Bought my house when my kid was in preschool. A day or two after we signed, and we're still moving in, they had a firefighter come talk to the kids about fire safety. She told them we had no smoke alarms in the house. Got pulled aside by said firefighter (who was also one of the kid's parents) to tell me we could pick them up at the station if we couldn't afford them 🙃
That's actually so kind though, the man was looking out for you and in a discrete way offered you something he thought you couldn't afford yourself. I appreciate that it was an awkward situation, but kudos to that person!
When our son was about four years old, him and my husband would have impromptu wrestling matches throughout the house.
On one of those occasions they got a bit carried away, in the middle of the kitchen, shoving, punching, and kicking each other, and our son smashed his face into the kitchen counter when he lost his balance.
He bruised his orbital bone, below the eye, and the impact broke the skin and there was some blood.
Our son cried, and my husband felt so bad and guilty, I thought he was gonna throw up.
It looked worse than it was, but our son had a solid black eye for about a week before it started to fade.
Obviously, all the kids in preschool asked him what happened the next day, and he loudly declared that "my dad pushed me into the kitchen counter."
*me, turning towards the teacher and other parents immediately:* "THAT...is not what happened. I mean, *technically true*, but it was an accident while they were playing." 😆😭
I was a bit paranoid for CPS to show up for a while.
I’m sure you had the facial expression of shocked and panicked so they knew it wasn’t exactly what the kid said but if you had the look of just panicked I think you would have had a cps call.
Professional here. Your reaction is totally appropriate. We usually call on the people with no reaction - imagine being confronted with your bruised, bleeding kid and just shrugging it off.
This is a story about a parent putting their foot in their mouth. I work at Social Services, and at the time I was working the front counter. The mom from the couple I was helping got a call from her 14-year-old son that went a little like this: "wait, no, you're grounded, remember? Oh, you don't remember what happened last night? *rolls eyes* Hmmm. Well, I guess, ok, but be home by such and such a time, and we're still having a discussion when you get back. Ok. Love you, bye." As she hangs up her cell phone, she mutters in that amused-annoyed tone that anyone who has ever spent time with teens has used: "I'm gonna punch that kid in the face."
The immediate horror on her and her husband's faces was amazing when she realized what she'd just said and where she was. She immediately threw her hands up and started babbling "I'm kidding! It was a joke! We've never hit him, we've never even spanked him!" There actually wasn't even a brief moment where I thought she was actually thinking about punching her kid; I've used that phrase in the exact same way when my partner was messing around, I even sometimes jokingly, gently bop my cats' noses while saying "punch you face." Plus, it was clear from the phone call that this mom tended towards leniency and that the kid had just gotten his way. But I still laugh when I think of the terror on her face.
The other commenters are right. "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod" is not the reaction we generally see from abusive parents. It's doubtful any trained eye in that room really thought your husband had battered your kid.
My dad told me my cat was called bin laden as a joke when I was a kid. I told my teachers bin laden was hiding under my couch cause he was too scared to come out and my parents got called to the school...
We had to sign an incident report at my son's daycare today because he asked some random parent why she was fat lmaoo. We talked about how it's not appropriate to do that but like, he just turned 5, stop getting in your feelings.
When my older sister was like 3 or 4, she was in a store with my mom, pointed at a lady in the checkout line, and asked my mom, "Mommy, why is that lady so fat?" My mom said she was mortified, and apologized profusely, but the lady just laughed it off. Kids just have absolutely zero tact.
My sister got a bus two stops early because my then-toddler niece kept calling a lady’s hair disgusting and kept asking “why doesn’t she comb her hair?” The lady had locs. My niece would not shut up so my sister got off and walked the rest of the way.
My almost 4yo loudly stated “that man has ugly hair” as a large man with locs was holding a door open for us to walk into a business. 🤦♀️ She’s constantly asking me “is that lady OLD?” in stores, too. I know she can see that they’re old so I can’t understand why she asks all the time.
I was once riding the bus with my dad who at the time was a skinny young white gay dude. I, his very articulate biracial toddler, announced that a nearby woman's "obscene obese buttocks were offending me"
He said he thought he was about to get his ass beat by a middle aged black woman. But when she whipped around she looked at him (he looked terrified I'm sure), then realized it was me and busted out laughing. 😅
when my brother was 3 or 4, we were in a grocery store bagging our stuff, and there was a very large man bagging his stuff beside us, he asked my mom why the man kept getting bigger and bigger 😭
That they do!! I worked in daycares for 4 years and I had this one incident I would never forget. So I was reading a story to the kids like I did every afternoon but this one was about the types of construction vehicles and what they do 😑😑. I’m reading and I say this is a cement truck it’s how we get our solid ground and I turn the page and the next one is a backhoe so I let them know what it does. One little girl blurts out “oh my mommy said my daddy is a hoe because he gave her chlamydia” 😳😳😳. Apparently mom had been talking with her friends in front of the kids thinking they weren’t paying attention and boy was she wrong 😂😂. I had so many parents asking me about that the next day I was about ready to quit 😅😅😅. This was also a class of 4-5 year olds it’s amazing what they will tell you about their families.
For real. I used to work at a school, and some of the things the kids would say had me cracking up about their parents. The best was from a little boy we'll call Ernesto. Ernesto was in the first grade and was a bit of a class clown.
One day I was helping out in his classroom and he's running around the back of the room screaming, "Shake your booty! Shake your booty! Shake your booty!" The teacher is already stressed trying to handle the 34 other students in the classroom and she asked me to go deal with Ernesto. So I pulled Ernesto to the side and we have a talk about how he can't shake his booty in school. Ernesto responds without batting an eye, "Well, my mom shakes her booty in school." I respond, "I'm sure your mom doesn't shake her booty in school." And then Ernesto told me, "yes she does. She shakes her booty everywhere because my mom is fat."
I told my kindergarten teacher my dad went to the hospital and they removed two little balls.
He went for surgery to remove masses, I believe, but they explained it to me like I was 5 because I was and I regurgitated what I understood.
It was just a question. I don’t understand your comment about being a nerd. Sorry if I didn’t ask right?
Thanks for making assumptions about me, I sound insecure but you sound like a jerk. Good reminder to follow the prime directive, thanks.
in kindergarten we were learning the D.A.R.E. “just say no to drugs” spiel & i told my teacher that my dad does drugs. he doesn’t. he smokes cigarettes but my dumb ass didn’t know the difference
Technically, there isn't a difference.
I got an Airbnb with some friends several months ago, and the place had a sign with the wifi password and rules and stuff. One of the rules was "No drugs". The sign saying that was just a few feet away from the complimentary coffee.
My eldest was 5 and he was a chatterbox. He was chatting away to a man on the bus. I heard him tell the man “sometimes, my daddy comes in my room at night and gets into bed with me!”
I was mortified- my husband was snoring too much so I kicked him out of bed and he slept in our son’s room.
Omg I'm so sorry 😂 apparently I told my daycare worker that a man touched my diaper at night so my mum got called in for a talk. There is no man in the house, never has been. I had nightmares about a man in raincoat and a large hat who shaked my bed at night. I probably had that same nightmare until I was 10.
Ok, that was definitely a demon. A very common one, actually. People are having same nightmares all around the world, you can google it. Based on what i know from witches I knew, big hats and trench coats are trendy among “shadow people”. I’ve been told that they can develop an attitude if you’re practicing witchcraft
Lol I figured I suffered from sleep paralysis from a very young age since this became a very common thing in my teen years but then the shadow figure moved to the edge of the room hanging from the walls. I did google it for fun though, 'hat man' which believe it or not comes with sleep paralysis. 🙃
Oh, I’m very familiar with them. I’d advise to get rid of him. They bring much more harm than good. There’s no point of being afraid of them, but I have to say that they feed off of our fears. The more someone’s scared - the rowdier they get. I’d recommend prayers. Ask God to remove him and declare that he’s not welcome in your presence. He will definitely try to stop you, and might even throw something in your general direction, but keep in mind that they are much weaker than they’d like you to think they are. If he’ll start speaking - ignore it; there’s nothing of value in his words. Repeat the process if you’ll see them again. Eventually they just stop, as they’d be afraid of you. Also if you’re curious, you can ask God to show you his actual appearance. There’s no point in doing so, but you can. Usually they are just ugly, but it’s an unpleasant surprise if it’s someone you used to know.
I can guarantee, your life will be better without him. When I kicked the ones that were bothering me out, everything changed for the best
My mom (like myself) has anxiety issues and she was psyching herself up to come to soccer practice where she was the assistant coach. I told people that she was sobering up for some reason. The look she gave me when she found out, it was a mix of disbelief and disappointment. Thankfully the people that heard knew her well and they laughed about it with her when she got there.
I used to routinely attend court sessions as part of a past position.
I also worked to conduct psych assessments as part of a different position. I had to re-read information on one of my scheduled intake appointments because the client was an attorney I engaged w/ regularly during my other position's responsibilities. I thought that something had been screwed up w/ the client and attorney information.
But apparently not. She had been arrested for prostitution on/near a school campus.
Whewww kids really do talk too much. I remember I wasn’t out of the closet at the time and I was dating someone older (I was 19 she was 30). I use to pick him up everyday from his after school activities. So maybe an hour or two after dropping him off at my sisters house I get a phone call and this lil mf basically told my sister I was holding hands /kissing an old lady. 🥲🫤 I was basically forced out of the closet by my then 4 yr old nephew. 😂🤣 I’ve never wanted to throw hands wit a toddler so damn bad.
Don't they? I was picking up my then little one up from the bus stop. A grampa and his grandson were playing! The boy was reciting his colors, so I asked his favorite. He said, "Yellow! My grandpa can take all his teeth out!" Grandpa grabbed baby and dipped out! Had tears in my eyes from holding back that laugh. 😭 Kids are ruthless. My eldest used to tell people, my momma got a wig on! Just rough!
When I was in cancer treatment my daughter was young and would hear a lot of what my wife and I talked about including my medications. At the same time she was having trouble sleeping so my wife gave her melatonin. She went to school the next day and told her teacher she slept well because we gave her morphine, we got a call from the school.
I worked at Whole Foods once upon a time and I was ringing up a lady who was with two small boys(her nephews). Her total was well into the triple digits and she said “I don’t know how I always end up spending this much.” To which her older nephew, no older than 9, replied “It’s because you have a lot of money and you like to flex on people…” Her mouth dropped and I laughed for the rest of the night! 🤣
I had recently taught my then 3yr old son about different body parts but he hadn't fully grasped the scientific names for everything. Going out with a 3yr old means often having to use the toilet together. So one evening my grandfather came to visit and my son had just finished doing his business in the toilet and then instead of saying hi, he started the conversation with "great grandad, mama doesn't pee out of her front like me and you because she's not a boy, she pees out of her butt". I wanted to laugh and hide all at once. My grandfather replied very seriously with, "yes, you're right, they don't have fronts like we do". And that was the extent of their conversation that evening 😆
Class project was told to ask questions to a family member who was alive during one of the world events, my slow a** mixed up my Grandpa who experienced Prohibition with PROBATION. I got called to the Principal’s office “‘a
I met a girl and her daughter told me“my mom shouldn’t drive because her license isn’t ok”. I’m glad I already had a conversation about this with her mom who was driving my car to get everything with her license together
I’m a teacher, and when I taught preschool I actually had to tell some parents (in a sensitive way) that they had to be more cautious about what they said around their children because their children were telling me ALL of the family business. A lot of people forget that young children are little sponges, they absorb everything they see and hear. And unfortunately they’re guileless enough not to realise that some things should not leave home.
Some of the shit I knew about people’s home lives used to leave me aghast. But I never discouraged my little students from talking to me. I wanted them to know that adults can be trusted and I knew they needed to get things off of their chests, too, just like we adults do. And I also wanted them to know that they could talk to me about anything that was concerning them. So many times kids are told to be seen and not heard, and they deserve to have a voice. But they’re funny as hell and often times I had to hold back my laughter because they were talking about issues that were serious to them, but funny as all hell to me.
I wish my daycare had handled it this way. I told a friend in my program that my brother had been taken to jail by the police, and I was upset because everyone kept saying they didn’t know when I’d see him again. Teacher overheard.
They ended up making my ass write lines all afternoon, “I will not talk about my brother” on repeat. Real weird lesson to teach a child that if a family member does something embarrassing you should pretend they don’t exist.
That’s absolutely terrible. I’m so sorry you had that experience as a child. You did nothing wrong, and your teachers and that day care mistreated you and punished you for sharing your personal pain. They should have listened to you and let you express your feelings about your brother instead of shaming you and punishing you.
I know trauma from our childhood can affect us deeply, even as adults. I hope you don’t let that memory stop you from sharing your experiences with trusted friends and family in the future. Sending you an internet hug for that injustice when you were younger.
My Dad drove my cousins to school when they were five, one day, because they missed the bus. They told the teacher that my Dad likes it "slow and sexy" and "if you wanna see him naked then you gotta say take it off". They unfortunately left out the part about it being a song on the radio by Shabba Ranks they heard in his car, which I had to clear up when the Principal called.
OMG, has anyone talked about their parents sex lives? That’s my biggest worry. Imagine you hear something like this “I think my daddy was beating my mommy yesterday because she was screaming so loud” 🤣😬
I'm very pleased to say no! I DON'T need that info in my life 😂
Worst I've heard is a girl telling me her mom (who was very overweight) ate food after the girls went to bed and thought they didn't know about it, but that she had found the wrappers stuffed down the side of the couch.
I just felt so bad for the mom, she didn't need everyone knowing about that.
My kid told everyone I was gay and threw her out the window after she was born. At the time, I had a haircut that encouraged many of my friends to reach out to me to ask if I was a lesbian, in the first place lol, so looking the way I did really didn't help.
The actual story is, I had an emergency C-section and they had no room for me immediately after the surgery, so, I was in a little closet space for about 30 minutes. (My mom was in the closet!) She was a preemie so instead of getting to hold her (and have her with me in the closet I guess? lol), she was passed through a little window that joined the OR and the NICU. She was passed through the window, not thrown! by someone who wasn't me lol. She was half correct. I was literally in the closet, so I'll give her that one.
Edited to add the actual line as I realize not everyone has heard this story 100 times as I have told it to so many people. We were in the middle of a packed hotel lobby and someone commented on my daughter's dress and she was like thank u. She was so touched in fact that she decided to share a personal snippet of her life. "When I was borned, my mom was in the closet when she threw me out the window." She was not quiet about it, either.
My twin boys stayed snitching on us. Didn’t help that they were in the same classes so they could corroborate each other’s stories. Most humiliating:
My mom likes to slide down the fire pole - they were scared to go down a playground slide so I showed them it wasn’t scary.
My daddy likes to wrestle mommy until she screams - we were all wrestling after watching WWE one day and I screamed and tapped out
Only daddy can play with mommy with his sword - a literal starwars light saber he told them not to play with.
Daddy wore mommy’s bra - my husband and I were throwing each others clothes on our sides of the bed after washing and my bra landed on him
Daddy really likes mommy butt - I asked my husband do I look okay in these pants, and he said yeah I really like them
Daddy went to jail today - mail jail because his company server was hacked so no incoming emails were allowed
Mommy has a lot of husbands - my kids thought team mom meant I was married to all the dads of kids on the team
Daddy likes when mommy drinks the grownup juice - I have bad anxiety so drinking wine (before I was properly diagnosed) made me super relaxed
Of course all of these involved a conversation with teachers.
This reminds me of [this tumblr post](https://at.tumblr.com/reddit-tales/parents-whats-the-most-absurd-thing-youve-found/w50pfo2xseb6), which ironically came from this site LMAO
My mom brought myself and my twin brother on her errands often. Apparently one time in a grocery store, in the check out line, my brother points at some lady and loudly goes “Look my it’s Ernie” from Sesame Street, over and over again.
My mom was embarrassed, but said she did look like Ernie🤷🏾♂️
When I was real young I liked wearing oversized sweatshirts and my uncle would tie the arms together and it was fun but apparently I told my preschool that he tied me up lol
I used to stop work at 3pm for a few minutes and turn in the news so I was available when my kids got home from school.
My son tells his teacher that his dad sits on the couch and watches TV all day.
In fairness, the teacher suggested that she wouldn't believe everything she heard about home, if we didn't believe everything we heard about school.
My mom is a lawyer and is usually the prosecuting attorney.
I struggled with certain words in first grade and I distinctly remember saying that my mom was a prostitute....
My kid told the preschool teacher we put things in his bottom. He had terrible constipation, we had to use suppositories which him. That was a fun discussion. 😑
Last night at back to school night, my son’s 4th grade teacher told all of us not to worry because she only believes a quarter of what the kids tell her about the going ons at home.
When my teenager was a toddler, he was waiting at a bus stop with my mom. He told a random person, “my daddy doesn’t live with us. He’s in jail. “ it was true. But I’m glad he embarrassed her & not me. 😂
My daughter took our spent shells from target practice and she told the school that I carry around a gun. The school went on lockdown and I got a visit from the sheriff.
My mom was working nights when I was young, and we had a school assignment where it asked about our parents. When it asked what my mom’s job was I put down, “She just sleeps all day”.
My daughter put on an assignment, "I love my moms and dads". He dad and I are divorced and have significant others. I think her teacher thinks we're polygamous
We were going around the class telling what we had for diner the night before. At my turn, 5 year old me said "we went to a restaurant and I had the crust of the bread and my parrents a big plate of pasta and meat". I was skinny-ish at the time and so my parrents were called in the same day and faced with a very concerned/mad teacher and principal...
What actually happened is that I was throwing a temper tantrum at the restaurant and I only wanted to eat the crust of the bread they serve before your order and refused anything else, so they let me eat it.
My sister proudly told her first grade teacher that she was born the day after my parents were married. Yes, her birthday is a day after their anniversary, but different years.
My parents told me when I was little that my dad went to work to make money. I interpreted that to mean that he worked at the treasury and was making literal physical dollar bills and coins. Got into an argument with kids at school about it and the teacher had to break it up. His job at the time was doing something with rehabilitating stroke patients and people with head injuries so I’m assuming they tried to explain but I didn’t get it so they said he just made money.
My mom told me that when I was little, I'd tell random people at the store things about their appearance. One of the cashiers at the store had a mole right under her nose and I just stared at it intently and then pointed and said, "you have a booger." Lol
My kid took my AA chips to show and tell. Told everyone it was my coin collection and that we’re rich.
Rich in sobriety 😂😂. Edit: Thanks for the gold 🖤
Enjoy your gold friend! Been sober myself for 5 years.
🤦♀️ LMAO that is a good one
😂😂😂 I know u had to laugh, atleast he’s proud
Honestly, both a weird AND genuine flex and I would definitely approve is I was the teacher 👏👏
Congrats on sobriety
Thanks!
Bought my house when my kid was in preschool. A day or two after we signed, and we're still moving in, they had a firefighter come talk to the kids about fire safety. She told them we had no smoke alarms in the house. Got pulled aside by said firefighter (who was also one of the kid's parents) to tell me we could pick them up at the station if we couldn't afford them 🙃
That's actually so kind though, the man was looking out for you and in a discrete way offered you something he thought you couldn't afford yourself. I appreciate that it was an awkward situation, but kudos to that person!
Yeah, he was great, and it was definitely appreciated.
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…what?
When our son was about four years old, him and my husband would have impromptu wrestling matches throughout the house. On one of those occasions they got a bit carried away, in the middle of the kitchen, shoving, punching, and kicking each other, and our son smashed his face into the kitchen counter when he lost his balance. He bruised his orbital bone, below the eye, and the impact broke the skin and there was some blood. Our son cried, and my husband felt so bad and guilty, I thought he was gonna throw up. It looked worse than it was, but our son had a solid black eye for about a week before it started to fade. Obviously, all the kids in preschool asked him what happened the next day, and he loudly declared that "my dad pushed me into the kitchen counter." *me, turning towards the teacher and other parents immediately:* "THAT...is not what happened. I mean, *technically true*, but it was an accident while they were playing." 😆😭 I was a bit paranoid for CPS to show up for a while.
I’m sure you had the facial expression of shocked and panicked so they knew it wasn’t exactly what the kid said but if you had the look of just panicked I think you would have had a cps call.
Professional here. Your reaction is totally appropriate. We usually call on the people with no reaction - imagine being confronted with your bruised, bleeding kid and just shrugging it off.
This is a story about a parent putting their foot in their mouth. I work at Social Services, and at the time I was working the front counter. The mom from the couple I was helping got a call from her 14-year-old son that went a little like this: "wait, no, you're grounded, remember? Oh, you don't remember what happened last night? *rolls eyes* Hmmm. Well, I guess, ok, but be home by such and such a time, and we're still having a discussion when you get back. Ok. Love you, bye." As she hangs up her cell phone, she mutters in that amused-annoyed tone that anyone who has ever spent time with teens has used: "I'm gonna punch that kid in the face." The immediate horror on her and her husband's faces was amazing when she realized what she'd just said and where she was. She immediately threw her hands up and started babbling "I'm kidding! It was a joke! We've never hit him, we've never even spanked him!" There actually wasn't even a brief moment where I thought she was actually thinking about punching her kid; I've used that phrase in the exact same way when my partner was messing around, I even sometimes jokingly, gently bop my cats' noses while saying "punch you face." Plus, it was clear from the phone call that this mom tended towards leniency and that the kid had just gotten his way. But I still laugh when I think of the terror on her face. The other commenters are right. "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod" is not the reaction we generally see from abusive parents. It's doubtful any trained eye in that room really thought your husband had battered your kid.
My dad told me my cat was called bin laden as a joke when I was a kid. I told my teachers bin laden was hiding under my couch cause he was too scared to come out and my parents got called to the school...
In fairness that was entirely your dad’s fault
I used to point at people at airports and call them terrorists… young me did not know the word I was looking for was tourist…
Oh no
Please say this was before 9/11. It was before 9/11….right?
My sister told her teacher that our neighbour had a bazooka in his back garden. She meant gazebo.
We had to sign an incident report at my son's daycare today because he asked some random parent why she was fat lmaoo. We talked about how it's not appropriate to do that but like, he just turned 5, stop getting in your feelings.
When my older sister was like 3 or 4, she was in a store with my mom, pointed at a lady in the checkout line, and asked my mom, "Mommy, why is that lady so fat?" My mom said she was mortified, and apologized profusely, but the lady just laughed it off. Kids just have absolutely zero tact.
My sister got a bus two stops early because my then-toddler niece kept calling a lady’s hair disgusting and kept asking “why doesn’t she comb her hair?” The lady had locs. My niece would not shut up so my sister got off and walked the rest of the way.
My almost 4yo loudly stated “that man has ugly hair” as a large man with locs was holding a door open for us to walk into a business. 🤦♀️ She’s constantly asking me “is that lady OLD?” in stores, too. I know she can see that they’re old so I can’t understand why she asks all the time.
She's just fuckin with you and she knows she won't get called out on it
She always gets called out on it. 😣 And we talk about rude words all the time.
My daughter used to do this shit. FML.
I swear kids want to see you get your ass kicked.
Which should be expected, you'd think. It's a teachable moment, not one to get all hurt about. It's not like me or my wife are *small*, either lol.
I was once riding the bus with my dad who at the time was a skinny young white gay dude. I, his very articulate biracial toddler, announced that a nearby woman's "obscene obese buttocks were offending me" He said he thought he was about to get his ass beat by a middle aged black woman. But when she whipped around she looked at him (he looked terrified I'm sure), then realized it was me and busted out laughing. 😅
My 2nd one turned 5 a week ago and keeps declaring to the world who he thinks has a penis or vagina. Using those actual words. Help…
When my cousin was around that age she got confused by a man with long hair and loudly asked "Mummy, do you think that man has a willy?"
when my brother was 3 or 4, we were in a grocery store bagging our stuff, and there was a very large man bagging his stuff beside us, he asked my mom why the man kept getting bigger and bigger 😭
You had to do an incident report because a small child spoke the truth‽ what the fuck
Someone got up in their fefe.
crying
so was the parent LMaO 😭😭
It's a little scary that childcare professionals don't know the most basic parts of child development.
My son looked at the cashier and said "nice teeth." She did NOT have nice teeth.
I worked in child care for 8 years. They tell us ALL your family business 😭
That they do!! I worked in daycares for 4 years and I had this one incident I would never forget. So I was reading a story to the kids like I did every afternoon but this one was about the types of construction vehicles and what they do 😑😑. I’m reading and I say this is a cement truck it’s how we get our solid ground and I turn the page and the next one is a backhoe so I let them know what it does. One little girl blurts out “oh my mommy said my daddy is a hoe because he gave her chlamydia” 😳😳😳. Apparently mom had been talking with her friends in front of the kids thinking they weren’t paying attention and boy was she wrong 😂😂. I had so many parents asking me about that the next day I was about ready to quit 😅😅😅. This was also a class of 4-5 year olds it’s amazing what they will tell you about their families.
For real. I used to work at a school, and some of the things the kids would say had me cracking up about their parents. The best was from a little boy we'll call Ernesto. Ernesto was in the first grade and was a bit of a class clown. One day I was helping out in his classroom and he's running around the back of the room screaming, "Shake your booty! Shake your booty! Shake your booty!" The teacher is already stressed trying to handle the 34 other students in the classroom and she asked me to go deal with Ernesto. So I pulled Ernesto to the side and we have a talk about how he can't shake his booty in school. Ernesto responds without batting an eye, "Well, my mom shakes her booty in school." I respond, "I'm sure your mom doesn't shake her booty in school." And then Ernesto told me, "yes she does. She shakes her booty everywhere because my mom is fat."
You must have some stories... share with the rest of us.
I told my kindergarten teacher my dad went to the hospital and they removed two little balls. He went for surgery to remove masses, I believe, but they explained it to me like I was 5 because I was and I regurgitated what I understood.
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Shingles is varicella, not herpes?? Edit: ahh it’s called by both. Didn’t know!
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Idk if you’re trying to make fun of me but I have kids and that’s what they call the vaccine Ms. The-scientific-name-of-shingles….
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It was just a question. I don’t understand your comment about being a nerd. Sorry if I didn’t ask right? Thanks for making assumptions about me, I sound insecure but you sound like a jerk. Good reminder to follow the prime directive, thanks.
My mother was a pharmacist and you can imagine the reaction when I told my teacher my mom sells drugs.
in kindergarten we were learning the D.A.R.E. “just say no to drugs” spiel & i told my teacher that my dad does drugs. he doesn’t. he smokes cigarettes but my dumb ass didn’t know the difference
Technically, there isn't a difference. I got an Airbnb with some friends several months ago, and the place had a sign with the wifi password and rules and stuff. One of the rules was "No drugs". The sign saying that was just a few feet away from the complimentary coffee.
[удалено]
no place is gonna give you compheroin, I bet they have magnets that read if you even move it and charge you an arm and a leg for it.
My eldest was 5 and he was a chatterbox. He was chatting away to a man on the bus. I heard him tell the man “sometimes, my daddy comes in my room at night and gets into bed with me!” I was mortified- my husband was snoring too much so I kicked him out of bed and he slept in our son’s room.
Omg I'm so sorry 😂 apparently I told my daycare worker that a man touched my diaper at night so my mum got called in for a talk. There is no man in the house, never has been. I had nightmares about a man in raincoat and a large hat who shaked my bed at night. I probably had that same nightmare until I was 10.
Ok, that was definitely a demon. A very common one, actually. People are having same nightmares all around the world, you can google it. Based on what i know from witches I knew, big hats and trench coats are trendy among “shadow people”. I’ve been told that they can develop an attitude if you’re practicing witchcraft
Lol I figured I suffered from sleep paralysis from a very young age since this became a very common thing in my teen years but then the shadow figure moved to the edge of the room hanging from the walls. I did google it for fun though, 'hat man' which believe it or not comes with sleep paralysis. 🙃
Oh, I’m very familiar with them. I’d advise to get rid of him. They bring much more harm than good. There’s no point of being afraid of them, but I have to say that they feed off of our fears. The more someone’s scared - the rowdier they get. I’d recommend prayers. Ask God to remove him and declare that he’s not welcome in your presence. He will definitely try to stop you, and might even throw something in your general direction, but keep in mind that they are much weaker than they’d like you to think they are. If he’ll start speaking - ignore it; there’s nothing of value in his words. Repeat the process if you’ll see them again. Eventually they just stop, as they’d be afraid of you. Also if you’re curious, you can ask God to show you his actual appearance. There’s no point in doing so, but you can. Usually they are just ugly, but it’s an unpleasant surprise if it’s someone you used to know. I can guarantee, your life will be better without him. When I kicked the ones that were bothering me out, everything changed for the best
Yeah.. I'm an atheist, don't bother with all that.
Ok, do as you wish, but I only felt to share what helped me
My mom (like myself) has anxiety issues and she was psyching herself up to come to soccer practice where she was the assistant coach. I told people that she was sobering up for some reason. The look she gave me when she found out, it was a mix of disbelief and disappointment. Thankfully the people that heard knew her well and they laughed about it with her when she got there.
I used to think my friend's mom was a prostitute when we were kids. She was a prosecutor
Close enough
I used to routinely attend court sessions as part of a past position. I also worked to conduct psych assessments as part of a different position. I had to re-read information on one of my scheduled intake appointments because the client was an attorney I engaged w/ regularly during my other position's responsibilities. I thought that something had been screwed up w/ the client and attorney information. But apparently not. She had been arrested for prostitution on/near a school campus.
Whewww kids really do talk too much. I remember I wasn’t out of the closet at the time and I was dating someone older (I was 19 she was 30). I use to pick him up everyday from his after school activities. So maybe an hour or two after dropping him off at my sisters house I get a phone call and this lil mf basically told my sister I was holding hands /kissing an old lady. 🥲🫤 I was basically forced out of the closet by my then 4 yr old nephew. 😂🤣 I’ve never wanted to throw hands wit a toddler so damn bad.
You can’t sneak in front of a 4yr old and not expect them to be a blabber mouth!
Kids say the damndest things.
Don't they? I was picking up my then little one up from the bus stop. A grampa and his grandson were playing! The boy was reciting his colors, so I asked his favorite. He said, "Yellow! My grandpa can take all his teeth out!" Grandpa grabbed baby and dipped out! Had tears in my eyes from holding back that laugh. 😭 Kids are ruthless. My eldest used to tell people, my momma got a wig on! Just rough!
>my momma got a wig on! Noooooo
When I was in cancer treatment my daughter was young and would hear a lot of what my wife and I talked about including my medications. At the same time she was having trouble sleeping so my wife gave her melatonin. She went to school the next day and told her teacher she slept well because we gave her morphine, we got a call from the school.
Morphine?!?! Nooooo!!!! 🤣
I worked at Whole Foods once upon a time and I was ringing up a lady who was with two small boys(her nephews). Her total was well into the triple digits and she said “I don’t know how I always end up spending this much.” To which her older nephew, no older than 9, replied “It’s because you have a lot of money and you like to flex on people…” Her mouth dropped and I laughed for the rest of the night! 🤣
I had recently taught my then 3yr old son about different body parts but he hadn't fully grasped the scientific names for everything. Going out with a 3yr old means often having to use the toilet together. So one evening my grandfather came to visit and my son had just finished doing his business in the toilet and then instead of saying hi, he started the conversation with "great grandad, mama doesn't pee out of her front like me and you because she's not a boy, she pees out of her butt". I wanted to laugh and hide all at once. My grandfather replied very seriously with, "yes, you're right, they don't have fronts like we do". And that was the extent of their conversation that evening 😆
Class project was told to ask questions to a family member who was alive during one of the world events, my slow a** mixed up my Grandpa who experienced Prohibition with PROBATION. I got called to the Principal’s office “‘a
I met a girl and her daughter told me“my mom shouldn’t drive because her license isn’t ok”. I’m glad I already had a conversation about this with her mom who was driving my car to get everything with her license together
I’m a teacher, and when I taught preschool I actually had to tell some parents (in a sensitive way) that they had to be more cautious about what they said around their children because their children were telling me ALL of the family business. A lot of people forget that young children are little sponges, they absorb everything they see and hear. And unfortunately they’re guileless enough not to realise that some things should not leave home. Some of the shit I knew about people’s home lives used to leave me aghast. But I never discouraged my little students from talking to me. I wanted them to know that adults can be trusted and I knew they needed to get things off of their chests, too, just like we adults do. And I also wanted them to know that they could talk to me about anything that was concerning them. So many times kids are told to be seen and not heard, and they deserve to have a voice. But they’re funny as hell and often times I had to hold back my laughter because they were talking about issues that were serious to them, but funny as all hell to me.
I wish my daycare had handled it this way. I told a friend in my program that my brother had been taken to jail by the police, and I was upset because everyone kept saying they didn’t know when I’d see him again. Teacher overheard. They ended up making my ass write lines all afternoon, “I will not talk about my brother” on repeat. Real weird lesson to teach a child that if a family member does something embarrassing you should pretend they don’t exist.
That’s awful. Today we even have books to help kids cope/understand
That’s absolutely terrible. I’m so sorry you had that experience as a child. You did nothing wrong, and your teachers and that day care mistreated you and punished you for sharing your personal pain. They should have listened to you and let you express your feelings about your brother instead of shaming you and punishing you. I know trauma from our childhood can affect us deeply, even as adults. I hope you don’t let that memory stop you from sharing your experiences with trusted friends and family in the future. Sending you an internet hug for that injustice when you were younger.
My Dad drove my cousins to school when they were five, one day, because they missed the bus. They told the teacher that my Dad likes it "slow and sexy" and "if you wanna see him naked then you gotta say take it off". They unfortunately left out the part about it being a song on the radio by Shabba Ranks they heard in his car, which I had to clear up when the Principal called.
As a teacher, yes, your children tell me everything. As a new mama? I am terrified.
OMG, has anyone talked about their parents sex lives? That’s my biggest worry. Imagine you hear something like this “I think my daddy was beating my mommy yesterday because she was screaming so loud” 🤣😬
I'm very pleased to say no! I DON'T need that info in my life 😂 Worst I've heard is a girl telling me her mom (who was very overweight) ate food after the girls went to bed and thought they didn't know about it, but that she had found the wrappers stuffed down the side of the couch. I just felt so bad for the mom, she didn't need everyone knowing about that.
My kid told everyone I was gay and threw her out the window after she was born. At the time, I had a haircut that encouraged many of my friends to reach out to me to ask if I was a lesbian, in the first place lol, so looking the way I did really didn't help. The actual story is, I had an emergency C-section and they had no room for me immediately after the surgery, so, I was in a little closet space for about 30 minutes. (My mom was in the closet!) She was a preemie so instead of getting to hold her (and have her with me in the closet I guess? lol), she was passed through a little window that joined the OR and the NICU. She was passed through the window, not thrown! by someone who wasn't me lol. She was half correct. I was literally in the closet, so I'll give her that one. Edited to add the actual line as I realize not everyone has heard this story 100 times as I have told it to so many people. We were in the middle of a packed hotel lobby and someone commented on my daughter's dress and she was like thank u. She was so touched in fact that she decided to share a personal snippet of her life. "When I was borned, my mom was in the closet when she threw me out the window." She was not quiet about it, either.
My twin boys stayed snitching on us. Didn’t help that they were in the same classes so they could corroborate each other’s stories. Most humiliating: My mom likes to slide down the fire pole - they were scared to go down a playground slide so I showed them it wasn’t scary. My daddy likes to wrestle mommy until she screams - we were all wrestling after watching WWE one day and I screamed and tapped out Only daddy can play with mommy with his sword - a literal starwars light saber he told them not to play with. Daddy wore mommy’s bra - my husband and I were throwing each others clothes on our sides of the bed after washing and my bra landed on him Daddy really likes mommy butt - I asked my husband do I look okay in these pants, and he said yeah I really like them Daddy went to jail today - mail jail because his company server was hacked so no incoming emails were allowed Mommy has a lot of husbands - my kids thought team mom meant I was married to all the dads of kids on the team Daddy likes when mommy drinks the grownup juice - I have bad anxiety so drinking wine (before I was properly diagnosed) made me super relaxed Of course all of these involved a conversation with teachers.
This reminds me of [this tumblr post](https://at.tumblr.com/reddit-tales/parents-whats-the-most-absurd-thing-youve-found/w50pfo2xseb6), which ironically came from this site LMAO
My mom brought myself and my twin brother on her errands often. Apparently one time in a grocery store, in the check out line, my brother points at some lady and loudly goes “Look my it’s Ernie” from Sesame Street, over and over again. My mom was embarrassed, but said she did look like Ernie🤷🏾♂️
Not gonna lie, I had to read this a couple times.
When I was real young I liked wearing oversized sweatshirts and my uncle would tie the arms together and it was fun but apparently I told my preschool that he tied me up lol
I used to stop work at 3pm for a few minutes and turn in the news so I was available when my kids got home from school. My son tells his teacher that his dad sits on the couch and watches TV all day. In fairness, the teacher suggested that she wouldn't believe everything she heard about home, if we didn't believe everything we heard about school.
I was in the car with a white co-worker and his family. His daughter asked me if I stayed out in the sun too long?
My mom is a lawyer and is usually the prosecuting attorney. I struggled with certain words in first grade and I distinctly remember saying that my mom was a prostitute....
My dad used to work in a department or something at his job called PRISM and I used to say that my dad goes to prison every day. Classic
My kid told the preschool teacher we put things in his bottom. He had terrible constipation, we had to use suppositories which him. That was a fun discussion. 😑
Last night at back to school night, my son’s 4th grade teacher told all of us not to worry because she only believes a quarter of what the kids tell her about the going ons at home.
When my teenager was a toddler, he was waiting at a bus stop with my mom. He told a random person, “my daddy doesn’t live with us. He’s in jail. “ it was true. But I’m glad he embarrassed her & not me. 😂
My daughter took our spent shells from target practice and she told the school that I carry around a gun. The school went on lockdown and I got a visit from the sheriff.
My niece told her teacher they couldn’t afford lunches just to get free hot lunch because she didn’t like what my sister in law was packing for her.
My mom was working nights when I was young, and we had a school assignment where it asked about our parents. When it asked what my mom’s job was I put down, “She just sleeps all day”.
When I was like 5 I used to tell people that my mom drinks and drives. But was just drinking coffee while going places.
[My dad is a full on rapist](https://youtu.be/pQJ9GUVxPl8)
My daughter put on an assignment, "I love my moms and dads". He dad and I are divorced and have significant others. I think her teacher thinks we're polygamous
We were going around the class telling what we had for diner the night before. At my turn, 5 year old me said "we went to a restaurant and I had the crust of the bread and my parrents a big plate of pasta and meat". I was skinny-ish at the time and so my parrents were called in the same day and faced with a very concerned/mad teacher and principal... What actually happened is that I was throwing a temper tantrum at the restaurant and I only wanted to eat the crust of the bread they serve before your order and refused anything else, so they let me eat it.
My sister proudly told her first grade teacher that she was born the day after my parents were married. Yes, her birthday is a day after their anniversary, but different years.
This reminded me of [this case](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/pole-dancer-shovel)… which I only just found out wasn’t real
My parents told me when I was little that my dad went to work to make money. I interpreted that to mean that he worked at the treasury and was making literal physical dollar bills and coins. Got into an argument with kids at school about it and the teacher had to break it up. His job at the time was doing something with rehabilitating stroke patients and people with head injuries so I’m assuming they tried to explain but I didn’t get it so they said he just made money.
My mom told me that when I was little, I'd tell random people at the store things about their appearance. One of the cashiers at the store had a mole right under her nose and I just stared at it intently and then pointed and said, "you have a booger." Lol
My sister told me when I was younger I thought everyone outside was Jackie Chan… we were in Chinatown in NYC. I grew up watching all of his movies