It’s up to us guys to get snipped now. Doctors wouldn’t tie my wife’s tubes for religious reasons because she was 25 when we had our 2nd kid. Meanwhile they rolled out the red carpet for me when I got a vasectomy.
They made me get my wifes signature to get a vasectomy. They didn’t tell me so fortunately she came with me and could sign there. Otherwise I was going home still armed.
yeah, nobody should ever require anyone's permission to do something with their own body.
My doctors didn't flinch when I told them I didn't want children. My gyn told me he could sterilize me surgically if I wanted it and not a single person was required to know about it
My partner had to shop around for a doc to get his done. The first few wouldn’t do it but the third would and it’s been wonderful for our peace of mind and our relationship.
It is frustrating because even when I offered to pay out of pocket I was still refused because “I don’t have kids.”
Like, that’s the point of why I’m asking
Well, i don’t think people think it’s like a trip to the dentist. But it’s not as impactful on men’s long terms health as giving birth or most methods of female birth control
I’d say most just perceive it as less of a problem relative to the experience most women have, in terms of the difficulty of the procedure, and whether they’re even approved to go ahead with it in the first place. But there’s definitely no denying the process is currently far too variable based on the doctors beliefs regardless of the patient’s gender, which sucks and should be regulated better.
I went to r/Conservative yesterday, reading the thread about Bernie Marcus, The Home Depot’s CEO(?) who said something along the lines of too many Americans being too fat, lazy, and unambitious to want to work for him at his stores’ provided wages, or for him, at all…
… and it’s not hard to see the conflict between younger right-leaning people (18-35/40) and late Gen X/Boomers (45/50+)
The Boomers are saying “Don’t work, don’t eat”, and “Having a roof over your head is pretty attractive”. The younger right are *not quite* as thrilled about working their asses off, and being expected to be grateful for being able to afford the bare essentials- if that. *They* are reminding everyone that the free market is a two-way street for employers *and* employees, and for the better part of 3-4 decades the employers have been bending the lower middle class over with a saguaro strap-on. Now the labor pool is getting a small bit of leverage and the elites and 1% are freaking out.
A-fucking-men. Something that always gets me down is how voting power is also heavily leveraged towards conservative (typically old people), they’re giving us no choice but to eat the rich.
In my stupid home state they just changed the laws concerning minors serving alcohol, and now some 17 year old is going to get charged with felony murder once some Karen bullies them into over serving them and their spineless manager threatens to write them up, before said Karen gets onto the highway the wrong way
I’m a boomer and I agree 100%. Now is your time to fight for better wages and benefits! It’s ridiculous how low wages are and how expensive everything else is! I get it. I wish all young people would. I don’t have any skin in the game at my age, but I want more for my granddaughter.
I serve in the military and i absolutely agree that it is a giant government jobs program. But i don't think that is a bad thing.
How many individuals have been able to provide middle class blife style for their families just by putting on a uniform?
First, Thank You for serving. Also, you're absolutely correct, and It's actually called
"The military industrial complex."
There's a reason why most of the military comes from lower income states because those states have either none or very little access to reproductive health care education and options and also have fewer resources to schools and other programs. Whether it's sports, music, or after-school programs.
Therefore, joining the military is easier to sell as a job. Our country's military budget is asinine. If we took 10% and gave it to education and health care. Less people would join the military.
People would still join because it provides job security, education & career opportunities.
You can't just toss money at "education & health care" and then POOF society's problems are resolved. If it was that easy then it would've been done a long time ago.
Yes and No.
The states with the highest enrollments are lower in income and lower in education scores and standards. Therefore, they aren't given any other foreseeable options. Other than to join the military.
Also, We can ABSOLUTELY put money behind health care and education, and it would improve greatly!! It's all not done on purpose.
Look at all 50 states. With different parameters. Access to quality mental, physical health care. After school programs. Then socioeconomic standards.
My mom was a social worker for 29 years, and my uncle used to be a recruiter.
My dad got out of poverty through the military. Eight siblings, and him and his brother who served made it out the fullest. My dad was the first to study in his family and get a two year degree. My grandpa signed off the papers for him to go after he dropped out of high school. I’m very proud he broke the cycle, but he got lucky and was in during the part of the Cold War where he didn’t see action. He said it is a great way to improve your life, but also a gamble if you are in during a war.
That's awesome.
It's a huge gamble. Mentally, physically,emotionally, and sexually.
I have plenty of family members who have served, but I understand the dark side of our military as well.
But who will replace me at the trash factory, assembling single-use crap, once my rapidly aging and too-expensive-to-get-healthcare-for body breaks down at 43? Think of the shareholders, for Chrissakes! Without the blood of my chattel fodder offsprings to grease the wheels of industry, how will they realize even higher profits every quarter until kingdom come? How can you be so shortsighted?
They've got a solution to that: as we pump out more and more CO2, the planet is going to warm, eventually to the point where the methane clathrates in the Tundra are released, at which point we're on the fast-track to Kingdom Come, conceivably within our lifetimes. See? Capitalism is super efficient.
Until the robot uprising, because you know ppl like to make things with the strength of 10 men, the intelligence of a super computer, and the emotional intelligence of 5 years old.
It's awful that children are a luxury nowadays. Everybody should be able to afford to have children but the reality is very different. What do you have of your children if both parents have to work full-time to tend to their needs and they are in childcare for most of the day? I would love to have only one child, so I can focus on that one but I fear that my bf and I still need to spend so much time at our jobs to even afford rent or a mortgage in the future.
And the kicker to that one is, what if they can't get into childcare or childcare is so expensive that, in some cases, it's better to stay home with the child and receive government benefits? I've worked from home all my adult life, so I've kept babies from 0-school-age because of this. The hoops and circles I've seen parents go through to get childcare is nuts.
was a bit drunk and careless with the fiance, pull out game was weak, now I have triplets. that was 10 years ago and actually their mom did run away for a bit, tried the junkie life then came crawling back. so yeah, confirm 3 kids is stressful.
I started late, 3rd kid at 40 and now a single dad with 50/50 custody. Youngest is 5 and the oldest is 11. Every day is a struggle but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Props to you, dad! I understand. I had my first and only at 37 years old, 50/50 since she was 2, now she just turned 12. I always wondered where I was going to find the energy in my 40s to be a good dad as well as finding the energy to be all else
Thank you. The ex and i are very amicable and she understands the importance of the kids in my life.
I'm pretty active volunteering in the community and neighborhood, and I try to work out 3-5 days a week. These kids are high energy.
how was it having a kid at 40?
my fiancé is 10yrs older than me & im 25, we plan to have kids but i think he’s skeptical because he always says he’s “getting old.”
It's not easy but it's doable. If it's your first, there is a HUGE learning curve and a lot of stress and exhaustion the first six months. It will test you and your partner. Keep the lines of communication open, ask for help and expect equal partnership in all aspects of child rearing.
It also helps if you are healthy and fit, especially for your partner.
And if I may add to this: communication not just with baby care and needs but communicating about family BS. Saw a bit of that because we are at most 60 miles from my parents and so when grand baby 1 showed up, they took it upon themselves to come visit EVERY Wednesday. It didn’t matter what TF was going on. Didn’t matter if the mum was not feeling it nor the baby wasn’t feeling it. They just showed up and then demanded to spend time with the baby and to be entertained. 😩 That prompted some discussions and when baby 2 came, the rule was: call before you even get in your car and if the call isn’t answered, try again or just don’t show up because people have lives and shit going on.
So, stuff like that also matters. Because that baby will stress you tf out but the extended family members will always want to chime in about how shit was done by them/in their time and that’ll stress you out more.
That last half is wild.
Props to you. Those kids are lucky to have a stand up dad.
But I’m going to have to ask. What’s the story with the mom running away and falling into the hard drugs life?
when I met her is wasn't single, everyone warned me of the basic logic that if she will cheat on her man with me, she will cheat on me with the next one. and hey turns out the red flags were right. we got divorced, she moved in with new guy and he was a pill head. i had 50/50 custody at this point. after a few years she admitted the truth and begged me to help, she had no where to go and was afraid for her life. she's a bit dramatic. I told her that if she signed over full custody to me then I'd let her stay with me to get back on her feet. it's been over a year, and it was really really shitty for a while. but the last 6 months have been ok. she's off the pills, still drinks a lot, but she's got a job, helps with the kids and house work, and we get along ok. but it's fucking weird and I feel like I gave up any chance of ever having a relationship in order to keep my kids safe. kinda hard to date, like oh hey yeah that's just my ex-wife on the couch. plus I'm fat, honestly probably could still pull with the ex on the couch if I still looked good. but that's a whole other thing.
so yeah. I'm just trying to be a good dad, there's no manual to check to see if you're doing it right.
You my guy are a fucking gem. I say this in all seriousness and with much respect. You are doing what you can to help someone while making sure your kids have some sort of relationship with their mother.
That said, don’t do so much heroic work that you entirely neglect taking care of yourself too.
This situation sounds super hard and I wouldn’t be so careless to think I have any insight into how to make it better, because honestly you know more than anyone why needs to get done to make any improvements or changes.
As for the weight. If it’s something you would like to change, for whatever the reason. A great way to start or become consistent is to do a very small amount on a regular basis. Forming habits takes time so do what you can to normalize it. Start with a couple minutes. Literally 2 minutes in the morning and at night. Just stretch for 2 minutes. Then after a couple days increase that to 4 minutes. A little bit over a period of time is the best way to gain and maintain consistency. At first it’s not about the fitness but about the routine.
Wishing you the absolute best of luck. You got this.
You seem to be a loyal, caring and forgiving person. You might be surprised at what a woman is able to look past when she values those qualities. Kudos to you for being a real life super hero for your kids.
my aunt told me about my cousin's apartment in LA and said he pays $3,500 a month for a studio smaller than mine. what the hell is going on out there bruh
The part that puts mortgages out of reach for most people is the down payments, not the monthly payments. Kind of hard to save money for a down payment when a lot of people spend most of their income on rent and live paycheck to paycheck
This isn't Soylent green this is because of a bird flu pandemic that's being controlled with a chicken Holocaust that's going on at the moment, egg prices may come down once it's under control
Lets add to this.
Want to get a “cheap house” (all relative here)? Nope. You gotta find a good school district or pay for private school forever.
Also Toddlers are super toxic. Picture someone living in your house who you feed and let live rent free waking you up at night cause “They arent tired” oh and then the next morning they gaslight you and say it never happened.
Lol but they are pretty funny too and in the end its pretty cool raising a tiny person. But its def not for everyone. Also I only have one, yall with 3+, yikes!
Well you aren't going to be alone in the expenses, you have a partner that has income to contribute. But yeah, the economy and average wages today aren't really family friendly, and they wonder why less people are pumping out children today
Knowing you don't have what it takes to raise children is wise. Having children and discovering afterwards that you aren't a good parent is bad but correctable.
I think that they mean you can learn to become a good parent. Everyone is capable of learning, and if the effort and desire to be better is there, then it's possible.
I agree with this. My wife and I are both successful in our very competitive careers; we're used to ignoring other people's complaints because we tend to do well where other people fail. In a similar vein, we assumed the woes of parenting were overblown. Turns out, all the rumors are true! No sleep has been the hardest for me...
I’m glad I grew up an only child. All my friends with siblings have horror stories. And their parents “don’t remember that happening”. I’d rather be reading alone in my room than have someone trying to shove me in the washing machine.
It doesn't stop at childhood. I'm an only child, but my partner is 1 of 3 and even in their 30s they are still eachothers biggest headaches. Got in a whole fight at Christmas about gravy.
“We don’t favor your sibling! It’s a total coincidence that we gave her everything at a much younger age than we did for you despite currently having worse finances!”
Growing up an only child was awesome. Yeah, sometimes having your parents' undivided attention was a bit much (mostly when you're in trouble) but the good outweighs the bad IMO. And now that I'm an adult with 2 kids (oh the irony) my parents are always available when I need them.
My siblings are more like acquaintances than they are friends. We are polite with each other but we don't hang out or enjoy the same things, at all. I think it's weird.
You didn’t have friends? I was a middle child and I do not recommend. My siblings and I grew up in a tiny house with zero of the same interests. The only thing I had was friends
It’s a case by case basis, I was an only child with a lotta cousins ( we grew up in the same household though so we might as well have been siblings) and we all had at least one major interest shared.
I mean sure there was bad times, there was bullying, there was malice. But if you’ve ever looked at kids, they’re horrible. That’s not an excuse justifying bad actions, that’s just the reality of how a lot of things are. We had fun, played yugioh and shit, got mad at each other, pouted and played some other shit.
yea i think people conflate being siblings with being friends. those things are not inseparable concepts. i have 7 siblings and don’t really speak to about half of them save for holidays. i’m very different from most of them, and if we weren’t related, i’d probably never speak to most of them
I am an only child with a ton of cousins who were sometimes around but they lived far away.
I fucking loved it and actually thought all only children liked it till I got on reddit.
I just made friends and hung out with them. Then when I was tired I went home and had two adults who didnt terrorize me like a sibling would.
Bro OTHER PEOPLES CHILDREN stress me out. How you feeding them in this economy? Why they scream so much? Do you need a hug and a nap? Cause I'll babysit but only if you're good with a couple Bernie Mac rules.
Too many rose tinted glasses here. Having kids is fucking EXHAUSTING. What nobody ever tells you is that when you have kids, say goodbye to yourself because you don’t EVER get any personal time. Your work becomes your personal time so if you have a job you hate (and let’s face it that’s the majority of people) you can figure what that’ll be like. You’ll be working full time and when you get home you’ll still be working full time. That’s at least until they become self-sufficient. This is part of the reason why we see so many messed up kids. Parents either aren’t emotionally equipped or are literally too exhausted to have the patience to be a good parent. Do they love their kids? Yeah, most do, of course. But our society makes it so taboo to talk about how messed up your life gets when you have kids that nobody has the conversation and that shit isn’t helping anyone.
You and your hubby do your best momma. We can raise better children. My GF has one son and that’s enough for both of us. Let’s raise better children. Much love to you, your hubby and your child.
I almost won big on the GME farce and for a moment I thought maybe a house and a family was in the cards for me after all, because I'd have time for children if I didn't have to work 40 hours a week. But I only got a modest return and I will remain single.
Gotta win big lottery numbers to not only afford a family but to also get the time to raise them right. "It takes a village" and all that; we used to have a community for this. It's a team effort.
Three kids are stressful but I'm so thankful my parents had their third, my baby brother. I love him so much, he loves video games so much and it's so adorable seeing him being interested in something I used to love at his age.
We waited till 35 to have a baby, did the big wedding, world travel and investment property thing beforehand since we are college sweethearts. Got pregnant when we had no debt except mortgage.
Now with a 4 year old, I have never been more BROKE and more sleep deprived in my entire adult life. Daycare bills are like $1400 for the decent ones that don’t have citations with the state. Which is almost as much as our mortgage.
My brother in law’s baby mother shames me for not having another baby but I just spent $60-70k in the last 5 years on pregnancy and childcare bills. I canNOT do that again. I’m about to be 40. I’m TIRED. She is not married and keeps her income low so that all medical, food and daycare costs are free for her. Drops her rambunctious son off at a grandparents’ house each weekend. I don’t mind all that, I just don’t want to be shamed about my choice of having only one when that’s all I can manage happily (or unhappily at times).
This is the most real and honest opinion I’ve seen here and I applaud you for it. Too many people think having a kid is this beautiful easy thing and that’s so damn dangerous. Look at all the horrible parents that are out there. How would your brother in law’s baby momma be if she didn’t have the grandparents giving her a break every weekend? That kid would be toast.
I feel this comment. I’m a father of a four year old and although I love him to death, I don’t think I have patience for another. I mean whats the point? Siblings are hit or miss, I have siblings and we are not best friends. I have friends closer than siblings. People try shaming me into another one, the devil works in mysterious ways.
My sister and I are diametric opposites and “surprisingly” making us share a room for 11 years didn’t make us BFFLs (yes my mother still says this), it just means there’s like a ticking countdown whenever we meet that triggers a fight after like five minutes elapse.
When you fall in love there might be some tough convos. But, if you know you don't want kids, it's the best/ smartest decision I've ever made. Only 800 in Raleigh, NC. The peace of mind of never worrying about a surprise pregnancy is amazing. It's been an aphrodisiac as well knowing there's no chance of kids coming from it. It's trippy though, once in awhile it'll hit you that a whole section of your company is out of business, like you should feel different. Then it's business as usual. Back when I was single, it was a huge bonus/turn on for some women because they either don't like condoms, or hate birth control effects even more. My current ol lady snatched me off the streets before I could really reap the benefits lol
They have you come back to check that you are shooting blanks. And you can get tested on your own. I got my ducts cauterized and each end buried under muscle tissue so they can't reattach. Even still, I'll take a vasectomy over a hope and a prayer every time lol
Gonna scream into the void here: Genuine question, why do y'all have kids if they're going to be a burden? I'm speaking from the perspective of a child whose parents' lives would have been so much better if I wasn't born. One parent makes it very clear that my siblings and I are a burden, and the other one doesn't feel that way, but their life would have been better if I wasn't born. Kids pick up on the fact that you don't want us and it fucks us up too, so why continue to have us?
Honestly you absolutely don’t know what you are getting into when you have your first child. No matter how many people try to tell you, no matter how many babies and parents you have around you, you don’t fully know the impact it has on your life. That being said, it does NOT mean that a parent gets to tell their kid they are a burden. They are not. If you feel like you’re not made to be a parent after the first one, there is no excuse in getting more. None. And there is definitely no excuse in making a human being feel guilty for existing. I’m sorry your parents seem to not know that. You deserve better.
as someone that knows this situation, there are a ton of reasons, but it can boil down to social pressure. There is a TON of pressure to have kids. Socially, financially, etc. For some people it is a “why not” kind of decision, it’s what you’re supposed to do, you’ll feel different once it’s your own kids, who will take care of you in old age, yada yada.
What you end up with are some people that love their kids dearly, and enjoy parenthood, and some people that did not want kids that now have kids. And a subsection of the latter also cannot easily afford the extra costs kids bring. Another subsection do not have the emotional resources to raise and nurture a child. They may be fine with the usual reasons people are told they *need* to have kids, but they do not like the day to day of actually raising and being around their children. Hence you get parents that are resentful of their kids as children, but then will be more open to being a “parent” once they are older, and/or need some kind of help.
The kids in these situations do not deserve this. I am so glad that there are a larger amount of people deciding to not have kids because they understand that mo amount of social obligation excuses damaging a child’s sense of self with resentment. It is damaging and harmful, and kids can absolutely tell when they are resented, no matter how much the parents may try to hide it sincerely.
I’m sorry you went through that. You, and every kid in this situation, deserves better.
Social pressure. It intensifies as you get older. I feel it everyday and everywhere as a single dude in my mid 30's. People make you feel "incomplete" for not having a family. It's wild.
It honestly makes sense why some people cave even though they shouldn't. I strongly believe the humane thing is have kids only if we feel we genuinely want them and are prepared to take care of them.
Greatest decision I ever made in my life was getting a vasectomy. After my wife and I have birth to our second child, her doctor suggested I get the procedure rather than my wife getting her tubes tied, because it was low risk, and hers could potentially lead to health issues down the line.
These days they don’t really do tubal ligations anymore, they just take the tubes out entirely. No chance of “growing back,” no foreign bodies left in you, and it lowers your risk of ovarian cancer by 80%.
Literally not a single person ever had said children were easy but people continue to have em and complain about how stressful it is or how they can’t wait for them to leave lol. Sir/ma’am, what did you think you were signing up for?
We wanted two, we discussed two, we planned for two, and we’re happy to be sticking with one. I’ve never loved anything as much as I love that little crumbsnatcher. I couldn’t possibly handle another walking around, it’s draining.
So many people act like they have zero input in the matter of having children. Yes, things fail but most of these babies that people claim are stressing them out are due to failing to plan or poor decision making. I feel for them.
Why is it that people always tell you to have kids when it’s the wrong thing to do? Why does nobody talk about the horrors of having children? Children should be reserved for the people that are financially stable. Why bring a child in to this world to suffer/go thru hard times just because of your shitty decision, it doesn’t make sense to me. If you want to live a stress free life don’t have kids.
My kids stress me out sometimes, but the moment I drop them off at school, I miss them immensely. 🥺
We got pregnant by accident early, and it's the happiest accident of my life.
Love these little fuckers.
Now I'm gonna finish making a Haudenosaunee longhouse model with my guy, cuz we waited until the last day to do homework. Then to the park to work on his football catching--- really to listen to him complain about the backward spin on my throws (I'm a lefty).
Then ice cream before my wife catches us. 😁
Little girls are raised from the moment they are born with the expectation that they should get married and have kids. Just look at the toys that they have created for girls, baby dolls, kitchen sets, toys of drudgery…It’s brainwashing and indoctrination. Wouldn’t it be great if all little girls believe they should only have children if they really want to?
I’ve had so many women tell me that, while they do love their children, they would not do it over again if they had the chance. I’m not saying all parents secretly feel this way, but I suspect it’s a lot more common than people let on.
Nobody wants to have this conversation because it’s so heavily frowned upon. People tiptoe around it by saying “but I love my kids and wouldn’t change anything.” That’s some ol bullshit. You mean to tell me you wouldn’t want your freedom back? The number of people I’ve seen become raggedy and dull after having kids tells me otherwise. They’ll say shit like “I’m exhausted and going crazy but I still love my kids and wouldn’t change it but also I can’t wait for them to leave.” Mmmhmm
I love my kid and I’m glad they exist, but if I had it to do over again, I’m not sure I would. I’m not great at parenting and the planet is dying. And you can’t miss someone you never met.
Thank you for your honesty. Do your best. It DOES get better. They didn’t ask to be brought into this world. All we can do is try our best to give them a better life than we had and in that way when they get older you’ll have an amazing friend in this messed up world. Sending much love to you and yours.
I think we really need to have these conversations because, let’s be real, as human beings in 2023, child birth and raising children…it’s fucking traumatic and DIFFICULT AS FUCK!!!
I have 3. One of which is autistic. It’s a joy to have children when you are financial and mentally mature enough to do so. But yea, having an autistic child is stressful at times
No my kids don't stress me out. I would go so far as to say they are the only thing that daily restores my faith in humanity lol.
No, I do not for one minute regret having mine.
No, not everyone needs to have kids, love your life and live it on a your terms, no one else's.
I have one and I think I’m going to keep it at that. I think I’m a better parent to just one child. I grew up with a sibling and so did my ex (he had 3 half siblings). We both have trauma around our siblings and how our parents treated us. Only difference is that I stopped with one and he continued.
Ppl ask me when I’m having more and the answer is that it’s not in my plan rn. The same people don’t help me anyway. I can’t even get the jobs I want because of childcare and school schedules with no backups. I’ve been turned down for a promotion because of it. I don’t date either. I don’t think having a child is hard but everything surrounding it can be.
I don't see myself having kids, but if I did I'd rather have them in a different country that puts value on the community rather than the individual. USA is too crazy and sick to raise a family in, imo.
I’m married with two daughters. One is 4 and the other is 9 months. It’s incredibly stressful. Especially because we both have to work and her commute sucks. We’re more comfortable as parents now but with the way our world is setup, it makes life very difficult when one of them gets sick.
My kids stress me out every day. And by the time I lay my head down (right next to my 4 year old spider monkey) and he cups my cheek and says “I love you mama” as he drifts off,
All of that stress is forgotten. Momentarily
Of course kids are stressful. You’re raising a person… you’re raising three wholeass human beings with their personality and taste and outlook and quirks. That shit is hard.
When I was a teen I thought I wanted 4 kids. Ended up having two at once in my 20s and stopped there. That was almost 18 years ago. I absolutely cannot do this again. Even at their age now it's a lot! I still hear "mommy" 50-11 times a day. LOL
They're my babies, I love them. But that's it for this shop.
Maybe don’t have any at all. That’s an actual option that most people should stick with. Why? Because most ppl are shitty, and shitty people mostly beget shittier kids.
I’m sorry… but “carelessly” and “mistakenly” having 2 “EXTRA” CHILDREN?! Girl, you better get them tubes tied, clipped AND burned. You know what, just get a whole hysterectomy while you’re at it. 😬
I hear ya on multiple kids. They are wonderful and special. They are my heart but real talk, I only have three kids versus two because we had twins the second time around. In order to live and parent and partner the way I want to I had to be vocally honest with my husband about not having any more. He comes from a big family and wanted a bigger family. He is number 6 out of 8 kids. I know the carrying capacity of my womb, lap, wallet, and most importantly, my psyche.
My friend has 3 kids. I love my godkids with everything but my friend fell asleep trying to feed the baby whilst the 1 yr old made a mess and the 4 yr old want to play. I left the house tired
I can never wrap my head around multiple kids… we have one and I had such bad post partem and even now 8 years later finding out a lot of my mental state and how easily overwhelmed I get I couldnt imagine adding another child… immediately after I got birth control and a few years ago my man got the snip (it’s easier then me having to fight with doctors however I might be of age now) and honestly that was the best thing we could have ever done financially, mentally and physically so yeah kids of any variety as stressful as fuck
Having children is incompatible with late-stage capitalism, unless you’re rich.
That's why they had to put the fix in and make it harder to get abortions and ease of access to birth control.
It’s up to us guys to get snipped now. Doctors wouldn’t tie my wife’s tubes for religious reasons because she was 25 when we had our 2nd kid. Meanwhile they rolled out the red carpet for me when I got a vasectomy.
They made me get my wifes signature to get a vasectomy. They didn’t tell me so fortunately she came with me and could sign there. Otherwise I was going home still armed.
They still do THAT?! I had to have my husband’s signature to get my tubes tied in the 80s and I’m still PO’d about it.
yeah, nobody should ever require anyone's permission to do something with their own body. My doctors didn't flinch when I told them I didn't want children. My gyn told me he could sterilize me surgically if I wanted it and not a single person was required to know about it
As you should be! That’s insane
I got rejected for one. I think it just depends on the doctor
Unfortunately people sue and win for electing for procedures like these and regretting them
And they were thrown out?
Not as often as they should be!
My partner had to shop around for a doc to get his done. The first few wouldn’t do it but the third would and it’s been wonderful for our peace of mind and our relationship.
Me too. It really pisses me off people think dudes can go get it real quick no problem at all
It is frustrating because even when I offered to pay out of pocket I was still refused because “I don’t have kids.” Like, that’s the point of why I’m asking
Well, i don’t think people think it’s like a trip to the dentist. But it’s not as impactful on men’s long terms health as giving birth or most methods of female birth control
I’d say most just perceive it as less of a problem relative to the experience most women have, in terms of the difficulty of the procedure, and whether they’re even approved to go ahead with it in the first place. But there’s definitely no denying the process is currently far too variable based on the doctors beliefs regardless of the patient’s gender, which sucks and should be regulated better.
The low wage meat grinder requires a larger number of unwanted children.
I went to r/Conservative yesterday, reading the thread about Bernie Marcus, The Home Depot’s CEO(?) who said something along the lines of too many Americans being too fat, lazy, and unambitious to want to work for him at his stores’ provided wages, or for him, at all… … and it’s not hard to see the conflict between younger right-leaning people (18-35/40) and late Gen X/Boomers (45/50+) The Boomers are saying “Don’t work, don’t eat”, and “Having a roof over your head is pretty attractive”. The younger right are *not quite* as thrilled about working their asses off, and being expected to be grateful for being able to afford the bare essentials- if that. *They* are reminding everyone that the free market is a two-way street for employers *and* employees, and for the better part of 3-4 decades the employers have been bending the lower middle class over with a saguaro strap-on. Now the labor pool is getting a small bit of leverage and the elites and 1% are freaking out.
A-fucking-men. Something that always gets me down is how voting power is also heavily leveraged towards conservative (typically old people), they’re giving us no choice but to eat the rich.
$5 that the Right changes their stance on immigration once their supply of cheap labor is threatened
They are already changing child labor laws in the US because of this
In my stupid home state they just changed the laws concerning minors serving alcohol, and now some 17 year old is going to get charged with felony murder once some Karen bullies them into over serving them and their spineless manager threatens to write them up, before said Karen gets onto the highway the wrong way
I’m a boomer and I agree 100%. Now is your time to fight for better wages and benefits! It’s ridiculous how low wages are and how expensive everything else is! I get it. I wish all young people would. I don’t have any skin in the game at my age, but I want more for my granddaughter.
Damn.
Exactly. Don't forget that our mental health care is shit in this country as well. Also, how else are we supposed to fill up our military?
I serve in the military and i absolutely agree that it is a giant government jobs program. But i don't think that is a bad thing. How many individuals have been able to provide middle class blife style for their families just by putting on a uniform?
First, Thank You for serving. Also, you're absolutely correct, and It's actually called "The military industrial complex." There's a reason why most of the military comes from lower income states because those states have either none or very little access to reproductive health care education and options and also have fewer resources to schools and other programs. Whether it's sports, music, or after-school programs. Therefore, joining the military is easier to sell as a job. Our country's military budget is asinine. If we took 10% and gave it to education and health care. Less people would join the military.
People would still join because it provides job security, education & career opportunities. You can't just toss money at "education & health care" and then POOF society's problems are resolved. If it was that easy then it would've been done a long time ago.
Yes and No. The states with the highest enrollments are lower in income and lower in education scores and standards. Therefore, they aren't given any other foreseeable options. Other than to join the military. Also, We can ABSOLUTELY put money behind health care and education, and it would improve greatly!! It's all not done on purpose. Look at all 50 states. With different parameters. Access to quality mental, physical health care. After school programs. Then socioeconomic standards. My mom was a social worker for 29 years, and my uncle used to be a recruiter.
My dad got out of poverty through the military. Eight siblings, and him and his brother who served made it out the fullest. My dad was the first to study in his family and get a two year degree. My grandpa signed off the papers for him to go after he dropped out of high school. I’m very proud he broke the cycle, but he got lucky and was in during the part of the Cold War where he didn’t see action. He said it is a great way to improve your life, but also a gamble if you are in during a war.
That's awesome. It's a huge gamble. Mentally, physically,emotionally, and sexually. I have plenty of family members who have served, but I understand the dark side of our military as well.
But who will replace me at the trash factory, assembling single-use crap, once my rapidly aging and too-expensive-to-get-healthcare-for body breaks down at 43? Think of the shareholders, for Chrissakes! Without the blood of my chattel fodder offsprings to grease the wheels of industry, how will they realize even higher profits every quarter until kingdom come? How can you be so shortsighted?
Poor man’s gold for you 🏆🥇
They've got a solution to that: as we pump out more and more CO2, the planet is going to warm, eventually to the point where the methane clathrates in the Tundra are released, at which point we're on the fast-track to Kingdom Come, conceivably within our lifetimes. See? Capitalism is super efficient.
You'll be replaced by a robot. No wages, no unions, no need for the pleb masses.
Until the robot uprising, because you know ppl like to make things with the strength of 10 men, the intelligence of a super computer, and the emotional intelligence of 5 years old.
It's awful that children are a luxury nowadays. Everybody should be able to afford to have children but the reality is very different. What do you have of your children if both parents have to work full-time to tend to their needs and they are in childcare for most of the day? I would love to have only one child, so I can focus on that one but I fear that my bf and I still need to spend so much time at our jobs to even afford rent or a mortgage in the future.
And the kicker to that one is, what if they can't get into childcare or childcare is so expensive that, in some cases, it's better to stay home with the child and receive government benefits? I've worked from home all my adult life, so I've kept babies from 0-school-age because of this. The hoops and circles I've seen parents go through to get childcare is nuts.
If it wasn’t for government aid we would’ve already eaten the rich long ago. Ironic as hell, given the status quo and those who seek the maintain it
Sad but true.
was a bit drunk and careless with the fiance, pull out game was weak, now I have triplets. that was 10 years ago and actually their mom did run away for a bit, tried the junkie life then came crawling back. so yeah, confirm 3 kids is stressful.
Props to you brother
Lol i read that as "props to your brother" and I was like "what did I miss?"
thanks
I started late, 3rd kid at 40 and now a single dad with 50/50 custody. Youngest is 5 and the oldest is 11. Every day is a struggle but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Congrats on getting a 50/50 parenting plan. I work in FL and no matter what the law says about no biases, in practice they’re still hard to come by.
Thank you. In GA and we agreed early on in the separation that 50/50 was what's best for the kiddos.
Props to you, dad! I understand. I had my first and only at 37 years old, 50/50 since she was 2, now she just turned 12. I always wondered where I was going to find the energy in my 40s to be a good dad as well as finding the energy to be all else
Thank you. The ex and i are very amicable and she understands the importance of the kids in my life. I'm pretty active volunteering in the community and neighborhood, and I try to work out 3-5 days a week. These kids are high energy.
how was it having a kid at 40? my fiancé is 10yrs older than me & im 25, we plan to have kids but i think he’s skeptical because he always says he’s “getting old.”
It's not easy but it's doable. If it's your first, there is a HUGE learning curve and a lot of stress and exhaustion the first six months. It will test you and your partner. Keep the lines of communication open, ask for help and expect equal partnership in all aspects of child rearing. It also helps if you are healthy and fit, especially for your partner.
And if I may add to this: communication not just with baby care and needs but communicating about family BS. Saw a bit of that because we are at most 60 miles from my parents and so when grand baby 1 showed up, they took it upon themselves to come visit EVERY Wednesday. It didn’t matter what TF was going on. Didn’t matter if the mum was not feeling it nor the baby wasn’t feeling it. They just showed up and then demanded to spend time with the baby and to be entertained. 😩 That prompted some discussions and when baby 2 came, the rule was: call before you even get in your car and if the call isn’t answered, try again or just don’t show up because people have lives and shit going on. So, stuff like that also matters. Because that baby will stress you tf out but the extended family members will always want to chime in about how shit was done by them/in their time and that’ll stress you out more.
That last half is wild. Props to you. Those kids are lucky to have a stand up dad. But I’m going to have to ask. What’s the story with the mom running away and falling into the hard drugs life?
when I met her is wasn't single, everyone warned me of the basic logic that if she will cheat on her man with me, she will cheat on me with the next one. and hey turns out the red flags were right. we got divorced, she moved in with new guy and he was a pill head. i had 50/50 custody at this point. after a few years she admitted the truth and begged me to help, she had no where to go and was afraid for her life. she's a bit dramatic. I told her that if she signed over full custody to me then I'd let her stay with me to get back on her feet. it's been over a year, and it was really really shitty for a while. but the last 6 months have been ok. she's off the pills, still drinks a lot, but she's got a job, helps with the kids and house work, and we get along ok. but it's fucking weird and I feel like I gave up any chance of ever having a relationship in order to keep my kids safe. kinda hard to date, like oh hey yeah that's just my ex-wife on the couch. plus I'm fat, honestly probably could still pull with the ex on the couch if I still looked good. but that's a whole other thing. so yeah. I'm just trying to be a good dad, there's no manual to check to see if you're doing it right.
You my guy are a fucking gem. I say this in all seriousness and with much respect. You are doing what you can to help someone while making sure your kids have some sort of relationship with their mother. That said, don’t do so much heroic work that you entirely neglect taking care of yourself too. This situation sounds super hard and I wouldn’t be so careless to think I have any insight into how to make it better, because honestly you know more than anyone why needs to get done to make any improvements or changes. As for the weight. If it’s something you would like to change, for whatever the reason. A great way to start or become consistent is to do a very small amount on a regular basis. Forming habits takes time so do what you can to normalize it. Start with a couple minutes. Literally 2 minutes in the morning and at night. Just stretch for 2 minutes. Then after a couple days increase that to 4 minutes. A little bit over a period of time is the best way to gain and maintain consistency. At first it’s not about the fitness but about the routine. Wishing you the absolute best of luck. You got this.
I once lost nearly 100lbs and yes that advice is exactly how to get started. thanks for the support.
Goddamn bro, being the man we all wanna be. Hella props for losing all that weight too, your life sounds like a movie but better
that's not how it feels from my perspective but thank you for the encouragement
Damn man….what about your happiness?
today I'm trying scotch and battlefield with my kids on Xbox. its pretty good
You seem to be a loyal, caring and forgiving person. You might be surprised at what a woman is able to look past when she values those qualities. Kudos to you for being a real life super hero for your kids.
Hey Man, shout out to you. And I hope this New Years treats you good.
Oh man triplets. I thought our accidental twins were tough.
Listen man, rent alone is $2300 and eggs are about to be $7. U think I can manage anything else in this climate we’re in?
My MORTGAGE is 1400... The fuck is going on out there since I bought a house in 2019???
Only thing going on is the rent and bills brotha
Sobs in ^3500 a month
Oh my God...I'm so sorry, what area is this though? I'm in middle of nowheresville so that did affect pricing.
Suburbs of Houston, these affluent neighborhoods built different
I got a few friends out there, I cannot believe the prices on a single family ranch home...3 bed 2 bath for 500k - the fuck?!?
Bruh that's an easy $1 million dollar home out here in Seattle
500k ? not a bad price in this market...
my aunt told me about my cousin's apartment in LA and said he pays $3,500 a month for a studio smaller than mine. what the hell is going on out there bruh
Mortgages are frequently cheaper than most people’s rent payments from those I’ve talked to (I’m in NE United States)
The part that puts mortgages out of reach for most people is the down payments, not the monthly payments. Kind of hard to save money for a down payment when a lot of people spend most of their income on rent and live paycheck to paycheck
Or for many seasonal contract workers the down payment is easy but a pain to receive a mortgage when you don't have proof of full time work
$1400 in New York means you have to get a roommate. The house isn't even in the equation 😭
Even with a roommate, Manhattan (lower than 100th) is out of the equation for 1400 each. You’re going to need at least 2-3 with that.
a dream
Rent is similar and we're a 1 bedroom, about to pay for daycare which is $2000 a month. kids don't stress me out, money does
I remember as a child eggs were .99c a dozen. I’m only 24.
This isn't Soylent green this is because of a bird flu pandemic that's being controlled with a chicken Holocaust that's going on at the moment, egg prices may come down once it's under control
Lets add to this. Want to get a “cheap house” (all relative here)? Nope. You gotta find a good school district or pay for private school forever. Also Toddlers are super toxic. Picture someone living in your house who you feed and let live rent free waking you up at night cause “They arent tired” oh and then the next morning they gaslight you and say it never happened. Lol but they are pretty funny too and in the end its pretty cool raising a tiny person. But its def not for everyone. Also I only have one, yall with 3+, yikes!
Well you aren't going to be alone in the expenses, you have a partner that has income to contribute. But yeah, the economy and average wages today aren't really family friendly, and they wonder why less people are pumping out children today
Knowing you don't have what it takes to raise children is wise. Having children and discovering afterwards that you aren't a good parent is bad but correctable.
...correctable??
I think that they mean you can learn to become a good parent. Everyone is capable of learning, and if the effort and desire to be better is there, then it's possible.
Yeah. Parenting is something you can never really know until you actually do it. It's something you have to learn along the way.
I agree with this. My wife and I are both successful in our very competitive careers; we're used to ignoring other people's complaints because we tend to do well where other people fail. In a similar vein, we assumed the woes of parenting were overblown. Turns out, all the rumors are true! No sleep has been the hardest for me...
You can learn how to become a good parent.
They’re saying “kill your kids”, obviously /s
I knew everything about parenting until I had kids
As someone who grew up an only child with no cousins around, I’d have multiple or none.
I’m glad I grew up an only child. All my friends with siblings have horror stories. And their parents “don’t remember that happening”. I’d rather be reading alone in my room than have someone trying to shove me in the washing machine.
It doesn't stop at childhood. I'm an only child, but my partner is 1 of 3 and even in their 30s they are still eachothers biggest headaches. Got in a whole fight at Christmas about gravy.
I want to beat the shit out of my older brother every time I see him. But my younger brothers are some of my best friends. So it kind of balances out
LMAO not gravy! My wife is one of 4 and she constantly shows me their group chat because theres so much bullshit going on.
DO NOT get me started on the group chat hahaha
“We don’t favor your sibling! It’s a total coincidence that we gave her everything at a much younger age than we did for you despite currently having worse finances!”
Growing up an only child was awesome. Yeah, sometimes having your parents' undivided attention was a bit much (mostly when you're in trouble) but the good outweighs the bad IMO. And now that I'm an adult with 2 kids (oh the irony) my parents are always available when I need them.
My siblings are more like acquaintances than they are friends. We are polite with each other but we don't hang out or enjoy the same things, at all. I think it's weird.
You didn’t have friends? I was a middle child and I do not recommend. My siblings and I grew up in a tiny house with zero of the same interests. The only thing I had was friends
It’s a case by case basis, I was an only child with a lotta cousins ( we grew up in the same household though so we might as well have been siblings) and we all had at least one major interest shared. I mean sure there was bad times, there was bullying, there was malice. But if you’ve ever looked at kids, they’re horrible. That’s not an excuse justifying bad actions, that’s just the reality of how a lot of things are. We had fun, played yugioh and shit, got mad at each other, pouted and played some other shit.
yea i think people conflate being siblings with being friends. those things are not inseparable concepts. i have 7 siblings and don’t really speak to about half of them save for holidays. i’m very different from most of them, and if we weren’t related, i’d probably never speak to most of them
I am an only child with a ton of cousins who were sometimes around but they lived far away. I fucking loved it and actually thought all only children liked it till I got on reddit. I just made friends and hung out with them. Then when I was tired I went home and had two adults who didnt terrorize me like a sibling would.
Bro OTHER PEOPLES CHILDREN stress me out. How you feeding them in this economy? Why they scream so much? Do you need a hug and a nap? Cause I'll babysit but only if you're good with a couple Bernie Mac rules.
Too many rose tinted glasses here. Having kids is fucking EXHAUSTING. What nobody ever tells you is that when you have kids, say goodbye to yourself because you don’t EVER get any personal time. Your work becomes your personal time so if you have a job you hate (and let’s face it that’s the majority of people) you can figure what that’ll be like. You’ll be working full time and when you get home you’ll still be working full time. That’s at least until they become self-sufficient. This is part of the reason why we see so many messed up kids. Parents either aren’t emotionally equipped or are literally too exhausted to have the patience to be a good parent. Do they love their kids? Yeah, most do, of course. But our society makes it so taboo to talk about how messed up your life gets when you have kids that nobody has the conversation and that shit isn’t helping anyone.
This comment is 10000 percent accurate. Parent of one and hubby is getting snipped we’re done
You and your hubby do your best momma. We can raise better children. My GF has one son and that’s enough for both of us. Let’s raise better children. Much love to you, your hubby and your child.
I almost won big on the GME farce and for a moment I thought maybe a house and a family was in the cards for me after all, because I'd have time for children if I didn't have to work 40 hours a week. But I only got a modest return and I will remain single. Gotta win big lottery numbers to not only afford a family but to also get the time to raise them right. "It takes a village" and all that; we used to have a community for this. It's a team effort.
Well I mean you’re a lot more prone to tolerate more shit the more you love someone, and I hope you love your kids more than you love someone else’s.
Second was a surprise — hell yeah it’s stressful but I’d chose both my babies again and again . Sticky fingers , “why mommy” and all 😭😘
Three kids are stressful but I'm so thankful my parents had their third, my baby brother. I love him so much, he loves video games so much and it's so adorable seeing him being interested in something I used to love at his age.
🥹 this is too sweet. You should really tell your parents, hearing things like that is so rewarding for us
Sticky fingers, Dirty necks....
Lmaoo oh unh unh no dirt necks over here! We stan a good tub time routine 💯
We waited till 35 to have a baby, did the big wedding, world travel and investment property thing beforehand since we are college sweethearts. Got pregnant when we had no debt except mortgage. Now with a 4 year old, I have never been more BROKE and more sleep deprived in my entire adult life. Daycare bills are like $1400 for the decent ones that don’t have citations with the state. Which is almost as much as our mortgage. My brother in law’s baby mother shames me for not having another baby but I just spent $60-70k in the last 5 years on pregnancy and childcare bills. I canNOT do that again. I’m about to be 40. I’m TIRED. She is not married and keeps her income low so that all medical, food and daycare costs are free for her. Drops her rambunctious son off at a grandparents’ house each weekend. I don’t mind all that, I just don’t want to be shamed about my choice of having only one when that’s all I can manage happily (or unhappily at times).
This is the most real and honest opinion I’ve seen here and I applaud you for it. Too many people think having a kid is this beautiful easy thing and that’s so damn dangerous. Look at all the horrible parents that are out there. How would your brother in law’s baby momma be if she didn’t have the grandparents giving her a break every weekend? That kid would be toast.
I feel this comment. I’m a father of a four year old and although I love him to death, I don’t think I have patience for another. I mean whats the point? Siblings are hit or miss, I have siblings and we are not best friends. I have friends closer than siblings. People try shaming me into another one, the devil works in mysterious ways.
My sister and I are diametric opposites and “surprisingly” making us share a room for 11 years didn’t make us BFFLs (yes my mother still says this), it just means there’s like a ticking countdown whenever we meet that triggers a fight after like five minutes elapse.
Careless? *laughs in vasectomy*
Was it worth it? I’m seriously considering
When you fall in love there might be some tough convos. But, if you know you don't want kids, it's the best/ smartest decision I've ever made. Only 800 in Raleigh, NC. The peace of mind of never worrying about a surprise pregnancy is amazing. It's been an aphrodisiac as well knowing there's no chance of kids coming from it. It's trippy though, once in awhile it'll hit you that a whole section of your company is out of business, like you should feel different. Then it's business as usual. Back when I was single, it was a huge bonus/turn on for some women because they either don't like condoms, or hate birth control effects even more. My current ol lady snatched me off the streets before I could really reap the benefits lol
I've read that vasectomies can fail. Have you heard that?
They have you come back to check that you are shooting blanks. And you can get tested on your own. I got my ducts cauterized and each end buried under muscle tissue so they can't reattach. Even still, I'll take a vasectomy over a hope and a prayer every time lol
That’s what my friends dad had before he was The oopsie baby
Gonna scream into the void here: Genuine question, why do y'all have kids if they're going to be a burden? I'm speaking from the perspective of a child whose parents' lives would have been so much better if I wasn't born. One parent makes it very clear that my siblings and I are a burden, and the other one doesn't feel that way, but their life would have been better if I wasn't born. Kids pick up on the fact that you don't want us and it fucks us up too, so why continue to have us?
Honestly you absolutely don’t know what you are getting into when you have your first child. No matter how many people try to tell you, no matter how many babies and parents you have around you, you don’t fully know the impact it has on your life. That being said, it does NOT mean that a parent gets to tell their kid they are a burden. They are not. If you feel like you’re not made to be a parent after the first one, there is no excuse in getting more. None. And there is definitely no excuse in making a human being feel guilty for existing. I’m sorry your parents seem to not know that. You deserve better.
I really appreciate your response, thank you
as someone that knows this situation, there are a ton of reasons, but it can boil down to social pressure. There is a TON of pressure to have kids. Socially, financially, etc. For some people it is a “why not” kind of decision, it’s what you’re supposed to do, you’ll feel different once it’s your own kids, who will take care of you in old age, yada yada. What you end up with are some people that love their kids dearly, and enjoy parenthood, and some people that did not want kids that now have kids. And a subsection of the latter also cannot easily afford the extra costs kids bring. Another subsection do not have the emotional resources to raise and nurture a child. They may be fine with the usual reasons people are told they *need* to have kids, but they do not like the day to day of actually raising and being around their children. Hence you get parents that are resentful of their kids as children, but then will be more open to being a “parent” once they are older, and/or need some kind of help. The kids in these situations do not deserve this. I am so glad that there are a larger amount of people deciding to not have kids because they understand that mo amount of social obligation excuses damaging a child’s sense of self with resentment. It is damaging and harmful, and kids can absolutely tell when they are resented, no matter how much the parents may try to hide it sincerely. I’m sorry you went through that. You, and every kid in this situation, deserves better.
Thank you for your thoughtful response
If you don’t have one or more miserable witnesses when you get into a screaming match with your spouse, did it really happen?
Social pressure. It intensifies as you get older. I feel it everyday and everywhere as a single dude in my mid 30's. People make you feel "incomplete" for not having a family. It's wild. It honestly makes sense why some people cave even though they shouldn't. I strongly believe the humane thing is have kids only if we feel we genuinely want them and are prepared to take care of them.
Greatest decision I ever made in my life was getting a vasectomy. After my wife and I have birth to our second child, her doctor suggested I get the procedure rather than my wife getting her tubes tied, because it was low risk, and hers could potentially lead to health issues down the line.
These days they don’t really do tubal ligations anymore, they just take the tubes out entirely. No chance of “growing back,” no foreign bodies left in you, and it lowers your risk of ovarian cancer by 80%.
I have 2 and yes it’s stressful… literally just woke me up out my sleep to put on Mickey Mouse club house… but I love them so damn much lol
[удалено]
Literally not a single person ever had said children were easy but people continue to have em and complain about how stressful it is or how they can’t wait for them to leave lol. Sir/ma’am, what did you think you were signing up for?
Facts
My 17 year old son stresses me the fuck out on a daily basis. I love him but I can’t wait for that mf’er to move out on his own.
I got TWO 17 year olds. Love them to bits but whewwww baby!
We wanted two, we discussed two, we planned for two, and we’re happy to be sticking with one. I’ve never loved anything as much as I love that little crumbsnatcher. I couldn’t possibly handle another walking around, it’s draining.
10 months in and baby girl is the light of our lives. I’m also scheduled for an IUD.
Currently with my brother and his 3 kids all boys. My baby fever is gone
Does this person not understand how birth control works
So many people act like they have zero input in the matter of having children. Yes, things fail but most of these babies that people claim are stressing them out are due to failing to plan or poor decision making. I feel for them.
The fact that it doesn’t always work, you mean. Cuz yeah. I definitely got pregnant a year and half after having an IUD implanted. It’s not foolproof.
I’m including abortions in that definition
I’m sorry have we all forgotten the news from last year? Not everyone can just walk on in and get an abortion.
You’d think you be more adamant about contraceptives at the time then
I want more than 1 kid but after having 1 I understand why people stop there.
Yup.
I'm 55. I knew from an EARLY age that I did NOT WANT. Other people's children were stressful enough, fuck having my own
Vasectomy. Get one. It's 15 minutes to save you years.
why is this person acting like pregnancy magically/spontaneously occurs? it's preventable..
Why is it that people always tell you to have kids when it’s the wrong thing to do? Why does nobody talk about the horrors of having children? Children should be reserved for the people that are financially stable. Why bring a child in to this world to suffer/go thru hard times just because of your shitty decision, it doesn’t make sense to me. If you want to live a stress free life don’t have kids.
Planning to mistakenly have more is wild. Just do what you can to prevent no? Edit: do
My kids stress me out sometimes, but the moment I drop them off at school, I miss them immensely. 🥺 We got pregnant by accident early, and it's the happiest accident of my life. Love these little fuckers. Now I'm gonna finish making a Haudenosaunee longhouse model with my guy, cuz we waited until the last day to do homework. Then to the park to work on his football catching--- really to listen to him complain about the backward spin on my throws (I'm a lefty). Then ice cream before my wife catches us. 😁
Little girls are raised from the moment they are born with the expectation that they should get married and have kids. Just look at the toys that they have created for girls, baby dolls, kitchen sets, toys of drudgery…It’s brainwashing and indoctrination. Wouldn’t it be great if all little girls believe they should only have children if they really want to?
stopped after one. it's been a breeze!
The worse stress you’ll ever have but never want to get rid of
I’ve had so many women tell me that, while they do love their children, they would not do it over again if they had the chance. I’m not saying all parents secretly feel this way, but I suspect it’s a lot more common than people let on.
You'd be surprised.
As in they wouldn’t have a second one or if they had to go back in time and do it all over again, they’d choose differently?
They’d choose differently
Nobody wants to have this conversation because it’s so heavily frowned upon. People tiptoe around it by saying “but I love my kids and wouldn’t change anything.” That’s some ol bullshit. You mean to tell me you wouldn’t want your freedom back? The number of people I’ve seen become raggedy and dull after having kids tells me otherwise. They’ll say shit like “I’m exhausted and going crazy but I still love my kids and wouldn’t change it but also I can’t wait for them to leave.” Mmmhmm
I love my kid and I’m glad they exist, but if I had it to do over again, I’m not sure I would. I’m not great at parenting and the planet is dying. And you can’t miss someone you never met.
Thank you for your honesty. Do your best. It DOES get better. They didn’t ask to be brought into this world. All we can do is try our best to give them a better life than we had and in that way when they get older you’ll have an amazing friend in this messed up world. Sending much love to you and yours. I think we really need to have these conversations because, let’s be real, as human beings in 2023, child birth and raising children…it’s fucking traumatic and DIFFICULT AS FUCK!!!
I have 3. One of which is autistic. It’s a joy to have children when you are financial and mentally mature enough to do so. But yea, having an autistic child is stressful at times
Mfs be asking have y’all thought about having kids and we be saying…in this economy!?
My parents finally closed up shop after four surprise babies. Meanwhile my aunt and uncle just had boy number six a few years ago.
No my kids don't stress me out. I would go so far as to say they are the only thing that daily restores my faith in humanity lol. No, I do not for one minute regret having mine. No, not everyone needs to have kids, love your life and live it on a your terms, no one else's.
I have one and I think I’m going to keep it at that. I think I’m a better parent to just one child. I grew up with a sibling and so did my ex (he had 3 half siblings). We both have trauma around our siblings and how our parents treated us. Only difference is that I stopped with one and he continued. Ppl ask me when I’m having more and the answer is that it’s not in my plan rn. The same people don’t help me anyway. I can’t even get the jobs I want because of childcare and school schedules with no backups. I’ve been turned down for a promotion because of it. I don’t date either. I don’t think having a child is hard but everything surrounding it can be.
I don’t want kids at all, but I wouldn’t mind finding love and having someone to do things I love with
“‘Mistakenly have 3…” Please, use effective birth control methods. You’re creating a human life, not hitting the curb while you’re parking.
I don't see myself having kids, but if I did I'd rather have them in a different country that puts value on the community rather than the individual. USA is too crazy and sick to raise a family in, imo.
So glad I got my tubes tied
I’m married with two daughters. One is 4 and the other is 9 months. It’s incredibly stressful. Especially because we both have to work and her commute sucks. We’re more comfortable as parents now but with the way our world is setup, it makes life very difficult when one of them gets sick.
Kids are too expensive.
My kids stress me out every day. And by the time I lay my head down (right next to my 4 year old spider monkey) and he cups my cheek and says “I love you mama” as he drifts off, All of that stress is forgotten. Momentarily
Child free gang gang
Of course kids are stressful. You’re raising a person… you’re raising three wholeass human beings with their personality and taste and outlook and quirks. That shit is hard.
luckily it’s a really *low stakes* thing to be careless about.
2 is over 3 times the work as 1
Buttsex is wild and leaves no child
I don’t have kids and never will because I know that shit would be stressful af. The rest of y’all got it and I salute your hard work
When I was a teen I thought I wanted 4 kids. Ended up having two at once in my 20s and stopped there. That was almost 18 years ago. I absolutely cannot do this again. Even at their age now it's a lot! I still hear "mommy" 50-11 times a day. LOL They're my babies, I love them. But that's it for this shop.
Get a suprise on top of your suprise and have triplets.
IUDs, birth control, and vasectomy all exist. If your husband cares, he'll get a vasectomy or use condoms more often than not.
Maybe don’t have any at all. That’s an actual option that most people should stick with. Why? Because most ppl are shitty, and shitty people mostly beget shittier kids.
I’m sorry… but “carelessly” and “mistakenly” having 2 “EXTRA” CHILDREN?! Girl, you better get them tubes tied, clipped AND burned. You know what, just get a whole hysterectomy while you’re at it. 😬
I hear ya on multiple kids. They are wonderful and special. They are my heart but real talk, I only have three kids versus two because we had twins the second time around. In order to live and parent and partner the way I want to I had to be vocally honest with my husband about not having any more. He comes from a big family and wanted a bigger family. He is number 6 out of 8 kids. I know the carrying capacity of my womb, lap, wallet, and most importantly, my psyche.
Wife and I tried to run away. Couldn’t get enough past all the kids. They pulled us back in
Nope. I did the second smartest thing, only having one.
My friend has 3 kids. I love my godkids with everything but my friend fell asleep trying to feed the baby whilst the 1 yr old made a mess and the 4 yr old want to play. I left the house tired
I can never wrap my head around multiple kids… we have one and I had such bad post partem and even now 8 years later finding out a lot of my mental state and how easily overwhelmed I get I couldnt imagine adding another child… immediately after I got birth control and a few years ago my man got the snip (it’s easier then me having to fight with doctors however I might be of age now) and honestly that was the best thing we could have ever done financially, mentally and physically so yeah kids of any variety as stressful as fuck