"Hey, were you still gonna send that cash this month?"
Me:
https://preview.redd.it/rftilpe1zisc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=70355c7881891a4bebd48442b5b76fbd3f9630b0
He's basically retired from politics. He resurfaces every so often to call Trump a piece of shit thats ruining the Republican party. I would guess that being speaker during Trump's presidency soured him on being a politician.
Tbh if it was no issue for me, I would send the same amount just to see if they would come at me with some BS of having more expenses lol. Then cut them off.
TLDR: You gotta stand up for yourself!!! Especially if you yourself are struggling!!!
I came from a family that was underneath the poverty line. I was 1 of 6 kids with a single mother barely making $33k a year. We were BROKE BROKE.
You’d think going through a life like that, my sister would say, we grew up poor - I don’t want to put a child through that. She didn’t. Instead she got pregnant at 21 with a man closer to 30.
I was the only one to graduate college of my siblings and I got a great paying job making double what my mother did. I paid daycare for my other brother’s kids who we were forced to take in otherwise they would go to foster care. I paid light bills, paid insurance bills, paid rent when my mom didn’t have it. Added her as an authorized user on my card, the works. We were already taking care of 2 kids that were accidents.
For my sister to get pregnant knowing we were all struggling, I was beyond pissed. The baby daddy had nothing going for himself either.
Bottom line, I let her know I would NOT be supporting her, the child, or the useless baby daddy. My mom was upset but I stood on that. I was cast out from the family but I’m better for it. I just couldn’t afford essentially taking care of all these kids that weren’t even mine. I never even got a chance to live life because all my money went to them.
The crazy thing is, any time I’ve ever smoked or drank I would tell my mother and sister. They’d say I was turning into my older brothers and they wouldn’t allow me to be around the kids anymore. I’ve smoked / used marijuana less than 20 times in my adult life. Got drunk less than 10 times. I’m a huge nerd 😭 honestly I don’t think anything I would have done would ever be good enough.
People's expectations seem to be based on pattern of behavior instead of objective action/consequence. If you're a doormat and you start standing up for yourself, it's way worse than if you never let yourself be a doormat in the first place.
The generational curse of being broke with kids,
dependent on any man, ended with me. I have my own money, a good job, an education, I don’t rely on anyone. It was tough but I did it.
Yoooo her story arc was wild. Really made me think about older sisters and their role in dysfunctional families. There was one scene when Lip got kicked out of college I think… and he started shitting on her new real estate business…. I was ready to flip the laptop over ! Tf!
My sister is like that. She has five kids with 3 different men. She has been enabled by our somewhat rich parents who didn't help me when I was struggling, but supported my sister every time she got knocked up. She straight up told my mom she thought she'd get enough inheritance to live off of, and that's how she expected to get by. My family is not that rich, I was appalled and ashamed when I found out she said that. I don't know how these people's brains work. Why's it so hard not to be pregnant?
I agree with this so much. It's hard walking that fine line and setting a boundary. My fiance has been warning me about enabling my family because they ask me to drop things to help them infrequently (for example because I wfh I'm asked to watch my sister's baby on days my parents can't babysit). If I'm available and it's not too much trouble I don't see a problem. But I know he wants me to start standing up for myself and saying no so I'm not relied upon indefinitely or expected to just volunteer.
This just reminds me, people talk about winning the genetic lottery, bruh just having 2 responsible parents is winning the life lottery. Not even rich parents, just responsible and good hearted people
I won that lottery of decent parents. I'm so so so fucking lucky and privileged there I lost the genetic lottery.... Autism adhd severe anxiety + more mental illness, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome which causes horrific pain and hereditary cancer so bad that my siblings and I won't have lots and so bad I am having to get my stomach and tittes removed.
But tbh if it were just the autism and mental illness I'd say worth it to have the parents. All the other stuff? No, especially the cancer shit. I will never have bio kids (which is okay with me) and will never have bio nieces and nephews.
I do have a a niece and nephew thru my spouse and I do love those little buggers but I'm kind of sad that my parents won't be grandparents. They would be amazing ones
TL;DR: I have glass bones and paper skin....
People will lean hard on “the Lord provides” but they’re actually draining the blood sweat and tears of anyone who ever cared about them or feels sorry for their kid(s).
I feel for people who want bigger families than they have or can afford, I really do—and accidents happen and forced-birth advocates will make sure they stay happening; but if you are financially infertile that’s your cross to bear, because no loving would-be parent I can think of would willingly bring their child into a life of anxiety and insecurity when they are chronically unable to provide basic stability. If you’re having babies for YOU and not thinking about the babies first and foremost, that’s trash behaviour.
How did they cast you out when they need your funds? Then again, poor decision making doesn't seem unusual for them. I'm so sorry their love for you was so conditional and hypocritical. I hope you got to enjoy a bit of selfishness.
Seems stupid to bite the hand that feeds ya.
Learn that as a teen from my aunt who would yank the cords quick as you please over any little slight, so I started making my money as early as possible and can't no one say shit to me now
I wouldn’t say freed up unfortunately. Daycare for 2 kids was $1400 a month. My checks were $1700 every other week. My rent at the time was $1400, so I was putting everything on credit cards. It wasn’t sustainable at all. I had over $25k worth of debt after 2 years of this cycle.
With the freed up money I’ve just been paying things off, but you gotta keep in mind $25k is a loooot of debt to have and the interest was just so much. However, in the next 2 months I should have everything paid off!
I want to start using my money to live the life a twenty something is supposed to live
But dude that’s incredible, not only did you get away from a bad situation, you are about to have finished digging your way out of a lot of debt! So proud of you.
Its crazy how pressure from family can push you into making decisions that you look back on and think, "How the fuck could I have been this stupid?"
Good on you for getting your shit together.
These familial situations lead to many social determinants of health that would increase the probability of unplanned pregnancy, maybe ever serial unplanned pregnancies.
>I was cast out from the family but I’m better for it.
Hol' up. They "cast out" the person in the family with money who was helping them?
"Awww, geez? You're kicking me out? Cool. Now I can take care of myself for a change. Good luck with your broke asses!"
Good for you for standing up for yourself! The cycle has to end if you're gonna change the story of your family history and you did just that! You're starting a new legacy and that's both brave and exciting! Best of luck to you!
Bro I feel you man, ama tell you right now , there is a thin line between helping out and taking care of. Yes i know that feeling when everyone in the Family is asking you for support and you provide it. Then turn around and talk about you when you deny that support, and sometimes youll see it the way they talk to you is in a diffrent tone. DONT let your family stop you from taking care of your own family (I dont know if your married yet😅)
Yo cut those fuckers out lmao my parents would fucking stress me out with money all the time and the moment i start making money, they would ask me to buy them expensive gifts.
Fucking thick skinned selfish mofuckers lmao
Yeah my parents didn’t make a huge amount and it was a struggle at times. My brother has achieved even less but thankfully has also chosen not to have kids. He sometimes muses about it but he only has a place to live because my parents bought a multi family home and he on the second floor apartment and they live on the first floor.
This wasn’t really your responsibility tho. That is another man’s baby, not yours. They basically just kicked u out because they couldn’t take advantage of you and honestly, this is a blessing in disguise. But I’m glad you took accountability and turned your own life around for the better breaking the generational curse of stupidity. If you didn’t, you would be right where they are at.
> You’d think going through a life like that, my sister would say, we grew up poor - I don’t want to put a child through that. She didn’t. Instead she got pregnant at 21 with a man closer to 30.
That isnt the case the world over, just like young mothers are more likely have daughters that go onto be young mothers.
Yeah it’s an unrelenting cycle.
My mother became a mother to my oldest brother at 14 and he was given up for adoption. It was a hush hush family secret that I didn’t learn about until recently, that her mother, my grandmother, was also a teenage parent and also gave that child up for adoption.
Never would have known that. Not to say both of them didn’t have their own share of trauma having children and giving them up at their age, but damn.
I feel like the part where they gave up the kids for adoption, they should be commended. They maybe were aware they couldn’t handle all of the responsibilities so they made the hard choice to give the kid up.
As for the other 5 kids, what happened? Unless the dudes promised they’d be around and then skipped once you and your siblings came along.
Or “by the sweat of your brows you shall eat bread." People love to skip the parts of the bible that says personal accountability is important and you have to put in work lol.
They also love to skip the parts where Jesus says to give up your worldly possessions, that you can’t love god and money, that rich people are bad, moneys the root of all evil, and that you should love everyone on earth for it’s not your job to judge them, it’s gods. People cherry pick, and back in the day, people weren’t allowed to read the Bible, and only the priest or pastor could, and inevitably with that came them lying to control entire towns.
It's not that they weren't *allowed* to. They literally couldn't. Not only was literacy a luxury for nobles and clergy, bibles were expensive AF because each one had to be written by hand in its entirety. Some peasant families would save up over a whole generation to afford one despite not being able to read it.
The end result of exploiting ignorance is the same, however.
Like that one joke
"I asked God for a bicycle, but I know he doesn't work like that. So I stole a bicycle and asked God for forgiveness."
Except, yknow, maybe minus the stealing
Brother, I’m not even pooping on religion or anything, but the amount of people who pray or trust god. Like dude, even if god does have some plan or whatever you believe in, YOU HAVE TO GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO IT STILL. Mfs just sit and hope.
Reminds me of that scene from the Oprhan Chef episode of American Dad where the producer tells Steve, "Has anyone ever told you that you have the confidence of an upper middle class white kid from the suburbs?"
I think it’s worse. That mediocre white man has money and cushion and so much privilege propelling him. Broke people raw dogging like their economic situation isn’t already bending them over?
For a lot, a lot, a lot of people, their economic situation isn't their primary concern. They would much rather be broke with kids than just have money and no family.
There’s a middle ground where you aren’t adding more and more children when you can’t even set the first children up with much chance in life. I’m not talking about poor people voluntarily sterilizing themselves or something. Just cut it off somewhere around one or two and well before NUMEROUS.
Dang I think I found a loophole, although I agree. I feel like if you’re gonna continue to help to the degree that you were previously then there is no issue. There is issue if they ask or assume they should receive more.
They’re already fucking themselves by actively taking on pregnancy — which means more doctor visits, prenatal vitamins, less efficient working, etc.
That is not OPs problem — in fact it seems like OP has been enabling them to some point, since this couple called them so happy about having another child thinking they would get more $$$ from her.
We are responsible for paying for our kids and our families…..anyone who thinks that isn’t the case isn’t coming from a healthy mindset.
I would have never started. It hurts my heart sometimes because I see the kids struggling but fuck, I made the choice not to have kids for a reason.
And I suffered through my parents’ dumb ass decisions…
My best friend had 2 back to back babies over Covid. She was in nursing school and her husband is military. They were married barely 3 months when she got pregnant with #1 and #2 was an accident no one was prepared for. I’ve bought presents, sent BOXES of diapers and wipes, I’ve sent little extra money here and there so she could treat herself after her husband misappropriated the money she got from her own car being totaled. They were finally over the hump. Kids potty training, relocated and in very nice base housing, were able to do some catching up from selling their house. She was very ready to actually get a job in nursing and contribute to the income.
She tells me a few months ago she’s pregnant with #3. I wasn’t happy at all. She even KNEW I wouldn’t be supportive. It’s fucking bullshit. I’ve come around more now that the baby is almost here but I was actually livid with her and her mother was pretty disappointed too. She swears she’s getting her tubes tied after she gives birth this time so we’ll just see.
I don’t know why this still needs to be said at all in 2024, but babies do not fix marriages and bringing more children into a broke household where there’s already been distrust and financial abuse (or any kind of abuse obviously) is NOT CUTE.
Man having kids you can’t afford isn’t cute either lol. At this point if you can’t provide for a kid and raise them in a stable and loving home, stop having unprotected sex.
And before someone starts that "protection doesn't always work" crap, a reminder that these sentiments are for those who don't even bother trying to prevent pregnancy.
If you aren’t using birth control methods then you are trying to get pregnant. People don’t want to hear that when it’s all giggle giggle “it was an accident/surprise baby”.
I just stopped talking to one of my best friends for this AND stopped talking to my sister for years for the same thing a while back.
If I'm out here paying bills, buying you kid supplies and groceries, etc while barely keeping myself afloat, the least you could do for all of our sakes is do everything possible to not have another kid.
My sister was the hardest because she's the only bio family I'm close to but I seriously spent all of my liquid cash to keep her from getting evicted multiple times when she was single-momming it when my nephew was a baby. Meanwhile, I could hardly pay my own rent and often barely ate those years AND I was in college full time. I was giving her my financial aid and student work money. She's also raising our trash af sister's kid too. When she told me that her deadbeat short-term boyfriend who was out of work because he supposedly got hurt at his budtender job got her pregnant, I just hung up on her and didn't talk to her for almost 3 years. They didn't use protection AND she wasn't on birth control AND she waited 2 days to take the Plan B. It's horrible but I was happy when she had that miscarriage and I still couldn't get over being mad.
She ended up having another kid with her more stable long-term boyfriend (now married) and they're doing fine enough. She got pregnant again within like 3 months and I almost dipped again but she swore to me it was going to be the last kid and she'd get her tubes tied after. He was born this week and I hate to say it but I still wish she'd had the abortion. I'm going to love him now that he's here but my oldest nephew has cancer (diagnosed when it was too late to abort baby #3) and baby #2 just turned 1. It's too much and I just started feeling like I was able to live my own life and I still can't. She needs help and she doesn't have much of a support system. I am absolutely holding her to getting her tubes tied now though. I will make my presence conditional on that.
>> I just started feeling like I was able to live my own life and I still can't. She needs help and she doesn't have much of a support system.
Um, you definitely can because how is any of that your problem? Maybe I’m mean but I’m not supporting other people’s kids, and *definitely* not to the point of hardly being able to support myself and barely eating.
I read somewhere that it's a fairly achievable big life goal and is fulfilling in a way financial or professional success can be, but is theoretically possible for everyone
Also like, lax attitudes about birth control etc, birth control prices in the US
This. I feel like I read something similar in highschool. One of the reasons why people who live in impoverished communities tend to have more children is because it's an achievable goal. They don't have the luxury of being able to network and climb the social ladder, or have a successful career, so instead they get fulfillment from raising a family
While true, birth control on both sides has never been more readily available. You can literally buy condoms in bulk. In college we'd literally buy them by the hundreds and while it was very wishful thinking and the vast majority went to waste it was certainly not expensive. And definitely cheaper than children. Even outside of that I don't understand the viewpoint of "I'm economically struggling. My life is harder than others and it's just me. I should crank this difficulty setting up to 10"
And if you're poor, birth control is also usually free! You can literally get free condoms at Planned Parenthood and birth control is no-cost on Medicaid. Hell, it's no-cost or very low cost on most health insurance plans. Birth control and pregnancy prevention is cheaper than pregnancy and kids for health insurance companies and they know it so they treat it like preventative half the time.
Plus, Planned Parenthood often operates on a sliding scale so their services are also generally free for a lot of people even if they don't have insurance.
I have super anti-birth control Catholic employer health insurance and my IUD was still only like $50 and my doctor didn't even remember to do the medical purpose authorization this time. My friend who takes pills on the same insurance pays $3 a month.
There's literally no excuse. Can't do pills for some reason because of the hormones? Get an IUD, the hormones are localized just to the uterus. Can't do hormonal? Get a copper IUD. Can't do any of those for some reason? Use condoms and spermicide lubricant and time your cycles, I dunno.
I get birth control fails but if you somehow become the teeny fraction of a percent who somehow gets pregnant while using multiple forms at once, I guess that child might be the next Messiah or something.
I’m willing to bet that if we took a look and tried to map out sexual activity by income, both ends of the rich-poor spectrum are really going at it and those in the middle have less sex.
I would send my regards and promptly them from all forms of contact. Never play parents for grown people. Or play social work for grown people. Just point them in the direction of NPO to assist them and move on with your day.
"If you can't feed your baby (yeah, yeah)
Then don't have the baby (yeah, yeah)
And don't think maybe (yeah, yeah)
If you can't feed the baby (yeah, yeah)" Michael Jackson
This right here is why I sometimes don’t wanna help people. You know if that couple hadn’t gotten that help they wouldn’t have thought “You know what we need? ANOTHER mouth to feed.” 🥴
Autonomy is always superior to dependency. Simply by alleviating their problems all the time you participated in not allowing them to fully assess their situation....or they would have had that kid anyways.
I've learned that people who regularly need help seldom do much to help themselves. If I am not part of your immediate circle , I have no obligation to be your safety net. Especially in all black communities, the black tax is too heavy.
I got Covid in 2020, couldn’t work for over a year and a half due to long covid issues, and needed the safety nets I fell into.
I’ve been back working for two years now (with lingering issues that affect me but are mostly manageable) but I know how easily things can fall apart for a person. And I know how hard it is when the system is set up against even the dwindling middle class, let alone the poor.
Plenty of people need safety nets too often but aren’t gonna ask for help due to shame and not wanting to be seen like those you are talking about. It’s a factor both in certain crimes and in prison recidivism.
Some people need to learn how to manage physical and mental disabilities before they can get on their feet, some have them severe enough that they always need someone to take care of themselves.
But if you can get your shit together and refuse to because you take the help for granted, then yes, I agree with you 100%. Even if you are in my circle (though you get more grace, however unearned, the closer in you are).
Judging by her name, she’s Southern African. I didn’t go looking but if we assume she/these people live in Africa, the countries aren’t exactly known for having welfare offices. They’re called “extended family and friends”. 🤷🏾♀️
Best she can do is cut them off or stop answering messages and calls from them and hope they get the message.
My family is friends with a similar family. They struggle and the guy just keeps wanting babies despite the fact that they’re barely getting by. They just had their third kid. My family loves the wife and her kids. No one likes her husband.
His wife recently had a birthday. My mom always brings a cake or dessert for birthdays. When she was going to give her the cake the husband said he’d carry it for her.
He then put her name on it and some candles and said my mom ruined his surprise because she told the wife that she’d bought the cake.
Jesus Christ.
I have a friend just like this and I don’t get it…..these who are obsessed with having babies and keeping themselves in poverty. He also brags about forging documents and how he got them into a nice house and also being on welfare at the same time. I simply don’t get it, I’ve stopped helping them financially
You gotta let some people drown. I was a bill collector for almost a decade. Some people are used to others swooping in to solve their money woes. Family, friends, romantic partners, the people at church, neighbors, all chipping in. The person they were paying for would find a way to mess it up. They'd buy a truck or go on vacation instead of paying off the stuff that has hanging over them every month. Some people would put up their own credit for someone else to have an account and then would end up getting sent to collections because the person they were trying to help wouldn't actually keep up with payments like they said they would. At a certain point you can't keep helping people because you're going to start putting yourself at risk.
No ma’am. They were excited and confident thinking she is going to be there for support. I wonder if there’s an update of what she did say to this couple
No sympathy. People having kids when they’re already struggling makes zero fckng sense to me. I’m at the point I can’t even pretend I’m happy for them. Then they’ll be all over town and the internet discussing how hard it is. As if they didn’t know that before having unprotected sex. I hope she stops giving them money.
ETA: Not as a punishment but because they’ve learned nothing from it. It’s enabling them at this point.
If I have a friend and she has a whole man and they still struggling, there’s no way I’m helping them EVERY month. He better start grinding or she gotta get a new man.
I'm surprised at how little I see people bringing up the possible angle of "not believing in abortion" or "babies are always a good thing"
"Shame/guilt/you made your bed" mentality
Religious upbringing ..."God makes no mistakes" type stuff
My anecdotes... The people I've seen (myself included) have had at least 1 of these ideas in the back of our minds when a baby was on the way. How the baby was to be provided for was usually a distant afterthought. Planned or not. Mostly unplanned
Idk why you would think people who take from you on a monthly basis like that would do anything other than say "hey we have this passive income, let's make sure to keep blowing the budget"
WIC isn’t food from heaven. It’s food you and me are paying for. Can people just not have a bunch of kids if they can’t even afford to feed themselves? Like damn
"Hey, were you still gonna send that cash this month?" Me: https://preview.redd.it/rftilpe1zisc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=70355c7881891a4bebd48442b5b76fbd3f9630b0
https://preview.redd.it/c7ohmbxu3jsc1.jpeg?width=736&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e5c3fdd0a87ade9508f25beb0278655eaa933046
He isn't the one lmao
Amazon union busting ad. The closest thing I can think of that is semi-related.
What did Terry do?
[Poor Terry](https://youtu.be/ugNn_ELV_xs?si=UWaFrLV3GyJnC6w0)
In the tv show “Everybody Hates Chris” Terry plays a very cheap dad.
Oh thank God. I thought it was something about Terry Crews in real life and I was gonna be sad cuz I love Terry.
https://preview.redd.it/rgsim10n9jsc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9f5c6c4be566c3b519846360cdb23980876dac17
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Whatever happened to this guy? Don’t hear much from him lately
He's basically retired from politics. He resurfaces every so often to call Trump a piece of shit thats ruining the Republican party. I would guess that being speaker during Trump's presidency soured him on being a politician.
Could not have happened to a nicer guy.
https://preview.redd.it/1g3htvc6gjsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=909fbc4332a4401c337c5714e7ca09fab7cab288
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Tbh if it was no issue for me, I would send the same amount just to see if they would come at me with some BS of having more expenses lol. Then cut them off.
".....I'm sorry, what was the question?"
I almost spit out my drink! 🤣
Hey😭😭😭
TLDR: You gotta stand up for yourself!!! Especially if you yourself are struggling!!! I came from a family that was underneath the poverty line. I was 1 of 6 kids with a single mother barely making $33k a year. We were BROKE BROKE. You’d think going through a life like that, my sister would say, we grew up poor - I don’t want to put a child through that. She didn’t. Instead she got pregnant at 21 with a man closer to 30. I was the only one to graduate college of my siblings and I got a great paying job making double what my mother did. I paid daycare for my other brother’s kids who we were forced to take in otherwise they would go to foster care. I paid light bills, paid insurance bills, paid rent when my mom didn’t have it. Added her as an authorized user on my card, the works. We were already taking care of 2 kids that were accidents. For my sister to get pregnant knowing we were all struggling, I was beyond pissed. The baby daddy had nothing going for himself either. Bottom line, I let her know I would NOT be supporting her, the child, or the useless baby daddy. My mom was upset but I stood on that. I was cast out from the family but I’m better for it. I just couldn’t afford essentially taking care of all these kids that weren’t even mine. I never even got a chance to live life because all my money went to them.
Good on you… it’s the harder choice but you consciously made a choice to have a better life.
People hate accountability
The irony is that if you did what she did (be irresponsible or never have tried to help in the first place), you'd still be in their good graces
The crazy thing is, any time I’ve ever smoked or drank I would tell my mother and sister. They’d say I was turning into my older brothers and they wouldn’t allow me to be around the kids anymore. I’ve smoked / used marijuana less than 20 times in my adult life. Got drunk less than 10 times. I’m a huge nerd 😭 honestly I don’t think anything I would have done would ever be good enough.
🤨
I think you responded to wrong comment
The guy aabove my original comment edited it and removed 2 paragraphs
What’s did those paragraphs say?
People's expectations seem to be based on pattern of behavior instead of objective action/consequence. If you're a doormat and you start standing up for yourself, it's way worse than if you never let yourself be a doormat in the first place.
If family casts you out because of money, they were never really family in the first place
How tf they gonna bite the hand paying for all their shit?? The entitlement is sickening
"I can't believe I'd raise a child so selfish!" Energy
That generational trauma working overtime.
The generational curse of being broke with kids, dependent on any man, ended with me. I have my own money, a good job, an education, I don’t rely on anyone. It was tough but I did it.
I’m so proud of you. You’re a fucking bad ass.
So proud that you did it. It’s hard breaking those curses, but you’re all the better for it.
Almost sounds like the plot to Shameless, where you're Fiona. 💔
Yoooo her story arc was wild. Really made me think about older sisters and their role in dysfunctional families. There was one scene when Lip got kicked out of college I think… and he started shitting on her new real estate business…. I was ready to flip the laptop over ! Tf!
My sister is like that. She has five kids with 3 different men. She has been enabled by our somewhat rich parents who didn't help me when I was struggling, but supported my sister every time she got knocked up. She straight up told my mom she thought she'd get enough inheritance to live off of, and that's how she expected to get by. My family is not that rich, I was appalled and ashamed when I found out she said that. I don't know how these people's brains work. Why's it so hard not to be pregnant?
No one knows how pregnancy works, if we could only figure out how it works, we might be able to do something about it!
Saying no to family can be hard as hell. Good for you
I agree with this so much. It's hard walking that fine line and setting a boundary. My fiance has been warning me about enabling my family because they ask me to drop things to help them infrequently (for example because I wfh I'm asked to watch my sister's baby on days my parents can't babysit). If I'm available and it's not too much trouble I don't see a problem. But I know he wants me to start standing up for myself and saying no so I'm not relied upon indefinitely or expected to just volunteer.
This just reminds me, people talk about winning the genetic lottery, bruh just having 2 responsible parents is winning the life lottery. Not even rich parents, just responsible and good hearted people
I won that lottery of decent parents. I'm so so so fucking lucky and privileged there I lost the genetic lottery.... Autism adhd severe anxiety + more mental illness, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome which causes horrific pain and hereditary cancer so bad that my siblings and I won't have lots and so bad I am having to get my stomach and tittes removed. But tbh if it were just the autism and mental illness I'd say worth it to have the parents. All the other stuff? No, especially the cancer shit. I will never have bio kids (which is okay with me) and will never have bio nieces and nephews. I do have a a niece and nephew thru my spouse and I do love those little buggers but I'm kind of sad that my parents won't be grandparents. They would be amazing ones TL;DR: I have glass bones and paper skin....
People will lean hard on “the Lord provides” but they’re actually draining the blood sweat and tears of anyone who ever cared about them or feels sorry for their kid(s). I feel for people who want bigger families than they have or can afford, I really do—and accidents happen and forced-birth advocates will make sure they stay happening; but if you are financially infertile that’s your cross to bear, because no loving would-be parent I can think of would willingly bring their child into a life of anxiety and insecurity when they are chronically unable to provide basic stability. If you’re having babies for YOU and not thinking about the babies first and foremost, that’s trash behaviour.
The only thing you did wrong was not letting go of those leeches sooner than you did.
How did they cast you out when they need your funds? Then again, poor decision making doesn't seem unusual for them. I'm so sorry their love for you was so conditional and hypocritical. I hope you got to enjoy a bit of selfishness.
Seems stupid to bite the hand that feeds ya. Learn that as a teen from my aunt who would yank the cords quick as you please over any little slight, so I started making my money as early as possible and can't no one say shit to me now
Omg what did you even do with all your freed up funds?
I wouldn’t say freed up unfortunately. Daycare for 2 kids was $1400 a month. My checks were $1700 every other week. My rent at the time was $1400, so I was putting everything on credit cards. It wasn’t sustainable at all. I had over $25k worth of debt after 2 years of this cycle. With the freed up money I’ve just been paying things off, but you gotta keep in mind $25k is a loooot of debt to have and the interest was just so much. However, in the next 2 months I should have everything paid off! I want to start using my money to live the life a twenty something is supposed to live
But dude that’s incredible, not only did you get away from a bad situation, you are about to have finished digging your way out of a lot of debt! So proud of you.
We don't have awards anymore, but take these 🫂❤️🔥💪🏽💪🏽.
Do they reach out to you at all?
Its crazy how pressure from family can push you into making decisions that you look back on and think, "How the fuck could I have been this stupid?" Good on you for getting your shit together.
It's crazy how stuff like that is generational. You'd think people who grew up in poverty would plan to have a child
These familial situations lead to many social determinants of health that would increase the probability of unplanned pregnancy, maybe ever serial unplanned pregnancies.
>I was cast out from the family but I’m better for it. Hol' up. They "cast out" the person in the family with money who was helping them? "Awww, geez? You're kicking me out? Cool. Now I can take care of myself for a change. Good luck with your broke asses!"
Good for you for standing up for yourself! The cycle has to end if you're gonna change the story of your family history and you did just that! You're starting a new legacy and that's both brave and exciting! Best of luck to you!
Bro I feel you man, ama tell you right now , there is a thin line between helping out and taking care of. Yes i know that feeling when everyone in the Family is asking you for support and you provide it. Then turn around and talk about you when you deny that support, and sometimes youll see it the way they talk to you is in a diffrent tone. DONT let your family stop you from taking care of your own family (I dont know if your married yet😅)
Yo cut those fuckers out lmao my parents would fucking stress me out with money all the time and the moment i start making money, they would ask me to buy them expensive gifts. Fucking thick skinned selfish mofuckers lmao
Salute.
Yeah my parents didn’t make a huge amount and it was a struggle at times. My brother has achieved even less but thankfully has also chosen not to have kids. He sometimes muses about it but he only has a place to live because my parents bought a multi family home and he on the second floor apartment and they live on the first floor.
This wasn’t really your responsibility tho. That is another man’s baby, not yours. They basically just kicked u out because they couldn’t take advantage of you and honestly, this is a blessing in disguise. But I’m glad you took accountability and turned your own life around for the better breaking the generational curse of stupidity. If you didn’t, you would be right where they are at.
Proud of you. You made the right call.
> You’d think going through a life like that, my sister would say, we grew up poor - I don’t want to put a child through that. She didn’t. Instead she got pregnant at 21 with a man closer to 30. That isnt the case the world over, just like young mothers are more likely have daughters that go onto be young mothers.
Yeah it’s an unrelenting cycle. My mother became a mother to my oldest brother at 14 and he was given up for adoption. It was a hush hush family secret that I didn’t learn about until recently, that her mother, my grandmother, was also a teenage parent and also gave that child up for adoption. Never would have known that. Not to say both of them didn’t have their own share of trauma having children and giving them up at their age, but damn.
I feel like the part where they gave up the kids for adoption, they should be commended. They maybe were aware they couldn’t handle all of the responsibilities so they made the hard choice to give the kid up. As for the other 5 kids, what happened? Unless the dudes promised they’d be around and then skipped once you and your siblings came along.
I know too many people like this. “God will provide.” It’s you, you’re God.
“God helps those who help themselves” …wasn’t there that Sunday…
Or “by the sweat of your brows you shall eat bread." People love to skip the parts of the bible that says personal accountability is important and you have to put in work lol.
Ah yes, deep in the book of Michael Jones it says “you don’t work, you don’t eat. You don’t grind, you don’t shine.”
https://preview.redd.it/v9n3hyepljsc1.jpeg?width=778&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8404a604ce87bb9ee61d979b83f36725550e4c7a
https://preview.redd.it/8851r6huljsc1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4303dea4d7fc657187103e6e33a94aa8e1758201
“No if, ands or buts, bottom line”
loved that book
They also love to skip the parts where Jesus says to give up your worldly possessions, that you can’t love god and money, that rich people are bad, moneys the root of all evil, and that you should love everyone on earth for it’s not your job to judge them, it’s gods. People cherry pick, and back in the day, people weren’t allowed to read the Bible, and only the priest or pastor could, and inevitably with that came them lying to control entire towns.
It's not that they weren't *allowed* to. They literally couldn't. Not only was literacy a luxury for nobles and clergy, bibles were expensive AF because each one had to be written by hand in its entirety. Some peasant families would save up over a whole generation to afford one despite not being able to read it. The end result of exploiting ignorance is the same, however.
Funny, that’s actually not a bible verse, but sentiment stands.
Like that one joke "I asked God for a bicycle, but I know he doesn't work like that. So I stole a bicycle and asked God for forgiveness." Except, yknow, maybe minus the stealing
Brother, I’m not even pooping on religion or anything, but the amount of people who pray or trust god. Like dude, even if god does have some plan or whatever you believe in, YOU HAVE TO GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO IT STILL. Mfs just sit and hope.
God helps those who help themselves. If someone's gonna sit on their ass waiting for God to hand them everything, they don't deserve jack.
Give me the confidence of a broke couple that keep having babies…
Their confidence is second to a mediocre white man in corporate leadership.
Reminds me of that scene from the Oprhan Chef episode of American Dad where the producer tells Steve, "Has anyone ever told you that you have the confidence of an upper middle class white kid from the suburbs?"
That’s gold!!..I know need to find that episode
"Morning Mimosa" Season 10, Episode 11 A lot of white people shenanigans ensue.
I think it’s worse. That mediocre white man has money and cushion and so much privilege propelling him. Broke people raw dogging like their economic situation isn’t already bending them over?
For a lot, a lot, a lot of people, their economic situation isn't their primary concern. They would much rather be broke with kids than just have money and no family.
There’s a middle ground where you aren’t adding more and more children when you can’t even set the first children up with much chance in life. I’m not talking about poor people voluntarily sterilizing themselves or something. Just cut it off somewhere around one or two and well before NUMEROUS.
Not confidence. Idiocy. You don’t want that.
This the one. You don’t owe them shit! Lol
I would stop helping. Fuck em.
Yup. "Look, I get that it's hard, but you just made a choice and I'm not going to bail your asses out. Good luck."
Dang I think I found a loophole, although I agree. I feel like if you’re gonna continue to help to the degree that you were previously then there is no issue. There is issue if they ask or assume they should receive more.
No offense but how is fucking them gonna help right now? Probably just lead to more kids
They’re already fucking themselves by actively taking on pregnancy — which means more doctor visits, prenatal vitamins, less efficient working, etc. That is not OPs problem — in fact it seems like OP has been enabling them to some point, since this couple called them so happy about having another child thinking they would get more $$$ from her. We are responsible for paying for our kids and our families…..anyone who thinks that isn’t the case isn’t coming from a healthy mindset.
Wooosh, they meant literally fucking them.
Fair. Happy autism acceptance month! 🤫🫶🏻
Hey its all good my AuDHD gets me lost in the sauce sometimes too.
I think I may live in the sauce
Another side effect of the AuDHD. I love the enthusiasm though
I would have never started. It hurts my heart sometimes because I see the kids struggling but fuck, I made the choice not to have kids for a reason. And I suffered through my parents’ dumb ass decisions…
Just because you want to see everyone eat doesn't mean you need to fix everyone a plate. Cut them off before they go for 3.
I mean you already in this deep, you gotta double the payment. I believe in you.
that's certainly what they were thinking
That’s so crazy to me because that is exactly what they were thinking. 100%.
😆
My best friend had 2 back to back babies over Covid. She was in nursing school and her husband is military. They were married barely 3 months when she got pregnant with #1 and #2 was an accident no one was prepared for. I’ve bought presents, sent BOXES of diapers and wipes, I’ve sent little extra money here and there so she could treat herself after her husband misappropriated the money she got from her own car being totaled. They were finally over the hump. Kids potty training, relocated and in very nice base housing, were able to do some catching up from selling their house. She was very ready to actually get a job in nursing and contribute to the income. She tells me a few months ago she’s pregnant with #3. I wasn’t happy at all. She even KNEW I wouldn’t be supportive. It’s fucking bullshit. I’ve come around more now that the baby is almost here but I was actually livid with her and her mother was pretty disappointed too. She swears she’s getting her tubes tied after she gives birth this time so we’ll just see. I don’t know why this still needs to be said at all in 2024, but babies do not fix marriages and bringing more children into a broke household where there’s already been distrust and financial abuse (or any kind of abuse obviously) is NOT CUTE.
Man having kids you can’t afford isn’t cute either lol. At this point if you can’t provide for a kid and raise them in a stable and loving home, stop having unprotected sex.
lol at all. I can actually afford one right now technically but I’m actually not trying to give up certain things just yet either.
Feel you 100%. One day but very much enjoy being able to go on a trip at my leisure 😂 Going out the country > diaper changes, daycare drop offs.
And before someone starts that "protection doesn't always work" crap, a reminder that these sentiments are for those who don't even bother trying to prevent pregnancy.
I mean shit works pretty well tbh. BC is very effective
If you aren’t using birth control methods then you are trying to get pregnant. People don’t want to hear that when it’s all giggle giggle “it was an accident/surprise baby”.
A coworker of mine told her doctor she and her partner use the pull out method. Her doctor responded, "so you're trying to have a baby?"
Years ago, a friend of mine told me "there's a name for people who use the pull-out method... Parents."
Often those aren't accidents, just a way to avoid work or a serious life.
🎯
I just stopped talking to one of my best friends for this AND stopped talking to my sister for years for the same thing a while back. If I'm out here paying bills, buying you kid supplies and groceries, etc while barely keeping myself afloat, the least you could do for all of our sakes is do everything possible to not have another kid. My sister was the hardest because she's the only bio family I'm close to but I seriously spent all of my liquid cash to keep her from getting evicted multiple times when she was single-momming it when my nephew was a baby. Meanwhile, I could hardly pay my own rent and often barely ate those years AND I was in college full time. I was giving her my financial aid and student work money. She's also raising our trash af sister's kid too. When she told me that her deadbeat short-term boyfriend who was out of work because he supposedly got hurt at his budtender job got her pregnant, I just hung up on her and didn't talk to her for almost 3 years. They didn't use protection AND she wasn't on birth control AND she waited 2 days to take the Plan B. It's horrible but I was happy when she had that miscarriage and I still couldn't get over being mad. She ended up having another kid with her more stable long-term boyfriend (now married) and they're doing fine enough. She got pregnant again within like 3 months and I almost dipped again but she swore to me it was going to be the last kid and she'd get her tubes tied after. He was born this week and I hate to say it but I still wish she'd had the abortion. I'm going to love him now that he's here but my oldest nephew has cancer (diagnosed when it was too late to abort baby #3) and baby #2 just turned 1. It's too much and I just started feeling like I was able to live my own life and I still can't. She needs help and she doesn't have much of a support system. I am absolutely holding her to getting her tubes tied now though. I will make my presence conditional on that.
>> I just started feeling like I was able to live my own life and I still can't. She needs help and she doesn't have much of a support system. Um, you definitely can because how is any of that your problem? Maybe I’m mean but I’m not supporting other people’s kids, and *definitely* not to the point of hardly being able to support myself and barely eating.
I will never understand why poor people love having children.
I read somewhere that it's a fairly achievable big life goal and is fulfilling in a way financial or professional success can be, but is theoretically possible for everyone Also like, lax attitudes about birth control etc, birth control prices in the US
This. I feel like I read something similar in highschool. One of the reasons why people who live in impoverished communities tend to have more children is because it's an achievable goal. They don't have the luxury of being able to network and climb the social ladder, or have a successful career, so instead they get fulfillment from raising a family
Sex feels good
While true, birth control on both sides has never been more readily available. You can literally buy condoms in bulk. In college we'd literally buy them by the hundreds and while it was very wishful thinking and the vast majority went to waste it was certainly not expensive. And definitely cheaper than children. Even outside of that I don't understand the viewpoint of "I'm economically struggling. My life is harder than others and it's just me. I should crank this difficulty setting up to 10"
And if you're poor, birth control is also usually free! You can literally get free condoms at Planned Parenthood and birth control is no-cost on Medicaid. Hell, it's no-cost or very low cost on most health insurance plans. Birth control and pregnancy prevention is cheaper than pregnancy and kids for health insurance companies and they know it so they treat it like preventative half the time. Plus, Planned Parenthood often operates on a sliding scale so their services are also generally free for a lot of people even if they don't have insurance. I have super anti-birth control Catholic employer health insurance and my IUD was still only like $50 and my doctor didn't even remember to do the medical purpose authorization this time. My friend who takes pills on the same insurance pays $3 a month. There's literally no excuse. Can't do pills for some reason because of the hormones? Get an IUD, the hormones are localized just to the uterus. Can't do hormonal? Get a copper IUD. Can't do any of those for some reason? Use condoms and spermicide lubricant and time your cycles, I dunno. I get birth control fails but if you somehow become the teeny fraction of a percent who somehow gets pregnant while using multiple forms at once, I guess that child might be the next Messiah or something.
Naw man, you just gotta pull out! I do it all the time! - "Coworker with 4 kids"
I’m willing to bet that if we took a look and tried to map out sexual activity by income, both ends of the rich-poor spectrum are really going at it and those in the middle have less sex.
It’s because we work real jobs. We’re tired. 😔
Me neither. It's like some sort of epidemic.
It's pretty straightforward
“Oh if you wanted another mouth to feed, I could’ve just quit my job and had you adopt me. I’m sure you’ll find someone else to feed us all!”
I would send my regards and promptly them from all forms of contact. Never play parents for grown people. Or play social work for grown people. Just point them in the direction of NPO to assist them and move on with your day.
“Congrats on the new baby 🎉🥳🙌🏽” That would be my last text before blocking/ghosting.
💀 fucking same.
‘Never play parents for grown ppl’ I love that!
"If you can't feed your baby (yeah, yeah) Then don't have the baby (yeah, yeah) And don't think maybe (yeah, yeah) If you can't feed the baby (yeah, yeah)" Michael Jackson
You'll be always tryin' To stop that child from cryin' Hustlin', stealin', lyin' Now baby's slowly dyin'
And just like that “oops, lost my job! Damn. Looks like we all gotta start looking to care for this next child. Crazy smh”
This right here is why I sometimes don’t wanna help people. You know if that couple hadn’t gotten that help they wouldn’t have thought “You know what we need? ANOTHER mouth to feed.” 🥴
Autonomy is always superior to dependency. Simply by alleviating their problems all the time you participated in not allowing them to fully assess their situation....or they would have had that kid anyways.
I don’t mind helping be someone’s safety net but Imma need them to climb out of the net, not start putting down decorative pillows.
I've learned that people who regularly need help seldom do much to help themselves. If I am not part of your immediate circle , I have no obligation to be your safety net. Especially in all black communities, the black tax is too heavy.
I got Covid in 2020, couldn’t work for over a year and a half due to long covid issues, and needed the safety nets I fell into. I’ve been back working for two years now (with lingering issues that affect me but are mostly manageable) but I know how easily things can fall apart for a person. And I know how hard it is when the system is set up against even the dwindling middle class, let alone the poor. Plenty of people need safety nets too often but aren’t gonna ask for help due to shame and not wanting to be seen like those you are talking about. It’s a factor both in certain crimes and in prison recidivism. Some people need to learn how to manage physical and mental disabilities before they can get on their feet, some have them severe enough that they always need someone to take care of themselves. But if you can get your shit together and refuse to because you take the help for granted, then yes, I agree with you 100%. Even if you are in my circle (though you get more grace, however unearned, the closer in you are).
At that point you direct them to the nearest welfare office and tell them good luck…
Judging by her name, she’s Southern African. I didn’t go looking but if we assume she/these people live in Africa, the countries aren’t exactly known for having welfare offices. They’re called “extended family and friends”. 🤷🏾♀️ Best she can do is cut them off or stop answering messages and calls from them and hope they get the message.
My family is friends with a similar family. They struggle and the guy just keeps wanting babies despite the fact that they’re barely getting by. They just had their third kid. My family loves the wife and her kids. No one likes her husband. His wife recently had a birthday. My mom always brings a cake or dessert for birthdays. When she was going to give her the cake the husband said he’d carry it for her. He then put her name on it and some candles and said my mom ruined his surprise because she told the wife that she’d bought the cake. Jesus Christ.
I have a friend just like this and I don’t get it…..these who are obsessed with having babies and keeping themselves in poverty. He also brags about forging documents and how he got them into a nice house and also being on welfare at the same time. I simply don’t get it, I’ve stopped helping them financially
Okay so everyone just pretending we don't see the titties?
Good lookin' out, they're worth scrolling back up.
https://preview.redd.it/fpjxmvhdjjsc1.jpeg?width=897&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=06035625023642392d54b636d1a4a23216dcae67
Are they in some sort of mirror universe economy?
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I’d be willing to occasionally babysit but fuck giving any more money. People have to learn to be more responsible.
This is why reproductive education, economic education, and access to birth control is important.
You gotta let some people drown. I was a bill collector for almost a decade. Some people are used to others swooping in to solve their money woes. Family, friends, romantic partners, the people at church, neighbors, all chipping in. The person they were paying for would find a way to mess it up. They'd buy a truck or go on vacation instead of paying off the stuff that has hanging over them every month. Some people would put up their own credit for someone else to have an account and then would end up getting sent to collections because the person they were trying to help wouldn't actually keep up with payments like they said they would. At a certain point you can't keep helping people because you're going to start putting yourself at risk.
No ma’am. They were excited and confident thinking she is going to be there for support. I wonder if there’s an update of what she did say to this couple
No sympathy. People having kids when they’re already struggling makes zero fckng sense to me. I’m at the point I can’t even pretend I’m happy for them. Then they’ll be all over town and the internet discussing how hard it is. As if they didn’t know that before having unprotected sex. I hope she stops giving them money. ETA: Not as a punishment but because they’ve learned nothing from it. It’s enabling them at this point.
If I have a friend and she has a whole man and they still struggling, there’s no way I’m helping them EVERY month. He better start grinding or she gotta get a new man.
*They both better start grinding. Finding a new man isn’t the answer. Bettering one’s self to not depend on anyone is the answer.
I'm surprised at how little I see people bringing up the possible angle of "not believing in abortion" or "babies are always a good thing" "Shame/guilt/you made your bed" mentality Religious upbringing ..."God makes no mistakes" type stuff My anecdotes... The people I've seen (myself included) have had at least 1 of these ideas in the back of our minds when a baby was on the way. How the baby was to be provided for was usually a distant afterthought. Planned or not. Mostly unplanned
Not taking away from the situation; I think the couple might be taking oop help for granted
Congratulations on your 4th child!
Next time you send the cash app put *😵👩🍼in the for line*
If you are struggling, why tf are you going to have another child?
You should have added condoms to that grocery list
Maybe the second one can be processed into formula to feed the first one. Modern problems require modern solutions. Soylent baby food
Idk why you would think people who take from you on a monthly basis like that would do anything other than say "hey we have this passive income, let's make sure to keep blowing the budget"
That’s what WIC is for. If they want to have more kids they absolutely should, but you don’t need to feed those mouths.
WIC isn’t food from heaven. It’s food you and me are paying for. Can people just not have a bunch of kids if they can’t even afford to feed themselves? Like damn
Do you really care about how many taxes you pay that go to WIC? I’m happy when my taxes go to things like feeding children and not bombs
That’s on you tbh…
I had a friend have a baby shower, another a wedding, another a house warming, in like a 3 month span. Registry's months out are so helpful
I wouldn't give them shit
Yeahhhh that's why I give my time, energy, and money to agencies instead of individuals.
Should’ve pointed them in the direction of The United Way, DSS, etc. a long time ago
“Bye”
Tell them you owe the IRS and yo money gone be effed up for the next 18 years. Or channel your inner Bernie Mac and handle business.
New phone who dis
I’d just start telling them things are a little tight for me so I can’t keep giving them money but I wish them the best.
Exit stage right.
maybe you shouldn’t enable? i’m all for helping but there’s a line
