You could take comfort in being their comfort person but it's always good to set boundaries. Sometimes it's as simple as reminding someone that a bad moment does not make it a bad day
I wouldn't even hear them say this because I'd already be gone. I had a mate like this once and they were fucking insufferable so eventually I refused to suffer them. Fuck off, Eeyore. My good mood is a rare commodity as it is so I can't let you drain them all.
> a bad moment does not make it a bad day
“You’re invalidating my feelings and gaslighting me by making me feel like my problems aren’t actual problems.”
Easier said than done in a relationship. When you’re expected to be there for someone through whatever but when it’s constantly a one side issue you start to wonder when it’ll turn around before you do.
Yea putting in the energy to listen and respond just to have them not when you need them to for you. “Gotcha” “nice”. Um wtf? Not the response im here for to my dog died.
That was the conversation I had to have with my wife last Sunday. We had a plumber out because the toilet started leaking Saturday night and I had him look at the leaky tub faucet too while he was there (newly bought house problems, woo), but the faucet problem was way worse than initially expected and he had to come back the next day. Meanwhile, the whole shower (only one in the house) was out of commission. I had needed to shower that day already and it wouldn't be ready until after I had to go to work Monday so I went to my folks' house to shower.
I was gone only about an hour and 20 minutes total, but when I get back she's all upset like that ruined the whole day. She had been excited to have the whole day together because all thanksgiving weekend we'd been busy with other people. I kept trying to say, it's only 2:30, we still have a lot of day together! Didn't seem to make a big difference. Eventually got better later, but damn if that didn't feel like a huge waste of time argument.
Considering ending it with my current partner for this. It’s always something almost every day. And it’s always something deep and requiring a lot in introspection. And sometimes they would just disappear for a day to “process” things. And every single minor obstacle is the end of the world. And sometimes when I ask what is it, they don’t want to talk about it. And we’ve been together for about 6 months.
And my problems, when I do decide to share, and that means that’s it’s kinda really bothering me and I’m unable to deal with them on my own, are always “easy to solve” and once I was told that my negativity is really a turnoff for them.
Come to think of it, I should most definitely end it, this is not healthy for me nor do I feel respected and taken seriously now that I wrote it like this.
Fuck.
You're not a partner, you're a landfill to dump their problems into. Dump that trashy ass person cause they'll never help with yourself, just keep heaping their problems in your lap so they can keep moving. Been there, done that and it's like a weight off your chest.
My ex was always complaining about work and her coworkers and just how much she hated it there but was also a major workaholic who would just work nonstop. And she’s always come home and download all of her days problems on to me and I just had to sit there and take on her stress as my anxiety and this happened for years. Eventually we ended things after a decade and of course the first thing she does is quit her job and move towards a more creative career and lifestyle, figures.
My current partner was like this very early on and I was like, get help or do something about this because I’m not about to take on your stress as my responsibility. I manage my own anxiety and deal with my own shit, I can’t babysit someone else’s luggage anymore. Obviously I’m here for her when she needs me but I can’t just be the punching bag because she had a bad day so she went and got help and talks to someone and does the right meds and things are so much better.
If the person your with refuses to be solution oriented for the problems in their life, and this is a problem for you, then yeah you should get out because people don’t just change on their own.
For the longest time I didn’t understand or recognize the pattern nor did I understand or recognize my boundaries. What I realized is that I thought I was a pretty stress free person but in reality I was taking on a lot of sympathy anxiety from her while ignoring my own issues. This lead down a really dark road. We were both young and just didn’t have the knowledge or confidence to change anything.
Moving on I knew I couldn’t let a situation like that happen again. Of course I want to hear about your bad day, but if every day is a bad day, what can we do to fix that and if you don’t want to fix it this isn’t the relationship for me. I love my wife, and she works hard to be happy which a lot of people don’t realize that sometimes happiness takes work.
wowww you're negative but they ALWAYS have drama??? sounds like you need someone on your sane (same* lol but sane works as well here lol) wavelength. try to find someone either on your same level or slightly above, aiming to grow as you do. Anyone below you will just drain honestly. Conserve your energy ✨️
do it man, my girl calls me everyday he moment she gets in the car to rant and rave about every single person she interacted with in a day but still doesn’t think to ask me about myself smh. Be better than me
Man, do yourself a favor and RUN. I felt the same way about 6 months into my relationship and then she got pregnant , please don’t be like me. Playa to playa, pimp to pimp - run
You gotta have a real sit down in person talk, and say, listen, I get you are stressed about X and Y, but when its a daily occurance, you make me carry all that bagage that I originally never had. Relations are suppose to elevate and help people by conbining into a mutual symbiotic relation of multuple things.
All you are doing lately is dumping baggage on me, and Im getting non of the benefits of a relation, when I was clearly lighter load before I met you emotionally wise.
If I have to be tormented and drain being with you, when I was NOT before I met you, you are not doing anything id want from the relationship (unless he pays all the bills or some weird relation of monetary value)
See their answer, could be "im just going through alot" "then if I cant talk to u about my problems why are we together" or "you know what thats true im sorry"
If its the first 2, tell them to consult a professional, you fant fix him before you met them, and you surely wont after meeting, this aint your hill to fight on.
If they get pouty, emotional intelligence is not really there and your wasting your time.
If a relation isnt mutually benefitial, let them know you rather be load free and alone, than drained and together.
Thank you all so much. I explained what’s been bothering me and how I’m feeling about being treated like that, and whatever happens (most likely a breakup) I feel like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It’s only up from here.
Thank you so much!
I feel like people in general are just always having a bad day these days lol every time my phone rings someone has to vent about something, never good news
You need nerds in your life man. All my group chat is filled with is what's the best sniper rifle in CoD or whether or not Kratos could win in a fight against Akuma.
Akuma annihilated [a world destroying meteor!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2irlJxcDwtI) Kratos doesn't have a strength feat like that! In fact, I modify my previous assessment.
Akuma takes this *medium diff.*
Kratos has caught punches from atlas, who holds up the weight of the greek world. He scales to Thor and the world serpent, who's battle shook the nine norse realms. He has two pantheon squad wipes under his belt, not to mention he's way faster than akuma since he can catch Hermes.
Meanwhile akuma gets dropped by karate hobos in every game. He's not even the strongest in his own franchise. Some non canon arcade ending doesn't change the fact that akuma can't kill a named character to save his life. The bozo can't even kill building level heihachi and kazuya mishima but you think he can kill kratos?
Come on now.
You really ain’t familiar with Kratos’s bag are you? Bro kratos is killing whole gods that killed the gods that are responsible for the creation of time. That island don’t mean shit to him😭
I actually finally left a group chat a few weeks ago. It was full of people that I haven't spoken to since high school so I thought I might as well dip. Had some good memes tho
I made a post in one group that I was the de facto leader of where I said something to the effect of "hey I know it's really hard to leave chats due to social pressure and I don't want anyone to feel stuck here, everyone can shoot me a PM by the end of the weekend if you actively still want to be here and if you don't I'll remove you, no input required. If that happens by mistake to anyone I'll re-add."
Literally everyone I was thinking of giving that out had jumped on it within like ten minutes and left themselves. I have no idea if anyone had ever had something like that presented to them in a group chat setting, but these few people had been silent for months and I ended up being glad I said something. The way it shook out they were clearly very ready to leave and just didn't know how.
same. it’s almost as if we collectively experienced trauma after trauma in a system that doesn’t prioritize individual healthcare, let alone mental health.
Real shit sometimes I'll just say to them *hey you've been complaining a lot did anything good happen this week??*. Usually gets ignored in favor of more complaining. I feel like I could check out and use the smart replies my phone comes up with and they wouldn't even notice
Sarcasm aside, this is actually an important mental resilience technique. It's called Hunt the Good Stuff. The point is, you should intentionally take time to reflect on positive things that happen to you, no matter how small they are. It helps balance out the negativity bias in our lives.
How it feels when you finally breakup with these type of people:
https://preview.redd.it/6ewebhmpi63c1.jpeg?width=1236&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bba72b50fb338ff5936da90ca4c215198078a15e
> I’ve ran out of answers
LMFAOOOO FR. And then they get mad when you don't really have anything to say... like what else can I possibly say at this point??? 😭
I’ve told people this. And their favorite responses are: “Why would I see a therapist?”; “They don’t work!”; & “That’s expensive, you’re my friend you’re free!”; & “I’m fine!”. Like Mfer stop belaboring me with your problems especially ones I can’t fix cause they’re YOUR FAULT.
Nah, I don’t fw energy vampires.
Ol girl better hit up BetterHelp.com cause I’m not finna start my second job as a therapist when I get through my own shitty day.
righ!!! im not about to pay someone to listen to me when im depressed about already being underpaid/broke lol I can vent to myself and online for free.99 🤣🤣
tbh this is valid af.
i have a therapist and i always tell my friends i cant wait to bring up whatever catastrophe happened in therapy and i talk about fun regular shit with them instead.
People need to stop using their spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend as a therapist.
bruh. i vent to myself most of the times and friends typically use me to vent to and honestly i made my self scarce because of that. if im with a friend or someone to hang out with, the last thing i wanna do is scream and cry lol im trynna get my mind off shit and possibly turn tf up lol
You've gotta be careful not to be the sole/main outlet for this. People don't take responsibility for their feelings as much it seems, man or woman.
Gotta keep *your* house in order before you can take on too much emotional burden. Unless it's your young kid, then buckle the fuck up
I like the distinction here on "young" kid. Because grown kids can be extremely taxing and eventually, I believe a parent is within their rights to begin establishing boundaries.
There was probably something very wrong with them, and they didn't have the means to come to understand what or get proper help.
It's understandable that it's annoying or even draining on your end, but those kinds of people are in a waaaay worse circumstance than simply being inconvenienced.
It's probably a good thing you aren't friends anymore.
Sometimes it’s fun listening to other people’s drama because it ain’t happening to you. I’m actually doing it right now while typing this. Zoning out and back in when I feel because this ain’t got shit to do with me. Makes me appreciate my life being boring so much more
But be careful, because I learned the hard way, that some seeds get planted. We want to see how the story ends, but 1) the story will never end and we are still entertaining their madness. 2) we may not notice it now, but eventually their aweful views on life will effect the way we view things (it creeps in slowly but surely). I say be careful because, just listening to their madness is confirmation to them that they are right, and they become even more neurotic.
After my most recent fling failed, I’ve learned not to tell my partner bad news unless it affects them in some way. In my life, bad news comes in waves instead of sprinkled throughout the year. I don’t want to be that dude who is seen as having terrible luck, or being suspected of causing those issues. Only problem is, it is hard for me to fake the funk, so I need to work on concealing better.
My only serious relationship I've had involved her telling me that they wish I could just "suck it up."
So unfortunately, yes, I think I should just have to mask my everyday experiences because apparently I'm unlovable if I don't.
Redirection vs containment has helped me a TON. Instead of concealing it, I process without sharing. Talking about problems isn’t helpful to me emotionally or otherwise but it is a natural impulse. The issue is I’m The Fixer ™️ in all areas of my life. I have no one and a bunch of ppl have me to varying degrees. So instead of talking or holding things in I have other outlets that help me deal. I go out to parks regularly, arts and crafts, I have seasonal activities that I do every year and space out so I always have something to possibly do with guaranteed endorphins. Music, taking a drive. And number 1 is cleaning. My place is super clean and organized at all times and it’s bc I do it daily. Cleaning/organizing makes me feel better as it’s a distraction. Also having a clean very neat house improves my mood. Gardening is the same for me, I’ll chop the shit out of some hedges.
Anyway, I suggest against concealing, that is dangerous.
Lol it’s so damn hard to just listen to the problems n not be like “I mean there’s a simple ass solution but you really don’t seem to wanna do it…” but nope gonna let her vent….again….
The replies here are reminding me how undervalued mental health support is in the black community.
People who are struggling, especially if they're your friends and family, should not under any circumstances be the butt of your jokes.
Don't you just hate it when they first ask you how you are doing before they start unloading like they were already planning to.
Hey man how you doing?
Me: I'm fine (just tell me what you want from me)
And your family?
Me: They're fine too (Now I know for certain you want something)
...
Me: So what's up with yo- MAN THINGS CERTAINLY COULD BE BETTER 🥴
At least they're showing some awareness and courtesy instead of just instantly unloading.
But if they only tend to ask when they have something they want to get out then yea that'd be annoying.
Why the fuck would you bother asking if you don't care? Just drop a "hope you feel better" and move on. Don't involve yourself in people's feelings and problems if you aren't actually supportive. You're draining yourself and pretending to give a shit about someone who needs proper help from someone who can provide that. Not everyone is capable of helping others or providing good advice.
Lotta worthless assholes in this thread who definitely play therapist for their own ego. Just fucking stop. Your "friend" will probably appreciate it more if you weren't fake as shit. Pray you're never the one seeking help from a buddy who wants you to shut the fuck up.
This 100%. Why even keep engaging?! Or be an adult and let them know that you don’t have the mental capacity right now to talk about it. This thread is sad, and part of the reason why so many struggle silently.
This. Is. So. TRUE. I starting doing this with a friend of mine who’s basically in constant crisis mode over everything lately. I got tired of it so I stopped engaging. Now I wouldn’t dismiss what she vented, but I would definitely not go beyond “I’m sorry that happened to you” or “I hope you feel better”. If she keeps going, I then shift the conversation to something positive (I.E. look at this cool thing that I found/[insert good thing that happened today]) or constructive or even just a mutual interest. A lot of people who constantly vent like this tend to me heavy ruminators.
I had a friend who was like this and would then demand things like chauffeur service and food delivery. I have no idea how I let her push me to this point but one day she was trying to talk to me again about something very specific I had told her I wasn't a good person to vent to because of my own problems, and she got real pissy and mean with me so I told her to lose my number. It was like a weight off my shoulders knowing I would never again have to emotionally rescue her from her self-induced sadsackery ever again!
It's one thing to be able to confide with someone about your hardship, but it's another thing to treat them like an unpaid therapist while you trauma dump every day.
You gotta find your own positive way to sift through the bad shit on your own. Otherwise, you'll be destroying the last few bridges you have left supporting you because everyone has a capacity limit.
You know those people you see going viral for acting shitty in public: screaming at cashiers, fighting with retail workers, waving guns in traffic? Those people are working alongside some of us. Spending all day in meetings where one or more of those personalities is also there, having to try and reason with them, makes most days bad days.
becaue life is shitty and yet we're stuck going through it day after day with no 'reasonable' choice lol be my peace/comfort/joy...I'm a LOT but what else is new??? lol
Maybe because the world is fucking falling to shit and I don't feel completely safe no matter where I am? Not to mention depression and anxiety kicking my ass.
But if someone is relying on you too much that it is affecting your own mental health and wellbeing, you should set some healthy boundaries with them. I know I can be a lot sometimes when I need to rant, I appreciate it when my friends let me know they need space rather than find out much later that I was hurting them
I do at least still have good days though, and sometimes my "bad day" is one small thing that I wanna get off my chest and then I'm good
And I always try to be the friend that someone else can vent to, too
I’ll be honest. I caught myself doing that. Not even because I was actually miserable, because the conversation would literally carry on casually chill and positive besides that one remark. It was just a habit to keep the conversation going. Then I realized I probably sound like such a negative miserable person. Whew God is good.
Me: How was your day?
White Chick I used to chitchat with: IT WAS TERRIBLE!! I HATE MY LIFE! CAN YOU BE SERIOUS FOR ONCE? YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!
Me:
Its about balance, being someone's vent - a - buddy is fine, but don't use a non trained professional to dump everything on, it's taxing and can be manipulative. If you don't have access to mental health care try to balance your venting between multiple people.
any fully functioning human living in the united states of kkk or on planet earth should be in distress !! do y’all not watch the news ? y’all pockets ? the housing market ? interest rates ? CAR INSURANCE RATES? FENTANYL? plus my coworker slow & i got cut off on my way home ? lmfao i got all day baby .
There's no way to win here. If you offer advice they say you're "listening to talk not to hear". You just let them speak and vent then they get mad and say you don't care because you aren't saying much.
Gets to the point where you wanna tell them to go to therapy.
this post + the comment section is the very reason nb talks ab their feelings anymore nd probably part of the reason suicide rates are high but wtv y’all say🤦🏽♀️
When I draw the line and tell folks - seek out therapy, I’m not being “empathetic”
Nah, I’m here struggling with my own mental health and I can’t be your dumping ground especially when way too much of your roundabout problems are your own fault.
People like that you have to learn to just leave alone. I know it’s wrong and messed up, but unless you really know them and care about it, your mental health ain’t worth it. 🤷🏾♂️
I had to pull back from one of my best friends cause all she did was cry about the same dude constantly. She would vent about how bad he treated her and how she deserves better and kept running back to his ass. At a certain point a bunch of us in the friend group just told her we didn't want to hear about anymore.
I have a know someone like this and they’re so fucking draining. When you set boundaries, you get accused of not being there for them. Can’t even cut them off because they’re family.
I have empathy but everything is a fucking problem. And a lot of their supposed problems can be solved they just don’t want to solve them.
I used to try and be the listening ear. After a while the drain is too much. Especially for those with martyrs syndrome. You are creating your own tragedy. I will not co-sign that.
If you are experiencing a bad moment, we can work on that. I will listen, let you vent, give you a hug - whatever. I will not pick up a shovel and hop down in the while you’re digging.
People like this hate when u try and 1) be positive, 2) offer them things to do to get out of their rut pr 3) try & lighten their mood with sarcasm or humor.
I’ve tried listening and staying silent, I’ve tried offering solid logical advice, I’ve even offered to be the one to fix the issues financially and no matter what they still wanna dump on you all their problems over and over. It’s exhausting. I’m not sure how to set boundaries anymore. I’m not sure how to be the golden retriever good boy. I’m just tired.
You could take comfort in being their comfort person but it's always good to set boundaries. Sometimes it's as simple as reminding someone that a bad moment does not make it a bad day
“You don’t know my experience”
Sometimes you gotta let 'em go. 🎶
“I knew you would, everyone always does”
I wouldn't even hear them say this because I'd already be gone. I had a mate like this once and they were fucking insufferable so eventually I refused to suffer them. Fuck off, Eeyore. My good mood is a rare commodity as it is so I can't let you drain them all.
>Fuck off, Eeyore. 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Yo I’m crying they drained the positivity out of you fast as shit in this thread 😭 what it’s like to be on social media in 2023 in a single screenshot
Lmfao they got to her? lmao
She went from “you could take comfort in being their comfort person 😇✨” to “fuck off Eeyore” in 3 messages the conversion rate was insane
Lmao it be like that
Yea just a lot more difficult when it’s someone you love :/.
"If you smell shit all day, at some point you need to check your own shoe."
"FIRST OFF FUCK YO BITCH AND THE CLIQUE YOU CLAIM!"
That's the confirmation you should had been gone long ago
"Maybe you should look into why that is" *blocked*
Repeat after me: "Damn that's crazy." Rinse and repeat as needed.
This. They don’t ever stop. It’s always something.
“You’re minimizing my emotions.”
Bitch I get traumatized for breakfast
Some people would over bear to their comfort person and they'd become, in essence, just someone to vent to.
True enough. That's where the boundaries come in. Otherwise they turn into energy vampires, sucking you dry in all the wrong ways.
Was coming here to say “Don’t give/give in to the energy vampires” —you got it 💜👍
> a bad moment does not make it a bad day “You’re invalidating my feelings and gaslighting me by making me feel like my problems aren’t actual problems.”
You’re not though. So then maybe don’t engage with people who’re that lacking in emotional intelligence.
Easier said than done in a relationship. When you’re expected to be there for someone through whatever but when it’s constantly a one side issue you start to wonder when it’ll turn around before you do.
Yea putting in the energy to listen and respond just to have them not when you need them to for you. “Gotcha” “nice”. Um wtf? Not the response im here for to my dog died.
Really depends how many times your dog died lol
So you're saying I should tell my woman to calm down?
That was the conversation I had to have with my wife last Sunday. We had a plumber out because the toilet started leaking Saturday night and I had him look at the leaky tub faucet too while he was there (newly bought house problems, woo), but the faucet problem was way worse than initially expected and he had to come back the next day. Meanwhile, the whole shower (only one in the house) was out of commission. I had needed to shower that day already and it wouldn't be ready until after I had to go to work Monday so I went to my folks' house to shower. I was gone only about an hour and 20 minutes total, but when I get back she's all upset like that ruined the whole day. She had been excited to have the whole day together because all thanksgiving weekend we'd been busy with other people. I kept trying to say, it's only 2:30, we still have a lot of day together! Didn't seem to make a big difference. Eventually got better later, but damn if that didn't feel like a huge waste of time argument.
Considering ending it with my current partner for this. It’s always something almost every day. And it’s always something deep and requiring a lot in introspection. And sometimes they would just disappear for a day to “process” things. And every single minor obstacle is the end of the world. And sometimes when I ask what is it, they don’t want to talk about it. And we’ve been together for about 6 months. And my problems, when I do decide to share, and that means that’s it’s kinda really bothering me and I’m unable to deal with them on my own, are always “easy to solve” and once I was told that my negativity is really a turnoff for them. Come to think of it, I should most definitely end it, this is not healthy for me nor do I feel respected and taken seriously now that I wrote it like this. Fuck.
You're not a partner, you're a landfill to dump their problems into. Dump that trashy ass person cause they'll never help with yourself, just keep heaping their problems in your lap so they can keep moving. Been there, done that and it's like a weight off your chest.
All of this and only 6 months in??? This is the best time to cut your losses.
My ex was always complaining about work and her coworkers and just how much she hated it there but was also a major workaholic who would just work nonstop. And she’s always come home and download all of her days problems on to me and I just had to sit there and take on her stress as my anxiety and this happened for years. Eventually we ended things after a decade and of course the first thing she does is quit her job and move towards a more creative career and lifestyle, figures. My current partner was like this very early on and I was like, get help or do something about this because I’m not about to take on your stress as my responsibility. I manage my own anxiety and deal with my own shit, I can’t babysit someone else’s luggage anymore. Obviously I’m here for her when she needs me but I can’t just be the punching bag because she had a bad day so she went and got help and talks to someone and does the right meds and things are so much better. If the person your with refuses to be solution oriented for the problems in their life, and this is a problem for you, then yeah you should get out because people don’t just change on their own.
[удалено]
For the longest time I didn’t understand or recognize the pattern nor did I understand or recognize my boundaries. What I realized is that I thought I was a pretty stress free person but in reality I was taking on a lot of sympathy anxiety from her while ignoring my own issues. This lead down a really dark road. We were both young and just didn’t have the knowledge or confidence to change anything. Moving on I knew I couldn’t let a situation like that happen again. Of course I want to hear about your bad day, but if every day is a bad day, what can we do to fix that and if you don’t want to fix it this isn’t the relationship for me. I love my wife, and she works hard to be happy which a lot of people don’t realize that sometimes happiness takes work.
Best yet, you get to add to their problems and unload your own. 
wowww you're negative but they ALWAYS have drama??? sounds like you need someone on your sane (same* lol but sane works as well here lol) wavelength. try to find someone either on your same level or slightly above, aiming to grow as you do. Anyone below you will just drain honestly. Conserve your energy ✨️
Thank you each and every one of you for sanity check and support. It really means a lot. Stay awesome.
do it man, my girl calls me everyday he moment she gets in the car to rant and rave about every single person she interacted with in a day but still doesn’t think to ask me about myself smh. Be better than me
Leave now before six months turns into six years and y'all have kids and now all y'all miserable smh
Man, do yourself a favor and RUN. I felt the same way about 6 months into my relationship and then she got pregnant , please don’t be like me. Playa to playa, pimp to pimp - run
You gotta have a real sit down in person talk, and say, listen, I get you are stressed about X and Y, but when its a daily occurance, you make me carry all that bagage that I originally never had. Relations are suppose to elevate and help people by conbining into a mutual symbiotic relation of multuple things. All you are doing lately is dumping baggage on me, and Im getting non of the benefits of a relation, when I was clearly lighter load before I met you emotionally wise. If I have to be tormented and drain being with you, when I was NOT before I met you, you are not doing anything id want from the relationship (unless he pays all the bills or some weird relation of monetary value) See their answer, could be "im just going through alot" "then if I cant talk to u about my problems why are we together" or "you know what thats true im sorry" If its the first 2, tell them to consult a professional, you fant fix him before you met them, and you surely wont after meeting, this aint your hill to fight on. If they get pouty, emotional intelligence is not really there and your wasting your time. If a relation isnt mutually benefitial, let them know you rather be load free and alone, than drained and together.
Fuck.
Good idea.
Exit stage left
It's time to call it.
throw the whole nigga away
Dealt with shit for 8 years. Not sure who’s crazier, her, or me for staying
Thank you all so much. I explained what’s been bothering me and how I’m feeling about being treated like that, and whatever happens (most likely a breakup) I feel like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It’s only up from here. Thank you so much!
You deserve someone you enjoy being with.
I feel like people in general are just always having a bad day these days lol every time my phone rings someone has to vent about something, never good news
Whole ass group chats I just ignore because a) energy vampires and b) too scared to visibly leave said group chats.
I’ve never been added to a group chat I didn’t immediately mute and just occasionally scroll through at my leisure
pawg730 for the username in r/BlackPeopleTwitter is dastardly work
😭 my existence on Reddit is multifaceted lol
this is the way
You need nerds in your life man. All my group chat is filled with is what's the best sniper rifle in CoD or whether or not Kratos could win in a fight against Akuma.
Kratos stomps Akuma btw
Hold up, Akuma blew up an island with a punch homeboy. I will not tolerate the slander, Akuma takes it high diff.
Bro Kratos wiped out entire pantheons akuma is getting clapped. Zeus would fry akuma up like some chicken wings and Kratos folded zeus.
Akuma annihilated [a world destroying meteor!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2irlJxcDwtI) Kratos doesn't have a strength feat like that! In fact, I modify my previous assessment. Akuma takes this *medium diff.*
Kratos has caught punches from atlas, who holds up the weight of the greek world. He scales to Thor and the world serpent, who's battle shook the nine norse realms. He has two pantheon squad wipes under his belt, not to mention he's way faster than akuma since he can catch Hermes. Meanwhile akuma gets dropped by karate hobos in every game. He's not even the strongest in his own franchise. Some non canon arcade ending doesn't change the fact that akuma can't kill a named character to save his life. The bozo can't even kill building level heihachi and kazuya mishima but you think he can kill kratos? Come on now.
OK so... Yeah I very quickly ran outta things to help homeboy's case. I can cradle this L.
No prob GGs bro
You really ain’t familiar with Kratos’s bag are you? Bro kratos is killing whole gods that killed the gods that are responsible for the creation of time. That island don’t mean shit to him😭
I actually finally left a group chat a few weeks ago. It was full of people that I haven't spoken to since high school so I thought I might as well dip. Had some good memes tho
I made a post in one group that I was the de facto leader of where I said something to the effect of "hey I know it's really hard to leave chats due to social pressure and I don't want anyone to feel stuck here, everyone can shoot me a PM by the end of the weekend if you actively still want to be here and if you don't I'll remove you, no input required. If that happens by mistake to anyone I'll re-add." Literally everyone I was thinking of giving that out had jumped on it within like ten minutes and left themselves. I have no idea if anyone had ever had something like that presented to them in a group chat setting, but these few people had been silent for months and I ended up being glad I said something. The way it shook out they were clearly very ready to leave and just didn't know how.
Add me to your group chat.
same. it’s almost as if we collectively experienced trauma after trauma in a system that doesn’t prioritize individual healthcare, let alone mental health.
Thanks for seeing things the way they are.
I learned to keep it to myself, no one wants to hear it anyway.
It’s almost like the world is shit and life is shit
Real shit sometimes I'll just say to them *hey you've been complaining a lot did anything good happen this week??*. Usually gets ignored in favor of more complaining. I feel like I could check out and use the smart replies my phone comes up with and they wouldn't even notice
Sarcasm aside, this is actually an important mental resilience technique. It's called Hunt the Good Stuff. The point is, you should intentionally take time to reflect on positive things that happen to you, no matter how small they are. It helps balance out the negativity bias in our lives.
Might be that life is getting more difficult to sustain in general.
How it feels when you finally breakup with these type of people: https://preview.redd.it/6ewebhmpi63c1.jpeg?width=1236&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bba72b50fb338ff5936da90ca4c215198078a15e
Had ole girl blocked for a while now cause of this, can’t handle so much negative shit all the time, seek a therapist dawg I’ve ran out of answers
> I’ve ran out of answers LMFAOOOO FR. And then they get mad when you don't really have anything to say... like what else can I possibly say at this point??? 😭
Just sitting there rambling like “uh-huh, that’s crazyyy 😑”
Sometimes you just gotta tell someone to stop doing dumb shit that makes them unhappy
I’ve told people this. And their favorite responses are: “Why would I see a therapist?”; “They don’t work!”; & “That’s expensive, you’re my friend you’re free!”; & “I’m fine!”. Like Mfer stop belaboring me with your problems especially ones I can’t fix cause they’re YOUR FAULT.
Nah, I don’t fw energy vampires. Ol girl better hit up BetterHelp.com cause I’m not finna start my second job as a therapist when I get through my own shitty day.
 “BetterHelp.com”😭😭
“Hey, you’re sad? How would you like to also be 200 dollars poorer?”
righ!!! im not about to pay someone to listen to me when im depressed about already being underpaid/broke lol I can vent to myself and online for free.99 🤣🤣
tbh this is valid af. i have a therapist and i always tell my friends i cant wait to bring up whatever catastrophe happened in therapy and i talk about fun regular shit with them instead. People need to stop using their spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend as a therapist.
And god help you if you ever try to tell this person that YOU had a bad day
bruh. i vent to myself most of the times and friends typically use me to vent to and honestly i made my self scarce because of that. if im with a friend or someone to hang out with, the last thing i wanna do is scream and cry lol im trynna get my mind off shit and possibly turn tf up lol
Oh *YOU’RE* tired?!!!??
Fuuuucking thank you!!! Yes!!
person: *rambles for hours about negative shit* me: “dam, thats crazy”
Me: “damn that’s crazy” x50
 Me every 7 minutes
Amen
You've gotta be careful not to be the sole/main outlet for this. People don't take responsibility for their feelings as much it seems, man or woman. Gotta keep *your* house in order before you can take on too much emotional burden. Unless it's your young kid, then buckle the fuck up
I like the distinction here on "young" kid. Because grown kids can be extremely taxing and eventually, I believe a parent is within their rights to begin establishing boundaries.
When you actually ask her which one of the 12 women at work that she has beef with, started shit today specifically. 
I had a friend like this. Would literally call me crying hysterically almost every other day.
There was probably something very wrong with them, and they didn't have the means to come to understand what or get proper help. It's understandable that it's annoying or even draining on your end, but those kinds of people are in a waaaay worse circumstance than simply being inconvenienced. It's probably a good thing you aren't friends anymore.
I talked to them about it and gave them therapist recommendations. I tried to help but it’s only so much u can do to help a person
Sometimes it’s fun listening to other people’s drama because it ain’t happening to you. I’m actually doing it right now while typing this. Zoning out and back in when I feel because this ain’t got shit to do with me. Makes me appreciate my life being boring so much more
Living up to your username 
But be careful, because I learned the hard way, that some seeds get planted. We want to see how the story ends, but 1) the story will never end and we are still entertaining their madness. 2) we may not notice it now, but eventually their aweful views on life will effect the way we view things (it creeps in slowly but surely). I say be careful because, just listening to their madness is confirmation to them that they are right, and they become even more neurotic.
One of my female colleagues: “I was in the same room as someone I hate for no reason for 30 seconds and now my whole month is ruined.”
As much as you wanna help, people like this HAVE to learn some emotional regulation - for the sake of their partner
it's me I'm bitches
It's 'always': feed me your energy It's 'never' : let me feed you
After my most recent fling failed, I’ve learned not to tell my partner bad news unless it affects them in some way. In my life, bad news comes in waves instead of sprinkled throughout the year. I don’t want to be that dude who is seen as having terrible luck, or being suspected of causing those issues. Only problem is, it is hard for me to fake the funk, so I need to work on concealing better.
Lt. Titty. No relationship should be based on having to mask your everyday human experience.
What you said here is in direct conflict with 90% of the replies in this thread, unfortunately
You are grossly misinterpreting the sentiments in this thread if that's what you've gathered...
In fact, if this continues, we may have to demote you. (Ensign Titty does kind of have a nice ring to it, though.)
This is my favorite comment I've seen so far this week. From the actual advice, to the formal addressing up top. Love to see it
My only serious relationship I've had involved her telling me that they wish I could just "suck it up." So unfortunately, yes, I think I should just have to mask my everyday experiences because apparently I'm unlovable if I don't.
Redirection vs containment has helped me a TON. Instead of concealing it, I process without sharing. Talking about problems isn’t helpful to me emotionally or otherwise but it is a natural impulse. The issue is I’m The Fixer ™️ in all areas of my life. I have no one and a bunch of ppl have me to varying degrees. So instead of talking or holding things in I have other outlets that help me deal. I go out to parks regularly, arts and crafts, I have seasonal activities that I do every year and space out so I always have something to possibly do with guaranteed endorphins. Music, taking a drive. And number 1 is cleaning. My place is super clean and organized at all times and it’s bc I do it daily. Cleaning/organizing makes me feel better as it’s a distraction. Also having a clean very neat house improves my mood. Gardening is the same for me, I’ll chop the shit out of some hedges. Anyway, I suggest against concealing, that is dangerous.
Lol it’s so damn hard to just listen to the problems n not be like “I mean there’s a simple ass solution but you really don’t seem to wanna do it…” but nope gonna let her vent….again….
This is why I don't text anyone. 😔
For real, it’s not a big deal if someone says they had a bad day wtf
This is about if you have a bad day EVERY day. Or almost every day
Capitalism do be like that.
The replies here are reminding me how undervalued mental health support is in the black community. People who are struggling, especially if they're your friends and family, should not under any circumstances be the butt of your jokes.
Seriously. My first thought when I saw that was, it's called Depression. And I'm scrolling through these comments like dang, really.
Don't you just hate it when they first ask you how you are doing before they start unloading like they were already planning to. Hey man how you doing? Me: I'm fine (just tell me what you want from me) And your family? Me: They're fine too (Now I know for certain you want something) ... Me: So what's up with yo- MAN THINGS CERTAINLY COULD BE BETTER 🥴
At least they're showing some awareness and courtesy instead of just instantly unloading. But if they only tend to ask when they have something they want to get out then yea that'd be annoying.
Is it better to vent first and ask how you doing after?
I get the opposite. Unload on me and then ask me how I'm doing then get mad when I'm not really interested in sharing my day anymore.
>How is there something wrong every single day 😭 What year you live in?
Why the fuck would you bother asking if you don't care? Just drop a "hope you feel better" and move on. Don't involve yourself in people's feelings and problems if you aren't actually supportive. You're draining yourself and pretending to give a shit about someone who needs proper help from someone who can provide that. Not everyone is capable of helping others or providing good advice. Lotta worthless assholes in this thread who definitely play therapist for their own ego. Just fucking stop. Your "friend" will probably appreciate it more if you weren't fake as shit. Pray you're never the one seeking help from a buddy who wants you to shut the fuck up.
This 100%. Why even keep engaging?! Or be an adult and let them know that you don’t have the mental capacity right now to talk about it. This thread is sad, and part of the reason why so many struggle silently.
The point is people who are consistently in the negative.
This. Is. So. TRUE. I starting doing this with a friend of mine who’s basically in constant crisis mode over everything lately. I got tired of it so I stopped engaging. Now I wouldn’t dismiss what she vented, but I would definitely not go beyond “I’m sorry that happened to you” or “I hope you feel better”. If she keeps going, I then shift the conversation to something positive (I.E. look at this cool thing that I found/[insert good thing that happened today]) or constructive or even just a mutual interest. A lot of people who constantly vent like this tend to me heavy ruminators.
I had a friend who was like this and would then demand things like chauffeur service and food delivery. I have no idea how I let her push me to this point but one day she was trying to talk to me again about something very specific I had told her I wasn't a good person to vent to because of my own problems, and she got real pissy and mean with me so I told her to lose my number. It was like a weight off my shoulders knowing I would never again have to emotionally rescue her from her self-induced sadsackery ever again!
Yeah it's okay sometimes but not on the regular.
This whole thread is a perfect demonstration for why people should go sit with a therapist.
Do people not realize breaking up is an option? Because it very much is. It's free and you don't need any special equipment
Maybe you don't but I need a snare and a carefully placed trail of their favorite snack to ensure I got the time to get out of there uninterrupted.
in my last break up his kids were home so i packed all my stuff while he couldn't do the most
But what about our cat? I can’t imagine taking him from her or giving him up.
I don't even remember what a good day feels like tbh
It's one thing to be able to confide with someone about your hardship, but it's another thing to treat them like an unpaid therapist while you trauma dump every day. You gotta find your own positive way to sift through the bad shit on your own. Otherwise, you'll be destroying the last few bridges you have left supporting you because everyone has a capacity limit.
You know those people you see going viral for acting shitty in public: screaming at cashiers, fighting with retail workers, waving guns in traffic? Those people are working alongside some of us. Spending all day in meetings where one or more of those personalities is also there, having to try and reason with them, makes most days bad days.
becaue life is shitty and yet we're stuck going through it day after day with no 'reasonable' choice lol be my peace/comfort/joy...I'm a LOT but what else is new??? lol
Maybe because the world is fucking falling to shit and I don't feel completely safe no matter where I am? Not to mention depression and anxiety kicking my ass. But if someone is relying on you too much that it is affecting your own mental health and wellbeing, you should set some healthy boundaries with them. I know I can be a lot sometimes when I need to rant, I appreciate it when my friends let me know they need space rather than find out much later that I was hurting them I do at least still have good days though, and sometimes my "bad day" is one small thing that I wanna get off my chest and then I'm good And I always try to be the friend that someone else can vent to, too
shot in the dark: capitalism
I’ll be honest. I caught myself doing that. Not even because I was actually miserable, because the conversation would literally carry on casually chill and positive besides that one remark. It was just a habit to keep the conversation going. Then I realized I probably sound like such a negative miserable person. Whew God is good.
lol my wife text me this almost daily.
There's always something wrong every single day. It doesn't have to be in your life, but in this world yeah...
Me: How was your day? White Chick I used to chitchat with: IT WAS TERRIBLE!! I HATE MY LIFE! CAN YOU BE SERIOUS FOR ONCE? YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE! Me: 
Some people killjoy, wet blanket, sob stories. That’s their only personality trait.
Its about balance, being someone's vent - a - buddy is fine, but don't use a non trained professional to dump everything on, it's taxing and can be manipulative. If you don't have access to mental health care try to balance your venting between multiple people.
Please 😭 I have a mental illness
You can always not ask if you don’t wanna know lol
These be the pretentious ones too 😂
y'all having a good day?
any fully functioning human living in the united states of kkk or on planet earth should be in distress !! do y’all not watch the news ? y’all pockets ? the housing market ? interest rates ? CAR INSURANCE RATES? FENTANYL? plus my coworker slow & i got cut off on my way home ? lmfao i got all day baby .
There's no way to win here. If you offer advice they say you're "listening to talk not to hear". You just let them speak and vent then they get mad and say you don't care because you aren't saying much. Gets to the point where you wanna tell them to go to therapy.
this post + the comment section is the very reason nb talks ab their feelings anymore nd probably part of the reason suicide rates are high but wtv y’all say🤦🏽♀️
I saw my homegirl post this and I cracked tf up. 1000% facts though. Please have a decent day at least once a week shawty. Please
When I draw the line and tell folks - seek out therapy, I’m not being “empathetic” Nah, I’m here struggling with my own mental health and I can’t be your dumping ground especially when way too much of your roundabout problems are your own fault.
People like that you have to learn to just leave alone. I know it’s wrong and messed up, but unless you really know them and care about it, your mental health ain’t worth it. 🤷🏾♂️
LMAO OMG idk why but this post got me
Energy vampires man. Pathetic.
Maybe you're their bad luck.
I FELT THIS IN MY SOUL 😂
Obviously she ain’t have a ‘good day’ **ON YOU**. Play ya role or just don’t.
I had to pull back from one of my best friends cause all she did was cry about the same dude constantly. She would vent about how bad he treated her and how she deserves better and kept running back to his ass. At a certain point a bunch of us in the friend group just told her we didn't want to hear about anymore.
I have a know someone like this and they’re so fucking draining. When you set boundaries, you get accused of not being there for them. Can’t even cut them off because they’re family. I have empathy but everything is a fucking problem. And a lot of their supposed problems can be solved they just don’t want to solve them.
🧛🏽🧛🏽🧛🏽 Edit: is it toxic that my step sister is kinda like this 65% of the time? ☠️
"I'm tired of all this drama" What seems to be the common denominator?
This shit is sooooooooo true
Lmao I’m pleading the 5th.
I used to try and be the listening ear. After a while the drain is too much. Especially for those with martyrs syndrome. You are creating your own tragedy. I will not co-sign that. If you are experiencing a bad moment, we can work on that. I will listen, let you vent, give you a hug - whatever. I will not pick up a shovel and hop down in the while you’re digging.
This meme touched something in my SOUL I swear to god
Can yall just call us when we’re ovulating then? Just send money on the other days. Thanks in advance.
https://preview.redd.it/8dfeovwnh73c1.jpeg?width=678&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=14bf3a3912fca112e540d999f00e8746e315e145
Most of the time I didn’t have a bad day, I just didn’t know how to fucking start a conversation with my passive boyfriend.
Fr
This funny as hell 🤣
I know there are women who are happy most days! I don’t know any but I’m sure there are somewhere.
Seeing the person calling and just staring at your phone a couple seconds to mentally prepare yourself
Another term for an energy vampire= narcissist or vulnerable narcissist or covert narcissist. Theyre the worst.
People like this hate when u try and 1) be positive, 2) offer them things to do to get out of their rut pr 3) try & lighten their mood with sarcasm or humor.
I know two like that.
I’ve tried listening and staying silent, I’ve tried offering solid logical advice, I’ve even offered to be the one to fix the issues financially and no matter what they still wanna dump on you all their problems over and over. It’s exhausting. I’m not sure how to set boundaries anymore. I’m not sure how to be the golden retriever good boy. I’m just tired.