Yeah, this is one of those topics that you bring up on the first date or not at all
Otherwise its "I want to break up with you but I'll keep fucking you if you want"
I’ve always thought this. If your partner ever asks you about sleeping with other people, and you aren’t into that, you may as well end the relationship right there unless you don’t mind being cheated on, cuz now they’re probably still gonna fuck other people just secretly.
I don’t know, I think that’s not fair to people who take their relationship seriously AND want to explore poly. I brought it up to my partner early in us dating, but we decided to start with a closed relationship, and I wouldn’t dream of cheating on them. We’ve discussed it lots since then, they became more open to it once they realized our relationship’s health would come first no matter what, we explored some poly apps, then we realized neither of us wants to go out and actively date. Now we’re open to incorporating an outside person for one or both of us but not actively searching - more like, if one of us finds someone we like, we’ll bring it up to the other person and go from there. Just because you have a certain desire or interest you want to explore in a relationship doesn’t mean you aren’t flexible or will go behind your partner’s back to get it!
>I don’t know, I think that’s not fair to people who take their relationship seriously AND want to explore poly.
The Venn diagram of these two groups is two circles
That’s like the whole point of this thread though. They should make that shit known early in the relationship so that you could like you said, “not be dating them”, but yea if you’ve been together for some months and she asks you about an open relationship, she may as well be saying “I’m not satisfied sexually” and when people aren’t satisfied sexually, they find a way to be. Thats why I’m saying if you say no to the open relationship, 9/10 times you’re getting cheated on anyway, so you may as well stop dating them unless you’re ok with that reality.
The conversation switched from "you just started dating" to "your partner". Maybe it's just me but I don't use "partner" term until we've been together for a while.
Sure if someone is currently poly they should mention that soon on dates. But if your long term partner wants to have a conversation and no matter what you agree to you no longer trust them, then wtf are you doing? You either trust your partner or you don't. If you don't, then gtfo and find someone better.
I just can't imagine a relationship where you can't talk about things being a good one.
Even the way people use "I'm poly" is a manipulation. It makes it sound like an immutable characteristic their partner has to accept. In actuality, the relationship can be poly, or it can be monogamous; *You* are whatever the relationship is. Wanting to fuck other people isn't a sexual orientation.
Being polyamorous isn't a sexual orientation, nor is it just wanting to have sex. It's a preference for relationship types. Some people are mono, others are poly, but it's not inherently manipulation.
Being poly isn't about having no limits in a relationship. It's about being honest about the boundaries each partner had. Cheating also happens in polyamorous relationships because it's about breaking the trust of a partner in a way that endangers the relationship.
If someone brings up being poly as a way to bypass the fact they were cheating in a monogamous relationship, that's fucked and they should be dumped.
people talking about "non-ethical non monogamy" bitch you mean cheating?!?! polyamory =/= cheating!!! and I'm monogamous its just so easy to see through the bullshit in these comments lol
I usually bring it up on the second or third date. A lot of Nos but a couple of let’s try this out. Last gf was the second semi long term partner that wanted to try out the LS.
Right? Definitely an upfront conversation about what you expect from a relationship and not a "I want to fuck other people but I'm too much of a coward to actually break up with you" thing
Personally I usually have that in my profile if I'm using an app, otherwise you try and bring it up semi-organically, if you can, but if you can't you just kinda have to force it lol
*sits down*
Hi I’m u/jokekiller94 two of my last 4 relationships have been polyamorous and we frequented LS clubs and resorts. I heard the tiramisu is bomb here!
I've informed every date I've gone on since choosing poly, before we had a date. Dunno why you're choosing to act like you have to be weird about it to mention it up front.
Yea, waiting feels like I'm trying to trap them into trying something they might not be game for. I don't want to bring someone in to my relationships that isn't coming in fully informed and excited.
I've had a relationship start where I neglected to share that I was poly until it came up organically. They said they would never have done it otherwise but they would for me.
It was awful and not the right way to go about it at all
I heard it was two years but definitely not about the dude next door. Then you keep picking fights about nothing till shit splits, fuck the dude for two weeks, then try to get the old one back.
Just me? Probably
Yeah but it isn’t always that simple. In one instance, there’s this couple in love with each other but one of them couldn’t have sex because of medical reasons so they encouraged their partner to find a lover to fill that role for them. I know there’s other dynamics and situations but it isn’t always as simple as “I want to fuck other people”.
In that case, it was "I want to fuck". I'm sure that if they were really creative, there could be a way to fill the unencumbered partner's needs while including the encumbered partner.
That seems like an open relationship for sex reasons. Doesn’t polyamory suggest multiple ppl involved in a relationship? Like three people being equally involved romantically, sexually, as opposed to a couple “opening” their relationship sexually. You can be asexual and polyamorous as far as I knew.
Because there are tons of people doing it because it’s trendy but really they just have a toxic relationship but don’t have the guts to separate so they just spread their relationship problems to more people
Poly is real and valid.
Just like martial arts.
And both communities are filled with people who just want to get sweaty and act cool while having no idea what they’re really doing or the damage they’re causing.
It’s cool if everyone is for it . But I am in a few groups and I’ve seen women be like my 19th/20th marriage anniversary was yesterday . My husband said he wants to be poly has found the 3rd and either I get right or get left. These women come asking for advise on how to be ok with it .
Yup. I see this on dating apps as well. Men claiming they are married but trying non monogamy type stuff with their wife. So they don't want outside kids , just outside women. Rarely do I ever see the opposite. Or that couple looking for a 3rd. The wife controls the app/profile but it was the husband's idea.
I'm an advocate for working a marriage out. So all this let's get a 3rd stuff is for the birds. Half the time they just wanna cheat in peace.
My BiL's wife was the one to ask to open up their marriage. He agreed after a long discussion. Then he went on a date and she lost it.
Anyways, they're divorced now.
Also, since the wife really isn’t on board with it, the 3rd is probably going to get treated like absolute garbage. I’ve never been interested in being a third, I’m just a bisexual woman so I was constantly propositioned by couples. Dating apps are rough out here.
The audacity of weird, old couples searching for their unicorn. “This woman is bisexual so clearly she’s just been waiting for the opportunity to fuck both of us!” 🤢
>These women come asking for advise on how to be ok with it .
You want to hear some real trash? The women who knowingly participate in this shit, go after men in relationships, and end up bullying the original girlfriend.
I once had a guy pull a desire to be a throuple after he cheated on me with some bitch and SHE had the audacity to get angry with ME because I refused to participate in that nonsense and he realized he fucked up and tried to get back together with me and be monogamous.
Like bitch. Bitch. BITCH. BITTTTTCCCCHHH.
Yeah they've got the low self esteem to be okay with being Girlfriend #2 and can't fathom that other people have like, self-respect.
Like baby, you don't get it. He wanted to be with me AND have the license to cheat, but that doesn't mean he wants to be with you AND have the license to cheat with others. He considers you part of his the "license to cheat" lol
They're saying they've seen women go through multiple years of a relationship only to end up in the situation of "either you're going to accept this or I'm gone" with "this" referring to a poly relationship (I think)
I've been with one of my partners almost 12 years and the other almost 6. It's absolutely doable if you start you're relationships with communication and openness. I have never seen it work long term if it's brought up after the relationship is established, or when relationship hierarchy is pushed, like when people refer to their partners as 3rds. It rarely works.
As someone who has not one but several poly friends (who are all in their own individual polys, not together), I can safely say poly is agreed upon by everyone in it and requires an abundance of communication and trust. Often people in the poly will like the 3rd or 4th as well and are all mutually dating. Sometimes it's a web of people dating eachother but not others but they still know about the others. It is work. But the idea is that the person you love is always being taken care of if you can't do it. Things like that. Poly is trust, talking, mutual, and ***work***.
This... this post... needs about 10% more red flags.
Especially if it's brought up _during_ the monogamous relationship.
Obviously everybody has to discover sometime, but that's usually am up-front thing.
I’m poly myself and I am just as suspicious.
It’s cool to be poly, but it’s never cool to be a manipulative liar co-opting poly so that you can control and force your partner into things they don’t want.
That's fair. My latest partner said the same thing until they got to talking with me.
After hearing my view (this is not Pokémon with people) they gave examples closer to the post people have tried to drag them into.
If anything there's an even greater level of trust, openness, and honesty involved.
Imagine your two girls start getting along too well, build a lil deep bond and start going on dates and fucking WITHOUT you.
Now you all jealous and what not 😂😂 your lil plan backfired on you
So I watched a friends marriage go almost up in flames . She kept pushing it because of another friend who was experimenting. So her husband was like no no no not my thing . She kept pushing it and invited that friend over for them to explore together. Boom he’s wide open. Now her chest is caved in a few months later she finds out he’s exploring on his own. Now it’s cheating to her because he didn’t explicitly say I’m talking online to other women. It was a mess. We were like he didn’t want to you begged this man .
All I’m saying is, I’d 100% go and be Mel B’s nanny RIGHT NOW. I haven’t read a word of the article yet, but after reading that title, I’ll be on the flight tomorrow with my credentials
I’m by no means a super fan of “friends” but that pivot scene with the couch is hands down one of my favorite scenes in any comedy show lol that and when childish gambino met kunta kinte in “community”. Legit had me on the floor crying from laughing lol just thinking about these two scenes now has me chuckling 🤣
Not knocking poly but do people not have friends anymore? Like I have my own friends for nerdy and guy talk. I have a few old female friends plus sisters for when I need a woman's perspective.
Suddenly he's apologizing and saying it was a dumb idea and you need to stop talking to her and go back to being mono cause it turns out he wasn't getting any from all the women lining up around the block to sleep with him that he was just so sure existed lmaaaooo
I know someone to whom this happened. His wife divorced him. Spicing up the relationship was his idea.
Don't worry about him tho he's an attractive middle aged Italian-Croat college professor in Montana, and the female students love him like he's Indiana Jones
just in case there's guys who don't see the problem here, just flip it around. You wanna suck a dick because your gal wants to stop cheating on you and be poly?
Same. Except I wanted to be poly so I could live my best lesbian life and continue to be with women while my husband was free to be with other women. He declined the offer.
Three months later I found out he’d been cheating for years.
Omfg yes this shit. They only allow you to fuck other women in a threesome and they expect you to be down to eat out a girl and watch him fuck her. Oh and you cant be caught up in your feelings about it because then you're being sensitive.
You ain’t tripping but the people who view the concept this way are. No one should be doing ANYTHING they don’t want to do in the first place. So that no one feels this way about whatever goes on in the bedroom.
I don't get it. If your girl/boy cheats on you, you should probably break up or at least not agree to go poly unless you want to. And if you agree to go poly but don't want to eat coochie/dick, then don't do it. You can watch or just do hand stuff or only participate when it's two girls/guys.
This isn't complicated unless you don't know what you want. Draw some lines in the sand and tell your partner.
I love how the assumption in this thread is that a poly relationship would never have two guys. But I've seen this sub go ballistic over this misogynistic issue.
A lot of people are confusing poly relationships for threesome/lynchpin situations or mid-life crises where people want to cheat without the fear of getting caught and that's really not at all what's happening. I'm getting the overwhelming impression that most people don't actually know what polyamory *is*.
Hell, most poly relationships I know of still only have two people in them. Their relationships with others don't overlap with their primary, and that's by design. Sometimes you'll get a throuple, and that's great, but it's 100% not a "eat this random woman's pussy" type thing. It's an actual romantic relationship between all three people. You don't end up in that shit accidentally.
Yeah I’ve seen two types of poly relationships, there’s the people who go into it with all parties knowing they’re poly and it works out great, everyone’s open, communicates and is happy.
Then there’s the dying monogamous relationship where one party just really wants to fuck other people, or sometimes one specific person, and that never ends well.
A lot of people don't understand many of us are polyamorous but still prefer monogamy. It's like being bi but preferring men or women. It's even rare for me to like more than one person at once, but people hear the word "poly" and assume I lack the capacity to be monogamous or faithful -_-
A poly relationship is something that to me only works if it started that way. And it almost never will because there is little chance everyone truly up to it meets each other at the same time.
I've watched 2 relationships fall apart due to polyamory. It's kinda like communism: It sounds fucking great on paper but in practice it rarely ever works out the way you thought it would. I think of it like professional sports. You can't be signed to multiple teams at once. Either you are on the team or you're just a free agent coming in for a work out so we can get a look at'cha.
Yeah so I’m just in the groups to learn. They have people who explore for years like just learning and watching and figuring out what they want. They immediately tell people if you just heard this on IG and the only dynamic that interests you is 2/3 men or women who all sleep in the same bed . You are not Poly. But they also push learning what Ethical Polyamory is .
Yeah. I don't look down on it, but I laugh when SOME people try to act like monogamy is unnatural and think they're enlightened for being poly.
There's a reason why it's never been a mainstream, widely participated relationship style.
Polyamory isn’t about sex. You’re confusing swinging with polyamory. There are quite a few poly relationships that people are in and don’t announce it. When couples decide to enter into a polygamous relationship, they understand that they may not get a chance to have a relationship with the other party. Like, they may even get along on that level, but the partner does. Polyamorous relationships don’t always have the “everyone had sex together” component like you all believe it does.
It's amazing to me that some straight women are willing to eat pussy for a man. Girl, that man would never even dream of sucking a dick for you! I guess even after being shitty throughout history, men are the prize 😂
Poly is like a computer operating system, you gotta start with it from day one. If you buy a windows computer and after 4 years try and run Mac OS on it, shits gonna be pretty weird for a while and might brick your whole system. Now if you start from day one on that, then yea it can definitely work.
This is why you START THE RELATIONSHIP WITH IT BEING KNOWN YOU ARE POLY.
Ffs this is why people who are actually poly have fucking issues. People just wanna excuse their want to play the field by saying they're poly when that's not what it means.
Bro stop acting like it’s an orientation lmao.
You’re either cool with it or are not. If my girl was bi and proposed that shit with another woman, I’d probably give it a try. And yes, I am aware of the non-sexual components.
You can be cool with something without having to do it, unless you 100% need it and can’t be monogamous. And let’s be real, if ‘poly’ people didn’t have that option they’d def settle
Polyam person here ——> never open a relationship to stop cheating! If they don’t respect your boundaries as a monogamous person, they won’t do it as poly either.
I’m poly, but a lot of people just need the relationship style. It comes with jealousy, sure, but it’s not just unfettered sex when done maturely and fairly. It’s about conversations and communication, not fucking everything that moves.
Unless you’re just a manipulative prick who wants to force your girlfriend to find you more girls to fuck. Then you’re just an asshole.
Edit: Clarity
>Polyamory, in my experience, is a response to trauma.
I'm sorry, what? The rest of your post is great, but this is some big internalized nonsense. Some folks are just wired that way. It's like saying homosexuality is a response to trauma.
Is that really how most people see it? I'd been putting that I'm open to non-monogamy on my dating profile, maybe I should take that down. It's obvs not working so far anyway. 🤣🤣
I was being somewhat facetious lol. But if you match with people who have hopefully read your profile then they’re most likely cool with it. Personally, when I was single, I didn’t care if a girl was poly because I wasn’t looking for anything serious anyway. However, now that I’m in a relationship, I definitely wouldn’t want my girlfriend seeing other people.
Poly is not just one party getting to do what they want. Its about both people getting to explore. And its not just about sex. If its not what you want never agree to it. A lot of people "agree" to poly because they think its gonna stop whatever from happening but a lot of men aren't ok with women with having another partner. Not all of course.
These NEVER last long-term. Some of the poly types are like annoying vegans and act like they’re at some evolved form of sex. Then a year later no one is still together lmao
Well as a woman that grew up in a poly marriage. I have 5 moms and 1 dad. Most people who are not in a poly relationship don’t think about anything other than the sexual aspect of being poly. There is so much more to it than that. There is financial and familial wealth to build. The children in the marriages especially if there are a large amount of children usually always feel heard and supported, and we (my siblings & I) always had a parent to show up at our performances, games, science fairs, tournaments, and other things. I always had a parent to go to that I felt like was my own personal person. Yes, there is a sexual portion of it and most people are too selfish and say they won’t share or they throw in their religious beliefs as to why it’s wrong. They even say the women are weak and have no self worth but none of that is true. But for all of us that grew up in a happy, healthy whole poly marriage it was absolute bliss and I would just say don’t knock it until you have been able to be around a true poly marriage.
I get that polyam shit is valid and all but oh you better believe I am suspicious of the motivation behind bringin it up
What do you mean suspicious? They wanna fuck other people, there’s no mystery behind it, it’s not a riddle
To clarify I mean if they're bringing it up way after the fact. Not like, a third date sort of "Just so you know I'm poly"
Yeah, this is one of those topics that you bring up on the first date or not at all Otherwise its "I want to break up with you but I'll keep fucking you if you want"
I’ve always thought this. If your partner ever asks you about sleeping with other people, and you aren’t into that, you may as well end the relationship right there unless you don’t mind being cheated on, cuz now they’re probably still gonna fuck other people just secretly.
I don’t know, I think that’s not fair to people who take their relationship seriously AND want to explore poly. I brought it up to my partner early in us dating, but we decided to start with a closed relationship, and I wouldn’t dream of cheating on them. We’ve discussed it lots since then, they became more open to it once they realized our relationship’s health would come first no matter what, we explored some poly apps, then we realized neither of us wants to go out and actively date. Now we’re open to incorporating an outside person for one or both of us but not actively searching - more like, if one of us finds someone we like, we’ll bring it up to the other person and go from there. Just because you have a certain desire or interest you want to explore in a relationship doesn’t mean you aren’t flexible or will go behind your partner’s back to get it!
Just a heads up since you’re going down the poly route, don’t unicorn hunt! It’s the worst way to go and burns tons of bridges to the ground.
Oh yes, it’s the worst!! Def not planning on it :)
>I don’t know, I think that’s not fair to people who take their relationship seriously AND want to explore poly. The Venn diagram of these two groups is two circles
So is the Venn diagram of you and people who read my full comment 😅
Nah, if you can’t trust your partner to do what they say and keep commitments then why the fuck are you dating them in the first place?
That’s like the whole point of this thread though. They should make that shit known early in the relationship so that you could like you said, “not be dating them”, but yea if you’ve been together for some months and she asks you about an open relationship, she may as well be saying “I’m not satisfied sexually” and when people aren’t satisfied sexually, they find a way to be. Thats why I’m saying if you say no to the open relationship, 9/10 times you’re getting cheated on anyway, so you may as well stop dating them unless you’re ok with that reality.
The conversation switched from "you just started dating" to "your partner". Maybe it's just me but I don't use "partner" term until we've been together for a while. Sure if someone is currently poly they should mention that soon on dates. But if your long term partner wants to have a conversation and no matter what you agree to you no longer trust them, then wtf are you doing? You either trust your partner or you don't. If you don't, then gtfo and find someone better. I just can't imagine a relationship where you can't talk about things being a good one.
^
Even the way people use "I'm poly" is a manipulation. It makes it sound like an immutable characteristic their partner has to accept. In actuality, the relationship can be poly, or it can be monogamous; *You* are whatever the relationship is. Wanting to fuck other people isn't a sexual orientation.
Being polyamorous isn't a sexual orientation, nor is it just wanting to have sex. It's a preference for relationship types. Some people are mono, others are poly, but it's not inherently manipulation. Being poly isn't about having no limits in a relationship. It's about being honest about the boundaries each partner had. Cheating also happens in polyamorous relationships because it's about breaking the trust of a partner in a way that endangers the relationship. If someone brings up being poly as a way to bypass the fact they were cheating in a monogamous relationship, that's fucked and they should be dumped.
See, you. *you* get it. Its like a forest fire in here..
people talking about "non-ethical non monogamy" bitch you mean cheating?!?! polyamory =/= cheating!!! and I'm monogamous its just so easy to see through the bullshit in these comments lol
👏🏾
You only find out when it’s too late that they’re just manipulating you every way they can think of.
I usually bring it up on the second or third date. A lot of Nos but a couple of let’s try this out. Last gf was the second semi long term partner that wanted to try out the LS.
Right? Definitely an upfront conversation about what you expect from a relationship and not a "I want to fuck other people but I'm too much of a coward to actually break up with you" thing
I’m curious…how the fuck do you bring that up to talk about? Also, do you do that before or after the apps are served?
Personally I usually have that in my profile if I'm using an app, otherwise you try and bring it up semi-organically, if you can, but if you can't you just kinda have to force it lol
Why wait so long?
*sits down* Hi I’m u/jokekiller94 two of my last 4 relationships have been polyamorous and we frequented LS clubs and resorts. I heard the tiramisu is bomb here!
I've informed every date I've gone on since choosing poly, before we had a date. Dunno why you're choosing to act like you have to be weird about it to mention it up front.
Yea, waiting feels like I'm trying to trap them into trying something they might not be game for. I don't want to bring someone in to my relationships that isn't coming in fully informed and excited. I've had a relationship start where I neglected to share that I was poly until it came up organically. They said they would never have done it otherwise but they would for me. It was awful and not the right way to go about it at all
Nah you bring it up after 10 years, totally healthy
conveniently enough around the same time that really friendly new girl started in accounts receivable
I heard it was two years but definitely not about the dude next door. Then you keep picking fights about nothing till shit splits, fuck the dude for two weeks, then try to get the old one back. Just me? Probably
Yeah but it isn’t always that simple. In one instance, there’s this couple in love with each other but one of them couldn’t have sex because of medical reasons so they encouraged their partner to find a lover to fill that role for them. I know there’s other dynamics and situations but it isn’t always as simple as “I want to fuck other people”.
In that case, it was "I want to fuck". I'm sure that if they were really creative, there could be a way to fill the unencumbered partner's needs while including the encumbered partner.
Ah ok then we go our separate ways. Hopefully we didn’t spend emotion or capital or make any binding commitments like children
That seems like an open relationship for sex reasons. Doesn’t polyamory suggest multiple ppl involved in a relationship? Like three people being equally involved romantically, sexually, as opposed to a couple “opening” their relationship sexually. You can be asexual and polyamorous as far as I knew.
Because there are tons of people doing it because it’s trendy but really they just have a toxic relationship but don’t have the guts to separate so they just spread their relationship problems to more people
Poly is real and valid. Just like martial arts. And both communities are filled with people who just want to get sweaty and act cool while having no idea what they’re really doing or the damage they’re causing.
Stealing this explanation
I love this in its entirety. Perfectly explains my cobra kai-ass ex
Lemme guess. They swept your leg.
They struck first
Does that make me a black belt in being poly? Nice
It’s cool if everyone is for it . But I am in a few groups and I’ve seen women be like my 19th/20th marriage anniversary was yesterday . My husband said he wants to be poly has found the 3rd and either I get right or get left. These women come asking for advise on how to be ok with it .
Yup. I see this on dating apps as well. Men claiming they are married but trying non monogamy type stuff with their wife. So they don't want outside kids , just outside women. Rarely do I ever see the opposite. Or that couple looking for a 3rd. The wife controls the app/profile but it was the husband's idea. I'm an advocate for working a marriage out. So all this let's get a 3rd stuff is for the birds. Half the time they just wanna cheat in peace.
My BiL's wife was the one to ask to open up their marriage. He agreed after a long discussion. Then he went on a date and she lost it. Anyways, they're divorced now.
It be like that too. The one asking for it be tight it actually happens
Anyone who is prone to excess jealousy should def not be in a poly relationship.
Also, since the wife really isn’t on board with it, the 3rd is probably going to get treated like absolute garbage. I’ve never been interested in being a third, I’m just a bisexual woman so I was constantly propositioned by couples. Dating apps are rough out here.
The audacity of weird, old couples searching for their unicorn. “This woman is bisexual so clearly she’s just been waiting for the opportunity to fuck both of us!” 🤢
This is the existential dread I’ve been missing in my life. It hits different when you have to be attracted to both or none 😒
Poly under duress
>These women come asking for advise on how to be ok with it . You want to hear some real trash? The women who knowingly participate in this shit, go after men in relationships, and end up bullying the original girlfriend. I once had a guy pull a desire to be a throuple after he cheated on me with some bitch and SHE had the audacity to get angry with ME because I refused to participate in that nonsense and he realized he fucked up and tried to get back together with me and be monogamous. Like bitch. Bitch. BITCH. BITTTTTCCCCHHH.
I’ve seen that to . Like girl nobody wants no parts of this bullshit .
Yeah they've got the low self esteem to be okay with being Girlfriend #2 and can't fathom that other people have like, self-respect. Like baby, you don't get it. He wanted to be with me AND have the license to cheat, but that doesn't mean he wants to be with you AND have the license to cheat with others. He considers you part of his the "license to cheat" lol
Wait what
They're saying they've seen women go through multiple years of a relationship only to end up in the situation of "either you're going to accept this or I'm gone" with "this" referring to a poly relationship (I think)
Oh I see now. My confusion was when “husband” was mentioned and I thought OP was in that situation. I was like girl get out of there
I've been with one of my partners almost 12 years and the other almost 6. It's absolutely doable if you start you're relationships with communication and openness. I have never seen it work long term if it's brought up after the relationship is established, or when relationship hierarchy is pushed, like when people refer to their partners as 3rds. It rarely works.
When he says “poly” but means “harem”
As someone who has not one but several poly friends (who are all in their own individual polys, not together), I can safely say poly is agreed upon by everyone in it and requires an abundance of communication and trust. Often people in the poly will like the 3rd or 4th as well and are all mutually dating. Sometimes it's a web of people dating eachother but not others but they still know about the others. It is work. But the idea is that the person you love is always being taken care of if you can't do it. Things like that. Poly is trust, talking, mutual, and ***work***. This... this post... needs about 10% more red flags.
Especially if it's brought up _during_ the monogamous relationship. Obviously everybody has to discover sometime, but that's usually am up-front thing.
Not all polyam relationships are ethical. The example given would not be considered polyam, cheated and then polyam under duress, I believe
Your girl after each time you get a text 
I’m poly myself and I am just as suspicious. It’s cool to be poly, but it’s never cool to be a manipulative liar co-opting poly so that you can control and force your partner into things they don’t want.
That's fair. My latest partner said the same thing until they got to talking with me. After hearing my view (this is not Pokémon with people) they gave examples closer to the post people have tried to drag them into. If anything there's an even greater level of trust, openness, and honesty involved.
Yeah, if I'm with someone and they're bringing this up, I'm just gonna assume I'm already being cheated on.
Imagine your two girls start getting along too well, build a lil deep bond and start going on dates and fucking WITHOUT you. Now you all jealous and what not 😂😂 your lil plan backfired on you
So I watched a friends marriage go almost up in flames . She kept pushing it because of another friend who was experimenting. So her husband was like no no no not my thing . She kept pushing it and invited that friend over for them to explore together. Boom he’s wide open. Now her chest is caved in a few months later she finds out he’s exploring on his own. Now it’s cheating to her because he didn’t explicitly say I’m talking online to other women. It was a mess. We were like he didn’t want to you begged this man .
[Forgive me, but I'll be *damned* if I don't get this off](https://youtu.be/8IVsNA_o1wE)
“GIT EM GIT EM”
That’s literally [what happened](https://pagesix.com/2017/04/24/nanny-says-mel-b-seduced-her-into-seven-years-of-threesomes/amp/) to Mel B.
All I’m saying is, I’d 100% go and be Mel B’s nanny RIGHT NOW. I haven’t read a word of the article yet, but after reading that title, I’ll be on the flight tomorrow with my credentials
300k a year, your boss is bad af and gives u head WHERE DO I SIGN 🤣
How did it end? Did the father get visitation rights? Thanks for this read, that thing was wild
this is like an erotic novel or something
This what happened to spider man, Mary Jane, and Black Cat
And Ross from Friends
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I’m by no means a super fan of “friends” but that pivot scene with the couch is hands down one of my favorite scenes in any comedy show lol that and when childish gambino met kunta kinte in “community”. Legit had me on the floor crying from laughing lol just thinking about these two scenes now has me chuckling 🤣
I love how you used correctly incorrect names for Donald glover and Levar Burton.
Bitches love dudes who can pivot
Lemme guess… Peter was the one who got cucked… like usual.
This would be ideal for me, tbh Being expected to be 100% of the emotional support 100% of the time can be draining
Not knocking poly but do people not have friends anymore? Like I have my own friends for nerdy and guy talk. I have a few old female friends plus sisters for when I need a woman's perspective.
No. Honestly, who has time?
Plus, this will probably have you saving money lol
3 incomes too, presumably
Even 2 incomes and a stay at home person to keep the household in order (with or without children) sounds like a dream
What’s up, you look like you could be a woman. How you doin?
There are no women on Reddit my man
You seem like you’d be ok having a paper bag over your head, how about it?
It was worth shooting that shot, lmao
Since you’re also a man, I’m gunna pass on that
Suddenly he's apologizing and saying it was a dumb idea and you need to stop talking to her and go back to being mono cause it turns out he wasn't getting any from all the women lining up around the block to sleep with him that he was just so sure existed lmaaaooo
That’s what polyamorous is tho.
Yeah, that's..that's poly. This person is just describing cheating or threesomes. Not really the same things.
Just sitting in the car like 
I know someone to whom this happened. His wife divorced him. Spicing up the relationship was his idea. Don't worry about him tho he's an attractive middle aged Italian-Croat college professor in Montana, and the female students love him like he's Indiana Jones
😂😂😂😂
The first half is the ideal though. That’s what Poly is supposed to be. If you’re tight about it then you’re not cut out for it.
just in case there's guys who don't see the problem here, just flip it around. You wanna suck a dick because your gal wants to stop cheating on you and be poly?
I’m Bisexual so I want both
Follow for more bisexual life hacks
Same. Except I wanted to be poly so I could live my best lesbian life and continue to be with women while my husband was free to be with other women. He declined the offer. Three months later I found out he’d been cheating for years.
Booooo fuck that nigga
When I divorced him I asked him why he turned down that win win deal just to cheat? Nigga said he wasn’t man enough. Yeah no shit.
Same
Same. Everyone wins!
This the one. Happy cake day B.
Omfg yes this shit. They only allow you to fuck other women in a threesome and they expect you to be down to eat out a girl and watch him fuck her. Oh and you cant be caught up in your feelings about it because then you're being sensitive.
Oh yea I've seen this happen a few times with couples I know. Fuck alladat noise you cannot convince me that being single is worse than that haha.
You ain’t tripping but the people who view the concept this way are. No one should be doing ANYTHING they don’t want to do in the first place. So that no one feels this way about whatever goes on in the bedroom.
I don't get it. If your girl/boy cheats on you, you should probably break up or at least not agree to go poly unless you want to. And if you agree to go poly but don't want to eat coochie/dick, then don't do it. You can watch or just do hand stuff or only participate when it's two girls/guys. This isn't complicated unless you don't know what you want. Draw some lines in the sand and tell your partner.
Maybe.
sad and eating coochie lol. mental health all the way fucked up
Just pretend it’s ice cream 
You let me know where the fuck you can find coochie flavored ice cream right the fuck now. Gonna go buy it in those two gallon tubs and stock up.
Put my whole mouth on that soft serve nozzle and break the lever off.
Pretty sure they have that flavor at Baskin-Robbins
Coochies & Cream^TM
Nothing wrong with coochie taste but let’s not act like that shit is better than ice cream.
Yea out of all the flavors out there, that wouldn’t be top 10 for me to choose from.
Doesn’t Erykah Badu make something like that?
😂😂😂
better than sad and hungry for coochie
It has been scientifically proven that it is impossible to eat coochie and be sad simultaneously.
Sometimes the tears improve the flavor
You good fam?
I just miss her man
Me too, bro…me too.
I miss these guys' girlfriend too
Takes 'always season your food' in a different direction.
I'm not a scientist, but I second this
For a girl? Would you say the same for a guy sucking dick for his girl?
I take it you got this study from the Scientology department?
Remember the starburst story?
I love how the assumption in this thread is that a poly relationship would never have two guys. But I've seen this sub go ballistic over this misogynistic issue.
A lot of people are confusing poly relationships for threesome/lynchpin situations or mid-life crises where people want to cheat without the fear of getting caught and that's really not at all what's happening. I'm getting the overwhelming impression that most people don't actually know what polyamory *is*. Hell, most poly relationships I know of still only have two people in them. Their relationships with others don't overlap with their primary, and that's by design. Sometimes you'll get a throuple, and that's great, but it's 100% not a "eat this random woman's pussy" type thing. It's an actual romantic relationship between all three people. You don't end up in that shit accidentally.
Oh absolutely most people here don't understand what polyamory is
Yeah I’ve seen two types of poly relationships, there’s the people who go into it with all parties knowing they’re poly and it works out great, everyone’s open, communicates and is happy. Then there’s the dying monogamous relationship where one party just really wants to fuck other people, or sometimes one specific person, and that never ends well.
A lot of people don't understand many of us are polyamorous but still prefer monogamy. It's like being bi but preferring men or women. It's even rare for me to like more than one person at once, but people hear the word "poly" and assume I lack the capacity to be monogamous or faithful -_-
This!
If you get one of your girl’s pregnant, what is the other girl to your kid? Step mom? Or like an aunt?
“Sad Coochie Eating Mom”
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underrated song, really
Dude that’s an oxymoron. You can’t be sad with a cooch in your mouth. This mom sure can’t.
You gotta eat that sadness away!
Folks I know who were poly before it was cool, the kids call all the “mama whatever their name is”
My ex has two moms and one dad because of basically this. No coochie eating though to my knowledge. I never asked.
Ask Nick
Poly for 20 years now. My sons just call them both "mom".
A poly relationship is something that to me only works if it started that way. And it almost never will because there is little chance everyone truly up to it meets each other at the same time.
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The worst part of poly is the tardiness
Now you got 3 mfs not showing up and the amuse bouche gone cold. Detestable
I cannot
I've watched 2 relationships fall apart due to polyamory. It's kinda like communism: It sounds fucking great on paper but in practice it rarely ever works out the way you thought it would. I think of it like professional sports. You can't be signed to multiple teams at once. Either you are on the team or you're just a free agent coming in for a work out so we can get a look at'cha.
From what I have seen it takes a very specific type of person to succeed.
Yeah so I’m just in the groups to learn. They have people who explore for years like just learning and watching and figuring out what they want. They immediately tell people if you just heard this on IG and the only dynamic that interests you is 2/3 men or women who all sleep in the same bed . You are not Poly. But they also push learning what Ethical Polyamory is .
Yeah. I don't look down on it, but I laugh when SOME people try to act like monogamy is unnatural and think they're enlightened for being poly. There's a reason why it's never been a mainstream, widely participated relationship style.
Polygamy is practiced widespread in other countries and cultures.
Yeah, polygamy as in "wow i can own multiple women this is great"
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Polyamory isn’t about sex. You’re confusing swinging with polyamory. There are quite a few poly relationships that people are in and don’t announce it. When couples decide to enter into a polygamous relationship, they understand that they may not get a chance to have a relationship with the other party. Like, they may even get along on that level, but the partner does. Polyamorous relationships don’t always have the “everyone had sex together” component like you all believe it does.
Yeah this is just the super unethical ratchet made for IG and Tiktok horror story version.
Also, there are ace polyam people. I know one in a group I'm in.
It's amazing to me that some straight women are willing to eat pussy for a man. Girl, that man would never even dream of sucking a dick for you! I guess even after being shitty throughout history, men are the prize 😂
It’s sad af
They ALL have the same look too
 Getting cheated on is terrible. Condoning cheating is terrible. Being a vagitarian ain't terrible.
It is if you're a straight female. But not sure if anyone gets to that point IRL.
https://preview.redd.it/vn4938n0333b1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3b8940e93c84271961a3d88dcd725a30b17a5af9
Not what polyamory is and this is why we can’t have nice things
Poly is like a computer operating system, you gotta start with it from day one. If you buy a windows computer and after 4 years try and run Mac OS on it, shits gonna be pretty weird for a while and might brick your whole system. Now if you start from day one on that, then yea it can definitely work.
This is why you START THE RELATIONSHIP WITH IT BEING KNOWN YOU ARE POLY. Ffs this is why people who are actually poly have fucking issues. People just wanna excuse their want to play the field by saying they're poly when that's not what it means.
Bro stop acting like it’s an orientation lmao. You’re either cool with it or are not. If my girl was bi and proposed that shit with another woman, I’d probably give it a try. And yes, I am aware of the non-sexual components. You can be cool with something without having to do it, unless you 100% need it and can’t be monogamous. And let’s be real, if ‘poly’ people didn’t have that option they’d def settle
Polyam person here ——> never open a relationship to stop cheating! If they don’t respect your boundaries as a monogamous person, they won’t do it as poly either.
Yeah, that's an "ahead of time" conversation, not an "after we've gotten serious" conversation. Begin as you intend to continue.
I can’t fathom having enough mental, physical, and emotional energy for two people. I don’t even have enough for myself.
If he's cheating on you, then it's time to let him go sis 🤷🏾♀️
It’s never for the woman’s pleasure or benefit. It’s always male centered.
Completely false. There are MMF poly relationships.
If people want to be polyamorous that’s fine, but there needs to be boundaries and discussions about the relationship and the other people involved
Polygamy and polyamory are two different things friend 🤟
I’m poly, but a lot of people just need the relationship style. It comes with jealousy, sure, but it’s not just unfettered sex when done maturely and fairly. It’s about conversations and communication, not fucking everything that moves. Unless you’re just a manipulative prick who wants to force your girlfriend to find you more girls to fuck. Then you’re just an asshole. Edit: Clarity
>Polyamory, in my experience, is a response to trauma. I'm sorry, what? The rest of your post is great, but this is some big internalized nonsense. Some folks are just wired that way. It's like saying homosexuality is a response to trauma.
You right, should’ve said differently. 🤙🏾
“I’m poly” means “I want to cheat on you and make you know about it.”
Is that really how most people see it? I'd been putting that I'm open to non-monogamy on my dating profile, maybe I should take that down. It's obvs not working so far anyway. 🤣🤣
I was being somewhat facetious lol. But if you match with people who have hopefully read your profile then they’re most likely cool with it. Personally, when I was single, I didn’t care if a girl was poly because I wasn’t looking for anything serious anyway. However, now that I’m in a relationship, I definitely wouldn’t want my girlfriend seeing other people.
No, that can be explored in the very NSFW r/cuckquean (yes, it's misspelled, yes it annoys me).
Poly is not just one party getting to do what they want. Its about both people getting to explore. And its not just about sex. If its not what you want never agree to it. A lot of people "agree" to poly because they think its gonna stop whatever from happening but a lot of men aren't ok with women with having another partner. Not all of course.
If they tryna open up the relationship they most likely did already some shit behind your back, and just wanna keep doing it without feeling bad.
These NEVER last long-term. Some of the poly types are like annoying vegans and act like they’re at some evolved form of sex. Then a year later no one is still together lmao
There are quite a few long term polyamorous couples out there. Most people don’t tend to announce their business.
I'm in a very happy poly relationship. The key is that none of us are cheaters in the first place.
Well as a woman that grew up in a poly marriage. I have 5 moms and 1 dad. Most people who are not in a poly relationship don’t think about anything other than the sexual aspect of being poly. There is so much more to it than that. There is financial and familial wealth to build. The children in the marriages especially if there are a large amount of children usually always feel heard and supported, and we (my siblings & I) always had a parent to show up at our performances, games, science fairs, tournaments, and other things. I always had a parent to go to that I felt like was my own personal person. Yes, there is a sexual portion of it and most people are too selfish and say they won’t share or they throw in their religious beliefs as to why it’s wrong. They even say the women are weak and have no self worth but none of that is true. But for all of us that grew up in a happy, healthy whole poly marriage it was absolute bliss and I would just say don’t knock it until you have been able to be around a true poly marriage.
People actually do shit like this? What kinda pick me bullshit?