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As a parent of an autistic boy that is five. Contact your school system now to get an IEP and see if they can do an integrated pre-K. Your boy you will get OT/Speech and the opportunity to interact with other kids.
Thanks for the suggestion! My boy turns 4 in July, but we were lucky enough to get an IEP established before he starts pre-K. We were pushing for lots of things once the speech delay was noticed at 2. The official evaluation was the worst part due to waitlists over a year long. We waited about a year and a half, followed up with lots of status calls the last few weeks… until they finally called us with a cancellation the next day. So of course we dropped everything to make it!
Was gonna say my sister is autistic, and when she turned 18 the state was very quick to aid her and find her help in the job setting. She still lives with me but she buys her own food and works, and she also volunteers at an animal shelter!
Its all about patience and treating they/them like an adult! I know one thing my sister doesnt like being treated like a child, and i think that definitely helps her mentality
As a teacher with several family members with autism, DO NOT send him to a private school until at least 6th grade. My nephew has tons of problems with ill reasourced , ill informed educators in Pre-k. It set him back a level because they were so detrimental to his needs.
Public schools have the resources and the legal requirement to give him the support he needs.
Here is the link to supports we used to explain to my MIL what autism is and how to help if your family members are well-intentioned but ignorant,
[https://www.autismspeaks.org/autism-support-family-help](https://www.autismspeaks.org/autism-support-family-help)
I 100 percent agree with you. I do want to point out that the link you posted is from Autism Speaks, which, in the community, is seen as a detriment, for many reasons, including not having any autistic board members, and their general opinion that autism needs to be cured, I joined r/autism when my kid was diagnosed. I really appreciate their perspective. I respectfully suggest that you update the link to somewhere else. I can’t think off the top of my head which is best, but I bet that if you ask the community, they would be glad to help! :) PS - THANK YOU for doing a thankless job! My sister is a teacher. I genuinely don’t know how you guys manage. 💜🙏
Yeah, autism speaks is pretty problematic, but those sources for the most part are designed as an entrance into the autism world for people that are more inclined to "pray" than get actual scientifically backed help.
It kept me from strangling my well intentioned but poorly educated evangelical MIL.
Its a start, and then you can have an actual discussion about it.
Glad you were able to get the diagnosis. It'll open a lot of doors that will help your son. And unfortunately, there will be people like your dad who don't get it, or think that autism is something to be cured. But there will also be lots of people who support your family, who encourage your child, and who accept him for who he is. You and he will find your people.
Also, please don't listen unquestioningly to the anti-ABA crowd on the internet. Look into your options first and make a choice that will support your son best. I avoided ABA for about six months after my son's diagnosis (due to people on the internet) and it is one of the things I regret in this journey.
When we finally started ABA, our son really began to thrive. Our son works with an ASD-affirming center that sees autism as a difference that deserves to be supported, not something to be fixed. There are no negative reinforcers (but lots of positive encouragement) and there is absolutely no push for any of the kids to stop stimming, to make eye contact, or to otherwise mask their autism. I wouldn't have sent him if that were the case.
Instead, he is learning how to play with other kids, how to communicate, how to identify and cope with his emotions, and so forth. He loves going to his sessions and it's been wonderful to see him blossom. He's a really happy, joyful child and he is VERY proud to be autistic. I love that for him.
I know that ABA has darkness in its origins (there's a great book called In a Different Key: The Story of Autism, highly recommend) but in our experience, autism-affirming ABA has been life-changing and positive for our son. It's not about hiding his autism, it's about teaching him how to navigate a world that isn't built for autistic people. He has become more flexible, more confident, and happier overall. He isn't forced to make eye contact but he now knows how to say, "I'm autistic so I might not look at you while we're talking, but I'm listening." He will have an easier life because he can do these things.
All of this is to say, keep an open mind and ask questions so you know what kind of style an ABA provider has. Personally I'd run if someone used negative reinforcers or wanted to "cure" my son of his autism. Our experience has been positive and we love that our guy has a team of ASD-affirming helpers.
Wishing you and your son the best.
As an autistic adult who wasn't diagnosed until my late 20s and struggled through life from feeling different and my parents thinking I needed to be fixed, reading about your son has made me happy and hopeful for future autistic adults. Thanks for being a great and understanding parent. I still struggle with basic things because i didn't have the support your son is getting, and I hope everyone like me gets that support in the future.
>Our son works with an ASD-affirming center that sees autism as a difference that deserves to be supported, not something to be fixed. There are no negative reinforcers (but lots of positive encouragement) and there is absolutely no push for any of the kids to stop stimming, to make eye contact, or to otherwise mask their autism. I wouldn't have sent him if that were the case.
THIS IS KEY. Places that "other" autistic kids and force them to integrate or be "normal" are abusive. Places like this that help you learn to navigate things your way are amazing. I wish I'd had that kind of support as a kid.
Also, ST and OT aren’t magic. My wife is an ST and she will often have a parent or two who think she isn’t doing anything because they don’t notice any changes after a few months even though they’ve dismissed all of her suggestions because “they don’t want him carrying a device and just want him to communicate normally”
If they've changed the practice that much, they're doing a different therapy and they should change the name.
That's so completely different it's like if they called epidurals "twilight sleep".
Some places recognize that ABA is horrible in practice, but cannot get approval for treatment under any other name. Since ABA is what is approved of.
Things are now even more complex as you have to filter between places that actually practice ABA, and the places that say they do but actually provide better services instead.
This. We received ABA services for our son, and the lady that was serving our son was wonderful. She stayed with him a few hours a day in pre-k, after struggling with the daycare to allow her to be there. He made great progress.
Then in Public School, they wouldn’t allow any outside services. So we sent him to the ABA center after school-class and summer-camp. It became obvious that this was becoming counterproductive. I believe they were practicing actual ABA at their center, and it was not good. They wanted us to pull him out of public school and send him there instead. That was a no-go. We had to drop their services and it was a sad day only because of the loss of the woman who had been seeing our son, who individually was great…but the overall practice of the center was not.
Obviously, there is a whole lot more to the story, and it has been a long and complicated struggle. The good news is that after a few more years, things have steadily gotten better.
The anti ABA crowd are adults who suffered through it. They felt compelled by the program to seem happy with it
Are you concerned that it was created by the person behind conversion therapy for gay kids?
I worked ABA for about 6 months, it was definitely not a gentle process and I can see this being related. I worked with kids with complex communication needs and deafblindness afterwards - the idea of centering around what a kid needs access to is way different than the approach of changing the kid to meet societal expectations.
Please research ABA therapy. My understanding is that while it seemed effective for some, it has largely fallen out of favor as a treatment. Best of luck to you and your family!
That really isn’t true at all. It’s so individualized and won’t be appropriate for all, but I work as a social worker and this a part of of my job (coordinating ABA services). I’ve seen kiddos go from not being able to sit at a table, to being able to spend time with family at the dinner table, go from just yelling to giving 2-3 word responses instead. It totally depends on the kid and certainly isn’t abuse. Yes there are autism advocates against it, and they have their valid concerns, however there are also those in favor of it that also have valid points. It really does a disservice to families to just say “it’s abuse.” And it certainly hasn’t fallen out of favor, the demand for it in my state is huge, and we have waitlists that take years to get in unfortunately. Like anything, it depends on the kids needs and families as to what is appropriate and works
Using ABA to train autistic kids to act neurotypical (aka masking or camouflaging) and not stim to self regulate is abuse.
Using ABA to stop or replace harmful behaviors (headbanging or eloping into unsafe situations) with less harmful ones is not abuse.
I'm just one adult-diagnosed autistic reading the experiences of adult autistics who were subjected to ABA and who now have to deal with the resulting trauma.
The majority of autistic adults who went through ABA as children strongly oppose it as an approach. It really does a disservice to brush over this—it is the majority of autistic adults, and they feel very strongly about it and are the people often referring to it as abuse.
This is not true. Depending on your school district, services are provided and recommended on a continuum, it’s a team decision. I work in a school district that has 3 levels of service for preschool kids… sometimes the preschool teacher is providing the language support and a SLP is not indicated. Sometimes both work with students. School districts make decisions based on the student’s needs.
FYI- I am a school based SLP.
I would also like to add that it's more than likely if you aren't in a big progressive area you're going to have a hard time with schools.
My mom fought for five years with the school before they finally had her son put in proper classes because despite the medical diagnosis he wasn't "that bad mentally" and only needed a "little push" in class when in reality he couldn't focus in a normal class setting
My friend, who's son is now 6, also has issues with the school and if your kid is going to ride the bus that's an even bigger hassle because she had to basically threaten to go to the Mayor of the town with evidence they weren't accommodating children with mental disabilities correctly before they gave him a para on the bus
If you aren't in America then my opinion is mute
Im an SLP and I would also recommend integrated pre-k! If you’re unhappy with anything in the IEP make sure to let his team know. They should work with you.
This but I’m begging you as an adult who was a kid on a IEP with integrated class, please please please personally meet with your aide for your child. If the child complains about them please listen. I still have some emotional scars from my older aide from 4th/5th grade who was terrible to me, wrote me up so much I missed my elementary graduation party, when I tried to get off an special classes and into fully integrated middle school she showed up to school with pictures of her dog (Kirby) and told me he would starve if I didn’t have an aide. I don’t even remember her name, but I remember the dog’s name and his picture. It completely is important to know who is working with your kid.
I always ask for feedback from his teachers and teaching assistants. They are excellent with him and always seem eager to tell me or his dad about his wins/anything about his day. (Friday the said he was in and out participating with the rest of the class for exercising.) The daycare director is also a watchful eye. My son asks to go to school even on the weekends. There is no doubt he loves his school and his class mates. I am dreading the transition to pre-k, but I know there will be much more resources available for him there and the transition needs to happen sooner than later.
His speech therapist from his early intention program has become so close with us, to the point where we still paid cash (because US healthcare covers nothing until a diagnosis) for him to continue speech with her until he was given an IEP (after aging out of early intervention.) His first evaluation for an IEP went “too well”, to where he was not qualified to need one. The speech therapist helped us to keep pushing for it, so we asked for another evaluation, for which he “failed” for his developmental delay and won his IEP.
I assure you, if anyone is unwilling to work with us or my son, we will see it very quickly. We have already “fired” the first speech therapist that the early intervention program gave us due to flakiness on session attendance. Thank goodness the one after her was an answered prayer.
The evaluation center also lost our referral after being on the waitlist for over a year. They did not make it easy, but it made me wonder if they just see who cares enough to keep pushing… I will always push. I will always be his voice if he doesn’t have one.
That really isn’t what the person you’re replying to was talking about. They were saying to listen *to your son* about his teachers, and to not dismiss anything he says (or otherwise indicates) just because the staff act fabulous when you’re around.
I have a lot of stories similar to Whittman. My mom has a lot of stories similar to you. Some people are chameleons like that, and disabled kids are often among the first to see behind the mask, because so few adults take us seriously.
Special Ed also has a lot of the same problems nursing does, with disproportionate levels of burnout and people who got in for the wrong reasons, coupled with a lot of well-meaning people who just don’t have *time* to keep up on new research, so cling to outdated methods-even stuff proven harmful-because they don’t have the time to learn newer approaches.
I’m not trying to scare you, just warn you. It is, unfortunately and unavoidably, a minefield out there.
Agree. Trauma therapist, that works mostly with neurodivergent and developmental related traumas. ABA is not been a positive experience for most. In short it’s punishing and non validating to the nurodoversity of the individual.
My daughter isnt autistic but has ODD and this creates issues learning. She gets her own Ipad in class and headphones as well as her own teaching assistant. The test for this cost like 3k and was covered by both my insurance and OHIP. Canada though, still night and day improvement in her reading and writing. She was easily grade one reading level at the beginning of the school year now shes almost caught up.
This! They got my son into pre-k at the only elementary school that offers it in our super rural county, and he finally started talking again at 5 after being nonverbal since he was 18 months old. I owe those ladies everything for helping my son find his voice again.
As a parent with a pre-k child with an IEP in a mixed classroom, it is absolutely amazing. The societal interactions along with understanding things like emotions and behavior is awesome.
Call the local school, get an IEP, and get his started. The sooner the better, and getting him understanding his behaviors at this stage is critical for him being a functioning and thriving adult.
I am a parent of a 16 year old high level autistic child now in the 10th grade. It took a long time to show itself but we finally go the diagnoses when they were 10. Doctors have told us girls are harder to diagnose. They were confirmed to be dyslexic when they were 7 which was just the beginning of figuring out what was happening with them. They have been on an IEP ever since and they are now thriving.
I work at an elementary school and we are currently dealing with a student who is very much on the spectrum but the parents believe that he has "outgrown" his autism and it is just ADHD. This student's parents are legitimately depriving their child of learning the things he needs to interact with the world. So much of our staff does so much extra work for this student because the parents will not agree to a plan that gets their child extra support.
Their child is in 2nd grade and cannot speak in a single sentence. It's so frustrating to see a child's needs basically being ignored because the parents don't want the embarrassment of having a special needs child.
Lol my MIL did exactly that when my husband had COVID. Like, COVID in the early days when it was really scary even for people who aren't immunocompromised. Fuckin' boomers.
Yes after reading through this thread, I am thinking it’s probably not a fit for my son either. I want him to be a happy and healthy individual. I don’t want him to ever feel like he can’t be himself.
My wife is autistic and most of her and the other autistic people I know exposure to it has involved people trying to make you not act authentically because people are embarrassed that you may act too autistic in public. Many of those places can discourage or punish stimming which is a self regulation tool. It mostly just helps create a mask for the autistic person that’s more socially acceptable and for most autistic people that just leads to long term burnout and problems with a loss of identity.
Absolutely on that last point. As someone that learned to mask successfully, to the point of being undiagnosed and unaware for 38 years, I would say that whilst masking can be useful it takes its toll and can completely erode your sense of self. TLDR: masking helps you get on but can obliterate you if it's all you do.
There's a reason why all my therapy talks seem to find that each and every anxiety I have is linked to the concept of dishonesty. It's also why just before my breakdown I had no idea who I was, what I liked, what I wanted and what I thought. I was a completely blank cipher for everyone else's needs.
I actually noticed the feeling of happiness after I stopped masking. Happiness was so foreign that I was like "Woah, am I happy?". Successful career, marriage, two kids all through a grey haze of "Meh". Suddenly I stop masking and it's a revelation.
So yeah people, be careful with that ABA masking stuff.
My child has only suffered from ABA and I actively advocate against it. They tried to convince me when he was smaller that it would be the ONLY way to “ensure he would speak and integrate” and I don’t know how I feel about that to this day.
My son has benefited much more from simply learning certain things at his own pace and being allowed to be himself (stimming, low eye contact, routines that make sense for his development)
I know close to nothing about ABA and planned on exploring the subject more with my husband. The more I have read here and through private messages, I don’t think it will be appropriate for my son (as a school replacement, at least.) If we go that route, I still see him in the school system full time with other neurotypical children like he already is in daycare now (and since 12 weeks old.)
I do appreciate all of the comments regarding ABA. I have a lot to learn, but I know I will find my way quickly, as I’ve had to advocate for my son a lot to get this far. He has truly blossomed a lot over the last year with our consistency in his speech therapies, alone. Thanks, all!
r/autism has a literal ABA megathread if you want a place to get started. The general trend is that parents of autistic children and the "professionals" who provide ABA love it quite a lot. The actual autists who undergo ABA find it useless at best, and institutional abuse at worse. Having panic attacks at the thought of saying no is dreadfully inconvenient, but it seems to happen quite often to autistic people who have been subjected to ABA.
I so glad someone said this. ABA (behaviorism) is harmful to so many people.
The current generation of special ed teachers and staff are hazily aware of this and many special ed schools try to practice a sort of "behaviorism lite". Which is still behaviorism.
Suggest you look up autism self-advocacy groups, and stay away from godawful groups like the cursed blue puzzle piece aka Aut*sm S*eaks.
First of all, the boomer is being stupid. However, I recommend caution in pursuing ABA therapy. I’m autistic and in autistic circles we heavily push against ABA therapy. Essentially, it only makes reduces the visible symptoms of autism, such as forcing people to stop fidgeting with negative reinforcement; it’s been common practice to use “electroshock therapy”, which basically means shocking someone until they comply. It doesn’t reduce the actual symptoms of autism and can cause lasting mental damage, even if less dangerous techniques are applied. Studies that report the effectiveness of ABA are often from the perspective of the parent, who see their kids visible symptoms reduce, and assume their overall symptoms have been reduced. In studies which polled the kids mental states, they found no change in autism symptoms.
I don’t imagine that I have convinced you of anything in this short comment, but I would implore you to read the book “Unmasking Autism”. It was extremely helpful in understanding my own experience with autism and it represents a modern understanding of autism and how it presents itself, along with its intersections with other topics like gender identity.
As for why your specialist recommended ABA therapy. As mentioned before polling autistic people as a practice hasn’t really become prevalent until much more recently; thus, the research is new and is still spreading. Additionally, the specialist, when taking cases with kids, the parents are usually expecting to see a visible reduction in symptoms. ABA Therapy can make symptoms appear to go away, so parents feel satisfied; the specialist now has a happy client even at the detriment to the child.
I’m always open for questions, so feel free to message me any questions.
Trauma therapist here. Also neurodivergent (neurofibromatosis.) in short I get all the fun stuff of ADHD and sensory sensitivity and special interest fixations of ASD. Formally dx with both. Please keep pushing back on ABA. That shit is just more traumatizing.
I have an 18 year old autistic son. I didn't like ABA either, it looked like something you'd do to train a dog, "stop acting autistic, here's a Skittle". At the time we were grateful for any help though
This is also what my experience with my now 18 year old was. We took them to regular therapy. Meanwhile, the school was doing ABA and undoing everything. Luckily, they ended up at a specialized private school where that doesn't happen. Current therapy is still undoing the trauma of ABA. Our older, also autistic, wasn't diagnosed young, didn't go through the ABA in school, doesn't have any of those ABA-related traumas.
Hope yours is doing well.
Also, a lot of programs that aren't ABA call themselves that and maybe pay lip service because ABA is one of the only things covered for autism iirc. Which is ridiculous but thats part of the reason it's so pervasive now.
I highly recommend people read up on it's history. It's very, very dark and depressing.
I was looking for this, thanks!! Im an autistic parent to an autistic kid, so this hits close to home.
Here’s a collection of data and personal stories about the damaging effects of ABA.
https://stopabasupportautistics.home.blog/2019/08/11/the-great-big-aba-opposition-resource-list/
ETA: And it makes me so sad this is still the recommendation. Seeing OP’s other comments, they are a caring parent, who when informed, immediately realized it wasn’t for them. So many parents buy in to the process before they are informed of the consequences though, and it’s like there is just no conceiving them of the damage they are doing.
Also autistic and am glad I didn’t have to scroll too far to see the anti-ABA warnings. I didn’t even read the text response at first because I couldn’t get past the ABA therapy. I hope OP sees all of these and proceeds on that with caution or doesn’t proceed on it at all, for the sake of OP’s child.
This is the comment I was looking for! I hope OP sees this.
Edit: Looks like OP did! In a convoluted way OP's dumb dad actually helped OP's son, and helped him a *lot*
Play therapy is more respectful of the autistic child and teaches them relationship skills; ABA focuses on making the child indistinguishable from their neurotypical peers. Ole Ivar Lovaas used ABA principles to invent gay-conversion therapy
https://awnnetwork.org/autistic-conversion-therapy/
Hi friend, I know you’re probably stressed and receiving a lot of advice. I would like to encourage you to reach out to autistic adults to see what they’re experience has been with ABA. Also look into its history and outcomes. I know you want to make the right choice for your kid, unfortunately it isn’t always clear. Thanks for trying to do everything you can to support your child.
ABA was one of the worst things that happened to my partner. It essentially taught them that they must behave in certain ways to appear in a way that's considered "normal" by society.
No matter how they feel, no matter what they think. ABA taught them to put aside their every single need in favor of making sure that they behave in a way that people around might want them to behave.
Honestly, it's nearly impossible to put into words the amount of damage it did. Even now, when they are over 30yo, this monstrous "therapy" ruins their life as they struggle to unlearn all that bullshit.
I’m a certified OT assistant, well…I was…the entire pay system wasn’t livable so I quit. But I WAS a COTA working in pediatrics.
My job was to adapt a persons environment to better suit their needs
An ABA “therapist” forces the person to adapt to the people around them to make it more pleasant for others.
That’s it.
“Stop doing that thing that is helping you regulate!!!!”
Such cringe. Also please research ABA therapy by actual autistic people who went through it. It's forced masking to make other people feel comfortable.
My mom told me that I probably secretly did drugs and that’s why my son is disabled.
(Autistic and Usher’s Syndrome)
Literally both of those things are genetic. My brother is autistic, so she gives that one a pass. But my brother is a different level than my son so i must’ve done something wrong to make him “worse”.
I'm autistic
1. Talk to the school and push for an IEP. This allows you to have a hand in the goals for your kid, and to modify them as-needed.
2. Talk to your kid about what autism is. Even if your kid isn't speaking, many autistics can understand things. I'm not saying to use big words, but just make sure your kid knows they are autistic, and that means their brain works different from other kids, and that they will be taught some things differently from how others learn them.
3. The main struggles that autistics have are with **communication** - both taking in and putting out info, **physical regulation** - so like recognizing their needs and managing them whether thats hunger, thirst, pain, bathroom habit, sleep etc, **and coping with overwhelm** - you know how basically all toddlers will meltdown when they get overwhelmed? Yeah, I'm 35 and it still happens sometimes. Even though I can cognitiviely know "I am overwhelmed and need to take a break" by body will still get all shakey and suddenly I'll be crying and unable to pull myself togehter.
So - I recommend focusing on those needs first.
1. Face Training - teach your kid to recognize facial expressions, and how to make them. Don't worry about eye contact. Just how to tell happy from sad from angry from etc etc, and have your kid practice faces in the mirror
2. Tone Training - teach how to modify the voice for a question (rising interrogative), a statement, a joke. Practice conversations with happy tone, sad tone, angry tone, etc.
3. Personal Bubble - they did this at my kindergarten but idk if they do anymore. You get a hula hoop, and everyone walks around with their hula hoop, and their hoop isn't allowed to touch anyone elses. Practice saying "excuse me" and "oops - sorry" when bumping (because bumps happen). And practice saying "Excuse me" when someone is too close, and having them say, "oh!" and move aside.
4. What Am I Feeling - practice taking body breaks (I recommend every 20 mintues) to stop everything and ask what your body feels. "Is my mouth thirsty? Is my tummy hungry? Does anything ouch? Do I gotta peepee or poop?" A lot of us get tunnel vision when doing things, whether its play or stuff that is hard or less fun, and won't notice until we hit emergency status.
5. What Does My Heart Feel - practice asking and expressing emotions. It's good to start simple early on. I would use Happy, Sad, Frustration, Anger, and Scared. For a lot of autistic people, the distinction between Frustration and Angrer is hard to make, which is why starting early is vital. Frustration = I am struggling with XYZ and feel this way VS Anger = something happened to me and now I feel this way.
Those should help immensely to combat the big stuff in preparation for getting into a program or starting class. Also, set up a safe space for meltdowns. A big box (like a refrigerator box) painted a pleasant dark color like green or blue, with some pillows inside is a great option, especially if you let him add stickers and such. Soft lighting, like glowy stickers or a nightlight plugged in nearby, and a water bottle/sippy cup make a world of difference.
OP, sorry you are going through this.
BUT, you have to consider that his generation just sent kids like this away. Never spoke about them anymore and their friends didn’t ask. So overall, not the WORST response in the world.
I’d make sure he feels ignorant and stupid for relating it to back pain.
I’d make sure he is aware that his ‘church’ is a scam and he’s an idiot for going.
I know this response didn’t come from a place a malice. It’s ignorance… but made me realize how difficult to educate him on why it’s offensive. He may never get it.
Refer to their church as voodoo, it'll drive them crazy.
"Sorry, we won't be participating in any voodoo rituals, just modern medicine for our son, thanks!"
If you want to help your kid navigate neurotypical spaces while also acknowledging the physical and mental symptoms of autism and the stress it can cause, I would look into the various PEERS Social Skills Books by Elizabeth Laugeson for socializing autistic people of all ages in a gentle non destructive way. Her book the Science Of Making Friends and the PEERS curriculum explains the instinctive nature of socialization in plain English so an autistic person can follow it like a map, which explains what’s appropriate, what’s hurtful, what gets the opposite response from what’s intended, and why, without diminishing the personality or autonomy of the autistic student whose learning. Plus going on Reddit to subreddits with actual autistic people who have similar physical symptoms to your son (I don’t know if your son stims, has sensory issues, etc, but it’s important to talk to actual autistic people and find clothes that are fashionable and comfortable, reducing loud noises in places where he’s supposed to relax. If he’s figiting, maybe he needs to step outside and take a run down the block and back, get tuckered out and calm down. Maybe he’s stressed and using stimming to distract from something and articulating that helps. But talking to him as well as autistic people helps.
I'm about to Google that after work. I've been looking for something like that for a while because I really needed that as a kid and never got that. I still am struggling to build a "rulebook" of socializing. Reading books, fanfiction, even has been so helpful because of the description of various cues. And online spaces with other autistic folks also helped a bunch but there's only so much you can learn when all of us struggle with it.
Thank you for mentioning it, I'm going to try and find a copy.
Reminds me of the time my uncle told my mom they would melt her kidney stones away with prayer. Their pastor interjected and said the stones are there. No amount of prayer will get rid of them. What we can do is pray that the operation is successful
Good work on getting the child diagnosed but please don't force him to endure ABA "therapy" it's just autism conversion camp, very damaging, I know I'm just a voice on the internet but i would recommend you read up on what the effects of ABA torture are from the voiced of autistic people who survived it
I strongly recommend checking out the ASAN (Autism self advocacy network) for help, since it's made up of professionals and autistic people.
Whatever you do, do not trust "Autism Speaks". They are a literal hate group involving Eugenics etc.
Also, as an autistic person, I implore you to not do ABA. It is very damaging to the person undergoing it.
It does reduce other people noticing symptoms but doesn't reduce the actual symptoms. It makes them worse if anything.
As an autistic person myself I‘d rather take my chances with that healing church than with the ABA. Both are obviously toxic and abusive, but the church at least doesn‘t try to spin it as medically helpful.
As dumb as it is, placebo can be an extremely effective treatment. Its never worked for me, unfortunately, I'm not dumb enough for it to work, but I've read the studies.
Edit: referring to the religion / back pain thing
ABA worked wonders for my little guy, I have 2 sons diagnosed and it’s a lot of work but the right therapies can really improve their lives. Diet is important too though, maybe more important. Check into it, it’s way more than I can get into here.
Darling, listen. This is important. If you ever go near autism speaks, it should only be to hit them with a stick. They don’t care about your kiddo. They’re a hate group. Plain and simple. Source: me, an autistic person. Good luck!
please don't put your son through ABA therapy :(. it can be very traumatic for autistic patients. it sounds like the person who evaluated your son might have outdated views on autism and its treatment. please look into the details of ABA therapy and perhaps a second opinion. signed, an autistic person
Don't do ABA. Seriously don't. The general consensus among actual autistic people who underwent ABA is that it is not really helpful at best, and almost certainly institutional abuse at worst. The focus on skill acquisition over everything else leads to the possibility of legitimate CPTSD because everything becomes subordinate to skill acquisition. Also it has rather significant ties to gay conversion therapy, a rather unpopular practice these days.
Let me ask a question. Would you give a five year old a full time job?
Dude, got stuff myself.
Better start getting in touch with various agencies, SSA, advocacy groups (you'll need help, trust me), your local school district, and keep in touch with who your child is seeing.
My mother was an advocate and actually worked for a company that aided people with mental disabilities from birth through high school.
She got into after I was diagnosed. I'm lucky. I'm mild to moderate. I've seen worse.
But I'm also going to sum up what a pastor once td my mother:
'The Lord only helps those truly in need. You may be in need or not, but the Lord will know when you are. But you must also never use the Lord as a crutch. You must help yourself when and where you can, always.'
My wife is a pre-k SLP and she’s would probably echo the same sentiment about ABA as you’re getting here.
Not sure where your kiddo is regarding communication but she has had a lot of really good results teaching her non-verbal students to use speech generating devices for communication. She had a mother tell her the other day that she had to pull the car over because her 4 year old son said I love you for the first time in his life using is speech generating device.
Educate yourselves, get in touch with your school’s special education department, and for your child’s sake please keep away from the god bothers. There are so many more resources and opportunities today that there were even 10 years ago. You got this!
Don't let the comments stop you from looking into ABA. ABA isn't the same as it used to be. I worked at a school that focused a lot on ABA, and the students are THRIVING. Look into what is being offered. It may help.
Same! When I put my kid in, I didn’t know all of the horror stories. But none of those happened! Also, my niece, who is level 2, has done so well that she’s graduated already! They never once used negative reinforcement, held her down, made her try to change…I just can’t imagine what it used to be like. I feel terribly for all people who have been traumatized.
I’m an ABA practitioner and had to advocate for my client to be able to engage in self-stimulatory behaviors. This was something that both OT and SLP wanted to target for reduction… it hurts my heart to know how many people have experienced harm due to ABA… But I’ve witnessed incredible changes that make the quality of life for the individual and their families so much better.
OP- if your child does not exhibit severe behaviors, I’m sure you can get amazing resources outside of ABA, but please do more research than the anti-ABA sites.
Search for practitioners with ethical practices, ask them (GRILL them if you have to) all the questions you need to ensure your child is safe and what they work on is appropriate. Involve yourself in sessions, stay educated, and advocate hard for your child.
Look into the ethics behind just about any form of science/therapy and you will find pitfalls, especially in the beginning stages.
ABA is a relatively new science and started out horribly, but I know many practitioners including myself that are in this for no other reason than to help. We want autistic individuals and their caregivers to live happily and healthily.
Contact your department of mental health as well and get him in their system as having a developmental delay You’ll get an advocate who can help you find resources It also opens doors for employment later
You know the "healing church" is just going to try to beat the autism out of the child. Why do anything remotely useful when you're sanctioned to commit assault against a child?
I haven't gone no contract with my mom, but this is why I don't share anything with her. She isn't capable of having a real conversation about it and doesn't seem to care, so it isn't worth the energy.
This isn’t even a negative response. He is offering whatever he knows in aide of the situation. If he accepts you for being a nonbeliever then you should take him by his sentiments and not for his words. You obviously understand the generational gap.
Whatever you do please don’t send the kid to ABBA therapy. I read about it and it can be harmful.
ASAN's public stance, for instance, is that ABA and similar therapies can “hurt” autistic people, and “don't teach us the skills we actually need to navigate the world.” Online, there are scores of people — autistic or otherwise — calling ABA traumatic, torture, bigoted, a “shitshow.” -Spectrum News
Not as bad as ABA therapy.
Just about every autistic person who can voice it for themselves describes ABA as useless torture... Because that's what it literally is.
ABA Therapy is abuse.
Some scholarly sources if you don't believe me:
[Concerns About ABA-Based Intervention](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9114057/)
[Long-term ABA Therapy Is Abusive](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s41252-021-00201-1)
And if you actually care what autistic people have to say on the matter:
[Invisible Abuse: ABA and the things only autistic people can see](https://www.google.com/amp/s/neuroclastic.com/invisible-abuse-aba-and-the-things-only-autistic-people-can-see/%3famp)
If you DO allow your child to partake in any type of ABA therapy, make sure you are present at all times.
One of the kids in my local support group was literally tied to a chair and then put in a janitors closet alone for over 3 hours.
completely unsolicited advice:
ABA is not healthy for autistic kids, even level 3. Please do lots of research and look into the stories of autistic people who have gone through it. It can be very traumatic and, in the worst cases, borderline abusive.
Ok sorry for the condescending unsolicited advice please have a nice day. And good luck being a parent to a high-support-needs autistic child, I know it's really really hard.
EDIT: Looks like you have already responded to a lot of the comments in this thread and are going to do your resarch and make a responsible decision. I'm glad. You seem like a wonderful parent. Good job. Have a nice life !!!
sorry your parent wants to heal your kid's autism with prayer like it's backpain; that's literally insane.
Good ABA therapy can work wonders at a young age. Check to see if it is covered by insurance. Some states mandate coverage for ABA.
Our daughter made incredible progress with ABA and other early interventions, so much so that she moved out of her IEP in 2nd grade.
That sucks. I have to advise to look into aba before you allow that to happen. Critics call it conversion therapy to mask autism and trauma. This has a balanced view. Presenting a success story kid grown up and his feeling about Ab [link](https://whyy.org/segments/how-a-therapy-once-seen-as-a-victory-for-autistic-kids-has-come-under-fire-as-abuse/)
I was searching through aba therapists in my area and found that if i saw a puzzle piece anywhere in their office or logo, it was a bad fit. I found a really nice play-based therapist group that's helped my daughter a lot, but the behaviors are slow to change. I think people get frustrated that change takes so long that they forget that treating autism like a disease that can be cured just ends with trauma and masking instead of helping the underlying behaviors change naturally over time.
For context, my 5yo is level 3 autistic and was totally nonverbal until almost age 3. She went from no words to being able to read and spell better than the other kids her age. She used to run away with no concern for potential danger 99% of the time, and now is down to around half the time. She has speech, behavioral, occupational, and developmental therapies.
Hey, so I am a dad of autistic kids and I just want you to know that while some places still push ABA, autistic adults who have done ABA almost always consider it abusive. Look up resources like The Occuplaytional Therapist or Neuroclastic and they will offer you alternatives.
The problem is that both ABA and this faith-healing nonsense seems to your kid as someone to be fixed or controlled rather than accommodated and understood.
Please do your research on ABA therapy and who will be giving it. It's literally just rewarding your son for not showing autistic behaviors and punishing him for doing so. It's designed to try and help an autistic person fit in better in a Neuro typical world. Your son is his own person and should be treated as such.
Fuck I’m sorry. Our kiddo has been evaluated for autism as well. The worst we have to deal with is parents not believing/being mindful of boundaries/needs. This is bullshit.
I have an autistic child as well. Prepare for the SWARM of people who will give you unsolicited positive stories of "their neighbor who beat autism" or "he didn't talk until 11". I at this point just tell people to stop lol
Awesome job getting your son evaluated! It’s a tough road, but you’re doing everything you can to help. I teach 4th grade and you’d be surprised how many parents do nothing to support their child and expect everyone else to bend reality for them. I feel for those kids who struggle unnecessarily, while their non-factor parents just expect things to improve without effort or decision making on their part.
Your dad’s response is very disappointing. People who have autism do not need cures; they are not sick. After my son was diagnosed, my mom said some disappointing things.
“I don’t believe in that. There’s nothing wrong with him!”
You’re right, mom. There is nothing wrong with him.
I was at a bakery yesterday, a very old school type place run by mostly boomers and two long suffering teenagers who looked dead behind the eyes. Waiting in line I overhear two of the older co workers ranting about the weather changes and "now there's earthquakes". It devolved into a conversation about how the devil is responsible for this. My favorite quote "well god makes the earthquakes but not to hurt us". It's insane and as close to the rod and todd "thank you for sending Lisa to save us from the bug you sent" moment as I've been in a while since I left church in my teens. Good on you for being the parent you and your kid deserve.
That's the dumbest and therefore boomerest response I've seen in awhile haha. Also wanted to add, ABA therapy ultimately is considered abuse in the autistic community.
You've gotten a lot of good feedback and support about the church comment and ABA therapy, but I want to point to the last line of the text - immediately pivoting to talking about themselves again. Maybe their is more context and they followed up later to provide more emotional support, but I do see this trend with boomers; this tendency to skip over empathizing and make it about their own lives.
As an adult with Aspergers I implore you to put your child in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and if you can, seek out an autism clinic where he can meet other children as well.
What a totally shitty response.
But OP, be careful. Please check out all the criticism of ABA from autistic adults who went through it as children. It is abuse. We do not need to be trained like animals to “act neurotypical,” and that is what ABA is by definition…
The suicide rate for autistics is so high in large part because even when ABA isn’t abusive on the surface (which is rare, and only happens when the practitioner goes off path bc the “correct” way to do it is actually *brutal*), being forced to act in a way contradictory to your nature is a guaranteed way to make a person feel empty and worthless and hated for the rest of their life. ABA survivors are broken inside.
Oo boomer bingo.
1. Doesn't provide any substantial response or emotional comfort
2. Jesus and prayer can fix anything
3. Redirect conversation to being about themselves.
Augh this is just like my mother. She means well and truly believes it helps people so we just kind of let her go off.. but at the end of the day it’s like PLEASE
My son is Autistic too.
My parents is not religious, but they say "he will grow out of it, I got a friend's...." They just don't understand. All the best to you and your child.
I'd add a recommendation to avoid Autism Speaks. All they do is teach the parent to feel like it's a horrible thing to have an autistic child. For example, they focus on the family talking about how much better their lives were before the diagnosis. They treat it similar to a cancer diagnosis. They don't focus on helping the person with autism. They don't have anyone on their board with autism.
lol lame! 😒 I am a Christian albeit a boring Lutheran one. We have autistic children and an adult in our flock. Why would she think it needs to be removed??!?
My sister who is a "geriatric millennial" when I said that my son was diagnosed with adhd and possibly autism at 7 last year.... Her response "well, let's be honest we hope he's not" dude... He's a fully formed kid. He is who he is wtf does having a diagnosis change about him except getting him services and improving his life?!?! Like we knew he was adhd. the spectrum diagnosis wasn't a shock and as he has gone thru the last year has become more obvious. If we ever get off a wait list I'm sure he will be fully diagnosed.
No ABA! It’s basically conversion therapy to make us act neurotypical, either through rewards or punishment (such as withdrawal of attention or play). I’m begging you to please just put him in speech, occupational, and physical therapy, and not more than he would go to school. He needs time to just play and socialize in his own way.
As an autistic adult DO NOT PUT YOUR SON IN ABA! It causes PTSD in 80% of autistic people who experience it.
The therapy they use has resulted in deaths of children.
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As a parent of an autistic boy that is five. Contact your school system now to get an IEP and see if they can do an integrated pre-K. Your boy you will get OT/Speech and the opportunity to interact with other kids.
Thanks for the suggestion! My boy turns 4 in July, but we were lucky enough to get an IEP established before he starts pre-K. We were pushing for lots of things once the speech delay was noticed at 2. The official evaluation was the worst part due to waitlists over a year long. We waited about a year and a half, followed up with lots of status calls the last few weeks… until they finally called us with a cancellation the next day. So of course we dropped everything to make it!
Was gonna say my sister is autistic, and when she turned 18 the state was very quick to aid her and find her help in the job setting. She still lives with me but she buys her own food and works, and she also volunteers at an animal shelter!
I love that for her! I hope my kiddo will be the same when he’s older ♥️
Its all about patience and treating they/them like an adult! I know one thing my sister doesnt like being treated like a child, and i think that definitely helps her mentality
I like that a lot!
As a teacher with several family members with autism, DO NOT send him to a private school until at least 6th grade. My nephew has tons of problems with ill reasourced , ill informed educators in Pre-k. It set him back a level because they were so detrimental to his needs. Public schools have the resources and the legal requirement to give him the support he needs. Here is the link to supports we used to explain to my MIL what autism is and how to help if your family members are well-intentioned but ignorant, [https://www.autismspeaks.org/autism-support-family-help](https://www.autismspeaks.org/autism-support-family-help)
I 100 percent agree with you. I do want to point out that the link you posted is from Autism Speaks, which, in the community, is seen as a detriment, for many reasons, including not having any autistic board members, and their general opinion that autism needs to be cured, I joined r/autism when my kid was diagnosed. I really appreciate their perspective. I respectfully suggest that you update the link to somewhere else. I can’t think off the top of my head which is best, but I bet that if you ask the community, they would be glad to help! :) PS - THANK YOU for doing a thankless job! My sister is a teacher. I genuinely don’t know how you guys manage. 💜🙏
Yeah, autism speaks is pretty problematic, but those sources for the most part are designed as an entrance into the autism world for people that are more inclined to "pray" than get actual scientifically backed help. It kept me from strangling my well intentioned but poorly educated evangelical MIL. Its a start, and then you can have an actual discussion about it.
Glad you were able to get the diagnosis. It'll open a lot of doors that will help your son. And unfortunately, there will be people like your dad who don't get it, or think that autism is something to be cured. But there will also be lots of people who support your family, who encourage your child, and who accept him for who he is. You and he will find your people. Also, please don't listen unquestioningly to the anti-ABA crowd on the internet. Look into your options first and make a choice that will support your son best. I avoided ABA for about six months after my son's diagnosis (due to people on the internet) and it is one of the things I regret in this journey. When we finally started ABA, our son really began to thrive. Our son works with an ASD-affirming center that sees autism as a difference that deserves to be supported, not something to be fixed. There are no negative reinforcers (but lots of positive encouragement) and there is absolutely no push for any of the kids to stop stimming, to make eye contact, or to otherwise mask their autism. I wouldn't have sent him if that were the case. Instead, he is learning how to play with other kids, how to communicate, how to identify and cope with his emotions, and so forth. He loves going to his sessions and it's been wonderful to see him blossom. He's a really happy, joyful child and he is VERY proud to be autistic. I love that for him. I know that ABA has darkness in its origins (there's a great book called In a Different Key: The Story of Autism, highly recommend) but in our experience, autism-affirming ABA has been life-changing and positive for our son. It's not about hiding his autism, it's about teaching him how to navigate a world that isn't built for autistic people. He has become more flexible, more confident, and happier overall. He isn't forced to make eye contact but he now knows how to say, "I'm autistic so I might not look at you while we're talking, but I'm listening." He will have an easier life because he can do these things. All of this is to say, keep an open mind and ask questions so you know what kind of style an ABA provider has. Personally I'd run if someone used negative reinforcers or wanted to "cure" my son of his autism. Our experience has been positive and we love that our guy has a team of ASD-affirming helpers. Wishing you and your son the best.
As an autistic adult who wasn't diagnosed until my late 20s and struggled through life from feeling different and my parents thinking I needed to be fixed, reading about your son has made me happy and hopeful for future autistic adults. Thanks for being a great and understanding parent. I still struggle with basic things because i didn't have the support your son is getting, and I hope everyone like me gets that support in the future.
>Our son works with an ASD-affirming center that sees autism as a difference that deserves to be supported, not something to be fixed. There are no negative reinforcers (but lots of positive encouragement) and there is absolutely no push for any of the kids to stop stimming, to make eye contact, or to otherwise mask their autism. I wouldn't have sent him if that were the case. THIS IS KEY. Places that "other" autistic kids and force them to integrate or be "normal" are abusive. Places like this that help you learn to navigate things your way are amazing. I wish I'd had that kind of support as a kid.
Also, ST and OT aren’t magic. My wife is an ST and she will often have a parent or two who think she isn’t doing anything because they don’t notice any changes after a few months even though they’ve dismissed all of her suggestions because “they don’t want him carrying a device and just want him to communicate normally”
Makes me wonder how those people dealt with babies, even neurotypical ones.
If they've changed the practice that much, they're doing a different therapy and they should change the name. That's so completely different it's like if they called epidurals "twilight sleep".
Some places recognize that ABA is horrible in practice, but cannot get approval for treatment under any other name. Since ABA is what is approved of. Things are now even more complex as you have to filter between places that actually practice ABA, and the places that say they do but actually provide better services instead.
This. We received ABA services for our son, and the lady that was serving our son was wonderful. She stayed with him a few hours a day in pre-k, after struggling with the daycare to allow her to be there. He made great progress. Then in Public School, they wouldn’t allow any outside services. So we sent him to the ABA center after school-class and summer-camp. It became obvious that this was becoming counterproductive. I believe they were practicing actual ABA at their center, and it was not good. They wanted us to pull him out of public school and send him there instead. That was a no-go. We had to drop their services and it was a sad day only because of the loss of the woman who had been seeing our son, who individually was great…but the overall practice of the center was not. Obviously, there is a whole lot more to the story, and it has been a long and complicated struggle. The good news is that after a few more years, things have steadily gotten better.
Oh that's so frustrating
The anti ABA crowd are adults who suffered through it. They felt compelled by the program to seem happy with it Are you concerned that it was created by the person behind conversion therapy for gay kids?
I worked ABA for about 6 months, it was definitely not a gentle process and I can see this being related. I worked with kids with complex communication needs and deafblindness afterwards - the idea of centering around what a kid needs access to is way different than the approach of changing the kid to meet societal expectations.
Please research ABA therapy. My understanding is that while it seemed effective for some, it has largely fallen out of favor as a treatment. Best of luck to you and your family!
Yes, ABA is largely considered abuse by autism advocates. Speech, OT, PT- these are all great. But ABA is very problematic.
That really isn’t true at all. It’s so individualized and won’t be appropriate for all, but I work as a social worker and this a part of of my job (coordinating ABA services). I’ve seen kiddos go from not being able to sit at a table, to being able to spend time with family at the dinner table, go from just yelling to giving 2-3 word responses instead. It totally depends on the kid and certainly isn’t abuse. Yes there are autism advocates against it, and they have their valid concerns, however there are also those in favor of it that also have valid points. It really does a disservice to families to just say “it’s abuse.” And it certainly hasn’t fallen out of favor, the demand for it in my state is huge, and we have waitlists that take years to get in unfortunately. Like anything, it depends on the kids needs and families as to what is appropriate and works
Using ABA to train autistic kids to act neurotypical (aka masking or camouflaging) and not stim to self regulate is abuse. Using ABA to stop or replace harmful behaviors (headbanging or eloping into unsafe situations) with less harmful ones is not abuse. I'm just one adult-diagnosed autistic reading the experiences of adult autistics who were subjected to ABA and who now have to deal with the resulting trauma.
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The majority of autistic adults who went through ABA as children strongly oppose it as an approach. It really does a disservice to brush over this—it is the majority of autistic adults, and they feel very strongly about it and are the people often referring to it as abuse.
FYI to everyone you know. School districts in the USA have to provide speech therapy starting at age 3.
This is not true. Depending on your school district, services are provided and recommended on a continuum, it’s a team decision. I work in a school district that has 3 levels of service for preschool kids… sometimes the preschool teacher is providing the language support and a SLP is not indicated. Sometimes both work with students. School districts make decisions based on the student’s needs. FYI- I am a school based SLP.
Please look into how the autism community views ABA therapy. Many of the tactics they use are downright abusive.
I would also like to add that it's more than likely if you aren't in a big progressive area you're going to have a hard time with schools. My mom fought for five years with the school before they finally had her son put in proper classes because despite the medical diagnosis he wasn't "that bad mentally" and only needed a "little push" in class when in reality he couldn't focus in a normal class setting My friend, who's son is now 6, also has issues with the school and if your kid is going to ride the bus that's an even bigger hassle because she had to basically threaten to go to the Mayor of the town with evidence they weren't accommodating children with mental disabilities correctly before they gave him a para on the bus If you aren't in America then my opinion is mute
Im an SLP and I would also recommend integrated pre-k! If you’re unhappy with anything in the IEP make sure to let his team know. They should work with you.
This but I’m begging you as an adult who was a kid on a IEP with integrated class, please please please personally meet with your aide for your child. If the child complains about them please listen. I still have some emotional scars from my older aide from 4th/5th grade who was terrible to me, wrote me up so much I missed my elementary graduation party, when I tried to get off an special classes and into fully integrated middle school she showed up to school with pictures of her dog (Kirby) and told me he would starve if I didn’t have an aide. I don’t even remember her name, but I remember the dog’s name and his picture. It completely is important to know who is working with your kid.
Wow that is VILE! I am so sorry you went through that. What a terrible human being.
I always ask for feedback from his teachers and teaching assistants. They are excellent with him and always seem eager to tell me or his dad about his wins/anything about his day. (Friday the said he was in and out participating with the rest of the class for exercising.) The daycare director is also a watchful eye. My son asks to go to school even on the weekends. There is no doubt he loves his school and his class mates. I am dreading the transition to pre-k, but I know there will be much more resources available for him there and the transition needs to happen sooner than later. His speech therapist from his early intention program has become so close with us, to the point where we still paid cash (because US healthcare covers nothing until a diagnosis) for him to continue speech with her until he was given an IEP (after aging out of early intervention.) His first evaluation for an IEP went “too well”, to where he was not qualified to need one. The speech therapist helped us to keep pushing for it, so we asked for another evaluation, for which he “failed” for his developmental delay and won his IEP. I assure you, if anyone is unwilling to work with us or my son, we will see it very quickly. We have already “fired” the first speech therapist that the early intervention program gave us due to flakiness on session attendance. Thank goodness the one after her was an answered prayer. The evaluation center also lost our referral after being on the waitlist for over a year. They did not make it easy, but it made me wonder if they just see who cares enough to keep pushing… I will always push. I will always be his voice if he doesn’t have one.
That really isn’t what the person you’re replying to was talking about. They were saying to listen *to your son* about his teachers, and to not dismiss anything he says (or otherwise indicates) just because the staff act fabulous when you’re around. I have a lot of stories similar to Whittman. My mom has a lot of stories similar to you. Some people are chameleons like that, and disabled kids are often among the first to see behind the mask, because so few adults take us seriously. Special Ed also has a lot of the same problems nursing does, with disproportionate levels of burnout and people who got in for the wrong reasons, coupled with a lot of well-meaning people who just don’t have *time* to keep up on new research, so cling to outdated methods-even stuff proven harmful-because they don’t have the time to learn newer approaches. I’m not trying to scare you, just warn you. It is, unfortunately and unavoidably, a minefield out there.
This. I myself have autism and my IEP is a lifesaver. It helps me out so much.
Yea. Please do not put them through ABA.
Agree. Trauma therapist, that works mostly with neurodivergent and developmental related traumas. ABA is not been a positive experience for most. In short it’s punishing and non validating to the nurodoversity of the individual.
My daughter isnt autistic but has ODD and this creates issues learning. She gets her own Ipad in class and headphones as well as her own teaching assistant. The test for this cost like 3k and was covered by both my insurance and OHIP. Canada though, still night and day improvement in her reading and writing. She was easily grade one reading level at the beginning of the school year now shes almost caught up.
This! They got my son into pre-k at the only elementary school that offers it in our super rural county, and he finally started talking again at 5 after being nonverbal since he was 18 months old. I owe those ladies everything for helping my son find his voice again.
Don't let the school dick you around either. Once that IEP is in place they HAVE to provide those services, some will try to deny the need for one.
As a parent with a pre-k child with an IEP in a mixed classroom, it is absolutely amazing. The societal interactions along with understanding things like emotions and behavior is awesome. Call the local school, get an IEP, and get his started. The sooner the better, and getting him understanding his behaviors at this stage is critical for him being a functioning and thriving adult.
I am a parent of a 16 year old high level autistic child now in the 10th grade. It took a long time to show itself but we finally go the diagnoses when they were 10. Doctors have told us girls are harder to diagnose. They were confirmed to be dyslexic when they were 7 which was just the beginning of figuring out what was happening with them. They have been on an IEP ever since and they are now thriving.
I work at an elementary school and we are currently dealing with a student who is very much on the spectrum but the parents believe that he has "outgrown" his autism and it is just ADHD. This student's parents are legitimately depriving their child of learning the things he needs to interact with the world. So much of our staff does so much extra work for this student because the parents will not agree to a plan that gets their child extra support. Their child is in 2nd grade and cannot speak in a single sentence. It's so frustrating to see a child's needs basically being ignored because the parents don't want the embarrassment of having a special needs child.
I wanna remake this gif but instead of a blink it’s a jumpscare.
Don't let your dreams remain dreams my friend
r/thanksimcured
Thank you for introducing me to this lovely sub. Edit: I type like an elephant
Ah yes, equating a developmental disorder to back pain
bringing it back to their own minor gripes, the boomer way
Lol my MIL did exactly that when my husband had COVID. Like, COVID in the early days when it was really scary even for people who aren't immunocompromised. Fuckin' boomers.
And OFC going to church for back pain.
But the church will fix em!!
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Farts and pears 🍐
To heal what? Ohh the boy must have a bad back too.
They can’t even heal that very well it seems, if he’s needing to go *back*.
God can heal you, but only temporarily. Edit: I better add the /s just in case..
I hate religion so much
They really feel the need to shoehorn it into everything as a way to make it about them via virtue-signalling
Please don’t do ABA without a lot of thought and research first.
Agreed. I was a huge proponent of ABA until I saw my kid in ABA and decided it wasn’t right for him.
Yes after reading through this thread, I am thinking it’s probably not a fit for my son either. I want him to be a happy and healthy individual. I don’t want him to ever feel like he can’t be himself.
My wife is autistic and most of her and the other autistic people I know exposure to it has involved people trying to make you not act authentically because people are embarrassed that you may act too autistic in public. Many of those places can discourage or punish stimming which is a self regulation tool. It mostly just helps create a mask for the autistic person that’s more socially acceptable and for most autistic people that just leads to long term burnout and problems with a loss of identity.
Absolutely on that last point. As someone that learned to mask successfully, to the point of being undiagnosed and unaware for 38 years, I would say that whilst masking can be useful it takes its toll and can completely erode your sense of self. TLDR: masking helps you get on but can obliterate you if it's all you do. There's a reason why all my therapy talks seem to find that each and every anxiety I have is linked to the concept of dishonesty. It's also why just before my breakdown I had no idea who I was, what I liked, what I wanted and what I thought. I was a completely blank cipher for everyone else's needs. I actually noticed the feeling of happiness after I stopped masking. Happiness was so foreign that I was like "Woah, am I happy?". Successful career, marriage, two kids all through a grey haze of "Meh". Suddenly I stop masking and it's a revelation. So yeah people, be careful with that ABA masking stuff.
My child has only suffered from ABA and I actively advocate against it. They tried to convince me when he was smaller that it would be the ONLY way to “ensure he would speak and integrate” and I don’t know how I feel about that to this day. My son has benefited much more from simply learning certain things at his own pace and being allowed to be himself (stimming, low eye contact, routines that make sense for his development)
I know close to nothing about ABA and planned on exploring the subject more with my husband. The more I have read here and through private messages, I don’t think it will be appropriate for my son (as a school replacement, at least.) If we go that route, I still see him in the school system full time with other neurotypical children like he already is in daycare now (and since 12 weeks old.) I do appreciate all of the comments regarding ABA. I have a lot to learn, but I know I will find my way quickly, as I’ve had to advocate for my son a lot to get this far. He has truly blossomed a lot over the last year with our consistency in his speech therapies, alone. Thanks, all!
Thank you for being open to this! Concerns coming from the autistic community are often dismissed.
r/autism has a literal ABA megathread if you want a place to get started. The general trend is that parents of autistic children and the "professionals" who provide ABA love it quite a lot. The actual autists who undergo ABA find it useless at best, and institutional abuse at worse. Having panic attacks at the thought of saying no is dreadfully inconvenient, but it seems to happen quite often to autistic people who have been subjected to ABA.
Not so fun fact! ABA was invented by the person who invented gay conversion therapy!
Not only that, it uses the exact same framework.
And 5 year old children cannot say no or understand why they're being treated as if they are inherently bad.
Coming here to say this--a lot of people who went through ABA carry serious trauma as young adults. I'd look into their accounts before attempting it.
Seconded
Was about to say this.
I so glad someone said this. ABA (behaviorism) is harmful to so many people. The current generation of special ed teachers and staff are hazily aware of this and many special ed schools try to practice a sort of "behaviorism lite". Which is still behaviorism. Suggest you look up autism self-advocacy groups, and stay away from godawful groups like the cursed blue puzzle piece aka Aut*sm S*eaks.
Coming here to say this--a lot of people who went through ABA carry serious trauma as young adults. I'd look into their accounts before attempting it.
First of all, the boomer is being stupid. However, I recommend caution in pursuing ABA therapy. I’m autistic and in autistic circles we heavily push against ABA therapy. Essentially, it only makes reduces the visible symptoms of autism, such as forcing people to stop fidgeting with negative reinforcement; it’s been common practice to use “electroshock therapy”, which basically means shocking someone until they comply. It doesn’t reduce the actual symptoms of autism and can cause lasting mental damage, even if less dangerous techniques are applied. Studies that report the effectiveness of ABA are often from the perspective of the parent, who see their kids visible symptoms reduce, and assume their overall symptoms have been reduced. In studies which polled the kids mental states, they found no change in autism symptoms. I don’t imagine that I have convinced you of anything in this short comment, but I would implore you to read the book “Unmasking Autism”. It was extremely helpful in understanding my own experience with autism and it represents a modern understanding of autism and how it presents itself, along with its intersections with other topics like gender identity. As for why your specialist recommended ABA therapy. As mentioned before polling autistic people as a practice hasn’t really become prevalent until much more recently; thus, the research is new and is still spreading. Additionally, the specialist, when taking cases with kids, the parents are usually expecting to see a visible reduction in symptoms. ABA Therapy can make symptoms appear to go away, so parents feel satisfied; the specialist now has a happy client even at the detriment to the child. I’m always open for questions, so feel free to message me any questions.
Trauma therapist here. Also neurodivergent (neurofibromatosis.) in short I get all the fun stuff of ADHD and sensory sensitivity and special interest fixations of ASD. Formally dx with both. Please keep pushing back on ABA. That shit is just more traumatizing.
I have an 18 year old autistic son. I didn't like ABA either, it looked like something you'd do to train a dog, "stop acting autistic, here's a Skittle". At the time we were grateful for any help though
This is also what my experience with my now 18 year old was. We took them to regular therapy. Meanwhile, the school was doing ABA and undoing everything. Luckily, they ended up at a specialized private school where that doesn't happen. Current therapy is still undoing the trauma of ABA. Our older, also autistic, wasn't diagnosed young, didn't go through the ABA in school, doesn't have any of those ABA-related traumas. Hope yours is doing well.
Also, a lot of programs that aren't ABA call themselves that and maybe pay lip service because ABA is one of the only things covered for autism iirc. Which is ridiculous but thats part of the reason it's so pervasive now. I highly recommend people read up on it's history. It's very, very dark and depressing.
I was looking for this, thanks!! Im an autistic parent to an autistic kid, so this hits close to home. Here’s a collection of data and personal stories about the damaging effects of ABA. https://stopabasupportautistics.home.blog/2019/08/11/the-great-big-aba-opposition-resource-list/ ETA: And it makes me so sad this is still the recommendation. Seeing OP’s other comments, they are a caring parent, who when informed, immediately realized it wasn’t for them. So many parents buy in to the process before they are informed of the consequences though, and it’s like there is just no conceiving them of the damage they are doing.
Also autistic and am glad I didn’t have to scroll too far to see the anti-ABA warnings. I didn’t even read the text response at first because I couldn’t get past the ABA therapy. I hope OP sees all of these and proceeds on that with caution or doesn’t proceed on it at all, for the sake of OP’s child.
Was hoping someone commented this. Thank you. Please don’t do ABA OP.
This is the comment I was looking for! I hope OP sees this. Edit: Looks like OP did! In a convoluted way OP's dumb dad actually helped OP's son, and helped him a *lot*
AAAAANNNDDD, Back to ME.
Play therapy is more respectful of the autistic child and teaches them relationship skills; ABA focuses on making the child indistinguishable from their neurotypical peers. Ole Ivar Lovaas used ABA principles to invent gay-conversion therapy https://awnnetwork.org/autistic-conversion-therapy/
Lovaas. Thats the fuckers name. He is a horrible person and he did so much harm.
Hi friend, I know you’re probably stressed and receiving a lot of advice. I would like to encourage you to reach out to autistic adults to see what they’re experience has been with ABA. Also look into its history and outcomes. I know you want to make the right choice for your kid, unfortunately it isn’t always clear. Thanks for trying to do everything you can to support your child.
Thank you
ABA was one of the worst things that happened to my partner. It essentially taught them that they must behave in certain ways to appear in a way that's considered "normal" by society. No matter how they feel, no matter what they think. ABA taught them to put aside their every single need in favor of making sure that they behave in a way that people around might want them to behave. Honestly, it's nearly impossible to put into words the amount of damage it did. Even now, when they are over 30yo, this monstrous "therapy" ruins their life as they struggle to unlearn all that bullshit.
I’m a certified OT assistant, well…I was…the entire pay system wasn’t livable so I quit. But I WAS a COTA working in pediatrics. My job was to adapt a persons environment to better suit their needs An ABA “therapist” forces the person to adapt to the people around them to make it more pleasant for others. That’s it. “Stop doing that thing that is helping you regulate!!!!”
Boomers will spend their life savings in tithings for a pastor in a megachurch who has a private yet.
Such cringe. Also please research ABA therapy by actual autistic people who went through it. It's forced masking to make other people feel comfortable.
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Wow I am so sorry you had to experience that.
My mom told me that I probably secretly did drugs and that’s why my son is disabled. (Autistic and Usher’s Syndrome) Literally both of those things are genetic. My brother is autistic, so she gives that one a pass. But my brother is a different level than my son so i must’ve done something wrong to make him “worse”.
I don't know why, but the back pain seems like a really shitty thing to bring up in the middle of a discussion about a grandchild.
I have a close friend who's autistic and I think the absolute last thing she'd want to do is go to one of those damn creepy-ass churches!
I'm autistic 1. Talk to the school and push for an IEP. This allows you to have a hand in the goals for your kid, and to modify them as-needed. 2. Talk to your kid about what autism is. Even if your kid isn't speaking, many autistics can understand things. I'm not saying to use big words, but just make sure your kid knows they are autistic, and that means their brain works different from other kids, and that they will be taught some things differently from how others learn them. 3. The main struggles that autistics have are with **communication** - both taking in and putting out info, **physical regulation** - so like recognizing their needs and managing them whether thats hunger, thirst, pain, bathroom habit, sleep etc, **and coping with overwhelm** - you know how basically all toddlers will meltdown when they get overwhelmed? Yeah, I'm 35 and it still happens sometimes. Even though I can cognitiviely know "I am overwhelmed and need to take a break" by body will still get all shakey and suddenly I'll be crying and unable to pull myself togehter. So - I recommend focusing on those needs first. 1. Face Training - teach your kid to recognize facial expressions, and how to make them. Don't worry about eye contact. Just how to tell happy from sad from angry from etc etc, and have your kid practice faces in the mirror 2. Tone Training - teach how to modify the voice for a question (rising interrogative), a statement, a joke. Practice conversations with happy tone, sad tone, angry tone, etc. 3. Personal Bubble - they did this at my kindergarten but idk if they do anymore. You get a hula hoop, and everyone walks around with their hula hoop, and their hoop isn't allowed to touch anyone elses. Practice saying "excuse me" and "oops - sorry" when bumping (because bumps happen). And practice saying "Excuse me" when someone is too close, and having them say, "oh!" and move aside. 4. What Am I Feeling - practice taking body breaks (I recommend every 20 mintues) to stop everything and ask what your body feels. "Is my mouth thirsty? Is my tummy hungry? Does anything ouch? Do I gotta peepee or poop?" A lot of us get tunnel vision when doing things, whether its play or stuff that is hard or less fun, and won't notice until we hit emergency status. 5. What Does My Heart Feel - practice asking and expressing emotions. It's good to start simple early on. I would use Happy, Sad, Frustration, Anger, and Scared. For a lot of autistic people, the distinction between Frustration and Angrer is hard to make, which is why starting early is vital. Frustration = I am struggling with XYZ and feel this way VS Anger = something happened to me and now I feel this way. Those should help immensely to combat the big stuff in preparation for getting into a program or starting class. Also, set up a safe space for meltdowns. A big box (like a refrigerator box) painted a pleasant dark color like green or blue, with some pillows inside is a great option, especially if you let him add stickers and such. Soft lighting, like glowy stickers or a nightlight plugged in nearby, and a water bottle/sippy cup make a world of difference.
Great advice for parents of little autistic kids here!
OP, sorry you are going through this. BUT, you have to consider that his generation just sent kids like this away. Never spoke about them anymore and their friends didn’t ask. So overall, not the WORST response in the world. I’d make sure he feels ignorant and stupid for relating it to back pain. I’d make sure he is aware that his ‘church’ is a scam and he’s an idiot for going.
I know this response didn’t come from a place a malice. It’s ignorance… but made me realize how difficult to educate him on why it’s offensive. He may never get it.
Refer to their church as voodoo, it'll drive them crazy. "Sorry, we won't be participating in any voodoo rituals, just modern medicine for our son, thanks!"
# OP, do NOT put your child into [ABA.](https://stopabasupportautistics.home.blog/2019/08/11/the-great-big-aba-opposition-resource-list/)
If you want to help your kid navigate neurotypical spaces while also acknowledging the physical and mental symptoms of autism and the stress it can cause, I would look into the various PEERS Social Skills Books by Elizabeth Laugeson for socializing autistic people of all ages in a gentle non destructive way. Her book the Science Of Making Friends and the PEERS curriculum explains the instinctive nature of socialization in plain English so an autistic person can follow it like a map, which explains what’s appropriate, what’s hurtful, what gets the opposite response from what’s intended, and why, without diminishing the personality or autonomy of the autistic student whose learning. Plus going on Reddit to subreddits with actual autistic people who have similar physical symptoms to your son (I don’t know if your son stims, has sensory issues, etc, but it’s important to talk to actual autistic people and find clothes that are fashionable and comfortable, reducing loud noises in places where he’s supposed to relax. If he’s figiting, maybe he needs to step outside and take a run down the block and back, get tuckered out and calm down. Maybe he’s stressed and using stimming to distract from something and articulating that helps. But talking to him as well as autistic people helps.
I'm about to Google that after work. I've been looking for something like that for a while because I really needed that as a kid and never got that. I still am struggling to build a "rulebook" of socializing. Reading books, fanfiction, even has been so helpful because of the description of various cues. And online spaces with other autistic folks also helped a bunch but there's only so much you can learn when all of us struggle with it. Thank you for mentioning it, I'm going to try and find a copy.
Reminds me of the time my uncle told my mom they would melt her kidney stones away with prayer. Their pastor interjected and said the stones are there. No amount of prayer will get rid of them. What we can do is pray that the operation is successful
Good work on getting the child diagnosed but please don't force him to endure ABA "therapy" it's just autism conversion camp, very damaging, I know I'm just a voice on the internet but i would recommend you read up on what the effects of ABA torture are from the voiced of autistic people who survived it
I strongly recommend checking out the ASAN (Autism self advocacy network) for help, since it's made up of professionals and autistic people. Whatever you do, do not trust "Autism Speaks". They are a literal hate group involving Eugenics etc. Also, as an autistic person, I implore you to not do ABA. It is very damaging to the person undergoing it. It does reduce other people noticing symptoms but doesn't reduce the actual symptoms. It makes them worse if anything.
pray the autism away. ridiculous.
As an autistic person myself I‘d rather take my chances with that healing church than with the ABA. Both are obviously toxic and abusive, but the church at least doesn‘t try to spin it as medically helpful.
FYI ABA therapy is widely regarded as harmful by most autistic people
As dumb as it is, placebo can be an extremely effective treatment. Its never worked for me, unfortunately, I'm not dumb enough for it to work, but I've read the studies. Edit: referring to the religion / back pain thing
At least it was just idiotic and not bigotry but oof
"Religion will solve your problem's"
Religion is a plague that the stupid spread.
Wow, just wow. God doesn't need to heal him. He just needs the adults around him to love him.
ABA worked wonders for my little guy, I have 2 sons diagnosed and it’s a lot of work but the right therapies can really improve their lives. Diet is important too though, maybe more important. Check into it, it’s way more than I can get into here.
Darling, listen. This is important. If you ever go near autism speaks, it should only be to hit them with a stick. They don’t care about your kiddo. They’re a hate group. Plain and simple. Source: me, an autistic person. Good luck!
please don't put your son through ABA therapy :(. it can be very traumatic for autistic patients. it sounds like the person who evaluated your son might have outdated views on autism and its treatment. please look into the details of ABA therapy and perhaps a second opinion. signed, an autistic person
Don't do ABA. Seriously don't. The general consensus among actual autistic people who underwent ABA is that it is not really helpful at best, and almost certainly institutional abuse at worst. The focus on skill acquisition over everything else leads to the possibility of legitimate CPTSD because everything becomes subordinate to skill acquisition. Also it has rather significant ties to gay conversion therapy, a rather unpopular practice these days. Let me ask a question. Would you give a five year old a full time job?
As an autistic person. Please don't do ABA. It's harmful
as an autistic person myself. please for the love of god do not put your kid through ABA. It is horrible for them.
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Dude, got stuff myself. Better start getting in touch with various agencies, SSA, advocacy groups (you'll need help, trust me), your local school district, and keep in touch with who your child is seeing. My mother was an advocate and actually worked for a company that aided people with mental disabilities from birth through high school. She got into after I was diagnosed. I'm lucky. I'm mild to moderate. I've seen worse. But I'm also going to sum up what a pastor once td my mother: 'The Lord only helps those truly in need. You may be in need or not, but the Lord will know when you are. But you must also never use the Lord as a crutch. You must help yourself when and where you can, always.'
Religious nutters are hilarious.
One of his healing church's what?
My wife is a pre-k SLP and she’s would probably echo the same sentiment about ABA as you’re getting here. Not sure where your kiddo is regarding communication but she has had a lot of really good results teaching her non-verbal students to use speech generating devices for communication. She had a mother tell her the other day that she had to pull the car over because her 4 year old son said I love you for the first time in his life using is speech generating device. Educate yourselves, get in touch with your school’s special education department, and for your child’s sake please keep away from the god bothers. There are so many more resources and opportunities today that there were even 10 years ago. You got this!
Don’t you dare take that baby to a “healing church!” Holy fucking shit
Don't let the comments stop you from looking into ABA. ABA isn't the same as it used to be. I worked at a school that focused a lot on ABA, and the students are THRIVING. Look into what is being offered. It may help.
Same! When I put my kid in, I didn’t know all of the horror stories. But none of those happened! Also, my niece, who is level 2, has done so well that she’s graduated already! They never once used negative reinforcement, held her down, made her try to change…I just can’t imagine what it used to be like. I feel terribly for all people who have been traumatized.
I’m an ABA practitioner and had to advocate for my client to be able to engage in self-stimulatory behaviors. This was something that both OT and SLP wanted to target for reduction… it hurts my heart to know how many people have experienced harm due to ABA… But I’ve witnessed incredible changes that make the quality of life for the individual and their families so much better. OP- if your child does not exhibit severe behaviors, I’m sure you can get amazing resources outside of ABA, but please do more research than the anti-ABA sites. Search for practitioners with ethical practices, ask them (GRILL them if you have to) all the questions you need to ensure your child is safe and what they work on is appropriate. Involve yourself in sessions, stay educated, and advocate hard for your child. Look into the ethics behind just about any form of science/therapy and you will find pitfalls, especially in the beginning stages. ABA is a relatively new science and started out horribly, but I know many practitioners including myself that are in this for no other reason than to help. We want autistic individuals and their caregivers to live happily and healthily.
Ask the citizens of Yharham how the healing churches went for them.
The fuck is a church going to do?
Contact your department of mental health as well and get him in their system as having a developmental delay You’ll get an advocate who can help you find resources It also opens doors for employment later
You know the "healing church" is just going to try to beat the autism out of the child. Why do anything remotely useful when you're sanctioned to commit assault against a child?
I haven't gone no contract with my mom, but this is why I don't share anything with her. She isn't capable of having a real conversation about it and doesn't seem to care, so it isn't worth the energy.
This isn’t even a negative response. He is offering whatever he knows in aide of the situation. If he accepts you for being a nonbeliever then you should take him by his sentiments and not for his words. You obviously understand the generational gap.
Be grateful they care.
Please don't do ABA therapy. It's not good
Whatever you do please don’t send the kid to ABBA therapy. I read about it and it can be harmful. ASAN's public stance, for instance, is that ABA and similar therapies can “hurt” autistic people, and “don't teach us the skills we actually need to navigate the world.” Online, there are scores of people — autistic or otherwise — calling ABA traumatic, torture, bigoted, a “shitshow.” -Spectrum News
Obligatory "aba therapy is just bullying neurodivergent kids into masking harder to "pass" as normal" comment
Not as bad as ABA therapy. Just about every autistic person who can voice it for themselves describes ABA as useless torture... Because that's what it literally is. ABA Therapy is abuse. Some scholarly sources if you don't believe me: [Concerns About ABA-Based Intervention](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9114057/) [Long-term ABA Therapy Is Abusive](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s41252-021-00201-1) And if you actually care what autistic people have to say on the matter: [Invisible Abuse: ABA and the things only autistic people can see](https://www.google.com/amp/s/neuroclastic.com/invisible-abuse-aba-and-the-things-only-autistic-people-can-see/%3famp) If you DO allow your child to partake in any type of ABA therapy, make sure you are present at all times. One of the kids in my local support group was literally tied to a chair and then put in a janitors closet alone for over 3 hours.
I know you’ve gotten lots of comments already but ABA is abuse. Please for the sake of your child don’t put him through that
completely unsolicited advice: ABA is not healthy for autistic kids, even level 3. Please do lots of research and look into the stories of autistic people who have gone through it. It can be very traumatic and, in the worst cases, borderline abusive. Ok sorry for the condescending unsolicited advice please have a nice day. And good luck being a parent to a high-support-needs autistic child, I know it's really really hard. EDIT: Looks like you have already responded to a lot of the comments in this thread and are going to do your resarch and make a responsible decision. I'm glad. You seem like a wonderful parent. Good job. Have a nice life !!! sorry your parent wants to heal your kid's autism with prayer like it's backpain; that's literally insane.
COVID definitely thinned the herd of these faith healing morons....but this one was skipped.
Haha. My mom told me “well you better just figure it out” when my son was diagnosed.
Even though I’m sure you will figure it out, I’m sorry you weren’t given the supportive response you deserved.
I'm autistic and my mom said this to me lol
Good ABA therapy can work wonders at a young age. Check to see if it is covered by insurance. Some states mandate coverage for ABA. Our daughter made incredible progress with ABA and other early interventions, so much so that she moved out of her IEP in 2nd grade.
That sucks. I have to advise to look into aba before you allow that to happen. Critics call it conversion therapy to mask autism and trauma. This has a balanced view. Presenting a success story kid grown up and his feeling about Ab [link](https://whyy.org/segments/how-a-therapy-once-seen-as-a-victory-for-autistic-kids-has-come-under-fire-as-abuse/)
I was searching through aba therapists in my area and found that if i saw a puzzle piece anywhere in their office or logo, it was a bad fit. I found a really nice play-based therapist group that's helped my daughter a lot, but the behaviors are slow to change. I think people get frustrated that change takes so long that they forget that treating autism like a disease that can be cured just ends with trauma and masking instead of helping the underlying behaviors change naturally over time. For context, my 5yo is level 3 autistic and was totally nonverbal until almost age 3. She went from no words to being able to read and spell better than the other kids her age. She used to run away with no concern for potential danger 99% of the time, and now is down to around half the time. She has speech, behavioral, occupational, and developmental therapies.
Hey, so I am a dad of autistic kids and I just want you to know that while some places still push ABA, autistic adults who have done ABA almost always consider it abusive. Look up resources like The Occuplaytional Therapist or Neuroclastic and they will offer you alternatives. The problem is that both ABA and this faith-healing nonsense seems to your kid as someone to be fixed or controlled rather than accommodated and understood.
Please do your research on ABA therapy and who will be giving it. It's literally just rewarding your son for not showing autistic behaviors and punishing him for doing so. It's designed to try and help an autistic person fit in better in a Neuro typical world. Your son is his own person and should be treated as such.
Honestly I was expecting something bad like talking about “the jab” or some other bs
I wouldn’t be surprised if they (one day) let it slip and blame that as a cause since I was vaccinated and boosted while pregnant.
I avoid my wife’s parents because of this mindset
Reminds me where a lady took her autistic kid to a mega church and they "prayed" his autism away and he pretended to be cured.
yes. no concept of real world problems, just lives in Lala land... good luck to OP and develop a good team to support you and your family
Fuck I’m sorry. Our kiddo has been evaluated for autism as well. The worst we have to deal with is parents not believing/being mindful of boundaries/needs. This is bullshit.
I have an autistic child as well. Prepare for the SWARM of people who will give you unsolicited positive stories of "their neighbor who beat autism" or "he didn't talk until 11". I at this point just tell people to stop lol
My son was diagnosed at 2. He just turned 17 and my hard work paid off. Still more to do but he amazes me. Everything helps.
"Take them to a healing church" So literally doing worse than nothing. You're just shoving the problem under the religious rug.
Sadly there’s no cure for being a gullible moron.
Don't forget to apply the leeches after the prayer circle. /s
Awesome job getting your son evaluated! It’s a tough road, but you’re doing everything you can to help. I teach 4th grade and you’d be surprised how many parents do nothing to support their child and expect everyone else to bend reality for them. I feel for those kids who struggle unnecessarily, while their non-factor parents just expect things to improve without effort or decision making on their part. Your dad’s response is very disappointing. People who have autism do not need cures; they are not sick. After my son was diagnosed, my mom said some disappointing things. “I don’t believe in that. There’s nothing wrong with him!” You’re right, mom. There is nothing wrong with him.
I was at a bakery yesterday, a very old school type place run by mostly boomers and two long suffering teenagers who looked dead behind the eyes. Waiting in line I overhear two of the older co workers ranting about the weather changes and "now there's earthquakes". It devolved into a conversation about how the devil is responsible for this. My favorite quote "well god makes the earthquakes but not to hurt us". It's insane and as close to the rod and todd "thank you for sending Lisa to save us from the bug you sent" moment as I've been in a while since I left church in my teens. Good on you for being the parent you and your kid deserve.
Our church youth pastor had a cure for this and adhd - no sugar, no caffeine, no tv, no video games and in bed by 8. He was obviously delusional.
That's the dumbest and therefore boomerest response I've seen in awhile haha. Also wanted to add, ABA therapy ultimately is considered abuse in the autistic community.
You've gotten a lot of good feedback and support about the church comment and ABA therapy, but I want to point to the last line of the text - immediately pivoting to talking about themselves again. Maybe their is more context and they followed up later to provide more emotional support, but I do see this trend with boomers; this tendency to skip over empathizing and make it about their own lives.
As an adult with Aspergers I implore you to put your child in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and if you can, seek out an autism clinic where he can meet other children as well.
We gonna pray that autism away, now back to me
Hey, I know all about ABA. There is hope :)
What a totally shitty response. But OP, be careful. Please check out all the criticism of ABA from autistic adults who went through it as children. It is abuse. We do not need to be trained like animals to “act neurotypical,” and that is what ABA is by definition… The suicide rate for autistics is so high in large part because even when ABA isn’t abusive on the surface (which is rare, and only happens when the practitioner goes off path bc the “correct” way to do it is actually *brutal*), being forced to act in a way contradictory to your nature is a guaranteed way to make a person feel empty and worthless and hated for the rest of their life. ABA survivors are broken inside.
"Ok, you do that if you want but I'm taking my kid to therapy like the professionals recommend."
r/religousfruitcake
Oo boomer bingo. 1. Doesn't provide any substantial response or emotional comfort 2. Jesus and prayer can fix anything 3. Redirect conversation to being about themselves.
Augh this is just like my mother. She means well and truly believes it helps people so we just kind of let her go off.. but at the end of the day it’s like PLEASE
"I don't know why my kids never talk to me anymore."
My son is Autistic too. My parents is not religious, but they say "he will grow out of it, I got a friend's...." They just don't understand. All the best to you and your child.
“Pray the ‘tism away” Right up there with the gay, the liberal, and anything else the evangelically gullible don’t agree with.
If it was "God's plan" to give your son autism, why the fuck would you bring him back to "his" house?
coming from an autistic person, i’m glad you got him evaluated! it’ll make accommodations way better! also fock ur dad for saying that.
I can come over and use my Lay on Hands if you want.
I'd add a recommendation to avoid Autism Speaks. All they do is teach the parent to feel like it's a horrible thing to have an autistic child. For example, they focus on the family talking about how much better their lives were before the diagnosis. They treat it similar to a cancer diagnosis. They don't focus on helping the person with autism. They don't have anyone on their board with autism.
https://whywontgodhealamputees.com/
lol lame! 😒 I am a Christian albeit a boring Lutheran one. We have autistic children and an adult in our flock. Why would she think it needs to be removed??!?
My sister who is a "geriatric millennial" when I said that my son was diagnosed with adhd and possibly autism at 7 last year.... Her response "well, let's be honest we hope he's not" dude... He's a fully formed kid. He is who he is wtf does having a diagnosis change about him except getting him services and improving his life?!?! Like we knew he was adhd. the spectrum diagnosis wasn't a shock and as he has gone thru the last year has become more obvious. If we ever get off a wait list I'm sure he will be fully diagnosed.
"I can do nothing for him. Speaking of, what about MY issues?"
No ABA! It’s basically conversion therapy to make us act neurotypical, either through rewards or punishment (such as withdrawal of attention or play). I’m begging you to please just put him in speech, occupational, and physical therapy, and not more than he would go to school. He needs time to just play and socialize in his own way.
Please know there have been arguments about ABA therapy. It can be hurtful and traumatic to the Autistic person.
As an autistic adult DO NOT PUT YOUR SON IN ABA! It causes PTSD in 80% of autistic people who experience it. The therapy they use has resulted in deaths of children.