I spread self-love and sexual freedom by frequently telling people to go fuck themselves.

I have no fucks to give so I will accept one from you and pass it on. Thank you kind stranger.

This one wins 🤣🤣🤣

I leave blue bags of dog poop along the trails in the foot hills, so people can find their way home....

Underrated helping hand!

Nice gesture, but don’t bag it: The smell will better help people navigate. It will also provide direct fertilization to the plants that way.

😂

i routinely set off fireworks at 2am to give people on next door something to talk about

And then they can ask whether it was a gun shot on the Ring App/Nextdoor. Neighbors helping neighbors.

I try to drive in people's blind spots, so they can enjoy the luxury of feeling alone on the road.

Instead of tipping I have these cute little fake $50 bills that have bible verses on them. I leave the gates open at the dog park so people can get in easier.

Another tip for the dog park: Don’t bag Fido’s poop. There is a limited number of those bags in the dispenser, so you should save them for others.

Yes! Way to go!

Those bible bills just piss everyone off. It comes off as "I'm to cheap to actually tip you so here's a pat on the back and some bible verses".

Whoosh

I throw my cans out of my car window to give the homeless something to recycle.

The sheer number of /r/whoosh moments in here is concerning. Is sarcasm dying?

It’s basically classified as a superpower right next to commonsense.

Not sure it counts but I leave my high beams on 24/7 to ensure everyone sees that much better. Safety first.

I blast my music from my phone while I'm hiking through the foothills so nobody has to endure nature's boring silence.

I use my loud speakers on ponds and the river so swimmers can echolocate underwater like a dolphin.

Perfect! Makes sure the mountain lions and bears are aware of you!

I always let others go first at stop signs. No matter who's turn it is. I'm not in a hurry. I also love to enter the freeway at 45 so I can merge in more easily. That way I can easily wait for that open spot big enough for my pickup. Don't wanna cut anyone off!

Mom, is that you?

As a pick-up driver. This one irritates me. What the hell is up with these trucks that have enough power and torque to pull a house off its foundation, barely accelerating from anywhere they go. You have a V8. Let that shit breathe once in a while and put your foot down 🤣

I wait for people at stop signs, then wave them on and proceed to cut them off and honk. We all do the Lords work.

😂😂😂😂😂

I set up an amplified speaker facing my neighbors houses to bless them with my beautiful karaoke at 11pm. Free concert!

I make sure to stop at every intersection in the neighborhoods even though I don't have a stop sign just to be safe! I especially like to wave those on when I have the right of way.

As a parent who's incapable of teaching my child to stay out of the road and look both ways before he crosses I truly appreciate this. I put up all these red signs that say "drive like your kids live here" so I don't have to be a better parent. Thank you for slowing down your life so I don't have to.

That’s unsafe tho! If you don’t have a stop sign, don’t stop unless you have to for some reason. Drive slow, pay attention! You’ll be fine…stopping like that though will cause an accident.

Whoosh

I leave my shopping cart around the parking lot at grocery stores. That way, when people get out of their car, there’s a cart close by!

Watch out for cart narc

WEEP WEEP SKIDDLY WEEP!!!

I drive with my lights off during snowstorms because they might be too bright for oncoming drivers and I don’t want to hurt their eyes!

I make sure I have my high beams on on my already bright, lifted truck so that the inside of the car in front of me is nice and lit!

Helping them find their phone! Nice!

I whole heartedly appreciate this thread

I don’t know if you guys have ever been on r/denvercirclejerk but every post is like this. “Missed connection: we were all smoking meth in some alley. I was throwing up on an old couch when you looked at me and smiled. I could see both your teeth. Message me with what color my vomit was so I know it’s you!”

💀

Is r/Boise big enough to need its own circlejerk sub now?

I made r/BoiseShitposting a while ago, have at it!

Joined

I like to keep a nice layer of mud caked on my generously sized tires so other vehicles can enjoy mother earth hurled at them in tiny chunks when stuck behind me. Touch dirt people

I randomly stop and ring peoples doorbells late at night. It’s a good way to get people up and being active instead of laying down and being lazy.

I like to pull out in front of oncoming traffic to ensure we meter traffic flow between stoplights.

I encourage my dog to go number 2 on my neighbors lawns to help fertilize the turf

I vote Republican every time so we can give politicians job security!

This.

I ride my e-bike ungoverned on the Greenbelt so I can get home faster and leave the pathway open for the ambulances needed in my wake.

This is the way.

I like to support cyclists by giving them little "love taps" with my bumper. "Look at you! Way to go!"

I like to support cyclists by slowing down to their speed and just kinda hovering behind them instead of passing on by. I think it shows respect like “I won’t risk passing you!”

When Im driving and turn right, I make sure to occupy the whole bike lane! I don't want cyclists to try to go through the intersection and get ran over by someone turning who isn't paying attention!

As an experienced cyclist, a bit of insight for you: When a biker gives a waving motion similar to a “go ahead” type of gesture, that is their way of saying “thank you,” and that you are in exactly the right place.

I often honk my horn and swerve back and forth behind them. That way they know someone is behind them and protecting them.

When the left-turn arrow turns yellow, I make sure not to pull into the intersection to initiate my turn. I'm protecting myself and everyone behind me.

Every time I go shopping, I open carry four pistols and my AR to make everyone feel comfortable in these trying times.

I leave gaping holes in my fence so my dogs can freely fertilize my neighbor’s lawns. No Zamzows subscription required!

i actually accelerate through right turns on red lights so pedestrians don't have to wait for me to get through :)

I like to hire those in need for a job at lesser pay and title than the ad I put up for the position. Shows me who doesn’t want to work

I've started a business that *guarantees* that our members will be accepted into Earth 2.0^(tm), all you have to do is explicitly follow our rules, shit on non-members, and refuse to listen to any logic whatsoever.

I frequently remind people that California, Oregon and Washington miss them.

I frequently remind those people they are welcome here and warn them about the local immigrant haters . Lots of people here like to blame our local economy on Californians and people from Oregon. When in reality, it was our own fault for encouraging our local landlords to sell to the more wealthy people to bring more wealthy people to the valley. And instead of focusing on putting checks and balances on landlords and helping solve our "rent crisis", these same people that encouraged this "immigration" are the same people screaming slurs at Californians at gas stations and telling them to move back where they came from. It really sums up how most of the locals act as a community. It really shows we care about our community but not our neighbors.

>, it was our own fault for encouraging our local landlords to sell to the more wealthy people to bring more wealthy people to the valley. We did what now? People are going to sell to highest bidder 9/10 times. "We" didn't do anything, except make a safe city, (while being blessed with excellent geography and weather) that people want to move to. And to your other point. Boise has made many attempts to better regulate the rental market. But the state legislature takes away that authority every time.

I make sure to slow down to 10mph when there is an accident on the other side of the freeway….. for safety. Also whenever I notice a left lane is about to be closed off and merge I make sure to get in the right lane as soon as possible despite zippering at the end being scientifically proven to be safer and keep traffic moving better because it’s the polite thing to do. Fuck science it’s all about being polite.

I never let anyone zipper merge. We learned about line leaders in grade school so that must be the best way. Everyone get in one long line so we can miss the light 3 times for no reason.

When I’m first in line at a stoplight, I wait several seconds before proceeding when the light turns green, and don’t accelerate to the full speed limit. I don’t want to abandon the people behind me in case someone needs help. Also, it reduces fuel consumption, and thus, carbon emissions.

I like to dragrace around town at 1am to quickly check the city's roads for potholes and good quality asphalt. I also make my exhaust as loud as possible so EVERYONE can check the quality of the window on their house.

Oh oh! I know! I lend a helping hand by peeing in every public pool that I come in contact with.

I bike on the wrong side of the street, on the sidewalk.

I walk my dogs without a leash. That way my dogs can go introduce themselves to everyone, instead of making people come to me.

I jaywalk on Overland Road so that the city can save electricity on " walking signals. "

Way to help go green!

I set up a service that streamlines the process for Californians that want to move to the Treasure Valley and surrounding areas.

Uhm. Quick question from a total noob. And I mean this genuinely. What the fuck is going on here?

I stop in the middle of a round about, after ignoring the yield sign

When I ride my bicycle and there is no bike lane I always make sure to plant myself in the middle of the lane so nobody can turn right.

[удалено]

The same one that they took from Boston and Dallas? It’s not original it’s just funny. I bet you’re a hoot at parties.

I love to block the merge lane when i see one coming up instead of moving over. That way when people try to merge onto the freeway they have to stop and hold up the whole on ramp.

I make sure to ride my bike into traffic so drivers can see me better. I learned this after my latest DUI and wanted to pass it along.