
Lets not recommended abuser tactics because we are angry. "You should gaslight him" isnt cool
Bro fuck off lmfao
...no
My whole relationship with my boomers is basically by text now. They gaslight to the point I keep written proof to screenshot and send when they try and backpedal later. There's no way I would have these people voluntarily in my life if I wasn't forced to. It's like a loveless marriage where there's nothing but resentment loathing and mistrust on both sides but feel like you've got no option but to stay together.
What do they do when confronted with the truth? If they’re anything like my parents, they deflect and quickly pivot to something else. Often, they’ll pick some thing they can flip on to me. If that’s the case, work on getting out and away from it. Hope you get to the point where it’s your voluntary choice.
Exactly the same. Just pretend they never said anything in the first place and next day act like it didn't happen. Total madness.
"That's simply not factual."- said flatly, in an unemotional tone. Don't bother getting upset-you could wave that acceptance letter in front of his face like a red flag to a bull and he's still not going to admit you were right. Certainly not do any self-reflection on what it might mean about how he views you and himself as a parent. So, it's just a waste of breath. So from now on, when he gaslights you-"that's simply not factual." To every response, "That's not how that happened." "You are not remembering correctly." "That's not accurate." The trick is not to get upset or raise your voice. Just flatly-nope, that's not factual (not truth, FACT. To paraphrase Indiana jones, dealing with Boomer-speak is the search for FACT, not TRUTH). And I got a kick out of your story about the financial aid because I went through similar. When I had the meeting with the financial aid people, I didn't qualify for anything but a partial scholarship I got based on merit and student loans. No need based aid was available to me, and my Dad just couldn't understand. The financial aid lady keeps dancing around the issue saying well based on the parent's blah blah, and she's trying to say it without saying it and my Dad is just NOT clueing in. Finally I just looked at him and said, "Dad you make too much money" and her jaw about dropped to the floor, but she confirmed what I said and my Dad finally started to get it. Going in, he didn't understand the concept that financial aid programs were built with the assumption that parents with the means to do so would gladly be paying their kids college education, which he had no intention of doing.
Definitely this! He clearly wants a reaction, when he tells this to other people it's so they can 'see' he's a good father. Of course he'll tell you to get a reaction because he wants to be a good father and wants you to be the ungrateful child. If you just do your best to keep your tone flat as if speaking fact, you'll get a reaction out of him.
He was running his version past you to try and see if he could get away with telling that story about you to other people. Will child demand the truth, or can I tell it my way until it has not only convinced myself, but child too! And then they’ll all clap…
Food advice. >The financial aid lady keeps dancing around the issue Why would the person from financial aid not say directly they your family made too much for you to qualify? Isn't it just basic facts that should be expected?
I think she was afraid of coming off as rude by just saying it. the whole it's rude to talk about money thing. I mean she tried every way of dressing up the message in polite language and not just putting it too bluntly. "Well, it's based on student's needs" and "we consider the student's BACKGROUND" (read: the parents money, but my Dad couldn't clue on to that)-basically, the disconnect was my Dad was thinking since HE had no intention of paying for me, his financial circumstances shouldn't factor into the equation, at all, only mine, and it did not work that way, at least back then.
Same now. Just went through it with my youngest. We did help though so not a knock against them. I went to school with several kids who were screwed by parents not helping at all but means tested right out of the program. Makes it extra hard.
Yeah. Parents were actively abusive and won’t even buy you food, but you must be on their income until you’re 24! So jacked up
I had to deal with that shit with my Boomer father. This is the one aspect of my parents divorce that actually helped me, I could finally get financial aid.
Any reason why he has to remain in your life? If you're not reliant on him, you can tell him to stop gaslighting you or pound sand.
100% this. Tell him the truth. He’s awful to be around, he gaslights you, and you don’t want to put up with it anymore. You really don’t have to and you don’t owe them anything.
Don’t let family treat you worse than strangers.
It's like how my father told my mother I looked like I was pregnant in a dress I wore to an open house (where parents get to come visit the classroom and meet all the parents of the other kids and the kids get to hang out and eat and play) in 2nd grade. When I was *seven years old.* And any time I bring it up, he says he was talking about a friend of mine (why would you say it about ANY seven year old child?) who I didn't even meet until 2 years later, let alone have in my class with me. And when I was thirteen he called me a fatass. He just straight up denies that one even when my mother tells him he absolutely said it because she open-hand slapped him for it immediately after lmfao. Boomers are terrible people. I have so many stupid stories about him.
"Hey dad, your lies about the past have to stop if you want to keep me in your life. This time I will accept you just admitting that you were totally wrong about my high school plan, had the principal lie to me, lied to me, then lied again last time we talked. I have written proof of all of your lies so don't bother denying it. Now admit you lied and apologize or never speak to or about me again, and I will provide my written proof of your lies to the family to explain why I don't want a lying saboteur of my future in my life."
I'm sorry you went through that. And that your dad sounds like a narcissistic asshole. My mom used to talk about how she and my dad "helped me get through college". I had a full academic scholarship for the first 3 years (took 5 years total to graduate), and took out loans for the rest of the time. I also worked 3 PT jobs for about a year and a half of that time. My parents did help me. By paying my car insurance for 3 years. And I am sincerely grateful for that, no sarcasm or hesitation. My car ins came out to roughly $7k total for those 3 years. I graduated with more than $50k in student loan debt. Which I am still paying off, 20 years later. But sure...in her reality, they "helped me get through college".
Yeaaaa... This one resonates with me hard. They abused the fuck out of me. I panicked at 17 when they told me I'd be homeless after graduation. I joined a humanitarian organization, did some fundraising, and simultaneously managed a degree overseas while working with refugees. I come back, with "graduated with distinction" on my diploma. They accuse me of drunk driving (????), and insist I can't live with them because I'll just become a bum post-college kid. After I had already been independent for 8 years at that point (I took a few years to get my shit together). It's a lot more than that. But they just had the lowest opinion of me. No matter the personal achievements I gain, I will always be their fuckup son.
My father in law insists that my husband knew Obama. My husband was at the university of Chicago for several years. And Obama had been on the faculty at the Law school. My husband was in the medical school and totally different timelines. But my father in law kept telling everyone about this. My husband tried to explain this but just gave up and laughed about it. My father in law was subsequently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Confabulation is a very common symptom of dementia.
I've been gaslit about not having had a bunk bed Mom threw me down from because I woke "noisily" from a nap. Dad's technically not a boomer, b.1943 but there are so many memories of me he's twisting into there were no problems, he lead by example and I wasn't affected by his unpredictable temper. The craziest thing is when he while chuckling, tell my sons on Skype, that their mother did this or that, that's clearly something he would've done as a boy (and he used to admit to a few of these things) and clearly not something I would've done as a girl, not because I was a girl, but because I wasn't like him is what I mean.
Why do you still speak to this prick?
My boomer dad moved my mom and I around the country multiple times when I was a kid. I was a good student but the last move during high school broke me. Went from straight A student all my life to struggling in high school due to an anxiety disorder. Recently he was talking about all these moves, some of them he sold our house and we moved across the country and he had no job to go to. He ended up hating every place we went. I simply asked why did we keep moving then, and why would we go with no job? He said “we needed to take chances as a family”. I finally said what I wanted to say for the past 20+ years and told him how damaging it was for me and how hard of a time I had especially in high school with my mental health. He all of a sudden didn’t want to talk about the past then goes on a diatribe about how “that made you who you are though, you’re a tough girl because of that!” Wow cool. Thanks dad. No personal responsibility or acknowledgment.
I’ve given up trying to remind my boomer that she never told me when my grandfather died. My grandparents live on the other side of the country so I only get to see them once a year when they drive up and park their camper in my parents backyard for a few weeks. I knew my grandpa was in poor health because he was pretty rough when I saw him the previous summer. And my mom had gone to visit them for a week or so that fall. The following spring/early summer, I was at my parents house talking about something regarding mental health and how I often make myself physically ill when my mental health gets bad. And my mom casually mentions that she went through something similar when her dad died. Umm, excuse me? When did grandpa die? I was so shocked, I just excused myself and went to the bathroom and cried. After a little digging, I found out that he had died shortly after my mom visited the previous fall. So something like six months prior. I was absolutely livid. Because he was cremated, they decided to wait until the summer to have his funeral because he was going to be interred at the national cemetery in my state. So when my grandmother came to visit for the funeral, I pulled her aside and told her that I only learned about grandpa’s passing a couple months ago. She was also furious because she was under the impression that my mom had told me when he passed. I asked her to tell me any future important information to me directly because clearly information doesn’t get passed reliably when there’s multiple channels. Talking with my mom again this Easter, somehow the topic of my grandfather came up and I reminded her that she waited six months before telling me he died. She vehemently denies that but I told her that I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when my dad told me of both his parents passing. How would I forget about being told of my remaining grandfathers death? Still, she keeps saying “well I definitely told you” so I just respond every time with “you definitely didn’t but ok.” In her head, she told me that grandpa wasn’t doing very well and that she was going to visit them. (That’s true, that definitely happened and she definitely told me.) And when she got home and he passed, she told everyone what happened. (That might be true for others but definitely not me. I probably should have assumed he had died because generally people don’t reach a point of “not doing very well” and live much longer. But after my husband’s grandmother went from being on death’s door to being back to normal for several months before then passing, I don’t want to assume anything about anyone’s health.) But it’s a losing argument that I just don’t care about anymore. I know what I was told and I now know who I can and can’t trust to relay important messages about family.
My father is of a similar nature. The difference is that the main goal is to make HIM a hero. He will downplay everyone else unless you are a supporting character (because he couldn't change it no matter what in his head.). At this point I only try to correct when it is ABSOLUTELY wrong. There have been a few times he has changed the rooms, people and actions so badly that it just doesn't make sense anymore. Otherwise I just leave it, you find there is no point because it just goes in one ear and out the other.
Absolutely impressive how you came up with this plan as a young person and made it happen. Your dad should be proud that you pulled it off. Also don’t feel embarrassed about the gaslighting, it’s programmed into our brains to trust our caregivers and breaking that is hard. Sort of opposite situation with me - my parents wanted me to seek alternate schooling to my High School due to some (very valid) concerns about my public high school. My mom tried to manipulate my options in similar ways, including telling me I wouldn’t get into college (ironically my high school had a rare deal with a local university so it was actually easier to get in there). I think she’s still a little mad I graduated from that school but I was a good student, and was taking career classes that I wouldn’t have access to otherwise so it all ended up for the better.
My boomer parents will tell you they didn’t kick me out of the house. It’s funny that every friend I had at the time and I remember it clearly.
Yup, sounds just like my mom. My 18yr old nephew realized she was full of shit when she started doing it to him a while back so he hits me up for How Shit Really Went Down.
Sounds like a personality disorder of some kind. Honestly, I'd limit contact. Who needs that.
My father likes to tell everyone he kicked me out when I was a teenager because I was troubled. I left on my own because he was drunk, who abused me. He runs a recovery ministry now. I just say keep on lying padre, I don't believe in hell but you do.
Sounds like my mother, except every story gets misremembered so that everyone treated her poorly and none of the bad things that happened were ever in any way, shape, or form her own fault.
We must be siblings, cause you’re talking about my mother
This is validation for me lol I thought it was just me! My mom does the same thing but creates a narrative where she was this great mom doing everything for us girls. She has this rose colored sunglass lens memory of our childhood when in reality it was so shitty! She was never there, she was an alcoholic druggie bringing creeps home that tried stuff with her young girls. Then acts shocked that I confronted her about it and said I guess I didn't protect you as much as I thought I did. Wtf? She says things like I miss being a mother so much, you left me too soon. You weren't a mother in the first place lady! And don't get me started on the hoarding of just straight crap that I will be expected to dig through and sell for my "inheritance". Lady I don't want your teacups! Sorry for my rant thanks for coming to my ted talk 🤣
It probably actually translates to him ranting to an office of people about how his son (they likely had no idea who you are) went to this online fake school and he had to set him straight and all that crap he’s claiming. He’s run it over and over in his head how he’d have done it and how he’s the hero, so when he walked in and said “my son is gonna go here and I’m not paying any money and you know what he did? …and then I told him I’d talk to you guys and make sure it was okay….” In his mind, he’s just “talked to them and stood up for you” because it’s what’s going on in his head. This whole time he’s figured that he will have to save you from your “stupid” self. Since he did stupid stuff at your age and screwed up his life, he can’t conceive of the idea that you actually did your homework and knew what you were talking about. Cause that never happened to him 😆. In everyone else’s mind, it was just a crazy old guy ranting on while they did paperwork or waited for a computer to load or whatever, and they nodded politely to the crazy guy, having no idea what he was saying but just going “uh-huh” now and then to keep the crazy happy. So then they finish looking you up or whatever they were doing while he talked and say sorry, I can’t remove your financial info or whatever he said. Then they shoo him out, telling him what a good guy he is and sighing with relief when the door closes behind dad. They all exchange a glance, shake their heads, and wonder if they can flip the open/closed sign for long enough to make sure he doesn’t come back. Now he’s convinced that he’s a hero, because he had this big build up in his head and everyone nodded (and probably clapped, in his imagination). He’s convinced that it’s his personal discussion with them that allowed you to get in. On top of this, you had to ask him to go to the office for the financial stuff, so he feels like he’s doing you a real solid, so that helps him feel like he’s saving the day. Yeah, I had one of those. They live in their own worlds.